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UBT: Married Trader with a Sugar Baby

gloriousNew York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their sex-lives — “with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results.” 

Last week, a 42-year-old corporate trader shared his hijinks with a much younger Sugar Baby. (Which could be a post all its own — why the treacly euphemism for sex workers? Should we name all professionals after popular candies? “Cancel my afternoon appointments, Marion. I have a meeting with a Milk Dud.”)

Anyway… today the Universal Bullshit Translator is tackling the Married Trader and his Sugar Baby.

DAY ONE
4:45 a.m. I am a trader, and I live in Chappaqua, so I wake up at the ass crack of dawn and sneak out of the house without waking the wife or kids. They prefer it this way since it’s so damn early.

7 a.m. First Starbucks triple latte of the day. Settled into my desk. Let’s go!

4:20 p.m. The market was not my friend. Get me the fuck home.

Did you have a bad day, Boo Boo? Do you need a friend? I think we could buy you a few.

UBT: I work hard for the money and am a considerate family man who lets small children sleep. My one small pleasure is a frothy caffeinated beverage. Behold my suffering! And pity me. 

DAY TWO

4:45 a.m. Same evil wake-up call. I’ve been doing this for 20 years; you’d think I’d be used to it. You’d also think I’d be richer. We just moved out here to the ‘burbs. It’s a big house in the safest possible neighborhood. The wife likes it. My two young children like it. Me? I’m not about to run for mayor, but I don’t need to burn the town down, either.

4:30 p.m. Every other Tuesday, I go to physical therapy for an old back injury. But the wife thinks I go every Tuesday. This is not a PT Tuesday. This is a Brie Tuesday. Brie is my special ladyfriend: We met at a fundraiser about six months ago, and she is 24. It is pure sex. And money. She’s not a proper escort, but she might as well be.

U-huh. You met at a fundraiser. Sure. And the UBT is a chocolate-covered pretzel.

Because that’s how it goes — you sidle up to some young thing at the Save Dyslexic Quakers gala and whisper, “Care to be my biweekly fuck for money?” And she’s in total accord with your wishes. Every OTHER Tuesday? Yes, she’s free!

UBT: Brie is my special ladyfriend. The kind of special I have to pay to touch me.

5 p.m. We meet at a midtown hotel and quickly down two dirty martinis each at the bar — it’s a solid routine. We never touch at the bar because, in case I’m ever spotted, I have a pre-rehearsed story that Brie is my niece. My real niece goes to Columbia, so it would make perfect sense if it ever got back to the wifey. The hotel is also right near my physical therapy, so I’m covered that way.

It would make perfect sense that I would drink cocktails at a hotel with my college-age niece. No one would find that creepy or unusual at all!  Doting uncle is the perfect disguise! No one would ever suspect me of paying for sex! 

The UBT thinks someone slipped some stupid in your drink.

5:30 p.m. In the hotel room, I always go down on Brie for as long as she lets me. Today it’s about 15 minutes. I love her pussy. It is very pretty and smells like cotton candy. We have sex missionary-style on the hotel bed and come together after about 12 minutes, if I’m being honest.

Brie fakes her orgasms.

5:42 p.m. I take a quick shower.

Gotta wash all the cheater juice off before I go home to wifey. 

5:50 p.m. I give Brie $600 after every time I see her. This is because (1) she handles the hotel room, which can cost up to $350, (2) she has to cab it to Brooklyn, where she lives, and (3) I’m happy to give her spending cash. She is a part-time nanny for a Park Slope family and doesn’t make a lot. I’m no fool, I know it sounds like she’s a hooker, but it’s really not like that. And if it is, fuck it, I don’t care.

I’m not paying a hooker! I’m giving a part-time nanny some spending money! It makes perfect sense that a woman who earns $600 per half hour would spend the rest of her non-biweekly-Tuesday time babysitting small children for crap wages. 

She’s just that kind of selfless, crazy kid! Don’t spend it all on comic books, okay Brie? 

7:30 p.m. Home. Wife and kids are so preoccupied with bath time that I don’t have to lie about what I did at PT … because no one asks.

I’m a sad sausage. No one asked me about my day with the hooker. They don’t love me. Ergo, I should see hookers.

9 p.m. I go to bed hours before my wife. All good in the hood.

DAY THREE

4:45 a.m. Motherfuckin’ alarm.

12 p.m. It’s been a tumultuous day, work-wise.

4:30 p.m. Get me out of Dodge and straight to … SLT. I love SLT.

6:30 p.m. I meet the family for pizza in the town next door. My kids are my life. And no, I don’t think about Brie at all. I’m able to fuck her every other Tuesday and leave it at that. No texting. No sexting. No missing each other. No trouble.

As long as everyone stays in their place, everything is fine. Family pizza night/hooker night. Can’t mix it up, or it’s like when pizza delivery goes wrong and all the toppings slide off and slosh around. Family pizza night cheese cannot touch hooker Tuesday pineapple. Chaos will reign.

10:30 p.m. When all the kids are asleep, my wife and I cuddle in bed. I have a massive boner. We’ve been together for a decade, so the sex isn’t what it was, but it’s still pretty good. Last year I got “snipped,” so we’re still enjoying the freedom of that. I fuck her from behind while rubbing her clit hard, around and around, how she likes it. Brief flashes of Brie, but nothing I can’t handle.

You have an affectionate wife, who turns you on, a good job, and a lovely family. Yeah, your life just sucks. I think you deserve MORE.

DAY FOUR

4:45 a.m. Fuck my tedious life.

12 p.m. Market blows.

5 p.m. Drinks with a buddy down in Tribeca. He says his new girlfriend is coming in a little while. This guy is in the middle of a gnarly divorce, so I’m glad to see he’s getting some … in the butt. Yep, he and new girl are into ass-play, he tells me. Mostly hers, a little his. Whatever floats your boat, brah.

6 p.m. I just can’t take his new ladyfriend seriously knowing she likes to take it in the tushy.

I can’t respect a slut who likes anal sex. But a woman who takes money for sex? Hand that special lady friend $600, I say! 

9 p.m. On the Metro-North home, I’m just glad to be married.

I’m sure your wife is just thrilled to not have you arrive home until after 9 p.m. I’m sure her life is never “fucking tedious” staying home with kids.

UBT: I’m just glad for cake. 

DAY FIVE
4:45 a.m. I look at my phone, and there’s a voice-mail from “Joseph Hedgefund.” Guess who Joseph Hedgefund is? It’s the name of a certain soft cheese. Brie must have drunk-dialed me late last night. In the past, this would have really pissed me off, but I’m too tired to get riled up at the moment.

6:30 a.m. I listen to her message from the car: She is wasted and says she wants to see me and to “choke” — on my cock. We’ve done some bondage stuff before — it’s mostly me getting whipped and emasculated and shit, but sometimes we tie her up, too. She has more than once requested to choke on my cock, so I shove it down her throat until she’s all drooling and lightly gagging. For some reason she loves it. Fun times.

She calls me to request sex. I’m sure it’s because she can’t get enough of my cock and not because she needs money.

5 p.m. I’m meeting the wife and kids at our place in the Berkshires straight from work, so I head there as soon as the market closes. I can’t wait to play with my kids all weekend.

8 p.m. Wife has made spaghetti and meatballs, and there’s a Chianti open. We play with the kids, put everyone to sleep, and make love.

Fuck my tedious life! 

DAY SIX

8 a.m. Oh, sleep, I love you. I fucking love you.

12 p.m. We play outside all day. Tag, hide-and-seek, etc.

4 p.m. We go into town for Chinese food — my kids go crazy for Chinese food. Looking at my wife and spawn, I’m a happy man. These happy, healthy days make me wonder if the Brie thing is in fact a good thing for my marriage. It’s just the right release to keep things balanced.

It’s not cheating, it’s BALANCE.

A balance of power in my favor.

DAY SEVEN

9 a.m. Sleep, marry me.

3 p.m. Another missed call from Joseph Hedgefund. Now I’m getting pissed. I’ve been up front about my situation and limitations from the start. In the voice-mail, she says she got tickets to some comedy show during the week, and do I want to join her? Please, Jesus, don’t let this woman start going crazy on me. Please. When I fill the car with gas, I send her a text that says, “No more messages, please, please, please, this is serious.” And then — wait for it — I type, “See you next Tuesday.”

7 p.m. Back home. Back to the grind tomorrow. And that’s my life.

Crazy woman and her cultural events! How dare she text me! Doesn’t she know she’s a bi-weekly orifice?

I’m sorry Babe, there’s just only so much of me to go around. I give my best to my spawn and wifey. But I can choke you with my cock on Tuesday.

Calendar it.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
    • Ugh. I threw up breakfast halfway through the article.
      All I could think is this idiot Cheese is gonna choke – then he will have to dispose of her body. How many “missing” young women are out there ?

      • // , I think there are some services for this, unfortunately. I suspect that many young women enter in, or are made to participate in, the burgeoning human trafficking market this way.

    • I dont believe for one f**cking moment that he is playing hide and seek on the weekends with his kids! Also notice how he doesnt mention his wife. Himself, the hooker and his kids.

      • So funny – that was the bit that hit me, too. No way he spent all day playing with the kids!

        I think most if not all stories like this are actually the work of a staff writer on the paper, and not true stories at all. Which means the paper knows that this is a fantasy many people would like to read (and perhaps live out). Which is every bit as sad as if it is true.

