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Cream of Mindfuck Soup

Cream-of-mushroom-So, being a Texan and all, my husband loves to delight me with Ted Cruz news stories. For the record, neither of us can stand Cruz. Neither can the majority of Texans or Republicans, apparently. Lindsey Graham recently said, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.”

So if you like Cruz, please skip today’s post.

If you think I’m writing about his alleged affairs, nope. I’m intrigued with his love affair with SOUP. Gawker reported:

Thanks to CNN’s town hall, America just got another glimpse into the waking hell that is Heidi Cruz’s daily life. Tonight’s entry into the Heidi Cruz catalogue of the macabre: A newlywed Ted Cruz celebrates by buying 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup.

What follows, chumps, is the most spectacular piece of public marital spackle ever.

Heidi Cruz, in her own words, discussing her honeymoon:

When I married Ted, we got back from our honeymoon, and he went off to the store and came home by himself. And I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup. I never bought 100 of anything.

This was shocking to me, so we had a tough conversation about it. I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. You won’t be making things.”

So the next morning, it was a weekend morning, I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me. And so when Ted opened the pantry, I had to quickly tell him that I would go back and buy those cans again.

While you’re at it, stock up on some shit sandwiches for the pantry too, Heidi. I think you’ll be eating them for a long time to come.

A look into Life with the Disordered. Did I do something batshit crazy? Oh, hey, Heidi, you MADE me do it. I just buy a 100 cans of soup in self-defense! I’m just reacting to your broken promises to cook for me, which you won’t. Let’s not kid ourselves whose fault this is. Prove your fealty to me!  

Cream of mindfuck soup, anyone?

Heidi Cruz, please, get some therapy. Your mother undermines you (and you married a freakazoid narcissist — get a shrink to help you connect those dots). And you’re spackling like a champ.

Lest you think I’m picking on poor Heidi (do I need to? Doesn’t she suffer enough waking up next to that slab of smarm every day?) I’ve spackled like that too. And I cringe now to see others spackle.

Oh no! This isn’t certifiably insane! It’s just a funny little story we like to tell now!

Are you recoiling in horror? Perhaps I’m not telling it right. I’ll work on that. Must be me…

*image by Andy Warhol

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    • And both of them are Harvard grads.

      They are both as dysfunctional as the Crane brothers.

  • I’m sorry, but that kind of behavior is bizarre. And Heidi knew it too, but all type of rational thinking was quashed by her mother, who disagreed with her. Ted probably displayed bizarre behavior like this during their courtship and Heidi tolerated it, I’m guessing probably because of her upbringing, grooming her to tolerate crap like this. I’m thinking Heidi has been eating massive shit sandwiches during her marriage, as there’s no smoke without fire and the cheating allegations may be true after all. It’s starting to look a lot like the John Edwards and Elizabeth dynamic. And we all know what happened to poor Elizabeth….

    • Sounds like poor Heidi was eating shit sandwiches as a kid too. What are the odds, Narc father, codependent mother? She was trained from birth for this role and Cruz knew exactly how to pick em. And really, who else would put up with him?

        • I immediately got stuck on ‘he went off to the store and came back alone’.

          Who in the hell did she expect to accompany him back home? Perhaps he was to buy a human at the grocery store or kidnap someone off the street? WTF?

          • I know! I thought that was worded strangely too. Who did she expect him to bring back from the store? Is it usual for him to bring stray people home from the grocery store? Weird.

          • It sounds like he went to the store with someone and came back alone. He traded a person for 100 cans of soup. I would trade him for only a single can of soup.

              • Yes. I didn’t know at the time, but my college boyfriend bought all types of strange things—a BMX bike, remote control car, an air mattress that would inflate with the touch of a button. I thought that he was too rich for his own good. Then, he bought TEN SWEATER VESTS from the Gap and I knew something was wrong. Shudder. He was diagnosed later that year.

  • And so the mindfuckery begins. Heidi’s already running in circles. The honeymoon certainly is over. Someone send her Chump Lady’s book.

  • And here | was thinking getting more than a case (from Costco or a BOGO sale) was a bit much. Any yes we have all bought large (less than 100 !!! WTF!!!_) amounts of prepackaged stuff because the kids or spouse like it or it was a quick go to on some of those congested school,work, and extracurriculars nights.
    This guy was selling her a self fulfilling prophecy. Gotta buy all the canned soup because you’ll never be cooking enough or whatever hell else defines the “good wife” to this narcissistic twerp.

    • Reminds me of how X used to shop for himself every Sunday night. He would be the EXACT amount of bread, luncheon meat and snacks he needed for the week, whether he had a job to go to or not. And by not, I refer to the five unemployment stints during our marriage that could last up to two years.

      It didn’t matter if our family of 5 needed anything else, like milk, or bread, etc. Or if I had just had a c-section the Wednesday morning before and against doctor’s orders, was dragging myself to the grocery store 45 minutes after he got back for something for “our” family.

      I asked him only once in the beginning of our marriage why he did that, and he angrily replied, “Can’t I do one thing just for me?” Then he gave me the silent treatment for a week. Seems I questioned the great Oz.

      Yes, he was a colossal douche for his wackadoo behavior. But I was a colossal idiot for putting up with such shit.

      • Wow, same here @ChutesandLadders !!!

        Every Sunday, he would demand a list of everything we needed, but made sure to get everything HE needed/wanted and for the rest of us? Well, we just had to eat what he “could afford” to get with the rest of “his” money.

        I was such an idiot, too!!!

      • Please don’t call yourself an idiot, I mean, I know the feeling… but we are not and were not ever idiots…. THEY were.

  • Boundary test much, Ted?

    When I look back over my life at the thousands of ways people have tested the integrity of my boundaries, the myriad of conflict-avoidant “advisors” who encouraged me not to enforce reasonable boundaries, and the frequency with which I’ve relented so I won’t be considered a bad person or get a reputation as “negative” (ah, workplace drama… there’s no elephant in this room and we’ll clean up the resulting scandal later, just keep punching these widgets like a good girl, Ami…), I am staggered the enormity of it all. Setting boundaries is exhausting.

    That is how I came to a place where I am motivated to fill as much of my time as possible with respectful people who can both set and honor boundaries. So much more fulfilling, so much less draining. It is taking a long time to learn to see and choose this way even when it is uncomfortable, but I am getting there.

    • I like this!
      I know the people who bring me the most joy in my life, are respectful. I don’t need to patrol my boundaries, because they don’t even push at them, they just know me and what I stand for. Peace….it’s a wonderful thing. If one of my friends or family steps over a line, we both notice, and talk about it at some point. I’m so much more careful about my life, since the big betrayal, when someone is constantly disappointing, I stay away now!

    • Amiisfree, I shuddered when I read your post. Your first paragraph described me. Who, me? Yup.

      Since DDay, if it looks like a turd, smells like a turd and steams like a turd, I do not have to taste it.

  • “No, I know you. You won’t be making things.” That sounds just like my husband. After I discovered his EA’s I suggested marriage counselling. He said “You wouldn’t be prepared to listen and do something somebody else told you to do”. I replied “Yes I would, I’m the one who is willing to go to marriage counselling, you’re not.” What Ted Cruz was really saying was HE was never going to cook. Disordered dickheads.

  • If I were Heidi I would’ve said, “Good call, hun. The pots are in the uh, um… oh hell I don’t know where they are. I’ll take mine with crackers.”

  • I’m not a Cruz fan, either, but I think this post should have been put on your political page, CL. A whole lot of assumptions being made here….

    Maybe Heidi could have at least returned just 95 of the cans and then gone on to cook as she intended so that every time Ted opened the pantry he’d be reminded of what a douchebag comment he made.

  • I can just imagine those cans stacked up in the pantry, like an Are You Good Enough bar graph. I look back at the early days of my marriage and can’t comprehend how I accepted that sort of mindfuck. I kept trying to earn his approval and I was so close, just had to try a little harder. I feel sad for her.

    • ” I kept trying to earn his approval and I was so close, just had to try a little harder.”

      I remember that feeling from my marriage, as well. Horrible way to live, always auditioning for your own spouse.

    • ” I kept trying to earn his approval and I was so close, just had to try a little harder.”

      Yes…same here… The ultimate discreet tactic of manipulation… I mean who doesn’t want their spouse to be happy?… I was always just a photo finish short on making the chronically unhappy, happy… worst is Sparkles is still at it, just this morning she emailed one of our daughter’s teachers and copied me on it because our daughter did not finish her homework one night when she was with me…I took the bait and blame…now she can say I failed as a husband and father… I will never be good enough ;-(

    • Quicksilver, I LOVE the ‘Are You Good Enough Bar Graph’ reference. There was one in my faux ‘relationship’ (using the term loosely here). MoFaux would think, “What is Virago’s level of competence/comfort here?” and than his expectation was calibrated to be beyond that (either slightly or well beyond). Nightmare never ended.

      Until NC. Heh! and Meh! simultaneously.

      • “Nightmare never ended. Until NC. Heh! and Meh! simultaneously.” Virago, that is such a great summary. Pretty much says it ALL.

