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Official Book Day!

LeaveACheater_cvrHey, today is the official publish release day for “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life — The Chump Lady’s Survival Guide,” my new book. How fitting that it comes out on a Tuesday. (To the newbies — Tuesday is my answer to “When does the pain stop?” Tuesday. I don’t know which Tuesday, I just know that Tuesday is out there waiting for you.)

Thanks to everyone who’s already read and reviewed the book. (Except for Fiona, and really, would it be a publishing event without Fiona the Troll?) I know the book has already shipped to those who pre-ordered or got one of the oops! Amazon Kindle pre-lease versions. (Re-download, they’ve worked out the kinks.)

And a final reminder that this Saturday is the official book launch party — or as I’m calling it, Chumpapalooza! — at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. Please come and have a whack at the Sparkles the Unicorn piñata. (Haven’t quite worked out how we’re going to whack unicorns at the Press Club. We might have to improvise and thug-kick it in a circle.) Hope you can make it!

Forgive the day of self-promotion here, but I thought I’d do a little new book FAQ. Happy Tuesday everyone!

So how come I can’t get your old book and why is it $300 used on Amazon?

When I got a traditional book deal, I had to stop producing my self-published book as part of the contract. So any copies out there floating around are from third-party sellers, who will scalp it for any price they think they can get. I’m oddly flattered at the exorbitant prices. But really, forget the old book.

I read your last book, why should I read this one?

This book is all the best of the old book, plus twice as much new content, plus letters, plus new cartoons. So, there’s some bang for your buck here, even if you read the old one.

I didn’t leave much out from the last book, I just reworked it. I think it’s much more digestible now, a better read, and the cartoons are in COLOR!

Also, buying the book does more than just line my publisher’s pockets. (I already got my advance, so you’re not lining mine unless we out sell the advance. I’m optimistic here, but it could take a year or two.) Buying the book:

  1. Is a blow against the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. Right now, to the best of my knowledge, this is the ONLY infidelity resource out there that doesn’t assume reconciliation and focuses on CHUMPS.
  2. Increases sales numbers and rank, which is what publishers pay attention to. You want more chump-centric, non-RIC infidelity resources for future chumps? Support this book. That means other voices will be heard because they can point to the success of this book. I self-published at first because I had NOTHING to compare my message to in the market.
  3. Is a nice way to pay it forward for another chump. You don’t need your copy any more? Give it to a friend. We all know people going through this crap.

I read your blog. That’s enough of your potty-mouthed diatribes for me. Why should I get the new book when everything is here on the blog?

A) There is new content in the book that is not on the blog. B) You can’t afford $10? Really? C) It’s a handy toolkit for anyone going through this. Call me crazy, I still like print, especially with illustrations. A book and a blog are not mutually exclusive. My hope is that they complement each other.

What was it like to work with a traditional publisher this time?

Well, I didn’t really know what to expect. I’ve worked in academic publishing for years, so I’ve sat in the editor’s seat. But I’ve never had any experience with other non-wonky publishers. I suppose what really surprised me was how YOUNG everyone was. (I’m not that old! 49!) My editor didn’t get certain references, like “trip the light fandango” (which is taken from Milton’s “trip the light fantastic”) or words like “quiver” (as in a quiver of arrows). Essentially, I had to stop being a flaming nerd. But I fought in some instances to keep my nerd voice as written.

My editor at Running Press was great. The freelance copy editor they got, however, was a hot mess. I wrote the book to be gender and orientation neutral, so that means writing with the singular “they.” IT’S A THING. And this nitwit went through 240 pages and rewrote it as “his or hers.” So I had to painstakingly take all that crap out (as well as the appalling misuse of hyphens — learn about MODIFIERS!)

Anyway, I marked up my galleys with a hundred supercilious grammar notes. Not fun.

The book designer they got was absolutely awesome. I love the edgy fonts and use of color. I’m not so sure about the cover with “me” in a superhero cape, but that was the publisher’s call.

Overall, a very positive experience. And I’m eternally grateful to Running Press for taking a chance on Chump Nation.

Are you in my head? Did you base that letter on ME? 

I wrote all the letters myself, based on actual letters I get here. One letter was lifted directly from the blog (why do cheaters get married?), which is a letter I wrote myself when I started this blog.

Some telling details (like the cheater who wants his ex-wife chump to finance his wine bar) is a REAL EXAMPLE. (My editor was like “you’re making that up” right?) I got permission in those few instances.

But overall, the chump experience is so universal that I’m sure many, many people think those letters are based on their situation personally. They aren’t. Cheaters are really that banal and predictable. (As are we, I suppose.)

Who drew the illustrations?

I did! I know I haven’t drawn much here lately, but I think I overdid it for this book. I drew and colored a lot more cartoons than wound up in the final book. I’m sort of taking a hiatus from cartoons for a little while. (Well, that and my old Mac still isn’t set up. We moved recently.) But I promise to get back at it.

I think my favorite cartoon in the book is the hopium smoker. What’s yours?

TwigLady_COLOR2I don’t know who Andrea Dworkin is and I don’t have twigs in my hair. Explain. 

You’ve probably known a few evangelizing forgivers. Their Facebook posts go something like this:

I’ve forgiven my cheating ex and now I feel as light as an untethered balloon! I had to let go of the hate and bitterness. I didn’t want to be that Angry Woman–unkempt, twigs in her hair, spitting at the ground, muttering curses at her long-departed husband.