          • It would make sense only if he told the kids to go “hide” and then never tried to find them. Because he’s so smart like that.

            What a crock of bullshit!

            • Late to the party, Why tell the kids to hide? He will dump their asses too, as soon as they all hit adolescence, you know when the kids’ expenses are going through the roof, and they begin to notice The absent parent “works” a lot, and hey kibbles (and competition, because Narc parents compete with their kids big time) are getting scarce, and if not then well as soon as they enroll in college. Then it’s not my money going out, they are your kids now Chump. That’s what my piece of shit ex did. Oh and in the two years leading up to his big announcement he not only played fast and loose with our finances, he was also fucking his new racquetball partner. What fucking losers.

  • Oh wow, way to be such a clueless selfish asshole.

    I’m sure he thinks he is such a good husband and that spending 1200 a month on sex doesn’t in any way affect his family. After all, he queries hard this the money and nobody aks about his day. He deserves some fun!!

    • Don’t forget the 4 dirty martinis at the bar plus a tip suitable to impress the whore! Probably at least $35-50 extra bucks each time!
      Not to mention the “hush” money which will probably be needed at some point to make her go away.

  • And the academy award goes too … not married trader because after all the shit I’ve read here on CN this isn’t even out of the ordinary, how fucking unfortunate us that to say. I forsee Gouda Girl looking through his phone and finding chump wife’s number and outing him. That’s the kind of shit that needs to be published, and then a little public S&M as they both should be flogged in Times Square and have to run a gauntlet of turf and earth. And the academy award isn’t even a real award anyways

  • This is a good representation of the cheater mentality. They have good lives, good sex with their partners, but they want M O R E. I hope the karma bus hits you right on the ass, brah.

    • Nice home + great kids + successful business + loving wife + good sex… it doesn’t add up for them. It’s never enough. Assholes!

    • And what I find interesting (for want of a better word here), is that when you deal with a real live human being — not a blow up doll — is that they, eventually, they will refuse to stay in the box that you’ve provided for them.

      Thankfully, so at some point most cheaters do get outed.

      • Ha! My STBXH cheater asshole tried that first, 4 months after our wedding he hit up an ex-GF and they started a torrid email affair — when he invited her to our house for a holiday party she was pissed she wasn’t a special friend to her and how he was all touchy feely with me (you know, his wife). He dumped her right after that and stuck with IRC/chatrooms for years. The he could TALK about getting together and get all riled up at the thought, but never followed through and could dump them as needed.

        Though one of those, when our first was 6 months old was gushing about how well he understood her sexy needs and was so hot .. so he stuffed that by saying hey I’m HAPPILY MARRIED. Keeps the extramarital sex parters in their place, you know?

        It was all about how he needed validation to feel like a good person, and he sought it in the most self-destructive and marriage-destructive way possible. Like the evil trader, he found a balance that kept his secret single guy sex life going while abusing his wife who thought he thought he was married and faithful.

  • What a coward. Does he have any clue the conditions in which most of the world live? Clearly, having every privilege imaginable is just not enough for this sparkly narc.

    It’s very telling that he bemoans the fact that no one pays him proper deference when he gets home late at night. I have been in this same position so many times. Frantically trying to handle all the house stuff that needs to get done, get dinner on the table, get the kid bathed, etc., when husband walks in and lays right down on the couch with a cold one. Both of us had long days, but only one of us was expected to continue working throughout the evening: ME. Not only does he want no share of the evening work, he actually wants to be PRAISED for lying around thinking about his Really Hard Life instead of helping. The entitlement is oozing out of every line of this stupid account.

    • Flashback! Walks in door, plops on couch, immediately on Facebook. Meanwhile I’m making dinner, helping with homework, doing laundry, feeding pets… then cleaning up dinner dishes, making lunches, bathing kids, reading bedtime stories, folding laundry. We both worked full time, and I made more than twice as much as he did…

      • My life too…and these idiots say they are modern men, “feminists”…but you get criticized for not doing it the right way, the way he would have done it if he was up to it and not just into lying around, giving orders, or doing stuff on his computer

        ..And when divorce comes around cheater´s resentment for you making more money than him is finally made evident! Oh, karma , please karma…

        • …Or the sulking and pouting when we don’t throw a parade for them if they do the dishes once in a blue moon? “You don’t appreciate what I do for you!!!” Yep, it’s a personal favor to ME when you do the dishes, but it’s just another part of my job description.

          The day he moved out, I turned up the music in the kitchen, and danced!

      • God, flashback is right! I am trying to figure out what he did? I did all the laundry, cooked , cleaned, paid the bills, took care of kids, grocery shopped, planed all the vacations, made sure no one was forgot on bdays, Christmas presents bought for whole family including his! Worked full time, and the thing about is I enjoyed doing those things, I liked being a wife and mother! I did everything possible to make sure HE was happy! Never started fights, hardly disagreed with him, he was always top of my priority list, and what do I get in return? A divorce! I hope his Howorker piece of ass enjoys doing all that shit he expects it now! Stupid ass motherfucker, piece of shit!

    • Flashback here too!!!!

      Every night he’d actually work, he’d come home, ask what’s for dinner…sit his fat ass down, kinda-sorta ask about our day, not-so-much-engage with our daughter, comment on various random shit he’d seen on Facebook or the news, play on his phone, hide out in the crapper…meanwhile, I’m scurrying around, laundry, housework, taking care of our daughter, you doing all the “fun” stuff that he never participated in, just bitch and whine that I didn’t do it enough.

  • fuck…$600.00 for approx 30 mins of sex? Shit, that’s 1200/hour? Hell, I’ll take that gig, even if I do have to pay for the cab (I would probably engineer a discount at the hotel). Just kdding…..or maybe not.

    • It’s not much when you consider that she’s paying for the hotel room ($350) and her $70 to $100 cab fare back to Brooklyn from the Upper West Side (assuming they meet near Columbia where his niece goes to school). That’s only $50 per hour, counting transportation to and from, 30 minutes of sex, and 30 minutes ordering cocktails beforehand. Her Nanny job probably pays better.

      And considering the fact that she met him at a social function and is asking him to do activities with her outside of sex, she’s either the dumbest prostitute in the history of sex work, or she’s just the dumbest OW ever, who actually thinks she’s dating this guy and doesn’t realize he considers her a Sugar Baby/prostitute.

      • And she’s probably taking the train and pocketing the cab fare. He just gets off on the idea of her taking a cab — it makes the whole sordid situation seem more elegant.

      • Brie cheese is a pro. Acting innocent is her ‘draw’. She gets the hotel room in her name. He leaves in less than an hour. A pro would schedule 3-4 more guys to come see her, make 3-4 grand for that 350 room.

        But whatever she is doing, his justification of helping her with spending cash because she loves to choke on his amazing cock is priceless. A nanny who helps children for low wages just loves your cock fool. It’s all for you. Typical narc B.S.

        • I have read here and there that more and more young women are using sugar daddies to get through university.

          Such is what our society has come to. Better than being $250K at the end of it all.

        • I don’t think a pro would be texting him on his off days though. I think he has a potential bunny boiler in the making.

  • I love how the UBT cuts through all the bull and gets right down to the bone. Spot on every time! Even in their anonymous blogs these people do their mental acrobatics. I imagine their entire thought process involves inventing justifications for their bad behavior.

  • “These happy, healthy days make me wonder if the Brie thing is in fact a good thing for my marriage. It’s just the right release to keep things balanced.”

    Rationalization and self-justification. The basic and necessary traits of every liar, cheater, and scumbag to ever walk this planet.

  • Oh damn they are all the same. Entitled selfish bastards and bitches. Douchebags the lot of them. My kids tell me they’ve noticed everybody cheats and it seems to be the norm. They hate it. They were raised to be honest and open. Neither one sees any reason to even bother getting married. They say most of their friends who get married think divorce is no big deal. What a fucking world! Me never again. I am done.

    • My daughter says the same thing. After her mother cheated and bailed out my daughter says she’s just getting Shih Tzus…quite frankly I don’t blame her

    • My 17 year old daughter has made it very clear that she will never get married. She has no interest in boys even though she turns a lot of heads.

      She applauds my now single status. She witnessed a lot and I doubt she will ever get over what happened in our lives.

      I think we need to teach our young girls and women to put more value on themselves. Brie is somebody’s daughter.

      How sad that she feels this kind of attention from a married asshole is good attention !

      • ^^This.

        I’m terrified about the dating world for my kids. I LIKED the warm positive relationship time I did have and I think it should be possible to have a real monogamous relationship and not just get a dog.

        In college, yeah I dated but I mostly had serially monogamous relationships ending with my now-STBX. That he had past girl friends didn’t matter but I didn’t realize he never had a girlfriend, he had sex partners he had fun with. Stupid stupid me. Red flags everywhere.

        I hope she is putting herself through college or some silver lining.

        • “In college, yeah I dated but I mostly had serially monogamous relationships ending with my now-STBX. That he had past girl friends didn’t matter but I didn’t realize he never had a girlfriend, he had sex partners he had fun with…”

          Ugh. Upon reflection, that sounds exactly like me and my ex. I was also a serial monogamist until I met the ex. He didn’t date in high school, and the two women he “dated” in college before he met me… well, I think they were just a few months of hook ups. I don’t think that either of the women who were his supposed girlfriends actually viewed him as a boyfriend– more like a friend with benefits. I dismissed it– he met the wrong girls, he was a little shy about asking girls out, etc. Nah. He just met girls who had more common sense than I did– they wouldn’t date him or treat him as more than a hook up because he was clingy, weird, not super physically attractive (in hindsight for me), and selfish in a covert way. Red flags, indeed.

