Old crazy? New tradition!

virgin-mary-holiday-anxiety-funny-ecard-zrAOn the eve of Thanksgiving, to get out of the chump holiday doldrums, I thought it might be fun to compare Old Holiday Dysfunction with New Holiday Tradition. Don’t have any new traditions? Make some up!

For example:

Old Holiday Dysfunction (OHD) — Your drunk father-in-law rails on about One World Order conspiracies while his wife passive aggressively refuses to acknowledge your casserole. “Oh, I must’ve forgotten those roasted brussel sprouts. Left them under the broiler. Oops. I suppose they were… organic?” Meanwhile, your cheater is locked in a bathroom texting with Schmoopie.

New Holiday Tradition (NHT) — Cooking dinner in your pajamas! A gathering of friends and family! (i.e., people who LIKE you!) Pumpkin pie for breakfast! All the organic, roasted brussel sprouts you can eat! A long walk after dinner and then marathon BBC dramas til the tryptophan kicks in.

So chumps — what’s your new tradition?

 

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ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago

Old Holiday Dysfunction (OHD) – My in-laws stay inside their home all week, except when they need to buy groceries at the supermarket. My partner never helps them do anything, and lies all day on his bed upstairs, reading or sleeping, showing up only to eat or to walk the dogs in the park. I spend the whole vacation programming or drawing comics on my computer. At the end of the vacation, he adds some decades-old books in my trunk, that I will have to sell online for him. I drive us across the country in my car both ways.
New Holiday Tradition (NHT) – I haven’t figured out yet what I will be doing.

Anita
Anita
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Chump From F, other than jail or the hospital, just about anything would be a step up from that, lol.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  Anita

I had never seen it that way, haha ! I never complained, I actually kept myself busy. But him on the other hand, was eager to leave if we visited my side of the family. And he never said thank you for the gifts. I had not realized ; my mother told me recently that she resented the fact that he never thanked anybody.

SueB
SueB
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

That is why I got divorced…to keep me out of jail! The Old Holiday Dysfunction: There were 5 Christmases for us to go to. One for the two of us, one with the in-laws, one with my parents, one with each of my extended families on my paternal and maternal side. I don’t know that my in-laws seemed so terrible at the time. Though my ex and ex brother in law had a tradition of watching a Christmas movie I didn’t like every year.

New Holiday Tradition: There are 3 Christmases to go to. One with my parents and one with each side of my extended family. There are a lot less gifts to buy as we draw names from a hat and only buy for 1 person for the big Christmases with my extended family. On my maternal side, my younger cousin is fond of asking me questions about my love life every single year and my grandma is fond of commenting that I can bring a male friend/boyfriend to Christmas. I have decided from now on when asked questions, I am just going to say “Instead of answering questions, I’m going to send out a memo whenever I have something I want to share about my love life.” Lol. Then if anyone keeps asking, I can quote Office Space and say “Did you get the memo?”

Chestnut Mare
Chestnut Mare
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Crapweasel never thanked anyone, either.

sephage
sephage
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Interestingly, my mother just recently remarked that she couldn’t recall ever being thanked by my cheating stbxw.

One Step at a Time
One Step at a Time
8 years ago

OHD:

My Xh (who always loudly proclaimed he hated holidays) asking: “What time do I HAVE to be at your parents?” or “What time can I LEAVE your parents?” or “Do we HAVE to celebrate this year?” while all the while I am working my ass off trying to make it special for someone who would never appreciate it.
My Xh complaining about how much he dreads going to see his family for the holidays. (Insert the same questions as above.)
My Xh complaining about the food and not having enough of what he likes.
My Xh making comments about everyone in my family and his family.
My Xh refusing to play games with us because everyone knows he “doesn’t like games”.
My Xh acting like everything he did on any holiday took a Herculean effort just be present…FORGET about actually enjoying it.

Really…why did I even try???

NFT:

We will arrive early. We will eat what we want of the food we love. We will play games all afternoon. We will watch football. We will laugh together. We will enjoy each other. We will leave late. We will give thanks for all the things we have. (And not to hurt my children, I will silently give thanks for some of the things I lost.)

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago

Ditto ditto and ditto. Nothing was ever good enough, both are families were horrible people because no one appreciated Cheater. They didn’t listen to him adoringly when he pontificated at the dinner table about everything he knew so much more about than the rest of us put together. He complained about my kids for not helping when he himself never lifted a pinky finger to help with food preparation, EVER not ONE single time in 16 years. Unless you count when he bought one of those turkey deep fryers (or wait, I bought it as he never had any money). Then the ONE time when he deep fried the turkey outside in the cold, he was a Martyr and Hero for doing that and the turkey was zillions of times better than any turkey I or anyone else ever made the pathetic lame old fashioned way. Though he never had any problem eating it LOL.

If we traveled to his horrible family or my horrible family (his words), of course he would drive all 5 to 8 hours each way, depending on where we were going; or even when we drove halfway across the country I was not allowed to drive my own car (though it was OK for me to pay for the gas!). See, he was such a better driver than me. And he said he couldn’t “handle” being a passenger. But deserved a Medal for driving!!!! WTF seriously. It’s amazing how someone could be the hero while not actually doing anything, and the martyr victim all at the same time. I hope OW is enjoying her festive Thanksgiving with this wonderful Catch of a narc guy!!!!!!

I’m traveling this afternoon to a warm climate where one of my kids lives, and spending TG *not cooking* and NOT putting up with any of the above crap and it feels truly liberating!!

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

OMG !!! My cheater was the same. Never did anything. Had to drag him to mine or his family events, holidays, our own children’s birthday parties. When he did do something, everyone needed to praise him for it. And the driving!! Ugh !!! He said the same thing, that he couldn’t stand being a passenger, always had to drive, even though it was my car or someone elses. Poor baby. Freaks.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago

“I will silently give thanks for some of the things I lost”. A++++++++++
Me too!

Chumped in Chicago
Chumped in Chicago
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

I was just thinking about this before I even read this comment and I don’t think of it as “things I lost” – more like things I shed or things that fell away. To me, lost means to be found. Shed or fell away means to be rid of. Just a thought – sometimes wording helps to wrap the mind around it, well, at least helps wrap my mind around it. Best to you

chump-tastic
chump-tastic
8 years ago

You pretty much summed up what I was going to say, so I’m not even going to write my own. Between @One Step at a Time and @MovingOn, all I have to say is “same.”

MovingOn
MovingOn
8 years ago

OHD: Try to get everything together to get to my parents’ house on time with zero help from my then-husband. We always end up being late, I’m flustered and annoyed with him, and I then spend Thanksgiving taking care of the kids (again without his help) and can barely get in a few bites of dinner.

NFT: We have a calm, pleasant day where we arrive on time, I don’t feel resentful because I’m actually on my own as opposed to being married to a dead weight, and now that the children are older, I enjoy a hot meal and nice conversation because they can take care of themselves.

