Hey, CL, can we analyze this: “You don’t love/value me the way I need to be loved/valued”?
What on earth is this supposed to mean? We love them the best we can, yet it’s not the way they’re supposed to be loved? I didn’t know there was a specific criteria to follow in order for them to feel loved. In that case, we’re all doing it wrong!
Why yes, KoT, you WERE doing it all wrong. You’re supposed to be a smorgasbord of pussy. Didn’t you get the memo? Your inability to replicate yourself into an array of exciting options is your fault. Work on that.
So what does “You don’t love/value me the way I need to be loved/valued” mean?
Well, on the face of it, coming from cheaters, it’s projection. They’re cheating on you. So if anyone is failing to love someone meaningfully here, it’s them. Hey Bozo, you spent the rent on hookers. I’m not feeling valued.
It’s also a nice bit of blameshifting. They had to do the Bad Thing because nobody loved them right. Not their parents. Not their third grade teacher. Not you. And so life has been one sad sausage search for meaning. Can you fault someone who just wants love?
But also tangled up in this Loving the Cheater All Wrong bullshit is the notion of unconditional love. However much you loved them, and however imperfectly, you failed to love unconditionally. You probably had ideas of reciprocity, respect, and fidelity. Those are conditions, KoT. In that respect, you did fail to love your cheater the way he wants to be loved — you failed to be his chump.
Rock on with your unloveable self.