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UBT: Adele’s “Hello”

ZombieclosureDear Chump Lady,

Under the influence of Chump Nation, I’ve been listening to Adele’s incessant “Hello” and realize it’s the ballad of a cheater kibble fishing with an old chump but the chump is all the way to meh and so narcissist cheater is throwing a little pity party. Is this how everyone else hears the song?

Thanks for reading,


Dear N,

I’m so glad you asked me! Yes, “Hello” is a relationship autopsy put to song. Reverence for Adele aside, I find the popularity of Hello inexplicable. (If you want to hear a GENIUS kibble fishing song, go no further — “Reconsider Me” sung by Johnny Adams. You should all listen to Johnny Adams immediately and forever more. Here at your door/Like a sparrow with a broken wing/Who’s come back to beg you/Reconsider me! Did you listen? Adele WHO? Am I right?)

Lugubrious. Overwrought. Yes, you are entirely correct that Hello is the ballad of a heart-breaking jerk fishing for kibble with an old chump.

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing
Hello, can you hear me
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet
There’s such a difference between us
And a million miles
Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore
Hello, how are you?

How am I? MOVED ON. (Not much of a song…)

Relationship autopsies, closure, whatever you want to call it, are a DREADFUL idea. When something is dead, let it be dead. If you KNOW something is dead, you don’t poke it with a stick. You only poke dead things with a stick if a) You’re not sure it’s dead and you want it to wake up or b) You like to torture and defile dead things.

If it was dead and it wakes up? It’s a zombie — and we’ve all seen enough of the Walking Dead to know the dangers of inciting a zombie apocalypse. DON’T DO IT, PEOPLE!

But since you asked, N, I thought the Universal Bullshit Translator could have a go at Hello.

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet

Hello, it’s me, I need a new chump.

When people successfully avoid you for years, you can reasonably ascertain that no, they would not like to meet you.

To go over everything

The way you stomped my heart to smithereens? And humiliated me? And laughed at my dancing? And kicked my dog? And gave my favorite sweater to your new fuckbuddy? And stole years from my life?

Oh yes. I’d like’d to review that. Let’s press those misty-watercolored memories in the family Bible with wildflowers. Let’s scrapbook that shit! SAID NO ONE EVER.

They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing

Yes, disordered fuckwits generally tend to stay that way.

Hello, can you hear me
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

Please stay in California.

There’s such a difference between us

I’m a disordered fuckwit and you’re a still a chump, I hope.

And a million miles

It’s lonely on Planet Narcissist. I need more satellites. 

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times

Nine hundred and ninety nine hang-ups and you still can’t take a clue?

To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done

Nothing conveys my apologies like batter-ramming your boundaries. I shall demonstrate my sorry by failing to respect your privacy with my 1,000th phone call!

But when I call you never seem to be home

I’m indifferent to your boundaries AND I’m dim.

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore

I’m a sad sausage, outside, shivering, with my sniffly little nose pressed up against the windowpane of your new moved-on-without-me life. Oh how I wish I could tear you apart again. Kibbles! Woe! The loss of kibbles!

Hello, how are you?

Perfectly fine without you.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • “Never seem to be home”. No, no, no honey, that’s just the song we chumps created for cheating assholes – it’s called a dial tone. The lyrics go like this: “Blow Me”.

      • Uneffin!!! LOVE IT!!!! Wish I had a ring tone like that!!! BLOW ME!

        …before I blocked satan…a picture of him passed out in a chair with the name ASSHOLE (all in caps) came up…and the ring tone was an angry duck quackin HEHEHEHEHEHE!!!

        …it helped me remember HE SUCKS! 😀

        ‘Blow Me’ hehehehe!!!! LOVE IT!

        • It’s the little things that make this shit bearable Jeep. My X is unusually tall and awkward so there is a picture of Lurch as his phone photo. And his name is now Lurch Asshat, his father is Darth Vader with a picture too. It makes me happy.

        • His name on my phone is “crispy ass clown” and the picture I have for him on my phone is a pics butt:)))
          Can’t wait to change phone numbers in a few years ones my youngest turns 18 and DELETE his sorry ass!!!

          • 😀 whatever works to trust that THEY SUCK right 😀

            Hehehehehehehehe!!!! Once I had his ring tone set as a dog barking…:D…for some reason he came in the back of the house and called me and heard it…told me to get fucked! Wha????? Flabbergasted me he would be sooooo sensitive after all he had done to me…asshole!

            They only care about themselves…we are so much better off without these disordered assholes!

              • 😀 Hehehehe NCStevie!

                I was thinkin this morning – as I was enjoying the sunrise with my Beau (rescue dog – Chocolate Lab) in my new home (Haven) that I am SOOOO BLESSED to be here, living free of a man (I use that term LOOSELY) that used my love for him to abuse me mentally, emotionally, physically and financially…

                I think I am the winner here!

          • // , You can actually change your phone number now, if you use Google Voice. Let me know if you’re interested in directions for how to handle this.

        • In the unlikely event Snake calls me and I’m actually tempted to answer, this is his new ringtone…. Just a gentle reminder…..

          • Oh, I do like me some metal now and then. I want this ringtone for Lying Cheater’s number. Yay! BTW, that Adele song is dreck.

          • VERY nice SnakeBit!!!! Yep! NEVER misunderstand me!!!!

            satan KEPT misunderstanding me till I texted STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU SICK FUCK!

            …that seemed to do it 😀 If he is driving round my new little house anymore I DON’T notice!!!!

          • This video’s sponsor on my computer is – a guide to what men secretly want and how we can be that person for them …. and the website creator is going to tell us if we give him money, it’s that simple! … barf!

          • “Keep Away” is a good song.

            But this one is a Scorned Chump anthem for Godsmack fans…. 🙂

        • Hahahahahhaaaa….my ex’s name on my phone is of course, The Evil One, and his ringtone is that country song, “cheater cheater”… His ID pic is of the ” bird”

          • Cheater, cheater is a great song, Unsinkable! Joey & Rory do another fun one on that theme, “God Help My Man If He’s Fooling Around.”

  • You’re not alone in your thoughts about this song. After I really heard the lyrics my first thought was this is a song about someone who shit all over her SO and can’t handle her guilt and the fact that her former SO doesn’t give her a thought.

    • These were the thoughts I had when I first heard that song. How fucking entitled of the idiot to assume the chump gives even half a fuck. I pretty much said that to asshat about this song, adding if someone did this to me I would hang up…I don’t have caller ID.

      As if this plea for redemption is even something a chump cares about after years of NC. It’s a self serving message to cheaters that if you make this song your mantra, you must be a super sensitive, self aware fucktard. I think Adele needs to end the last stanza with how she’s in therapy to manage her narcissism.

    • @Loved–thanks for turning me onto “Run”…..I just googled the video. Not only is Nicole lovely, so is the song (even if the subject matter sucks) 🙂

      It has just become my latest ‘earworm’.

      • This song is like an instruction manual in how to deal with a disordered creep. It seems like half of the songs on the radio are about cheating or being cheated on. I like Gwen Stefani’s new song “Used to Love You” because it is pretty real for the newly chumped and touches on that anger we all have BUT I cannot understand why she is dating a cheater. Blake Shelton cheated on his wife to be with Miranda. Run Gwen run!

        • Thanks I´m adding “Run” to my recovery playlist that I made on youtube a few weeks after Dday…the good thing is I don´t need to listen to it anymore but it might help someone else.

    • Great song by the English Beat – “I Confess”. First line:

      “Just out of spite, I confess I ruined three lives. Don’t sleep so tight, I didn’t care til I found out that one of them was mine.”

      It’s the narcissists anthem! (Great song, though!)

      • Holy shit! I love English Beat and didn’t even catch that. So then I listened to “Save It For Later” and of course “Mirror In The Bathroom”. All those songs refer to narcissism! Crazy!

        • LOVE The English Beat! Just saw them a few weeks ago. Save It For Later – classic! But then they write “Tenderness” (General Public). Go figure!

        • OMG sfrgl – I thought I was the only person in the world who remembered ‘Mirror In the Bathroom’ – one of my all time faves – just been listening to it on youtube! Just love the sax on that track – and can’t get enough of that ska beat!

          • I have video on my phone of “I Confess” – wish I knew how to put it on here for you guys!

              • … I’ve never heard it before and a bit shocked this came from the same band who did ‘Mirror In The Bathroom’!

              • Thanks, Jayne! Like I said I went to see them a few weeks ago. Dave Wakeling’s voice is exactly like it was in the ’80s! They tour quite a bit so if you get the chance, go see them!

          • Here’s a great one by Johnny Lang! Love this!!! Perfect way to describe our flight to freedom from the disordered assholes!!!

