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stupidlistenOne of the classic “Stupid Shit Cheaters Say” utterances is, “You know, if you met (the affair partner), you’d really like (him/her)! They’re a lot like you!”

Yeah, you know if the circumstances were different, and this person wasn’t fucking your spouse, I’m sure you’d really enjoy hand bell choir together.

It’s a patently moronic cake fantasy come to life. You’re all just interchangeable really, united in your love for the cheater. How can you take offense? They’re a GOOD PERSON just like you! If you could get over your unreasonable prejudice, you’d see that! But I guess you’re just too consumed with bitterness and jealousy, alas.

I see this again and again in my mail from chumps — once outed, the cheater feels totally emboldened to talk about the affair partner in glowing terms to the chump. Of course, this has the intended effect of goading the chump into more frenetic pick-me dancing. I’m sure part of the Mindy-Is-So-Awesome! phenomenon is deliberate and intentionally hurtful, but the other part is narcissistic cluelessness. Hey, what really matters here is MY happiness.

Can’t you be happy for them?

I’ve never felt a love like this before!

She has really big tits!

He so gets me. Like, the REAL me. He believes in my natural selection/screen play/get rich quick scheme unlike YOU. 

What are cheaters thinking here? That you’re going to slap them on the back and congratulate them on their good fortune? Well DONE, Forsythe! You really bagged a gem there!

Or perhaps they’re thinking that you’ll just graciously concede defeat and walk off the field? It would be really unsportsmanlike of you to ask for a decent divorce settlement.

Or maybe you’re supposed to nod in agreement? “Oh yeah, Bob is ALL THAT. And did you notice what a fine head of hair he has? Is that his natural color? Just wow.”

Here’s some advice, chumps — shut that shit down.

The minute your cheater starts playing compare and contrast to their fuckbuddy? You’re DONE. The conversation is OVER.

I realize some therapists encourage this crap, so you know, you examine all the dynamics that drove them to cheat, and what needs you weren’t meeting, like your male pattern baldness and such. (Did you see Bob’s hair?)

But really, why would you spend one second competing with an affair partner? This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.

Know your worth.

 

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  • Yep. Definitely one of the most insulting and rage-inducing statements ex ever uttered. It took all my will not to physically attack him when that one came out. All I could do was reply through gritted teeth, “You’d better never say anything like that ever again, and clearly, you don’t know me very well.” We had some similarities, but they definitely stopped where morals, fucking married people and shattering families were concerned.

    • I was married 20 years. After I discovered the affair thru phone records, I made the mistake of asking, who is this woman, what does she even look like? I got, she is very beautiful, 5 foot 7 and about 110 pounds. (I am overweight and he knows it bothers me) I think if you got to know her you would really like her. Another time he showed up at the house, we had not even discussed divorce yet, and he said, Do you mind if I take her to my niece’s wedding? I said, No, why would I mind? And obviously that was not a good enough answer, because he then went on to say, well it is on your birthday and all, I just wanted to make sure you did not mind. I said, nope, you go right ahead. I wasn’t going to let him know that he was just throwing my heart further into a chipper. And so even with that, he then continues on and says, oh, good, well can you help me pick out a tie to wear to the wedding? And this f*cking wedding was not even for 2 more months! So he went to this giant family wedding with his whore, and we had not even discussed divorce yet. This is just the very tip of the iceberg. This man did and said horrible horrible things to me. Unimagineable things. When I had finally had enough, I pulled my doormat self out of the chipper, went and located this whores ex husband, and f*cked him for 3 months and hung out with him and her son. Invited him over to our house all the time. You want to violate my life whore? Help destroy a family? Well I just sprayed my mark all over yours. At my age, this shit is now an eye for an eye in my book. When my ex found out he said, HE’s been in OUR house? I said, yep. He said, and he’s drinking our liquor? I said, yep, drinking it down. 20 years of marriage and he was disturbed that someone was drinking the liquor in our house. Still no divorce proceedings, he (Norman Bates) moves his whore into his mother’s house with him and his mother. I took time off of work because I needed mental rest. He shows up at our house, when I should have been at work and says, OMG why are you home? How are we going to pay our bills if you are missing work? I cannot make this shit up people.

      • IntotheChipperChump,

        Welcome. So sorry you’re going through this.

        I applaud your revenge fucking. If match stick had had a wife, I’d have made it my life’s mission to get in her pants. Sadly, he’s twice divorced.

        Nevertheless, you’ve shot yourself in the foot legally here. By not filing for divorce and then committing adultery yourself, you have gotten yourself into a pickle.

        Do you live in a fault divorce state? Do you live in an “equitable property,” or a “community property” state. Do you want to get divorced? Why haven’t you filed.

        We take a very dim view of wreckonciliation around here. Unicorns are a fantasy. But it doesn’t sound like you are looking for a unicorn, you are riding a jackass at this point.

        If you want to get off the ride, we are here to help.

        • I thought about going to the bar and picking up the first available man. I might have if I could have stopped throwing up long enough. We all know the physical reactions caused by this sort of betrayal. Then I thought I’d lie and tell him I beat him to the punch and I’ve been fucking around for years. No fault state and equitable distribution. I’m not sure why I didn’t. I really don’t care what his opinion of me is, but I’m not a liar and never have been. I’ve only lied to make him feel good about his sexual abilities. Yep, I have had better, and no it hasn’t been good for awhile.

          • Totally get that, Anne. I’d have had to stop vomiting first too before any sexual conquests. Plus, the legal ramifications of me committing adultery immediately entered my mind.

            You are cracking me up. You said:

            Yep, I have had better, and no it hasn’t been good for awhile.

            Throw in a: “I never had one orgasm, I always faked it; I cheated on you while we were dating; I had threesomes with women before we met; and you’re penis is laughably tiny.” and you’ve got the perfect recipe to destroy a man’s confidence.

            If there was a way to avoid breaking no-contact and give him this messages, it’d be so worth it.

            (BTW, nice job posting that image yesterday.)

              • I think the “you’re penis” was a Freudian slip since I could actually tell him, “Yes, you are a dick” and be completely truthful. Good to know about the other stuff. As soon as divorce is final and house is in my name, the gloves come off and the shit storm begins anytime he dares to try and make contact.

                How about, “Look Mr. Premature ejaculator, I just don’t want to talk to you. Now that I know what a fully erect penis feels like and I no longer have to fake pleasure that lasts way longer than I’m used to, you know, the usual 2-3 minutes, I’ve got way more interesting things to do. Give my condolences to whatshername.”

            • I guess I wasn’t aware of the premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction comments. Those really put the cherry on top. Maybe also tell him you posted photos of him naked online as well as sex videos of you and another man. Yeah. He’s in for it now. (Love me some CN. What a twisted thread this is. Kinky revenge. Ha.) Laugh away the pain.

              • NC is the answer. It allows for us to understand the truth of many shit sandwiches we’ve eaten without the twisted lies that try to manipulate our feeling into thinking that they are tasty treats when they’re really just shit. Without NC I would still be trying to figure him, now I’m just working on me and I can get out the inner storm in the safety of CN.

        • Hi, Ian Dubito. My story is a past story. I am divorced now for 2 years. I live in a no fault state. My story got more bizarre as the days went on. Still no divorce talks at that point, he took his whore away for an expensive weekend on our anniversary weekend. I was at home on a Sunday summer afternoon cleaning out the gutters on the house, (quite the glamorous weekend for me). Husband came right over to the house after he returned from his weekend. His adulterous weekend was so wonderful on his marriage anniversary that he needed to return and visit the wife??? Argued with me about money, I called his Ow a whore, and he then grabbed me and slammed his head into my face. Broke my nose bone from the top to the bottom, straight down the middle. In broad daylight, in our driveway, ON CAMERA! We have cameras on the front of our house to protect our expensive decorations during Halloween and Christmas. I called the cops, and he was arrested. I filed for divorce the next day. He refused to plead guilty, even though it was all on tape and took it to trial. A 7 woman 1 man jury. 9 hour trial that was like Law and Order on LSD – a complete circus on his part. Found guilty. 30 days in county jail. I have a 5 year restraining order on him. He married the OW. His story continues to get weirder, but I no longer have to endure the craziness. I met a nice man and am in a normal relationship. My story sounds like I am some Jerry Springer creation, but we really were a quiet, nice, normal couple and then all hell broke loose. WHat I have learned through this is you throw that Mol a tov cock tail through my picture window as one chumper described, I will eventually crawl out of the explosion and throw one back at you. This chump let you push her into a chipper, but I survived and thrived. It is all very sad, and I feel so sorry for all of us chumps because of the sheer waste that our ex’s caused. Great marriages all ruined, and for what?

      • 5’7 and 110 pounds. I’m 5’2 and fine boned and 110 is pretty thin on me. I read that a 5’7 woman with a small frame should weight about 123-136.

        Honestly, cheaters like to hit where it hurts. I’m fairly thin so my ex made plenty of nasty comments about my introversion instead. It doesn’t matter if you are a supermodel sex kitten who cooks gourmet meals. It doesn’t matter if everyone else in the world thinks you are awesome. Cheaters will STILL find a reason to cut you down. The very fact that they say such shit says A LOT about them. Truth be told, I have some friends who would be considered 100+ pounds overweight. They are well loved by husbands who are faithful.

        • I’m also 5’2 and 110 is thin on me. Doctor will call me on it. So, I think on a 5’8″ frame, you may be a little underweight, darlin. The infidelity diet is tough on folks like us. I eat well enough but I exercise a lot. Funny thing with my situation is the X was a health-fanatic for 25 yrs. Did the body-building muscle thing and oh my – the women that loved his tripceps. I kept up in the gym with him for years but I preferred swimming and not dead-lifts. Therefore, my joints are fine compared to his which are all messed up like his are 35 yrs later, with arthritis and this one big muscular man turned into a limping Festis (Gunsmoke).

          Then he got really fat. I never said a word. And, this is when he had his affair. He didn’t care about working out anymore, taking the dogs for walks, nothing to keep himself happy. He never once complimented me on my body that I worked so hard to keep healthy. In fact, we never made love. I guess maybe, he wanted another type of body?

          Seriously, you cannot put a label on these folks for WHY they do it.
          It makes no sense at all when you read all the stories here.

          • Yes, I agree 5 foot 7 110 pounds is skeletor. I’ve seen the OW, she is not 110. She is thinner than me, but just an average weight person. Just another lie of his to try and make me feel bad about myself. And I am a bigger woman, but my new man told me the minute he saw me has was instantly attracted, so I know it wasn’t my looks. It wasn’t anything about me. My ex and I were together 20 years and had a rockin sex life. This crap he created was all about the misery inside of him. Someday I know he will realize that, but that is not my concern. I am working on me and trying to get back to a normal life and have a relationship with a man who sees my value. I also plan on writing a book about my ordeal. I think my story is one of the more insane ones, and I want to help others.

            • You write that book, honey! I’m a professional writer and editor, and I’m doing the same. Calling it fiction, and the plot is, in fact, fiction… and a lot easier, actually, than the shit sandwich buffet that was my life for years. `Seriously, it was a real interesting moment when I realized that my real life was too awful for a novel, and that I had to tone it down a lot to make it a better reading experience for the average reader. There’s only so much shit that a reader will take.
              My ex told me, repeatedly, that something was “wrong” with me because I refused to accept that he and OW were not “good and fine people doing the very best they could.” He pontificates for a living, he’s a new agey type, so this was a “proclamation” that came with references, documentation, and footnotes.
              My only revenge, aside from the novel I’m writing, and yes that feels goooood…..is that I told my ex’s ex (which will get back to him, because he’s so so so “close” to all his exes but me….) that I had to fantasize about someone who was not-him our entire sex life, or I couldn’t come. He was an awful lay. And he had herpes (which I got). I put up with it all, because who’s perfect? Not me. And I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and knew full well that he just didn’t have a clue about how to do a better job of sexually delighting a woman.
              Interestingly, the OW gave up on sex with him right away. But she kept him wanting her, kept his ope alive, so she could get thousands of dollars of free writing/editing services from him re: the business my ex and I used to run together. I’m kind of bummed that she didn’t get herpes too, but at least she can’t write to save her life, even with ALL his devotion and help. She doesn’t have talent. His talent is limited. I’m the caged bird who sang, but I’m caged no more. Just sad. And I’m healing from that, thanks to Tracy, our cynical, brilliant, saint of Chump Nation.

    • I love Trent Shelton. Follow him on FB. May be one of the only reasons I keep myself on that site. He kicks my ass into gear daily!

    • I follow Trent Shelton on FB too, I LOVE that guy!!!! SO empowering and encouraging!!!!

  • OMG I was just thinking about this yesterday…. you know those flashbacks? Mine felt it necessary to laud over me how good a person she was and that she came from a good family (whatever the F that means) and…. Drumroll…. What s good influence she would be on our kids and how she could really help them because she’s such a good person.

    Jeez theses Aholes are all the same.

    • Lisa, yes, THIS! They truly think that the whore is a good influence on the kids. She is the perfect example of what I want, and expect, my daughter NOT to be.

      The whore in my situation is the biggest doormat and people pleaser in the universe. I want my daughter to have firm boundaries and high morals, ergo, the whore can never be a “good influence”. Miss me with that shit, please.