    • I have a friend who was dating a guy who literally made a chart for his blog about what a bad girlfriend she was for not giving him enough time. She was in medical school and he was an unemployed lout. I didn’t get it.

      And yet.. I discovered texts between my husband and an escort. Believed him that that’s all it was, and journaled about how I could be a stepford robot wife who didn’t need that kind of intimacy and I would accept the deal- I wasn’t good enough, so I would take what I got- not usually physically abusive, often nice, totally sexless unless it’s the third Wednesday of an Azul lunar event (read once in a blue moon)… Somehow I thought it was ok. Fast forward. New d-day, waiting to spring my trap. I feel so dumb. Waster of years. He might as well have had a chart. But his measuring is faulty. I’m fucking awesome. I still don’t get it.

  • If the 100’s of canned soup is disgusting how about Ted Cruz Machine-gun bacon recipe on YouTube.
    He say’s cooking breakfast for the family on weekends is texas style. He’s at gun range and wraps bacon to his machine gun and shoots a round of bullets and low and behold the bacon is ready to eat in minutes.

    Wish I could post the link with my cell but can’t at the moment. If anyone can post the fir me I’d appreciate it. If not just search for Machine-gun Bacon Ted Cruz on YouTube.

    I feel sorry for Cruz’s kids.

    • Lol, you can’t make this stuff up. Cooking bacon on a machine gun, what’s next, frying eggs on a tank?

      • Making a roast on the engine in tin foil. (this can be done). There are many ways to cook with your dishwasher too. lol

      • Thanks LiningUpDucks for posting the Machine-gun Bacon recipe by Ted Cruz.

        Imagine a Ted Cruz Sunday family breakfast of machine-gun bacon, then it’s off to church and chunky canned soup and shitsandwichs for lunch and then Sunday dinner of canned chunky soup cassarole slow baked in the hood of an army tank.

        Daddy’s got a gun and shit load of canned chunky soup.

      • UGHHHHH…the thought of ‘makin’ bacon’ with Cruz makes me need to puke.

        Anyone see the articles yesterday about how he fought to make masterbating unlawful in Texas? Can’t make this shit up, it’s true.

        • I forgot to mention his college roommate has shared tons of info regarding just how disgusting the guy was to live with. Said he left ‘greasy’ fingerprints on whatever he touched….they called it ‘crudz’.

      • Holy shit.Is this for real?
        I’m not an American but heaven help us all if Cruz or that lunatic Trump get to the White House.

      • That is not Texas-style bacon. Texas style bacon is the bacon I make every Sunday in the cast-iron frying pan I brained my ex with after he punched my three-year-old son. Woke up in jail, he did (the ex, not my baby!)

        • Way to go Susannah!!! I got a bunch of em! Love my cast iron pans!!! I brained my narc dad with one when he punched my mother and hurt my little brother…I stood on a bucket to reach his drunken, raging head 😀

  • If I were Heidi I would indulge Ted and it would be cream of mushroom soup three times a day…. Cream of mushroom french toast, cream of mushroom soup and salad for lunch and beef in a … U guessed it … Cream of mushroom sauce. Three times a fucking day until every last can was used. I would sit across the table and smile while ordering myself something from Panera.
    Good Luck Heidi.

      • Oh but, Clip — YOU DID IT WRONG. He prefers “Chunky.”

        Yes, but I like the idea of just filling a trough with his favorite canned soup while you dine on something much nicer.

        • ‘ Chunky? Of course it is chunky. That the only way they make it. Everyone knows that. Don’t mind the label. They don’t put the word chunky on there because EVERYONE knows it’s chunky. Baby, don’t be silly! Now eat up.
          Gas lighting 101.

        • This whole life with Cruz is taking a terrible toll on her. I read somewhere that a Highway Patrol officer found her on the side of the road, just sitting there and felt she was a danger to her self. We all know the feeling. He said that with the love of her family and help from God she has recovered. Poor heart! Then there is that asshole Trump posting pictures of her vs, Ukrainian dominatrix that is his wife. Heidi is probably the only one with the potential for sanity in the whole Republican slate.

          • This thread made me look up her bio. Politics and religious proclivities aside, she was well educated and building a pretty strong career in politics on her own merit until she married him.
            Gave it up to move to Texas, get into finance and ended up with severe depression. Now she’s given up that career too in order to support him. Bet she feels like she is living someone else’s life. That is prime devaluation and submission right there. She’s ripe to be cheated on if he hasn’t already done it (rumors aside).

            • It’s sad. I also read Jenny Sanford’s book. She was a successful, educated career woman who gave it all up to run Appalachian Trail Cheater’s campaign. When he publicly humiliated her with his pathological hystrionics of cheating self indulgence, she knew the right thing to do was to REMOVE the asshole from their four young son’s lives. And someone above mentioned Elizabeth Edwards. These were chumps just like us, only perhaps worse because of the public limelight.

      • The Clip, you and I think alike. Teddy boy would be eating nothing but chunky soup for the rest of his life. I’d hand him a pan, a can opener, a spoon and tell him to have at it…..The kids and I are going out to dinner.

        Cheater ex decided to criticize a pie I made for him early on in our marriage saying it wasn’t like mommie’s. It was the last pie he ever got from me. I would not even buy one for him. I told him to go ask mommy for pie since mine wasn’t good enough. By the way it was darn good pie, it was just that mommy was the narc pie Queen and hers was always best so DILs …don’t even try.

        • When we were dating my X had a case of the vapors and took to his bed when I invited him over for dinner and served chili I’d made the night before. He claimed it was moldy, and it became a family “joke” he loved to tell in later years.

        • My mother in law won’t eat food she didn’t make. I used to think it was a control thing or allergy thing.. Now i see it clear- she can’t stand the idea that anyone makes better food than her. She uses it to cotrol and hostage her family. She will sit in the family room and eat a bowl of cold white rice and butter (gag) instead of join her family if it’s someone else’s cooking. Some people’s children.

  • What’s crazy is EVERYBODY KNOWS Campbell’s Home-style Chicken Noodle is a fucklot better than chunky.

    Also crazy, she allows that dude inside her. Shutter.

  • The whole thing is just bizarre to me. Misplaced bachelor-ambition? Thinking he needs to buy a bunker-lot of soup?! 100 cans would take up most of the pantry space. So……if you don’t cook at home, then….logically you must eat nothing but soup?! I just don’t even get the whole premise of why Cruz would even do this if he was on his own. Most people just go out to eat or get takeout. Duh.

    • I believe he was insulting her.
      Setting the proper tone- Master vs. Know-Nothing.
      A lot of us have lived this, right? What’s shocking is how that honeymoon was OVER. Boom, no more respect for you, Heidi, don’t get all uppity with your degree and all!

  • I also just read that Heidi hates Ted Cruz’ phone, because he’s addicted to games and social media. Gee, he’s starting to sound a lot like a narcissistic man-child. Heidi is not stupid, she is or was an investment banker at Goldman Sachs. I can’t believe such a woman is married to this type of guy… Go figure.

    • We should get a mailing address and all send her a copy of CL’s new book at a public campaign office. – make the news and promote the book. -create some sort of #freeheidi awareness slogan -maybe have one book land on her bag and not be taken away, like the invitations to hogwarts finally got to Harry….

  • Judas did something similar about 10 years ago. Bought about 60 cans of tuna. It was a ‘good deal’ ya know – and they don’t expire for a year or two. Like we eat THAT much tuna. Whatever. Anything that was a ‘good deal’ he would have to buy, even if there was no need for it. Like purchasing landscaping rock and leaving it in a pile in the yard for YEARS – just in case we ever needed it. That was an eye sore. Did I ever mention he would buy beer by the pallet because it was on sale? Can’t pass up a good deal. Or how about deciding to tare down a shed and haul the wood to our yard so he could eventually build a shed with that wood. I got tired of seeing the pile of wood so I called Morton Buildings and had THEM build a shed. I should have known he would never actually build something. But hey – look at all the great piles of wood in the yard! At least he has wood. Just in case….

    • Our free landscaping rocks have been sitting in a line of white buckets along the driveway for the past year. Add that to the pile of car batteries for recycling and the rusted file cabinet under a car mat on the lawn near a woodpile and we could be twins.

      • LOL – pathetic! I finally asked a friend to come over and MOVE the pile of rock when Judas was out of town – just to put it on the other side of the shed so it wasn’t such an eyesore. Oh man – was Judas PISSED that I moved his rock! Oh and yes – we (he now I guess) has an old satellite dish just sitting rotting in the corner of the yard. Just in case he might need it someday. It hasn’t moved for 16 years! And nicely taking his friends old lawn mower in case we needed parts for ours someday. That was nice of Judas to save his friend money by disposing it at our house rather than the dump. Idiots.

