Honor Among Cheaters

creepy_cheaterCheaters have a weird moral code. They may have fucked the babysitter in the family van, on the sofa, and on the twirling teacups at Disney World, but if you ask: “Did you screw her in our bed?” The answer is: “What? Do you think I’m some sort of monster?!”

Far be it for us to think cheaters unchivalrous or unkind. Some profess they were thinking of us all the time.

Take Bill Cosby — the guy drugs women for his sexual jollies. But in his deposition he wants it to be clear it’s not as serious as intercourse.

Expounding on his philosophy about sex, Mr. Cosby said he tended to refrain from intercourse because he did not want women to fall in love with him. To him, he said, the act of sexual intercourse “is something that I feel the woman will succumb to more of a romance and more of a feeling, not love, but it’s deeper than a playful situation.”

Yes, people might fall in love with him.

Then there are the bitch cookie moralizers. They want points for not being utterly heinous. My cheater actually said “Hey, I’m not Hitler. I get that you’re upset, but keep it in perspective. It’s not genocide.”

Well, cheater, you absolutely have a point there. You didn’t slaughter 5 million Jews. Have a bitch cookie!

So what was your cheater’s peculiar moral code? Could they not bring themselves to cheat on their affair partners by sleeping with you? Did they go on a fuckfest weekend, but bring you back a nice trinket? Tell me about your considerate cheaters today!

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Vit D
Vit D
8 years ago

You will never believe it. My cheaters code was that she didnt have sex with them….only blowjobs in the car in parking lots. Swear its true.

Movingforward
Movingforward
8 years ago
Reply to  Vit D

My ex told me he did not have sex while i was on vacation at women’s retreat. He only did it when I was home. So thoughtful…

Another Rebecca
Another Rebecca
8 years ago
Reply to  Vit D

Same. Of course. My stbx told me with a straight face that his affair with Holly was comprised “mostly of lunches.” Even in the midst of my heartbroken, seven-months-pregnant devastation, I had to laugh. Just lunch. Sure!

nuclear tuna
nuclear tuna
8 years ago

This! The “truthiness” factor and how much they rely on it. Notice the “**mostly** of lunches”, which actually means “we went through the Wendy’s drivethru on our way back from the motel”. And somehow adding “mostly” makes it truthful.

Mine was full of trickle truths and carefully worded half-truths and technical evasions. Mine told me very early on that he looked at porn every day but he didn’t masturbate while he looked. Gullible chump that I was, I believed this crock of shit, and then on reveal day, he tried it again… “I don’t masturbate while I look at porn!” um, no, you masturbate AFTER you look at porn. Daily. For hours at a time. And hoard it. And hide it on a secret hard drive. And tell me you don’t have as much sex drive as me.

dickhead.

uniballer1965
uniballer1965
8 years ago
Reply to  Vit D

Yep, told me she wasn’t having sex with her married OM. However, she answered otherwise in the depositions she wanted.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

That would be my ex, who called OW, “A good Christian he could take to church.”

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

// , “Oh, yes, please tell us more about the net positive character of this good, Christian, other woman.”

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/57900031.jpg

Confused123
Confused123
8 years ago

The (“The”, not “My”..,) EX has changed soooooo much he hooked up with the red head. He hated sports. NOW he’s a die hard “Seahawks fan”. He was an atheist and got married at a episcopal cathedral AFTER going 6 session of marriage counseling which included a lesson on fidelity. HAHAHAHA!!!

Vit D
Vit D
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Knowing her…probably all at the same time. “I’d like to thank the Academy..”

JustAroundtheBend
JustAroundtheBend
8 years ago
Reply to  Vit D

I bet her sex partners presented her with the holy staff, if you know what I mean……

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
8 years ago

My cheater slept with somebody else when he found out I was pregnant with our first baby. Not only was that the first time since before we were married, but he didn’t cheat again until after our twins were born over 18 months later! He didn’t cheat on me throughout our whole relationship, he says…he took a long break! How can I not give him credit for that?

ChumpedtotheMax
ChumpedtotheMax
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

Chumpalicious, mine X said the same thing, cheated the first 7 yrs, and while i was pregnant with our first son together, but took a long break until our 20th anniversary, then went on a romantic cruise with his GF. I didn’t let that notion get far, I did the math for him and told him that he only cheated on me 55% of our marriage, not our whole marriage. that shut that nonsense down quick.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago

Great response, ChumpedtotheMax! Wish I thought of that one a few days ago when my STBX told me that he was faithful the first five years of our marriage. He cheated on me during our engagement and at least half our marriage, but, according to him, he deserves partial credit for the times no f-buddy was available.

HoustonDad
HoustonDad
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

It is funny that they want credit for the time they didn’t cheat.

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago
Reply to  HoustonDad

So, they want credit for time served (e.g. “I did 18 mos. with you and got a weekend pass”)? Maybe it should be called the ass pass.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
8 years ago
Reply to  HoustonDad

// , They all seem to imagine themselves some sort of Eartha Kitt, too.

saralou1972
saralou1972
8 years ago
Reply to  HoustonDad

thats true, mine said well i have never cheated on you before (10 years) and its been really stress fully so he would not do it again, so he was my safer bet for a future. as any new person i would not know them and they could cheat, his now with OW, one year from Dday tomorrow and he can fuck right off as i now think he had cheated before but i just never knew

Eileen
Eileen
8 years ago
Reply to  saralou1972

Lolo, mine said the same thing Saralou, Like I should be grateful that he hadn’t cheated before! Whoa!!!

Mine also told me of his honor, “How much he loved me! That I could ask her, she would tell me! She was jealous of me and the love he had for me !!!!”
What the f***?

taniarochelle
taniarochelle
8 years ago

He never talked shit about me to any of them. He’s a saint.

MovingOn
MovingOn
8 years ago
Reply to  taniarochelle

Yes, apparently, the then-AP (now Owife after I ditched his ass and he needed a soft place to land) didn’t like that he talked about me so much. Wow. I feel so honored that you not only shared your unprotected penis with the both of us, but you also used to speak so well of me to your whore! How sweet! Hallmark needs to make a thank you card for that.

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
8 years ago
Reply to  taniarochelle

My cheater fed me that same line of crap. I told him he could go sell crazy some place else! Affairs don’t get started because he was telling everyone how much he loved me. Pish!!!!

WhatJustHappend
WhatJustHappend
8 years ago
Reply to  taniarochelle

Mine didn’t either. He always told them how amazing I am. So sweet of him!

Copper
Copper
8 years ago

He graciously served me breakfast, said we should spend a weekend together in the nearby metro area touring museums. Then as he left the hotel, gave his key to the dude at the desk and said “this is for (insert OW here)”. Yep, he was being courteous; because he didn’t realize I was standing right behind him.

LaughingSquirrel
LaughingSquirrel
8 years ago

“It wasn’t about sex”, Yes because the emotional affair is why we are still married.

TrustingGod
TrustingGod
8 years ago

Along with, “I never cheated on you physically,” because, of course, those sites for finding cheating wives and other willing women that he had profiles on were accidentally created. And I should believe him because he’s not actually a lying cheaterpants?

Freefall
Freefall
8 years ago
Reply to  TrustingGod

Oh I hear you!That is the ultimate”I never acted on any of those cheating wife sites” Mmmm well good for him he just screwed woman he found on “regular” singles sites. Kudos to him what a good boy. What is awesome is i am actually laughing at the ridiculous reasoning he played on me. What a joke!

abbondad
abbondad
8 years ago

My ex got pregnant. She led me to believe it was mine. I agonized with her over keeping the child (we have two), decided to terminate, took her to the clinic, cried with her, mourned with her, nursed her at home. Six months later she told me it was AP’s and said, “He was really mad we terminated it. You see how much I love you? You see what a sacrifice I made for you?” I was staggered, dumbfounded. A few months later I filed. She is now engaged to AP.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

abbondad/David – Big hug! and I hope those two find what they deserve with each other.

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

The depth of their evil is astounding. Did you ever tell your other kid, David?

David
David
8 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

No, I have not told them. They are 8 and 11, then 5 and 7. Five months before divorce was final she moved them into AP’s place, four weeks after they met him. It’s been hell over there ever since as they don’t like AP (no kids of his own, younger, never married) and he dislikes my kids.

They have begged her to leave him, begged her to move out–and above all, not to marry him. She promised she wouldn’t, and now is engaged. My son then begged her not to have a baby. She assured him she wouldn’t. I predict that she will. Oh and four weeks before she became engaged (reported to me by my youngest in a phone call: “Daddy, terrible news: mommy is marrying AP”) XW cried to me on the phone that she still loves me, misses me, blah blah blah.

Truly a disordered person. And now is petitioning for CS modification to zero (she pays me). And of course everything, simply everything, is my fault.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  David

(((Hugs David)))) that’s a terrible situation – hope you have a pit bull lawyer

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

She. Is. Absolutely. Hideous. This is so heartbreaking, I don’t know what to say.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

Wow, that is messed up. Be glad she’s AP’s problem now. ACK.

David
David
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

And later in that same “conversation,” as I humiliatingly STILL continued the pick-me-dance, I tried to convince her (she was at that point grieving the AP for the two weeks she stopped seeing him) that it would not work out with them, that at some point the abortion would come back to haunt them in some way–that she would be too old to have a child with him. She shrieked at me, outraged, “How could you SAY something like that to me?!”