      • Yeah, the OW/OM is a great teaching lesson for your kids. Just tell your son or daughter to do the exact opposite of what the OW/OM does. Then the kids will have a good life.

  • Yes! I asked “did she cheat on her husband in her previous marriage?” Answer “she hasn’t been perfect in her past. But she stayed married for 10 years. As long as you!” Ok. Bravo to her. She stayed married as long as me while cheating on her spouse. Great job. She’s awesome.

    • Yesterday on this board, I was enlightened to what a “bitch cookie” is. Sounds like she deserves a big, giant bitch cookie! Yay for you and your overworked vagina!! Cookie for you!

      • Yay for you for working that vagina. Now, you shall be rewarded with the herpes. Keep going and maybe next year you can get the syphillis trophy.

    • I know of two of his APs, and he encouraged me to be friends with both of them. (Before I knew about the affairs of course). One of them I was pretty close to. Now there are several other women I wonder if he slept with (or wanted to) because of how he similarly encouraged me to be friends with them. I think he must have used it to rationalize or legitimize his relationship with them. Or maybe cover his tracks…

      • I think they think it is okay if you like the people they’re banging.

        My CheaterX had a very weird quid pro quo kind of thing going. I was invited to Schmoopie’s birthday party before I knew of the affair. CheaterX volunteered me to help Schmoopie with grilling sausages he’d bought for the party. Schmoopie wasn’t happy, nor was I.

        I think CheaterX figured that the two of us would bond over his sausages.;)

    • Prior to DDAY #1 (emotional affair dday), my cheater invited (E)AP and his family to stay with us. She even tried to get me to buy a new bed for the guestroom first, and they were emailing about which expensive champagne to serve.

      DDAY #1 came before the weekend the AP’s family was due to arrive, and my cheating wife had the gall to say something like “but I can’t just tell them they can’t stay here at such a late notice…”

  • “You really bagged a gem there!”

    This is a great way to start my day, CL! It would have been my 38th wedding anniversary today.

    For me the comparison started and ended with, “She knew I was married and didn’t care.”

    Reconcilliation WAS off the table from the get go THIS time thanks to you.

    He had loving, kind, and loyal and ended up with a sociopath who fought like hell to keep triangulation going. She thought she won a prize.

    The best revenge is living better.

    I won my life back, thank you!

    • “The Best Revenge is Living Better”, man if that isn’t true! Life is so much better without the asshole. When he told me that they were good together and told him that was wonderful. “She knows your problem solving skills involve fucking someone else, and you know she doesn’t give a shit about commitment or family. You two enjoy that”.

      Best I can tell is that they never let each other out of their sights. Go figure!

      • “She knows your problem solving skills involve fucking someone else, and you know she doesn’t give a shit about commitment or family. You two enjoy that”.

        ^^ LOVE this! God I wish i had thought to say that!

      • StayingStrong

        He bragged about being single and told me he thinks about me all the time. She keeps him on a cuntdog leash too. When I do think about him I picture how drunk and stoned he has to get waking up with a needy clingy ugly skank.

        Single? That’s me. Never looking back.

      • Love it Stayin Strong! Wish I had said that too!!!! Damn! I wish I had found this site way back when it all started! satan’s flippin HEAD would’ve EXPLODED!!!

        I did have my ‘moment’ though… 😀 …once I’d seen the super secret cell phone and knew for sure I was dealing with a cheater and not a brain tumor or possession…I went right out and bought myself a really NICE EXPENSIVE camera, binoculars and a Dyson 😀 …when satan saw all the loot he said, ‘WHAT THE FUCK DID ALL THAT SHIT COST?’ …I smiled sweetly at him and said, ‘Probably nowhere near what all the hotels, dinners and gifts for your hos cost.’ …his head exploded 😀

        …his head probably just keeps exploding to this day 😀 YA FOR US!!!!

    • Congratulations on your narcissistic douchebag boyfriend with great hair! You must be so happy with Mr. Douchebag. Wish I could bag me a gem of an asshole like that!

  • My ex feeds our kids that BS!!! My 22 year old son told me the OW was very nice. I replied nice women don’t sleep with married men! He told me that comment was inappropriate.

    • I’m glad you said that. Your comment was not inappropriate, especially to a 22-year old. His response is inappropriate because he’s clearly drinking the “infidelity isn’t all that bad” Kool-Aid. Keep fighting the good fight so that your son doesn’t become your ex.

      • Thank you! Any comment I make it, which is very rare comes back at me and I am told that I am not over Dad and just bitter.
        I needed this support! I am so so over their Dad but don’t want this brushed under the rug like it is all good!
        I rarely speak of him in any way, act like he is gone or dead.

        • Oh, Jenn, to get that from your son is too much. He needs telling off. Spell it out for him–“How would you feel if you had pledged your life to someone, raised his children, and he had emotionally stabbed you in the back and upended your entire life after ___ number of years?”

          Bitter is the only rational emotion to what has happened to us; any more palatable emotion (sadz) means we’re still being doormats.

        • Jenn,

          I haven’t had either of my kids say anything about the OW yet. They’re 22 & 26 and old enough to know that she should not be discussed with me. There is no point and it would be hurtful. I haven’t said this to them yet, but your post got me thinking about what I will say if they bring her up. I like your nice woman don’t sleep with married me comment. I also think I will just tell them that if they feel the need to bring her up again, they should just save their breath and leave and come back when they no longer feel the need.

          • I’d say to your son, “It’s inappropriate to sleep with married men.” A 22 year old is old enough to hear that.

            I tell my daughter that her Dad made some unfortunate choices that caused a lot of pain and she’s no idiot, she gets it. I also told her (as kindergarten kids know) that cheating and lying are not ok.

            As for her relationship with her Father, I stay out of the way and let her figure out the rest.

            • Oh, they know that. Believe me when I say that my sons know exactly how I feel about what their dad did. In fact I think I told both of them that if they took after their father and ever cheated on someone they proclaimed to love, that if they came running to me like he did his mother, the reception they receive would not be the same. They don’t discuss him around me. If something needs to be said, it’s done quickly. I asked my eldest about his truck and he said his dad helped him fix the cold air intake. Normally I would have asked questions about the process but I just said okay and changed the subject. But they have never brought up OW to me. I don’t think they will but if they do, or anyone else does, I really like snarky, “nice women don’t fuck other women’s husbands” and then walk away. Snarky because someone would only say it to get cause harm to me, and NO ONE will ever do that again and get away with it.

        • My response wouldn’t have been very nice… “This ladies vagina mattered more than you, me, the family, a whole life. It’s not just your dad I’ve lost. It’s loss of the wholistic life and family you had. For example- look at how this is coming between me and my kid-you! I get screwed out of our family, and you defend dad because his penis fell into a “nice” one? Yep. Dad sure had everyone’s best interest at heart. Stick that in your man bun and smoke it you little twerp. ” but maybe that’s why I don’t have kids….

    • I’m so sorry if your son thought your comment was inappropriate. Tell him that when he gets married you’ll remind him on his wedding day that nice men might end up sleeping with his bride in the future and that’s entirely appropriate according to his and his father’s values.

        • Your comment was NOT inappropriate, especially for a 22 year old. “So is cheating” would’ve been my response.

          Anyone can ACT nice, it’s all about maintaining an image for these dirtbags.

          That’s what my X-hole says about his troll “She’s NICE.” Sure she is, for now, just wait until your selfishness and disordered BS affects her finances, future and children and let’s see how she maintains nice.

          We get labeled as “not nice” for insisting on accountability and expecting them to behave like normal adults.

    • Jenn, X has been telling our 22 year old son the same garbage. Son has mentioned many of AP’s
      great attributes that I know are his father’s words. She is well educated, she runs marathon’s, and the best one, they get along so well, Dad says they have a lot in common.

      What do you think “they get along so well” implies? Knowing X he has emphasized the “they get along so well” to our son to make a point…, unlike you mother and me, clearly your mother is why we divorced son…
      If your Mom was stable and more like AP there wouldn’t be a divorce.
      Conclusion=Mom caused the divorce because she’s a loser, a parasite, boring, doesn’t have an exciting job and mentally unstable.

      Mom would have an exciting career if Mom wasn’t traveling all over the country to further “our” career.
      I sacrificed my career so your Dad could work towards “our” career goal (his).
      After devoting 23 years of my life for our son and followed X so our family would be together, now I’m the dull stay at home wife, mother and school volunteer, band booster parent, etc.

      Maybe Mom and Dad would still be married if Dad wasn’t looking for someone different.

    • I rarely mention X in front or to our son. I have been accused of being inappropriate among other things when on the rare occasion i mention his father. I never have said anything negative about his father in front of him. It can be something as neutral as asking where they went to dinner the night before. I’m afraid of offending him, it’s awkward . it’s like walking on eggshells when my son visits.
      My son clearly has sided with his father.

      • Brit – I have similar issues. I have NO IDEA what is going on in my kids’ heads, but I’m sure Judas has convinced them that I am the problem. One thing Judas did was tell my son that I had had an affair with his friend 16 years ago. This was of course after my son found Judas’s fuck phone. Judas had to justify his behaviour by spinning it around on me. I was SO pissed at Judas – he had NO RIGHT to tell my kid that! It is one thing for an obvious idiot to believe I had an affair, but to tell our kid! WTF! Now – I don’t believe my son beleives it, but the damage is done. It will always be in the back of his head. Did my mom cheat on my dad 16 years ago? My oldest son (not Judas’s) still hangs out with the asswipe. My daughter rarely talks to me. I’m pretty sure Judas has manipulated them into thinking it was my fault we are divorced. I’m very sad about it – no doubt, but I guess I just have to wait it out until they figure out his mind games and manipulation techniques.
        Apparently Judas has had people question him about his fuck phone: “Did you really get a fuck phone behind your wifes back?” Well, of course he has to admit it, otherwise he’d be calling our son a liar. I guess Judas’s response is “Yes. I did get a phone. FOR YEARS I’ve been treated so horribly and I never talked to anybody about her abuse.” Their response (according to Judas) “Oh you poor thing. You were abused for that long and NEVER talked to anyone? Poor poor Judas.” WTF???? I’m quite certain if he has convinced all these other idiots HE was the abused one and had EVERY RIGHT to go out and fuck around on me – my kids have probably heard the same line of bullshit and has them convinced of the very same shit.

        • LadyStrange, X has demonized me since the day he walked out. X has rewritten our history to make himself out to be the victim. He told one neighbor that he tried everything to save our marriage. X tells people he just couldn’t take it anymore,he claims I’m mentally unstable but refused to go for help, thats a lie. I was seeing a therapist at that time hoping he would eventually go with me. He’s claimed I’m an alcoholic, who knows what other things he’s said.
          He’s able to tell lies and pretend to cry to gain sympathy and justify leaving.
          No doubt he’s done the same with our son. Telling the same lies and playing the sad, abused, victim of abuse. He’s apparently very convincing by the loyal group of followers he has.
          During the divorce X told our son every little thing and claiming to be the victim. Has my son feeling sorry for him.
          I rarely see my son anymore, lately he has been ignoring my texts and phone calls .
          Makes me wonder if X has something to he wants to hide.
          Son doesn’t contact me on holidays or mothers day or my birthday. I’ve tried everything to have a relationship with him. I was a devoted mom, my son was my life but he prefers to stay with his Dad or should I say in the apartment. X stays at his GF’s. Who I might add is at least 15 years younger than I am.

          • So sorry brit. They are very manipulative. I’m certain Judas has lied and told my kids tales. My x is an alcoholic and I’m pretty sure he believes his own lies. My kids – not one of them – want to BELIEVE their dad is sick. I was told “He doesn’t drink to get drunk.” or “His drinking is just the way things are….” My kids are idiots when it comes to alcoholism. Judas has a huge tolerance (and beer gut), therefore they rarely see him drunk. He goes to work practically every day and he has never been caught drinking and driving (somehow!) I’m convinced my oldest son is also an alcoholic – that is why he ‘hangs’ out with the x because the x ALWAYS has beer. The other two – I’m not sure what is going on there. Dear old dad was buying them cars while mom was paying for school – what the hell fun is that – paying for school? But hey – dad buys me sports cars even though I got into a major car accident and hit a semi 2 years ago, broke my back, my femur, punctured my colon. BUT – DAD buys me cool cars – mom only cares about my education. Bitch.

    • Response ”how so?” wait for him to reply. He wants to be a happy family again, bless him, and he’s young and obviously loves his dad, and it’s quite possible that his dad’s Little Miss New Boobs is being nice and kind to him for a whole variety of reasons. Which is great, of course, we want our kids treated well by the people in their lives. But stating that nice and good people don’t have sex with married people is just a basic statement. It’s not mean. It’s not defamatory, it’s just… true. It’s like saying ”Bob spent 10 years inside for murdering his sister” ”oh he’s really nice, don’t say that, it’s inappropriate”. Why? Get him to clarify why he feels it’s inappropriate, he will have to examine whatever crap his dad has fed him and do the mental gymnastics to try and align the two fundamentally incompatible statements; ”I’m really nice and a good person. I slept with a married person and broke up their family”.

      • This week, a person in my town was arrested for impersonating a police officer and using it (the take badge and id) to force a minor into “acts of a sexual nature”. This man was put on the sex offender list years ago for another such thing.

