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Cheater Mad Libs: How I Met My True Love Derrick

madlibsYou asked for it! Here are Cheater Mad Libs. Now, to do this properly, you have to ask someone who has no clue what is written here for nouns, adverbs, etc. Hey, I’m sure you’re not busy — bother your co-worker in the next cubicle. We play Mad Libs at home and find that “splendid penguin costume” fits most any Mad Lib occasion. Enjoy! Post your results in the comments!

How I Met My True Love Derrick

I met Derrick at [place name]. He was wearing a [adjective] [noun] on his [body part] and I couldn’t help but notice such an [adjective] man.

“Excuse me, do I know you?” I said [adverb] while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with [plural noun] he knew from work.

He smiled a [number] watt smile at me and said, “[Term of endearment], if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his [noun] and gestured for me to sit next to his [noun].

“What’s a [adjective] [noun] like you doing in a [noun] like this?”

“Hoping to meet a [adjective] hunk of [noun] like you!” I answered [adverb].

I paid no attention to the [noun] on his ring [body part] — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than [Noun]. We had that instant connection when our [body parts] met and I just knew he was the [number]th.

“Let’s take this party over to the Hotel [Adjective]!” he suggested.

——–

It’s [number] months later, and Derrick and I are [noun] mates. He promises to leave his [adjective] [adjective] wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than [noun] and deeper than [adjective] [noun].

Oh look! A text!

“Hey, [adjective] [noun]! I miss your [adjective] [body part]!”

Swoon! Am I the luckiest [animal] or what?

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I think you are supposed to play by filling in the brackets with your own real or fantasy version of how the AP met your spouse…to bad I really don´t have time for this now but will love to read others who do!

  • Mad Libs are a group game. They are often used in elementary schools to teach grammar (kids have to supply a noun or verb or adjective or plural pronoun, etc. and this teaches them parts of speech). They are also used on family or group car trips since all they require is a book of pre-printed Mad Lib forms, and everyone can chime in answers. The books of Mad Lib forms can be purchased with themes like Animal Mad Libs or Sexy Mad Libs. (Note: not all books of Mad Libs are suitable for teaching grammar to elementary school children!)

    To play, the leader first just asks for words (following the form). “Give me a plural noun.” “Give me a verb.” “Give me two adjectives.” As the answers are given, the moderator is filling in the blanks on the form.

    Then the form is read aloud. It creates a short, ridiculous story.

    Most affairs are also short, ridiculous stories filled with plenty of inappropriate verbs and silly nouns masquerading as compliments.

  • Ha ha ha ha, Mad Libs, love them. I can’t wait to do this later today, especially what body parts are going to meet (eyeball with big toe). For those not familiar, just corner someone, and ask them for “an adjective, an adverb, a noun, etc” don’t say anything else. Then fill in the blanks with those words, read the completed version out loud, enjoy the laughter!

  • You can come up with some hilariously ridiculous stories with mad libs, just like when you ask your cheater for an explanation. I will try it when I get to work.

    • > I will try IT when I get to work.

      Does “IT” refer to trying it at work … or … asking your cheater for an explanation? The reason I ask:

      Betcha you’ll get the hilarious story at work. The ridiculous version will be home grown!

  • I met Derrick at an airport workers’ bar. He was wearing a coffee-stained t-shirt and I couldn’t help but notice such a stylish man.
    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said moistly while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with the office tarts he knew from work.
    He smiled a 0.0003 watt smile at me and said, “Hey Big Hooters, if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his left nostril and gestured for me to sit next to his enormous tufts of wiry ear hair.
    “What’s a desperate home-wrecking Dutch slut like you doing in a classy pick-up joint like this?”
    “Hoping to meet a selfish, emotionally retarded, slimy, porn-addicted English bell-end like you!” I answered slobberingly.
    I paid no attention to the white stripe on his ring finger where his ring was supposed to be — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than Amsterdam. We had that instant connection when our genital rashes met and I just knew he was the 100th best man I had ever met.
    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel Toilet!” he suggested.
    ——–
    It’s 1.345 months later, and Derrick and I are itchy-crotch mates. He promises to leave his beautiful, intelligent, loving, loyal, trusting wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than a nasal tumor and deeper than the cavity left after the removal of a pus-riddled carbuncle.
    Oh look! A text!
    “Hey, bucket vagina! I miss your smelly cock-tunnel!”
    Swoon! Am I the luckiest armadillo or what?

