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Time again for Jesus Cheaters

Jesus CheatersWith Josh Duggar in the news, what with his Ashley Madison accounts, and recent 6-month sentencing to the Gulag sex addiction re-education camp, I thought it was time again to trot out my post on Jesus Cheaters.

(Originally, this column was a spinoff of “Don’t Date This Person” in which I had forgotten Jesus cheaters and thus had to devote a whole column to them.)

Here’s to you, Josh! — Tracy

Could anything be more narcissistic than thinking you speak for God?

I realize the other major world religions have their versions of Jesus Cheaters too. Christianity doesn’t have the market cornered on hypocritical douchebags. But that said, I do think the New Testament lends itself to a certain sort of spackle that the disordered love to exploit.

So — you asked for it — here are the Jesus cheaters!

Phillip Forgiveness — God has spoken to Phillip and forgiven him, so I think you should too. Phillip forgives himself! So what’s your problem? He prayed on this! We’re all good! I think you need to cast out the demons of bitterness and get over it. Jesus told Phillip that’s what Jesus would do.

Holier Than Holly — Holly has slept with half the choir and most of the finance committee. She doesn’t understand why God made you so ugly that you can’t keep your man. She’s just trying to sustain these men from the affliction of your inadequacies. Holly considers herself a saver of marriages, really. If it weren’t for the Wake Up Call of Infidelity to make you realize how much you suck, you never would’ve tried to improve. You can thank her. I think you should.

Deacon Dan  Don’t let the sweater vest fool you. Dan’s a pervert.

Martyre Martha — You weren’t meeting her emotional needs. But Bob on the liturgy committee, he understands. You have such a dirty mind! They went to that hotel for BIBLE STUDY. Martha is a SPIRITUAL person, unlike you. Of course you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never wanted her to be happy. You’re jealous of her relationship with God… and Bob.

Ezekiel Love Bunny —  Ezekiel would like a hug. And another longer lingering one. Maybe a kiss? Hey, Ezekiel is just that kind of guy! Friendly! Would you begrudge someone FRIENDS? You’re so withholding. Can Ezekiel help it if people like him better than they like you? Maybe it’s because you’re so uptight. You should work on that. He’ll be sending you some scripture to meditate on while he’s out with his “friends.”

Amazing Grace — God saved a wretch like her. Was she stealing opiates from sick people? Did she lift your wallet? Well, that’s all in the past. Why won’t you put her on the finance committee? Are you going to hold those youthful embezzlement charges against her? That was THEN. Before God’s grace! Don’t you believe in Grace?

Willy We’re-All-Sinners! An emotional assassin whose weapon of choice is the false equivalency. Did Willy cheat? Well you don’t load the dishwasher right! We’re all sinners. Ye without sin cast the first stone. You make mistakes too and we’re all equal before the eyes of God. Did he mention how much you SUCK at loading the dishwasher? Because you do, but he was too much of a Christian to mention it before.

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  • Wait Chump Lady you forgot about this guy and his wife….Sam and Nia Rader…

    some serious Jesus Cheaters. This guy and his wife weap of Narc behaviour and so damn fake it is very much laughable at this point. He is so creepy and his wife will she is just as stupid as he is. Attention seekers as they come!!!!!

      • Hallelujah! He has been cleansed of his sin. His wife has forgiven him, God has forgiven him. BUT that is why Jesus died on the cross – so we can do whatever the fuck we want and ye haw now worries…..we will be forgiven!

        • “BUT that is why Jesus died on the cross – so we can do whatever the fuck we want and ye haw no worries…..we will be forgiven!”

          Talk about a false equivalency! This is X to a teeeeeeeee!

    • Where is this list?! Would be some good reading, for sure. Yeah, this couple. The one that went viral for the pregnancy test and miscarriage announcement videos. But don’t worry, he’s forgiven and he never actually met with anyone. Never cheated while they were married. (i noticed he said ‘married to’ not ‘with’. Did he cheat while they were dating and used a slip of the tongue to dodge it?)

      • Yes and he specified her, meaning he probably cheated on others. That’s what my x Jesus cheater did, always worded things to sound a certain way.

        • Oh yes – mine was good at that too. He never actually ‘lied,’ ya know. Just either didn’t tell you the whole story or left things out to make you think things were one way, which in actually they were another. Yep – manipulating pieces of shit.

    • Beth, yuck to the maximum on Sam and NIa. Some words that I think fit: justification, justification, justification, lying, and ignorance!

      • Ps, “it’s in the past, we won’t speak of it again, we are forgiven.” How disgusting and convenient!

        • Finally I understand. My stbx isnt all that bad after all. He was (is?) a member of: Truelove, Match, Zoosk, Ashley Madison…wait for it …and CHRISTIAN SINGLES! ! Its all good now. I feel he is saved, the man that never went to church does have a soul, he paid for a Christian Singles account that must be a good thing right?

            • I’ve heard there are lots of predators on Christian Mingle. I guess the think that they’ll find easy marks there.

              • By easy marks I mean honest people who are generous and giving. I saw one case on one of the court TV programs (my guilty pleasure) where some guy had taken thousands of dollars from a woman he met on there. Of course, she was foolish but he was a despicable ass.

    • These two are gag-inducing. That pregnancy/miscarriage fiasco was the start. Now he’s gone off at a vlogger conference and gotten himself kicked out. Nia is upset. He’s promised to stay off youtube for a whole 5-7 days while he regroups (i.e. figures out how to keep the cash cow going).

      These people are fucked up. Them naming the daughter Symphony was the first sign.

    • I’m embarrassed to admit how much of my precious time I’ve spent on these two over the past week. They are the personification of the narcissistic “anything to be famous” culture. I am fascinated by how many millions of people actually fell for their fakery. The way their five year-old lovingly gazes at the “viewers” and speaks to viewers like they’re family is sickening (not on her, on her parents for making that stupid video camera a fifth family member). That sweet innocent little girl is probably wondering where the viewers went while mom and dad take a break from “vlogging.” I smell a Lifetime movie about these two!!

      On a separate note – Tracy – nice quotes from you in an AP article about Ashley Madison!! How refreshing to see some clear-eyed balance in the mainstream media’s discussion about cheating. What a fantastic voice you are for Chumps everywhere!! Now YOU – YOU’RE doing God’s work, baby!!!!

      • I’m a member on a snark forum upon which Sam and Nia made the front page with their pregnancy stunt. The snarktacular comments have been pure comedy gold, and one of the greatest things on the interwebz last week (other than CL, of course).

        • May we know the name of said snarky forum? Sarcasm is my mother tongue, and since snark is its first cousin, I’d love to read something that’s in my damn language (other than CL, which perfectly satisfies both). I need to fuel the hatred tank, lest the sadness silo runneth over. I’m sick of sadness. No more sadness. Eff sadness!! I’m feeling more than a bit depressed this week. Must be the fact that my lying, narcissistic cheating ex-husband who abandoned me with our 1 and 2 year old babies just a year and a half ago just welcomed his brand new baby into the world yesterday with his affair partner/ex-stripper/horrific human being that lives to taunt me. So, yep. Got that goin’ for me. Mazel tov, jackass!

    • “My wife and I plan to move forward as normal with our vlog, as we will not allow Satan any foothold in our lives.” That’s right folks, wasn’t me it was (in my best Dana Carvey voice) SATAN! And now we have to keep Satan out of our lives. Might be easier without whores in your lives. Just saying.


    • I’ve never heard of these people before and couldn’t make it through this single video. “God’s forgiven me, so we’re not going to talk about it anymore,” and “We won’t allow Satan a foothold.”

      NEWSFLASH: Satan’s already firmly entrenched in your life, you idiot! Just who do you think you’re fooling?

      • Too me sounds like he has some Cluster A Personality Disorder issues especially if he “hear” or “knows” god forgiven him and of course of Cluster B Personality Disorder. I’m not sure how anyone knows if god has given oneself. I know it would freak me out if I had some voice in my head saying “Hey, you have been forgiven”.

        Then again maybe he thinks he is the next Messiah? He seems to give the impression that he is some gift to the world oh wait that is the Cluster B personality disorder tricks he is using. It’s been a long time since I read one of those new Messiah stories. Then again maybe his is the chosen one wait on second isn’t Josh Duggar also the new Messiah? Damn these new Messiah’s always seem to be popping up every few years and always gives me a great laugh.

  • Sacrificial Sally.

    She felt called by God to “repent” of making her marriage an idol. It must be sacrificed like Abraham being called to sacrifice Isaac. That’s why she is leaving and divorcing…pay no attention to the OM over there….

  • Gads. Major trigger for me. As if Nirvana could be reached via the MOWs rectum. I know why this affects me a lot. I was raised strict Roman Catholic by Italian immigrants. There are specific tenets to live your life by, to guide the believer in making the best life choices.

    I consider myself a spiritual person and a recovering Catholic. I personally can not accept the notion of being born a Sinner, and therefore have investigated many different kinds of organized religions- both Christian and non Christian based.

    So, what did the serial cheating MOW have to offer? Porn and scripture. Porn emails to plot out their next adventure and then God Squad-like evangelical scripture because asshat needs to let God into his heart and his dick into her orifices. The fact she attends Bible study and LEADS it makes me sick. All this religious hypocrisy.

    This is where I would like a Monty Python-like foot of God to just stomp these creeps out.

  • Yep, Josh Duggar’s “rehab” is likely just a work camp at which no significant psychological or medical treatment is provided. Apparently your character is transformed by hoeing beans and saying you’re better while other folks “lay hands” on you. What a sad and dangerous joke. THIS DUDE WAS ALREADY CAUGHT MOLESTING AT LEAST FIVE CHILDREN, WENT THROUGH SIMILAR TREATMENT, AND IT DIDN’T WORK. So of course now that he’s continued to show a lack of impulse control with regard to sex the responsible thing now is to repeat the same procedure? Makes as much sense as tits on a bull.