        So the PD put it up on their Facebook page and people are screaming at everyone about how they have no right to judge, ‘only God knows what really happened’ and how “he’s a really nice guy, he just made a few bad choices”.

        WTF?! Impersonating an officer and sexual assault on a minor are just BAD CHOICES? Just bad choices, not heinous crimes. He goes to church, so that makes it not as bad?

        As a rule, I stay off the comment sections in news pages as arguing on the internet is an exercise in futility. But I’m really wanting to scream “Nice / Good people do NOT do shit like that!”

        It’s the same logic used here.

        • We’ve all made bad choices. Bad choices do not hurt innocent people, they only hurt the person that made them. I had one more class of wine than I should have and suffered a headache, bad choice. This man made a deliberate decision to deceive others into thinking he was in a position of trust and authority so that he could violate a child in the most horrible way possible. It was not a bad choice, it was criminal and no punishment can possibly fit the crime.

        • “Idi Amin was a swell guy!! I know he engaged in genocide, but he was so much fun at parties with his jokes and his humorous stories! Don’t judge him. Plus, he made a mean chicken cordon bleu.”

        • “people are screaming at everyone about how they have no right to judge, ‘only God knows what really happened’ and how “he’s a really nice guy, he just made a few bad choices”.

          FeralBlue, WTF are these people drinking? Heinous crime.

          • Virago, I don’t know what these people are drinking but I will tell you what they should be drinking…..Pruno (prison home-made wine)

    • Dealing with this kind of issue is so painful, Jenn. You’d think grown children would know how to behave, but the desire to see both parents as unblemished lasts a lot longer than puberty for many people. My therapist would tell me to concentrate on showing my kids why comments about the OW are unempathetic. He might tell me to say, “When you say the OW is ‘so nice,’ it feels to me like you are saying that it is okay Dad cheated on me because she is nicer than I am. It feels to me like you are justifying Dad’s behavior and implying I deserved it. Maybe that is not what you mean, but if you can try to understand how your comments make me feel, I think you’ll see why it is just best we not talk about her. I am never going to see her as “nice;” but I don’t have to complain about her to you, and you do not have to praise her to me.”

    • My son live through the heartbreak that he saw his father put me thur. He didn’t have to choose sides, he saw that a loving father and a man he thought the world of doesn’t do what he did to me and to him ((son)) who was 21 when hubby affair was found out.

      He use to always say he wanted to be just like dad when he grew up, not so now. He always looked at our marriage as good, almost 30 yrs, as it was, and now not sure what good is anymore.

      This May starts my 6th yr from hubby’s affair and no intimacy w him, we are now separated,but 24/7 contact. Son has a ok relationship w father now, but it will never be the same. In fact the other day he even told me, he can have gf, but I hope he never finds happiness.

      I think the idea of a toast at your sons wedding Jenn should be, “maybe man or women come between you!”

    • Inappropriate: not suitable or proper in the circumstances.

      Inconvenient: causing trouble, difficulties, or discomfort.

      Sometimes the truth is inconvenient, but that doesn’t make it inappropriate. Unfortunately, as CL says, the price of a relationship with the other parent involves acceptance of the OW/OM. So, he is going to be very compelled to want to try to accept her and see her as nice. Any deviation of that vision is going to be very inconvenient.

  • He told me “I don’t distinguish between the two of you “. He regarded her and me as the same person. Just members of his fan club. So messed up in so many ways.

  • My Cheater did the opposite actually. Even HE couldn’t imagine that I would be buddies with a superficial, entitled woman, seven years my senior (10 years older than him!), who had never worked a day in her life. However, instead of that path, he tried to make me feel ridiculously inferior to her. He took the three items he knew were my most bitter regrets and pointed out that the two women he had slept with on a regular basis (while I was at work) had both accomplished those three things – and then refused to tell me anything further about them (until months later, when I had already found out most of it for myself). It’s only my opinion, but neither of them are role models for anything other than self-indulgence and self-justification.

    I am 5’7” and weigh 128 pounds, and yet for 20 years he nagged me about my diet and the fact that I wouldn’t hit the gym to create bulging muscles – then he goes out and chooses a series of short, overweight women. Don’t get me wrong! There’s nothing wrong with overweight if you are comfortable with it. I was just appalled by the hypocrisy of him making me feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough (while I was attending college classes, working full time and running a small business on the side – all while taking care of my parents who were in their 80s at the time and lived 50 miles away), yet he was happy enough with women who had all the time in the world and did nothing but entertain themselves on their ex-husband’s money.

    • Yep, the ex also made nasty remarks about overweight women and yet he married the short overweight mistress. Meanwhile, I’ll take my 5’7 130 pound self off to the store to buy my size 4 clothes. =)

    • My ex did too. He picked overweight mistresses and then when they left, he found a new overweight woman to marry. They now have an open marriage. I think part of the reason our exes like women who are lazy is because those women make adoration of a jerk their full time job, whereas a real women would never have that much time to fawn over someone. On the other hand, we’re often expected to meet their unexpressed or vague needs and make them super happy even when they couldn’t care less about our expressed needs and happiness.

  • Not selling my worth to anyone. The best thing I committed to do after I was told he was leaving. There had been enough shit sandwich eating. Every last one of them were jettisoned from my life. It was so traumatic and sad. I found other ways to self soothe and cope. Oddly my x wasband would go through episodes at the end screaming about what a good and nice man everyone thought he was.. they can have him! I was not going to play the game anymore. Thankfully they are all out of my life.

    • Good for you, EchoNoMorr! I like your steps to self-care and self-love. Jettison them out of your life! Bravo!

      • Echo

        For years I heard the only person he had a hard time getting along with was me. Yet he has an audience of one since I divorced him. He has no intact relationships. My daughter didn’t want to see him last year in Father’s Day, she told him she was spending it with me instead. We didn’t have plans. They dread seeing him. Thank you for the reminder. It made me smile.

  • *snort* – hand bell choir. You crack me up, Tracy!

    Once again, it’s all about THEM. Impression management at its finest. The AP, by definition, is a selfish scumbag who has insinuated themselves into a marriage that one partner holds precious. They have made the decision to fuck up innocent childrens lives (often their own as well as yours). These cheating pieces of shit don’t judge that as a character flaw because they themselves have no character. If they AP thinks the cheater is wonderful then they, by extension, must be wonderful themselves. How could they not be?

    I said to my asshole X that I couldn’t believe that he would team up with a whore to ruin our child’s life. He looked incredulous and said, “That’s not how it is”. I said, “That’s exactly how it is, fucker. You let some stranger who has no respect for your child, or you as a father, slaughter this kid’s childhood. She’s a real lady.” Once this was pointed out to him, he devalued and discarded her so fast she’s probably still trying to figure out what kind of bus hit her.

    Bottom line – anyone who will tell you that the person who has decided to wage war on you (behind your back -pussies) is a “good” person must be completely evil themselves. When you hear that shit – RUN.

    • How about the AP’s that are responsible for blowing up kids lives, ruining relationships between parents and fathers/ mothers and then tell the gem (douchebag) that they won that they the crazy ex is the reason the kids are fucked up.
      My ex husbands AP said this:
      “Once the kids see how amazing and in love we are and that this was all for the best, they’ll come around. I fully support you in anything you want to do to heal your relationship with your children but they have to want it. Until they do I think we need to just be focused on our new family and hope they come around.”
      Yep….he doesn’t come to resent her for driving the wedge between the kids and him, apparently according to her Isis that. She’s just the supportive girlfriend that we all could of been best friends with had we recognized how great she is.
      I just threw up in my mouth a little….

      • Paintwidow – she’s a supportive girlfriend because she helps carry on his delusion that he wasn’t the wrecking ball to your family. In reality, she’s a Molotov Cock(sucker)tail that hurled itself through your picture window. Sickening.

        • Molotov Cock(sucker)tail !!!! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWW. Oh hell, uneffing, you just made my morning!!!! Spit up coffee and all…..HAAW. HAW HAW HAW

            • Yep, she’ll be the “supportive girlfriend” until the new love high wears off. By then, it’s too late. He will either have to live with and tolerate the molatovcock(sucker)tail or he will have to discard and devalue her. Then, find someone new to blow up his life and repeat. At least we were able to distance ourselves from the blast.

      • Gosh Paintwidow that must have been infuriating! Next time she makes a comment like that, don’t throw up in your mouth – be sure to let it all out all over her smug inept face.

      • My ex’s main AP, who we learned on D-Day had been having an affair and group sex with him (along with her best friend) for 15 years, and insinuated herself in our family as a “friend”, had the nerve to message my then-18 year old daughter to tell her: “Maybe one day you too will find your true love and then you will understand.”

        Can’t. Make. This. Shit. Up.

        My children apparently learned from their father, the narcissist king, how to do the “discard”– and they discarded him. They have no contact with their father or the whore, who he has now married, and are at peace with that.

  • I didn’t experience this with my own cheater but yes my serial cheating father said this when he spoke of his new wife… “You’d like her, she’s a firecracker!” I said nothing but thought “Um no I like my mother who was faithful to you and was the sane parent for myself and my brother, NOT the ‘firecracker’ who cheated on her husband.”

    They don’t get it. They never will get it. LOSERS.

  • I have posted about this before. It’s one of the ridiculous and trite comments that my ex made to me a few days after DDay. He said something moronic like, “In other circumstances, you would like her/you two might be friends.” I was still in shock at that point, but I think I said something like, “I would never be friends with someone who cheated on her husband.” What an asinine and selfish thing to say. Their narc qualities never cease to amaze me; instead of shutting their traps, they make it worse by saying shit like this. I guess I should be glad– the more crap like this that came out of his mouth, the easier it made it for me to leave him.

    • My cheating ex husband said “you would like her. She’s a really good person” Grr.. I felt like slugging him after this. This coming out of his mouth after the MOW was threatening to sue me if I told anyone including her husband about her indiscretions. I did not tell her hubs but let her mother know. I would have loved to have sat in on that conversation.

  • My ex told me that the AP and I would be friends too….wtf?? On what planet would I care to be friends with this whore?
    You know, my 17 year old daughter who has not spoken a kind word to her dad since D day or a word period since last October figured it out long before me. She said it doesn’t matter what they say, what they do, how they try to repackage their affair to be an okay thing ( “you’ll see, it’s best for everybody. We’re all happy now”…..ugh!!) what they did speaks to their character and that’s not anything that she cares to be around……period. I’m sure she’s amazing….lets hope so, she cost you everything, asshole.
    The tribe has spoken.

    • Most times, affairs don’t work out. They leave everything to get nothing. I know that doesn’t undo our wounds or put back together our lives. But, it does give us enough information to protect ourselves from having our lives blown up by the same person again.

  • The Entitled One didn’t leave for a particular OW, but left so he could take a seat at the pussy buffet. About two weeks after he detonated our marriage, he told me how fun it would be now. He and I were going to remain BFFs, and we could sit around together, laughing and joking about our dates. Another time, he shared how he and his enabling shrink compared and contrasted me with two of the vagina options (I’ll always thank Fred Armisen and the CL column for that gem) he was pursuing when we were married. They were like me in some ways, but more “into him” and probably willing to pursue his interests more fully and make him feel special.

    That might have been funny if it wasn’t so rage-inducing.

    • “into him” that delusional man. I’d like to put something into him (like a strong gardening tool). Shove him full of his interests.

    • This “buffet” would be the one Ian was going to feature in a meme, I believe!

      Yep. BFF. I got that. I replied, “Nope.”

      Then, “Could I stay at your place while I go to a wedding near you?”

      “Nope.”

      Dope.

    • “into him”. Yeah, they are not into him. They are suckubuses who are willing to put up with devouring his cock so they can later devour his soul and some of his cold hard cash.

  • CL – you are so right on. My cheater told me ‘she reminds me of you’. Well all her co-workers who many know me always even now express how unbelievable the affair was to them because…..(wait for it) she so trashy..Universal description.

    As soon as he told me ‘she reminds me of you’ I literally lost all respect for him. I knew of her and couldn’t even fathom the connection other than she was the one who wouldn’t say no.

    I was done at that point. Emotional period to a 20+ year marriage.

  • He started off with ILYBINILWY, to which I replied “Really” in the most sarcastic tone I could muster while giving him a most frigid stare. Then, apparently being clueless on anything remotely resembling empathy or morals , he thought to close the deal with the “You will really like her” speech. He then proceeded to tell me some of her problems and asked me to help brainstorm with him to help him find some solutions for poor widdle schmoopie.

    My brain was reeling. I went numb emotionally. I was literally speechless. I did not confront him at that point. All I could was muster an “Ah, NO! I just walked away shaking my head thinking that he had lost his mind. That was the moment my love for him died. I knew I had just been discarded ….being very familiar with the scapegoating behavior because of my FOO.

    I also decided that I was done and it was time to get my ducks in a row. I had a couple of months of nursing school left, and then state boards, and then he was history.

    He obviously thought he had just gotten away with it, that he had won. Didn’t know me too well. Schmoopie either since she had only targeted him for his wallet. Didn’t work out too well for him actually. She dumped him when he moved to a much lower paying job to avoid paying child support. He lost everything once I finished school, and passed my boards, took my kids and left his sorry ass.

