By popular request, today’s Fun Friday challenge is to relate your worst dating story. You can’t “gain a life” without a certain amount of pratfalls, and what’s more awkward than dating?
I do hope this contest, however, does not have the unintended effect of making chumps stay in dreadful relationships, thinking “better the Devil you know.” Look, it’s one bad date. A single day! UnlikeĀ being shackled to a cheaterĀ for the rest of your life. Keep it in perspective. You have to swipe right on a lot of frogs.
The best bad date story I know belongs to a friend. Her date was a fellow she knew from a think tank. She knew he was nerdy, what she did not know was that he did monthly reports on his life, complete with CHARTS. He told her this over their dinner. He had categories. Social life. Career. Family. Charitable giving. Sex. And every day he would come home and RANK the day, so he could chart his progress.
And that might’ve been just odd, except that, according to my friend, he acted totally shocked that SHE DIDN’T DO IT TOO!
“How do you know if you’re making any PROGRESS?!”
But that wasn’t the crazy thing that stuck with her, and made this story famous in our circle.
She said, “He ranked it all to the second decimal point.”
Thus was born the Decimal Date.
Your turn.
Oh I like this one! While I did eventually meet an amazing man online I had to go through a lot of bad dates. The worse was this guy I met for lunch. I was waiting outside and across the street I saw someone who resembled him but 30 pounds heavier. I prayed to myself “please don’t let him be my date” and of course he was, especially given that I was less than year D Day and things just were not going my way at this point in life. Oh and he had on a Hawaiian shirt and of course more facial hair than in the profile… gawd I hate facial hair and Hawiaan shirts… so much that I put it in my profile later “No Hawaiian shirts or facial hair” yet I digress. So we go in and he proceeds to tell me about the 6 year long affair he had on his wife! No insight, no remorse. Then he tells me he got fired from his last job for watching internet porn while at work! I guess he had one good quality and that was honesty… or maybe it was just stupidity.
no!!!!! he didn’t.
I have not commenced dating yet but am toying with the idea. Challenged with the knowledge that my cheater only ever dated two women and married both of us, I intended to have a good look at what is out there before making any decisions.
but I think todays thread is going to give me a lot to think about.
Please bring your best CN and educate a yet to date chump.
Woah! No red flags there!
See? Watch out — so many men use dates for free therapy.
Ha ha free therapy! I went on a date with a psychologist and we both happily talked about our childhoods for the whole meal.
hey at least he warned you right up front so you didnt have to uncover that one 5 years later!!!
I know! Most of these dates reveal their crazy very early on. I’d rather know right away. The sooner the better.
To early in the morning to laugh this hard!
When I WAS on dating sites, I put on m profile that I was separated/divorced because my husband cheated so no need for cheaters to apply. You will not like me I assure you. It won’t be a good date. I actually had men private message me often about “good for you!” and sadly sharing they were in the same boat.
I have not been brave enough to even think about dating again. I’m so mistrusting, thinking that EVERY MAN is always just an inch away from cheating at any unpredictable time. I learned that no matter what I do I have no control over these cheating assholes. If they want to do it they do it. My pick me dance was beyond lame, I like so many here pulled from every register I had and at the end of the day it made no difference. At this point I’m thinking most men will be seeking it out or having an opportunity presented to them will bait, no matter what wife does at home and how good they actually have it. I hope I will be able to revise my thinking about men (not a men hater just very untrusting) and hope so much that there are more decent men out there than I tend to believe at the moment. But if I ever go on a dating website, I will remember what you put in there and it hopefully takes the wind out of their sail for cheaters even to respond. I hated it so much when my STBX would put separated on his Match.com profile, that was when I first started snooping and I had no idea we were separated. We were still very much legally married doing what married people do.
Lying Assholes !!!
Not excluding the male population being cheated on. I know women cab be as character disordered as men and definitely have the potential as well to do the damage.
Hi All, I can’t resist sharing my worst date story. In one word, shitty.
I met my date at a local watering hole for a glass of wine one snowy evening. After an hour or so of chatter, I learned that he had never been in a truly full relationship. They had all been with younger troubled and needy women. He did not speak of them in a disparaging way, just some paternalistically.
Suddenly, he turned to me and said, “I want to f*** you up the a**”. Then again, ” I want to f*** you up the a** without a condom”. Then he opened his mouth and kind of waggled his tongue at me. Gross!!! Now, most people I related this story to asked if I abruptly stood up, called him a total jerk and left. But I couldn’t resist asking him why he would say that to me. I got a long explanation about how he could only experience sexual satisfaction when engaging in extremes. His trade for taking care of these women who had been in his life was for them to take care of him. Essentially, this was one pretty depressed guy. Really, I felt sorry for him. One very sad sausage. Needless to say, we never met again.
i would have just asked if he was suffering from Tourette’s…
OMG-I just had a flashback of Amy Poelher as the Tourette’s girl in the Duece Bigalow movie!!!!!!
I don’t know how you didn’t just burst out laughing at that ridiculousness when he said those things to you……..
What a loon he was!
Just spent 30 mins typing my story- and then it disappeared, will try again in the morning
evening here in Oz……
I checked the spam filter and it’s not there.
Clear your cache?
maybe the date was so bad it needed to be filtered
// , You can use this to securely re-enter forms.
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/lazarus-form-recovery/
Thanks for the suggesting the FF add-on, AC. I’ll test it out. Usually, I copy and paste to Word when I’m composing a longer message, in case the website loses my entry (webmail is notorious for losing parts of the email).
I can’t stop laughing. That’s hilarious but horrible!
Sad sausage? I think I might use some other adjectives. “sick” pops to mind.
His sausage only engages in extremes.
LOL! Ewwww but LOL!
Did you date my ex? ?
And I believe the reply to that one is, “Dude, seriously, get some therapy.”
This is funny, but I know if it had been me I think I would have had a heart attack or I would have stood up and gone bat shit crazy on this loon! I’m sure my facial expression would have said it all no matter what! No poker face here!
Just, wow! I can’t believe you kept your composure. I would have said, “check please.” I’m glad you didn’t end up alone with him. Kind of scary if you ask me.
This is hilarious! and shocking! I can’t stop laughing. Oh my, I’ve just started dating, nothing wild yet, but I guess I better expect it!
OMG!!! I would have been like “you know you just said that outloud right??”!!!! WTH!!!!
I know, sick, sick, sick. It was pretty shocking. But I couldn’t resist asking him WTF. So very, very sad that one. Let me say to those of you just embarking on dating that I met a lovely man online, and we’ve been together almost five years.
Damn, I’ll have to stop using the “I want to ** you up the ** line”.. noted.
I do enjoy some of the potential hindsight responses.. I’d go with “right now??, can I finish my wine first?”.
or.. “Great, I’d like to poke you in the eye with a fork afterward..”
or.. “Ah, now all your dating issues and relationship problems are making sense.. you’re super creepy!”
LOL!
ROFLMAO!!! Raging
Awful. This is where I get in trouble, too: I would have laughed and either asked why, like you did, or said something flip like “Not unless we’re married and probably not even then” or “Phbbt: NO. You first”, and gone on to the next topic.
What is that called, when I do that? Because I do it all the time, when guys are inappropriate. Just, a) yes I heard what you just said; b) that was weird but I’m not giving you the pleasure of seeing that you “shocked” me, partly because it was less shocking than lame; and c) I’m going to give you a pass right now and let’s see if you flub it again.
To me, it’s always been info gathering. But after reading CL and comments for the last week or so, I’m getting that probably I need to just get up and leave at first sign of this junk.
On topic (sort of), in HS I had a severe crush on this one guy; one afternoon in class I overheard one of his best friends doing that dicky thing some guy best friends often do. He says to my crush, loudly enough to humiliate, “Hey ____: I want you to bend me over and f*** me in the a** as hard as you can.”
The language (in front of me, a female), and the intent to humiliate (in general), pissed me off. At the time I was an absolute knockout, although shy, but in this case I decided to use it. So I coolly walked over to these two, leaned over to the dicky guy best friend, who I’d never spoken to before, and whispered hotly in his ear, [Hey ____: *I* want *you* to bend *me* over, and f*** ME in the a** as hard as *you* can.]
You know. Mirroring. You like that kind of talk? Cool, let *me* try.
That PoS went flame red and dead silent, and never mouthed off in front of me again.
I thought the dicky best friend was reprehensible. But now I think X was a lot like that guy. And I never did get with the crush. Sometimes I think maybe I should look him up.
I SO respect you for having the presence of mind to ask him WTF… I would have been so shocked that my response would have been stupid.
I would have gone beet red from anger, you know the type that comes up from your toes to your head in an instant.
I’m not a violent person but I like to throw bananas on occasion.
In this case, I would have either tipped the table over on him or at least thrown a glass of red wine straight in his face.
And, wtf – I ain’t picking up the bill!
I’d just walk out and let him pay the damages.
This idiot does not sound one bit sad to me, he sounds absolutely dangerous.
Good grief!
I can’t stop laughing. If I’m ever sitting in a bar and see a banana go flying across the room, I’ll now know to turn and say, “Hey, Shechump, leave the asshole and join me for a drink.”
Ha!! Hilarious!
I will never look at a banana the same way, evah again!!! LOL!
Thanks for the invite Annie! I’ll spot you!
hehe…actually, George Bush knew how to duck a banana or a shoe.
Most folks aren’t that quick.
I give that to George for one thing he knew how to do.
Heck, I AM sorry for throwing anything at all, but I got so frustrated at times, it was the only thing handy to get his attention and I’m not proud of it. He never threw anything at me.
I chalk it up to Chinese-Water torture.
He slowly worked away at me until I hit him in the head with a banana because, from a few meters/yards away, he wasn’t quick enough at his old age to deflect it. Hey – just offering lunch. And, never hit him in the ear or the nose or the eye! More at his chest. When he threw me out of his office, yep, I used my strong legs to take every computer off our duel desks as he had my hands fassened behind my back.
Yeah, asshole, don’t ever do that again!
He must have been afraid of me that my arms might have done more damage than my legs.
Man, those were really awful d-days! Don’t wish them on anybody.
Not that I’ll ever date again, but I would make it clear that if they piss me off…watch out, or I’ll throw fruit and granola at them.
Otos, that is the difference between chumps and affair partners. They are actually flattered by comments like “I want to f you” and so on. It’s easy to get dates if you are an unpaid prostitute, like they are.
So true.. a chump (I know from experience) would think, “this person is probably full of disease if they are so sleazy.. no way I want to go near that”.. That also says “I don’t respect you”.. so now I have a diseased person that thinks I’m a sleazebag like them.. not sexy at all. Call me old fashioned. Speaking of which… what ever happened to building up to sex without talking about it or ordering hot dogs and onion rings so you could act out what you plan on doing later over dinner… wtf..
I could be totally off.. perhaps it goes way back to cavemen times when cave guys would scratch a pic of their dick on the wall of the cave to impress the ladies… I’d have to research that, how many cave drawings are dicks.
OMG, Everyone, thanks so much for your awesome responses. Really, it’s hard to know what the best response would be in a situation like this. What a great group you all are with different takes on this sad sausage!
Otos, I think you should introduce your date to PhysicsGals date, they have a great deal in common! ASSES, both of them!
Sometimes I’m still a little bit naive. I just read your comment about onion rings and hot dogs and I’m thinking to myself, “Well, no one is having sex with me whose breath smells of onion rings and hot dogs.” I got through a few more comments, before it clicked. I had to go back and read it again to make sure I got it. I can’t stop laughing.
When I finally do start dating, I pity the guy who innocently orders onion rings and hot dogs. That will be a worst date story for him, “This woman began beating me with my hot dog and smashing onion rings in my face while she screamed that I was a sad sausage.”
Omg ! What an asshat ! ONE of my many first date disasters was the time I met a woman for coffee by a Starbucks. First, she was at least 40 lbs heavier than her pictures. Not the slim girl in her pictures. She didn’t want to go to that Starbucks, insisted on walking to one a few blocks away. No problem, says I. We had walked about a half a block and she’s already holding my hand and talking about how much fun we’ll have on our second date! I felt like the cat in the Pepe LePew cartoons. Being polite, I hung in and made polite chit chat for an hour, before I made my escape. Heading home she was texting me, asking when we would be going out again. Confidence and being upfront is good. Extremely needy, not so good.
There was also the transvestite who forgot to tell me he was a transvestite. Or the one told me she was looking for a man that would buy her a BMW. And that was pretty much the only thing she managed to say in intelligible English. There actually is more. Lol.
LOL! These stories sound familiar (based on the online date guys I met). Tell us more, Dan!
My date showed up to the pub with a grocery bag filled with pop cans for recycling. He had just had his car taken away for his third DUI,
My other worst bad date, the guy went to the till to pay the bill upon returning he said, “so did you check out my ass?” I replied,” uh, no.” He stormed out before I finished my drink because he wore the pants esp for me because they showcased his ass,
oh dear God. sounds a bit Narcissistic to me. the ass pants. you can’t make this shit up
Ass pants!! Hahahaaa! Soon to appear in Vogue magazine!
Showcased his ass! I’m dying here laughing so hard!
HaHa! Actually, I think that’s a great line if done with a sense of humor by a normal guy. Clearly this guy was serious though!
Were they assless chaps? If so, I can see why he’d be insulted.
Was he wearing chaps
This was BEFORE I met Mr. Sparkles… which may explain why I thought he was “so perfect”. I met a man through Match and over coffee he proceeded to tell me how his first wife had passed away… and that he was investigated for her murder.
Yup. Can’t make this stuff up.
Lol, this is outrageous.
now that is a confidence builder,
please tell me he didn’t lead with that?
“Hey, I”m suspected of murdering my spouse.. how about you?”
Narc small talk.
Yep, I was a suspect in my wife’s murder, could you pass the salt?
No, that was Cheater #1, my first husband. That wasn’t his wife, that was his long term girlfriend. Woke up next to her dead one morning. Had a, ahem, lively chat with the local sheriff. I’m so glad he told you that upfront so, unlike me, you didn’t waste twenty years on his useless ass.
Met this guy for coffee. Set up by my friend because she knew him casually and he seemed nice. We were finishing up our coffee and he leans over and says “OK, let’s go to a motel.” I said ” Huh, I don’t even know you! ” He replied in a breezy way, ” Well, you gotta think of it in this way. You’re a big girl, if you want a man in your life you have to put out, you don’t have a choice.”
By then I was pissed. I looked him straight in the eye and told him, “Oh, yes I do, and I’m voting with my feet!” I picked up my purse and walked out. Called up my friend and told her to never, ever, EVER set me up on another date.
I might’ve said “Yeah, I’m a big girl. Too bad you’re not a man.”
Variations on this theme.. (love the afterthought comebacks)
“Youāre a big girl, if you want a man in your life you have to put out, you donāt have a choice”
“I’m going to go look for a man right now..” and walk away.
or
“Why, is there a man in that hotel room? What does he look like, is he hot?” Look perplexed.
LOL guys!!!
Oooh I had a similar experience. A male friend who thought I was a good catch but was living far away and didn’t want me to go to waste (haha), set me on a date with a tall Algerian professor. I did not suspect the plot, I thought I was sharing a meal with a well educated foreigner who merely wanted company, and we had a friend in common. So I was shocked when the man behaved suddenly as if I was openly looking for a husband and he agreed to organize our wedding next month. I was absolutely mad, left the scene, and he sent me many many emails with self pity and rage.
Did you tell your friend he would need to send your date his goats back? Wonder how he survived the shame of having to return a dowry. WTH?
That makes me completely ashamed of my gender.
My friend went on a date with this guy. It was date 3 or 4, he picked her up, as they had dinner reservations at a restaurant. Halfway there, he pulls the car over, and pulls out a brown paper bag and says: “I made some sandwiches. Let’s fill up on these, so we don’t eat too much at dinner.”. My friend weighs 80lbs at most and is tiny. How much food could she have eaten at the restaurant?
That’s even tackier than a friend of mine whose first date took her to Ikea cafeteria. Swedish meatballs, anyone?
I might have preferred IKEA to my date with the broke ass bartender. We went to his place of employment for dinner and sat by the kitchen door. Not ideal for conversation but not a deal breaker. We never ordered. Drinks and food just kind of arrived over the course of an hour or so. Eventually I figure out that he has his friends bringing out stuff from the kitchen for us that they are not ringing up or putting into the system. Yeah, the appetizer table two ordered never arrived because….I unknowingly ate it.
that is so wrong.
Please dont think me a snob, but on my VERY FIRST DATE this century, I was all dressed up for a conference presentation close to the city and driving my Mercedes and the fellow (ostensibly a professional) I was supposed to have a meet up with got flustered at the last minute running out of ideas and suggested Dunkin’ Donuts…now Im not saying its impossible to meet ones soul mate in a donut shop, but I was just not gonna do that. We found a Starbux which had slightly more charm than dunkin donuts and he let me buy my own coffee. At the end of the date, he called me by some odd pet name he just invented. blech.
Wow, just wow!?
Kellia,
RE: Sandwich guy
To me…that is more off off putting than the “up the ass” player above.
Being tight, miserly., preoccupied with every dime spent….this is on the level of bad hygiene, or a criminal history.
I don’t care if your friend was Sumo sized, he can pay for her dinner.
That is one of the “types” I was thinking about when RSW said her in post that perhaps..we may not find someone, and to peddle that starry eyed hope could be misleading.
I have found that some men over a certain age who are single are true misers. Like the lawyer I know (who is single) and has loads of cash, but stops by Sheetz (this is a GAS STATION) and scarfs down two hot dogs there at night for supper, or dinner to SAVE MONEY.
He complains about the cost of all items and he allows his obsession to save a few dollars to ruin almost every experience.
This is something HORRIBLE I am going to write, and I wish it were not true. However, I have observed it too often to not put it out there.
I have observed that as women get older who are on the dating scene, and they are dating men that are available (that sad little pool) that the men are available believe the women should be so happy they are even dating …..that they should be “bargains.”
I hope it is just a nauseating subset of men that both me and my friends have encountered, like a Southern Ebola virus, but I am not sure. If you look on dating sites, most men in their 40s and 50s are searching for 20 and 30 year olds. These “men” are not hot, not remotely so…but have a sense of entitlement that they should be with someone much younger. When they are not with their young fantasy, I think they believe (in their small reptilian brains) that they are settling somehow, when they are with someone their own age, and that they should not have to lavishly “court” the woman, i.e. spend money.
It is my fervent hope that this is NOT the dominant trend, but it is out there.
And most of those men hungering for 20-30 year olds will die wanking off to Hustler magazines, having lived the remaining years of their life alone and dissatisfied. Many wealthier ones will get their trophy wives and die without a real partner who mourns their passing.
The men with integrity will find high-quality women. The lower-quality men who “settle” for women their own age and think we should be lucky to have them? Vote with your feet.
I think my 53 yr old grandfather new daddy went for the very 30 yr younger daddy issued, naive, low self esteem, homely, uneducated, part time, ho worker, no car, no family attachment little skank is dumb.
My thought is anyone of my age group would see right through his wicked lies.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THIIIIIIIIIIS!!!
Jeanm, I think you nailed it!!
Tempest,
I wasn’t going to respond to this, but it got the better of me. About a month ago I was interviewing a man who is 60 and very good looking. It turned out that he was being harassed by the husband of the woman he had sex with. She is 30. She is carrying his child. I couldn’t say anything since I was on the job but I so wanted to scream at him, “You fucking idiot! You would not be harassed if you didn’t sleep with other men’s wives, and you could not get them pregnant if you slept with women your own age.”
Sabina – Lol at being Sumo sized!! Men who don’t have their shit together will usually go for younger women, since they are a bit easier to manipulate. Steve Harvey talks about it in one of his books. There have been much older men who have hit on me, and clearly I’m not interested, but usually the guy is in some sort of a mess, like his finances are a disaster, his personal life is in shambles, something, but their lives are in total disarray. I get very suspicious when much older men hit on younger women. I think it’s been the case throughout history.
Not always–my X is very good looking, highly intelligent, and very financially successful. He likes em young, and is apparently sparkling enough to get them (two main APs were each 34 years younger than him).
Younger = more fun, more and longer-lasting “eye candy” or “arm candy” potential, and yes, easier to manipulate.
Bonus if they are wealthy, or somewhat favored and from wealthy family, or have aging or sick parents and stand to inherit, *and haven’t any children or mortgage of their own yet to allocate that wealth to*. That’s X’s MO. He is looking for a supplementary trust fund.
