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UBT: Beyonce’s ‘Lemonade’

beyonceandbatDear Beyonce,

It’s time for another chat. I see you released a new album, “Lemonade” that everyone can see is a thinly veiled pick-me-dance-set-to-music for your cheating husband Jay Z.

For your own good, because I hate to see a Mega Super Star chumped, I’m putting your recent song lyrics through the Universal Bullshit Translator.

“You can taste the dishonesty/It’s all over your breath”

Spit it out! Don’t swallow! Why are you tolerating this shit?

“So what are you going to say at my funeral now that you’ve killed me? Here lies the body of the love of my life whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. Here lies the mother of my children both living and dead. Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted.”

Translation: Yo, Jay Z. Apparently subtly failed, so please accept this entire album, video montage, and choreographed spectacle as a token of my grief. As an added bonus, I shall jump off a building.

Do I have your attention yet?

“Looking at my watch, he shoulda been home. Today I regret the night I put that ring on. He always got them f–king excuses.”

Change the locks, Beyonce.

“He only want me when I’m not there. He better call Becky with the good hair.”

That’s the spirit!

Apparently “Becky” replied.

Who is Becky you ask? Nobody knows for certain. However, fans immediately began to speculate that it could be about designer Rachel Roy when she posted (and deleted) on Instagram: “Good hair don’t care, but we will take good lighting, for selfies, or self truths, always. Live in the light #nodramaqueens.”

Hey Becky, fuck off. #youandyourdrama2

“Middle fingers up, put them hands high. Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye. Tell him, boy, bye, middle fingers up. I ain’t thinking ‘bout you.”

The UBT likes this call to arms fingers, Beyonce. But you need to follow through on that “bye” thing.

And judging by your recent creative output, you are thinking about him. You know what he’s thinking about? Becky with the good hair, and Suzy with the tight ass, and Belinda with the big tits, and…

“You remind me of my father, a magician… able to exist in two places at once. In the tradition of men in my blood, you come home at 3 a.m. and lie to me. What are you hiding? The past and the future merge to meet us here. What luck. What a f–king curse.”

Even superstars have FOO issues.

Nothing breaks the curse like a divorce summons. Don’t model this shit to the next generation. Would you tell your daughter to stay?

“I tried to change, closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word… I grew thickened skin on my feet I bathed in bleach and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know…are you cheating on me?”

 

Yes he is.

And bleach bathes and silence won’t make him stop. You don’t control that. You just control YOU. So middle fingers up, Beyonce. Call a lawyer.

“My grandma said nothing real can be threatened. True love brought salvation back into me. With every tear came redemption. And my torture became my remedy.”

Unicorns aren’t real and neither are Jay Z’s promises of fidelity. People who love you don’t torture you and make you compete for their love.

Salvation is loving yourself enough to walk away.

“I know I promised that I couldn’t stay, baby/Every promise don’t work out that way.”

“Give you some time to prove I can trust you again.”

That’s going to be a long wait, Beyonce. I hope your next album is “Fuck Lemons.”

Image copyright Beyonce.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Just goes to show that publicly shaming someone on a global scale isn’t enough to make them stop being a disordered dickhead. I feel for her. The vast majority of us have begged to try and fix a relationship. This is a person who has all the resources in the world. I hope those who left with a lot less realise how mighty they are, and I hope eventually that Beyonce follows through with “everything you own in a box to the left”. I think she needs your book stat CL.

  • This is SO SAD….she has to have gone through a lot of Chumpy misery before she got to the place of writing songs about it.

    In reference to her hints about death…back when I was married to H1.0, I used to pray for death…I never wanted to shoot myself or anything but I asked God to take me in my sleep and I got a pretty good eating disorder that shrunk be down and made my hair fall out in chunks, so I get the deathwish thing.

    Some of us get SO chumpy that we wish for /wait for death as a sign to them that they hurt us – unable to see that a relationship that SUCKS SO BADLY that you are willing to die to get their attention is not one to stay in !!!

    H1.0 dying and my work with the dying and having aging parents causes me to consider death perhaps more frequently than most other contented people think of it. Yesterday I thought about all the fun stuff I have coming up and I thought “wow, I hope I dont die in a car crash or something, I would miss out on this great stuff I have planned. THAT, my fine chumps is how life is supposed to feel – if your partner makes you wish you were dead then pack someones suitcase, preferably theirs.

    • Unicornnomore–The final 1/2 year of my marriage before D-day (when I now realize X was in another long-term affair & the devalue was intense), I used to think the same thing–Death would be preferable.

      The sapping of one’s energy is so insidious, we don’t notice it until it’s almost too late, and then we feel so weakened we can’t do anything about it. D-day was a gift, a very painful gift, but just the boost to propel me away from my monster.

      • I also wished for death. I was actually in jeopardy of dying in chemo and radation for a rare stage 3. He was using my time at the doctors to have multiple affairs. He devalued me so much during that time. Yet during this painful time I kept thinking I would try and act not sick, pretend I wasn’t in pain so he pay more attention to me. When he said he was stressed and needed to go out more because he couldn’t handle me being sick I felt really bad. Like if I died he’d feel better and I would finally not ‘feel a thing’.

        • Chumped 2 the 9th,

          I’m so sorry you went through that…betrayal to the extreme. When H1.0 and I were married, I used to imagine if I were to ever get a fatal diagnosis, I would have turned to him and said “well, I guess you got your wish”.

          I hope you are very well and thriving now

          • When my son watched him coldly discard me ( he was 23) at the time he turned and said to me I can’t imagine what he would have done to you if you were sick!

        • Chumped2the9th: That is awful. I hope the cancer is in remission, and that you’ve rid yourself fully of the huge cancer you were married to.

        • Sending you loads of BIG LOVE C2T9degree! I hope your body is strong and healing! We can’t let these mean people call the shots, we have to love ourselves and get better.
          I got a Breast Cancer diagnosis as soon as I left the serial cheater ?. I think my body reacted to his torture, and I wasn’t going to give up after finally getting away. Thankfully I am clear, we never know how these things will turn out.
          You are precious, define your worth here, and focus on your friends who value you (not on how your dumb H can’t). Shine on, you beautiful Chump!!

        • I hear time and time again about men cheating on ill or dying spouses. What is that? Oddly I stumbled on this article last night in my reading campaign…

          http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-449434/The-ultimate-betrayal-I-cheated-dying-wife.html

          It really goes to support their cheating has nothing at all to do with you. Young, fat, old, thin… same with healthy or ill. It is just them and it does seem they pick your worst fated timing as mine did.

          • I am disgusted after reading that article. Ray, the cheater-on-his-cancer-ridden-wife, is an unspeakable piece of shit. It wasn’t enough that his poor wife Judith had to suffer physically from the chemotherapy, and the thought of not being able to raise their 3 year old daughter, but also that the person who should have had her back was a serial cheater (yes, he ‘confessed’ to Judith). And now he’s cashing in on his exploits with a book. Waste of oxygen, that one.

            • Yup, the saying is true… no matter how bad you may have it, someone else has it worse. My ex would have done the same.

        • Chumped2the9th…there is a special place in hell for your x. …and Tempest has a time machine that perhaps we can borrow…or her Tony Soprano happy ending 🙂 …either way…there will be a reckoning! Trust that sister!

          I am so glad you are okay now! I am so glad you are away from that monster.

          • …ugh…I can’t figure out what their purpose is in this life…kinda like I can’t figure out what good mosquitoes do…or any other parasite…they all just suck the life out of ya and go on to the next victim…so…what purpose do they serve?

