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UBT: Fred Armisen: Cheating “Is Just Something That Happens”

Apparently, comedian Fred Armisen (of SNL and Portlandia fame) enjoys some measure of renown as a douchebag. But like the characters he plays, he’s a nonchalant, unstudied sort of douche. Scratch the surface it’s just more irony and snark. And more surface.

So he’s a superficial Hollywood guy who has a reputation for fucking around — and this is news why?

Poor Fred has a sex addiction.

It’s not easy being him, as he shared on a podcast interview WTF With Marc Maron last September.  An alert chump sent me a transcribed portion of the interview for the Universal Bullshit Translator, including Armisen’s thoughts on marriage to Elisabeth Moss of Mad Men (he sucked at it), monogamy (he sucks at it), and sex addiction (pity him).

Why would you get married again?

Because it’s so intoxicating.

Ah the ice swan sculptures, the engraved invitations to my lavishly catered farce. Pretend commitment is exhilarating.

The idea of it, or the actual being of it?

All of it.

Holding a chump heart captive… a one-way lifetime supply of kibbles. Who wouldn’t thrill to that?

How long were you married to Elisabeth Moss?

Under a year.

Was that heartbreaking?

I was very heartbroken at myself. I felt very … I gave myself a hard time.

I myself I very myself.

Elisabeth, defrauding you hurts me too. More.

I felt very bad. At how little true work I would put into something. That I got so caught up in the beginning. The beginning is so intoxicating.

Beginnings sparkle! How could I not get caught up? Like a turkey drawn to a chrome bumper — marriage was a reflective surface and I gazed. Until, you know, something else sparkled.

How long had you known her?

A year. So the whole thing was very short.

Intoxication wears off, naturally. Then there’s the hangover.

And you were like, ‘Let’s get married?’

It’s so exciting, and this is gonna sound so shallow, but I get lost in fantasy a lot … the fantasy of this person from Mad Men, you know, great actress. And then as a person is interesting … all of a sudden, it’s like a slide. Like, ‘This is great!’

This is going to sound so shallow, but I compare life commitments to playground equipment. Monogamy! Whee! Let’s run up it backwards this time!

I married a fantasy person from the TV. When you turn the TV off, the little people inside disappear! And if you get tired of them, you can just flip the channel!

It’s like being starstruck, in a way?

It is like being starstruck, and I was getting to know the other people from the show and her and it was very, very exciting, and I only got caught up in that part of it. And the problem, and we’re talking about this relationship, but this is something that’s happened to me a million times.

The part I loved about my wife was the other people from her show.

Group kibble dynamics are exciting. I’ve conflated individual people with the circles they keep millions of times.

I like being starfucked starstruck.

What the fuck happened?

I have a problem with intimacy,

You don’t say, Fred.

where all of a sudden, there’s a real person there … and now, there’s a person behind this. It’s not the girl on Mad Men.

YOU MEAN LITTLE PEOPLE DON’T LIVE INSIDE MY TV SET?!

The same thing happened with Sally [Timms. His first wife]. She had this accent, this British woman who is in a band, and then all of a sudden, there’s a person there … something happens in me.

I wanted the ACCENT and instead they gave me a WOMAN.

It’s almost like an amnesia. It’s almost like waking up and going, ‘Where am I? Who is this person? Why is this person looking at me directly in the eye and having a conversation with me?’”

The horror, Fred. The UBT shudders.

It’s like a spell?

Yes, and that was a public one, but when I lived in Chicago, I moved from apartment to apartment. I remember, I would move in with so many people, and live with them, and then I’d meet someone else and move in with them. The amount of times I’ve had furniture handed to me. It’s happened a lot.

Someone cast me under a sofa-surfing spell. One day I’m mooching off a new acquaintance, then I awake and am handed my crap.

Can anyone save me from this enchantment?

Who ends it. You or her?

It’s me becoming impossible. I make it happen.

People are a game. I want to see how far I can push them.

It’s like, ‘You’re going to go?’

It’s like cheating and infidelity. I’m neither ashamed or proud of it. It’s just something that happens in my life.

To be ashamed or proud, I would have to have feelings. To sociopaths, cheating is just something that happens. I ascribe no meaning to it.

I share this. I know this compulsion. The compulsion of connecting, of engaging sexually with strangers. It’s like there’s nothing like it.

There’s nothing like it!

I have a kibble compulsion too, Fred! Marc! You GET me! Thank you for your lack of judgment and the softball questions! There’s nothing like connecting and discarding people! NOTHING!

Now you got like a public rap. A weird thing on the street. And the weird thing about [your marriage to Moss] in particular, it’s like, when I hear that, it’s not unusual. It’s like, OK, so he fucks around a lot.

Yeah.

You fuck people over and you get a reputation for it. It’s so weird.

When you’re a man who likes to have sex with people and you get to a place in your life where you can do that more frequently, how the fuck are you not going to do that?

Yes.

I don’t know… self-control. Empathy and respect for your partner. The UBT is a crazy dreamer. Anyway, fuck around, gentleman. People just wonder why the hell you got married.

When you want to be that type of adult that restrains himself or not, that’s a life choice

Yes. Yeah. I agree with you. And that’s OK. Because even negative things help me go forward, because it could be a lot worse. I think of the lucky side of it. I didn’t have a string of children along the way or anything like that. I am actually fortunate.

The UBT thinks your unborn children are fortunate, Fred.

It could be a lot worse. Now I fuck around with impunity. One errant sperm, and I could have child support payments. Thank God my sperm restrains itself.

What’s your hope, ultimately, in that area. Do you find intimacy in that area as you access it. Do you find that rewarding?

I do, in that — a person I can be intimate with is a person who I don’t have sex with, which is to say, Carrie Brownstein [his Portlandia partner]. I find true intimacy there, so I know I have it. I know that I’m not shut down. I know that I can be myself. Also with my friends. And through program stuff, I know that I can, there are ways every day that I can see the difference. So, today, I don’t have to worry about the phone or some stranger I hooked up with … I can, little by little … I’m having a good day today.

I know that I can be myself and share that person with others. And then share a different persona, and another one after that…

So, you’re learning how not to act out and use people in that way?

Yes, and it’s hard. It’s very very hard.

Pity me. I mustn’t use people.

They have breath, and accents, and don’t live inside my TV. They have needs. Like the need to not have me sleeping on their sofa, drinking all their scotch, and fucking their sister in the coat closet. Needs I have to respect.

It’s very, very hard.

This struggle that I have [sex addiction], I don’t have a choice. It could be a lot worse. I could be dead.

I don’t have a CHOICE! So what? I use people and discard them. It could be worse… for ME. I could be dead!

(I’m sure several people wish you were, Fred. — UBT)

There are worse things than having too much vagina options

Yes. And as long as I understand there is a struggle, that’s the part … where everything else falls away.

Like my word salad? As long as I understand that I struggle with using people — everything else falls away! Like responsibility!

Fred, you’re a sociopath. Find your soul. Put a bird on it.

*Photo from WTF With Marc Maron

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I can’t even. What an unbelievable crock of narc/sociopath shit.