Much better! Just wanted to add that the ex has to travel out of town for Thanksgiving because he doesn’t have anyone here other than the Owife to have dinner with. Poor (turkey) sausage!

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

Turkey Sausage LOL

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago

No TDay last year. This year, making some appetizers and heading over to a new friends house for Thanksgiving potluck. 🙂

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

You’re walking rather than driving, right?

Vivianne
Vivianne
8 years ago

Old: have in-law cancel thanksgiving dinner on thanksgiving morning (happened 3x!) because she wasn’t feeling well, but had declined your offer a month ago host. Fly across country for Christmas, supervising all the kids while he ignored them for the duration of the flight. Continue to supervise kids at in-laws while he “works”. Be the only non-drunk adult at the dinner table, and defend your kids from mean drunk whose filters are off. Endure a week of regular critiques of your parenting. Do dishes for 12 3x a day, clean, vacuum, etc. while supervising kids. Go out to crowded restaurant with hour and a half wait when 6 weeks postpartum and two other kids under 5, get told you are a whiny party pooper for not loving this plan.
New: do only the things that bring my kids and I joy. Cookies for breakfast. First run movie somewhere WITH popcorn AND soda. Relaxed tree decorating over the course of a week.

Buddy
Buddy
8 years ago
Reply to  Vivianne

My flying stories: I do the majority of the work to get the kids packed. I do the majority of the work devising and executing the “getting through security” plan with infants, strollers, etc. I do the majority of the work supervising/entertaining the kids on the plane (although she does do the breastfeeding), I change the diapers in the flight attendants’ area.

The for the next eight years, she says “Flying across the country every year by myself with two small children is one of the hardest things I’ve done. Getting through security takes a lot of effort … etc etc etc”

One leg out of 20 total flights she was by herself as I had to work and flew out a few days later, and I’ve never heard the end of it.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

Buddy,

As my cheating STBX traveled for work (over 90% of work was out of town) and for pleasure, I often took my children, both babies to foreign destinations by myself. I often had to run between terminals with everything in tow. Challenging yes, but far from the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Cheaters like ours think that they do (virtually) all the heavy lifting and self-sacrificing. Mine now tells me that it’s all my fault that we never went to a particular tropical island, that I always turned down his request while we were together. Although he didn’t pay child support after he walked out on our family, he took himself to aforementioned tropical island with helicopter flights around the island (with one of his sexual partners?). He said that he ‘needed’ vacation. (From what? That hard work of staying out of work (which lasted for approx. one year) after quitting his great, fairly relaxing job? (He has taken several trips (not work-related) since he left.

Fast forward to present, I asked him if he would consider taking our kids to that island as they were interested in visiting on winter break. He told me, ‘Why don’t you take them?’ Yeah, sure. Can I use food stamps to buy plane tickets? I tried not to convey my rage. Instead, I just told him that there would be no vacations (in my family) for several years. He then said that our children’s wish was a ‘want’ not a ‘need.’ This from a guy who now paints himself as Super Dad.

The good news now is that I never have to pay for ‘excess baggage,’ if I ever board a plane again.

I hope that you now get to spend much more time around people who appreciate you.

Survivor
Survivor
8 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

Funny how once becomes every time when someone wants to even the score.

Ali
Ali
8 years ago

Same nice Thanksgiving with my family — that he used to be a part of. He doesn’t have any close family or friends – although he has four brothers. Hmmm — that should have been a clue to a personality disorder!!

mermaiddani
mermaiddani
8 years ago

OHD: Getting up early, getting everyone bathed, dressed and ready on my own. Little help from the EX because he was too busy sleeping or playing on his phone. Getting us out the door to go to my ONE family function and his 5-6 family functions with three small children. Me preparing all the kids’ plates everywhere we went and taking care of all the, “Mommy, I need…” requests. Him chatting in another room with his family members and me being mostly ignored. Getting home with exhausted children and an exhausted me and him planting himself on the couch while I put the kids to bed. Him falling asleep on the couch while I’m putting the kids to bed and me begging him to come to bed so he won’t wake me as soon as I’m able to go to sleep by loudly coming into the room and plopping down on the bed.

NHT: Me getting up AFTER the sun. Kids sleeping in while I get a shower because we were up late the night before watching Christmas movies together. Us having a HUGE breakfast (because we’re hungry and it ruins their lunch appetites), watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, and decorating the house for Christmas. Him getting the kids around lunchtime and hauling them all over the state on his own. Me having dinner with my boyfriend and his perfectly delightful family. Kids coming home at night and us cuddling up to watch more Christmas movies. Getting up the day after Thanksgiving, enjoying breakfast and leftovers and being lazy all day. (No crazy, mosh-pit shopping here!)

WhatJustHappend
WhatJustHappend
8 years ago
Reply to  mermaiddani

Holy shit – were we married to the same person?!? That was my Thanksgiving and Christmas every year almost exactly.

beingadivorceddad
beingadivorceddad
8 years ago

OHD: Getting bitched by my wife because she is running late because she is a self-absorbed narcissist and I wanted to stick to a schedule, and then hearing her moan and complain that we have to get together with my family (even though her dad is invited and her mother chooses to celebrate the holidays with her new family). Also, getting bitched at by my wife to help her clean up once she finishes her meal – it never mattered if I was finished or talking with family. My mom always told her she would do it later, but my wife would always insist on getting things cleaned up when she got done (probably because she wanted to get the hell out of there for some strange reason).

NFT: Pick up kids at 4 pm and go spend time with my family. No bitching about anything other than maybe eating too much. Come home and pop in a movie and all fall asleep on the couch. Sleep in really late tomorrow and lie around until we decide to go to a movie (it will be the last installment of the Hunger Games this year).

Ami
Ami
8 years ago

Old: Feel uncomfortable with how his favorite member of my family is my pre-teen niece.

Now: With confirmation of my fears sadly in place and the skeevy serial cheating ex gone, and my niece older and wiser and away from him, and a new partner, give thanks for a really different life now.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Ami

Ami, that was my cheater too. Creep. I’m glad your niece is safe.

Ami
Ami
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Hugs, TheMuse. Yeah, she is, but he is still in the world so there are more nieces out there. His third wife (1 year 2 mos after our divorce he married his third wife) needed her parents permissions to marry him. EW.

I am glad you and I are both out of those messes!

Peacefulchump
Peacefulchump
8 years ago

I love this CL. Now you have me getting excited about the holidays! I’ll have to start thinking about new traditions. I actually really like my in laws and will miss them but traveling to Kentucky for several days on the precious few days I get off work and the extra money spent for a hotel and thousands of gifts will not be missed. I’ll try to focus on the traditions I’m not sad about losing.

violet
violet
8 years ago
Reply to  Peacefulchump

Sadly, most of my unpleasant holiday memories center around my family, particularly my NPD sister and her always predictable temper tantrums about how her son didn’t get as much as everyone else. She would literally count the presents; I resorted to giving all my nephews exactly the same gift, not that it ever helped. My NPD mom encouraged this behavior because well, drama.