    • About … well 3 years ago now, after my 3rd DDay, moving into the guest room, sobbing meltdown, I went on a trip and was out to drinks with a friend who was in a very similar situation. We were sitting the bar just lamenting our situation. We had the following conversation:

      Friend: sigghhh, I mean sometimes I just pray for death.
      Me: I hear you, man I hear, you. I feel the same.
      Friend: It would just make it easier. We wouldn’t have to divorce, it would just be over.
      Me: Oh yeah, it would be the simplest solution. Though just to clarify, I pray his for his death… not mine. I’m fabulous and have no need die.
      Friend: Oh yeah, I have two kids I love with all my heart. But that asshole, if he died and I got the insurance money. That would make it so much better.
      Me: And – you wouldn’t even have to act like you cared, because you need to “stay strong for the girls”
      Friend: I have to stay strong for the kids…

      Sadly my friend feels stuck for a long, long time. I filed for divorce (unfortunately he did not die of natural causes) and I’m moving on. So don’t pray for you own death. Pray for his.

      • This was me… as I was in limbo and ex travelled back and forth between our home and his temporary job out of state, this was my thought– maybe his plane will go down. Kids university will be covered! Awful thought, but that is how it goes.

  • I didn’t realize what this reminded me of until your UBT analysis – that line about “What will you say at my funeral” sounds like “Just One Step” from the musical Songs for a New World – as in “Just one step, dearest and I’ll be over the edge, so you better shape up.” Thought of it because I sang it in high school. Odd to believe at the time I thought it was empowering.

      • True, it’s about hateful people, but the refrain still works: “Fuck you, fuck you very very much, ’cause we hate what you do and we hate your whole crew so please don’t stay in touch” – sounds pretty straightfoward to me.

    • I love this song, use to hum it to myself when my ex and his support crew would try and bully me in the early days. I use to visualise the sock puppets out of that accapella movie. F U, F U VERY, VERY MMUUUCCCHHHH!!!

  • Chump Lady just a little FYI: I just checked and pretty much all of the songs on this album she had loads I mean loads of co-writers.

    Not really sure if any of the songs on “Lemonade” is really from her and her experiences because of the amount of co-writers. Too be honest with you these songs that are on this new album she didn’t write by herself.

    I know when you have so many hands in the pot so to say with writing songs what the writer first started to write the song(s) and then moving to recording the song is changed so many times because it does not sound the way they want it to sound at the beginning when making these songs and albums.

    • Uh, she jumps off a ledge in a video. And smashes things with a bat. And as someone very aware of her image and how she portrays it, and who knows what the tabloids say about her philandering husband, and divorce rumors — to put out an album FULL of chump lamentations?

      IMO, it doesn’t matter if she had co-writers. (And what a better way to distance yourself than say “I didn’t write it” or “don’t confuse the artist with the art”?)

      Obviously the buzz helps her sell music and herself.

      But seriously, you’d have to be a chump to write this stuff. And high on hopium to want to trust Jay Z again. Or just way more cynical than I can imagine.

      • I think without a doubt it’s a publicity stunt. Anything to sell records. Both of them have sold their souls to the devil himself. I am in no way a fan of hers and Jay Z. I have always thought she was fake and full of herself. I can just tell in her eyes. Remember it’s the music industry and she has to keep her name out there to make sure she can live the fab lifestyle. One of the many great saying from a great TV I would watch is from House and he would say “Everybody lies”.

        • Yes. I know I’m in the minority here, but I’ve always felt Beyonce was just as much a narc as her husband. Very few are not at that level of the entertainment world. It’s all about PR, media attention, $$$$$ and image control.

          • GladIt’sOver, I fully agree with you. I think the same about Beyonce that she is indeed as much as a narc as Jay Z.

            Even the making of this video we need to remember most likely she is using a stunt double.

          • Same here. She is absolutely a chump but she is also IMO a sleazy performer who purposely puts on sexually explicit performances. She sells her body for fame and fortune. I realize that I am old fashioned and have been called a prude, I just never understood why women would idolize and support another woman who is basically prostituting herself for all the world to see. How is setting equality for women back decades by objectifying oneself “empowering?” I truly believe that women who act that way help perpetuate the idea that if a woman isn’t the perfect size and doesn’t dress and act like a tramp, she is LESS of a woman and doesn’t deserve respect and loyalty. That is so backwards to me.

    • Ummm, everyone knows that Jay-Z has had numerous mistresses and side pieces. That shit is real. I’m sure she has plenty of co-writers, but that experience is all her own. Now, whether she is doing this for publicity/image is another story. She’s gotten plenty of flack for staying with her cheater husband, especially after writing Single Ladies and To the Left. So it’s possible that this is her way of keeping her fierce woman image while not going through a messy, $ divorce.

      • Even folks in the public eye have feelings of betrayal. The difficulty of living one’s life so publicly is that everyone thinks they “know.” Unless it is your marriage, what you know is what you see on TV and nothing more (no matter what you think you see in her eyes). I lived the dissolving marriage as public spectator sport and it nearly destroyed me and my kids. Near the end, I did not want to die, In fact I was afraid that I would die and leave my children in a very bad situation. I had to keep many of my emotions in check because I knew if I lost it, things were going to spiral out of even more. Looking back, I do not know how I managed and I still have many days when the trauma of it all gets the best of me. So I will not judge Beyonce. Instead, I will hope she gets the strength she needs to protect herself and her child. Despite her wealth, her fame, her talent and her seemingly glamorous lifestyle, she is a suffering human being who deserves better.

        • Violet:
          I can only imagine the hurt you went through and it sounds awful. Hugs to you.
          I can relate to the fear of dying. I’m even now terrified that I will die and my ex will have to raise my son. I know that would be a disaster.
          I agree that public eye is horrible and I bet in may way celebs have it worse that the humiliation that is felt is amplified as not only do you have to face it privately but publicly as well. I always hurt for the spouses when a divorce is announced in the media. That being said, if the cheated on spouse was once the ‘cake eater’ or OW, all bets are off. I will probably have zero sympathies for the likes of Julia Roberts, Leanna Rymes, Jennifer garner, Jason Aldeans new wife to name a few. Their chumpiness is just Karma biting them in the ass.

        • Well said, violet. I have no problem with this being a “PR trick, publicity stun, all about the $, or media manipulation.” She’s an artist and entertainer. Her art reflects her life. The narratove is too seamless for it to be all fiction. Add in the crazy Rachel Roy as OW “drama,” and I just don’t buy that Bey isn’t dealing with the emotional fallout from dealing with a unicorn of the worst sort. Beyoncé is a genius, she’s also a huge Chump.

          • And just to complicate y’all’s chump calculus, ask yourself how your reaction differs from the way you evaluated Jennifer Garner’s public reckoning of her own Chumpdom. Is there even the slightest bit of unintended racism? I’m not saying I necessarily read that in any comments, but it’s a question worth asking.

            These women chose to be in the public eye as a career, so yes they asked for the hightened scrutiny. But, because we pay them to be celebrities, it’s also fine for us to debate these topics.

  • I think it’s just another publicity stunt, Jayz produced this album – I doubt Beyoncé was shooting him daggers everyday in the recording booth spewing out these lines – just saying…….not saying he hasn’t cheated on her in the past (and now, who knows what goes on?) otherwise her sister mightn’t have gone batshit crazy on him in the lift but if you ever watch them in concert together I just cringe the way she spends most of the time doing that kinda stupid ‘pick me’ dance for him ……. Uuuurgghh

    • I agree with your Digbert on the part of the publicity stunt and she didn’t write any of these songs by herself. The sad part is that many real chumps will listen to this album thinking they should will have that unicorn that I thought had also. Just wait next week Beyonce will be preggos.

      • Yes, that is true and sad. The way the video ends on this uplifting note is a bit nauseating. Oh and Rachel Roy bragging about being a side chick? Who the hell brags about that?? What a ho.

    • Digbert – The pick me dance! YES!! I’ve seen this myself when I saw her in concert recently. During her concerts with him, she’s all over him and telling the audience how much she loves her husband and loves performing with him. Meanwhile he’s quite indifferent to her and the whole thing. I coudln’t agree more that she’s pick me dancing for him. It’s cringeworthy to witness the whole thing.

