I like to end the week on a participatory note. So your homework today until Monday is to write Chump Nation some doublespeak in the vein of this Esther Perel gem I found on her Facebook page:
Betrayal is awful but sometimes you need to betray the social order to create something that is better and more right. The way out of something that should not continue. Out of oppression, an unfair system. Broaden lens and context, a weapon or pathway to freedom to something that needed to stops. Systems treason. Following the rules is not always the best thing in society. Awful things can happen by “following the rules”.
Betrayal good! I’m reminded of the misattributed quote to Joseph Stalin, that “to make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs.” Eggs being people. (The link above to a Slate article has a catalog of murderous dictators who have nicely rationalized slaughter with this expression).
What else could use some spin?
STDs are awful, but sometimes you need more bacterial diversity in your genitals.
With a broader lens and context, poisoning kittens is a pathway to freedom.
Out of oppression… kibbles!
I’ve spent the week drawing cartoons, doing final edits on the book, and fielding requests from the BBC for a segment on the Ashley Madison hack. My brain hurts. The Universal Bullshit Translator is weary, but it will always fire up for Esther.
Betrayal is awful but sometimes you need to betray the social order to create something that is better and more right.
“Better and more right.” English isn’t your first language, huh?
Esther, I’m going to assume you’re speaking about infidelity and not apartheid South Africa. Because we don’t “betray” social orders. We betray people.
How do you overthrow social orders to bring about a better system? Revolution. (Cue affairs as “exuberant acts of defiance.”) Of course, most of the civilized world prefers voting and democracy to lynch mobs and guillotines. But oh hey, we’re talking about betraying oppressive chumps here. Super meanies!
The way out of something that should not continue.
Are you drunk, Esther?
Here’s a suggestion — the way out of a bad marriage is to call a divorce lawyer. It’s real easy here in the West! We have divorce court!
Out of oppression, an unfair system.
Poor cheaters are oppressed, huh? And monogamy is just so unfair! That thing they agreed to, with full agency — it’s hegemonic and bossy!
Broaden lens and context, a weapon or pathway to freedom to something that needed to stops.
Betrayal is just a weapon to stop something that needs stopping. (i.e., commitment to a spouse?) I’m trying to piece together your meaning here Esther, but it’s so word salad-y, that I’m sure you’ll tell me You Didn’t Mean That. But golly, it sure seems like you mean betrayal is for the Greater Good.
WTF? Is this some dysmorphic robot fantasy you’re crafting, Esther?
People, things. People, things. Systems don’t commit treason. People do. I’m beginning to think you’re kind of a sociopath, Esther. People aren’t things.
Following the rules is not always the best thing in society.
Honey, I didn’t betray you for my own selfish dick, I did it for society! I fucked to fight oppression! Take THAT you treasonous systems! By creating a secret dating profile, I’ll strike another blow for freedom!
Awful things can happen by “following the rules”.
What? Marriage is Nazi Germany?
Frankly, awful things happen when you don’t follow the rules. Anarchy. Chaos. Kim Davis.
Anyway, Chumps, see if you can out-doublespeak the Master, Esther Perel. Have at it.