          And then the Chump came along… while I will never tell my kids not to date, I hope that they can learn from my experience. As for Brie… I think she’s hoping that the position of wife will be open soon, so she’s trying to jockey for the spot. I feel sorry for that douchebag’s wife and kids. He doesn’t deserve them.

  • Wow. Just when you thought our opinion of Wall Street traders couldn’t sink any lower, we get this. He makes Gordon Gekko look like John Candy. What a thoroughly evil douche-nozzle.

    If I ever want to commit suicide, I need to find this guy, climb up his ego, and jump down to the level of his emotional IQ.

    To quote Creighton Bernette, “Fuck you, you fucking fuck.”

    • Nomar – “If I ever want to commit suicide, I need to find this guy, climb up his ego, and jump down to the level of his emotional IQ.” I freaking adore this line! Hilarious. May I have your permission to use it…with your tm of course. 😉

      • Thanks, and sure! Though don’t attribute it to me. I didn’t invent it. I’ve heard it elsewhere (well, using IQ instead of “emotional IQ”).

  • The whole “you also think I’d be richer” thing….
    like $15,600 a year richer if you weren’t paying for sex?
    Way to dissipate those marital assets, jackass!

    • Assuming you spend 20 years raising your 2 kids, that comes out to $312,000. With interest that would have amounted to something like 400 large over those years. And I’m guessing Trader John won’t be less inclined to pay for sex when he is 20 years more habituated to cheating and the wife he claims to love is 20 years older and no longer useful raising his “spawn,” so the total over the course of a life-long marriage will be somewhere between $500K and a cool million. If a trader stole this from a client, he goes to jail. Steal it from a spouse (along with decades of their life), and he gets a column in New York Magazine.

      • Once the kids have flown, she’s older, the sex is even more ‘routine’ (according to him), and some young honey comes and blows smoke up his ass he’ll dump the wife just as she hits menopause, swiftly marry the sweet young thang, have a trophy baby and think he’s the cat’s meow.

        A story as old as the ages.

        • This is so hard to read. It gives me that feeling in my stomach everyone here knows so well to realize this poor woman is investing her life and love in a person who is a total imposter and is just using her. You only hope she finds out the truth about this reject before she spends another decade with him.

          Having learned the hard way that dishonest and callous people like this are very real, it is still almost beyond my ability to compute that a person can betray a person and steal their best years from them seemingly without any regard for the person being betrayed. They don’t seem to see the person they are betraying as a living, breathing human being who is a child of parents that raised and love them, or as a valuable person that has feelings, hopes and dreams. They live predatory and remorseless lives using another person (who unknowingly shares themselves in the most intimate ways) until that person is no longer useful and then discards them like a old pair of shoes.

          Is it any wonder that it is so emotionally destructive to learn the person you loved, trusted, invested in and sacrificed for had so little regard for you. I hate this shit and the gut wrenching hours, days and years of dispair it brings before you get to a place of realization that you are incredibly lucky to be out.

          • I was thinking the same thing. I’m so lucky really to know and be out. You want to hear something weird? A month before my husband left me, I prayed over and over God please bring the light into my life. And boom my husband leaves me. All MY fault of course. Slowly details emerge, another person etc still my fault of course. I just feel like God knew what a douche stbx was and got me out. I don’t know. It’s just weird. Buts It’s always better to know the truth.

            • Kay – For so many reasons, I agree it’s better to know the truth. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like you’ve been ‘lucky” to learn the truth because you usually associate being lucky with something that makes you feel good. Being chumped doesn’t make you feel good, and it never will. It’s heartbreaking on a scale that only the betrayed can know. But Kay, that’s not the lucky part.

              You are now out of an abusive relationship with a dishonest person who did not respect or value you. You have been given the gift of knowing that – and a real opportunity to bring that light into your life you were praying for. Take advantage of it, and the opportunity to be who you were meant to be.

          • JK, you said that perfectly. I remember reading a quote about how cheating isn’t disrespectful– it’s a total absence of respect because the cheater is behaving as though his/her spouse doesn’t even exist. All those years my ex and I were together– the relationships I forged with his nuclear and extended families, the trips we went on, the experiences we shared in college, the decency my family always showed him, the homes we made together, the children we created together– they were nothing to him, like they belonged to someone else’s life, and he had no trouble shrugging them all off and walking away to start anew with someone else. The old, worn shoes analogy fits very well. I’m also very glad I’m not with him. Life is too short to put up with being treated like worn out sneakers.

          • Exactly, JK. Sure wish I had my sixteen years back. I’m quite certain I would have met someone better than Mr. Cheaterpants. That is really the robbery that took place for us. Had we known they wanted to fuck strange, we would have had the opportunity to say, “hey, you go do that” and have an Equal Opportunity to find someone else. As Meh as I am, I am still very pissed about that chance being stolen from me.

            • “Had we known they wanted to fuck strange, we would have had the opportunity to say, “hey, you go do that” and have an Equal Opportunity to find someone else.”

              Here, here, Muse. My sentiments exactly. Selfish mother fuckers wanted it all at our expense.

          • JK and MovinOn, These things you both said resonate:

            “it is still almost beyond my ability to compute that a person can betray a person and steal their best years from them seemingly without any regard for the person being betrayed. They don’t seem to see the person they are betraying as a living, breathing human being who is a child of parents that raised and love them, or as a valuable person that has feelings, hopes and dreams. They live predatory and remorseless lives using another person (who unknowingly shares themselves in the most intimate ways) until that person is no longer useful and then discards them like a old pair of shoes.”

            That’s exactly what I felt like (and still do)…used and easily and gleefully tossed aside.

            “ll those years my ex and I were together– the relationships I forged with his nuclear and extended families, the trips we went on, the experiences we shared in college, the decency my family always showed him, the homes we made together, the children we created together– they were nothing to him, like they belonged to someone else’s life, and he had no trouble shrugging them all off and walking away to start anew with someone else.”

            Over a year later, this is still the most difficult shit sandwich to eat. All this you described…what he and I built…it meant absolutely EVERYTHING to me. I mourn its loss rather frequently. I am hoping the holidays being over helps.

            I am, I truly am, glad to be free of this man he became, the one who didn’t like me. I wasted too many years. Our kids are forever changed. What they depended on most in life was blown apart. I don’t mean to sound dramatic. And I know that if *he* read this, he would be rolling his eyes as if I’m over-reacting, but really….it’s THAT huge of a thing.

            I feel for the poor wife in this blog. God, I wonder how many wives go to their graves NEVER finding out. Blows my mind.

            • “Our kids are forever changed. What they depended on most in life was blown apart.”

              That’s what I can’t comprehend. How in the world do these cheaters live with themselves after turning their kids’ worlds upside down? How do you look your at your child who has tears in their eyes and tell them that you “have to leave” and that “your mother and I need some space” all the while you are fucking someone else and lying about it? My STBXH used to say that he’d work 3 jobs if that’s what it took to give our kids what they needed (braces, $ towards activities, tuition assistance, etc.) yet he went and fucked his younger co-worker, lied about it for months, moved out, and continued to lie to our kids and to me about his affair. So much for the “I’ll do whatever it takes to make my kids happy” speech. Asshole.

              He has rewritten history and recites a well-rehearsed story about how we fell out of love, how I was preoccupied with my job, how my friends were more important to me than him, how our kids had too much involvement in our decisions and how our family was too “kid-centric”. He talks woefully about how I was living my own life and he was just along for the ride. Really? Because he never said a fucking thing. Never. Not once. My kids now know that he left for another woman. I had to tell them because the rumor mill in our town was running rampant and I wanted my kids to hear it from me first. I even gave my STBXH the opportunity to tell them himself (knowing that he’d spin it to make it sound like he didn’t meet his whore until AFTER we separated which is a big sack of BS) and he didn’t. He’s a fucking coward. He moved in with the whore 6 months after leaving us although he was pretty much living with her from the moment he left me and our two girls.

              When we went to marriage counseling after he left (a big waste of time and money – I didn’t know about his affair at the time) he would tell me that I was exaggerating about how our separation was affecting our kids and that I didn’t want them to be ok with the situation because then I’d have no one to be sad with. Really? I wanted my kids to be sad because misery loves company? He asked how our kids were supposed to feel if their mother was walking around the house depressed and crying all the time. He questioned whether it was a healthy environment for them to live in. Really? Because he fucking created the situation. WTF did he think was going to happen – that we would resume life as usual after he broke apart our family? I was also called a martyr because I wanted people to feel sorry for me. It was all the self-control I had not to lunge at him and squeeze his neck as tightly as I could until he stopped breathing. This is the same man who, if he could have, would have wrapped our first born in bubble wrap when she was a baby so that no harm would ever come to her. She is now a teenager. How ironic that the man she thought would be the one to always protect her is now the one causing her the greatest pain.