When I divorced, I decided I was no longer obligated to put up with anyone’s bad behavior, including my own family’s. My kids and I stay home, cooking and decorating the tree. It is very low key; mimosas by the fire while watching the parade, a nice but simple breakfast. I will have made most of the side dishes today, so we’ll enjoy a leisurely afternoon until the turkey is done in time for our late lunch.

This year I do have one concern. The nephew who never got enough is now grown, as are my boys. He has somehow managed to create a rift between my sons. They are barely speaking to one another. I am so angry and disappointed, but have told both of my sons that I expect, at minimum, cordiality in my presence. Sigh. Narcissism, the generational gift that keeps on giving!

Lucky
Lucky
8 years ago

OHD

Go to church like s million times while h is working on his M.Div. Go to different churches ( school, ours, his parents ) and drive all over the southern end of this province doing so in a car that has very questionable breaks!

All of this is done for what I call “God Points”. These are kibbles for the clergy.

Somewhere in all of this presents will be opened and a turkey will be eaten.

Almost never with my family ( bunch of pagans ).

NHT : go to one service on my own. Enjoy the peace.
Open presents with my kids in my home and drive to my Sister’s house.
No one will spend countless hours dissecting the midnight mass ( did you see the choir master’s shoes ?!?! ) and drink wine.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Ugh! Why do Chumps always have to do what the Narcs want? That sounds totally over-the-top boring and selfish.
This uber religious guy was a Cheater?

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
8 years ago
Reply to  FreeWoman

Yep. Some religious ones are pretty awful. Mine was a devout Catholic that has been with more people than a jail cell, full of prostitutes.

Lucky
Lucky
8 years ago
Reply to  FreeWoman

He is a Minister and OW is as well.

Let’s just say that my days are quieter now ?

Bepositive
Bepositive
8 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Mine was a minister as well! As was the other woman! I totally get where you’re coming from.

SueB
SueB
8 years ago
Reply to  Bepositive

Most cheaters blameshift to try to rid themselves of guilt and those include the ones who don’t even believe in God. Can you imagine the guilt and mind games uber religious people put themselves through by being such hypocrites?

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
8 years ago

OHD: We visit my former in-laws back east in a rural area. He spends the entire time on his mom’s computer downloading music and burning CDs (we’re going back in time a bit) or staring at his phone while I tried to get to know his family on my own (early on) or made arrangements with his friends to get us out of the house (since he is a flake who doesn’t plan til the last minute and then gets mad when people don’t drop everything to see him).

NHT: I’m not going anywhere, and I don’t like turkey. So I bought a smoked ham and am having a friend over. Quiet, low stress, no husband-sitting. Wonderful.

Ami
Ami
8 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

Husband sitting, ha!!!!! 🙂

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

Yay! Love ham.

conniered
conniered
8 years ago

OHD: Ex-husband (yay! I am free!) never wanting to stay long at my parent’s house for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Always ready to get home and continue to veg on the couch after a long visit to the john to poop until he had “blue legs”. Ugh.

NHT: After dropping off my son with his father and starting my first Thanksgiving without him, I will take a run on my own. Shower. Head over to my mom’s house where she is delighted that I am there to make deviled eggs and pumpkin pie. And cranberry margaritas. I’m always in charge of the deviled eggs, dessert and drinks. 🙂 I have also invited a single Dad friend. He was going to be alone and without his son like me.

I will count my blessings as I always do. I will be grateful for all the goodness in my life. I am thankful I can raise my son with my values.

conniered
conniered
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

Tempest! Here you go!!!

CRANBERRY MARGARITAS!!!
1 1/2 cups cranberry cocktail juice
3/4 cups fresh lime juice
3/4 cups tequila
1/2 cup orange liqueur like Grand Mariner
Ice
fresh cranberries and lime for garnish, sugar or salt for rimming the glasses

Anita, he has been living with OW since July. No doubt she has experienced him hobbling out of the john talking about blue legs. I bet she is now shaving his back too!!! hahahaha!!! Ewwwwww!

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

Back shaving……always a treat! And a bigger treat was being yelled at because it wasn’t done to perfection for him.
I’m so glad I’ve finally woke up from my nightmare!

Anita
Anita
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

Yay, true karma can only be served when they have to Lie in the bed they made (with the cheater). No more best behavior and pretense to hide behind.

conniered
conniered
8 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Karma. Yeah. We all reap what we sow. The OW does not yet see Blue Legs for who is because she is the same as him. You know what I mean? Maybe soon though, I feel that she will grow weary of my son when he goes over there to visit. He is lively, talkative and happy. Unlike the trio who live in that house. These people don’t like to be reminded of who they are and what they did….like being a willing participant in the destruction of that boy’s family. Bu I do smile like the Grinch knowing that she has to do all that I used to do. It’s funny/odd, one of the first feelings I had after the numbness of D-Day wore off was….freedom.

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

I’m so happy for you. He sounds like the absolute grossest and self-absorbed person. He and the OW sound perfect for each other. Ew.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

Thanks, Conniered! Going to the store today to get the ingredients.

(and cranberry margaritas sounds much better than shaving your cheater’s back. lol)

conniered
conniered
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, You are so welcome!!! Girl. You KNOW any kind of margarita is better than a back shaving!! And Blue Legs! LOL

Anita
Anita
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

Oooh, Conniered, I hope his other woman is still around to experience that thrill of the “blue legs.”. I feel sick just reading that.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

ooh, ooh–cranberry margaritas?! What’s the recipe?

Happily never after
Happily never after
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Easy. Use all the cranberry sauce that no one ever eats. Add to ur favorite margarita mix (1 can lim aide, 1 can tequila, 1 can triple sec, 1 can water) add ice and blend the heck out of it. Serve in the proper glassware.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

OHT: Cheater priming the pump for her cheating by taking her family out for coffee and individually poisoning the well about me suggesting that I am abusive even though her family knows enough–initially–to realize it as the lie it was.

NHT: Spending time with my wife’s grandparents. Eating traditional Scandinavian fare here in Norse-country–i.e. Minnesota.

Tracy
Tracy
8 years ago

How thankful am I not to have go to my sister in laws…eat bland tasteless food and listen to complaints about how much butter I used in my casserole. So thankful not to have to listen to them talk about the family that was smart enough not to come. I am sure I will be the topic of conversation. My husband and his whore and her sons can now listen with eye rolls how thankful they all are for Jesus and his blessings…..btw….they are Baptist and won’t drink wine….you need alcohol to be around them.

Going to friends….she is a fabulous cook and hostess….they are better than family!!!
Still cooking with Butter….and bacon in my green beans…oh yea…and some bacon grease too…. too bad I didn’t give the Hubbsters a coronary with all my cooking…would have saved divorce money.

