I just did something I’ve never done here before. I shut down the comments on my last post.
Anyone who reads here long knows that I absolutely hate to moderate my site, but I’m posting this evening to implore you all to comment with civility. I encourage snark, critical thinking, and potty mouths, but I do NOT tolerate abusiveness, especially to fellow CN members.
And hey, if someone trolls the site? Ignore. They just want the kibbles of your attention. Don’t give it to them. I’ll come along and zap them eventually.
Speaking of zapping trolls, Tempest now has moderating powers here to zap comments. I very much appreciate her den mother/Che Guevera role here at CN. The blog has grown beyond my powers to police, or even read, every comment. (Lest you worry about privacy, she can just zap comments. She doesn’t see my mail or your profiles or anything else. She can just shut you up if you piss her off.)
But here’s the deal — things have changed for me, folks. I moved this spring and I now have a full-time job. I’m managing both a 40-hour work week AND a blog with over 10 million hits and hundreds of comments each day including weekends. I get up and the first thing I do at 6 a.m. or thereabouts is write a column. If life is particularly nuts, I rerun a column. (Which still requires some admin effort). I come home from work, and I review hundreds of comments (that come to me as emails) and actual emails.
It’s a lot.
And I’m now a DECADE removed from D-Day, and 6 years remarried, and chump struggles do not inform my life. The reason I keep this place alive is because you guys tell me it helps you. A bunch of you traveled from all corners at my recent book launch to tell me it helps you. And the interwebz are full of reconciliation unicorns who want to sell you $399 modules to affair proof your marriages. And that angers me.
I wrote a book. I could leave it at that. I don’t.
And lest you think I’m in it for the money — this is not a big profit-making enterprise.
It costs $200 a month to host this site. It’s $50 a hour when I’ve got an IT problem or need a site fix. (They happen every month.) And I’ve hired Nicole, a SAHM and jack of all trades, to do admin and graphics when I’m pressed. The BlogHer ads keep this thing afloat financially and donations. The ad income varies from $2000 (an all-time high after Christmas) to $500.
The less-than-minimum wage I earn blogging as a second job here is not worth putting up with bullshit. It’s one thing to take it off of trolls and the RIC and vapid people I put through the UBT — it’s another thing altogether taking it off fellow chumps.
I have seriously considered chucking it. And when it gets ugly here and people cease to be the supportive, funny, intelligent community I’m so proud to be part of? I tilt toward “Fuck it.”
So, that’s my warning. I should know better than to run an OW letter. It’s not my demographic. And OW, if you read here, fine, but for the love of Jesus, don’t ask for sympathy and understanding from chumps. We’re not your tribe. You just think we are. (Yes, he lied to you and manipulated you. And my sympathy stops at… you knew he was married.)
Now, to end on a POSITIVE NOTE. Please keep things CIVIL. You can disagree, of course, but keep it respectful. I’m a super potty mouth, so if I’m getting on you? You know you’ve over stepped.
The reason I run this place is YOU. Funny, wonderful, resilient, empathic, wise YOU. The mightiness on display here on any given day keeps me coming back.
Let’s everyone behave. Tomorrow we will return to our regularly scheduled programing.