I kid you not. The episode will be forever burned in my brain. And yes, coparenting with her BPD self is a nightmare.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago
Reply to  David

I am co-parenting with a BPD/NPD/APD who shows signs of psychosis. I empathize with you.

David
David
8 years ago
Reply to  David

(Abbondad is me, David)

bsx12
bsx12
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

Dear God….you are lucky to be rid of THAT!

Eileen
Eileen
8 years ago
Reply to  bsx12

Sooo lucky Abandondad,what a bitch. She is capable of deceit to everyone even to a unborn child…

So sorry

YoungChump
YoungChump
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

Yo that woman sounds evil as fuck. Like what. the. hell. You’ve dodged a bullet. She seems like the kinda woman to kill someone and then frame you and say she did framed you for the kids or some shit like that.

NoMoreLies
NoMoreLies
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

Absolutely vile.

Lost2015
Lost2015
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

Good lord. Be glad you are rid of that piece of filth Abbondad. I’ve heard a lot of messed up things on these infidelity boards, but that one might take the cake.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Lost2015

Definitely up there with the pillow eating cheater wife.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

Abbondad, your X is a fucking monster. I’m just trying to imagine what kind of person is capable of that kind of deceit and, I can’t.

Glad to her she’s engaged to the AP. That’s like dangling meat in front of the Karma bear.

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

That’s cruel. Glad you are “free” (as free as you can be when you have to co-parent)

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
8 years ago
Reply to  abbondad

That is mental torture she put your through. Karma will not be in her favor, I’m betting.

HoustonDad
HoustonDad
8 years ago

Absolutely brilliant. Especially since I asked my cheating wife if she had sex in our bed and her exact response was “Oh God no! What kind of person do you think I am?”

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  HoustonDad

Hey people, what more do you want?!! Mine at least washed the sheets!
Filthy fucker!

Finally realized
Finally realized
8 years ago
Reply to  IHaveHate

Mine didn’t.

I walked in the bedroom and said, “What in the world is that awful smell??”
Cheater: “What do you mean? What smell? I don’t smell anything! What does it smell like?”
Me: “Ass.” (I can’t believe that it never occurred to me what the cause could be. But it never crossed my mind. I just was astonished by the fact that he always, always smells great to me, even without a shower, and those sheets were just wrong. After D day I realized that it was her.

But you should have seen the startled look on his face when I said they smelled like ass. He visibly jumped and then grabbed the sheets and took them to the laundry.

Finally realized
Finally realized
8 years ago

He brought her into our bed about 15 times, as near as I can figure. And he suddenly became obsessed with laundering those sheets. I thought it was because I had hurt his feelings with my candid comment.

MsChump
MsChump
8 years ago
Reply to  HoustonDad

Ha! Mine too “I’d never bring her into our home, what sort of person do you think I am?” Er a pathological liar and a cheat, And the OW? …he told me “she never wanted to move in to the house, she always said it was your home and she wound never do that”….(we have a million dollar, beautiful house – oh yes she would) …just sleep all over town with my husband, but never my home. They are two of a kind. Cheaters. All the sad sad same.
Ps it’s my fault now as I won’t give him a 6th chance…..my fault.

HoustonDad
HoustonDad
8 years ago
Reply to  MsChump

The more I relive these gems the madder it makes me. “This had nothing to do with us. It was a stupid thing I did but shouldn’t be the end of us.” “You would throw away our marriage after everything we’ve been through? How could you do that?” How could I do that??? Really??? “I never for a second stopped loving you. What I did had nothing to do with love. I’m your wife and only your wife.”

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  HoustonDad

I’ll never understand how finding my back bone and standing up for myself and filing for divorce after all the abuse got me the same “How could you do that?” At this point it make me laugh.

FreedomFromCrazy
FreedomFromCrazy
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Alloutofkibble,
Isn’t it amazing how these freaks do that? I got the same thing with Fuckwit:
“How dare you file for divorce?”
“Doesn’t our marriage mean anything to you?”
“The kids will have a broken home!”
“This has damaged me so much”.

WTF…Seriously? I would just sit there speechless & dumbfounded at his ridiculousness. It goes to show that he’s so disordered and fucked in the head, that he can’t see how ANY of this is due to HIS behavior.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago

Oh yes- here’s some gems!
How could you throw away our life together?
It’s not what you think, ‘A lot of the accusations aren’t true.’ (total serial cheater, for 30 yrs).
And one of my faves: I’ll write and mail all the ‘I’m Sorry’ letters for you!

MsChump
MsChump
8 years ago
Reply to  HoustonDad

Houstondad…..that’s the same (male) script I got. Almost word for word…..plus “I was fighting for you and I wanted you all year – how did you not see that ?! “(the year he was having his affair, lying to me saying it was over and carrying right on)… And “you abandoned me “(after 5 d-days / 5 chances yes I did sad chump that I was).

Your ex sounds completely crazy and cruel. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but glad you got out. New life 🙂

HoustonDad
HoustonDad
8 years ago
Reply to  MsChump

I’m a techie and analytical guy so I had to break down her bullshit and get it clarified. I said “So let me get this straight. You’ll shit on our 28 years together, you’ll screw this person in his and his wife’s (her good friend) marital bed, but you wouldn’t screw him in our bed??? THAT’S where you drew the line??!!??” Her response. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  HoustonDad

It’s like they all have the same “rule” book or something like that. Every reply I have read on here and other comments on this site is what the ex said or did. Then they get married to the AP and the AP for some reason doesn’t see that it will most likely happen to them. It’s mind boggling.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

*is what the ex said or did during my time with him. (sorry I didn’t complete my thought there).

Sd
Sd
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

When I moved out and bought a new home, the ex-wife offered the sheets from our marital bed. When I declined her gracious house warming gift, I told her I didn’t care to take sheets that she likely screwed her tennis pro on. She was of course deeply offended that I could even think she was capable of such an act and retracted the previously agreed upon love seat and couch ( we had two other sets) A few weeks later when I came with the Uhaul to pick up my stuff, she told me she had a change of heart and I could take the couch. She even gave me my favorite cotton throw blanket which was folded neatly on the couch. I was somewhat touched by her new found generosity until I unloaded the couch at my new place. I discovered the family dog had chewed a big hole in the throw as well as left a large piss stain on the middle couch cushion. At least I hope it was the dog, the ex was an alcoholic and often blacked out on the couch…

Kimberly
Kimberly
8 years ago

Moral code? Mine doesn’t have one IMO – but when I was in the early stages, I went through and identified at least 9 times that I caught him cheating and he told me “It wasn’t that much”… I guess that’s the extent of it. Shame on chump me for putting up with it so long. I wish I would have found CL back then – and that I had more respect for myself.

Gail
Gail
8 years ago
Reply to  Kimberly

The first time my EX cheated he would awake in the middle of the night and leave the house! I awoke one night and asked him what he was doing? He replied I have to go to my mothers house to get a soda! I said we have soda in the fridge ….it’s 2:00 AM! He insisted he had to have grape soda and drive 3 miles to his mother’s house! This kept up despite the fact I kept adding different selections of soda in the fridge for him! Finally I awoke and insisted on going to his mother’s house for cream soda! His mother and father were shocked that we drive to thier house at 2:30 AM! He was busted and I was chumpef????

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago
Reply to  Gail

Gail – am I right in thinking he went over to his parents for soda with you? That’s hilarious – I can well imagine the little cogs in his head were whirring frantically trying to come up with excuses to tell his folks, what he was going to say to manage things if you asked if he kept coming over at that time of night, what he would do if mum didn’t have any soda, or didn’t have any flavours different from the ones you already had in the fridge.

I’m sure it wasn’t very funny for you at the time – but Good Lord, he must have been sh*tting himself! – which, let’s face it – is really really funny!

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Definitely cartoon worthy!

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Well, I am sure there was some form of cream involved, anyway.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

If he doesn’t get his favorite soda, he’ll be forced to have sex with strange. I mean, that’s to be expected for anybody right? You should see the orgies here at my work when the machine runs out of diet Dr pepper

Finally realized
Finally realized
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

Ha ha ha ha ha! That’s great, Arlo!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

LMAO!

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

that’s ace Arlo! 😀

KJ
KJ
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Doesn’t this just go to show how utterly dumb these cheaters are? I would never cheat on anyone, even before I was chumped I had an incredibly low opinion of infidelity and the morons who partake in it, but if I WAS that way inclined I would be smart about it. But the people who cheat are not smart, judging by some of these replies it would appear that they don’t have two decent braincells to rub together! And it shows just how little respect they have for their spouses that they can’t even come up with a better story than ‘I need to go to my Mother’s house for soda’!!! They genuinely expect you to believe that shit! So for all the chumps who comment ‘I wish I’d found CL sooner/I wish I’d found my self respect sooner/etc’ don’t worry, you’ve found it now and it pleases me greatly to know that we are all FREE. If the saying ‘you are who you hang out with’ is true then I’m glad we escaped before we turned into brainless puddles of delusion like our Cheaters!! ?

WhatJustHappend
WhatJustHappend
8 years ago
Reply to  KJ

This reminds me of another one – I found baby wipes in his car…when confronted about it (I mean, why would a grown man keep baby wipes in his car?) – his response? “I keep them there to wipe my armpits with.” I’m sorry, isn’t that what deodorant is for?

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

After FINALLY admitting that she had actually been cheating with OM and had lied to me when confronted about it months prior, my (now) ex-wife wanted me to know that was not why she was divorcing me. I guess she had made peace with herself over it really being not that big of a deal. Ha!

