Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

UBT: “I’m Not Trying to Be Dramatic.”

dramaOWYesterday, chump LemonSqueezy posted this text she’d gotten from the Other Woman, a co-worker of her soon-to-be-ex husband. He and the OW had a four-year affair. LS and her STBXH are in a custody battle. The OW would like LS to know that she feels her “pain,” but hey, be a dear and give the man 50/50 (even though she has the kids and he agreed to a 70/30 split).

Um, I’m sure the “no child support at 50/50” wasn’t a deciding factor here. No sir.

Let’s put the OW’s empathy through the Universal Bullshit Translator, shall we?

I am certain you do not want to hear from me,

But I thought, fuck what you want, I’ll write you anyway!

but we are connected whether we want to be or not.

We’ve both been fucking the same guy for four years. Crazy coincidence, huh! Was your last Pap smear kinda funky? We should connect over that some time. Girls night out! 

I am reaching out to apologize for the hurt and pain I have been a part of causing. I will forever regret that.

I regret it so much that I continue to fuck your husband and send you unwanted texts. I’d like to convey my sincerest apologies by taking away your children. You’re welcome!

You will likely not give me a chance, but I am not a horrible person. I am flawed,

Ogres are horrible people. They’re warty and overweight and live in walled gardens and scare small children. I’m not like that. I’m lovely and smell like scented air freshener. If I have a flaw, it’s that I Love Too Much. 

I’m sure you wouldn’t know what that’s like. You should get out of your walled garden more often. 

maybe more than some, but I have all of the same capacity for love and pain that you do.

If you prick me, do I not bleed? 

You may think that this has all been easy or that J and I are off in fairytale land. We are not and never have been.

I am not now, and have never been, a fairy tale character. Quit being hurt — or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN! 

We are reminded of the price of our love on a daily basis.

Our Love Is Bigger Than Us Both. It’s a force of nature. An F-12 tornado of desire on the Fujita scale. You may have been crushed by its path, had your home obliterated, found your car in a tree, and your children huddled under mattresses in the basement. Such is the price of our love. 

If not by an external party, certainly by our own hearts and psyches.

Narcissists! Party of one! Your table is ready!

We both love our children and mourn the loss of our families.

If only cake could have gone on forever. We mourn its loss. 

I wish that somehow things were different.

And yet, I fucked your husband for four years.

I know people stay together even when the love is gone or maybe when things were never really right from the beginning, but I cannot imagine that is what any of us really want.

Fucking your husband was all for the best. You should see it that way. He never loved you from the beginning. Isn’t that swell coming from me? Those children we had with our spouses? They weren’t conceived in love, so isn’t it best that we just break up their little homes?

We should have had the courage and integrity to leave or make changes in our marriages earlier. I own that completely. Our actions were not truthful or in integrity.

Yes, four straight years of cowardice. God, I love cake. 

J is broken, he never chose me over his children.

No, all those times he was fucking me instead of explaining algebra homework, or sitting through a choral recital or reading bedtime stories — he was choosing his children. In his mind. Which is broken. 

His love for his boys is evident in everything he does.

Like having a four-year affair and trying to ensure that he doesn’t pay a dime of child support. Can’t you FEEL the LOVE in that?

I know you are hurt and want to make him hurt just as much.

Jealous of us much? I know you’re hurt and it gives me shivers of delight to know how much you care. How much you want your husband and family together and know that I HAVE THEM! God, the KIBBLES! 

I know this jealousy makes you bitter and unforgiving and want to lash out. Please do. I get a contact high from the drama. 

Make him feel what him and I have made you feel.

Just kidding! I don’t feel anything! 

I understand that. And I guess I am letting you know he feels it.

Only I know how he suffers. We share a special little brokenness that we keep in velvet boxes. We take our brokenness out occasionally to pet and admire it. Oh precious brokenness… Schmoochie, schmoochie!  Who’s your mommy? 

YOU make him suffer over consequences. You fail to appreciate his special brokenness! I’m sorry, I can’t let you pet it. Time to put Precious B back in the box. 

Point is, you should feel bad for this man who fucked around on you for four years. He’s HURT. If you were a bigger person, you could put yourself in his place. But you can’t! I guess you’re small-minded that way.

He is a good father.

The same way I’m a good mother. I’d sell my kids for a kibble. Fancy a quick fuck in the storage locker? 

Your children deserve both parents, even if it’s not on the terms you had hoped for. I am not being dramatic or exaggerating when I say, I don’t think Jeremiah will make it without his children.

The UBT is perplexed. Jeremiah seems to have functioned quite well without his children’s presence for four years.

Translation: If you don’t give us what we want, Jeremiah will DIE! He won’t make it! He’ll crack up and any crazy thing he does after this — online gambling, public drunkenness, Jerry Garcia neckties — will ALL BE YOUR FAULT! Forever! Because you insisted on child support!

Don’t kill him with your reasonable, adult expectations. I beg of you. 

That may be what you ultimately want, but since I am also a parent and I love J I feel like you should know the price of not sharing your children. None of us can know the ultimate price the children will pay.

Our love has a Price! You must all pay our Price! If you don’t pay our price, the children will suffer! 

I know J has told you he will leave me, if he can see his kids more.

Sounds like an excellent suggestion. What’s the problem here?

That is not an easy choice for him. To choose one love over another.

The UBT thinks it’s not that hard. He’s been “choosing one love over another” for years. But now this divorce shit has complicated matters. So sad when cake dies.

But he will do it. He means it.

Help me hang on to your husband. I’m imploring you to do me a solid, for our love.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
    • Favorite sentence of any person anywhere in the world who has made very bad choices and is directly responsible of a terrible situation.

          • CL, you have a gift for running that UBT in the most outstanding way! My heart goes out to LemonS and so glad you are the voice of reason shedding wisdom and strength to us all. How dare LS want child support and the best for her kids. LS, we are all here for you!

    • My ex whore emailed me “for what it’s worth I am sorry”…after 24 years together…Thanks bitch, that really helped.

      • Oh for crying out LOUD!!! They really do all say the exact same shit…word for WORD!! Exactly what X-hole said “for what it’s worth I’m sorry”. I said “your mouth is the only thing that says sorry…your behavior and actions say you’re not…not ONE bit sorry!!” Vile people!

        • I know right? They all read the same stupid book. I’m soooo happy she’s sorry. Made my day. Fucked our
          daughters boyfriends dad but she’s sorry. I guess that’s supposed to make it all right now. She’s not sorry she’s disordered.

          • Wow!!?? Who DOES that shit?? The DISORDERED….. they are just horrible horrible people.

            The farther away from them you get the more you see how really fucked up they are, it boggles the mind!! Still trying to wrap my head around all the shit I wasn’t seeing or acknowledging, trying not to see or whatever the f*ck I was doing!

            Mine blew up our lives for the opportunity to drive 200 miles to go hook up with and fuck a complete stranger. Not someone he knew… some other poor bastards wife that he met ONCE, by chance, at a competition. They destroyed both families, more bang for the buck and not one fucking morsel of remorse for any of the pain they caused their partners or children.

      • I caught my cheater, so his SORRY’S mean shit to me, he’d still be hooking up with ho-worker and picking up prostitutes TODAY if I wouldn’t have found out, his sorry’s are only coming out because of the consequences I’ve imposed on him, well my lawyer is dealing out really. They are only saying sorry to cover their ass, hoping to prevent the losses in store for them, sad thing is, we get all the losses too. 🙁

    • “‘I wish that somehow things were different.’

      Translation: Wish we never got caught.”

      I’d add to that: I wish that there weren’t any consequences for our selfish, disgusting behavior.

      OR

      I wish that you would just disappear so that I could seamlessly slip into your life and enjoy your money, your home, and my role as Caring Parent to your children.

      Oh, and didn’t you know that if things had been different, we would have been friends with the APs? I love that one as well.

      • “I wish that you would just disappear so that I could seamlessly slip into your life and enjoy your money, your home, and my role as Caring Parent to your children”

        Exactly.

  • Two words for her……FUCK OFF!!! (Three if you want to be “NICE”, their favorite word…..and you can tack a “PLEASE” ON there).

    Oh how they SUCK!!!

      • That works too lol!! Their lack of boundaries is astounding!!

        My X-hole is still seeing his (also cheater) troll but there is NO way she would ever contact me. I called her once, upon discovery, and the coward wouldn’t even answer the phone. I left her a choice v-mail message and never contacted her again.

        I always let my son see his father (not the other way around), for my son’s emotional well being, he doesn’t deserve to suffer any more than he already is. X-hole on the other hand, he deserves the karma express, has not contributed or offered ONE dime in almost 6 months. Four days a month he is super fun daddy-o, spends money he should be paying for child support or bills taking the kids out to eat or other expensive activities to distract them from how selfish and sucky he is the other 26 days a month.

        Assholes, both of them.

        • Two words for you, NCStevie: wage garnishment . My state government doesn’t do much right, but they ensured that Cheater #1 pays every month without fail.

          • Unfortunately he works for himself to prevent that, not even going to mention the shameful state of taxes (thank God we never actually married! Engaged/cohabiting for 8 years) but trust me I am working on pursuing child support and legal custody. Prefer to do both simultaneously and while he is still legally and financially a train wreck. The more he does the more he proves how irresponsible he is 😉

          • Might not ever see a dime but my guess is that there is a distinct possibility of incarceration in his future, wonder what schmoopie will think of that?? Maybe she can rescue him from himself? Not my job anymore, that position has been filled 😉

        • NCStevie, after reading a few posts back about the financial disasters that cheaters cause and the overwhelming chorus of chumps emphasizing getting legal help, I contacted a friend of a friend to get a referral and am meeting with a lawyer today. Most chumps who said they can’t afford it or did it pro se online such as me, found ways to pay monthly or somehow so I was inspired. I too am trying to get child support and ex works for himself so the lawyer is going to review all of my docs today for a small fee and just let me know if I have a case. I have been battling this for some time and it feels good to rely on an expert. Wish me luck.

  • We are reminded of the price of our love on a daily basis.))))). Yes. Sounds like ‘the flawed one’ just did the math and realized 70 percent child support pays so much more than 50 percent child support.

    How many times is the word price used in the letter?

    • I hate this entire idiotic letter. Can not LS block her texts so she doesn’t have to deal with this drivel? Thank God (and I never thought I’d say this) my ex never looked back or tried to contact me in any way, so there was no reason for Skankdoodle Frizzpie to contact me either, and we had no children together.

      • Fifi – you better believe you can block these whores and preserve your sanity.

        On DDay when I busted them, the douchbag’s ho-worker sent me a text asking me, “do you love him?” FUCK YOU, WHORE. I don’t engage with whores who get their jollies off fucking married boys. So, I added her number to my contacts with the name “Whore” and blocked that bitch. And no, I didn’t bother answering that whore. Then I searched and blocked that whore on ALL social media outlets.