I had a flash sense a few months ago, around tax time, after having been NC/LC for almost half a year. By that time I had been apprised that he is living with someone now, who he loves. What I sensed/heard was his sense of sudden excellent fortune:
“I married a full second income.”
Did you? Well. Good for you.
Ah, cheaters.
This scares me to death and a reason I have no desire to date.
I know they would only be interested in my assets.
That’s just plain scary in itself, but I earned those assets the hard way.
Just because I’m a single woman with assets, does NOT mean you will ever take advantage of me.
So glad I am now so much wiser, thanks to the Lies Of Conceit, X!
Guy plonks three phones on table at dinner.I ask,of course,why three phones, but already seeing a giant red flag waving.
He says,without batting an eyelid,one was for his friends and family,one for his business and one for his sex life.He also revealed he’d had a seven year long affair with a married woman.
I left skid marks in the car park.
Wow, three phones.. only thing cooler than that? Four phones. AND he can get a married woman.. what a keeper. Three phones and married chicks dig him. I wonder if they are all on the same phone plan or if he has three plans… You should have drilled him for five hours just about the phones. Any time he tries to change the subject.. be like “So if you lose your sex phone, can you call it from your friend phone to find it? Do charges apply?”
OMG, you just escaped a meeting with my x!
He used to make a great deal out of the fact he had to use 4 phones. 1 cell and landline for his business, 1 cell and landline for personal stuff. Mad a big show of whipping the 2 cells out during a meeting with our lawyers just in case his soon to be next chump or one of his other boinks called.)
Oooh…so sexy wearing those phones on his belt in their special holders, made him look like he was wearing his batbelt with his special batphone and his batphone backup.
Christ on a cracker, I nearly lost it trying not to laugh.
I called my ex’s phone the Whore Phone. I’m not too original.
BUT….
Meth Maggot would triangulate me with his cell phone. In one of my less attractive moments, on Christmas Day, I smashed his phone on the concrete when a 24 year old called during our Christmas Brunch to wish him a MERRY CHRISTMAS at 10AM.
His cell phone was a way to make me insane. It was almost a fetish object to him. That is because he LOVED having drama, secrets and other women calling him at all times. The horrors it revealed to me can make my stomach clench right now, as I type this.
Those cell phone fixations…red flags.
If you are with someone and focused on them..date, marriage, even lunch, and there is no business or medical emergency pending, who gives a damn who is calling?
You guys are so funny! Although the joke is on the wackos we dated. This discussion reminds me of a first-and-only date who brought ALL of his electronic gadgets from his sports car to the restaurant and had them splayed out on the table next to his place setting. Since he wouldn’t stop playing with them, I made him put them back in his car. For a change, this guy had no edge but he was a child who lacked social sense.
It beats skid marks in your underwear after that remark! LOL! How did you not laugh in his face?
Where to begin. So many distaste stories. I went on a date with a vegan very health conscious guy once who proceed to tell me through out the date the multiple ways he stayed health and watched what he ate and drank. Then all of a sudden he mentions ‘but I do partake in Coke. It my one bad thing.’ My reply was ‘ That’s ok a Coca Cola once in a while was fine especially since he was living so cleanly.
At that point he stares at me and say, “no, Coca Cola is toxic for your body. I was referring to Cocaine. I occasionally snort it for fun”. My jaw dropped. He seemed so cool about like it was totally normal.
I got out of there as fast as I could and never looked back. I guess cocaine is vegan so it was fine to put in his body in his head. Did I mention he also had two boys under the age of 8?
But was it organic coke?
Free-range.
LMAO, @ian & @tempest, you guys are the best!
LOL!
and gluten free!!!!
Laughing so hard ..!
This will sound terrible, but if he did occasionally snort it, it would not be that big of a deal, as in terms of affecting his personality. IF HE SMOKED IT…that is a huge deal.
Getting caught with it…big deal…in any form. Felony.
If he just snorted coke (the old booger sugar!) from time to time, it would be like having gallons of strong coffee in one blast. The effects would last from 5-10 minutes at most. It is very expensive and snorting it is not as habit forming, by a country mile, as smoking it. (That is usually crack…and crack is WHACK!).
Remember what Robin Williams said? Coke is God’s way of telling you that you have too much money.
He also said ‘cocaĆÆne, it makes you paranoid and impotent! That’s the drug for me!’
HA HA !!
OMG @ organic coke.. :p
Hahahahahahaaha! Gives new meaning to “brown bagging it!”
lol@at brownbagging it!!
These are great.. “hey, I got some cocaine and sandwiches for before dinner, then we can *** you up the *** later after we eat.. did I mention I have three cell phones?”
LOLOLOLLL!!
BWAH HAH AHA HHHAAAA! Raging, that is hilarious!
Raging for the win!
+1!
I went on Date 1 with a guy who followed me in the girl’s bathroom. He supposedly wanted to make out in one of the bathroom stalls. How juvenile. I bolted so quickly out of there, to never see him again!
One thing if it’s like a “meet in the bathroom” (did it in junior high), but to just show up there…. that’s like asking if someone can ** you in the **… super creepy… I’m amazed reading this at how many creeps you poor women have to put up with on dates. As a man, I’m embarrassed.
Yes, it was super creepy. He was crazy, I’m sure of it. And thanks for your support, we’re bound to meet a few cookoos when dating.
It was illuminating to hear about what men experience when they date online. On a first date, I usually ask the guy how he’s faring on the singles sites. Guys also run across fake personal descriptions and old photos, married women, gals just looking for a meal at a nice restaurant and the occasional stalker. The biggest complaint for the men is being hit by spam emails from prostitutes or commercial sex sites.
I note that it’s equal opportunity for both genders when it comes to financial scamming or trolling for the green card. Hmmm, maybe I’ll avoid the usual online dating sites after all!
There’s a blog called Hell Is OKCupid that will either put you off internet dating for life, or if you’re brave enough to proceed, gladly accept screenshots of the messages you get that are just too bizarre not to share.
Which is why some of us have NO desire to date.
So many stories I could tell, but I’ll share a mildly weird one — one date said to me after dinner, “Let’s see, you ate about a third of the food, so give me one third of the bill.”
I would have said, “tell you what, loser, I’ll give you 100% of my middle finger!”
There are 2 disasters with the same guy for me, I’ll start with the “lesser of the 2 Evils”
I was going to finally celebrate my birthday with a S/O, who was also my fiance and I was in SO MUCH LOVE and it was to be a day/night of fun and a party and so much happiness. I was going to be spoiled!!! Well we walked out of the front door to start with birthday breakfast and he saw a small puddle by the porch steps. It looked to be a clogged line that was small and could’ve been handled when we got back.
Unfortunately he decided that a call to Roto-Rooter had to be made right then and there, and it ended up being the focus of my day. We never went out, no party, no friends, no card, no presents, and definitley no happiness. I ended up eating a slab of specially made marshmallow that he had ordered for my cake, with my Pug.
His birthday celebration (18 days after mine) went off without a hitch, with a party, BBQ, family, friends, presents, the whole deal.
THEN….a month later I was watching my Pug and noticed he was very listless and unhappy. He had stopped eating and stopped drinking, which I realized as I saw him go up to his bowls and sniff but then turn away. That was not like him at all, especially for a Pug!! So I picked him up and started petting him and adjusted his collar thinking it may have gotten tighter with him gaining weight from all the snacks.
As I adjusted his collar, I felt a hard line under it and tooka closer look…..turned out he had a black hair rubber-band AROUND his throat! I screamed and started crying and took it off his neck. I immeadiately confronted my fiance and at first denied it and then almost gleefully told me he did it because he was jealous of how much I loved my dog. He wanted him to die so all my attention would be soley on him.
I got my dog out of there and i moved out a few days later. Needless to say it didn’t last much longer and we never got married. He left me for a much older woman he met at his current job, one that i got him by filling out the application, creating his resume, and making all appointments for him to get his new class DL, Dr. Appts for the physical, and actually getting him a doctor in the first place.
Psychopath right there. Wants to kill your dog, and proceeds to put a rubber band around his neck to suffocate the poor thing, and doesn’t care about you. Wow, just wow, evil to the core.
Casey Kuntz You are lucky to get away from that dog murdering psycho!
this is certainly not the type of guy you would want to have kids with if he was willing to do that to an innocent animal.
Thank God you didn’t marry that rotten bastard!
And not just kill the dog, but slowly torture the both of you. He’s lucky all you did was leave.
That’s a sick bastard?! A Ted Bundy I n the making.
I was thinking the same thing – Ted Bundy. Sadistic asshole.
He would have no more worries about finding love. Because, if anyone, mark it down, put a black rubber band around one of my dog’s necks….I would butcher him slowly and feed him alive to hogs.
He would have to RUN for his life or go into Witness Protection, because if I got my hands on him, I would go medieval on his ass.. Blow torch and pliers medieval. Proper and legal matters would be in order and if I got caught and sent to prison, I would be at peace with it.
That TURD is still walking this earth?? He should’ve been put down 7 feet under immediately – but he’s allowed to thrive & live??! That other chick better sleep w/ 1 eye open!
Jealous of a dog. Special place in hell for that bastard. Thank the stars the pug was ok.
Hmmmm I see a potential Lifetime movie script with that one!
Glad you avoided marrying this one. Seriously screwed up. You can’t help but wonder what he might have done to you if he became unhappy. I’m glad for you, and your pooch.
OMG Casey, what a nightmare! I’ve got a Pug, too and I’d cripple anyone who tried to hurt him.
OMG! I’d have slipped him an ambien & gradruple-wrapped that rubber band around his johnson. NOBODY messes with my dogs!
*quadruple.
I think that takes the ‘Cake’, Miss Casey K! ALL critters are precious & need to be loved…..
Your EX is a really ‘special’ kind of SICKO! to do that to a trusting & helpless critter; to be ‘jealous’ of an animal….Wow
In my case, cheaterpants was also jealous of my pup…..even though he was the one who chose to adopt them in the first place!!. I believe his jealousy led to him pushing my precious pup to an early grave & painful last 2 years of her life. He takes pretty good care of HIS critters, though……Sickos, all…..
I am grateful that we had no kids together, he blamed me for the first 2 years for not being able to get pregnant, then he found out he was 100% sterile and took it out on me, he got into the truck and said, “well you should leave me now, I can’t give you a baby”. It was like watching a child throw a huge fit, but that child is 6’3 and weighed about 350+.
He had a lot of issues that contributed to his anger, his brother, cousin, and uncle all were diagnosed with cancer within 2 weeks of one another and he saw his cousin go first and then his brother in 2009, the uncle just passed away a couple months ago, the only reason I know is because my old friend from HS has a cousin that is still in communication with some members of my Ex’s family.
It was crazy how close a circle we made and I realized I had probably hung out with them a couple times back in the mid-’90’s and just don’t remember him there. He actually took it s a sign that we were meant to be together and he wanted to marry me. What made it weirder in retrospect, was that my Jr. High friend actually dated his sister in HS and then we found out that he was related to my other HS friend who’s sister I was best friends with
*ChumptyDumpty, I don’t mean to make light of his personal inadequacies, and I never judged him for it the whole time we were in each others lives, and I loved him truly, but honestly, there would be no way to wrap a finger around his Johnson, let alone an rubberband! *MICRO*
Also the Ambien would have maybe killed him, he was suffering from severe sleep apnea and if he hadn’t met me, he may not have lived many more years. He would stop breathing for up to 2 minutes at a time, all night. I made him go to a sleep clinic and get a CPAP machine. I was terrified that I was going to lose him if I didn’t pay attention.
He did get physical with me one time and one time only, and I think he did it to see if he was capable and I think it scared the shit out of him. We weren’t even arguing and were standing in line at Safeway and I was in front of him putting the groceries on the belt and all of a sudden he rammed the shopping cart into the back of my ankle/calf. I let out a yell that garnered the attention of about 10 people and they all watched as I laid the verbal smackdown on him, in a respectful manner, and used all the big words he hated. I took pictures of the huge bruise and showed/told everyone in his family what he did. His dad was beyond pissed.
He was an odd duck, 26 year-old virgin (I was 30) who had never had a girlfriend and had never kissed one, his own dad thanked me for dating him because they all (Immed. Family) thought he was gay. They had never seen him with a girl and when he called his sister to tell her about me, she actually yelled to her room-mates that her brother had his first girlfriend ever and wasn’t gay.
Crazy times. I had a ton of good times with him, it just sucks that when he fucked up, he did it big.
I hope all of us can find the peace and well-being we ALL deserve!!
Mine wasnāt a date, but a singles meet up group with my divorced BFF. I was hopeful that there was someone to talk too, but found quickly that the men, (who were all older and I am 50!), were either already with someone in the group, were mentally disabled, or physically disabled. I talked to one guy that only told me all about his knee surgery and recovery.
One fairly decent looking man talked to me, but I found out from my friend later he has a habit of touching womenās private parts, this after he used a lame excuse to brush my boobs with his hand. Ugh!
Not only that, my friend and another woman spent the entire evening talking about all their bad experiences with online dating sites. How the men were usually scammers, and to find a decent intelligent men with Christian values was nearly impossible.
This was my first time out after my divorce. Discouraging to say the least. Luckily, a guy at work asked me out and I have been seeing him since. So far, so good, he reads books, goes to church with me, and has a great butt. I think I hit the jackpot! Ha!
See, folks, not everybody with a great butt has to wear ass showcasing pants.
Hahahaaaa! “I like nice butts and I cannot lie, Those other women can’t deny, When a guy walks in with a shit-eating grin and ass pants in your face you get SPRUNG!”
Fifi for the win!
Fifi,
I almost choked I was trying so hard to hold him my laughter!!!! (at work). That was absolutely the best!!!!
Uh, correction – “hold IN”
OMG Fifi-
Coffee spray all over my monitor at the office…….
That is hysterical!!
Counterpoint: individuals with good butts should be REQUIRED to wear showcase pants.
Hey, all y’all……cheaterpants has a GREAT butt.. Told him so quite often!….Too bad he did not keep it in our marital bed!
(Lesson: Great Lookin’ Butts mean nada! Too bad some of those sicko dates are ‘butt-centric!’ After all, what exits from a butt, hmmmm?!?! Yup…..)
Forge on, Great Nation! Love all y’all
The original bum-provoker guy sounds like a jerk.
But y’all know as well as I do if you have a butt and you’ve been around me, I looked at it.
And we know you’re looking
. It goes from flattery to creepy when, well, the posts above said it so well.
I’ve had men who have said, “Nice ass,” when I’ve walked by. I stop, look at them square in the eye and sweetly reply, “Were you referring to my body part or your personality?”
How rude touching lady parts willy nilly! Shudder! Im no prude but if a guy plays grab ass with me i swing and ask questions later. He would be on the floor picking his teeth out of the rug. The only thing in this world i really own is me and i say what goes. Touching lady parts indeed. The pig.
I haven’t actually dated since my divorce but I did go to speed dating just for the experience and to see how I felt around men. One guy told me that he drank so much one night that he missed the exit for his house and drove past it for 45 minutes before he realized it. Uh no. Another one spent the whole 5 minutes telling me how he traveled the world and always brought his now ex wife jewelry from the countries he visited. He made sure to say that he doesn’t travel like that anymore. A third guy told me how he was only there because a friend talked him to going then went into detail about why gas prices are so high (he wasn’t in that line of business though. Never asked about me. It was an interesting experience that helped me realize I wasn’t ready to date yet.
Apparently, neither were some of these guys!
OMG these stories !!!
The first person who I invited to dinner (he was an “interested texter” I met on Catholic Match) turned me down flat. I bravely trudged forward and kept trying.
My first date admitted to me that he was still single because he spent years “whoremongering” (Uh, dude, youdidnt just hang with them, you were one).
I started dating a really cute fellow I met online and he seemed a gentleman. A few dates into this, we were kissing becoming friendly and he asked me how big my dead husbands penis was. He said “I bet he was hung like a bear!”…I tried to ignore it but he asked again. Nothing fuels passion like questions about your dead husband’s penis.
Fortunately I only had 5 first dates before I was reacquainted with H2.0
WHAT IS IT with that line of questioning?
I can’t even put my experience with that into words yet. But WTF IS IT when they want to know THAT!
Nothing says “Im secure in myself” more than asking about a dead guys penis :::Shutter:::
I was on date 2 with a guy a day before I went on a long weekend to Paris with friends. He knew about the trip and we could have date 3 after! When I returned home, I happily emailed about the trip and said I looked forward to seeing him again. Then I checked my voicemail. It was filled with increasingly perturbed and finally nasty messages about me not answering while I was in Paris. Needless to say, I immediately blocked him everywhere and was so glad he didn’t live in my city.
A dating story? I’ll be 59 in a week and I am still rebuilding my life after my abandonment 2.5 years ago. There is no one on earth who would ask me for a date and probably never will.
For some of us, “dating” and new romance is not in the cards.
Generally I’m okay with that but today this article fucks me off. Sorry all.
Moving, why do you say “no one on earth who would ask me for a date and probably never will?”
2.5 years of no one even looking at me? I can take a hint!
I’m 44, also 2 1/2 years out from D,day and no one has asked me for a date while my very flamboyant closeted ex moved on to another woman and married her.
but I am sure as hell not about to throw in the towel and neither should you. look at the 2.5 years as a time to take stock and fix your picker.
My friend in college didn’t get asked out almost the whole time and she was beautiful!! And 20.
MovingLiquid. I am glad, very glad I don’t get a 2nd look in a grocery store.
I’m old – almost 60 and I’ve accepted that.
But, I also have a shield around me that says, don’t bother me and don’t bother looking at me.
If they do, I look them head to toe, and walk on.
Most men my age in the dating pool have big belly’s and far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)
I am much more attracted to bald, for that matter, if it comes down to that.
I do like to flirt occasionally while waiting for medicine at the pharmacy – that’s fun.
My body probably exudes rejection, even tho I like to go around wearing lower cut tops for summer.
Just DON’T you dare look at me.
These dating horror stories just confirm it for me!
OMG!
Brava to you, SheChump. It’s hard to pull-off for some women apparently, but the silent head-to-toe dressing-down is a killer move.
I am with you Shechump, I am not interested. I am even older (almost 67), and I cherish being alone, or with friends and family, and not spending my time and energy on someone who does not appreciate it. My life is now peaceful and fulfilled, without a relationship. And these stories just reinforce my feelings.
Shechump,
Question about this: “…far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)”
I’ve heard that from various people throughout my life, and I’ve always wondered why anyone would think that someone is hiding something with facial hair. You’re not hiding anything with the hair on your scalp, and what on earth could you hide with facial hair, anyway? A scar? A chin tattoo? a very, very small unborn twin?
I get that women will have personal preferences for or against facial hair, but where does the idea that it’s an attempt to hide something come from? Facial hair goes in and out of fashion. Some men follow fashion, some don’t.
Personally, I think most men look better with facial hair, particularly Caucasian men who are old enough for their beard to have turned white, because if they’re clean shaven the white whiskers mean they have no five o’clock shadow, and they look like old women.
Grumpy Chump – quoting me, ‘Question about this: āā¦far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)ā
Gee, I must have read that a dozen times and I have NO idea what I was talking about!
Sorry. It makes no sense whatsoever to me.
I do like facial hair on the right person, not everybody can wear the look.
I just must have been having a very very strange day! lol. No excuse for such a weird comment!
My apologizes to any men with facial hair!
No apologies necessary! I just wondered, because I’ve heard that since I was a kid, but I’ve never gotten an answer when I asked what they were supposed to be hiding.
GrumpyChump – after analyzing this, I think what I meant was, my X was always hiding a big smirk under his facial hair, which he grew during his affair.
This is probably what I meant about people hiding their faces under the hair.
In his case, he began growing his facial and head hair and he started looking like Doc Brown on Back to the Future.
Very unkempt – unlike most guys having an affair.
Quit brushing his teeth! Showering, etc.
Oh, he had all the new blue underwear and new clothing that he never wore around me, because he started to look like a real pig after awhile. He quit shaving and rarely got out of his housecoat around the house (he worked from home). I’m sure he was trying to turn me off.
Either that or, he wasn’t handling the double life so well.
But, in mind my mind – he damn sure couldn’t get away with the smirk, no matter how much hair he had.