Erbrown83@gmail.com
Erbrown83@gmail.com
8 years ago

YUP! Our divorce had NOTHING to do with the whore! I was told once during one of his rages “Fuck the emotional shit I put you through the last year (while he was cheating)! What about the way you treat me now (as in now that he left me, we are divorced and douchebag is openly dating the HOmewrecker/HOworker). That is worse than anything I ever did to you”. I’ve now been called “abusive” because of my “harsh” treatment of him and my refusal to be friends with him because it is what is “best for our son”. Hmmm… where was that logic during the last year asshole!?!?! He actually swore on our sons life TWICE that he wasn’t talking to her anymore. BOTH TIMES LIES! He recently swore on his grandmothers grave about something- I don’t even remember- and I kindly (not really) reminded him of the times he swore on our son and was lying so that GRAND STATEMENT doesn’t mean shit to me. We are in the process of selling the home we shared and I go on vacation for a week in a few days. I have sole possession of the house until it sells so I am changing the locks because him and his whore still both live with their parents and I am not gonna have my house their little love den to play house in for a week. He was LIVID when I told him I would give him a new key when I returned from vacation so he can continue to move out his things. He actually tried to justify it that the whore would NEVER want to be in the home we shared anyways because she would be uncomfortable. OH OK! That makes sense! She will screw my husband for a year at his work, in his car next to my sons carseat, at his parents house (in the room he shares with my son when he comes there)… but not MY house. Riiight….

Lania
Lania
8 years ago

Jesus – don’t give him a key ever! Who knows what he’ll do when you’re not around? He’ll probably take all of your stuff too! Or fuck his whore when you’re not around.
He wants his stuff, he can do it when its out on the front porch. Or when you’re at home and watching what he takes.

FreedomFromCrazy
FreedomFromCrazy
8 years ago

Yeah, my STBXH swore on both of our children’s lives about the Troll Hobbit Howorker and their “friendship”. That infuriates me more than anything. Especially since he tries to act like he’s Father of the Year. Meanwhile, he quit his job after things came to a halt with HoWorker bc “he didn’t want to be in proximity to someone like that”. It’s been a year and a half of him being essentially jobless (tried selling insurance but one has to be ambitious to succeed at that). He sees our 8 & 4 year old every other weekend and his parents foot the bill for whatever he does with them. He gives nothing towards their daycare expenses or basic living expenses, yet figured out a way to take a vacation last weekend (and missed his weekend with the kids). He also lied to me (surprise surprise) about how badly the insurance sales was going and cancelled the kids health insurance without telling me. I found out from their pediatrician office. Such a peachy dad!
He likes to go on & on about how I’m not “there” for the kids. Ummm…I have a full time job, yes; however, I bathe them, feed them, and put them to bed every night. I also pay for everything, including 100% daycare AND health insurance that I had to scramble to get for them. My word, what a terrible mother I am!
These disordered deviants need to be sent to an island where they can’t bother us anymore.

WhatJustHappend
WhatJustHappend
8 years ago

Those past two responses = my life. It’s such a shitty club to be a part of, but I’m so glad I’m not a lonely chump! 😀

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago

Did we all (unknowingly) marry the same polygamist?

Lost2015
Lost2015
8 years ago

I got that line. “It’s not about him.” Well she fooled around with him for at least the past 5 years (that I know of) and even planned with OM to get simultaneous divorces so they could be together. But “it’s not about him.” Oh, ok then.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  Lost2015

Yeah it’s never about the OP lost2015. It’s about all of our power and how we made them have an affair. I swear to God there is some sort of cheater SOP out there. They literally all say the same thing; there is nothing even remotely original about any of them and they all share the same two brain cells!

Renee62
Renee62
8 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

“Cheater SOP” I can tell you work in a lab cheaterssuck. Me too! And these cheaters all say the same crap. It’s unbelievable!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  Renee62

I do in fact work for a lab Renee62! I’m not in the lab anymore but SOPs are a big part of our day to day routine.

Renee62
Renee62
8 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

I’m a follower of your blog. My formal name is Renata. ☺
CL’s blog & your blog are very helpful to me. Thanks!

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Renee62

Cheater SOP!!! Damn I knew I missed one in the annual training review…

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Lost2015

So funny they all use the same sad terminology… mine also said our problems “weren’t about her at all”.. they were about “you and me”. “We don’t work”.. after 18 years of marriage, two kids 8 years apart, we all of a sudden “don’t work well together”, “never should have gotten married”, and “have nothing in common”. But it has nothing to do with the slut.

Yeah, whatever!

Thankful
Thankful
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

I too got the shared blame routine, especially in the beginning. XH thought this would ignite some form of pick me dance. When the dance didn’t happen the blame was no longer shared it was all my doing. I was so horrible he had to escape by being sexually involved with other guys.

To recap for those who may not know my story.
D’day came a week after my son told me he had seen homosexual images on his fathers phone, that resulted in me getting him out of our home. His confession to me was done in front of church elders after he confessed to them of one affair 8 years prior and multiple male partners for oral sex since affair.
Excuses given, curiosity, intrigue, initially stated it had nothing to do with me.
Later after no signs of a pick me dance, I have issues to work through and so do you, he was possessed by an unclean sexual spirit of which he was delivered, he was abused by me during our marriage and the most recent he didn’t cheat, it was all a lie he made up just to get away from me because I wouldn’t divorce him.
So desperate to get away.
That would be why I filed for divorce. And he has been stalling the separation of our property for the past 8 months.

HeChumpedMeLongTime
HeChumpedMeLongTime
8 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Thankful-
And I’m sure you also got the “but I’m NOT gay” story.
My story is similar and completely relates to this post…mine had the high moral code to “only cheat with men” because “it is less of a betrayal than other women would be”
Oh, THANK YOU SO MUCH, Im really relieved that when you cheat it is ONLY with strangers you found on Craigslist who post photos of themselves spreading their ass cheeks. I feel honored.
And sure, I totally buy that you are not gay at all, you are just thinking of what’s best for me.

Thankful
Thankful
8 years ago

Yep, refused to admit he is gay. From the moment I was told what he was doing he stated no one needed to know because it was all in his past. The later knowledge that he was with someone three weeks before d’day. Really supported the, its in my past concept.
The fact that you can be gay in my old church as long as you act strait really works for my XH because before we were formally divorced he got himself another family to use as a cover. He makes sure that everyone sees him out with his new gf and her kids playing the happy straight family man.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

I got the same. It’s not about her, even though he was apparently involved with her for years under my nose. Also, he said “you’re as unhappy as I am.” Well…come to think of it, him being gone for weeks at a time, barely talking to me and spending no time with me, yep…I felt pretty unhappy about that. But I loved him and thought he was under extreme pressure at work, which is what he told me. I was hoping that once he made it to retirement we could spend time together. *sigh* Way too many years wasted on waiting for someone else to have time for me…

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Me too-“We’ll both be better off” crap. Yeah though, considering the abusive way he’d been treating me during the discard. I still would have appreciated speaking for myself.

I definitely do not think he’ll be better off. I was a very good wife. Perfect, no, but still damn good to him. No one else is going to put up with his “ways” for as long as I did. I should know better than anyone after living with him for 23 years. And his family….. Good luck to OW on that one.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Oh yeah, just remembered he also said “we never had anything in common but the kids.” After 36 years of being together..just nothing in common.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Me too. It had nothing to do with her. It was because I was so horrible.

NewlymintedChump
NewlymintedChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Nah, it had nothing to do with her OR you. It had everything to do with a cheater being a cheater and having glaring character flaws and no morals.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

Exactly, NMC.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Lost2015

Mine was working on the simultaneous divorce in a couple years thing too, complete with plan to lower his income and acquire more assets in his name. I just stumbled onto the affair before they were ready for me to find out. Can’t wait to tell her husband.

LaughingSquirrel
LaughingSquirrel
8 years ago

I got that one as well. “We are divorcing because we grew apart.” No one told me, I don’t remember having that discussion that we no longer had similar interests, like friends (one the AP), kids, games.

JABT
JABT
8 years ago

Oh wow… yep I got this too that “we are going in different directions”… well yes I guess we are yours is called the blonde howorker and mine is my husband (now ex) and my children and “we have nothing in common and have different interests”.. well if he actually spent some time at home, we might be able to do things together instead of his very specialness of leading a single mans life!!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

I got the ” we grew apart and don’t have sex”! Really? Then there must have been some “other” man screwing me in my bed all unbeknownst to me and the man I sat with night after night having conversations with, going out to dinner, shopping, visiting the kids and grandkids! Just who was that man? In the end at deposition he admitted he had no valid reason! Under oath he said I was a great wife, a wonderful mother and a good lady! Everyone including his attorney was dumbfounded! It was “special”!

spiritwoman
spiritwoman
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

My XH also said I was his best friend, great wife and we have a wonderful relationship.
Uh, no I don’t think so now! Dumbass thought we would always be in each others lives.
I have gone completely NO CONTACT after the divorce one year ago.

SDK
SDK
8 years ago

Ha ha.. I got the same!!! Meantime she was having emotional affair with my best friend!

KenderJ
KenderJ
8 years ago
Reply to  SDK

With your best friend?!? That really sucks. I think it’s worse to get chumped by two people you cared about and trusted. You are supposed to be able to go to your best friend about your wife’s cheating.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  KenderJ

I went to my best friend and confided that I suspected he was cheating on me. Her answer? Men are such slime balls. And, guess who he was having the affair with? Bitch!