            Walking Away

            Jonny Lang

            You can cry
            But don’t cry for me
            I can’t take it no more
            That’s the way it must be
            You can’t lie
            You’re way back in
            Back into my heart
            I won’t let it be broken again
            I took a tumble
            I started to stumble
            That’s when I fell
            Into a love
            A thought came from above
            I was under your spell
            The things that mattered
            Were broken and shattered
            One by one
            I was so sad
            But now I’m glad
            It’s over and over
            There’s just one more thing
            That I want to say
            I truly loved you
            But now I’m walking away
            I put no one above you
            That’s why I’m walking away

      • I have never heard of The English Beat until now, I’m checking all these songs out. Wow.

  • Yeah, my ex tried this rehashing bid about two years post divorce and after I was remarried. What went wrong isn’t unclear is what I told her and that I would not be meeting as I had a new family. The reality is that they just can’t accept reality–ie they blew up the relationship by cheating. They want to blame the chump and control the narrative STILL!

    • I remember you talking about that before DM, it was incredible. I thought: well this is a new low, DM’s cheater is a closure bully — insanely insisting that a meeting must occur to discuss What Happened after the chump has dealt with it alone and has finally moved on. How pathetic. They really do try to use our best qualities against us, must drive them crazy that they cannot feel anything but self-pity and rage,

      • Not gonna lie, part of me wanted to have that meeting so I could show up and put her in her place. I don’t get the name “feisty” for nothin’! 😉

        • Yes, I have some fantasies of that Fiesty but I love reading this blog today and knowing that it’s time likely just providing kibbles, which I refuse to do.

  • As soon as I heard this song it made me think of my ex narc, I know that the day will come when he wants to catch up, say sorry or fish for the hell of it…thank god for no communication, it has given me peace from the mind fuck of narc and his flying monkeys.

    • Amen to that. We just need to keep this in mind:When the past calls, let it go to voicemail, it has nothing new to say.

    • Yep. If divorce doesn’t get it through their skull nothing will. New phone number, new email. Done deal.

    • Yep, I can’t even listen to it either, from the minute I heard it, I thought, “Nope!!!” And switched the channel.

  • The lyrics speak of a cheater who went to the grass is greener trip. Years later the green grass dried up and the cheater misses that chump from the old days and surely that chump still exists pining away for sparkly cheater.

    Cheater ego can’t figure out why after 1000 calls chump ain’t picking up the phone. Most likely chump is in the process of a obtaining a retraining order on the nut job ex cheater.

    The irony in the music video, cheater is still using a flip phone, cheater must be too broke for a new phone.

    On a personal note…I got a similar call recently, my preying mantis ex-wife has tried to reach out to me. Fat bald meat eating gun slinging new husband kicked her vegan neon yoga wearing vegan ass out the door and is divorcing her. Yep….she cheated on him……namaste y’all.

    • NO way PF! So quickly the Karma bus?! Are there no throw pillows in Texas for her to defile now?

        • Oh my, PF, I so enjoy hearing that the karma bus ran over your ex, backed up, and ran over her again. This story has made my day (as the throw pillow saga did so long ago)! Blessings to you and your throw pillows.

          • As I recall it, when confronted she grabbed the pillows and bit into them. More then once. It’s in the archives, but it’s been a while and I don’t remember when. Check them out! ‘Stupid shit cheaters do”, or one of her contests about the most memorable reactions. Like jumping down stairs in a sleeping bag to run away from confrontation. Just amazing.

            • Sorry Jeep for not responding sooner, just got off work.

              As Pearhaped said, when I confronted my ex-wife with proof she went hysterical jumping from couch to couch in our living as she chomped on our throw pillows….it was surreal.

      • Suddenly, she despises Texas, wants move back to my state. It seems Texans don’t appreciate her unique qualities. She believes she didn’t fail Texas but that Texas failed her.

        She’s broke, Texan soon be ex husband had a pre-nup. She gave up my alimony to marry her rich doctor.

        Karma is sweet.

        • As CL said, that was fast.
          And I know we all know that cheaters are stupid, but to give up alimony by getting remarried and then cheat when there was a prenup?!

        • “She gave up my alimony to marry her rich doctor.

          Karma is sweet.”

          Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa. Congratulations PF. I love that the nut-job cheater was enough of an idiot to sign a pre-nup and then cheat. Some people get what they deserve.

        • Wow, PF. She sure is a nutjob, and I bet that your life is so much better now, though I bet it would be even better if she’d just slink off someplace and not bother you with her latest drama. However, NPDs live drama, so I could see her sending you a copy of “Hello” just for old time’s sake, doncha know.

          Congratulations on her being your ex! 🙂

          • She is seriously personality disordered. She left our state to marry the rich doctor, she moved away from her kids, the very kids she fought for 50/50 custody only to take off to marry a Texan. She rarely sees them, she thinks texting them and a 2 day fly and posting pics on her facebook with them means she’s a good Mom.

            • My ex thinks he is a great parent because he actually put it on his social media descriptions. Seriously he wrote that about himself after blowing up his family and trying to take away the only home they had ever known.

              • I had a long ago boyfriend who chumped and dumped his family (4 little girls from what I heard)…I saw his FB page the other day and his new kibble dispense was pictured but no acknowledgement that he had ever fathered anyone. What an asshole. Before I shutdown deadhusbands FB, I noticed that he never mentioned me…how special.

            • PY, trust that they suck!!! So, glad the karma bus can do 0-100 in a nanosecond! LOL!!!

        • Enjoy every bit of schadenfreude from this sweet sweet Karma bus story, PF and thank you for sharing :)!

        • Karma served promptly and deservedly. That’s awesome!! I can only hope for this kind of karma!! Fingers crossed.

          Amazing how truly shitty these disordered assholes are in the loving parent role and how they actually convince themselves that they are “good” parents.

          They simply refuse to look at their lives. They know the difference between right and wrong but don’t believe it applies to them.

        • Best thing I’ve read all week! Hope you’re grabbing your bowl of popcorn and sitting back enjoying the warm flames from the karma bus crash. Lol.

        • Wow! PF, my cheating Ex assholes relationship blew up in about 3 months after our divorce! I know you are enjoying the karma bus having visited! It’s absolutely great! These fuckwits get what they deserve! My advice, buy a large dog that bites and tie it to your front door! YOU KNOW she’s going to circle around again, get ready! Mine did!

    • Fat bald meat eating gun slinging new husband kicked her vegan neon yoga wearing vegan ass out the door and is divorcing her. Yep….she cheated on him……namaste y’all

      LOLLOL!!!!!!! That made my day. Namaste indeed. LOL

    • Thanks for sharing PF!
      It’s always good to now the karma bus is still out there making its rounds so I don’t give up hope.

  • “Please stay in California.”

    Ha ha! Or in the case of my ex, “Please move to California.” (Not to subject California Chumps to him– just to put him as far away from me as possible!)

  • Gotta love songs from the cheaters side…

    I listen mostly to old music. The other day I heard this classic. I was suddenly reminded (revelation?) That my lying, cheating stepfather used to play this on his guitar.

    John Denver- Leaving on a Jet Plane

    All my bags are packed
    I’m ready to go
    I’m standin’ here outside your door
    I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
    But the dawn is breakin’
    It’s early morn
    The taxi’s waitin’
    He’s blowin’ his horn
    Already I’m so lonesome
    I could die

    So kiss me and smile for me
    Tell me that you’ll wait for me
    Hold me like you’ll never let me go
    ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
    Don’t know when I’ll be back again
    Oh babe, I hate to go

    There’s so many times I’ve let you down
    So many times I’ve played around
    I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing
    Ev’ry place I go, I’ll think of you
    Ev’ry song I sing, I’ll sing for you
    When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring

    So kiss me and smile for me
    Tell me that you’ll wait for me
    Hold me like you’ll never let me go
    ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
    Don’t know when I’ll be back again
    Oh babe, I hate to go

    Now the time has come to leave you
    One more time
    Let me kiss you
    Then close your eyes
    I’ll be on my way
    Dream about the days to come
    When I won’t have to leave alone
    About the times, I won’t have to say

    Oh, kiss me and smile for me
    Tell me that you’ll wait for me
    Hold me like you’ll never let me go
    ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
    Don’t know when I’ll be back again
    Oh babe, I hate to go

    But, I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
    Don’t know when I’ll be back again
    Oh babe, I hate to go

      • san, I do believe that it refers to guys going off to Vietnam. It’s a mid-60s song, but the lines,” how many times I’ve played around/I tell you now,they don’t mean a thing” do reference cheating.

        • “Ev’ry place I go, I’ll think of you
          Ev’ry song I sing, I’ll sing for you
          When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring”

          I always took these lines to mean that he’s about to hit the road again as a singer, where he’s had plenty of opportunities to play around but if she gives him one more pass, he’ll marry her this time, promise!

          It’s one of the reasons why I love Peter, Paul, and Mary’s version, reconfiguring it so that, for a change, it’s a woman on the road cheating on her man. Not that either version per my interpretation is admirable, but I’ve always thought it was a beautiful song nonetheless. Though what can I say, I’m a chump!