    Note to Josh’s “rehab” facility: keep female cows well away from that new Duggar kid.

    The daily (laughtable) schedule of “treatment” at such places is provided here:

    • I thought the “laying on of hands” is what got him in trouble in the first place?

      • I have trouble believing that Josh is the only Duggar, do’in it. The family situation is tortured at best and generally perverted at worst. Michelle always looks like she is in a trance, probably hopped up on Xanex. Actually, she has the same level of consciousness as a termite queen, which I believe is closer to her role than mother. All of us know, and Tempest can tell us more about secure attachment. I do not see how those babies get any better care from their mother than those babies in a Romanian orphanage, just better dressed. Given that, and given what is coming out about Jim Bob’s tyrannical reign of terror in that house. Things are twisted and no amount of Jesus, Amening and WTF’ing can change the fact that those children have been pawns in that house since the day, Jim Bob’s sperm united with Michelle’s egg. I can’t wait for 10 years to go buy, after this whole charade implodes and the kids, in need of money, start writing books about what it was really like growing up with a doormat and a psycopath. We are just beginning to see what a train wreck that family is… Josh is the oldest… there are many, many more to come.

        • And as my Italian immigrant grandmother used to say, Josh Duggar didn’t lick it off the grass. Meaning, there was and is probably a lot more wrong in that house than we know.

          • Kelly,

            There is a lot of new research that has been done (and in the process of being done) showing that Personality Disorders cause be caused by many potential factors ranging from genetics, parenting and peer influences. I know that the ex had all of these factors in his life. Also there are some great books that have been written to prove that these factors with the debate of Nature vs Nurture. Sandra Brown has a great book about this. I highly recommend it.

            • Thanks Beth, it is interesting once you remove yourself from the human tragedy aspect

    • Isn’t this essentially the same thing as life growing up in the Duggar home? Bible study and free labor, strict rules, eyes forward and heavy doses of shame, shame, shame.

      • But does Josh actually feel any shame? I don’t think so. He’s pretty narc-y about the whole thing. Anna seems to be feeling the shame/guilt for him.

          • Having been married to ‘sick sick sick’… I can say that we have got to turn the tables. We cannot permit the narcs to rule the world. We have to be bold in goodness. It is sad to think that I sold myself for naught. I hope that we take these lessons and change the patterns (wheelwork as Jeremiah calls it). This impenetrable fortress of wisdom will have an impact… it is written in the stars. If we are lucky enough to see bad, selfish patterns, we must break them & do what is right (even if that means hiding a few Christians in our homes and lying to the gestapo). The shit has not even hit the fan, yet. It is coming. Good God, it is coming.

            • // , “We cannot permit the narcs to rule the world.”?

              Look around you. What aspects of our society _don’t_ reward narcissism?

  • Had a good laugh today Tracy!

    As a former Minister’s Wife I have met these people and then some!

    You forgot the Chaplin/IC cheater Peter.
    You know …. He gives “guidance” to wayward spouses and does grief councelling and such.

    He also got fired from his last post for diddling somebody’s wife and blew up a couple of marriages in that church – but we ( insert denomination here ) are above that kind of judgement!!!!

    He would never do that to any of our members cause he was so sorry ( to get caught ).

    And Dick – you know Dick!
    He wants to get ordained but he has no money. He cannot really hold a job either because he is too special and needs not waste his time on ordinary pursuits – he was called to God!!

    Dick wants everyone to open their wallets and help send him to school to become a minister. And he wants you to pay a lot of attention to him because he is so noble as to get off the couch and consider this calling!

    Dick also is addicted to porn, makes small children and animals feel creepy and his personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired.

    He has a wife appliance at home who juggles her job and children plus all of the responsibilities that Dick just cannot seem to handle in his specialness.

    Dick wants you to consider his offer of paying for first term Theology. You would get extra God Points for this!

    • ‘Wife Appliance’ ?
      That’s a perfect description of the taken for granted wife, love it!

      • I actually thought of myself as the semen depository for a while. And the boss of shit stain mitigation.

        • ANC…LMAO. I was the mitgator of unfinished business. Felt like his freakin mother! Ah, that’s why he didnt ever come to bed, our relationship would have been incest!! OMG I have to play this pyschogical epiphany on him. I can hear him now ” yes you are right, you care for me so well I felt like you were my mother…so there you go that explains why I HAD to bang other woman!” He had too of course what was I thinking!!

          • That described me to a tee… here is the new washer and dryer, wife appliance and and my new HUGE tv, that I love the most, see we have NETFLIX. I told my kids that I was the ‘House Nword in our marriage. They were aghast that I used that word. They had never heard that word come from my mouth. I hate that word, I think it is so denigrating, I could never use it to describe another human, only to describe myself. The word ‘slave’ could be used, but it doesnt embody the level of denigration, betrayal and all of the worst connotations that the N word does. But it exactly describes how my XH viewed and treated me.

    • Hahah! A “wife appliance.”

      Ain’t that the truth. Personally, I think I was put into the sexless drone category when OW came into the picture (except when he wanted that one thing….) but I like the appliance reference.


    • “Wife appliance” Oh yes I love this. I am going to use that to refer to myself the next time I speak to stbx. “Dont worry if you havent had time stbx to take of family responsibilities your Wife Appliance has an extened warranty, shes got this!”:-) 🙂

      • I love the “Wife Appliance”

        This is a trigger for me as well. As the former appliance wife of a church elder who was sleeping his way through women in the congregation (and Craigslist, AFF, etc…). When the pastor was informed of this,
        with hard evidence, he did nothing (under the inference of “we can’t touch God’s anointed!”). I left hurt and disgusted. When I relocated, I was hearing lots of stories very similar to mine – regarding most denominations and non-denominational churches.
        Marriages and families gutted,
        hearts shattered because “Christian” spouses were cheating and their church decided to go the victim-blaming route because it offered less resistance. God forbid the Pastor should confront the cheater(s)! What a scandal it would cause – it might divide the church! It could cause a tear in the fabric of the Universe! Chaos and mayhem!

        I was told a very long time ago that churches aren’t perfect, and I never expected them to be, but – Seriously?

        If any place needs pathological education, religious institutions should be on the short list. The environment is perfect for Cluster B’s to thrive right now.

        I still believe in God, and I used to love church in my youth – and well into adulthood.

        My trust in the church is all but broken.

        • // , Anything, whether a person, an institution like a church, or a product, that demands respect simply for being what it is, instead of for what long term effects it really has, leaves the door wide open for narcissism.

          The medical institution, government, and the church have all gone too far down this road.

    • “Wife appliance,” that’s probably the best description of what my ex considered me that I’ve ever seen.

      • Glad,
        I am glad to see you on here. I cannot sleep. I am up fretting about how screwed up my family is. My mother has a heavy dose of immobility & my father has a heavy dose of denial. They have not changed in 28 years. Please tell me there is a Jewish blessing for that type of weird.

        • I guess they have a little badass in them. One works for Microsoft, one delivers pizza, one works for a bank, one works for the government, one is a lawyer, and one is married to a Swiss Bank Executive. (me///I got a new job that I will not tell anyone about…)

          • The one that helped me out the most in my expensive divorce is the one that delivers pizza.

            • oh, and they all still think that Ex is “not that bad of a person; I can see why he left you.”

    • Wife Appliance. I must remember that one. That’s what my ex expected. In fact, he wanted the ’50s version that stayed barefoot and pregnant and had dinner on the table at 6pm precisely when he walked in the door.

    • This one I recognize, Lucky. Unfortunately. I was stunned by both the temerity of his request to have his seminary fees covered by the church and their agreement to do so. I left the marriage. They continued their support (because his tales of abandonment were clearly more compelling than the truth I told to the one person who asked). But they wised up eventually. He attends another church now. And next year, it will be another. Churches don’t ask for references, so it seems particularly easy for this version of the narcissist to bounce from one institution to the next.

    • Wife appliance, yes, this one strikes a nerve.
      I used to say I was just the c*** that does the laundry, but this is so much more on point.
      Stupid asshole never appreciated any of it when we were together, and is probably still too fucking stupid to even realize what he’s missing.

  • Yup, my ex and the OW (he’s Mormon, she’s some kind of [fake] Christian) were studying the Bible together, discussing theology, and visiting each other’s churches, all while “ravaging” each other at her apartment.

    My reaction when I heard about the Bible study: “Maybe you should study the 7th Commandment.”

    At one point, she posted on her Facebook wall, “Just because you’re supposed to turn the other cheek doesn’t mean you turn it so far they can punch you in the face. The Gospel according to [Whore’s Name].”

    Um, no, that’s exactly what that verse means, actually, but I wanted to say, “Thou shalt not do the no-pants-dance with a married father of two. The Gospel according to Rarity. Oh, and GOD.”

    • Wow, really. Minimize the meaning of the Gospel, and completely disregard the Ten Commandments? They’ll use anything as an excuse.

      • Ha. Earlier he had an emotional affair with his ho-worker (different woman), driving her to and from work for 3 hours a day in the car my father bought us at our expense. I never consented to any of this. Eventually I put my foot down and told him to tell the ho-worker she has one more week and then the rides stop.

        At the end of that week, he told me he had prayed about it and God had told him not to stop the rides, so he was going to keep driving her around for 3 hours a day and I didn’t get a say in the matter. Yup, that’s right: he claimed God had personally signed off on his EA.

        Mormons call that “unrighteous dominion” (as if there were such a thing as “righteous dominion” in marriage). I call it “coercive, abusive, patriarchal bullshit.”

        He had also begun partying with this woman and their friends until 6:30 am on weekends. When I asked him to stop, he told me it was what Jesus would do, because he was their sober driver and was making sure they get home safe. Just unbelievable.