I saw my future and it was bleak — just lonely nights with my cats, Netflix, and Andrea Dworkin manifestos. But now that I’ve freed myself from resentment, people like me again and I smell better too. I’m so happy I finally forgave! Forgive someone today!

The post comes with a shiny sunrise picture, a yoga pose, or an untethered balloon (maybe all three). Chumps read it, feel less than, and check their hair for twigs.

I begged my editor to keep the Dworkin reference and told her to Google it. (My editor was born around the time Dworkin was popular.) The cartoon is my little homage to Andrea Dworkin, who was a radical feminist. If you were an earnest, granola-headed liberal arts feminist in the 1980s, you read Dworkin.

She’s the hairy-legged man hater boogyman You Will BECOME If You Don’t FORGIVE!

Twigs in the hair (I’m sure Dworkin’s hair was just fine) is just something I thought of as wild and unkempt. You crazy radical un-forgivers you!

Are your exes going to sue you for writing this?

The book was thoroughly vetted by the publisher’s legal team. There’s nothing identifiable or not the truth. Besides, if they have a problem, I’m married a very accomplished trial lawyer.

Anyway, the book isn’t much about my personal story. I really don’t care what any of the exes, mine or my husband’s or yours think. I didn’t write the book for them. I wrote it for chumps.

Are you going on a book tour? Are you coming to my town?

As of yet, no book tour. That’s the publisher’s call. We’ve recently relocated to the DC metro area, so if you’re a few hours away and want to set something up, email me. Self-promotion and flogging the book are up to me — and Chump Nation. Thank you! And a shout out to Tempest, the Che Guevara of the Chump Revolution!

What did you hope to accomplish by writing a book?

I wrote this book (and created this blog) to be the resource I wished I’d had when I went through infidelity. I’m sorry the topic of cheating is perennially relevant, but at least there is one resource out there now that’s for chumps alone.

Couldn’t have done it without you all. THANKS!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Dear CL, I have been reading your site for weeks now, and I can’t wait to read your book. I can’t tell you how much your site and all of the comments from others have helped me through the last few weeks.

    And guess what? I think I might be starting to feel better – on a Tuesday!

    Thanks again you lovely chumps x

  • We love you, CL!

    Impatiently waiting for delivery of the books. Hope my dear friend gains a better perspective of her situation after reading the copy in giving her.

    • Yes! Massive congratulations, Tracy! I’m so happy for you, and am inspired by the success of the amazing way you turned some huge pain into such great help for others. I was laughing so hard when I read how fitting it is that your new book drops on a TUESDAY! Love it! Ordering mine now, and I can’t wait to hear that you’re on the amazing book tour we all know you’ll do, and being invited on The View (won’t you have fun on there!). Congrats again, and THANK YOU for all you’ve done to help Chumps Leave a Cheater, and Gain a Life! Xoxo!!

    • Wait, CL doesn’t live in Texas any more? When? Why? Gosh, I feel like I’m the last to know on so many things in life. (Is this a Chump thing?)

      And congrats again on your book, CL!!

      Just for the record, I LOVE the super heroine in the cape as YOU!! It’s better than Misty Copeland getting her own Barbie with muscles. You are mighty, CL!!

      • LOL. I guess I’ve come a long way – because I can laugh at this observation now, instead of flinch. 🙂

        • Nice! I can’t make it to your launch, unfortunately, but if you ever throw a Chumpapalooza, I’d love to see you and to make another visit to the Folger library!

          Congrats on the book; I’ve been enjoying (I think? Is that wrong?) my copy.

  • Congrats CL! Been reading my new copy last few nights and still have one of the originals. Looking forward to filling my trunk and handing them out this year! Fantastic!

    • Yay! My pre-ordered book arrived today! I am taking it on my AmTrak trip tomorrow. When I opened the package and held the book, I felt a calm wash all over me. Didn’t buy the first book but I’ve been reading the blog for a couple years now. Sooo looking forward to reading it. Congratulations, ChumpLady!

  • Woo hoo!! Congrats, Tracy! Got my 3 copies yesterday!! I hope I never have to give away the extra 2 (but I suspect we all know better).

    As for this: “I read your blog. That’s enough of your potty-mouthed diatribes for me.”

    Perish the thought! MORE potty-mouthed diatribes for me!

    • Exactly. That’s the reason *to* get the book….more potty mouth diatribes. Can’t wait 🙂

    • I am a proud inhabitant of Pottymouth Land! The official language of Pottymouth Land is Potty Mouth Diatribe. There is too little potty mouth diatribe in the world. I think it might actually alleviate mental irregularity. Just sayin’. 🙂

    • Same here, and yep, if for whatever reason some fuckwits can’t handle the fucking hell of 2×4 empowering advice so generously given by CL and CN, well THEY can just go and fuck themselves… :)!!

  • Congratulations Tracy, you have lit the way for so many chumps and brought so many of us from the darkness into the light. I have now gotten my two copies of your books and I thank you for writing it.

    Personally for me, they help me make sense of all that crazy shit that went down so many years ago. Thanks to you, I have finally been able to drop the cloak of self-blame and move into the light. I hope your book sells a zillion copies and I hope that it goes to best seller. Thank you for being here for us chumps.