Leolion
Leolion
8 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

My stbxh had an affair with my best friend too. It is the worst imaginable pain. Nothing makes sense and all you feel is numb. How could two people that you would literally die for…betray you? Something in them should have stopped them. They were not drunk and it was a planned….planned!! They lied for 5 years to my face about it because they didn’t want to hurt me. What does that even mean? If they didn’t want to hurt me then don’t do it…they didn’t have to do it. They have free will and a conscious to say no. Unfortunately they had an opprotunity and they took it. It changed our lives and those of our kids forever. I don’t want a husband or a friend who can’t be loyal and faithful to me. I deserve more and quite frankly would rather be alone then have that kind of toxic waste in my life. I loved myself enough to walk away.

veteranChump
veteranChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

I did the same thing Shechump. Found out about next affair and called my (ex) best friend for support. What I didn’t know was she had just ended her affair with him a month before he started up with the Shmoopie I discovered. I guess she wanted “proof” because she told me to forward mr. wonderful and AP’s emails to eat other that I discovered. She didn’t “trust” me I guess. (Ex) best friend had no intention of telling me but I guess she got jealous and confirmed previous affair with mr. wonderful when I asked her (because I suspected). She was a Jesuscheater and accused her then husband of physical abuse (lies) so she could get out of her marriage untarnished and marry a pastor/professor high up in the church. Needless to say, I don’t attend that church anymore.

veteranChump
veteranChump
8 years ago
Reply to  veteranChump

*each* other. Sorry

WhatJustHappend
WhatJustHappend
8 years ago

I was told that I’m short-sighted if I don’t see the reasons that I contributed to the ending of our marriage. What? That I was loyal, honest, took care of our children (when he was and wasn’t sleeping with his lady friend), worked full-time so he could go to school for full-time (for FIVE years – and he’s still not finished. He’s 36), took care of our home, and occasionally got pissed off when he wouldn’t take the garbage out, help with the kids, cook, clean, and recklessly spent money? Got it. I will do better next time.

chump-tastic
chump-tastic
8 years ago

I was going to post something but I don’t need to. You said it, WhatJustHappened. Same here, basically, if you replace school with a couple of other super expensive and useless hobbies that I needed to $upport him through.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

Another gem…in that confrontation with my (now) ex-wife, who happens to be a marriage counselor, she claimed the OM had no impact or bearing on our marriage issues. Figure that cheater logic out!

MovingOn
MovingOn
8 years ago

Oh yes– we had supposedly “stopped communicating” and were “more like friends” than a married couple. These were things the ex-cheater told our children in the early days of their finding out that he cheated. It truly had nothing to do with his cheating. It’s because we didn’t understand each other. Yes, I guess that’s true– you didn’t understand me the first time when I said that I would divorce you if you ever cheated on me!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago

DM, I got that same statement, that the OWs had nothing to do with ex’s decision to not be married anymore. Funny, if he was so miserable for the entire 20 years as he claimed on Dday, then why was it only when he started fucking other people that it was suddenly so urgent for him to leave?

Sephage
Sephage
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

This! Got the same crap from my stbxw.

Her: “I’ve already mourned this relationship.”

Me: “So… That makes lying to your family and screwing the town philanderer okay? Isn’t that last part supposed to happen **after** divorcing???”

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago

I got that too, DM. He told our son that OW had nothing to do with breaking up our marriage. He was defending her honor.

I made sure to let my son read the 4 page manifesto I found where my ex detailed his plans to break up her family and have her to himself. Here’s a little excerpt from it:

People I love:

1. OW (I ADORE HER!)
2. Our oldest son
3. Our youngest son
4. OW’s oldest child
5. OW’s youngest child

Then went on to list his parents and siblings. No mention of OW’s husband. LOL.

Newlymintedchump
Newlymintedchump
8 years ago

Oy, a marriage counselor? What a gem. I’m sure she’s helped LOADS of marriages. *eye roll*

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

And she’s working on a doctorate in it, too. Just think of all those future MCs with her “wisdom!”

One Step at a Time
One Step at a Time
8 years ago

My xh, who took great pride in NEVER taking off his wedding ring, told me “at least I took off my ring,” Thanks so much, asshole, for not subjecting the ring to so much immoral behavior!!!

WhatJustHappend
WhatJustHappend
8 years ago

All of these responses today are making all the red flags throughout the past 10 years come flooding back…mine went through not one, not two, but THREE wedding rings. The first two ‘slipped off his finger’ and the last was misplaced by one of the kids. I call bullshit.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
8 years ago

The Case of the Disappearing Wedding Ring. My ex had that, too. Funny, I never seemed to have that problem.

chjrn
chjrn
8 years ago

Mine faulted me saying, “At least I didn’t take off my wedding ring.” My response, “My original wedding ring no longer fit and he would not buy me another or have it sized, so I bought myself another.” What is the deal with them? At least I was not screwing home wrecker/howorker with my ring on!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  chjrn

Mine told the whore early on that he quit wearing his wedding ring because he “didn’t feel married anymore!” But he told me he had lost weight and it didn’t fit and “fell off” a lot! Pfft! Apparently!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

My ex stopped wearing his ring after Dday, then put it on during our reconciliation, then took it off when reconciliation ended, then put it back on and wore it for another several months while our divorce progressed. He claimed this was to remind him that he was married to me and could not have sex with others during the divorce proceedings, LOL! He sure didn’t worry about that during all the years of our marriage!

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

One morning, my STBX told me that his AP gave him sex five, six, seven times a week. He then demanded that I sign away half our assets that morning. When I refused, he dramatically threw his ring on our bedroom floor. Now, a year later and after multiple hearings because he refuses to settle out of court as he is opposed to paying anywhere close to a reasonable amount of child support, he says I need to grow up. Condescending, disordered cheater.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Oh jeez now that’s a code

Syringa
Syringa
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Ha! Mine slipped his wedding ring off every day and put it in his ash tray before going into work to meet his ho worker, because you know, he wasn’t ‘really married’ then.

twitching
twitching
8 years ago
Reply to  Syringa

Mine was proud that he never took his ring off. And supposedly he told her that I will always be the love of his life.
He is still wearing his ring.
I’m not.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  twitching

Mine put a new twist on the wedding ring thing. He used it as one of the “reasons our marriage was over anyway so he should have an affair.”

The whole family was out raking leaves one fall. His wedding ring had gotten kind of warped over the years from working in a power plant and while we were raking, it fell off his hand.

He was pretty distraught so we all dropped what we were doing and scoured our front yard for his ring. We did this for HOURS until it got dark and then we went outside and looked for it some more the next day. We never found it.

He was pretty upset about it (it was a couple years before his affair) and I actually felt bad for him.

Fast forward to a couple years later. I didn’t throw a hissy fit that he didn’t go out and purchase another wedding so that meant i didn’t love him; hence our marriage was over anyway; so he should have an affair??

Yes, I guess I should’ve thrown a temper tantrum at that time because I’m sure that would’ve won him over.It actually did bother me that he never offered to buy another one but I thought I was actually cutting him some slack because he felt bad about losing the ring to begin with.

Just goes to show you there is absolutely nothing you can do for these losers that will ever make them happy. That’s why your mantra as soon as you find out about an affair is to Trust that they Suck!

Thankful
Thankful
8 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

They hold nothing sacred but they act like the wedding ring has fucking super powers.
When I was pregnant with all three of our kids my hands became swollen and my rings didn’t fit. XH would get all upset, ” you don’t have your rings on, are you not married today???” Next thing I knew he would take off one of his bands and give it to me to put on. On one Occassion he demanded. He had three bands an engagement with a diamond and two sapphires and his wedding band was split in two to sit either side ( I know red flag)
His bands were stolen during an assault two years before d’day and just before d’day I was planning to have them replaced. To my shock on d’day I learnt they were stolen by some he had blown first. I now think his being hit in the head with a skate board in the process was karma.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Syringa

Mine stopped wearing his ring around the time OW started working for him. He told me it got in the way of his work. I thought that was strange because he seemed to wear his other ring which was much bigger…

MsChump
MsChump
8 years ago

….mine told me he took of his ring as ow had asked him. “It’s not right to be out together with it on”…..she felt people would notice (she isn’t married). Words fail me.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  MsChump

It’s not right for him to be “out” with the ring on, but it’s perfectly okay to f*%k someone else’s husband? Words would fail me too. It makes you wonder if they even hear the words that come out of their mouth when they speak.

I think I actually asked the exhole that once or twice but I can’t even remember why. I had many slack jawed moments during our three years of false recon.

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
8 years ago
Reply to  MsChump

Mine would take his wedding ring off and wear the silver one she gave him ….because they wanted to be married. Hello? If you want to be married to her, you have to stop the false reconciliation with me. *face/Palm*

GiveUsFree
GiveUsFree
8 years ago

My cheater deserves a HUGE cookie because he would never ever stoop so low as to pay for sex and he stopped going on traditional dating sites and dates only a few months after starting that. Nope, he limited himself to the universe of people desperate enough to solicit sex from random strangers, maybe-murderers, from online sex sites and hookup apps and he sometimes rented rooms in sleazy by the hour motels because that’s way way better than prostitutes and because he loved me and our relationship so much that he didn’t feel like trying to pretend that he actually wanted dating or a relationship with someone else.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago

Besides “we only had sex eight times and it was really vanilla” and the “this really puts our problems from earlier in the marriage into perspective” I also got “one day you may thank her for giving you this chance to talk about what we (hah!) really want”. My favorite was his defense of her morals when I asked him if he’d ever brought her to the house: ” oh no she would never disrespect you like that!”

