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Cheater Freak Christmas!

xmas6I’m a little late this year, but it’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Contest!

This is how the game is played. You determine what parts of your infidelity story  make you Freak of the Week. I want the weird, WTF details.

For example, my husband and I know a fellow whose (now ex) wife had special wedding rings crafted for when she and her OM had trysts. That’s a contender!

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s submissions, but each submission needs to be three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

Cheater freak Christmases of the past have gotten a lot of submissions (which still make for some pretty awesome reading). Every day this blog is gathering new chumps and new stories. You veterans are more than welcome to submit your previous stories, (we never grow tired of BarristerBelle’s story of her ex who jumped around furiously in a sleeping bag). One caveat — GladIt’sOver cannot play! She destroys the competition every time with her dancing Yeti ex and his gifts of half-eaten box of Cream of Wheat. We’re amateurs here, Glad.

I usually end the contest by drawing 12 cartoons for the 12 Days of Christmas (some past submissions shown below). Alas, with the book galleys and everything going on, I can’t promise that this year. However, I will draw the winning submission and you get a Meh mug!

So BRING IT ON, chumps! Let the competition begin!Xmas1freakxmas7freakxmas3freakxmas2

freakxmas11

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • 1) my husband left his email up and I discovered he has something called a humiliation fetish
    2) he would have OW lay over toilet and pee on her
    3) he had her wear a dog collar and crawl on the floor and eat dog food.

    Jan 9, 2009. That was a really ‘fun’ D dAy

          • What I’ve never understood is how the pee-er or shitter or observer of human-dog-food-consumer finds that special someone who wants to be the receiver of pee or crap or dog food. Do they hint at it, all subtle-like? How does that conversation even go?!

            • I think they breach those subjects under the guise of a joke to see if they bite…or they find each other on Craigslist where they advertise for that freaky shit. I know X-hole posed a “whadayathink about the back door?” comment to OWhore…when she gave a negative response he played it off as a joke and responded “Oh I’m not like all the other guys”. Whatever fuckhead, no you’re NOT, you’re worse.

              • NCStevie, my ex husband was having ED issues and I suggested that he mention this to his doctor at his annual all over medical check. When he arrived home I asked him what the doctor thought and making it into a joke, he laughed and actually tickled me at the same time, he said the doctor suggested that to get the ‘spark’ back he should have sex with someone other than me because we had been together so long!! I don’t believe for a moment that the doctor suggested infidelity but I suppose it is possible. The joke was on me eventually.

              • I actually think they’re out looking desperate. I want to be whipped, sort of raped and sort of abused. It’s exciting. My husband is vanilla, as am I. (how boring, right?) Do you know what a butt plug is? I do – it gets your anus ready to absorb your big gorgeous dick. I think it’s a tighter source for a guy, personally, once the vagina doesn’t do it for them anymore. I once read a story on IRC a long time ago about a woman that set herself up in a motel room. Never met the guy. She blindfolded herself – he was her DOM, after all. And waited for him. He came in and handcuffed her and, my God, she was thrilled with it. She had 3 young kids. She actually showed up at my house one day and I was horrified.
                I put the kids in the pool, played with the dogs and sent her on her way.
                She was a total mess and my H was horrified.
                I thought I could help her. ack!

      • Pretty sure you are the winner, NoWire.
        But you win already if you are rid of the fuckwit. UGH….too early for that!?

        • D Day was Jan 9. 2009 late at night . It was a Friday. I was at the lawyer’s office first thing that Monday morning. The things I read had in those emails. Truly horrific. and I was 7 months pregnant.

    • Thanks NoWire, now I have the song “Superfreak” by Rick James playing in my head. I really hope it doesn’t camp there all day.

    • I can’t compete with that, only because he changed his f_e_t_i_s_hdotcom user ID and password before I could get past daily “public humiliation” emails featuring nude collared women being led on city streets, waiting at bus stops. I didn’t know they took the bus.

      • HAHAHA…there’s no unreading this for sure! Honest to dog there are actually women out there that think so little of themselves that they would subject themselves to be pissed on by some married dude and crawl around on their knees and eat dog food?? Oh for fuck’s sake.

    • What in the actual fuck did I just read…
      This is just sick. There’s kink which might be arousing, and then theres this crap. Who in their fucking right mind gets turned on by this shit? Answer is: They don’t. Only disordered people do.

      • True. Disordered people think they are somehow missing out on something, so they do weird kinky stuff. They think they are being wild and edgy and sexy. But it’s not. It’s not new, it’s disordered.

    • Who is going to top this? Close down the competition! NoWire, I am trying to find the positive in this, the only thing I can think of that it is SO disordered and split, you could instantly be in no doubt that this is not about you.
      Chumpy co-dependent controlling him-focussed Chumps look hard to see what they could have done different/appealed to finer instincts (boy did that delusion take up years of my life). This instance? Nope. Just plaaaain deceitful on every level.

      • Patsy- I saw your deleted comment on my feed, relating to RIC, and how the Cheaters excuses call us out as not attractive and what not, and you mentioned that you’re no oil painting, but you see people who are less attractive and less of a good spouse and they don’t get cheated on. You ended by saying it’s not about us. You’re absolutely right. The RIC and the cheaters and often the affair partners stick this button on our lapels that say ‘you didn’t measure up’ and that’s exactly where they falter. I did. You did. I didn’t cheat, I worked hard, I talked honestly, I dug in when things were nasty to try to be the better person, and. It turns out he was looking for strange, incapable of real intimacy and I am nothing but a fake plant in his office lobby to keep people thinking he is normal. If anything, you were picked because of how good you were to help him pass as not a terrible person. I’m sorry you are still working through this. I’m sorry for all of us, really. Just wanted you to know- I think you probably clean up pretty nice, I’m certain you will find a new better world. Happy holidays

    • Wow. Is it just me or is anyone else having thoughts of a woman putting on the dog collar, crawling toward the man and biting the crap out of his ankle?

  • 1. On Fathers Day he announced to our son the computer iscreen was frozen on a message asking for money in order to remove his access to child porn. He said, “do I have to pay it”? “I’m not sure how it got there”.
    2. After seeking treatment for STD for a month he bragged he didn’t have one. He wasn’t aware the documentation came to the house.

  • 1: my ex husband got the kids a puppy (pedigree of course) and gave it the same name as his affair partner.
    2: I inherited $60 000. He took it, paid off his debts and left 6 weeks later.
    3: he just got a court order forcing me to let him take the kids over seas for a Christmas holiday….with his affair partner now girlfriend. I have still never seen her or heard her voice. (I have however read about ten thousand texts that they saved as a document of their special love so I have a pretty clear idea of her moral character and contribution to irreversibly changing my children’s childhood)

    • I received the maximum criminal compensation in Australia(not a huge lot & I don’t think anyone else has ever come close;due to a gang rape.) Event happened before I met Mr fabulous. When I eventually left him,having a miscarriage due to diseases I’d caught from his groupies I had $30 left in my bank account. He & his trolls had lived up large! And his last troll was horrified that my family had cleaned out our house and left them nothing” not even that cool brass bed”. They tried to move in there but the landlord there them out?

  • My ex husband lied and said he was going to a conference when he was really going to a concert with his girlfriend out of town.

    It was our child’s second birthday.

    She also had chicken pox at the time.

    He informed me of his plans 2 hours before her birthday party.

    Nine months later, she gave birth to his child.

    • You win. My x lied and had me help him select a nice suit and tie to wear to his “boss’s wedding”. Sad sad sad, they couldn’t offer plus 1’s even for spouses b’c of $ but REALLY DESPERATELY needed x there to help with the sound system!!!

      Nope. Turns out it was a wedding x was attending with his office slut.. her brother’s wedding.

      But she didn’t have his baby nine months later. Ugh. Your poor 2yr old. And poor you. What a jerk to miss your sick little child’s bday 🙁

      They are such toads and fools.

    • 1. Sent a letter in the mail telling me he’s been unhappy for 15 of 36 years married…ran out of the house as the post man was delivering it!
      2. Said I knew he was unhappy for 15 years but said nothing when I put $30,000 dollars on the mortgage 2 years prior to that letter so he could retire early!
      3. Sent a second letter that I could keep my Toyoto Corolla that I had been paying on if the damages weren’t to bad from the divorce!…….

  • The OW became psychotic and intent on becoming me. Changed hair, lost weight, tried to put her kids in a home. Best part – she got him and now she’s the old me. Got exactly what she deserved and I got freed.

  • I told him I couldn’t raise our special needs child alone. What will happen to her when we’re gone?

    He replied: “The government can look after her. This is what I need” (referring to the OW).

      • That is so COLD. Evil. We have two special needs kids. I cant even imagine…wow. You are a warrior. Your child is probably better off without such a cold and callous ” parent” around. Imagine that…they are both teachers?! Sickening. You are a champion though.

        • My daughter’s married 1st grade teacher ran off with the married soccer coach.

          One of STBX’s online hookups was a married 2nd grade teacher whose youngest kid was going into kindergarten. She was into ben-wa balls and nipple clamps. Wtfever.

          • Previous DDay X hooked up with a teacher he met at the gym. I sincerely felt bad for her. She dumped him once I filled her in. The damage a sociopath touches each and every person they come in contact with. I pity any decent person X cons once the whore tires of supporting the “good guy”. Yet at this point he is circling back to use his children for supply. Fir their sake I would rather have him step in front of a bus, a fast moving karma bus.

      • Suddenly glad I’m not so chummy with other teachers at the school I teach at…I don’t even want to find out if any of them are like this.

      • I’m a teacher, and we have a special needs daughter. He does nothing for her, didn’t while we were married, and damn sure doesn’t now.

  • Words and actions people

    My stbxh said he loves the cats, i once saw him kick the cat some distance into a fence and another time carry by the scruff and drop kick it out of the front door.

    He said he wasn’t seeing anyone during MC. someone’s baby is due 9 months later.

    • I gotta an action: One time cheater dropped our daughter off and walked her up to the door in the pouring rain. His hood was up and the umbrella over himself while the run off from the umbrella fell on my daughter’s head. I have a photo to prove it! Now that’s a cartoon!

    • Anyone who would drop kick an innocent animal should be housed with the criminally insane. (Lets see him try drop kicking Bubba and see what happens !)

      • @Yo
        I agree. Anyone who drop kicks and innocent animal should be doused in gasoline and set on fire. I have a zero tolerance policy for violence, especially violence against animals. Had I witnessed that, I would have lodged a knife in his throat. What a piece of garbage and to stand by and do nothing! What a disgrace.

        • Hello vegan chump, for the record I did not stand by and do nothing. But when the man walked to the front door with the cat, I was not expecting him to do that. This is the difference with words and actions. He says he loves animals, and he’s vegetarian, and he meditates everyday and he’s morally superior blah blah blah, you don’t expect him to be cruel to a cat. But there you go, I could only do something after it had taken place.