    Hugs to you and all of chump nation!

  • Viva Chump Lady! Congratulations and thank you! I got my pre-ordered copy last week. Between work, being a single mom, and perennially sick from preschool germs, I’ve only made it through the first few pages. But I love ’em all the same!

  • Congrats Tracy! I have both books and just LOVE both of them!!!!! My Tuesday has come about one year now and I am loving it. Thank you for the pure honesty you have given to us and you got me to really study about Cluster B Personalty Disorders and now I know the truth what the ex is and his followers (aka Flying Monkeys). I’m loving life now and I don’t blame myself at all and I have forgiven myself. Now I know what Meh is all about and it is AWESOME!!!!!

  • Congrats on the book! Much anticipated! And you are right! This is the ONLY site that does not assume reconciliation! WHY I wonder?

      • False hope is like a bag of candy, fun for 5 minutes or so. Self-respect is the nourishment we need and you are one of the very few serving it up. You changed my life and my entire perception of myself. Thank you!

  • Like Tempest, I got my three copies over the weekend. I also hope to never need to pass a copy along to a newly-minted Chump, but I stand ready should that day come.

    I bought several copies of the first book, too – gave a copy to my library, kept a copy for myself, gave two copies away (one of them just a month ago – sigh), and have one in reserve. I am reading the new one now, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the new content and cartoons!

    You are truly doing God’s work. I know personally that your no-nonsense message saved the sanity and the lives of three chumps here in SE Michigan. I wish that were hyperbole, but it isn’t. From vomiting, sleeplessness, PTSD and suicidal thoughts to MIGHTY and thriving in all three cases (myself included). Your insistence on relentlessly shifting the narrative away from cheaters and onto chumps is saving lives!

    Thank you from the bottom of my chumpy heart. Congratulations and Happy Book Day!

    • Thanks LMM. It makes me so happy to know some fellow Detroiters were helped. But you all are badasses, so mighty was only a matter of time. 🙂

    • Fellow Detroit chump here. Wish there was a way to meet up. I could sure use some fellow chump support!
      Got both copies of books. I am debating leaving a copy at the door step of a new chump in my neighborhood that I have heard about.

      • Another SE Michigander here – I’ve been seriously contemplating a Chump support group – nothing like a 12 step group though!
        I received my copy last week – IT IS AWESOME!!! Thank you with every fiber of my being ChumpLady, you are the light in a very murky mess 🙂

  • Thank you for writing this book! I truly appreciate he time & effort you put into it as well as this site!

    Wish I could be at the event,
    AOK
    (Proud hair twig wearer since D-day May 2015)

  • Congratulations CL in the publication of your new book becoming a bestseller.

    I read Fiona’s nasty review and she comes off as unhinged, the irony she has proven your point and her review is a perfect example of the disordered cheater mindset.

    Cheaters expect to be taken seriously and being laughed at irritates them. Fiona’s steel plated humorless panties are in knots. Seems as though leaving a cheater and gaining a life deeply offends her ego

    Why do cheaters and cheater apologists resent your message “leave a cheater gain a life”. It’s evident cheaters resent chumps who leave them. It’s as though in their narrow narrative they cannot handle being rejected and see chumps move on and be happy without them.

    Dear Fiona you’re a joke….your rant and obvious lack of character has just increased CL’s book sales.

    • Just a note: do **NOT** reply to Fiona’s existing terrible review on Amazon (it bumps up her review in recency, and in importance). Now that people have already responded to Fiona-the-troll, it’s time to practice NC, NC, NC (unless she posts another one under an assumed name).

        • Fiona is obviously a self-important bag of hot air. How often does she mention that she is “informed and knowledgeable” and then deride Tracy for having no formal training? What is her formal training other that she is self-proclaimed “informed and knowledgeable”? My guess is that her “informed and knowledgeable” translates to cheater or OW.

      • Thanks, Tempest! What happens if people simply click “Not Helpful” without replying, do you know?

        I just read Fiona’s manifesto (oops, review) and I think the only people who would ever take it to heart are people who already agree with her. Some trolls are truly skilled writers who excel at making what sounds like a few reasonable points look extremely well researched amidst a lot of crap. Not this one.

        I have to agree that ignoring her is the best move, both in terms of how Amazon works and in terms of how the world works.

  • Congratulations and thank you for the book and this site. I’ve bought the book and the kindle book, along with your prior book and hope this all helps you keep this good work going for a very long time to come! A voice of sanity in the wilderness!

  • Congratulations! I loved the book and wrote a glowing review on Amazon. 🙂 I’ve been a diligent reader of the blog since September and it continues to be a source of clear thinking and reason in a sea of mindfuckery and moral relativism about infidelity. It still blows my mind how many people out there either outright excuse infidelity or make inane remarks like “it happens.” Yeah. So do a lot of clearly bad and wrong things. But an entire society is not rationalizing and explaining away those things. Thank you for being such a strong voice of truth in this world of truthiness!

  • So happy for you Tracy! Looking forward to the party and asking you to sign my three copies! BTW, I got mine a couple of weeks ago. Didn’t expect to see them in the mail that early. Cheers!