    Nobody should be treated like this man treats people. And yet he hookup culture seems to encourage it (please convince me that Im wrong).

    I worry that were in a cultural shift and folks who really believe in things like fidelity and commitment are becoming dinosaurs.

    I was trying to help a friend & spouse through a crisis and it was revealed to me that they both cheated. My first husband was a huge cheat. I have photos from his retirement and every person in the photo is a cheater. I looked at my husband and said “did I miss some memo that marriage vows were some sort of joke and I was the only person who believed they were real?” He assured me that he thought (thinks) they were (are) real to. I still feel like a T-rex though.

    • That is one of the things that hurt me so much too, tam. That those vows I meant with all my heart, they were promises made before God, our friends and society, that we had holy communion and that they were a sacrament. Until they weren’t. Seriously one of the most hurtful things of the whole thing.

      • Latehusbandcheater was ostensibly Catholic and we were married Catholic and were actively practicing Catholics…so how did he weasel his way out of being responsible for his actions? He decided that on our wedding day, he was SO reluctant that his consent was invalid. He claims he was pressured (uh, no) and forced to speak verbal consent during the vows and since “lack of valid consent” is grounds for annulment, then he could fuck around and it was OK.

        Once I learned how serious he was about the “our marriage was never sacramental or valid” thinking, in my urge to spackle (Jesus style) I urged him to redo our vows to make them valid and sacramental. He said he would but only if we waited until our 25th anniversary (5 years from when he promised) so I waited 5 years then when the time came he refused.

        He wouldn’t leave nor would he validate our vows…he wanted cake and a “get out of jail free” card. I couldn’t force him and my only option was divorce which was ironic considering my goal.

        Knowing how he twisted and perverted God’s law to serve his whims, I find it quite sobering that he dropped dead. The number of his days was between him and God and I guess what conversations he and God have had, but it’s really just a guess. I still see latehusband as “Catholic” of the “bad” variety.

          • Mine told me he was going to annul our marriage, and I WAS GOING to go to the tribunal and “go along with it.” Lie to a priest and 3 other members? Why?
            — he said it would benefit me, too. So I should go along with it.

            I call it the “Lie to Jesus plan”. Do I look like I want the Almighty to fry my ass with a lightning bolt in a church parking lot???? Sure – go in and straight up lie to the counsel..

            What a fricking arse.

          • Yup. Mine, who was a lector and RCIA leader for the first five years of our marriage never believed. Who knew preaching the word of God and leading other men to conversion were the signs of an unbeliever? At least when he started posting his Buddhist crap
            On Facebook everyone collectively went WTF on him.

            • Exactly. My ex ditched God too, as soon as he decided to make a go of it with Schmoopie. Hey, who needs beliefs when you’ve got TWU WUV?

            • RCIA leader and then he totally dropped his faith? wow, that is extreme. Husband1.0 spent an evening on the phone once explaining to me that he could leave for Susan and they could simply attend Mass as a couple and no one would be the wiser, that people do it every day. What an odd thing to tell your wife.

              He eventually ended things with Susan and was possibly faithful for a few years just before he died. I think he likely Confessed his adultery and figured that he was good, but there are temporal effects of sin that he was responsible for that he ignored…like never telling me the truth and being mean.

          • Yep, same nonsense from the ex. He decided that he didn’t believe in God anymore. How convenient.

    • FYI I’m 28 and gay but I am definitely into commitment/vows. (I’m a Duke of Chumptown if you couldn’t tell.) So there are still those out there — even in communities that are known to be the most promiscuous! — that take monogamous relationships seriously. (Disclaimer: I’m totally not hating on non-monogamous relationships, just people who break promises and disrespect others’ values/coerce others.)

      • Sekhmet3, my 33 year old son is gay and I love him with all my heart. The problem is he hates me and prefers his father. I have the son I want and have always wanted but truth be told, he has the morals of an alley cat and steps all over people and when it happens to him he is shattered. Maybe that is why he prefers his father, I don’t know.

      • Sekmet, Im share the CL philosophy of “Im not hating on alternative relationships, if people agree on non monogamy, more power to them! Im hating on agreeing on monogamy then lying/cheating”. So glad to hear that folks of all sorts still believe in commitment and vows. Im sorry that you are the Duke of Chumptown…I hate that Im the Queen Mother. In the end though, we can feel good that we did what we promised to do – regardless of what others did.

    • What an a-hole for judging Fred for being an addict. You (the writer) obviously have zero experience with addiction. As far as I can tell in his interview with Marc he was very honest, candid and truthful. What don’t you re-read it with an open mind ad heart and perhaps you can grow from it- as opposed to troll.

      • Sex addiction = the man has an addiction as a result of an inability to empathise with others and shallow emotions that make him seek novelty and adventure while avoiding intimacy. He operates from a fantasy world where he’s playing his favourite character, himself, and others are just there to reflect him. He creates false relationships for the perks, first by ‘love-bombing’ – fast intimacy and big romantic love, before devaluing (ignoring) and discarding – yes, that’s intentional even if he doesn’t care about them and it’s called ’emotional abuse’ – plus the self-obsession, points to NPD with ASD.

        Those types don’t need your sympathy, don’t give it and don’t feel it.

  • Any creature can recognize a struggle happening but being a human being, having a self-cognizant soul, means you learn something from it.

    There it is: Fred Armisen isn’t human.

  • Surely the “vaginas” should maybe have a think about this shit and maybe decide not to be another vagina in the big effing pile of open vaginas out there?!? #justsayin

    • It’s so much easier to discard women when you think of them as walking vaginas awaiting your magic dick.

      • Thanks for that comment, Free Vixen. I’m struggling to get over a guy I dated who dumped me. I think this might be just the ticket.

    • I agree. Too many spackling vaginas. We definitely need a reeducation program. I’m starting with my daughter.

        • Is that what va-dazzling is? Also, he treats women like keurig cups – one use and throw her away. But all the flavours they have out there now! So easy and va-dazzling!

              • Every now and then, the very instant I lay eyes on someone, I just know I can’t stand them. I had that exact reaction when I first saw Fucked Up Fred on SNL years ago. Now my instinct has been validated…

  • You should read Moss’s very short very brief Q&A about her sham marriage to the douchebag. Excellent mighty chump material. Just read it yesterday…now I can’t remember where I read it. Reddit maybe?

    Post HER comments about the “marriage”. Don’t give the asshole another sound byte. Too much Q&A from a cheater normalizes this shit.

    • My favorite quote from Elizabeth Moss was, “But the greatest impersonation he does is that of a normal person.”

      Hey, future vaginas: Fred is an a.s.s.h.o.l.e.

      • Thanks Tempest, great quote!

        As Maya Angelou brilliantly put it: “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

        The least one can say is that Fred Armisen is crystal clear about who he is…

        • Right on Chumptitude! Yes, Fred is crystal clear about who he is, but as you know, narcs like this will never see the pain that they inflict on others.

          Here are a couple of Fred quotes I found online:

          “I want it all… fast. I want to be married, I want to live together… and then somewhere around a year or two years, I get freaked out. I freak out emotionally and then I actually feel like ‘Oh my God, who’s this stranger in my house?”