      • If a relationship is genuine and honest. Does it need the constant public display of admiration.
        If I love someone and they genuinely love me I don’t need to constantly tell the world how great it is.
        But what would I know. I also thought they didn’t need to know how shit it was so when d’day hit many were shocked as they all thought we were rock solid. They were even more surprised when the truth came out about the years of abuse in our marriage.

        My ex husbands new life and recent marriage is very public, FB public. Who are they trying to convince us or themselves?

      • Wow that’s pretty sad Kellia that a woman with so much beauty, talent and fame needs to do the pick me dance for anyone.

        If anyone watches Real Housewives of Potomac, there’s a woman on there Gizelle, who was married to Jamal Bryant. Andy C asked how she dealt with the infidelity, she simply said, “uh, we’re divorced.”

        • Mirada, exactly! If Beyonce, as pretty and wealthy and talented as she is, has to worry about being cheated on, then it just goes to show how universal and pervasive infidelity is. I don’t listen to her or her husband’s music and I don’t really follow the lives of celebrities, so I had no idea that Jay-Z cheating on her was this widely known thing, and I’m shocked, for some dumb reason. I guess I just always presumed they were happy and in love, too busy raising that adorable little girl and being this American Royalty power couple.

          I’m naive. Sometimes, things that ought not surprise me actually do!

          • I remember right before they announced they were divorcing, I saw Jennifer Lopez performing with Marc Antony on stage. They were looking at each other so adoringly and I thought No one will ever look at me like that. Ha.

            And Jesse James “adoring” performance at Sandra Bullock’s Oscar show. Next day it was revealed he was banging the tat whore. Again, another award worthy performance.

          • It’s in a lot of the gossip rags, blind item web sites and tabloids. You won’t find it in People or anything.

    • Exactly. I hope she made him participate in this project, appear to forgive and reconcile, and then serves him with divorce papers next week.

  • During my three year stint of pick me dancing I used to think of the quote “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade” a lot. Except that wasn’t what I was doing.

    Making lemonade out of lemons is when really shitty things happen that can’t be helped. Like earthquakes, disease or losing a loved one in a horrific accident.

    Cheating doesn’t just happen so it’s not appropriate to make lemonade. It’s appropriate to say “Fuck lemons!” And get the fuck out!!!

    Make the lemonade when you’re out and trying to pick up the pieces of your life sans cheating fuckwit!!

    So Beyoncé, fuck the lemons!! That lemonade you’re making does not go well with the shit sandwich you’re eating!

  • Good translation CL! I saw Beyonce in concert and all she kept saying is “my husband this, my husband that’, “this is my favorite song to sign with my husband”. Like she has no identity of her own. Meanwhile Jay Z was also on stage with her and just seemed to be unemotional about her and the whole thing. Beyonce will not divorce her husband, and she admitted she’s not as strong and independent in real life as her songs. It seems she doesn’t want to be a single mother and so that’s why she stays in her marriage which may not be all that happy, and her resentment and aggression comes out in her songs. I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes, even with all the millions they have.

    • Jay Z is a raging narcissist. When criticized by Harry Belafonte for not doing enough toward social responsibility, Jay Z said, “my presence is charity. Just who I am.”

      ’nuff said.

        • I must have played that song 5 times a day in the early period after bomb drop. I took a lot of strength from it.

            • And Independent Women, too! And also Best Thing I Never Had.

              You know what? Beyonce needs to listen to her own best songs and some P!nk songs, as well.

              I have no doubt that Jay Z takes what he wants, and that he is surrounded by women who throw themselves at a married father. When Beyonce gets smart, she’ll extract herself from the situation–she doesn’t need trash like that in her life, or so I’d love to think. Until that happens, not really buying her fierceness, sadly. I don’t rebuke her, but I’ll be holding out hope that she does her daughter a solid and stands up for real.

              • Miss Sunshine, I didn’t know about Jay-Z cheating and all. Bey needs to get FIERCE. She needs to take a page from Katie Holmes’ playbook. Now SHE was brilliant. She blew up that TomCat relationship getting OUT of the Scientology oppression and got her ducks lined up well. Go Katie!!

              • The Best Thing I Never Had is epic! To the Left, Irreplaceable…..all of which are empowering to me.

                Jay Z–I’ve never had a moment where I felt any sort of interest. He strikes me as being an empty hole emotionally. Blank eyes….

                I can only imagine the side piece’s big head—‘he could fuck BEYONCE but he wants to fuck ME!!!!’

                I watch The Shahs of Sunset (I am a Bravo franchise junky ;-0 ) and a gal who married a guy last season found several two year old texts on his phone……BAM! She divorced his ass so quick his head spun. It didn’t help that one of his mistresses, a high end LA realtor, wrote a tell all book thereafter. As the show has just started its current season, the marriage is ‘new’. So, they are already divorced but the show is showing them as newly weds.

                She returned her engagement ring and wedding band to him, took no divorce settlement, she was so disgusted—wants NOTHING from him.

                It has been reported she has a new man in her life.

                People mock ‘reality tv’ but this is a true example of ‘leave a cheater, gain a life.’

  • The thing about the breakup of a marriage versus the breakup of a dating relationship is that you have to restructure your entire life, not just not seeing the ex again. The longer you are together and the more of a life you have built together, children, family, home, business, etc, the more restructuring needed. It’s mind boggling what really is involved in most divorces.

  • And I’m not a record producer or anything but for this album to be out together involved a massive amount of time, money, and people. I don’t see any possible way the husband didn’t know the contents beforehand. So he likely “approved” it in some level. So it’s either a publicity, made up thing or he’s the world’s biggest consumer of cake. My guess is with the cake, he enjoys cheating on someone so desirable to others.

    • That is typical OW crap. Poor me, I’m the victim, you’re bullying me. Same old same old. Folks like her will never take ownership of their conduct. It is always someone else’s fault. And the way she didn’t hesitate to acknowledge that she is the other woman shows that the relationship is ongoing. I know the fear that comes with walking away, but that is precisely what Beyonce needs to do. Jay-Z is never going to change and the sooner she understands that basic fact, the sooner she will get the strength she needs to leave his sorry ass.

    • Dear Rachel:
      1-You do NOT value families if you are fucking a married man (and with a child to boot). Ergo, you are a liar.
      2-It’s not bullying; it’s moral judgment on your skankiness.

      Now STFU and close your legs.

  • To anyone whose husband blamed the cheating on “you’re not pretty enough, don’t take good enough care of yourself, don’t make enough money, don’t “dance” for me enough”………..HELLO.

  • Hope the feedback Beyoncé gets about her tremendous talent helps her see it’s wasted on an ASSHOLE here.

    Also…Beonce, too?

    All cheaters suck

  • How controlling, to have him on stage with her at her concerts. What can he not go two hours without being at the centre of her attention? Freak.

    He has to be a narc.

    • She probably has to keep that close an eye on him. Probably has a history of banging people during her concerts.

  • I can’t listen to this stuff. Publicity stunt or not, the pick-me-dancing details are accurate enough. It’s therapeutic to hash this shit out on CL. But I don’t want to listen to chump-unicorn-RIC lyrics on my down time. It’s not entertaining in the slightest.

  • Maybe she will pull an Adele “I was writing to myself, from the past”….

    (Cue sad clown horns)

    Lots of co writers may just be covering that she directed the theme. Which is pain/girlpower.

    Or the fact that she can’t write for shit but they observed her throwing toasters and yelling about cheating and got inspired.

    • “Or the fact that she can’t write for shit but they observed her throwing toasters and yelling about cheating and got inspired.”

      LOL!! Awesome.

  • I watched this last night. Not all of it because I just kept cringing. A “visual album” dedicated to how you’re not gonna take his shit anymore, while continuing to take his shit.