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy

‘too bad I didn’t give the Hubbsters a coronary with all my cooking…would have saved divorce money.’ LOVE!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

OHT: Doing all the cooking while X ignored the children, probably because he was scoping out his Ashley Madison and Adult Friend Finder hits.

NHT: Modifying dinner to accommodate my newly-vegetarian 14 yo daughter, possibly getting 10 minutes conversation out of her, then taking a bottle of champagne over to a friend who is divorcing her unpleasant, narcissistic H.

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

14 year old veggies! That girls gonna be a rock star. I went through it- and found out I was allergic to soy in addition to nuts and dairy so my proteins were too hard to balance, meat and me are friends. But making that choice as a youngin is about proving you’re resilient and headstrong- nurture that!!! Make some delicious food that’s veg and maybe discuss which recipes worked best? Buy in and support might be more conversational than just mods on the old? Like a yummy chickpea tomato salad (swap in black beans and some jalapeño and suddenly it’s salsa?) especially if you’re already not following tradition- maybe thanksgiving is the holiday where you don’t eat meat either? You cook and prepare and experiment in her world. I don’t know if that’s a thing, it just sounds kind of fun to me

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

Creativerational: I bought the Ottolenghi cookbooks, Plenty and PlentyMore and am dying to try some of those fantastic recipes. Also have the Thug Kitchen: Eat like you give a f**k cookbook in my Amazon list. Daughter is pretty picky, but I’m sure we can find some things she’ll eat. Right now I’m just aiming for gourmet 4-cheese mac & cheese for tomorrow.

[The dogs are demanding turkey, though–on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, they get only people food. I see them marking the countdown to the holidays off on their calendars.]

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

The Thug Kitchen cookbook is awesome!

The hubby and I are going to a friend’s house for ‘Friendsgiving’ again this year (can’t make it back home for the holidays this year). All vegetarian fare. Was delicious last year and will be again this year.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

The vegetarian entree at Chez Blonde is spinach and artichoke filled phyllo. No really, you can have that piece of dead bird stuffed with day old bread. (Sorry if I squicked anyone out!)

Survivor
Survivor
8 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

There are so many good veggie cookbooks. Laurel’s Kitchen is a staple. Then anything by Mollie Katzen, starting with The Moosewood Cookbook. I cooked vegetarian involuntarily for 16 years, so it’s doable.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Love the Moosewood Cookbook! Their carrot cake is to die for (though I use cream cheese frosting on top, which is not in their recipe).

Survivor
Survivor
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

There are so many good things in her books. I think I have four of them. I just use them more as side dishes now that I can eat more like a carnivore. I’d look at the zucchini feta pancakes and Ukranian poppyseed cake and, well, everything.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thanks for helping your friend Tempest.

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

OHD- driving two hours away to my inlaws;car full of better food cause my MIL really sucks at cooking; arriving to a fight alreay in progress between MIL and FIL. Watching BIL drunkedly bump into every wall in the house while his six children from 5 baby mammas rip the house apart. Baby Mamma # 5 is high and chain smoking cigarettes on the porch in her PJ’s. Dinner is served and consumed equally fast with no celebration or even a make shift prayer in front of the TV. The dishes are my sanctuary and I spend hours cleaning up the pots and pans. FIL is passed out in his lazy boy. The BIL is throwing up in the bathroom and BM#5 is standing in the doorway of the bathroom laughing at him.
The only thing that differentiates year to year is BM #1 thru BM #5 and they are mostly interchangeable.

NHT- a modest feast with really well prepared dinnerand desserts from a mix background of friends with different traditions. A set table with greenery from the river and some fun treasures we found during our walk. Friends holding hands around the table. Everyone young and old saying what they have been thankful this year. Blessings from each persons faith. We eat. We laugh. We share. The kids put on a play. We are the audience. Everyone goes for a walk and we return to hot chocolate and desserts. Instruments are played songs are sung. Babies are tucked in , kids are in their pjs. Some stay , some return to their homes. We have french toast in the morning with bacon( always) and slowly everyone makes their way home in their pjs.
No drunks. No drama( aside from the play) . No regrets.

Anita
Anita
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

The Clip, ex MIL was a horrible cook too. What is up with that? I come from a line of wonderful southern cooks, This woman cannot even warm up a precooked dinner properly. The only person I’ve ever seen jack up instant mashed potatoes. How hard is it to mix some flakes in water????

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  Anita

My MIL idea of gourmet is a box of ‘ flavored’ Rice-a-roni

Kbchump
Kbchump
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

Dying!! ?

Brittneyk
Brittneyk
8 years ago

Old tradition: I did everything, he did nothing……. Except complain about how much he hates the holidays

New tradition: do whatever the fuck I want. And in the back of my mind I’ll remember what a miserable person he is without a single friend or family member in his life…. Except his other woman who happens to be his mothers age who happens to have kids his age and is a grandma. Happy holidays everyone ❤️?

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  Brittneyk

Same here, Brittneyk!!!!!

Whatever the fuck I want, tooooo!!!!!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago

Old: My M-I-L would book hotel rooms for the family at a casino an hour and a half away. She would pay for the rooms, otherwise nobody would go. Those of us who didn’t gamble (me) would sit in my room with the kids or go and WATCH other people gamble. As far as the kids – when they got too old for “KidsQuest,” my M-I-L apparently expected them to hang out and swim the entire duration of the hotel stay. The kids hated it because what the hell are they supposed to do? They are too old for the KidQuest and too young too gamble. As soon as my daughter got her license, she quit going because it was lame. I always felt this was a stupid tradition. It promoted gambling to my other older kids, who really didn’t have the money, but what else do you do? I will just say that his WHOLE side of the family lives in the same town. It isn’t like we were meeting family half way or anything. No – we ALL lived in the same town and we ALL drove and hour and a half to a casino to ‘celebrate’ thanksgiving. And it wasn’t like somebody’s house wasn’t big enough…..
Personally, I think the reason M-I-L did it was to get everyone together and they couldn’t back out. If she paid for the hotel rooms, then you almost have to show up and have no excuse not to make it to Thanksgiving, where as if it were held at her home, people would be more apt to skip it….. She maybe also thought it was ‘fun’ watching her children lose thier hard earned money. Bitch.
New: Not going to a fucking casino.

Solange
Solange
8 years ago

Married for 28 years.
Two years ago today, I discovered D-Day number 2.
This year I am going out with friends, and looking forward…

I am thankful for seeing the ‘limp turkey sausage’ for what he really is.

Most importantly, I am thankful to ChumpLady for being so helpful during this difficult time.
Wishing you all a nice Thanksgiving.

nomar
nomar
8 years ago
Reply to  Solange

(((((Solange)))))

So sorry you’re having to go through this at the holiday, but sounds like you have a good perspective on things (that clarity is something for which we should should be grateful–even when it hurts desperately).

Oddly, I found D-Day 2 easier to bear than No. 1. It was my clarity, by unambiguous sign that she would not change. She wouldn’t stop cheating, and she wouldn’t stop lying about it. And I could never, never, never trust her again. Which left no option but divorce. Lay down your burden and, as you said, look forward.