        Within days I called the whore’s husband, left a message with the douchebag’s cell and work numbers and told him what I knew about his wife fucking around with the douchebag for the past 12 months. I said if he had any questions to ask his whore “wife” or the douchebag b/c I didn’t have any other info for him other than his wife is a $2 whore who’s messing around with a – literally – married grandpa. When the whore’s husband got this message and called me immediately? HIS name got added to my contacts as, “Whore’s husband” and then he got BLOCKED. When the whore’s husband then tried calling me from his work phone? Added and BLOCKED. Same with the whore’s husband’s social media. BLOCKED. Ask those fucking whores! Leave me alone!

        The douchebag and all of his broken fucked-up family members?? BLOCKED and/or deleted from my contacts. Hell no I don’t want to engage with those assholes. They encouraged him to blow up my 22 year investment, so fuck ’em!

        The only exception is not blocking the douchebag’s cell, and ONLY until my sophomore turns 18. Or until I can get her in front of a judge to say she doesn’t want to be forced to see the douchebag anymore. And then??

        BLOCKED.

  • This is so horrible. I do not have children, and cannot imagine what it is like to read such bullshit when children are at stake. I can only imagine how mad I would get if this letter was sent to me by the AP of my ex. And I understand why some people grab a gun and kill. The nerves, the entitlement of this woman are out of this world.

    • OMG! I was thinking the same thing when I read it. I imagined what it would be like to get such a letter from AP and had a strong urge to commit unspeakable acts of violence against him! Making the children live in two different homes for the rest of their childhood was not a consequence for this asshole father, but paying more money in child support is! This is what motivates him.

      • I was triggered too with anger, they’re sick, sick, SICK! FUCK!!! OW used to call me and threaten to kill me too, why, because I called HER HUSBAND and told him what I knew, meanwhile she was FUCKING MINE!

          • Oh yes, this was the first time in our marriage that I did finally make him accountable. I woke up to the shitty person he is as I ripped off my rose colored glasses I was wearing for years!

  • Fuck that skank, UBT is right on as always. Cheaters and APs (of which she is both) warp everything to suit their twisted narrow view of the fuckedupedness they created no matter who suffers. How dare she, what the hell does she think she is doing? The deranged mind know no bounds, they need tracking implants like in Jurassic World. Indominous Slut is getting too near the fences, quick shock her back to reality

  • Oh, how I’d love to copy and paste the whole letter I got from the OW here but it’s pretty long. Some high points: “An apology cannot do justice to the pain caused.” (Note: not “the pain *I* caused.” The abstract pain that the universe handed down.) From there directly to: “I love Asswipe with a passion and certainty I have never possessed before. [snip] I respect you for attempting every option to fix your marriage. I respect you for the good, kind woman AW has described you.” (Awwww, my heart sings at the flattery.) And again some abstraction: “All adults involved are tormented about what these separations mean for our five children and all parents.” And for the cherry on top: “I followed my heart and I believe love can heal trauma if given a chance.” So special, ain’t she?

      • A New Woman, a thousand OMG’s. What the absolute hell!!!! Love the visual of the name Asswipe. Yeah, “…the pain caused,” without the “I” that would more accurately describe it. This is appalling.

    • Please give that to the UBT . . . that is fantastic!

      “I love Asswipe with a passion and certainty I have never possessed before . . .” Tra La Laaaa . . . skip, skip, skip, face-plant.

    • OK, I’ll play:

      From Final OWhore to me in response to my “How COULD you!” email during attempted R:

      “Early on in our acquaintance, when it was still a quite proper friendship, I asked more about you. I told Fucktard I wanted to learn who you were. At time I wanted to meet you. I wanted to get to know you. I told him how I found it attractive to see a guy in love with his wife.”

      -Because I REALLY got hot thinking about how he was in love with you, but fucking ME – I’m not interested in fucking someone who’s NOT in love with his wife – that’s no fun!

      “Chchchchump, yes, I wondered about your story. I was interested in getting to know you.”

      -Because how can I show him how much better I am than you if I know nothing about you? And I was really hoping for the thrill of socializing with you while I was secretly fucking your husband.

      “I was head over heels irrational in love with Fucktard. Fucktard loves you. I wanted to know about that relationship. I wanted to know your story. I still do. [During the affair] I wanted it as a counterbalance to the dizzy. Now I want to know it because I know that no matter how much you hate me, no matter how evil you perceive me to be, no matter what curses you would pile on my head, it’s a relief to me to hear from someone who piles less on me than I’m piling on myself.”

      -How can I wallow in magnificent grandiose self-pity unless I know how much you hate me? I’m even better than you are at HATING ME! I WIN! And of course hate kibbles are ALMOST as fun as love kibbles.

      “I can hear my screams, my wailing, I can feel me hyperventilating with my own pain until I passed out and woke up later in clothes as soiled as my soul. I can hear me repeating these wails as I live here, alone, without the man I love, without friends to help me. I can hear that and I can know what agony you must have felt. Yet yours was different. You had nothing to be ashamed of. You couldn’t have felt you brought it on yourself.”

      “I first knew [that my actions were immoral] the first time Fucktard touched me. I knew it with all my screaming brain. You and [daughter] were in the forefront of my brain at this time. There is no excuse for what I did. There is no excuse for who I let myself become. I don’t see my way out of it. I’m despicable. I’m contemptible. There is no excuse. ”

      -But really, SELF-PITY kibbles are THE BEST! With melodrama sauce! YUMMY YUM YUM!

      • “I knew it with all my screaming brain.”

        This sentence is many layers of stupid. A stupid tiramisu. I only hope that all of her brain screams some sense into her. Maybe it could scream something along the lines of “Jump off a cruise ship.”

      • “I can feel me hyperventilating with my own pain until I passed out and woke up later in clothes as soiled as my soul.”

        What a stupid stupid fucked up bitch, this is incredible.

      • “I can hear my screams, my wailing, I can feel me hyperventilating with my own pain until I passed out and woke up later in clothes as soiled as my soul.”

        This literally made me laugh out loud. I say you send this gem in to the Bulwer-Lytton contest. Lololol. What a complete nincompoop. Emphasis on the poop.

        • Oh, I’ve already sent a few of her gems to the BL contest. No bites yet. Maybe they’re just too ridiculous even for BL?

  • Love that UBT!! Honestly, I keep waiting for evidence that my view cheaters (including APs) should be run through with a rusty javelin is wrong, and that I should learn to be more compassionate toward them and their pathology. Still waiting….

  • Oh my. So the cheater is bored with the OW and horrified at the loss of cake and money, so he’s told her that he may have to give up Their Love for the sake of seeing The Children more, and… she is buying it? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    Hmmm… I sense there is more than just 1 OW.

  • “I know J has told you he will leave me, if he can see his kids more.”
    “Sounds like an excellent suggestion. What’s the problem here?”
    -Love that!

    By the way – what a stupid ass comment from the whore “He has told you he will leave me to see his kids more.” What kind of reaction was she trying to enduce out of that statement?
    How stupid.
    Lemon – she’s an idiot. Block the bitch.

  • Is there a website where cheaters cut and paste their justifications and bullshit? I swear my ex has said much of this verbatim.

    • Hah! Someone should make a Cheater Lexicon. Like, a template for cheaters. Maybe Mad-Lib style. It would be very popular. We could really have fun with that, and as naive as I am about tech, I’m guessing this would be low tech as far as tech goes….

      Remember me when you’re rich! 🙂

      • I googled for cheater speak, excuses, type list to compare what I was told by my cheater and couldn’t find one, is there one out there? You know a list for examples like this: “Just Friends” “She listened to me” “She needed me” “Just happened” “I was drunk” “She was drunk” etc.., etc…

          • And “I didn’t feel appreciated” barf here too Tempest, as if I did by him??? “You were on the computer to much” then I’d ask, why would you say that to me if nothing happened and you were “Just Friends”? He denied anything happened except for necking “One Time, One Night” back in 2010. I was gaslighted to death by both of them, they were in sync on my flaws and blamed me for everything, even though they did nothing lol.

            • Consider the source, Kate50. If chunks of offal bubble up from a sewer, well, of course that what was going to happen. It wasn’t going to spring a geyser of Veuve Cliquot champagne, was it?

              I distanced myself from my X’s bullshite as soon as I devalued him (as he deserved to be). I’d no sooner accept his views of my flaws than I would accept a three-year old’s account of quantum physics. My personal faves were when, in one conversation, he claimed that I “valued things over people” because our cupboards were too full of dishes, etc., and a few weeks later said, I “did too much for people,” They say whatever is convenient to divest themselves of responsibility. Consider the source.

              • I considered the source Tempest and decided I’d had enough of both of them and their flying monkeys that covered for them and called a moving company and left. I just thought of another BIG thing he threw in my face, my drinking, which was a problem for me and I did get help for it but then I went through his Visa statement for 5 months and he was spending OVER 600.00 a month on liquor, some to feed other OW up north where he worked. And then she would call me DRUNK, she was one too and he called her that. So his once again flaw he pointed out in me was no different then the two of them, bad excuse. BTW, I just celebrated my first sober birthday on October 28, one year since my last drink. They’re giving me a cake tonight at me home group in AA. 🙂

              • Kate50 that is amazing and congratulations! What a wonderful example you are of creating meaning in your life and moving on. Love what you said about the shape shifting blaming. How true! It’s like nothing we could do would work.

        • Don’t forget to add : I didn’t mean for it to happen! I got that from both of them. I asked them if they felt the other person raped them.

        • “I didn’t go looking for it…we had a real connection we needed to explore…I didn’t mean for all of this to happen…I don’t know why I did it…” (peppered with blank stares)

          • “One thing led to another” is one that makes me see red.
            I want to impale fuckers on a hot poker who say that line. Seriously.

            • “She called me, “Cakes.” because my butt would hit the printer at work when reaching for something.”

              “I never thought something like this would happen to us.”

              Yeah, I trusted you dip shit.

              • Honestly, the “I didn’t go looking for it” or “it just happened” or some other similar sh!t is more enraging than anything.
                You may not have intended to start it, but you had no intention of stopping it either, did you?

              • Exactly what asswipe said. I didn’t mean for it to happen. Just happened. No fuckface you let it happen!!!

  • OOOOMMMMMGGGG… I COULD KILL Right now. That sentence ‘ i know you hurt and want to make him hurt as much’
    Trust me honey if I wanted to make him hurt as much i would have hired someone to break his legs!!!! Drop a bus on his fucking head!!! Castration with a nail clipper…. Trust me… If I wanted to make him hurt… I gotta thousand ideas, none of which include keeping his kids from him. Trust that I have been holding the fort down over here while you two have been doing the electric slide… I know what my kids need i am their mother.
    The fight for the kids is often a ploy to maintain damage control and image preservation… And lets not forget the good ole child support check.
    Yes lets please divide our kids up like pizza to make sure that we each get an’ fair’ share. Force them to live out of two homes and paint it as some normal. The reason the cheater doesnt think its so bad … Is because they have been living in two lives.

    • “Force them to live out of two homes and paint it as some normal. The reason the cheater doesn’t think its so bad … Is because they have been living in two lives.”

      ****NAILED IT*****

      • In response to my I caught you you fucktards letter, “Sometimes, it’s just best for everyone, especially the kids. They don’t always need two parents in the home if things aren’t working out.”