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

I’m sure respect from her is a top priority for you! Hahahahahahaha!

FreedomFromCrazy
FreedomFromCrazy
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Aww gee, it was “only” 8 times! But the fact that it was vanilla, and not some crazy chains-whips-wax on nipples while dressed like Baby Huey type of romps…sheesh, you should thank your lucky stars! Such a commited partner!

Wow, it’s truly astounding how a cheater’s brain (or lack thereof) operates.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago

I shudder to think about what that disordered fuckwit considers vanilla

I_Escaped
I_Escaped
8 years ago

Didn’t sleep with her on our bed?! Pah!! He took great pleasure in telling me he had slept with THEM in our bed. And told me whilst we were having sex that he’d been cheating on me as he thought id find it kinky!!
When he did finally ‘Come Clean’ I got wow that’s been a huge burden to carry around so glad its off my chest. Then after promising never to do it again, to change, to get a job and stop being a down right bully he just carried right on doing it all….
Im free! LOL

ChumpedtotheMax
ChumpedtotheMax
8 years ago

My X swore he never told anyone he loved them but me, which i don’t believe, and confronted me (months after a i filed for divorce and kicked him out) while i stood in a grocery store with a male (who I was not sleeping with) and told the whole store i was an adulteress and what i was doing (divorcing him) was far worse than what he ever did to me (cheater, abuser, liar etc) His code is very different than mine.

FreedomFromCrazy
FreedomFromCrazy
8 years ago

The fuckwit told me “I wasn’t even attracted to her” and “she’s not an interesting person” as well as, “We didn’t have sex, I couldn’t keep it up to get the condom on because I just wasn’t into it, I wanted you”
Really? Oh that makes it better! Didn’t stop him from kissing, fingering, and eating her out. Not to mention all the times you took her out using our joint bank account.
I’m at a point now where I can imagine him trying like hell to stick that limp, partially rubber-covered excuse for a child’s penis into her bushy twat (yep…I got all sorts of super gross details) and I get a chuckle.
Because he’s a pathological liar, I highly doubt his story but whatever…the image is all too comical now.

Lucky
Lucky
8 years ago

Mine was so considerate to tell me that MOW “needs me” to help her through her bad marriage!

My X is a Minister and he’s all about helping people and darn it all is she wasn’t just a dark hole of need!

And by the way – you two are the reason she has a bad marriage.

I think he’s “helped” others along the way during our marriage.

But I wouldn’t understand – I am selfish like that 🙂

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Dark hole sounds about right

informal
informal
8 years ago

“I was true to you when you were having cancer treatments” and “i wasn’t going to leave you”

Chumpita
Chumpita
8 years ago

I have several:

“She´s not my type”

“That lying is different” (after severely punishing our daughter for a white lie and my reaction in showing how incoherent he was)

“We never talked about you”

“She´s a good woman”

“You shouldn`t judge what goes on in other relationships, there is probably a good reason” (after two of my friends with newborns had been cheated on by their husbands, both colleagues and friends of my cheater)

“You never give me credit for all the ones that I didn´t cheat on you with”

“I stopped talking to her when you asked me to”

“Come on…she was going through her husband cheating on her and I was consoling her..That was only a friendship” (after I discovered some erotic poems dedicated to one of his graduate students who he directed his thesis)

“I am not a fucking asshole!” (immediately after Dday)

“There are people who appreciate me and do not think I am scum of the earth like you do” (this is post Dday when he was excited to keep one of our couple´s friends…a single elderly woman who was our wedding godmother, who was a dear friend of mine for twenty years, but ended on siding with him because she was mad that I didn´t forgive him and I ruined the family we were to her)

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpita

Ah that reminds me of a note I found in my professor husband’s pocket shortly after our second son was born. When I asked him about it he said “there’s a student in one of my classes that has a crush on me. I’m not sure what to do about it.” Funny that he had never mentioned this student until I found the note.

stillfierce
stillfierce
8 years ago

Out of the 27 years he was cheating on me, 24 were with men. He told me he wasn’t really having an adulterous affair because it was with men. An affair would have to be him cheating on me with a woman! Then he switched over to women. How thoughtful.

Kate50
Kate50
8 years ago

My STBXH just texted me this last night “All I’ve ever wanted and loved is you”.

He also told me that the hooker he was with came on to him, she followed him from outside the hotel where all he did was give her a smoke, to the lobby, into the elevator and to his room. That she was really aggressive and pushed her way into his room. He said it all felt so wrong, he didn’t know what to do. He said it was only a 5 minute BJ with a condom and he couldn’t get hard and it was the worst 5 minutes of his life.
Then he said her mid section felt like porridge and he was disgusted. He said it’s not who he is that did that.

I was told about the hooker from the assistant manager that was on the out of town trip with him, that’s how I found out, he denied ever being with her for a month after D-day until I said, was it just a BJ? He nodded Yes. The assistant manager also said the next day after the hooker, my STBXH couldn’t even function he was so tired. This hooker incident took place around 6 PM, so why was he so tired all the next day if it was only 5 minutes?

The hooker story that happened a week before D-Day, the AP for 4 years just needed counseling from him because she had lots of problems and had no friends. The phone bills show all outgoing calls to her from him. He said she would text him to call her, that’s why he was making all the calls, but the phone number was to her home landline, so how could she text him to call her from that?

It’s ALL BS!

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
8 years ago
Reply to  Kate50

Timid forest creatures. They are helpless in the face of a pushy hooker.

Poor sausages. How they manage to hold down jobs and put their shoes on the right feet each morning is a mystery.

Lost2015
Lost2015
8 years ago

I would get anonymous emails occasionally from somebody telling me about my wife and her COW (I think from another COW, I’m not sure I’ll ever know). Anyway, my wife would get so mad at me when I’d confront her about what they’d say. “Who do you believe? Me or some anonymous emailer who doesn’t have the guts to reveal themselves??!!”

And I’d give her the benefit of the doubt because I loved her and believed in her.

Well I figured it all out independently about her affair after that, and guess which one was being more truthful the whole time? My friend the emailer. And yet she’s still offended that I now believe all of those emails over her even after the emails turned out to be accurate and she was proven to be lying to my face all that time. And yet she still says — “How can we try to be in a relationship when you believe some anonymous a-hole over me?”

Are you kidding me?

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Lost2015

I got anonymous phone calls instead of emails. I also fell for the “Who are you going to believe? An anonymous caller or me?” I’d have given anything to have been able to verify what the caller was telling me at the time, but it was long before cell phone records.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Lost2015

They don’t possess the character to own up to it. It’s so disappointing.

The thing is, why would an anonymous person reach out to you for no reason? What do they have to gain from that? You could argue the whistle blower is taking a chance telling you… as most people tend to stay out of these types of things. I think whistleblowers like that are heroic in that way.

They are liars. Cheats. I’m sorry this has happened to you Lost!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

My cheater had a weird reverse psychology thing going. I guess it’s part of the gaslighting and deflection game he played. During the early going when I was suspicious but had no real proof (other than phone calls to the whore daily which he claimed were just “friends”), he actually said to me “You are lucky I don’t cheat on you”. Lucky??? I didn’t realize luck had anything to do with it. I thought not cheating is what you vowed to do in that church in front of God and all those witnesses????

Later, when it became clear he was still seeing the whore behind my back (after agreeing to go NC), he continued to make up story after story to cover every one of his stupid tracks. Yeah, those google voice calls were business (on Saturday evening)… yeah that disconnected number that keeps calling him, that’s his office forwarding calls (what company uses a disconnected number to forward calls? And how come after I got wise to it, those calls stopped? I mean, if it’s automatic forwarding.. why would that number stop all of a sudden)? She just called me “that one time” for a business issue. Uh Huh.

When he finally admitted to seeing the whore all day a few months back, I asked him what they did all day in her apartment if they were “just friends”.. seriously, what married man hangs out with a woman ALL DAY in her apartment? He said “we watched TV”. I realized at that point that he didn’t possess the character or the integrity to come clean to me. All our years, all my loyalty meant absolutely nothing- he couldn’t tell me the truth even now. Couldn’t just admit it.

So this weekend when I happened upon his ACTIVE match.com account and credit card records that suggest he dropped a MINT at a restaurant near the whore’s apartment, I didn’t even bother confronting him. What’s the point? He’ll just lie. He’s a liar. He’s a fake, and he’s a POS.

You can’t fix these people, they are morally bankrupt. It’s sad. But you can’t help them. New chumps out there, save yourselves and your kids. Don’t do what many of us did.. the pick me dances, the false reconciliation… SAVE yourselves. Cheaters simply cannot be trusted.

NewlymintedChump
NewlymintedChump
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

It really is so hard to come to terms with everything without the whole truth and without closure. Once I saw the phone bill and knew in my heart he was cheating on me and all the lies from the past sunk in, I confronted him and said that after ten years he could give me the truth. What I got was “How did you find out?” (because WTF does she know???) and “Let’s just say nothing happened until you called it off”. Meaning nothing happened until I broke up with him the week before for all the manipulation and treating me like shit. I had enough proof to know that was not true.

God, they really can’t ever give us ANYTHING in return, can they?