Shechump,
Gotcha. There’s nothing like associating something with a cheater to give you a strong aversion to it. My cheating ex never painted her toenails until she started cheating, and ever since I noticed the connection I’ve been repelled by painted toenails.
lol GrumpyChump. That’s one thing I don’t do! Paint my toenails
I should probably clarify that I don’t mean to suggest that painted toenails = cheater, just that in the case of my ex she started doing it for the OM, and even though I know that was just her, the sight of anyone’s painted toenails gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Almost 2 yrs. out for me. I’m slim, I take care of myself, I have many intetests. People seem to think I’m a nice person. My friends can’t believe I haven’t had one. single. date. I’ve decided I have to be OK with what is. At least I don’t have to live with Stimpy’s cheating and his emotional abuse. If someone comes along, that would be wonderful, but I don’t look for it to happen.
MovingLiquid
I was thinking about how no one has been interested in me either.
The truth is that I am the one who never looks.
The two times I made the effort I went out. The first I left without saying anything. And the second was too self absorbed and boring.
ML, I get it. At 63 I definitely feel that ship has sailed for me too. There is a real thing with being an older woman. We become invisible. At least that has been my experience.
It’s probably a good thing that I am not remotely interested in dating at this time. I have too much going on in my life to even make time. Plus I was never very good at it. I tend to be pretty straightforward. Just folks type of person, that’s me. I’m just fine with doing life on my own.
I figure if I’m supposed to find someone, I’ll run into him somewhere along the line. I just ask Spirit to make it really obvious because I can be a little dense with this stuff.
Tessie – I am trying very hard to be invisible and, for the most part it is working.
I WANT to send a message that I am not available.
I dress frumpy with oversized clothing so I don’t attract any body.
I actually work very hard on my physique with exercise but nobody is going to see what’s underneath these clothes.
I can be a real flirt if I want as I am an extrovert, but it’s not what I want at all.
I gave my best to my past relationship for most of my life and it didn’t work.
I want nothing to do with another relationship ever again as I can never survive that kind of pain again.
It’s not that I’m letting the X take away anything from me but, I just will never give my power over to anybody who will abuse my trust.
So, I’d like to stay an enigma as much as possible.
Yeah, it would be nice to have a good old fashioned fuck on occasion, but hell, not sure it’s worth it.
ML…I totally agree. I’m a well-upholstered 57 : smart, funny, yadda (I think). But I am now officially invisible. Sales folk are often rude to me (I call it out super politely).
Yeah, dating Not gonna happen….in this world I’m barely human, let alone female. Feminine? hahahahah. To quote Amy Schumer & pals, my last fuckable day was a looonnnggg time ago.
Folks here talk like being in your 40s is a thing…guess what, It is NOT a thing. A little wobble: NOT a thing.
Being just another genuine honest to god middle aged woman, or older, who doesn’t spend her life doing pilates & plastic surgery…yeah, totally a thing.
I’m not realistically datable. or fuckable, or often, even friend-zone-able, and it’s been made so very clear to me.
Leave a cheater–awesome!! Gain a life–great! keep trying (try age discrimination in employment: these things are not a matter of willpower, but real social dynamics.)
Date again, or even have somebody look at you without mild distaste? not gonna happen. Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but that the way it works in our world.
You have no idea what’s in the cards for you. Three years ago, if you told me I’d be living 1000 miles away, divorced because of my X’s cheating, I would have said you were crazy.
Nobody knows what’s going to happen. But don’t assume what will happen is going to be awful.
I am 55 and no one has been looking at me during the past 15 years I spent with Ex. It doesn’t mean anything !
As soon as I started wanting to find someone, putting myself in situations to meet new people, there were nice looking guys who were interested. A good conversation and enthusiasm do attract prospects. And also, men from the past started showing up, as if they had sensed something, how strange…
Do not judge your potential on the number of guys who look at you. It’s not the same behavior as when we were 20.
I was with my ex for 12 years from age 18-30 and I never seemed to encounter interested men who would flirt with me during that time. But most likely I wasn’t looking for it/open to it and gave off that impression that I was no available for dating.
I started dating through the divorce and I couldn’t believe how popular I was, I had to beat them off with a stick. I had no problem finding men to want to meet up for a drink or a meal or a walk, and these were for the most part educated, employed, respectful, high quality men. I have much more luck online than in public but I’ve met and dated men the old fashioned way as well.
StrawberryJellyFish,
So you were 30 years old when you had to beat men off with a stick? In my twenties, while I was a (female) military officer, lots of men banged on my door. At 50, my love life is sadly vastly different (i.e., non-existent), although I am just as fit (very fit) as I was back then.
I have to say once I “put out energy” to being available, that’s when guys started to look. I kept telling myself when I have a relationship again this is what I want, XYZ. And guess what a friend I wasn’t real close with but knew of my situation sent me a text asking if I was dating yet. Turns out to be one of the best text ever received, he is a chump as well. Going on 6 months and taking our time. I’m excited for what the future holds. It wasn’t easy though, I thought everything he did/didn’t do was a red flag, once I just relaxed and took it all day by day it was better. I was on match and POF and most men were looking for hook ups, or wanted you to talk to them every day…It was exhausting
ML, I understand your hurt, but I must say that 2.5 years really isn’t that long. Don’t give up. I haven’t even though I work in a government research area in the middle of nowhere and I haven’t had a date in FIVE YEARS! I love my job and It’s in a beautiful rugged and wild part of the country, but also very redneck and conservative, and that means that I never meet anyone who I have a single thing in common with. I have a lot of smart, sharp, well-educated, very attractive male colleagues – all from somewhere else and all married. The ex who cheated on me (the memory of which brought me to this site years later) was an unmarried co-worker, and I felt so incredibly blessed to find him here. I thought we had everything in common – except, of course, as I found out later, integrity and character. It was a humiliating, horrendous experience and the disappointment almost killed me. I knew I would be alone after that for a long long time – and I was right.
That relationship only lasted three intense months. Before that, I hadn’t had a date in SIX YEARS, since my divorce, which is why finding this guy here seemed like such a miracle. So, yeah, 11 years with practically nothing. But I haven’t given up yet! So you can’t either.
Yes, Athene, I’ve changed a lot in the last 2.5 years. I have been married four times and I have ALWAYS been with a man until now. During this time I have truly gotten to know myself and it’d be hard to change for someone again. I don’t want to! I’ve done it all my life. I finally have a take or leave me outlook. And even though I sound a bit bitter because I do get lonely and do wish I had someone to share my life with, I also have a very exciting job and feel pretty happy with my life. At this point I do not want to feel there is anything “wrong” with me just because I haven’t dated and don’t have plans to. The ultimate in healing from this nightmare of being cheated on and abandoned isn’t to find someone knew, but to find contentment.
xox
I love that ML…That is the place I hope to get to too…contentment. I’m guessing it is a special spot in the land of MEH. I’ll find you there ML. Xx
All I can say is that the people I know who are out there dating, are actually doing something about it. Meaning they have a profile on online dating sites, and are actively looking to go on dates. They have nice photos online and a cute description. And they are not passive about it. Chances are, if you aren’t serious about dating, it won’t happen. Unless you’re in your 20s in a college environment, where there are tons of single people, after that period, getting asked out won’t be a common occurrence. If you want to date, you really need to put yourself out there, either going to singles events, getting online, or doing something about it, rather than just sitting back and doing nothing, hoping to get asked out. Just my 2 cents.
I agree. I was in a new city after my divorce, living with my father, and just going along working and being pretty bored. I looked into the local volunteer opportunities, so I could at least help someone else out! I ended up joining a Rebuild Together group, to fix up houses for the disabled or low income population. It turned out to be fun, and a lot of cool people, and the guy who I saw fixing the bathroom floor there, and who I sat next to at lunch, well, he asked me out for wine afterwards, and now we’ve been dating for two years!
MovingLiquid-
Don’t throw in the towel. One of my dear friends is 62 and her husband cheated, left and married the OW when she was in her 50’s. She’s on Match and she dates pretty regularly. She is having a good time and so can you!
I remember a lovely blog post about a very nice man you met in a rummage/second hand shop where you kicked yourself a bit for not asking his name and giving him your number. That wasn’t so long ago. You’re not dead. You’re overworked and a bit sad right now, but you’re a wonderful person and have been through a lot and you need to heal a bit- and I think once you’re in your own space (not sharing with your family) you will be able to have some sunshine and pure joy in your life and remember how much fun you are. And someone will notice. Try finding a local church who does their service outside every once in awhile- you still get your God fix and maybe meet some other God loving folks. You’re far too hard on yourself. Your husband was an absolute ogre and he basically ate your soul alive. But you have been so mighty since that point and you will find happiness. Much love.
How kind of you, Just Me. Thank you for remembering all that. I was just thinking that there’s a man who comes to my work about once a month. I like what I know about him, which isn’t a lot. I don’t know if he’s married so I will find that out before going into crush mode. But the other day we were talking about the changing weather and I mentioned tomatoes and he asked if I grew any tomatoes. I felt like I was 16 again! I was so shy I just nodded at him! Hysterical. But after we parted I realized how lovely it is to feel that way. Who knows, I might feel it again someday.
Yeah, I can’t really offer up any stories either. I married late in life at 32. We dated for 4 years and lived together for one year so I’ve essentially been off the market for almost 18 years. I’m 45 and after a couple of miserable dating app account attempts I decided that dating today is too off-putting to me.
I watched an interview with Jennifer Garner as she talked about her cheater (Ben) and she described herself as a dinosaur who preferred receiving flowers to text messages and snap chats. Yeah, I’m with you Jen. Technology may have improved our lives in some ways but dating isn’t one of them. After only two days on one well-known dating app I became so disturbed by the responses I quickly deactivated the account.
I have a pretty fulfilling life working a full-time job, raising a young child and pursuing my MBA degree. While it would be nice to have some Prince Charming sweep me off my feet one day, I’m not optimistic that that day will ever come. People don’t seem to want to have to earn anything like love and respect anymore. It’s all about instant gratification.
I decided that I can make a good life for myself and don’t necessarily need a relationship to feel fulfilled. My ex is the complete opposite and bounces from one empty relationship to another. Text messages and Tinder profiles do not a relationship make. At least for me. I’m a chump and a dinosaur and I’m okay with that.
100% Agreed and I am in the same mind set as you. 42 years old, young child, full time job, lots of friends. I really don’t need the aggravation of dating.
I, too, don’t get the texting thing. I ran into an old friend at a local deli who I had been interested in before the MFPOS. He started texting. And texting. And texting. Lots of suggestions, no follow through. So I TEXTED and said, I don’t get the texting thing, we seem to be on different planets here, so I am just going to stop. Three seconds later the phone rang and we had a great conversation. Later, another TEXT. And another. And another. Obviously he did not hear me. So I just stopped answering them. I figured this was a red flag. Along with all the “lets do this, lets do that”s that went nowhere.
What was that???? By the way, we are early 60’s, not 30.
Favorite pre-marriage dating story: I was asked out by a doctor, a friend of a friend. When he called, he asked me what I would like to do, and not being shy, I suggested a nice restaurant, not fancy but popular. He said he hated that place, suggest something else. So I did. He declined. So I told him to pick, and he did. Eye roll.
When we got to the restaurant, I ordered a glass of wine. He said, “I don’t drink”, to which I replied, “that is fine with me”. He repeated it. This is all with the waitress standing there, looking at us like we were a tennis match, back and forth. Confused, I repeated, “that is fine, whatever”. It then became plain that I was not supposed to drink, either…but I ordered it anyway. Began to think, “let me out of here”.
He then asked me what movie I wanted to see, and he…objected. Get the picture?
I smiled, got up and walked to another table, where I saw a friend sitting. I sat down, told him I was on the date from hell, and would he take me home? We were sitting there drinking wine when doctor stormed out.
A month later, doctor happened by while I was in my front yard. (Lived in neighborhood). He looked at me and said “If you had been nicer, I would have married you!” I just rolled my eyes and laughed. We actually became good friends and howled over this story. He died recently and I miss him.
Loved your response to the doctor’s objections. Sounds like he could have made a career as a lawyer, too. It’s really cool that he did turn out to be a friend for you, and I’m sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))
Re: texting, after X, the one guy I liked enough to date asked for my email address. Because of the electronic hell I went through with X, I told the guy I don’t do email or texting. He accepted that but on a later occasion tried to offer me his email address written (ahead of time) on paper. I thanked him but refused it with both hands: “I wouldn’t use it; I don’t do electronic with men.” I told him at this point in my life, contact is phone or in person, and that’s it.
So he calls me and we see each other in person every so often, as friends. I’m grateful for his respect and his easy willingness to observe my boundaries.
Texting will NEVER be part of my dating arena again. It’s been almost a year since I blocked X, and the part of my brain that was scorched by his electronic assaults still panics every time my phone screen shows a text notification, even if it’s just from Amazon. I’m from the era of turntables and rotary dial phones, and if you want to date me but can’t find a means to reach me in full physical voice or person, it’s just not going to happen.
Agree. I text my kids and friends. Also get calls from them. When ex started texting me alot It irritated me what am i chopped liver. I didnt mind texting with him but not all the time. He trained everyone texts only no calls including the kids. He texted me merry christmas and became enraged when i didnt respond. He said i texted 80 people merry xmas i wasted an hour doing that they all responded but you! Im not 80 people im your kids mom you sincerely want to wish me merry xmas call you twit. And those 80 people who are not your friends are scared you wont be their friend anymore cause the great asswipe texted if they dont text back! I told him i dont care fuck you im not your friend anymore and i really dont give a shit! Cant be bothered answering the phone so now he is pissed family friends and kids only text or facebook happy birthday and fathers day. I heard im their fucking father and they cant call me the ungrateful bastards! They call and text me all the time they rarely even text him. Why they resent their dad for cutting off their how ya doing phone calls. He resents they all call me and text me all the time. Why me and not him. Told him you stupid fuckup be careful what you wish for dumbass. They are under the impression you really dont care that much when your own daughter wittnessed you answering six times in one day your whores daughters and chatting at great length to them and barely pay attention to her. I know she came home and cried on my shoulder that he only loves her cause he has to and the whores daughters are more important to him than she is. Mom he spent half the day talking to them on the phone and the whore and totally ignored me left me in a sea of strangers who also ignored me i havent seen him in two years and im only home for a week. I spent tons of time with her fun great dear old dad only spent time alone with her in the car on the drive to his house i see it my daughter sees it noone else see this. The whores daughters and whore tried to completely take him over and make him forget he had a life before them. I told him i love my kids i pay attention to them and enjoy them. Hes an asshole without a clue of the damage hes done on his own nothing to do with me. I encouraged all to keep trying but theyve pretty much given up. Not my fault his. I didnt cheat he did he not only abandoned me he abandoned them. He let them down. Fucker. Let him suffer the consequences of his actions. He and the whore may or may not get back together broken up four times but shes says they belong together. Haha! Hes just pissed family didnt jump on his side and embrace the bitch. I could have dealt with this better and so could the kids if he had been honest and upfront and we moved to end the marriage before he commited to some bitch and they might have respected said bitch more if she had told asswipe end your marriage and come to me with a clean slate. She didnt she just doesnt care and neither does he. The kids figured out who he is really is on their own with his actions. When i told my kids my husband died for me that day the smoke cleared and someone different stood before me looked like him sounded like him but not the him i knew they didnt quite understand now two years later looking back my daughter told me recently she reminded me of what i said she said her father died that day too and how hes treated and ignored her tried to make her embrace a whole new family by pushing her and take sides against me she didnt quite believe till she witnessed it for herself now she says fuck him im not playing his stupid teenybopper games and i will see him when i feel like it. She pushes him back and tells him to fuck off when he tries to order her around. Thats my girl!
Done4Good,
Your history sounds a lot like mine, although I didn’t marry until I was nearly 40. You sound really well-adjusted!
Happy Sunday Moving Liquid,
A lot of men are very simple minded and have been programmed to find exaggerated sexual charactistics as what they do a “double take” for…i.e. women with huge breasts, lips, very thin, young or the new Kardashian look of huge bottoms, etc.
Do not take “not getting a second look” personally. It is a simple formula. If I get a spray tan (tanning is a no no), wear my hair down which is long, and get fresh high lights, put on make up, high heels and skimpy clothes, I get male attention.
If I wad my hair up in a bun, no make up,look pale, slop around in my Birkenstocks and Johnny Cash T shirt….not so much.
Men, especially American men, are herd creatures. They go with what their buddies think is “hot.” They are not taking the time to notice how exquisitely blue our eyes are, or how kind our gaze…they are looking at us as MEAT to be POUNDED. (Yes, there are exceptions…I know this).
Overall, they want that meat to be young, big tits, thin and highly sexualized. Is this the sickness of Western media or porn, or mean “red in tooth and claw” brutal biology? Maybe both.
And you are right..it is depressing. I think reading all the dating train wrecks could have the effect of making us want to go back to the devil we know. But that is globalizing. As CL said, It’s just one date.
America is immature, and values youth over all. Look at all the actresses in their 40s and 50s who have made themselves into Madame Toussant’s wax creatures to stay “in the game.” Even in Great Britain, they have TV shows where there are actresses who have wrinkles, love handles or just look like NORMAL aging women…some of the most popular shows there. But not here (Just the Golden Girls, and their aging was viewed as comedy).
So, maybe the long, predatory stare (that is what it is) of lust will not happen in the Walgreens anymore. That’s okay.
I do not think being paired up is the magic factor of being happy. I wish I could take a pill and never want or crave male companionship again. But humans crave contact.
Meeting someone now might involve more thoughtful planning…a club, a meet up, an introduction from a reasonable friend.
And if you don’t want to meet someone….there are so many great books to read, recipes to try, places to go, dogs and cats that need homes. (horses too!) ….that is okay as well.
However, the hard truth is that as we get older, the pickings are more slim, and the fantasies we had may have to change.
I think that is why this is so hard to move past. I think that is why this site hit 10 million views.
We are all letting go of a dream that involved someone we believed loved us, and all that entails: lust, desire, belonging, home, youth, fulfillment, plans for the future, sexual energy and excitement. All lost.
There is only one guarantee: change. It was not the change we wanted. But it came knocking like the Gestapo at the door all the same.
Do we roll with the punches and *perhaps* find someone or something better? Or, do we learn from the poignant but cheese ball county song-
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter.
That is what I am fighting.
Wishing you warm thoughts for this day.
Totally appreciate this post — and I did see your response to me on a different topic, but haven’t been able to find it again to respond. I did see and I thank you!!
For this one, I love what you’ve said about the programming — both male visual and UK television. X was all for huge tits (D cup not even close to what he favored), although I suspect whoever he is with now probably doesn’t have what he wants, either, just money, and time to fawn over him. But I’m not bitter.
Myself, I am hoping someday for a big strong Christian-hearted bison rancher who doesn’t have a smartphone or bother with the Internet. And I don’t care if he is a man of few words, as long as he holds my hand and folds me into his big arms and breathes into my hair at night.
I get second looks still at 48, no matter how I’m presenting. Ideally I’d like to be almost cloistered (voluntarily), or loved by a good man who is physically formidable enough that any other man thinks a second thought before looking twice at me.
I’m not sure what that says about me as a person, or about my picker or ideals, but there you go. The alternative seems to be what I am already doing: push forward and just continue to ignore the looking. Some people suggest it all stops as we age. If it stops here, fine. If I find that hurts my feelings, or sucks for me, I’ll consider moving to France, where a woman can be 80 years old and still sexy as hell.
What I always told my X, who had body image issues:
IT WAS NEVER ABOUT LOOKS ANYWAY.
It just never was. For those of you who are hurting from our natural processes of physical aging, I hope you can know deep in your heart that it *isn’t* about looks. Facing our aging mirrors is hard, and sometimes sad, but look at you:
You’re beautiful. You’ve lived a lot of life. This is all amazing. You’re beautiful. You just ARE.
When you see your own reflection, SMILE AT IT. Do that every time you see you. Because you deserve it:
You’re *beautiful*. NEVER forget that. You just ARE.
Here! Here! I like Alpha men, too. I like that idea about the rancher. Strong, and disconnected from all this social media which is really a circle jerk!
I almost wrote that: Absent moving to France….
I love it that you knew that.
Yes, I was worried about you when I read you thought you had made a mistake. I am on Day 30 of NC, and I reading my own words over and over. If someone cheated….what would you or me talk about with them?
Her pussy? His dick in her pussy? Their orgasms? Lucky…it rips me apart.
