UBT: Adele’s “Hello”

Yeah, my ex tried this rehashing bid about two years post divorce and after I was remarried. What went wrong isn’t unclear is what I told her and that I would not be meeting as I had a new family. The reality is that they just can’t accept reality–ie they blew up the relationship by cheating. They want to blame the chump and control the narrative STILL!

Divorce= all the closure I need thank you very much!

The lyrics speak of a cheater who went to the grass is greener trip. Years later the green grass dried up and the cheater misses that chump from the old days and surely that chump still exists pining away for sparkly cheater.

Cheater ego can’t figure out why after 1000 calls chump ain’t picking up the phone. Most likely chump is in the process of a obtaining a retraining order on the nut job ex cheater.

The irony in the music video, cheater is still using a flip phone, cheater must be too broke for a new phone.

On a personal note…I got a similar call recently, my preying mantis ex-wife has tried to reach out to me. Fat bald meat eating gun slinging new husband kicked her vegan neon yoga wearing vegan ass out the door and is divorcing her. Yep….she cheated on him……namaste y’all.

You made my day!
I loath this song. I feel indifferent about Adele, but this song makes my hackles stand up each and every time I hear it.

Right from the beginning I felt it was about a narcasistic person trying to suck a poor chump back into their drama circle.

You haven’t given me kibbles for ages – where did you go?!?!
HELLO – this person has gone NC for a damned good reason.

Have a Bitch Cookie Adele!

Found on the net….

When An Affair Ends a Marriage

I found this article that I thought I would share with you all. It was written by a marriage and family therapist.

What Happens When an Affair Ends a Marriage?

These days, nobody’s social circle is without someone who’s gotten, getting, or about to get a divorce. The impact of divorce looms so large–or perhaps it’s so commonplace–that it’s easy to ignore how it comes about.

A couple I know is in the middle of a divorce. In this case, one partner moved out suddenly, filed for divorce, and “quickly” took a lover. All indications point to the prior existence of a hidden affair.

In this situation, our hearts go out to the partner who remains monogamous. We understand their feelings of humiliation, envisioning themselves as the butt of derision from the trysting couple–or as the object of scorn from neighbors and coworkers. Overwhelmed by a potent mixture of anger, guilt, and wounded narcissism, they’re often kept afloat by the solace and support of caring friends. The faithful spouse is perceived as the more disadvantaged, almost without fail. After all, the other partner is now comfortably ensconced in a new relationship.

PATTERNS OF FALLING OUT As a sex and marital therapist, I’ve seen lots of marriages dissolve in this pattern, and it has changed how I focus my efforts to help both partners. For all the emotional turmoil monogamous spouses endure, I’ve also known them to emerge from this situation in better emotional shape than they’ve ever enjoyed before. Not so for the spouse who “found someone new” before separating from their current partner, all the while lying about it.

While the pain of the monogamous spouse is immediate and apparent, the fallout for the adulterous spouse is usually longer in coming and less predictable–until you understand what’s going on.

PATHS TO GROWTH Some people become richer, fuller, happier human beings by staying in their marriages; others accomplish this by getting divorced. But I’ve never seen growth occur when someone continues an extramarital affair while ending their marriage.

“I’ve outgrown you”–sugar-coated as “We’ve grown apart”–is often the stated reason for the split. They may look like they’re standing on their own two feet, or even standing up to their spouse, but when there’s an extramarital affair going on, it only seems that way. Such behavior is a charade of independence, integrity and personal growth, not the real thing. The departing spouse isn’t just holding onto a “new” partner while they let go of the other; more often, they’re leaning on the new partner because they can’t or won’t stand up–or hold onto–themselves.

Although real efforts towards autonomy may get worked out in the new relationship, that’s not often the basis on which the new partner is selected. The spiffy new relationship frequently lacks sufficient resilience and motivation to support the tough struggles of self-development and bonding. But neither spouse appreciates this while they’re divvying up the household.

MAKING A HEALTHY BREAK Getting out of your marriage is one thing; how you go about it is another. Using an affair as a support system or transitional process is often like leaning on a rubber crutch. It offers the least benefit to people who have difficulty standing on their own two feet. Yes, some people find this is the only way they can “make the break.” But in that case, what looks like an act of autonomy and growth is really pseudo-maturity–which actually interferes with personal development while masquerading as the real thing.

The bottom line: If you’ve got to go, use different advice for extramarital affairs than you do for your credit cards: “Make sure you leave home without one.”

Pink is my girl…
‘ Made a wrong turn once or twice . Dug my way out, blood and fire. Bad decisions , thats alright. Welcome to my silly life!’
Pink kicks ass.