          It’s an interesting part of the story to look back on, a red flag, he said he loved the cats, have them sit on his lap and pet them, then occasionally be cruel. Seemingly out of character, you question yourself, maybe they haven’t owned pets, maybe explain about delicate bones and internal organs. But in time you understand that it’s part of their personality, occasionally cruel.

        • vegan – sounds like you have a huge tolerance for violence given your response…knife in the throat? do “peaceful” people not hear themselves?

    • He cried when he was not allowed in his brother’s girlfriend’s delivery room. He later denied crying or being upset. While she was pregnant he offered to take her to her obgyn appts and to be her lamaze coach. I was also pregnant but after the first few appts he refused to accompany me. We were sharing a car. He would insist I ask my dad to take me! But he kept offering to take HER! I asked him to be MY lamaze coach but he said “I dont wannt do that shit. Why dont you ask your sister?
      To this day he insists that nothing was going on between them. But why was he so emotional about being in her delivery room? Am I crazy for thinking there is somethin WEIRD about a brother in law being in the delivery rm?

      • When his bro was going out of town for a few days my husband packed a suitcase, telling me he was gonna stay with HER while his bro was out of town because she didnt want to be alone. I offered to let her stay with us or come along too. He said No, she doesnt want that. I asked if his bro knew about their “sleepover” but he wouldnt answer me. So I said ” Ill ask him.” He got in my face and said ” Dont You Dare! I swear..if you do that then were done.” So i told him if he spends one night with her, dont bother coming home.” he stayed. Sorry so long.

        • I could go on and on…he would pick random fights with me then leave ” to cool off”…probably to hang with her. He shared a dessert with her, sharing the same spoon while they stared in each others eyes (at a family christmas party). When i complained he told me i was insecure….they were always giving each other sidelong glances and trying not to smile. They would be off in a corner away from the rest of the family…talking. I knew something was going on but he denied it and told me i needed a psychiatrist and would not discuss it….

          • Yep. He’s been fucking her. In fact, I’d be willing to bet 10 grand that he was.
            Fucking sick shit. What is it – the family which bonks together sticks together, or something?

              • If you can stand to hear more of this story…sorry to be so long winded. It is such a relief to talk about it! His bro had to leave the delivery rm because he felt sick or light headed. My husband thought she would ask for HIM (because he had been a corpsman in the navy. Sure. Whatever) but she asked for her best girlfriend instead. He was crushed. Her best friend got to witness the birth. Not him. How tragic. Let me play the violin now.

          • I have no idea whether it ever got physical, but snake’s brother is a serial cheater and in hindsight, probably also a narc. His brother’s wife would call snake and cry for hours about the way she was treated…. And he listened and listened and consoled and listened….

            We didn’t live nearby, so they wouldn’t have had the opportunity for a PA much, but I always thought it was very odd.

            After a while, his tone toward her changed to “hey, get out if you can’t forgive him and let it go, the past is the past”…

            Maybe he was planning to dump me for his brother’s sloppy seconds…. who knows? Maybe he is…

          • One of they very first things that make me uneasy was when X offered OW some food from his plate. We very rarely socialized with her and didn’t eat together more than a couple of times, but that offer set off the warning bells. Of course, my concerns were brushed aside indignantly. I later found out their affair started within days of that meal. The act of sharing food is very intimate and my suspicions were right on the money. Like many here, I was bullied inti distrusting my gut. Never again!

            • I kinda knew it when they sat at the end of the table, completely ignoring everyone else at our daughter (her neice)’s 13th birthday party….

              Mr Fab has 2 bros, the Downgrade has fucked all of them. The Dad made several passes at me over the years. Between them, they have lived with/married and cheated on 12 women in 20 years.

              • Now all I can see is these poor 12 ladies like they are disciples at the last supper and these three men are… I dunno, watching you all? Swapping Scores and report cards? Creepy.

              • My mother who is currently 75, once overheard X-holes father (at a family get together) say that when he was younger he “had gotten more ass than a public toilet seat”. Such a great role model and “Christian”. He has three sons, all cheaters….big shocker. Vile people.

              • OMG NCStevie!!! That made me shudder! satan is a traveling salesman (cliche much asshole?!)…I’m sure he could relate to your fil!!!! EEEEWWWWWW!!!!!

            • Yes I agree sharing food from the same plate (and utensil!) is very intimate! In my case, he shared a dessert with his sister in law…same spoon and everything. Minutes earlier I had offered him my dessert…because it had rum in it ( i hate rum) but he said no thanks and threw it in the sink. She then decided she could not finish her dessert by herself so he decided to “help” her. They looked like two ppl in love sharing that dessert. Gag. Barf

  • 1)Ex wanted anal sex, I said no so he took up spending time in adult shops in the city’s gay district, I saw this as adultery. This resulted in my owning that my views were too black and white and that I was not submissive enough as a Christian wife. He stated it would never happen again case closed! And yes I remained in submissive in that regard.

    2) 11 years later, Ex confesses having a male affair partner and for 8 yrs intermittently indulging in oral sex with random men in public toilets since affair. Many men!

    3) The religious twats who tried to bully me into staying with Ex after D’day, stand by his claim that he has been delivered of his unclean sexual spirit and have spent the last 12 month helping him to groom his new beard, I mean fiancé.

    • I am so sorry that religious people tried to bully you into staying in a situation that was bad for your physical and emotional well being. When I was going through it, I read “Love Must Be Tough” by Dr. James Dobson. He recounted a story where a betrayed wife thought the good Lord would spare her the pain of further infidelity or divorce as long as she was submissive to her husband. She ended up in a threesome with her wayward husband and the other woman.

      Dr. Dobson’s point is that being “nicer” and “submissive” to get someone to be respectful and stop having affairs doesn’t work. He suggested being tough and setting boundaries, only allowing someone to stay married to you if they are genuinely repentant and stop sinning. Dr. Dobson is a conservative Christian. After divorcing, I went to a class my church held on biblical boundaries using the book Boundaries written by Cloud and Townsend. Nobody has to be a doormat. It is okay to stand up for yourself and not look the other way when hurt by sin. Not everyone who believes in Christ has their head up their butt as those bullies did.

      P.S. I feel kind of sorry for the new “beard” Good luck for everything she’s going to be getting into.

  • 1. toward the end of an over 12 month in house, legal separation, my x was court ordered out of the master bedroom where he had been sleeping (I had relocated to the guest room in a double bed, he’s 6’5, I’m an even 5′)
    2. ex always slept in is designer underwear and his newly manscaped chest (he was a hairy beast)
    3. the night he was ordered out of the bedroom, he came into the master, in his tightie whities at midnight and ceremoniously whipped all the covers off of me while I was sleeping and stalked out of the room with my duvet cover trailing behind him and shouted at me “If you don’t like it, sue me”. My response was “I just did”

    He did all sorts of crazy, but usually held his “ice cold exterior together, that night I knew I had gotten under his skin” it was the only comedic moment of my divorce, the rest was run of the mill tragic.

  • Interestingly enough, it just occurred to me yesterday that today (18 December in the Philippines) is the day he left. Freakboy’s “list of belongings” that he demanded I return to him, after I had already spent thousands shipping his crap back home, will always make me laugh. Since I’m only allowed 3:

    1. His collection of about 17 airline liquor bottles (the small, one-shot wonders).
    2. Eight 12″x12″ black rubber floor tiles.
    3. Three egg poaching cups.

    … and a partridge in a pear tree… lol

          • Lol. Hahahaha. They need an eight track player and a 3 1/2″ floppy disk to go with it. Then they can have their very own museum of outdated technology.

            • LOL mine asked me in a whiny baby voice if he could pwetty pwease take this favowite bwanie with him when I threw him out! and some really expensive hotel quality towels he had chosen for us, (“nothing but the best for US!”). I walked over and shoved him up against the wall and just said, “take them, you JERK!”

              • I packed every piece of crap in the house I didn’t want and boxed it. I can just imagine his face after he went through the boxes and found mismatched dishes, old towels, broken spatula, and shower hooks. He got his clothes and debt.

              • I used his leaving as a way to clean the house of all the shit that he accumulated and didn´t want to get rid of: moldy books, tons of wires from electrical connections, an answering machine, hundreds of cassettes, old phones, broken rice cooker, I could go on and on…trash left with Trash..

            • OnTheHill, Okay… now THAT would piss me off! The best thing that came out of my marriage other than our kids are the Henkel knives and the Miele canister vacuum!

    • Shortly after I moved out, I got an enraged text message from ex complaining about my taking the set of cheap steak knives we got as a free gift for subscribing to the newspaper, along with the AA batteries. This from the guy who got to keep the whole HOUSE.

      • Good God these people are SUCH fucking assholes. This is THE best therapy ever. Every day I read through the comments and every day I read comment after comment that just reaffirms how horrible these disordered fucktards are.

        What a piece of miserable shit he is. Sometimes the only piece of mind I have is just being thankful I’m not one of them, I prefer to be the chump in this equation.

      • GIO, I think this is why you’re technically disqualified from playing. Free knives with a subscription?! I don’t to think why he needed AAs so desperately.

      • I got the house, will close on the refi on Tuesday evening. It’s a great story. However, dip shit left in May with a suitcase, like he was going on a business trip. I packed all his crap into garbage bags and wept (CN supported me that day).He came two weeks later and got his trash bags of personal belonging.One month later he came back with movers and had them pack some stuff, took some that was mine, pissed me off. He had so much stuff they had to schedule another day. For his third trip, I went through house and put his crap in piles, in each room. Took two days off work so it wouldn’t upset my kids. The best thing, was I boxed up 10 years of piles and piles of magazines, even put a broken air conditioner in the pile that he insisted on saving old computers, college text books you name it, it’s gone…I had to hire a lawyer that day to make sure he didn’t abscond with anything else. The lawyer’s comments to me as my x walked out the door “Too bad he (x) couldn’t be a stand up guy”. The lawyer was gobsmacked by the behavior….

      • Glad you took the batteries. I took the batteries too…for my new battery operated boyfriend. You want to hear something messed up. We were still technically living together during the divorce, though I spent much time getting away from the house. He got mad that I hadn’t cleaned out my stuff in the refrigerator, so he contacted his attorney asking if it was okay to get rid of the old food. My attorney printed out a copy of his attorney’s email and mailed it to me. It said “I can’t believe I’m even writing this email but my client asked if it would be okay to throw out food in the refrigerator.” My friends and I had a good laugh over that. It’s like, no you can’t get rid of old food darnit! You’re ruining my science experiment!

    • Rubber floor tiles? What a thoughtful guy – I’m sure he just wanted them to make Schmoopie’s knees more comfortable when she was down on them.