    Of course it was all my fault. In his mind I was supposed stay, get a good job to support him and schmoopie, STFU and put him through college. Yep he actually told me that. Laughed in his face……… evil twit.

    My boys and I got away from him, but we wound up paying a high price in the end. Some people are beyond evil. Too bad they don’t come with warning labels.

    • *hugs* I’m so sorry. You did all the right things. It just sucks. I appreciate that you still post here. Your story is cautionary and important. You also have incredible strength to talk about more than just the tragic side of what happened, but also the outcome which was ok, or.. Good? You got out. You left, and you are still here.

      • Yep, still sassy and kicking…..getting on with the business of life…..and asshat free. Add me to the staying single for the rest of my life crowd.

        Thanks for the virtual hugs, creativerational, they are much appreciated. I try not to dwell too much on tragedy when posting, but I will get down to the nitty gritty if my story can help someone stay safe. It’s a good thing to share all of the things that went down in order to help newbies identify what’s going on in their own situation. Personally, I had no idea of what I was dealing with in terms of cluster “B” behaviors at the time. A lot of what I learned here helped me quit blaming myself for not seeing cheater exe’s shitty games sooner, and for not being to protect my children. This is a truly healing place.

    • I think I know one way you could really help the schmoopie with one of her problems. Tell her to leave him for a better guy. That will solve a BIG problem for her.

      You know, my ex’s mistress was a poor schmoopie too. I don’t know if they’ve got some damsel in distress complex, but they seem to like to spend their hard earned money that you helped earn to rescue her. My ex’s mistress had formerly had cancer which caused her to have financial problems. She had taken out a second mortgage on her house to pay off like 50,000 in medical bills. She couldn’t sell her house because it needed to be fixed up first and she wasn’t willing to move into an apartment and have to get rid of her cat. Before I knew she was a mistress, I thought the solution to her problems were simple. All she had to do was sell her house, as is, if needed. I’m sure she could get more than 50,000 for it. Then, she could take the extra money, put some in savings and use the rest for a security deposit and first months rent. Some apartments let you have cats – mine does. The thing is – if she solved her own problems, she wouldn’t be able to continue being a victim – I mean damsel in distress. My ex and the mistress broke up before our divorce was final. I’m not sure what happened to her, but for her sake, I hope she stopped acting like a victim.

  • Remember my past with this topic there were two times my X did this crap.

    First was before I realized (confirmed) they had an affair. I had my suspicions but she denied etc… and talked about how nice of person he is. Hell I even spoke to him on the phone once to give him financial advice because he was having issues.

    The second one was the day after the divorce. Her and I met at a coffee shop to go over things that the judge did not cover in regards to our daughter. At the end she brings up her boyfriend and tells me she wants to introduce me to him and that I would like him. I put my hands on the table and looked up at her and said, “I don’t want to meet him, not now and not ever. In my mind he has no morals and he is a piece of shit so I would never want to waste my time with someone like that.” Needless to say she was not happy and dropped the subject.

    Fast forward to a year later, (I warned him 3 years ago what kind of person my x-wife was). He is now 60k in debt, bought a 350k home for her and he makes a lot less money than I do. I cut off her alimony because of the home purchase (cohabitation FTW!) and their financial world is struggling.

    Oh and I forgot to mention my daughter has finally figured out her mom and decided she wants to live with me full time. I told her lets give it 2 more months and talk to your therapist, if you still feel that way at the end of May I will file the paperwork and get you (her) an attorney to represent her that will be appointed by the court. We went over all the potential bad things that may happen if she makes this decision but my daughter is standing firm right now and this is what she wants. May 31st will be a big day!

    • Good for you. I wish you and your daughter the best. Every parent just wants the best for their kids and that’s why it’s so hard to see them subjugated to cheater characteristics and cheater behaviors. How can they grow the be solid and decent people when one of the people who are suppose to guide them and teach them has to idea what decent means?

    • Congrats, Lothos! So nice to read of a male chump getting out of the alimony shit sandwich. I’m loving how your story is getting a better ending! Rock on!

      • I am glad you got out of the alimony. Good to know that the cohabitation thing might get some ex-spouses out of having to pay alimony.

  • I never competed nor asked about whore juice but asswipe proceeded to tell me anyway.

    Shes exactly what i need in my life at this moment ive never been really in love before.
    (She was looking for a sucker didnt care he was married and amazing how cheaters dont remember theyve been in love before she just wanted a man any man)

    Shes perfect and flawless.
    (Uh huh. She has a huge ego she buys attention will do anything to keep the attention on her has weight problems health issues and looks down on anything and everything that doesnt go her way ran his credit cards up cause she has no control over spending)

    She has her hair and nails done every month.

    (I wasnt allowed to have hair and nails done i had to hand my paycheck over and was told i was beautiful the way i was and who was i trying to impress)

    Epitimy of a perfect female.

    (Uh no. Whiny demanding tries to tell him what to do the opposite of who he is)

    I can beat the shit out of her during vicious s and m sex and she loves it. I am the master in every thing.

    (Missed the memo on the bondage sex and he and i were always a team)

    Her family and children and friends are perfect unlike our family and kids who are fucked up and very dissapointing he never mentioned any of that til he met her.

    (She and her family are fucked up shes the boss and they all cow to her for money and ass kiss her and asswipe unlike our kids and family who are independent and kiss no ass.)

    And heres the big one she has scads and scads of money she buys what she wants pays all our bills and i dont have to shell out a dime.

    ( i thought this from day one mostly he mentioned her money buy anything go anywhere do anything hes swimming in money now. My kids picked up on that one too only talks about the money mostly)

    And these were just the highlights there are dozens more.

    And i trust completely they both suck. My kids have distanced themselves by his actions. He will pay a big big price for fucking up his familys life but who cares all about the money and his decision to become a destroyer.

    Good post today.

    • Kar, that’s all awful, but for some reason the one about the hair and nails makes my skin crawl the most, especially for him making you turn over your money. Glad you’re free of this prick.

      • I can’t imagine turning my paycheck over to someone else. My mom, however, actually turns her money over and my dad gives her an allowance to spend and then the rest goes towards household expenses. Sometimes, my mom doesn’t think she has enough, so she will write the check for $20 or $40 over the actual amount of groceries and just tell my dad she spent more on groceries. The money thing comes off as controlling, but I kind of understand why my dad is so controlling about money. My dad grew up in poverty. He never wants to experience that again, so he is frugal. My mom says money burns a hole in her pocket and she has to spend it once it is in there. I think I would be going crazy if I was my mom, but, at least my dad has much better character than our cheaters. They’ve been married for over 30 years.

  • Mine was:
    “OW wouldn’t stalk you online. I know the caliber of woman she is.”
    (It was her husband checking me out – probably her, too.)
    Also it was:
    “I’m not as RUDE a person as you. I don’t want to be associated with a rude person like you.”
    (Insinuating OW was such a nice, together they were “not rude” people. Pretty rude to f*ck someone else’s spouse.)

  • You know, before I caught on to my exho’s affair with his best friends longtime girlfriend, I had been to their house. She’s hugged me. We’d made plans to do things together, I even wondered why we hadn’t been friends before this point. I know why now. I’ve scrubbed myself raw trying to get the stench of skank off to no avail… We are not anything alike, physically, morally. I recall asking him why his best friend wouldn’t (and I stress WOULDN’T) marry her, and he replied “she’s got problems”… She sure does. They both do. He wouldn’t dare compare the two of us or encourage any interactions.. That would be like swimming with a cut when there is a Great White shark in the water… you just don’t do it. Shut it down is my phrase from now on, in all things exho related.. Or I will chum those waters…

  • Mine didn’t leave for just one either. I divorced him when it became apparent he was never going to quit his serial cheating and there may be one he’s trying to impress at this point, but I also know he’s still very busy with several others online and when he travels.

    He’s stupid comment, and like so many of you there were a lot, came shortly after D day#2. While telling me about some of his conquests during a ” truth” telling episode, he shared that he had met a nurse from a local hospital in the city he had gone to to interview for his new position, which he ended up taking.

    But Jen, she was a GOOD person. I asked, “did she know you were married?” Well, yes, he replied, after all he found her on Ashly Madison, his tool of choice, quarunteed fuck for $249. I replied to him very calmly, then she’s NOT a good person, good people don’t fuck other people’s spouses. He was shocked. If she’s not a good person, then does that mean you don’t think I’m a good person? Duh, no, no I do not think your a Good person either.

    He just was stunned that after his ten years of screwing hundreds of women behind my back, losing over a half million of our retirement account not to mention the 100,000 plus spent on his fun, risking my health with unprotected sex, all the lies and manipulation and he wasn’t a good person in my eyes. WTF.

    • They are delusional, there’s no other way to describe it how people who look like adults on the outside sputter nonsense that any 5 year old can detect as bullshit or a non-truth. From the outside looking in, it’s quite fascinating.

  • “You know, if you met D., you’d really like her! She’s a lot like you! A good person”

    That’s exactly what he said! How unoriginal can they be?

    • Heard the exact same from now XH! Here’s just a quick run down on how alike AP and I are:
      I’m American…she’s Thailand. ( Totally different culture!)
      I’m Christian…she’s a Buddhist. ( Totally different religion!)
      I speak English… she speaks Thai. (Totally different language!)
      I’m college educated… she has some training. (Totally different career skills!)
      I have good morals ….she has the lack of any morals. (Totally different character!)
      I am trustworthy, honest, and faithful… she is deceiving, lying, money grabber. ( Totally so alike NOT!)

    • It’s like they read it from a que card.
      I didn’t know it at the time of course because she was just a friend at his work. Same words. She also loved animals as much as I do and that I would like her. ( WTF) What bothers me the most is that I guess he thought I was a scank like she is who 1 month after her husband died of cancer my hero X
      moved in and jumped right into her bed.
      Guess the Cancer was a blessing. Oh but don’t forget that she tells me that her dead husband really liked my X.
      It’s really hard to comprehend how I so much like her. NOOOOOOOOOT

    • the one affair that I know about, he said that to me about his whore. “you would like her if you got to know her. She is a lot like you, and reminds me of the way you USED to be when we first got married”… ..

      well, when we first got married we fucked like rabbits. and I drank a lot more then I do now. which is basically hardly ever… … therefore, she likes to fuck and drink and THAT makes him think she is a lot like me???

      whatever…. I would have fucked him more if I wasn’t so stressed over paying the bills, taking care of everything inside and outside the house, raising and caring for 5 kids, and wondering what the fuck my husband was doing that he was never home to help, and never had money to help….. of course his shallow little mind never THOUGHT of those things. he is like a teenager, only living in the here and now, trying to look cool and want other people to envy him, always ready for a good time or a party but sulks when it is time to act like an adult and work. I used to beg him to help me more, tell him that I couldn’t handle it all on my own. of course his answer for that was to drink more and to stay away from home more… gee thanks…

      maybe if he acted with me the way he acted with her, or if he talked to me the way he talked to her, or he took me the places he took her…. well then maybe I would be more up for a fuck. but that is something he never figured out even after I told him…

      fucking loser

  • Ex trickled truthed me so I’ll never know the full extent of his serial cheating. Interestingly though, he left one, long term ho worker off the list for quite a while even though I specifically asked about her because I had seen some questionable comments between the two of them. I have no idea why he held out on telling me about her because according to him, their hook ups spanned a 6-8 year time frame but they had stopped f’ing about 2 years before I caught him. When he finally admitted she was one on the long list, he said that she reminded him of me because we are of the same ethnicity and he was missing me so much. Missing me? Hell, I was right there and he was f’ing me too during this time. I called bs on that pretty quickly.

      • He’s a loon. I have a middle eastern ancestry and according to him, she (that OW) does too and he was attracted to her during a time he felt I was “absent” from our relationship. Yep, both my parents were in dire health during this time (and passed away) so I was busy with them, work, parenting, and everything else. I guess he took the opportunity to screw her and then, when he eventually told me about her, just had to mention that it was because of that shared trait. At the point that he owned up to her as being an OW, it really didn’t matter because he had so many OWs. It just pissed me off that he said that was the reason he was attracted to her. The BS is that he was simply attracted to anyone that would spread their legs for him.

  • I knew it was over when . . .
    I had moved out of our house where we had lived for 18+ years. I was struggling to clear my head and move forward. My now-Ex and I were working through custody even though I hadn’t filed yet. So he’s over one Sunday morning dropping off the kids. We are several affairs into the marriage by now and I now realize that he is a serial cheater, but this last AP throws me for a loop. She’s homely, uneducated, 2 kids, from his backwater hometown (an easy target). “I say, why Pammie?” (not her real name). He says, and I quote: “God gave everybody something”.
    WHAT THE FUCK?
    As I said, I knew then that it was over. I filed for divorce shortly after that and before our 20th anniversary; nothing left to celebrate at that point.

  • As usual we were all married to the same person so we all got the how much we’re alike the AP thing. I shut that down its the phrase “except I’m not a whore”
    Comparisons are a really good reason to go No Contact!!!!!

  • She is so much “like me” that it is CREEPY… except she’s 10 years younger… the age I was when I met Mr. Sparkles. It is like is trying to get a do-over since he f*cked up our marriage so badly.

