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Arts and Crafts for Cheaters

crochetshorts

Just riffing on yesterday’s post, “What Else” Can Cheaters Do? I thought Chump Nation might answer the question.

By golly, the poor sausages didn’t know how to spend their time and distract themselves! I know on those rainy days at camp, we used to sit inside and make lanyards. Sad cheaters, stuck in their sodden, unsatisfying marriages need some arts and crafts too. I think we should offer a few suggestions.

Scrapbooks for their dick pics?

Needlepoint slut cozies?

Best suggestion gets a Meh mug.

This picture comes from LordvonSchmitt at Etsy who makes men’s shorts out of recycled afghans. I think these would make an awesome gift for the cheater or Other Man in your life. Buy some today!

 

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.

  • My X has taken to bringing a colouring book with him when our daughter goes to the oncology clinic. In the 20 years I have know him I have know him to do craft. WTF?

    • Thankful, I thought I was the only chump who experienced being cheated on while having a daughter going through cancer treatment. My heart goes out to you and hope she is well.

      • My child fell seriously ill a few months after full disclosure and confession. I resent that I went into a heartbreaking situation with a broken heart. I was so shattered I feel like I let my child down by not being the badass kick ass rock star he deserved. Being in that hospital taught me that illness doesn’t fucking care who you are, it just plows through families regardless. What an equalizer. Stay strong. We get to try to accept 2 unacceptable things at the same fucking time.

      • Chumpion I bet he used it as an excuse to cheat. My 19 year old son broke his neck surfing at the beach. And my husband became a “Father of a Quadraplegic” and this trauma caused him along with a Miriad of other excuses to cheat apparently. Subsequent evidence proved he was cheating 4 years before that in various ways.

        Funny the same experience didn’t cause me to cheat!!!!

    • Mandala coloring books are the newest latest and greatest thing for those attempting to find mindfulness through meditation. Don’t ask how I know… Smfh…

      • I’m over here waving too. It is soothing and a nice entry into creativity for someone who doesn’t have much in that department.

      • I have a big stack of grown-up coloring books, mostly mandalas, and an oversize box of Prismacolor colored pencils. I love to color when I have time, usually after finishing work for the day. Very relaxing.

  • I remember seeing a hand knit dick warmer once. Maybe if the male cheater had a nice dick cozy he would not feel compelled to stick it in other places!

  • Sorry it’s not clever or witty but his latest hobby seems to be taking pics of his kids for social media “look I’m a great dad!!!… Honest”

    • Same here! He sees the girls, what…but a whole two minutes, and he spends it snapping ONE selfie with them and plasters it on fakebook for all to see. Of course, then he gets praises of how wonderful he is! Sickening!!!

      • Yup!
        I’m doing all sorts of things with my boys now. I post an occasional photo to one of my Facebook albums. I’ll get a few likes, usually one from my ex as she stalks my page. She’ll do the most mundane things and tag my boys in her post but will get lots of likes and comments from her friends and family.

        Then, she’s taken to post bombing the boys’ pages with lots of crap and made up stories.

        • Impression management on their end, that’s all it is. Mundane to me equals they’re trying too hard. We know it, they know it. And anyone who is a fan of her posts is nothing short of being as narcissistic as she is. Hang in there ChumpDad, we know our truths. 🙂

          It’s so disappointing to see that they use the kids in EVERY which way possible so that they can look good and maintain that façade of how great they are. My heart aches for my girls when he puts them in that situation…

          I wish I could block and/or delete him from my life just like I did on fb!!! ???

    • Mine too!
      Only mine used to tell me how bad it was to put pics of the kids on Facebook because it would entice child predators to come kidnap them.

      • OMG, You too!!!! Then I heard about a picture he posted with Schmoopie and her two kids, so next time he said something about me posting pics of our child on my Facebook page, I retorted with, “Oh! But it’s OK for Schmoopie and you to take and post pics of you two and HER kids??? Oh, my!!! Better warn her of the dangers of the predators!!!” He shut up after that!!!!

    • Does anyone remember Ted Baxter, the narcissist anchorman on Mary Tyler Moore? Didn’t he give 8×10 photos of himself for gifts?

      X likes to show up for our sons’ important events, get a photo of himself with them, then gives an 8×10 Dollar Tree framed photo home as gifts for them to display… in MY home.

      “Yep! This proves I’m awesome Dad with my son at Disney World!”

      “Look how awesome I am at my son’s graduation!” (The photo was all the boys got for graduation from their father).

      “Check out this awesome photo of me and my sons at my sister’s Christmas Eve party!”

      They all end up face down in the bottom of a drawer, and then eventually glass broken and crumpled in the trash. And not because of me. It seems that none of our kids want any reminders that dear old dad only shows up for photo ops now.

      • My ex gave me an 8×10 Glamour Shot photo of himself for my birthday once. This was back in the early 90s, when Glamour Shots was still around, of course.

  • How about a 50 piece puzzle compiled of cheaters’ selfies? I don’t think they are mentally capable of doing a 1000 piece puzzle yet. It would make them frustrated and we all know what they might do then….cheat!!!! What else?

    • The pieces are much too small in a 1000 piece puzzle. They’d never be able to finish it – leading to the frustration as you say and can only therefore lead to cheating…. Yes Seeking… I can see it now.

    • BWAHAHAHAA…in The Evil One’s case, he’d be able to put together a 5,000-piece puzzle of all of his selfies he’s posted!!!! Then again, commitment to such a monstrous task may overwhelm him and frustrate him, so he’d give up after the first 5 pieces, LOL

  • My ex wants an “I’m so AWESOME!” t-shirt, maybe she and other cheaters should take up silk screening?

  • Ex’s hobby was boasting about himself and expressing himself with anger and frustration. And how many ways can he fondle the remote.

  • How about a hobby to occupy their time and distract their mind from the ball and chain holding them back from reaching their full potential? I suggest hog wrestling – the pig my husband picked proved he’s into rolling around with swine.

  • Oh wait! How about making Magic Lie Balls – like a Magic 8 Ball, but you shake it to reveal what oh so creative lie you should tell your spouse to account for you being absent from your family’s life. ‘Working late’, ‘hanging out with the guys’…

    • YES my favorite. Totally…. of course there could only be like 8 lies that they have to rotate through between me, the kids and his family because he keeps saying the same old lame script of nothing ORIGINAL! Stupid unoriginal bastard fuck.

      • The lie ball is a good idea but the XBF had far more inventive than the usual suspect excuses. He was the most devious asshole imaginable. He couldn’t possibly be limited to what the “common everyday liar’s excuses” encompass.

        One of his “I won’t be home this evening” ploys was he was working with a Catholic charity, taking food to those in need. Since when does charity work take place during the evening, much less extend into the wee hours of the morning?