      • Ha! He didn’t even get to keep his Schmoopie though because she is a sex worker here and he’s… well, not here.

  • 1. On D day discovered cheater had boinked a girl from adult friend finder in the bed of his truck….. That we had purchased together.

    2. When baby was 3 months old, discovered cheater “helping” another woman by getting beers, taking her to concerts, and all day hikes outside of town

    3. When baby was 3 months old, discovered Craigslist ad for men seeking men and 100 email exchanges with transsexuals while he was “praying about our marriage” in a hotel. His conclusion after week in hotel praying “Im not confused about our marriage anymore. I just really need a motorcycle and a tattoo.”

  • 1) (Now) Ex-wife gets Chinese take out with her mom greeting me at our home. After an awkward dinner together, we divide up our stuff.

    2) (Now) Ex-wife re-launches her private counseling practice as a therapist who fosters authenticity and helps couples with trust issues…while still lying, denying, and gas-lighting me about her adultery.

    3) Trained and licensed therapist (now) ex-wife told me that her (adulterous) relationship had nothing to do with our marriage problems with a straight face when confronted.

    • My mil and the mow are therapists/social workers. One marital, one brain injury. I will now only see professionals with MDs, I deserve better than the crazies with a bachelor’s. (Not demeaning BAs, I haven’t completed my masters and prob won’t).

        • Mine has a Ph.D. and a Distinguished Named Chair in his Department, but has been on Ashley Madison, Adult Friend Finders, Craigslist, has been caught screwing graduate and undergraduate students, and has to clear his computer of porn every time he takes it for repair.

          Intelligence and education are clearly not indicative of morality.

          • Mine had a PhD and is an AGU fellow a pretty big deal as Divorcedat25 will tell you. Doesn’t matter. You can be smart and still be disordered.

            • Yep, being an AGU fellow us a pretty big deal. But I’ve already met some sketchy “big deals”. I was taking a summer class last summer where some of the biggest deals came dancing with graduate students after hours and were being quite seedy.

          • “Intelligence and education are clearly not indicative of morality.”

            nor wisdom.

            I have met wiser garbage truck drivers….

            • True guys. Cheaters are in all intellectual, social , economic, religious, etc spheres. They are priests, teachers, presidents, salesmen, truck drivers, policemen, lawyers, rabbis, monks, unemployed, self-employed, teetotalers, alcoholics. They just display poor lack of impulse control, and overwhelming sense of entitlement coupled with some very delusional views about themselves.
              Told my colleague about a fellow attorney who propositioned me.
              Swear to God this cult of self is the undoing of us all….stbx mother opened my eyes to it…this right to be happy at all costs;even if it means unhappiness for all around you.

      • OW was a licensed social worker, who advertises that she is a parenting coordinator. Her X had to petition the court for the appointment of a parenting coordinator because OW was refusing to follow court ordered visitation schedule and trying to convince her son that he shouldn’t want to see his dad.

      • OW was a physician who just ‘knew’ fucktard had been snipped (she could tell by his smirk?), then panicked when she found out otherwise after their initial no protection fuckfest (Yay Plan B; yay Time Machine on Mac – very easy to find email). She then got an IUD (lower failure rate than tubes tied) and later claimed he got her pregnant (with the IUD in). MD’s are just as fucked up as anyone else.

      • Morality isn’t dictated by intelligence.
        Life experiences and sky-high boundaries are what dictates morality – one of the wisest people I ever knew was practically homeless at one point – while the many fuckwits I have encountered lived a cushy life with ‘achievements’ as kibble-grabbers.

      • My asshole has an MD PhD and a high position at the university. The OWhore is a licensed Psy who told my asshole ex that children of divorce really don’t suffer and that it would be no big deal.

        • I think it would be like hating all gymnasts if that’s what the ow was. It doesn’t mean all gymnasts are assholes. I just now hate all community college certified social workers.

        • Chumplisa
          Don’t you just love it when they quote the other cheater. Oh, yeah you just fucked her last week and she decided you can’t ever speak to tne person you’ve been with since you were 16, have three adult chikdren and a granddaughter with.
          And they abandon their children in a heartbeat. No it’s all on them. Quoting the ither woman is blame shifting. Can they ever take responsibility fir anything?

  • Oh we need a new category.
    The shit they insisted on having…….

    1) the rusted out old coal fire BBQ
    2) the torn climb chair given to him by the EAP he had the year our first child was born.
    3) the hard drive from out only computer, no surprises there.

    • my ex asked for our digital camera. The mediator said it was his ‘fuck you’ item to me. I laughed and said he could have it because he’s not techie at all and won’t know how to use it. Oh, he can take pictures, but he has no clue how to load them to his computer. And btw, he only has a work computer so he can’t load them on it. Eventually the card will be full and he’ll be clueless.

      • Out “fuck you ” item was a professional air compressor in the garage….IT’S MINE! I smile every time I pull in, and I enjoy putting air in my car tires, bike tires, etc….

        • Mine was the mod triptych painted by my daughter’s art teacher, that X refused to pay more than $200 for, and I spent 1/4 on my summer salary to keep them. He wanted them when he moved out and I said no, then promptly hung them in the most prominent room in the house.

        • X also insisted that I send him the subwoofer from the car. It was already 10 years old and took up 1/2 the back space of the CRV. Actually I wish I had sent it back COD since it is now just a liability in a car I have to get rid of.

      • Ha our “fuck you” item – a $10 iphone charger that he demanded back in an email yesterday. When he already has about 15 of them.
        He’s not fucking getting it…on principle.

    • Yes…’The shit they insist on having” items:

      Listed in our official Settlement Agreement, Ex demanded:

      1. The panini maker (we’re not talking an industrial sandwich press, just a $40 gadget)
      2. Sports Christmas ornaments – cheap shit, not collectable names like Waterford or Lennox. (He married his whore, and she’s Jewish, not sure how well received those treasures are).
      3. The “Fiesta-ware” dinner dishes that were about 15 years old.

      He moved straight from our house in with OW. He’s a pack rat – he must have looked like Steve Martin in the Jerk gathering his shit: “All I need is this panini-maker, and these sports ornaments…and that’s all I need. And I need this, the panini-maker, these sports ornaments, and these Fiestaware dishes…and that’s all I need too!”

    • The Direct TV boxes – too late, I ran them over with the car
      The TV from our bedroom – Nope, I’M the one who paid for that.
      His Green Bay Packers sweatshirt – Sorry, that went to the homeless shelter.

      • Ex rummaged around in the garage for 3 hours back in February when he came to finally collect his stuff. 17 large boxes of shit + what he considered his. He made a pile of stuff on the floor to ‘discuss’ which included a tapperware jug and cups I earned as a demonstrator and a video trivial pursuits game I bought myself for Christmas one year that he refused to play with me.
        I can laugh about it now.

      • My X loved direct TV. He canceled the premium channels when he left. Then after the greed kicked in, but thankfully after the D was finalized, he wrote to my attorney asking to be reimbursed for the damn thing while he was off living with his whore. She provided him a list of shit he didn’t pay for and told him he OWED me $. Shut him the fuck up fast.

      • My exh left almost everything of his at my house for me to contend with because he bought “all new.” He is a fire fighter (no offense to other fire fighters) and he fancies himself to be quite the catch. A few years ago, he quit the fire department in our small rural town yo go work for a large Fire department in Kansas City. He used to swan about town on his days off in his big city fire department shirts thinking he was impressing everyone. When he left, he left a ton of his big city fire department shirts (among other things). He refused to come get his things, so the kids and I packed them all up and donated then to the homeless shelter in our small town. Now, homeless people can be seen walking the streets wearing his prized fire department shirts. He doesn’t seem like such a big noise wearing them now!

    • Mine wanted our wedding album and family videos, probably to replace me with a photoshopped Skanky in my place. He’s repeating everything else we did as a couple, including our family events and trips.

      • My ex didn’t ask for the wedding photos but I notice that he is repeating all of the things we did as a couple with the OW. I expect to wake up one day to a text from him asking me to go through all of the boxes of photos and send his to him.

  • 1. OW is old ex girlfriend. They got together when she was H’s best friends girlfriend. Best friend never spoke to him again. She cheated on H twice when together, married someone else, cheated on her husband and is now alone and miserable.
    2. She lives in another country and currently their fantasy relationship involves mucho sexting and making shit up about their lives to look good.
    3. F^^*@r actually bitched to me about not helping him when he was booking flight out to visit her and make their fantasies a reality.

    He still won’t admit to doing anything and cries about how there’s something going on between us and he doesn’t know what it is. I have copies of his texts and sexting pics on a thumb drive at work even though I live in a no fault state. Never know when I may need the leverage.

    Working on an exit. B#@*&d never acknowledged me on my birthday ever since I gave birth to his children. It’s amazing what it will take to make you see the light.

    • Oh and caught texts between him and enabler friend (where he’s stashing the gifts he’s bought the Ho and her brood, money he didn’t spend on our kids, but hey got to look like a hero and saviour), he’s panicking now that there is some way I can stop him leaving the country and he’ll get to the airport and they’ll throw him out. Searching furiously for this information dumb f^&k.
      Only concern is that I’ll prevent him from getting his kibbles.

    • What is it with this changing once you give birth? THAT is the exact moment I ceased to be a human being, and became ‘mother/housekeeper’ instead. I went along with it

      • I guess a narc would tell you to be thankful that it took that long…. Some of us lose merit before we have kids. But yknow, we are half liked until we are basically too old to have that option anymore

      • Happened to another friend too (enablers ex wife). I think it’s when they have competition for attention. That and maybe having kids makes them suddenly realize they are supposed to be grow ups and they just can’t go there.

        • ^ Bingo. It’s absolutely about competition for attention. My narc freely admitted that everything changed when our kids were born and that he felt like he got no attention any more.

          Never mind that he was sex chatting online three years before the eldest was even BORN.

  • 1) Husband told me that on multiple trips to our nation’s capitol, he was briefing top brass at the Department of Defense (given his line of work this is believable), but instead he was “debriefing” a 20-something program officer who liked taking hallucinogens with him, and naked selfies in the bathtub.
    2) After being discovered as a serial cheater for 16 years with multiple women all over the world, he said that if I revealed his misdeeds to any mutual friends he would tell them (and our two teenagers) that I didn’t give him enough blowjobs (!)
    3) D-day was 2.5 months ago. Since then, his most recent AP and the professed love of his life has dumped him, and he has found a new girlfriend, a former grad student who lives in Latin America. They leave next week to spend Christmas and New Year’s traveling around Europe.

        • “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.” –Anne Lamott

          • Si,

            So not giving enough BJ’s is shameful to your teenagers and mutual friends how?
            You can let people know about his despicable behaviour in discrete versus graphic language and be ladylike.
            And laughingly joke that he was fixated on having anything or anybody “blow him”

          • “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.” –Anne Lamott

            And that is why I blog.