  • I agree! While I love Adele, this song sucks. It IS a narc looking for kibbles. Leave him the F*&! alone. If you didn’t know what you had when the chump was there, you ain’t going to know years later and 1,000 unanswered calls later. Bye Felicia!!

  • You made my day!
    I loath this song. I feel indifferent about Adele, but this song makes my hackles stand up each and every time I hear it.

    Right from the beginning I felt it was about a narcasistic person trying to suck a poor chump back into their drama circle.

    You haven’t given me kibbles for ages – where did you go?!?!
    HELLO – this person has gone NC for a damned good reason.

    Have a Bitch Cookie Adele!

  • It’s lonely on Planet Narcissist.I need more satellites.


    Bitter, bitter chump not answering the phone so she can rehash things and hurt you again. Who doesn’t want that right???!!

  • Oh hey, Adele! “21” was constantly playing in my stbxw’s car (along with Lady fucking Antebellum) during what I now realize was the heyday of her fuckfest with her married, sociopathic boss. Thanks for the memories! (And yeah, Johnny Adams does this a million times better).

    • Adele is a sore spot for me too, ANR. When I stumbled upon their schmoopie emails, bimbo wrote out the lyrics to Adele’s, “Turning Tables.” It was checkmate, since that move solidified X’s two wuv for her.

      I still change stations when I hear any Adele songs from that whole album.

    • One bad part about being too savvy an investigator was being privy to all “their” songs. Snippets of lyrics in texts back and forth about their true love, erotica, sex etc. Barf. Ruined a lot of good music for me.

      Roxy Music, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springsteen, Tweedy, The Eagles, … I could go on and on.


      How a person could choose someone who steals lyrics over the husband who provides, supports, parent, loves truly, give is BEYOND ME. (utsofu)

    • Her boss?! Yikes! Haven’t people ever heard that you shouldn’t crap where you eat? Screwing around with your boss at a lot of places can be grounds for termination for both the employee and the boss, even if both people were single. Of course, if he is a sociopath, she is in for some serious karma being with him.

  • Okay – a response to “Hello” from a chump who is Meh . . . It’s called “Hell No!

    “Hell No! Blow me. Quit stalking me for cake, I wouldn’t meet you on a dare. Nothing to go over.”

    “They say times supposed to heal you. Sounds like you ain’t done much healing, you fucking Cluster B. ”

    “Hell No! You’re in California? Thank god I’m in the Midwest. Now I know where to send the restraining order.”

    “I’ve never forgotten you are unable to feel and you think the world should fall at you’re feet.”

    “There’s such a difference between us (I’m not insane). Thank god for those million miles between us.”

    “Hell No! From the bright side. I’ve deleted your calls a thousand times (stop already!). I am home and ignoring your shit.”

    Hell No! Are you outside?!? I’ll have to call the cops. I won’t be sorry for breaking your face.”

    “Yes, I doesn’t matter, you clearly don’t matter to me anymore.”

    “Hell no! What ARE you?”

        • I can’t imagine my X getting in contact with me, he left and we have been NC except through expensive attorneys. My X is Satan, he hasn’t shown any regret. X takes pleasure in tormenting me and doing his best to destroy me.
          On a lighter note…,
          I’ve heard there are people who compare the song to one by Lionel Richie.
          I think of Lionel Richie when ever I hear the Hello song by him and Adele.
          The song reminds me of a morning at work .
          regarding Lionel Richie and his Hello version. I think it’s amusing and in light of this song fitting. In the late 80’s I was working in an office in Southern California. One of the girls I worked with rushed in and proceeded to tell me room mate had come home early that morning flustered and upset. Her roommate was Lionels AP Mrs. Richie came home and caught them together in bed . She was almost been pulverized by Lionel Richie’s wife. They had been sleeping together when his wife had come home unexpectedly.

        • Uneffing . . . .that is so awesome. I was starting to attempt some new lyrics for the song, but you have done it!! Brilliant!

    • Omg uneffingbelieveable you have me cracking up. Thanks for the great laugh. I love the Hell No version!

    • I bow to you, I am not worthy! This is effing fantastic. I’m going to memorize it and sing it when that stupid song comes on the radio.

  • And of course the next line is…

    “It’s so typical of me to talk about myself”

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm…. I wonder why that is?

    “I’m sorry”

    Sure you are.

    “I hope that you’re well”

    Sure you do.

  • I remember mine saying after cheating, “I will never give you up” as if I had no say so it the matter. I remember thinking who the F does he think he is?

    • Mine prefers the phrase “I’ll always be in your life” which I perceive to be a threat the way he said it. So I just said “only until the children are grown” I swear the look on his face the first time I said it was priceless, like he had not thought of that.

      • My ex said “We’re not leaving each others’ lives. We’re still going to have lots of fun with the boys and their lovely ladies.” (Both our children had just gotten married). What the hell? What’s with the “lovely ladies?” It made me wonder if he was planning to hit on them too.

        • Asswipe tells me it will fuck up the rest of his life and ruin any future relationships he may have if I up and disappear and not ever speak to him again. Seriously is he kidding me! What the fuck!? It would be stupid and silly of me to deny him the pleasure that is me. My feelings are stupid and silly because he doesn’t have any feelings. Just a huge black hole where a heart should be. We can still be best friends and hang out and have sex. What the fuck is wrong with assholes like these?

          • Kar marie satan tried to see me after divorce was final…I texted asshole, ‘I will NEVER be one of your OW’s, fuck buddies or FRIEND EVER…

            asshole replied, ‘copy’.

            Wha????!!! CL is right…no sense tryin to make sense of the senseless idiots…

            • I figured CN heard a lot of this drivel as well. After all, the Cheaters got their script and persona at Central Casting. That has been one of the most absurd but comforting things I have learned here at CN!! We could throw them all in a bag, shake them up & pass them back out to strangers and the script, head space and character shortages would be the same. Kinda creepy.

  • The video director and Adele have explained the song/video as a woman actually talking to her younger self, not to an ex. Hence the flip phone – in those scenes, she is actually talking to her past self. She’s calling the past, her younger self, and attempting to apologize for making all the bad choices which crushed the younger self’s dreams and led her down a path which does not honor who she was and what she really wanted.

    But I think CL is right, and the explanation is just dramatic drivel attempting to make a cheater song into something artistic and meaningful.

    • How funny that people are so dumb as to interpret this as a cheater apology; thank God Adelle & her producer clarified it for us. BAHAHA!!
      They should take a few more classes in artistic interpretation before their next venture. Maybe artsy-craftsy Tony Romo can start them off with Crownies 101.

    • I think Adele was the one who was cheated on. She actually is a very humble person, not a narc at all, from what little I know of her. The song “Rolling in the Deep” cuts close to the bone for those of us who thought we had a good marriage. “We almost had it all…”

      • I agree with you Violet. From what I gleaned early on in Adele’s career, she had been previously subjected to quite a bit of relationship pain, hence her ability to write such compelling songs as “Rolling in the Deep”….I don’t think she has cheating in her but she would be able to write from a cheater’s perspective as she knows how they would operate. That was how I took “Hello”….

        • For the record, I like Adele. Didn’t she team up with someone to write this next album 25? Maybe he’s the narc. Dunno. But the song’s topic is kibbles, IMO.

            • I read a short bio of her life from what I read her Dad was a Cheater and abandoned her when she was a child. I have also heard she has had a bad relationship and that’s how she came up with the songs on her previous album.

      • I don’t think the song is necessarily about cheating, and it was definitely written with other people so it doesn’t have to be autobiographical. This post is not a personal attack on Adele, just looking at the lyrics for what they say.

        When you do someone wrong and they move on and you call them “1000 times” to “go over everything” that’s still a shitty move. If you wrong someone and they move on, you need to deal! They are officially out of your sphere of influence and no one owes you an explanation about what they do with their life after you break their heart.

        This song is 100% about trying to Hoover-in someone who is at “Meh”.

      • @ violet

        I agree with you. I don’t think this is a cheater song – I think Adele got cheated on. No one could listen to her album “21” and come away thinking she hadn’t gotten cheated on 🙂 She’s been very private about the whole thing (never named anyone or dropped details), but she’s been public about how she wrote that album in the three-month period after a terrible breakup.

        I never heard the song “Hello” until I linked to the video of it through an article I was reading in which Adele herself stated the story behind the song – that she wrote it to herself, the “other” self she used to be and lost forever after SHE allowed her true self to be lost within a relationship she tried to save for too long…the result of that heartbreak being the album “21” and her skyrocketing to fame, changing her life (and herself) forever. I heard the song the first time from that link, and having already been primed for it, I thought it was beautiful, haunting, and completely understandable. Now I can “only” hear it that way, so I don’t pick up on the cheater-y hoovering vibe, even though I can see how it fits and could be a narcissist anthem – lol!