        • HaHa. Mine’s final excuse while we were in “wreckonciliation” and he wasnt home in the morning when was living in the guest house… “I’m at a breakfast meeting with my big client and the Vice President of Silicon National Bank”. Except it was a Sunday, and Monday was Martin Luther King Day. I would have believed him if he hadn’t added the Banker B.S. Can you say busted? Thats the first I learned of Schmoopie. No dancing, I was DONE.

          • My x started his affair with his coworker about 3 months after we’d bought our first home together. First big hurricane of the season was about 2 hours from making landfall when x takes off “to secure the office equipment – an office emergency!!!!”

            Of course a year later when I discovered their affair, his ow took great joy in telling me how touched she was that he went to her apartment, well, she lived with her mom, so, he went to her mom’s and her apt, to ride out the hurricane with her. Ugh. I got to spend the whole 24 hours of trees falling in our yard, no electricity, no phone, dog freaking out, and shit flying at the boarded up windows, alone and worried sick and not able to call to see if my husband and his office were ok or alive. Very nice.

    • LOL in The Evil One’s case,, his magic ball would need a 12-15 face tile for all the different lies he STILL swears by!!!

      • Speaking of camouflage, the stbx became a ‘war afficianado’ & began buying model tanks in order to fix them up & sell. The ‘hobby’, I realize now, was his attempt at controlling his shitty serial cheating behavior. He’d hide in the basement instead of spending time with the kids & me. On the weekends he’d meet with other weirdos & they’d drive their remote control models around and shoot bbs at each other. After spending thousands of dollars which he never recouped, the desire to cheat won out over those tanks. I’d like to take one of those tanks & drive it into his & sunshine’s bedroom and shoot bbs at his disgusting hairy ass and his new dickwarmer. Stupid fucktard

    • Haha, like superpower underoos for cheater liars. Perfect, LoopDaLoop, hahahaha!

  • My Ex was always reading on his Kindle Fire. Yeah sure! A quick look at the history showed him on FaceBook with Schmoopie and online looking at Porn! Reading my behind!!! And this was during false reconciliation. He assured me he wasn’t in contact with his side piece! Guess he thought I was just that stupid! That in and of itself was so insulting, but served me well in my divorce! Now his Schmoopie had better be checking his electronics! Lord he is a dumbass!

    • Ah, yes the new electronic age. My Ex started an “online diary” which he accessed from his laptop while ensconced in his lazy boy, also right in front of me. He would type away like a mad man. Believe me, his life was not that interesting. Online diary turned out to be code for his private video sex chat sessions with his “girlfriend who he loved with all of his soul.” She charged him $4.99 a minute for the privilege. Yup, thousands and thousands of dollars of true love.

      His new hobby appears to be intensely love bombing his new victim, I mean girl friend, to prove to her, her friends and family and all of Facebook what a great man he is. At least this one is in real life.

  • Needlepoint “thou shalt not commit adultery” on all the throw pillows.
    Make quilts out of their collection of women’s clothes used for cross dressing.
    Print out their dating site profiles and make collages/wish boards.
    Shake out the glitter from their strip club clothes and make Christmas ornaments.

    Melt down their wedding band and sculpt a penis idol since that’s what they worship anyway. It would be a small penis but if the shoe fits…. 🙂

        • Carmella–If you google it (in images), DON’T do it at work. (I did just as someone walked into my office; never clicked off a browser so fast in my life).

          • Ok, I Googled it. I…just…..ugh……really? Hello Kitty?
            I must lead a very sheltered life. Another excuse for cheaters: “If you really loved me, you’d spell out my name in Swarovski crystals across your lady parts.”

    • Bedazzling is a constant theme in our house when ridiculing crafts bc Mother Asshat owns a complicated computerized embroidery machine and bedazzles crap. She arrives tomorrow, possibly with scary personalized garbage for Little Elf.

        • They have no boundaries in that family. Either she would pretend to disown him out of anger or, more likely, she would assume I am horrible and side with him. I am glad I will be rid of her one day soon! Bipolar, hypocritical, delusional, narcissistic drama queen.

  • I have to say…. That picture (people sporting afghan shorts) is a little disturbing.

  • I just think they ought to pierce their genitals and run a chain that attaches the two together! Makes sense to me, after all it could be a testament to their Twu Wuv and the very FIRST thing they both had in common! Ha! Ha! Then the whole world can “see” how committed they are to each other’s so-called happiness (or their happy place)!

    • Lol! That’s good, my STBX’s OW already has tons of piercings so it wouldn’t surprise me if she already has a genital piercing, so my STBX could get one and the chain to go with it! The OWhore is also covered in tattoos, so they could get matching tattoos also (my STBX has zero tattoos, so what a wonderful new experience for them and a great way to express their “true love”)!

  • Self Improvement Lists for Others

    Required skills: blameshifting, lack of empathy, shifting standards, entitlement, never satisfied, lack of self knowledge or character

    • I think my ex knitted all the time because she was already expert at the items you’ve listed. And yet I still miss her and think of the relationship as life-affirming and comforting. Be right back… gotta bang my head against a wall to hopefully knock something back into alignment.

      • I feel ya which way I feel the same. I will always love the man I met, fell in love with and married 27 years altogether and I will always miss him but he died and someone completely different appeared. My love went to work one morning and some lying confaluted asswipe came home late that night over two years ago. Him I can’t the sight of. He is not the same. The man I married is not the man I’m divorcing. Me marry again. Never gonna happen I’ll not throw myself to the demons again. Fine for others not for me. I’m 60 now too old for teenage drama games and bullshit. Everyone who tries to own me, control me, tell me what I should and should not do including asswipe who still thinks he can run my life has been kicked to the curb including members if my own family. Fuck them, fuck him and fuck the whore. This lady flies solo.

  • How about an Inflatable Wife for them to enjoy, so they don’t have to cheat? The Inflatable Wife could be designed to expand when you put a ring on its finger, so it’s closer to how a real life wife works.

    • Yes – the blow up doll. “Oh baby I love you…you are so beautiful” (Inflate) “I’m gonna go out and fuck some whore” (deflate). Yep – just like the real thing!

    • Gdmmt, is that finally you?! Dude. What a totally snapalicious comeback! Why’d you change your name? That was soooooOoooooo fucking clever! #imaybefatbutyouareugly

    • Oh you are such a hoot, Gdmmt. Like everyone can stay as ‘in shape’ like yourself while interacting in the real world like a normal person would. (PS: Round might be a shape, but its an unhealthy one, dickhead. At least our overweight chumps have character which makes them attractive (and might have a bit of a muffin top because they actually lived their lives), whereas you have fuck-all going for you).
      Fuck off.

  • My ex has a prince albert piercing, hoping the new and shiny schmoopie has braces that accidentally get stuck and rip that thing out.