            Love this quote!

          • One of my favorite quotes Sionara!! “If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

            X-hole called my sharing “slander”, as we’ve said many times here in the comments “it’s not slander if it’s true!”

    • Ha! Mine demanded a confidentiality clause in our mediation agreement. Hells no! I agreed not to mention it on social media for the sake of the children. In person however…..let me play you the audio!

    • You didn’t give enough blowjobs – so what? Maybe if his dick was properly cleaned or wasn’t sticking it into other people, you might have considered it, in his case, HELL NO?
      Yell your story from the rooftops. When he pulls that pathetic one-liner it will just make him look like the crazy you have already pointed out.

  • This is no contender, and some of the above gave me the vapours, (lol) but the mow drove 3 hours to my mil’s birthday party/narc-o-rama to present her with 65 little rolled scolls about why mil was great. Of course one was that she’d given birth to wh. Of course mil totally agreed. And didn’t see the irony that the mow had driven hours and left 4 kids behind right around the holidays to tell my mil what a great mother and woman she was. She did not have a scroll that said she was fucking my h, seated at a different table, but I think it was implied. Other guests at the party were appropriately creeped out, since the relationship was a business one. I can’t think of a boss I’d blow off my kids for to write tiny messages on little scrolls then drive thru snow to hand deliver, and I’ve had some awesome bosses. Needless to say, when the shit hit, guess who mil was cheering for?

    I’m working on limericks now. Can that be a st Patrick contest? I’m salty.

      • And I wonder why 65? That’s a lot of work! I’m picturing him writing them and rolling them all up!

            • Yup every spidey sense tingled. It was a real study in “how narcissistic can I get??” Photo booth, country club, speeches, slide show, super long guest list, special menu. These people are hillbillies, not this scene at all, this was a real show of ” how we want to be perceived”. Most folks knew to back out of the room so they could see where the knife and demeaning would come from.

              • I think the limericks come out at Valentines Day…I cant wait !! Im guessing it was the MILs 65th bday party hence the 65 scrolls. That is SO icky. OW gave my nowdeadhusband a gift for his retirement and he hid it in his car. I found it and he rounded the corner to find me, his mom and his sister (all MY homegirls) staring into the bag. I hope his internal reaction felt like his rectum was falling out.

        • None. I can come up with absolutely not a single one. It’s why she surrounds herself with white trash a few levels below her – she looks like the fucking duchess of Deutschland compared to their pathetic selves. It’s sad. I finished college before she did, so that’s always been a bee in her bonnet. I was 20, she was 40. It’s like a high school rival – my mil. She can’t have people around her who she perceives as superior. Effed up shit. And I’m an asshole too – I bred with this family, yet I judge. Lol.

            • ChumpyElf: mine too. But posts on FB how sorry she wasn’t there for my kids like she up is for her NEW grand kids. Oh well…out with the old and in with the new!

        • “Especially if I were to repeat myself 4 times.”

          That’s hysterical ChumpyElf!! Love it. Same here, I’d HAVE to repeat myself, couldn’t fabricate that much bullshit in one setting to talk up X-hole’s mum. My sister calls her Cruella DeVille lmao.

        • MILs! The biggest red flag we ignored IMO. I now tell young people: look at the family. It doesn’t matter how much you love them, if his mother is weird, RUN. Her ways are what you will be dealing with when the love shine wears off.
          The first thing STBX ever said to me as I walked into his house was: you need to watch out for my mother. She can be a bit strange.
          That he would not resort to her coping skills once inevitable stresses came into marriage was my biggest delusion, and on me I am afraid.

          • I could not agree more with you, Patsy. I think we need to do a Red Flag book for unsuspecting, about to marry disordered nuts.

            • My mom had picked up on XMIL’s crazy within a minute of meeting her. XMIL is a total whack-job. I ignored my mother and spackled away. I did the pick-me dance so that XMIL would accept me. She never did, in fact she treated me like shit. Now she has a new DIL (OW) that is an amoral, skank.

              Golden child was happy to blame XMIL for being an “impediment in our marriage”. Of course, he never confessed to an affair as being the reason for him divorcing me.

              Poor XMIL, now she has a real problem married to her son and she has to keep her mouth shut. Karma….

          • Gosh this is true, STBX told me how abusive his parents were, but it was their abusive coping skills he relied upon when shit got real.

  • The disordered whore approached me and after calling ME a slut and a whore said she had a hairdresser she could recommend for my grey roots starting to show.

    • That’s low. You could have Winston churchilled her and said that while your hair could be dyed easily and tomorrow you’d look different, she’d always wake up a stupid whore no matter what.

      • Oh Donna what a whore !
        Mine ( ow whore) would send nude selfies of herself to me to recommend a good plastic surgeon to fix my “flat saggy breasts”. Her husband worked overtime to pay 8600.00 for her fakies as she’s fucking my husband of 22 years.

        • Text her back and tell her your husband already left you the number for Whores-R-Us? Tell her half of those boobs are already yours. Seriously, that is dissipation of marital assets, and you should get half of that money back in the divorce

        • “Thats nice. Yours will be saggier when they start to leak though. Have fun with that. And all the Botox in the world can’t fix the ugly that you are – your face looks like you slammed into a wall at 100 clicks an hour.”

            • Lania
              You described miss piggy! You would think with all those years of looking she would be a looker. Damn if her face doesn’t look like a pickanese that was bred with a chicken. Crack will do that.

              • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Seriously crying with laughter now. That mental image…
                Does she squawk like a chicken too? Cluck cluck. 😀

    • Yep, Donna, ex’s nasty whore called ME the C word. Lol. I think she kind of has that backwards. She hated my guys, was gonna kick my teeth down my fucking lard ass, etc. Ex is welcome to her delusional, psychotic ass.

      • Ummmm…I called HER that word once. Coward wouldn’t answer the phone my cheating asshole was paying for so I could give her a piece of my mind so I left a voice mail. She made jokes about it in texts later, we’ll see who laughs last 😉

      • I started doing my own hair (cut and color), shop in consignment stores, and whore got a blank leather biker jacket with fringe hanging from the arms. She’s a rocker. X was complementing me at the final hearing. What a gross pig. I could see her getting peed on. X wets the bed. No diamonds in her future.

  • He had his own accounting practice and tax preparation software. That meant he could stay out of IRS trouble by filing the real deal with them and then bring home fake tax returns to show me, easily covering up the business failures and huge debt. The last three years he didn’t even file with the IRS. I found it all out after he died. When searching his computer for financial records I found naked pictures of his current secretary under the file name of the previous OW.

  • 1.After sleuthing the Was-band for months, everything fell into place for confrontation on 12/7 (Pearl Harbor day) – what a fitting day to drop the bomb on his ass.

    2. I got more diamonds & jewelry & sweet goopiness the following Christmas than in 20 years-all to show his love & remorse, but ummm, oops! He was still lying.

    3. After dropping $300 in an hour for private strip show, he’d balk at paying $3 for a bag of candy for the kids stockings.

    • Asshat read me the riot act about spending too much money (the vast majority was for food we eat!) and turned around and got himself a swanky rental without asking or consulting me first. He also never admitted it was not to work on his health and FAULTS but to have a quiet place to fuck his whore. That rent money could have renovated a bathroom. Paid for a year of college. His lease was for less than six months. God forbid we want three flavours of oatmeal in the pantry….

      • Ha! Were we married to the fuckwad? I spent ‘ too much’ on food, too! A year or two before Dday he’d suggested getting a place in Washington DC, where he traveled on business alot. The reasoning was he was wasting so much money on hotels, etc. I nixed the idea as a bad one-we knew several people he could’ve stayed with. I suspected he wanted ‘privacy’.
        Thankfully I started listening to my suspicions & socking away for a rainy day. In fact every time he bitched about my spending – HONEST TO GOD, he once got mad at me for using a letter stamp on a post card – or behaved otherwise the ass, I assessed ‘fines’ & would add squirrel that amount into the sock fund.
        SO GLAD I did. It paid for the private detective & other stuff without him having the slightest clue his little game was up.

        • I got constantly told to turn off the lights, as I leave each room in the house. For years. He just kept harassing me about those damn light switches, and it was such a big deal to him. Yeah, right, Mr Thrifty!
          But it’s OK that he spent 650.00 a month on a garage he went to maybe 4 times a year, where he kept his old cars (and prob also used for hooking up).

          • Thanks Tempest. But, for years prior to this, I had outed this ‘relative’ to every sister and niece with daughters/grandaughters. He has NO idea how many ppl stay away from him. I HAD to protect them at the risk of fucking up the family. So far, I’m still waiting to see if the Sister does anything at all about his issues…which I have no doubt he still has. He’s far too close to teenagers with his ‘hobbies’ for my liking.
            Nobody understands this (my anger) this long…but I was the only sibling’s sister he molested. Like adultery, if you haven’t experienced it, you have no idea how long the anger can go on. Whew – I finally settled it with my Sister once and for all. It’s her move if at all…

            Can you believe it took me 40 years to finally put it all down on paper? My sister insisted on it instead of a phone call. (I wanted to phone and clear it up) So, now, of course, I have a record and so does she. Silly sister.

          • Freewoman, seriously? Were you married to my x as well? He followed me and my kids around for 19 years directing us to go back and turn off lights, rather than just do it himself as he walked by the room.

      • After X ended his major affair years ago (without my knowing he’d had an affair), and wrote me a letter demanding I engage in all kinds of tawdry sex including threesomes, etc. (I never did, though), he bought a HOUSE without my knowing it. Claimed it was a small pied-a-terre downtown that he wanted to surprise me with because he knew I liked the city. What I now know is that it was to be his fuckpad because it was bought months after he started accounts on adult websites.

        • Tempest, he bought a freaking house?! I think CN has broken WordPress bc some of my replies are going to the bottom of the page. A house. Talk about dissipation of marital assets!

            • If only I hadn’t married such a dumb fuck. So dumb he upped his assets, didn’t write down ANY debt, and said he made zero. The doccument had scribbles all over it and was never given to his lawyer.

              My therapist kept telling me he was dumb. Yup!

              Yay for you Tempest!! A fucking house!

        • Oh gees, mine bought a house, too. A grand old do-er upper. It needed two mortgages on our main asset (I was advised to take out an injunction to stop him, but was too Chumpy at the time to do that), and now he can’t sell it.
          One thing this stuff does, is require you to grow the hell up. I am actually really grateful for that, I am NOT the person I was then.

          • I agree, I needed to grow up also because a grown-up would not have put with parenting a spoiled overgrown brat and would have focused on their needs first.