It is NOT about looks. I wrote when I saw who Meth Man was with (both of them) I was relieved and repulsed. But, I was not jealous (THANK GOD) of their “looks”.
But, everyone has their own look and I do not believe in the “limited pie” theory.
There are unlimited amounts of pie….we can all be beautiful in our own way. No catty limited pie thoughts…just stay away from men who are engaged or married. Why is this so hard for these women?
I am getting deeper into exercise, and I believe this is helping me not call. I am sorry if this post is a big scattered.
I am just bone deep sad today. It is Day 30. I had hoped for a long apology email (I got one short one three weeks ago) or a something to show…that he misses me, that he cared, that I mattered, that he sees the loss.
I guess I have a long way to go to MEH.
Thank you for writing.
SabineSavoy, that was a really good post to MovingLiquid!
Hi Flutterby,
Thank you! That means so much to me. I am moving in molasses and white knuckling in a “crisis” today. Day 30 NC.
I went and hid my phone in my bird feeder for the birds I feed. That is how bad it is…this insane urge to call. Like CL’s post on no contact and her Shephard and the mail man…Go away! Come back! Don’t go! I hate you! I love you! Please call! I hate you.
I can’t get past that he does not care. I could be dead. It is like I tangled with an alien. Was it all fake?
These feelings…I don’t have to act on them. Calling him would be a major setback.
Oh boy…this is a one more miserable experience.
SabineS–sending you strength!! You can do this! Keep the phone in the birdfeeder (perhaps in a plastic bag? I have birds, and they do sometimes s*** where they eat). Stay busy, go for a brisk walk or swim, look up comedies on Netflix, borrow a friend’s dog to walk (if you don’t have one). Busy, busy, busy–the mind needs to be occupied.
Anything you feel you still need to say to him, write down & then burn. We’re here for you (post in the forums if you need an extra boost from the old timers, or tips on NC).
Not interested in dating. Sorry, that’s not a good story. But I could tell you about how I met a woman at the pet store who could not stop talking to me, and she said her ex had stalked her, and I expressed some sympathy, and then she told me that he had broken both of her arms, and she was going through trials.
At this point, I am thinking, “TMI”. Then she proceeds to tell me how her and her friends love to go to the casinos and gamble and get soused on the free drinks while they gamble, and then she asked me if I’d like to come along some time, and I declined saying, “No, drinking, gambling. Not my thing. I gotta go”.
She then became enraged and said I was an asshole and followed me hurling insults as I left the store without buying what I intended to buy.
Not interested in dating.
I feel sorry for her pets.
thats not a date that is public harassment by a nutter
Some people have no boundaries, so they get pissed when you do. Immature.
Wow, talk about crazy!
Not interested in dating
Same here. I’m enjoying the single life !
A large part of the idea I was too old and unloveable must have come from the way XH treated me. I’m 61, feel much better than when I was with him. Having a life must have made me attractive because I have lovely boyfriend now. I cringe when I think how unworthy I used to feel and still struggle with it sometimes. The XH knew exactly how to bring me down and have me for dinner. He sucked, not me. It breaks my heart to hear how anyone feels unloveable after being treated horridly. CL’s Leave a Cheater Gain a Life is hard work, and it can take time to smile again and feel attraction again, but it’s a worthy goal.
Margaret, I’m 61 too. My X did exactly as you’re describing, always mocking me, calling me Fatso (because I had an extra 10 lbs on), and generally leaving me sitting home alone while he went out. It makes me feel like shit just to write that, years later. He really sucks. I need so much positive reinforcment now, that I hope my BF and family are able to keep giving it! They do it because they love me, and they are good folks. I wish there was a self-esteem pill, LOL. Baby steps, and practicing self-love, and it gets slowly better, but I was put down by a pro for 35 years!
100% agree. I felt that way after DDay. My self-esteem was disseminated and I felt unloved and unattractive. And desperate. Being alone was terrifying. Things didn’t get GOOD for me until I intentionally NOT dated and took some time to just be. I found my worth again. And my smile. I liked my own company. I think it’s a necessary step.
I only finally met Mr Right when I gave up dating, and started dating myself. I tried as hard as possible to not engage with him when we did meet, but I think he understood my attitude, being a fellow chump. It took him a momth to contact me after we initially met and exchanged phone numbers, but along the way, I couldn’t have given a toss if he called.
Thank goodness there are still normal men around. I advise sticking to one’s own age group. The normal guy chumps out there are just as downtrodden as us…if they’ve run the gamut of the cheater wife.
Marci,
Glad you found Mr. Right.
I would love to stick to my ‘own’ age group, meaning to me + or – 5 years my age, or a bit younger even (maybe 10 years younger), but it seems as though most of the men I meet, at least online, want someone who is 10 to 25 years younger than them, especially for a long-term relationship! So that means that the men looking for women in my age group are 70+ years old! I don’t want to date someone more than a few years older than me as my (hypothetical) partner would probably not be able to do virtually any of the things that most interest me (e.g., weightlifting, triathlon) (and some of these men online have said so) and would likely die many years before I do, leaving me right back where I am now–single and celibate!
RSW,
Keep at it. You are going to find a good man. You are in great shape, you have experience…maybe a fellow triathlete? Just get out there. You don’t need these dating sites, the odds are terrible. I honestly haven’t met anyone on a dating site that was a keeper, except guys too old for me. Let them live their “younger woman” fantasies until they figure out all they are wanted for by that crowd is their money.
Never have figured out why guys want younger models. Must be their own fears of mortality.
Before I started dating I thought a lot about what I was looking for. My age parameters were 10 years +/-. I ended up dating a man that is 12 years older than myself and doesn’t fit any of my physical parameters! He’s shorter, smaller, older and not especially distinguished looking, but he’s a complete gentleman, loves me dearly, makes me smile, treats me like a goddess, has the patience of Job, loves animals, works hard etc, etc. Dating an older man, at my age, is not what I had planned, but it’s better than I had ever imagined it could be.
Also, I’m finding that dating an older man makes me feel young again, which is quite an ego boost after realizing I wasted my youth chasing a unicorn. If I were to date younger, I might always feel like I’m struggling to keep up. I’m loving it, and going with it. Just something to think about.
Met a fellow chump who seemed to understand what I had gone through and was still processing. Had about five phone conversations that seemed to indicate we had alot of opinions in common. Met twice at local park for walk and talks. He suggested only activities we could partake in that were inexpensive and were coupon oriented. Constantly needed to label “where we were at” and what kind of “relationship” we were having. After walk/date number two told me that I “wasn’t flirty enough”. A quick hug goodnight wasn’t satisfactory, apparently. I should have been willing to make out in my car in a public parking lot at the end of the evening. Ah, don’t think so. All this within a week or so of getting to know each other.
Different guy takes me to a senior fish fry and wants to stay till they close so we could chat inexpensively on date one. During this date he clearly showed racism with his remarks. Second date takes me out to dinner at his favorite restaurant and got upset when I asked the waiter what the soup de jour was. He insisted it was a “kind” of soup and didn’t require such a ridiculous question. When the bill came, he scrutinized it for ten minutes. No interaction with me – just him going over the bill in silence for all that time. I offer to pay my part, as he continued to grimace over what was on the bill. He treated waiter rudely overall. Very telling. No third date for us.
Haven’t dated since. Losing faith that there’s anyone for me out there.
This will also apply to my story later in the thread:
https://youtu.be/DAMHPYR6nF8
Love David Wilcox.
https://youtu.be/aufzEgP97Kg
Liveandlearn–“I asked the waiter what the soup de jour was. He insisted it was a ākindā of soup and didnāt require such a ridiculous question.”
That one will keep me laughing all day! I’m glad you taught him some more French, as in “au revoir.”
Luckily, I’m dating a person I’ve known for a long time through work, but my girlfriends have told me some funny dating stories. One of them thought she’d finally found a nice man who seemed “normal,” but she found out later that she was wrong. Things were going pretty well until this man found out my friend had a black friend. He then decided he didn’t want to date her any more because basically he was prejudiced.
Later on my friend made the unfortunate discovery that she had left her garage door opener in his car. She called and asked him to return it. She told him she’d stand on the sidewalk in front of her house so he wouldn’t have to get out and come to her front door.
So, there she is waiting and she sees his car coming around the corner. The guy slows down just a little, rolls down his window, pitches the garage door remote control at her, then speeds away as fast as he can! What a loon.
Shortly after my divorce many years ago, I accepted an invitation for a date for tea from a man I met at the grocery. It was hard to schedule with him. His phone number was a pager back when pagers were a thing. He was a shiny yoga teacher type, hippy dippy, etc.
We finally met at the tea house, and within minutes of getting his tea, he unloaded a big loud ration of shit on the waiter for “making the chai wrong.” I burst out laughing. He got huffy and asked what was so funny. I said, “Dude, you’re being a total asshole. Calm the hell down.” Somebody across the very quiet meditative tea house clapped softly and semi-whispered “yay!”. The waiter smirked.
He clouded over and quit griping, but continued telling a bunch of stories about his greatness. Fine by me, I didn’t want to tell him about myself anyway.
When the check came, I wouldn’t let him pay for me (a common practice for me anyway) and he said he was offended. I told him that paying for myself wasn’t about him and I wasn’t negotiating payment terms. He relented.
He wanted to walk me to my car. I said no. He asked how he was going to kiss me goodbye. I said “exactly”. The waiter walked me to my car.
That narcissistic douche kept trying to call me for a second date.
Honestly.
And again, because it’s true…
https://youtu.be/DAMHPYR6nF8
thanks for this, lol
Love it.
Hurray for the waiter!!!
He was a rager. Addicted to angry. Imagine when he got angry at you.
A man ASKED ME to go to a museum I said I wanted to go to. He then calls the day of the date and asked me to drive.
It was an hour there. He had a car..I said, are you sick? And said, No, I just thought because it was somewhere YOU wanted to go, YOU should drive. It just hit me wrong, in the gut, and I did not want to ferry him around. Maybe old fashioned, but it is how I felt. He asked me on a date, and then asks me to drive? was it the gas?
I was SUPER NICE, and said, you know…I just don’t want to go. It is okay. Best wishes.
He then unleashes terrorist emails on me like: It is good you don’t or can’t have children, you would contaminate the gene pool…you are alone for a reason. Vicious, vile emails. He was a college professor, and thought about all the female students he must terrorize.
It was SO BAD. And guess who it sent me scurrying back to? It was one of the times I tried NC and failed. Meth Man would have driven me to Nova Scotia…and liked it.
But that type of remembering is dangerous.
Is this Prof in Calgary? Cause there’s a nasty one out here that treats women really garbagey.
These stories, lol.
It was the first time I tried on-line dating. I had 4 somewhat successful coffee dates at this point. I say successful because I learned that I can do it and while the guys were interesting and nice enough, you really do have to meet in person to see if there is chemistry.
I had been chatting with the 5th one for at least a month, and still he hadn’t asked to meet in person. I was on the fence because of his inertia and some of his answers were somewhat odd (like not having any knowledge of the legal process for getting divorced when he said he was separated). However, I got brave and asked him.
We meet at a local pub/restaurant. He is 30 lbs heavier than his picture. (Did I mention his profile said athletic?) He orders the fattiest thing on the menu and tells me how he is getting back into shape. After 20 minutes, the conversation from his end is well…like he is going through a list of questions on a set of index cards. The minute he cleans his plate (he might have licked it if we weren’t in a public place) he announced “well I have to go, I left my kids at home!….. Don’t worry the oldest is 12 but I should get back.”
He pays the bill and the waiter asks if he wants the receipt. Loudly – he says “BURN the evidence!!!!”…..
Total time – start to finish – 60 minutes.
The next day, I sent a follow up email basically thanks but there was no chemistry. His response…”Awe…I kinda liked you. I kinda wanted to see you again”. (Yes those were his exact words.)
Not really a disaster….This is when I realized you can learn a lot about someone in 60 minutes and to listen to your gut (i.e. he is still married).
I sorry but this story is so freaking funny.
I’m getting bake into shape?
I left my kids at home the eldest is 12?
BURN the evidence…………
it is 12.50 in the morning here I so hope I don’t wake the kids with my laughing.
My bad date lasted 34 years LOL
Newday….hahahahaha, same here, but for 16 years!
Ha ha hahahhaaaaaa. Haw a haw hawww. Haw haw haw. NDD.
Lol. 30 yrs here.
Biggest laugh of this post for me. 26 years for me, no potential dates on the horizon. I’m 52 and the last time I dated was the mid-1980s.
I just remebered 2 dating stories.
1. I have a Date 1 with a guy and he finds out I like sushi. So we end up going to a sushi restaurant. The sushi arrives with a huge chunk of wasabi on the side. My date who had never had sushi before, proceeds to take the ENTIRE wasabi chunk and as he’s about to put it in his mouth, I start waving my arms not to do that! That it’s extremely spicy and he should be careful. He just looks at me shrugs his shoulders and ends up putting the WHOLE wasabi chunk in his mouth and swallows it all. I just sit there stunned at what I witnessed. Within 5 minutes, he was in convulsions and we had to end the date early, because he was too sick to carry on. I didn’t see him again, what a buffoon.
2. I had been dating a guy and we end up going to a bar/lounge one night. We sit at an open table where there is a tall glass of beer filled to the brim, just sitting there. After 20 minutes, no one is there to claim the beer, so my date proceeds to drink the beer. I tell him not to, because we don’t know what’s in the glass and he doesn’t know what he’s ingesting. He tells me “I’m exaggerating”, that he’ll be fine. Well, lo and behold, within 10 minutes, he gets sick and is throwing up non stop in the bathroom. I look at his face and he’s white as a ghost. Then he manages to drive us to his place and he continues pucking for the rest of the night. I didn’t say a word, but I kept thinking to myself, what a moron. It was downhill from there and I slowly lost interest in him…
Hilarious!!
Your puke story reminded me of my own puke story… I was going on a date with someone I’d been seeing fairly regularly at one of those group cooking classes, so we cooked dinner with everyone else and had a couple glasses of wine. We then went to a well-known bar in Beverly Hills, but parked down the hill because he didn’t want to pay for the valet (as I’m thinking, “Do you see these heels I’m wearing?”). On the drive home, though, he all of a sudden throws up on himself, in his lap. We pulled over so he could clean himself up, and he about cried. I left as soon as we got back into town as he hops he shower. As much I recognize it was probably one of the most embarrassing events in his life, I couldn’t bring myself to go out with him again.
lol, oh no, there’s nothing worse than puking in the car. I can’t even imagine the scenery. And then he cried, … too funny.
I had dated a guy for some time and we decided to cook dinner together. Since he had more free time after work than I did, I sent him a simple grocery list for the menu. When I got to his place, he was mowing his lawn on a riding mower. He said, “The groceries are inside on the counter.” It seemed pretty rude but I went inside — only to discover that he had only bought ONE THING from my list and the bag was filled with other food — INCLUDING A BOX OF HAMBURGER HELPER. I thought, “Am I on an episode of Chopped, where I’m given secret ingredients and am supposed to whip up an effing masterpiece?!” I made him a plate out of the meager ingredients and put it in the fridge covered with plastic wrap. Then I walked outside and motioned for him to come over. He drove up next to me and idled the engine and I said, “I’m leaving.” He was SURPRISED! and said, “What’s the problem? I was just going to finish mowing and then come in.” And I said, “So you were waiting for me to ring the dinner bell?! Your dinner’s in the fridge.” And then I calmly walked to my car and drove away. What this guy didn’t know was that I was seriously contemplating having my first intimate experience that very evening, and cooking dinner was going to be FOREPLAY. He might have gotten dinner out of me, but he certainly didn’t get “DESSERT” — or any more dates, for that matter. Forever known as The Hamburger Helper Guy.
I felt SO EMPOWERED, because OId Chumpy Me would *never* have had the guts to act that way previously!
ps: The original menu was Snobby Toasted Cheese (pepperjack cheese, avocado, tomato & bacon on toasted sourdough), blushing pears, and roasted cauliflower and red peppers. He missed out on that and MORE! bahaha
Awesome story, I found that the best way to impress a woman (on the 3rd date or more as this is not something to do the first two dates) is to cook for them.
I make one hell of a Tillapia in Orange Juice, Moscato whine, Lime Juice, Adobo, Lemon Pepper and Asian Spices.
If the guy is not willing to cook then he is not worth anyones time!
If and when I decide to date, that is one of my criteria, he must like to cook.
S’Me. Love that story. Being decisive is an essential quality when dating! One red flag is enough for me.
My ex was an excellent cook/chef. He was still a cheating, lying, porn-addicted, prostitute-using, narcissistic asshole. Don’t let the ability to cook fool you.
We married the same guy!!!
Mine was married three times, maybe we each married him!
I dated someone like that too! I miss his cooking though ..
Mine was a great cook. He cooked at the beginning. Sigh. I want someone kind.
A kind person can learn how to cook ..
Was my EX a bigamist?!
Yep, mine was an amazing cook too
That would work for me AND a clean bathroom. I cannot overstate the importance of a clean bathroom. I haven’t dated yet, but before marriage I have left plenty of dates early because I sit to pee. Call me demanding, but I want toilet paper within reach, soap and a towel to dry my hands.
Dating bathroom horror story: cobwebs all over the sink and toilet, every corner of the bathroom, plus a sheet of black mildew over the shower tile wall. I wondered how someone could live that way!
I dated a guy who when I finally visited his apartment, had a pink toothbrush in the holder beside his own, and a whole rack of makeup and girly stuff on the shelves. He clearly had another regular female resident…when I inquired, he said it all belonged to his “platonic” friend who was an “ex-fb”. Not sure she knew she was an ex yet!
I made sure I left a couple of makeup items behind so she would know he had cheated.
Good move, Marci. Like!
My now husband was single for 12 years (with one very brief relationship 6 years in) before he learned that I was single and available. (We dated 30 yrs earlier) We spoke on the phone / texted for about 2 weeks before we met in person when I stopped by his house on my way home from a business trip.
I dont know what his house looked like before, but it was clean when I got there. I made some comment that it was sweet that he cleaned for my visit and he said “well, its not like I was expecting a visit from just anybody, it was ….YOU” awwwww <3
That’s so sweet. Action with just the perfect sentiment.
Bathrooms-
My grandfather was a family physician who survived Dachau. He was married for 50 years to his second wife, Ellen. (His first wife died).
He was “old school” and still made home visits and let people trade produce for their medical bills after he came to the USA. I remember the sun room being heaped with corn, tomatoes, cucumbers and jellies as “payment.” He never pursued any overdue bills.He died in 1991. People came to his shiva and told us story after story of how he treated them for free. We never knew.
He told me there are some hard and fast rules for a happy marriage, easy and few. I wrote them down:
1. Keep the fighting clean (no snake talk, open contempt)
2. But keep the sex dirty
3. Have separate bathrooms always. Mandatory.
4. Never talk badly about your spouse to anyone but your psychiatrist
I wish I could have married Mr. Meth and applied these rules! But it was not meant to be.
My first date post divorce was pretty awkward. We had chatted non-stop for months online in World of Warcraft. But in person, didn’t seem to have any chemistry.
He was from a state over, visiting friends of ours in a city next to mine. Out date was a home cooked meal at our friend’s house. He is a chef by trade…but somehow it was still incredibly awkward. Should have been a more intimate date held several dates later. Didn’t go out with him again.
The next wasn’t a date, but a hilarious situation. A friend of a friend expressed interest in me. He first declared all women were evil. (apparently his ex did him wrong) Then he told our mutual friend “You can tell her that I like her.” One: I never had any interest in the guy in the first place. Two: Are we in freaking middle school?! We were both in our late 20s …not teens. *face/Palm* Out friend has tried to dissuade him of his interest in me, to no avail.
At that time, I was 27 and hawt. I divorced Exhole and it was like I had rolled in catnip. Had to beat them away with sticks. Or had my 6’5″ brother answer the door.
Outstanding. You no doubt have them lined up waiting for their chance at a catch like you.
I have a friend dating story. Sorry for posting so many stories, I just remembered this one too. One of my gfs was dating a psychiatrist, that I swear was nuts. So it’s the first time over at this place, and she opens his fridge and there was mold and worms crawling in there. He hadn’t cleaned his fridge in 4 years. So what does she do? She proceeds to clean his fridge for the next 2 hours!! And he doesn’t even thank her for it, but falls alseep at the end of the night right after she cooks him dinner. They didn’t even get to be intimate. And when I ask her why she did that, when he was treating her like crap. She yells at me, telling me: “But cleaning his fridge makes me HAPPY!”. And after he dumps her, she is super resentful about cleaning his fridge. I didn’t want to do this, but I told her so (to not clean his fridge).