  • My X’s hobbies……(If only the following could be displayed in public at a local craft fair)
    -Selfies
    -Lies
    -Porn
    -Second hand clothes shopping.
    -Reading books in the bath with a glass of wine.
    -Texting
    -Porn
    -Shaving his junk.
    -Shaving his legs.
    -Selfies
    -Texting
    -Porn
    -Waxing his eyebrows
    -Blow jobs from random guys.
    -Claiming a committee meeting, but actually going to dinner with his latest crush.
    -Selfies
    -Porn
    -Joining a soccer team so he can flirt with the opposition on the field.
    -Going to French car rally days.
    -Digging weeds out of the back lawn by hand for hours.
    Oh did I mention selfies, texting and porn.

  • I think the strap on from the Movie Seven would be the best arts and crafts they could use. LOL!

  • Late H had plenty of hobbies, he was an upscale outdoorsman…not like the MN dentist that killed Cecil, mine like to hike and fish and spend absurd amounts of money on gear to look cool when he was doing his outside stuff.

    His angst came from living in the burbs while he wanted to be in the Tetons, so to salve his angst, he spent more suburban money (bugger house, newer cars) thereby firmly shackling himself to his suburban corporate existence which he blamed me for.

    When he retired from the military, he got a job at the pinnacle of the outdoor gear universe…if you think that narc pricks buy this shit, you should hang with the ones who sell it. Just getting this job was a narc kibble bonanza.

    Pesky detail that the minute he got the job, he had JUST decided to retract a “Im divorcing you for sure for my twu wuv coworker” speech and assured me that we were in authentic wreckonciliation”. He never asked me to move to Calif. fron DC with him but when he got there, he told me I was a bad wife for not having already done it. (clever mindfuck I would have never thought of) Funny thing about a long era of cheating is that you forget that married husbands/fathers sortakinda remember they have families when they consider cross country moves.

    So he moved to NoCal with a new SUV stocked with new golf clubs and a new bike …he got an apt on the beach and bought a new leather sofa and flat screen tv. Hobby heaven for a cheating narc. He became a wine snob and got really fat.

    I had kids to raise, a house to keep and a job to tend…I cant dive in too far on my job lest I lose my anonymity, but imagine the hardest job on earth complete with pain and death and blood and misery for all involved. That was a red letter era in the life of this Unicorn.

    So here is a fun detail…I was never quite as outdoorsy and MrCheater, but I marginally held my own…I was forever berated for my incapacity in this area….BUT OW…the main one, not the preliminary work-fucks, well, she COULDNT SWIM OR RIDE A BIKE!! I looked like Mrs Grizzly Adams compared to MS Adultress.

    So I was so deep in denial, that I BELEVED him when he said that he was broken up with OW even though she conveniently got a job in the SF area at the same time he got his. She left her trusting fiance in Seattle. I dont know if she lived at his place all the time or just visited, but when I was there, all traces of her were fully erased. After 18 months of that, he moved back home and telecommuted until the economy crashed and his position was eliminated.

    and back in our suburban house in DC, one day he was reflecting on his “bad moment” (which lasted for years) and he tells me he feels good about the fact that he “never left me” (he also felt really good that he “never told people” he fully intended to divorce me and start a new family with his adultress…there seemed for him nobility in having kept that a secret.). He was delusion-fueled.

    My son wont let me give either set of deahusbands fucking golf clubs away. My new husband wont get rid of his deaddads and deadgrandpas clubs…yes Im fully annoyed with a full row of deadmens golf clubs in a household with nary a golfer. My middle son is a hippy and drives one of the outdoorsy scrotumobiles H bought.

    Im finding contentment in my new life where my new husbands idea of “outdoor hobby” is going to an Oktoberfest in Germany…our plane leaves in 11 hours.

    • Mister Orvis.

      Know this type of douchebag. Similar to Mister / Mistress Harley. The dude/dudette that must somehow reclaim their self-perceived mid-life coolness via a crotch rocket. These are not serious life long cyclists. These are the people who hit 40 or 50yrs old, grow a soul patch and drop wads on a souped up motorcycle.

        • THANKS !! Ive never been to Germany before and my heritage (as well as my new last name) are German, so its time. I hope Im the Pied Piper of post-chumpdom fun…laugh, live, find something really fun to do !!! we are mighty !

      • Yes, you are right…at heart they are no different than people who discover a midlife love for Harleys, but they fancy themselves as much better than the great unwashed who go that route. It would, however, be totally uncool to actually wear the clothing from the company they work for, so they crank it up a notch and all wear—> http://www.napapijri.com/us/ which no one has ever heard of so the $200 per sweatshirt is really lost on us regular folk.

        He was Fred Flintstone when I met him…normal guy…I will never forget our 20th anniversary, he flew in from CA and we had dinner where he informed me (after sufficient sniffing and spitting) that all the wine sold in my vicinity was crap. That whole era was as bizarre and surreal and you could possibly imagine.

  • My ex is a Private Dick, he sleuths co-worker conversations searching for a clue that they might be willing to have adulterous sex. Yes, I know that solving the mystery of who will be his next conquest is more of a hobby – but trust me, he’s refined investigating fresh hoochie into an art form. He’s also mastered the craft of juggling several ho-workers at a time.

  • How about fingerpainting ? For the emotional toddlers.Then chumps can send the masterpiece to schmoops to proudly display on the fridge.

  • They could have spent some time studying the art of saying “no” , but we all know now that they couldn’t pass up the opportunity that they imagined could be a thousand times better than the faithful spouse they had at home! These fucktards gambled on a fantasy and lost! Of course, we the chumped learned the magic in the word NO and when properly applied to our cheating spouses in a divorce, we found out how valuable that little word can be! A cheaters favorite “magic” word…..IF! Trips them up every time!

  • I think mine should have crocheted pasties for his whore. It would have made the pictures at least funny while they were mortifying!

    Perhaps an origami secret phone holder, or weaving a wallet for that marital money to be spent on the affair, or finger paint your feelings (wait that’s just a blank piece of paper)

  • A t-shirt for me that says “My husband went to Hawaii and all I got was herpes”, or hand painted buttons made from Cialis?

    • Chumpalicious2, now I really think you are on to something! Love that t-shirt idea. It has my creative juices flowing!

    • I encouraged his hobby. Even went so far as to make sure we relo’d to an area nearby a top ranking mens acapella chorus. Glad he and the MOW could travel all over the US and Canada for their singing fuckfests. Woot.

      Other than that, his other hobby is the manufacturing of DRAMA! Because without the MOW to create high deceit and tension, something else must be stirred up to get that adrenaline rush.

  • Dont know what would replace the ‘urge to merge’ in Idiot but if there was a craft he could replace cheating with and get the same high….it would be one of those charts that they use in kindergarten … The kind that the teacher placed a star in the column next to the acheivement so everyone in the classroom could see.
    Used my words * gold star
    Kept my dick to myself * gold star
    Didnt touch things that were not mine* two gold stars

    Everyday validation that they are a fucking star!

    …..and if there was a craft or skilled that he has developed since cheating its ‘ MANSCAPING’ like the Edward Scissorhands of Cheaterville.