    Any resemblance to my own sad story of chumpiness is purely deliberate…

      • Thank you Chump Lady… and I just wanted to say a big thank you to you and to Chump Nation for dragging me kicking, screaming and peeing myself with laughter out of the appalling fog of crappy reconciliation I had plunged myself into. Thanks to you all, I feel I can face the future, whatever it may bring.
        And by the way, my story as recounted above has four versions – the first has a Spanish whore as the OW, the second one was French, the third was German and the last one Dutch. Yes folks I married and wasted 20 years on… wait for it… drum roll please…… Mr European Union Cheater!
        Lucky me, I guess I was just too English for his tastes. He was 8 months into the Dutch affair (number 4) when I got an “anonymous” email from number 3, the German, spilling the beans on my international wanker to get revenge on him for dumping her! Hell hath no fury like an OW scorned… or something like that.. Bless her, she even said she felt sorry for me. Glad she said that because it really softened the blow.

        • … and I’m one of those chumps who got cheated on during pregnancy. Baby number three conceived, carried and born during affair number one. What a quality chap. It’s my third little boy’s 4th birthday this month. His father has been cheating almost all his life. So sad. He’s desperate for us to be a family now he’s been caught, and to be (grudgingly) fair to him, he’s behaved impeccably since d-day 14 months ago, but for me it’s just too late.

    • A big round of applause!

      Well played, chumpinfrance!

      Of course, this is a hugely funny riff on the cliches that cheaters and their trashy APs use! 😀

  • How I Met My True Love Derrick

    I met Derrick at [NIMROD, MINNESOTA]. He was wearing a [CO-DEPENDENT] [FEDORA] on his [ELBOW] and I couldn’t help but notice such an [HAPHAZARD] man.
    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said [SARCASTICALLY] while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with [GOATS] he knew from work.
    He smiled a [4.7] watt smile at me and said, “[POOR SAUSAGE], if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his [LIZARD] and gestured for me to sit next to his [TRACTOR].
    “What’s a [ELECTRIC] [ZOMBIE] like you doing in a [GYM SOCK] like this?”
    “Hoping to meet a [CRAPTASTIC] hunk of [SPACKLE] like you!” I answered [HALF-HEARTEDLY].
    I paid no attention to the [PENGUIN] on his ring [NOSTRIL] — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than [SHRUB]. We had that instant connection when our [CLAVICLES] met and I just knew he was the [1,629]th.
    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel [PUTRID]!” he suggested.
    ——–
    It’s [47] months later, and Derrick and I are [DENTAL FLOSS] mates. He promises to leave his [GREASY] [VIRULENT] wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than [MUSHROOM] and deeper than [DELUSIONAL] [SHOE LACE].
    Oh look! A text!
    “Hey, [QUANTIFIABLE] [SCHNAUZER]! I miss your [UNDERCOOKED] [UVULA]!”
    Swoon! Am I the luckiest [RATTLESNAKE] or what?

  • OMG. This was absolutely hysterical. You know ~~ where your neck and face hurt so much you HAVE to stop laughing!

    You guys are brilliant. I didn’t even understand the concept until TheClip explained (thx for that) and then I fell right off the dock!! What a great day. CN rules. As usual.

  • I met Derrick at [BUS DEPOT]. He was wearing a [BODACIOUS] [FLAG] on his [ELBOW] and I couldn’t help but notice such an [INSIPID] man.

    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said [SWIMMINGLY] while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with [FESTERING SORES] he knew from work.

    He smiled a [-5.74] watt smile at me and said, “[SUGAR DUMPLING], if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his [EARFLAP] and gestured for me to sit next to his [GERBIL].

    “What’s a [ELEGANT] [SWEATSOCK] like you doing in a [CAKE PAN] like this?”

    “Hoping to meet a [GELATINOUS] hunk of [BRISKET] like you!” I answered [NOISILY].

    I paid no attention to the [HAIRBALL] on his ring [NIPPLE] — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than [DETROIT]. We had that instant connection when our [BUTTOCKS] met and I just knew he was the [17]th.