    • Oh, is this one so much a trigger:

      he Evil One would get so pissed when something broke or got damaged bit could still be used over the years because “we can’t have anything nice” or “I will have to fix yet another thing in this house” or (my)/answer to everything: we’ll just replace it”…meanwhile, he never hesitated to piss money away on shit for his Shit-erado, or whatever car he had at the time…new clothes, new accessories, etc. But would bitch if I bought myself a 3.00 pair of earrings with MY money at Walmart…

      Household bills were ALWAYS on me, the most contribution would be food and gas money, and that was usually whatever he “could afford” at the time— once a week shopping, and God forbid, we didn’t have something needed for dinner…I was got yelled at because I needed more salt!!! Really, 1.00 thing of salt was a financial hardship!!!!! Yet, he had the money to spend 15-20 a day to n himself— ice for his cooler, cigarettes, drinks, meals, etc. But would rage if I wanted to eat lunch out with co-worker, or get take-out for dinner if I didn’t feel like cooking that night!!!

      Looking back, I realize just how much I put up with… Lord, have mercy!!!!

      • Lord have Mercy Indeed – Unsinkable. I was also married to control freak. He would call me when every charge came in on his computer when I was out of town. I cannot tell you how much I DON’T MISS THAT!
        I used to think it was because he cared. hahahaha

  • 1. STBXH received a letter from OW in which she berated him for the “got you by the balls, marriage-like relationship you have with ChumpedALot.”
    2. STBXH asked for our bed after I kicked him to the curb and he had moved in with OW (No was my reply).
    3. STBXH told me to leave his hospital room where he was recovering from surgery so his “friends” could visit, because he feared I would case drama. OW was waiting in the cafeteria to come up and visit him – she later wrote to him she “couldn’t believe ChumpedALot was there.” Really? I am his wife, you twat.

    The divorce will be final in a few weeks and I could not be happier! 18 years of propping up the asshat and fixing his messes will finally draw to a close. 🙂

    • Ooh! Me play too. When STBX needed surgery, he told me I didn’t need to come, he would get a taxi. Turns out that OW took him to and from hospital, and it was OW he tested the pulling of his operation scar on. Who am I kidding, he was monogamous to OW anyway.

      I am ‘meh’ about it now, but that hurt so bad for the longest time.

  • I never really get to play as my ex was such a run of the mill cheater, but here goes:

    1) first night in the new place withe the kids, STBX leaves them alone to meet friends at a bar (they were 9 & 12, and scared)

    2) STBX planned to move pregnant OW into his place with our kids while I was away on an extended work trip
    (They did not know she existed yet)

    3) daughter is NC with ex but asks to see baby (half) sibling; ex refuses.. If she won’t see me, she can’t see sibling”

    All post DDay examples, but show his selfishness

    • WOW Zyx321..Your EX is F*ed Up. Won’t let his daughter see an innocent baby because she set boundaries with him, WHAT A LOSER!

  • 1. His excuse for extensive EA/PA with a coworker: “I guess I’m just addicted to hugs. You never hugged me enough.”

    2. Solicited sex with shemales while on a work trip.

    3. After I discovered his extensive history with Craigslist, Adult Friend Finder, etc., in an attempt to reconcile with me, he was so excited to tell me that we could now be “even” because he had found a younger man on Craigslist to fuck me. And could he watch and maybe participate? Are you fucking kidding me??!?!?!!?!?

    In other news, I filed for divorce yesterday and I’m kicking ass at life.

    • Mine took a picture of me in lingerie; cropped out the head, and then put me on Adult Friend Finder so that men and other couples would contact me for sexalicious opportunities for him to watch (or participate).

      • Tempest…I would have killed him for that alone… and he wonders why you never deal with him with anything but hate and contempt.

      • Wow. How thoughtful and protective of him to disguise your face, huh?

        After years of maintaining that I would not ever do a threesome, even gently explaining why it didn’t jive with my religious beliefs, etc….so he wouldn’t keep taking it so personally (chump), he, during false reconciliation and my pick me dancing, figured the time was right.

        He hinted (I almost said “intimated”! ho) that he had a wonderful birthday present for me. He couldn’t wait to “give it to me”. He was like a kid, almost giddy with the anticipation of my delight.

        And there she was! A Craigslist sex worker, sitting in our living room – just what I always wanted!

        When I refused to come out and meet her, she took off like a shot, peeling rubber up the drive. And he was hurt, his thoughtful gift refused.

        It wasn’t for him, he explained, it was for me! He was just all about giving me everything pleasurable in life.

        • FinallyRealized–whoa. I am speechless. I can’t believe he actually brought someone to the house unexpectedly. Mine used to threaten to do so, but never actually followed through on it. What a pig; thank goodness you’re rid of him.

      • Oh yes, this topic too!!!!
        For the last few years, the Evil One would suggest to me how he felt like ibwould enjoy being with another man in front of him or call him on the phone to listen to me fuck another man…everybtime i would go out with my friends, he would suggest that i find a stud, and i would tell himnthatbi was a married woman and that im not a cheater, to which he would tell me that i had “his permission, a hall pass…”
        about a year ago I told him that I felt like he wanted me to “explore” that arena sonthat he could claim adultery on my part and get sole custody of our daufhter— he flew into a rage about that and said he had “too much respect for me” to do that to me…yeah right
        He sent out Craigslist ads replies solicitations ng sex, but claimed he never got an answer…

        Cheater, cheater, cheater!!!

      • Shaking head. My ex and I had fun taking pictures with a digital camera. One picture happened to have my bare butt in it. He posted that picture in one of his photos on Adult Friend Finder. Ex brother in law found out about my ex’s activities and as blackmail my ex had to send him a picture of my boobs. While I appreciate the compliment from my brother in law, this helps me see that my ex is a jerk and his family is nuts.

    • 1. His excuse for extensive EA/PA with a coworker: “I guess I’m just addicted to hugs. You never hugged me enough.”

      Now I have “Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer playing over and over in my head, except the words are, “Gonna have to face it, I’m addicted to hugs, gonna have to face it I’m addicted to hugs, gonna have to face it, I’M ADDICTED TO HUGS.”

      Congratulations on the divorce, you are well rid of that freak.

      • Lol. Thank you- now that’ll be permanently stuck in my head with the new lyrics!

        I really want Chump Lady to draw him for “stupid shit cheaters say” for the addicted hugs line!

    • I don’t know what “small penis domination” is, but I’m picturing YouTube videos of hamsters dressed up in leather fetish wear. Is that close?

    • I read that as… “he got out of prison and immediately started on the small penis donation sites.” He just HAD to raise money to find a way to solve his small penis problem STAT!

      By the way, lol Donna!

      P.S. For the gentlemen who read this, I don’t think size matters; however, treating your lady with respect and faithfulness does.

      • Absolutely agree on the disclaimer of penis size. If guys haven’t figured out yet that it REALLY DOESN’T MATTER to women, well, it doesn’t!
        They are usually the best lovers anyway.

  • During Christmas time at his parents, we went out to run a bit with our dogs, in a residential area, next to the forest. There was construction work, I slipped in a puddle of oil and ended up in the ditch. He did not bother to stop, or even turn around to look if I was okay.

    • F, that’s horrible. My ex was like that as well. If I got hurt, he would laugh like crazy, then catch himself and in a really fake, dramatic voice, say, “Oh GLAD, are you okay?” If we were out hiking, he would be way ahead of me and would never stop to see if I needed help or even was still there.

      • Actually, yes, this often happened to me. He would withdraw into his own world & ignore me when he didn’t get sex in more than 2 or 3 days. Thus, he often walked ahead of me, & didn’t notice when I slipped over or anything at all. Once, on a rainforest walk, he kept going out of sight ahead, meanwhile, I was stuck tangled on a sharp branch…he never noticed.

  • This is my friend’s story.
    1) she caught her husband in bed with his Ow, out of anger, she ran to punch the OW, but her H protected the OW, and punched her instead.
    2) she told the mother in law, next day, while the H at work, her mother in law and her went to the OW’s apartment and beat the crap out of the OW.
    3) due to the pressure of the mother in law, her H had to dump the OW and back to her.
    Hooray, for the MIL.

        • In that moment of sheer rage though, you kinda aren’t thinking. You’re working off pure adrenaline, so all rational thought goes out the window. You just want to cause as much pain as possible to the upstart shit in front of you.
          The advanced version would be: “Find out a way to hit her and make it look like an accident” but thats not to be taken as actual advice.

            • Eh, to be honest I am speaking from experience.
              I took apart a guy at least twice my size when I “saw red”, when I was younger. It took three guys to drag me off from killing him. Did I mention this happened in front of about 20 other people? Didn’t get into trouble, because they claimed to have an ‘anti bullying’ policy (This happened in high school) and I was being pretty obviously bullied. When their ‘policy’ fails to keep people from being bullied – I took matters into my own hands and ended it. Permanently. The guy never dared say another negative word to me again – so it was a win.
              This relates to OW/OM too – if they are pissing on your territory, you have the right to defend yourself. If they are in your house, it would be preferable for them to leave in a body bag – but I’m willing to be flexible.
              (Once again, I take no responsibility for those using my advice who then get into trouble!)

              • fighter, I actually have a pretty long fuse. It was shorter then, still wasn’t what could be described as a ‘short fuse’ though.
                But…if you truly piss me off like the above, I will fucking destroy you. From the above story, I know why they call it ‘seeing red’ – my eyesight actually tinted red when it happened. Its one of the few things I remember from the incident.

      • I agree. In fact, after everything happened, H’s mother did slapped his son on the face twice. I asked her if she is still worrying he will cheat again, she said he won’t dare, he is afraid his mother to death. So i guess we have to pray his mother lives forever. She also said she doesn’t even care if the H loves her or not, as long as he doesn’t divorce her, she will stay in the marriage, and she doesn’t want anybody to tell her otherwise.

    • I loved the whole story except for the part when you said she TOOK HIM BACK – and also when she never charged her hubby with assault….it had such promise…….

    • While I’m glad that the mother-in-law didn’t defend the ow and lash out at her betrayed daughter in law, the MIL seems to be missing the elephant in the room. Her “precious” son is just as responsible as the ow and he punched his own wife. I think the MIL would be better served helping the daughter in law get the hell away from her son.

  • Well I can’t get anywhere close to you guys freaky levels (for which I would be grateful this Christmas), but here is my Ex entitlement story:

    1) I explicitly told my Ex not to sleep with his Ho-worker with whom he had had an E; as we had agreed on a separation, so we could step back and work in our marriage.

    2) He admits to sleeping with AP. So I ask if he did it just to get out, because he knew it was a dealbreaker for me.

    3) He says that no, he didn’t want out. But for him not sleeping with the AP was a dealbreaker.

    Maybe we can have an honorable mention for millennial entitlement issues.