Chestnut Mare
Chestnut Mare
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar, I had ten years between DDay 1 & DDay 2. Perhaps it took me ten years to process the first unbelievable event. But the second?
I had lost all trust, had become a shell of who I really was AS I HAD LIED TO MYSELF FOR TEN YEARS. One visit to a therapist did it. I sat at a stoplight and took my power back. “Fuck this”‘, I thought as I drove home. Pulled straight into the MIDDLE of the garage, texted him that he was not sleeping at our house that night, to come get whatever he needed and get the hell out.
January 7, 2010. The beginning of life on my terms. Been a rough road, but life is sweet.
Happy holidays, CN. If this is the beginning of your painful journey, please believe with all your heart that life will get better. There really is such a thing as “meh”. And it is wonderful.

WiseOldOwl
WiseOldOwl
8 years ago
Reply to  Chestnut Mare

I was at my In-Laws six hours away. It was two days after d-day. (Had only saw one text come across the screen of his unlocked phone). I was a zombie with two small kids.

Thanksgiving night I got out of the guest bed I was sleeping in and went into the room my husband was sleeping in and took his phone back into the bedroom I was in. I spent all night going through every text. None were deleted and phone was unlocked.

I read hundreds of texts and saw a few croch shots from at least 10 different women. I stayed up all night.

The next day was Thanksgiving with his family of 40. I’m so glad I never did that again. It was a long six hour drive home with kids in the car. I told him he could fuck whoever he wanted for the rest of his life because it would never be me again. I was thouroughly shocked at the length and depth of his scams.

New tradition: kids are with dad at the In-Laws six hours away and I’m cleaning my kitchen tile grout while binging on Netflix’s, “Call the Midwife”. Tomorrow I will put up a Christmas Tree.

I never really liked Thanksgiving. Hot Kitchen, gloomy weather, blaring football. I love just being alone and having it as a day off. It doesn’t even trigger anything that this is the time of year everything he was and is was exposed.

Mehbound
Mehbound
8 years ago
Reply to  WiseOldOwl

Dear woo
Sounds like you got a direct in your face of what he is all about! My heart and mind hurts for your visual betrayal that in a good way, no way to deny but wishing you tons of meh as you made it to the one year mark!

WiseOldOwl
WiseOldOwl
8 years ago
Reply to  WiseOldOwl

*bingeing. ?? Spelling looks off.

ETA: we were already sleeping apart by then anyway. He was a real loser of a husband.

Chumpfor21
Chumpfor21
8 years ago

Old : drive to MIL’s where the Arian Brotherhood BIL drops the N word every other sentence. MIL who is a TERRIBLE cook, makes her Baby’s (Ex) favorite foods – all equally tasteless and whines about how she never gets to see him. My food contribution is never touched nor is the gift I brought her acknowledged. The cousins who betrayed their spouses years ago with each other (yes, actual cousins) laugh and talk like they are not shitty people – their spouses seemingly don’t know although everyone else clearly does. I choke on cigarette smoke the whole time and hope we get to leave early.

New: No more hillbilly drama! No magarine. No canned green beans. No Cool Whip – I make real food! Thank heavens I’ve escaped that nightmare. I can do what I please. Visit my mother for once (Ex didn’t like her – and she never liked him. Should have listened to my mother). This year – it’s all about my granddaughter.

And a Happy Thanksgiving to all!

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

21
Does your ex MIL and my ex MIL live on the same street?

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

Wow, Chumpfor21, you really escaped a movie-worthy nightmare. What a script that would make! The margarine alone is enough to make you flee in terror. Have a happy one this year!

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago

Old holiday tradition: Being ordered around my own home like a slave while listening to the offensive, unsolicited political opinions of my in-laws.

New holiday tradition: Stuffing my face with delicious food and drinking copious amounts of red wine while listening to the offensive, unsolicited political opinions of my own family members.

conniered
conniered
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

LOL Lulu!!!!! Hang in there.That is also why I drink for the holidays. I love my mom but she believes in UFO’s…but not the Federal Reserve. Red wine, cranberry margaritas. You know, whatever I’m in the mood for. 😉

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago

“Fuck you very much.” Thanks for the chuckle SarBear

Nord
Nord
8 years ago

Old holiday tradition:

As soon as MIL showed up ex went into child mode. MIL would say, ‘You look tired, you should lay down’ and off ex would go to take a long nap. MIL and the rest of the in laws would proceed to drink, hang out, talk about how great everything smelled and make half-hearted offers to help. While I cooked. And entertained. And held it all together.

New holiday tradition:

I cook. I entertain. I hold it all together. No one naps. Everyone chips in. We all drink.

Jeep
Jeep
8 years ago

Love the NHT LadyStrange 😀

OHT: Get up early and prepare turkey for the oven, prepare all the rest of the meal, straighten the house and prepare the table for both mine and Satan’s family…never knew who would show up…or when…or how long they would stay…usually till the beer ran out…clean it all up all day long by myself. Usually around 10 am Satan would say, ‘its beer thirty somewhere!’ and commence drinking…ugh. Dinner would be consumed amid loud drunken political discussions where none agreed on anything and everything would escalate to arguing. UGH! Satan would pass out in a chair oblivious to everyone and everything…by the end of the long, long evening I would clean it all up and sit down wanting to cry at how bad it all was.

NHT: I will prepare a turkey breast and a small ham for my children and their families and we will enjoy each other’s company without alcohol or arguing, DIL and I might take my rescue lab Beau for a walk in the woods near my little house if she would like and enjoy the crisp air and the awesome scenery. And we will all just be thankful for each other and all of the Blessings in our lives.

I am thankful I made it out alive and sane 😀 I am free of the prison that was my life with satan. 😀

Happy Holidays Chump Nation and families and Tracy and family!!!!

Chestnut Mare
Chestnut Mare
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeep

“I am thankful I made it out alive and sane.” Me, too! My life is better than ever.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeep

Love the ‘Satan’ sentiment. Ditto for the Satan that used to be in my life too.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago

OLD: Everything revolved around the turkey AT the table. Are you OK? Are you mad? Do you need anything? Do you need another beer? Can I get you something? Did you go poo poo this morning?

NEW: Everything revolves around the turkey ON the table. Great looking turkey! Yum, I can’t wait. Thanks, mom. Can I cut it? Where do you want us to sit? What beautiful day. Can I help with something? Laughter, music, chaos, screaming kids and love.

The further the chump gets away from their release date, the more they recognize the gift of freedom they were given by their jailer.

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

Love this. “did you go poo poo” – I’m snorting water out my nose.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

I special shout out to CL and CN for keeping it real. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
8 years ago

OLD: Worked my butt off for two weeks getting the house ready, decorating for Christmas before the company arrived, cooking everything for 12 people ( all his relatives ) by myself with no help. STBX would spend all day in the recliner “reading” on his tablet and napping. Afterwards, no help with cleaning up while they all got drunk and had farting contests ( no lie ).