    • THIS! SO THIS!!!!!!! I was told recently that it is my perception of divorce in general that makes it so hard on my son! That divorce doesn’t have to be a bad thing for a “family”. My response was….Uhm……. k….

      Fuck off!

    • What Nomar said! Mine continues to insist that our kids are okay with all of this and are doing ‘far better’ with the split than he could ever imagine. My response? Go fuck yourself, AssDad.

      • The real evil is they will see it however it benefits them. Enjoying my new life? Then the kids are great, everyone is HAPPY. You want to do something I don’t like? But what about the kids, they are suffering and are so fragile, and haven’t had time to recover from the divorce? Nothing is based in reality. Just on want they want in the moment. Reality can bend to suit their needs.

        • When everyone is an extension of you, it makes sense. I get what I want? The kids are happy! (I’m happy) You thwart me? The kids are miserable! Why are you being so MEAN… to (um) the KIDS?

          Fact is, divorce is hard on kids AND kids are resilient. The same “divorce hurts the kids” argument is used against chumps by cheaters who want to stay in cake.

          It’s not divorce, it’s the inability OVERALL to consider anyone else that is the problem, IMO.

          • Yes. The pathological inability to integrate any information that makes them uncomfortable. No need to check with the three therapists, school counselor, or teachers that work with the children, or accept their opinions (or mine). He already knows everything he needs to know, even without seeing them for more than 100 days out of the last two years.

            • “The pathological inability to integrate any information that makes them uncomfortable.”

              I think cheaters should be caged and observed by scientific researchers for further investigation into human behavior.

              They may not be the missing link, but they are definitely missing one.

              When they act in a selfish manner, hit them with a cattle prod. I actually believe they could change with this form of discipline.

              There is a UNICORN!

              • I remember one sad sole on the Surviving Infidelity forum…..waxing on about the hard time they were having in Reconcilliation b/c her “WH” was having a hard time giving up his selfish ways — not just with her but others he interacted with socially, at work. She said she often tried to get him to “put the foot on the other shoe” or imagine a situation from the other person’s point of view ….but that he says “he hates doing that”

                That gave me chills…that one little line about him “hating” to engage in emphatic thought. And she said it so naively…like it was just part of his makeup…like “hating” peanut butter or something.

              • You may be on to something Calamity Jane!!!! LOL!!! REAL (PAINFUL) consequences MIGHT actually alter their behavior!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!

          • They can twist anything to suit their own narrative and always will! They refuse to LOOK at the pain and destruction they inflict and leave behind. While your in the trenches shoveling their shit and trying to hold it down and hold it together they are banging the new twu wove and pretending all is right in their world. I will NEVER understand the reality glitch. Ever.

            They are disordered magicians, their life is the illusion. While they are waving awesome and happy in the face of their new audience they WANT people to see that hand they are waving around yet it’s the hand behind their back that is the one that you should be watching (every shitty thing they are doing) the one they don’t want anyone to know about.

            • I’ve often explained to put himself in my position, what if I did the things he’s done, all I get is, “He’d forgive me”. Ya right, I doubt very much that he would.

              • X-hole is a pathological liar, and THAT is total bullshit….they hold a grudge for shit they invent so there is NO way they would EVER forgive being cheated on lmao! Their fragile ego could never forgive that. Liars…

                He was insanely jealous for no reason, makes sense now. Asshole.

    • I agree with this statement: “The fight for the kids is often a ploy to maintain damage control and image preservation”.

      It has been my belief (backed by experience) that the truth will always prevail. If they actually care about the kids, they will be involved in their lives moving forward. But if, as is more often the case, they don’t give a crap about the kids, as evidenced by their cheating and sneaking around and missing important events and milestones while they are off with their lovers…well, it won’t be but a short period of time before they forget those kids entirely. I would hate to give up my kids 50% of the time just so they can be ignored by their absentee parent as a way for him/her to save on $$. Complete and utter bullshit.

    • Nomar said, “The fight for the kids is often a ploy to maintain damage control and image preservation…” So true. How many of our exs did this? That was the big consequence my ex had the hardest time with, that I wouldn’t go along with her having majority custody. She tried every crap excuse for it including, “it’s more natural for kids to be with their mother.” Really!?!? I think that is what she was worried her friends and relatives thought and that it would make her look bad to have 50/50 or less.

      • Exactly. Narkles the Clown demanded and got 50/50 after years of calendars showing he was gone 90-120 days a year. He was going to change and not travel any more or so he declared. It took him two and a half months to have the kids for a complete weekend, where he didn’t have something better to do. I now have to establish a pattern of him not being around for the kids when he is supposed to before I have to pay to take him back to court and re-establish custody that doesn’t mean phone calls of “I have something to do tonight but I have to call you first and see if you want the kids” Of course I want the kids you dolt, that’s why I asked for majority custody because I’ve always wanted them and been there for them.

    • “Castration with a nail clipper”. Oh, that’s a good one. I used to tell mine that i would take a vegetable peeler to his fingerling potato if he ever cheated on me. I wish I had.

    • “Trust that I have been holding the fort down over here while you two have been doing the electric slide… I know what my kids need i am their mother….”

      Say it Clip! And yes, perhaps they think two homes are fine for this kids since double lives were peachy keen for our exes.

    • TheClip,
      Yes, times a million. “Trust that I have been holding the fort down over here while you two have been doing the electric slide… I know what my kids need I am their mother. The fight for the kids is often a ploy to maintain damage control and image preservation”. This is ABSOLUTELY what he is doing. He is trying so hard to save his ego. He has told me countless times that he is still the same person. A man of integrity. He just made a mistake. He will always love me. He never stopped loving me but we wouldn’t have worked out even if he didn’t have an affair. I never intended for you to find out.

      Holy shit! I honestly never knew I was married to a complete sociopath. A stranger. He is all about his ego, his image. Maintaining the façade. God forbid people didn’t see him as a family man, a man of great character and morals. “I’m a great dad! I love my boys more than anything in the world”.

      It’s all bullshit. He lied and manipulated me, our families, our friends and our kids for years. When I finally exposed all of the lies and he started feeling the consequences is when his tone changed. I am so disheartened that I just didn’t see it earlier. I’m repulsed. And horibly heartbroken. It’s a mindfuck to be in my head…. I just want peace. The last thing I needed was a text from the Ho-Worker pleading for my compassion. What a sick and demented waste of space.

      • LS – I’m so sorry – what a sick fucker 🙁 she is a complete fucking crazy ass wingnut. No way in hell I’d ever agree to give him 50/50 if it meant getting that batshit crazy twat out of your lives! Please be careful. I don’t want to scare you, yet I know the desperate and deranged can also sometimes become dangerous. Big hugs!

      • Lemon
        My heart goes out to you and all other parents fighting for custody. I was told by my lawyer to decided what was the worse case scenario I could live with and shoot up from there. I was told ‘ You will have to bend somewhere. You decide where’ My daughter was non negotiable. I was willing to walk on my home and everything else. BUT…. I didnt let on and I in fact let my Idiot to believe that I was going for broke. The almighty dollar sign frightened him more. I had a very sympathetic judge. I was lucky. I have primary custody. Truth is unless you have some glaring evidence that his behaviors are damaging and dangerous… You will struggle to gain full custody. If 50/50 is decided then make sure the language in your custody agreement states he pays for half of childrens activities( and that includes future activities… The sign up fees… Costumes, school pictures) , school supplies, down to the last box of tissues… 50/ 50 should be exactly that! He will find over time that it would have been cheaper to write you a check and do yr mommy magic buy streching those dollars. Get it all down in your agreement… No detail is too small. Its a bitch to get it changed or modified later. He may mock you for being ‘ a control freak’ or say something like’ really? Havent we been able to manage our kids without a piece of paper?’ Ignore him. You will be thankful that you were hypervigilant about the language in your agreement.
        Write down your goal. Look at it everyday. It aint about winning. Its about healthy well adjusted children and if you believe in your heart that they will be better off with you the bulk of the time…. And you can swing it… Than thats exactly what u shoot for.
        As much as I hate the Idiot and his destructive ways he did play a part in our former life. Happy , go lucky dad. That is the life my child remembers. Her memories were largely buffered by me. I did all the shit eating to make him look good over holidays, vacations and birthdays. She loves her father. Doesnt trust him but still wants to maintain some contact. I honor that. I give her language to help her navigate his BS. She can see it… And she is delayed! Trust that your kiddos will figure it out. If you can be the rock … They will be ok.
        Did I mention that my fucking Idiot didnt buy our daughter a birthday present this year?

        Put blinders on. Let your spouse and his ho bag text and email away. Play the broken hearted soull… Dont give anything away. Be an actress. Make them think u are contemplating all the wonderful advice that they are offering. Get to court. Remember your goal.
        I will keep u in my thoughts.

      • Ah, so sorry you are going through this LemonSqueezy– it is so hard when we are longing for peace and instead have to keep carrying this terrible burden. But listen to the advice above, it is good. The mindfuck of having been married to a sociopath will stick around till things calm down. It all gets better over time, it’s just hard wanting that time to please just fucking PASS QUICKLY. Remember, once custody is decided (however it is decided) he WILL lose interest in the kids eventually. Plan for it.

  • The only thing this AP cares about is herself and her own agenda. If she truly cared about the children, she wouldn’t have broken up their home. Lemon squeezy’s pain isn’t even on her radar. People with personality disorders lack the capacity for empathy and cannot see how their actions affect other people. She goes on and on about her and jeremiahs pain and LS’s pain is vaguely glossed over and written off as bitterness. She wanted J and she wants the responsibility of helping him raise his kids- then she’s got it! Child support is part of that obligation. This is what she ordered. Stop thing to send it back

  • Translation – I’m screwing your husband but lets compromise, for Jeremiah sake. Oh yes, and there are kids so you know, for their sake too. You should be more understanding. His caught between two women shtick is really a cry for help. We’re all victims here, all on the same team. This is the best reasoning my narcissistic, home-wrecking mind can come up with.

    Shameless! Absolutely shameless and manipulative. And aggressive.

    • Don’t you feel so sorry for J? Gosh, he’s got the OW feeling sorry for him and trying to convince LS to feel sorry for him too. Sounds like OW has gotten herself a master manipulator. Congrats.

      • I think it was a show of force by the OW. And she’s a manipulator as well. Let J and the AP devour each other.

  • Very externalized. It is as if this OW thinks this situation was caused by outside forces as opposed to her choices along with the stbxh’s. Of course, recognizing that they caused would mean taking full responsibility a.k.a. cheater kryptonite.

    • AP told me that this was all “God’s Will” Yes, God will bring someone else’s husband in your life…

      • It’s more like the Devil made me do it situation if you ask me….. But narcissists tend to feel they are godlike.

    • Cheaters and APs have an external locus of control–“YOU (spouse) caused my unhappiness. FATE caused me to cheat by putting a willing fuckbuddy in my workplace/home/neighborhood/next to me on a barstool. And the cosmic universe caused your unhappiness after I place the proverbial machete in your back by violating my marriage vows.” They’re never happy, they’re never wrong, and they’re never to blame.

  • LOL – it comes across as him making an exit strategy from her.

