I’m three years since D-day, and closing in on finalizing my divorce. I am awarded 60% of his 401K and 60% of assets value, plus four years alimony. It is a settlement my attorneys have never seen the likes of in 20 years. But our divorce is well known through the courts as being one of the most contemptuous divorces on record.
With all that said, I am not a Meh. He still gets under my skin. His whore texted me all last week from a fake phone number from an app that isn’t traceable. She sent Memes about her being the Upgrade, what my lady parts look like, how many multiple personalities I have, and it’s not her fault my man wants her…
She texted me on New Years Eve — 4 times.
I wish I could say I didn’t respond. But I did. I wish I could say her jabs at me didn’t hurt — but they did.
She is living in the house I built, heating up pizza rolls in my six-burner stainless steel commercial grade stove and putting up my Christmas tree. She is living the life I had… the pizza rolls… I made homemade pizza with fresh toppings…..
I know that I know that I know my STBX is a bastard who threw away his family and 20 years on a 30-year-old bar whore. No news flash there.
But, how do I get past that I am not over losing my life, losing my house, losing my dreams for my daughters to graduate college.
How did I allow a meme from his whore plunge me into a depression spin?
I’m not sure what interactions other chumps have had with the OW in their lives. I’m wondering how they handled it.
I will also admit my responses back were cruel — and really really degrading. When I re-read them I cringed at how low I was willing to go to take a shot at her. I mean disgustingly low.
Not proud of it, just being honest.
You want extra kibbles on those pizza rolls?
Ugh, I’m sorry you learned the hard way about no contact with OW. As my husband says in law, “If it feels good — don’t do it.”
As tempting as it is to take the tasty bait the freaks in your life may cast at you, you must resist it. All you did by engaging with OW is solidify their narrative that you’re batshit crazy and she and ex are deserving of all the spoils of their affair. (Yes, take out the whole notion that she provoked you — however you respond to her, reinforces their narrative.)
Don’t give these creeps the raw materials to work with, okay? It’s much harder to manipulate or antagonize someone if they don’t respond. There is no withering put down that will crush the OW as deeply as you Don’t Give a Shit. How do you communicate you don’t give a shit? You DON’T. You stay silent.
Tracy, I’m sorry you still give a shit. You have to work on that. I know it’s galling and unjust that she’s usurped your former domestic life and all the trappings. With that 60 percent asset division, you can buy a new six-burner stainless steel commercial grade stove. Okay, she won a used stove. Whoopee. She also won a cheater.
Engaging with the OW whether it’s about stoves, or pizza rolls, or the unsavoriness of her lady parts, is just another form of the Pick Me Dance. It means that somehow your cheater still matters. There is still something to care and fight about.
If she “won” a used oven and a 24-foot-cubic-dumpster of shit, would you care? Would her insults sting?
Dude, you’re gloating over a dumpster of shit. Enjoy that stainless steel appliance in your dumpster of shit! You think I’m ugly? You live in a dumpster of shit.
That’s her reality, Tracy. She can think of herself as the Upgrade all she wants to, the fact is, she feels so unhinged by insecurity that she has to taunt you. She WANTS the triangle. She WANTS the competition and the pick me dance. She NEEDS the fight to feel central in Mr. Cheaterpants life. So long as you’re the boogeyman and the obstacle to their happiness, she’s “winning.” When you disengage and treat them both like the shit dumpsters that they are? She has to finally confront her “prize.”
So forgive yourself for falling off the no contact wagon. It happens.
There’s something seriously disturbed about the OW who taunt anyway, and you best steer clear of them for your personal safety, IMO. I had one of these whackadoodles (I got signed up for spam, dating sites, political campaigns… ) I had my lawyer send her a letter saying I was going to press criminal harassment charges if she didn’t cease and desist. Consider a formal letter to the OW, and cc the authorities, okay?
I think these OW are the crazy fringe of the crazy fringe of OW. You have to be a special kind of fucked up to accept (and fight for) side-dish relationship status. It’s pathetic and frankly, IMO a lot of OW know this at some level, so they tend to be low-key and quiet. The wife, insomuch as they think of her, is a theoretical construct and not a person. Just some obstacle to schedule fuckfests around.
The crazy fringe OW, however? They go on the attack. They taunt. They stalk. They write HuffPo dreck about how awesome and edgy and pioneering it is to be an OW.
Alas, you’ve got one of these wingnuts. Just finalize your divorce and work on building your new life. Don’t look back. They’ve got bright shiny ovens and pizza rolls here in your new life too.
P.S. Your daughters will graduate college just fine. They may have to be scrappy about financial aid, but divorce doesn’t prevent people from getting college degrees. It just makes things more challenging. If Dad spent their college funds on his new bar skank lifestyle, that’s their issue to work out with him, not yours. ((Hugs))