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

For the longest time I clung to the desperate idea that he would come clean to me, out of respect. Son of a bitch. But he never will. He is putting himself above all others. I hate him.

Crushed
Crushed
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

This. When he lied again after we had split I felt totally disrespected. I mean why? He had a chance for at least a bit of redemption but no, wouldn’t do it. Authenticity would be welcomed.

NewlymintedChump
NewlymintedChump
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

The hate is real. I told him that if he ever loved or cared about me that he could give me the truth (this was pre-CL). His response was “Don’t say that, that’s not fair”. At least I have the answer to whether he ever loved me or not.

Much Better Off Now
Much Better Off Now
8 years ago

The moral bar for cheaters is so low, they could win a game of Limbo without breaking a sweat.

AS IF we could “think so badly” of them! Oh, the horrors!

sephage
sephage
8 years ago

THIS!

I got these:

“I’m not a bad person!”

“I’m not ashamed!”

Then –

“I guess you’ll tell our daughter what a bad person I am. Fine, whatever makes you feel better!”

and

“Why are you leaving these adultery recovery books laying around?!!?? OUr daughter can see them!!!”

The moral double-standard of ‘it’s not what I did, it’s your reaction’ vs ‘I don’t want anyone to know about this.’

The world inside of their heads must be pretty bizarre.

Kfl
Kfl
8 years ago
Reply to  sephage

OMG. I think we were married to the same person. I got every one of those comments this spring. It’s all my fault and how I reacted to it that made him keep screwing the OW. Mine isn’t ashamed either. No remorse at all!

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago

Ex’s trump card in my case was that I’d been married before to an abusive alcoholic, so nothing he did could ever be as bad as THAT. To my knowledge, the alcoholic never cheated on me but that has been almost 20 years ago. If he did, there wasn’t the technology for him to get caught that there is today. Of course, the Cheater must have some magic crystal ball to the past because he told me “You do KNOW he cheated on you too, right?” What a stellar Good Guy he is. Always gotta one up everyone else, even a deceased alcoholic. Pathetic.

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

Mine said “Did you have a good childhood?” No, you know I didnt , my mom was an alcoholic “Well that is why you and I could never be as happy as OW and I could be…she and I both had happy childhoods”.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

OH PLEASE!

Luziana
Luziana
8 years ago

This is probably the hitch that still has real estate in my mind. Slabbo and the Succubus take great pains to tell everyone they know that they never consummated their Epic Three Months of Forever Love until he moved out. Granted, no separation agreement, nothing filed until two months after their fuckfests. Ten thousand inappropriate text messages and smoochy lunches in the two months before, BUT THEY WERE DIGNIFIED AND HONORABLE.

Of course it fell apart when they actually had to be around each other. The small complication that he impregnated her didn’t seem to bother anyone in their circles. The fact that the due date calculates conception for the baby a full month prior to D-Day, let alone the interminable three weeks I waited for him to move out and he waxed poetic about their perfect love and how “sex isn’t important to us, she makes me feel loved.”

Let that sink in for a minute. Our marriage was never rocky. I worshipped him. His supposed best friend didn’t even know what was going on. But he unceremoniously dumps his faithful adoring wife for a coworker, impregnates her before I even am aware she exists (because she hid from me in plain sight including blocking me of FB so she could comment and like things without my knowing) and everybody at Huntington Bank is thrilled for their happiness! Both are reprimanded for carrying on during work hours but they both keep their jobs.

Now I think every child is innocent and a blessing, but they both make a point to tell anyone who will listen that the baby was conceived the day he moved out. Which any dolt with a calculator knows is a lie! And people accept it as fact. Because their love was meant to be! Never mind that we were still married for a good three months after that, and the only reason we still aren’t married is that i agreed to a quickie dissolution and not the typical one year waiting period divorce.

I am trying to imagine the verbal gymnastics Slabbo executed perfectly to draw in Schmoopie #4, with whom he currently lives and 9 months in has baby mama visiting and calls Schmoopie’s kids his daughters-

“Let’s see. In April I started texting and smooching my coworker at lunch. She made me feel special because I was married to a Mene Wady who was too busy paying my bills and raising my daughter with some semblance of normalcy to worship me quite as fervently as she used to. I got my coworker pregnant, but she was a Mene Wady too, so will you be nice to me and help me pay child support? I got divorced a month ago.”

“OH GOSH YES, you’re the man of my dreams!”

Jesus. Over on this side of town, we have a thing called reality. And calculators.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

oh math! and it’s pathetic accuracy!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Pathetic. Truly Pathetic.

Renee62
Renee62
8 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Wow the AP’s have no self-respect! That’s why they’re in these kinds of relationships in the first place. These women can be convinced of anything. “Denial” is not a river in Egypt. They all belong together. Thankfully you’re out of it Luziana!

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
8 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

OMG I WANT HIM! PICK ME! PICK ME!

Renee62
Renee62
8 years ago

My POS told me he didn’t see the AP when my Dad was in the hospital and dying. How chivalrous is that?! Crazy POS left and I thank God for rescuing me!

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago

Ex’s CoWhoret has “the highest morals of anyone I know” according to him. That one statement just positively slays me every time I think of it. Seriously. Comedy writers couldn’t come up with something that funny.

WhatAChump2015
WhatAChump2015
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

MyHero always said that he had a good moral compass. Obviously this was guided by the “all knowing penis GPS” that directed him to Madame SlutFace. And used to talk about “situational ethics”…..aka permission to lie whenever it suited him. He never admitted to anything, didn’t need to, as there was no denying the cold hard facts.

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

“The highest morals of anyone I know” – I’m sorry Not Juliet, but the absurdity of it is slaying me as well. You’re right, writers of any genre couldn’t make this stuff up (well, maybe Sci-Fi writers….who had been doing Peyote for a few days, and that’s still a long shot). The letters sent to CL can attest to it!

pookyand3
pookyand3
8 years ago

He “tried” to love me for 26 years!

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
8 years ago

When I found out about my X and his butter-face, it took me all of two days to track down and notify her husband. (Thank you Internet!) When my X found out I ratted them out, he said I “went too far.”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

When I told him I did not want him to come back home, I asked him to respect that and not pressure me about it. He said “RESPECT THAT?! After what you’ve done?! (He was referring to me ratting them both out.)

This mother-fucker took my outing of his affair as me betraying HIM.

Again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

GOOD for you Rumble! I’m with ya… Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
What a dumbass…..

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

Luziana, I’d have to assume that if they work for a bank there is a calculator on a desk somewhere! Or at the very least a calendar! They aren’t fooling anyone! Can you imagine the yuck factor for their poor co-workers who have to listen to this drivel?

Luziana
Luziana
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Oh, no. They all think it’s great. They threw a baby shower.

At that point, my daughter and I evaporated into ether. It was like we never existed.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

(((Hugs))) Luziana! That sucks 🙁
Leave ’em in your rearview

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago

I got a few, though not as dramatic as others. My ex is just an average Joe cheater.
Two months into final MC, ex admits to having ‘feelings” for another woman. He did not bring this up in counseling because he had stopped “socializing” with her 3 months earlier (they worked together; 1 month pre DDay). Upon clarification, he was in love with her, but he did not have an affair, and anyway, the marriage was long over.

13 years previously, I had accused H of cheating with a fellow grad student.. He gaslighted and denied, we went into counseling to “work on our issues”. So, I finally find out that yup, it was an affair.. But they only had sex 1x (uh, huh), and he was in love with her.
One of our favorite movies to watch over and over again was”sense and Sensibility” with Emma Thompson and Hugh Grant.
I always thought it was because because love wins in the end, but now I think it is because Hugh Grants character honors his commitment; ex stayed in the marriage even though poor baby was in love with someone else (sniff, sniff).

Finally, and this is the crux of his morality: he admits to daughter that he loved the first affair partner (so as to justify it? But that meant he did not love me when I was pregnant with her….) and that he did not have a relationship with OWife, our marriage was already over, but now she can see what a real, loving relationship looks like. He tells her this during the same trip that OWife (in his presence) alleviated her own guilt by telling my daughter that H pursued her. She knew it was wrong….).

Yet, daughter’s issues are because of me…not any of this.

Digbert
Digbert
8 years ago

My XH was so considerate that when asked why he bailed cruelly and callously without explanation on the marraige very shortly before Xmas he replied that he left before and not after Xmas so he didn’t ruin it (Xmas that is) for me!

He wasn’t a bad person ( “deep down I’m a good guy”) he even helped the homeless the following year – ironically after making me homeless.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

That is similar to what mine said. Although he was planning on abandoning me he was taking me to my favourite places so I could have a few more times of happiness before he left. I remember coming out of the bookstore and telling him how much I enjoyed going there and buying my favourite magazine and he got the strangest look on his face. Now I know why.