    In next month’s installment, Mr. Too Squeezy will have left her “for the kids,” just like he ditched his family “for love.” Human beings, to him, are just a vast, reliable array of exit strategies.

  • And I’m SO sure Father of the Year wants 50/50 custody because he’s such a great father. Yeah, that’s why he wants it. I guess his whore isn’t happy about most of his money going towards child support instead of being spent on her.

    Too bad. So sad. Bitch.

    • Yep. That’s why my ex wanted 50/50 initially; he didn’t want to pay me a nickel. Once I told him that I would not be available to “babysit” our children on his time, he immediately recanted and suddenly seemed okay with me as the primary custodian. That’s why I have to laugh when he plays at being the perfect parent by now being interested in the kids’ lives in ways he never was before. Oh please, you dumb arse. You’re more concerned about your image than about the well-being of our children, and that was proven when you bolted from the 50/50 idea because you realized that you’d actually have to be a parent OR spend the money on a babysitter!

      • “That’s why I have to laugh when he plays at being the perfect parent by now being interested in the kids’ lives in ways he never was before.” Yes, THIS. This exact thing is boggling my mind tonight. STBX informed the kids that he will be going to parent teacher conferences tonight at the older two’s school, and tomorrow at youngest. Huh? How many times has he gone to pt conferences in recent memory? Once…five years ago…the last time we were separated. Why the sudden interest in becoming an involved father?

        • Same here, DramaFree– he NEVER went to our kids’ conferences, and I remember being at Open Houses by myself with three little children, one still in a stroller. Now, he wants to sparkle and shine for the teachers, showing off how WONDERFUL life is with his new blended family and how well-adjusted the kids are because he’s so caring and involved. Yet, when one of the kids is sick, and I ask for help so that I don’t have to take days and days off of work, he simply can’t help. He’s only involved when he can show off for other people; when it comes to the real grunt work, like cleaning up vomit, he’s nowhere to be found.

  • What a mind fuck she is. Be glad you are divorcing such a blob who can live with that. UBT and CL deserve a Pulitzer Prize.

  • UBT should also include fart sounds between sentences.

    Cheaters talk out of their ass.

    Whenever I must communicate with my ex-wife I plug my nose, her mouth farts are toxic.

  • This is the BEST:
    “We share a special little brokenness that we keep in velvet boxes. We take our brokenness out occasionally to pet and admire it. Oh precious brokenness… Schmoochie, schmoochie! Who’s your mommy? ”

    I have come to realize one sure-tell sign of a narcissist is the constant construction of personas and narratives about themselves and lives. Their Pinterest board full of 1000s of romantic prose and instagram shots of DEEP meaningful quotes ….. a constant search for words that describe only them…that only their deep special soul can understand. The constant NARRATIVES…..Oh Im the “good crazy” kind of girl….Im the crazy ADD girl……Im the Gypsy girl who Cannot Be Cage….Im a true genuine soul of which there are only a speckling of in the universe…..Im a bad ass Navy chic who will fuck you up……Im a girly girl with a Sailors mouth….Walk a mile in your shoes before you judge me……etc etc etc . Narrative after narrative, often contradictory and complete bullshit….But fully designed to keep all focus on THEMSELVES and their SPECIALNESS

    Has anyone else noticed the narcissist preoccupation with self narratives???

    • Yes! My ex had a few that he clung too over time. They were all very strange. All involved him being some wonderful man who would rescue poor downtrodden women. This from a man who frequents prostitutes. He sat in therapy and tried to tell a story of how I was a poor farm girl who he rescued from poverty. No, dude. I was a middle class straight A student going to college, who loaned you you tuition money and supported you for the first few years of our marriage while you dropped out. Your family was just like mine. WTF? Yes, I grew up in a farming state. No, we did not have a farm.

      • Not that there’s anything wrong with growing up on a farm! That came from him, not me. Just didn’t happen to be a “farm girl.”

        • Yep….a narrative he constructed….these folks are all about others PERCEPTIONS of themselves. And their own perception I guess. Marrying a similarly classed lady with the same background wasn’t “special” enough or “exotic” enough for him I guess

    • Quotes taken off the whore’s Pinterest board:

      1) Before you judge me, make sure you are perfect.

      2) Falling in love is not a choice. To stay in love is. . .

      3) And my favorite, posted on her wall the day she married my X . . . “Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling. It is a decision, a judgement, and a promise.”

      It’s all hearts, sparkles, and rainbows with this bitch. She also posts a lot of Jesus stuff too, you know, because he has her back and what not. Fucking pathetic. . .

      • they are CONSTANTLY seeking for validation and insight about…wait for it….themselves. Be it in poem lyrics, movies, quotes — it all refers to THEM. This constant hunt for narratives they can cling to and adapt includes LOADS of justification for shitty behavior: “It was true love, bigger than ourselves”….”we are the misconstrued, the misunderstood…we are DIFFERENT”….and yes the “Don’t Judge Me…Im a Wilted Flower” bullshit

        Timid Forrest Creatures and Special Little Snoflakes are I think the terms CL coined that touch on this phenomenon.

        • Screw the Forrest Creatures. You know what quotes I’d like to post on my wife’s Pinterest board? How about some of these:

          1) “After deep reflection, I came to understand that being married and screwing another woman’s husband was pretty shitty of me.”

          2) “I destroyed my marriage, hurt my family, and ruined my career just to chase a guy at work who liked my fake boobs.”

          3) “One day she woke up and realized that she was a 43 year old married mother of two, and instead of pretending like she was still in high school, she decided to grow up, take responsibility for her shitty decisions and start acting like an adult”

          Somebody should come up with some new Pinterest quotes and circulate some of those to wake these goofballs up.

      • Yes…..the Pinterest boards. I have access to my wife’s on our ipad (I’m not sure she knows), but I look at it occasionally to see all the narcissistic bullshit quotes and “deep thoughts” that she and her friends post.

        Some of her beauties:

        1) “The path of my life is beautiful and crooked as it should be”

        2) “We all have chapters we would like to keep unpublished”

        3) “Sometimes the wrong choices lead us to the right places”

        4) “Don’t judge someone because they sin differently from you” — a couple of her friends when they found out about the affair didn’t buy her BS and they are no longer her friends (which is of course, somehow my fault according to her)

        5) Her latest one the other day was about “nothing being so beautiful as loving a broken heart” — she’s referring to her heart and not mine, of course, now that it’s become obvious that she won’t be able to go off into the sunset with her married COW (he refused to leave his wife for her). My broken heart, and the other BS’s broken heart? — just collateral damage on her highway to “happiness and strength.”

        The Pinterest posts were irritating for a long time, it was basically pain shopping by me. But now that I’m more in a don’t give a shit anymore mode, it’s become a bit fascinating to see what she thinks about. It’s all so self-absorbed and pity poor little me — like having an affair for the past several years took such noble acts of self-sacrifice on her part.

        It’s the same attitude everyone on here says about their cheater — it’s all somebody else’s fault. The lack of self-awareness on her and her friends’ Pinterest boards is truly amazing.

        • “Sometimes the wrong choices lead us to the right places”

          What a gem that is. And absolutely FALSE unless someone has the depth and introspection necessary to LEARN from their mistakes, which most cheaters do not, as we know.

          Pinterest.. seriously.. who has the time? I’m over here working full time, raising kids.. who has time for that shit?

        • YES! with the thousand and thousands of pins….all about HERSELF. (There is one small board about toddler activities). How she will “never fit in b/c of the vast difference between her and the rest of the world”….she’s damaged…..she’s wild…..she’s full of depth…crazy… ADD.. a genuine soul….an enigma with wings….a gypsy….a WANDERLUST…..a dirty mind….”She is Art”….

          Basically anything that sounds better than “run of the mill suburban basic bitch with a penchant for married men”

          and on and on. Literally THOUSANDS of pins like this.

          Im telling you men — check out a chics Pinterest board early on in dating — Glaring red flags to be found

          • Ha Ha that’s true. And run the other way if it’s all about “dreams coming true”, or being a “diva”, or “free-spirit”. Translation: She’s probably going to fuck your best friend eventually.

            • I’ve frankly been afraid to check Pinterest, Facebook, or Instagram for fear of seeing just those sorts of things you all are describing. I’m not at MEH yet and I think it would just feel too awful to see that shit. It’s bad enough they are engaged, I don’t want to see any fairytale wedding crap at this point. Maybe someday it won’t matter.

              • FiFi, someday is right around the corner. You’ll get there.

                My X went from “married” to me on Facebook to suddenly “in a relationship” with her the same week I found out about them. Our divorce was final about 4 months after D-Day, and he was engaged to her 2 months after our divorce was final. It was all over social media.

                It used to hurt me, but I got to the point where what they were doing was so fucking absurd, it just made me laugh. These were two mid-40 adults, just blew up two marriages for the great love which could not be denied, and they were posting shit like it was high school. I had people emailing me asking me if my X had fallen and hit his head.

                You don’t have to dig up anything. Eventually, it won’t bother you at all, believe me.

          • So true. These are her “Great Thoughts” I discovered digging around after Dday on her Pinterest board:
            “He had realized within minutes that she was rare; he had know within hours that she was everything he wanted.” I guess that was after an evening of anal…

            “Don’t ruin other peoples happiness because you can’t find your own.” This is a bit post Dday. Who the fuck is she referring to? I’ll assume it’s a personal reminder to herself.

            “Ordinary people who faithfully, diligently and consistently do simple things that are right before God will bring forth extraordinary results.” Ok. Jesus cheater she is. My take is send your married AP xhamster porn link indicating it “was so hot it made you cum” and immediately follow up with another email about Christian scripture and your Lord, Jesus Christ. I think she covered the bases. I think the results were “super hot” xhamster porn re-enactments and a soul cleansing with above mentioned scripture.

            Yea. These people are not stable.

            • Ok. Now I’m phishing around. This was intended for me on her Great Thoughts:

              “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you had really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” Her amended statement: “…..choose the second.”

              Good riddance to bad rubbish. That’s my quote.

            • I really have to gag when I see these quotes. That’s all the same crap my wife posts on her Pinterest board. Who sits around and thinks this crap up all day long for people to post in the first place? And what kind of a numbskull would then post this crap when most of the people who are “following” you know you’ve been sleeping around?

              Again, the total lack of self-awareness is really confounding. What do her other friends think when they see this shit and know what she’s really been doing? Do they laugh? Or are they as baffled as I am?

              I guess it’s all a part of untangling the skein of fuckedupness that I’m supposed to avoid — but it’s hard not to try to and figure it out how I married somebody like that.

        • PinInterest? Jeezus – I thought it was about buying appliances and home ideas. Had no idea it was just another blog site. No thanks. Funny how people would put down such lame personal things about themselves. And, often like FB, it’s all about them and what they’re doing and their latest Narc pics. Don’t we have enough social media already?

  • Is it just me or does the whole thing boil down to the STBX trying to ditch the OW now that the financial reality has reared its ugly head? Since OW ditched her family – OW has fully committed. STBX is still fence sitting. Be mighty LS. Leave a cheater, gain a life.