  • 1. Xh cheated with 2 schmopies (years apart) that had the same first name, this name was also in the title of his favourite band.

    2.during false RIC xh took me shopping to buy snow clothing, which turned out to be the same snow clothes scmoopie tried on with him a few weeks earlier and xh sent had pictures of schmoopie in the clothes to scmoopie’s mother for comment.

    3. Xh confessed he’d brought schmoopie to our home and that they’d screwed on the rug on the living room floor… while I was sitting on the rug on the living room floor.Eeew.

    • In my bed and the kid’s beds, chump-ness, on the stairs (her favourite fantasy) and on the sofa. She put her head on my pillow and spent the night when I wasn’t there. That he KNEW all this is the hardest thing.

      He said he never felt guilty when he was with her. You know in your earlier mis-spent youth when you got that hollow not great feeling afterwards doing stuff with someone you know you shouldn’t have?
      He said he never got it.

  • 1) On our tenth anniversary, we renewed our wedding vows and took a second honeymoon. While on said second honeymoon, had an extensive conversation initiated by Now-Ex Husband about how, since he’d been caught cheating many times (the vow renewal was part of an attempt at reconciliation and starting over), he’d understand if I cheated and how I could have sex with other men, if I wanted. He’d understand. Heck, maybe he could even participate. Wow.

    2) Rolled his truck and almost killed himself and my sister. Later, I found out he was distracted by her head in his lap. Wow. She’d been thrown from the vehicle because she wasn’t buckled. After (though before I knew of the affair), they both got matching tattoos: Ornate crosses that said “Survivor” underneath.

    3) Said he invited a “stranger” over late at night while out of town for work because it was Valentine’s and she was lonely and he thought it would help her to have someone to talk to. I found out about her when I saw messages to someone named “Shane” in his phone. He’d told “Shane” that he looked nice that night and that he knew it was tough being alone on Valentine’s and maybe “Shane” should come over after he(she) got back from a night out with friends. Oh, but he warned him(her) to call before she came over. “Shane” was, of course, a woman and also the straw that broke the camels back. I ended up leaving Now-Ex in the aftermath of that final affair.

      • Yes. And a cross, no less! In ICU and on a ventilator, she wrote on a notepad, “Was the wreck my fault?” Yes. Yes, it was.

        After the wreck and after her very lengthy hospital stay, he took the liberty of assisting her in her recovery, hero that he was (barf). She lived alone and had a broken pelvis, several broken vertebrae, and other injuries. He stayed out of work (he was self-employed) to “help” her. When I voiced my opinion about how that might not be appropriate, he told me, point-blank, that he would see her whether I wanted him to or not. Meanwhile, I pulled rabbits out of hats to pay the bills since he wasn’t bringing in any money.

        • Wow, must have been a surreal conversation to learn that the crash was caused by a distracting blowjob…dang. The Karma Bus crashed fast and hard on that situation.

          • Well, the real crappy part in all that is…

            My sister, evidently, broke off the affair and my Now-Ex became angry and resentful and had only hateful things to say about her. I was still oblivious at this time. My sister was an addict and – I think – her guilt over the affair only pushed her deeper into her downward spiral. She passed away suddenly several years later. Drug toxicity was the official cause. Only after her passing did I learn the real truth about her and Now Ex. He admitted to an affair with her and I found out all the details from multiple other sources. I was never able to confront her, never able to ask her why, never able to glean any sort of closure. As such, my grief over her death is complicated and mostly unresolved.

            Yeah. And yet he still thinks it’s acceptable to motion for more custody, flake out on court-ordered child support, and generally treat me like a punching bag because I had the nerve to leave him.

            • My condolences for your sister. I think my wife ended up in a similar spiral.

              In early May 2013, Yahoo shut down it’s chatroom service, cutting off her main pool of new boyfriend material. Right at the same time her last boyfriend (the one she actually physically slept with during and after the pregnancy) stopped talking to her.

              [They always, every single one of them, abandoned her in the end. She was always up front with them that she was married and unhappy, so the only guys anything ever happened with were guys who were knowingly messing around with a married woman. When you filter out all the decent guys right off the top, what chance do you really have?]

              It was right at this time that the pill abuse got really bad. Circumstances forced her to go cold-turkey and stop self-medicating with guys, so she drifted right into self-medicating with medicine. Guilt over the affairs and stress over the secret-keeping almost certainly contributed to the downward spiral that ensued, ending with “drug toxicity” on the medical examiner’s report, discovering her chat archives while reclaiming her online accounts, and one /hell/ of a complicated grief scenario for me to trudge through.

              It’s really nice being able to talk about it here though. Thank you all.

              • Wow. I’m so sorry. It’s hard to forgive someone who’s no longer here and never apologized before they were gone.

                I actually searched the internet for situations such as mine and found nothing, obviously. I may have been with one of the more seriously-disordered of disordered cheaters.

                It is nice to be able to talk it all through here. In my world, I can’t talk about my sister because she’s gone and she was young and you can’t be mad at a ghost and, really, how can I be mad and talk through it all with my mother, who will never recover from the loss of her other child?

              • HeatDeath & MermaidDani–there are not sufficient words to say how sorry I am for what you both endured, and have to emotionally confront on your own.

              • Heat Death and Dani, so sorry for your awful situations that were done to you.

                Addicts are sadly the most self-absorbed people (but apparently recovered [dealt with their inner hell] addicts are the most loyal and dependable people you could ever meet)

                Narcissism and addiction are closely linked, my addiction specialist IC said. ‘Its easy to have a relationship with a bottle. Bottles don’t have needs’.

                The trauma and recovery of of alcoholic and narcissistic abuse is very similar (lots of Chumpy reading trying to make sense of it). I find Al Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics 12 step program a complete gift. There is a lot of love and acceptance in those rooms. It isn’t a self-help programme, its a God-help programme.

              • In case you missed my story..I thought I was a unicorn in reconciliation when I was actually a superchump in a wreckonciliation. He fessed up to an EA with one OW and after he died I learned it was PAs with many OWs over many years. He is dead and betrayed me for YEARS…just to twist the knife, I was TRUE BLUE, never betrayed him even in the slightest. He was mean and angry and likely died (at least partially) from a guilty conscience…he didnt feel well and refused to go to a doctor then dropped dead.

              • Unicornnomore: My situation is quite similar to yours in a lot of ways: I found suspect texts within the first years of our marriage. I accepted the lies that they didn’t mean anything and that she would stop it, [and ate the furious gaslighting, as HOW DARE I even suspect her of such a thing!?!] and moved on. The extent of the serial adulteries that followed after that was a complete shock to me when I found her chat archives after she passed (though in retrospect I missed or ignored literally dozens of red flags).

                I forgave her unconditionally for the texts, and moreover, made it perfectly clear that I would refuse to divorce her, no matter what she did [Superchump!, as you say]. This was supposed to be a grand selfless gesture that would make her feel perfectly secure in our marriage. She apparently took it as “I don’t care about you or our marriage at all.”, and permission to double down on her hunt for the perfect “romantic” boyfriend. What I thought was a reconciliation was indeed a wreckoncilliation, exactly as you say.

                Patsy: Thank you. At the time my wife passed I was already reading Narc-Anon material – I understood and had already internalized that her pill addiction was nothing to do with me, and that there was really nothing I could do to fix it. I didn’t know at the time that the pill addiction ramped up after circumstances cut off her ability to self-medicate with boyfriends, but I knew she had had an addictive personality years before I even met her – mostly retail: shoes, baby clothes (years before she had any serious intentions of getting pregnant), etc. Narc-anon was, indeed, very helpful to me.

                I had come to the realization, by the time of her death, that I was, and on some level always had been, in an emotionally abusive relationship. I don’t know that I would ever have achieved the ability to actually leave her. In a very real way, it’s like her death forced me into a circumstance that I should have been heading towards on my own (disengagement and no contact), but that I probably would never have been able to do myself. I would never have wished for her death, not in a billion years, but since she died I am in, and heading towards, a much, much better place in terms of emotional and mental health.

                And that last sentence there is the ultimate taboo for a widow or widower to say, or even think. Nobody who hasn’t gone similarly complicated grief will ever be able to accept a person saying things like that about their deceased spouse. The complicated grief “that dare not speak it’s name”, so to speak.

              • HeatDeath & MermaidDani – I am so, so sorry!!
                And HeathDeath – it’s totally understandable that maybe you are headed to a better place since her passing – I mean, she mistreated you. Makes sense to me.

            • Mermaid

              The disordered prey on the weak and vulnerable. And to get involved with your young sister who obviously was fighting her own demons earns him the title of a vindictive sociopath. The untold story will never be known with her passing. This I know, sociopaths like your X are so very toxic they AIM to destroy and maim with their sadistic blame. Therefore, I would not believe his account of the facts given his inhumane actions.
              Moving forward protect your children because he WILL use them. I am finding out more and more about the abuse X inflicted on my children. He is a VERY dangerous person. Keep a journal. Record everything your children report.
              I’m sorry for the tragic ending of your sisters life. His reaction? To further disgrace her memory to you, your mother? This is by far a very dangerous individual.

      • I think the comments for today have long since drifted from “tersely worded contest entries” into “highly therapeutic group-therapy session”. 🙂

        • Yes. I learned of the serial cheating while I was preparing for my wedding …the deacon was so scared that I would respond with “How can I trust anyone ever again!?” and cancel my wedding and instead I loudly declared “He was an asshole and he stole enough of my life already…Im going to love and trust and have all the things he cheated me out of”…you’ve never seen a Deacon so glad to hear the word “asshole”.

  • My douche bag of a husband invited his mistress to both our children’s weddings. Our kids never liked her to begin with and protested, but, of course, that made no difference to him.

  • My gawd! WHO are these people that have conversations like this? Certainly not people I would choose to hang out with. Geeeeeeeze.

  • STBX’s OW took my daughter to her baby shower and made her help open up gifts. I was told she looked like she was going to cry. Both love to say how the kids are so happy.

  • 1) The whore dog asked me to adopt his whore’s dog.

    2) The day he was removing his possessions from my home, he told me he wanted his can opener. As his 4 helpers and brother watched, I got it from the drawer and said ‘Here–you can have it. Like you, it doesn’t work’.

    3) Soon after midnight rang in at a New Year’s Eve gala, he announced he’d just been notified his best friend had been in a car accident and he’d been asked to come watch the kids while wife went to the hospital. He took me home and rushed away. still in his tux. He finally returned 4 days later–in casual clothes that I recognized as his. He and his whore had this all planned–he’d gone to be with her.

    Sorry, CL. I know you asked for one sentence submissions. These idiots can rarely be summed up in one line….

    • Wow, the stupid, involved stories!! All the brain power they have, goes into ‘how to get away with something!’
      LOVE the crack about the can opener! So perfect, and applies to my X as well!
      Go Hesatthecurb!!