For the first 2 years after Dday I could hardly listen to the radio because about 1 in 4 songs is about cheating. I realized that there’s a huge difference between belting out the lyrics, and understanding the lyrics, which can kill the appeal of any song!

Adel’s “Hello” seems rather tame compared to many of the songs I grew up joyfully singing. The pina colada song comes to mind: Escape, by Rupert Holmes. Remember that little ditty? A married couple in a boring, lifeless marriage, and both of them are looking for affair partners. It sounded great in the shower, or a moving car, but lost it’s luster two years ago!

On one of his first (known) cheating attempts in our relationship, my ex pulled a “Hello” with his last girlfriend. We had been together probably 6 or 7 years by then, and I knew that he had cheated on her with another woman but that she never found out. (For the record, I was NOT an OW. Their relationship had been over for better than a year when we met, and we lived in a different state.) When we first got together, he gave me what I now know to be the cheater sob story: she was needy, emotionally blackmailed him, wanted to force him into a life that he didn’t want, she didn’t really love him she just wanted a husband, he was traumatized by the whole ordeal, blah de fuckin’ blah. Chumpy me in my mid-20s thought it meant that he saw me as the antithesis of those things and that I was somehow better, special, and that I was exactly who he had been looking for (which he said).

Fast forward 6 or 7 years, and I discovered a long “Hello” style letter that he wrote to her, apologizing for leaving her to go back to school, recounting the happy memories that he never realized he’d cherish so much, and trying to reconnect, all despite the fact that he knew she was married by then.

She ignored him. So he tried again. Ignored again. So he contacted her MOM, in the hopes that she could get his ex-girlfriend/kibble target to respond. Mom said she’s moved on and doesn’t want to talk to you. So ex asked if he could meet with mom instead for “closure.” Who knows why, but she agreed. I found out when I overheard him talking to a family member (who’s house we were staying at while visiting his ex’s city), and he told her that he could see himself with his now married ex-girlfriend again. When I confronted him, he did the cheater wiggle, we went to a counselor, I spackled, and on we went.

Now he’s courting a new kibble source, I assume unbeknownst to his mistress (whom he now lives with). I expect a “Hello” at some point in the future.

I don’t EVER expect to get any “reconnect” attempts from X-hole (the song “Dust In The Wind comes to mind). For one he doesn’t have to invent reasons to contact me, unfortunately I have to co-parent with the asshole so there is always some, even if minimal, contact. Secondly, it couldn’t BE any more obvious that he has NO thoughts about me whatsoever. He was gone. Done. Not even a backward glance.

I can tell when he’s fishing for attention though…he cut my phone off and removed it from his cell plan, even though he isn’t paying child support. Asshole. I had to give him my new number in case there should be any emergency when he has our son. Last visitation weekend, after providing new number, the asshole was sending me pics and video of their “fun” at a local sports complex. Mr. Wonderful.

I really like the song “Hello” from Adele. My favorite part is:

“At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore”

Every time I hear that I think “Hell yes! I’m NOT going to let someone else’s poor decisions and lack of integrity tear me apart any more.”

Personally, I get a feeling of satisfaction when I hear the song.

“Sorry, I’m not Adele. I don’t wish the best for you, nor do I want to find someone like you. I don’t want to roll with you in anything. I don’t want to say ‘hello’ after ignoring a thousand phone calls from you. I do, however, want to set fire to all of your shit.”

I always loved Michael Penn’s “Long Way Down,” and loved it all the more after being chumped. A perfect description of the long and painful road to meh:

And If I wear apathy’s crown, don’t call me “Highness”
‘Cause it’s a long way down.

https://youtu.be/vxqekFB9lZs

Omg this is so needed right now! My daughters in Emergency surgery from a tonsillectomy gone wrong and so for the 2 time on a week I’m required to be 2feet away from ex for a few hours. This post is laugh out loud funny and he keeps asking what I’m reading. Oh I’d love to hand him the phone. Thank you Tracy!

My favorite revenge song is “Cry me a river” by Justin Timberlake. I must have listened to it 1,000 times while going through the divorce.

When I was going through my shit storm, a friend sent me the song “Dick Head” by Kate Nash. Definitely worth a listen for a good laugh. And bonus, everyone single person I know now refers to my ex as DH. Haha

I noted that Adele has interpreted her own lyrics to be about talking to her past self…but I’m with the UBT. It’s a narcissist circling back for more kibbles, and a chance to say “Poor Me” like they do. Face it, unrequited love and love gone wrong appeal to more people and sell more albums/cd’s.

I noticed a number of people have been singing this song, but the one I like the best is done by the PS22 (Public School #22) Chorus. When you see and hear 9-10 year olds belting out this song with feeling, you recognize the Narc Child in all of the cheaters. I hope I am adding this link correctly:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dJuU87h_cOM