    • I don’t even get the “He will leave me to see more of his kids”. He can leave the skank OW all he wants — the chump I would hope wouldn’t change custody b/c of that. His marital status dating status etc is a non-issue if they’ve already agreed to 70/30.

      So I see this as dramatics……from the “I know you don’t want to hear from me and Im not being dramatic” OW

  • Good grief. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that there is zero mention of what is best for the kids.

    LemonSqueezy keep being the warrior mama bear that you are and do what is best for your kids. If 70/30 is best, then stick with that plan — because and I repeat – it is best for your young kids.

    As for the drama queen OW, do not reply. Treat it like spam. I would block her because her ‘campaign to be right and fair’ will continue and it will escalate. Don’t let her sabotage you. There is absolutely no reason you need to have any communication with her

    Hugs to you LemonSqueezy!

    CL, the UBT was terrific.

  • Wow, I want to bitch slap this stupid slut into oblivion! What a transparent ploy to keep her man at all costs, and to keep more of his money at the same time.

    MagPie, I love her you said above about narcissistic narratives! My Facebook page is often full of them, from the same few offenders, mainly twenty something young women with few interests outside their men. None are cheaters as far as I know, but, I totally recognize these type of posts. Nice observation!

  • Well, the OW is going ’round in spirals here. Certainly lacking the, oh darn what do you call it? a guiding principle…you know, helps you do the right thing?? having trouble finding the word…oh, yes, Integrity! that’s it, Integrity.

  • “We’ve both been fucking the same guy for four years. Crazy coincidence, huh! Was your last Pap smear kinda funky? We should connect over that some time. Girls night out!”

    “Narcissists! Party of one! Your table is ready!”

    Thank you, Chump Lady… The above translations evoked a double spewing of coffee today and some major LOLing!! I love your snarky and oh-so-accurate UBT.

  • These trolls make me sick to my stomach. Great UBT as always!!!! I would laugh at this if it wasn’t so sad. Luckily LemonSqueezy has CL and CN to help her sanity stay in tact. So many chumps don’t and believe this BS.

  • Wow!!!! Just wow…

    I called satan’s Kroger Customer Service ho from his phone twice…both times were redials from where he had called her…and both times Kroger ho said, ‘I don’t talk about myself that way! I don’t appreciate you accusing me of that! That is just nasty!’

    Wha????? (scratching my head)

    These people – hos and cheating assholes – are actually just clueless that the universe doesn’t revolve around them!!!!! I mean WHAT!!!!

    Kroger ho dumped satan way before my divorce was final…satan started begging to ‘come home’ IF I COULD LET THIS GO (satan’s words – again Wha?????) I told him to go live with Kroger ho, let her take care of him… Reminded him he had said she ‘is just sooo sweet’ Satan replied, ‘She had her moments’ WHA???? Actually wanted to have a conversation with me about his other hos…!!!!! ‘Why do women think when a man pays attention to them that they are in a relationship?’ Wha???? (this to his wife and companion for 36 years!!!!) I responded, ‘Aaahhh, must be hard for you dodging that without me to hide behind huh.’ …asshole actually shook his head yes!

    Ugh…

    Divorce that disordered asshole LemonSqueezy and run away LAUGHING! It will be so much better soon!!!!

  • CL, would you please find the “Cheater’s Handbook” and get it out to the masses? They have to be using some standard “play book” or “phrase book” because they all say the same thing…

  • “I know people stay together even when the love is gone or maybe when things were never really right from the beginning, but I cannot imagine that is what any of us really want.”

    Translation: You and J were together even though the love was gone or, your marriage was never really right from the beginning. See! What me and J have, that’s love! I threw that little dig in there because really, I didn’t help destroy anything!

    “. . . I feel like you should know the price of not sharing your children. None of us can know the ultimate price the children will pay.”

    Translation: J and I put you in the position of having to share your children. Please don’t call us out on it, because then they will pay. But not because we were fucking behind our spouses backs for 4 years. That’s no big deal.

  • This! Yes! This! this: “I am certain you do not want to hear from me…But I thought, fuck what you want, I’ll write you anyway!”

    How many times did I tell my ex to fuck off? So, sooooo many. We were not married, we did not have kids and yet for two fucking years I endured his repeated attempts to contact me.

    What part of “fuck off” is it that you don’t understand, motherfucker? Is it the “fuck” or the “off”? Or maybe the two of them put together. Ahhh, that’s right. You’ve never heard them put together and directed at you before.

    How about this then: “Contact me again and I will call the motherfucking police”.

    THAT one he seemed to comprehend.

    😉

    • They don´t understand how anyone could reject their lovely selves so anything that he could get from you helps him to validate his idea that he is a great person because you are still in contact with him. My stupid cheater-ass is now (post-divorce) sending me emails on how he discovered a book or met a person that I would love to read or meet (for academic purposes). I think he wants to still take credit for anything intellectual that I do because that is where he feels the strongest. If he could just keep his foot in the door, maybe I will tell him how brilliant he is and dedicate my next book to him! SUCH A LOSER!

      • chumpita, your next book should have a dedication that says something like ‘I would like to thank all the people who helped me get through to completing this book, DESPITE my having to deal with that cheating idiot ‘ex’s name here’.

  • This woman is fucking ridiculous. As I get further from finalization of my divorce, I have less and less patience to even read this self-serving, narcissistic drivel. This woman could easily be my ex-wife, rationalizing her affair and home wrecking. She lives in a bubble of her own creation, and every sentence she writes is her effort to shore-up that bubble, to keep reality out and fantasy in.

    Pathetic.

    • And like a prior poster mentioned…..her subconscious use of the word PRICE about 20 times is no coincidence. Whats going to “destroy” J is the large child support checks he has to write each month in a 70/30 custody arrangement.

      I WOULD SOOO BITCH SLAP THIS ONE!!!!

      Ok really tho no I wouldn’t

      But OP Please — Screenshot and *crickets”

      Mind Blown

    • Yep, and I’m anticipating that the day will eventually come when a similar message will arrive for me. Won’t that be fun to tear apart?

  • Great UBT Chump Lady!

    LemonSqueezy – It’s really messed up what this OW did – furthermore, it isn’t about you, it’s about them. What kind of pick me dance is she playing with you and your kids?

    I don’t know what she is smoking but I’d wager it’s about her self appointed “selfless magnanimosity” to assuage some kind of freak out that is going on in their life, now exposed.

    She has no right to insert herself like this. I would definitely not respond but I would also not block her. If you keep the airwaves open, when you don’t answer her text, something even more to your benefit may come through because nature abhors a vacuum. Wait for it – she’ll be all kinds of offended.

    -I would just send her text to your lawyer. And stick to your original agreement regarding your kids. If it’s really all about money that will get exposed, too. If your ex asks why no response, “oh I sent that to my lawyer”. –No emotion.

    My Ex had a four year affair, too. After reading stories like yours I realize what a bonus that we had no children. What kind of ex-spouse perpetuates the kind of triangle you are dealing with? I would surround myself and stick with the level headed, stealth minds, here on this site, with your lawyer, and only talk about it with the most trusted of friends.

    Best wishes to you-

  • WOW…. lucky my kids are grown!

    Here is the text from my spouse to the other woman:
    I am so sorry for your pain. I understand all your animosity and truly wish there was a magic eraser. I do regret and own all of my wrong doings. And I am fortunate that the condemnation that you spew does not get to affect my destiny. You don’t know me at all and are judging me only by my sin. understandably so… but i do truly hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for the negative effects I contributed to your life as well as your child’s life. I wish you all the best and again am very sorry……..

    This after a major blow out from the other woman who basically said she was going to hell and should be stoned……

  • Ugh !!! I am dealing with this right now. Got divorced from moron, have joint custody. He is living with and engaged to last affair partner. Now he is dragging me through a custody trial to either get 50/50 or full custody and she is helping him all the way. Fuckers. I hope they burn in the deepest part of hell. The OW trying to take your kids away is pure.fucking.evil.

    • Also , it IS about the child support. They don’t like having to pay it. Mine is trying his hardest to get out of it. He’s already lowered it twice. Please don’t mistake it, you’re not being mean. They will screw you over, given a chance to do so.

      • Freeatlast–It’s totally about the child support! My ex tried that shit and the judge shot it down. He’s a psychologist making good $$ but he’s raising “Twu Wuvs” kids…and OW doesn’t like the money going toward our child. It’s a f’g nightmare. Every correspondence he makes is about money…never asking about our son. I’m so sorry you’re in this mess. What’s f’d up is you reach the point of “meh” and they can’t stand it so they keep trying to pull you in to keep their warped “romance” going. You’re trying to ruin their “FAMILY,” after all! Praying for some justice for you!

  • Haha, I had to laugh about the storage locker. According to the ex, OW went to the storage locker where our kids team’s lacrosse gear was stored in while ex was dropping stuff off. (He was the coach/manager.) He had told her he would be there. They kissed. (He couldn’t help himself you see.)
    So I told her when she contacted me that I had the security camera footage and would give it to her husband. She just about crapped herself on the spot.

    LS, don’t respond . Sail on LS, sail on. Keep your course, steady as she goes. You’re pointing in the right direction and will reach port and safe harbour sooner if you don’t let the shit storm rock your boat.
    I reacted and replied to OW several times and now, looking back, I wish I hadn’t. I lost some of my dignity in my pain and anguish. I wish I had CL and CN when I had all the shit happening – I cringe now if I allow myself to think about it.

    To even think that she had a right to send you that text – a text! – hope she gets a severe case of tendonitis in her thumbs and wrists – shows how disordered and entitled she is. Notice how she’s trying to lay the guilt on you – jeremiah won’t make it, you’ll kill him! Help me keep him around LS! It will all be your fault! he is my soulmate, what will I do if he dies because of you? Help me LS! Help him LS! he is in pain LS, pain! – while we guilt you into us not having to pay child support.
    <<<>>>

  • It has nothing to do with wanting to hurt him “the same way”… She was fine with him keeping his children until he fell into someone else’s vagina. And agreed to 30%. Him changing that because he will just die without it? That there is a threat which alone would be printed, filed into my case and go to the judge- asshole is unstable and shouldn’t even get 30% when he makes manipulations or threats of self harm over his kids. And how is absence of kids the same as the knife to the back which is adultery. Now… If Lemon was asking for 70% custody of other woman and sending him videos of sexy things they do together… That might be the same. But he would need a heart to actually care.

  • I’m so sorry you have to deal with this LemonSqueezy. Just so much UGH!!!! in that shit.
    Dealing with Narkles the Clown is difficult enough, thank goodness the Flying Whore does not bother me.
    Be mighty, roll your eyes, laugh with the UBT and tell that whore to F-Off.

  • What strikes me most is the assumption that Lemon Squeezy’s actions arise from a desire to hurt J. Then, having created this convenient explanation, OW generously understands the impulse and then condemns it.

    This says a lot about J and OW and their centrality in their view of the world. Of course any inconvenient action must be directed against them. Inconceivable that anyone is merely going about their business without reference to THEM! Of course it’s all bitterness and jealousy. Nice straw man. Easy to argue against.

    Never occurs to OW that maybe LS doesn’t give a flying fuck about taking revenge by way of her kids and is actually thinking about the kids? Or, gasp!, maybe herself a little, too. How dare she? But of course she isn’t. She can’t be. EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND THEM.