    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel [SMELLY]!” he suggested.

    ——–

    It’s [300] months later, and Derrick and I are [WART] mates. He promises to leave his [SILLY] [OBSESSIVE] wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than [DRYER LINT] and deeper than [MOURNFUL] [UNDERWEAR].

    Oh look! A text!

    “Hey, [PRETTY] [NAPKIN]! I miss your [JUICY] [SMALL INTESTINE]!”

    Swoon! Am I the luckiest [BADGER] or what?

  • Can’t wait to play this later with a fellow chump or two I know. Can’t quite call them in the middle of the work day, but tonight, the laughs are on!

  • How I Met My True Love Derrick

    I met Derrick at The workplace roach coach. He was wearing an exaggerated name tag on his man nipple and I couldn’t help but notice such a squalid man.

    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said defiantly while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with enablers he knew from work.

    He smiled a 25 watt smile at me and said, “Boner Garage, if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his oculus dexter and gestured for me to sit next to his genitalia.

    “What’s a negligent spotted hyena like you doing in a galaxy like this?”

    “Hoping to meet a absentminded hunk of bonobo like you!” I answered deliberately.

    I paid no attention to the woman’s name engraved on his ring digitus annula’ris — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than Jesus. We had that instant connection when our fist met and I just knew he was the 1th.

    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel Exuberant!” he suggested.

    ——–

    It’s 1 months later, and Derrick and I are disembodied evil spirit mates. He promises to leave his emotionally grown-up unidealized wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than Nickelback lyrics and deeper than a shallow puddle of dog piss.

    Oh look! A text!

    “Hey, slampiece hussy! I miss your sedulous tongue!”

    Swoon! Am I the luckiest weasel or what?

    • Thanks everyone for a great laugh this morning!

      That’s Ms. Indifference – “Hoping to meet a absentminded hunk of bonobo like you!” = PRICELESS!!

  • Thanks everyone for the tips! I’ve never played this, but I’ll give it a shot.

    How I Met My True Love Derrick

    I met Derrick at [ST. WILLIAM COSBY CATHEDRAL]. He was wearing a [STUNNING] [TRACKING DEVICE] on his [ANKLE] and I couldn’t help but notice such an [MILKTOAST] man.
    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said [DROOLING] while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with [UNDERAGE GIRLS] he knew from work.
    He smiled a [6] watt smile at me and said, “[NEXT CONQUEST], if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his [ONE EYED SNAKE] and gestured for me to sit next to his [HAREM].
    “What’s a [GRADE SCHOOL] [TEACHER] like you doing in a [TARGET RICH ENVIRONMENT] like this?”
    “Hoping to meet a [DELUSIONAL] hunk of [PREDATOR] like you!” I answered [WHILE TAKING MY TOP OFF].
    I paid no attention to the [FRENCH TICKLER] on his ring [NIPPLE] — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than [A MICRO CHIP]. We had that instant connection when our [AMYGDALAS] met and I just knew he was the [SOCIOPA]th.
    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel [CHUCKY CHEESE]!” he suggested.
    ——–
    It’s [37] months later, and Derrick and I are [YEAST INFECTION] mates. He promises to leave his [HOPELESSLY] [MONOGAMAOUS] wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than [BUBONIC PLAGUE] and deeper than [A] [BIRDBATH].
    Oh look! A text!
    “Hey, [MY] [SEX SLAVE]! I miss your [LACK OF] [MORALS]!”
    Swoon! Am I the luckiest [SKANK] or what?

    Okay, I apologize for not exactly playing by the rules. Hmm, cheaters don’t either. Funny that.

    • Geez, sounds exactly like the crap my ex and his skank would say to each other. Love it! One of her texts, “I have something exclusively for you!” Vomit, barf, up chuck!

  • Okay, this is fun! I wanna play this all day.

    I met Derrick at the Lusty Lady Strip Joint. He was wearing a dying flashlight on his clavicle and I couldn’t help but notice such a feckless man. “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said cheesily while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with hedgehogs he knew from work. He smiled a 15 watt smile at me and said, “Mushy-poop, if I don’t know you I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his pincushion and gestured for me to sit next to his gorilla. “What’s a musty snorter like you doing in a teacup like this?” “Hoping to meet a miniscule hunk of eyeball like you!” I answered profoundly. I paid no attention to the sequins on his ring [tongue] – I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than Socks. We had that instant connection when our fingernails met and I just knew he was the 56th. “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel Shitty!” he suggested.