        • Adele’s 21 was an album that expressed most of my anguish, pain, and eventual perserverance. She actually gets it, I just got the new 25 album and I took away a completely different meaning than some have perceived. So, I will try to abstain but I do believe we often hear lyrics “meaning” based on the experiences we have had or are currently relating to at the time. Many songs that I listened to and know by heart from even 20yrs ago can now have a astounding difference when I sing along. Just my opinion!

      • I saw the music video, and it influenced my interpretation of the song — I felt like she was talking to someone in her past, too. The impression I got was that she was remembering a past relationship, and that she felt remorse for the way she acted in her past, and that she would have liked for whatever happened to have been different, that she felt she had not honored the relationship the way she should have, and it had ended badly. I also felt like something had happened to trigger her memory — maybe her partner had even died, and she regretted not calling and at least saying “I’m sorry.” I took “Hello from the other side” to be speaking across the great divide, that the partner was dead, in some way, to her — maybe literally. I didn’t take the 1,000 calls literally — but that she had intended to call, but didn’t, for whatever reason. Maybe it was too hard, maybe too much water under the bridge?

        I have two sons — and I would not speak to them like this. This definitely feels like a more personal, love song to me. I don’t take her as being a cheater, necessarily, but that she felt remorse for her actions in the relationship. I do believe some people have true remorse. (Not Narcissists, of course. ) Maybe I just like Adele, and I definitely love her voice. Her song’s are not easy to sing, she takes risks, and she carries them off. Maybe I am just putting my own feelings in another person’s song — but a lot of folks have a relationship in their past where they feel that the other person was “the One that got away.”

        There are other reasons relationships end besides cheating — Rolling in the Deep lyric is easy for me to associate with cheating. Hello seems to me to be about regret. Maybe because I have several, and though I don’t dwell on the past, I sometimes stroll down memory lane.

        If you want to talk about regret and fear of regret — think about Baby’s line in Dirty Dancing “. . .most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.” That could possibly be Chump Anthem material.

  • Well done CL. honestly from the first moment i heard it, i felt the song was… Just… BLAH. And now i am going to giggle everytime i hear it: HELLO AKA STUPID SHIT CHEATERS SAY BY ADELE.

  • Found on the net….

    When An Affair Ends a Marriage

    I found this article that I thought I would share with you all. It was written by a marriage and family therapist.

    What Happens When an Affair Ends a Marriage?

    These days, nobody’s social circle is without someone who’s gotten, getting, or about to get a divorce. The impact of divorce looms so large–or perhaps it’s so commonplace–that it’s easy to ignore how it comes about.

    A couple I know is in the middle of a divorce. In this case, one partner moved out suddenly, filed for divorce, and “quickly” took a lover. All indications point to the prior existence of a hidden affair.

    In this situation, our hearts go out to the partner who remains monogamous. We understand their feelings of humiliation, envisioning themselves as the butt of derision from the trysting couple–or as the object of scorn from neighbors and coworkers. Overwhelmed by a potent mixture of anger, guilt, and wounded narcissism, they’re often kept afloat by the solace and support of caring friends. The faithful spouse is perceived as the more disadvantaged, almost without fail. After all, the other partner is now comfortably ensconced in a new relationship.

    PATTERNS OF FALLING OUT As a sex and marital therapist, I’ve seen lots of marriages dissolve in this pattern, and it has changed how I focus my efforts to help both partners. For all the emotional turmoil monogamous spouses endure, I’ve also known them to emerge from this situation in better emotional shape than they’ve ever enjoyed before. Not so for the spouse who “found someone new” before separating from their current partner, all the while lying about it.

    While the pain of the monogamous spouse is immediate and apparent, the fallout for the adulterous spouse is usually longer in coming and less predictable–until you understand what’s going on.

    PATHS TO GROWTH Some people become richer, fuller, happier human beings by staying in their marriages; others accomplish this by getting divorced. But I’ve never seen growth occur when someone continues an extramarital affair while ending their marriage.

    “I’ve outgrown you”–sugar-coated as “We’ve grown apart”–is often the stated reason for the split. They may look like they’re standing on their own two feet, or even standing up to their spouse, but when there’s an extramarital affair going on, it only seems that way. Such behavior is a charade of independence, integrity and personal growth, not the real thing. The departing spouse isn’t just holding onto a “new” partner while they let go of the other; more often, they’re leaning on the new partner because they can’t or won’t stand up–or hold onto–themselves.

    Although real efforts towards autonomy may get worked out in the new relationship, that’s not often the basis on which the new partner is selected. The spiffy new relationship frequently lacks sufficient resilience and motivation to support the tough struggles of self-development and bonding. But neither spouse appreciates this while they’re divvying up the household.

    MAKING A HEALTHY BREAK Getting out of your marriage is one thing; how you go about it is another. Using an affair as a support system or transitional process is often like leaning on a rubber crutch. It offers the least benefit to people who have difficulty standing on their own two feet. Yes, some people find this is the only way they can “make the break.” But in that case, what looks like an act of autonomy and growth is really pseudo-maturity–which actually interferes with personal development while masquerading as the real thing.

    The bottom line: If you’ve got to go, use different advice for extramarital affairs than you do for your credit cards: “Make sure you leave home without one.”

    • “Wounded by…guilt and wounded narcissism?” Guilt? And Narcissism? Is this in reference to the Chump…or the guilty narcissist?

    • BOY, does this describe my world Chumpman, right down to the “We’ve grown apart.” It’s been a year now. I’m still alone and he is slowly inserting her into the many things he and I enjoyed together. I have said from day one…he would not have left me if he didn’t have someone else to latch on to. He cannot be alone. In fact, he never was. Not before me and now, not after me. It’s been painful. I’m better, but not at meh. I think Tuesday is close and then bam…back to Wednesday. Call me mean, I don’t want him to be happy with her. And at times, all indications are that they are meant to be together. I’m going to keep this article to refer to when I’m down in the dumps. It might help me believe his life sucks, at least until I get to meh when it doesn’t matter anymore.Thanks for sharing.

    • Pretty much a perfect synopsis of the way my marriage ended. Comes down to him being a coward, he once told me that she would fix everything wrong with his life. Uh Huh! 😉

  • I am a fan…a HUGE Adelle fan….and I have yet to listen to this song in it’s entirety once…

    “At least I can say that I’ve tried….to say that I’m sorry for breaking your heart….”

    Ummmmm….F’ckoff…..and this is about the time I start pushing buttons looking for another station.

    I know it’s just a song but who would give a shit “years” down the road after you’ve successfully navigated the destruction?

  • Pink is my girl…
    ‘ Made a wrong turn once or twice . Dug my way out, blood and fire. Bad decisions , thats alright. Welcome to my silly life!’
    Pink kicks ass.

    • Agreed Clip, I love Pink also and I am an old girl !! I love her singing ‘Who Knew’.

      • Yes, and it’s interesting, I used to be unable to listen to “Who Knew” before my D-Day, it just made me indescribably sad. After D-Day, it made perfect and absolute sense. It’s like my gut instincts knew what was coming even if I consciously did not.

    • Yeah, PINK!

      “Most girls want a man with the bling bling
      Got my own thing, got the ching ching
      I just want real love”

  • This is so perfect and completely encapsulates my experience.

    “Relationship autopsies…are a DREADFUL idea.”

    Yes, yes and yes. My ex contacted me nonstop for 2 years after we split. He constantly wanted to “HEAL”…oh, and help me HEAL too (wasn’t that nice of him??).

    In fact, his last communication was actually an apology – he noted, that no matter what I had done in our relationship, I hadn’t deserved to be treated like that. Wasn’t that nice of him? Apologizing for the behavior that I apparently compelled him into.

    Yeah, fuck off.

    “Nothing conveys my apologies like batter-ramming your boundaries.”

    This too. I told him to fuck off for two years and his response was to harass me. I finally threatened him with police action. In his apology email he finally said, “I promise you won’t hear from me again, I have nothing left to say.” – Not, I will finally respect your boundaries and wishes now…

    Whatever, like CL says “I’m perfectly fine without you”.

  • Wow, I never thought of the song that way but it makes perfect sense. I will never be able to listen to the song again with ought thinking of this UBT.

  • Love Adele’s voice but Hello is a crappy song. Music heals though. Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill, Phil Collins’ In The Air, and Patty Griffin’s Goodbye and Peter Pan were my favs in those early dark days. And there are so many kick ass songs, Fighter by Christina Aguilera, etc. Live music is best though, I have attended more concerts (KOL, Poalo Nutini, The Black Keys, Citizen Cope) and festivals divorced than I had in twenty years married. Gain a life indeed 😉

  • For the first 2 years after Dday I could hardly listen to the radio because about 1 in 4 songs is about cheating. I realized that there’s a huge difference between belting out the lyrics, and understanding the lyrics, which can kill the appeal of any song!