    • Asshat’s physician mother went through a churchy phase a couple of decades ago. She is a rich narcissist so she published a book called The Gospel According to MotherAsshat”. It reads like the crud edited out of a Chicken Soup book.

      Rarity, I like your commandment! LMAO

  • I’m all for folks having their religious beliefs and sticking to principles based on them, even if I think their beliefs are a little wonky.

    What does infuriate me is when my partner’s extended family, none of whom has been near a church in decades, chide us for “living in sin”. When one of them raised the issue at a family gathering recently, there followed a silence and I took my cue to comment: “hun, as soon as your son/brother/uncle pops the question, I will be glad to oblige” since partner is adamant he will never remarry after being chumped. (Likely neither will I). “In the meantime, would y’all prefer that I move back home?” … That put a stop to the comments, I hope, but the sting of misplaced religious hypocrisy made me lose my sense of humour temporarily.

    As for Jesus Cheaters, partner’s cheating ex wife was church secretary in a gospel hall!

  • Remember me: I discover my pastor was a cheater himself!
    I have learnt patience. I never went back to church. The karma bus does come around. In the precious name of GOD, I recently learnt he is no longer in the church. I really do not care why!

    Hugs to everyone and hang in there. Nothing lasts forever.

  • I don’t know if my exh is a Jesus cheater, but he did tell me that God was ok with his adultery.

    When it comes to forgiving people who have wronged you in ant way, I understand the message of forgiving. Forgiving is touted as being more for your benefit than for the benefit of the one(s) who have hurt you. Forgiveness frees you from a life of bitterness, hatred, and being stuck. When you forgive, you can move on. I can understand letting go of thoughts and feelings that keep a person from living their life in a meaningful, fulfilling way that leads him or her to happiness or contentment. But, people have it all wrong to release the person who injures, betrays, and hurts others from accountability. Unfortunately, counselors of all stripes persist in their ideas, communications, and teachings that an innocent person is at fault for their spouse’s adultery. Counselors will say that adultery is the choice of the adulterer, but will then tell you all the ways in which you made, or pushed, your spouse to cheat. Counselors love to bring up how your co-dependency helped pave the way for your spouse’s adultery. The commandment against adultery is the only commandment that counselors water down and ignore the severity of. This way of thinking is rife in all levels of society among all groups.

    Jesus cheaters can think they are forgiven and all is well all they want to. They still have to face God, though.

    • Any counselor who in any way implies a spouse was partly responsible for his/her cheater’s infidelity needs to be given the boot (or the Monty Python foot). Run & don’t look back.

      In fact, when you are interviewing therapists (individual or marital), ask them if they subscribe to the trauma model of infidelity & sexual addiction. If not, keep interviewing.

      • I have one question that I ask, it is like the Gold Standard for me.

        Under what circumstances is it OK to cheat on your spouse?

        If the answer is anything other than “none” that’s all I need to know.

  • My Ex and his then MOW bought God into their “special” sparkly Union too! I guess her Mommy is some sort of preacher and when my Ex wasn’t banging the shit out of MOW, they would go over to her condo and read the Bible together! Yuck! Then the whore texted me and told me that everytime they did the deed they would ask and receive Gods forgiveness! They were sooooo sorry, but it was something they just couldn’t help themselves from doing so therefore it just HAD to be God putting them to the test to be sure they were soul mates! It was then I knew that both of these nutters had jumped the track and my Ex had to go for good! I still think back on that little exchange between us and it’s surreal! This from a 50 something married woman and the whole time I was texting her my Ex was outside the bedroom door carrying on like a spoiled child! Yelling and crying that I was “ruining everything” for him! So I dialed her number and when she picked up I let her listen to him acting like an idiot and told her, ” listen to your lover boy!” Apparently she must find this case of 60 year old arrested development sexy because he is living with her now in Florida! I wonder if they still have Bible reading evenings with Momma preacher? The YUCK factor is overwhelming, but so is the comedy of it all! They still are not married, so I wonder if after they screw each other they get down on bended knees to ask and receive Gods forgiveness? Crazy people!

      • LadyStrange, yep, it was really, really special for me! That’s how my Ex and Schmoopie helped me and my adult kids and my grandkids celebrate a Thanksgiving visit at my daughters house! Yep, he was acting a damn fool in the wee hours of the morning in front of his whole family! It was super special! These Asshats don’t see anything wrong with these kinds of “displays” either! His adult children got to see how far out this over sexed, aging fool had come! My daughter-in-law relegated him to the basement of her home and wouldn’t let him near her family, then I had to drive home with this POS! Ahhhh, memories! Not much of a Kodak moment in that holiday! That’s why I now say if anyone gets the old ILYBINILWY speech or the I need time crap, just boot their ass out, put a bow on their head and leave these fucktards on the OW’s front porch! They’ll destroy ANYTHING to get what THEY want! Even you and your kids! Assholes all of them!

        • Well, that’s horrifying, but probably helped your kids accept the divorce… they couldn’t question your decision after seeing that. I hope.

          • Actually, Pucksmuse, I think what sealed the deal for my adult kids was during that same fiasco of a Thanksgiving, my Ex sat and told us all how much he was in “Twu wuv” with Schmoopie then started describing their extra special lovemaking and positions for the kiddies! Yeah! It was an incredibly barf-a-rific holiday! And it was as if he had no filter and didn’t realize or care that it was TMI to the nth degree! Seems he was just proving to everyone how much he “wuvs his Schmoopie!” Those moments are especially hard for me to get over! The lengths he would go to to humiliate me were boundless! And I had wasted 40 years of my life on him! WTF FOR?

            • OH GAG ME WITH A SPOON! If one of my parents (who are married to eachother) mentioned anything remotely about sex – I would barf.

            • The best thing is they moved away. I wish the loser would move far far away. That was his dream but he needs her income and she’s stringing him along.

        • Now I have to deal with the image of the fucktards with bows on their heads. But now it just got replaced with CL’s picture of the beribboned dick. I gotta go bleach my mind now.

          • LOL my first reading of beribboned is always Beri-boned… so appropriate here.

        • Roberta..yep Asshole Extremes!! The first time I filed for divorce I still let the asshole come home for the holidays. Boohoo felt sorry for him. He ruined Thanksgiving throwing temper tantrums and git wicked jealous I was delivering meals to the elderly before we jad our dinner. WTF its not like he had a major task to do while I was away. Play with kids and take the turkey out of the oven. Easy! Anyhow, I found out the whole weekend he was chatting, no sexting, a really freaky whore. Ah I understand now, it probably was frustrating playing board games with the kids, while repsponding to sext messages. Ugh, gross, disgusting, freakin asshole pervert!! Freakin weird!!

          • Asshole ruined every holiday. He was useless. I went through so many firsts without him and they were much happier occasions.

      • NotJuliet, I wish they were “stories”, but this shit happened before my very eyes and I was humiliated, horrified, slightly being driven insane and just bereft of any idea or clue as to what had happened after all the nearly idyllic years we had spent together? He met Schmoopie on FaceBook and BAM! The last 2 years of my marriage became a nightmare. And his bold little mistress was complicit in all of it! It’s a wonder I’m not dead or in a rubber room! Guess I am stronger than I ever imagined! And Thank God!

    • The disconnection from reality is terrible. They live in another world, where nothing counts but the dirty secret relationship, so much that the poor spouse is expected to cooperate ! They are used to seeing their life partner help them get what they want all the time in different areas, so they expect the same thing when they want a date / some strange sex. Crazy. Eeeeewwwww

      • Exactly ChumpfF, all their good sense goes right out the window! They do the unimaginable to get their way and they will not, they refuse, to listen to any reason at all!

      • CFF “They are used to seeing their life partner help them get what they want all the time in different areas, so they expect the same thing when they want a date / some strange sex. Crazy. Eeeeewwwww” I experienced this. When OW left x, after only 5 months of bliss, he calls me and wants sympathy from me. I didn’t speak to him, he left me a sad sausage message and finally at the end he says “I don’t know why I called, you don’t even care”. You’re damn right I don’t care, I was rejoicing at his pain and confusion, you know kind of the way he was when I found out about the twu luv of his life.

      • You’ve nailed it Chump from F!

        I was just supposed to be okay with it and bow out with happiness and friendship (and none of his pension).

  • If we’re going to pass out awards for religion netting, I nominate Mark Sanford. After getting caught he wore out the words Bible and God. Icing on the cake for my nominee…..he and his Argentine lover shared Bible verses while he cheated on his wife and four sons……….and…….God chose that path for him in order to make him a better person.

  • Yep, my ex and his schmoopie were the poster children for Jesus cheaters. He was a youth elder and leader in our church – setting himself up as a moral example to both teens and their parents of loving fatherhood – who walked away from two teenage sons without a backward glance to find his bliss inside the OW. His emails to me after he left always included a scripture verse – and he was very fond of telling me that “God has forgiven me so you need to let go of your bitterness and anger since that means you are not a good Christian (like me…).” Yep, all the “good Christians” I know abandon their wives of 20 years and leave their children heartbroken and confused while they ride off into the sunset with another woman. Funny thing though – three years later I am happy and in a loving relationship with a good, honest, kind and caring man. I am living in a beautiful, spacious home (had to sell the marital home to pay off debt but found a place even nicer to rent!!) and have received several promotions at work which have enabled me to comfortably pay bills and help my oldest with college. My ex and the schmoopie?? Married and living in a TINY two bedroom apartment with her oldest son who is transitioning to female and his/her girlfriend + her younger daughter who comes and goes depending on her mental health status (she has tried to commit suicide twice in 6 months and ran away from her last psychiatric treatment facility). Both my sons refuse to stay with him at his apartment because of the crazy dysfunctional dynamic. Yep, God is blessing them both for being such faithful believers….