    But knowing NPDs, he just has a “type”… and he’s like them damaged (her husband left her and the two kids for someone else). So, she was ripe.

    It’s hard to be around their love-shine… but then I just pull out my copy of his Adult Friend Finder ad that is STILL POSTED and I think, “Nah, I’m good.”

    And, given that she is #4, her demise is inevitable. Maybe I’ll give her a copy of CL’s book for Christmas 🙂

  • I had to listen to the same drivel……you and ‘she’ are so much alike. You would like her and could be friends. To which I replied, “We are NOTHING alike. I don’t fuck married men and destroy families.” HUGE DIFFERENCE!

  • Oh, the Magical Whores. So lovely. So intelligent. So amusing. Such good parents. Such high morals. So many virtues. Where to begin?

    Anyone who thinks it is OK to date while married or to date some one who is married is a a fucking wingnut and NONE of the above.

  • My cheater never said I’d like OW, but he said several times she “reminded him of his mother” and that I was NOTHING like his mother. It always seemed like a ludicrous statement to me because I was close to his mother and felt like we had a lot in common…all I can guess is that being his former grad student, OW praised my ex and looked up to him for guidance. She sort of worshipped the ground he walked on. Maybe it reminded my ex of the way his mother looked up to his father. My mother-in-law never seemed to have her own interests, she just did whatever her husband wanted to do. She forced herself to like whatever he did. She often told me I should learn to like football…my ex used to watch hours and hours of it while ignoring everyone around him for days. I just couldn’t do it. It seemed so unfair to me to sacrifice my own interests in order to support his. In the mean time, my ex could never be bothered to do anything I wanted.

    • Wouldn’t matter Lyn. I went into marriage loving baseball and basketball. Within a month of us being married I realized that I would be a football widow if I didn’t get on board. Anyway, I had a lot of training from dad about all things sports related so it was an easy transition. After a while I started watching the games because I wanted to and eventually I knew more about the rules and league news than he did.

      I adopted it initially however because he loved the game. He wanted to travel to different football venues every year and I said “Hell yeah, let’s do it.” Dozens of times people would tell him how lucky he was that he had a wife that loved the game and knew so much about it.

      It doesn’t matter with these asshats. Nothing makes them happy because they just move the proverbial goal post. By the end of our marriage, I was “too passionate” about football. WTF ever!

  • I met my wife’s OM about 12 years ago. She and her friend went out one night, I stayed at home and watched our infant son, and the next morning when I was playing with my son on the family room floor, here comes OM having spent the night in our guest room with my wife’s friend. He just says “hey” and leaves, and I’m just sitting there thinking what a loser that guy is. Now 12 years later, I find out my wife evidently thought this guy was my perfect replacement since she went ahead and had a LTA with him.

    I think my wife knows better than to compliment (or mention) this guy in any way around me. She knows I’ve thought the OM was a scumbag since the first day I met him, and given he’s been married to his wife for a whole 5 years (and been cheating on her the whole time), she knows there’s no argument. I just don’t see what she saw in him.

  • The comparison came from my preteen daughter, poor thing. She spent a summer with her father and OWife, and came back all confused. She told me I would like her, she was nice. They also spent the summer telling her what a great relationship they (finally) had and made not so subtle digs at the exes. Her father also moved 2,000 miles away and started a new family. End result– feelings of abandonment and a suicide attempt.

  • My STBX got offended when I called the women he was chatting with on pornography sites his Porn Whores. He said I was judgemental. Um, yes.

    • Mine too! When I used the correct language to describe the many different cultures he was dipping into, as a way of simply describing WHICH AP I was talking about, he told me I was prejudiced against other races. Um, no. Just women who screw my husband behind my back!

  • My stupid ex said this to the kids the last time he saw them 15 MONTHS AGO!!! He is so unplugged from their lives and could only talk about himself, “You’re going to have to face it she’s part of my life. You guys would really like her, her and I are a lot like you and Natalie, Hayden!” (What the moron didn’t know was that my son’s gf just dumped him a week prior, waking him in the middle of the night to do so) My son says back to him, “Oh yeah, does your gf wake you up in the middle of the night to break up with you?” Of course their father looks like a complete ass for not knowing what’s going on in his own kids’ lives and trying to sell them on his affair partner. No sir, they don’t ever have to like her, has nothing to do with respecting their father, but everything to do with respecting themselves and sticking to their core values and morals. Accepting her is accepting the affair and that doesn’t ever have to happen if they don’t want it to. Doesn’t matter anyway, my ex refuses to speak to his own kids.

  • What can I say? Almost speechless.

    Do all these cheaters sing from the same crappy hymnsheet ??!

    My (ex)H said to me after DD, “It’s a shame you couldn’t have met X under different circumstances, I am sure you would have got on you are so alike” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You what ?? What did I have in common with some slutty thick-piece tramp who was sleeping in our bed (unbeknown to me) when I wasn’t there.?

    Oh my goodness, these guys are really operating in some parallel universe!

    So beam me up Scottie, out of this mishmash !!

  • “He told me that comment was inappropriate.”

    I guess your son is getting himself ready for a career in PR.

    Anything can be called “inappropriate.” Inappropriate to whom? exactly.

  • I heard that one as well. Do these cheaters ever have an original thought? Cause I’ve yet to see or hear one…

  • Okay, gather ’round kids…. here’s one for all you ex-wives of whore fuckers:

    After D-Day and during wreconciliation, my whore fucker and I were attending these sex addiction couples group meetings every Tuesday. Part of the SA/S-Sanon 12 step program, we’d all sit in a big circle and talk, very gently, about how the asshole sitting next to us nuked our world and then the assholes would talk about how they are “working the program” so as not to “act out” again. (read: “If I come to these meetings will you please cut me some addiction-entitled slack if I fuck more whores?”) But I digress:

    After each meeting, we’d all go out to dinner together like happy members of some kind of “our spouses like to fuck everything in site, but let’s all share a giant plate of french fries! yay!” PTA group.

    During one of these dinners, I walked up while one of the other whore fuckers was speaking to my whore fucker. I heard him saying “Yeah, the I know the girls are really hot and young, but the truth is, they’re not worth losing our wives. Our wives are what’s important.” Yeah, he was saying that to my husband, and didn’t stop talking when I was clearly standing there hearing this shit…. about how young and hot and tempting and sexy PROSTITUTES are. And then, some backhanded “compliment “(??) to me because I’m even more important than a hot, sexy young cumdumpster. And my whore fucker was actually NODDING in agreement!!

    I didn’t manage to keep my composure and abide by the 12-step guidelines. I lost it. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU AGREEING TO? THAT YOUR WHORES ARE YOUNG AND HOT? FUCK, FUCK, FUCK THEM AND FUCK YOU AND THEY’RE LIKE COCKROACHES UNDER MY FEET THAT ARE TOO FUCKING NASTY FOR ME TO EVEN STEP ON AND SQUISH IN MY CHEAPEST, SHITTIEST SHOES!!!!”

    And my whore fucker told me to quiet down.

    We didn’t attend another gathering.

    Have I mentioned how glad I am that I divorced that piece of shit?

    • OMG GiveTmeTime I love your outburst! I have only shouted in private or in the car to him. Sometimes I want to shout out in front of everyone about how he fucked my friend and recite some of the sappy messages they exchanged. But I don’t want to hurt the kids so I feel stuck. But good for you!!!

    • That doesn’t sounds like an addition – that just sounds like guys with entitlement, lack of any empathy, and doing whatever pleases them with no regard to the impact on others.

      • Wholeheartedly agree, Buddy. After 2 years of independent research, I personally don’t believe in “sex addiction.” I believe it’s exactly what you said: guys (or girls too, I guess) with entitlement, lack of any empathy, and doing whatever pleases them with no regard to the impact on others.

        • Oh S-Anon. How I don’t miss that group. Being told having a basic expectation of not getting fucked around on is “controlling.” And that “we have to deal with our own issues and let the Sparkly Addict deal with theirs.”

          Except….. The Sparkly Addict doesn’t want to stop fucking around. But that’s “their problem?” No fucking way. He made it my fucking problem. And having a pretty clear expectation of “I don’t want to be a STD dumping ground” was not “controlling” or “lacking in empathy” for my “poor, afflicted partner.”

          It was like being chumped all over again. The only thing I got out of it was seeing women with 20+ more years of marriage pick-me dancing harder than ever and trying to hold themselves back from years every week. I just thought “fuck that. That’s not going to be me in 20 years. I’m not ‘co-dependently’ brushing this shit under the carpet and I’d rather be ‘controlling’ than broken down and shit on for the next 20.”

          We aren’t divorced. But sure as shit if I find one fart going in the wrong direction ever again, he might as well just keep a suitcase packed. I ran out of patience a long time ago and kicked him out until he attended treatment and broke right down etc.

          S-Anon be damned. I, and everyone else deserves more respect than that shit sandwich. Who do they think they are calling me ‘co-dependently’ because my HUSBAND was a fucktard? “Wife of a Fucktard” isn’t in the DSM-IV or V.

    • Yes, but they were hot, young PAID cumdumpsters. I’d say all us wives had so much in common with these whores and would love to be friends with them, too!

  • Everyone, this sounds like another example of how very alike cheaters are. What the hell is WrOnG with them?! Maybe they’re all robots, pre-programmed to run exactly the same crummy scripts, to have the same cognitive dissonance malfunctions, and say the same weird things. It’s eerie, folks.

    I was told that my ex’s AP thought I was ‘cool’. Well gosh I was touched. How wonderful to be held up as a paragon of coolness by someone like that.

    • “I was told that my ex’s AP thought I was ‘cool’. Well gosh I was touched. How wonderful to be held up as a paragon of coolness by someone like that.”

      Lol! Love it.

      • My Ex’s AP complained that I obviously didn’t want her there when I got home from work late one night and she was hanging around my house… and I just went straight to OUR bedroom. And Ex had the gaul to suggest I could be more friendly. I did have the guts to say “that’s not going to happen”.

        At least it stopped her from coming over. In hindsight I wish I had just called the cops and said there was someone trespassing in my house.

  • I have to say my ex cheater said nothing about her could even stack up to me and compared in everyway imaginable to how I “came out on top”.

    Together 23 years, two businesses, house, nice car, great life, savings ( all of it gone now) This 27 year old lived with mom with two children by two men never married, never had car, never had job… But she had long brown hair, funny feet and was great in bed and made him come alive. YUP he got all this out to me in like 30 seconds. She was fun. She was naturally pretty… didn’t need make up or spend anytime doing her hair.

    But, I did come out on top when compared!!! Then all the other AP’s started to surface and boy DID I SIT ON A LARGE STACK, BUT I WAS ON TOP!!!!!!

  • Yep, I was also offered this wonderful option! He tried like hell to get me to accept her, and really wanted her to ‘sleep’ with us one night. Too sad for him, I told him to fuck off. I know what I want from life, even though I was confused by his last blatant cheating (out of a lifetime of it, but I didn’t realize), I knew I didn’t want to roll around in bed with HER. I hate people like her, superficial Phonies, who act all New-Agey while they stab everyone in the back!
    One good thing that’s come frome this, is being able to define, and keep, my set of morals!

  • I have long wondered about this. The justification that must go on in their minds is amazing…sort of like those people that believe that if you order salad and fries — then the salad cancels out the calories from the fries.

    With my EX it was part of his mindfuckery and gaslighting campaign. In retrospect, it is obviously a way to DEFLECT from the real issues.

    My regret was not meeting OW#1 when given the opportunity when they were ‘just friends’. Perhaps it would have changed things. Fast forward to OW#2 – also ‘just friends’ – being a regular guest at dinner parties, etc.

  • “This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.” Mmmm, I can just picture it. Florence, trapped in the Arena with me, a bow and a magically refilling quiver of arrows ;O

    Asshat desperately wanted me to meet Florence and be friends with her. Funny he never noticed she avoided me like the plague and months after he first started gushing about her, she made herself scarce when I would go to the clinic. She was moved to another location and ended up being Little Elf’s nurse (if indeed she truly is one). The awesome pop star genius never introduced herself. Pretty rude considering I had not long before that GIVEN HER A G-D THANK YOU PRESENT (that Asshat forced me to buy) for taking care of his dying ass. Whatever. Maybe she was offended I got her a food treat when he had told me he suspected she had an eating disorder. She still has no friends in town after over two years, other than Asshat. LOL.

    He sure was shocked when I got to turn it around on him. “Let me tell you all about Florence and her multiple crimes….”

  • Some insight:

    When my parents divorced because my dad cheated. I ended up living with him, I was 14 years old. He was never around when I was a child and now I had his attention.

    Many years later, I am now the one who was cheated on and feel horrible about how I treated my mom. I know now that my mom handled it the best she could. She did say mean things about him and that it was drove me a way.

    I luckily have learned and say very little if nothing to my children about their father. If they say something to me, I know it is just his words coming out of them. I still say nothing other than this: One day you might get married and when you do I hope your spouse cherishes you for the rest of your life. This usually stops them in their tracks.

    Now what I really want to say is all the stuff my mom said to me. However, it didn’t do anything but fuel the fire for more.

    • This 2–it’s a thorny issue, I agree. However, I opt for telling kids the truth. No need to embellish or rant in front of them, but they deserve to know how/why their family split up. Some kids will ask more questions, some will not want to hear any more information at all.