    Adel’s “Hello” seems rather tame compared to many of the songs I grew up joyfully singing. The pina colada song comes to mind: Escape, by Rupert Holmes. Remember that little ditty? A married couple in a boring, lifeless marriage, and both of them are looking for affair partners. It sounded great in the shower, or a moving car, but lost it’s luster two years ago!

    • When I was married I felt like Dave Matthews was singing about my life with “Grey Street.” It perfectly captured how I felt.

      Oh look at how she listens
      She says nothing of what she thinks
      She just goes stumbling through her memories
      Staring out onto Grey Street
      But she thinks hey
      How did I come to this
      I dreamed myself a million times around the world
      But I can’t get out of this place

      Oh, there’s an emptiness inside her
      And she’d do anything to fill it in
      But all the colors mix together
      To grey, and it breaks her heart

      Oh how she wishes it was different
      She prays to God most every night
      And though she swears he doesn’t listen
      There’s still a hope in her he might
      She says I pray
      But all of my prayers fall on deaf ears
      Am I supposed to take it on myself
      To get out of this place

      Oh there’s a loneliness inside her
      And she’d do anything to fill it in
      And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now,
      It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
      When all the colors mix together
      To grey, and it breaks her heart

      There’s a stranger speaks outside her door
      Says take what you can from your dreams
      Make them as real as anything
      Oh it’d take the work out of courage
      But she says please
      There’s a crazy man that’s creeping outside my door
      I live on the corner of Grey Street
      And the end of the world

      Oh there’s an emptiness inside her
      And she’d do anything to fill it in
      And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now,
      It’s more like cold blue ice in her heart
      She feels like kicking out all the windows
      And setting fire to this life
      She could change everything about her
      Using colors bold and bright
      But all the colors mix together
      To grey, and it breaks her heart
      Oh it breaks her heart
      To grey

    • That pina colada song has always had a creepy stalker vibe to me, ’cause it seems like she wants to escape but no matter where she tries to go, he’s always there and she can’t even find a way out. And Stockholm Syndrome too, ’cause she’s been treated so bad she wants to bail too, but in the end she gives up and stays ’cause she’s cornered. OMFG, so triggered right now. AND IT’S A POPULAR SONG AT WEDDINGS. Totally can’t understand that. Blows my mind that it was such a hit song.

  • CL, this is too funny today. Everytime I hear this song it reminds me of a former bpd boyfriend and his drunk ramblings. He used to say “I am so far away”…when I wasn’t.

    This song could be used in an iPhone commercial to promote their call and text block features, lol.

    Not sure if it applies to narcissists – because they aren’t sorry!

  • On one of his first (known) cheating attempts in our relationship, my ex pulled a “Hello” with his last girlfriend. We had been together probably 6 or 7 years by then, and I knew that he had cheated on her with another woman but that she never found out. (For the record, I was NOT an OW. Their relationship had been over for better than a year when we met, and we lived in a different state.) When we first got together, he gave me what I now know to be the cheater sob story: she was needy, emotionally blackmailed him, wanted to force him into a life that he didn’t want, she didn’t really love him she just wanted a husband, he was traumatized by the whole ordeal, blah de fuckin’ blah. Chumpy me in my mid-20s thought it meant that he saw me as the antithesis of those things and that I was somehow better, special, and that I was exactly who he had been looking for (which he said).

    Fast forward 6 or 7 years, and I discovered a long “Hello” style letter that he wrote to her, apologizing for leaving her to go back to school, recounting the happy memories that he never realized he’d cherish so much, and trying to reconnect, all despite the fact that he knew she was married by then.

    She ignored him. So he tried again. Ignored again. So he contacted her MOM, in the hopes that she could get his ex-girlfriend/kibble target to respond. Mom said she’s moved on and doesn’t want to talk to you. So ex asked if he could meet with mom instead for “closure.” Who knows why, but she agreed. I found out when I overheard him talking to a family member (who’s house we were staying at while visiting his ex’s city), and he told her that he could see himself with his now married ex-girlfriend again. When I confronted him, he did the cheater wiggle, we went to a counselor, I spackled, and on we went.

    Now he’s courting a new kibble source, I assume unbeknownst to his mistress (whom he now lives with). I expect a “Hello” at some point in the future.

    • Sounds like he equates love with the thrill of the chase. Only happy when he’s pursuing something that’s just out of reach. Similar personality trait with my ex.

      • Yes, that’s it exactly. He’s like that with jobs, too. He now has the job of his dreams AND his mistress (they live together), and I know he’s still not happy. I’m sure his side chick is spicing things up enough, and meanwhile he can manufacture some drama with the OW to keep his adrenaline levels where he likes them while he targets his next big chase.

  • Christina Perri has an awesome song called Jar of Hearts that all chumps should listen to or better yet watch the music video, My kids actually told me about this song and how they thought it applied to their dad. “You’re going to catch a cold from the ice within your soul”, is one of the lines. Very appropriate for a narcissistic cheater!

    • My daughter told me about “Jar of Hearts” too. A second song she told me to listen to was: “You’re a Lie” by Slash, a song which ended up carrying me through hell on its back. I listened to it constantly for a while and it somehow gave me incredible strength. I played it on the day I got my divorce decree while dancing around my house.

      • Just checked out You’re a Lie…. Spot on!

        I happened to hear That’s All by Genesis the other day and heard it in a whole new light. Sounds like classic gaslight and hoover action now.

    • ooh, ooh. Right after I took Gloria Gaynor’s song off my endless loop after D-day, I started alternating it with Jar of Hearts in week 2.

  • LOVE this UBT CL, thank you!

    Can the UBT take a stab at Bieber’s “Sorry”? I have fun with my kid doing mini-UBTs on that Brieber’s song when it comes on the radio, and would consider it a good chump PSA to have a CL UBT take on those lyrics.

  • I don’t EVER expect to get any “reconnect” attempts from X-hole (the song “Dust In The Wind comes to mind). For one he doesn’t have to invent reasons to contact me, unfortunately I have to co-parent with the asshole so there is always some, even if minimal, contact. Secondly, it couldn’t BE any more obvious that he has NO thoughts about me whatsoever. He was gone. Done. Not even a backward glance.

    I can tell when he’s fishing for attention though…he cut my phone off and removed it from his cell plan, even though he isn’t paying child support. Asshole. I had to give him my new number in case there should be any emergency when he has our son. Last visitation weekend, after providing new number, the asshole was sending me pics and video of their “fun” at a local sports complex. Mr. Wonderful.

    • NCStevie, same here. Lurch can only text and would never, ever try to reconnect. He is over and out. About as much feeling as a stone. On the topic of songs, Saint Motel is fab. Their song Cold, cold man is Lurch’s theme song.
      Oh my love,
      I know I am a cold cold man
      Quite slow to pay you compliments
      Or public displayed affections.

      But baby don’t you go overanalyze,
      No need to theorize
      I can put your doubts to rest…

      They also have the spectacular My Type, with the killer chorus.

      You’re, You’re, You’re just my type.
      You got a pulse and you are breathing.

      It reminds me of his Craigslist days, where any warm body would do. Klassy, with a K.

    • NCStevie – so sorry ‘Dust In The Wind’ has got itself associated with your cheater. I love that song. It breaks my heart. Been to a couple of funerals where it was played. So sad and so bitter-sweet 🙁

  • How about that song that the lyrics are “I’m only human, born to make mistakes” And then at the end he finds out she cheated too? Song is “Human” by the Human League. I have ALWAYS hated that song! My body parts made me do it!

  • I really like the song “Hello” from Adele. My favorite part is:

    “At least I can say that I’ve tried
    To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
    But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore”

    Every time I hear that I think “Hell yes! I’m NOT going to let someone else’s poor decisions and lack of integrity tear me apart any more.”

    Personally, I get a feeling of satisfaction when I hear the song.

    • I kind of think she seems related to Captain Kirk with her breathy exhalations in this song, and so to me I 1) enjoy the tune of it, 2) think about the cheaters who think they come off as genuine… You’re right Adele, I don’t give a flying fuck about you anymore, stop calling.

      This is actually up there in my ‘so cheesy and awful I want to die’ songs… But Rihanna’s cheater ballad was way way way worse…
      ‘I don’t wanna do this anymore
      I don’t wanna be the reason why
      Every time I walk out the door
      I see him die a little more inside
      I don’t wanna hurt him anymore
      I don’t wanna take away his life
      I don’t wanna be…
      A murderer’

      Seriously. Makes me die of laughter because I think these people have soap opera overload.