You stories are hilarious. Keep them coming!
Sorry, *your stories… (Duplicate post below, I’m a little spastic today.)
Thank you Aowlee.
Several of my disasters happened a few weeks into each acquaintance because, I think, there a lot of prople out there who can keep up the facade by simply ”mirroring’ us … Until their authentic self rears its head.
I did meet one online guy for a provisional coffee, and he showed up barefoot, in shorts, looking like he just might have slept in the hedgerow the night before. Little did it surprise me, when on the same theme, he politely enquired if I would enjoy a little dogging some time? He said it with a perfectly casual, straight face. My immediate reaction was internal panic, because I thought I had sussed him out, he was a schoolteacher and lived in a good part of town.
I made a quick excuse and beat it out of there. He texted me later and whined about how rude I was to leave without arranging a second date. I looked up his dating handle on google (which I should have done in the first place). There was actually a video of him shagging a girl on youtube! In the great outdoors.
I will share one bad date story…
I was texting with this guy I met online. He seemed pretty cute and nice. But, then he got sort of…weird. He didn’t want to talk on the phone because he thought talking before you met in person somehow ruined the chemistry. I thought that was odd. Anyway, we finally meet up. He looks NOTHING like his picture (I just was not attracted to him at all), is dressed in tennis shoes, jeans, a baseball cap, and a t-shirt, and he’s totally awkward. I am not trying to be superficial here, but c’mon man-at least try with the first impression. Anyway, he started rapid-firing questions at me. I tried to ask him one, super innocuous question about his favorite restaurant in his neighborhood. He gets super huffy and says that I am “prying”. Needless to say, the date was pretty much over after that. He wound up texting me later saying how he had a great time and wanted to get together again. If that was his idea of a great time, I feel bad for him. He started with the rapid-firing of questions again, this time about why I seemed disinterested suddenly. I tried to let him down gently, saying I didn’t feel a spark. He blamed the one phone call we had before the date. No, I am pretty sure it was A. your lack of trying B. your bland personality coupled with the game of 20 questions C. your ultra-sensitive ego. I never texted him back. Luckily, he left me alone.
I will also say that since my divorce, I have gone on dates with not one, not two, but THREE guys who have been hit by cars as pedestrians. None of them worked out and it had nothing to do with their very unfortunate accidents. But, seriously?! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
That’s funny. As a precaution, if they ask you to take a walk, firmly decline, or insist on helmets.
There was a period of time when I was dating guys who were impotent (emotional issues, not physical etiology), one after another. I was in my early 30s, divorced from a sexually unsatisfying marriage to a mean, immature husband. I just wanted to find a nice boyfriend to have great sex with but I couldn’t find someone able (I’m easy-going and non-aggressive so I don’t think I was doing anything to intimidate the men).
It was so strange .. and, thankfully, that streak finally ended about 4 years later.
Yes…isn’t that the worst? A lot of it comes from high blood pressure or the meds. Or masturbating a lot! My best friend says it is a type of selfishness.
Before Meth Man, I was with the 30 second man for a good while, so I understand the frustration. It really makes you resent someone who cannot please you sexually. It is not nuclear fusion.
“Be the lover you desire.”
Impotence has so many causes, anything from emotional/psychological to physiological, weight issues, poor nutrition, to prescription or recreational drug use, even smoking or alcohol. Or just stress.
But most of the time I find it’s about porn addiction and compulsive masturbation. Which is pretty sad.
To be really super fair, though, at some point it is just about AGE. The very best guy who was interested in me after I left X, was significantly older than me, and also older than anyone I’ve ever dated. So I read up on sex with older men, and impotence is right there. I mean of course it is. We all know that.
But what no one focuses on is that sex in our older years is supposed to be a little slower to rev. Not that we aren’t all still interested in it all the time!! Just that the aging body requires a little more time to get started, and the long lived life, honestly, deserves to have the best of it taken slowly and prolonged.
We aren’t built to have monkey sex in our later years. We’re built for sweetness, tenderness, reflection, and long appreciations. Whatever kink can still be supported, if you want — just, take it slower, that’s all.
When I learned all this and experienced it somewhat, I really wished that X and I would be together in our later years. I look forward to being 20, 30 years older, and loving some equally old man. Just saying: impotence as a factor of aging doesn’t have to be a turnoff. It means longer sessions and love and patience. It means the rest of the male body and heart and mind may be open to being loved more exquisitely, without all that aggressive yelling the penis does in its younger or more virile years.
If this doesn’t make sense or isn’t actually topical (I think it might not be), disregard it. I just was really surprised, and touched, when I read about how men’s bodies change in aging. I had no idea.
Can you still hear the penises yelling clarice?
Penis yelling thats funny?
They do yell. Some even roar, and don’t stop. Totally demanding.
Don’t get me wrong, I love that. But I also love the notion that it all quiets down a bit when we are 60, 70, 80, etc. Not that there isn’t sex anymore, because from what I understand, there is. It’s just not as crazy or erection-driven or -centric as when everyone is younger. Honestly I think that the guys who trade in for younger models aren’t really aware that a woman’s youth or age isn’t what makes them virile or hard, or not. And it’s too bad.
I like the image of the yelling penis, too. But I like it even better now that you’ve added Hannibal Lecter to the idea. ;D
Love the yelling penis! Since menopause my sexuality is so hightened and better way better than when i was younger. Amazed me didnt know i had it in me just takes longer to get there which trying to explain to a 59 year old screaming penis thats screeching for its lost teenaged youth back just doesnt understand. They, the cheaters know not what they lose. Any man in my life i hope one day there will be some just not heavy duty relationships has to play by my rules no more wifely duties for me. If not i will be happy and content. Fuckers.
LuckySeven,
No, it was right on point. If someone is honest, kind, funny and smart…I will do handstands to start their car (wink wink). I would actually prefer an older man. I am tired of always having to be the heavy hitter…figuring things out, knowing how to do things…I keep getting with knuckleheads. I want a world shaker! We can get Viagra and take it nice and easy.
I had a girlfriend who would RAGE at her boyfriend when he could not get hard. (Talk about the wrong tactic). He cheated on her and left her. He hates her to this day. I told her, less eloquently than you wrote, that it was NOT a reflection of her attractiveness and was the WORST way to address the issue.
It can feel like a big let down, however, when the wind will not hit the sails.
However, I was with one man who told me up front it was a problem. I just never mentioned it and acted “as if” we would not have problems. It took the pressure off and he could get an erection no problem. He was so happy about this. Everything was fine and dandy. He was kind, and sweet, and even built on a bathroom (my two bathroom rule in action!) , office and “sitting” area for me on his house so I could move in…but he was an alcoholic. So, I ended it.
And I have never obsessed or been mired in grief over him the way I am over Meth Man. Not a drop. But Mr. Alcohol DID NOT CHEAT. He was an open book. If I called, he answered. There was no mixed messages. There were NO other women calling him, period.
What a lesson in that. I need to remember that today.
Lucky Seven, thank you for posting something. I am truly bonkers today. I have not called yet, and I Hope when I turn in tonight, I have not called. I have never shared all the horror on this site of all the things Meth Man did to me. My mother said last night…You escaped with your life. That is what matters. Dramatic? Not by too much.
That I want him to call me shows I have serious mental problems that I fear cannot be fixed. But I want to fix them. That is why I am Day 30 NC….hanging on.
Listen, you can’t call him. I can’t call X either, and we both know why. Consider this my briefest public intervention.
I am not telling the worst of my relationship either. I barely can touch it with the safest CSAT. But *you know* what this guy did to you. You and I reference a lot of the same resources (I recognize many of your references deeply, even if I don’t say it out loud).
In some ways, this man damaged a deep part of your soul. We don’t go back to that, understand? We DON’T. We are *healing, instead*. Because if we don’t heal, we’re lifeless. YOU DON’T CALL HIM.
Part of my problem with it today is that it’s Father’s Day and the first one in 8 that I haven’t celebrated with him. It hurts like hell.
But part of the reason I CANNOT call him, is that a) he lives with some OW now, and “loves” her — and b) even if that were not the case, if he slipped up even one time and either accidentally or purposely called me by her name, I would become a fiery red cloud of insane rage, and potentially unaccountable for my response.
That is how I *know* there is *no way in hell* I can give this man even *one more second* of my physical voice or being.
I don’t think this can ever be solved; there aren’t apologies or gestures enough to erase that other name out of his mouth or from around his _____. And no, I’ve never been like this about any other man either. Only God knows what really made this one so outrageously special.
You have to do something else when you think you want to speak to this guy or hear from him. I feel a little weird hanging it all out on such a public clothesline here, but if that’s what we’ve got, I’ve got to.
You do not call him. Understand? I know it hurts. But you do not call him. Today is not the day for anything like that.
((((HUGS))))
reading some of these has made me realise that although not having gone on any official dates I have gone a couple of times with a single male friend for drinks as I considered him a friend (potential partner) and we have found ourselves in a similar situation (both spouses changed teams but won’t admit it) and have know each other for a long time.
the first time we went for drinks was fine though a bit awkward as he had come with me to look at a rental property only to run into his ex wife and her partner at the open house.
The second really got on my nerve. I did like the guy having known him for some years and thought I knew his character. I had even gone to the effort of introducing him to a few of my friends in the past year but he turned out to be a jerk. I discovered on boxing day while catching up for a drink that I was not worthy of his attention but he was happy to leave his ex-wife thinking that he and I were an item while he hooked up with some female he met online, while whining about how she was not really his type, he outlined for me how far he was willing to go to see if the relationship was possibly “the one” and how far he had gone with the girlfriend before her. Proclaiming his stud status at 50 which was a bit of a shock considering the whole professing to be a christian thing he had going on, which is why I had been reserved in telling him how I felt, plus every time we spoke on the phone he was always complaining about how hard things were for him with his kids (23,21,15) he had even confided in me at one point how depressed he was because he was so lonely but is work was so busy. The whole time this little voice in the back of my head was saying,” oh yeah my life is just easy, I have nothing to complain about, tell me how much your life sucks”. I was so pissed , he treated me like I was just one of the guys. A good friend helped me to see that I had dodged a bullet. I have still not met the girlfriend despite him bring her to a mutual venue, he kept his distance. and I am thankful I never exposed how I felt.
I met a guy at the gym…nice body, massage therapist, 52, divorced,etc. Led to some fun dates. However, he was perenially broke, smoked weed, and had little except a collection of motorbikes. In fact, all he did was lift weights and ride bikes. He sobbingly admitted one day that he hoped I would stay with him “despite his aspergers”. So, I read up on this new subject (for me) and convinced myself he was just a little weird,and one track minded. Then other obsessions came out…the old stockings and heels chestnut…we had to buy me new stockings on a weekly basis, they had to have red stripes down the legs, and cuban heels. Only red shoes. At first it was a big laugh, but soon got old.
The clincher was when I discovered his kleptomania habit and realised I had unwittingly been his accomplice / getaway driver in several small heists. He only stole shiny objects. Sort of like a monkey. He finally invited me to his place, and I made a point of searching his cupboards, and yes, found several shiny objects stolen from my house. I put them in a bag and snuck them home.
The day I dumped,him he responded with arrogance. My abiding memory of him is seeing his back end waddling down my sloping driveway…as only a weightlifter’s bum can waddle. I still chuckle about that. He doesn’t get No Contact and five years later, still tries every which way to,contact me.
A klepto, on the spectrum, with a red shoe fetish?!? I’m not ready to date yet. But if that’s what’s out there, I’m happy to remain a spinster forever…
Yikes!! Ain’t that the truth. I may just have to stick with BOB…. now if only I could teach BOB to cook…scratch that, him getting too close to flames is probably a bad idea.
Jeez, I’m on the spectrum and I’d run a mile from him too!
I’m nowhere near ready to date again. It’s been 6 months since my divorce was final and I’ve been out of the marital home for 2 months. I’m getting used to my new life, and wow! I’ve been really busy!
But I like reading about these dates. Maybe I’ll try the online dating pool (scary), or maybe I’ll meet someone in my community. It’s educational to see how people deal with these bad dates. We’re all Chumps, so the ability to establish and maintain good boundaries is a huge deal. I like seeing how folks here are handling those situations.
There may not be anyone in the future (I’m in my mid-50s), but that’s okay. In the short term, I’m not worried as I really need to focus on me.
I think I have stories about me! First date I blather on about how I am not interested in liar cheater fakers. What, I got a second date? I blather on about the importance of fidelity, respect, mutual reciprocation in relationships. What, I got a third date? I blather on about how I need to personally know someone BEFORE I sleep with them because I KNOW my vagina is an idiot and doesn’t ask questions. What, I got a fourth date? So will see how it goes…he is kinda cute.
I’m dying here, Calamity! “I KNOW my vagina is an idiot and doesnāt ask questions.”
High five, Tempest. I know I am not alone!
I love the honesty of Chumps
Good luck.
That’s hilariously awesome! It means he likes you for YOU!!! Keep doing that!
I can’t believe I still want to be physically intimate with a man. I’m tossing hurdle after hurdle and praying down on my knees at church, “Dear, God, holy shit, I thought I was over this.” But no, life threw me another monkey wrench. I will miss seeing him if I have to throw him to the dogs, but I know I will survive.
And to you, Moving Liquid, who I love to pieces and have been with on our shared journey to enlightenment, it will come when you least expect it. I don’t know in what form, but it will. Because you, my dear sweet Moving Liquid, are worthy of love as well as everyone here.
Calamity! You are so mighty! Love this! My vagina is also an idiot ????
That, and her, “Dear God, holy shit!” Hilarious.
This is my FAVOURITE topic of conversation right now, since I started dating in January.
I have had many, many bad dates but I have one that stands out, as well as a semi-relationship that ended pretty dreadfully too.
1. Bad date: I met him at a singles night. He told me he was a social worker who worked with troubled youth. He seemed like a decent person. Anyway, mid first date, he rapped a poem over dinner at a restaurant. People could hear. It was mortifying. Then he told me he wasn’t actually working. Then at the end, after splitting the bill for the plate of chicken nachos which he polished off pretty much alone, he said, “If you want to chill again, that would be dope.” Famous last words.
2. Bad but so funny semi-relationship: I met a really handsome, seemingly successful and well-traveled man at a speed dating event in January for 30 to 40 year olds (the age range thing is an important detail). He was in marketing – same profession as me – and shared many of the same passions. A few dates in, I sorta started noticing he might be slightly younger than me. I’m 38 and I pegged his age at 32 to 34, but I never brought it up because he had to be north of 30 anyway. Regardless, he was very respectful and consistent and fun to be around.
Then weird stuff started to happen. I went to his place and he was living with his parents. However, he told me he bought a house and would be moving there in April, and his parents were in Florida for the winter, so I just chalked it up as a transitional move to save a little cash – you know, between apartments. Then one day, he told me he’d moved over the weekend in with a cousin… ok weird, in my experience moving takes a lot of planning and what happened to the house? (said he was planning to invest the cash in a business instead). Then I noticed he rarely talked about himself and wouldn’t volunteer too much info, aside from the airy fairy topics of travel and work. Anyway, I eventually looked him up on LinkedIn and his college grad year was listed as 2012 … people go back to school, right? I did! Then I met his friend who looked super young and was behaving strangely. To make this long story short, as I was ending things because he eventually became inconsistent and the lack of emotional intimacy – fun aside – didn’t work for me, I asked his age … he was 25! He said he knew how old I was and didn’t bring up the age thing because he knew I’d bail.
I felt like an idiot but it taught me a lesson. I had avoided talking about my age and being too forthcoming about my circumstances because I feel old at 38 and was embarrassed about the divorce and the cheating. This is all a learning experience, though, and now I know better. It’s a pretty funny story but I did smart for a bit, since I spent a couple months getting emotionally invested in someone completely inappropriate.
Oh gosh, the same thing happened to me. I was 40 at the time and I met this guy out with friends, who said he was in business with his father. It was a high end italian clothing store for men. The suits were really nice, no wonder he showed up in these beautiful italian suits on our dates. So we saw each other for a month, when I started suspecting he was really young. He wasn’t capable of much emotional intimacy. When I finally pushed him for his age, which he was extremely reticent to divulge, he said he was 22 years old. I gasped!
Hmmm… we almost dated the same person, Kellia! He was in the family’s business too! Italian! But home builders.
In my defence, all my friends pegged his age at 32.
My friends did that too, LOLOL! It may have been the same person after all. Hee hee!
Emily- But he would have been rocking it in bed.
Sorry…but I have done the leg work.
NO REGRETS! This was before Meth Cheater.
Ok, so I got tired of just dating one guy at a time. I had been on a couple of dates with an ex-military guy who was OK (had money, nice body, well educated, plenty of hobbies, normal family…but also had a chronic back problem and was hooked on opiates, thus my doubts). So,when he admitted he had been dating another girl and that he couldn’t decide, I just suggested we revert to being friends and go on walks occasionally but no sex. He was OK with that because we had some common interests. So, one Sunday afternoon, he dropped by and was in pain so he went upstairs and fell asleep on my bed. No problem. I sat downstairs reading and chilling.
To my horror, a guy I had been seeing online/long distance (an hours drive away) suddenly rang my doorbell and I went into a panic. I ran upstairs and warned guy #1 not to come out of the bedroom since the other guy was military too and I did not know his temper! The problem was, I really liked guy #2 and din’t want to ruin things. He eventually turned out to be a cheater…but that’s another tale.
So I let guy #2 in and he wanted a cup of tea. I told him I was busy but he insisted on staying an hour or so because he had ridden all that way to see me. Just before he left, to my horror, guy #2 asked to use the bathroom which was up next to the bedroom….so I just sent him up and prayed that guy #1 would stay quiet. He did. Guy #2 left, none the wiser.
We laughed our guts out afterward. Guy #2 lasted about seven months until I discovered he was under arrest for assaulting his ex wife.
My house felt like a revolving door supermarket for the two years I dated.
In an age of cell phones, how hard is it to text to say, “driving past your way; is it okay to stop by?”
I expect even friends not to stop by unannounced. Should I ever date again (dubious), any man who stops by unannounced gets to meet Tramp, my semi-feral terrier/shepherd mix:
Yes, I suppose that was another red flag I dismissed because I was so “complemented” that he bothered to,drive all the way. I’m sure if I had to vet him again he would not have lasted as long.
Tempest āŗāŗāŗāŗāŗ
HAWH AHAWAAWWA HHAWWAAA. I love it Tempest!!. You are hilarious!!
I’m thinking bringing your dog on the first date would be a great way to weed-out the freaks.
Yo Tramp, save all your bites for intruder alerts!
Tramp’s teeth look fantastic!!! Great job…..that is a pet peeve of mine (no pun intended). When people don’t brush their dog’s teeth.
This will extend Tramp’s life by many years.
Off topic but could not resist the admiration!
‘pet peeve’ –lol!
My house is Club Med for dogs–premium food, big back yard full of squirrels (thankfully, fast squirrels), games of tug of war, doggie intellectual puzzles, sleeping on the bed. And I do brush the other dogs’ teeth. Tramp’s? probably not. Even with an unbrella policy, my insurance is not high enough to cover the injuries I would sustain. The only way I can get burrs off his face is by playing tug of war and then scraping them off as he warns me not to with an ominous growl (but won’t relinquish the tug of war toy, which keeps me safe). He really is semi-feral; he was picked up in the 2015 Texas floods and had probably been mostly wild for his first year of life. I took him home because he was close to being euthanized for aggression that got worse in the shelter (and he has trapped me upstairs since his arrival). Safety is a delicate balancing act with Tramp, but I’m safer with him than I was with my serial cheater X, it turns out.
When I was dating, I always told them the following: “This is not the “Do Drop Inn”. Call before you come to my house. And I didn’t answer the door if they came unannounced/uninvited.
I’m only in it for the hugs.
Met a guy on PoF. Set up a first date, a Saturday AM breakfast date on account of our very-different work schedules (he worked Wednesday-Sunday 2PM – 11PM, I worked a standard M-F daytime shift). We seemed to have good chemistry on the phone and in text message.