    • Mine was into manscaping as well. Even continued to do it after Dday, which tipped me off that he was still cheating. Well, I don’t have hard proof that he was still manscaping, just the fact that he was always scratching his junk, and the huge wad of hair that he thought he’d flushed down the toilet.

  • Let’s see, what else could my cheater have been doing….
    It has to fulfill his needs, would be great if it contributed to the household income, and bonus pounts if it makes the world a better place. Tall order, but he had some unique skills so I’m sure we can figure out something.

    He could be that person that jacks off bulls for the cow-insemination industry.

    He could be that person that inspects really tight sewer pipes.

    He could be that person who stress-tests vacuum pumps (ok that one is a bit of a stretch..because he sucks so bad, get it)

    Any case, that’s THREE interviews in one DAY, which is 300% more work than he’s ever done, so he’s going to need a nap after

  • How about a game of Cheater Clue? You know, sort of like a group sex cheater house party. So it could be Colonel Mustard in the library with the anal beads. Or Miss Scarlett in the BDSM dungeon with the remote-controlled orgasmatron.

  • There’s always Make Your Own Anal Beads. They could make them in holiday and seasonal colors. Maybe jingly ones for Christmas, pastels for spring. They could sing the Star Spangled Banner while using red white and blue ones on the 4th of July. Should help them hit that high note.

  • Mine told me there was a company that could use his dick to make a mold of a dildo and recreate it so I could “be with him when he wasn’t there” . Perhaps he can recreate his dick to hand out to all of the hoes he hooked up with “for when he isn’t there”. PS…if I wanted a dilod, it would be a tad bit bigger and harder than he is. Gag. #sorrynotsorry

    • LOL, most cheaters can be replaced for,under $50 and at least you can put aa didlo in a drawer when you are done with it…..

    • It’s not even 8am and I’ve already learned something new! Maybe you should take him up on his offer, wrap it up nicely and give it him on your anniversary. He can use it to fu<k himself or create a shrine around it.

    • OMG Nolagirl, how did I miss this earlier?! Okay, Asshat tried the at-home kit before we got married. No word whether he was hopped up on his Viagrialis cocktail or not. They give you a cheap thermometer to make sure the gunk it at the right temperature. Too bad he didn’t set it on fire. The end product had bubbles everywhere, was pathetic and hideous. Much like IRL ;O It got thrown away but i kept the thermometer to test the baby’s bath water!

    • Yep. There’s actually a DIY kit called “Clone-a-Willy” (please do not ask me how I know). SO glad that bit of ‘buyer’s remorse’ stayed in the original wrapping. Can you even imagine trying to get your money back after the fact? lololol

      I’ve read this thread all day and laughed my ass off, which is so much better than the alternative. Looking back now, I wonder how anyone could’ve been so blind. Yet, I was. First gift from POS ex? A burned porn DVD. Gosh, how romantic! In the first few 2 months of dating, he took me to a sex exhibition called ‘Taboo.’ He said, “I want to explore my sexuaIity.” At the time, I didn’t know what that actually meant.

      What I tell myself now is that, if you’ve never heard of a particular disease, all the symptoms could be staring you right in the face and you’d still never recognize them. I don’t know whether or not to be grateful that it all makes sense now.

    • Cloning a dick would be useful for the X. He could send away for a replica of his favorite porn stars and tell whore this was what he wished he had. One can dream.

  • My Ex’s choice of a whore happened to be his old hs girlfriend who is an astrologist (is that really a career choice?). Went from a lawyer wife to an astrologist bitch. Hard on my self esteem button.

    Not making this shit up: she asked and my ex complied with her request of putting together an arts and crafts project of cutting/pasting pictures of interests/hobbies that “made up his personality.” I recall doing this in kindergarten.

    I found the damn collage and it had cutouts of tits, couples fucking on the beach and star constellations all over it. When asked what it was for, he said it was a work project for bonding with co-workers. Really. Didn’t know sales persons now sold shit in the nude and offered a bonus of a fuck for every item sold. Really shows you what a man’s dick does to his logic.

    So grab your scissors, Elmer’s glue and a hustler magazine.

    • “I found the damn collage and it had cutouts of tits, couples fucking on the beach and star constellations all over it. When asked what it was for, he said it was a work project for bonding with co-workers.”
      WTF, if that isn’t the worst/stupidest excuse from a cheater that I’ve read here, it’s certainly in the top five. Unbelievable. He must have been born under the sign of moron.

    • “I found the damn collage and it had cutouts of tits, couples fucking on the beach and star constellations all over it. When asked what it was for, he said it was a work project for bonding with co-workers.”

      I did a huge “that is some crazy shit” laugh.. unbelievable !!!

    • CLL for real that is some of the craziest shit I have heard on here. Real live cheater arts and crafts hfs that is a special section from the handbook

    • A collage of their hobbies and interests would be so telling if they ever got professional help. They would t have to say a word. The therapist could use it as a diagnostic tool. Hmm, I see your interests are similar to a 15 year olds. Drums you can’t play, an old BMW you poured thousands into and can’t drive, a cooler and a beach chair in the trunk, hand made pipes out of nuts and bolts to smoke weed, and a surf board when you never surfed.

      My life is so busy between wirking all week, going to strength training classes, going out with my friend, spending time with my daughters, son and granddaughter, walking two mikes a day, reading, and redecorating my home, I cancelled my cable. I no longer watch TV, sit around waiting for the scraps he considered a relationship and it is fucking awesome. A collage of my life before and after tells it all. I’m meeting my OWN needs.

      I was laughing just thinking about how he must spend all the time he has on his hands after erasing his past life. It’s no wonder they age so fast. They have to live the lie. We no longer have to. We grow and they are buried in their narrative. Now that is self imposed KARMA.

  • Didn’t get a chance to read all… but my cheater’s hobby would be well served if he were to build a shadow box to display his supply of butt plugs, anal beads, strap-ons and other treasured paraphernalia of his true self.

    • In the Jackass movie I seem to recall a curtained shadowbox with a cutout back that one of the guys had strapped to his front to display his one eyed snake — DIY art project!!!

      • In order to enshrine his junk thusly, my Cheater would need a very shallow shadow box indeed.

  • My stbx doesnt have Christmas tree decor. ..no worries he can make replicas of all the woman he screwed, dated and lied to for ornaments and top the tree off with a star with his picture on it (because you know he is a super star!)
    Oh and he could spend time writing a little poem…”It was the night before Christmas when all through the house not a creature was stirring except me trolling Ashley Madison with my mouse!!”

  • I am thinking: Esther P comfort dartboard. Her wisdom writ large in the big outer bands, so cheaters can feel they “won” that reason why it was glorious and brave when they cheated. Smaller central bands could have the three channels of cheater behavior, so they could see what face to present while playing. Center spot a small unicorn, the most satisfying thing to puncture.