    • I think you nailed it, OW is selfish so she thinks LS is too, it’s so obvious, they think we think like them, NOT!

    • Ohana, you are right there, for sure. My ex has convinced himself that our kids still won’t see him more than a few hours a month because I am angry at him, and teaching them to be bitter and vengeful. Uh, no, actually, it’s because HE was such a difficult, crabby, boring and mean dad, followed by being an abandoning, neglectful, uncaring ass after the separation. Nobody at our house is bitter or vengeful; we’re just a LOT happier without him around!

      But because he IS quite bitter and angry, as well as extremely selfish, that must be what’s going on here as well. PROJECTION!!

    • LS, stay the course, please do nit respond. Like everyone saying give info to lawyer. Fucking bullshit. They all make you try to think it”s their world and your living in it. Dishonarable people. Shame on both of them!

  • Thank you all for the support. I’m trying to stay mighty in this shit storm. Her words really truly enrage me (to a level I didn’t know existed). The audacity to text me a fucking book of woe is me completely dumbfounds me. I have not responded and refuse to satisfy her need to rope me into her disgusting and demented game of narc chest. Does she honestly think I’m going to offer her compassion or congratulate her on her new relationship? WTF!!! She’s a piece of rotting horse shit. God forbid she is around my children at all. The unjustness of this is incredibly painful. My boys deserved so much better than this dysfunction. I feel I’ve failed them, in that I couldn’t protect them from all this. Breaks my heart.

    It’s truly surreal that this is my reality. I’d just like to be free. Free from the mindfuckery and all the details and images that haunt me on a daily basis. My heart has broken many times over. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone… Well, maybe one person.

    • I hope you have (or will) share this with your attorney. I am guessing that your idiot STBX has no idea she sent this. I am also wondering, as others have suggested, if he is using your kids to get out of a “future” with her?
      Doesn’t really matter.

      You haven’t failed your boys. You HAVEN’T. He has. He owns this cluster.

      You need to stay strong, even if it means deferring the pain, until your settlement is final. If 70/30 is working, then the status quo should give you an edge up.

      Be strong for yourself and your boys.

    • LemonSqueezy–I am so sorry that insult has been added to grave injury, and I know you must be feeling a white-hot rage right now that will not go away. And all that pain and anger are completely justified. It does help to write a letter to the OW in response to that, and use as many swear words as you want, but *DON’T send it.* Write it, then burn it (lots of evidence that writing down your feelings can be therapeutic).

      The main thing that helped me during the worst periods of rage was strenuous exercise. Your sympathetic nervous system is distracted during a run/fast walk/tennis game/ etc. and gets a chance to re-group. Whatever gets your heart pumping fast and muscles revving will help.

      Hugs to you!

      • Tempest,
        I have written numerous letters, both to my STBXH and her. It’s cathartic to me to write out my feelings… yet I don’t send them (I have unfortunately sent a few to the STBXH- it’s hard to rationalize that my best friend/husband doesn’t love me anymore and has taken off with a skanky ho-worker. I wish I could detach and compartmentalize as easily as he can). I know that it serves no purpose and will just be used against me so they are just for my own healing.

        I agree with you. Exercise is healing too. I’m a runner. And also use that to clear my headspace. I actually used all this grief, anger, sadness and heartache to fuel me and trained for a marathon this summer. I finished my first marathon last month in the midst of all this chaos. I will NOT LET him kill all of me. He may have tried to kill my soul but I still have fight in me and my boys need me… so I am determined to show them strength.

        • You are mighty!! Marathon mighty!
          You got this, your boys have the best mom/hero in the world, hang in there honey

    • Stay strong LS and as hard as it is for you, stay focused on doing what’s good for your children and the last thing good for them is to spend any time with that WHORE! Who cares if she and your X hurt, they did this to themselves and it is not your problem.

  • LS, I would love to get this text because it reveals the utter stupidity and desperation of OW. As someone mentioned above, looks like ex is getting cold feet and using the fact that he won’t see his children as much as an excuse to dump her. Because that’s a noble reason to dump a woman–to see your children more. And OW believes it! She thinks if she can only get you to agree to 50-50 custody, your XH will stay with her. She must be very desperate to text you. Note that it’s not your XH or his lawyer contacting you/your lawyer. He’s probably telling OW that you’re the meanie who won’t give him 50-50 custody and he will blame breaking up with OW on you.

    That being said, I would still try to solidify primary physical custody. And I would try to elicit more responses from OW to help you get there. She may inadvertently reveal possible litigation plans and tactics. For example, you might get a peek at what kind of arguments X might try to use against you in a custody battle and therefore be better prepared.

    As a side note, I think that child support should be based primarily on income and not who has the kids more. I think most custody battles would disappear and it would only be the parents who truly want to spend more time with kids (and not just to reduce child support) who would be fighting it out. The biggest expense in raising kids is housing, whose cost remains about the same whether you have the kids 80% of the time or 30% of the time (they still need a room to sleep in).

    • “-She thinks if she can only get you to agree to 50-50 custody, your XH will stay with her. She must be very desperate to text you…”

      I think this is spot on, verykoolkay.

      LemonSqueezy- not sure the ages but what about your kids? Have they expressed what they want? Being a child of divorce myself, I can tell you kids want stability. If kids are young, trekking back and forth during the week is exhausting for them. If they are older, they’ll have to navigate a whole new experience but they are also growing into their own at the same time.

      Like verykoolkay is saying it is not your ex or the lawyers contacting you directly about the matter. For the OW to use a custody percentage ($$$) in this manipulative way may really end up working for you. You and your ex came to an agreement, I might be tempted to go for full custody if this abusive horror show continues.

    • LS

      No contact goes for this toxic entitled OW. Continue to hold your ground and focus only on your needs. Go for 70/30 and block the bitch. Who cares what either one of them wants or thinks.

  • It enrages me and Im not even involved. the ENTITLEMENT and BALLS of this woman to contact you with this subject and insert herself into this.

    I agree that there is one of a few things going on here:

    1) Your Ex is looking for an out and used the “I cant get 50/50 custody if Im with you” line

    2) She is just looking for any excuse to dig the dagger in with you. Which shows she is highly pre-occupied with you.

    Either way thank you for sharing it. It is almost surreal to get a line of sight into the eyes of these disordered Narcissistic assholes.

    Deep breaths!!!! Stay Strong!!

  • Wow, the mind fuckery is strong with that one. Jeremiah is in for a rude awakening is my prediction. The stench of subtle blame, gaslighting, and general manipulation in that letter is overwhelming, kind of like standing right in the middle of a pile of manure. My bet is that this blazingly narcissistic and manipulative OW is eventually going to make poor little Jeremiah’s life a living hell. Beep, beep, here comes the karma bus!

    As for the 50/50 child support, fuck that. The OW is enraged that what she considers all hers might have to be split to help pay for the care of her boyfriend’s children. Too bad, so sad. My only concern here is that this woman might be subtly cruel to the children when they visit, or try to mind fuck them in some way. Please be on the lookout for that.

  • “I might have treated you badly but I never did ANYTHING to hurt our kids.”

    except….”I ignored their need for parental attention while I was off banging my AP, and I made my spouse less attentive to the kids during that time by devaluing him/her, and I caused the kids to live in a broken home and to have to split their summer vacations, and I reduced the kids’ standard of living because now the family money has to pay for two abodes and two toasters and two electric bills……”

    These cheaters are delusional.

    • And in some cases like our family, his affair and prostitute (one that I know of only) completely ruined us financially.

  • Dear God…This may be the best UBT ever! This is soooo my life! Queenie even tries to have my son refer to her kids as his siblings, even though they are just started shacking up.

    These idiots just can’t take accountability. Good parents think about consequences. Good parents would spend every second of time possible with their children without having a parade of people around to witness that they are a ‘great’ parent. Good parents PAY WILLINGLY for their children. They go WITHOUT so their children don’t have to do so. And REAL parents DON’T LEAVE. Good human beings have a little thing called “integrity.”

    But wait! We just don’t understand what it’s like FOR THEM! They just “made a mistake.” Right.

    But we do know what it’s like to have to get STD tests repeatedly because we were married to someone who “just couldn’t help it.” We do know what it’s like to raise children our Exs don’t consistently ACT like they want –while dealing with the stress of legal proceedings. We do know what it’s like to worry about preserving our children’s self-esteem and protecting them from the “truth” of an F’d up legacy they inevitably will find out, or how to prevent them from being brainwashed and turned against us. We do know what it’s like to have to start over in life because they “married the wrong person” and we should “just get over it already.” What a nice load (of projection).

    Lemonsqueezy, these idiots NEED you. This sicko probably has a Voodoo doll with your name on it and has stalked you online (and in person). They love drama and cling to the narrative that you WANT him (because, you know, she WON the Prize, and you’re “just jealous”). YOU are preventing them from having THEIR FAMILY. Shame on you. May you be publically humiliated. Oops! That probably happened already. But…but…the cake tasted so good!

    This sociopath reeks of desperation. These morons are arguing about money and she needs to blame shift. It’s more like your Ex is looking at her now and wondering if she was WORTH it. And she’s feeling it, let me tell you. Every time he writes that check. Mine dresses like me, lost weight and now looks anorexic, and colors/styles her hair just like mine –every time I change it. In the meantime, I’ve bought my own home, started a successful business, and am dating a GORGEOUS physically fit man who treats my son like his own. (You should see their faces during exchanges.) Queenie even started wearing a ring on her left ring finger after I got engaged. But hey, they’re HAPPY.

    Court sucks, but eventually Judges see through this crap. Just document everything and work to “promote” the bond that your dim-witted Ex has with his kids. Save the texts from Queenie, and don’t respond to her about anything she’s sent you. Ignore it and stick to “just business” with him. They seem to be trying to paint you as denying him greater access to his kids. With any luck, his “friend” here will get frustrated and pull the “I’m not gonna be ignored” shtick and love bomb your phone. Save everything. Bonus for you in court. I’d request using Talking Parents when the time comes if you’re not already.

    Things will get better for you. Promise. Left a cheater myself and gained a great life!

  • “I might have treated you badly but I never did ANYTHING to hurt our kids.”

    Neither did the librarian. Or the garbagemen. Or Tanya Harding. Or Michael Vic. Et al.

    Not hurting your own children is a default expectation of Being Dad. It’s like being impressed that there’s a bed in the hotel room you’ve paid for or that there’s a plane to board when showing up with your ticket. “I’m a dad and I don’t consciously hurt my children.”

    So?

    With mine, I think he expected a pat on the back for not just taking off. For being alive and in the same day-to-day sphere as his wife and children.

    But what he has never understood – and probably never will – it that even that basic expectation doesn’t COUNT when you make everyone feel like you’d rather being doing anything else. And that’s just being PRESENT but not really WITH us.

    • “For being alive and in the same day-to-day sphere as his wife and children.” “But what he has never understood-and probably never will- is that even that basic expectation doesn’t COUNT when you make everyone fell like you’d rather be doing anything else. Ad that’s just being PRESENT but not really WITH us.”