          “I’m obsessed with my 20s. I buy things that I wanted in my 20s. It’s weird; it’s a weird thing that I didn’t grow out of.”

          This guy is a major ass clown!

  • I wish I were the most beautiful, intoxicating woman in the world so I could fuck neither of these emotional toadstools.

    • Im kind of sad that in this interview she chalked it up to being “young” (she was like 27 which is not what I would consider “young” in terms of capacity to enter a relationship- by 27 I had 2 kids and a house) but youth had nothing to do with it, connecting with a disordered user was the issue.

      If people dismiss dysfunction as simply a result of youth, then folks just try to avoid toxicity by waiting until they are no longer young and might still enter into pathological relationships. You can’t always spot a user but most of us learned to spot a few red flags and I think we should help others learn to avoid it. Not calling sick people on their shit and dismissing it as youthful error feels so wrong to me.

      Thanks CL for posting the initial interview…it helps people learn what “fucked up” looks like in its natural habitat.

      • I think where youth plays into it is the inexperience with life and the inability to recognize an imposter for what he or she is. I know that was my own problem. I met my fucktard when I was 18, he was 19, in college. I was very smart intellectually, but not emotionally, and I didn’t even know how emotionally uneducated I was. He love-bombed me but I had no idea what that was. We were together for over 25 years. I simply did not know what to look for, and the signs I saw I spackled away with a chump-sized trowel. I was authentic and I had no conception that anyone else, let alone the man I loved, wouldn’t be. It is only with very hard life experience that I could hope to avoid that in the future.

        • HappyNow, same situation for me too.

          I was young, 19, and book smart but not relationship or emotionally savvy. I didn’t know much about personality disorders until after DDay over 25 years later. I’m thinking there should be two required courses added to the high school curriculum – budgeting & managing your finances and healthy relationships & boundaries. Let’s face it, they took cursive writing away so kids don’t know how to sign their names on their driver’s license, employment documents, taxes or at the bank so let’s at least give them something back that will actually benefit them.

          • I was the same age and had the same experience.
            I have been saying we need relationship and boundary lessons in sex Ed, instead of the stupid carry a sack of flour around and imagine it’s your baby lesson.

          • Couldn’t agree more ByeByeC about those classes. Wish I’d had them. I was so much like you and Happy Now. Paid a high price for my naivety (20 years with a wife who I finally learned was a serial cheater).

            Your comment about cursive also rings true to me. I’ve seen kids who not only can’t write in cursive, but can’t READ it either. Fact is, some of the most important documents in the history of this country are in cursive. If you can’t read cursive, you lock yourself out of being able to read the originals (try reading the Declaration of Independence).

            Now that I think about it, maybe Santa can’t read cursive either. Would explain a lot.

        • I was 28 when I married asshat. He was 30. I certainly felt young. With young, I mean inexperienced. Inexperienced in dealing with sociopaths. Trusting that what this person said to me was truthful. Not being mature enough to really trust my instincts with this relationship. There was a time I was about to dump him when we were dating. Then I was hoovered back in. I hadn’t had that experience before, so it felt so sparkly right.

          I can understand that she felt she was young and immature. Her statement about being lucky that she wasn’t 50yrs old when it happened or that she didn’t have children with him is understandable too because that’s exactly where I am at now! I wouldn’t ever give up my kids. I do know that I didn’t trust myself enough to run when I did listen to my gut. Instead I chose to believe WORDS of an asshole vs his incongruent actions.

          • ANC – My scenario is so much like yours even down to the ages. I agree with everything you mention. I actually did dump her when we were dating but was also hoovered back in.

            Regardless of my gut or my feelings at that time, I never cheated on her nor did I ever try to run the marriage down the toilet like she did. I was a committed man and am proud of that.

            • My timeframe is identical.. I do feel that my biological clock played into it, 28 is prime settling down age, you can evasion your future and felel that life is falling into place. It’s a forgivable mistake. I too even walked away and he followed me to my home country.

              The big thing is not to make the same mistake or to continue the old one. I’m looking at events as not leading to lonely old cat lady status but as an opportunity to maybe find a real reciprocal relationship. That just isn’t possible with the current incumbent

      • Good point. I thought that I was making better decisions as I got older, but looking back I’m shocked to see how much alike all my relationships were. CL&CN have finally opened my eyes.

      • True story – one of the several women over the past few years who confessed her affair with a married man to me (do I have a sign on my forehead or something?) actually blamed her ‘mistake’ (screwing a man who had a wife and four children in a poor country for several years until she was dumped) on the fact that she was so young. She was nearly 40.

    • Thanks for the link- I’m going to adopt Elizabeth Moss’ quote about the marriage- ‘Extremely traumatic and awful and horrible.’- Just how I’d describe ‘time’ with XH. Very similar husbands unsurprisingly.

  • Funniest. UBT. Ever. Thank you for a laugh-out-loud dose of real, CL, on a morning when I really needed it!

  • I am sensing a LOT of porn use. Images, not people. Fucking, not intimacy.

    He’s a manchild who can’t even break up properly.

    • More like “The Porn is Strong with this One”

      Just like my stbx…………women are all just interchangeable faces and body parts at the strange pussy buffet of life.

      Epic waste of flesh & perfectly good oxygen.

      Elizabeth Moss has no idea how lucky she is to have escaped-and not to have bred with that nasty fuckwit.

  • I can’t believe that this guy is even getting interview time. He is so shallow, stupid and unevolved that even amoebas would ban him from their puddle of pond water. And women actually fall for him ??? Holy cr@p !!!.

    • “…that even amoebas would ban him from their puddle of pond water.”

      HA HA HAWWW you guys are on a roll today!

    • Exactly my thoughts. How a woman can get involved with this man reading all his stupid interviews they should know better. But I know, we always think we can change the man. Hey, there’s a lot of women who are in love with Charles Manson and write to him while he is in prison.

  • “To be ashamed or proud, I would have to have feelings. To sociopaths, cheating is just something that happens. I ascribe no meaning to it.”

    UBT nailed it!

  • Shitty thing is this article or interview will only bring more victims. Women thinking they can fix him….they will even bake the cookies for his Sex Addict meetings. This guy has warning signs plastered all over him but despite that…some will think they are impervious to the napalm that Fred oozes. He could be surrounded by a moat, with biohazards stickers all over… And some woman would still walk up to the door. Yup. He will be a magnet for people project women.
    He is not your garden variety Narc… He is out there… Loud and proud. …” I’m a fucking douche bag… And I like it”

    • Load and proud for sure TheClip and mainstream sure seems to enable his douchebaggery. Very insulting to witness this garbage.

      This is a case of a narc that abuses his semi-celebrity status to meet women and then abruptly discards them (all the while playing the nice, sweet, down to earth role.) – Ass Clown!!

    • I’m pretty sure no woman would give him a second look were he not a demi-celebrity. But then again take a look at my Ex, hardly a celeb, but able to lovebomb like a pro.

  • Blehhhh. Never heard of this guy, or the interviewer, but what a couple of complete adolescent losers.