NEW: Will be bringing two dishes to a friends for dinner and mimosas, and instead of being stressed out, I will be relaxing and enjoying myself and their company. I will help her with the clean up. There will not be any farting contests. I haven’t decorated for Christmas and will do it when I feel like it. Friday my oldest son is driving up for the weekend and is planning on taking me out to dinner. Yay!! 🙂

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Survivor
Survivor
8 years ago

OHT: Do all the shopping, cleaning and gardening myself. FIL arrives with six or seven Hefty bags full of dirty clothes for me to wash for him, and usually a random tenant or two for me to feed. ExH holds court in living room while I cook in kitchen. SIL arrives hours late with the cooked turkey, as I am not allowed to cook meat products in the house (ex was vegetarian). Unpleasant meal as everyone tries to figure out why random tenants are there. FIL makes the usual announcement that I should get right to the dishes as there is no point in letting them sit. Eventually laundry is done and everyone leaves.

NHT: NewH and I get up late, roast a beautiful turkey with all the fixings while watching “Home for the Holidays” and drinking wine. No laundry is done.

yo
yo
8 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Bags of laundry for you to do…seriously? I would have stuffed all seven bags back into his car. Unwashed.

Survivor
Survivor
8 years ago
Reply to  yo

Seriously. I think he never did laundry himself. I’d get the foulest of the foul, after months of wear and no wash. And he started doing that before I had a clothes dryer, so I’d be tending a clothesline while entertaining guests. You can’t make this shit up.

StarbucksGal
StarbucksGal
8 years ago

First, thanks to all of you who have made this new life so much more joyful with your honest sharing.

Second, my XH was always late!!!! Seems like a theme. i would also be flustered because I usually hosted dinner for a bunch of my family.

XH never did anything. One year his family came too and I had double the guests. He decides he is going to cook something and I am his sous chef. Unbeknownst to me, as I am getting everything ready to serve, he needs help with his dish. I just look at him and tell him ‘read the recipe” so of course his won’t be ready when everything else is.

Typical. Disorganized and disaster.

This year. Kids are adults. My family is in another state but flew in so we did 1 Turkey day last week which was relaxed and fun!! Doing the real turkey day with DD new fiance and family, who are precious.

Have no clue what XH is doing and don’t care. His Twat waffle has little kids, so maybe they will all gather at the ‘trailer’ for a canned ham and some canned green beans.

We are going to sit around, eat wonderful snacks, play with little kids, puppy and visit. Watch TV, nap and just enjoy the day and the company.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  StarbucksGal

I wish I didn’t know what XH is doing. He pulled a sad sausage on me last May, complaining about how lonely his Thanksgiving was because I had thrown him out of the house and he couldn’t bear to stay in town this year. Could I please, please relinquish my claims to older daughter being with me at Thanksgiving so that he could be with her at a resort in Mexico? I did (more for her, so she didn’t have to fly two different places right before her final week of school).

Turns out X is using this opportunity to introduce DD1 to his new girlfriend (probably an OW–still investigating). Selfish shit–he gets daughter trapped for 5 days in a room with his new girlfriend instead of introducing her over a brief dinner sometime. Course, they’ll never get to know each other since X will talk about himself most of the time. I’m gonna need quite a few of Conniered’s cranberry margaritas to suppress my hatred of that man for putting our daughter in an awkward position, and not even warning her beforehand that there would be a 3rd wheel.

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Uh….you can’t fix stupid. She’s young. I’m sure she’s got some crazy good earbuds and sunglasses…. Oh OW is in the swim up bar pool? Ah, too bad – your daughters in the mood to tan all day. Or play beach volleyball with any number of folks. OW is into volleyball? Oh, your daughter signed up for the birdwatching excursion- or any one which was booked full except for one person… (Not that I would suggest she avoid her… But the point is she CAN if she wants to…) or maybe she books her and her dad on one alone- and guilts him for some actual quality time!

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, to spring that on your daughter after she was expecting some one-to-one father/daughter time is especially cruel and thoughtless!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

“Cruel & thoughtless” pretty much wraps him up, beneath a veneer of civilization that makes him even more dangerous because one is roped in by his superficial charm. I hope he gets Montezuma’s revenge, or on the visit to a Mayan temple, they decide to sacrifice him to the gods (oops, nope–he’s not a virgin).

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest,

He is the worst. Good riddance. Without conscience. How you lived with this fool for all those years and kept your sanity is a miracle. His only joy in his miserable life is how he can inflict as much emotional pain as possible on those who reject his supremacy.

May the force be with you and I also pray that Montezuma visits his ass.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

…with the punch of a level 5 hurricane!

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Wow Tempest, your Ex is a freaking asshole, triangulation at all costs… Nauseating… Wishing him a huge Montezuma’s revenge indeed!

DD1 is learning from you, and as such she is mighty! I hope she gets to hit the gym, and that she will take advantage of the resort… her cover might be to give these two “LOVE VULTURES” well-deserved time to bring each other all the happiness they both deserve…

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

What a crock of shit Tempest. Hannibal is, yet again, proving himself to be the self-centred, thoughtless, clueless oaf we all know him to be. Let’s be generous and say new girlfriend isn’t an OW – (though there’s no reason to be that kind) – 5 days enforced ‘socialising’ with her is a bloody nightmare, and to not even give your daughter ‘the heads up’ about it, never mind the choice whether she wants to be in that position! Grrrr!

I swear Tempest, I’m sure I’ve seen housebricks with more emotional intelligence!

Your daughters are clever, beautiful, young women. I hope DD will find some fun away from these dingbats. I’m sure she’ll see Hannibal for the delusional idiot he is.

Hope you enjoy your margaritas and find some fun yourself.

Happy Thanksgiving darling 🙂 You know us Brits don’t do this festivity but I’m very thankful to have met you 🙂 xx

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Going down the list here reading everyone’s disastrous past’s and loving the names being used her for the shitheads thus far………Satan and Hannibal.
Can hardly wait to read more!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Thanks, Jayne! Both daughters know who he is; oldest D told me she will get through the weekend because the drinking age is lower in Mexico, lol.

And my first thoughts of Thanks tomorrow will be for having met you and others in CN–both in real life and on-line. I am happier and healthier now because of you. Big hugs!

Jeep
Jeep
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I bet your daughter will gray rock ow to death Tempest!!! She’s learned from one of the best!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeep

Thanks, Jeep! Happy Thanksgiving to you & your gorgeous dog!

Chumpion
Chumpion
8 years ago

Best holiday wishes to all you Chumps. Here is to transitioning to better things.

OHT: Constant stress due to mystery invisible mindf*ck elephant in the room was. It was (truly) killing me.

NHT: Elephant identified and long gone. Thanksgiving with my sane, supportive extended family.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpion

I am so very thankful to CL and CN for all these and the continuous humor advice this amazing community is sharing so generously!