      Story of my life
      Searching for the right
      But it keeps avoiding me
      Sorrow in my soul
      ‘Cause it seems that wrong
      Really loves my company

      He’s more than a man
      And this is more than love
      The reason that the sky is blue
      The clouds are rolling in
      Because I’m gone again
      And to him I just can’t be true

      And I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
      And it kills him inside
      To know that I am happy with some other guy
      I can see him dying

      I don’t wanna do this anymore
      I don’t wanna be the reason why
      Every time I walk out the door
      I see him die a little more inside
      I don’t wanna hurt him anymore
      I don’t wanna take away his life
      I don’t wanna be…
      A murderer

      I feel it in the air
      As I’m doing my hair
      Preparing for another date
      A kiss upon my cheek
      As he reluctantly
      Asks if I’m gonna be out late
      I say I won’t be long
      Just hanging with the girls
      A lie I didn’t have to tell
      Because we both know
      Where I’m about to go
      And we know it very well

      ‘Cause I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
      And it kills him inside
      To know that I am happy with some other guy
      I can see him dying

      I don’t wanna do this anymore
      I don’t wanna be the reason why
      Every time I walk out the door
      I see him die a little more inside
      I don’t wanna hurt him anymore
      I don’t wanna take away his life
      I don’t wanna be…
      A murderer

      Our love, his trust
      I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
      Get it over with
      I don’t wanna do this
      Whoa, oh.
      Anymore (anymore)

      I don’t wanna do this anymore
      I don’t wanna be the reason why
      And every time I walk out the door
      I see him die a little more inside
      And I don’t wanna hurt him anymore
      I don’t wanna take away his life
      I don’t wanna be…
      A murderer (a murderer)

      No, no, no

      Yeah, yeah, yeah

    • Me too!! That’s why I like the song, because it’s a little bit of the karma bus driving back around. Chump = moved on, cheater = stuck, karma = bitch.

  • Talking about narc songs about hoovering, can we talk about Ariana Grande’s “One Last Time”?

    First, I thought it was a song about “Pick me Dancing” from a very sad chump. Who knows their SO is with someone else but is willing to let them in for one last night.

    But upon closer inspection, it says right in the first line that it is actually about a cheaterpants who got caught. Now the chump has moved on with someone else, and they want more kibbles from them because they are a poor sad sausage. Urgh… spare me!

    “I was a liar
    I gave in to the fire
    I know I should’ve fought it
    At least I’m being honest
    Feel like a failure
    ‘Cause I know that I failed you
    I should’ve done you better
    ‘Cause you don’t want a liar

    And I know, and I know, and I know
    She gives you everything,
    But, boy, I couldn’t give it to you
    And I know, and I know, and I know
    That you got everything,
    But I got nothing here without you

    So one last time
    I need to be the one who takes you home
    One more time
    I promise, after that, I’ll let you go
    Baby, I don’t care if you got her in your heart
    All I really care is you wake up in my arms
    One last time
    I need to be the one who takes you home”

    Yay for chumps who move on, boo to narcs who can’t deal!!

    • Wow. That’s a gross song. Essentially, I neeeeeeeeeed to fuck you “one last time” and then, carry on…..

      Barf and gag. Who wrote that song for her? If she has writing credits to that piece of crap, what a shame. A shame that she considers herself an orifice looking for prey to plug the mess of her empty soul. Nature vs nurture? Who taught her that her only value was through sex?

    • Yes 🙂 .

      My friends and I had a party on Saturday when we played the song at least once every 45 mins hehe.

      I have the ability to disconnect the music from the meaning, so it was actually a lot of fun.

      I sang at the top of my lungs, and then proceeded to lose my voice. Hehe. You should check out the SNL sketch about “Hello” and Thanksgiving.

    • I haven’t, so I don’t think it’s odd at all. When I do listen to music, it’s generally rock, harder rock preferred, so I miss a lot of the cheesy pop earworms. I actually hate it when I do hear some dumb chorus to an inane pop song and it gets stuck in my head anyway. I’m like “ARRRRRGGGGHHHH, make the voices stop!” 😀

      • Well said. Rock anthems are awesome. Teeny bopper ‘popular’ shit can kiss my arse.
        I’ve never listened to this song either, nor do I want to.

    • I haven’t either! And I hope to avoid hearing it, because I generally avoid ‘Next Big Thing’ music if I can. I listen to CD’s that I buy at thrift stores or on Amazon, lately I’m loving all the old Little Feat stuff, and Eleanor Friedberger. Music should be uplifting, not a sob fest!

  • When I heard the song the first time the very first few lines I knew what the song was all about true NPD indeed. I am happy to know I am not the only one that saw what this song was all about them the cheater and how they are the sad victims of it all. When I hear the song I turn it off makes my blood boiled. No more time for the sorry ass cheaters and their AP. Also I must be the only one on the planet that really does not care for Adele at all. Oh my husband doesn’t care for her also. We both agree we get red flags about her for some reason. So I will listen to those red flags and not listen or purchase any of her music.

    • Oh the ex tried to do this to me several months into the divorce. Saying how sorry he was being a bad husband and mess like that. Even the fake cry. All I did was laugh and thought thank heaven just several more months and I will be really free of this loser. I didn’t know it then what he was. It took some many years after the divorce to answer all of the questions about him and his behaviour. Did I buy the “Hello” phone call from him HELL NO!!!!!!! Life is so much better on this side. From what the experts say about these PD they will never let go and they will continue to contact you maybe not today but they will in the near future. Block that call. Change your number!!!!!!

  • “Sorry, I’m not Adele. I don’t wish the best for you, nor do I want to find someone like you. I don’t want to roll with you in anything. I don’t want to say ‘hello’ after ignoring a thousand phone calls from you. I do, however, want to set fire to all of your shit.”

  • I can still enjoy this song because I picture it from the strong Chump’s side. They aren’t picking up that phone. They’re sitting back comfortable in their new life and rolling their eyes at the cheater’s attempt to reconnect. Cheater sounds desperate and sad. Good.

  • I got a letter from my cheater ex a couple of years after the divorce. Immediately after he’d tossed off and filed for a divorce from my replacement part. I couldn’t believe the audacity at the time, but now know it was a classic Hoovering maneuver.I didn’t respond. I don’t know if narcs actually realize that the grass isn’t greener in that younger, thinner and prettier yard, or if they just figure it’s easier to go back to the person they already spent years training to put up with their bullshit. Maybe they just like to see if they can rip their chump to shreds all over again.

  • I love Adele’s song “Hello” for the very reason that it paints a poetic picture of what my cheaterX is thinking/feeling/saying. The pathetic message and the haunting music help me to see how messed up and empty these cheaters are. Every time I hear the line “after all these years to go over everything . . .” , I think to myself “are you familiar with the phrase – ‘a day late and a dollar short’?”. Cheaters put themselves out in the cold wind – on the other side, on the outside. Their pleadings are hollow and absurd.
    The song “Rolling in the Deep” is one of my divorce anthems!
    I really love Adele’s voice!

  • My ex harangued me for two years to rehash our marriage and try again. “Hello” makes me think of those 1000 texts, calls and face to face boundary-breaking contacts he persisted with. I coparent with him so it was bloody difficult to live with. He finally got the message when he persuaded me to go see his counsellor with him and she heard me say loud and clear that I wasn’t going back. She then worked with him to make him actually “hear” me.
    There’s nothing as persistent and bloody minded as a narc bent on “true love”.

    • That is impressive, Justine. You managed to convince his therapist to work with him to overcome his need to control you? Wow. Just wow. You are mighty!

  • I guess I must be the only one who loves this song. When I first heard it, I took it as being from the chump side. I love the comment someone mentioned of being poked.

    Two and a half years ago, after 23 years, my EH left me for a 25 year old he “met” on POF. After texting for a month, he left me for his “new wife”. He realized the kibbles he was getting from “Francesca” made me look like dog shit. Except Francesca was not real and the pictures belonged to a porn star! Oops, Ghana romance scam. No girl and sent money anyone. What a dipshit.

    The blame shifting began and still continues to this day. “I ignored him for years, always said no to everything he wanted to do”, Want to go to a movie, want to go to the beach? No, don’t feel like it today. So I rejected him with every no. That is the narrative he tells himself. Every so often, I get a picture of him at the beach alone or playing guitar. WTF? My daughter, (his step daughter he raised) has 2 children. The other day he runs into my grand daughter and then he is pissed off at me because my daughter won’t let him see my grand daughter anymore as he is irresponsible. The few times he saw her after he moved out, he lost her at the arcade, took her to his neighbors house, who we did not know and took her to a restaurant in her pajamas. First I get a text a couple of weeks ago, saying hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Stupid me responds and there were a few back and forths. Then I run into him in the grocery store parking lot and he starts sending texts as if what he did never happened. So, he says he wants me to share my thoughts and feelings, I took the bait. What a chump I am ! I remind him what he did, cheating by going on a dating website. My text was very concise and not nasty. The response I get? My fault. I ignored him, blah blah blah. Then I was pissed and said very maturely, fuck you assclown. Got the standard stuff, I am emotionally unstable. I am the one responsible for his actions because I drove him to it. Done, delete texts do not respond. Every time I do, I am brought back to that shitty place. So for 4 days, nothing. I have finally calmed down and realized that he still sucks. Out of the blue Sunday, he sends me pictures of his apartment and a very sad Christmas tree with a caption that says : All drama aside, Merry Christmas”. All I could think is WTF is wrong with him? Tells me I am emotionally unstable? That I can’t handle him telling me the uncomfortable truth? Then I get stupid pictures of his crappy apt and a tree? This is the stuff that belongs in the twilight zone. I guess when he has no family, no friends and my kids that he raised (all grown and have not spoken to him since he left) he is still looking for kibbles? To see if I still give a shit? He regards what he did to me as drama? Fuck you very much. All I can think of is something my Mom said, wait come back, there is a part of my face you didn’t step on yet! The holidays are hard enough anymore without him and his bullshit making it worse. No contact is what I keep telling myself. He is never going to change or own up to his fuck ups. I am tired of being sad and mad. Why can’t he just go away?