  • Arts and crafts and hobbies for cheaters because they didn’t know what else to do.

    cement shoe scuba diving

    no parachute sky diving

    Solitaire Russian Roulette

    toenail clipping mosaic 101

    pubic hair braiding, beads not included, 101

    Naked mountain climbing without ropes

    groin pottery ashtray class

    grizzly bear meet up

    Etc…..

  • I would recommend he take up the grand art of papier-mâché and make anatomically correct busts of his coworkers. He can use his collection of naked pictures they sent him over the years to guarantee the details come out just right.

  • OHHHH!!! I know!!! I know!!!!

    ‘TRAMP ART’ Headboards!!!!! Perfect!!! Already notched for your future cheating!!!!

    LOL!!! 🙂

  • A crate made of repurposed pallets to contain his bullshit? Upcycled mason jar gaslights? Recycled bottle glass for the rose-colored glasses through which he views his AP? Raised garden beds in which to plant his seeds of doubt? A handmade cheater Twister mat with coworkers instead of colors (“Left hand on Jennifer!”)? A silkscreened t-shirt that reads “Uncle Daddy?” The possibilities are endless.

  • My cheater (aka. Peter Pan) was big time into sitting for hours on end, painting miniature war games figures, presumably to make up armies they use at war geek conventions and tournaments. Mostly the really ugly sci fi critters. He sold and traded them online with other geeks. I went to one weekend hobby show with him…the place was full of guys who looked like they do this full time, rather than lead a normal family life.

    How surprised was I when one day he presented me with a plastic figure of a naked, bosomy woman with long blonde hair, that he had “painted”. He said “it’s my version of you!”. It was clear to any idiot that it did not resemble me so I just thanked him and absentmindedly put it on the kitchen windowsill. It was not until after d-day that I realised that the figure was an exact rendition of OW. Fat, big bust, blonde, tart shoes…and a snarky look on her face. I wonder what kind of a sick thrill he got out of giving me that.

    When d-day happened, I packed all his hobby shiznat into my garbage bin and put it on the curb first thing next morning. He was already at OW’s place (to where I suggested he go) and was texting me pleading for his “stuff” while I watched the garbage truck taking it all away.

    I’d have been better off taking in a stray dog and knitting it a jacket.

      • And all the “good” clothes I bought him….I took to a homeless shelter and was really happy to hand the nice leather jacket I gave him for christmas…to a grateful stranger.

        I noticed on facebook about a hear later that Cheater (who is always broke) was still wearing the same shirt he was wearing the day I tossed his arse out the door. Maybe OW should knit him a jumper.

    • It’s never too late to take in a stray dog! Dogs are the universes way of making up for all the horrible things cheaters do.

    • Yup, I took in 3 rescue dogs after I kicked out Hannibal Lecher. Best trade I ever made.

  • My STBX’s hobbies:
    –Self-discovery (‘making himself stronger’ and becoming ‘enlightened’)
    –Getting fathers’ rights groups to (probably unknowingly) beat me down as he has maligned them to me
    –Harassing me in other ways
    –Probably using the strap-on that he wanted to use on me during pseudo-reconciliation.
    I just keep thinking of scenes from Silence of the Lambs (put the lotion in the basket) when I think about his extremely bizarre behavior.

  • Crossword puzzles of excuses and lies! Then they can pretend to fill them in with the downgrades!!

    • He used to play online Scrabble with the c**t while I sat alone in the other room (yes, I’m working on my self esteem, because why did I put up with that????) but the funny part is he was cheating by using some app to come up with obscure words. Cheater in every sense of the word. She was probably cheating too.

      • Hey! Mine did that too; played scrabble, texted her, sent her pictures of our cats… She even watched the same shows that we did at the same time so they could text each other about it when I wasn’t looking. Awwe, cute, all cheaters are soooooo alike, it’s adorable, in that I want to stab myself in the eye with a pen, pull out the eye and then eat it while watching myself in the mirror with my one remaining eye kind of way.

          • I was so naive. I didn’t know they used the online games to communicate. I really thought it was just a game. It was a game, but not the kind I thought it was. I did put my foot down when he informed me they were going to start “working out” together after work and he’d be late getting home. Ah, no I don’t think so. There are gyms for that. He was always bitching at me about being lazy but he wasn’t interested in “working out” with me. And what about her family who I was told meant EVERYTHING to her? Didn’t she have to get home to them instead of spending time with someone else’s husband? I always wondered what her husband thought about it all.

        • Oh yes, Schmoopie McHoworker has a husband that means the world to her. They’re soooo happy. Sooo happy that she would spend hours at night texting and sending photos of her stupid cats to my husband. Oh yah, she loves him. She talks like a hick, it’s hard to put into words. Anyway, she’d loves her man so much that she called my house crying that she misses talking to my husband after I put the ki-bosh on their “friendship”. They didn’t play Scabble as they are both terrible at spelling. Mine can’t even spell Walmart properly. They were both good at playing mind games with me though. Oh cheaters and their playbook. It’s all the same.

    • Ode to a green lump of putty I found in my armpit ine misdsummer morning is a masterpeice compared to the garbage Ex would spout.

  • My extra creative super Narc ex-cheater would surely enjoy making a very realistic blow up doll (think “live dolls”) of HIMSELF!

    That way, there would be more of him to go around. Think of the all the good he’s be doing for all the lucky ladies on this planet!

    Of course, it would be a much younger version of himself, with rock hard six-pack abs, all his hair and no wrinkles. Just like what I think he must see when he looks in the mirror. He’d he’d make sure to have it come equipped with the extra-green contacts he liked to wear after he turned 50. And of course, the dick would be at least 3 times of what his junk really is.

    The upgraded doll would have a pull string on the back that makes the doll talk!

    For the first few years it would say things like “you’re so pretty”, “you are my sweet baby”. “we are two peas in a pod”, etc.

    For the next 10 years or so, it would change to “You don’t bring home enough money” and “you shouldn’t do karaoke because you can’t hit the right notes” and “I’m going to be working late tonight, don’t wait up”

    After that, it would switch to only say . “I don’t know”, “I don’t know”, and an occasional “I don’t remember.”

    All dolls come with the following accessories:

    Lube, since he loves to fuck people up the ass (literally and figuratively)
    A CD soundtrack of songs he can lie that he wrote (Yesterday, Born to Run, maybe Stairway to Heaven)
    A cell phone permanently attached to his hand for more life-like action

    Best of all, once all is said and done…..

    He can use it to FUCK HIMSELF!!!!!

    • PS – Place your order TODAY because the first 15 callers also receive a FREE “Removable Wedding Ring” that easily and conveniently slides on and off the dolls hand at random times!

      • Hmmmm Kimmy…. good point. Maybe he could add a feature where his nose grows every time he lies and then he can be named “Pinokio the Prevaricator” ??

        With the extra growing nose feature, all the lucky ladies who own one of these babies will have not one but TWO appendages to choose from for ALL their sexual needs. I think we’re gonna need to raise the retail price on this thing.