Like you Chumpion, OHT = constant stress level. The hyper-vigilance stemming from wondering about the next thing my STBX will not like, the next remark that will come out and dim our kid’s innocence and sense of holiday wonder.

NHT – Being present, enjoying each activity my kiddo, including drama-free cooking, drama-free dinner with friends, and drama-free tree decorating. CN + Peace are gifts I am most thankful for!

PF
PF
8 years ago

Old tradition….Chardonnay guzzler ex-wife, tofu mock turkey, kale casserole, mystery seed dessert. Gassy in-laws farting on my poor couches. Having to sneak my kids out for pizza while they snored in front of the tv.

New tradition….real turkey and stuffing, real mashed potatoes, and pie and ice cream. Fart free family room. Happier kids.

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

PF….thanks for having me laugh out loud with your ‘poor couches’ comment. I pictured very sad couches wanting to escape their torture! LOL

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

New acronym alert: FFFR (fart free family room). Congratulations, PF, on escaping the mock.

conniered
conniered
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

Good gracious PF! That is just cra-cra! What the heck is a “seed dessert”?

Cheers to a REAL Thanksgiving dinner this year. You’re making my mouth water!

Mom9193
Mom9193
8 years ago

OHT:
27 people for dinner and a X who thinks they can all fit in the dining room. Cleaning, cooking, shopping, and in-laws who arrive a day early (surprise!) and won’t tell you when they’re leaving. And the kicker — MIL who won’t share pumpkin pies with the leftovers being split up and proceeds to take them off the table and through the kitchen, past the guests, out to her car to be placed in the trunk!

NHT:
13 relatives at my sister’s house in the Pocono mountains (all six siblings together!). No one dresses up for dinner which is made by all and after dinner everyone goes for a long walk in the woods and then we play games and no TV and spotty cell service. Snow begins to fall and a hush settles over the world. Truly spectacular day!

Signed my Agreement yesterday and I’m all done! No more bullshit…ever!

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
8 years ago
Reply to  Mom9193

Sounds like a wonderful time! And congrats on your new life!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Mom9193

That is positively celebratory Mom9193!!!!!
A toast to you and your mightiness this holiday season!

LIningUpDucks
LIningUpDucks
8 years ago

My new tradition? Not cooking for my ex, or cleaning up after him. The holiday is so much better already!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago

Congrats Mom9193!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago

OHD – My family hosts Thanksgiving holiday. MIL spends entire time complaining about her ailments and how lousy the food, decor or timing of all this is for her. She is dying. She is always dying. She has been on the verge of death for nearly two decades. Even the Grim Reaper doesn’t want her.

NHT – Reservations! Meeting my family out for Thanksgiving dinner. No one has to shop, cook or clean up. Followed by a movie or chatting over dessert. A toast when I get home to everyone at CN for supporting me in my darkest hour. Be mighty tomorrow!

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

“Even the Grim Reaper doesn’t want her.”

Ha!

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Loved that one too! lol

yo
yo
8 years ago

Our beautiful holiday tradition: Christmas eve. Table is set beautifully with little gifts at each plate…the kids are dressed up and excited. The meal is ready. He comes home late and in a bad mood. Tries to pick a fight. I refuse to take the bait. So he picks a different fight over something dumb. This time I do take the bait and we argue. He retreats to the bedroom to watch tv. The kids and I celebrate without him but the holiday mood is ruined. He comes out to fill up a plate and goes back to his cave. Bah humbug

Scott
Scott
8 years ago

I go to my sister’s in laws, who are fun, welcoming, happy people, laugh like heck over stupid stuff, and enjoy a nice relaxing day. Friday I go to work, because no one else does and I can get a bunch done. Then Saturday have dinner at my girlfriends family, who are happy, funny people, and I can crack jokes and we laugh and play board games. Somewhere in there I watch football and I rake leaves.

ChumpedALot
ChumpedALot
8 years ago

NHT: I roast a turkey breast and make a couple of favorite small side dishes. My son and I enjoy turkey sandwiches on delicious rolls with the sides…then go out to see the new Hunger Games movie in the afternoon. On Saturday, get together with the neighbors for a larger, more traditional dinner – without the STBXH, yay!

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago

OLD: I cook and bake and entertain large family. Ex drinks and manages to never stay at the table with us. Ex falls asleep on the couch while I entertain, we eat, I clean up, etc.

NEW: I cook and bake and entertain large family. New husband and step-sons are also present, they barely drink. Everyone talks and has a wonderful time. New husband helps me clean up. No one passes out drunk. We watch football games and a Christmas movie on tv. My children tell me they cherish the holiday more than ever.

My children and I talk and realize we barely recall their father being present on holidays, even when he was there, since he was so withdrawn and removed from our lives and our daily interactions.

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago

Happy Thanksgivings all my lovely Chump Nation friends! 😀 Here’s hoping your NHT’s are wonderful, peaceful and full of love. Hugs and kisses to all xxxx

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago

Thought I posted this above, but here it is again, my OHT and new:

Ditto ditto and ditto. Nothing was ever good enough, both are families were horrible people because no one appreciated Cheater. They didn’t listen to him adoringly when he pontificated at the dinner table about everything he knew so much more about than the rest of us put together. He complained about my kids for not helping when he himself never lifted a pinky finger to help with food preparation, EVER not ONE single time in 16 years. Unless you count when he bought one of those turkey deep fryers (or wait, I bought it as he never had any money). Then the ONE time when he deep fried the turkey outside in the cold, he was a Martyr and Hero for doing that and the turkey was zillions of times better than any turkey I or anyone else ever made the pathetic lame old fashioned way. Though he never had any problem eating it LOL.

If we traveled to his horrible family or my horrible family (his words), of course he would drive all 5 to 8 hours each way, depending on where we were going; or even when we drove halfway across the country I was not allowed to drive my own car (though it was OK for me to pay for the gas!). See, he was such a better driver than me. And he said he couldn’t “handle” being a passenger. But deserved a Medal for driving!!!! WTF seriously. It’s amazing how someone could be the hero while not actually doing anything, and the martyr victim all at the same time. I hope OW is enjoying her festive Thanksgiving with this wonderful Catch of a narc guy!!!!!!

I’m traveling this afternoon to a warm climate where one of my kids lives, and spending TG *not cooking* and NOT putting up with any of the above crap and it feels truly liberating!!

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago

OLD: We go to his family gathering, where they get louder and more belligerent with each passing drink. Half of them don’t like the other half. Husband ignores me and most likely disses me to his family. He’s trying to figure out where his balls are so he can work up the courage to divorce me.

NEW HT: I run a 5K Turkey Trot in the clear, frosty morning with a bunch of other sillies. Later that day, I head over to my friend’s house where her large, boisterous (but not belligerent) Jewish family is gathered. We drink, we laugh, we eat, we watch football, we try to keep our dogs from eating things that are bad for them. I am very thankful for this new tradition!