  • (1) I was just thinking about starting to watch Portlandia at the advice of some acquaintances. The timing of this post couldn’t be better. Now I will skip it. I don’t want to contribute to one cent going in this monster’s pocket. Thanks for saving me from that waste of time and energy, CL.

    (2) One thing that is useful about his “all attention is good attention” way of life (besides that some women might be saved) is that it allows people to observe a real person (or, in this case, two of them) having these real thoughts, which can make it real for people who have a hard time believing a person could really think like this. It’s educational to watch the wild douchebag in its natural habitat.

    Some people are… The best word I have is “ridiculous”.

  • Madonna-Whore complex?

    One way or another, this coconut has at least gone on record with that shit. I felt sick reading it and he probably thinks the world should be so impressed with his prowess. Truly riveting and a real legend (in his own mind).

    Gross.

  • To all those (including this jerk) who claim that cheating is something that “just happens:” no. It’s not. It’s never “just happened” to me because I’ve never let it. Aside from tornados, robbers, and, dare I say, CHEATERS, life doesn’t “just happen” without someone at the controls.

    While I found this transcript disgusting, at least they were dancing on the truth toward the end. They went from “Hey, it just happens,” to “It’s really fun to chase vagina!” That, at least, is their pathetic truth rather than a feeble attempt to squirm out of any knowledge of the drive-by vagina muggings that they claim came out of nowhere.

  • And sadly he’s not the only one who thinks like that. It’s so deflating to think that there are plenty of those types of people out there, and it’s even worse when you realize that you’ve married one of them.

    • So true, Lost. I’ve been over my X for some time, but I still struggle with how he could do to me what he did. Even once you realize they are monsters, the mind can’t consistently comprehend the depths of evil and insensitivity–it’s like trying to catch bubbles–you grasp it, but then it eludes you.

      • Perfectly put, Tempest. Sometimes I still catch my breath at the fact that this person I trusted completely was capable of such treachery and betrayal. I truly believe that the “thing” that makes us human (Empathy? A soul? Some tiny region of the brain still undiscovered?) they just don’t possess. It’s like trying to understand the interior life of a jackal. It just doesn’t parse.

        • THIS. It’s been six weeks since my now ex-boyfriend broke up with me. I am still feeling the shock of finding out that the guy I thought was my friend for 30 years and everyone, except for discarded lovers and his ex-wife, thinks is a ‘great guy,’ turned out to be cold, insensitive, invalidating, dishonest (a not forthright master of revisionist history and possibly gaslighting), and blame-shifting in the devaluation and discard phase of our relationship. I tend to think that he will be (more) wonderful for the next lover/wife and I will miss out on a wonderful life (with him); I suffer as a result. (I think that he is great when there is no little/stress in his partner’s life but will not maintain a decent relationship when his partner’s life is not going well.) My heart hurts tremendously, I feel as though I have gone crazy with grief, and I don’t know how to feel ok (even with medication, therapy, and exercise). I feel so stupid for having entered this relationship and for not having managed it better to avoid subjecting myself (and indirectly relatives and friends) to even more trauma than I was (and they were) already experiencing.

          • RockStarWife – I’m so sorry you feel that way, it’s not easy dealing with breakups. Especially if the person was your friend beforehand. It’s normal to think he’s going to be great with the next person, but don’t be so sure about that. Your thinking is based on victim mentality (I’ve been there), and you think it’s because of you he treated you poorly. But my guess is that’s his personality and for him to change, it takes a lot of introspection and will to change for a person to be that different with another. Meaning, he’s going to be taking his shitty personality right with him onto the next person. So don’t be so sure he’s going to treat the other person any better, did it ever occur to you he may treat her the same or worse! And don’t feel stupid for entering the relationship, you did what you thought was ok at the time. It’s ok to feel the way you do, just be loving to yourself. Hugs to you.

            • Kellia,
              Thank you for your comforting response. It would help me to remember that although I am down-and-out in life right now, I have not been most of my life and my ex-boyfriend KNOWS this, so I shouldn’t beat myself up for not being good enough for him to stay with me. Also, he had weekly psychotherapy for seven years straight until last year and then monthly (?) the year we dated, and he STILL couldn’t get up the nerve to tell me that he was unhappy with our relationship until breaking up with me, even things as simple as wanting to see me at least one weekday each week. (I had to wrest that request out of him with much loving kindness). (And this is a middle-aged guy who has been married and is the vice-president of a company!) What a coward! Furthermore, he told me, a few minutes after telling me that he wanted to break up with me to date other women, that he wanted to talk to his therapist about why his dating relationships didn’t last more than three months. I thought that talking about his future relationships with other women was really inconsiderate, especially considering that he had just dropped the ‘break up’ bomb on me.

          • “I tend to think that he will be (more) wonderful for the next lover/wife and I will miss out on a wonderful life (with him)”

            No, no, no. And also, NO.

            His ex-wife and discarded lovers were probably also thinking this. And yet, here he is, he’s crapped on a friend he has had for decades. Not exactly the makings of a wonderful life. And if he only has the capacity to “love” well at those times his partner’s life is going perfect I’d say you’ve dodged a bullet.

            • GOYSACA,

              Thanks for writing. I hadn’t thought about the point about crapping on a friend quite the way you so cleverly put it. I wouldn’t even want to be friends with someone who did this type of things to someone else. Interestingly, some months ago, ex-boyfriend told me that he was embarrassed that, although he did quite well professionally, he didn’t have good intimate relationships. In retrospect, I realize that my ex-boyfriend always kept his emotional armor up, even in the most intimate of moments with me, although I supported him and worshiped him, in spite of my awareness of some of his imperfections. Makes me feel as though my relationship with him in the last year (maybe even the last 30 years) meant nothing to him.

              Need to keep telling myself that other people (e.g., Chump Nation) have survived s–t storms, so I can, too. Reading about Emotionally Unavailable Men (and Women) and break ups is helping me feel not quite so bad for being ‘stupid/foolish’ about getting into this bad relationship and take this guy off the way-too-high pedestal I put him on. Realizing Who He Is helps me in moments of weakness avoid contacting him in an ill-advised attempt at reconciliation.

      • If only every narcisistic sociopath was able to expose themselves as he did during the interview they could be avoided.

  • The worst part of this is someone else will marry him. Even with google available. And they she will be surprised when he cheats. Or maybe not, he can find someone who wants an open marriage — but I doubt that. He is looking for a victim not a spouse.

    • Yes, right! There will be someone who thinks- Hey, I’m different!
      He has the fucking label, he put it on himself, proudly! Am I evil for hoping some woman actually breaks his heart? Not sure if it’s possible, but it would be funny!

  • Someone like him should avoid real women, what with their pesky thoughts and emotions and crap. He needs sex robots…a different one every month! He would have so much in common with the fembots, like depth and character and emotionsl i telligence. When he gets too ” intimate” with one and bored…on to the next one. Sexbot of the month club. Do you think they can make them with accents?

  • Fred “armpit” Armisen is the poster child for Esther Perel.

    “Love is an exercise in selective perception” Esther Perel quote

    “Everyone should cultivate a secret garden” Esther Perel quote.

    Freddie seems to have cultivated a secret garden of vaginas and perfected selective perception.