    • Good for you! It really is true that we GAIN a life! A Chump here said to take all the love and concern you’ve been giving to Cheater, and give it to yourself! This has worked for me, and even though it felt strange to do it, I have slowly made it a daily habit. Radical Self-care. I’m healthier, I feel free to persue my interests, my job is rockin along, more money, etc. My life has steadily improved in every way, now that he’s far away from me, and it feels pretty good! How badly he’s doing? Not my circus, and guess what? He might learn what ‘consequences’ are (but he probably won’t).

  • Nothing triggers my “slap the taste of your mouth” response faster than someone telling me they prayed over something, so any questions or logic or arguments I have are INVALID and in fact, a sin, because I’m being so arrogant to question God.

    Also, you forgot ON FIRE Fred. Fred arrives on the scene ON FIRE for the LORD, so ON FIRE, in fact that he wants to take over programs and events, and wouldn’t you know it, the Women’s Bible Study program! In fact, he even sets up an unofficial office in his home to counsel the women in the Bible Study program, because, after all, he’s so ON FIRE that he’s practically a member of the ministerial staff. And how could you question a good family man whose wife stares at him in such adoration while he screams how ON FIRE he is for the LORD?

    If you do, you’re just JEALOUS because other people are always jealous when God grants such Divine Fire to others. If you point out that ON FIRE Fred has made you uncomfortable, cornering you in an empty Sunday School room, asking about your married life and whether you’re happy at home, well that just shows how badly you misunderstand his intentions and how suspicious and dirty-minded YOU are.

    Wait, suddenly Fred’s wife has stopped talking to her closest friend and church, is telling everybody that the friend is a liar and a Jezebel? Wait, former friend is telling others that Fred tried to kiss and fondle her when she was visiting his wife? And other women are coming forward with similar stories? Wait, you say ON FIRE Fred has joined and then quickly left two churches in the last year? Six churches in the last four years?

    But he was so ON FIRE…

  • I had an affair with a man, it didn’t last long. I then went on to have oral sex with multiple others.
    Why? I was curious, it had nothing to do with you. How did I hide it for 8 yrs I just compartmentalised it.
    What? your saying our marriage is over? No it’s not you just think it is.
    I have issues to work on and so do you. I said I would take full responsibility but that was when I expected that you would keep your mouth shut, but you didn’t, so I’m not.
    Besides it was only oral sex after the affair so it was only physical not intimate.
    It’s been months since my confession why can’t I come home? It’s not my fault I was possessed by an unclean sexual spirit, I’ve been delivered, your spiritual you’ll buy that won’t you?
    No? still not budging. Well fuck you! Your not the boss of me I’ll show you, what I did was not the problem it’s how you reacted to it. I don’t need your forgiveness I got it from God and church that’s all that matters.

    I’m glad you have your false sense of religious entitlement, because you no longer have me and by your own action you have lost your eldest child and the younger two are not far behind. I’m not stupid and neither is God. I can’t speak for the woman you’ve convinced that your the victim in all of this. That you went from being under disciplinary action to bein back in ministry in less that twelve months with no interaction with a qualified mental health practitioner is a joke. But I rejoice the joke is no longer on me.

    • I’m not stupid and neither is God.

      Love that, Thankful. I too rejoice that I am no longer the victim in his vicious little games.

  • Nicole, don’t you just love it when the Karma bus arrives for these idiots? My Ex moved in with Schmoopie and less than two months later was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Now she spends her days wiping his butt, worrying about paying my alimony and calling my adult children to try to get them to help out with Daddy Dearest! My kids usually just hang up after reminding her that he left me and I went through two operations for Lung cancer! He told my kids, “you’ll have to handle this!” Well, Schmoopie, sorry! You’ll have to handle this! BOOYAH!

  • Oh and did I mention Schmoopie Sweetie…..I’ll pray for you and Daddy Dearest! Hope that helps? PRAISE THE LORD!

  • I got “you and the kids are so good, you are my gifts to the Church, I can set you on the alter and go try to convert OW” (who was some eastern religion I forget which. The ONLY gift I know that he bought her was a book on Catholicism and he asked me which one to buy for a “friend”).

    He spoke to soon though. Our son was HS/college age and found evidence of the affair…later left his babymomma saying “I might just end up cheating mike my dad so Im leaving you now” so thinking that son was in the “win” column (secondary to his great fathering) was premature.

    He was really pissed that the Church wouldn’t let him have a quickle divorce and remarriage. We live in a state with long protracted divorces and a diocese with long protracted annulments…it would have been YEARS and OWs biological clock was alarming…what a dilemma.

    He rationalized his poor spousal actions on the fact that I “forced” him to marry against his will, so much so that his reluctance that day was bad enough that he never “gave full consent” in the actual moments that our Sacramental Union was supposedly taking place thus we were never “actually” married, our union was invalid.

    When we became engaged, we lived in different states, I had a job, apt, car of my own. I was neither pregnant nor suicidal …I simply told him that if we didnt move forward in life together that I would find someone more interested in me than he was. No wonder the poor dear couldnt handle this intense pressure I subjected him to…and he was a badass Marine. A 110 pound nurse telling him to “dude, shit or get off the pot” was more than he could bear.

    So whenever the stresses of life came into our marriage (frequently, since the world had no respect for his specialness…can you IMAGINE he was expected to do stuff like mow the lawn and file tax returns !!!) he told me that he didnt have to do ANY of it because he never wanted ANY of this life and his vow was “invalid” because he gave no “consent”…”even my friends knew it, they will testify for me!”.

    Deep into our wreckonciliation, I begged him to renew or vows and make them real and valid. We were ostensibly living a real, valid Catholic (go to Church every week) marriage. He told me he would do it at our 25th anniversary so I waited (and agonized) for 6 years. Just before the date, he changed his mind and refused. I literally groveled and he held firm. He did say that if he got a fatal diagnosis, he would reconsider. He was NOT going to give up his “get out of jail free” card. So spiritually speaking, we were “shacking up”.

    He never did get that “fatal diagnosis”…God didn’t give him a warning, he dropped over in an instant.

    I prayed for YEARS that he would go down to our local Catholic Church in the country and speak those affirming words and let me hear them and he never did. If he didn’t mean them, I guess Im glad now that he didn’t speak them.

    Colonel Faithfulgoodguy and I were married Lutheran a few weeks ago and in 2 weeks were going to go to that very Catholic Church in the country and say those very words, so in the end I got what I prayed for…a loving kind husband and a Catholic marriage…
    it just has nothing to do with Major Cheaterpants <—newbies take note

    • Unicornnomore, sounds eerily similar to my life and run up to my marriage with my “tarnished Marine!” I’m betting you are in the Arlington diocese in Va. Judging from your description of the church’s heavy handed, by the book rules! Been there, done that!
      Anyways, I too was well on my way to living an independent life and Mr. wonderful wanted to on again, off again our relationship. Finally told him that I expected a commitment or I would “get over” him and live a good life. I had to hold his feet to the fire to get him to commit! I should have recognized that for the red flag it was! Damn!

      • “I’m betting you are in the Arlington diocese in Va. ” ding ding ding we have a winner. The diocese with Q town right in the middle of it. I admire the Church for not waffling when starstruck lovers fling themselves at the Church begging to be let out of their earlier “ill-advised” vows to make a real new life with Schmoopies. I do recognize the need to quickly administer people out of abusive marriages with disordered people and I dont envy them the task of telling one of those things from another,

        And your former H is dying…yes bizarre similarities. His schmoopie can take some CNA courses if she needs some extra skill there at the end.

        • Unicornnomore, you must be clairvoyant! His little Schmoopie has already completed the CNA course in Florida! Apparently she WAS an interior decorator on Linked In with no formal training! I suppose she couldn’t find anyone who wanted their home to look like the interior of a hotel. So shortly after her divorce she started this course and now little Florence Nightengale is touting herself as the best little caretaker of the aging population of Jax, Fl. She’s a joke! Far as I know, she hasn’t had a REAL job in years!
          I’m willing to bet that your deceased husband and my Ex probably knew each other because of your description of his job in the military!
          The Arlington Diocese…. Spent years under their “iron fist” as a member and volunteer! Aren’t they fun?
          Concerning my Ex and his Twu wuv….she wanted him soooo bad, NOW she can have him! It’s poetic justice!
          I hope one day we could sit down for coffee if you still reside in that area. My adult kids still live in Va. I intend to move there soon!
          The simarities in our situations are eerie, but then again these cheaters aren’t too original either!! Ha! Ha! Ha!

  • And then, Studly Steve, he just can’t help himself, you see, he’s just such a LOVING man. His family is a long-established church pillar and his goodness cannot be questioned. He lays on hands and heals, you see, and his special gift only seems to work with women. He targets them, one by one, love-bombing with special attention and the power of his prayers. He can help them reach greater faith and understanding, you see, and if they get physical, that’s just the Spirit moving them.

    And his long-suffering wife assures everybody that they’re “just friends” and she’s not bothered by Steve’s leaving church after services with his new lady friend and having Sunday lunches, Wednesday dinners, etc. at her house, because they’re just friends and why she would be upset over him making friends?

    Steve slowly works his way through most of the new female members of the church over the years. His special lady friends end up leaving church after he dumps them, because he lets them know how they have disappointed him spiritually, by leading him to sin. The pastor ignores the behavior, because he can’t act on gossip, he says. And then Studly Steve and his newest conquest are caught inflagrante in one of the church storage rooms. The pastor tells Steve he can’t behave that way in church and advises him to go to counseling. Steve is highly offended, tells his large family about how the pastor drew the wrong conclusions and “insulted” Steve. The entire family leaves the church – Steve, his wife, his parents, brothers, sisters, their spouses and children.

    While most of the older members are highly upset to lose such a long established family, the newer members who have seen the pathology play out – not that broken up over it.