      If your mother was angry without telling you why she despised your father, I imagine that was a major mindfuck for you. If the story was known, but you opted for your father, it’s quite common for children to gravitate toward an abusive or absent parent in hopes of getting what they need.

  • Exactly! We are so lucky to have been The Chosen Ones and, yes, we are interchangeable!!

    When my ex announced to me that he was engaged (we have kids together) he said she was really nice and had a good job and was ‘normal’ (like me)… That I would like her! I asked him if she was one of his old “friends” — he said no, that he had met her AFTER our split. Knowing his habit of lying to me, I took that tidbit of info with a grain of salt. I don’t know when or how he met her and I actually didn’t care.

    I commented that he certainly didn’t waste any time finding a replacement for me. His response: “Well, you know me. I couldn’t be alone for long.” Yes, my friends, my ex verified out loud to my face that we ARE merely appliances. There to serve and make their lives comfortable. (Of course, it was my fault that I couldn’t forgive his serial cheating. I wanted a divorce, therefore, the man-baby had to immediately find someone else to take care of him.)

    I had the “pleasure” of meeting Ms Wonderful on several occasions during and after our divorce because he brought her to EVERY school event that our kids were involved in. She was always nervous to be around me even though I was civil. (I thought she was an idiot to be with him, but didn’t have a beef with her.) She even started wearing her hair like me and would dress like I did when I first met my ex in college. It was weird. He used to tell me he liked it when I wore certain things — I know he was telling her the same. But my style evolved from the 80s… Plus some outfits just aren’t appropriate for school functions.

    At my son’s high school graduation she was newly married to my ex and admitted to me that she was afraid he would want to get back together with me if I ever said I wanted him back. I told her straight up that he was ALL hers — no way in hell would I ever want him back. She didn’t ask me what happened in our marriage to elicit such a response, but THANKED me for easing her mind and said she hoped we could be friends! I told her that her decision to marry HIM kinda ruined the “we can be friends” scenario.

    At my son’s college graduation she tried the whole “let’s all be friends” thing again. Wanted me to go to the luncheon they were having after the ceremony. Also said we should plan a girls weekend with me and my ex-sisters-in-law at my place because my ex SILs always say such nice things about me and FL is a great vacation spot!! (Ain’t gonna happen.) When I politely declined, I got lectured about how I needed to let go of the past and I should be friendly with them for the sake of our kids. I just smiled — she only has his side of “the past” and I’m pretty sure her future with him will not be rosy.

      • LOL!! Thank you, CE… I would have gladly filled her in on what she was getting herself into IF she had only asked me. However, she thinks she landed a real catch. I’m sure he has filled her head with BS just like he did with me. I’m just glad I got out and will not be around when he loses his health… Someone else can wipe his ass and change his adult diapers!!

        • She’ll catch on eventually.

          I think all chumps should carry tasers specifically for people who tell us to “get over it.” Two taser shots if they add “for the sake of the children.”

          • Yes! I think that the judge should be mandated to made the cheater pay for the chump’s taser. This way every time there is an excuse, a comparison, a request for kibble, Zap! They get it too.

            • “Two taser shots if they add “for the sake of the children.”….HAW HAW HAWWWWW..rolling on the floor howling….HAW HAW

          • Thank you! Love it how you put my sentiments into words, sometimes I feel I might be harsh, unforgiving or petty. Especially since so many people echo the ‘get over it’ mantra. I don’t write here often. But love reading I’m not the only one.

            • Hey, DutchChump, great to see you back commenting!

              No one, not even a therapist, has the right to tell someone how long they are allowed to be angry at grave injustice. Unless a person is acting out that anger by turfing old men out of the “elderly” seats on the bus, their emotions after infidelity are valid, and not on a time line.

  • This 2: My Dad tells me that the reason for my parent’s divorce (when I was 9) is because my Mom was cheating. My Mom passed over 10 years ago and I’ll never know the truth, nor do I want to. Even though I’m a victim of infidelity, and am always glad to speak with other people who have survived what I’m going through, I just don’t want to hear anything about what my Mom may have done. I loved her with all my heart and don’t have any desire to have her memory scared in my brain in any way, especially now that she’s gone. So yes, from my perspective, I think your decision to not discuss details with your children is a good one.

    • GTT, I’m sorry your dad waited to tell you something like that until after your mother had passed. It’s a conversation that should have happened before your own experience with infidelity. I can understand how it would scar your memories of her since you had a close relationship with her. Perhaps your dad was only trying to let you know that he understands what you are going through. It seems rather pointless for him to have brought it up otherwise. I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to hear details. I don’t think our kids, no matter how old they are, need to know the gory details but they need to know a simple explanation of the truth about why their parents are splitting up. (((Hugs to you)))

  • Had to share:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/04/27/women-who-are-cheated-on-win-in-long-term-while-other-woman-lose/

    “Women who lose their partner to a love-rival are better off in the long term, the biggest ever study of break-ups has found.

    Although being cheated on might initially seem devastating, in fact, it leaves the victim with a ‘higher mating intelligence’ which helps her to choose a more faithful partner in the future.

    In contrast, the ‘other woman’ ends up with a partner with a track record of being deceptive and a cheat, meaning that she is the long-term loser, according to psychologists.

    • Great post! Yup, the OW is getting a loser on all counts. They can have the cheater, who has low morals and non existent values. And I like the term “higher mating intelligence”! I learn something new every day on this site.

    • Thank you for sharing that, Finally Awake. I hope it is true. I also heard how the OW and I would be friends, how she is ‘such a loving person’ and that he finally left because he missed her ‘so much’. I told him I would never have sex with a married man and destroy someone else’s family. He couldn’t even think of one thing bad to say about her because she’s wonderful!!! So I hope she is as miserable with him as I was! And I hope he breaks her heart, lies to her (which I am sure he has already done because he is a pathological liar), and makes her feel like an invisible nothing pos like he did to me.

      • My rescue dog with aggression issues who still craps on the rug is a better and more faithful partner.

  • My ex played this card but in reverse. “You guys are very different” was my cue to pick me dance and tell her how much more like the OM I could be. I didn’t. Funny thing is that I was asking her if there was anything in her that wanted to save the marriage and she threw out this comment. Very manipulative. But the feeling I got from that conversation was that she was puzzled that I wasn’t playing along and instead giving her an ultimatum.

  • I am laughing and crying at the same time at these……

    I didn’t get the “but you would really like the OW” speech since I already did know her – she was a very close friend – and I did like her. I still can’t believe it.

    I kept asking why and he said “but she’s so beautiful!” Oh thanks! But he did assure me that my she really thought I was a great person and they didn’t say anything bad about me. I am SO grateful for that!!! No SHE really liked ME apparently. Really??!!

    • Frayed, I especially feel for you and others whose friends are the OW/OM. I believe there is a special place in hell for them.

      • Sorry, Frayed. that sucks.

        My rank order (with the emphasis on “rank”) for odiousness of cheaters:
        1-Family-fuckers (sisters, brothers, SIL, BIL)
        2-Friend- or Nanny fuckers (a tie)
        3-Power-Imbalance fuckers (e.g.,professors screwing students, legislators screwing interns, bosses screwing underlings, anyone screwing sex workers)

        feel free to add to the list

        • A subcategory for the power-imbalance group would be the (grand)father figure screwing the girl-child underling under the big bosses eyes

        • I agree with your rank-ing order. STBX is #1 (sister fucker) and #3 (sex workers). He didn’t tell me anything about his secret life except that it is so exciting and titilating making the arrangements to meet a prostitute and deciding what he’s going to do with her.

          The kind of person who does this; who apparently doesn’t see anything wrong with this; who is willing to blow up 20 years and his respectability for the fleeting thrills of unprotected sex with Typhoid Marys…not someone I ever expected to actually know, much less marry.

          I AM SO GLAD TO BE SIX MONTHS ON FROM D-DAY.

  • Cheaters get the same play book.

    I was told the OW (his ho-worker) and I were very similar, same type of humor crapola. We would be such good friends. He hyped her up so much. I did finally meet her and never felt the urge to become immediate BFFs. Unbeknownst to me the entire time, they were “falling” in love. This chick was at my baby shower. She gave me baby items she no longer used. I gave all her crap back once I learned the truth and I let her keep the used husband also.

  • Ong yes. Mine was with his personal trainer and he wanted myself and my daughter to work out with her too. We would love her. ?

    • Oh like a harem. Where the 2 women are intimately involved with him and interact with him as the central person. These men have lost their minds.

  • I never heard how much I’d like the OW, probably because I already knew her and DID like her. However, I heard plenty about all the ways she was better than me: She was Christian, loved to go to his business mixers, went to his exercise group, was “an extension of him,” and wasn’t “like a 70-year-old woman” the way he said I was.

  • My idiot said, “She’s a remarkable woman.” Of course she was because he wouldn’t fuck a common street troll. I responded, “Yeah every ‘remarkable’ woman fucks a married man with children. Give me a break.”

    I found out she had Borderline Personality Disorder (diagnosed), and ended up fired for showing up drunk for work.

    Yup, “remarkable” is one word. I prefer two words: Fucked. Up.

  • Yeah- I heard that she was a good person. Even good people need therapy. True- but good people don’t fuck their therapist- my husband.
    Then it was a barrage of comments- he wanted to experience love like a romantic comedy movie, she wore matching bra and panties, she loves soccer, she loves movies…….after a while I looked at him like he was a pimply faced 15 year old.
    It hurt thought- it took a lot of family members and friends to pull me back from my constant need to self examine

    • OMG… He is therapist who fucked his patient and now wants to live in a fantasy world with her… I’m glad your tribe pulled you out of his mindfuckery!!!

  • I don’t know what I would have done if my wife said this to me. She did rave about what a great conversationalist her AP was with her (as opposed to me, who had the disadvantage of having had conversations with her for 10 years, and therefore was “lacking” in the novelty department).

    My wife was trying to come up with reasons that she needed to see/talk with him, so she couldn’t say that he was similar to me. Instead, she had to find contrasts.

    I’ve since found out that he’s actually like me in some ways. But none of that matters. In the key ways, we’re different; always will be.

    • No, he is not a better conversationalist. I’ve seen his “love bombing” stage, and his approach is to try to get to know everything about the other person. She thought the conversation was better because it was about HER. He is not especially intellectual (though he thinks he is), and he spends 90% of his post-love bombing conversation on his job, how unfair and judgmental everyone around him is, and analyzing what other people think about him. I suspect he now also talks a lot about our son to give the appearance of being a committed and involved father, and about what a meanie I am.

      You are both introverted. That’s about where the similarities end.

      • My ex is a “great conversationalist” as well. It’s how he drew me in 32 years ago, and it’s how he draws in those poor, lonely coworkers whose husbands don’t listen like he does. But like Free Vixen points out, it’s just the love bombing stage. Soon he runs to non-stop trivia or himself, because it’s now time for them to reflect back all of his awesomeness or else he’ll move on. It’s really the same old same old, recycled for a new audience. He never lets anyone get below the surface, or they’d see what a fucked up mess he really is. You can appear to be great at talking when you’ve basically been giving the same speech for decades.

  • On Dday I heard:
    “All the guys at work were drooling over OW and wanted to “do” her. Can you believe that she picked me?”
    “She is SO nice.”
    and
    “She thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread”

    CL, where is the vomit icon on this site when I need it?

    Yes, I guess WH thought I would be happy for him & congratulate him on his good fortune!

  • I didn’t stick around for snake’s gaslighting and blameshifting, but if I had, I’m sure he’d have told me he was just consoling the Clueless Twatwaffle after she was chumped, and that I should have more compassion for her… Because I guess I should feel sorry for a chump who insinuates herself into my marriage when she should fucking know better…

  • When MoFaux and I met her the first time, I had the feeling that someone had walked over my grave.
    That evening he started talking about her. “Virago, she drove haul trucks in the oil fields!

    After DDay, “I feel like a million $$, Virago. Quit drinking. Exercising. Losing weight.”
    Well, I thought, triple fucking yay.

    • How awesome, he’s dating an Ice Road Trucker, lol. Asshat’s dieting, exercising and general mania about life comes and goes. Now that Florence is being exposed, he is all sad and does not feel like a million bucks….

      • CE, I checked the world markets today. Neither of them are worth a penny.

        And we don’t even have pennies in my country anymore!

        • Virago, I posted that I’m going to the Big Smoke in July in case you make it out that way. I totally forgot about the pennies! The lack of pennies doesn’t make up for the loonies and toonies weighing down my change purse.

  • Here’s the deal: The AP is viewed as a ‘Nice Person” and tagged as such by our cheating spouses, because they are partners in crime. You’ve heard of Guilt by Association? Well, this is how it manifests itself in the mirror of Cheater World. (Innocence by Association?)

    The logic goes like this: ‘I’m not a bad person, so shiny new Schmoopie MUST be a good person.’ CheaterP did dance around the possibility that in another lifetime I would have liked the Schmoopie…Which was total fantasy in his attempt to assuage his guilt or admit his failure. The Schmoop and I only had CheaterP in common, and from the looks of her, I’m not so sure even our genders matched.