        • Asswipe starting bring shit here to my house after he moved in with the whore. His business is still here. Theyve broken up for the fourth time cause i own this house and shes jealous about him being around me. He has two months left to obtain financing via divorce degree moving along nicely. The bitchs father died and she gave him some of the fathers shit mostly broken for him to fix up. I pitched a fit and screamed this isnt a fucking dump or storage facility get it the fuck out of here now! Or outside the gate it will go! So now her trash resides at her house. He will never fix it. Cant wait to move and be free of their madness. Will be heaven. Gonna kill her when he finds out the day i move no contact ever. Hes so pleased we will still be friends. Think what you want asshole cause it aint gonna be so. I let him think that to keep things calm. He will take it out on her he has emotional issues and cant let me just go. Just wait bitch.

          Your time is gonna come.
          Led zepplin.

          • I know – I have to stay somewhat ‘nice’ because my stuff is still at the house. I don’t have a permanent residence yet and I have 6 months after divorce date (which I’m assuming should be any day now) to get my stuff. Therefore I just try to not talk to him. When he texted the other night asking if I wanted to ‘get together,’ I SOOO badly wanted to go off on him. I just asked what he needed – he said nothing,that he just wanted to get together – so I just replied saying No – I’m in bed. Such a jackass.

        • We have 3 broken down push mowers, one broken lawn tractor and one broken zero turn mower ($500 and he can’t fix it, and he’s a mechanic). The big stuff is all on the grass, the push mowers in the shed he expanded rather than fix up the house his family lives in.

          He’d make all of us mow the lawn and then shout at everyone telling us (me and the kids) when something broke that we were doing it on purpose. Yesterday he actually mowed the lawn for the first time in 3 years because he is trying to suck up to the kids (custody) and prove he isn’t an abusive rat bastard.

          I told the kids that if I keep the house I’m going to dump every last one of them on craigslist for some other nutter to buy and then heading down to Sears for a simple ride-on with extended warranty.

          Can’t wait.

          • Wow – pretty sure our assholes ARE related. Judas once told me, after I was complaining about the junk in the yard, that we needed to keep it there – we need the yard to look like shit, therefore our property taxes would be lower. I ended up purchasing a non motorized push mower because I was tired of the other one (the one we had ‘parts’ for from his friend) not starting and him not being around to get it started. I mowed the front and back parts of the lawn at least once a week. Jackass would mow the ‘big’ part of the lawn (2 acres), with his beloved tractor he bought with the insurance money to fix the roof after a tornado hit the house – so the roof now leaks, once every 3-4 weeks. So fucking lazy! He could care less about anything! I’m glad he’s getting the house. The appraiser said in court that the yard looked like shit and there are leaks in the basement. Doesn’t surprise me. He’s too busy getting drunk and playing pool to take care of the house and the yard.

            • I’m not sure he actually sees his own crap, just other peoples. He tells off the kids constantly if they leave a pair of shoes in the living room while his crap is all over every room, like he doesn’t want to be reminded that we exist. Yard in summer will be littered with beer bottles and empty cans of gum cutter when his friend is over to help on “projects” while I’ll be told I’m lazy because “all you ever do is weed”. When I’m gone he’ll probably spray gum cutter all over the yard to kill the weeds. Such a fucker.

              • Judas has some friends (no longer my friends apparently) who are not housekeepers what-so-ever. Their house was pretty gross – cobwebs, dust an inch thick…I’m surprised human services didn’t take their kids away. Anyway – I liked them, as people. I didn’t judge them because they were alcoholic slobs – like my stbx, but I really didn’t like going over to their place (They also smoked in the basement with no windows so the basement was a cloud of smoke and the rest of the house smelled like smoke too). I remember Judas telling me one day, because I was cleaning AGAIN (It apparently bothered him that I was a good housekeeper) that because we have kids, our house should look like theirs. It should be a mess and not as clean as it is. That is his mentality – no appreciation for what I did in that house. He also told me the other day that he will have to get a table to throw his laundry on if I am taking the cedar chest. I said “Why don’t you just throw it on the closet floor?” He said no because then he would have to bend over.

              • Finally Awake and Lady Strange–whatever you did, your STBX/Xs were going to claim you should be doing the opposite. That’s how they wield control and keep you dancing to keep them happy. Messy? You should be clean. Too clean, garden too pristine? You should let loose a little–creative clutter!

                Never again will I tolerate a lose-lose situation in a relationship of any kind.

              • I agree Tempest. When Judas was talking about needing a table to throw his laundry on, I really think he was telling me what a waste of time it was for me to fold and hang up laundry for the family all those years. Basically – he wanted to make sure I knew he didn’t appreciate me doing the laundry because it was a waste of time. Cleaning the house, doing laundry, doing dishes cuts into drinking time ya know.

              • “Like he doesn’t want to be reminded we exist.”

                My ex was the same. Neat freak who was constantly complaining about (as I put it) “any evidence we existed.” I used to try to call him out on it but he’d deny it, crazy bastard. Shortly before D-Day as he once again complained about the nonexistent “mess” our children made, I warned him that he was going to have to live with the relationship or lack thereof he had with our children, since all he ever did was complain about the “mess”! A few months later was D-Day. Turns out he was the mess in the house all along.

                Since he left he does not see or have a relationship with our kids at all. Now he lives with AP#1 and her sons and pets and messes. So strange.

    • Same here, I wish I had taken pictures of the shit The Evil One left here at my house when he moved to his slut-shack, but here’s the list:

      2 or 3 broken lawn mowers
      along the back gate/driveway barrier fence, huge box of garbage bags and various items he had tossed in from detailing his Shit-er-ado with the “I’ll haul it to the dump when the box gets full” never did of course…plus a full oil drip pan, spare tires, broken yard tools
      a huge garbage bag full of miscellaneous heavy items that he packed up from “his” closet of things he didn’t want or need any longer— he already had a man-cave here in the house, but also needed the outside closet to store more shit of his
      Oh, and I forgot one more thing he left behind was “his” cat riddled with fleas because the slut-shack didn’t allow for pets, and you know, he’s alllll about the rules, right?!?!?!

      OK, so he left almost one year ago leaving behind all of that shit…within three months of him leaving, I had a Yard Sale and sold the mowers— ironically or coincidentally or maybe he knew I had a Yard Sale, who knows, but right after the Yard Sale, he texted me asking for the mowers and I told him I sold them, his response? “Nice” like I’m supposed to hang on to his shit until he needed it?!?!?!

      All of the garbage that became my driveway “border” got cleared out and most of it burned in my burn barrel, or hauled off to the dump by my sons

      The garbage bag of heavy items sat right where he left it for months until my son and I went through it and took all the metal items to the scrap yard…Ya’ll, brace yourselves for what I found in the bag — a book titled (again, brace yourselves…) :
      Oola Find Balance in an Unbalanced World
      by Dave Braun and Troy Amdahl (Author)

      Has anyone ever heard of this book or have read it???

      I flipped through it and found myself laughing out loud that The Evil One actually had it in his possession. No wonder he threw it away– it requires accountability, LOL

      The cat lasted 2 months here at my house and then I put him outside…when he realized this he wa enraged that I would “throw him out like an abandoned child?!” to which I snapped back, “Like you abandoned me/us?!?!”

      Ah, spring is in the air, my house is still cluttered with MY shit, not his and it’s so nice pulling up into my driveway and not seeing a big box of shit that he left behind to remind me of what a shit-bag he really is.

      • Want to have some fun? When ever I want to know how far I have come since XH left, I look at google street view history. There is my pig stye house when he left. Then there is the street view of my house now. Lovely… Fuck you! You disordered douchebag.

        • WORRRRRRD, changelanes, Word!!! Fuck you you disordered fucking worthless mooching leeching shit-bag, fuck you!!! Whew! Feel better now, thanks!!!! 🙂

        • OMG, same here, my XH was a junk hoarder, everything you can imagine was kept just in case he could repurpose it. Let’s see at one time 7-8 cars that were for parts only, every kind and piece of metal or wood,old mowers, broken tools, plastic buckets, whatever! So much shit that one log building storage of parts, an old leanto garage, a freaking huge building as a workshop slash parts and junk storage all so filled up you could hardly walk through. Yet if you asked where something was he could go find it in a minute.

          Never really bothered me to much most was out of site, I got to do whatever I wanted in the home and let him do whatever he wanted in the buildings. However, my new boyfriend couldn’t stand that he left me all that junk to deal with so he helped me and in the first two months we took over 25 truckloads to the dump. Each and every load piled up so high like Sanford and Son. The people at the dump even got to know me quite well, lol

          My neighbors and friends were so amazed and said the place looked so big and organized now. My best friend came up with the term despousing. I love it, it sounds like something from an exterminating service!

          • OMG!!! “Despousing”!!!! Freakin’ LOVE it!!!! Can you imagine the next wave of “parties” that would flood social media if that became an “event”!? Like, “gender reveal” parties, or “baby’s first ________ ” over-the-top parties?! LOL

          • LMAO imagining you & your boyfriend hauling all that crap like Sanford & Son. Now I’ve got that theme song in my head, hahahahaaaa!!!

    • Okay, I think that’s deeply fucked up. But it’s not cheating. If you agreed to it — heck you SIGNED A CONTRACT saying have at it! then you were not sucker punched. You’re an idiot, IMO, but you’re not a victim.