  • Congratulations! I managed to get one of the pre-ordered kindle copies a month ago, which I devoured in a weekend. But then for whatever reason Amazon would not let me post a review. Off to do that now!

  • Congrats, Tracy! We’re all glad you stuck your neck out to offer something that goes against the dominant, typical RIC. Buying my copy for the inevitable day when I’ll need to give it to someone else who needs it.

  • Yahoo! What a terrific day this is. Congratulations Tracy!!! You are a true alchemist. You took an awful situation (being cheated on) and turned it into gold, i.e. this board and Chump nation! Thank you for empowering us and for being such a great role model!!!

        • Ditto Mia! A Chumplady visit to Australia would be Awesome. I recieved my copy of the book that I pre-ordered, today. And sadly, have a friend who really needs it. So it will get use immediately!

          • If you went to Aussie then us kiwi chumps would pay a visit – unless you fancied a holiday in nz with a little book signing, bungy jumping, wine tasting, volcanoes climbing on the side!!!

        • Maybe it’s too short notice to organise now, but it’s just occurred to me that we could have chump meet-ups around the world on the 14th. A global book party!

  • I got the book a few days ago (I still need to review it on Amazon). I read it all in one day with some nice (by nice, I mean cheap because I’m a grad student) Chilean Carmenere.

    I was happy to find out that I didn’t need the book anymore, that most of the wisdom I had internalized through Chump Nation and being part of this community. That being said, it was still very enjoyable and very funny. I can just imagine myself going over this book several times just a year ago. Maybe today is Tuesday.

    Thank you Tracy for writing this book, I will keep it around for when someone else needs it more or if some day I feel like I need a reminder to be mighty.

    Also, I would prefer is Tempest stuck around long past the revolution (unlike Che).

  • It’s always good timing at CN…I’m up early preparing for yet another round of expensive and semi- pointless depositions with Dickhead, in the totally-unnecessary but agonizingly-ongoing Divorce from the Narcissist with Whom I Procreated… And here comes Tracy’s good news over the electronic transom.

    One day my Tuesday will come… As did Tracy’s and as did The Book! Congratulations… I think I’ll take my just-delivered copy with me to browse between deposition questions.

  • You are so mighty! Congratulations on your success, and thank you for your clarity and determination. And the potty mouthed diatribes.

  • Sincerest congratulations Tracy. As I’ve said in other communications, you’re doing more good than you know. Bask in the glory that the comments in this thread will bring you — it’s well-deserved.

    • Pass on sending it to Sharon. She was the OW with Ozzy’s first marriage. She is not a nice person at all and a true NPD.

      • Well perhaps Chump Nation can band together and contact producers at “The Talk”, “Ellen”, GMA and the Today show… They are always looking for relevant guests and between “Lemonade”, Sharon Osborne, all the headlines in the gossip rags, its time to change the narrative! Anyone in? Tempest?

        • Was going to keep it a secret, but I’m sending a book to Dr. Phil.

          Some of the SoCal & NY chumps might have access to talk shows.

  • Congratulations! You are providing a valuable service. You know you are doing something right because Cheaters hate you!

    Ex found my copy of your book and was engaged by it. Enough said. You were saying the exact opposite of all that lovely cheater -centrific RIC advice he loved so well. No accountability, more sex, work on your flaws so he won’t “stray” again. Find out what the cheating gave him and recreate it. Ughhhh, ughhhh, ughhhh. Thank you for stopping the insanity!

  • Congratulations on the book and the party. I love a good party and I believe that will be a great one. I shake my head every day as I read the posts and think, gosh, I wish Tracy could charge for this–she would be one rich woman! You have done a wonderful service to man- and womankind. I hope I used these dashes right! I am in the middle of your book loving it! The North Texans that you left will be having a remote book launch party where we are going to sign each others copy of the book and serve related foods i.e. Arrogant Bastard Beer and side dishes! Viva la revolution! From a nearly-meh soldier……

  • I ordered two books weeks ago from Borders and they are not here yet but apparently have been shipped. I’m so disappointed to hear that Fiona is back and I don’t even want to read her comments.

    Get a life, Fiona!

    Congratulations, Chump Lady, and thank you.

    xox

  • Congratulations! Can’t wait to read the new book (but must wait until grades are in!). I wish I could be there on Saturday, but for academics, early May is like tax time for accountants. But hoping there will be another opportunity to meet the stalwarts of Chump Nation.

  • Congrats! And DC? You mean you left your favorite state in the Union for not-quite-a-state?! How did you convince Nomar to leave paradise for purgatory (or is it the other way around)?

  • The Andrea Dworkin phenomenon is true. I own cats and binge-watch Netflix between writing sections of my dissertation, which is about feminist jurisprudence.

    I wear bitter like a haute couture and have great hair. Suits me just fine.

  • I look forward to getting a signed copy at the DC launch. I’m a freelance book copyeditor and I’m sorry you had such a bad experience with yours. Shame on them for what they did! 🙂

  • Go Chump Lady!! Get that book out there, the world needs you! I read mine while taking a flight last week, it’s great! I was imagining if I’d had this handed to me the day I figured out X’s evil plan, how much faster I could’ve started getting my life back in gear. Thank you for all you do, and have fun today!