    It’s 122 months later, and Derrick and I are battery mates. He promises to leave his stinking, colorful wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than pumpkins and deeper than neon monkeys.

    Oh look! A text!

    “Hey, careworn coffee mug! I miss your slimy ankles!”

    Swoon! Am I the luckiest kangaroo or what?

  • I met Derrick at the RoadKill Buffet. He was wearing detachable bib Shorteralls and I couldn’t help notice such a flatulent man.

    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I slurred while sliding up to him on the bar. He was with the cockroach exterminator he knew from work.

    He smiled a 1 megawatt smile and said Button Bedbug, “if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his one good eye and gestured for me to sit next to his rifle.

    “What’s a partially bald lady like you doing in a classy place like this?”

    “Hoping to meets a meat eater like myself!” I answered hoarsely.

    I paid no attention to the boil on his ring finger. I could tell this was a Love Bigger than Mountain Dew. We had the instant connection when his good eye met my good eye and I knew if I could count he’d be way like a big number.

    “Let’s take this party over to the alley behind the Dollar a Day Motel ” He suggested.

    ______________

    It’s a tonns of months later, and Derrick and I are inmates. He promises to leave his crazy wife divorces him and the Cubs win the World Series. I believe him! I believe him, I believe our love is greater than BBQ racoon and deeper than acne scars.

    Oh look! A text!

    “Hey one eyed girl!” I miss your pulsating thumb!”

    Swoon! Am I the luckiest bedbug ever or what?

  • “Then he winked his one good eye and gestured for me to sit next to his rifle.”

    My favourite line of the day PF. Thanks for making me splurt wine over my keyboard!

  • I met Derrick at Waffle House. He was wearing a “Free Willy” sign on his crotch and I couldn’t help but notice such an intelligently fashionable man.
    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said breathily while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with pricks he knew from work.
    He smiled a 7 watt smile at me and said, “Sugar Tits, if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his pecker and gestured for me to sit next to his bottle of Viagra.
    “What’s a ratchet ‘ho like you doing in a high-class place like this?”
    “Hoping to meet a horny, middle-aged hunk of sausage like you!” I answered eagerly.
    I paid no attention to the tan line on his ring finger — I could tell this was a Love Bigger than a BOGO sale at Payless Shoes. We had that instant connection when our eyes met and I just knew he was the 157th.
    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel Nasty!” he suggested.
    ——–
    It’s 2 months later, and Derrick and I are STD mates. He promises to leave his ungrateful, frigid wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than any Harlequin romance novel and deeper than the Okefenokee Swamp.
    Oh look! A text!
    “Hey, Chrome Polisher! I miss your voluptuous beef flaps!”
    Swoon! Am I the luckiest toad or what?

  • I do not have any great input here…. just he did say she was a hot cougar…. a MILF…. and he wanted to bang the teacher…. seems like some pathetic words but I guess thats all it took!

  • I met Derrick at the horse show. He was wearing tight Wrangler jeans on his ass and I couldn’t help but notice such a rugged man.
    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said obnoxiously while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with the twat he knew from work.
    He smiled a 43 megawatt smile at me and said, “Babe, if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his mustache and gestured for me to sit next to his cowboy hat.
    “What’s a lovely lady like you doing in a barn like this?”
    “Hoping to meet a massive hunk of horseflesh like you!” I answered enthusiastically.
    I paid no attention to the diamonds on his ring finger — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than the Kentucky Derby. We had that instant connection when our crotches met and I just knew he was the 7th.
    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel Hot Damn!” he suggested.
    ——–
    It’s 2 months later, and Derrick and I are crotch mates. He promises to leave his demanding, sexless wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than the Budweiser horses and deeper than the deepest water trough.
    Oh look! A text!
    “Hey, sexy cowboy! I miss your scraggly mustache!”
    Swoon! Am I the luckiest filly or what?