      This is what they do to their families when they have a OW/OM or are hunting for one. They will never understand the pain that causes to their wife and especially to their kids. But they don’t care about that pain because they don’t feel it because we were all just extensions of him. We were all planets that got enough light from our awesome (not) sun. And so we should just be happy with what little they are supposed to give to us and that is that. Creepy, tight fisted bastards.

  • Lemon, you need to tell the home wrecking whore about Chump Lady, because it sounds like manwhore (your STBX) is trying to find a reason to dump her ass. Rest assured your children won’t have her in their lives for very long. After four years of sneaking around with her the icing is gone from the cake. I’m guessing that you caught them rather than he confessing to you his love for the OW. Best of luck.

  • Spot on UBT CL, just brilliant!

    In terms of replying to this slore, I still suggest not to…. But if you must, I would go with something I read from CN a while ago, it went something like “I wish you all the happiness you deserve, and whatever you do, please don’t send J back, he is such an embarrassment.”

    Kibbles, out.

  • All that bottled up excitement explodes when cheaters have to live with each other. X went no contact immediately and blamed the whore. He abandoned his children as well. My contact with the OW and X right after I filed was filled with hysterical laughter when I met the “dream girl”. She called once to straighten me out with threats, encouraged him to break into my car/home, and go after my pension. Next, they called the police and wanted a restraining order placed on me for going to my daughters house which he never lived in.

    I think of it as triangulation withdrawal for the cheaters. Things are hot and sexy until we no longer give a fuck. After almost a year and a half whore thought it was time for us to make peace evidently. I let her know if all the various whores he has picked up over the years she was the ugliest, most disgusting pig of all. X suddenly misses his family. Consequently, they are stuck with each other. His world got small with a whore and an ankle bracelet. My expanded.

  • OH my God. I can finally say something nice about my now ex’s affair partner (formerly one of my best friends). She never DARED speak to me after my ex moved out. I have no idea what their relationship is like, and I don’t care. I’m way better off without them.

  • Ha! This is so something my ex’s schmoopie could write (except she isn’t a parent, although my ex likes to say she is “good with kids.” People who are “good with kids” realize that fucking their married father is not good for children, actually,” I said.)

    Shortly after d-day he told me that she “feels really bad and would like to talk to me.” I laughed in his face and said, “It is not my job to assuage her ‘conscience’.” (still proud that that came out immediately and without a moment’s thought.) He sputtered that wasn’t what he meant. and I think I just said “Really? you think it is about me feeling better?”

    Recently he said to me that he knew I “didn’t like her” but we still all needed to sit down and discuss the children. I was incredulous, “No, no we don’t. I did not have kids with her, I do not have to discuss my children with her, ever. You are the parent, not her. She has no vote in the matter. ”

    I get the feeling he has been hearing for a year about how she is so misunderstood by me…bwahahahaha.

    • The other whores don’t mean a word of that. Its just lip service to build up his ego about being a good guy. Horseshit! Asswipes whore told him how much she admired him for looking out for me and what a great husband and father he is. She only knows what he tells her and not our life together at all. She’s beside herself with grief over what they have done! Fucking lying bitch piece of shit. Sympathy for me!!! Excuse me, really!? Apologized to my children and said it was accidently they didn’t mean to hurt mom and she hopes one day we can all be best friends and one big happy family!!! My daughter bless her heart told the ho, “stay way from my mom, don’t ever discuss her with me, don’t even say my moms name or I will beat the shit out of you. I’m here to see my dad only, I will be nice but you will never be anything to me. You should have been woman enough to wait until they were divorced til you started broadcasting and all you did was broadcast you are a homewrecker and my dad is a man whore. And if dad did it to mom he will do it to you” that’s my baby girl!

  • The karma bus is not enough for this OW – a karma freight train required – 100 cars or so.
    Shame on her …..

  • Had a flashback to one of my worst post D-day moments, the email from the 28 year old co-worker after my 54-year old husband had told her affair was over this past July……

    Subject: You should know

    You should know that I didn’t seduce R – he kissed me
    You should know that he told me he was in love with me and told me he never loved anyone in his life the way he loved me
    You should know that he got me pregnant and pushed me to have an abortion and told me that we would have another chance for children but the time wasn’t right with his kids
    You should know that he promised me he would be with me and marry me and take care of me
    You should know that I feel insanely stupid for allowing myself to be manipulated and lied to

    I almost had a car accident after I read this (yes I check texts at stop lights when kids not in car)

    My translation of her email:

    None of this was my fault/ so don’t blame me the OW
    I only did this for 2.5 years because it was true love and we were going to get married and have kids
    (forget that he was ditching your 33 years together, 29 married and three kids)

    And finally – since I / the OW/co-worker know you are trying to reconcile, which ruins my happily ever after plans, I am going to lob a huge grenade into that effort by telling you about the pregnancy/abortion – since I know you/Tired Chump may never get over that news…..

  • Chump Lady, you and your UBT are absolutely fabulous, spot on, and damn funny!!!

    I haven’t read through all the comments yet because Chump Lady is a little too saucy for my work. I am sure the IT division enjoyed blocking it.

    That text, email, or what the hell ever from the whore to LemonSqueezy was such a load of bullshit. But there is one thing the whore wrote that I can actually agree with.

    She wrote, “None of us can know the ultimate price the children will pay.”

    You are so fucking right, you shit head! We will never know the ultimate price the children will pay, but we do know…

    1) their life has been turned upside down
    2) their belief in their parent has been destroyed
    3) their futures have been irrevocably changed forever
    4) they are sad, depressed, upset, mad, etc.
    5) many of them think it is somehow their fault
    6) they have lost their consistency and routine
    7) they are conflicted because they want to love both parents
    8) they don’t understand how mom/dad could leave them

    I could go on and on…but the problem with dumb ass cheaters and dumb ass APs is that they don’t want to consider that the road to their “happiness” is littered with the remnants of their former life…including the children.

    Hugs to you, LemonSqueezy. It just sucks!!!

    OMG, I HATE cheaters!!!

    • You are so right. My STBXW had an affair and is currently trying to minimize everything, including the effect on the kids. These are teenage girls, very impressionable age, in the middle of exams and what does she does she do? STBXW says “Oh, they’ll be OK”, what a bitch, they are utter skanks, the lot of them, they couldn’t give a shit about anything except getting what they want. I hate them too. Its hard to believe that they are even human.

  • Here’s a new, *interesting* whore-name: FrankenTwat.

    Friend at work just found out her xh was cheating before he left her. (of COURSE he denied it when she asked…)

    Anyway, turns out she had met the Oslut at a halloween party– Oslut didn’t know who she was talking to. OOPS! LMAO, except for my friend, of course….

  • Awwwww. Isn’t she special? So big of her to reach out to the woman whose husband she is fucking. That’s nice. And she thought the betrayed spouse could in some way from her words of wisdom.
    What a nice twit.

    • Yeah, bet she feels all BOLD n’shit, contacting the actual Wife… Stupid bint. My x brought Oslut to our house once, along with some of his (male) work-friends. *She* was introduced as a girlfriend of one of the guys. Bet THAT stuck in her craw, LOL!

      Weeks later, she had been at our house with him while I was at work, and I came home sooner than expected. Well, they saw me driving in and she scurried out the back door *even as I was coming in the front!* Thought I heard him talking on the back porch– oh, just talkin’ to the dog– Why yes, yes you were, azzhole!

      Good riddance!!!

      —-

      Not all whores have the ballz to confront like LemonSqueezy’s. Guess I got lucky? (??!)

      • OW didn’t contact me, but this is what she wrote to my now ex upon D-Day and hence my insisting that he delete her (and numerous other women) from his social media. I’ve typed it exactly as it was written to give you an idea of her intelligence level:

        “like omg why did u delete me? we been friends forever since high school why does ur wife freak out?i didn’t do anything to you omg Fuckwad heres my new number xxxxxxx call me when u can damn its a shame that she’s acting like that love ya always Fuckwad friends forever”

        Apparently sending written descriptions of exactly what you plan to do with your mouth to someone else’s husband’s penis is socially acceptable and I was totally overacting to insist my husband cease contact with her. Silly me!!!

        Two years later she sent this (hubby didn’t know that I saw it):

        “hey Fuckwad its OWhore how are you? i never hear from you i wanted to say hello and see how you are???”

        His response:

        “Hey, Well, my wife wants a dissolution after 23 years, so I’m a little confused! I’m trying to delete this email account because it’s so old, so please use my new/current email. I’ll give ya all the dirt!”

        Moral of the story: Leopards do not change their spots. Do not waste your time and energy thinking a cheater will stop cheating…

    • New business idea: Chump Assistant. Here’s how it works.

      You turn your phone # over to the service and get a new phone with a new # the cheater and schmoopie don’t know. The service receives all of your texts and voicemails and sends you only the stuff you need to know. Your reply to the service goes to cheater using the # cheater knows, keeping it anonymous.

      Messages are transcribed, collated and sent to your attorney, and stored on a secured server with no internet access (for future retrieval by your attorney if needed.)

      Value added services include email monitoring, social media monitoring, periodic google searches for new activity (Ashley Madison hack, etc.), and other related services.

      Documentation happens while you are NC and you get to hold cheater and AP accountable in blissful ignorance of all the horse shit. 🙂

  • ” like having an affair for the past several years took such noble acts of self-sacrifice on her part.” by Lost2015

    Truly at some point I think that all our stupid x’s think this. It’s all part of their way of making sure that the chump is vilified for years, sometimes decades. I get this from several of x’s friends. I was soooo horrible, for so many years that he was so “noble” putting up with me and then he made a “mistake”, poor sad sausage, and now I won’t forgive him. Ummmm, he never asked for forgiveness, never apologized and never got close to making amends of any sort. If you were actually noble wouldn’t you fix things and you would never had found several schmoopies over a 22 year period, cause anyone with half a brain would know that having been a serial cheater would not be a good choice. But, alas, as LS’s shared text testifies, it’s all about them, always all about them.

    • I admit I called ex a “chicken shit” last week. He was raging about something we had to discuss about the kids and didn’t like what I was saying about OW…she was the issue. Anyway, he came back with, “It wasn’t very chicken shit of me to leave instead of staying with you.” LMAO…aka I was sooooooooooooo noble for leaving!

      • I call asswipe to his face exactly what he is…. A coward! He claims he has the up most respect for me. No you are a coward you didn’t respect me enough to tell me the truth. Your partner of thirty years and you believed your ho bag over me. Cowards the lot f them.