Got to the restaurant and he wasn’t there. 10 minutes past, no-text no-show. 15 minutes past, no-text no-show. The idiot hostess kept on asking if I wanted to be seated and I had to keep on telling her, no, I am waiting for my party. 25 minutes past and I texted the guy to say, don’t know where you are or if you thought this was funny, but I’m gone.
He texted me back a few minutes later (as I was pulling out of the parking lot) to say no, wait, I’m on my way. You guessed it: he slept in. He had pulled a second shift for overtime and had only gotten 2 hours of sleep; kind of idiotic to pull that crap. I was too upset and left anyways. He somehow managed to cajole me into giving him a second chance.
So, the day of our date arrives (this time a proper evening dinner) and on the way to the date he says, “Oh, by the way, a car accident damaged my teeth a few years ago.” I’m thinking… like, a few tooth chips? I have a congenitally missing a front lateral incisor myself (I wear a flipper with a fake tooth on it because I can’t yet afford the $5K-$6K that I need in bridgework) and it’s no big deal. Somehow, on our phone conversation on the way to the date, it also gets out that he has bad credit, a bad rent history, his nightmare mother is trying to kick him out of the apartment he lives in with his brother because she wants to move in (for real), and I can’t ever come over to his place because it’s too much of a mess.
Met him in person and his teeth . . . oh my gosh, his teeth. The entire top line was rotting, brown, gone. His breath was overpoweringly bad; I could smell it from across the table. The accident was years ago and he had no money saved towards getting his teeth fixed.
I got home and Google’d him. He’d been arrested a few years earlier for “bond forfeiture” (he later claimed it was just a traffic ticket he ignored).
Smart guy, cute guy, nice guy, great chemistry with me, but just way too much of a mess for this single mom. I couldn’t see myself ever kissing that awful breath. I told my friends about the incident and they said “car accident” may have been cover for “meth mouth.” Yikes.
Yup, meth fits as a better explanation for all his traits.
He was on meth time and had meth mouth. When someone is on meth, they can spend 1 hour in the bathroom brushing their teeth. They become fixated on small, idiotic details. This is tweaking. That is why there are stories (true) of them scrubbing their bathroom with toothbrushes all night long.
The brown teeth color and rotting comes from the chemicals in meth (akin to putting your mouth around an exhaust pipe) and the chronic lack of saliva because meth dries out their mouths like a piece of wood. This causes their teeth to decay and turn brown and rotted.
Meth Man has a trust to pay for his dental work, and he is at the dentist biweekly. They fix it, and he goes right back and ruins them. The dentist told him, until you stop, this is futile.
You dodged a bullet. A lot of drug addicts do have magnetic chemistry. But it never ends well.
Im three years out six months divorced ive still no interest in dating. I dont care if anyone looks at me or not and i aint looking but i have too stories. Both before asswipe.
Guy i used to see every day near where i worked asked me out. Seemed nice ok. Took me out to a dance club proceeded to get very drunk and was mixing his drinks. Most people get very wierd mixing drinks he was too busy pounding them down i saw a girl i knew and she said she would give me a ride home in a bit. Well prince charming found me grabbed me spun me around and yelled loudly that he was elvis presley come back from the grave just to fuck me i better be honored the king wanted only me and hike up my skirt and commence fucking right there in the bar. Well thats a line i never heard before and my usual reaction of anger to something like that escaped me and i burst out laughing as most of those around me did. That was quite a line. I managed to get away from him he wouldnt let go squeezing my arms tighter and he was getting madder cause everyone was lsughing at the jerk. I found a very handsome 5 foot six 200 lb built to the max bouncer and told him this jerk was annoying me the bouncer asked two questions what did he do and who is it. As i said he grabbed the bouncer said who? Picked the guy up over his head and threw him through the front doors. Bouncer says leave jerk says no i bought her drinks the king needs to be serviced bouncer knocks him out and calls the cops who take the jerk away. Bouncer escorts me back inside buys me a drink dances with me hands his business card martial arts school he owns gives free lessons for self defense a school he started after he older sister was attacked and continues on with his job. When i left i thanked him he told me be careful lots of bad people out there.
Second one out to dinner with what i thought was a nice guy who complained about the food complained about everything wanted it for free ate everything including mine made the waitress cry. I slipped her a twenty apoligized for this fuck head and asked him to take me home. I ate almost nothing and no dessert he sickened me so. Get to his car get it he pulls it out grabs my head and said you didnt eat much heres your dessert! I hit him in the face and ran from the car called my brother for a ride and never saw that jerk again.
WOW, Kar……Just Wow!!!! Glad you lived to tell about it! Nice upper cut, there……
Stop the dating & take up another ‘hobby’ for now, please! The Nation needs you waaaaayyyyyy more than some freak does! You are enough all on your own!!!
I havent dated in 30 years those were both before the ex and i never intend to start dating maybe some nice male friends but no dating sites or looking for dates from me.
Whoops…..l missed where you said these were stories from before a__wipe! I am sooooo relieved! Gotta be more careful when I drink & post!
Anyway…..l also have absolutely zero interest in dating now or in the foreseeable future. Also, as I will only have sex with the man to whom I am married, well, no sex going on either. That is the least of my interests! And I will NEVER do the on-line dating thing either. Just a bad rap all the way around, IMHO…..
Forge on, Kar marie Take Care!
ForgeOn, I’m of the same resolve; I’m not having sex again until my wedding night, with the man who is truly my husband. It’s been over a year and it’s not fun? But also, my head isn’t fucked. So I’m in pretty good shape.
The funny thing is that shortly after I affirmed this decision, I got hit on by three married men, all in a row. The first time stunned me into total silence for a month and I had to do EMDR therapy to get back on track. The second time, I handled it more gracefully and directly, and could laugh about it. But then, confused and concerned, I hesitantly confided about it to a third, and after assuring me that it wasn’t my fault and it was on them, if they were willing to step out on their marriages? Guess what. He hit on me, too.
Three strikes and you’re out. That was last year. So now I stay home and read CL and don’t talk to men anymore unless I have to, lol. It’s been ok; I like you folks better than anyone else, at this point in my life. It’s clear you all get it.
Thanks forge on you too. Male companions is about as far as i will ever go. No facebook, no instagram, no twitter no social media for me and on line dating terrifies me as i hear horror stories but im sure there are some great people on there. My contents ruling my relationship status are under pressure and im not opening the valve for noone. Wasted 30 years on asswipe i will not waste another moment. Im never gonna trust again this i know. I just want to be me and ill be happy if im content.
Most of these are much more horrible (and funny) than I’ve experienced, maybe because I just haven’t dated much since the divorce. My worst one was a guy I saw maybe 4 times, nice enough but no chemistry. After the 4th date I had him up to my apartment for a cuppa tea. We talked a little about our exes, and I mentioned that mine had married his AP, who’d been married 5 times before. My date said, “Wow, she must really have something, to get all those men to marry her.” That was our last date.
I am so glad this post came on a Friday so that I will have the entire weekend to fill y’all in on the CRAY CRAY (first and only) dates I have gone on. I will not be apologizing for numerous posts, lol
Two worst first dates I can remember, met both online dating:
1. The guy I met for lunch who showed up 20 minutes late wearing jeans with holes in the knees so large that I could see about a third of his legs. I wondered if this was his “dating effort,” what do his comfortable clothes look like? He also insisted that I pay for my own lunch before the check even came. I would have anyway, but whatever.
2. The guy I met for a beer who, 15 minutes after meeting, asks, “what’s your number?” I told him he had my number, we’d texted, remember? No, he says, the number of people you’ve slept with. I was so stunned, I deflected, then excused myself to the restroom. I found our waiter, paid for my beer, and asked him to keep the guy busy while I snuck out to my car. Blocked his number, thanked the good lord I hadn’t shared my last name.
I met my now-husband while on a meetup group activity I decided to attend because I strongly suspected my bf at the time was cheating, and was distancing myself. He asked me out a week later, and I told him I was in a relationship that wasn’t going to last, but I had to honor it until it was over. Cheater left his phone unguarded one night, and I found a string of match.com emails. Problem solved, and my husband and I started dating a month later. He’s a gem!
The worst date I *never* had was all on me.
This was in the 90s before I married. (Pre-cell phones for you kiddos). I kept all my phone numbers on a list in my wallet.
I worked in a college book store with a huge number of staff. Two girls I liked worked there and they both had the same name. (Let’s call them “Amy.” (Their names were actually Amy.))
Anyway, I had been out with both of them one time each over the course of a couple weeks. I had made-out with one of the Amys at the end of our first date. Well of course she was my first-priority for a call-back.
One night I broke-out my trusty paper phone list and called “Amy.” I told her she was a great kisser, or some-such crap. Well, “Amy” undoubtedly was a good kisser, but she was curious how the hell I came to have any personal knowledge about her kissing skills.
The next time I went to work neither Amy would speak to me.
Moral of the story? Don’t shit where you eat? Nah, don’t be a dumbass.
I got pretty serious with someone in my early 20’s before breaking it off, I will call him Fucktard. Then I married a guy with the same name, Fucktard. I was talking to a contractor a few weeks ago and he was my age and gorgeous. He started flirting with me. I thought, “Yeah, me!” He introduced himself as Fucktard. Yep, same damn name. I mumbled something about baboons and left.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantified_Self
While the guy described in CL’s post above seems quite … nerdy, anyone who uses a GPS/iphone/fitbit exercise tracking device is also somewhat guilty of quantitative tendencies. How long did I run? How many calories did I burn. How fast did I run? And these devices and apps do record all that info for monthly reports.
Okay, this was at least 15 years ago, no regular GPS use then. But yes, compared to the other stories, this one seems mild.
Still, it’s weird to discuss your progress reports on the first date. And “to the second decimal point” always cracks me up.
OK, 15 years ago … extremely geeky for the times
I won’t date someone unless they go to the third decimal point – you never know how those rounding errors might propagate!
Lol, Buddy!
There’s a fabulous xkcd cartoon where the girl says, we should break up. The guy protests but she says she can prove it and shows him a graph titled Relationship Satisfaction. He examines it and say, huh, you’re right. She says, see I knew data would convince you! And he says, No, I just think I can do better than a girl who doesn’t label her axes…
LOL!
Thanks for reminding me of xkcd, I’m now happily laughing at the toons.
I was talking to my niece about her online dating experiences. She was telling me of the guy who kept asking questions like he was reading from a script. She excused herself after about 20 minutes and left. He later called her and said he realized he didn’t meet her expectations and would like her to provide him with an “assessment of his performance” so he can do better on his next date.
The worst dating disaster I created for myself was when I turned a casual acquaintance (Daniel) into a live-in companion. I had no intention of ever co-habiting with this guy…15 years younger than I…and just a casual friend off the web, who in retrospect, spun me a history that was completely bogus.
I had only met him about three times because he lived a three hour train ride away, way out in the English countryside. We had met online, shared a mutual interest in history, and met up to,explore old historical sites. He was fun and nice looking, and claimed to live with his sick grandmother (he was 37). He had a long sad history of losing parents etc. and was very good at invoking sympathy.
In reality, he was married to a 58-yr-old who was indeed ill, but to cut a very long story short, he was slowly poisoning her. I only learned of her existence after things blew up much later, and I have since met her and compared notes. I was about 52 at the time.
This is not a made up story, it’s absolutely true and verified via the authorities.
Daniel called me out of the blue one day in 2010 and said he was in a pinch…the police had “advised him to leave town until they caught the guy who was after him”. He made it sound so plausible and even offered the badge no and telephone of the cop involved. I told him to get on a train and come stay with me in safety. He arrived that night. We became intimate within the week.
He spent five months unemployed living with me, and his charming stories gradually revealed a compulsive liar in operation. I must have been sooooo lonely because I kept thinking he’d have to go, but I just couldn’t bear to dump him out. He was broke and I was fixing him. He used my computer, and this was key eventually to my catching him out. I did spend quite a bit on him, fed and clothed him, paid his gym membership!
When he finally found a job, he was out 12 hours a day. He would still come home and cook dinner, and always be the life of the party. My friends adored him. They teased me about my boy-toy but he insisted he was overjoyed to be with me. I took care of his financial worries by making him a life insurance beneficiary. I think I deserve the Stupid Award for that.
About 18 months in, some red flags must have popped up because I installed a keylogger on my laptop, and within a week or so I could see he was all over the map, meeting prostitutes and shagging a colleague. She was sooooo in lurv, urging him to leave me. Problem was, neither of them had a dime, so his living free with me was convenient.
To cut a very long story short, I did throw him out, but discovered after he left that the illness I had experienced in our final weeks together was in fact intentional lead poisoning. He also returned to my house one night and held me at knifepoint, yelling and screaming at me about all the reasons he hated and envied me. It was only the intervention of a paramedic neighbour that saved me. This was well investigated by the cops.
Daniel and the OW admitted to having colluded in trying to poison me, but the CPS here in England didnt think the case would stick so they never prosecuted. I did extract several pounds of revenge…not saying how…but suffice to say now five years later Daniel is still digging holes for himself, and that he has a police record. He just keeps moving location.
The silliest part is, he never changed his email password, so that I still have if I ever want to check up on where he is. He and OW have produced three babies in three years and live on full state benefits. I just watch in fascination…like staring at a car accident.
Marci – you were lined us as his next target, where he tried to poison you too. I’m so glad you got revenge on this sadistic, psychopathic, nutjob. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried poisoning the OW too.
Well the OW was his accomplice, and she ain’t worth murdering since she has no money! I am so sure that these two will self destruct that I have found it quite simple to move on. I just feel sorry they chose to spawn since those poor kids better get used to standing behind bars!
We had a chump here who found out her cheater and OW were trying to poison her. But the story seems a bit different from yours, wondering if that was the wife of the same asshole
Marci,
If you read about sociopath’s, it says that the number one emotion they try to elicit from their victim is PITY.
That is what he did to you..all of his sob stories. I don’t want to butcher it, but from the book The Sociopath Next Door, it says be aware of someone who is constantly trying to make you feel sorry for them.
You also learn that sociopath’s are capable of mainly three emotions: Rage, Self Pity and Charm. That is their spectrum. He turned on you enraged when you cut off his gravy train.
You were not stupid- you were tangling with a predator. For normal, empathetic people who encounter a sociopath, it is like the Green Bay Packers playing the local little boy’s team in sports…you never had a chance.
That is why loneliness is so dangerous. I believe it is as deadly as cancer. It makes us take risks we would not take because we crave human connection so deeply.
Predators can sniff out someone who is lonely and they move in for the kill.
My two fave dating stories, both guys I met through on-line dating. I don’t like to ‘chat’ for long, I like to meet up within a week or so, and with these two, I was very glad I did, saved me from wasting more time!
Date #1, met for coffee. He spent 2 hours talking about himself, non-stop (despite my making leaving noises at an hour and again at an hour and a half). He added the occasional comment about how much we had in common, since, for example, we both like to read (which he knew ONLY from our previous e-mails, as there was literally not ONE question about me or even an opening for me to say something). At the end he seemed to have a tiny moment of insight, because he capped the occasion off by saying ‘I guess next time we need to talk about you!’.
Date #2, we worked fairly near each other, so met for the first time for lunch near work. He suggested an all-you-can-eat sushi place. I love sushi, but don’t find the all-you-can-eat places usually that good, but hey, it’s just lunch, right? So we get there, order, and when the first plate comes, he pulls a Tupperware container out of his backpack, holds it below table level and starts putting sushi into it. At my startled look, he explains that these places are a rip-off anyway, so he’s taking extra home for his supper that night.
Hey, at least they let me know right away who they were! A self-centered bore and an entitled cheapskate! I do appreciate that!
That second story is solid gold. Lololol!
This is not date story but about being asked out on one.
My daughter and I were at the local soccer store where we are known because X and my daughter are very into soccer been going there for years. My daughter was looking for a new pair of cleats and was trying on a pair as she was walking around the store. The man that always helps us when we are there says to me wow you are looking younger and younger. I replied so I looked old before? Then he says to me are you seeing anyone? I know you are divorced.) I wasn’t divorced yet and it had only been 3 months since I was separated). He knew this because of the X. Then he asks to dinner. I just replied I don’t think so. I was just shocked because he knew my X and was not really a friend but someone that he known for years. I just thought it was crossing a line.
My daughter hadn’t heard any of that conversation. But after paying as we are walking out of the store he yells hey what about that dinner. I just smiled and said no and walked out. My daughter was 18 and started laughing and mom was he asking you out?
I haven’t been back in that store since.
Then about a month ago the X tells me that I’m the hottie at the soccer games. The X and my daughter play in the same leagues and everyone knows everyone kinda thing. So some of his teammates tell him that how I’m looking really good and I bet he is regretting it now. I just thought wow what nice teammates you have.
I will admit it did make me feel good. I just thought that what the asshole gets.
I just love that story. I doesn’t matter about whether you date, but how you feel. It’s weird that I’ve been getting some attention I either didn’t notice before or it’s new. I enjoy the complements and smile, but that’s all I’m ready for.
After one date, dinner at a casual restaurant, he wanted to talk about “our future”. Nope, nope, and nope. I gave him the polite brush off and ran like the wind! And I’ve decided that at this stage in life, I just want a fuckbuddy who is up for the occasional social outing or casual date. The last thing I’m interested in is “the future”. Maybe in a year or two. But for now, commitment of any kind isn’t even on my radar. I couldn’t believe it, “our future”. On a first date. I couldn’t have been any more icked out if a roach ran across the table.
I can’t resist:
Went out with a woman for over a month. Really liked her. We agreed to take it slow, sexually. Finally, the first (and last) time we went to bed, she started crying in the middle of it, saying she “can’t feel anything.” Now–and men will understand–if I were “under size,” believe me, I would be aware of it and indeed would have been self-conscious about it all my life. But I’m not. Anyway, she suddenly opens her phone and shows me a picture of her ex’s penis. His freakishly large penis. This was one of at least twenty pictures of it she still kept on her phone–in an individual, dedicated album. I left. Her last words were, “I hope we can still be friends.”
Penis pictures of her ex. I hate dating.
David, I promise, we’re not all nutjobs! That one takes the wacko prize. And you know that penis size has nothing to do with being effective..
@David–“in an individual, dedicated album”…..LOL. I don’t know why but that phrase tickles my funny bone.
Good gosh, David. That is incredibly weird! I’m sorry that happened to you.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha WTF?!!!
O. M. G. I wonder if she has a scrapbook?
“I can’t feel anything”?!!! Who SAYS THAT?
I think she meant tact and good manners.
Ouch, David, but the story is funny, although way after the date! Reminds me of the Samantha episode in Sex and the City. May you both find someone size-compatible ..
David, man, is this woman for real? Oooof, she’s a nutjob. I mean to cry after sex and to show you dick picks of her ex and carry 20 of them in her phone. That’s a certifiable nut job. She should be in an insane assylum. Who the hell does that? Someone who is not firing on all cylinders…
David there are no words.
If only I could have borrowed her “dedicated album” for when my date asked me how big my dead husband’s penis was…what a missed opportunity.
In some conversation with my new husband, I got his attention one day when I said :
“The most important thing about a man’s penis is…..”
wait for it…
“who it is attached to”.
My sweet man is so precious to me.
and I count myself really lucky that I made it through dating and remarriage without a single dick pic
unicornomore, that note from your H just literally made me cry. I’m so glad you’ve got a good one.
And here I was thinking it was only women who are subjected to unsolicited dick pics! Sorry you’ve joined the club, David!
Kellia: “to cry after sex…” No, she cried DURING IT! So we stopped, and that’s when she explained why. Although she did cry after as well, saying, in reference to her ex “He ruined me!” I actually felt bad for her; she was a mess and really should not have been dating so soon after breaking up with Big Dan, or whatever his name was…
So much good advice today.
Clean bathroom? Check.
Don’t talk about X on first date? Check.
How about crying *before* sex? Asking for a friend.
Funny guy.
Did you go in her house? She didn’t have any framed photos of his dick above the fireplace, did she? How about framed photos for the holidays? You know dicks with little santa hats? Easter rabbit dicks? My personal favorite, green leprechaun dicks? I hope there weren’t pictures of them as a couple. You know, dicks and …. okay, I’m done. I’m laughing too hard.
LOL at the imagery of dick picks everywhere framed around her house, wearing all sorts of attire!! Annie, I burst out laughing when I read your post. Too friggin funny!
I’m still giggling. Do you know those frames that people buy for their children that has kindergarten through 12th grade to represent the different stages of growth? Now imagine…..