  • Lunch time fun with fellow chump – surprised how random words can make absolute sense in comparison to our cheaters:

    How I Met My True Love Derrick
    I met Derrick at [the warehouse]. He was wearing a [fluffy] [mouse] on his [ear] and I couldn’t help but notice such an [slippery] man.
    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said [monthly] while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with [worms] he knew from work.
    He smiled a [34] watt smile at me and said, “[pookie], if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his [pajamas] and gestured for me to sit next to his [antique].
    “What’s a [melted] [dog] like you doing in a [mummy] like this?”
    “Hoping to meet a [jazzy] hunk of [apple] like you!” I answered [wearily].
    I paid no attention to the [helicopter] on his ring [nose] — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than [legos]. We had that instant connection when our [livers] met and I just knew he was the [18]th.
    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel [creepy]!” he suggested.
    ——–
    It’s [Pi] months later, and Derrick and I are [neoprene] mates. He promises to leave his [minty] [husky] wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than [sofa] and deeper than [oval] [time machine].
    Oh look! A text!
    “Hey, [lazy] [basket]! I miss your [blinky] [knee pit]!”
    Swoon! Am I the luckiest [anteater] or what?

  • I met Derrick at my husband’s college He was wearing a brown jeans on his shaved ass and I couldn’t help but notice such a charismatic man.

    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said coquettishly while sidling up to him at the Student Center Cafeteria. He was with my husband he knew from school.

    He smiled a 220 watt smile at me and said, “Goddess, if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his sky-blue eye and gestured for me to sit next to his 8 ½ inch, double-wide penis.

    “What’s a young married woman like you doing in such an expensive liberal arts college like this?”

    “Hoping to meet a tan hunk of pretention like you as my husband works night shifts while maintaining a high GPA to maintain his scholarship to this high-priced, elite college that he could never afford otherwise!” I answered subserviently.

    I paid no attention to the trust fund attached to his pedigree — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than His Parent’s Brokerage Account.

    We had that instant connection when our body fluids met and I just knew he was the “The One” even though I was already married to someone I thought was “The One.”

    “Let’s take this party over to your apartment while your husband is at work and as your toddler sleeps in the next room!” he begged and begged and begged me.
    ——–
    It’s five months later, and Derrick and I are true soulmates.

    He promises to leave his Student Body Presidency just as soon as I dump my hard-working yet temperamental husband for him.

    I believe in him!

    I believe OUR love is greater than family values and deeper than marital promises.

    After all, marriage is only a government-imposed piece of paper!

    Oh look! A text!

    “Hey, Beautiful Princess, I miss your perky tits and hot ass…I can’t wait for you to blow me while your husband in class trying to build a bright future for you and that kid you made with him!”

    Swoon!

    Am I the World’s Luckiest Bunny or what?

    • Your MadLib seems to closer to the actual events than mine…. I’m sorry. There are absolutely no bounds to the depths of their despicable acts.

  • Trying this with people on Facebook who’ll have no idea about context…. Let’s see what they come up with 😀

  • I played with my chump guy friend.

    I met Derrick at Mt. Tittycaca. He was wearing a surly virus on his rectum and I couldn’t help but notice such a diseased man.

    “Excuse me, do I know you?” I said hotly while sidling up to him at the bar. He was with sheep he knew from work.

    He smiled a 17 watt smile at me and said, “Sweet cheeks, if I don’t know you, I’d sure like to.” Then he winked his corkscrew and gestured for me to sit next to his paintbrush.

    “What’s a godly ramrod like you doing in a saddle like this?”

    “Hoping to meet an ugly-ass hunk of hippo like you!” I answered quickly.

    I paid no attention to the growth on his ring ear lobe — I could tell this was a Love Bigger Than Dipstick. We had that instant connection when our gonads met and I just knew he was the 1,789th.
    “Let’s take this party over to the Hotel Excited!” he suggested.
    ——–
    It’s 1 month later, and Derrick and I are planet mates. He promises to leave his hairy, viscious wife just as soon as the Cubs win the World Series. I believe in him! I believe our love is greater than tan lines and deeper than shiny hormones.

    Oh look! A text!

    “Hey, grizzled douche-hammer! I miss your greenish udder!”

    Swoon! Am I the luckiest red-assed babboon or what?

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