    As if that ugly son-of-a-bitch didn’t feel central enough . . . this will do it.

    • Yes, Rumblekitty. At first I thought it was a beautiful and emotional journey through the stages all chumps travel through…denial…pick me dance…anger…hopium…recognizing cake eating…she calls him out for having a God complex…middle fingers up…and then…reconciliation?! I was so hoping the rumors were true and Lemonade was really a divorce announcement. Alas, no. Sigh.

  • You thought this album was angry, wait till she realizes her unicorn is a lemon.
    We will get all tight braids, middle fingers up Beyoncé…..no rdemotion section of that album.
    That’s the one I’ll buy.

  • I know nothing about Beyoncé but in reading the UBT all I could think is I think that she is enjoying the pain and drama.

    • No one enjoys being cheated on. I think she is trying to control the situation and she thinks singing about puts her in charge. Sadly, the only thing she is in control of is her decision to walk.

    • If she’s the victim of cheating she is the victim, just like you are. Blaming her or saying that she is enjoying it just plays into the cheater handbook. We need to all stand up and say no to this shit and not enable it.
      You may not handle it the way she is but that is her life and her world – just like you might not handle things the way I would.

      • Thanks for this, FinallyAwake. I love Beyonce, always have, and the fact that she’s a wealthy celebrity doesn’t make her D-days any less horrific or worthy of empathy. So her PMD plays out for the public consumption. That should be deserving of our empathy, not our scorn. No amount of money on this planet is worth the pain this costs. And, I’m betting it is costing Sasha Fierce a whole lot right now, not to mention her daughter.

        I wish Beyonce would come on here and on the forums and get her head screwed back on straight. Even though none of this is ever about appearance, either chumpside or cheaterside, I still look at Jay Z and go, WTF? Why is this stunning, amazing woman hanging out with *that guy*?

        • BTW, let’s not forget this woman is an artist. What else is she supposed to write songs about, if not her own life?

    • I got pretty beat up with that one… hear what you are saying but in reading it that is how my thinking process went. I am very empathic, I am. But sometimes I do think there a chumps that actually are as addicted to it as the cheater is to cheating. I did disclaim I know nothing about her (at all) nor anything on the story.

      • It’s ok–we’ve all said things that elicited disagreement. Long as we can have civil discourse. And, you’re right in that some people seem to not want to get off the crazy train for whatever reason. Here at Chump Nation, we do try to help people jump off, dust off, and get back up. Sometimes it even takes tough love! 🙂

        • For the folks that come here and admit they are still looking for unicorns, I get that because they are here and they are reaching and I understand that push and pull and that finally letting go.

          But to watch someone get beat over the head and not help themselves makes me feel like shaking them.

          I have an Aunt that has been with her cheater for nearly 60 years. He has moved out on her for 20 of them where she became the OW.. The entire thing is so bad.

          My sister’s best friend is working on it for about 30 years now. He moved out for 10 years and she was the OW.

          I witness first hand that they thrive on the drama and despair. The choose to chump, period.

          • JackiesDone

            I was addicted to the cheater for 41 years. So yes can be an addiction. Before we realize we are chumps don’t we all have hopium, make a choice to reconcile, spackle, and believe they love us and do the pick me dance?

            Staying robbed me of my identity, sucked my soul,and made me feel pathetic for tollerating abuse.

            I can’t imagine anyone consciously making the choice in choosing to chump or thriving on the drama and despair. It took me a good year and a half going no contact, detoxing, and working daily on myself to have the ability to step back and see the complete picture.

            • It is all so sad. 23 years to my dday, I would never believe he would do that. I actually left before I knew. A demon took him.

              I feel fortunate then I guess that at least I was not awsre those 23 years I was cheated on

            • Donna, I thought about this a great deal. I guess why I get so zapped when I see this what looks like to me is a Chump choosing Chumpdom, is because I guess I actually did, too. While in the 22 years I would never peg him to be cheating, I know see that I lived in denial ALOT and spackled ALOT and just because the cheating in year 23 imploded on him does not mean I was not a Chump all along. A knowing chump. It was just more spackled and private. And yes it is an addiction of sorts and drama intensity is addictive to an unhealthy soul in denial not loving themselves right. When your in it you just don’t see it even when others do. It does take a period of NC to detox and see it.

              Admittingly, my NC worked only because he gave up and found another to go off with.

              So…..

              Donna, may I ask in those 41 years were you aware of the cheating?

  • I cried the entire time I watched it. It’s weird that someone as famous and loved internationally as her is going through the same thing I am and feeling exactly as I am. I feel sorry for her and myself because sometimes it’s not so easy (or safe) to just leave, even when you want to.

    • This.

      Found it comforting that Bey is dealing w the same stuff, the same way most of us did. Most of us did at least some of this, no?

      I watched the whole thing, mesmerized by the familiarity of it. She made art, a story out of it. Maybe it’s to pick-me JZ, maybe to link to larger women’s issues, maybe just share it w us.

      Here’s the thing, at least to me: It seems really generous to tell us all that it wasn’t ‘cuz we were old, or less pretty, or fat or whatever…she, Queen Bey, dealt w the very same thing, while being what all our cheaters act like they dream of-beauty, sexy, power, fame in their women. All the “if only’s.”

      I think it’s a gift. She knows he sucks. She’ll get there. She just told us all it wasn’t us, in case we doubt in the dark, in the middle of the night. God bless her.

  • Can any of us be really surprised at how this marriage evolved, or rather devolved? All gangsta rappers serially cheat. I mean it’s part of the job description. It’s a badge of honor for them. They glorify it. In their songs, in their interviews, any chance they get to talk about what studs they are. And the more sex partners, the better. Why should this silly thing called “marriage” get in the way? Rappers and marital fidelity go together like cole slaw and chocolate ice cream.

    The more interesting “marriage” to me is Kanye (aka “I am Jesus”), and Kim “I am beyond splendid” Kardashian. Here we have a super-narc cheater “married” to another super-narc cheater. Who feeds off of who’s blood here? Hard to say, honestly. It’s a celestial collision of 2 ultra-narcissist forces. Each with their own infinite supply of kibble.

    But getting back to Beyonce. I’m not saying 2 wrongs make a right, but if ANYONE is capable of pulling off a simultaneous separation and Revenge Affair, it would be her. As Tracy says, Beyonce is the very definition of beauty and female gracefulness. This is a woman that, morality notwithstanding, is capable of having ANY man she wants. The only thing better than one middle finger by filing for divorce, is TWO middle fingers by 1) filing a divorce, and 2) showing Jay-Z that his “gangsta stud” game is not the only game in town. For all intents and purposes, Jay-Z has turned this marriage into a farce. So, for Beyonce, it’s prime-time to gain “comfort” elsewhere , and she can pull it off in very short order.

    And last, but not least, we’ve now got two other ultra-narcissist pop icons, Pit Bull and Enrique Iglesias, getting together for a new explicit and outrageous song: bragging about what else…serial CHEATING!! Both ultra-proud of declaring to their girlfriends that they’ve been “messing around”. And going into rather vivid descriptions about it. What an AWESOME message to send to all the teeny-boppers and twenty-somethings. And it’s getting airtime GALORE. Nothing like having your teenage son or teenage daughter humming along to a couple of super-narcs about the awesomeness and pleasure of cheating!

  • “99 Hos and a *B* Ain’t One of Them” and “Hos in Every Zip Code” JayZ. What makes Rachel Roy believe the song is about her? “Becky” is slang for “white girl” so this chick is real thirsty. JayZ or Hova is notorius so I do not understand why Roy puts herself out there as that special snowflake. Beyonce, Hilary are just two powerful women married to two ordinary cheats.

  • Someone has got to let this secret out of the bag: men rarely like the woman who stands by them.

    Don’t stand by a man.

    Stand by values and principles.