    • what is with the fake color contacts? Diablo has the most beautiful green eyes. my youngest has those same eyes, the boy is constantly getting told what pretty eyes he has and he is only 9. i am sure Diablo got his share of compliments too.

      but one month after i kicked him out, he shows up at the boys pine wood derby with blue eyes. i didnt notice at first since i was avoiding looking at him so he sat right next to me and started a conversation so i would notice. i guess he felt pretty upset when i did not react in the proper way. all i sai was “your eyes are blue” he said “yes they are”. i was like “your eyes are not blue”. he said “they are now” with that little boy grin i used to love. and i ended with “thats stupid”….apparently that just showed that i was not in love with him because i didnt gosh on how pretty his fake eyes were…..he was 38.

      • Fucking narc cheaters. My (natural) eyes are VERY blue. For nearly 20 years, I allowed him to tell me I had grey eyes. I got to the point wher I almost believed him. Seriously, asshole? You nearly convinced me my eyes were a different color, just because it was clear my eyes were prettier than yours. What a DICK.

  • My ExWH literally took up learning how to write computer code and just released his website, which is his firstname lastname.org. Gag.

    His self description literally includes the line “an all around good guy.” I don’t think he understands what “good guy” means. The delusions these people need to tell themselves.

    • Kim – I found my ex’s Plenty of Fish ad and he called himself “respectful” ha ha ha!!!!! If being hyper active with prostitutes while you’re married makes you respectful, I’d hate to see what would happen if that WASN’T one of his attributes.

      • I found an ex boyfriend’s pof profile. I had dumped him for cheating, kleptomania, and general douchebaggery.

        He described himself as “enjoys travel” but forgot to add ” with any gf who is stupid enough to prepay my tickets, because I never repay anyone”. He even had the nerve to post photos of himself posing next to MY sports car.

        • Glad I saw your post, it reminded me my stbx had several social network sites. ..his pictures were pictures I took of him on romantic weekends!! And he posted a picture that I was in but cropped me out!! Effing POS!! Hooray I am mad…mad is better then sad!!:-) 🙂

          • Freefall,
            This same guy posted the only photo of himself ever taken in a suit…at his wedding, only he cut out the bride of course. I only realised where that photo came from when Imwas leafing through an album at his house, And his ex wife? Beautful girl, but now languishing in kidney dialysis with final stage disease while he goes out dating because he has decided they are “separated”. This is why one needs to see the divorce decree before dating these jokers.

            • Hey chumps Marci makes a very good point, you need to see a divorce decree before dating someone. My stbx dated too many woman to count that “thought” he was divorced for years!! My state has a website for validating public records – anyone can see if someone is divorced for real. Just in case your picker isnt totally fixed, those re-entering the dating scene might do a quick google search.:-) 🙂

    • The swamp of cognitive dissonance that these cheaters have to slog through in order to make such statements about themselves would swallow rational humanity.

  • Mine didn’t and doesn’t do crafts but his GF suggested putting slow dancing in the nude at the top of her list when she next visited. Hope they had curtains!

  • My arts and crafts started yesterday gathering up all his belongings and putting them in his shop! He says he can’t have all this shit in his shop when customers show up! My answer don’t care. He screams I don’t want any of this shit get it out of my business! My answer still don’t care. Remove your belongings to your whores house she bought it for you remember. Bat my eyes flip my hair turn and walk away. An hour later sheepish asshole comes to the kitchen door sorry sorry. Ha! He wants to show me something keeps bugging me so off I go to look. Shows me the trailer for his race car that he had to purchase brand new and put thousands of dollars of improvements in that has sat untouched in the back yard for 6 years and has four flats has sprung a huge leak and the inside is ruined and how will he ever get the money he wants for it! Me laughing says to him your showing me this, why? This is my fault too I suppose your neglect is my fault. Then it hit me as much as he wants to let go he can’t looking for my sympathy to pet him. This asshole really wants to hang onto two women. He moved out for two years, never not once asked for a divorce, never even brought it up! I asked him why, he said he was afraid. What the fuck!!!! So I know what his favorite hobby is. Its lying. Lie to the lawyer and judge dude I can’t hear you anymore. Lala lala lala………

  • My soon to be ex husband became quite the little shopper around the time he started charming all those idiot young girls at his office, and his favorite thing to waste our hard earned money on was “hand crafted leather shoes.” Admittedly, I bought him a pair here and there for special occasions too, when I was doing the pick me dance, though I hated it and all of my shoes put together probably cost about as much as one pair of his. I’d love to get my hands on those leather shoes, cut them up into pieces, and sew them back together into a fine hand crafted leather blow doll for him to stick his dick in when he gets lonely, so he can do that instead of texting me bullshit about how he still loves me.

    • My xNP had a favorite word: “bespoke.” He applied it to lots of things he had to have: shoes, vacations with guides, shirts, car interiors, prob pussy too. Wouldn’t know about that one. I openly (gently) mocked his use of the word when he used it around our boys trying to develop narc appetites in their young brains. Livin’ large — all 5′ 3″ 230 pounds of lovable him. Meeeeemoriiiiiesssss — of the WAAAAY we used to beeeeeeeee……

      • Bespoke pussy, huh. That could be a thing. I could make those, out of the fine leather scraps, and sell them online. He really loved those shoes, wouldn’t be surprised if he rubbed his dick on them once in a while.

  • Buy a really ugly Halloween costume, and film yourself dancing and singing in it. Post videos to YouTube.
    Become a “talk show host,” interviewing weirdos like yourself. Post to YouTube.
    Write a book about how inspirational you are, pay a fake publisher $5K to print it, and have a book signing in a donut shop. Claim this book is going to be a huge best seller and claim that you frequently run into people reading it, or people who recognize you from the cover and want your autograph.
    Pay little girls $20 to pretend to recognize you as a big star and clamor for your autograph while waiting on line at crowded fast food joints.
    Get an under-the-table job working in a French fry cooking trailer at the county fair. Travel around with your fellow carnies for week or two.
    Spend every waking hour trolling Facebook for more “friends” and “likes.”
    Go to a foreign country with some crazy person you barely know, and claim that she imprisoned you in her home and you had to call the police to escape.
    Fall in “love” with someone online, someone you never actually meet in person, and claim that she is your girlfriend and you have a deep connection.

  • I have seen “martial arts” misspelled many times as “marital arts”

    Seems to me that cheaters would have done themselves, their chump and the world a lot of good had they taken up training/study in “marital arts.”