  • Like the other Beth above, I have both your books. As I said on my Amazon review, the best part (for me) about the new book is that I’m so far into Meh I skimmed through the early chapters and then read the ending chapters in great detail. It’s Tuesday every day here in Meh!!

    Thank you Tracy for not only being a wonderful resource to people going through a terrible trauma but for giving them an outlet for humor and snark as well. And a place to not feel like an outsider! And lots of snark! I love snark! I’ve “met” some great people here in CN (Jenny, the Happy Hausfrau comes to mind) and learned a lot. Much love to you and great hopes for a sold out advance and a nice chunk of change for the movie rights. <3

    • Movie rights! Yes! “There’s Something About Mehry” based on actual events. Maybe a free viewing of Mr. Gassy Gasbag Goes To Hell to follow. (Free, because it’s 30 seconds of wasted film and worthless.)

      • “There’s Something About Mehry”!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love that! I’m at work or I’d be pondering other titles.

  • Got it and half way through. Love it! Pgs 36-37…..I was sure this must have been written by me! (it wasn’t, but sure described my situation).
    I’ve always said I was the POS’ front man.
    I DO trust & KNOW that he sucks!

  • I was lucky enough to get the oops version and posted my review early. Love the book Tracy – you have the market on an unfulfilled niche that is growing by leaps and bounds every day. Criticism comes with it of course because people (the crazies like RIC, Perel, etc.) don’t want to lose their followers and they know they will. I hope to see you doing TEDtalks and traveling to spread the word in person. I wish I could make it DC but I’ll send you a virtual instead. Congratulations! and thank you.

  • AND the book is printed on very nice paper!! Quality all the way!

    Congratulations Tracy, and I hope this is just the first trumpet flourish of the Chump Revolution!

  • Aaargh! I pre-ordered my book through Barnes & Noble and got an e-mail today saying they were having trouble processing my order! I’ve been reading comments for days about it with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, trying to remember if I had actually ordered it or not! What a pisser. Oh well, soon….soon. Oh, and Megacongratulations!

  • Well done, Tracy. You have made a huge contribution to so many peoples’ lives, including mine. You give us the words to empower us, and permission to have our own opinions. I feel as though you put meaning into the struggle I endured, and made it so much simpler to put away those nasty years in a box which I don’t bring out unless I want to.

  • Congratulations, Chump Lady, I downloaded the first book, and devoured it last year. I bought the oops version and devoured it. I ordered 3 copies that I received last week, and posted a review (as well as a comment to Fiona about… well… you know).

    Thank you for writing these two amazing books CL, and for giving a voice to chumps as well as for this blog, it is hard work, but an honor to forge on to Meh in such company!

  • Congratulations, Tracy. I wish you great success with your book, though I believe it’s success inevitable. I bought four copies of your book; one for me, one for the library, one for my counselor, and one I hope I never have to give away. I love the book, and look forward to trying to get your signature on it in DC. Again, congratulations.

  • Congratulations, CL! This is a fine revolution.

    You message is Essential. Snarky. Sweary (I love this part. Sorry, Karma Express. I made it up). Intelligent. Did I mention ESSENTIAL?

    CL and CN have such heart. You restore my faith in ‘they’kind. I have ‘A Life’. Finally! And whereas I thought at one point that I was going to die without my cheater, I now see him, fully unmasked, as an undesirable creature for whom I . . . yawn . . . what was I saying?

    One of my copies of this fine book (thank you, Tracy!) goes to my beautiful, clever, and overall divine therapist. I like the idea of a copy to my library, too. Perhaps a LOT of us could do that, eh CN?

    And, it is Tuesday.

  • Congratulations Tracy! I have the first book and the new book. Love them both. I’m one of those people that read and re-read as necessary. Assholes tend to pop up like whack-a-moles, so I like to keep myself fortified. Just when you think you have beat them down, up they pop. I had planned to come to DC (I had reserved a hotel room) but then realized it conflicted with a walk for Autism to which I had previously committed. I have family currently living in the DC area so the next time I visit perhaps I will have an opportunity to meet you for coffee and get my books signed.

    You have helped me and so many people not only survive, but recover and thrive, so the super-hero cape on the book cover is TOTALLY appropriate. The RIC keeps you continuously stuck in the dark tunnel of wishful thinking, hoping to find the non-existent light. I’ll take that bucket of cold water reality and the actual light out of the tunnel that you offer any day. Thank you for everything that you (and CN) do every day. Much and continued success! You deserve it!

    P.S. Fuck Esther Perel and her Ugly Cousin Fiona.

  • Congratulations Tracy, and thank you. May you be blessed at least twice as much as you’ve blessed all the chumps you have helped. I’m going over to Amazon right now to get my copy!

  • I literally just bought the new book in paperback from Amazon. That, and a new flat iron in a really colorful print!!! I heart Amazon!!!

    I bought the first book for my Kindle and read it in about a day a year and a half ago after DDay. I had been reading the blog daily, CL had answered a letter and I wanted the book too. Had to cover all the bases.

    I am feeling so mighty these days. Seriously, Tuesday has pretty much arrived. 🙂 Now if my ex could just stop procrastinating and pay his part of our marital debt that he left me with. Trial date set for freakin’ October!! A long and frustrating TWO years since DDay. I don’t deserve this. That’s ok though. His just desserts is on it’s way…..