              The first month after STBXH moved out I did not cry in front of the kids because I wanted to be “strong”. My oldest daughter commented one day that I didn’t seem to care that their father left because I didn’t act upset about it. That’s when I realized that hiding my emotions was not helping any of us. I wasn’t going to fake it in front of my kids any longer and if I felt sad, I cried, or if I was angry, I would tell them I needed some time alone to “take a break” and went out for a run or a walk to burn off my negative energy. My kids needed to know it was ok for them to express their grief and sadness and anger about their father leaving. Cheaters actually believe their own lies and if they convince themselves that their decisions don’t negatively impact the kids then they can continue to justify being selfish assholes.

              • Yes, they always cheat because you spend too much time, money, effort on those damn kids. That really burnt me when I read it on the RIC. If your relationship is right, with two adults, having children and spending time with them will be the BEST thing that ever happened to you. Or your marriage. It’s called a family…

              • “That’s what I can’t comprehend. How in the world do these cheaters live with themselves?’ You answer your own question: they rewrite history. They do that to control the narrative for work, friends, relatives, neighbors; for you and the kids; and for themselves. Full of entitlement, they believe they are entitled to their own facts as well as the family assets and an AP or two.

    • I bet the wife would like some of that $1200 per month to hire an actual Nanny to help with kids so she could get some much earned time off. What an entitled fuck.

  • 30 minutes of sex, most of it cunnilingus and missionary? Ummm. That’s pretty damn boring if you ask me. I mean at least get I to some freaky shit if you are going to be risking your life, marriage, and security of your children.

    • I think it’s hilarious that she ‘lets’ him go down on her – sounds to me like he’s down there thinking he’s the master but probably can’t find any of the key areas, so she’s thinking, ‘Ugh, how long to I have to let him slobber around to earn my keep? What should I make for dinner? Wonder if Sally is up for drinks later? Squirrel!’

      • LMAO Nord!!!! yeah, I can imagine her laying there examining her fingernails, staring up at the ceiling trying to name all the state capitals, etc. as he “performs” on her…I thought hookers got paid to do ALL the work???I didn’t know men paid to reciprocate on the hooker???

        Hph, learn something new every day I guess.

    • And the 12 minutes…? Yeah, she just wants to get it over with and get paid. As for asking him to go do things with her, it’s again about the paycheck. It’s both sad and hilarious that he thinks he’s such a stud. I’m pretty sure that if my ex didn’t have family money, the AP would never have become the Owife. She had to make sure that he could pay for her stay-at-home-do-nothing lifestyle (and I was a SAHM for several years– this woman truly does not do anything, and when she does do something like make dinner, she’s just like my ex– my kids are supposed to kiss her ass and tell her that she’s wonderful, or she gets pissed off).

      Oh, and my ex was not exciting in the sack. It’s the checks from his mommy that excite the Owife.

      • I think that he is emphasizing what an unselfish lover he is because he is servicing his sugar baby’s needs, not his own. And then he is Dad of the Year with the kids too. All part of the grandiosity of Me Me Me who makes the big bucks and has somehow become entitled to cheat. These cheaters waste our lives gleefully and smugly. But it’s never too late to leave & create a new life without them.

  • ah yes, the perfect setup as far as the cheater is concerned. Looks like a great guy because he’s a ‘family man’ while the reality is that he’s a lying cheating asshole. He justifies it by saying that it makes his marriage better – for only him, of course. Certainly not his unsuspecting wife who probably thinks he’s the best husband and father ever. I hope the sex with Brie is worth losing his family cause it only takes one slip up – which will happen at some point. $1200 a month only goes unnoticed for so long.

    • Of course it will happen. Mistress/escort is getting pushy, which can only mean one thing: mo money, mo money, mo money. Who wants to bet he’ll end up feeling sorry for himself and blame the Bitch Cheese for any fallout coming his way? I see major rage towards Cheesy Girl if it blows up and towards the wife if she gets smart, dumps him, and takes her fair share. This is the kind of guy who will complain about child support and ask for accountings of where it’s spent.

    • My X lost his family because he had the same sense of entitlement, justification, excuse. He would tell me that he wasn’t losing his family just me. He sees the kids on average 6 hours a week. I would like to think that when he is setting in that big 4 bedroom house all alone he is realizing just what he lost but alas he’s a narc and his life is just fine without us. Oh that’s right he only lost me. Delusional till the end.

      • Yeap, mine lost his family, his comfortable home, his comfortable fireplace, his great convo’s of love life & the pursuits of happiness that he so felt was missing from “our” marriage of 30 yrs, for his “mistake,” to day the least.

        We had a good marriage, and he made it bad.
        Now all he wants is his family back, but it doesn’t happen like that. It is never the same ever again…

        • Susan, sounds like you are married to my H. “We had a good marriage and he made it bad. Now all he wants is his family back, but it doesn’t happen like that. It is never the same ever again…” Delusional.

          And Trader, I hope the Karma train hits you soon, you entitled ass.

    • Ah yes, folks, this was my story-with a few details changed. X hooked up with a 25 yr old (he is 65), but he didn’t earn a good living. He gave her money – “bonus” for helping with his cases. Probably more to get his d*** to work. He had “happy hours” and gave his excuse as “oh I work with mostly women so that’s who I’m going to be going to lunch with.” His hotel room was sneaking off to the 7th floor of the building. All this documented in the love letters I found in the attic upon moving out.

      “ah yes, the perfect setup as far as the cheater is concerned. Looks like a great guy because he’s a ‘family man’ while the reality is that he’s a lying cheating asshole. ” And everybody agreed he deserved the Golden Globe/Academy Award/ and Father of the Year Award for being such a great ole guy. He tries to pass it off saying “she’s 40 yrs younger!”. Yea, dude. A few yrs younger and you would have been classified as an official sexual predator. The charade had been going on for quite a few yrs.

      The bus stop for Karma route has been established. It’s coming in a big New York roaring kind of way. As someone once said on this site, let the natural order of consequences and the universe take care of this crap.

  • Isn’t this guy worried that his wife might see this and put together some of the pieces? What a fucking blatant asshat who thinks he’s invincible. Better yet – the soft cheese sees it and outs him publicly. What a dumbass.

    • My guess is he has adjusted his story enough. Or it’s click bait. He sounds like he certainly doesn’t actually frequent Starbucks. A triple latte would only be a way to order if you’re including a size which doesn’t normally get three shots of espresso. He just says triple latte, as opposed to saying ‘TALL triple latte” which would actually tell the barista what they need to know. I bet he drinks normal dunkin donuts brew or whatever the office has- but wants to make himself even more sparkly, so he’s dressing up his coffee habits. Real traders I know just drink espresso or americanos they can’t be bothered with the milk…. He lies to his wife, my guess is he also lies to the public with his story.

  • I will guarantee you this dud(e) is no GQ and she is no Centerfold. It is two lost souls who are slobbing through life. Neither of them alive, both of them desperate.

    That is the tragedy. Some fool is looking at this thinking it’s the life. And, it is literally the dead rubbing two sticks together looking for a flame that will never light.

    • I will also bet she wears weekday panties on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday for the her other play dates because she just LOVES their wieners and it has NOTHING to do with money.

      What amazes me most is these idiots (men and women) think they are the only one – HA HA HA HA HA.

      I hope he wears a rubber for his wife’s sake.

      • CJ, he doesn’t need a rubber caused he’s been snipped – that’s all that matters to him. Why would he even think about bringing an STD home to his wife? This is about him, not her! Entitled asshole.

        Cheater wasn’t snipped and he proudly told me that he didn’t use a condom with any of his women.

        • Plus, he had his mouth all up in that nasty ass cotton candy crotch. She was probably using some kind of spray/douche to disguise the stench.

  • How about sharing this with his spouse? If it makes him more balanced and a better husband/father, would it not benefit his wife to have a 25 year old side fuck? Maybe they could alternate Tuesday’s! My spouse said same shit….

  • This is a NAUSEATING story. My ex refers to people like this, too: “the wife” – “the kids” – “the ladyfriend”… Is it me, or does it sound TOTALLY detached from reality?

    It sounds like a dramatic and glorified narration read by somebody who hates everybody but himself.

    Also:

    1. I don’t think it’s possible for pussies to smell like cotton candy

    2. 600 dollars MINUS hotel arrangements + travel = really shitty pay for a sugar baby. Shitty person AND a shitty “sugar daddy”.

    3. Why is SHE making the arrangements just for a lousy (less than) 300!? Anybody notice how he makes it sound like he’s doing her a MAJOR favor by sleeping with her?

    • “600 dollars MINUS hotel arrangements + travel = really shitty pay for a sugar baby. Shitty person AND a shitty sugar daddy.”

      I think this dude is fooling himself. She’s not doing it entirely for the Tuesday payday. She has other motives that include: 1) imagining she can lure him away from his wife and family; 2) blackmailing him; or 3) both.

      Dude isn’t the smartest guy in the room. Even the hotel room he attends every other Tuesday. The karma bus knows the way to Wall Street, Brah.

      • Uh… Or she spends all day at the same hotel, and gets the room on Hotwire and sees more than just him. Sugar baby… Knows the game. pay for play women often know what they are and are making bank. She gets one room, sees 4 guys every Tuesday (him every second might be an aberration) and gets 3-600 from each …. And doesn’t have to ‘be a nanny’ and probably lives closer than she says. Wonder what he would see if he came to the same Bar on a Wednesday. He’s just as much a fool as we were. He just deserves it.

    • Either she’s setting him up (as Nomar thinks) or she doesn’t realize that he considers her a sugar baby/escort. Considering that she met him at a social function and is inviting him on dates other than sex, my guess is that she thinks she’s in a clandestine relationship.