      Of course, this is the little game people play of “If I just loosen the leash, they’ll obey!”

      (Forehead slam…)

      • “Fifteen years ago, having an affair would be a deal-breaker, but people now realize that it’s not the end of the world.”
        Are you kidding me? I just can’t believe what our world is coming to… This is just sad. Makes me sick

      • Not to pander too much (well, I am codependent afterall), but your book is needed now more than ever!

        • Not just the book! What happened to getting Tracy on the TED stage? We need this to happen!

          In one of my recent Google Chump moments, I happened to search the TED site for cheating, infidelity, betrayal etc etc blah blah blah. Only one video came up. One. And guess who it was? That bloody Esther Perel!

          So the infidelity-apologist has a total topic monopoly on this well respected platform. Uh-oh…. I think chumps of the world and chumps-to-be deserve better than that.

      • Instead of saying, “The more invested you are in your marriage — whether because of love, lifestyle, finances, children or a combination of those things — the more likely you are to make compromises [such as allowing the husband to cheat] to anchor the commitment.” It should have said ….”you are to make compromises and sell your soul.”

        • Or translated another way:

          “the more invested YOU are in the marriage, the more likely you are to tolerate behaviour that actually undermines said marriage”.

          Which can more concisely understood as “desperation”.

  • Ted Cruz has given me the heebie jeegies from the start. There is something about him that sets all the red flags flying.

  • Okay that video is horrible on multiple levels. However he is not using a machine gun. He is using a semi-automatic rifle ( and ruining it with bacon grease). A machine gun in full-auto. One of the commenters called the smile at the end a “rapey” smile. I would have to agree.

  • Somewhere buried in there is the part that made me mad, she called her mom and her mom reinforced the disordered person. This was me for years! I’d call, explain the situation and say isn’t that odd, or strange or how do I handle that and my mom would tell me I was wrong and what a good guy he was. Anyone have this happen? How did you handle D-day with that person?

    • After I found hard evidence of the first betrayal, my mom told me that my STBX was “the best thing that had ever happened to me” and that “all marriages have problems” (I still have the email she sent in 2003). My parents were his strongest supporters, so much so that I spackled and ate shit sandwiches for another 8 years, until I found out about the secret pornography viewing, AM account and prostitutes. I should have ignored her and gone with my gut. It would have saved a lot of grief and suffering.

      • Parents don’t always know best. How many times have we heard a woman getting physically abused, only for her very own parents to tell her to go back ot her own husband. And then the woman gets beaten up so bad, that she dies. Or parents telling their own daughter to put up with her husband’s cheating because he has a good job and it’s not wise to disrupt the family, and then the wife ends up with breast cancer and dies. I’ve seen this happen way too often and the wife pays the price with her own health or life. Parents don’t always know best. Mine certainly didn’t, but were the worst advisors.

    • It happened to me. Back when I was just dating the leech, he first cheated on me. I broke up with him, and my mother was the one who convinced me to get back with him. “He is so sorry”… I wish someone would have bitch slapped me back then for even considering it. Forward 18 years and over 20 AP…

      • This happened to me, where I was dating a guy and I was seeing signs he may have been cheating on me with a coworker. I told my mom and she said that he would stop the cheating “once” we get married. I thought that was the most foolish advice anyone could give. I didn’t listen to her and dumped his ass immediately. Best decision ever! Thanks mom, NOT.

          • I am very thankful to have had the opposite problem, a mother who called BS on chumpy behavior on my part and never took guff off of anyone. If only I’d listened to her years ago . . . sigh.

            • My mother told me years (20+) ago that I was in an abusive relationship with husband. Now the STBX is
              in my rearview, and my mom was correct!
              I wish I knew then what I know now.
              We move on when we can not tolerate anymore crap!

  • And things will be so much easier/better when her husband gets elected? Nope. No unbearable pressure or mistresses stashed under every desk or in every closet (if there’s room after all the soup), Heidi. No already outrageous ego and sense of entitlement achieving even more ridiculous heights from a man who dismissed your abilities straight out of the gate. WTF? Girl, you’d better stock up on that wine… For the French onion soup, of course.

  • I agree DM…we are so screwed…the levels of narcissism, stupidity, disregard of basic human decency of these ‘people’ is alarming. …backyard bunkers seem to be our only option to protect ourselves from the certain future fall out… We are so screwed…

  • Thanks to everyone for not referring to Ted Cruz as a Canadian. He was born right here in my hometown and …. well, nobody here likes him either.

    • I am currently checked-in at the hospital he was born at. I, too, am tired of the “Ted Cruz is really a Canadian” crap. He renounced Canadian citizenship. He’s not our problem anymore. You can keep the “Soup and Bacon Warrior.”

  • Isnt he a cheater? The soup is the least of her worries. Imho it is not a big deal. If he eats a can a day it will be gone by the end of july. Seems like she should be more worried about the other issues and forget the soup.

    • There’s just rumors he’s a cheater. (Would anyone publicly admit to sleeping with him?) But I think that exchange is a glimpse into the day-to-day mindfuckery of a bad marriage. That “No, I know you. You won’t be making things” is blameshifting. He could simply say “Hey, I like soup.” Or “Yeah, sorry, that was excessive, I’ll return it if it upsets you.” Or “I promise to eat 100 cans of soup.”

      But to turn it on HER, and make it like he buys soup in self defense of her letting him down?

      That’s a manipulative POS. BTDT have the divorce…

      • That’s the heart of the insanity… one week post wedding, he’s predicting ALL the failures that will ensue due to HER being a failure as a wife. WOW!

        Mr. Sparkles liked to take this tack with me regarding my building relationships with my stepchildren. Always using triangulation and always to the detriment of the kids and me while he remained “unscathed”. The irony is now that my stepkids are 18 – 24 years old, and some working on their childhood issues, they are seeing how twisted his action were then AND still are now. And, they come to me with it.

        Wonder if #4 is willing to be a sounding board in the future? I’m sure her two poster-perfect kids wouldn’t mind being sucked down the rabbit hole too.

        So sad all the way around. Mental note: re-apply anti-narc repellent coating to self and 10yo son.

        • Mental note: re-apply anti-narc repellent coating to self and 10yo son.


          I usually eat up on garlic to repel The Evil One when I have to be around him, isn’t that a soul-sucking-narcisstic-emotional-vampire repellent????

      • The sad thing CL Imo is she will never be in a position to divorce him unless she gets some people with steal spines in her corner. Because she is already being conditioned to believe form the get go that she is sub par and his actions are a direct response to her assumed failings. so this coupled with extreme christian views of having to submit to your husband, and unconditional forgiveness which is rife in his particular religious bent, even if she was to eventually obtain evidence, he and others including her mother have shown that she would be expected to just accept it or even assume blame.

        This is twisted as hell and the even sadder thing is the soup can incident is being divulged to the world as a bit of a laugh, ‘isn’t Cruz a little odd’, and along with all the other batshit crazy behaviour we as a collective are being conditioned that he isn’t really that bad. because we don’t really talk about the bad stuff.

    • It’s not about the soup, it’s about undermining Heidi. He bought it to send the message that he knew she would disappoint him, so he was preparing for her inadequacy as a wife. He didn’t buy the soup because he was hungry for it; he bought it to demonstrate to Heidi that she was a failure before she could even try. Here’s another way to look at it. Imagine if Ted had been excited to work on his carpentry skills to build his new wife something she would love. But as soon as they got back from their honeymoon, Heidi immediately called a contractor to build a deck on their house and told Ted “No, I know you. You won’t be building things.” The objective is to undermine, not to have a deck, or to have soup. It’s spiteful and rotten.

      • Exactly! And a good, chumpy spouse would go jump- jump- jumping to prove themselves to not be that way, and woe to them if they ever slip up and fulfill the prophesy. Imagine the frown he gives her everytime she lets him down, as he pulls one of those cans out and plops its contents in a pot at the stove.

          • The part that gets me is how he did it right away after the honeymoon. That’s some seriously sick premeditation right there there (God help me, I first spelled that as “premediation”).

  • I’m sorry, but the police report of Heidi wandering the streets of Austin and subsequent depression sound too much like a D-day #2 episode (ask me how I know). Sure, D-day #1 was traumatic enough but she held it together after he promised her all sorts of shit. But D-day #2 is a whole ‘nuther level of shitstorm. Because not only is he capable of betraying her, she now sees that he can look her in the eye and lie with a reassuring smile on his face.

    Pure evil.

    • this ^^^^^^ this^^^^^ this

      OMG how many of us have had the reassurance only to later realise that our cheaters are stone cold bare faced liars!

      mine, butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, so proper, so upright. Helped friends, was a part of music ministry in church, was on combined church committees. Became indignant that I would even hint that I suspected him of adultery, How could I? time and time again would look me in the eye and assure me that my concerns where unfounded, he wouldn’t do a thing like that! Liar, Liar, pants on fire. I now looking back think to him it was all a game as he knew that my one pet hate above all other things, even cheating, was being lied to. and he did it so well.