  • Ugh, I’m a little sick to my stomach reading this pile of oral excrement he spewed.

    He’s a pig, and she’s mighty for calling the marriage what it was – traumatic.His comments remind me of Billy Bob Thorton talking about Angelina Jolie and comparing her to a couch. Women are just objects to people like them.

    I saw a quote on a blog about narcissism that said Narcissists use other peoples bodies to masturbate. I think that’s one of the truest things I’ve ever read about these monsters.

    • OMG this is why I still read Chump Lady. I still find little nuggets of epiphany. That’s exactly how I felt with my ex-husband, like he was using my body to masturbate. Anything he did for my pleasure was only the price of doing business, like the lube step.

      • This is a nugget of epiphany. A guy I was engaged to years ago, used to act exactly like this during sex and I never could figure out what this was until now. This makes so much sense! I called off the engagement partly because the sex was so bad and his personality was so weird. I have never looked back!

  • Articulate little toad, isn’t he? He has a compulsion to have sex with strangers because he can’t believe anyone would want to. Elizabeth Moss is somewhere wiping her brow saying “Whew!” Bet he would have banged Jon Hamm if the opportunity arose. Star fucker.

  • Honestly, the UBT isn’t even needed as Armisen does a fine job of showing his true self. IMO this is borderline personality disorder and not sex addiction.

    There’s never any sense of personal responsibility. Also the pretzel logic — as in if you believe you are a sex addict (and male) why wouldn’t you get a vasectomy — instead of just being thankful that you didn’t manage to have any kids along the way.

    • I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 20s. I went through therapy and treatment and was re-evaluated in 2012. I no longer fit the criteria for BPD (except I still binge-eat).

      (And btw, my husband was the cheater. A LOT. If someone would have looked at both of us in our early twenties on paper, they would have said “oh she must have been the one to screw him over.” Not by my late 20s though. I put A TON of work into my recovery because there WAS something wrong.)

      This guy (Armisten) seems to have no sense of loss, histrionics, suicidal ideation or dependency on his conquests. It does not smack of BPD to me.

      I don’t guess at officially diagnosing people beyond saying: I think he’s a total ASSHOLE. And shouldn’t pursue a relationship with ANYONE. Even his right hand is probably scared.

  • In reading this, all I could wonder is who are these women that he continues to “conquer”? Who are the women on the other side of this sick wack of a fuck? He is not all that… the only thing that would make him the least bit appealing to me is to see him as a devoted husband/father with the same woman like Patrick Swayze.

    All I can think is someone like this doing what he is doing since who he is doing it with must be just like him, it is okay. It is keeping the pool of sharks together, together with each other! Fine by me.

    I mean, come on… what type of women would get under him? One who deserves him for sure. They are in the same chase for the same high — together.

    This guy is not your everyday cheater, he is more than that. He is all the cheaters, sex addicts and disordered combined.

    I am sorry, anyone over a certain age that has been divorced and is NOT a chump or widowed is well likely one of our very own sloppy CN chump leftover and if that is appealing to any women, so deserved.

    What a fuck wit.

    • “What kind of women would get under him?”
      Two kinds: Sexual jackals, like OW
      or – the red headed step child of the “pick me” dance girls –
      the dreaded “I can change him with my love” girls.

      • The Entertainment biz breeds plenty of people who would be willing to sleep with a guy this like to move in the right circles. The issue is when the rules of engagement are not properly understood. What Armison does is not fundamentally wrong (lots of short but intense relationships), but the issue is when he is not honest with himself and others about the fact that this is what he does. You don’t get married in these cases.

        Actors are a weird bunch, because well… they are actors. I had a job where I would have to go over somewhat complicated test results and options with people. I would get the occasional actor in my office. I would do my thing, think we were all on the same page, then 20 minutes later someone would be in my office asking me why Patient X (the actor) seemed to have no idea what was going on. I would be confused because I was all “they seemed to understand everything. I went over the info just like I always do.” It took me a few rounds of this to realize they are ACTORS… they are ACTING like a person who understands. They are doing a performance of a “patient getting test results”… but they don’t really understand what I’m saying. They are not processing and doing critical thinking… they are just acting.

        Armison probably does the same thing in his relationships. He does a performance that is part tortured artist, part intense lover, part worlds-best-boyfriend. But when his partner expects that actually BE that person, he’s not interested because it was just a role he was playing. It’s was an act. But of course when the other person does not realize that they are playing a supporting role in the movie that is the amazing Armison… well people get hurt.

        I had a friend who was a mostly unsuccessful actress. She got a bit of work, enough for her SAG card, but you wouldn’t know her name. We never had any kind of issue… but I could never quite put my finger on why I didn’t quite trust or connect with her. Another mutual friend commented just recently that “B is not very genuine. She says and does the right things, but you get the sense that it is all just an act.” … and it dawned on me. B is not a very good actress. Like she ACTS some part (friend, wife, mother), but something about it seems slightly off and you pick up on that when you interact with her for any period of time. Like when you watch a poorly done straight to video movie… the acting is so bad that you never really suspend belief or engage with the characters.

        • Wow. Stereotyping a bit too much, aren’t we? What has happened to you that you label ALL actors? And are you only considering film actors as true actors, or are you also including stage actors?

    • Right on Jackie’s Done-Plus at least Patrick Swayze could dance and he was sooooo handsome and sexy. I see absolutely nothing appealing about this dude and now that I know what he’s like on the inside, eeewwwww. I can’t imagine why there would be any “vagina options” for him!

  • I am sure if this guy went through an x-ray it would show he lacks skeletal structure and could ooze through the bottom of a door. His entire being is made up of oily smarmy gel except for his divining rod dick.

    He knows intimacy…bull shit. He knows kibble dispensers.

    Pleh…..I need to shower with bleach.

  • “The beginning is so intoxicating” – Seriously – So many things in life are intoxicating and I get that – I’m no square. Fred you repetitively justify hurting women just to satisfy your needs of intoxication? Very cruel and selfish – Very black & white. This schmuck is lucky I wasn’t interviewing him!

    I despise the media and the ass clowns they send out to interview these cheaters. Until the mainstream narrative on cheating will change, I will never purchase the magazine – click on that website – or tune in on TV. Not getting my ratings or my $$$. I will not support these shit-shows.

  • Wow this left me feeling so yucky reading about this. Here is a lot more info about this sociopath narc cheater for anyone interested:

    http://gawker.com/fred-armisen-has-a-reputation-1677187580

    Im glad he’s getting exposed like this, for only if it gets people talking and learning about Cluster B sociapaths. However im sure he is reveling in the attention.

    Elisabeth Moss is smart and I’m so glad she got out of that quick. She’s so beautiful and talented.

