Fourth Annual Infidelity Valentine’s Day Contest

valentineIt’s February and you know what that means, chumps? It’s time again for our annual Chump Lady Infidelity Valentine’s Day Contest!

During this season of love, roses, and cut-rate chocolates, it’s important to remember the less fortunate — those poor sods that wound up with our exes — and immortalize them in verse.

So send me a poem! I’m looking for either a haiku or a limerick that encapsulates your cheater experience. The winners get a review galley of the new book and a cartoon drawn of their poem. I will announce the winner on February 15. So hey, the day isn’t a total waste, right?

To recap from 8th grade English, a haiku is a poem with 5-7-5 syllables.

I love you but I’m…
Christ, you are such a cliche
…not in love with you.

A limerick is a 5 line poem with a rhyme scheme of AABBA.

There once was a mistress named Kay
Who was a better liar than a lay
She had HPV
And now it’s with me
My husband’s clap conveys

To inspire you, here are some former winners with cartoons:

GPShisDickHe thought he perfected his tricks
But cell tracking exposed him real quick
His 2 am fuck
Means he’s all out of luck
I’m done GPS-ing his dick

And here’s one with some Southern grit and a twist of karma.

Ya done went an found ya another,
Cos yer home life started to smother.
Now its yer turn to crawl,
Call Jerry Springer, y’all!
Cos I hear she’s been fuckin’ yer brother!

jerry

I will leave this post up until next Monday but you can enter submissions until February 14, Valentine’s Day. (I need some time to draw.)

Chumps, I know you’ve got some bad Valentines in you. Bring IT!

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insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
8 years ago

There once was a husband named Will
With a void inside him he needed to fill.
So he found whores with tear jerkers
(I call them ho-workers)
And now pays a huge child support bill.

Kathleen whitfield
Kathleen whitfield
8 years ago

For 36 years all I did was prance
hopping to the tune of the Pick Me dance
Yes, it sucks that everywhere you fucked
But now I am the one with the luck
And she’s the one in the trance.

Debbie
Debbie
8 years ago

Randy had salt & pepper hair with a receding hair line, so he got hair plugs and a dark dye.
The neighbors laughed and I said “why”?

The next thing I knew, when the kids and I were away, Randy found some eye candy on the Golf course where he plays.

Randy may be Old, but he did have some cash. So what do you know, a 21 year old bible bumping Hun dangled a carrot and that was the end of our 15 year marriage.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  Debbie

This is great. Not a haiku or a limerick, but it creates a movie in our heads.

Chump Change
Chump Change
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

The embrace unmasked
His hidden Demonic grin
Revealing his soul

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Change

My eyes were shut tight to the narc
The lying the cheating all done in the dark
But one day I knew
Cuz it just had to spew
Now I’m as free as a lark

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago

I once had a husband named Dave
Who died and went to his grave
In his papers he hid
All the cheating he did
And my grief washed away like a wave

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

But on the plus side
He was courteous enough to die.

fbi
fbi
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

What??? Unicornno more, you found out only after he died about his sordid adventures as if he were writing a sex memoire?? My heart really goes out to you if this is the case!

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago
Reply to  fbi

Yes, there are like 3 of us here with those circumstances, Heatdeath being one. Nowdeadhusband did cop up a confession to a single EA, but I found bigger, uglier info in 3 big helpings since he died…the most recent being 9 months ago when I learned he was a serial cheater.

Im going to be speaking at a Grief Seminar later this month and they asked me to be in a panel discussion and Im toying around with the idea of telling the whole truth…it is unlikely to ever get back to my daughter …maybe there are chumps there who need a mighty former chump to help them feel brave.

Blown Away
Blown Away
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

This was among the many things my adult daughter said…what if he died and THEN we found all of this out?!

HeatDeath
HeatDeath
8 years ago
Reply to  fbi

That was me too. On 2-3 occasions, I found some somewhat inappropriate, but not utterly damning texts. She assured me they were nothing – I thought they were, at most, EAs. After she died in late August I found a massive archive of chatlogs in her email detailing at least a dozen cybersex partners and at least 5 physical boyfriends, at least one of whom she had sex with, from before we married up to about about 2 years ago – right when the substance started getting bad.

HeatDeath
HeatDeath
8 years ago
Reply to  HeatDeath

Obligatory poetry:
[Haiku because I’m a computer science major, so counting syllables is easy but rhyming is hard 🙂 ]

Sudden passing, shock.
Soul is a leaf on the wind,
Secrets revealed.

HeatDeath
HeatDeath
8 years ago
Reply to  HeatDeath

Wind blows through the tree.
Soul is a leaf plucked and lost.
Secrets fall like dew.