    • This guy’s so disengaged it’s pathetic ! Wifey, kids, cheesy whore are all just playthings/ appliances , interchangeable, disposable and all there to fill his superficial needs! No wonder he loves sleeping so much, I would too if my life was so on the surface superficial ! I almost feel sorry for him that he gets so little outta life. He needs to develop himself big time !

    • More than likely, she’s banging 4 or 5 more dudes in that hotel room before the day is done. Either that, or she’s a REALLY sad sausage who thinks this is some sort of relationship. The calls and invitations to plays or whatever shit it was suggests the latter, of course, this guy is totally delusional and could be making it all up.

    • dollparts, one of the books I read on NPD and narcissism mentioned this type of verbal objectification. It is indeed a way of disassociating, and establishing emotional distance (because narcs are incapable of emotional connection). My Ex did this for YEARS… he would speak of OUR relationship as “the relationship.” He referred to me as his “partner” (fake feminism?) and never ever as his “girlfriend” though we lived together for sixteen years and spoke of someday marrying. After D-Day in spinning his justifications, he informed me, “you and I are not an ITEM, anymore, Muse. Get it???” (in his angry voice, so tired of not being understood by me LOL). Putting “the” in front of “wife,” or “children” instead of the word MY, strikes me as exactly the same objectification and disassociation… they are not “his” wife and children, see? so it’s not so bad (in his excuse for a mind).

      • Of course it is. That’s why I refer to Ex as “the Ex”, definitely not my ex (gag me with a pitchfork!). It helped me dissociate with him and our sham of our marriage.

        I tell you that there are some things worth taking out of the cheater handbook that are useful to chumps too. There aren’t many but this is definitely one of them. I also have taken the liberty of re-writing our entire marital history and I walked away from him, the house and all of the pictures and never looked back. The only two people I associate to that life is my children and I think only of memories I had with them. He doesn’t exist in my realm anymore and it’s quite liberating I have to say.

      • I found it very odd that X would never ever say someone’s first name. He had nicknames for every friend, (“Doctor, Attorney, Mrs. so and so, Uncle Cousin Bob, etc.) It was WEIRD!!! He could never personalize ANY THING or ANY ONE.

    • I say “the ex” because he’s no longer “mine.” That’s a meaningful, deliberate choice. The use of the article instead of the possessive pronoun “my” suggests, to me at least, that he is very distant emotionally from everyone in his life. Except himself. If he said “my kids” he’d have to think about his relationship to them as actual people. We use articles to move from specific people (Judy, my wife) to a general category (the wife). So they are just roles living in proximity to him.

  • He has a country place in the Berkshires, not the Hamptons? No wonder he’s feeling so down. That’s pure NYC humiliation.

  • Wow!

    The UBT must have had its circuits overloaded. There’s still more!

    He says he doesn’t think about Brie, but then when he’s fucking his wife (who would probably cry rape if she found out he’d fucked Brie only the day before), he thinks of Brie. He goes out for Chinese with his family and thinks of Brie. He likes missionary position with Brie, but sometimes they engage in a little BDSM. The “Joseph Hedgefund” alias shows that he’s set up the possibility of texting his prostitute without raising his wife’s suspicions, so clearly the “no texting” claim is also bogus.

    So, Mr. Trader, which is it? You think of Brie or your wife? You like straight-up sex or a bit of kink? You either don’t text or you text.

    Oh, and sex with your wife isn’t what it used to be, but your wife is willing to mix it up (or take it from behind). Have you asked if she wants to choke on your cock?

    And let’s talk about that money. Yeah, you’re buying sex. And robbing from those kids you say you love. That’s $1200 per month, excluding the bar tab, which means $14400 per year, excluding bar tab. You do the math, Mr. Wall Street Trader. What would happen if you’d invested this in your family?

    I hope your wife finds out about your little sexcapades and takes you to the cleaners. That little place in the Berkshires? Your investment portfolio? Retirement?–Poof!

    It won’t take a lot for your house of cards to tumble.

    • My STBX used our kids’ college money to pay for prostitutes. Now that he is divorcing me and trouncing me in my divorce case, in spite of him going pro per and me paying extremely expensive attorneys, he tells me that college probably won’t be worth much soon, and ‘beside, your parents offered to pay.’ He legally and financially rapes not only me but also my parents. Disgusting in so many ways.

      • My ex says, “The grandparents will pay for college.” My retired parents: “Say what? Ex makes a quarter of a million a year.”

  • This just confirms the ridiculous, self-serving justifications that all cheaters make for what is just plain disgusting, unethical behavior. What a soulless creature this Trader is. But no, “he’s a great father and husband.” Why, because he plays with his kids? Because he’s so sensitive to his wife’s feelings that he goes to great pains to hide his affair? Yep. And if he gets caught, he’ll play confused and in a fog and not getting enough sex at home and upset that wifey couldn’t lose those extra 2 lbs after having the kids.

    I hope to all that is holy that in a few months the story ends with Trader being outed by side piece and wifey serving him with divorce papers.

  • I hate these people. Does he kiss his children with that mouth? I’m assuming he kisses his wife with that mouth. 15 minutes of cunnilingus with a stranger – and “Brie” is a stranger. No mention of a condom. And this is what is the worst – his wife doesn’t get to decide if she wants to kiss and “make love” to a man who fucks a stranger without any form of protection. But of course, he would argue, Brie is “clean” because her pussy “is very pretty and smells like cotton candy.” His life is sooo hard the poor whiny-assed titty baby. This pig’s ass wouldn’t recognize “hard” if it walked up and kicked him in the ass and slapped the taste out of his mouth.

    There are not enough swear words and derogatory terms in the English language to describe this sack of shit in human form.

    • You are so correct ! They are assh**es. I hate them too. At least the ones who leave, leave…

      Once I found out my hubby was f**king another women, I never let him touch me again. It killed my love towards him. Yet I still get that I’m the one who couldn’t/wouldn’t “forgive!”

      That wife’s life will never be the same when she finds out what an ass she is married to. Freakin’ As**hole. ?

      • You’re not the one that couldn’t forgive. You’re the one that enforced your boundaries. Good on you. I wish I did that upon discovery immediately if not sooner! It took me three years to leave that asshat after dday. Your way is much better!

  • I just can’t take his new ladyfriend seriously knowing she likes to take it in the tushy.

    Sounds like jealousy to me. Maybe you’re just not paying the right hookers, “brah.”

  • That’s why I love cell phone cameras. A pig out with his “neice ” shouldn’t mind a couple of pics. Everyone drinks with their niece, at a hotel. Right?

    • He really thinks he’s so much more clever than he is.

      How can he out with his niece if he was supposed to be at his PT session?

      How hard would it be for his wife to call up the niece and ask, “Did you get drinks with you uncle at x hotel last Tuesday?”

      No wonder the banking sector of this country is such a mess. It’s managed by a bunch of unethical idiots.

  • Brie knows that someone who can give her $600/biweekly can do better. Especially if it means he doesn’t have to pay child support/alimony. That is what he gets for messing with a prostitute. Cause that is what she is.

  • Didn’t these guys learn anything from the Google executive’s death? Stone cold bitch walked over him as he lay dying. That’s how much they really love your cock, buddy.

  • OK, I’ve read a lot about Sugar Babies. A lot of them get designer clothes, cars, their tuition paid. It’s a sick combination of prostitute/paternal relationship!

    He gives her $600 but SHE pays for the $350 hotel room AND for her cab back to Brooklyn from Manhattan (about $70 to $100 from the Upper West Side)?

    That means she nets about $150… not a Sugar Baby, not an escort, but really a CHEAP hooker… or at least an exceptionally DUMB one.

    • He only aspires to be a sugar daddy. He’s more of a “Sweet ‘n Low” daddy. Total cheapskate. If I were going to compromise my morals you better believe I’d be expecting more than $300/month for it. How about some rent money up in here?

    • Unless, of course, Cheese Whore rents that $ 350 hotel room for the entire day, and sees maybe let’s say 6 other unhappy traders spaced out at even intervals throughout her every other Tuesday work schedule?

      And let’s say $600 is her flat rate.

      Now, we’re talking $3,600 for the day, minus $350 for the room. That leaves her with $ 3,250 for the cab ride back to Brooklyn. Let’s say she got an cab driver who took her on an extended ride throughout the five burrows (She probably wouldn’t notice, due to the 12 Dirty Martinis she had to drink to stomach the thought of being touched by these scumbags) and she ended up paying $ 250 for the ride…. Still…. 3 grand….. not a bad payday.

      Plus. The big picture. If she texts them all each week, one by one, they’re going to worry about getting busted and pay her off to fuck off. Not a bad racket, Brie.

    • How much you want to bet she’s got some deal with the hotel? At that age you tend to know everyone working in the service industry and if it’s only for an hour or two I bed she’s comped or given a very reasonable rate. He’s too dumb to figure it out.

  • Brooklyn Brie, aka..( nanny-sugar baby-hooker) and Trader Douche, aka…(balding family man with low hanging balls) just goes to show stinky cheese and reducing hairlines, cocktails at a hotel with “niece” balances out pizza night with kids and wife.

    Trader Douche ain’t too smart….Brooklyn Brie goes well with boiled bunnies.

  • Me thinks Brie is about to boil a bunny in Chappaqua. But don’t worry, her “pussy smells like cotton candy”, so it’s ok.