  • Something I would actually like to seen one of these clowns create (warning: project for computer dweeb) would be an interactive map program where they could choose an avatar and plop it onto each place where they had cheated on the planet. For someone like my x, I imagine there would be a concentration near his work places, but there would also be a magnificent peacock-tail fanning out to represent his extensive travel. They could choose whether to add granularity to the info by maybe showing different OW as different colors, if they only dallied with a few steady OW, or alternately reporting on quality of cooz in different venues for those who take a more mercantile approach to their strange. There could be hidden notes you could read with a secret code, to see more prurient details that should not be forgotten. Perhaps secret video of encounters would get dropped in there. With any luck it would be like their own private Sim Life and would give them enough of that addictive secretive sneaking James Bond thrill just recounting and hiding all of their sweet sweet memories. Would all of us chumps love to actually see that and KNOW, or would it be TMI? Deep in my heart and mind, I still feel like I get set free more and more with every objective realization that my x really was all that, and I was irrelevant to the behaviors. Maybe we could enhance the board with a polygraph.

    • No, wait. I got it. We should make a mobile version of this, call it the Bespoke Pussy Map App, where there is a link to a shop where you can order custom maps of your favorite pussy memory locations, printed onto fine leather. Then they can use that leather map to make shoes. I’m gonna make Bespoke Pussy Leather Goods a thing. We’re gonna be rich, lorelei.

      • Hah WCKM741k that is the first time I have APPRECIATED the use of that word! Let’s DO this thang!

  • These are the funniest comments ever! I guess my ex should take up stand up comedy cause that’s what he claims to like about the Whore. She’s so Funny and FUN to talk to. Unlike me I guess.

  • omg I thought this might be a post about William Morris. He was a mega chump, poor fellow. He even bought a manor house and let his wife live in it with an artist called Rossetti. In his case though I think there was something about a woman Monty Python refers to as a ‘watery tart’ and a magic sword and a circular dining table getting in the way of his mightiness.

    I see now that I was mistaken.

    • And William Morris blamed himself for his wife’s affair because he had worked too many hours and not paid attention to her! Mega-chump, indeed. Plus, Rossetti was one of his best friends. Ugh.

  • I thought that the “‘watery tart’ and magic sword and a circular dining table” was a reference to King Arthur (in one version of the myth) receiving the sword Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake (“clothed in purest white samite”). And the circular dining table is the “Round Table,” obviously.

    I seem to recall that the quote is from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail?”

  • This would be an app but it’s “art”…how about a special filter for all those nasty penis and booby selfies they exchange? So when you take the picture it AUTOMATICALLY makes those body parts look bigger, smoother and younger! Also blurs out important objects in the background like your wife’s brand of shampoo in the bathtub so you can keep your secret safe!

    For an extra $1.99 we’ll even encrypt these photos so they look like pics of the dog on his cellphone when viewed! I mean it IS a dog you’re looking at anyway but….

    Course it won’t matter because the dumb shits will just plaster these on their Twitter account anyway where all Gods (& their own) children can see them. And then act surprised they favorited those photos!

    Cheaters are stupid. This app would make millions. It could be called PerfectPoon365 just like a naughty version of the selfie app

    • Dat, it is 6. 40am in Melbourne, Australia and I nearly brought up my breakfast. Yuk, yuk,yuk. Thank you. 🙂

      • Well I hoped it would bring a laugh Maree, I knew that wasn’t Saddam, his physique was similar but his dick was too small, with the mask it was the only way to tell !

  • Does anyone remember what that daisy loom from the 80s was called? It had a stick on the bottom that you twisted and the daisy would just pop off and they showed quilts and all sorts of awesome things you could make in the commercial.

  • Okay, this is more of a science project than arts & crafts but I am now picturing Asshat and Florence, in a wood paneled basement, building a volcano for school. They can put little figurines of me, Little Elf and their families and coworkers they have willfully lied to around the base and instead of some oatmeal, flour, food colouring mess, it can spew loads of shit that then rains down on all of us mere mortals. Freaking king and queen of Mordor building their own little Mt Doom.

  • Or how about temporary personalized tramp stamp tattoos? Guaranteed to wash off in five days or before the novelty of fucking strange wears off. Blech.

    • oh my giddy aunt. that is perfect for these crazies. the oompa loompa had Diablo name tattooed on her chest under a horrible cover up for her last victums name after only being with him 3 months (well probaly 6 months if you count the time they were together before i kicked him out that they are acting like they werent together) neither name is her husbands name either. she is going to run out places for names on of these days.

      • Well, you see, the oompa loompa can’t even remember your fuckwit’s name, so she has to stamp it on her body so she can remember what it is. That’s why her body has become a pin-board full of names on it. I’m surprised she’d be able to even read it though, but she probably is reduced to a series of grunts so she doesn’t have to actually read it.

        • i always wonder how Diablo felt having sex with her and looking at her last boyfriends name while he was doing her.

          of course he was OH SO impressed with her dedication of her love of him. she must really love him so much more then mrsvain. WTF? i can believe he honestly thinks that means her love is real. it appentantly never dawned on him that the love she had for the last guy she tattooed his name did not last. nor does it seem to bother anybody that she is tattoing other guys names on her body while still being married to her husband. and since diablo has a common name she even put the first letter of his last name. you know to separate him from all the other Diablos she known and fucked.

          but she is one class act. she RESPECTS him donchaknow, god put her in his life for a reason, they were meant to be. the 3 other marriages she tried to break up were just for practice. the last ass that she tattooed on her chest didnt treat her good. it wasnt her fault he left her (i think he went to jail and she moved on) she really did love him but her love for my husband is more then all the others…

          gag. i dont understand crazy.

          • Reminds me of Homer Simpson’s chore hat: “If I draw that name out of the hat, I’ll do him, but that one was just a practice so I don’t have to.”

  • I think the best arts and crafts for my fucktards would be making Valentine’s Day cards. But instead of hearts they are dicks and vaginas surrounded by white lacey paper. Handing out dicks and vaginas on Valentines Day would be very appropriate for cheaters.

    It would be a dead giveaway to a chump. We would look at the dick or vagina card and truly know it is a red flag.

    • I am suddenly imagining a perverse Dick and Jane book only it would be Dick and Vagina. With a dog named, Spit? Rash? I need some coffee.

      • THAT is even better…..laugh out loud funny, ChumpyElf.

        See Dick run. Run, Dick, run.

        HA HA H HA HA

    • Oh my word, YESSSS!!! Just the thing every cheater needs to hang on their back porch- a thong mobile, or a sex toy sculpture on the mantle!!!

  • Hey, here’s a good one……..quite simple……BE A MAN (OR WOMAN)………OWN UP!!

  • I know there are always going to be a couple of people who are a bit off put by your posts Tracey. Sadly this time it’s me 🙁

    “Arts and Crafts” is quite useful in tackling a host of mental issues, including acute stress. I am not in the States so I will give a local example|
    http://ww2.health.wa.gov.au/Corporate/Articles/A_E/Creative-Expression-Centre-for-Arts-Therapy-CECAT

    I would have preferred the post to be “for chumps” not “for cheaters”. I won’t waffle, but I think the negative association is unfair. I personally would love to hear about chumps being mighty.

    Was there anyone for example that took up writing and discovered just how good they were? So good they are onto their second book?