  • There’s a Jewish teaching that says those who hold up the religion card to justify their perversions/cruelty are especially despicable.
    This is something all these religious narcissists have in common, no matter what religion.
    My narc husband the Rabbi and my sister the holy tramp would study religious texts together and he would frequently comment on her brilliance.
    Yes it is brilliant indeed to live in your sisters home, be wined and dined, loved, supported and counseled by your unsuspecting chump sister all the whilst fucking her husband.
    Both continue to pretend to be super devout years later. It also helps that my family has forgiven her and his family has forgiven him. Lol. I’ve heard it all: ex: it’s between them and God (didn’t know I was God haha) and we all sin etc etc. You are so right, as a God believing person myself I absolutely agree that the one’s who commit these crimes and the one’s who add to the carnage or play Switzerland in the aftermath – all in the name of religion – are the most vile and disordered there can ever be.

    • Ouch Chumpqueen, you got a double/triple betrayal…what a suckfest. Im guessing when you raised concerns you were chastised mightily for questioning their virtue. That must have been otherworldly awful. I hope your life is great now.

      • Oh I was told it was all my fault by my mom, and a sister told me I had functioned as the mistress of the brothel luring innocents in to get close to him. The ex sister whore blamed me for neglecting him – she was his saving grace you know. Never mind that we had a wonderful marriage including a passionate sex life all while this was going on in my home. What gets to me is how much they flaunt their religion and seriously believe their own righteousness. This has shown me so much ugliness underneath the cloak of religion.

    • That’s HORRIBLE, Chump Queen. I hope a very large, heavy, Torah falls on their heads. What’s with the family affair partners? UGH.

        • Chumpqueen-apolgies if my remark was glib-I had a similar experience, and it just means a few different shades of brown are in our shit sandwiches. Which we can choose not to eat.


          • No worries Meh! Sorry you were in a similar boat. Maybe for people like us divorce just becomes an easier decision. I for one already lost everything people typically loose in a divorce (family, relationships, friends etc etc) so what do we even gain by staying, right?

            • Queen, you are so right. What is there to gain by staying? Anxiety everyday, fear and more fear that its a real possibility a thong that doesnt belong to you will be found under the back seat of the family van. And staying would gain a decade of therapy. I think not, I am saving that co-pay every week and I am going to travel!! Someplace peaceful. All by myself:-) See if I stayed with that POS I wouldn’t have goals or dreams that could actually come fruition, he is a dream wrecker. …duh!!!

              Stay strong Queen….you are a mighty-queen:-)

      • Hi CL! Well the Torah actually has an even better way to deal with them: stone the adulterer and adulteress! Ha! No need to desecrate sacred books by having it touch these parasites. Maybe we just need to serve these ‘holy’ people with the suggested treatment in the very books they love to flaunt to cover up for their insanity.

        • Chump queen,

          Geez, you and I had the same with our families and yes even my friends. They all took ex’s side with the divorce. They all knew he cheated time and time again.

          In fact, during the divorce some of my family would call him and tell him in great detail what I was up to. Then I would get a phone call from him yelling and screaming at me and questioning what I was doing. I knew pretty fast that my so called family was in contact with the ex. Even years later since the divorce my so called family are in contact with him and the ow that he married and has kids with. I have been in no contact with them for years. Really the day I had the phone call with the ex questioning my behaviour and he was the one cheating and we were no longer together and in the middle of the divorce that is when I started the no contact with my family. Shit the ex even got engaged with the OW about 2 months after filling for divorce and we still have several months until the final paperwork was settled.

          Now the funny thing to this story the ex never liked any of my family and friends. Also I swear to this day that my step-mum was in love with the ex. The way she would act around him and touching him and flirting with him right in front of my father and even me! Sick woman! Even when I left the ex I can recall my step-mother saying to me that she was upset that she would not be getting any more phone calls from the ex. The real mental thing also is that ex would always tell me he didn’t like her at all and she gave him the creeps. Now also you would think she would be more understanding because her 1st husband and my father cheated on her many times. So her senThen the stuff the ex would say about my brother from being stupid, gullible, a flake head and so on. There were many comments about other family members of mine and even his family he said really hurtful and damaging comments around them. Also my friends. He had pure hate for everyone. I could never understand how two face he was with people and with me also. Oh yes, his family was the same like him. Also my family was very two faced. Also my family’s (and friend’s) sensitivity chip is missing.

          Well they can have each other!!!!!! Since going no contact with the ex and the rest of his “followers” my life has been so peaceful. Yes, it has been very painful to know that my family and the ex are in contact with each other. It took me years to fully understand why. I never in my life could do that to someone I know or even I don’t know. My healing process and full understanding why all these people were doing what they were doing is when I started learning about Personality Disorders and then I found a wonderful radio blog that goes into great about Cluster B Personality Disorders relationship cycles. I’ll give you the link and maybe it can help you out also. I do recommend everyone to listen to it. Also the book that Sandra Brown wrote. Here is the link:

          I fully understand the pain you are dealing with and sending you many hugs. So many of us have experience the same with these disordered monsters. All of them are just trash.

          • Oh yes I must add him, his Schmoopie and my family/friends (and his family/friends) are weekly church goers…..Gotta love these righteous people………Praise the lord indeed.

      • Beach will not be enough. Nothing will be enough to make yourself feel clean after dealing with these sickos! That’s how I felt many years after leaving the ex.

        • I’m with you Beth! I don’t think even sandblasting would help me feel clean after my marriage with my perverse ex.

  • I got the following Jesus Cheater justifications:(after all we had only been married 20yrs)

    It’s not cheating because we aren’t really married, when we took our vow his heart wasn’t into it.
    God approves of what he is doing because he is just fixing the biggest mistake of his life.
    It was meant to be God’s plan to find his soulmate, whom he never met in person and couldn’t speak English.
    When he saw her face he fell in love with her and knew he had to marry, the one that he had been waiting his whole life for God to send.
    God has already forgiven him and wants him to be happy, and if I truly loved him then I would want him to be happy too.
    His soulmate is willing to convert from Buddhism to Christian so that they can have a holy marriage.

    …. and drum roll please…. MARRYING ME WAS A SIN. This particular one felt like someone shot a cannon ball through my heart and my mind felt like it was exploding from the incomprehensible insanity of realizing that maybe he was right! He will have to answer to God for making a mockery of marriage.

    I told him that I didn’t know what God he was praying to or which Bible he was using but that it certainly isn’t the same one I believe in.
    I knew it was over, that he was indeed delusional, and that he was losing his own soul, and was a hypocrite. To this day there has been no heartfelt apology, no repentance, no asking for forgiveness and he has supposedly become a born again Christian attending church, preaching the bible, and yet to create a holy union.

    • Oh SW, I feel your pain !! I had prayed for YEARS that my husband would quit being so mean and cranky and see me as the blessing I was…when he found his capacity to be decent and gave it to OW telling me “She is a great blessing” I seriously thought it would KILL ME…yes cannonball through my heart. It would have hurt less to be run over by a truck.

    • Spiritwoman, sounds like your ex and his skank are channelling Satan to me. Very sick.

    • Spiritwoman–I’m sorry for your pain, which I know is immense. The best thing to do is put those appalling statements into perspective–they came from a nutter. I once saw a video of a schizophrenic with vivid hallucinations trying to describe principles of physics which made no sense. I didn’t think–“Wow! I have to learn this new physics!!” No, I looked at the source and discounted the information. Your X is a loon with the reasoning abilities of a 3 year old–he will come up with any justification to take what he wants, including revisionist history. The difference is that the 3 year old will grow out of that reasoning, cheating nutter–not so much.

      • I would agree. He sounds like one the Clutter B/ BPD. God wants you to be happy too – spiritwoman. Hugs.

        • Spiritwoman, What Tempest wrote is very true. Many hugs to you. These PD individuals are devils pure evil. I am so sorry you had to deal with such pain. Just know we are here for you. Sending you many hugs.

      • “I once saw a video of a schizophrenic with vivid hallucinations trying to describe principles of physics which made no sense.”

        Exactly Tempest, these freaks are off their rockers.

        • And don’t forget- they think they should be in charge of EVERYTHING in the family. Yeah, right, I’ll let you steer our ship, you nutbag! I spent so much time mopping up messes!

    • How the bloody fuck does he know she’s a soulmate if she doesn’t speak English and they can’t communicate with each other?
      Oh wait, I forgot – soulmates are defined as how often and how far your dick can be shoved in her mouth, according to him, most likely. What a fuckwad.

  • You forgot one: Christbearer Chris- those individuals who think being named after a deity or having a name evoking an image of a deity proves their holiness and thus justifies their actions. They go through their entire lives relying on their parents religiosity in order to explain away their behavior. They are saved and sanctified because their mothers named them after deities; ergo, they can cheat and not bother to repent; make amends; or be held accountable. With a name like “Chris” they’ve already been forgiven.

    • euw…I feel like I just stepped barefooted into poop after reading that

      • Isn’t funny how there is a John the Baptist and Evangelist, but also that that name is used for any prostitute’s client?

    • Well, my newest puppy is named Apollo. And he is sort of awesome and godlike. And he’s a hell of a lot more faithful and loving. Geez, I think that theory must only work for dogs!

      • My cat is named Johhny Cash. I’m hoping one day she’ll shoot my ex, just to watch him die….

  • Stbx wants us to stay together for the Pope. No, really. We received a papal blessing at our wedding from Pope John Paul II, and he takes that and his vows very seriously. There are no words to describe the twisted logic of a cheater.

    • I’m pretty sure the new “Take No Prisoners” Pope would think you need to stay with jackass.

      • Sorry!! That he would NOT think you had to stay with jackass. This new Pope doesn’t take excuses.

        • Spot on Tempest! Here’s
          a quote from
          “Take No Prisoners” Pope Francis:

          “You know what I think about this? Heads of the Church have often been narcissists, flattered and thrilled by their courtiers.”

  • Haven’t been to church since DDay, Not sure if I will go back.
    DM helps me realize it’s the people, not God, but still I don’t want to deal with all those people who thing my ex-HasBeen is soooo wonderful. They can keep him.