  • You do realize the majority of the Senate and politicians alike are likely some kind of disordered and come with “canned” stories just like this one.

    They say I think only less than 4% of population is disordered Narcs… something like that but a small percentage I once read. I feel that was put out by that very population and the number is only less that 4% are not rather than are and that percent found is will one day find CL and CN. LOL.

    Mine was a wedding invitation. When I first started seeing him I was at his house when he received a wedding invitation to his cousin’s wedding for 3 months from that date. He put them by the door and said if you around then, you can go. WOW. And I thought it was because he thought he did not feel good enough for me for me to be around for him.. it was the other way.. maybe he would be around for me! It was that moment looking back that I passed his Chump test. Da… took me just 22-23 more years and him leaving me to see this. Da.

  • If he wanted to start up some food storage prep for the apocalypse, that’s fine. On the honeymoon? A little weird. Ten cans each of ten Different things? Perfectly reasonable for this plan. One hundred cans on the same thing? Bizarre and irrational. Unless the intention is to screw with her mind. What he said, about knowing she wouldn’t actually cook, is total control and manipulation mindfuckery. He intended to ensure that his new wife cooked the meals in order to prove herself. And then a hundred cans counting down every time she fails to cook? I lived with a controlling and manipulative asshole for 18 years. Early on, he guided my actions by dropping subtle statements about how his former fiancé did certain things and was certain ways that were awful, so I understood that I could impress him by avoiding those pitfalls! Subtle but very effective. I can now see through this as control and manipulation. It’s the same thing as the message he gave her with those soup cans.

  • I guess maybe I’m too young…

    But in my world if I choose to marry a woman who doesn’t cook, then it’s understood that *I* would cook. I’m not a culinary chef, but I’m no slouch in the kitchen, either. Certainly, I can prepare meals with more variety (and less sodium) than canned soup! Why is the assumption that if the woman won’t cook, then they must eat canned food? There’s 2 people in this relationship.

    • Exactly JC. My dumbass liked to cook. I don’t. I can cook, I just would rather not. When I got my job, my hours were 8-5, he worked 7-3:30 so he was home by 4:00. After I started working until 5 we agreed that he would cook dinner, otherwise it wouldn’t be ready until after 6, and like I said, Judas enjoyed cooking. But – that WAS THE ONLY THING HE DID! (Besides ride the riding lawn mower every 3-4 weeks.) I did EVERYTHING else…laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. I didn’t complain and it seemed to work for us.
      I remember one time a friend had told me how her husband made a comment to her that “Did you know Judas does ALL the cooking?” OMG – so what? I do all the laundry and everything else! Apparently my friend told her husband, Ya, so? Judas likes to cook and LadyStrange gets home late… Those two are now divorced.
      And the days Judas didn’t ‘feel’ like cooking, we had soup. And I certainly didn’t think it was incompetence on his part….he just needed a break. And I understood that.

      • Ha. Asshole used to be a cook, and he NEVER cooked dinner. He’d tell me how he cooked for previous girlfriends (one of whom he is fucking now), but not for me. Or our kids.
        Same work hours as yours – 7 -3:30/4. I work 8-5 with an hour commute plus I pick up the kids, am home at 6pm and then start dinner. Of course he always complained about the lateness of said dinner but NEVER COOKED ONE, regardless of the fact he had way more time.
        Now I wonder if I should have at least directed him in meal prep and ordered him around but who the hell needs to be a sergeant major at home?

        I’m such a loser chump.

        • Same hours as you two, except I came home and every damn day he would say, “what do you want to do for dinner.” It took everything for me to not say, “Kick your lazy ass out of that recliner.”

          The best thing about living alone is never having to hear him say that again. Hallelujah and pass the peas!

          • Oh I just hated it when Judas would cook chicken on Wednesday nights when my daughter had religion. You would think he would figure out it took 3x as long to make the damn chicken than he thought. Nope – He’d start grilling chicken around 4 and of course my daughter wouldn’t have dinner until I picked her up from church. EVERY TIME! He would tell me in the morning he was making chicken and I would say something like, “Well – make sure you start it early enough cuz daughter has religion.” At least he cooked – and I thanked him every night! (I made SURE I thanked him any time he cooked!)
            Apparently now he eats at the bars most nights – nobody to cook for anymore. So sad, but he did it to himself. I can only say those high triglycerides are probably in the ‘very high’ range by now. Too bad so sad asswipe. Pancreatitis should be setting in fairly soon. (Wishful thinking)

        • Please don’t call yourself a loser. You may be a chump but definitely not a loser! He was the loser!! Seriously! You are Finally Awake!

          • Thanks Muse. It was actually more of a sardonic comment. Feeling all kinds of awesome these days, a little bit more my old self every morning. Just have 21 years to wash out.

    • We also need to recognize that each of us brings strengths to our relationships and if cooking isn’t one then it can certainly be improved upon. I was best at simple meals, BBQ, and “goulash.” The last motivated all three children to learn to cook and my son is easily the most gifted at it. Every thing tastes yummier when someone else cooks but in this day and age it’s much easier when the work is shared.

  • As Bill Maher says, I don’t know it for sure, but I Just know it. I know Ted Cruz’s name is on that Madam’s client list. Can’t prove it, but I know it.

    • The attorney who defended the DC Madam has a copy of the list. The judge (who must be on it too) placed a gag order on it.The attorney has petitioned the supreme court asking for relief from the gag order. The Supreme Court accepted his case. He says the list must be made public as a matter of national importance. (Ted and who knows is on that list) Anyway, he has placed the lists on several computers around the world, with a dead man trigger. That means that should he not check in with his computer for over 72 ours (because he has been murdered or died) the lists will be automatically disseminated to a bunch of journalists.

  • We wonder why Chumps stay stuck for so long, but so many of us are groomed to please people. Yesterday I was talking to my therapist about how good I felt about standing up in my office and getting ready to leave, in spite of the loiterers who preferred that I stay and spend my time listening to their anxieties. I love my friends, but I also love me. And I like to be on time to my yoga class. But sheesh–I’m 64 and I am just learning that it is OK for me to get up and leave if I have another appointment. This is the endless supply of shit sandwiches on the buffet when we spackle abuse of any kind. Heidi looks at those 100 cans of soup and knows that it’s nuts to behave that way and then…her mother continues her education in speckling insanity and taking abuse.

    Here goes my consistent argument for physically separating from a cheater to get out from under the gaslighting, control, and craziness and get some mental clarity. Living with the disordered makes their crazy, disordered worldview the norm. Heidi would need to be deprogrammed at this point. Save the marriage at all costs! Serve the cheater’s career goals! Pretend it’s normal to buy 100 cans of Chunky soup! Or to read about the OWs in the tabloids!

    • Hi LAJ,

      You said, ‘Living with the disordered makes their crazy, disordered worldview the norm. Heidi would need to be deprogrammed at this point.’ Last night, I mentioned to a relative that I think that I have gone crazy through association with crazy, disordered STBX. I have virtually no sense of how to set reasonable boundaries to protect myself as I was devalued and abused in many, many ways for way too many years. I really needed deprogramming before entering into the relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend, like me, was a people pleaser, but unlike me, blew up and ended our one-year long intimate relationship and 30-year long friendship without saying even a word about his dissatisfaction with our relationship. I feel as though I am at the bottom of a totem pole as a guy who would take abuse from all types of people (including his ex-wife) ended up devaluing and discarding me. My self-esteem is shot and I am experiencing suicidal depression. I feel sorry for people like Heidi and hope that they can soon create a life filled with respect, dignity, and happiness.

      • Rock Star Wife

        I care about the mention of your depression.

        What can we do to help?

        I can only tell you that experienced many of the same feelings, but things are better now for me now that I have a life.

        Once I started putting all of the energy I was throwing away into the world into myself instead things started going right for me.

        What do you want out of life?

        We are all adults now, and I think this is a question we can concretely answer, if not at least approach in a meaningful and constructive fashion.

        If your answer involves other people, please realize you cannot control other people no matter what you do. I believe you will re-build your self-esteem when you focus on what you can control and what you can be.

        I have let go of wanting to be in a relationship, and instead I embrace what I want to do with my life and what makes me happy.

        This is freedom and joy for me, and most of all, it has built my self-esteem because I can walk away or avoid any negativity because I have so much else constructive of fun to do.

        You can do it too, but it starts with you and what you can control.
        you are

        I feel after my experience that I can never put so much of myself in someone else again, and you may have done that with your last relationship, which is why you feel as depressed as you do. This may seem harsh, but it also means you can build your life to be whatever you want it to be because you do not need anyone else in it to get you there.

        If you need to reach out more, reach out to the people here because they do in fact care, if a bit overmuch at times…

      • Your hurt definitely hits home with me. I have no clue who you are but knowing that you have faced some pretty public shit makes me know that I don’t just have the right, I have the responsibility to own my stuff, and get away from my Master level mindfucking husband. You did it. I owe it to you and the other mighty here to follow your very hard trail and get out also.