  • ‘When you’re a man who likes to have sex with people and you get to a place in your life where you can do that more frequently, how the fuck are you not going to do that?’
    Fine! Do that! Just stop faking that you want more than ‘vagina options’, (as if female body parts are sitting on shelves in a store somewhere???)
    If a person admits publicly that they only want conquest/discard sex, and get offended that there is a sentient being attached, who they DON’T want to interact with, hopefully they’ll get what they deserve- a revolving door of users (who will also dump them). Ms Moss, good for you for getting away!
    Sex addiction, my ass! I used to believe that nonsense, but I truly believe it’s a mask for un-treated mental illness. Go treat your illness, there is help out there (if you want to get better). My X treated his with booze every day at 8 AM, that’s not going to help! Start with some therapy.
    Anyway, I used to like Portlandia, some very funny stuff, but this Douche is waaay too impressed with himself. He is very, very Sparkley. Those type of people no longer fascinate me, I’m looking for down-to-earth humans, who know how to attach. That’s truly attractive!

  • “Like a turkey drawn to a chrome bumper — marriage was a reflective surface and I gazed. Until, you know, something else sparkled.”

    It’s sentences like this that make me want to hug the UBT!

    • Omg, this turkey in the bumper image is stuck in my head and making me laugh harder then I can ever remember, over and over again!!! Thank you CL!

  • This schmuck, Charlie Sheen and the fucker who led me to find CL. Shiver.

    Too bad they don’t have repellents named after them.

      • Think of the possibilities on a larger scale. Back in the day, I would totally have paid for full-house fumigation.

    • AAahhhh…I can’t unsee this….aaaahhhhhhh…plop, plop. It’s hell looking for run away eyeballs in the morning.

    • “women are cruel, venal, superficial, that they humiliate and break the hearts of men and that dolls on the contrary are reliable, compliant, companionable, and loving.”

      Gosh, I can’t imagine why he has experienced problematic relationships with women…

  • If this is how this guy was expressing himself during their courtship, I don’t understand what made him appealing enough to marry?! And if he was hiding his true colors, then I feel bad for his wife. She totally got duped.

    This guy is so off, that every single response pf his I read made my skin crawl. He’ not connected, doesn’t get intimacy, and his reason for getting married again is that it’s intoxicating?! Is this a perfume or alcohol we’re talking about. I can’t imagine his wife tolerating him for a whole year before she married him. I think I wouldn’t have even lasted 10 minutes with this guy, before wanting to bash his face in with a sledgehammer.

    • I don’t see how he’s much different from Jackass, aside from being famous. Garden variety cheater. He just has a chance to spew his disgusting thoughts where others can read them.

  • I just googled to see if the ex wife made any comments about the divorce, and 3 years after they split, she made this statement: ” Marriage to Fred was extremely traumatic and awful and horrible,”. Even he admits that he was a horrible husband and he also admits that he was a terrible boyfriend too. So he actually *knows* he was a crappy partner. He was 47 and she was 30 when they got married I believe. I feel bad for Elizabeth Moss, as it seems their courtship and marriage was awful all along.

  • What Elizabeth Moss said about Fred Armisen’s best impersonation was pretending to be normal really hit home for me. That’s a very good description of my ex as well.

    Ugh, as for the rest, no wonder I hate Portlandia. What a disordered bag of fingers-down-his-own-throat vomit.

  • Off topic but the reply button doesn’t appear to be working on some comments.!! Is anyone else having the same problem?

  • This is required reading for anyone whose partner is cheating. The UBT has given us a glimpse into the mind of a disordered cheater. Take it to heart. It’s why leaving and no contact are the best first response. Once you are out of the orbit of one of these hyenas, you can sort out if you have a disordered person (no hope for reconciliation) or a person with character problems who might be able to change (given time and real consequences, like separation or divorce).

  • This is a reply to Tempest further up responding to Lost2015 –
    Tempest, I have also been over my ex husband for quite some time but like you and most if not all Chumps, I struggle now and again with what he was/is capable of towards me and I was his best friend. I thought my heart was going to stop yesterday because I learned from my son-in-law’s twitter account that I am to be a grandmother for the first time and I have not been told. My son-in-law removed the comment about 90 minutes later and to add more salt into my wounds, my ex husband sent me a New Year video he took in Phnom Penh of the ‘new’ family and towards the very end the tramp he lives with said in her best brokern English, Happy New Year (my daughter’s name), (my son-in-laws name) and (my son’s name). To think this 3rd world piece of sh*t will be in my grandchild’s life and not me is devastating for me. It is very hard to comprehend but my ex has done a real number on our kids to my exclusion completely. As you stated “the mind can’t consistently comprehend the depths of evil and insensitivity”. My ex is the gift that keeps on giving. My heart is in so many pieces I am wondering if I will ever put it back together and if I manage to it will be an old lump of mush.

    • Oh, Maree. I am so sorry. Just knowing what your family did to you is torture; I cannot imagine the depth of pain you are living through. To send you that video indicates your X is a sociopath at a high level. Not worth the air he’s breathing, and worth more dead (as fertilizer) than alive.

      Can you try not to access your children’s social media at all until they come to their senses? If they are at the age to start having children of their own, it is going to be one knife-wound at a time for the next few years. Big hugs to you.

      • Lyn, thank you for this. I live in Australia and I have just looked up grandparent services here. I will most definitely follow it up. Once again thank you. I was a very good mother and I will be a great grandmother. My daughter most of all has a very cruel nature and I know she has never liked it when people like me. My mother was the same about me. I must have a flaw that I am not aware of although my mother made sure I knew it existed. Just me being a bit of a sook today !! 🙂

    • Maree, block that prick from sending you such shit. Why do you need to see his 2 dolla whore posting that garbage?
      In fact, just block the whole damn lot of them – they are scum. Your son and daughter are scum, too – to consort with such a lowlife whore.

  • Armisen is a monster. He cheated on Elizabeth Moss? He’s a monster.

    Carrie Brownstein is a Swiss-friend of the first-order. I have loved Portlandia, but I’m torn now.

    I lived in Olympia, Washington in the early nineties. Olympia is the birth-place of the Riotgrrls. Kathleen Hannah, Tobi Vail, Carrie Brownstein: all third-wave feminists. Hannah married Ad-Rock from the Beastie Boys. (He once rapped: “I did it with a whiffle-ball bat.” Tobi Vail dated Kurt Cobain. Brownstein famously got outted in Spin. These were a few of the women at the helm of the third-wave feminist sex-revolution.

    I’d heard rumblings about Armisen, but I hadn’t read his words. And let’s not forget Maron interviewed Obama for his WTF podcast.

    Makes me sick to think about the blood-line that rubber-stamps this sexual-predator behavior. Using “vagina” as a dis-embodied noun is an insight into how these fucks think.

    Now witness the progeny of the Jezebel sex-culture. Armisen and Brownstein have entire episodes of Portlandia that appear to be glowing shrines to feminism. They rape feminism in order to profit. This article is no laughing matter to me. Men subverted the third-wave and apparently they had women’s help.

    • Ian, you are wondering about the same things I noticed and wondered about when puberty started my inclination to pay attention to what males are doing, and what other females are doing. I thought I might be missing some essential components in my own thought process, because I could not understand the utter stupidity of some of the aspects of the mating dance. To be totally honest, I still don’t, and probably never will!

      I have lived thru the so called sexual revolution and have more than a passing acquaintance with the feminist movement. I do not understand why women continue to condone and enable men’s bad behavior, or why a man who purports to be seeking a “relationship” with a woman would ever consider doing any of the self destructive behaviors we talk about on this forum. It makes no logical sense, and some of the consequences of these terrible choices, made by both men and women, are horrific.