  • When the Jesus cheaters start blaming and shaming just take a page from Elisha, drop a God curse and let the Bears tear em to bits.

  • AllOutofKibble, I know what you are talking about! Don’t you just want to puke your guts out when people tell you “how wonderful” your Ex is? If they only knew the monster lurking so close to their vulnerable hearts! It’s awful listening to these unsuspecting folks sing his praises!

  • The church is full of “plants” or false Christians that are designed to help create doubts and create trouble.

  • Man, this makes me goad to be an atheist! Doesn’t mean I don’t have morals, though. Here’s one for Mrs Duggar (a POW in my book).

    “God may forgive you, but I don’t”

    love to Chump Nation!

    • Thanks for the reference, Mehphista! Found the lyrics, and they match my thinking exactly!

      You say that you’re born again
      cleansed of your former sins
      You want me to say “I forgive and forget”
      But you’ve done too much to me
      Don’t you be touching me,
      go back and touch all those women you’ve made

      ’cause God may forgive you, but I won’t
      Yes, Jesus loves you, but I don’t
      They don’t have to live with you and neither do I
      You say that you’re born again, well so am I
      God may forgive you, but I won’t
      and I won’t even try

      Well, the kids had to cry for you
      I had to try to do
      things that the Dad should do
      since you’ve been gone
      Well, you really let us down
      You may be Heaven ‘bound
      but you’ve left one hell of a mess here at home


      and I won’t even try

      Read more: Iris Dement – God May Forgive You (But I Won’t) Lyrics | MetroLyrics

  • Mehphista, AMEN! These assholes take the Bible and the Ten Commandments and twist them into a giant pretzel! I just have no idea how they can believe their shit much less verbalize it to people and expect them to say, “oh yeah, now I see your point!” Seriously? Geez, it’s one big mind fuck!

    • Sometimes I think that the cheaters use the 10 Commandments as a checklist. Adultery, leave out the Thou Shall Not part, check. Covet thy neighbors wife, leave out the Thou Shall Not part again, check. I think that once your cheater starts looking at the 10 Commandments as the 10 suggestions, its time to bail. Major red flags everywhere.

    • Yes Roberta! My SP ex would get up in the middle of the night with his iPad to “read some scripture” in the living room (so as not to disturb me, according to him). I thought he was being so thoughtful in the beginning, until I discovered he was interjecting scripture reading with sexting to his schmoopie(s).

  • Yep. Ironically, as a European History student/prof, I tend to find I know more about scripture and canon law than many Christians. DM is a true spiritual and moral scholar, in my book, because he is not hidebound. Jimmy Carter’s recent quote nails it-the exaltation of women is just as present in holy scripture of every flavor as subjugation, but guess what-many ‘spiritual leaders’ are predatory narcissists. Even in being raised Quaker, it was clear some friends were more equal than others. I developed my allergy to hypocrisy around then.

    I got some JWs at the door the other day. I said, ‘Thank you kindly, no. I don’t appreciate doorstep proselytising.” They asked what it meant-I pointed out that you probably shouldn’t do what you can’t spell…..

    • At least the JWs side with the chumps when it comes to cheating. Adultery is a huge no-no. They “disfellowship” aka cast out the cheater (at least for awhile), as they should, and encourage the chump to divorce.

      • I learn something every day, here!

        My ex didn’t need to evoke God. He is God. Of his own little universe.

        • Mehphista…wow you were graced to live with a god too!! Ah thats why mine didn’t need church he had his wife appliance (LOL I love that) and his kids and other woman and their kids to worship him. Well crap – whats next? Oh ya thats right, give him all your finances so he can build his kingdom of shit!

          • Lord High Mr Fab, Emperor of his own imagination, and his consort, Her Janky Flatulence, Ms Downgrade. Cower at their Majesty!!!!!!!!

            LOL. Cheaters tend to be a legend in their own lunchtimes. Our world is SOOOOOO much bigger, so much better.


    • When the LDS missionaries come to the door I point our that I disagree with proselytizing as it is ethnocentric, and I believe in cultural relativism.
      I think they got the message, as they stopped coming

  • Apparently, I was married to Martyr Martha. He was a pastor who did lose his standing in his denomination (unfairly according to him, he blames it all on the person who reported him). Oh, and the OW, she is Chaplain/Cheater Peter. She is also a pastor and when she got called on her behavior she said, “I was just trying to get the two of you to talk to one another.” She got a slap on the wrist (she is a member of the same denomination) and has gone on to serve another church. Ex goes to visit her at her new church and stays with her at her house – he started this before the divorce was even final. But I’M not allowed to have those “vile and disgusting” thoughts, their behavior is exemplary! By the way, she divorced her husband so that she could have the freedom to find another.

    • Sanctimonious Sara. Doesn’t matter what she is caught doing, she is simply more pure in heart and mind than us mere mortals. Has an excuse for every type of disordered conduct. And, of course being “poor as a church mouse,” deserves to live the life of a queen. Not so poor that she can’t afford to wear designer clothes when she preaches to the street folks on Sunday, so long as she continues to get recognition in the church bulletin. Brags about talking in tongues on her way to work, but sees no need to tell her husband that she is screwing her married boss. Views homosexuality and abortion as mortal sins, but adultery, not so much. (But then, she’s not perfect, just forgiven). Bounces from church to church looking for her next victim, but can’t understand why she isn’t welcome with open arms. Especially by those darn women; oh well, they’re just jealous of her close relationship with our Lord.

  • Off topic: So you all know Biderman’s been forced out of Ashley Madison, right? /smirk.

  • My XH was a Jesus cheater – spoke in tongues, prayed earnestly with the children, went to church religiously – the whole 9 yards. He also loved porn, prostitutes and Ashley Madison would have been too mainstream for him, he loved the really nasty hook up sites.

    He did admit to breaking his marriage vows of faithfulness but apparently he said, I broke every other vow and so we were even. If only I would forgive him we could start our second marriage. The problem wasn’t his behaviour but my lack of forgiveness and inability to get over it.

    But there are some good churches out there with knowledgeable leaders. Mine backed me to the hilt and provided endless support.

  • Absolutely…I wonder sometimes if some the whacko therapist I went to were cheaters themselves! Ironically one of my stbxs hook up gals was a MARRIAGE COUNCELOR! I kid you not! She is on my whore list!! What a piece of hypocrisy shit!!

    Run like hell chumps if ANY therapist mindfucks you with “well your spouse may have been missing something from you while you were nurturing children, it happens!” Ya he was missing, MIA lost in find an Fbuddy land!!

    Run from anyone that blames YOU!!

  • Turns out I married Deacon Dan/Elder Ed. So involved in the church, devoted Sunday School teacher of 4th and 5th graders, and good friends with our minister. This was all a clever cover for the cheating, sex pervert that he really is. But he cheated with his Sunday school teaching partner so that makes it OK because why else would God put her in his life.

    This is a special, evil, messed up cheater who uses their religion to make things ok. My Christian faith is genuinely a very, very important part of my life and I would never use it to excuse my bad behavior. The New Testament does push love and forgiveness but it also pushes accountability and repentance and recognizing fake Christians. An unrepentant cheater is not a Christian. It really is that simple. Thank you CL for writing about this!!!

    • NS, this exactly. “The New Testament does push love and forgiveness but it also pushes accountability and repentance and recognizing fake Christians. An unrepentant cheater is not a Christian. It really is that simple.”

      There was a reading at our church recently that said, “wives must submit to their husbands”. That’s about as far as most people get, what they remember the most. They unfortunately and conveniently forget the rest of that paragraph in the Bible. It also says that the husband must be like Christ. Not the Christ that they may have in their stupid and limited minds. but the Christ that was righteous. Cheaters love to cheat, lie and steal time and resources from their spouses. I’m pretty damn sure that that is not what the Bible states that Christ did because the rest of that passage states that not only must the husband be like Christ and love his bride like Christ loves the church but that the husband MUST love his bride the same way that he would love his own body, mind and soul. Every one of the stories on this site, male and female chump alike, could not say with conviction that their spouse loved them like Christ loves the church. Ugggh I seriously can’t stand the way that people twist the Bible and Christ to suit their strange and perverse ways. There should be lightening bolts for them. That would have surely shown us chumps that it was ok to throw in the towel, divorce and get away from the cheaters, who could be married to a pile of ash?

      • Yes DeeL! I say this to people all of the time. Yes, wives submit to your husband (submit means respect in this context btw) but that is only applicable when husbands love their wives like Christ loves the church. It isn’t just a wives submit to your husbands no matter what.

        I had a Christian friend post on Facebook yesterday that none of should judge Josh Duggar because Jesus us told us not to cast the first stone unless we are sinless. Yeah… I commented that Jesus also said that an unrepentant adulterer would never make it into the kingdom of heaven. There really is a huge amount of people out there that think these cheating “Christians” just made a little mistake and we should all for get. No, 99% of cheaters are disordered, evil creeps that try to hi1de behind their religion. And the whole “don’t judge” thing is not used properly in these cases. Ugh

        • Josh Duggar molested his sisters, when they were minors. Why does he get a pass for pedophilia and incest? When did Jesus ever say that was okay?

          • Exactly Tempest and Anita! We had that discussion on Facebook as well and they said they hadn’t heard that Josh had molested his sisters. Guess they’ve been living under a rock. Obviously, Josh has shown a pattern of sexually deviant behavior. Next thing we will hear is that Josh has been arrested for rape and his sappy family will act like it is a huge mystery to them. Ick.