Over and Out
Over and Out
8 years ago
Reply to  HeatDeath

His reflection lit…
Sparkling in rays of sunlight.
Clouds reveal the truth.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
8 years ago
Reply to  HeatDeath

I like this one. 🙂

HeatDeath
HeatDeath
8 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Alternate last line: “Secrets fall like dew.” Haikus are always better when you lean on the nature imagery as much as possible.

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
8 years ago

I once had a man who was sick
He loved taking pics of his dick
It was as small as a midge
Sat on a shit-sandwich
Which is more than a millimetre thick

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
8 years ago

Fight for your marriage!
He’s just in a fog! they said.
That’s one long-ass fog.

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
8 years ago

There was a man who fucked a cheap whore
Because she always begged him for more
She shampooed with his ejaculate
When her hair was immaculate
Now his wife shouts “pick me!” no more

Sorry, couldn’t resist doing two. Thank you for cheering me up today Chumplady, this made me chuckle.

moxie
moxie
8 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

Kudos to you for rhyming “ejaculate”!

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
8 years ago

When he left I was sad and depressed,
He made out like he was just stressed,
Found a note about her,
OMG! He’s a cur!
I hope she likes small ones the best.

Julia
Julia
8 years ago

There once was a ghost chasing skank
Who wanted my husband who drank
She laid it on thick
While she sucked on his dick
Now I’m free, and I have her to thank

2kids2love
2kids2love
8 years ago
Reply to  Julia

There once was a man with an ego
Blowing smoke up his ass was a need-o
She did it so fine
His dick felt like a shrine
And now I am free from his reach-o.

Christina
Christina
8 years ago
Reply to  Julia

I changed “ghost chasing shank” to “gross white trash skank” and it’s my fucktard husband to a tee!

Julia
Julia
8 years ago
Reply to  Christina

Thanks all. It was fun to take out the quill pen. Christina, ‘gross white trash skank’ is exactly what this one is!! BIG TIME. She knows how to flirt ‘real good’ though. He feels so full of himself when he’s with her I’m sure. These people all really deserve each other don’t they.

Soprano4
Soprano4
8 years ago
Reply to  Julia

Hahaha, this made my day!! Sounds just like my STBX husband!!

JK
JK
8 years ago
Reply to  Julia

Julia – A fine piece of work, indeed.

FreefromSkankBoy
FreefromSkankBoy
8 years ago
Reply to  Julia

OMG!!! LOL…….I love it, Julia!!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
8 years ago

Surprise! I’m a douche!
Had sex with a slew of skanks.
Happy Valentine’s.

Linny
Linny
8 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

This could have been written about me. My D-Day was Valentine’s Day 2015 – when, after a lovely dinner, he admitted to two affairs – in the past year I found evidence of at least 14 other women besides the two he originally admitted to. I quit looking after a couple of months, but the ones I found were all within a two year period. He really is an overachiever. However, the whole thing really WAS my fault — after all, he wanted me to go to work, but I am the idiot that took the better paying job working evenings and weekends. Twenty years wasted. My next relationship will involve cats — lots and lots of cats.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
8 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Awwww, thanks!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
8 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

I vote for this one

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
8 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Surprise I’m a douche LOL

chump for 30yrs
chump for 30yrs
8 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

genius

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Best haiku ever.

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
8 years ago

Your fate is no longer pending
My trust is far beyond mending
Get outta my house
Massage parlor louse
It’s time for MY Happy Ending

tracyk563
tracyk563
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

Hilarious!

Cheaterssuck
Cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

Nice!!!

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

LIKE !

CRHCHK
CRHCHK
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

So many good entries already! This one cracked me up.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

This egg for the win on massage parlor johns.

LIningUpDucks
LIningUpDucks
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

Love this!

Chump Bear
Chump Bear
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

You had a massage parlor adventurer, as well? I really believed him when he said he was just getting massages to feel well and buying illegal marijuana there because a legit facility was too expensive. Only cost us about $300-$700 a week for his little habit.

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Bear

Oh yes
Started w/ ‘massages’ then branched out to strippers & hookers. Funny how ‘just massages’ or ‘dances’ required the smuggling of a little blue pill & several hundred $$. Fuckers don’t think we can count, or use gps.

Current Chump
Current Chump
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

He favored massage parlors, hookers and porn
constantly whacking away on his horn
He loved “Pay for Play”
So I sent him away
living a great life is my new norm!

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
8 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

Awesome!!

Current Chump
Current Chump
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

Oh Chumpty-I had one of those too-massage parlors, hookers, craigslist & incessant iporn !
All I can say is good riddance!!