        That doesn’t undo your hurt. But I hope it helps to know that I have been helped by your story. I am really really tired of the jackasses winning. So it’s not going to be that way for me. And your damage isn’t all of you. Maybe you do need a bit of deprogramming. Sure. Or maybe you need to feel silly a bit. Yknow what makes me feel in control? That this summer I am going to mudwrestle some of my favourite people. I’m gonna plan a picnic and do some weird stuff because I’m about to move across the country and I hate my husband so why not be a little strange. It has nothing to do with fixing my picker or my heart. Those need to be alone for a bit. I’m gonna worry on some other stuff a bit. Just to see what grows through the cement garage pad that got poured over my heart. Not about romance or love or even just basic friendship. Just some easy fun for basic fun. Water balloons and other such things. Maybe a good fight with a donation to the food bank.

      • Hi, RockStar. I know something about the depth of your pain because I went straight from ending a long marriage into a relationship with an old friend (Jackass) who then betrayed me and gaslighted me while he did it. The pain nearly killed me. I wasn’t suicidal but I often thought I could not physically endure the pain. I think Tony has the right idea–and it worked for me. I’ve written before about taking a year or two off from being in any relationship. It changed my life. Putting my energy and time into healing and clearing the rubble allowed me to build a strong foundation for my new life. You’ve been in a train wreck. It will take time to heal. You’ll have a powerful relationship–with yourself. It will take a while to ride out the worst of it, but the “boyfriend” pain is just a new level on top of the betrayal in the marriage. You are so important to your kids, to your friends, to this community. Hang in there. No one who loves you measures your worth by whether you are in a relationship or not. And if you take some time to take care of you, then you can fix your picker and find someone who is kind and who will cherish you.

  • Very surprised at the amount of assumptions today related to Ted and his wife. You do not have to agree with his politics, but to slam him based on a stupid soup event is over the top. There is no proof at this time he has cheated on his wife….. and to assume makes an ass out of you. To say we in Texas do not like him is a stretch. Not only has he won the Senate seat, he won the primary. Personally I support him…. his basic ideas of constitutional govt. is spot on. The other route taken by the corrupt politicians have them knee deep in our lives…. 20 Trillion in debt… and 95 million people without a job. I have lost a lot of respect for CL today!

    • I did warn anyone who likes Cruz to skip today.

      Would it make you feel better if I said I think Hillary Clinton is unlikable and deemed insincere because she’s eaten so many shit sandwiches in her personal life, she’d agree to anything?

      The subject at hand is mindfuckery. If all the narcissists in Washington DC went home, there’d be no one to run the government.

      I thought it was an interesting look into the mindfuckery of a marriage. And yes, I don’t like Cruz. #itsmyblog

      • Hill eats shit to benefit her political career. Her marriage is and has been a sham for years. A pseudo feminist who has ridden the coat tails of a man. A woman who has accomplished zero and if were anyone else would be in jail…. but the elites do not live by same standards we do. So no I do not like Hillary but I also do not come to this blog to see political hit pieces on any candidate. Its fn soup! All newly weds and even pros do and say stupid shit…. doesn’t mean they are disordered! If it comes out Ted screwed around on his wife, I will dump his ass quickly. AND YES IT IS YOUR BLOG!

        • You know nothing about Clinton’s marriage because you are not in it. Whenever someone starts talking about “elites’, I accept the fact that we have nothing to discuss. Please excuse me for busting my ass to get a good education and actually you know, picking up books and things to learn about the world. Cruz panders to homophobes and that is enough for me to never, ever vote for him. The way he treats his wife, while sad, is completely irrelevant to me. But what do I know? I am just some egghead elitist.

        • No one who is not in the marriage can declare it a “sham.” Period. You don’t know what you don’t know.

          • What I do know is….. If Hill were to type her story to CL you would be one of the first ones to tell her to kick his sorry ass out! Serial cheater who took advantage of young girls in the oval office. But hey its Bill and Hill…. diff standards apply!

      • Back and forth, back and forth… I read all the comments, and especially noted the ones mentioning ex-spouses who displayed hoarding behavior regarding things they liked. I’ve also noted the archival posts about narcs having so many tools, or cars, or whatever that reading about someone feeling the need to buy a hundred cans of soup makes the old hackles raise. That boy ain’t right!

        • It definitely was an odd thing for him to do…

          It crossed my mind that maybe Heidi’s mom was suggesting Heidi made the wrong move returning it because SHE could see the guy was a nut job! (You know how we chumps get blind and deaf when in love…)

          I couldn’t get the video to load and I don’t know what exactly her mother said but it might have been “You should have kept the damn soup, girl, and let him have at it for the next 100 days!! Then let him go out and buy more!! Save yourself the time and trouble of cooking a big meal when the guy obviously LOVES canned soup!!”

    • I agree. This is a lot of anger over soup. Political hit pieces are fine but we should label them as such and not disguise them as a PSA on the evils of buying in bulk.

      I don’t like Ted Cruz. I don’t have to pick on his wife, his marriage, or his grocery buying habits to explain my dislike.

      Did Donald Trump actually write this column? Sounds just like him.

  • Okay, have NOT read CN’s response but the first thing my ex did when married was PARTY with everyone else until the wee hours of the morning. I of course sat up waiting for him in our hotel room with our baby. I should have fucking RUN then. Lol

    • Same thing happened to me (minus our toddler, who was with my dad). I asked him to come upstairs with me on our wedding night after most of our guests had left the after party, and he said he wasn’t ready. I waited, then finally got tired, and he promised to be up in a few minutes. Two hours later he staggered into the room drunk and got his nose out of joint that I was pissed off about being blown off on our wedding night. He was already cheating at that point. Prick.

      • We went to a junkyard on our wedding night as he’d seen a new delivery there in the morning and was worried it would be cannibalized and he’d miss out on the parts.

        I’m such a moron.

      • Drew & Free Vixen, me too. Ours was a two day event and he did the same thing to me both nights. On our actual wedding night he disappeared and left me in the venue which was set away from the accommodation. I had to search the site for him, gowned up and all. I found him hanging out in a room with all his mates. I felt pretty rejected, dejected, hurt. But like a good brand-new chumpy wife, I didn’t say a thing. Swallowed it up and joined them. This was supposed to be the most special day of our lives as a couple, right? I wouldn’t want to upset him by saying anything.

        On the second night he refused to come to bed at all, waxing lyrical about it being the only time he’d have all his people together. Because our wedding was all about him, of course. And of course he’d never invite his friends and family to his own birthday.

        Why oh why did they marry us, if they had such little regard, love and respect for us?

  • I don’t think the problem is whether or not you should tolerate your spouse stashing 100 cans of soup, or whether he has a strange collection of XXX, as opposed to your own lovely “investment” in heirloom ZZZ. Everyone has strange things they like, and it is just as hard for those of us who enjoy a little memorabilia to live with someone who insists on bare counters and uncluttered bookshelves to put up with us. The problem here is that there was NO communication going on in the NEW marriage, and that the wife doubted her own thinking so much she called a parent in to decide something that was none of the parent’s business. She also called a parent who (no doubt in my mind) had shut her down before, and who reinforced a concept that she (inferior being that she was) was lucky to have landed an up and comer like Mr. Wacko.

    How many chumps out there have been advised to “just let him/her have his/her way, avoid a fight.” How many of you have heard from your friends “I just let him have whatever he wants sexually, even if I don’t want it/enjoy it, because it is over in a few minutes and otherwise we will have a big fight and/or he will pout all night and maybe longer.” How many of you have heard “I have a headache” or “I am not in the mood,” but when you ask what is wrong you hear “Nothing.” There is no communication going on here, either.

    Now, to be fair, and having been there, after a long and dissatisfying marriage, I wasn’t interested in having sex with my cheater husband either, and I was tired of trying to talk about why. But at the beginning of a relationship, there should be lots and lots of communication going on. There should be all kinds of boundaries set and discussed and negotiated before you ever say those vows. People who think “He/She will change after we marry,” are right — things will change for the worse. Resentments will build and rebellions will foment, hatred and contempt will grow. If there is no communication, no respect, no love and no compromise there will be no marriage. People who marry because they think they are getting some type of a deal are always going to be unhappy. Think about how unhappy chumps are when they find they have married someone who was NEVER really there, who PRETENDED to be interested in them and to have similar goals and values, because they thought the chump would be useful to them. The users were unhappy too, because they never get everything they want. A marriage like this is an exercise in futility.

    The question here is WHY did he buy the soup without talking to her, and WHY did she take it back without talking to him? Why did they not talk about how they wanted to eat as a couple, and why did they not talk about who would cook and who would shop, and who would clean up and on and on and on. The red flag is willful non-communication.

    The only reasons we should even be interested in this story is because these two TOLD IT ON THEMSELVES WITHOUT REALIZING IT WAS WACKO, and, THEY ARE CANDIDATES FOR THE LEADER OF OUR COUNTRY AND FIRST SPOUSE. The bacon cooking on the gun isn’t the only thing that sizzles in that video clip. Why does this couple get in a position and feel entitled to run our country? Why does a segment of the voting population think they will be just fine? Why are the other choices for this office just as scary and dissatisfying? What does this say about our political process that we have become so weirdly dysfunctional as a nation that we end up with the choices we have to be our leader? I (obviously) am frustrated by them all.