    You should have seen the look on my cheaters face when I told him: “it gives me no pleasure to say that the father of my children is a slut-fucker.” CheaterP maintained until his dying breath, that Schmoopie ‘was a good person’…to admit otherwise would been an admission of the most grievous failure of CheaterP’s life, and he never could admit a mistake or failure.

    • I would have LOVED to have seen his face when you said that to him! Classic line I’ll have to remember “it gives me no pleasure to say that the father of my children is a slut-fucker.”

      • I called my Father out on his lies, decipt and overall bullshit. Called him a “pathetic shell of a Man” and a “whore fucker.” Don’t regret it one bit…

        • I called my father out too. Don’t regret it in the slightest.

          I also told his whore that he gave my mother herpes from a previous affair. So she would “stay safe.” She had been told she was his only Special Snowflake. She dumped him shortly after.

          I made it up. IDK for sure if he had any other affairs. But for about a month before I ended up being the one to discover it, he was lying about it while at the same time rubbing it in mine and my mother’s faces (if you can imagine how sick that is). Who the fuck jokes around with their daughter about their ‘girlfriend having Rock Star underwear?’

          Guess I learned one thing from him: how to screw someone over. Tough beans.

            • The funny thing was I didn’t know much about Herpes at the time. I googled it after and I was like “oh yuck, that’s a pretty bad one!”

              🙂

  • My DH intercepted an email where my best friend and I were trashing EAP. Best friend was definitely ahead in the tras talk department. On her game. DH actually felt the need to intercede on EAP and started writing a snarky reply to my best friend DEFENDING the girlfriend! I am laughing while I’m typing this because I can’t believe his entitlement was so blindingly huge. My conversation. My best friend. My marriage that had been breached. And he wanted to correct how to spell the girlfriend’s name! And that she’s really a good person!

    Like CL said, I shut that shit down. He had some corner of him that prevailed by asking me if he could send it and showed it to me. My response was of hurt incredulousness. “You want to defend her to my best friend? On my personal email? And you find nothing wrong with ANY OF THIS?!”

    In the end, I gave my permission to do it. If he saw nothing wrong with this action, he could certainly suffer the consequences and backlash. And at least my best friend would have a clearer picture of what I was dealing with. Fodder for our conversations. But he didn’t send it to her.

    But I did.

  • My ex never admitted to any of his affairs but he did enjoy telling me all about whatever woman he was “just friends” with. I recall him using the “you’d like her if you knew her” line about one of his co-workers (AP). No, I wouldn’t be friends with somebody who thought it was a-okay to sleep with a married man (who was expecting a child with his wife, no less). Idiot.

  • I remember being lectured by my cheater about how I didn’t have a right to be angry with her, only with him. That really bugged me because he thought he was being noble (towards her). He told me I should have sympathy for her because her husband was doing to her what he was doing to me. I told him, “If she knew you were married, AND she’s married also, then she’s just as much at fault as you are, so yeah, I’m gonna not like her or feel sorry for her. I think the actions of both of you are pretty reprehensible.”

    He didn’t like that much.

  • Mine told me that she was “a nice Christian girl” and she would never do that. Ugh. He sucks so, so much.

  • I was told that my replacement appliance was younger, thinner and prettier than me. Apparently, she didn’t come with as long a warranty because two years after our divorce was final, her divorce was on file. I can only imagine that she didn’t enjoy living my former life as much as the two of them enjoyed detonating it.

  • I can’t say Jackass ever compared me to the MOW, but I knew about her because…he kept bringing her up. Talking about her and her sister, wondering “where her husband was” at a family funeral, making a point to tell me that she had come over to “take a look at the dining set” he was supposed to be selling. Yep, bet they were considering an alternative use for that table. So even before DDay, they start talking up the virtues of the AP and bringing that person into your life.

    Here’s what I think, for what it’s worth. Before DDay, they talk about the AP because “they know something we don’t know” is a delicious pleasure. After DDay, they talk about the AP for many reasons:
    1. It reinforces the triangle, with the Cheater in control.
    2. It ramps up the pick-me dance.
    3. Hearing how great the AP causes Chump’s pain–which Cheaters experience as the kibbles of centrality: “you hurt because I have demoted you and therefore I am central!!”
    4. Talking out loud about the 2 (or more) individuals pick-me dancing to win the Cheater puts the Cheater in top position, relative to both people who want to be Cheater’s partner; the cheater is so powerful he can orchestrate a “friendship” between spouse and AP.
    5) Impression management: See how civilized and sophisticated I am? I want my chump and my AP to be friends?
    6) It’s a powerful devaluation tool that absolves the Cheater of wrongdoing (“She’s so awesome! How could I pass her up?” and “I’m trading up, as you can see, so it isn’t my fault.”

    • Very insightful. I heard quite a bit about AP from Satan before DDay and didn’t really notice it until after DDay when I went through all the times he suggested things to me that she was doing….like having her nails done, taking her kids on a Disney Cruise and on and on and on and “why didn’t I do [whatever]” and “we should take our daughter on a Disney Cruise.” I keep thinking I should have know or suspected something! But seriously, I was SO trusting because the thought of cheating on Satan just never crossed my mind. And now I get the knowledge that the entire time he was talking about her I simply thought he was talking about a co-worker (or ho-worker) he was trying to get me to be more like AP. Makes me sick.

  • “This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.” Awesome observation CL!

    I realized well after D-Day that ex and I were always on opposite sides somehow, that he and his little friends were engaged in a secret war with me on one hand and ex and his AP’s on the other. Now that I am happily re-married to a non-cheater, the differences stun me. I finally have someone on my side, someone who supports me, someone who is not outright or covertly undermining me, someone who truly thinks I rock. How did I not see with ex? Well beside his constant lies and manipulations and pretend adoration, I did not trust myself and my gut instinct that something was very off. I will never make that mistake again.

    Yes indeed chumps, know your worth.

    • Oh and while my asshole ex did not compare, he did once say to me: “She is really a good person.” Yes, the woman he had affairs and group sex with (along with her best friend) for over 15 years pre D-Day, who pretended to be a family friend, who fooled not only me and my children but her own husband and sons, who painted paintings for me and my family which hung on the walls of our home, who sometimes stayed in our home when traveling for business. I could go on and on.

      My response? “You. Are. Sick.”

  • *sigh* yep, every painful minute of it, what a great guy, so good, such a wonderful person…blah blah blah. Looking back, I do wish I would have put a stop to it. I was pretty good with some other stuff in shutting her down, but this one I didn’t adjust to correctly. CL’s right, stop it in it’s tracks.

  • Here’s one for you. When denying anything was going on before DDay, cheating wife said ” I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with him, he’s just like you!”. Double insult I guess. Turns out she was having one though.

  • The “funny” (for want of a much better word–like “horrifying”) thing is, when my XW had ended her affair for a whole three weeks, she told me that he was (direct quotes) unethical, unattractive, had a temper that scared her (and would I protect her from him since he was so angry she’d ended it), had another affair with a married woman because he couldn’t get his own and got off on the sense of power it gave him, and on and on. Then she resumed the affair and I divorced her. Now they are marrying and he is presumably a saint. “Funny!”

  • My Ex was the opposite. Said the OW wasn’t all that, and definitely compared very negatively to me. But I had become disabled and lost my job, whereas she was healthy and had already agreed to be his next meal ticket. Plus, she was fat and ugly, so unlikely to leave him if she discovered his cheating. Made perfect sense; she was obviously of use to him. Buh-bye, cheater. OW got what she deserved!

  • These cheaters become the enemy and the OW is their accomplice, and then want us to collude with the 2 of them. It’s bonkers if you think about it sanely. I think cheaters have lost all judgment and rational thought when they suggest we should meet, engage or talk to the OW. What they want to form a harem now? For us to get along with the OW and become best friends. Geezus…

  • My cheater-wife never verbalized any comparisons between me and her piece-of-shit-asshole-cheater fuckbuddy boyfriend. I did that all by myself.

    Let me see if I’ve got this right… You’re happy to trash our 20-year marriage for a serial-cheating no-ambition hourly factory worker who ignores his own wife and young son? The same guy who instead spends all his time sending dic-pics to married women?! The same guy who’s brother gets arrested for ordering his burrito supreme with his junk hanging out?! The same asshole who visits his daddy in prison because his daddy likes diddling 10-year-old girls??!! THAT is the family who you want to introduce our kids to??!!

    The “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND??!!” was implied.

  • Okay, the only time I’ve heard mention of hand bells was on stupid mow’s Twitter feed and now here. Holy shit are hand bells a cheater thing or are you just wicked smart, CL?

        • I grew up Lutheran. I’ve heard the hand bell choir. I hadn’t really suffered at the hands of it though. My ex was an atheist. Sadly, that gave my ex-MIL some ammo when I transferred half our live savings into my own personal account and dared to tell my friends, relatives and coworkers what had happened. She sent me a nasty email accusing me of being vindictive. She asked “What would Jesus do?” and she said “Unhappiness makes people do not so nice things.” Being an atheist gets my ex a free pass to be as much of a jerk as he wants. Unfortunately, as a Christian, I am exempt from getting to do anything my ex-MIL doesn’t see as pleasant regardless of how horrifically I’m treated. There is only one healthy response to that kind of double standard – leaving.

  • Oh, she got a taste of it pretty quickly. Shortly after my ex and Ms Wonderful were married, my daughter overheard a bitch-session he was giving his new bride (to the point of making her cry) about how much debt she was in and all the bills they had because of it. I guess he didn’t think about finances before they ran off to Vegas to get married…

    Tasers would be the humane choice…

  • Speaking of monogomish, I guess Dan Savage likes hearing from his husband “Dan, you would really like him. Besides the facts that sex with you has gotten boring and he doesn’t take me for granted, I think you guys should get together a plan a party for me, as you’d probably enjoy discussing frosting colors for my cake!”

    • Perhaps that was a bit mean spirited on second read. If Dan and his husband have an agreement followed around monogomish, then so be it.

      • I read a couple of Dan’s books – because I like some of his ideas – and I came away with the uncomfortable feeling that his husband did NOT sign up for “monogamish” or for public discussion of their sex life, but doesn’t get any choice in the matter. I think he’s a chump who is extra-trapped by Dan’s public image and a desire to demonstrate happy gay marriage. Just my opinion, of course, but it did put me off Dan, since I got that feeling from the way HE described their relationship.

  • I can’t say my ex ever said I’d love his whore. He knew I’d lob a bottle at his head if he were ever say something so ridiculous. But he did say lots of other crazy stuff. He mentioned once that she was from his shitty, low rent, home town, so they had lots in common! He said he couldn’t remember actually meeting her back then since she went to Catholic school (LOL that), so I said it must have been the power of Facebook that drew you both together. I’m sure they were quivering with delight, liking the same rebel flag, God Bless Amurica, and Toby Keith memes.

    Thanks to my kick ass key-logger, she wasn’t the only chick he was hitting on from the old neighborhood. She was just the one who took the bait. Cue sad trombone . . .

    After I had said to him, “What kind of woman invites the married guy she’s fucking over to her husband’s birthday party?! What kind of bitch has the dude she’s fucking pick her up for lunch at her job and parade him around all her co-workers? You do realize that odds are, you’re next in line for this shit right?”

    He looked at me completely mortified like it had never occurred to him and snaps at me, “Yeah . . . . well . . . . she’s, she’s a GREAT woman!”

    So that was the extend of telling me how awesome she was.

    • My ex’s coworkers knew all about the OW. I had a late Christmas celebration at my grandmother’s house, so he left that early and went to his work Christmas party with the OW. My dad was really pissed about that.

  • OMG – I got the same treatment. Now to this day, STBX will say “we are just friends” and say there is nothing going on. But he’s a lying cheater who cheats and lies. So he’s probably lying. Waayyy back when I first started in with the “we need better boundaries with HoWorker” and the like, he totally tried to pull the “you two will totally be friends too. You can hang out at the beach together and go rollerbladding” (for some reason he was really focused on me going rollerbladding with his AP).

    So I met her (keep in mind I’m way early in my Chumpdom, so I’m playing along with the let’s all be friends narrative), and I remember not liking her at all. I mean – she’s like 15 years younger than us and an immature 15 years at that. She has nothing interesting to say. The two of them would gossip about work like a couple of junior high mean girls. They were both glued to their phones like… looking at pictures of cats on Instagram. My 40-something year old STBXHusband and this 25 year old idiot could not have been happier. Meanwhile I’m doing the career thing, working hard, running a house and household, etc etc. I’m like “on what planet would I be friends with this girl. She’s an idiot and not for nothing, I’m quite literally one of the smartest people you know. It’s painful for me to hang out with this pot smoking idiot and it’s only through the grace of my good, polite midwestern upbringing that I pretended to even try.” One of the many things lobbed at me in the arguments was “you don’t even like my friends. You are not nice to Howorker at all.” I’m like – yeah that’s right. Because she’s a god damn idiot and don’t like being around her. I am allowed to make my own decisions. But of course in Narc world the concept that the things he chooses are the BEST things and I should like them to is all that matters. anything else is me simply being not supportive and not caring about HIM. Whaaaaaa!!!!

    Man – I just found out today that I have achieved move out. Like the movers came this morning I guess after I left for work and the last of his stuff is gone. I sleep alone in MY house tonight for the first time. I. AM. MIGHTY!!!!!