    Thanks CL for all you do!!! You are amazing and so desperately needed!!! I’m grateful for your passion on the topic of infidelity and helping Chumps get out of the shit storm. Hugging you all the way from NC!!!!

  • Congratulations!! I will be ordering my copy today.
    When I found this site I was rehearsing for my new routine of “Pick Me Dance”. I’m so glad I found this site before opening day of my new performance. Also, thanks so much for responding to my email. My Tuesday is coming…

  • And a happy ~MEH~TUESDAY, indeed. Today, May 10th, happens to be Mother’s Day in Mexico. It truly is a day with much celebration to get-a-done!

    Many, many thanks to you Tracy, for your wisdom and your no bullshit approach to dealing with infidelity. No doubt, I would still be sulking in my misery had I not found your site. I would never have gotten the courage to get up from bed on what would have been my 16th wedding anniversary and file for divorce! NEVER. Chumpy TodoVa, filed for divorce, no less than on her wedding anniversary? How dare she?!? Well, yes I did and I have to tell ya’, uhm…yeah, it felt fucken good!!! In fact, it felt fucken delicious!!! I could literally taste freedom walking out of the courthouse.

    Among other things, you showed me that nothing or no one can take my happiness away ever again.

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    Happy Mother’s Day my friends 🙂 Virtual hugs to everyone. We are SUPER MIGHTY. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  • Congrats Tracy! I got my book last week (on a Sunday no less), read it that day and wrote a review on amazon the next. I also went to my local Barnes and Noble to see if I could find your book. It was tucked away with other annoying books like “After the Affair” and “Not Just friends”-both of which I owned when I was an amazon chump. I have officially deleted those books from my kindle. (I would’ve have burned them if I had the paper back versions!)

    To tip the scales a bit, I moved your book in front of the other reconciliation industrial complex type books so it was the first one noticed by anyone in that section. I hope it works. Eventually I will buy a couple more. I ordered 3 of your old book and wound up giving them all away. I want to keep at least one copy for myself this time!

    So happy for you and a little bit sad I have to miss Chumpapalooza!

  • I’d write more, but I can’t put the book down.

    Part of me wants to leave a copy of it on the OW’s doorstep, but she’s too busy smoking the hopium pipe after an AFF discovery… and frankly, this is my safe place 🙂

    Chump Nation – I’m sorry we all have to be here… but we couldn’t be in better company for forging new lives. Viva la Chump Revolution.

    Back to reading 🙂

    • P.S. I’m having a case delivered to my divorce attorney so she can hand them out to future clients. I think it was on these pages where I read the divorce attorney witticism about Narcs and their APs marrying… it’s a repeat business!

      Thank you, CL. You courageous and snarky, potty-mouthed truth-sayer, you. Well done.

  • Got the book last week and tore through most of it. Thank You! XW is getting removed from my house this week and has stolen tons of personal items from the house all ready. Funny that since all the personal things on the entry shelf are gone, my copy of the Chump lady’s book stands out so glaringly bold. Kids said she definitely took note, while asking my kids why they didn’t call or come by on mother’s day. Sweet karma is coming! On a nice note, they are all reading it in various stages. Helps when they get this process and come to it on their own. Lots of discussions about treatment and boundaries. Warms my heart!

      • 21,19,16 respectively, two youngest cornered me yesterday and started a round table discussion about “hold onto your seat” BOUNDARIES! Wow, leaning over the kitchen counter feels like we have a handle on this finally. One year of brain retraining and we are staring to come up for air.
        This site and the help from smart souls at MA whom advised me to treat her like she deserved, will always command my utmost appreciation. Words can’t express.

  • Congratulations and thank you, Tracy. You have given us chumps validation, a voice, and a support system. I am looking forward to this weekends book party so that I can personally let you know how grateful I am.

  • The book is great!! Got my preorder copies over a week ago and got my review posted on Amazon as soon as I read it. I, too, ordered extras as gifts for future chumps. The book is a MUST for newly-aware chumps. It is so well organized and laid out in an easy to follow manner that it will help new chumps make sense of their unfathomable situation and determine their next steps. The blog is a great support and provides instant access to a supportive community, and a wonderful complement to the book, but it is no substitute for the book. Well done, Tracy!!

  • Congratulations, Chump Lady! How awesome. Here’s to you for getting the “right” message out about these people who do this. I tell everyone I feel can benefit from your advice about your site (sadly, I am running into more and more people needing your advice after long term marriages). It is Tuesday! It’s not my Tuesday yet, but I am getting there. 🙂

  • Already got my copy in the mail! Congrats Tracy, it’s been awesome to watch your blog/books grow over the past 4 years!

  • Oh my God. Was anyone actually able to read all the way thru the one star Fiona ?? review. I could only wade thru the first paragraph. Or should I say first runnnnnnn onnnnn sentence. Grammar lessons for her, please.

  • I reviewed it as well. 5 stars. The revolution is beginning. I can feel it in the air. Thank you CL and CN.

  • Congrats Tracy, got my book already (and read it all). Also got a copy on Kindle. Reviewed it on Amazon (5 stars of course). GOOOO GIRRRRRRL!

  • I was just checking my local Barnes and Noble store to see if the book is in stock (it is, in all the local stores!) and noticed that there were no reviews there. Should we be sending some love to that site as well or are we focusing first on Amazon? Congratulations, Tracy!