I really don’t know how he lives with himself.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Oh, and at the same time he managed to ruin my birthday, Christmas, Easter, and Valentines Day with his emotional abuse and abandonment.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

My last birthday while married to him was pure torture! Nothing worse than being told your husband no longer loves you right before you’re going to meet your kids for dinner to celebrate your birthday. Spent a lot of time in the bathroom crying that night, but trying to look half way decent when I was at the table.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

(((hugs))) Lyn.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago

XYZ – when my son found his dad’s little sexting phone – stbx told our son that he could tell me about it if he needed to. We were going to get a divorce anyway, so this would just speed up the process. I had no idea we were eventually going to divorce. Guess I am the last to know again.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

how many of us here were the last to know? *note my hand is currently in the air*

veteranChump
veteranChump
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Both hands in the air AllOutof Kibble!

byebyecheater
byebyecheater
8 years ago

I’m still amazed at my ex cheaters justification. 7 months post divorce and needed my signature on a car he was selling, I of course asked some questions and got, “I’m not shady” um, ok?!?! That moment when your lying, cheating ex says he’s not shady. Me and my friends had a great laugh about that one.

mermaiddani
mermaiddani
8 years ago

I asked my ex if he’d ever had sex with the OW (who happened to be my cousin, who was living with us at the time because she had nowhere else to go) in our home. He became flabbergasted and said, “Of course not! What kind of person do you think I am?” He later admitted to having sex with her in our home, in “her” bedroom. By the time I found out that part of his trickle truth, I’d already kicked the OW out and it was years later and our newborn daughter was using that bedroom. Prior to that, I wasn’t aware of a sexual relationship between them, only an emotional affair. After we’d separated, he also admitted to having sex with the same cousin in his truck multiple times in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Yeah.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  mermaiddani

Walmart parking lot? Classy!

mermaiddani
mermaiddani
8 years ago

Oh, and there was always his line: “It’s not HER fault. It was mine.” This was, of course, his lame attempt at me NOT going after his OW (oh, there were many of them, too). In my state, you can sue the AP for Alienation of Affection.

dollparts
dollparts
8 years ago

I’m the chumpiest of all chumps, you guys! Throughout the four years that we were together, I caught my fiancé talking to other girls in an inappropriate way anytime I did a little suspicious digging – whether it was badmouthing me, or getting too close for comfort with a coworker, or what have you – it was not okay but I didn’t know any better to walk away at the time.

My cheater was stroking my face and patting my head on D day and laughed at me like I was being adorable and said that I was acting “silly” and was acting like he died. He told me I could “still win him back” or we can try again when his fling was over.

He said he “needed” to have this fling in order to get over that I had an abortion (aka that I “murdered his baby”). And to have this fling would help HIM “forgive and forget” and “push the reset button on our relationship” because he claimed that he still wanted to end up with me and marry me…

But at the same time, if we were going to be single, it would be a major problem if I were to see anybody or even hang out with my childhood guy friends.

It’s disgusting! It’s been 6 months and I still want to commit every time I think about it. And they’re still together – his girlfriend has no idea what really happened…

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
8 years ago
Reply to  dollparts

dollparts, did you mean ‘commit suicide’, or ‘commit to that asshole’?

In either case, can I suggest you get some counselling – good counselling? I’m having it right now and it’s been nearly 3 months and it’s made all the difference in the world to me.

Having a termination is always a really hard decision, and you might have grief from that you need to get through as well. Find a counsellor who does post-abortion issues.

In the meantime, trust that he sucks. Really. Because he does. You are worth so much more than this.

dollparts
dollparts
8 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Lol what I really meant was *VOMMIT*

I started seeing an amazing counselor. It’s only been 2 sessions but I feel a lot better already.

Thank you for your kind words

Nord
Nord
8 years ago

I truly love Cosby’s ‘They’d have fallen in love with me’ schtick, like his dick is just so damned magical that once a woman’s vagina had the honour of coming into contact with it her heart would no longer be her own. Shut up, rapist asshole.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Nord

I agree Nord, pretty delusional! He was just a magnet they couldn’t resist so he had to protect them from themselves. Poor things.

Drew
Drew
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

The thing here is that Mister Cosby had to drug them first. Yup, major piece of shit.

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  Nord

You’re cracking me up! You expressed my feelings about Cosby perfectly. Thank you for the laugh.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago

>>> Russian#1 whom he f..ed repeatedly while on several weeks of ‘sports’ solo vacation abroad:
“it was only to discover other countries, you did not want to go there”
>>> Russian#2 whom he lured to visit our area pretending he was single:
“I am not interested in her, I just want to visit monuments and speak Russian, I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG !!!”

Last night he sent pictures that Russian#2 took of us during the 3 days we travelled together before I called it quits. The untold message is, you destroyed us with your jealousy, what I have done wasn’t that bad, we could still be together, look at us, what a wonderful couple, you looked so happy.

Today I feel weak, especially after CL’s former article that was so horrible that my cheater looks like an angel in comparison. I hate it when doubts creep in.

TrustingGod
TrustingGod
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I understand about the weakness when you compare your cheater to others, but think about what you just wrote. The OW took a picture of you two and he used it to say what a great couple you guys were? Yeah, if you like having his infidelity rubbed in your face, then I guess you were a great couple. I worried and wondered if my husband was cheating with women I knew, or we had hung around, but you know that he actually did. It’s like missing candy when you’ve been diagnosed as diabetic. You miss what you thought was good, but you know it is bad, possibly even lethal for you. Stay away, and trust that he SUCKS!

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  TrustingGod

You’re right AOOK and TG, indeed I kept telling myself this morning: “Trust that he sucks !”.
In my moments of weakness, I tend to research his point of view, and see myself as a loser.
Feels like a profound despair.
Of course, now that he is a soft spoken sad sausage, he can drive me into thinking, “what did I do to drive such a nice guy away ?”
Wow, I have to put in writing all that he did during the horrible years when OW#1 was in his mind, and when OW#2 was around the corner.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Do not let the doubt creep in! You’ve worked too hard to let that happen.
Keep moving forward. CN is here for you.

donna
donna
8 years ago

There was a moral code which covered both his wife and the whores.

We didn’t have sex in our bed. We did it on the couch. My pillows reeked of her perfume.

My ring just broke. He cut it with pliers and left it on the night stand for a month while he was screwing her. He told my daughter this 6 weeks before DDay.

She kissed me.

I told her I haven’t been happy for two years. This was in the cheater handbook as this is what he told the whores he was dating every time. Yet I didn’t know this. He would find someone who would fuck him and then move in his mothers basement or my daughters houses and tell me he found someone and wanted a divorce. Filed three times, third time was finally.

I have to say he was so convincing he conned a few innocent victims who had NO idea he was married and living with me. First came the dream girl which by definition meant they believed his bullshit and were willing to have sex immediately.

Not an ounce of remorse or respect guided his moral code. I pray he has nothing but pain in his life for all that he has done.

Over and Out
Over and Out
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

“My pillows reeked of her perfume.”
I came home from trip to visit my parents (ex couldn’t go because he was too busy at work). My first night back, I was laying on the couch and the perfume on the pillow was overwhelming… We had only been married a little over a year. It was the first red flag. I bought his BS explanation hook, line and sinker.

FreedomFromCrazy
FreedomFromCrazy
8 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

Same here. 3 months into our marriage and I smelled an odd perfume odor on my pillow. Certainly nothing I used. I chalked it up to a mish mash combo of hair product, lotion, and fabric softener.

Then I found his emails & yahoo messenger arranging meetings while I was working and he was pretending to work. I should’ve run then, yet I stayed. Blah. Hindsight is 20/20:/

stuntchump
stuntchump
8 years ago

Let’s see:

He thought about cheating the whole time we were married, but held off for 8 year. Well, there was the one person he kissed, but he only kissed her. (Aww, now that I know how you suffered so!)

He was having sex with AP to help our marriage, they never meant to fall in love!! (so sowwy about that, but why can’t I understand if he stayed with me he would cheat on me again, but he won’t cheat on her because he makes him want to be a better person!)

He put AP in my brother’s music video because he was just trying to do his very best job (why can’t I get that? Wasn’t it kind of her to help?)

He couldn’t possibly break all contact with her on twitter/facebook/tumblr/instagagram/ello/whatever the fuck else because it woud really upset her and that wouldn’t be fair to her during our fake “reconciliation”.

nomar
nomar
8 years ago

Mine assured me that she did not have sex with me on any day when she already had sex with an affair partner (she often boinked people from work over lunch). Because if she could be faithful on a given DAY that spoke well of her? SMH.

Amazing that such amoral people feel the need to carve out some tiny desert island of morality upon which to plant their flag of worthiness. WTF? Just own that you do whatever you want. My ex-wife’s adolescent rationalization about shitty choices certainly didn’t make me respect her any more.

nomar
nomar
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Also, let me say it before someone else does, yes, I’m aware that my ex-wife was certainly lying when she said she did not have sex with me on any day when she already had sex with an affair partner. There was a time when that would not have occurred to me (“She cheated, but that doesn’t mean she’s a liar”), but that time is long past.

HM
HM
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Re: desert island of morality…
It’s called cognitive dissonance nomar. They break it down in the book “mistakes were made (but not by me). It’s a really great book, I recommend reading it!

Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts https://www.amazon.com/dp/0156033909/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_b4mWvb38RJTFR

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  HM

The only thing I didn’t like about that book is that it makes it sound like everybody does this, all the time. We probably all do it some of the time, and some people do it all the time, but only a narc can truly take responsibility for all the good stuff and none of their bad decisions.

MaggieR
MaggieR
8 years ago

I have a few-he was sleeping with random strangers that he would meet in chat rooms and then they would meet for sex. One night stands because evidently that’s ok.

“It’s not like I was out all the time. It was maybe one time a year.”

“I did stop when you were diagnosed with breast cancer.” But started again when I was done with chemo and radiation.

One month after radiation, I had to have a hysterectomy. He left me in the hospital to go on a date with one of the trolls he met online. He told me, “It wasn’t a date-we didn’t have sex. We only talked.”