    Seriously folks — we have got to do a better job.

  • I guess I’m in the minority here.

    Heidi had a career that probably took long hours. Ted’s intention might have been to take the pressure off, a way of saying he understands her career is important and he didn’t expect dinner on the table every night.

    They both had good jobs, I’m sure it wasn’t some financial burden to spend a couple hundred bucks on canned goods.

    She had her say about it when he got home with the soup, and that should have been the end of it. I think taking it back was kind of a controlling bitch move. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. I mean, come on, they’re fucking newlyweds and she’s up early in the morning returning cans of soup to the grocery store instead of staying in bed doing what newlyweds would ordinarily do?

    Sure, it’s pretty weird. No, it’s not a healthy choice of diet. But I actually think she is in the wrong. However…. having returned the shit, immediately saying she’d buy it back because mommy said so is pretty weak,

    I had a similar incident with my mother telling me to iron my husband’s shirt, even though he was perfectly capable and ordinarily did it himself. It did not end with me ironing the fucking shirt – I stood by my opinion about my relationship like an adult.

    Whether you like Cruz’s politics or not, it’s just some fucking soup.

    • I agree. This is weird but not horribly outrageous to me, and returning all 100 cans seems like its own kind of controlling to me.

      I assume something pretty rotten has happened in the Cruz marriage given what happened with Heidi being found wandering the freeway back in the early 2000s. But of the three candidates who might actually win the nomination (Cruz, Trump, Clinton), they seem to have the least-fucked-up marriage.

      (Sorry Kasich and Sanders fans, I don’t think your guys have a chance.)

      • But isn’t that kind of controlling bitch move very chumpy? I’ll be the soup police! I must correct the crazy! And then apologize for it. And doubt myself.

        • It isn’t about the soup, but the underlying dynamics of the couple which is highly dysfunctional. I’m sure there’s so much more toxicity and dysfunction underneath the surface between those 2 that we are not aware of. I mean, Heidi was found by police on the side of the highway wondering around in a suicidal state. Someone doesn’t reach the brink of suicide that easily.

    • It’s the “No, I know you” line that moves this squarely into the realm of the creepy. He’s already examined her, and found her wanting. He’s above her and can make judgments about her. Her job is to figure out how to appease best.

  • People who respect your boundaries????? Wha????? In the beginning of Pick Me Dance, when I’d have individual therapy, I would say “I need to be better at standing up for myself in this marriage.” And the therapist would say, should you really have to stand up for yourself? Shouldn’t he be on your side?

    • TunnelLight and Portia,
      You bring up great points regarding communication, boundaries, and respect. Wish that I had (1) insisted on clear and frequent communication on important issues and (2) to get the respect that every human being deserves in an intimate relationship, established clear boundaries with consequences for not honoring them. I hope that ll of us in ChumpNation get to that stage (if we have not already).

        • Kellia, yes, my therapist is amazing. She has helped me so much. And I think it’s so important for us chumps to have our very own individual therapist, not just a marriage counselor (if we are still at the point of trying to “work on it.”) We need an advocate on OUR side. **** Note to new chumps: don’t settle for ONLY a marriage counselor! Get your own too!!!!! When I think of the money we wasted on marriage counseling…. I could have spend that money on getting my pubic hair permanently removed for my future boyfriend!!! hahahahaha

          • I had a great therapist too. She understood exactly when I said I was totally confused because the words (and public behavior) didn’t match up with the shithead’s actions away from an audience. She explained gaslighting and manipulation and all the subtle and not so subtle undermining of my career and relationships with family and friends and self esteem that had occurred before the asshat became overtly cruel and destructive. It’s important to have someone supportive and well trained to help wade through and process those heaps of garbage when the stench finally becomes unbearable. If anyone needs a good referral, check with your local domestic violence center. They see abuse in all forms and will have some great individual therapists on their referral list.

    • TunnelLight, I’ve always wondered what people mean when they say, “I should have stood up for myself better.” I often got criticized for not doing this well in my relationship. But I always wondered, “shouldn’t the person who’s acting like an ass not create situations where others have to stand up to them in the first place?” LOL

      • Once I finally started doing it, I realized it was a full-time job. No wonder so many of us took the path of least resistance for as long as we did–having to draw and enforce boundaries all day long is exhausting. Yet one more reason why NC is so vital to leaving the disordered.

        • Yes, see how that works? Our issues are MY fault bc I didn’t stand up for myself. But it was always a battle if I tried. When I tried, I was berated bc of course he was always right. I was stupid. I was weak. I broke things. If he overspent, it was my fault for not managing the budget better. Narcissistic abuse. Frozen with terror in the grocery store, trying to remember what fucking brand of sour cream he preferred. The abuse and manipulation started YEARS before the actual affair. Fuck you, eggshells. I’m not walking on you anymore.

  • I agree about the soup, Snake Bit No More. I love soup and would eat it every day myself. Big meals are hard for me to digest, so i like soup, sandwiches, cereals, salads, etc most of the time.
    So maybe he did mean it to take some pressure off the wife. It’s been a while so maybe get memory is a little off, who knows. But I don’t really find it that odd.

  • I see this post not as much as TC-bashing, but an example of chumpy-ness or at least fucked-up disordered.

    I see it as an example of what happens when you allow others to cause you to doubt and question your own thoughts and feelings and reactions…I see it as an example of how we chumps worry about “Did I do the right thing???” thinking we did then to tell someone else what we did and have them give negative feedback, we then double-back or retract ourselves as if our choices were wrong — does that make sense???

  • I suspect that Cruz’s wife is exaggerating — would a supermarket even HAVE 100 cans of Chunky Soup on the shelves at one time? — but it’s a weird story nevertheless. Weird on both sides, IMHO. BOTH of them were playing passive-aggressive games as I see it.

    Back in the days of VHS tapes, my ex could not resist those big sales when the rental stores would clear out their stock for $5 a video. He once came home with 20 movies, and at that time, $100 was a big expenditure for us. They were always horrible movies; he actually purchased “Leprechaun 2,” “Leprechaun in the Hood,” and “Leprechaun in Space.” We had an enormous collection of bad VCR tapes, and many of them were never even opened.

  • What I find weird is that Heidi would relate this story which reflects so negatively on her husband. She even drew her mother’s comments into it, giving the story depth and substance.

    For a politicians’ wife, this is actively undermining her husband.

    • Yup, all of her resentment is coming out. This happened in 2001 when they were newly weds. So 16 years later, she is still talking about it and bringing it up, which means she still hasn’t resolved that issue.

      • Good grief people… Cruz has been given tons of shit from the media about his soup eating. I watched the interview and it was just a funny story Heidi Cruz told that showed Ted had always had a thing for soup. They were young and newly married. She admitted that she couldn’t cook and didn’t want to. He bought soup. This is getting silly.

        • @Bev–I’d like to see the interview you are referring to in order to perhaps get a better understanding of the ‘anecdote’.

        • That’s more than a month of straight soup if they eat it a can each for lunch and dinner and eat take out on weekends. And it wasn’t a gift or a “hey look Hun”. You know what supportive people who both have jobs do when they get married and neither cooks? They take turns grilling chicken breasts in the George Forman and making sidekicks in a pot. They make meatball Monday when they cook spaghetti together and try to make canned sauce feel fancy. They go to those cooking set up places where they help you assemble a bunch of freezer crock pot meals as a date. They hire a personal chef for the first two weeks dinner of newlywed bliss. Lots and lots of options that make him actually look supportive and fair. 100 cans of soup as your first post honeymoon errand, without your wife? Um… Weird.

  • Dysfunction exists everywhere. Take-out is always an option!
    Does anyone know what employment history Heidi Cruz has? Did she work in finance?
    I wonder how she met Ted and what they have in common.

    My STBX would wear his work boots in the house and get a sinister look on his face as
    he walked on the clean floor.
    Sick twisted bastard!

    • We always took our shoes off when entering the house EXCEPT when I had just washed the floor. Judas would keep his shoes on because he didn’t want to get his socks wet.

    • Ah yes, being the first one home after a 10-12hr shift meant I got to clean and cook as soon as I walked in the door. Dinner on the table and everything vacuumed when he walked in the door. With his crust/cement/dirt covered boots, strait through the house. Sneered at dinner (cause I didn’t cook like his Filipino momma) and then at the now dirty, dust and crumble covered floor. Like I had been sitting on my ass since I got home. Which is what he would do when he got home. The ONLY thing I miss about that relationship is his momma’s cooking.

  • If CL didn’t identify the couple and just presented the story of a guy who spent his honeymoon shopping for 100 cans of soup, accompanied by the comment about the wife not cooking, followed by the new wife returning the soup, then calling her mother etc… I think most of us would see red flags. I don’t view it as Ted Cruz bashing. It is a factual event from his marriage. Of course CN is going to have some fun picking that apart! Full disclosure, not a Ted Cruz fan. Fuller disclosure, I just expect guys like him to be from Texas.