    “Virtue is its own reward.”

        • Hopefully, because there’s plenty of men on this site. Ask a couple of them if they feel they “rarely like the woman who stands by them.”

          I get being pissed off at being cheated on. But, you don’t write off an entire gender because of it.

          • Look, I am a man, 49 years old with lots of experience. When I say that it is unattractive to cling to a man, I am simply warning those who do not know the games that men play and the way men feel about a needy woman. Not all men are bad, but all men need something to aspire to. Don’t be afraid to walk away. Don’t be afraid of independence: Beyoncé. Be brave, and trust that good men privately build up their wives and publicly support them so that they don’t have to sell videos of themselves in bras. No offense to any chumps, but men should not be an incentive to bathe with bleach (that could burn or even kill someone). For the record, I am anti-foot binding too. As far as awareness goes, take it or leave it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

            • “…good men privately build up their wives.”

              Very good point. Shitbox never complimented or reassured me. Not on my successes or achievements, my looks or how I was dressed etc. Even on our wedding day. As for reassurance, nothing, even in bad times when I was feeling down on myself, or uncertain about the future.

              I’m sure some people would say you shouldn’t need compliments or reassurance. Bah.

            • Of course it’s unattractive to cling to ANYBODY. That’s not what your original post said.

              But thanks for the man tip, albeit creepy with the mention of foot binding and bathing in bleach and your comment that Beyonce is selling videos of herself in her bra because Daddy doesn’t support her. Oy . . . SMH.

          • +1. There are some old posts where the comments have awesome male contributors who just say… “So long, it’s too much man hate not cheat hate on here.” And it makes me sad. I have tons of hope that I find myself an amazing potentially chumped man down the road who actually wants me for more than my appliance capabilities. Stick around boys! men! Whatever.

            • Men who can’t deal with a little “man hate” aren’t the kind of men we want around here anyway. Why you so craven, boy?

  • What is it with OWhores and “good hair”?

    Some time after discovering XH’s affair, I texted him something like, “I feel sorry for [the other woman]. It’s only a matter of time before you hurt her, too.”

    He texted back, “At least then you two would have something in common.”

    Then, after a few minutes, he texts, “She also has really great hair.”

    WTF?? Why would I care what kind of hair the whore has?! Did he really think that was a good segue into a discussion of the positive traits of his newfound “true love”?

    Honestly though, if Beyoncé is going to parade around this unicorn and use it as a publicity stunt, I think I’m done feeling sorry for her. Fuck you, Beyoncé. The woman who gave us “To the Left” is dead.

    • This is why NC is best.

      WTF. I got this sort of crap from xH in the early days before NC. He’s drone-ified you. You’re in the friend zone. He’s describing his exploits to you! Has no idea, no care, no concern with the fact that it’s a fucking dagger to the heart. Cheaters are assholes of the worst kind. Best to leave them in the dirt.

      • Yeah, I was trying to be NC at the time; I can’t recall what made me fall off the wagon into texting him. Some detail of the divorce that he wanted to hammer out.

        When he made the hair comment, I said something like, “You can fuck off and stop texting me now.” He replied, “Wow.” And I said, “Hey asshole, you are my abuser, not my friend. I don’t give a shit what kind of hair your sidepiece has.” That ended the conversation.

        I just found the hair detail so bizarre and so indicative of his tendency to divorce himself from reality and have no regard whatsoever for my feelings.

          • General comment here, what gets me is if Beyonce Knowles is so convinced the husband is a cheater, why doesn’t she come off some of those millions and nail his ass to the wall? I certainly would. I tried on my limited resources but never actually caught the fucker ex. She could hire someone to watch jz 24 hours a day for years and never even miss the money. So step up and either prove it or drop it. I can’t respect the poor me, I don’t know if he’s a cheater or not routine.

            • Wow, that’s so harsh. Plenty of us chumps have had proof galore but still couldn’t find the wherewithal to leave. Walking away isn’t just about proof. It’s about reaching your own saturation point, whatever that is, and whenever that is.

              • Not trying to be harsh, but if I could personally have caught my ex with the whore it would have been MUCH easier to leave. So called emotional affairs are always downplayed.

        • To someone who sees women as objects, the hair comment made perfect sense! This ‘woman object’ has -great hair (legs, teeth, hands, etc). They really think we care to hear this, about an OW who has zero morals. Clueless.
          Good comeback to his dumb observation, love it!

    • “Fuck you, Beyoncé.”

      Why so much animosity? Would you want people saying, “Fuck you, Rarity!” because you were really good at something, but ended up being chumped? Save the “fuck yous” for the cheater.

      • Totally agree. Dismissing this as a publicity stunt, when we have NO CLUE what’s actually going on, or how her PMD is playing out, is just mean. Man, I hope we’re better than that.

        Let’s save the vitriol for the folks who really deserve it: the cheaters.

  • “What is it with OWhores and “good hair”?”
    It’s a not so subtle hint to hair texture. Kinky vs straight. “Becky” is also slang for “white girl.” Rachel Roy seems to have inserted herself into a situation that may not have been about her at all.

    • Ahhh, hence the bathing in bleach thing.

      Oh my. She’s so beautiful. But you’re right – it’s never enough.

      Oh Beyonce, get the hell out.

      • At first rachel Roy asserted herself into the limelight as the Becky reference in the song. A few hours later she has received so much heat from beyonce’s fans, she is now on the defensive and has retracted the entire statement.

  • This post kind of brings to the light men who purposely cheat with women of other ethnicities. My cheater would sometimes target “Becky’s” because they were percieved as being more submissive. (He was a closet racist.) Obviously the “good hair” comment adds another layer. This song has so much to say about predetory behavior.

    • renewed, my 64 year old ex is shacked up with a 23 year old in SE Asia. He always referred to these people as “porch monkeys” and if he saw a caucasian male walking with one he would refer to him as a “dud”. Yes, my ex is definitely a closet racist and now he lives amongst the very people he refers to as porch monkeys and trying to make out that he is supporting their culture. Oh, the crap I could type about his new found niceness would have you vomiting. By the way the prostitute he has in tow has “good hair” but so did I when I was 23. My hair is still great at 64 but I am 64 and there in is the problem. I got old and I am not from SE Asia and I am not a prostitute. He calls her exotic. Whatever.

      • Its not just about sex for some of these guys. I guess maybe more like having power over someone, extreme manipulation to the point of making their partner a fetish. Porn fantasies and the preconcieved notions that particular races of women/men automatically perform these type of antics. It’s ok to screw them but you don’t bring them home to mommy. How do you “do” someone you claim is inferior is beyond me. But I guess some of it goes back to that slavey thing.

        • Renewed, exactly.

          STBX is a racist. His Craigslist ads have “evolved” to blatant advertising for “Pinays [who] are so beautiful and charming and know how rim me” – like an entire ethnicity is gifted with the ability to pleasure old, fat, balding middle-manager American men.

          SO ENTITLED and offensive. But also, so brazen. And colonial.

          Who are these yahoos? It’s been so dispiriting to witness the emergence of an ugly layer of Americans (including STBX) who think Trump is speaking Truth – I just never knew there were so many ugly, ugly people.

          • Roaring, at 64 years of age I had to google what “Pinays [who] are so beautiful and charming and know how rim me” actually meant. Is it any wonder my ex took off. I wasn’t living up to his expectations and he wanted to experience as much depraved sex as he could before he dies and with a prostitute he will have his wish !!

            • Maree, I had to look up those terms too! STBX has provided me with a master’s degree in the world of sexual depravity. I sincerely hope no young woman has been harmed because of him.