    • Thank you Ian. So are big cocks. I, personally, have never felt that size matters. On the other hand, the character of the person attached to the body parts is vital.

  • Busy day so haven’t read all the posts yet (later!) but my Cheater said to me on the night of D-Day, “She’s actually your best friend, Muse,” and I said how is that?? “She wanted me to tell you about us,” he said. So this total stranger who I never heard of till that night, and also knew none of our friends or family was my Bestie because though she was fucking my boyfriend she encouraged him to tell me about “them”, nice! A couple days later he also said that OW had “give him permission” to continue to have sex with me but he was withholding that from me, because he didn’t think it was “fair to all parties,” meaning her I suppose – poor sausage didn’t want to cheat on HER with me, WTF seriously?

    • Happened to me too a long time ago, so it must be common. By a bizarre twist of reasoning, they have the need to be faithful to the person they are cheating with. It’s absolutely mind boggling.

      • Yes, as if they are attached to the OW and need to be loyal to them. So there is no more bond with their spouse and therefore no loyalty.

  • He said, her parents have a vineyard in Crimea, and her daughter looks like Taylor Swift. He added, I can’t believe she dumped me for a postman, and an ugly one at that, it makes me so angry, I make more money and I look better, her choice was stupid !

    • Ah ha ha ha, it doesn’t get any better than this. Her choice was actually smart, because she dumped stupid.

  • I got, ‘please don’t call her a whore, she’s a good person’. wtf?
    I was dumbfounded – proved me he still wanted her.
    I mumbled out something really chummily like, ‘well! I liked her too!’.
    She was my bff after all.
    UGH!

    Good person, my ass.
    She was just done with her 3rd marriage, has 3 kids w/3 different fathers and none of them know their dads and she has no family or friends to speak of.
    She was also known in our hobby-circuit has having a very touchy handy hand, wink wink – if you know what I mean. I heard this from 3 different guys.

    Oh, and in her 9 yr marriage to her ex, he told my X was #4 affair, that he new about.

    Yep – a good person, ALL RIGHT.

  • Thankfully, The Evil One has NEVER really “bragged” about OWife, or has even introduced her to me, yet— even now and they have been together almost a year, but I digress.

    In fact, TEO has been the opposite, trying to triangulate or stir the emotional shit-sandwich-deluxe with me against her… if anything, he has said things like, “I don’t know what you’re fucking problem is with OWife. I met her after I moved out and she had nothing to do with my decision to divorce your ass!!!”… kinda funny thing that he didn’t even consult a lawyer for the divorce until they were together about 2 months- me thinks he wanted to make sure he had her locked and ready to go before he filed….another comment along the lines of “…I know what your problem is Molly— you don’t want our daughter around OWife, or you have a problem with OWife!!!…” to which I have responded with, “NO! I have a problem with YOU, Evil One and the lousy character you have and the shitty choices you’ve made!!!!” That usually shuts him up.

    I asked him once if he was in love with her and responded with, “I love her as a person.” They were married a few weeks later- wow, what a love story for the ages they make!!!!

    • He loves her as a person? As opposed to what, like an orangutan? They truly don’t listen to the words coming out of their mouths or they really are quite that stupid.

      • Yep. that’s what he said, then he married her just a few weeks later…tru wuv for sure!!!!

  • Oh, and might I add that Mrs. Dumb-Ass is a chump herself— her first husband was a serial cheater— he left her the day after their second child was born for a Hooters girl he had met online, but yet she willingly becomes the OWhore/OWife. Dumb-Ass.

  • Great subject today. My ex bagged a narcissistic MOW who’s face was all over the Internet, he actually asked ME if I thought she was pretty. What? Did my STBX of 30 years need my opinion of his AP appearance? It was just too pathetic. Hmmm think these two “beautiful” people deserve each other!

  • “This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.” Love it!
    My husband told me that him and AP “had a great friendship”. All I could think of at the time was “I really don’t give a flying F**k about your friendship”. I am so grateful for finding this site. It has really helped me decipher a lot of the BS I was believing and accepting from him. I’m not out of it yet but I am on my way. One thing I have learned from this site is that I am not the only one who has dealt with a crazy person that there are tons of crazies out there. And I don’t have to take his S**t. I am learning what I am worth and going after what I deserve in life. I will no longer lower my standards to keep someone who doesn’t want to be kept and don’t deserve me anyway. I have spent 28 years doing pick me dance. I am too old for this crap and I am done.

    • Amen sister! My ex too called the OW his best friend. He wasn’t sure he could keep me around because he didn’t want to lose his best friend. After trying the pick me dance for a few more months, I decided that I deserved a better best friend than my ex. So, I left his ass and found new friends that actually respect me. We deserve much better.

  • “But really, why would you spend one second competing with an affair partner? This is a marriage commitment, not the Hunger Games.”

    Fuck Yes!

    • We’re too good for them. Loyalty and honesty are valuable traits nowadays that make you a diamond amongst coal. We don’t need to waste time competing over someone who sucks. Let the OW or OM have their shitty lump of coal. If they other man or woman was a diamond like you, they wouldn’t waste time with that shit either.

  • “But she loves me!” Ah, guess 34 years of dedication to him and our family wasn’t love. Nope, I stand corrected. The OM and MOW loved him more. Hilarious! He’s free to be loved properly now!

  • At the height of Dr. Dementos’ thing with Slunty, he said, Well unlike you, she is a good old fashion girl. I said, yeah well there is a good old fashion name for a good old fashion girl like her. SLUT!’ He was shocked, i mean really shocked that anyone would think that a woman who has 3 somes and has affairs with any two legged polecat she could find, would be called a slut. Sometimes, their level of stupidity is astounding. So glad… so glad that he is gone and how he is stuck with her royal stupidity and sluntiness.

  • Oh my!

    My loving husband has compared her to me.

    Just like me, his whore is very intelligent. Just like me, she loves to read a lot.

    Bwaaahaahaaa…

    Except she has watermelons for tits, and I have lemons. Ooh, my bad!

    • Uurgh. Can you imagine having to lug two watermelons around every single day? My back hurts just thinking about it. I actually like the way my little body looks just as it is – except for my love handles, but, oh well. We all have some complaints. Seriously though, I had a guy, long after I divorced cheaterpants, who said my breasts were the MAXIMUM size that he likes. Some guys appreciate a loyal, intelligent woman regardless of the size of her melons. Just like some women appreciate loyal and intelligent guys.regardless of the size of their banana. I’m not sure if I’m making people hungry or destroying their appetite. If it’s the latter…my bad.

      • Yeah, this guys comment on the appearance of the OW and compare to their spouse. Have they looked at themselves lately? They are probably losers in all departments, looks, personality, character, morals, values. They are the last people comparing anyone to anyone. They should start by looking at themselves and realizing what low lives they are.

  • My Stbxw started dating her AP. He is married for 25 years to his high school sweet heart. Funny enough he was my best friend. And I knew his wife.

    Long story short… he turned out to be 100% pure narcissists . His true colours came out (I know his stbxw). O it’s beautiful. I love the idea my stbxw is dating a narc.

    But I think my stbxw also had an affair where she worked about 6 years ago. I don’t have proof, but her reaction and attitude did an 180 all of sudden 6 years ago when I started working close to home. I thought it was about money, but looking back, I knew it was an affair. Then we had “issues” all of a sudden, we went on a boat trip where I couldn’t touch her (she didn’t want to have sex etc).

    And the AP was an old dude which nice beer belly. The new AP (the narc) is also a fat guy. I’m a thin guy.

  • I’m late, just leaving this here for the next chump who reads this and feels bad about how the cheater described the AP. Ex said these exact words to me: “She is better than you or I, she is a saint”. What I said to him is “right, because saints fuck married men all the time”. He raged out at me. I learned one good thing in MC, don’t react to that shit (oh, and get a divorce). I reached a point where no matter what ex said I would nod and say “that’s nice”.

  • Other woman here. Apparently, I’m just like his wife in almost every way, except I respect him and have sex with him. They are in marriage counseling, but he tells me that it has to focus on his cheating, and the fact that she’s a frigid shrew is off-limits. Some of you are victims. Some of you need some introspection.

    • Whoa Jane. You’re fucking a married man and you’re trying to tell US to get some ‘introspection’?? You’re obviously the kind that takes his calls during M/C when he’s trying to work through issues with his wife. How nice of you to support him…oh, how gentle you are when he goes to the bathroom for a piss and texts you about how the session is going. YOU, darling, are the epitome of a Shrew, to get involved in a married couple. Your claws are showing.
      YOU have probably ruined a lot of lives you have no clue of.
      I’m not sure what the right word is here…but Pondscum Whore POS Unmoralistic Shrew comes to mind.
      Fuck off!

    • “Some of you are victims. Some of you need some introspection.”

      Dear Jane,

      I really loved your last two last lines. Since I have been chumped and have not made my mind about staying or leaving, I want to especially address your comment.

      Why is he going through marriage counselling, when he has already met the love of his life in you? Why is he acting to work on the marriage he is not interested in?

      Also, if the wife was frigid shrew, he did like frigid shrews at some point of time, don’t you think?

    • Oh, Jane…we eat clueless, morally challenged people like you for breakfast here. Congrats on winning a man who can’t keep commitments. Get back to us in a year or two, will ya, and tell us how that’s working for you.

    • It really cracks me up that the OWs believe every word the cheater tells them. Ex kept his OW on leash for a year by telling her he couldn’t divorce me yet because it would hurt me too much. The actual truth was that HE did not want a divorce at all. I wanted him gone badly.

    • Jane, you ignorant slut.

      There are many good reasons and bad reasons to divorce.

      ASSHOLES don’t want to divorce. They don’t really want YOU. They just want your holes to fuck. And if not your holes, someone elses.

      Anyone else.

      You are not special. You do not have a real connection. You are a whore.

      This is a site for the REAL people in a marriage. That’s not you. You are a whore.

      Also you don’t know what you are talking about. Probably because you are a whore.

      Whore does not equal Wife. Different words. Different meanings. Your’s is bad. Because you are a whore.

  • There is always a reason for a frigid – shrew. It’s usually because the wife hasn’t had a back rub for years, raising kids, and your horny immature 14 yr old hormonal husband wants you to suck his dick every night.

    You think you are better than his wife and you give better ‘rim jobs’. Yanno, the kind of thing a guy likes when he marries his innocent wife and they learn to have good sex together. You, Shrew, will probably have the same sex life he gave his wife boring when any old mouth will do for the excitement. Hope you’re ready to be dead meat like his wife cuz he lost interest in you too? You sound like a child that has no clue of what it means to have true, long-lasting love, and it’s not over how well you do a rim job to impress him.
    It’s called DEEP, Mature, real-human connections.

    Hang on for the ride, honey-sweet-lips, as he’s not going to want you after he leaves his devoted wife. (Didn’t you learn in high school that guys dump loose women?) He thinks he’s a hot ticket. He’s done with you. Just like his wife – you were just a way for him to conveniently escape his ‘scary’ shackles on how life works.
    Immature as hell, not to mention a true loser.
    You are NO special snowflake, darling.
    You are a home wrecker of unbelievable damage.

    I really doubt you sleep well. Unless you’re truly sick from your involvement in another’s married life.
    How can you possibly be happy when your lover is married and going through M/C to ‘save his marriage’ and you think you are immune from abuse like that?

    HA!

  • Those who cheat and dump all use the same lines, this is very well known from therapists and dumpees alike. They are as follow: 1. we’ve drifted apart. 2. we are very different people 3. we don’t communicate well. 4. I have been unhappy for so long and tried so hard to fix things between us. 5. This woman has nothing to see with my leaving you.

    No surprise there, but I must admit being astonished ( and ultimately entertained ) by the similarities in wrapping the affair partner in unmitigated admiration. To wit, the soon to be ex- had at least 5 years affair with a friend of the family who actually had started her poaching attempts when the children were in grade school ( as per written evidence from her I came across later…he left when they were young adults). His words: “we never intended to have an affair, she just asked me for advice because her common-law relationship was ailing and things grew from there because we are so much alike ” …Yeah, sweetheart, a true victim… Then ” she is so devoted to her spouse who is suffering from advanced Parkinson disease, she goes see him few days a week, she has a heart of gold “…Sure sweetheart, she goes to him when you are away four days every week on a consulting contract then back to your house when you are around. Or again ” She told him on Christmas eve that she was in love with me and leaving him but she is so sad about it all, she never planned any of this when I left you few weeks ago and got myself of full size house ( even though i am away four days a week every week, a guy needs a big full size house you see”…)

    Florence Nightingale, eat your heart out.

    BUT silver lining: as her previous step-children anticipated, ex is now being bossed around, financially very constrained and his own children holding him in long-lasting contempt. Also being ) third man in a row finding himself in this situation..

    It should be argued that from an evolutionary context angle, two little self-satisfied sociopaths ending up together instead of making others miserable is much better ( and safer ) end result for all involved.

  • Yeah, my husband tried defending his mistress to me. Once. “She’s just a good ol’ church-going country girl.” And he looked at me earnestly, like I was going to apologize for having just called her a C U Next Tuesday.

    I finished the sentence for him, “Who’s fucking my husband. Just like Jesus wants her to.” IDIOT.

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