My small haiku entry:

massage parlors, craigslist & porn
you are living the fantasy
divorce is my new reality

Chumptastic Chump
Chumptastic Chump
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

Like!

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago

No let’s take a look at the narc
They lie and they cheat in the dark
And when it comes out
We cry and we shout
Now gone is the diabolical mark

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpB

should start mine with Now

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
8 years ago

My ex hid his Schmoopie quite well,
He was cheating but I couldn’t tell,
I can only surmise
That she overlooks size
And she clearly must be dumb as hell.

paula
paula
8 years ago

My favorite!!! Speaks to my story and soul and tickles me so!!

Roaring
Roaring
8 years ago

Hahahaha. This is terrific, YoSeat

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
8 years ago

I love this one 🙂 !

divorceat25
divorceat25
8 years ago

Love this!!

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
8 years ago

Love it! lol

Beth
Beth
8 years ago

THIS ^ made my morning.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago

Three years ago I discovered you cheat
Gave you the chance to make us complete
You continued to lie
And and I thought I would die
But instead I kicked your ass to the street

Wayfarer
Wayfarer
8 years ago

There once was a cheater called Walter,
Whose excuses began to falter,
“It’s not me you see,
But my MPD,
I didn’t fuck her, t’was my alter!”

True story. This cheater claimed that HE didn’t cheat on his wife. No no, he was faithful and true. What happened instead was that one of his other personalities cheated on her. Yup, he had self-diagnosed MPD – ironclad defense!

One of our members wondered why this cheater hadn’t also accuses his wife of cheating on him with one of his other personalities. 😀

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
8 years ago

The accent, the hair
Nicknamed “Fabio” – he preened.
Now I laugh at him.

Mmmhmm
Mmmhmm
8 years ago

There once was a medic named Fletch
Who fancies himself a GREAT catch
if luck was on your side,
YOU could be his next “ride”
( but the ambulance was the safer bet)

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

My ex-wife thought she was so clever and smart.
What she was, was living without a heart.
Banging bar trash,
Our marriage now ash.
About her I wouldn’t give a fart.

CRHCHK
CRHCHK
8 years ago

Nice one, DM.

Jeep
Jeep
8 years ago

satan is a traveling salesman,
Dispensing sextimates from his company S-10.

he took up door to door whoring,
Bought a secret cell phone to keep it going.

Now THIS CHUMP is FREE of his BEDLAM

😀

Chumpasaurus Rex
Chumpasaurus Rex
8 years ago

I had a husband named Nate,
His family was all disordered hate,
I thought he was different,
I felt so insignificant,
But, now I am mighty and GREAT!

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago

same with mine! I thought he was different than his disordered family. Now I know to look at the siblings too.

CRHCHK
CRHCHK
8 years ago
Reply to  ByeByeCheater

+1

yo
yo
8 years ago

(clapping) heheeee You guys are fabulous poets! I sure am enjoying these limericks hahaha

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago

You guys rock! Mine’s a little gross, but here goes:
.
There once was a man named Bob
Who stuck his dick in a hog
Now he runs queries
of symptoms of herpes
it’s everyone else’s fault

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
8 years ago

My wasbund found cheating a thrill

But paying for a slunt doesn’t take great skill

On craigslist he scored

It was his dick he adored

Now he gets to pay for my attorney’s bill

ca-north
ca-north
8 years ago

Love it!

topshelf
topshelf
8 years ago

I have been lurking for 2-3 years. This is my first post, but I could not resist!

He took so many “business trips” to ball her
Where he made her squeal like a pig and holler
No cost for the beds
Because they are feds
So it was all courtesy of YOUR tax dollar!

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  topshelf

*slow clap*

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago
Reply to  topshelf

Excellent first post! Started off with a bang…

topshelf
topshelf
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpish

So did my ex…..It’s how I got here.

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
8 years ago
Reply to  topshelf

Pa-dump-pum! (Rimshot)

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
8 years ago
Reply to  Pearshaped

My ex was a long-distance trucker
Who found me a real easy sucker
(In more ways than one)
Now my limerick’s done
But at least I escaped that old fucker!

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago
Reply to  Pearshaped

LMFAO. This place has the best people! I walked away, but couldn’t stop the f-ing rhyming in my head. 16 yr old home sick, I mindlessly asked what rhymes with pecker. Had to WTF myself. Still, his clueless response? Wrecker.

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpish

Deck her.

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
8 years ago
Reply to  Pearshaped

Um…that was supposed to follow Topshelf’s reply.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  topshelf

LMAO–don’t lurk any more, Topshelf!! You’re stellar!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  topshelf

A stunning first post, Topshelf!

topshelf
topshelf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thanks. I have to make fun or I will lose my sanity!