    Building up chumps, for me at least is just as meaningful as tearing down cheaters.

    • Natt, it’s just snark and satire. I indulge occasionally. Some chumps are helped by snarking about cheaters. Take what you need and leave the rest. (And I love arts & crafts, for the record.)

    • Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. And Natt, come on, this shit is FUNNY

      Not making fun of the arts and crafts at all! I even adore the afgan shorts 🙂

    • Theres plenty of people who find new hobbies or rediscover old ones when they’ve booted out a cheater. CL herself is onto her second book after leaving a cheater. Plenty of us here have thrived on new hobbies post-cheater.
      Thing is though – hobbies like arts and crafts can be used for either beneficial (what you stated above re. tackling mental issues) or awful (read: cheaters claiming they’re awesome at something they are awful at, Esthel Perel’s bullshit ‘art therapy’ degree, etc) purposes. Unfortunately, the disordered will try to take anything for their own, to trample our territory – this is just a means to make them look like the dicks they are, and to claim back what we enjoy.

    • Natt, there have been several “Mighty Chumps” posts, all with hundreds of replies. It’s a popular topic around here. And lots of us love crafts — I do a wide variety of arts and crafts myself. Just having some fun here, it’s not serious and certainly not suggesting that crafts are only for cheaters.

      • Thanks all. I think rereading my post it might have been a “trigger” for me. Odd what does it sometimes. Hobbies have really helped me, especially when my brain is on “overdrive”

        I posted in the morning before coffee. Now after a fun day out (it’s spring here) and a reread I “get” “snark” a lot more.

        Laina (above) makes a great point. Thanks for the thoughtful responses 🙂

  • Balloon animals out of condoms. Because why else would a married man have them in his work bag when he and his wife don’t use them. Loads of entertainment for all!

    • 1 free bird

      I found a used one in our outside garbage can years ago. He denied it was his. He had a vasectomy. He was screwing the woman I rented an apartment to upstairs who just divorced and I was taking care if her child after school. The shit I believed.

      X is going on a whore birthday vacation again on his credit card, the asshole who made me pay for my Easter dinner before DDay. My daughter reminded me he didn’t leave me for her, it was because he’s always been fucked up. Yes! I was up to number seventeen with the whore he ended up with. I just realized I can stop counting. It’s no longer my problem. I don’t have to keep track of the ones he’s cheating with on her. Two have been spotted since he moved in with her. She’s already at two and she has no idea. Lol.

  • Artistic, black and white still life portraits of their penis with a variety of props. Apples, feathers, fake pumpkins. The cheater posing dramatically — think of the statue, “The Thinker.” Or in a reflective mode, gazing upwards thoughtfully while sporting a big boner.

  • How about special hot mitts made out of unicorn hair? They will help cheaters from getting burned by grabbing that hot piece of ass that they just can’t stop themselves from grabbing.

  • Go on dating websites and pretend to be a woma. Being cheaters they know exactly what to say to stroke the sleezeball ego, troll for dates from like minded sleezeballs. Have a contest with their male counterparts and see who wins the Golden Dick. …and a large bottle of moisturizer to go with it.

  • Cheater Craft COCK TAILS might be right up their alley. Since they all use the same playbook it’s sure to be a hit. We might have a Backseat BJ, The F-Me BEBE, and the Pumped Up Limp Dick for starters. It wouldn’t tax their wee little brains.

    They could extend it to shots. X might call his The MASTER-BAITER, and he could name one after her – wouldn’t all cheaters love asking for a shot of WORTHLESS-WHORE.

  • This I saw on a prison show and its PERFECT for cheaters…paper mache roses made from all the hotel and gift receipts from Victorias Secret they have getting their AP the same lacy lingere sets they liked on their wife! AND these “Apology Roses” are the ideal way to say Im sorry to your Chump. (Just like the cheater dont look too closely at what theyre made of though)

    Sadly these Roses only come in yellow, the only color cheaters can recognize

  • how about makeup artist? or neighborhood theatre? you know for all the bs they make up or the play acting they do

  • APP’s name: Guess the movie/show ❗️❗️with cheaters favorites such as: Mad Man (guilty chump used to watch it with him for the fashion ) him to get ideas and dress up as the fucking main character (hair cut too) . Californication, Big love, I think I love my life movie and all the other cheaters favorites. Bastards

  • Maybe building faux chastity belts… Boy would that get their kink on!… Probably some factory in China has already beat them to it (yuck).

  • Connect the Dots for Dummies…one dot on the paper would have a saying from a cheater and the next one would have a saying from a chump kinda like the UBT. Educational worksheets like these may help reinforce the idea that cheaters suck and force them to look at themselves.

  • How about hand decorated paper bags to put over the heads of the ugly worthless whores they seem compelled to fuck.

    Or maybe rhinestone cat eye cheater goggles? They have to have some explanation as to why they see Ms. America in these nasty sluts while every one else just sees some ordinary, plain dumpster. Look it up on Urban Dictionary.

  • Laughing so hard at this Anita!! This is my vote. They could make his and hers to match and post twinning pics.

    I figured out how to anchor screws into the wall to hang my new curtain rods. This was a first. I made up an, I can do it my self with out you song- I don’t need you! Yeah! Washed my car and just sat down with a glass of wine.

    I was wondering why the fuck chumps are so hard on themselves. What the hell did they have to offer anyway? I hear so many apologizing at times fir spending so much time with the kids needs, appointments, and work.

    Chumps are the ones deprived of true love and kindness when it really mattered. I think about just the small shit and truthfully he was always selfish and deceitful. My daughter hit the nail on the head. It was always there. Good partners, good moms/dads don’t cheat. We are the ones who were competing for love, intamacy, and attention without knowing it was always a threesome. We just didn’t know that neglected feeling was because we meant three.

    I’m done being hard on myself. Let’s face it all cheaters and the OWOM should feel remorse/guilt, humility, and shame. They substitute blame and justification. She’s pretty, she’s ugly, she’s young can all step forward wearing a, “I fucked your husband and you at the same time” banners and receive the brown bag award for pretending they found something equivalent to stepping in dog shit.
    Goodby to the hardon me. She’s the one who has to pretend with him and his GoodGuy with a twig dick dream but get no where tragedy.

    Love your ideas. Let THEM wear brown bags. My lawyer who was retiring and has seen it all said it best, “What’s wrong with him”. The list is long. Let’s just bag it and tag it, TOXIC.

    • Donna – you are awesome!! Very inspirational words here and yep its that simple — TOXIC !!

      Glad you are mastering home improvements on your own:-) 🙂

  • Haven’t read all the comments so sorry if this is duplicate. I think cheaters should take up baking! Cakes of course. Maybe kibble cakes. Then they can make their cake and eat it too, full of kibbles, without fucking over us chumps. Maybe they would even share some with us. Chump nation can probably come up with more clever cakes they could bake and eat.

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