  • Cheaters are all the same. It doesn’t matter how old their kids are, they just never see that they are hurting the kids. The x is so selfish that he wants our son to join his garage band. My son is 21 now and so he can play the bars with his good ole dad. Yay for my son, dad will leave and not want to support him anymore, our adult kids, 19 and 21 then, still lived with us. But of course, it should have been my job to tell our kids that We didn’t want to support them anymore. Funny thing was, the kids were both working at the time and were both going to college. He couldn’t man up enough to tell them he wanted them out on their own. I should have done it.
    I, yet once again, am the bad guy. Why wouldn’t I want my 21 yo son to join his dad, why wouldn’t I want my son to hang out with a bunch of old, cheating men, why wouldn’t I want my son, who has a good job, to hang out at bars with men who have no conscience. I mean wouldn’t that make me proud, wouldn’t that make me happy to have my son have free access to a completely depraved bunch of “good at heart”, but severely f*ed up, older, over the hill, mid-life crisis men and their nasty habits. Yay I’m all for it, not!! But in the end, my son is 21yo, he can make his own choices, that he doesn’t choose to join is a tribute to my son’s good choice. My son’s good choice, not mine. But I’m still to blame for my x not being able to have what he wants. You can’t ever win with these f*cks and it’s not worth it to try. You just have to protect your kids and do whats best for them. Everything or anyone else can go to hell, the x’s have their own lives to live and they can make their own choices and they can live with their own consequences.

  • Someone mentioned the narrative the cheater creates. I remember being floored by the idiocy of the things coming from the cheaters mouth. Like the other three people in the house watched a Disney flick while she was watching the exorcist. I seriously questioned if I had done things I had no memory of ever doing. Finally figured out her words were like listening to to pink Floyd’s dark side of the moon backwards. There’s supposed to be meaning in there somewhere, but in reality it’s just a crappy way to experience sounds. Meaningless noises. Every word. From a worthless source. Life does move on and at some point it’s just a bad memory.

  • CL and Chump Nation, thank you for all your comments and support. I have read every last comment and it has helped me so much in feeling like I am not alone in this. I never imagined that this would be my story. And sure and the hell never knew this kind of heartache existed but knowing that there are people that can relate and can offer their own stories so bravely… it really helps to soothe my pain. I did not and will not respond to splooge face/MOW. I have, however, sent her text to my lawyer (who was also appalled and disgusted).

    Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Today was less painful because I was fully and truly entertained by all of your insights and banter. You all really know how to make a girl laugh and cry through the worst tasting shit sandwich…

    xoxoxo

  • The OW is PANICKED. After 4 years, the bloom is off the rose and the self-absorbed Jeremiah is realizing that OW is not worth the consequences of his childish affair that are being imposed upon him by the courts. Stick to 70/30, LS!

  • I think everyone should communicate with these delusional whores at least once. The RIC discourages that of course. Probably cause you will dump your spouse after seeing the true depths they sunk to with the shit they picked up.

    • Only communicated once way back in the beginning when the whore shared to my page that tommy was in a relationship with her while it clearly listed he was married. Very nice of herto share with me that way. MMessaged her she was a whore and a lowlife and I hoped I was around when he cheated on her and he did. Two weeks later she sent him home with a hickie two inches across to mark her territory. Real grown up. 58 and 50. Those two things told me all about her character. The Jr high school girl and the five year old. Sheesh! Some will do anything to get what they want no matter who it hurts. He did leave me for her but she forced the decision, yeah that will last. He’s pick me dancing right now for her to take him back. If she does eventually always be tainted now even more. Fuckers!

  • The one time i communicated with the ex’s whore, she said ” you have your daughter to think of!! ” Delusional bitch. I guess she was thinking of my daughter when she was dating my fucking loser ex, my daughter’s father (unfortunately).

  • Once again, we’re reminded that the DRAMA that impacts the cheaters and APs is THE MOST IMPORTANT DRAMA ever to have been DRAMATIC in the history of human DRAMATIC DEVELOPMENTS.

    I love how no one here is falling for this shit.

    Lemon, if you reply, the only reply I’d recommend is “If you contact me again I will contact the police.”

  • Ex wasted copious amounts of cyberspace telling the whore what “wonderful mother” she was. Yeah, I guess dating/ fucking married men in front of your teenage daughter, shacking up with anyone who will have your sorry ass, and spending all your free time in bars makes you a Good Mother, she is one. This guy is not a moron, so I know he doesn’t believe that, but I think she did. Dumb bitch.

    • Yeah, she is mother of the year, raised two completely wonderful daughters. Me I raised dysfunctional kids. Bastard.

  • I think the affair partners, especially the single ones, are even bigger kibble whores than the cheaters , if that’s possible…

    When you toss the cheater, he loses value in the ap ‘s eyes. You have cut the ap kibble supply in half! They have gotten the Prize, but where’s the fun if you don’t want it? You have taken away the miniscule amount of self esteem these whores have for themselves. Boo hoo.

  • Luv the UBT! I’m sure I wouldn’t respond to this bullshit. But I’d be really tempted to send just the first 6 letters that come to mind: LOL GFY!

  • My ex’s OW sent me the below email when he decided to stay married to me after I filed for divorce. Stupidly I believed him. He started fooling around with her again within a couple of years. I didn’t waste any time the second time around. I divorced his adulterous ass. Now he’s with his skank. I’d love the UBT to work on this:

    My therapist thought it might be helpful for you to have this information.

    I have really wanted to reach out to you many times in the past, but I just wasn’t sure how and what to say. Let me first say that I apologize for what you have been through and are still going through. You have a lot of life ahead of you and my sincere wish is that you find a true healthy relationship. I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us and the best awaits if we just trust Him.

    Although we have been house-hunting and planning for the future (living together, cruise/trips, one truck, not two, etc.), Dave and I spoke last week of his need to ‘ease his conscious’ and ‘anxiety’ by making an attempt to assess your relationship without having me as a best friend/confidant. I respect this but my concern is really for you. In order for you to have a healthy relationship you first must have a truthful relationship.

    You asked me before for information which I declined to provide, but I believe for you to move forward in the relationship, address the issues, you have to have full disclosure. Otherwise you are doomed to continue the life you had which you have acknowledged was unhealthy and unhappy for over 26 years. I don’t know if you both can overcome the past as sometimes there is too much to get beyond and rebuilding trust is very difficult if it can be done.

    But I do know for certain that you will never be able to overcome the past if you don’t address it and in order to do that you need to have full disclosure which Dave will not provide. You also need a third party to help you with this so I hope you will continue with your therapist or a couples therapist.

    I’d rather not go into a lot of details in an Email but am available to meet with you in person in a neutral setting or even in the safety of a counseling session if you are willing to do so. I am not proud of my participation but suffice it to say that for over 11 years of your 26-year marriage, there has been a daily intense emotional and physical relationship between he and I that has included many out of state/in state trips (including M****, camping with the girls, MN, NC, TX, OK, AZ, CO, CA), countless meetings in homes, offices, public places, shared workouts/walks, gift exchanges, thousands of phone calls, Emails, there’s nothing we didn’t discuss and many, many lies and deception to you.

    You may not believe me, but I have always regretted and will live with it until I die how you were made to doubt your own self-worth! You’ve been second guessing yourself and said in an Email that you’ve “been played for a fool”. And I know this because I have been made to feel the same way! I was applauding you for taking charge of your life, seeking counseling, filing for divorce and recognizing the woman you can be!

    You have to decide what kind of individual you want a lifetime relationship with and I know you have not always held males in high regard but I hope you know that you don’t have to settle for anything—what you’ve endured is not normal and not what you or any woman deserves.

    Of course you could choose to disregard this Email, act as if all of this is in the past and just move on together, but then you will continue to live the same life you have had for 26 years and the odds are great that the same patterns will continue. Talk with your therapist about this—what do you need to move on and how to move on for you, and/or for you and Dave as a couple.

    I saw a therapist when we were ending a 32 year marriage and one of the hardest things I had to get through my head was the idealization of a relationship that just wasn’t. The therapist even got frustrated with me because I kept saying, “well, if we could go back”, “if he would just do this”, “if I would do that”, etc. What I had to learn was that the relationship I had thought we could have was just not possible because that is not who he and I were together. My regret is that F* and I did not end amicably.

    Should you want to discuss more I will respond to you. Should you not want to discuss further I will not ask again. Either way, I hope you accept this Email as it is intended. I told you when you visited my office that I was speaking from my caring about you, a fellow human being.

    I wish you the best whether you are able to work through the issues and come out as a stronger couple, or if you amicably decide otherwise.

    Take care of yourself,

    SAB

    • What a piece of shit that other women is. My god could she pile the shit any higher? What fucking nerve. Asswipes whore wants badly to talk to me to explain so we can be best friends. I’d like to take her eyes out the back of her head and castrate asswipe. The nerve!

    • Wow, Amazon Chump- I’m sitting here working late when your post came through. I am floored by this. The extent of this double life is breathtaking. It reads like some smoky voiced, cognac and cigar affair, with therapy, but make no mistake the intention of this letter is diabolical.

      The OW says, “…but I do know for certain that you will never be able to overcome the past if you don’t address it and in order to do that you need to have full disclosure which Dave will not provide. You also need a third party to help you with this…”

      And she leaves ^^^no main point ^^^ unsaid. She didn’t leave it up to your process, or your reconciliation process, oh no, she planted the seeds that would sever the trust forever. It might have been severed anyway. But she really nails the coffin here.

      People operate differently in the world; some want every detail, some don’t. Maybe you wanted certain Qs answered when you approached her, but what she did was unsolicited when your ex was unsure, after he came back, after you filed…. -And she tried to bury you in all kinds of ways while passing the responsibility off to “her therapist who thought it might be helpful for you to have this”…

      -Would be speechless if I received this letter. Thank you for sharing it – it is another window into just how complex the justification and manipulation really is. Oh, the shame.

      I don’t believe she regrets it – I believe she is feigning regret in her own pick me dance …

      • What gets me about the email to Amazon Chump from the OW is that the dumb whore thinks she is in a GOOD relationship with someone else’s husband. For 11 years !! She thinks a lying, cheating prick is a good catch. All the shit she lists as so wonderful with her Best Friend is stupid. What a loser. Gives new meaning to the term Crumb Snatcher, lol. If she weren’t such an imbecile I might feel sorry for her. Nah.

      • I have no doubt whatsoever that she was absolutely furious when after years of him telling her that he was going to get a divorce (though not once did he ask me for a divorce), he dropped her. She was livid! And so she went for blood. She has a masters degree in psychology and is a family counselor at a university. My husband and her started their affair years before when we lived in Germany and they worked together traveling around Europe. We moved stateside, and out of the entire US, she found a job in our town and bought a house literally just aound the corner from us. I was truly an Amazon Chump. I bought every book out there to save my marriage. I approached her (not knowing they were more than just friends) hoping that if she knew that their friendship was causing such heartache in our life, that surely she would say, “Oh, I’m so sorry! Of course I won’t bother either of you so you can make your marriage work!” I was truly that naive. Instead she calmly told me that they had been having an affair for years. Believe me, my ex and her are two of a kind. They are both slutty pigs and deserve each other. What I can’t help but wonder now that we’re divorced is when my ex drops her a second time is she going to freak out like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?

        • He he, Amazon Chump, I love it. He dumped her. I know you don’t want him but it’s still sweet. Especially to this sanctimonious pig. Oh, who am I kidding! They are all sanctimonious pigs.

  • Completely floored….. I got the same excuses almost verboten… guess these types are all alike…. Thank you for the insightful yet humorous interpretation. hahaha. I should be working but have been on your site all day! Wish I would have found this 6 months ago. A cheater is a cheater and yes I will and have moved on but you’re still scum.

  • >