    • Chrissa, only you can remove yourself from the assclown’s drama. Ignore the bugger. Think happy thoughts. Listen to this:

    • Chrissa, change his name in your phone to “Ignore him” or “Do not reply,” something that will remind you not to respond to him! Although I know your’e seriously frustrated with him, I did get a good laugh out of your description of his antics! 😉

      • Thanks Lyn. After spending half my life with him, it is hard to finally “get it” that he does not give a shit. I think I will get the ringtone that says “asshole calling”. It is hilarious! Yes, I keep reminding myself that he is across town with no girl and that he sent 10k to some teenage boy in Ghana pretending to be the love of his life. Idiot. After we had to sell our beautiful home, he is living in a crappy 600 square foot apartment, while I got half his retirement and bought a house in May. Haha!
        The holidays are rough and for some reason I get nostalgic. Really stupid. So I just keep reminding myself that I do not need that BPD person in my life anymore!

  • Yay! We had fun with this song in the forums the other day. It’s fun to make up responses to each line.

    My fave verse:
    Hello, how are you?
    It’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I’m sorry. It IS. It really is.
    I hope that you’re well You may have smelled bleeding meat, but it was roadkill. Sorry.</b?
    Did you ever make it out of that town
    Where nothing ever happened?

  • Anybody else want to take the UBT out for a beer, er, maybe a quart of oil?
    I try to appreciate the people in my life who bring me that kind of laughter.
    How does one appreciate the UBT?

  • To throw a monkey wrench in this: Adele has said that the song is about all relationships that are gone, whether they’re a romantic relationship, a friendship or whatever, where there are regrets about how it played out and the need to want to set things straight.

    Now, no getting on Adele. I love her. 🙂

    • Funny how the ‘intended meaning’ of this diatribe song changes whenever it suits them, yeah?
      First its about ‘past self’ – then its about ‘gone relationships’. What next?
      Its all fucking bullshit.

  • I always loved Michael Penn’s “Long Way Down,” and loved it all the more after being chumped. A perfect description of the long and painful road to meh:

    And If I wear apathy’s crown, don’t call me “Highness”
    ‘Cause it’s a long way down.

  • A lot of these artist just sing what is given to them written by others. Mostly it is for the money. Whether she cares about the content who knows. I prefer old country with a tear in my beer!

  • Omg this is so needed right now! My daughters in Emergency surgery from a tonsillectomy gone wrong and so for the 2 time on a week I’m required to be 2feet away from ex for a few hours. This post is laugh out loud funny and he keeps asking what I’m reading. Oh I’d love to hand him the phone. Thank you Tracy!

  • CL – Thanks so much for the excellent Johnny Adams track! Loved the finger-snapping groove and the cheater-ball squeezing high notes!

    mmm – ‘Nice’ 😀

    • (I actually like Hello by Adele – so sorry everyone 🙁 )

      Hey GIO – I’ve been thinking of you all day – how did you get on today?

  • My favorite revenge song is “Cry me a river” by Justin Timberlake. I must have listened to it 1,000 times while going through the divorce.

  • You want someone from a Chump perspective? Has anyone listened to the Mumford and Son album? To me it all smacks of someone desperately trying to fall out of love with a cheating narc

    • Gia, thank you…never heard that song….going to download it and use it on the ringtone for Skankboy!

      • Gia, he calls and texts to try and reengage. I ask, “Are the kids, , the grandchildren, and Mom Em, ok?” When he says, yes, I say thank you for the update. Nothing more than that, scum maggott!!!

        • Gia, you made me think. I’m going to call me ex mother- in- law, and get all the phone numbers of family and friends, so I NEVER have to hear from him again!

  • Don’t know about Adele and her song but music certainly is a giveaway to hidden feelings. After my husband ran off I found that he had shared this piece with his ‘twu luv’. in the two weeks he was reconnecting with her after 40 years.

    Underlined also that with ‘nothing to lose’ he really thought nothing of me or his family.
    It doesn’t affect me now but at one time it was impossible to listen and the damned song was always on the radio.

    • Ahh – Oldchump. That is such a beautiful song, I am so very sorry that cheater corrupted it for you. I totally understand why you couldn’t listen to it. They really do shit all over beautiful things, don’t they?

  • I still share an ITunes account with my STBX, so when I have my phone connected to the car’s Bluetooth, his music sometimes comes on during shuffle mode. He adores Adele, Celine Dione, Barbra Streisand, Judy Garland . . . you get the picture. But I digress. Today I was driving our teenage son to school and before I could fast forward it, he heard the first few bars of Hello and said, “Oh man, I hate that song. Doesn’t she know why the guy isn’t answering her calls? She obviously cheated on him and now she’s just mad that he moved on and no longer cares. What a bitch!”

    File under, “Children know much more than we realize,” since I have not said a peep to him about STBX’s cheating, lying, narcissistic ways, but I have moved on and no longer care what or who he does anymore.

  • “If it was dead and it wakes up? It’s a zombie — and we’ve all seen enough of the Walking Dead to know the dangers of inciting a zombie apocalypse”

    OMG – I’m just glad I hadn’t just taken a drink because my monitor would have been splattered! I haven’t heard the song, but could appreciate the UBT!

    Had to get the Ex to bring over the spare key to my car that had died. I had sold it and told them I would get the second key to go with it. Ex brought the key over with a smug smile on his face and started out with “Hey, how are you?”. I reached out, took the key, turned away and said “Thank you” over my shoulder and walked back into the house. Was NOT poking that dead-to-me thing with a stick!

  • Ok here’s what bugs me about that song: you say you called a thousand times, but I never seem to be home.
    Really. In the age of cell phones, you assume if someone doesn’t answer the phone, they aren’t…. *home*….? Really?
    Don’t tell me you thought you were calling the landline, either, because you also asked if I was still in that same old town, and if you don’t know where I live now, then you ain’t calling the landline, you disordered fuckwit.

    But other than that, great song. I use this stuff as a measure of my progress. Like three months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to listen to it. Now it mostly rolls off. It does sound like some innane bullshit my ex would spout but Adele sounds sooooooooo goooooooood singing it. dat voice, wow

  • Lucinda Williams’ Changed the Locks is great for avoiding the hoovering ex.

    Tom Petty did it but she wrote it.

    These three are my therapy. I play them over and over and over and over……

    “Big Mess”
    “Cold Day in Hell”
    “When I Look At the World”

    From Down Where the Spirit Meets the Bone.

  • You know the song I hate? “Love the One You’re With”. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. I took a beautiful nature walk with a couple of friends the other day, and one of them couldn’t stop singing it. She doesn’t know about the shit storm.

  • it don’t matter…. nooo, please. . .it doesn’t matter
    personally I find Adele’s voice annoying.

  • I must be in a minority…and I don’t listen much to Adele (Aimee Mann being my my style), but I hear that song as a Chump having a moment of weakness and reaching for the hopium pipe. I just do

    I bet a lot of folks do, and that’s why it’s so popular.