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago

When Asshat moved out during the holidays, he would text photos of the gorgeous view from his super luxe rental. I finally told him to stop and he said he just wanted me to see how beautiful it was. I told him it was insensitive while I was trying to keep it together with a child and Christmas looming (and him not showing up over half the agreed on time to see our son). “Can’t come yet, still shoveling and trying to get a hold of the landlord to tell them the heated driveway is broken.” We do have a service for our very long driveway but I was clearing the walkways, with RA, while he then needed to rest bc he had a headache (a.k.a. Florence was visiting). His commitment to the landlord was stronger than the one to his family. I reminded him he is a physician paying an exorbitant amount of rent but he would take off to meet the tile guy, the plumber, the HVAC guy, all while i fought with the furnace (and won though I ended up bleeding all over the garage), beat the plumbing into submission and believed his lies about how our fixer-upper was making him physically ill. I still need to work on the house but I know the best thing will be when he walks out the door for good.

After D-Day, I was incensed over his indiscretion (with the mystery woman who would devote all her life to him and loved him so much) and demanded to know who else knew. “God, no one! She’s really private and discreet. You have NOTHING to worry about.” Wow, thanks. When asked to define ‘nothing’ he said she would leave us alone. Um, she flew off the handle after he claims he ended ‘it’ before Valentines Day. My romantic gift was a picture book from a movie that he repeatedly put off seeing with me so I asked what the fuck he got her. “Nothing, what are you talking about? Why would I do that?” Clearly, he has boundaries, dammit! She was mad about being alone for the Hallmark holiday and FedExed a letter to me pretending to be from him in her girlie handwriting. I obeyed him and didn’t open it as he tearfully half-confessed on the phone. I thought it might be laced with Anthrax and he chided me for being so paranoid. She’s a nurse, who I now know is a complete loon, but I am paranoid? Four months later, after a long weekend road trip, she revealed she has stolen my phone number and was going to call and/or come to the house and confront me. About what, God only knows.

She must be regrouping right now and continuing her discreet and classy takeover of my life. Who knows? He is still in search of those eight bazillion gold stars he musthave in order to go on busting his ass for me. Gimme a break.

Portia
Portia
8 years ago

I was reading a book this weekend called The Bastard on the Couch. I had read The Bitch in the House several years ago — they are both books written/compiled by men and women offering their viewpoints on why and how men and women relate to each other. Anyway — one of the viewpoints I read this weekend was from one of the “Bastards” who claimed that men HAD TO lie to women to get what they wanted from them, because IF they told the truth, women would never give them what they want. Of course, they want different things from different women. So , you won’t tell your wife all of the “little” things you do, “because you are a man” so that she will continue to live with you, provide sex for you, and will keep up your home and care for your children. You tell your side piece how “mean” your wife is, and how she “doesn’t care about your needs” so that she can justify to herself that someone needs to take care of your needs. Somehow that mean wife needs to be punished for not caring for her husband the way he deserves. Twisted, Much?

He also claimed that men learned to lie from a very early age, because they didn’t want to disappoint their mothers. So when boys start to become men, and their thoughts drift to doing things to girls that mother would not approve of, they learn to lie about what they do and think about, in order to spare their mothers angst.

Meanwhile, I suppose we women all live in a world that has no relationship to reality, and go about in a cocoon of innocence all the time. Right.

I laughed all the way through this drivel, although I believe that HE believed everything he was saying and didn’t see anything wrong with it. I raised two sons, and I certainly was never under the impression that my boys were pure and never caused any trouble or participated in any shenanigans.

Bottom line? People lie to get what they want. Then they lie to themselves so that they can live with their lies. Selfish and entitled. Some lies are more outrageous and mind boggling than others, but the bottom line is that you cannot build anything lasting based on a foundation of liesl

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Portia

What amazes me is that there are women (and men in some cases) who are willing to believe the drivel that married people spew to get laid. “My wife is mean”.. “she doesn’t care about my needs”. WHO would believe that bs? That is SO LAME. You’d have to be a real special kind of stupid.

My STBX’s whore is a real special kind of stupid. She’s over 40- she ought to know better.. but apparently she laps up the bull he spews. Better her that me. Good luck with that whore. I suspect your Karma will be having to deal with his disordered ass and learning who he is like I did.. the hard way.

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

My ex’s mother left ex’s dad when she found out he was cheating, and had been for a long time (including with her own sister). I always thought that the father was the main influence for the ex’s entitled ridiculous personality.

But recently I got to hear a few more ‘revelations’ from ex’s mom. Turns out she thinks all men are weak and badly behaved, and women have to put up with that and manipulate them into better behaviour. And turns out SHE has been having sex with a married man, for several years now. But it’s OK, because his wife is fine with it, doesn’t want to have sex with him so is OK with him getting it elsewhere! And the ex’s mom knows all that, because the cheating guy told her so!

Really, I’m so glad to be away from all that crazy.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago

As weird as it is for me to say, consider yourselves lucky you can comment here. Mine is still in denial/silence mode of “she can’t prove anything without admitting she hacked my computer and stole pictures, thereby incriminating herself and ending up with a criminal record.”

Funny detail, found out last week he never told his attorney about the affair, my attorney had to bring it up that we were seeking repayment for dissipation of marital assets from the affair to which his attorney said “what affair? he did not mention an affair?”

I laughed so hard I cried! I hope it makes you smile too.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

No. That is rich. How do you make it that far into the process and omit that detail. His lawyer must have been thrilled! Asshat went to counseling during the affair without revealing it. Uh, Dr Dumbass, you are undermining your own therapy….

Michael
Michael
8 years ago

Mine said she couldn’t come home because it’s not that simple, she might be pregnant by her AP. And if so, she would marry him.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael

Geez Louise… I guess she thinks getting pregnant by another man while married necessitates the “moral” choice of marrying the AP. The cheater logic gymnastics slay me.

Did I read you had a date recently Michael? I hope it went well! Onward and upward!

Michael
Michael
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

I did and it went well! Thanks for asking!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael

Good to hear Michael!

chirral
chirral
8 years ago

Mine didn’t cheat according to him because the marriage was already over. Apparently he had unilaterally granted himself an “emotional separation” so f*****g his undergraduate student doesn’t count.

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago
Reply to  chirral

Yup, mine, too.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

Count me in on that too!

PucksMuse
PucksMuse
8 years ago

Ugh, can we talk about Cosby’s quote and how he’s patting himself on the back for “restraining from intercourse” with drugged women, not because it’s a violation and a crime, but protect these women from “falling in love” with his narc ass. Because he’s just so damned irresistible.

So he “only” did sexual things to their bodies while they slept in a “playful” sense. Playful.

Disgusting.

moving forward
moving forward
8 years ago

They are all so unoriginal. I got: “She (OW) isn’t even attractive.” “She’s not you, that’s for sure.” “She comes from a fucked up family.” “She doesn’t have a lot of friends.”

This one stands out: “She just, you know, came into my bed and forced a situation. Ask (his best friend) he was there. He knows.” (They were in Vegas for a convention.) My response: “So she raped you?” Him:” Uh no, it wasn’t like that.” Every part of this explanation is so vile.

And the gas lighting part he left out – they had been seeing each other before and after this ‘situation’.

ohthisagain
ohthisagain
8 years ago
Reply to  moving forward

Downgrade is right!

Ho-worker is:
– 9 years older than me – 45
– Not a young looking 45 – but a rode hard and put away wet looking 45
– Still rocking bleach-blonde 80’s big-hair
– alcoholic
– addicted to pills
– bulimic
– nearly toothless due to the bulimia
– Dumb as a box of rocks

But she likes cats and so does he, they’re just friends who like to talk about cats.
“Cats” must be a code-word for her nasty old p*ssy.

moving forward
moving forward
8 years ago
Reply to  moving forward

As to the ‘honor’ part, in his mind he was always honorable and a good person — he was just “giving advice” “talking” “being a good friend” “helping her through a rough time” “going for drinks because she is a mess because she broke up with her boyfriend”….yadda yadda yadda

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  moving forward

Mine preferred the term “mentoring”. He’s classy that way.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  moving forward

It’s funny a lot of these OW have those characteristics… “not that attractive”.. “not nearly as attractive/decent/smart” as wife, Fucked up FOO, few female friends (obvious reasons), and low self esteem.

Sucks to be them.

CodependentChump
CodependentChump
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

I believe we have PROVEN that last night in the forums…lol!!!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago

Yes, without a doubt!

Working It Out
Working It Out
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

That’s because they affair down.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Working It Out

Only bottom feeders would mess with someone married. So they are always a downgrade.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

This seems to very true. Also very young. I mean VERY young. The last one that the ex left me for is about 20 years younger than him. Sick if you ask me!!!!

Drew
Drew
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

My ex’s whore was older. Apparently she slept around with half the married men at her fitness club before Mr. Sparkley came along. Then her family bought her out. Guess they were worried about her bad reputation and the financial consequences. Now Mr. Sparkley gets to support her, lol!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Young to me is almost more forgivable.. not by MUCH.. but at least you have the “young and dumb” defense. The slut in my case is over 40. She really should know better. A special kind of stupid.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Yeah she was just trying out her kitten claws on him. He was so distraught when she started dating someone else right after they (gag) broke up. I know, honey, it’s so hard to see them grow up…

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

My ex’s whore is almost fifty, lol.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Mine went for one that wasn’t born when he and I met and started our lives together. She was younger than our RELATIONSHIP

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

But yaknow 6 years older than our son, so that’s ok