      • Apropos of absolutely nothing, last summer, months before D-day, my STBX announced that my pussy smells bad.

        It was such a random insult. I guess his prostitutes and Craigslist hookups have a magic pussy secret. And his webcam girlfriends.

        After reading today’s insanity, though, I think my body has the smell of NORMAL and HEALTHY – which of course stinks to him. Disordered fuck.

        I cannot wait for my divorce to be final.

        • Roaring – he is such a fucking cruel, asshole to say such a thing. I am so sorry he said that to you. Newsflash-no one’s unmentionables smell like flowers. Fuck him. Does he think his sweaty balls smell good? Ugh.

          • Roaring, after being married to such a low-life, fucking asshole, your life will surely improve with a divorce! I’m sure it’s not really cotton candy in affair land, in fact, I know it’s not. My ex’s whore co-worker either blew him or fucked him during their “work” day. While I was in physical therapy, he went for a run. He drove me home afterward and the smell in my car was beyond words – morning breath saliva on balls? Unwashed, vag on balls? I made him open the windows. He laughed and said he has high “uric acid”. I won’t be more graphic than that – but sweet Jesus! I nearly threw up! He ran many marathons and never smelled that bad. That was just before he left me for her. It should have been a red flag, but I never thought he’d cheat.

            • I wonder if it’s possible that that “cotton candy” smell is actually the scent of leftover jizz from the bored, unhappy, entitled cheater who came into your cheesy cumdumpster’s hole an hour before you got there? Ever think of that? mmmmmmmm….. doesn’t smell so yummy anymore, does it, douchebag?

              • I think it’s just perfume. Super-sweet perfumes are really in right now–just about anything pink and named for a popstar will smell about like that. She’s spraying herself down with it (possibly to hide jizz, possible because she has d-bag clients who hate the natural scent).

        • Roaring. I hope every stereotypical male insecurity plaques him until the day he dies for that insult to you: too small, too limp, too weird shaped, too, well ,just too funny! I hope every naked encounter he has, to the day he dies, has him paranoid as fuck, with lots of giggling by onlookers (are they laughing at me? They’re laughing at me, aren’t they)? What a nasty, entitled lowlife scumbag.

        • Roaring, I had the same thing said to me by a steaming pile of shit that called himself my boyfriend. It was an excuse not to go down on me – he told me later, and wasn’t true. But it’s something that has never left me and to this day makes me paranoid. What total pricks people like that are, and they still expect the BJ’s don’t they. Tossers.

  • Also out today is an article in The Atlantic, “Can You Spot a Liar?

    Olga Khazan interviews Maria Konnikova’s about her new book, “The Confidence Game”

    The dark triad is three things, obviously, including psychopathy, the inability to feel emotion in the way that normal people do.” […] “The second part is narcissism, this overblown ego where you not only think you’re just the best thing that’s ever happened to anyone, but you also think you deserve a lot.” […] “Finally, it’s Machiavellianism, or the ability to manipulate people into doing what you want.

  • This was so triggering for me. My ex was into “escorts” as well. During reconciliation, trying to get him to “open up to me”, I asked him about his encounters. Well, he regaled me with every detail. The misogyny was so evident in hindsight. He talked about these escorts like they were not even human, they were just sluts who were using HIM for money. He complained that one of the women had the nerve to actually call his office (he is a doctor) and ask for a prescription. “The nerve of that whore, calling me for drugs!”. How dare she exist outside the arranged tryst. I wish I could say I threw him out after his “brag fest”, but chumpy me thought his “honesty” about the 20 or more escorts meant he was done with them. I stayed on until I finally understood he was a raging narcissist/sociopath. Trader guy is the same.

  • If a trader stole this from a client, he goes to jail.

    I re-read the bullshit NYMag piece again and couldn’t stop thinking that this was exactly the entitled piece of shit douchebag attitude that tanked the world’s economy, wiped out chump’s retirement savings, took billions in taxpayer funds to keep the credit markets flowing, and then awarded themselves million’s as a bonuses for keeping the doors to their cesspools open. And nobody has ever gone to jail.

    No, traders don’t go to jail. They’re entitled to a whole ‘nother set of rules.

  • As horrific as this is, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to asshole cheaters bragging about how what they do is not only justified, but cool.

    My ex-husband was a big time John. Not only was he utilizing prostitutes on a very regular basis, but he was also VERY active on a whore/john message board where he would brag in excruciating detail about his escapades with whores.

    Here’s an example of one of the over 4,000 (yup) posts he put on this website (that PS, are STILL available for the world to read) This was his answer to a question someone posted, which was “How did you get started in the hobby?” (BTW, for those of you not in the know, “The Hobby” is the cool terminology for “Whore Fucking”…. oh, the things you can learn 14 years into marriage). Seriously, this is what the man I loved and devoted nearly half my life to wrote:

    (I put some of my own explanations in parenthesis so you guys would be able to understand this shit better)

    ________________________________________

    My first time was last December with (a whore named) Ryan, for no reason other than fun and variety. I have a fantastic S.O.,(That means Significant Other, or Wife, or ya know, ME) I get laid quite often and I don’t really have anything missing in my life. I just wanted more, plain and simple. After 15 years I thought a little variety was in order. I gave up the groupies and the wild parties years ago but of course the desire to savor the taste of new flesh never goes away. I used to ride home from gigs around 3AM and see the Tunnel Bunnies standing on the corner showing their wares on the blocks surrounding the Lincoln Tunnel. A lot of them would lift up their skirts and shirts and show you what you could have for 10 or 20 or whatever they were charging. I really liked the sleaze factor and thought it would be cool to bang one or two but AIDS was rampant in the 80’s and I’m not much of a gambler. Fast forward to 2009, I’m in Florida now and I see an ad for (Whore Website #1) somewhere, I can’t remember where, so I check it out. I’m just surfing and looking at the pics with no intentions of ever partaking. But then I decided to join(Whore Website #1) and read the reviews. I never knew what GFE (Girlfriend Experience) was and was kinda pleasantly surprised that you could get that. Of course I have zero references so I figured WTF, you only live once, If I don’t like it I won’t do it again. Well, I chose (the whore named) Ryan based on some of her reviews. I called (Whore Website #1) and they gave me a tiny bit of an interrogation since I had no references but I was completely open and didn’t hide anything so I got in. Wow, Ryan was awesome. So it became a part time hobby. There are certain “acts” that some of us like and we can’t always get them elsewhere (Apparently my husband was a HUGE fan of anal sex…. too bad he never mentioned that to me) so it’s nice to have a place to get whatever you want. Whatever that may be.

    ____________________________________________

    With all due respect to the UBT, I don’t need it’s help to translate this or anything else my ex-whore-fucker wrote on this board. It ALL translates into “I’m A GIANT ASSHOLE”

    FML. (fuck my life)

    • My ex Dr. Strangelove was a “hobbyist” as well. He also posted blow by blow (pun intended) reviews of his encounters with escorts. Truly a sick, sick cheating sociopath!

        • “After 15 years I thought a little variety was in order”

          I first read this post from him nearly two years ago…. but still amazes me. THIS quote sums up the reason he destroyed my life…. my past, my present and as far as I can see from where I stand right now…. my future.

          A little variety was in order. Sort of like how my life was on track and enjoyable and then all of a sudden it exploded and now I’m completely out of orbit, still licking emotional wounds that will more than likely be a part of me forever. Some variety, asshole.

          I also had a “variety” of new diagnoses at the GYN. Was that in order?

          I shouldn’t have looked up this quote to post it. It’s been a while since I googled anything on that John/Whore website and staying away from it has served me well.

          I think a giant glass of wine is “in order.”

          • it is a thoughtless and shitty comment and none of it was “in order.” Take care of yourself — and hugs from CN.

  • This is hilarious. (that’s how far on the other side of ‘meh’ I am). I would LOVE to see someone inform his wife and blow up his world…even though, yes I know the pain it will bring the wife and children…and I feel bad for that. But man, I’d like to see this guy get what’s coming to him.

  • Reading this, I realize it’s about the distraction from a good “normal ” life. The men want the thrill of the chase and the challenge of keeping secrets. The OW makes the affair about his “Needing ” her , and makes the wife out to be the villain. ( the OW thinks they don’t have sex, or the wife doesn’t love him like she does) She loves the thrill of being wanted, feeling beautiful and special. It’s such a twisted scenario.

    • I have to say I identify with the OW in your scenario. I wasn’t an OM to my ex, but I did think she’d never leave me like she had the others before me because I loved her more than they did, I gave her what she wanted and needed, etc. I too loved the thrill of being wanted. Until I met her I didn’t really think I was lovable, and for 5 years I felt loved and special. Of course that’s all been ripped away now and I’m left to wonder if maybe that was my last and really only chance at a significant adult relationship. I desperately miss feeling loved and special. I sometimes picture myself bouncing around the room à la Daffy Duck in extremis.

      I suppose I don’t know what I’m getting at. Maybe that a lot of us are broken in various ways, but not all of us steamroll other people in our pursuit of feeling okay.

      • Best immediate remedy is to love yourself, and pay attention to the friends and family who love you. We get so hung up on “romantic” or married love that we think it’s the only thing available. That was a long-term life issue with me, coming from a childhood home where love was both scarce and conditional. Learn to love yourself. Learn to notice how many other people care about you. Then you can recognize someone who will truly love you–not just make you feel that way. It worked for me.