  • These songs, by Aimee Mann, on there other hand, tell me hat she TOTally gets what cheaters are about…(album: Charmer)


    When you’re a charmer
    the apples fall
    and you’re quite the little collector
    you got ‘em all

    When you’re a charmer
    people respond
    they can’t see the hidden agenda
    you got going on

    But when you’re weak it’s the Holy Grail
    you’re two for one, it’s a fire sale
    and that’s a wall that you cannot scale
    so you’re forced to burrow under

    When you’re a charmer
    the world applauds
    they don’t know that secretly charmers
    feel like they’re frauds

    When you’re a charmer
    you hate yourself
    a victim of sideshow hypnosis
    like everyone else

    and then your thinking goes black and white
    and you’re all hunger and appetite
    this is a battle you cannot fight
    no, you only can surrender
    no, you only can surrender


    Daisy, you
    shouldn’t do the things you do
    but you’re just so incapable of changing
    you lie so well
    I could never even tell
    what were facts in your artful rearranging

    But I came back for more
    and you laughed in my face and you rubbed it in
    cause I’m a Labrador
    and I run
    when the gun
    drops the dove again

    when we first met
    I was glad to be your pet
    like a Lab I once had that we called Maisie
    but fetching sticks
    was the best I had for tricks
    you got bored
    you got mad then you got crazy

    But I came back for more
    and you laughed in my face and you rubbed it in
    cause I’m a Labrador
    and I run
    when the gun
    drops the dove again

    Daisy, daisy, give me your answer
    daisy, daisy, do…
    remember good old Maisie how she waited at the
    stairs for you

    Daisy, dear
    I could almost shed a tear
    but let’s shine in the time we have remaining
    you’re a tough old gal
    but a dog is just a pal
    and believe me, my dear,
    I’m not complaining

    Cause I came back for more
    cause I knew even you
    did the best you could
    And I’m a Labrador
    and with me, you could see
    it was understood
    that I’d come back for more
    cause I’m a Labrador
    the loyal Labrador

  • I wish I could be that chump on the other side, but then I wouldn’t be as chumpy would I? The role of chump was perfectly cast for me…I am a true natural for the part. More like:

    Hello I am in Limbo
    Fear rules my heart
    I can’t stand the thought of paying alimony to my cheater for sucking strange cock

    Bitch please
    Why do you have to look so damn good?
    My friends tell me to forget, but I can’t
    I want no another man raising my kids

    Hello you suck and I do too
    Stuck in a Catch-22

  • When I was going through my shit storm, a friend sent me the song “Dick Head” by Kate Nash. Definitely worth a listen for a good laugh. And bonus, everyone single person I know now refers to my ex as DH. Haha

  • This has been a most interesting thread. Who knew there were Hate Adele vs Love Adele’s between us. I’ve loved and listened to all the songs, and love Lionel the best, so thanks for sharing all of those videos. Yeah, it’s a Wed but you guys turn me on.

    Anyway, as far as Adele. I have never heard a more beautiful voice.
    Are you kidding me?
    She has writers, she writes with them, she creates these songs.
    Duh folks, I hate to tell you this about song-writers but, they write songs and lyrics that resonate with a great deal of people. It usually has NOTHING to do with their own lives. If Elvis lived his songs…well, he might be alive today. And, I don’t think he wrote one of his songs.

    This is a very profitable business and you get somebody as talented as Adele (paleease, there is no substitute in our times for her voice except Bette and Beyonce, Maria and Barbra and a few others who can hit these octaves), you will have great song-writers come out of the woodwork.

    These professional singers are NOT singing about their own lives or some kind of autobiography of it.
    It doesn’t work that way.

    So, yes, I got immediately that the song was about HER cheating on somebody and it bugged me, until I realized it wasn’t about Her life, just a song. She seems to have a very good life and very well balanced.

    If I could sing that tender-heartidly about a love affair, of whatever kind, that never happened to me, well, that’s what makes these singers great.

    HELLO – this is a great song, CN. Quit the Adele bashing or I’ll be on your ass! lolol
    IT’s JUST LYRICS she sung!!

  • I just wanna say, I hate C/W music for it’s melancholy and constant lyrics about broken hearts and beer. For some reason, I downloaded a lot of this when I was all pity-partying by myself. It made me cry. Poor me, I’m just like Brad Paisley or Garth. I never listened to this music before. (more of rock’n’roller) Anyway, got rid of that shit in Meh land. But, my point is, these country western singers have never been through any of what they write and sing about. Maybe Dolly Pardon and I look forward to her new movie coming out based on her song: Coat of Many Colors. Based on her Mother. Now, that’s a song AND a true story!

  • Awesome music. All of it. The breadth and life of it all…wow.

    All of your exes are idiots. CN rocks!

    • I loved the song right off the bat because it DID come from the ‘other side’.
      It shocked me at first, but I admired that she tackled the issue from a cheaters side.
      Kudos to her – I can’t wait to hear the rest of the album.
      Again, just because she wrote, produced and sung this song does NOT mean she was a cheater.

  • OMG! I almost forgot “Tears Dry on There Own” by Amy Winhouse! It’s from the perspective of the Other Woman. Google the lyrics – perfectly sums up narc OW thinking only of herself.

  • Last Saturday I took my daughter ( 11yr old) to see Taylor Swift… A long awaited concert for my daughter, and a little dreaded by me , cause my music tastes are very removed from this….. Give me ” the growlers” any day . BUT the show was great , I say show cause it was a fabricated show, although TS is talented and the lyrics of her songs kick cheaters to the curb…. She is sexy not slutty… i was impressed…. Not that I love her music but impressed with her message and her restraint and I guess elegant style.

  • Also I thought Adele ‘Hello ‘ was a cheaters song, and disappointed cause although not my usual genre of music I I love her voice and many of her songs have brought me to tears … I don’t though like the song ” hello” not so much for the lyrics but because the whole composition of the song is fabricated and forced.

  • I def hear “Hello” as a cheater narc hoovering thing although it was probs written by/with someone else and I dont assume its autobiographical to Adele. My nowHusband got a message like this from his XW after 2.5 years and a long acrimonious divorce where she treated him like crap after fleeing to greener grass. She likely was figuring out that the green she wanted was money and she gave up her right to it when she dumped him. He rejected her offer to recon and now she is mad at him and treats him like as if he left the marriage.

    I have had fantasies of what it would have been like to play Sam Smiths “Im not the only one” (“When you call me baby, I know Im not the only one!!”) on a boom box and blow it downstairs into cheaterhusbands office where he spent his life sending Schmoopie emails, but his cheating predated Sam Smith.

    My formerhusbands death has impaired his capacity to contact me with any narc hoovering but a friends who gets “messages” from the “other side” was certain that he contacted her with provlamations of love for me and my reaction was

  • I noted that Adele has interpreted her own lyrics to be about talking to her past self…but I’m with the UBT. It’s a narcissist circling back for more kibbles, and a chance to say “Poor Me” like they do. Face it, unrequited love and love gone wrong appeal to more people and sell more albums/cd’s.

    I noticed a number of people have been singing this song, but the one I like the best is done by the PS22 (Public School #22) Chorus. When you see and hear 9-10 year olds belting out this song with feeling, you recognize the Narc Child in all of the cheaters. I hope I am adding this link correctly:

  • Thank you thank you thank you for this UBT gem! I hear the song exactly the same way as CL and the letter writer. Witnessing the entire free world fall all over itself for this song has felt like the most gigantic mindfuck — like being gaslighted by the universe. Once again, CL and CN deliver validation and laughs in one fell swoop.

    • I know Happy – everyone is so gaga over this song. It’s like a big FU to the chump’s pain and a paean to the cheater who once again gets all the glamour and glory.

      • In fairness, please. I was impressed Adele came out with this particular song. I was impressed immediately. Her last 2 albums were about being cheated on. She is happily married now, and I think she’s talking from her cheaters’ point of view. I believe in her pain and I appreciate she took the other side of this, as controversial as it is to chumps. She’s a chump…and tried to look at it from a cheaters point.

        Again, don’t take everything a singer sings as something true to what happened to them. Yes, she wrote this song, so I assume she had a stake in the message. I haven’t heard the rest of the album, but she sure gets to the points of hurt and anguish.

        I applaud the beauty of her voice and the messages it conveys. Give me a sticker. Go Adele!

  • YES – thank you for this post! I kept hearing this as a cheater begging for more kibbles and not getting any bc the chump has grown mighty and meh. Great voice, but yeah the song is quite heavy and her songs all sound the same to me.

  • I don’t see this as a cheater looking for kibbles at all. She talks about breaking his heart – but you can do that in MANY MANY WAYS besides cheating. Her first album was all about HER broken heart. This one is simply sung from the other side – her being the one to break someone’s heart, is all. Sorry, I just don’t see any connection to cheating at ALL in this song.

  • Another extremely cheater/narcissist anthem right now is Drake’s ‘Hotline Bling’, if you can get past the unintentionally-hilarious video the gist of the song is basically ‘you used to be just a booty call to me but now you have a life with new friends and travel and an exciting social life with new men interested in you and I don’t like it because I want you to go back to staying at home alone calling me!’. It’s very pouty-lipped, throw-a-tantrum cheater-esque!!

  • I don’t know if anyone has seen this yet, but it’s pretty hilarious: Merry Christmas and Enjoy

  • Hmm, late to the game here but this song was killing me every time it came on the radio because when I thought we were reconciling I thought she was broken hearted over him and actually enjoyed the tune. I didn’t really ‘get’ the lyrics. Now of course it was me he left, not her, and up until very recently, I actually thought the affair was my fault. Now it would be ME missing him, , saying sorry, and still feeling bad for not being good enough for him. I suddenly HATED the song. SO CL, — THANK YOU! Now I can hear this song again and laugh out loud that it is a Cheater. I’m free from the fear of this tune coming out of nowhere at me. The REALLY funny thing is, one time during our so called ‘reconciliation’, on a date, the song came on and he got all touchy feely saying what a great song it was. I wonder if years down the road he will remember that night. It was a beautiful night and I was so innocently happy to be out with him, while he knew it was all a farce. Amazing how these people can pull that off. Twisted.

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