            • I’m 40 and I had to google what ‘Pinays’ meant. :-/
              My ex was also a racist, gun loving, terrible father, NPD, no-hobbies dick head.
              (He told his 6 year son he might not be his dad and mom might of cheated on him around the time he was conceived BUT he still love him like he was his real dad. WTF?? Who say that to your 6 year old. If he had doubts about paternity do a discrete DNA test with some saliva swabs when the kids was asleep. Geez)
              Anyhow, he cheated on me and married a never married 40 year old desperate for kids, who prior to meeting him loved summer fling Norwegian red head that he could take home to his parents who think he’s a huge fuck up irrespective of what he does. What a lovely family for her. Not!

        • The girl is definitely a fetish and if it wasn’t her it would be another of her ilk. Having said that, he has brought her home to Melbourne and paraded her around like a trophy art all of our old haunts. He has introduced he to all of ‘our’ old friends and my 2 adult kids are friends with her on Facebook and they have many happy snaps showing how happy they all are. My kids do not speak to me. So maybe he has found the love of his life and he just used me for 45 years until he found her. She also has 2 little boys that he is raising. Never put an effort into our 2 but they prefer him and the prostitot (thanks Lania !). She is not very attractive, can hardly speak English so what they have in common is a puzzle to me apart from sex, My sister did comment that he wouldn’t be looking at her face much or listening to her speak because he would be controlling everything and he is. He could never control me and he never would have.

  • My comment isn’t anything to do with today’s topic but one which I hope puts a smile on all Chumps faces. Some of you know my story and like the rest of you it is painful but I am now mostly happy and very close to Meh. Anyhow, I caught up with my sister for coffee the other day. My sister and her husband have been married for about 44/45 years. They have walked side by side and backed each other in all decision making and they genuinely love and value each other. They have both had terrible health issues and now at the grand old age of 66 they no longer have sex due to those health issues but they have a bond that glues them together and that bond will not be broken until one passes on. My sister told me that the other day whilst she was having a shower her husband decided to make their bed. She said he is getting slow now but she called him into the bathroom to rub some lotion on to the back of he legs due to a recent hip replacement which she had. After rubbing in the cream he kissed each cheek of her bottom and went back to making the bed. Sigh !! Isn’t my sister a lucky girl? I hope this puts a smile on everyone’s face. It did mine. 🙂

  • Sorry, but all I see here is a female narcissist reveling in the drama and attention and a male narcissist who is a known cheater. Both will make big $$$$$ off of this public display of disorder. I don’t see any lessons here for chumps, unless you are a chump who needs continuous PR and media attention to maintain your lifestyle and career. This stunt reminds me of Tori Spelling and all of her drama, played up for ratings, on her sad reality show with Dean whatever his name is.

  • As I was driving into work this morning I was listening to one of the local morning shows on the radio. They were discussing this. Regardless of whether this is real or a stunt, the comments from the radio made me sick and terribly pissed off. Here is some of what the radio hosts said about cheating,

    1. Women don’t cheat because they’re way too smart. Smarter than men (care to comment Ian?).
    2. It’s only about sex. It has nothing to do with the wife.
    3. If you really love him, you will stay and work through it.
    4. Cheating is a mistake. Work on the marriage and it wont happen again.
    5. If you don’t give him another chance, you didn’t really love him.
    6. Model Beyonce’s behavior and stand by your man.
    7. He really loves her.

    Callers put on the air AGREED!

    I was driving down the road and I’m sure made a couple of head turns as I in the car by myself screaming at a stupid radio program. I know that most radio hosts are jerks and just into publicity themselves, but holy crap. I’m still fuming. IMO Beyonce should be a role model for her kids and other young women. She should show how women (and men) deserve to be treated. She’s beautiful, wealthy, and has the power of a public voice. She should use this for good, now show the world how pretty she can play the pick-me-dance.

    P.S. My song is Pink, “So What”

    • PPS. I’m not judging Beyonce or her actions since I don’t tend to read anything entertainment related and don’t believe most reporters stories anyway, but when I hear radio hosts reading out of the cheater handbook about sticking in the relationship, it pisses me off. People are talking about this issue and spouting everything on those other websites about staying in the relationship and quitting is easy (I forgot that one above). I’ve got to go take a walk to cool off.

    • Haha, Anne. You made any “comment” I could make. And much more clearly.

      The radio show you were listening to is just another example of why chumps must model moral behavior to their children, family, and friends. The only acceptable response to cheating is: “leave a cheater, gain a life!”

      • I’m still pissed at their comments. You know who says shit like that? Cheaters! Well, I’m sticking to my dogs, thank you very much. If you feed them and play with them, they will always be loyal. You can get them neutered and can even cage them for their own safety while at work and they still love you. The law would frown on me putting my cheater in a cage after I cut his balls off. Stupid laws ?.

  • Also, J-z is a pimp, cheater business man since the music can just be downloaded thru TIDAL a version of itunes created by him. Go figure! I really do not get it . WTH❗️❗️❗️ She can fly “solo” without drama if I have the moolah ? that she has I would be divorce by now! ?

  • I’m usually down with almost everything my fellow Chumps have to say, but I am finding so much of the commentary here today downright upsetting 🙁

    How many of us forgave and trudged on after D-Day 1? Or 2, or even 2 or 3 or 4? Yet Beyonce seems to be held to some sort of a higher standard than a run-of-the-mill chump around here. She should leave him, absolutely, on that we can agree. But do we have to pile on her here and say she is just doing things for publicity, or she is a narcissist, or she is not worthy of respect anymore? “Fuck Beyonce,” really? She is ENJOYING the pain, really?

    She’s a CHUMP. No matter how much money or fame she might possess, she is a chump. Just like any of us. I would think that we could stand to be kind to one of our own.

    I have to agree with what was said upthread by @violet and @finallyawake…I think Beyonce is a very public figure handling an extreme trauma in the best way she knows how right now. It might not be your way, or my way, but she is still a chump. Bashing on her just feeds into the social narrative that the chump “must have known,” or “they have an arrangement,” or “you get what you deserve if you try and forgive, so no sympathy.”

    I feel for her. I think it is really awesome that she is sharing her experiences through her music and sending out the message that the pain of infidelity is a universal one. Doesn’t matter who you are or how many millions you have. This shit hurts, and a lot of people cast about for a while not knowing exactly how to navigate the pain. I know I did.

    Head up, Bey. You’ll get there.

    • I agree.

      I’ll add in another point – let’s say this is all made up. Let’s say she sat down with a team, gave a narrative direction and they all sat around and came up with a bunch of songs and a video story about a woman devastated by infidelity.

      Does it still speak to sufferers? Does it give a voice to women who may be chumped and wondering if it was them? She has a lot of fans, many of whom may be suffering and who have never had the pain described to them before. We may not agree with the redemptive arc but does that detract from the artistic depiction?

      Just to be clear – never was particularly a fan although I appreciate her professionalism (didn’t like the rump shaking at JZ, I always felt it was inappropriate). However this woman did grow up as her cheater fathers meal ticket so who knows what self esteem battles she may have on a personal level – it may be that she’s never felt loved just for herself, just for “Beyonce the Star”.

      • FinallyAwake,

        You make a point I hadn’t considered yet. What if it is all fiction. (Whoa, if true?) Anyway, it’s all just art? She’s still selling unicorns. Not cool.

    • I agree with you. When I watched/ listened to it, I felt her pain. It felt honest to me. It felt like she really wants to believe that redemption is possible. How many people here have had to go through years of this shit and multiple d-days before they finally walked away? Why can’t her truth be the same as yours was when you were trying to hold it all together?

    • I don’t mind her working through the pain of infidelity with her music. What I mind is her promotion of (half-assed, insincere) reconciliation via stunts like having her cheating husband appear in her video kissing her feet. We have enough people trying to make money off chumps by promoting bad ideas about reconciliation, and now we have two more.

    • FWIW, I think she was chumped. And I think she’s doing a very chumpy thing of trying to control everything — how he’s perceived, how she’s perceived (betrayed, strong, forgiving), and playing marriage police.