      Aside from income/job parity, legal rights, and equal education opportunities and funding, there is little that interests me about the more “modern” feminists. I do not equate promiscuity with sexual liberation. I feel we demean ourselves when we allow anyone easy access to our most private parts and thoughts. Loving someone sexually should be an earned experience in my book, and I don’t owe anyone any excuses for wanting or not wanting to be with someone sexually. I don’t need to share my experience on social media, I don’t need to advertise my “wares” or desires to others. In short, I don’t fit in with the “lets get together and hook up, friends with benefits” dating scene, and I refuse to see those who do as “liberated.”

      The woman’s liberation movement was not designed to take away any responsibilities from men — it was supposed to give more opportunities for development for women. The benefits of equal opportunities for the sexes should benefit both of the sexes. The fact is, however, that some of the side effects for those who do not understand the goals of the movement is the creation of monsters like this man and his ilk.

      I do not see much progress from being a piece of chattel that can be “owned” by a man, to being regarded as an available vagina. May God help women who still believe they can “fix” such damaged men, or men who believe they can “save” such damaged women. It is an exercise in futility.

    • Ian I agree with you. I was influenced by riotgrrl as a 12 year old, and it helped me find my voice. Now, a lot of the movement has been subverted by training us to feel empowered by showing our bodies, or else we’re prudes. See the latest nude instagrams by celebrities that we’re supposed to laud because they went topless. It’s fine for gossip, but it doesn’t speak to me as a feminist.

  • Yeah, I don’t see how people getting girlfriends after crap like this, but they do. This guy, Charlie Sheen, all of them. I remember I saw an interview with Rick Springfield a while back. He was talking about sex a lot, kind of like this guy. Note I feel sick every time I even hear his name or see him. Bleeehhh. How do the women get past this?

    • I wondered this exact same thing too! I don’t understand how people like this get girlfriends, but you’re right. There will be some woman who will think she is the exception and can change him, that he’ll be *different* with her. Until boom, it’s the same dynamic all over again! And Charlie Sheen is disgusting. I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. I thought Denise Richards was out of her mind to have married him, but she also suffered tremendously in consequence and still is… A leopard doesn’t change its spots that easily.

      • It’s the lure of celebrity. He’s just another Woody Allen with a slightly different sociopathic flavor. What is taboo to the ordinary man is lauded in the debaucherous Hollywood circles. Anyone who would hook up with Armisen after this interview had come to light has serious disorders of their own.

  • ” because it could be a lot worse. I think of the lucky side of it. I didn’t have a string of children along the way or anything like that. I am actually fortunate.”
    ya know, when i say stupid shit, i realize it right away….and try to stop. yes, after all the hell he has put people through, how nice of him to feel fortunate, it could have been worse for him…..who cares about the people he left in his wake. don’t know who this guy is and don’t care. he’s only important in his own mind.

  • How can two adults have a conversation about intimacy when referring to women as “VAGINA OPTIONS”?
    I’d think of them as “man babies” but that would be an insult to babies everywhere.
    How about this flip side -“Gee, I’d like to think of being intimate with you , but there are just too many penises to distract me”, or “I’d love to talk to your face but those testicles are getting in the way”
    This conversation was beyond misogynistic. So kind of them to think of possible offspring,though. Someone, please, provide these hideous humans with free vasectomies while they are talking about accidentally knocking up some poor VAGINA.

    • A vasectomy is too good for these gents. Do it like do in Texas. Elastration. Put a rubber band around their junk and let it rot off.

    • I know, you took the words out of my mouth. Gobsmacked by this. I’m super busy at work so no time to read all the posts… but I USED TO be a fan of Portlandia. Never going to watch another episode ever. What an unbelievable fucktard P.O.S.

  • Clearly there needs to be a public announcement about Fred….I do find him amusing, as a comedian, but seriously, this man needs to stay single. Maybe he needs a teeshirt or a tattoo indicating his willingness to get married, but his inability to actually commit to monogamy. A contest for the graphics and wording?

    • Given that he is reported to have a huge dick never mind being a huge dick perhaps the tattoo can be marked on his member sort of like that old Jamaica joke.

      Bob was going out with Wendy and he loved her so much that he wanted to get her name tattooed on his penis. When it was erect it spelled “Wendy” but when limp it said “W Y” After their wedding day they went to Jamaica for their honeymoon.

      One day they went to the beach and Bob went to the public restroom. In the urinal next to him was this big Jamaican man. Bob looked over the urinal and noticed the letters “W Y” on the Jamaican’s penis and he asked him, “Your girlfriend’s name must be Wendy?”

      The big Jamaican man looked at him and said, “No, man, mine says ‘Welcome to Jamaica, man have a nice day!'”

  • My guess is at least 80% of the entertainment world, at least the actors, are just like Fred Armisen, but most are smart enough to not announce it in interviews. Narcissists are drawn to the entertainment world more than flies are drawn to shit, and managing to become successful in that world generally requires a large dollop of sociopathy added to the mix.

    Armisen’s reputation does not appear to be a secret, so I assume that many, if not most, of the women he does the nasty with are aware of it, but do not care for reasons of their own. Keep in mind that women in that world are just as likely to be disordered as men. But of course, some are simply naive, and those are the ones I feel sorry for.

  • I almost sent this to my XH, it sounds just like him and the things he would say. My divorce was finalized today…. God is good, he signed off on everything I asked for, as the day before I found his second phone and all the “new” fuck friends, just after he told me he was a changed person, and even though he knew it would be hard for me to believe, he was changed and he knew it in his heart! He swore on Christ that he was changed….didn’t even think about sex or women at all anymore. Lol, then hours later I pull the second phone from his bag…Oops! Guess he forgot about THOSE women he was proclaiming love to and he even tried to justify the five woman I found….but three were over seas so gosh, Jen, they don’t count…couldn’t do them in person! He almost lost more then his wife, I held his job in my hands…all this on a co workers work phone, on his work Ipad, as a VP he could not be more stupid! Alimony won out….but at that moment it would have almost been worth it! Tough days ahead for me…going NC by the end of the week…and just read the new CL book to help bolster my courage. My struggle, and the awful feeling that wakes m up at nite, is how grossly unfair it is that he gets to keep his shiny reputation at his new job in another state, everyone thinking what a nice guy he is and so sad his wife divorced him….while I eat that very large shit sandwich yet again, keeping his secrets. Trusting that his time will come and he will be found out for who he truly is. Looking forward to a time when the thoughts will subside and he takes up less room in my head!

    • Congrats JenPen! I signed the settlement papers yesterday. Ah yes the fuck phone. I am all too familiar with the fuck phone….

      We both signed the settlement papers yesterday, but at 9:30 last night Judas texted me to see if I wanted ‘to hang out.’ No shit. Because I still have to be nice because I have my crap to get out of the house yet, I did not tell him to fuck off. I just said I was in bed, so no thanks. Well, he did tell me after I found out about his fuck phone that we needed to get divorced so we could get back together again. Yep. Apparently divorce is the answer to gettting rid of our baggage. Either that or he just needs to justify his shitty behaviour and no longer be ‘committed’ to a wife.