David – Annie is right. I wonder if she had a shrine to her ex’s dick in her home, lolol… If not, she should, so she could spend her days basking in its glory, rather than dating.
And by the way, I call Bull Shit on her juvenile behavior. Women give birth and unless his dick is 8 pounds and 21 inches, she just too stupid for words.
You have a good heart David.
Thank you. At least my heart is the right size
LOL.
Alert! I just saw her back on the dating website where we met. Guys, she’s all yours! Just be sure you measure up. Oh, and she claims to be “honest and sincere.” That should narrow it down.
Screaming penis
Hooray!
lol
when I was younger I had a girlfriend who was dating a guy with a lot of loser friends she must have fixed me up on at least 3 or 4 dates all kind of sad losers who clung to you and kept calling it was awful because they were nice but…
Well I went on only one date after my divorce was final of course we had been separated for a year because the divorce took so long so I thought I was ready.
I had a friend of the family contact me and tell me he knew this great guy he had been friends with for years and he had been divorced for several years now due to his wife’s cheating. So I thought this was a good sign. Now my family friend tells me that this guy did get in trouble as a teenager but turned his life around and was a good guy.
Well he brings him to meet me and we sit on the front porch and have lots to talk about and it goes really well. He gets my phone number and we talk over the phone and text several times before we go out.
When he picks me up for our date he is the perfect gentleman opening the car door for me, pulling out my chair – just a gentleman all night. He took me to this nice Italian restaurant in the next town over so nice drive for us to talk and laugh just a great night. And when I get home I thought to myself this is too good to be true. Then when my sister realizes who he is she says ” do you know he murdereded several people when he was in high school” well that was the only red flag I needed – no more dating for me for a while!
This happened on my last foray into dating:
After being ‘pursued’ a bit too enthusiastically, I finally agreed to meet for lunch at a pricey Mexican spot (his choice). We had lots of ‘six degrees of separation’ connections, easy conversation–it was going well. When it comes time to order he says ‘I tend to eat really light, maybe we can share a plate?’. Ugh. Turns out he orders a single taco (feeling pressured, I do the same) and he orders a side of rice and beans for us to share—which amounted to about 1 tablespoon portions for each of us.
Then he says he has something he needs to tell me. “What, you’re married?” “No, lol. I am actually ten years older than what my profile says.” “Oh. Hmmmm.” “I know I’m older than you say you want to date but when I saw your profile, I just had to meet you so I put on there I was 59. I am not interested in women my age so I figured if I took 10 yrs off my age, I might meet younger women…..and it worked! I’m at lunch with you!”
“I don’t tolerate deceptive people in my life. I don’t find what you did flattering. Thank you for the taco. I am leaving now”.
OMG!! you mean the 1/2 of Taco!! LOL
But Mighty, they added extra lettuce! Doesn’t that count for anything?
I met a man on POF who lied about his age as well.
He said he was 46 and low and behold so was I! His picture looked good and he seemed educated and interesting.
I met him at a coffee shop and I knew right away that he had lied. He was handsome, well travelled and interesting to chat with.
I did call him out on his lie. He said simply that he found women his own age repulsive and that he felt he was so youthful that he should be with a woman in her 30’s. But they would not date him when his profile showed his true age.
I am youthful and not worried about age, even though I am now 47.
He had some weird ideas and I think he’s still fishing on POF.
After he tried to grope me in the parking lot I ran for the hills.
Not my worst date, but just a taste of the 4 years of dating hell I endured before I met my BF
Reminds me of that Pixies song.
“He bought me a soda and tried to molest me in the parking lot.”
Lucky! I’ve been hoping you would post — I unknowingly poached your screen name for a few days, then registered and found out I wasn’t the first or only Lucky. So *I totally apologize for any confusion that might have caused*! (I am also 47, but, I’m green and yelling.)
Yeh, I had one of those, too. He insisted he was 55. I asked him later in the conversation what year he was born. Turned out he was 63. He too thought it was clever to get a date with a younger woman. As I left, he asked why I didn’t want a second date. My answer: if you’d unapologetically lie about this, then what else are you lying about? He tried to mock my answer…so I just said, find why on earth would a viable woman my age want an old f***er to look after in 15 years? I’m not normally so rude, but I cannot abide liars.
Happened to me too (and probably several other times without the guys confessing to lying about their age). I wouldn’t have minded that this date was really 7 years older than what he stated (and 17 years older than I was) but it was the fact that he LIED. We finished our meal at the restaurant but I said he had to pay for our dinner.
@Marci—he emailed me and apologized, tried to minimize etc. Wanted to see me again. Actually said “I don’t want to lose you”
WTF? How can you ‘lose’ something you don’t have? We knew each other a total of 2.5 hours!!!
I replied with the ‘if you see one rat, there are more to come out of hiding’ lie analogy on him.
Not only was he a rat, he was a CHEAP RAT!!
I’m with you on the looking after an old fucker. I guess they think they are sooo ‘spessshul’, so we would overlook their lies and our desires to accommodate theirs. Fuck that shit.
spesshul, lol… An elderly gentleman in his 80s once told me, Kellia, you don’t want to be a nurse or a purse. It has stuck with me every since.
My ex joked about looking for those qualities in his next wife.
Kellia, that is the problem I have. As soon as they find out I am a nurse, I’m a medical and psych nurse, hence the love bombing. I go on meetups and when a man finds out I am a psych they think oh, good free therapy. **** that ****!
If their age isnt a thing then they should be fine with dating a wonderful lady their own age.
62 here with MS, isn’t a whole lot of demand for older disabled gals. But I am okay with my own company and the friends and family I have. I have male friends who are all angry at life in general. Negative and always complaining.
I mentioned that the guys in my art class are always happy and upbeat. Must be creative types aren’t frustrated and seem to be happy.
I was at the shrink yesterday and brought up how many ‘angry older white guys’ there are. Its incredible. I have dogs and am around their owners. I sat and listened to a couple of these older fat guys with trucker hats on with bodies like potted plants talking about Japanese women being the ideal companions because they don’t spent money or drink too much. One guy has a Japanese wife who was walking their husky while he was sitting on his over size arse dispensing dating advice to the other trucker hat dude.
His wife looked like such a nice gal, and was running around playing with the dog having a good time. Wondered why she was with this loser. it was really disheartening to hear women spoke of like an appliance.
I find many men objectify women as things so I just avoid the whole. Thing. I have one widowed friend who is dating a guy from Match and he is a creep. She just dates him because she is needy and the sex.
My oldest friend is 58 and has MS. She insists on going on dating sites but doesn’t divulge her illness until she meets the guys. Generally they disappear when they meet her and it makes me sad because she is so nice.
She has started dating a friend of a friend from her church, but as soon as I met the guy, I could see he was only in it because he knows she has money. He is broke and is already asking her to help pay off his debts. None of us should ever be so,desperate for company that we risk our financial security for it.
Your friends and family love you, and that’s the best blessing of all.
“None of us should ever be so,desperate for company that we risk our financial security for it.”
^^^^^^^This
My last relationship was with my ex, we broke up 13 years ago, and I can truthfully say I have been happily single, and busy, working and raising my kids, my goals are to pay off my mortgage, put my kids through college and then semi retire, I’m in my fifties and even when I was younger I could see the good ones were mostly taken, now ? unh unh,I’ll take my financial security over a man any day.Money might not keep you warm at night but it can buy you some pretty thick blankets
StarbuckGal, x and went over to a friend’s house for a bbq, while we were married and I saw about three 20 something women there and then outside there were these 3 old guys, like mid to late 60’s guys, I thought that was weird kind of awkward, but whatever. Then during the bbq I walk inside and I hear one of the girls tell the other, go out there and take your husband a plate. I must have had a weird look on my face because they all ignored me and the girl seemed really embarrassed, I come to find out that all three girls are the “wives” of those old guys. Child bride anyone! That was super creepy!!! I ask the x’s friend what is up with that and he just shrugs and says that is how they do things in the country where these girls had come from. Creepy assed shit! Plus what is the likelihood of these old guys all getting that lucky!!! Sad thing all the way around is that these old geezers didn’t even look like they had money. Gross.
Probably from the Phillipines, Filipinos are big on family, and to a lot of the women there, even living in a trailer in the US with a big potbellied old man beats what they had, so a younger woman will marry an old fart, come to the US and squeeze out something to support her family back home.
I was a little over one year sober at the time I met this guy who put me on the spot and asked me on a date in front of all my coworkers. I felt obligated to say yes to this odd fellow. Beforehand, I talked about my sobriety and desire to not date anyone who drinks excessively. We met at the most expensive restaurant in town. He ordered the most expensive dish and halfway through, started talking about not being able to afford dinner. He talked about himself and nothing else, how he was so great and driven and accomplished but he was wearing bum clothes, his face was all beat up (face met pavement-maybe last date he got dropkicked?!) and he smelled weird. But at least he only drank iced tea. BUT then he started talking about a court case due to drinking, it wasn’t his fault, blah blah blah. And said he hardly ever drinks. However, after I paid for this date, I walked to my truck and away from him, he went in for a hug and a kiss (he was on foot) and I dodged it, to which he says Ouch, okay. And three hours later he started sending me a bunch of texts about doing a threesome with him and some other dude and telling me what he wants to do with me and to me, and wow, it’s only been four years but I cannot for the life of me remember his name. Nor do I want to.
Freaky McBarefoot?
3 years after DDay I tried an online dating app that was for people over 50 and you had to pay. I thought this might up the percentage of men who where there to “DATE”. I insisted on meeting only for coffee so as not to waste anyone’s time.
#1 The leg toucher:
First time I had a date in over 20 years. Sitting on the tall chairs in a coffee shop, a little stressed, trying to be present and engaging. Bells going off in the back of my head but I was so nervous I couldn’t grasp the issue, which was, every which way I moved, his leg ended up touching my leg. I even got off my chair twice and moved it but somehow his leg ended up touching mine again. When I left after an hour, as I got out the door my brain finally functioned, the leg touching was constant, intentional and aggressive.
#2 The puppet master:
Once again at a coffee shop, tall chairs, tall table between us. The conversation was friendly, appropriate, and intelligent. Then he looks down and to his right and says in a strange deep, gravely voice (demon in a B horror movie), “I really like the way she laughs”. He then looks back up at me and continues the conversation as if nothing happened. In my head I’m trying to decide if that really happened and continue to chat. A few minutes later it happens again. Same weird evil voice, looking down and to the right like someone/something was there and said “I really like everything about her”. I excused myself and booked it.
#3 Lazurus:
Coffee shop. He tells me how he used to be a marine for several years, He has four degrees, 3 masters degrees and two doctorates and is a specialist in physical training. He was a life coach, a lawyer, special forces, lived all over the world and a few other things I forget. I total up the time in my head – he doesn’t look 97.
I have three more, all equally bizarre.
Enjoy
Holy. Shit. You deserve a medal (and at the very least an amazing life partner) after all of that bullshit. I cannot BELIEVE #2…creepy!!!
Number 2 was either 1) trying to be funny 2) acting weird as a cowardly way to get out of the date or 3) actually crazy. This stuff is nuts. I salute everyone seeking a good time this way. Too much trouble and disappointment.
“Number 2 was either 1) trying to be funny 2) acting weird as a cowardly way to get out of the date or 3) actually crazy.”
X did this a lot, and it was always 1) funny, and may have been 3) crazy. Never 2) cowardly trying to get out of connection. More a playful way of fostering it.
I confess I completely loved it, which might make me 1) and 3) also. We lasted six years and I truly miss his voices, and — I know this sounds nuts — especially the deep gravelly demon ones, which were funniest. I liked those so much better than anytime he was just normal voiced and mean.
Is it abnormal to do voices?? He did them, his kid did them, my kid and her dad do them, and so do I. Maybe it is just not appropriate on first dates. ??!
I’m fairly certain I have a sense of humour but the atmosphere around #2 was definitely not playful, it was creepy.
Alice, I apologize — I didn’t mean to minimize the weird of that for you. I’m stunned sometimes at what others say is weird, because, I’ve accepted a lot of weird! It makes me realize I’ve got boundary and discernment work that I *really* need to look at. And an empty Father’s Day has me in :/ rose colored glasses, I think.
No minimization intended! Your share has me rethinking so much.
Oh shoot, text is so hard for tone. I didn’t mean to sound harsh LuckySeven. I just suck at txt. Thanks for your reply
When this thread started, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read and participate because it would conjure up memories of the numerous bad and bizarre dates I’ve been on. I’ve not dated in nearly 6 years but I do want and hope to meet someone (bad odds and statistics be damned!) and didn’t want to be turned off to the prospect of dating again. Instead, I found most of these stories funny, except for the few encounters with obviously dangerous and crazy people.
Very helpful, as someone else here pointed out, is how some of us guys and gals promptly ended a bad date. Good tips on how not to put up with bad behavior or endure something that isn’t going to work out right.
LOL, oh, no!!
See, *I* would have *kept dating* Bachelor #2! I am a total sucker for that level of weird. I *love* a guy who does voices.
This makes me certain I should never date again in this lifetime, lol.
I started dating as soon as I separated from my cheater. After 15 mos of wreckconcilliation I was ready to have some FUN. I went online & most of my dates were pretty nice, normal guys, luckily! But two dates were strange. The first guy was really the whole package…smart, successful, handsome & perfect gentleman. He was actually a local news celeb. But he hada huge boogar in his nose thru the entire date. Poor guy probably realized it when he went back to his car. We made a second date but I just kept ‘seeing’ that boogar, & cancelled.
The second guy was all business on the phone about our first meeting NOT being a date. Just coffee & see if we’re compatible. Within 30 mins he was all romeo. Told me he was a country singer & invited me to his car to hear some of his stuff. Did he have a CD? Oh, nooooo. He just hit the playlist on the radio & started BELTING out love songs while taking my hand & staring into my eyes. Holy smokes! Thankfully I’d told him of plans to meet my son shortly after our ‘non date’ & politely excused myself.
It was many years ago, before my marriage. I took a young woman (I was young too at that time!) out to dinner. I thought she seemed nice at first, then started to realize as we talked that she was very into status and money. At one point in the meal she pointed out that “I eat like an American”. This was delivered basically as an insult. Something about the way I held my knife and fork. There was no second date! Now I wish I would have stuck my face down into my plate and eaten right off my plate and asked, “Guess what I’m eatlng like now!?!?”
haha, that would have made a great youtube video! She wasn’t right for you, that’s for sure.
All of you who have ventured out into the dating world, I salute you! It’s tough out there. My divorce was final December 2014 and I have yet to go on a single date. I was with my ex since I was 17 years old, so I have never been on a proper date in my whole life. I am almost 36 so I know I am still young, but the thought of doing this all over again exhausts me. I know there are great guys out there, but there are SO MANY awful ones.
Luna, you ARE young (enjoy your youth!) and it just takes a right frame of mind to go dating. It’s a skill like anything else. There are enough stories here that would give insight on how to navigate all that. The point is to remember your priorities (always include yourself), have reasonable expectations and only do this if it’s FUN. I sort of think of dating as an adventure ..
My married friends would envy me for being single and dating, especially if I was taken to nice restaurants and met interesting dates. They wished they were single again, they said. BUT when I told them stories of disastrous dates, they’d tell me, “I’m glad I’m married and don’t have to deal with dating anymore!”
Grass is always greener .. depending.
You’re absolutely right, KNA. It’s all about the right attitude. I’ve made a few online dating profiles, but never met or really talked to anyone. I would set up a profile then get scared and delete it after 20 minutes. The thought of meeting strangers to see if I could be romantic with them just makes me barf inside and run away like Napoleon Dynamite. HAHA
But I am going out more and I do love being single. Sometimes I thought that it might be nice to meet a nice cool guy, but then I get back to my life. If someone comes along, great. If not, great. I don’t have kids so I’ve been getting more comfortable possibly living my life in solitude. But I am still healing so I will be open and ready when the time comes.
Thank you for responding!
OH hell Luna, you are in your prime, plenty of time to have fun and date around or just fuck around if you don’t want a relationship yet. Jedi hugs!
Just dipping my toe into the dating pool. I signed up for OKC a week ago and have already suspended my account.
I got:
Many “hey beautiful send me your email address” messages;
More “hey” (that’s it… one word) messages than I care to count;
One dude who asked me where to buy a cartop carrier for his Subaru;
One (apparently) nice, age-appropriate guy who said he realized he didn’t live close (500 miles away) but if I’m ever in his area to let him know as he kayaks (an interest of mine) and enjoys a nice glass of wine (me too!);
One invite to meet after one message exchange – checking his profile revealed he lives in his RV with his “fur children,” is 59 years old, and has “never been in a serious relationship;
A couple of prospects who, upon my actually reading their profiles, indicated their only goal was getting laid;
And one guy, nearby, who seemed nice. We chatted a bit until I realized he was 30 years younger than me and, when I pointed this out, he said he was non-judgemental and was I familiar with the acronym (said he was studying to be a teacher, so he knew a good word!) MILF?
After nearly forty years out – I am NOT ready for the dating (cess) pool! It needs a LOT of chlorine!!!
Geekmon, been there, done that .. seen all of them online! I think it’d be better if you meet people in person, doing the things you enjoy. Classes, activity groups, volunteering, etc.
KNA, yup. That’s my plan. I’ve joined a MeetUp single diner’s group and the local paddling group. I’m going to do what I like to do and see what happens! I think the whole online thing is just plain yucky!!
I wondered about the ad thing. I have seen some sites, but have not created an account, and some of the profiles say something about spam or solicitations for sex or money. I thought it was very strange, but I guess scammers will try anything. The first two are amazing also. Is any real person going to answer to “Hey beautiful” or just “Hey.”
My work partner is a chump and our stories are strikingly similar. He dates a lot of women he meets on line. He’s only been serious with one of them but broke it off because he just didn’t want to commit and she wanted love. He does enjoy meeting new people. He says even if three’s nothing, he got to meet an interesting person and have coffee. He actually still meets up with a few of them occasionally just for coffee. They didn’t have a connection, but ended up becoming friends.
OMG!! I had kayaking on my profile and this guy kept messaging me to meet up, and to go kayaking on our first date. Yes, that’s the perfect first date- wacko!!! Nothing like being alone with a stranger!
No dating disaster here as I have not dated and I won’t ever but I got a laugh out of my ex husband’s dating profile before he shacked up with his 24 year old SE Asian prostitute. At the time we had only just separated so I still knew his passwords to everything!! Ha Ha. Anyhow, his profile heading was “Free to good home” followed with “if you like a true gentleman who will open doors for you, pull out you chair and treat you with respect, then I am the man for you”. He had a woman in his favourite folder who was a buxom blonde with a large chest and her pose made sure that you saw that chest. Her name was “Like to Share”! I know for a fact that he had absolutely no success with Aussie girls. My point is, my ex doesn’t have a type, he just wanted anyone but me. He now lives with a girl who can hardly speak English. She is the 1st one he screwed when he picked her up in a bar in SE Asia and he made a bee line back to her because she is young and all he could get and as they say the rest is history. She doesn’t know what she has gotten herself into but neither does he. They are both lying and scamming each other for their urges and wants. So knowing what you can pick up on dating sites or anywhere else for that fact has made sure I will never date again ever.
We messaged back and forth on dating site for about 2 weeks and then he ghosted. Popped backup with a plausible reason, ‘he really wanted to meet me and hopes I feel the same’. We make a date for late morning coffee.
As I am on my way, I text him what I am wearing and he replies with what he’s wearing, he is already there; please text him when I arrive, he’s at outside table. As I walk across parking lot to La Madeleine, I text “I am about to walk up”. No single man in a black shirt and jeans is outside.
I go inside, he’s not in foyer. The place is packed. I wait. I text “I’m here”. Nothing. I figure maybe he’s in restroom. I wait. Feeling ridiculously conspicuous, I walk through entire place—twice. No man in black to be found. Not a man sitting by himself in the entire place.
I text “are you at La Madeleine?” thinking that since he was new in town maybe he’d mistakenly gone to similar place nearby. Nothing.
I finally sent him a ‘screw you, you don’t know what you missed out on and won’t get another chance’ text.
I have been stood up like that before too. It sucks. But, as much as you want to send that angry, final jab, try your hardest not to. It’s like the micro version of “no-contact”. “Oh, you are standing me up? Cool. I am not even going to leave the angry, screw you message because I am better than that and I don’t want you to have the ‘thank God, that broad was clearly crazy’ retort.”