      Most of us did those things. Believed in unicorns, policed our exes, wrote really heart felt emails and poems and manifestos to our cheater that were just kibbles and centrality to them, and that the OW/OM just got a contact high of superiority off of.

      What I do find perplexing about Beyonce however, is that she’s made a whole BRAND of being Sasha Fierce, a take no shit, to the left, to the left, kind of woman.

      And now she is very publicly eating a great big shit sandwich and telling us it tastes like “salvation.”

      I don’t buy it. From her or any other chump.

      It must be very hard to have infidelity play out in the public eye, but it’s a bazillion times harder when you’ve set yourself up as the biggest Bad Ass Woman of all.

      • I agree, I think she was chumped. And I think you bring up a good point about her having set herself up at the biggest Bad Ass Woman of all. Our culture doesn’t seem to allow the narrative of women being strong AND vulnerable. You can be a badass and still get cut off at the knees.

        Awhile ago, I found a journal entry from about six months after D-Day #1. I’d caught him answering Craigslist sex ads when I was nine months pregnant. He swore it was all fantasy and, a la Jennifer Aniston, “I chose to believe my husband.” Six months later his mood disorder went into full swing. The thing about the journal entry that amazed me was how strong and clear-sighted I was trying to find my way out of an impossible situation. But then life piled on…besides lack of trust from the sex ads and his erratic mood disorder behavior, there was his anger, emotional abuse, my insomnia, job loss, huge financial stresses, the loss of my support network, not to mention adjusting to motherhood and a new job. It was like I went into a hole. NINE YEARS LATER, after two more D-Days, I finally kicked him out. And even then, I took him back TWICE for short-lived wreckonciliation.

        Nearly a year has passed since the final D-Day and I’m only now beginning to feel glimmers of strength and happiness again. The worst part by far is losing my kids half the time. No amount of keeping busy or doing things I like makes up for that pain. To be perfectly honest, I still wonder whether, when he circles back for the third time (because he will, that’s his pattern), dangling in front of me the possibility of getting my kids back full time, if I’ll be strong enough to say no.

        So, I give celebrities like Beyonce the benefit of the doubt. My behavior certainly was–and potentially is–chump-tastic enough to look idiotic or self-serving to people who haven’t been there.

        • Me, I spend 27 years doing the pick me dance. I came out of what I thought was a strong feminist movement but because society doesn’t have a real narrative, embedded in our cultural narrative for truly kicking him to the f’ing curb, we all do the pick me dance at least once… even Beyonce. We are trying to overcome at least 2000 years of Judeo-Christian shit sandwiches, stand by your man… blah, blah blah! Sasha Fierce has been knocked off her feet. I believe she is a chump. Here is also what I believe. Beyonce understands her role in changing the narrative, look at Formation. When she finds her feet and finds her voice and kicks that no account, talentless cheater to the curb, then, (I am hoping) her music will reflect that evolution. She will do it for Blue Ivy and every other girl coming up. Her music like CL will help change the view on cheating… Up against the wall motherfucker. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2pGBv9Ly6A

          • I agree. I consider myself a feminist. No, I am a feminist. Those views did not make it any easier when I was going through the troubles. Objectively, I knew my X was never going to change, but it was very difficult to be the one who pulled the trigger on our marriage. There were lots of reasons, some good and some self-serving. Sasha Fierce is still there and she will appear when Beyonce is ready for her to do so. Personally, I think it will be soon. What bothers me about many of these comments is the seeming complete lack of empathy for her. If she doesn’t leave Jay-Z the way we think she should she is somehow this terrible person? I just don’t see it that way. I think she is trying to figure out her future. I am sure she is aware that her wealth, fame and talent will not make her husband any less of a cheater. I hope her sister and her mother are by her side. They are both very strong women, who seem to love her greatly. She is struggling and that much is very, very clear.

    • Thank you, LMM. I said it up top, I’ll say it again: Beyonce is an artist. Telling her story is what she’s supposed to do! If she were publishing an album about the joys of motherhood, nobody would question the authenticity. But yet here we all are, accusing her of milking it or being a drama queen because she’s talking about being chumped. WTF, man.

      In my own breakup, there was publicity involved, and I can’t even find the words to express how messed up that made things. If I spoke out, I was damned; if I stayed silent, I imploded. What do you do when you’re fucked either way? There just was no way to navigate that minefield, and anybody who hasn’t gone through it doesn’t have the right to judge.

      Why are folks being so harsh on Beyonce? I really don’t get it. Like her music or her vision or not, but damn. This woman is a chump! Doesn’t she deserve our utmost compassion?

    • Go easy on B. I can’t believe the hate I’m seeing here, regarding someone who is trying to work through her pain and feelings. No one has to do things on anyone else’s time table, or exactly the way anyone else here would handle it. Do people only deserve respect if they make the same decisions that you do? No. I found the album to be moving and beautiful. The Jack White song, especially, reminded me of things i wrote in my own journal when I finally stood up for myself and made the gaslighting stop. Beyonce is an artist, and I think doing something raw and vulnerable like that with her art is extraordinary. You don’t have to like the way she lives her life or her ultimate decisions to appreciate her artistic output. And maybe some of those songs are exactly what some gaslighted chump out there needs to hear right now. She’s not giving people a blueprint, she’s giving them a voice, to take whatever song off that album they want.

  • I’d be the last person on this Earth to criticize anyone on their relational behaviour, not having been a sterling example of conduct myself. It is especially painful to consider these situations having been through it all in this last year, thankfully not publicly.

    The influence that today’s artists have on teens and young adults is so extensive due to the colossal media engine. As an example, tweeting directly with their audience creates the illusion of relationship and fuels a fantasy.

    My concern is this pernicious manipulation of the hearts and minds OF people and BY people who may not have any counterbalancing examples of conduct in their lives. I wish the school curriculum would devote some time to exploring existential questions that are age appropriate.
    This could introduce discussion on values, the meaning of life, how to steer through challenges (bullying, dating, peer pressure, drugs), what matters/what doesn’t, etc. and let each individual choose their direction with assistance. I am not suggesting that we heap more on the teachers, but that these issues might be more relevant to students AND teachers than some of the current content.

    I wish, like the UBT, for a call to arms (and fingers!). School administrators, Girl Guides/Brownies/Scouts, community youth groups, coaches, performers of all ages could provide a much needed counterbalancing message that is appealing. At all ages we thirst for meaning and direction. The biggest impact would be if it was not pearly white and unrealistic (Cosby Show, Full House, etc.) but rather gritty and honest dialogue.

    CL and CN probably could come up with some ideas that could change the game. As Chumps, perhaps this is our responsibility and potential legacy.

    (Notice, no mention of lemonade!)

    • I totally agree that CL and CN could change the game.

      Young people are watching Beyonce to see what she will do next. She has sat down and publicly consumed a big steaming shit hoagie with a serving of lies on the side, washing it all down with a pint of her own tears. And all the time her so-called husband is evidently sitting down with his linen napkin tied around his neck eating his way through a whole menu of strange women. Is that how life is supposed to be? Is this a good example of a healthy relationship and a set of reasonable expectations for young people to buy into? No, it isn’t. It’s a horrible, damaging narrative that destroys people and denigrates love.

  • I saw this and started moaning “oh, no Beyonce’s doing the Pick Me Dance NOOOOO.” She said “I’m the most badass girl in the business”. Yes, you ARE, Miss B. BE BADASS. Dump him. It happens to all of us. I didn’t know at the time it was happening, and decades after it was over I STARTED TO DO A DELAYED PICK ME DANCE. I caughtmyself and cut it out. It is my firm belief and hope that her “I’m DUMPING YOU ” dance is more successful than Lemonade. The New York Times is applauding the album and video thing.
    Incredible talent. Gorgeous. Devoted Mother. IT’S NEVER ENOUGH. WHY????