      • Wait, LadyStrange–aren’t you the one he cheated on because he claimed you cheated on him? Yet he wants to reunite? The muscles in my eyes are now equivalent to the pectorals of World Class Weightlifters because of how often I roll my eyes at cheaters. Oy vay.

        • Yep! Oh hell – he’s been pulling this shit throught the last 3 years of the divorce process. I won’t talk to him for weeks then suddenly he texts me and wants to talk about the weather. Then it becomes “What are you doing tonight?” “Can I bring over dinner and some wine?” He’s a piece of work. The other day he texted me about how he is going to have to take out a loan to pay for all this shit (Our Son’s medical bill – I won that!!!. lawyers, roof, etc…) Um sorry asswipe, I have NO sympathy for you. You cannot know how bad I wanted to whip out the text he sent me a few years ago stating that as soon as I was out of the picture and he had a new girlfriend (of the many to chose from out of the Yahoo and phone fucks), how RICH he would be. Yes – he must have thought Santa was making the mortgage payment. Anyway guess what asshole? We had a good life. Our kids had a good life. YOU chose to fuck that up. I could give a flying fuck about your problems now rich boy….

          • OMG, Lady Strange, I think we were married to the same guy. The Entitled One is starting to text again wanting to hang out and do family time and even said something about us getting back together again sometime in the future. After he walked out on our good life, destroyed our family, forced me to rebuild a new life (that’s turning out to be better already than the life we had together)…I’m supposed to hope we’ll get together in the future and do it all over again?

            • He realized the grass is really shit brown on the other side. What an ass! And yes, Judas made it sound like he was giving me a ‘deal’ by possibly getting back together in the future. Huh? If I didn’t still have my stuff at the house I would be NC. However – I went NC and it backfired on me and when the house sold (the first time), because I wasn’t talking to Judas, he created havoc and the sale of the house fell through. Therefore, I still need to be somewhat nice to the asshole until THIS sale goes through, I get another place to live, and get my shit from ‘our’ house. Puke

  • What a contradiction Fred seems to be … Hey, I’m a narcissist and I’m going to tell you just how stupid I am. I wonder if he thinks he’s being funny.

    If Fred had said he had a problem, and he didn’t recognize it until his first marriage, and he is remorseful and that he is working on it, and until he figures it out, he’s not taking anyone else down with him, then I’d appreciate his honesty. Generally speaking, a lot of comedians come from dysfunctional families, and are depressed or BPD and hide behind a mask of humour …. just even the stereotype of the sad, sad clown rings true.

    So it’s not the dysfunction so much … it’s the fact he recognizes it and yet he continues to perpetuate it in a flippant way … that’s what’s disturbing. This ain’t comedy, Fred, it’s someone’s life. Hopefully your next target will have read this interview.

    Self-destruct on your own time.

  • Some people are just pond scum pod people. Hims and hers. They just suck this fred guy is an extra oridinary douchebag suck ass low life and hes not even funny. I appreciate the confirmed bacholar/bacholettes for remaining single the correct thing to do if one is not manogomous. With all the me me me pods and i have to have my total happiness pods and the acceptance of the cheating and lying by a whole nother bunch of losers how does marriage in this day and age really stand a chance. Sigh! One can only hope the honest and true people find each other. I probably wont be able to convince two of my kids not to marry but i will damn sure make sure they have prenups in place! Me this gurl stays single for the rest of my days. Never again will i put my finances or my person in jeopardy again. I realize there are those who want to remarry. Fine universe bless you but me uh no. Im not even considering dating again i still have a long way to go besides if a boyfriend gets on my nerves very simply to say go home to your own home!

  • Been thinking about this all day because it’s a chilling and dead-on reflection of The Entitled One: “When you’re a man who likes to have sex with people and you get to a place in your life where you can do that more frequently, how the fuck are you not going to do that?”

    This is pretty much what he told me when he ended wreckonciliation. He’d gotten successful and well-known in his industry and suddenly had plenty of “vagina options” looking for a dick with stock options. So many holes, so little time.

    • Better Days,
      My ex-boyfriend got promoted to VP approx six weeks before he dumped me. (I was planning his promotion party at the time the bomb was dropped.) Suddenly, there were tons of Vagina Options that needed to be explored (and will likely be left open by their owners who desire the stock options that come with a guy who seems nice and educated). Apparently, the Vagina Options need to be explored right now (to find Miss Right–WTF?) because he’s been ‘divorced for only 18 months’ and separated for only 30 months. So why didn’t he (who has known me for 30 years) tell me this before he became my boyfriend?

    • I wanted to have more sex with my wife. But I guess since I wasn’t seducing other women, that meant I wasn’t attractive enough for my wife to have sex with me? Her AP on the other had, was like Fred Armisen, so I suppose to some, that is more attractive.

  • All of you at CN are so gifted at expressing the vortex of thoughts & feelings that escaping from these predators leaves you with, and for that I humbly thank you. However, CL has outdone herself today: “find your soul. Put a bird on it.” Yessssssssss! Will never enjoy Fred again!

    The experience of sex being him using your body to masturbate is why I chose my CN name. I don’t care about the outcome, I’d just like to have sex with a guy who’s actually present…and remember what that’s like after 25 years of soul-destroying sex. I’m the one who should have cheated!!!!

  • That explains why I never found him very funny, but always found him to be kind of annoying and creepy…. He IS creepy, and not very funny.

    He should spend more time practicing his bad comedy and less time talking about what an asshole he is.

  • BTW, all the commenting, reply button, non-secure submission errors are likely on the WordPress back-end. It’s beyond Chump Lady’s control. WordPress updates in the background, so the comment problems will wax and wane. I’ve got them too when I comment. They’ll just work themselves out.

  • This actually gave me the chills, so deranged. Almost the most terrifying thing I have read on CL.

  • This is so sad! I loved Portlandia. What’s up with these shitty people just not breaking up with you? Why do they have to make you break up with them so insidiously? That shit hurts! My ex did that to me and it made me question the motivation of every single guy I’ve dated. “Is he trying to get rid of me now?”

  • Coming from someone who dated Fred, reading the interview transcripts made my stomach turn, however brought insight to his overall mindset.

    When I met Fred, he was not famous. He was just a struggling musician. Looking back, our dating can only be described as a textbook narcissistic relationship. In the early stages I was idealized and made to feel special, like the only person in the room. Out of nowhere, I was devalued and discarded without him even having the common courtesy to tell me that we were breaking up. I learned that it was over when he stood me up on a date and the next time I saw him at a show he coldly ignored me, acted like we had never met, and had already moved on to dating someone else. After the fact, our mutual friends told me that he seemed nervous to be around them, leading me to believe that he was only concerned about saving face after how he behaved. I was left feeling foolish for trusting him, used, and humiliated by the whole experience.

    My heart goes out to all those other women he has negatively impacted.

  • Crazy to read this. He is so inarticulate, too: the mishmash of Word Salad that makes no sense but clearly conveys that he is a sick f*cker…

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