    • Livingmylife – you are SPOT ON here. My STBX had a life most people could only dream of – loving wife, three gorgeous children, beautiful home with a swimming pool in the sun, but it wasn’t enough. Told the many OW that we didn’t have sex and I had lost interest in him. Utter, utter bullshit. Me and the kids thrown away for a bunch of disgusting home-wrecking whores. Thankfully one of them went bunny-boiler and “anonymously” emailed me so I could escape before I gave my whole life to someone who didn’t deserve me.

      • Pinecone elf, my ex had it made as well. All he had to do was go to work (and spend all day dating a whore), and occasionally “play Daddy” to our child. I worked full time, cooked, cleaned, watched our child by myself all the time. He had complete trust. Talked to who he wanted, went where he wanted, I never “snooped” or acted jealous even once. He threw that down the toilet and flushed. Now he is eternally branded as a lying cheater. No one will ever trust him. Unless they are stupid, of course.

        • Anita, mine had complete trust too, just like yours, I was never jealous or snooping or demanding. What a fool I feel now.

          • Pine cone elf, please don’t feel like a fool. They are the fool, not us. He had a once in a lifetime thing. And blew it. To fuck some random whore. Lol. Ain’t no piece of ass worth that.

          • I will say one more thing, pinecone elf, we could never be as stupid as the co cheaters who claim to trust each other. Their entire “relationship” is one GIGANTIC fucking lie. That’s why I think they have to be Pretending if they claim to trust each other. Surely to God no one is that delusional.

  • This is really disgusting (obviously) but what I don’t hear other Chumps mentioning is how DEPRESSING it is for the rest of us, depressing about the prospects for ever having a normal life with anyone. I mean, this guys wife thinks everything is great, and for now, she doesn’t know. How would any of us know? He’s having sex with the wife on the regular, plays with the kids, goes to family dinners? How is the wife to find out? How would any of us find out? Coming home at 9pm is a bit of a red flag but the Cheaters work that one “oh I have to work late”…. I fell for that for YEARS (plus they throw in the occasional traffic jam, my flight got canceled, had a big presentation to finish…. etc).

    I’m really depressed about the prospect that there is any such thing as real love and faithful partner. Its so hard to spot the treachery until its way to late – until he’s been doing it so long he gets careless…. or Cheese Girl wants more and tips off the wife.

    For the Chump who said it wont take long to notice $1200 missing – well, if the husband is doing his own banking etc. how would the wife know? I’ve never seen my Cheaters bank statement EVER. I just trusted him. And we have separate accounts (should have bee a red flag…. again, didn’t see it).

    This guy looks like Mr. Perfect and the wife doesn’t know she’s getting played. How is she or the rest of us Chumps supposed to know? Is EVERYONE a Cheater, are only 10% Cheaters? How can we tell? These days I just assume EVERYONE is lying about EVERYTHING and its a very sad state of existence.

    How can we trust anyone but not get played again? I’m not asking a rhetorical question, I really want to know.

    • ChumpyKindofLove – I feel the exact same way you do. I actually read this article last night, and I barely slept a wink, because I was so depressed after I read it. The older I get, the more cheating, lying and duplicitous behavior I see. It honestly makes me want to throw in the towel when it comes to dating, because I do not think I could take another betrayal.

    • You know what else? Are there any guys out there for whom sex is not the be all and end all of everything? Can ANYONE not follow his dick to a hole that should be off limits? Of course, I know there are honorable men out there. But honestly, how do you find them?

      I have a group of bffs, so to speak, and out of all of us, there were only a few (me being one) who regularly had sex with their husbands. Granted, I didn’t need it as much as he did. And when he wouldn’t connect with me otherwise, it was sometimes hard to get in the mood. He was mostly distant, an introvert who didn’t like to talk. Suddenly, he would become chatty and I’d think, “here it comes…he’s going to ask if we can fool around.” Sure enough…I was right. It felt like he couldn’t be pleasant with me unless he wanted something in return. You know, like getting boned.

      Looking back, I have lived a lifetime of feeling as though sex mattered more to him than anything else did. I have no idea how I’m going to find someone who will cherish that part of life as much as he cherishes me, as a person.

      • “It felt like he couldn’t be pleasant with me unless he wanted something in return. You know, like getting boned.”

        Ditto 🙁

  • I couldn’t stop reading this disgusting tale. I have almost gotten to the point (now that the holidays are over) that I feel I need a break from CL because it keeps me grounded in Everything That Happened instead of trying to put it all behind me. Obvious to me now, the holidays are a horrible trigger for me.

    At the same time, this disgusting sorry excuse for a human writes stuff like THIS and it allows those on the outside to SEE that cheaters don’t cheat because their home life is shitty and terrible. No, it’s NORMAL. Just like everyone else’s. But that’s not enough. The Cheater Ex eve said as much when I was close to discovering the whole truth. “Everyone thinks our marriage is perfect” he says. “Maybe the grass is greener out there” he says. Right. You asshole.

    I don’t want to carry this anger around forever. I have almost NO contact with him at all. Life is steady as normal as it can be. I AM afraid of forgetting the lessons I learned. Afraid to forget how my eyes were opened to the disordered that lurks among us. I am ‘Perfect Prey” according to the little quiz over at lovefraud.com. That, my friends, is scary.

    • Conniered – the divorce and settlement finally finished beginning of December last year. By that time, I was thoroughly sick of even thinking about my own story. No surprise that ‘The Great I Am’ continued his little abuses and mindfucks right up to the last moment. I’d been commenting less and less because I couldn’t even muster the words anymore, my story seemed to be; he did this, he did that, then he did this, now he’s doing this, you wouldn’t believe – he said that … on and on and on ad infinitum it seemed. So I totally hear you when you said you’ve been thinking about having a break from CL, needing to stop focusing on all that crap.

      Well, it’s all done and dusted now. Suffice it to say, I ended up with what would amount to loose change in his pocket (he threatened bankruptcy and had the house repossessed, I never stood a chance) and he’s like a pig in shit right now. I couldn’t give a flying fuck for him, though I still do care about how horribly I was abused in the name of love – part ‘Meh’ maybes?

      The thing that brings me back here? This is my tribe. These are the people who ‘get it’, and now, I’m one of the people who ‘get it’. Without CL, without Chump Nation – I honestly think I’d have topped myself or ended up sectioned / imprisoned. Who knows? Perhaps, in truth, I’d have survived – but I’d have survived utterly alone without CN. You know how you can feel utterly alone in a room full of people? How, no matter how much family and friends love you, they still say STUPID STUFF because the don’t get it?

      I have to pay it forward now. I hope to be able to do it without too much ‘he said this, he said that, he did this he did that’ … but hopefully that’s only until the PTSD has settled down!

      Now I come back here for CL’s humour (God, that woman makes me laugh :-D) and CN’s humour and compassion and support and love. Hell, I think of you Conniered, and us long timers CalamityJane, Datdamwuf, Gladitsover, our beloved Tempest, Tessie, Nomar and his mad, mad humour, Luziana and hers! … ach far too many to name (sorry if you haven’t been personally named – trust me, I love you like a bruv)! and to hopefully add my little bit to the mightiness that is Chump Nation.

      I hope you get to feel the same way to Conniered 🙂

      • … and cos I’m struggling to fit David Bowie’s death into my head … ‘Scary Monsters. Supercreeps, keep me running, running scared’.

        I have to come here. We all know about THOSE bastards, don’t we?

      • Yes Jayne! This. CN is definitely my tribe and I DO feel the desire to pay if forward to those heartbroken newbies that show up here. It really does get me in the feels.

        When I am out in the world I know that the number of people that understand that the heartbreak lingers for a long time is very small. And when the hurt/anger/sadness creeps up and stings me, I know where to go. HERE. I mean, I have found other Chumps who live in MY TOWN and we are working on a get-together. How cool is that? And truly, had it not been for CL I would have been a deer in the headlight for a lot longer than I was. I found answers here and priceless advice.

      • I didn’t get to finish my thoughts! I’m at work. I am still not completely done with the financial bit of my divorce. He’s dragging his lazy feet in taking some responsibility. He left me with all our bills and debt and I am ready for a Judge to force him to pay! Almost done. And I am raising a child on my own and Dad gives me a break ever other weekend. I am forever a Chump so I can never leave this site. My tribe.

        • I count my blessings that I never bred with a fucktard (even that must be a massive mindfuck – of you hadn’t ‘bred with a fucktard’ you would not have had THIS beautiful child, in all their glory and who they are ‘fucktard genes’ and all, but then again, you get to be ‘tied’ to the fucktard forever now because of the beautiful child you love. A mindfuck I honestly don’t know how I could have borne. All you chump parents are incredible IMHO). I swear, I don’t know how I could have found the strength to be a sane parent through the hell of D Day, reconcilliation, split up, divorce, settlement wrangling … I don’t think I’d have been strong enough!

          Good luck with your settlement. I hope you get at close to justice and fairness as is best possible, and that it doesn’t drag out for much longer (I found the settlement (laughable in my case) really stressful … I didn’t feel like I was properly divorced until that had happened. Good luck to you x

  • 1) This dickhead is pissing and moaning about getting 6-8 hours of sleep a night? Sad, sad, sausage. Trading his harrrrd. Brain tirrrred. I get by on 4-5 hours most nights and don’t complain. And I’m actually home to take care of my kids after work, doing homework, cleaning up, etc. I don’t get 5 hours of play time after work. Idiot.