        • It has been my observation that far too many Christians tend to resemble the scribes and Pharisees – outwardly pious while inwardly corrupt. Being a Christian does not mean doing away with common sense and reason. It also doesn’t mean cherry picking portions of bible passages in order to lend God’s support for delusional and/or aberrant behavior. Let us look at the judging without casting the first stone. The rest of that passage where he forgives Mary tells her she needs to go and sin no more. He did not say “I forgive you, now go ahead and keep the whoring going.” Mary Magdalene transformed and stopped sinning. She gave up adultery and any adulterous partners. Continuing to knowingly and deliberately “sin” is not the path to remorse nor forgiveness. God does not relieve people of accountability. Forgiveness is tied to remorse and change.

          As CL and people on this site remind us (particularly Nomar) words have meanings – they are tethered to definitions. You can love people and not have a relationship with them – or you cannot have any feelings for them nor opinion regarding them. Josh Duggar, for whatever reason, is hard-wired for deceit and sexual deviancy. That’s not judgment – that is expressing an intelligent opinion based on observation of currently known facts.

          Belief in God and using your brain do not have to be mutually exclusive activities – unless you want them to be.

      • I heard that crap all the time: “the Bible says that you should be a submissive wife”. For his own covenience, he always forgot the rest of the Bible verse. Religion was used when it was convenient and to Mindf**k me. My POS H is the Great Pretender and goes to Mass every Sunday now. But I was the one who insisted our kids attend Catholic school and that we should go to Church as a family. I’m glad I have been “no contact” for the past year and I don’t play into the BS anymore. I won’t forgive and I won’t forget. That’s something a Higher Power than me can do. I hope ALL cheaters rot in hell.

  • Never forget this guy…

    Burford Businessman – He figures that as long as he gives enough money to God, his behavior doesn’t matter. It’s okay if he goes “running” with Caroline every Sunday morning and then sleeps through church. He’s got the 5 kids for props, a 1950s model wife appliance, and a sterling reputation as a “fine, Christian businessman.”

  • They are all sickening and they all have their own special costume they wear! We and the kids and the nice house end up being their “cover” for years! I’m done with it all, Thank God! In his mercy for me I got my divorce and I don’t have to deal with the garbage he actually is and the trash he is living with now!

  • I wonder if Mrs. Biederman’s emails will get hacked. She’s an employee and as sleazy as he is. Sex is a commodity to these people, so I bet she’s cheating too.

      • That could be very true. I just listen to what you posted and it seems like she dealing with some level of Stockholm Syndrome. Just a matter of time to see what she will do meaning stick by him or move on. I’m thinking she will stick with him.

    • Anita, that has been my thoughts about Mrs. Biderman (she is cheating also) and maybe she is behind this so called “hacking”. Maybe she found out he was indeed cheating and she wanted some pay back and what was the best way to do it. His one and only “love” is the website. Then she got some people she knew within the company and they did what they did with the files. Also from what I read that within the company itself there was really no type of computer protection to prevent hacking anyway.

      I guess time will tell.

  • HH, apparently since these cheaters make every decision on how they “feel” and their “feelings” then it wouldn’t surprise me that if their “parts” are getting stroked and rubbed and it feels good then it just has to be good and from God! They are total idiots! Who the Hell knows what kind of crap justifies what they do in their own peanut brains!

  • Like all cheaters, they have zero personal responsibility.

    Central to all of this is how ‘sex’ is treated. There is little that fosters good healthy sexuality and, for that matter, good healthy relationships. Sure, in ancient times you might die from some terrible STD or giving birth – so agreed, best to be avoided.

    And here we are in 2015. You still need to be married to have sex. And stay married for that matter.

    Honestly, what would be so wrong if a single Josh Duggar got his freak on?

    Or what if he learned how to have a good healthy and mutually beneficial sexual relationship?

    Instead, he is being sent to rehab for sex addiction.

    • I’m wondering what on earth these Duggar people or their religion think. Just get the damn divorce, stop frequenting sites (virtual or real, like your sisters room) that will give you a bad name (even if you don’t care what God thinks of you, oh yeah God will turn a blind eye to your f*ckupedness cause that is just how God roles when it comes to the “truly” religious, NOT) and stop dragging the rest of your immediate family and extended family (his parents and siblings) through the mud. They have all pretty much broken every moral and religious commandment there is, what is so bad about divorce? Just get one and lead the damn single life of a puto (male slut) that you want.

      • Because divorce is public. Everyone will know of their “sin.” They never think they’ll caught in adultery.

  • OMG. Really? I sincerely hope that Noel Biderman spontaneously combusts in a painful display. How about we start an app whereby we can rate Noel Biderman?

    My rating: -7.

  • Its all just an excuse, really. Doesn’t matter the religious creed – a Cluster B just uses a convenient excuse to excuse the cheating. And, because some people take their religious beliefs seriously – it works doubly well to cause harm to the chump. If the cheater wasn’t religious – they’d just come up with some sort of other trash to ‘excuse’ their deception.
    Its doubly disgusting when they use this excuse to prove that they are somehow ‘better’ than you.

  • At first I was reading the post like “meh, Jesus cheaters. Doesn’t really have much to do with me,” because my stbx and I are both atheists.

    But then I realized omfg the little hussy he cheated with is Holier than Holly! She was raised in a strict Baptist household, her father was a Baptist preacher, and she had all this damage from her upbringing. Back in the bad old days when i still let him tell me reasons for things, thats what he had told me he was going to “mentor” her thru! Her fucked up FOO/ religious skein – “oh she is just a troubled kid, we have so much in common, this is really something I think I can help her with!” Mmhmm, mentored her right out of her underpants…

    HFS there is not one single page of the cheater handbook that he does not work from. Check the fucking Jesus cheater box too.

  • I’m appalled at the Rate My Wife thing, but I certainly am having a hard time holding my cookies down at the thought of another one of those damn commercials with the awful, sucky jingles for those commercials. Has anyone heard that damn AM commercial jingle? Some poor kindergartener must have had to write it, under duress. Hideous, doesn’t do it justice.

  • FYI, the movie Gaslight is on TCM tonight at 10:00 EST for anyone who hasn’t seen it.

  • I know my Ex and his Schmoopie have worked every dirty angle and have dog eared their Official Cheater Handbook! I have to admit that out of all the filthy, rotten crap they pulled out of their fucked up Pandora’s box, using God in their twisted little lust fest was the biggest trick that really set me off! The truly astounding thing about their baseless claims was their adamant belief that they bought their own BS! I was just in shock over it! That’s just how deep in the weeds some of these idiots are! Sorry to say that is the defining moment for a chump. You realize you really have absolutely nothing to work with! They are totally wound up in their own awesomeness and they have bought into some sort of notion that they are some super exception to ANY rules! It’s over! Run, file and turn out the lights! They won’t notice, they are already in a very dark hole!

  • I think the “Rate My Wife” concept is the ultimate betrayal ideal for Biderman’s sick and twisted fantasy of debasement. It’s like he was working up to the extreme expression of his hatred of women and misogyny. His data is, oh, so personal but he wanted to start a site where he enticed men to steal their wives images and post them to the world–naked, no doubt. And, without their wives’ consent, I am sure. It is sick beyond belief. There are so many women who should be thankful for the hacker. They will never know how close they came to being exploited for their (wrongly) trusted partner’s thrills and an evil man’s quest for ill-gotten gains.

    Do you think Biderman was planning to put his own wife up to be rated? Yeah, maybe she did have something to do with the hack in that case… Maybe, she has Stockholm syndrome and/or overcame her cognitive dissonance for the big money. I’m pretty sure she just thought she was “that special.” Having been involved with a super sparkler, I can sort of relate to that, I’m not betting on her being a chump but, if she is genuine, she should be separating herself from him and making donations to divest some of her tainted money to relevant good causes in the near future.

    • Agree its abhorrent…but do you guys use facebook?

      Started the exact same way, but with girls on campus. Rate the girl. Its mysogynistic and teaches men from college years that women are nothing but pieces of meat to assess for “fuckability factor”.

      Which is why i would never, ever join facebook. If you are on there, you are part of that bullshit. The excuse its for my kids nd to keep in contct is bullshit too….there is real email, sending real letters and picking up the goddamn phone.

  • Wow. I remember Ex sharing ‘the gospel’ with strangers that were waiting for an appointment with our marriage counselor. It felt wrong.
    I am convinced that there is no such thing as ‘righteous dominion’ between adults.
    Ex was a “Deacon Dan — Don’t let the sweater vest fool you. Dan’s a pervert.”
    I compare him to the sons of Eli. In the Bible, Eli (the prophet) had sons who were “priests” molesting the virgins in the temple. Little Samuel warned Eli to reprimand them or die. Eli chose to die. Eli’s sons died in battle.
    I am certain of a few things. One of those things is the goodness of the Lord. I will work my whole life to create a better future for the children.
    Corrupt religion has failed me miserably and left me brainwashed and frightened. Why, just this week a particular bishop took it upon himself to get me indignantly fired from my sports-related job. This Sunday, I have an appointment to learn why.
    I oscillate between biting my tongue the whole meeting, canceling it, and/or giving him a piece of my mind. Heaven help the earthquakes that will follow, cause this LittleLady aint dead yet.

    • So,
      I have a good friend whose brother molested her growing up. Her parents didn’t want it to get out & dealt with it privately.
      Her brother is now wealthy & she struggles with wishing him dead for the years of personal shame.
      I am glad that my brothers never molested me. Some idiots do not weigh the consequences of their choices. Touching your sister in that way is never good. Like my gay boss would say, “This is a No No.” I hope Josh Duggar gets the ‘die in battle’ therapy. Of course, he would probably cower before his enemy.

    • Friend: You don’t have to go to a meeting like that if you don’t want to. In fact, take the power back and don’t go. If they push for an explanation tell them to fuck off. That prick not only gets you fired, but then tries to rub it in your face by having a ‘meeting’ with you to tell you why? More self righteous bullshit.
      This is the main reason why I’m atheist – because no self-respecting higher power would let such evil run rampant in the world being unpunished and destroying good people. Fuck the lot of them.