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Ain’t that lovely, cheaters who uses OUR TAX DOLLARS for their trysts. AARRRRRGGGG!!!

Great limerick, topshelf.

LIningUpDucks
LIningUpDucks
8 years ago
Reply to  topshelf

This makes me mad on so many levels! Love the poem, though!

Southamericanchump
Southamericanchump
8 years ago

The OW sent me a letter
So I could understand her better
“Sorry about the affair”
She wrote how she cared
The day Cheater cheated on her.

donna
donna
8 years ago

Nancy now gets the blame
As narcissists have no shame
She’s too rough and raw
Won’t see his children because of whore
He’s too embarrassed to be seen with her in public.

chump-tastic
chump-tastic
8 years ago

A series of haikus, if you will:

Father of the Year
Imagine if they knew you’re
Dodging child support?

Devourer of cash
Money launderer of doom
No college fund left

Finally interrupted
Years of booze and party pics
For one pic of kid

oaktree
oaktree
8 years ago
Reply to  chump-tastic

Here’s one:

Five-thirty a.m.
She comes home in daughter’s dress
And new hair – how cute!

oaktree
oaktree
8 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

I’m too gobsmacked t o find words to say
‘Bout my wife, who has just walked away
She says the kids’ spirits are fine,
And who cares about mine?
It’s only been 3 and a half months since D-Day.

oaktree
oaktree
8 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

A narcissist known as Christine
On an old college friend was quite keen
So they went down to the beach
Where he made her scream and screech
And me? Now she’s gone, I’m serene!

topshelf
topshelf
8 years ago

Wishing to taste strange “sparkling waters”
In a 2-star hotel she caught hers
Taking it up the ass
Was too hard to pass
To hell with her husband and daughters

CRHCHK
CRHCHK
8 years ago
Reply to  topshelf

You’re on fire, topshelf! Welcome to CN!

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  topshelf

This is so sad

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago

Clearly not my strong suit – must use a Boston accent.

There once was a man named Bob
Whose dick just wouldn’t get hard
He got him some steroids
But it only failed OY!
Now he runs fast and far

Love that their names are left out on any given day, but a book galley AND a cartoon? His real name is Rob.

Gypsy57
Gypsy57
8 years ago

Reconcile? Ha! That’s a myth!
Who cares who he cheated with?
I TOLD him I’d leave
If he ever deceived
And I did. The same day. Forthwith!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

So jealous! You rock Gypsy57

oaktree
oaktree
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

That’s great!

little red riding hood
little red riding hood
8 years ago

Narc, Psycho, I have PTSD…oh thank god I’m finally free.

She’s his new hostage, happy he’s not, his lies and cheating are certainly alot.
She is stuck with old baldy… who she thought was rich…. only to find out karma’s a bitch.
His truth will come out, just like before and he will move on to his next whore.
His mom must be so proud, his shame for all to see, more damage to add to their family tree, all flying monkeys a whore and a junkie and baby makes 3.
Tables have turned, she’s paying MY rent, every dollar, every cent.
Bye bye loser you fucking scum, oh what the heck… NC now….just send the check.

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago

little red riding hood – those haiku’s are really good, you just need to write them out proper, like! 😀

kaycan
kaycan
8 years ago

A loser, a cheat,
I threw him out in the street.
Good luck, whore, I’m free!

Sketchbook girl
Sketchbook girl
8 years ago

My ex said he needed an attractive wife.
Among other things that’s what started the strife.
I googled and found out he was a covert narc
Finding out he’s a cluster b gave me the spark
So I left a cheater and gained a life.

MovingOn
MovingOn
8 years ago

Nice one!

Em
Em
8 years ago

Ho-worker says they couldn’t fight fate
Ex Asshat says my pick me dance was too late
Now ya’ll like to play house with my kid
Thank God of your ass I am rid
And now for Karma I sit back and wait

Em
Em
8 years ago
Reply to  Em

Ok this is too fun…

Skank OW, at the tender age of twenty two
Decided that their wuv was twu
Though witnessing your trainwreck is entertaining
I’ve got my next date over there waiting
But, yes I am totally gonna laugh when he cheats on you too

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
8 years ago

I thought staying was doing the right thing
So I spent nine years awash in gaslighting
Trying not to feel stuck
But he didn’t give a fuck
Now I do my own Valentine-Might-ing.

listingstarboardl
listingstarboardl
8 years ago

Sad paunchy bald man needed kibbles
On Backpage Escorts he bought dick nibbles
Believed that whores thought him a stud
In reality he has a fat Pud
And his stream is merely a dribble

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago

BP Escorts? A blast from the past I had completely forgotten. Bald, paunchy pud, too. High fees are a given when this is what your days look like. (hashtag ‘there’s not enough money’)

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago

My entries are ‘re-cycles’ from one of CL’s earlier posts that wasn’t a contest…..