Happy Thanksgiving, Chump Nation! Long may we prosper.

LilyBart
LilyBart
8 years ago

Old holiday dysfunction: On the night before the holiday, I make a Thanksgiving dish to bring to my SIL’s place while ex goes to the bar and gets drunk with high school friends. On Thanksgiving day, he drives us to his sister’s house in a rage, trying to take short-cuts that don’t pan out, and blaming me for making him late. He makes wild, sharp turns while cursing, and I sit in the passenger seat, with a casserole dish between my feet, clutching the door handle in terror. I say nothing. Then we sit at dinner, where he acts like a charming wonderful gentleman. We’ll continue playing out this false narrative even after I’ve discovered the texts and emails to his mistress about how much he hates me. We’re a scene in a Norman Rockwell painting, but I feel like someone is holding my face in the cranberry sauce, smothering me.

New holiday: I have my own apartment, my own life. It’s not a Rockwell painting, but it’s genuine and mine. My fake life was exposed and blown to bits, and I couldn’t be happier about that (To be clear, I was unhappy while in the midst of it. Now I’m divorced and happy. It took time).Today I’m making mashed potatoes and squash, and working on a screenplay that I’m determined to finish. Tomorrow, I’ll take those dishes to my brother’s place. We’ll have dinner, and I’ll chase my niece and nephew around and enjoy the day.

I’m dating a guy who lives an hour away, and we get along really well. He’s going to a potluck and a friend’s place, then driving up to spend the long weekend with me. To the outside world, my old life would seem ideal, but the truth is that I am MUCH happier now than I ever was during those nightmare years.

donna
donna
8 years ago

OHT
Doing all the heavy lifting to please the unpleasable who got drunk and smoked weed and went out with OW dancing.the night before and was useless as a dirty dish rag. Never a nice thing to say or the ability to step up. Suddenly, this year he’s looking for kibbles and suckered my son into his pitiful dump with the whore for dinner. Guess he’s thankful for the two hours he gets to spend time with his son over the past year, lol. I can hear the conversation, poor me I can’t work, I’m broke, my shoulder, my back, I had to take out a loan to pay my taxes, and as the Christian whore says grace, X is thinking about the blond he’s been fucking and the recycled pigs from his past. Then off for a relaxing night at the casino where every guy and bartender knows her name.

NHT
There are so many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I survived financially, despite struggling to pay my bills. I’ve supported my son and granddaughter by providing them with stability and consistency.in their lives. I survived the highs and lows of my emotions and started taking care of myself. As I sit at the table I will celebrate good conversation knowing my life has become authentic with hope for the future. Happy thanksgiving to all chumps. That empty place at the table represents growth and freedom to live a better life.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago

One of the reasons ex gave for the end of our marriage (and final Dday was just two weeks before Christmas) was that I complained about his incessant playing of bad Christmas music from November through the first week of January. After dumping me for his various OW, he actually claimed it was “abusive” to our son that I complained I’d like to hear some different music during the Christmas season (keep in mind that I’m not even Christian.) I even liked a lot of the music, I just didn’t want to hear it non-stop for two months.

So in my new and improved, post-ex life, I no longer listen to any Christmas music at all while I’m at home or in the car.

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
8 years ago

There is a lesson here… My in-laws probably had us for dinner 5 times in 32 years of marriage and each time it was a different version of horrible. We need to come up with Chump Rules: #1 If his family is weird or there is tension in the X family at the holiday… run away from that relationship before you get sucked into the vortex.

My NHT is to make the pies, go to my mother’s house with my family and have a great dinner without XH doing his fake OMG I have to be social. I am trying so haaaarrrd to look like I am enjoying this… but I hate your brother, your sister, her kids, your father (I don’t like him either) but this is family and I.WILL.LOOK.LIKE. I.AM.ENJOYING.IT.

NHT: Relax, bake pies, have fun.

Marci
Marci
8 years ago

For the three years after d-day, I held a dinner for my favourite people the week prior to Xmas, then left on a holiday.

First year out, I went with a singles group to Vietnam, north and south, and had more fun than I ever imagined it would be. Slept out on a beach all night, spent new years eve in crowded Saigon, and ate lots of tasty food.

Second year I went on a diving boat in the Maldives and snorkelled and sunbathed and drank stupidly for two weeks.

Third hear, I went to India and volunteered to cook Xmas dinner in a childrens’ orphanage, bought supplies for the teachers, and gave the teachers Xmas bonuses so they could enjoy a few luxuries. Found out later my bonuses were more than they get in a month’s salary.

Which did I enjoy the most? The giving part. It made me forget my stupid petty cheater troubles when I saw what other women endure around the globe.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Marci

You’re awesome Marci (and so are your vacations)!

DavidB
DavidB
8 years ago

Old…. In-laws arrive…. might bring a pie…. I spend 500-1000 dollars for food…. they expect breakfast, lunch and dinner. Leave kitchen dirty….

New… Steak and football in peace and quiet…..

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
8 years ago

OHT:

We go to X’s sister’s house, and the dinner conversation becomes a lesson from Grandpa, Uncle and X about what the “bird” was probably fed and then how it was slaughtered, step by gory, bloody, sinewy step. My sons and I end up eating crescent rolls. X calls me a baby, and doesn’t talk to me the whole way home and through Christmas. He makes fun of me for years about it to anyone who will listen. The story became the Thanksgiving tradition and was repeated every fucking year. Even though I told X it was disgusting and ruined the meal. I swear he brought it up every year after I complained, just for mean sport.

NHT:

My sons and I prepare dinner together. Our dinner conversation is about things we’re thankful for and football. Last year, my oldest said, “I’m thankful I don’t have to listen to the turkey killing story for Thanksgiving anymore.”

I’m thankful the turkey with the mean streak – the one I mistakenly married – is no longer part of our holidays!

Moving Forward
Moving Forward
8 years ago

My first holiday season without my cheating ex. One year ago I would never have dreamed that my life would be so good. I am beside myself with happiness that I am free from his controlling, manipulative and narcissistic ways. My dear friend and her family offered to have me over for Thanksgiving and I cried at the offer. My son is with his real Dad, enjoying his family and I am so happy for that. My cheating ex, on the other hand, has been ostracized from many in his family as well as several of his adult children but I believe his 29-year-old girlfriend’s family has accepted him so he can spend time with them. He just turned 59 years old yesterday…how nice to have a “little girl” to spend the holidays with..drinking, partying…enjoy that…getting everything you wanted from your emotionally blackmailing, narcissistic girlfriend…one and the same, they are. I will be decorating for Christmas, working on my homework for my Masters degree and moving on with my new life. Looking forward to 2016 and to all of you in Chump Nation…our New Year is coming!

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Forward

MovingForward……oh yeaaaa they have so much in common at 29 & 59! I guess I don’t feel so bad with the XPOS being 25 years older than his stripper.