    • Thanks for your site and your book, which is great. I found you from the site called marriedtoasexaddict.com, which, although the content is mostly not free, is also helpful and very sobering about the chances of a marriage surviving this problem. I am so glad they listed you as a resource — this is where I’ve found the most comfort and support in the past year.

    • Your book review doesn’t have to be on Amazon only. A few have bought it from Barnes & Noble too.

  • Yay! I requested my library purchase your book and they bought TWO copies. Can’t wait to read it!

  • I an a survivor of domestic violence (in my first marriage). I think Chump Lady is truly, literally saving lives with her message of getting away from the disorded cheater fuckwits.

    I believe the RIC advice regarding adultery is very DANGEROUS. Cheating parallels domestic abuse in a lot of ways. My second husband, cheater ex, seemed like a good person for a lot of years. Then he acted kind of crappy towards me, just before he confessed to dating a whore for almost a year. We reconciled and he was mildly crappy acting. But, when I discovered the RIC and it’s advice, his behavior escalated to horrible. I was toting and fetching to his every “need” while he was doing Nothing for me. He walked around puffed out, like a prize cock, with a smirk on his face. He kept right on with the relationship with the whore. He treated me like dirt, even worse than before. He acted like some sort of Shape Shifting Demon. He sounded exactly like the first husband who abused me, and other than actual physical contact was his twin. And I put up with it to Save My Marriage.

    Telling someone to participate in their own abuse and to like it is abusive in itself. Abusers and cheaters are bullies and the more and longer you let them get away with it, the worse they become. So yes, the RIC advice is harmful and dangerous.

    • Margot, I am so sorry you had to put up with two abusive marriages; we want justice in the world and it doesn’t happen–good people suffer for too long. Your wreckonciliation story is exactly what needs to be told to help change societal and therapists’ advice to victims of infidelity. Big hugs!

      • Thank you so much, Tempest ! Abusers love nothing better than for you to stay quiet and keep their secrets.

  • Congratulations, Tracy! Getting mine shortly, cannot wait to read it.

    Have you seen how many times someone posts “you saved my life?” My life, my sanity. I read it over and over on April 21st. No book store here, but if there were I might just slip one in the Religion and Christianity section ’cause you’re doin the Lord’s work, girl.
    Give that pinata a good kick in the ribs for me.

    • I do read the “saved my life” comments and they’re very kind. But I honestly believe that every chump here saved his or her own life. I’m just here as a reality check, validating their experience.

      I don’t have the ability to make people leave cheaters or gain lives. (I wish I did!) But I am able to reason and draw pictures, and be snarky, and marshall evidence.

      The real power of this place is Chump Nation. It’s all very fine for me to give my opinion of What You Should Do With Your Life — but it’s the community of voices, sharing the same damn experience over and over and over, and demonstrating mightiness that is the REAL persuader.

  • Dear Chump Lady, can I say something that I have wistfully noticed about your husband? He believes in you. He encourages you. He is strong for you when you are feel doubtful, or afraid. He loves you. I have a feeling that without him you might have not found the energy or the self belief to keep plugging on believing in your creativity and developing the blog and the book.

    Isn’t that what we all longed for? Someone who was by our side and helped us be more than we could ever be on our own.

    You are so lucky [wistful sigh]. My sister in law said this of my own brother: if it wasn’t for him believing in me and encouraging me, I would have just been a [ ] (instead of the [ ] she ended up being).

    I cried for days over that comment. So lucky you, and lucky my sister in law.

    • Thanks Patsy. There would be no Chump Lady without him. And there would certainly be no book. I started the blog after I moved to Texas and lived in the middle of nowhere and went back to freelancing. I started the blog because my husband was after me to write a book! I thought that was “too much.” Ha. The blog showed me. He really does believe in me and encouraged me in a way no one has before. And that has made SUCH a difference in my life.

      I certainly had accomplishments before I met him, but one of the reasons I encourage the “gain a life” thing is because without all the drama, energy, and toxicity of a cheater relationship, you find new creativity and better ways to spend your energy.

      You don’t need a partner to be mighty. But I do know that I am very, very blessed to be married to my husband. And I appreciate him in a way I never could before I was chumped.

      • Yes, this. I also had accomplishments while I was with Major Cheaterpants but his endless criticisms and negativity but a few mountains in my way I was never able to overcome and it held me back from other goals I might have also attained. I simply couldn’t fight him and life too.

        I wrote in the forums about how abuse at home caused me to accept abuse at work which caused problems that Im still suffering from now even with him long gone.

        My new husband is also a blessing but I agree with CL that new partnering isnt the litmus test of success – individual survival and growing/healing to the point you can thrive is what we all need to shoot for.

  • Thank you CL, thank you from the bottom of my chumped-twice-heart!!!

    My D-Day was about 14 months ago and I found you soon after with Ex#2/The Evil One…I canNOT express in words (without getting teary-eyed) how much a saving grace your blog has become in my life, and the mighty ChumpNation/friends I have made here in CN…

    I pre-ordered your book back in December – a Christmas present to myself!- and I received it finally last week on Tuesday (YAY Tuesday!!!)