    • I knew CL would cover Lemonade and I was thankful – because we need this voice to counteract the pick me dance that Beyonce is doing for the nation. I loved the video and music and I think she is just in the middle of it. Her life’s not over – she may wake up yet and leave him. I also got angry at the “stand by your man” message but it’s also not up to me to fix everyone’s problems. Lemonade does not make a shit sandwich taste good, no matter who you are.

      • ab, you said: “Lemonade does not make a shit sandwich taste good, no matter who you are.” Brilliant!

        • To logo, that pic of B with Jay z on his phone pretty much says my life. I’m so sick of phones. (Of course I’m on mine now) but how many times did I see this?? So annoying.

      • yes, ab. After seeing the video last night, I went straight to CL. You are so correct. We need to think in different terms. Reconciliation is an option, but not the ONLY one. And reconciliation doesn’t have to occur only if the victim says”Yeah, I had something to do with this (CL’s blame shifting). We need to think of cheating in marriage the same as cheating in business, or law, or any part of society : admit the blame and face the consequences. Don’t blame the victim.
        And, ultimately, it’s only ONE option. The other one is to hit the highway, child under one arm, your share of the money under the other.
        Go, Beyonce’, Go. I don’t your man is going to stop, and Solange (sp?)can’t beat him up forever.

          • She is not fiercer or more badass staying with him even if it is to show him who is boss. That’s how I see this song game. Like CL says, she is not and never will be in control of JZ’s impulses. Most, by no means all, chumps don’t understand that. They think, like Bey, that if THEY change the cheater will.

            We all know the ending to that story.

            I feel her pain. The horrible death-like pain she felt from his betrayal.

            At the very least, he got his due with this music and Bey has the OW cowering somewhere. I would not have taken the mother fucker back and would have kicked his sorry ass to the curb, but damn how I wish I was in her position to do just that and show the world that no matter who you are, cheaters do not deserve one extra minute of your time.

            Not. One. Minute

            What power she had from the first DD. Let’s pray next time she uses it.

            Go Bey. You are almost there. Almost.

  • Truthfully, my thoughts only turn to Beyonce Knowles when I see her on TV, or the news, or something. In her role as an entertainer, i can take her or leave her. Not a personal favorite. I don’t hate her or love her. I don’t judge her life, only comment on what she herself puts out there.

    She is just a person, like the rest of us. She can sing, and she can dance. So can many, many, many other people (not me though, lol). She and her husband have a combined wealth of approximately one billion dollars (not me, though, again). All that is really irrelevant in the grand scheme. Only your character matters in the end. You can’t buy respect, you can only earn it. The great thing is a person with zero dollars can earn just as much or more respect as a person with a billion dollars.

    Not sure what her marriage situation is, but she does have the resources to find out exactly what her husband is doing. Every minute of the day. That’s not judging, it’s stating a fact.

  • I was mesmerized by ‘Lemonade’ – I was lucky enough to be visited by my adult daughter in my bright new apartment with HBO who told me about it, so I could watch it with her on Saturday night. We hadn’t really discussed how she was feeling about STBX (the only dad she’s ever known but not particularly close – after she was older than his preference age of 14 – which sickens me now to even contemplate but she really feels he had a normal relationship with him. whew.) and ‘Lemonade’ was a PERFECT vehicle for us to talk and cry and commiserate.

    I was so impressed with Beyonce’s courage to transform her experience using her gifts. That her gifts are wasted on that ASSHOLE is what the people who really love us say about our lives.

    I think Bey is doing Bey and I am glad she is a strong, Black woman. She’ll figure it out. She’s already light years beyond him.

    PS Gwen Stefani also released an album that seems to express her journey out of infidelity. It’s also powerful for me. I think we’re lucky to have beautiful celebrities suffering this situation in public – it’s a more effective counter to the misogynistic ‘ho’ mentality that objectifies women and creates an environment of entitlement for middle aged adolescents.

  • Me Myself & I from the Dangerously in Love album literally got me through a lot of the most harrowing experiences of my life since DDay 12/26/15. Queen B or whomever wrote that song certainly had been Chumped and came out Mighty! I’m very grateful for that song!

    ….”from now on I’m gonna be my own best friend.”

  • Beyonce is a fellow chump targeted by an especially gifted cheater narc. Think about it for a minute. Her public persona is a strong kick-ass …take no prisoners type of woman. Pure narc bait. How many of us fellow/sister chumps were strong, confident people before we met up with our cheaters. I’d say probably the vast majority of us. Makes us more of a challenge….how awesome they think they are for taking us down.

    Of course what we don’t get is that they never play by the rules. We do, that’s our Achilles heel. They exploit it to the max.

    What they don’t get is that we are strong enough to survive them, once we figure out their program. It may take a while, but eventually they are in the rear view mirror, and we put our lives back together into something much better. We here at chump nation are a creative, resilient bunch. It helps, also, that we are privy to the cheaters handbook. Beyonce will get there when she has had enough narc bullshit.

    We leave the cheaters and gain a life… they, on the other hand are stuck with themselves …….forever.

    Yuck!

  • This shit is all over the news tonight. WHY is infidelity entertainment? One person in a relationship decides to be a GIANT asshole, the other person gets really, really, really unimaginably hurt. Why the fuck does this have to be my life?

    • Agreed. Being chumped isn’t entertainment. Yet, if anyone could be a spokesperson for the damage that infidelity wreaks on people, it’d be Beyonce. Maybe her putting this out there could be a good thing for her, and for CN, and for the larger dialogue about cheating. Sometimes when you put stuff out there, you don’t have an intention other than not keeping it internalized inside anymore. Can we not give Beyonce the benefit of that doubt? Whether she’s ready to walk away or not, she just had to speak. Isn’t that a strength of the mightiest kind, especially given the potential fallout? Again, it’s not about money. This lady has more than enough to spare, whether she’s married to Jay Z or not. She could put on the happy married face, and it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference to her bottom line. Yet she exposed herself. I’d put that in the same category as any other chump who wrote in to CL saying what had happened. That very expression is a declaration of freedom, even if that fact isn’t apparent at the time.

      Go, Bey! I pray you get clear of this clusterfuck asap.

  • I’m so sorry. It is hard to identify with a celebrity whose life is based on advertisement. If this poor woman is actually a chump my heart goes out to her. If she is part of some sort of i cheat the spouse cheats we beak off about it and parade; my heart just left. She seems to portray a strong female person. If so, for the sake of Blue Ivy, dump the POS, Daddy can be Daddy , but as a loving man he ain’t a husband anymore!

  • I’m not a fan of Beyonce, but of course I hear about the music she’s putting out because it all makes the news. If she’s been chumped, then I feel badly for her as a person, just as I have sympathy for anyone who has gone/is going though this shit.

    What was bugging me last night was the entertainment value it was given by the newscasters. Yes, of course music/art is a form of entertainment, but when a subject as serious (to me) as infidelity is sorta laughed at and played with like how the newscasters handled it last night, it sorta bugged me. No one would be laughing if Beyonce was singing a song about the death of a child, or a family member lost in the trade center or child pornography. But is Jay Z baby daddy fucking someone outside the marriage with good hair? ha ha ha, i guess we’ll have to wait for his next single to come out to find out, right, kevin? okay, ha ha ha now to you with tonight’s weather report.

    Ha ha ha it’s all so entertaining when it’s not your own life that’s being nuked beyond recognition.

  • “People who love you, don’t torture you and make you compete for their love”. The response of friends, family, fans is just more public what we all experienced. Nobody really gives a crap, cheaters will always cheat and they have NO concern for you, THEY ARE DONE WITH YOU!!

    Gain your life back the best you can, hold your head high, be a class act and cut the POS’s off of you. Parasites and the leaches who think they are now “special”.

  • A new post on the repercussions of publicly gloating your status as the other woman perhaps? Ms Roy seems to be reaping what she has sown.

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