  • 1. While working abroad STBX dated OW for a year, using an assumed name and fabricated history. Mortified OW found his real name, contacted me, and subsequently sent me over 350 pages of sexts and emails that occurred between them.

    2. While on a business trip STBX wined, dined, and hit on another woman, who also happened to be a relative.

    3. While still married and asking family to immigrate for his work, contacted a matchmaker using an assumed name.
    Sheesh, 2016 has to be better!

    • Agreed, we could all do with a better 2016! Kudos to the OW who told you when she found out. I know, not much consolation for being married to a jackass.

      • You’d almost think that this OW was a normal, decent person. Being mortified, telling the faithful spouse the truth…. But sending 360 pages of sexts and emails? Wouldn’t one or two bits of evidence suffice?

        • I think sending a all the texts was so he couldn’t wiggle out if it. It’s like a truck load of two by fours. Reading through it was disturbing. I wish I didn’t know she calls him daddy.

            • Well, to be fair to the OW, she did offer to send the information straight to my lawyer and cautioned me against reading the emails/texts. However, I felt that I needed to see what I was dealing with. At the minimum he is a pathological liar and if he tries to lie during the divorce process the info could come in handy, It is a record of a fabricated life. They were together a year…everything she thought she knew about him… name, place of work, family history, age, ethnic background, education etc…. was fake. I definitely could have done without the explicit sexual content though.

        • I’ve unknowingly been the OW (this was before my recent X turned out to be a serial cheat, etc), and I can say, definitely, I sent LOTS of evidence to the wife, cos I was so worried he would paint me as a psycho and lie his way out of it skill fully. He was so charming. So I needed evidence to SHOW her what a dick he was.

  • Oh and STBX told me there was a woman that just went through a really bad divorce and was feeling bad about herself and couldn’t even afford a hair cut. He asked if I would be willing to give her a free haircut. And being the obivious chump I am said of course. She came into my home played with my kids. I cut and styled her hair. She even gave me a hug and said thank you. Yep turns out she was banging my husband.

        • This story really does show how you just become an ‘object of use’ and have ceased to exist for the narcissist.
          The complete lack of empathy or any imagining how it might make you feel. When I would point this out, (that he never stopped to think how I would feel) I would just get a hard stare in return. Didn’t understand narcissism then.
          As my IC said: Patsy, you will never have a relationship with this man. Well, you can – when he is dead.

  • 1. X, currently under an active Protective Order for domestic violence, sent me an email last week saying he was sending a friend to our house to pick up X’s guns for him.

    2. He wanted the Waterford crystal decanter, too.

    3. And the picture of our family rafting down the river.

    • Eve, please report that request as a violation of the protective order. Also be aware that if anyone tries to talk you into dropping the PO on behalf of your ex, that too is a violation. And of course, don’t let those guns go to him, do lock them up somewhere. I know, I’ve had a PO on my ex since 2011. Jedi Hugs!

      • Dat, I hadn’t thought about reporting him to the court. That’s a good idea. And I still have the guns, as well as the crystal AND the rafting picture! Hard to get to meh when vindictive, unstable X lives two blocks away and we have a 16year old together.

    • There must be someplace you can store them so you’re not responsible for them and he can’t get them. Dammit, why don’t charity shops have ‘keep you safe by taking crazies guns away’ shop.

  • 1. Always being told I was not romantic enough. She being out of town every week working for 8 years. I raising two kids and working 50 hour weeks….. My approaches were not sensual enough. Then finding her 20 somethings come ons….. I am going to cum on your face! Finding out dinner and roses were misguided! Should have just said let me bukkakie you!
    2. She always said sex was not her favorite thing….. Her 4 year fling was nothing but sex… but hey I should be happy to know she still is not a sexual creature…. and I was better at it than him!
    3. My gift was STD appt with doc because obviously he was safe! She did not use protection!
    4. Turns out not only did she act like a porno queen for him…. I paid for the alcohol and the hotels!
    5. It excited her that he told her she was the best sex he ever had!
    6. But there is no comparisons going on in her head!
    7. She sent me a picture of her post shaved vagina! That was great till I found out it was for him!
    8. I could go on and on!

    • holy crap DavidB I had to go google bukkakie then when I saw what it mean, that was one of my Ex’s sick fantasies though realize now it was prob a reality he just talked about it with me. who are these ppl???

    • WHAT? David, they just don’t care at all, do they? How much humiliation is there in the world. You do get to a stage where you truly, truly understand: this is NOT about you. You never deserved this, and you actually didn’t do anything to cause it.
      Her behaviour is on her.

  • I read an email from my ex to one of his OW, a girl he’d dated while in high school. He told her he’d chosen a name for our son from a memory he had of something they had done together (this was news to me). He said that when I named our daughter I was probably thinking of some other man, too. I hadn’t been.

  • Oh boy 🙁

    1. satan started meowing at me every time I would try to talk to him. He did this for 6 months. He would only speak to me if he had something to say, which was usually demeaning and cruel. I thought he had a brain tumor.

    2. The meowing stopped after I saw his super secret cell phone. He came out of the bathroom with only a towel on and the super secret cell phone in his hand. …he proceeded to try to break my back cause I’d SEEN it but was thwarted by my rescue dog who went for his balls and got him off me. I love my dog 🙂

    3. satan ran away (!!!! lol!!! coward!) after the cell phone incident and I didn’t see or hear from him for several days. One morning about 2 am I woke up to find him standing over my bed…scary shit this…he whipped the covers off of me and licked me from my groin to my chin and then ran away laughing. (???) He proceeded to do this off and on for a week or so (I was a walking zombie by this point, barely able to function). I had the locks changed and unplugged the garage door opener whenever I was in the house after that.

    …ugh…I am so happy to be satan free 😀

    • Jeep for the win! I am thoroughly creeped out and it didn’t even happen to me. A restraining order may be necessary here! Plus the whole meowing thing. Dude is not dealing with a full deck to be sure!

        • 😀 Cindy my Beau is just an awesome dog!!!!

          The next time satan had the nerve to come around (he had been arrested for domestic violence and PO’d and still came to my house to accuse me of stealing his cell phone!!! WHA???) Beau sat down in front of him – BETWEEN us, thank you! – and showed satan all his teeth!!! Looked like he was smiling! satan started to come closer and Beau growled real low and showed him his teeth some more while his hackles rose. Man what an awesome dog huh!!! asshole slunk away, probably hoping I wouldn’t call the police.

          • That’s so awesome Jeep! Dog’s (especially those that have been rescued) are amazing protectors – they’re so grateful. I’ve got one as well. I sleep very secure at night. His name is “Chucky” and he’d kick some butt for sure.

            • Oh yes Cindy!!!! Our dogs are MUCH BETTER companions than the disordered companions we used to have to put up with!!!!!

    • OMG! Meowing? And the licking?
      Can not decide whether to laugh or cringe. This takes me to both ends of the spectrum. The world’s best fiction writers could never come up with that!

      • To be sure AllOutofKibble I didn’t think I would ever be normal again after the hell he put me through…I’m sure all of us know how soul shattering narc abuse is. 🙁

        I am so grateful to have found CL and all of you. Moving far away from satan and this site has sped up my healing to be sure! Thank you! ALL of you!

      • Hmmm. I’m not sure I speak disorder human cat, but I’m guessing “Meow, meow, meeeeooooow” means I’m a jerk. Why are you still with me?

        I would try hissing or barking in return. That might get your message across.

        • Lol SueB!! As a matter of fact, after he started meowing at me, I had set satan’s ring tone on my cell as a barking dog!!! One day, for some reason, he came in the back of the house and called me and heard it. He stormed into the kitchen where I was making dinner and told me to fuck myself if that is what I thought of him. Wha???!!!

          These people think they are all that and a bag of chips!

      • I kept a spray bottle of ammonia close by in the house…and my .357 🙂 There was no way I was going to let him hurt me anymore. I’m pretty small and he is much larger…I called 911 to save my life…all of the now no longer friends are mad that he was arrested…they actually BLAME me for him abusing me…and they don’t believe that he did…ugh…I don’t see or talk to any of them anymore. My own brother and his wife are among that crowd…I don’t understand that but…I can live with it…it’s on them not me.

      • You bet it is. satan is one messed up scary narc…probably a sociopath as well…and an alcoholic. Mean…nasty…cruel…inhuman…even dogs don’t like him…at least MY dog…who used to be HIS dog as well. I trust my dog!

      • Thank you Tempest!!!! 😀 Would that I could find you one!!!! I’d come along and help!! His mother might have even appreciated that!!! She was constantly trying to tell me that I really didn’t know who he was! She would say, ‘Jeep you don’t SEE him!!!’ Now I know she was entirely correct! He would say she is just crazy, …same thing he tells people about me now… Bet he forgets to tell them bout the meowing and beatings!!!!

    • I have been reading Chumplady for about 3 years.

      This is one of the CRAZIEST cheaters I’ve read about. He and the blue Yeti would get on like a house on fire!

      • Amen RobinLee! satan and the yeti would get on well together 😀

        satan had a way of picking up the habits of his ‘acquaintances’ so I’m thinkin one of his hos meowed. Regardless the effect on me was the same…circular thinking and second guessing myself. Complete devastation.

        I am so glad to be satan free.

    • Geez Jeep. You’ve spoken about Satan before, but this is some scary shit! My stbxh was a creep as well. When I finally refused to be his sex tool, he started groping me in my sleep. One night I was in bed alone, and thought I heard somebody in my bedroom. I looked up… nobody there. I woke up a second and third time, and finally concluded I was just going crazy. I felt a hand on me… I flicked the light on… he had been crawling across the floor so I wouldn’t see him, and woke me up the final time when he tried to get his hand under my covers! He was all kinds of crazy after dark. I hope the PTSD lessens… to this day I still feel like I’m being creeped on, especially at night. But hey, we got out! Glad you’re Satan free.

    • // , I … I think this wins.

      Can you imagine waking up from a strange dream in the middle of the night to see someone just staring at you?

      I think the effort was to violate your sense of self and safety, actually.

      • Anonymous Coward I think you are right…of course there is that disordered, entitled side to it also…cowardly non human couldn’t make up his mind what he really wanted and wanted to keep his options open.

        Truly he never expected me to actually divorce him and leave forever…before I went NC he told me I am the only woman he will ever love…I told him we have radically different definitions of ‘love’. Then I blocked him everyway from my life.

        • God bless you, Jeep, that is some scary stuff for sure!!!! Meowing?!?!?

          me thing the evil one can say (with pride in his voice) is that he never hit me. I told him once that I wish he had- at least physical abuse heals, he didn’t understand what I meant…

          • Thank you UnsinkableMolly 😀

            My realtor was married to a disordered narc many years ago and almost died at his hands…she divorced him and 2 years later he kicked in her door and put a gun to her head! He told her if he couldn’t have her no one could. She helped me see how dangerous satan is and how important it was for me to move away as quickly as I could.