    • @CalGal1—full disclosure: Not all guys in Texas are Republican wingnuts…..There are plenty of decent Dem guys……now, if only I could find me one 😉

  • But But But – She was 29 when they got married. She acts like she was some naive 18 year old. They were both established with jobs in DC. Its going to kill me to say, I bet Cruz might have had a point about her ability to suddenly become suzy homemaker. But their dynamic has always appeared dysfunctional and political to me. (and yeah, the hwy incident is just bizarre)

  • Hey y’all—go to the Gawker article CL sites in her post…..the comments section is quite humorous (and frequently parallels our remarks)

  • Do you remember the never ending looped footage of Cruz trying to photo opt a hug from his tween daughter? The one where she struggles against his hug attempt and then flicks at him…ya know, like how kids like to flick boogers off of their thumb and forefinger?

    I was really uncomfortable seeing that. For the kid. It seemed to me to be BEYOND normal tween/teen attitude. It was at that point I felt there was not enough purel in the world where I would ever want to shake hands with that guy.

  • Can we please not insult peoples political leanings? Good Lord! There are creeps, criminals, “wingnuts” and decent Americans on both sides of the fence.Mud can be slung in BOTH directions.

  • Oh, I see you are referring to me…..Well, my first amendment right gives me the freedom to refer to Ted Cruz as a wingnut. And he IS a Republican, is he not?

    • i don’t think he’s the only wingnut here. We’ve spent the whole day crucifying some guy for buying too much soup 15 years ago…. And whatever he meant by his “I know you won’t make anything” statement, he was right! She freely and unashamed admits that she does not cook and does not want to cook. She didn’t do the pick me dance. She simply let him stock the pantry full of soup.

    • He is more than a wing nut. His views are extremely dangerous. He thinks it is okay to criminalize same sex marriages! He is okay with women, even married women, being barred from obtaining contraceptives! He is a very, very evil man, who panders to hatred. I view it as my responsibility to voice my opposition to his views wherever and when ever possible!

      • Where you’re getting your facts are beyond me but even if he is evil its not because he buys soup. That ban birth control stuff has been debunked several times over. He doesn’t want to “criminalize” gay marriage. He is a republican. He is conservative. He is an evangelical Christian. He’s not a cheater nor an abuser based on what facts we have. No wonder this whole country ends up with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. We deserve it if this is any indication of how people form opinions. God help us.

        • It’s typical, isn’t it? Take the worst rumor about (those damned christo-fascist conservatard blah blah) and blow out the margins with it…. We get –and have gotten– the govt we deserve. As long as people treat it all like a Popularity Contest or a Sporting Event, we’re screwed.

          Oh, but don’t you DARE mention Hillary wrt getting people killed in Benghazi or risking our country’s security keeping classified info on a private– and possibly hacked by our enemies– server… oh noes! can’t have THAT. Or the fact that Comrade Bernie thinks “the rich” can support all the freeloaders coming in from everywhere PLUS the ones already here. (The system is very close to breaking, right now.)

          Take care, ladies. I wish you all well.

          Chump Lady, it seems conservatives are not welcome here. Fine. But… Gawker? Really? Talk about bottom of the barrel news sites………

        • Fact is they have no facts. Ted buys soup… Lets kill him! Bill bangs anything that moves… You don’t know anything about their marriage! Yes these people deserve what they get!

  • This site has been incredibly helpful to me since my teenage daughters a year ago showed me shocking and graphic text and email evidence of my STBX’s long term infidelity (that generation is great with technology). My only complaint is the political bias, which seems strange on this site. Republicans can be chumps too. For the record, I am not a Cruz fan, and voted for Rubio. But still…

    • John, of course Republicans are chumps, too. For what it is worth I am a Dem, but I like Rubio very much. He is as sharp as they come – I was so impressed with him in the only serious Republican debate (CNN) before the Fla. primary. And I think he will be a part of the future political landscape.

      I’ll share part of a convo with a friend lately – “I feel the bipartisan aspect of politics, the one that comes together over the pressing issues has gone down the tubes. -Very unfortunate. A lot of republicans supported LBJ in the civil rights crisis, a lot of democrats supported Reagan’s efforts to build a new small business economy after the 70’s. The swings in leadership used to be more tempered by wisdom on both sides. Ironically, it was conservative Charlton Heston who helped convince Reagan to abandon his intentions to abolish the National Endowment of the Arts”.

      Which brings me to the image of Andy Warhol’s (I am a fan of) Soup Can as a metaphor – I think it is a miss in this context because the “mash-up” is really not about soup, or the arts. Who cares about purchasing cases of 100 soup cans… imo. I cannot square Warhol and Cruz in the same thought.

      We don’t know enough about the Cruz’s (a very successful and driven couple) even though there are some flags that point to chumpdom….

      Heidi is soldiering on in the political arena. Godspeed to her and anyone brave enough to take that on.

  • after spending a week writing a paper on this exact phenomenon clearly this is a sore point for me because half way though reading it I wanted to throw something.

    This is psychological conditioning in the extreme.
    Note that he waited till after the honeymoon to pull this shit. Narc, what is worse imo is he is a christian Narc which adds an additional layer of mind control and fear.
    100 cans of soup, no comment of them being on sale, thought it would be a good idea, we can give some to charity. No this is my safeguard against your future failing as my wife.
    She becomes determined that she is not going to fail him and returns the soup, only to call mommy and be told, by returning the soup she has failed in her role as the submissive wife. She is screwed.

    lesson learned, no matter how batshit crazy the actions of her husband or how crazy and dejected it makes her feel, she is to just accept it or be seen as a failure. and who has her back? no one that we can see not even mommy.

    Anyone found that email address yet. this girl needs support.

  • Ok … So here’s the flip side… Yeh yeh. I get it. It’s only a few cans of soup, you guys are all putting way too much emphasis on this…

    1) this is the story she can present as a relatable story which might be funny or cute or similar to other people’s experiences. This off putting story. Fine. It’s not the shining. But this is her closest “we are normal” story. What’s the dirty laundry like? (Cue backdrop for breakdown)

    2) when you tell people one or two stories about your ex… Do you sometimes get the “omg what a drama queen” look? The: “oh. He never fixed the toilet so you called a plumber. Sure you had it rough…” Or ” yeh, you have to do the housework but he brings home mid 6 figures and you just think there’s something weird with the nanny…” Or the “just an EA? Does that count? you guys can work this out. It’s not like they were fucking” or “they were just fucking. It’s not like the sex meant anything”….

    Sure. We don’t know anything about these folks in most circumstances. Fine. His behaviour in this specific story is totally up for scrutiny-public record etc. It may mean nothing in passing or in total, since we know nothing… But CL was giving this to us as a case study of weird behaviour. What it can mean. Ignore who it’s about if that’s what you need to do. Those of us who have been gaslighted to the nth degree totally identify with this story, and also identify with your reaction of “downplay and bury”

  • I don’t feel like I know enough about the Cruz marriage to have an opinion. For all I know, Heidi may be the wingnut exaggerating ten cans of soup bought to make him sound crazy. Or maybe he really bought that much. I dunno.

    But I do think cheaters show their character in more than just their sexual issues, if that is the overall point here. In MC we kept addressing Cheater’s porn and sexual compulsions like they were the only thing wrong. But entitlement shows up everywhere.

    A few examples from my life:

    1. I was having surgery, and cheater wanted to go out to a theater and watch a movie while I was under the knife because sitting in a hospital is boring.

    2. Cheater wanted to watch a TV program that my daughter and I like, and then he got mad at us because he didn’t like it. Apparently, we should have known his tastes well enough to tell him he wouldn’t like it so that he didn’t waste time watching something he didn’t like.

    And so on it goes.

  • Interesting…. I think this soup story might be the least offensive thing I’ve ever heard about Cruz. But, I like soup.

  • Carol39, you are so right about weird behavior. When I started dating ex I was really young (inexperienced, lol!) and when we were out together he would always reference his previous girlfriend’s tricks like maybe that’s what he preferred…and I remember walking away one evening because it irritated the hell out of me. I told him then to just STFU about it. Red flag here. He really did view women as interchangeable. Yuck. Also ex would never let me drive when we traveled long distances. And when I mentioned stopping so that I could use the restroom he would just. keep. driving. Passing exit after exit where restrooms were located. Until I finally had to yell at him to pull over. My children were witness to this and it was not okay. I was always like, WTF!?!?! Like who does this?!?!

  • Chumplady: I am so happy/surprised you wrote this article, because as I was watching that interview on CNN, I thought of you and that the entire interview was SPACKLE. My thoughts were mirrored exactly!

  • Right-o. Anyone who buys 100 cans of soup has some serious issues going on. But that is only the tip of the iceberg with that Cruz guy – just like him trying to make masturbation ‘illegal’ or banning ALL abortions irrespective of reason, yeah?
    The guy is a freakin’ sociopath.

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