Goodbye to the mindfuck, lies and deceit.
The only truth you spoke was when you told me
You were hungry, horny or needed to pee.

There lives a narc named Oskar.
He uses women to prosper.
He picked the wrong one;
She said ‘this is not fun’.
He was kicked to the curb and he lost her.

walkingthruhell
walkingthruhell
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Hahahaha! Mine speaks only those truths as well!!

ironwarrior
ironwarrior
8 years ago

My wife, my true love of life so I thought
For thirty three years she was mine until caught
Making love in our bed with another man
The Chump you see had foiled her seven year plan
I love you she says, but why can’t you see I’m distraught!

MovingOn
MovingOn
8 years ago
Reply to  ironwarrior

Ugh. Thirty-three years… she deserves a box of withered black roses for Valentine’s Day… or worse…

ironwarrior
ironwarrior
8 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

I appreciate the suggestions…just got an email from her last
night telling me how she sent our Grandson a gift from both of us…
explaining, she thought I would not have time to do that so…
of course the beautiful – thoughtful Cheater Grandma did…
can we all say “manipulation queen” together! LOL

Buddy
Buddy
8 years ago

Haiku read by cheater to chump

love is ABC
from my AP, ABC
u 2!: ABC!!

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago

Underemployed nurse
Man child does: nothing useful,
Hookers, with my cash.

This is especially hurtful since he once gave all my cards (debit, credit, points) individual haiku love poems about us.

divorceat25
divorceat25
8 years ago

He believed he was one special snowflake
So he slept with the first he could take
He wanted me to dance
But I refused that farce
He can have a divorce, but no cake

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago

D wants to see sis–
“She won’t see me, can’t see her!”
Who’s the grownup here?

There was was man named P
Who on the surface was as nice as can be
He needed happiness for his dick
Younger wife, two new kids…now he’s always sick
I stand by and say “hee hee”

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
8 years ago

My ex wife used to hump and be shady
Coincidentally her maiden name was O’Grady
Even though I was forewarned
I thought I would find my unicorn
A 2×4 is what I needed thanks to Chump Lady

kingfucktardschump
kingfucktardschump
8 years ago

This is fantastic!

PigletWiglet
PigletWiglet
8 years ago

A whore from the gym
Squats to get his attention
She can have his butt

jumper
jumper
8 years ago

There once was a man who loved Dick,
He was also a bit of a prick,
He now lives alone, alone with his Bone,
And memories that make his wife sick.

What does a cheater say?
Not that often through all the years.
Are you fucking kidding me?

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  jumper

This one made me laugh hard

JK
JK
8 years ago
Reply to  jumper

Nice work, Jumper.

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago

I think I’m at Meh
Had happy mem’ry today
Without tears or pain

jumper
jumper
8 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Jayne, I love that.

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Good Heavens Above
Of course, it’s Tuesday today!
Happy, happy me!

MovingOn
MovingOn
8 years ago

I’m not in the thick of discovery or divorce, but my ex is mad at me because I stick to NC and haven’t forgiven his betrayal or become best friends with his wifetress.

“Let’s always be friends
As long as you stay a chump.”
Too bad– I’m mighty!

Peaceful chump
Peaceful chump
8 years ago

There once was a cheater sex addict
His priority was always his dick
He chose his friend “Mel”
Then things all went to hell
Now he thinks his new life is the pits.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
8 years ago

Many years wasted, being a cheater
Buddies saying “It’s cheaper to keep ‘er.”
Then I found all this shit on his friends
Told the wives- you know how this ends…
“Your shit’s on the lawn and I have a new lawyer.”

CRHCHK
CRHCHK
8 years ago

Oooh. Good one. What an asshole.

Roaring
Roaring
8 years ago

STBX has a tiny appendage
He tugs at it hourly, which seems odd at his age
He pays whores to be “intimate”
But he can’t last a minute
Too much tugging, too much rage

topshelf
topshelf
8 years ago

Like a detective….
(we can agree you’re a dick)
…you Sherlock your Hol(m)es

Maree
Maree
8 years ago

There once was a bloke, I wish in his sleep I had choked
His old bent penis near the end would go missing in action
So his doctor told him to go screw another for satisfaction
He took that advice literally and moved to S E Asia
And now he is living in so called paradise and fantasia