            …as soon as the property transfer for my new home was in the paper he showed up in my driveway. Rocked me pretty hard.

            …so far I am okay and I think he has finally moved on.

          • They don’t like it when they feel like we got one over on em…when all we are really doing is trying to have a normal life.

  • 1) The first affair went on for 3 years, while I grew and birthed 3 children in 2 years/3 months, and I’d find vague snippets here and there and confronted them both, each time.

    2).While the second was 4 months old and I was newly pregnant with the third, I found something else and told the OW about me being pregnant again… when would she realize he was lying to her too?

    3) Wherein the OW burst into a vicious, cackling shriek and told me, “Of COURSE you are! Stop spreading your legs for him and getting pregnant like a WHORE.”.

    *******************
    ??!!!! Yes, because previously deciding that you’d like three children – want to have them and then be done (I grew up in a massive family of 14 children and didn’t want to start the baby-toddler phase over and over again, every few years, like my parents) – and then doing just that, as planned, WITH MY HUSBAND… that makes ME a whore. mmmkay.

      • When I told Cheater what she said, he said, “That’s crazy – so mean.”

        And then he said she was stalking him; that’s why he’d called her phone… a co-worker must have given it to her, thinking she was a customer.

        Sure – that’s why a Private number hangs up when *I* answer. She only answered me because instead saying “Hello?,” I said, “How goes it, Whore?” She then spoke and told me that only jealous, insecure wives don’t let their husbands have friends. That I was too controlling and he wasn’t answering her calls.

        But I guess they kept at it for another 1.5 years, until we bought a house and he apparently thought it would be great if he changed his number again and didn’t tell her where he lived. (She’d show up in the wee hours, text his cell, and they’d meet in the park behind our house. You know… the park we go to everyday… in the dugout where my children play ball… on the benches around the ponds where we feed ducks, geese, and swans… on the hill where we go sledding and watch fireworks and attend concerts and festivals. But NEVER on the playground… that would be indecent. ?? No – it’s more like the playground is directly in front of the entrance to the village police station… with motion-detecting lights. WAY TO SHIT ON OUR CHILDREN’S CHILDHOOD. Everywhere in our village is a trigger.) Or, he’d let her know when he’d sent other salespeople home because it was slow, and they’d do nasty shit in the back room until the front bell would ring for a customer.

        THEY are the whores.

  • My ex took our son’s on vacation for Christmas, ( strangely to a city where new girlfriend lived) and used the money their grandfather had sent the boys for Christmas to buy his new, much younger new girlfriend jewelry for Christmas.

    When the boys asked him for the money they knew their grandfather had sent them so that they could go shopping, he told them he had spent their money on the motel they were staying in. The boys did not understand why they were paying for the motel when the trip was their present from dear old Dad.

    The boys saw the jewelry in a store at the mall, and thought it was strange that it cost the same amount grandfather had sent them.

    It is pretty bad when two teen-age boys can detect the BS story their Dad tells them, and know in their hearts that dear old dad is fully capable of thinking this entire dastardly deed through, and that he fully believes he can both pull it off with no one the wiser and that he is fully willing to do this to them, to grandfather, and to the new girlfriend who has no clue, yet, about what a jewel she has taken up with.

    Merry Christmas to all, and to all a “Good Grief!”.

    • This here is the epitome of entitlement on your fuckwit ex’s part. This shit makes my blood boil. Fuck him. Seriously – fuck him.

    • Chump Lady, wouldn’t want to be you in this invidulating. You have your work cut out! I had NO idea there were so many freaks passing for normal out there ….

  • EH shortly after moving out: “I need some paper towels, tissue paper and laundry detergent”.
    Me: “Do I look like a Walmart employee?”

    The next time he dropped off the children, as I looked out the window, he was skipping (really high skipping, no kidding) to his car with a roll of paper towels under his arm and a smile.

    Now, I am smiling…changed garage code and sent him a roll for his birthday.

    • Asshat did this too! He would saunter in, late for his promised dinners with our child, and ask, “Where do we keep the paper towel? I ran out of toilet paper. Can I get some soap?” Dude makes six figures and is at the freaking store five times a week. He can’t buy his own toilet paper?! I reminded him he raged at me for stocking up on things (that we need and use) and he replied he was just saving money. This was, naturally, pre D-Day.

      TP for his birthday is a good one!

      • Yep, when TEO moved out, he realized after moving out that he didn’t have the money to pay to have the gas turned on for his gas-powered water heater. So, what does he do? Tries to sweet talk me into o “working things out” and “moved” back in with me…lasted two weeks before I threw him out!!! He actually took the toothpaste, soap, and and toilet paper when he officially moved out.

        Fuck-tard assholes, all is f them.

  • I found out from the OW’s soon to be ex that the reason he offered to house and feed my ex and offered an unlimited supply of sympathy and thought how great it was that his wife could be such good platonic friends with a male (meanwhile the two of them were boinking under his roof whenever they had a chance) was because they told him the reason my ex had to leave me (uh….I booted him out when I finally put two and two together after finding the cell phone records and disgusting sext messages) was because the last time my ex “went down” on me, he smelled blueberry lube. Say what??!! Is there such a thing? Obvious evidence that I must be having an affair (I never looked at another man for over 33 years!) If such a thing exists–and I’m sure it does–I’m thinking they were the ones using it–that dried up old tw^t!

    • If you guys had never used it, how was your husband so familiar with it that he could tell what flavour it was? They think the details, the intensely layered lying makes them more believable … It just puts whip cream on the bullshit.

  • 1. My only Christmas gift last year was a card that read, ” Thank you for all the great years you have given to me. You are the best a man could ask for. No one could ever take your place. I love you forever.” Six weeks later, he started an affair.

    2. He left on the Friday of my birthday weekend to spend it with his white trash whore that he had only known for two weeks. Little did he know that I would find out on Saturday morning.

    3. He sent me a text message on Sunday, my birthday, which said, “I don’t love you any more, I’m moving on.” That was his gift to me after 37 years together.

    • Chump433

      The stupid shit cheaters say right before the drop.
      He cut his wedding band with pliers and told my daughter it broke.
      May 7 love you! May 3rd called her.

    • Yep, I got a refund from a settlement and the first thing he asked me was what I was getting him??? I ended up getting him a $200.00 gas grill for an advance Fathers Day and birthday gift four months in advance. My birthday was a month later from me buying this gift, what did I get???? A lovey-dovey card and promises of some high-dollar gifts that I never did get…

      Two weeks later, D-Day…he moved out six weeks later.

  • x wasband decreed in the grand finale discard “I would have honored my marital vows but you did not die soon enough!”
    Five months later when reviewing the financial wreckage from while I was very sick and summarily discarded, I noticed that the last Valentine’s Day we were married, x wasband was making ATM withdrawals at a club down the street from home during the hours he should have been at work. I called the club and they verified the days of the withdrawals were widow and widower dances.
    He wanted me dead, was possibly trying to kill me with my medication and pretending I was dead at dances the next town over…

  • MOW told me she didn’t believe in monogamy while I was standing next to H at a party. I didn’t know they had just started fucking in the backseat of her car in public parking lots around our town.

  • My contributions seem pale in comparison but here goes

    1) OW wore a $39,000 diamond engagement ring from her fiance while she banged my husband (he promised her a $40,000 replacement for it when their dreams came true, no matter there was no $ for that)

    2) After our family made YEARS of sacrifices for cheaters military career, he planned his retirement ceremony around Schmoopie’s schedule but forgot that he had school-aged kids who wouldn’t be able to make it that day. (Who needs to consider their kids when they have a SCHMOOP!?)

    3) I have a photo from his retirement ceremony and (bonus!) there are 2 of his OWs in it…didn’t know he porked the other one until after he died. Isn’t that special? (picture Dana Carvey/Church Lady here)

    • #1 is the epitome of entitled scumbag narcissistic whores everywhere. Can’t people be content with something that costs a few hundred at most? Nope – because its all about them and SHINY KIBBLES OMG.

    • Planned around Schmoopies schedule? Was she there? What was the gift, and what WAS his reaction/explanation to you, his sister and his mom?
      Last question, have you told them, or are you keeping quiet?

      Geez UNM, there are just no words. I have a very mild narcissist compared to the complete freaks and sociopaths on this thread, and he was cruel and soul-destroying enough.

      • The retirement ceremony was after BD when he had told me he was divorcing me for sure but he didnt leave…went deep into cake eating and taking advantage of my “pick me dance” although he told me it was “pathetic”(he was right). At some point he told me to not bother to even go to the event but I had 2 kids that needed to be there so I went.

        This is a pisser…he could tell I was really upset just before the ceremony and he didnt want me to embarrass him, so minutes before it started, he told me that our marriage would survive that we would “get through this together” …it was a ploy to keep me temporarily calm all of which he retracted 2 hours later. Fucker.

        Susan of Seattle was there, in the second row…brought a fake date for appearances. She brought my then 3rd grader a big lollipop (Im guessing there was a future step mom plan underfoot at the time).

        The gift was loose chinese tea with rosebuds in it. I told him that the day one of his sweaty smelly US Marine friends gave him tea with rosebuds then that gift would be appropriate. Me his mom and sister were all “assume the best” sorts of people but he could tell he had pushed our limits. I did later tell his mom that he was”involved with” SofS; his sister was the only family member I later told about his serial adultery.

        After we were home and I learned that he was adulterous with SofS, I put the tea in the toilet and pooped on it.

        • For a while he lobbied for us to move to Seattle…that would have simplified his life and cake eating. Our oldest son was going into his senior year and I said I wouldnt move him 3000 miles…nowdeadhusband said “Oh we can just leave him behind”. Shitty father put his whore before his son. fucker. My heart goes out to the mom above whose cheater bailed on their special needs kids…there is a special place in hell…

  • I would like to rent out and live in your basement, but I will be with OW on the weekends so that I won’t bother you.

    I did not give you that recently diagnosed STD. It must have been from your previous boyfriend 33 YEARS AGO.

    OW did not try to run you off the road. She is so sweet and would NEVER hurt another person. And no, I do not want to see the police report because I don’t believe them.

    Hope it is ok to enter one more:

    The roof of OUR vacation home started leaking on OW and I in the middle of the night right over the bed. You don’t mind taking care of the repairs, do you? Oh, and I would like it repaired today!!

    • The cheater that wanted to live in your basement is LEGENDARY. A version of it wound up in a “letter” in my new book. I combined that story with another true story — the cheater who wanted his chump to invest in a wine bar for him and the OW.

      The staggering entitlement… it’s comic gold.

      And disordered as hell.