  • Friend, Wow! The misplaced power that some men have is shameful! But you are right, you are temporarily down, but not out! I don’t care how many so-called religious people try to tell me I was wrong to divorce my cheater! I have no regrets and I’ll stand up to them each and everytime! I’m sorry , no matter how they try to whitewash his sin, you simply can’t take a wrong and make it right! Keep fighting the good fight and stand up for yourself.

  • Clueless Clarence – The cluster B covert narcissist who flawlessly mimics and reflects what others are actually experiencing. He constantly praises Jesus, but can’t recall a single word of scripture. He just knows that Jesus forgives ALL sin and his Jesus Cheater ho-worker reminds him of this every time they finish screwing in her SUV. He exchanges pictures of his junk by night and posts religious memes by day. He warns his ho-workers he’ll never leave his wife – because she’s got “mental” problems and can’t live without him. He is partially correct in this assumption, because his deluded wife thinks he’s wonderful and thanks God for him everyday for ten years.

    He knows the charade will someday come to an end and when it does his wife catches him smiling when he thinks she’s not looking. It’s an evil, satisfied sneer that makes her physically ill. Clueless Clarence really isn’t clueless after all, he’s the Antichrist. He walks away without looking backward, eager to find his next victim. He never marries the other woman though, because she’s already wallowing in darkness. Poor Clarence is so twisted that he sold his soul by the age of 7. Alone he is monster unto himself, so he watches and waits for the next chump to latch onto; devoid of anything remotely humane.

  • My wife is a Jesus Cheater and I am a Chump for Jesus.

    Grace is so cheap these days. Who are we to judge because we all sin and Adultery is just another sin, you know like Murder. You get saved and Jesus gives you a get out of Hell free card. If you ever do anything wrong all you have to do is pray and remind Jesus that he has to forgive you. After all membership has its privileges. And we can’t make sinners feel bad because if we do they won’t come anymore. They won’t come either if we don’t sell them coffee from the Den-O-Thieves Brewery in the new million dollar commons we just built. Well maybe they will still come, but they’ll go to Starbuck’s on their way instead, and if they are going to do that we might as well sell them coffee ourselves and make some money for Jesus. And we need to kick all the old ladies off the stage who like to sing all those old hymns and start playing some edgy Christian rock music like they do at those cool Skillet concerts. They like it too (sinners) when the band occasionally plays some secular song that has a “Positive” message, so we will throw that in every now and then.

    Besides, Hannah Handraiser likes to do her Sunday morning atonement dance from the front row and she can’t dance to organ music. When she’s been really bad she does this thing where she closes her eyes and stops and pauses for a moment to reflect. Then she’s back at it again, free from her sin until the next time she messes up. She’s the one who has cybersex online while she writes her weekly Christian blog or sits by the lake with a married coworker to talk to him about Jesus while he stares down her shirt at her breasts. When she travels out of town for work, she shares an adjoining room with her married coworker and finds herself undressed and on the bed all the while trying to win him over to Jesus. Church is a great place to form relationship with other “Christian” men, but what she really likes is to hook-up with an unbeliever and try win them over to God. She criticizes her husband for not having a heart after God all the while looking for the next man she can hook-up with; you know to save them. Through all the wrecked lives and damage she causes she still expresses hope that those she has sinned with will come to know God.

  • I forgot to share this knife to my heart…when I was looking for proof, I found ONE smoking gun….I knew when I saw the title of this file in thenHusbands computer that I was in deep shit…it was saved as

    “Susan and Christ”

    I knew he was involved with her before I read it, you dont save stuff like that about all your coworkers.

    It was the letter he wrote her on her birthday in 2005 “You are considerably more ‘Christlike’ than anyone I have ever met and your salvation, once the great mystery has been revealed to you, will be assured”

    So his wife who birthed his children and cared for they dying is forgotten but his howorker who screw married men on business trips is the most Christlike person he ever met. What great mystery was he talking about?I think it was the “which part of ‘thoushalt not commit adultery’ did you not understand?” mystery they were waiting for.

    “You are a wonderful human being who has brought happiness and humility and grace to my life and God has truly blessed me”. She brought him humility? In whose universe is lying to your wife “humility”.

    Why oh why oh why did I wreckoncile with him?

    He said he wanted to see her in the next life…that would be fine with me since I don’t want to see him. .

  • Unicornnomore, the BS they write to these women is BARF appropriate! I would read some of the crap my Ex wrote to his side piece and I couldn’t even believe it was my husband writing that crap! Remember that these liars are trying very, very hard to keep their secret piece of ass on the hook! They pull out all the stops. They will say anything to keep an easy piece of ass on the hook!
    I came to the conclusion that any female falling for that tripe was A. Dumber than a box of rocks and B. Incredibly hard up for ANY attention and a side piece of ass to a deceitful married man is the best she can get!
    These women should be pitied! Playing the waiting game for a married man! They simply settle for second best! They don’t respect themselves!

  • Oddly enough…when he wrote this, I really think he meant every word of it (he had fooled around and fallen in lurve) …BUT he was totally blind as to how he had stolen the effort he had committed to his marriage to waste on side relationships (then couldn’t figure out why his marriage was unfulfilling)…of course, its because Unicorn sucks !

    She was Buddhist (or something) and he was trying to reassure her that they were still on the same page…in another paragraph, he said “Love thy neighbor as thyself, honor thy father and mother, and family, treat each other with compassion and humble thyself before the one. Whether Muslim or Jew or Buddhist or Christian, these themes are common to all and truly represent the essence of humankind”.

    hmmmmmm this was when he was in assbastard monster mode…wondering where the compassion and honoring of “family” was supposed to fit into his monstering.

  • Unicornnomore, yeah, it’s as if they want to wipe the slate clean and act as if they never did these heinous things to their own family. They “surgically” remove all that from their life! I’m convinced that these asshats are mentally ill! It just doesn’t reveal itself until later in life! Who knows? But more important at this point, who cares? I figure the only person who has to worry about that issue is Schmoopie and she gets everything she deserves! I just don’t have any sympathy for these demented assholes!

  • Polly the Praying Pretender Pastor

    Polly became a Pastor in the second half of her life while married to her third husband whom, it is believed, she wrangled away from his wife and mother of his children while Polly was divorcing her second husband. She writes joyful and spiritual missives in her church newsletter glorifying herself and her devotion to God and family while wrangling (with little effort beyond dangling her money and upscale lifestyle) her next victim – er, future husband – away from his current (now Ex) wife while divorcing her third husband. The newest victim – er, maybe future husband – who had been pretty agnostic for almost his entire life, suddenly becomes Mr. Devout Jesus Follower in order to appear to have been transformed by the true love of Polly. Meanwhile, with encouragement and suggestions from Polly (because his psychopathy apparently wasn’t horrible enough to suit her), he lies to and mentally tortures his (now Ex) wife, steals from and cheats said (now Ex) wife, lies to and cheats his adult children, while both of these devout Christians attempt to totally displace the (now Ex) wife in the lives of her own children. Of course, Polly bleats continually how God has ordained their true love (I’m not sure if he ordained the first three husbands – maybe he was busy with other things) and how it was always meant to be – because of course, God always uses adultery and family destruction as a means of facilitating “twu wuv.”

    The person God was actually blessing was the now Ex wife. Amen.

  • CL……Wow, I cried throughout the whole read on the link you put on FB about the gaslighting. It’s been almost 2 years since I left and I still feel and remember the pain of the gaslighting I went through. I’m so angered by it, I don’t know what to do. Sickens me!

    • It’s the injustice that clings to me IHaveHate. I have read books and consulted Counselors and tried every form of forgiveness I can imagine, meditations and books on “letting go,” and various paths to even just “acceptance”. Some days are better than others, but if I’m being honest the injustice torments me deep down (though I pretend it doesn’t). Maybe I just have to accept that it torments me, but I don’t want to because THAT is an injustice too…sigh…..

      I have tried all the advice about getting and staying active, mindfulness training (that helped a bit), not letting the terrorist win by still controlling my mind, etc etc. I really have moved on in every way in my life, remortgaging the house, kicking ass at work, close relationship with my children, even re-married a man I adore.

      But in the end, I still cannot even just “accept” let alone forgive or forget what ex did. Stupid bastard does not give me or his children a passing thought and does not deserve forgiveness, acceptance or anything else. After all of that, I have decided that anger is still my friend. And if I live part of my life trying to “prove” him wrong (in my head since he does not know or give a fuck), so be it. Besides, I don’t seem to have any other options right now. I just tell myself over and over when the mood strikes, “I doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.” Or when I am in a really bad mood,”f**k him.”

      (((Bug hugs)))

      • Kelly, the mental damage gaslighting, alone, does to ones psyche is really really hard to get past. I’m good too mostly but when I think of all the gaslighting he did I go into a rage. (Luckily I’m alone in my car and cursing up a storm; wishing him the worst for the rest of his days and thereafter).
        And that then angers me on top of that because I can’t believe I’ve allowed having so much hatred inside me. I’ve NEVER felt this for anyone. It’s a vicious circle of hating him and then not liking myself so much for allowing all this to occur. It’s unbelievable even to me.

        • If you find a cure let me know IHaveHate! I’ll wish you as much peace as possible right now. The trauma is incredible. (Oh and haha, I meant Big hugs, not “Bug” hugs!!)

  • My cheater ex’s parents made him stay with them for a week and pray five times a day. I liked to refer to this as “pray the stray away”. Later, his Dad explained to me that “the devil got inside him”. Needless to say, I am ecstatic not to have to deal with this clusterfuck of disorder otherwise known as his family…

  • Jesus cheaters aren’t really following Jesus if they cheat. May will claim that Jesus gives them an ok to divorce and take someone else. Jesus labels it as adultery.

    There are some out there who do truly repent. Some of their testimonies are here:
    “Why I Repented of a Marriage God called adulterous”

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