    2). Joseph Hedgefund is the alias for the piece of cheese he’s sticking it to? He better have his phone locked because if his wife ever goes through it, that’ll stick out like a sore thumb. I really hope his wife already knows and is lining up her ducks. If she’s a stay at home mom, this might work out nicely for her, payment wise. Go get ’em, wifey.

  • Can I pretend there is a “Day Eight” entry where Brie is excited to tell Trader she’s pregnant with his MIRACLE baby and planning their wedding?

    I believe in miracles. 😉

  • I hope Brie turns out to be a bunny burner.. I hope she goes all nuts and shit and calls his wife.

    Seriously, what a disordered fucktard. I am afraid the world is full of these types. I hope Wifey gets tipped and then hires a top notice divorce attorney and of course, pays with this fucktard’s money.

    Pffffttt.

  • I may be wrong, but I get the same type of vibe from this jerk’s bragging that I got when I read Penthouse Forum years ago. I was curious to see what men thought, if they had any actual conceptual thoughts, about sex. You can’t get the truth out of them — the young ones I knew at the time could talk about other things, but became strangely inarticulate if you tried to have a conversation about what they liked, and why.

    I think these guys like to make up stupid stories and lie, lie, lie. I seriously doubt they are doing any of this stuff at all – and even if they are having some type of illicit sex, it is not because they are living this fantasy lifestyle they are pretending to live. If they told these stories in person, even to other dumb ass men who might want to believe them, they would probably get laughed at — they would surely be called a liar. I think this guy’s next fantasy is going to be a complete description of himself as his “friend” who is experimenting with anal. I also think if they are paying for it they will be receiving, not giving the oral. I may just be a cynical woman — but I think a man who needs to brag like this is a selfish, want to be rich guy and he could never afford to drop a mystery $600 every other Tuesday on a much younger and hotter woman who has (strangely) nothing else to do every other Tuesday. Oh yeah, and he picked her up at a charity event? Really? Seriously — my interpretation of this is Bullshit.

    Now I am sure there are all types of Assholes in the world, in all the economic classes — but think about the tales of infidelity we read on this site — think about what your cheater did. Some of the idiot tales of seduction in the family van, or in the neighbor’s yard, with a babysitter or an old girlfriend, or a drunk groupie — those are stories I believe. Because cheaters cheat everyone — even the dumbass they are cheating with. They are only concerned about their own happiness. A rich cheater may keep a mistress on the side, or pay for a call girl — but he’s not going to go on a forum and brag about it, or give all the details this moron gave, because the rich cheater has too much to lose. He wants to have his cake, and his side dishes, and he doesn’t want anyone to be the wiser. Exposure is Risk A rich cheater would also have a burner phone — no way he would run the risk of the wifey appliance finding a strange text or number on his phone. It could cost him at least half of everything he owns — and rich guys don’t want to spend their money that way.

    Why do cheaters always believe they can have sex with no consequences or complications — and why do they believe other people will admire them for being Liars and Cheaters? Seriously — this type of thinking is beyond having character flaws — this is delusional thinking at its finest.

    • Amen Portia – and you’re one of the ‘Oldtimers’ who helped me through hell, but I didn’t name personally (see above). Thanks bruv 🙂 x

    • I mostly agree with your here. However, cheaters are dumb. Even the smartest, richest cheater will do something stupid. Why? Because they are so wrapped up in thinking how clever they are to have a side piece, that they think they will never ever get caught. My ex husband surely could have afforded a second phone but did not have one. I caught him over and over again. Mostly due to stupid mistakes with his phone. He spent unbelievable amounts of money on other stupid shit and oh yeah……expensive gifts for OW and yet he was A. too stupid or B. too cheap to get a second phone. SO DUMB!!!!

    • Portia, before I was betrayed I would have thought this was made up. it might still be made up, however, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was true, either. I’m afraid nothing surprises me anymore.

  • Besides the fact that he’s a revolting excuse for a human being, this guy thinks he writes like Raymond Chandler.

    Um, no.

    • … and you ‘namedforvera – one of my heroes. Thank you honey!

      and yes, he writes like a man desperate to be admired – with his cocksure, and his aside reference to – oh my goodness – friends having anal! Wow, what a libertine! Isn’t he just dreamy!

  • Portia-your reaction was the same as mine. It struck me as a made up fantasy….

    Mr Wannabe who aspires to such ‘heights’ as having a paid piece of cotton candy smellin’ pussy on the side. He probably has a fetish for cotton candy left over from the time he went to the carnival at age 7 and saw an overly endowed woman standing on the stage in the sideshow.

    • In your wildest dreams, and being as polite and kind as I possibly can, there is no way, ever, ever a female vagina could smell of cotton candy. Just impossible. God bless any virgin teenagers who might have read his post, they’ll be searching for that elusive as hard as a newly minted Chump searches for the rainbow-hued unicorn!

  • Brie gives him just the release he needs, and I hope his wife finds out and gives him the release she needs…divorce his cheating, selfish, narcissistic ass! These cheaters have the emotional depth of a teaspoon.

  • This article really bugs me. I am so sick of feeling like shit while my STBX skates away with his single life. On D-day he told me how happy he was to get everything off his chest so he could finally get a good night’s sleep. Why are they so smugly entitled? I wish I didn’t feel powerless

    • The shit hit the fan, so now he can get a good night’s sleep? The fact that the world is now smeared with his shit all over it doesn’t disturb his slumber?

      Ah Roaring – I know that powerless feeling. Dreadful.

      You know, don’t you? that OK, right now, you sleep the sleep of the traumatised abused, but longterm – you can sleep peacefully knowing you are true and authentic, you loved with your whole heart. You chose to resist cheap kibbles for something finer, truer, more spiritually honest. Your truth is where all the true power is. His ‘power’ is cheap and fake and easily questioned.

    • Roaring, I just read a blog written by a woman who was nearly driven crazy by a narc she lived with for four years. She finally had enough and started a new life. He love bombed her with long romantic, remorseful letters until she caved again. He promised monogamy, children etc. She called him and asked him why he kept cheating. He used the looping arguments that narcs are so good at. Instead of answering her question he wondered why she couldn’t drop it because he apologized. She kept pushing until he told her none of this emtional stuff would be present if she had not looked at his phone. Not one time did he care about the pain he caused. He wanted her kibbles. She is still trying to recover but at least she left. There is nothing in your ex that can feel for you. He lacks empathy. Just be glad he is gone. He sleeps good at night because no one is making demands on him. You know, like being a good spouse, not lying, not cheating. Stuff like that.

  • Personally, I have absolutely no doubt that the letter here, as well as all of the Penthouse Forum letters, are written by staff writers at the newspaper or magazine. But if this WAS real, the awesome thing about it that it sounds like “Brie” is upping her demands/needs for money and is likely to eventually blackmail this cheating fuck unless he hands over a lot more $$$$ than the biweekly cock-choking payment. At that point, hopefully the wife finds out and dumps his sorry ass, taking him for everything he’s got in the divorce. THAT would be a letter I’d enjoy reading.

    • Glad, I agree with you. Years ago I was very young and found some Penthouse mags. They were so old they actually stunk. I read all those really, really truuuue stories. Ai first I was horrified, then I was nauseated and then I realized they were made up. Just a group of immature people getting their jollies writing smut. This letter cannot be true. It has too much info in it. Even if distorted the info would get too many women on fire. Bugs Bunny had it right. What an ultra maroon.

  • Brie? Yeah, sure….

    More like Velveeta….. A manufactured parody of cheese, best served on small soft noodles.

    Doesn’t sound to me like a true story, but what do I know? 26 years with a snake, and what I DO know is probably vastly outweighed by what I don’t…

  • They met at a ‘fundraiser’. Haha ok, right. Because a part-time nanny can afford to attend posh corporate functions. What was her role there exactly? Was she one of the $500-a-plate guests? At the auction, was she bidding four thousand dollars for a round of golf with Bunky Hunt? I somehow doubt it.

    She was there because she was some other sad old banker’s $500-a-plate ‘date’. She cannily looked around the room, saw dozens of other sad old desperate deluded bastards and used the evening to tout for more diary-filling business (because she has an ‘open slot’, heh, on alternate Tuesdays, you know?). Jesus Christ Mr Trader Dad is DUMB. Hilarious that he actually thinks he worked his special magic that night to steal himself a special lady. Those ‘comedy show’ tickets he turned down? Same thing. She wants to attract more business in the same way as before — by using an evening ‘date with a boyfriend’ to meet other new customers when he wanders off for a piss. And they too will think they have special pulling powers when she books them into her ‘free slot’ on Fridays.

  • There is a special mental disconnect when a man pays for a prostitute to lavish him with flattery and compliments (ooh you so seexxy, your dick SOOOOO big! you look so handsome( for an old balding mooby white man) ooh you so much fun! Your wife is crazy to not appreciate you! That is what is called the GFE–girlfriend experience ! My POS serial cheater actually believed the line of crap from his “escort”
    Now what kind of break from reality is it to have to PAY for someone to tell you you’re pretty? And the word of a whore is somehow validating? Yeah. For someone who fancies himself superior intellectually to most of the human race he didn’t have a good rationale for that particular reasoning. Sad sausage POS lying serial cheat couldn’t even get one of the Ashley Madison fakes to respond to his profile.

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