    The price is definitely right for your “bible” as a I refer to it for us Chumps; even though I have been a faithful reader of the blog for over a year now, I agree with you that having a hard copy book in hand to highlight, underline, etc. in my hand as a resource is a huge blessing in my life.

    I am only up to Chapter 6, and I have already found several quotes, passages that still ring true a year later…

    Mighty thumbs-up to you Tracy/CL! I love and appreciate you!

    I hope you get a book tour — hopefully near my town!!!

  • Congratulations!

    I bought the kindle edition of the book a few weeks ago. It is very well written, succinct, complements the blog nicely, but what I like best about it is it has all the core messages for chumps in a single, readable, rational, well-organized product.

    Granted, each chapter could quadruple in size, diving further into the nuances of each topic, rebuttals against potential criticisms, and the like, but this treatise serves its purpose extremely well.

    Also, I don’t think the book is necessary anti-reconciliation, but more pro-truth, pro-

  • I mutter curses about my long-departed husband but for now my hair isnt overtly grey or have twigs. I am not interested in forgiveness yet.

    I bought a brand new glowing (batteries not included) rainbow unicorn to bring to the party…I don’t really want to take it home; we can have it be a prize for some arbitrary contest we could invent (perhaps “travelled the longest distance to attend the party”).

    Any chance my beagle could come with us or am I already pushing my luck with a glowing unicorn?

    • I can’t stand Trump. This has got to be the weirdest election ever. But after my rant on Ted Cruz’s marriage and Campbell’s soup mindfuckery, I’m avoiding politics here. Let’s be united in chumpery. 🙂

  • Congratulations Tracy! I shudder to think where I would have been without your help in untangling the mess of repeated Ddays and reconcillations I suffered through. I can’t thank you enough.

    Your book is already a great success! It’s a Mighty Revolution!

  • Yay for the book! ! Congrats, congrats, again! I received mine 2 weeks ago via Amazon preorder and already read it and left a review on Amazon. I was a total Amazon chump (newbies – find this old thread and read it, it’s great), but I dearly wish CL’s book had been on the shelves at Barnes and Noble or Amazon. It would have saved me tons of money and heartache. Chumplady changed my outlook and gave me my life back. Me and my two young sons can never thank her enough.

    I also owe a debt of thanks to the “Lady with a Truck” blog, as I found her blog first, and one of her posts directed me to CL. All newbie chumps: BUY THE BOOK!!! You will get there faster with this resource to carry around with you (in addition to the blog) Rock on, chumps. Trust us, it DOES get better!!

  • You truly deserve a superhero cape!!! You gave me a backbone and I will keep standing up straight thanks to you. My new book is already dog eared and that’s just fine with me.

  • I don’t know if anyone has noticed this but Amazon has tagged the book as the #1 Best seller in divorce! Woot woot!!

    I didn’t notice that before today. Next stop, New York Times best seller!

  • Made sure I bought it today and left a five-star review. To newbie chumps that may read this post years later… please get the book, read the entire site, and don’t be shy about speaking up about what’s happened. You have Chump Nation pulling for you. Tracy, I can’t thank you enough. Without you, I wouldn’t be functional right now. And from the bottom of my heart, thanks to everyone here at Chump Nation. Your examples are an endless source of strength for me.

  • I have read it on my kindle and now I am reading the actual book! Sometimes, I get teary eyed when I read the chapter on what NOT to do. I did it all and I get mad at myself and then I want to kick him in the balls, I am still so pissed! Thank you for all you do. I know I am not the crazy one, he is. My motto is from Nat Lue: “You are not going to crazy make me”!!!! Fucker

  • Late to the party as usual. Can’t go here from work. But from my perspective, and there was no Chump Lady or Chump Nation when I walked the plank, this is an absolutelyfuckingfantastic place for someone to go when the shit hits the fan and it blows back into your face. Got the book and will read it shortly in record time. But in the meantime, know that there is no substitute out there for the arms that will reach around a sad and confused chump here. Thanks, Tracy, and love you all lots, Chump Nation.

  • Congratulations on the premier of your desparately needed educational book regarding the subject of infidelity. I have my new copy and will be gifting a few.

    As far as Fiona is concerned, she or he can go fuck fritters.

  • May 11( in nz ) is now a good day for me. Thanks! My book ordered for predeilvery, exactly 2 years ago husband walked out to ‘work on himself ( while carrying on affair and wait in wings until OW told her husband- I didn’t know at the time) I now have letter from his lawyer confirming he does not have any of the illegal films he took of me and does not want to proceed with any further legal matters with me ( claiming harassment ) since I advised the police and his lawyer of my right to persue him through the the criminal courts. He and all his addictions is now truly OW problem as they plan to marry when divorce comes through. Ha ha. Now I won’t be the thorn in his side she soon will have other problems to deal with.congrats on the book launch would love, to go! I step off a plane back home refreshed and lighter in emotions. Thanks chump nation

  • Chump Lady you are truly amazing. I echo all the kudos, and can only add as a total nerd – Kickass Font Choice (is it Blackout?) and great layout / illustrations. I loved it cover-to-cover content (of course) and design well-done!

  • Also personally, I really like the little superhero. its empowering and “mighty” and an iconic image of strength.

  • I just ordered it yesterday! Can’t wait for it to arrive! Thank you Tracy for saving my sanity and easing my transition to my new normal and a better life for me and my daughter.

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