I bet he was sitting in his car somewhere where he could see you and watch. Creepy. He probably saw the whole thing….
@conniered–I agree, I felt he was watching from his car as I walked up. If he didn’t like what he saw, he had to have confused me with the woman who was approaching at the same time as me. Whatever his reasoning, he’s a shit.
@ChumpasuarusRex–As for whether or not giving him a piece of my mind, there’s no way in hell I am not going to call a shit a shit when they are a shit. I loved how you told your story, though.
I was taking a class at my church (of all places!) and there was a man and his girlfriend sitting in the row in front of me. We were asked to do a team exercise, and the man came and sat next to me and we did the exercise together. Then he said “Are you in a relationship? Because I’d like to go out with you.”
In CHURCH! With his GIRLFRIEND sitting right in FRONT OF HIM!!
RED FLAG CITY
I had been seeing a guy for a couple of dates when he invited me to his place so he could make us dinner. I thought it was a super sweet gesture. I have only had one guy ever cook for me so, awesome! I already had a few misgivings because he didn’t seem very…cultured despite being first generation American. We live in an amazing, large city and he had only ever done anything in a very sterile and small part of it. For future purposes, I happen to be Mexican-American and as a side investment he is a funding partner at a very chi-chi French restaurant. Anyway, he keeps telling me how great of a cook he is and how I am going to be wowed. I was super excited, I mean he has to know food, right? So, I asked him what was on the menu. “Tacos”, he replied. I am not a food snob AT ALL, but why in the world would you make a Mexican girl tacos?! I replied “Pretty brave making the Latina tacos.” Him: “I’m not worried.”
Famous last words. He makes the “tacos”. It was hard, store-bought tortillas (you know? The kind that stand up), unseasoned chicken cooked on the Foreman Grill, lettuce, and some Pace Picante salsa. Definitely NOT the gourmet meal he was making it out to be. Not to mention that this was his “favorite meal”. Don’t get me wrong, I like Taco Bell-it isn’t authentic, but whatever. This was not only inauthentic, it was bad. I am sure my grandfather was rolling over in his grave. It was a nice idea, but know your strengths. Was this ballsy or just stupid? In the end, it was more than likely a ploy to get me to see his $1m condo. Not impressed, buddy. Keep it moving. That was the last time I saw him.
He may not have known. Like the man who bought me Palmers chocolates…he genuinely thought it was a good gift. I also found out he was feeding his dog Old Roy. I had to “school” him.
He later brought me Godiva, and bought his dog Blue Buffalo after my talks with him. He was truly “ignorant” but was open to learning. He started lecturing his friends about feeding their dogs corn based foods. He was receptive to new ideas.
That is the key. I wish I would have liked him, but he looked like Uncle Festus from the Adams Family.
*heavy sigh*
Sorry, *your stories…
wow, daisy, that guy’s a mess. Via online dating, I came across a number of men who did not own a car. I would find this out when planning our first meeting when they’d mention it had to be near public transportation or they’d bicycle out to the venue (and couldn’t come pick me up), or convinced me to drive out to the city where they lived.
Later on, I found out the reason why many of these guys didn’t have cars was due to several DUI offenses and they had their driver’s license revoked! After several times of being with dates where I had to do all the driving, I decided I only wanted to meet someone who had their own car AND driving privileges.
Met a guy OLD, we texted for a while (probably a month) before actually meting in person, we had a great connection by text, but when we met in person..not so much. He chose the place – CHILI’s
1st he told me he was 5″8 – NO he was not! I’m 5ft tall and I had heels on, and he was my height, but whom am I to judge? just don’t lie.. so right away I was let down.
2nd. He was so insecure – or maybe just nervous, he didn’t know what to order, didn’t know what avocado was, didn’t order soda because I had said I don’t drink soda, ended up ordering the same exact thing I did.
But the best part, came at the end of the date, he went to his car and got a box of chocolates (he had been at the beach that week, and had said he would bring me chocolates) – but guess what? When I got home I noticed that he gave me an open box of chocolates and 1/2 were gone!! who does this?
I thanked him for dinner, and that was that!
Lesson learned here? Meet right away, you really can’t know if you have chemistry or whatever until you meet in person.
Oh, that reminded me of one. I did chat back and forth with a guy from Craigslist right after I moved. I was just curious! He was posting in Platonic, that he loved walking, and would like to meet up to walk on the beach. After texting back and forth, I thought, he looks and presents himself very well! The thing I didn’t anticipate was, when we talked on the phone to find each other at the (public) beach, I couldn’t stand his voice! It kind of made me cringe!
He said he has met a lot of women this way, and walking is free! (I really don’t care for penny-pinchers). We walked on the beach anyway, he was nice until we got to one end, and he said -Hey, if you need to make a pit-stop, my apartment is one block away!
I felt edgey about that, even though he may have been trying to be nice, no way was I going to end up in a stranger’s place.
He texted me again, and I just said it wasn’t a connection for me, but wish you well.
At least I learned one thing, if I don’t like the voice, it’s a no-go for me! Weird, but I can’t help it.
hesatthecurb, the guy who stood you up is married or he lied so much on his profile and used a fake photo that he didn’t want to make an appearance to confirm all. Time wasters, these types. Now I only wait 10-15 minutes max for someone if they don’t send a text saying they’ll be late. And then I’m gone to do my own thing.
I’ve read a majority of these stories, and I’m scared now. Anyone actually meet anyone sensible through dating websites? Or are people just crazy? I won’t become a crazy old cat lady, since I’m allergic to cats… But maybe crazy old dog lady? My daughter (5) keeps telling me she’ll always live near me, so that’s a comfort.
And maybe I should just go buy Bob and be happy with him…
Perhaps to balance things, CL should run a column on the BEST post-divorce, post-betrayal date stories? It’s great to read about CN folks who are happily re-married after they got away from their cheater (including our own Tracy).
I did meet several very nice men when I was dating, although I had better luck off dating sites and meeting them in person. One has to be diligent in order to sift through a lot of inappropriate prospects before meeting someone wonderful. Some people get lucky and don’t have to go through a lot of bad to get to the good (and, yes, meeting the right partner is a lot about LUCK).
YES!!! Love this idea. I love seeing the stories of the people who did find “love after chumpdom”.
I’m in a very promising relationship now, after meeting for coffee with a grand total of two guys from OKC. You never know if a good guy is going to be your first meet or your tenth or your hundredth – the one I am involved with now was actually the first of two coffee dates that weekend – actually had four planned, but two cancelled.
I’m feeling pretty damn lucky these days.
You beat the online dating odds, SnakebitNM! Life is a game of chance. I wish good luck to all the good people of CN.
I did have some GOOD dates…first dates but there was no spark. I’d do it again because I am more aware, not desperate like I was before. But honestly, my life is busy being a single mom. Life got full again with good stuff!
Springy,
I have actually met some lovely men through dating sites — they just weren’t suitable for me. One was 10 years too old for me, but at 66 had just lost his previous GF to cancer and needed someone already retired. I would have dated him longer but I was busy working. He was a real gentleman with a normal family. I feel it is important to stick to one’s age decade since every generation has its differences.
One way I found to get a better view of people is to travel solo on various holidays designed for single people. There are some really good ones that are not dating oriented but give you a chance to simply make friends of both sexes….and sometimes stay in touch, or meet other friends of theirs. It just expands your social network. I took several of these trips while single and made some very interesting male friends. These trips are a whole lot of fun as well as carrying potential for further companionship, even if all you meet are other women.
My favorite dating disaster was a blind date that friends set me up on, I wonder what kind of friends they were
I drove 2-1/2 hours to go out boating with him. He got drunk, very touchy-feely, full of himself and his opinions, sure we were going to bed together when we got back to his house. I was ready for this date to be over! Finally we were on the way back and there is a long driveway up to his house and he suddenly brakes and says “Ohhhhhh Shit!” Standing up by his garage, is another woman. He doesn’t say anything for a long time but then looks at me and says “that is my next date!” I was shocked to say the least. He slowly drives up to the house and she comes over to the truck window and he weakly says “oh, we went out on the river” and she is like “yeah I can see that.” So she says she will go wait in his house so it was obvious she had been there many times before as she was comfortable doing that. I ran in, got my things and went to my car. He comes over and says in a pouty voice “but I like you better”. Wow, what a classy guy! I left, called my mom and we laughed about what idiots men are!
Okay a few that stick out to me:
1. I meet a guy for a drink and he immediately starts telling me about his best friend who just went to jail. He’s clearly very emotionally distraught and the sentencing must have just happened recently. He’s telling me this before we even ordered out drinks. After I’ve been consoling him for about 10 minutes, all the time kind of wondering what he is in jail for I find out that it is….child molestation of his stepdaughter. Uhhhhgggg. I wish I had just left at that point, but it was one of my first dates and I didn’t know how to make a graceful exit yet.
2. I’m having a drink with a guy and he start telling me about a woman who he had been hooking up with who is claiming she is pregnant. He isn’t sure if she is telling the truth or not and keeps wavering back and forth about if she wants to have an abortion or not. His exact words to me were “I didn’t wait 38 years to have a child with a woman like her. You are more the kind of woman who I would want to be the mother of my child.” Nooooo thanks. I’ll pass.
3. I made a really bad decision and ended up having sex with a questionable man on our first date. (I’ve had plenty of first date sex that was not regretted, but in this case I wasn’t listening to my instincts) Afterwards we were laying there talking and he says “You have the most incredible body except for this (points to my midsection). How old is your daughter? When are you going to get that back in shape?” My daughter was 4. She was 10lbs at birth and I had a c-section. I stayed calm but told him that was my body shape now, I was totally comfortable with it and he could excuse himself from my bed and house.
4. I meet a man for a first date and we are having dinner. He immediately asked what I did last night. I thought he was just making small talk. I said I met up with some friends. (Really I had been out on a date with another man.) He smirked and was like “Oh, were you and your friends at the Crow’s Nest?” (Yes I was) “No, we were at a place across town, but I do love the Crow’s Nest!” “Huh, that’s funny because there was a woman there who looked exactly like you on a date.” Then he kept bringing it up ALL NIGHT. I’m not a good liar and I don’t do it very well, but I just was caught off guard and thought he was making small talk not trying to catch me in a lie at the very first moment of our first date. I didn’t owe him monogamy before we met, but I also didn’t want to rub it in his face either. He kept talking about how he was uncomfortable with my having a child and being divorced (he’s 37…a lot of women in that age range are so get over it bro). He also kept pressing me on my religious beliefs which differed from his. At the end of the night he kisses me and it was THE WORST kiss. Then he asked me if the kiss was good. I told him “it takes a while to get these things right.” It took me 25 minutes to drive home and when I got home I had already gotten 2 missed calls, a text, and 2 messages from the dating app we met on. He wanted to go out again. The next day I very very politely told him I didn’t want to and he was gracious about it. Then a few hours later sent me a very rude text saying that because of our religious beliefs he wouldn’t have ever considered me for anything besides casual sex anyway. Thanks! Bullet dodged!
OMG. #3 is my worst fear. I too gave birth to a 10 lb. baby. My midsection shows the evidence of carrying a big baby. I know for sure that I want a guy who likes me for ME before doing the physical stuff (even though I haven’t waited and no one has been so cruel as to say the awful thing this guy said to you). Because of that fear, I think dating men who have children is good. They most likely have seen a woman pregnant and/or give birth. If they are a good guy and have kids, it won’t be an issue. Also, if a dude EVER tried to make me feel about about my scars, I’m gonna ask about HIS!!! OH you don’t like my belly? Well how’d you get yours? You’ve been pregnant before too? How big was YOUR baby?” or make same snarky comment about his hair loss or whatever flaw that sticks out. We all have flaws. And some people’s flaw is that they are assholes. Sorry that happened to you SJF.
I totally let him have it, channeled my inner Claire Huxtable. I don’t feel any shame about my stomach. I have an amazing body and creating my daughter is just one part of what makes me proud of it. By the end of it he was apologizing to me profusely. He told me my body was awesome and I told him to stop talking because I was not looking for his validation. He was rude and had no manners. I let him INTO my body and he had the nerve to criticize it, he lost out on the opportunity to ever see me again. And that is his loss because in addition to my body I am also an awesome person!
off topic but should have been a huge red flag with my cheater-ex… after the first time we had sex he said, “wow, I expected it to be all stretched out! but it wasn’t!” .. I said huh??? He said, “you know, because you have three kids.” WTH was wrong with me.
You are awesome!
In this day and age of instant communication, SG, I think we’ve hit on a great weeder-outer. If you’ve been on a first date with someone, wait a bit longer than normal to reply to their next post-date text. If they lose their shit? Next.
Not divorced yet-(it’s in process) but did go on two disaster dates;
Date 1 was with a really cute younger guy who seemed normal. He had a great job in computer software sales, had his own place, and had a nice car. Thought it seemed promising. We ended up going on a double date with another couple (his friends) We went to a restaurant by the beach. His friends were nice-He was charming & funny although after a couple of drinks he started referring to himself by his name “JT” which I thought was weird. Then after a while, he casually leans over to me & says something about how lucky I am to have “boobs like that” and he’s jealous that I get to look at them everyday. Niiiice-the cute young guy is actually a total freak. And I’m stuck-my car is at his house….and I can’t remember his address. We leave the restaurant and go for a walk in this little downtown beach city. They all decide they want to get ice cream. We go in and order…as soon as my date gets his he yells “JT has an ice cream” and is jumping up & down like a 5 year old and runs outside. I am speechless…..and trapped. All I want to do is get away from this weirdo. Finally, we get back to his place (and my car) where he wants to party some more with his friends and “get to know me better” cough, cough. Yea, I don’t think so Jr.! I excused myself to the bathroom and luckily, it had a door that led to the backyard because there was a pool. YAY FREEDOM!!
I ran around the side of the house, jumped in my car, drove off & never looked back. Completely blocked him.
Date 2-I was set up by friends with a seemingly normal, cute guy who was my age. We had a nice dinner & went back to his place. The conversation was good & I was shocked that things were going amazingly well. (After being on penis rations for years in my marriage, I thought I might break my drought with this one because there was definite chemistry). He asks for my hand as we are sitting on the couch-I’m thinking he wants to be romantic however; at that point I notice that he has pulled some lamp cord up onto the couch next to him-WTF!! I completely panic with fight or flight response and run to the door to escape…He’s trying to keep me from opening the door & I’m freaking out!! I somehow get out of the door, run to my car & drive off. I was shaking & very scared. I had no idea what that freak was going to do. I completely & thoroughly told off my friends for setting me up with him. My friends apologized profusely & dumped him immediately. They said they had no idea…..they thought he was such a great guy…they couldn’t figure out why he never gets past 1 date with any girl.
Ummm hello, because he’s a scary freak & potential rapist/serial killer, etc.
He’s now just referred to in our group as B.O.B. “Beware of Brian”
Not sure what to think at this point-I’m holding out hope that maybe someday I will actually meet a normal guy…
Those two awful episodes have definitely put me on a dating hiatus!
Wait . . . pulled a lamp cord up onto the couch? Say what?
Yep-when he asked for my hand all I think of was he was going to tie me up with that cord & I ran FAST!!
It’s ok if someone you are in a relationship with is into more saucy stuff in the bedroom but not a complete stranger!!! All I could think of is those murder programs on the ID Channel… So creepy and wrong on so many levels!!
omg, that is scary!! I wonder if he has actually used the cord to strangle someone.
Don’t know Kellia but no one in my circle has had any contact with him since.
What a weirdo!!
Damn, girl, did you call the police? You should have….that’s way too scary.
I volunteeredfor a while at a Rape Crisis Center and worked in a District Attorney’s office, which is why I’m scared shitless at the prospect of dating.
Current Chump,
I am having a hard day, but the way you wrote your story, I was laughing and horrified at the same time.
BEWARE OF BRIAN!
First date: Make out.
Not First Date: Break out the restraints, whips and ball gag. (Never the ball gag)
Again..I think porn has rotten many men’s brains. They don’t understand that trust is the foundation for kinky sex. It is not the ice breaker.
Glad I could make you laugh Sabine & sorry you were having a bad day………
I’m guessing “Brian” forgot to give me “the contract” BEFORE trying to go all 50 shades of grey on me. Unless of course, reading minds is a part of the BDSM scene which is really not my thing…..
I’m pretty liberal & don’t necessarily think all porn is evil however; I think porn affects disordered wing nuts differently. I have friends with teenage sons who laugh at how stupid they think porn is-THEN-there is my special snowflake stbx who believes the porn is real…SMH….and that the young girls he pays for sex really want him and not the money.
Since I have had a fair amount of time from Dday and on CL. I see how truly pathetic the whole situation is. My new tactic is just to deal with things in my own snarky, dry humor way. Now when ridiculous things happen-I make jokes about whatever it is and my friends & I get a laugh out of it.
It has made my life a lot lighter. Maybe that’s what Meh feels like..?
I just don’t understand why it so hard to find a normal, funny guy who treats me well and would put out on a pretty frequent basis? I’m not looking for gorgeous-hell, stbx was bald! But a dad bod with a nice smile would be great.
Ok, here’s another one.
Guy arrives looking far older and less attractive than his pics. But he’s funny as HELL. The most entertaining person I have ever spent time with in my entire life. My cheeks were literally still aching the next day from all the laughter.
He asks for second date. He will be waiting in the foyer. Instead he’s sitting at bar when I arrive. I assume we will move to a table. Nope. The Spurs game is on and he wants to watch it. (Air gushes out of date immediately as far as I am concerned.) I am not into sports. Not.One.Bit.
I certainly am not into being held captive on a date while man stares at tv ignoring me…..(been there before during World Cup—learned my lesson so if I have any indication sports watching is to be included, I decline).
The bar stools are incredibly uncomfortable for my bad back. He’s sitting very close to me, facing the tv. Keeps exclaiming “did you see THAT?” as he turns to me–spittle spraying my face with every word. “Uh. No, I didn’t see ‘that’. I’m not really watching the game”. Instead of being the funny engaging guy from Date #1, he’s engrossed in a basketball game and the only thing he’s saying is ‘did you see that’ while he sprays me with spit. It actually sprinkles down onto my arm as it rests on the bar.
After I finish my glass of wine, I say I am going to leave. I tell him I came out for an evening of entertainment, not to sit by while someone watches tv.
As I get off my stool, he asks if I am going to pay for my drink. Aghast, I do so.
When I am getting in my car, I realize he’s followed me outside. I roll down my window and he asks “does this mean we aren’t going to your house?”
WHAT IN THE HELL????? I’d never mentioned anything about going to my house. Was he expecting sex?
My car has a very short turning radius and I almost ran over his foot as I was leaving. It wasn’t intentional but it came within an nch or so–he had to jump back out of the way.
First date was one for the record books in a good way and then the second was one for the record books in the worst way.
I am over 3 years out from D-Day, 2 years out from filing for divorce. When I was just a few months past filing, my sister and a friend encouraged me to sign up for Match. I did so, and for two months never really messaged or agreed to meet anyone out. I wasn’t ready. By month three, I was just about to cancel my subscription when I received a sweet and sincere message from a man. I didn’t respond right away, but it caught my attention enough to decide to renew Match. It took a month of emailing back and forth before I agreed to meet him for coffee. Long story short…he turned out to be pretty awesome on numerous levels, we connected well and had chemistry both intellectually and physically. He really was great, and I know he liked me very much too. My sister kept joking I would be the only person to meet the right guy on my first foray into online dating.
The problem was that I still, no matter how much I liked him, was not ready for a new relationship. I couldn’t fully invest physically or even emotionally with him, as I was still going through my divorce, still having to see my ex on a regular basis as we have a son together and I was living in the marital home still. I won’t go all into it, but we dated for almost 6 months. By month four I think he knew I wasn’t ready yet for a full on relationship, but he held on. I was the one that actually ended it (I meant it as a break) so that I could finalize my divorce and get to a better place emotionally. He deserved as much. We kept in touch for a few months, met a few more times just for dinner to discuss things, but he said he still didn’t think I was ready…which was probably true. I contacted him this past Christmas to reach out, and we had a very nice conversation that, sadly, ended with him telling me he was dating someone and they’d decided to be exclusive. It just broke my heart.
I’ve been trying the online thing (Match, E-Harm) for several months now. The men I come in contact with seem to fall into two categories — those who want to get serious like right away on the first date and kind of overwhelm me, and those that seem to just want to text forever and then either disappear, or we meet, have a great first date, we text some more afterwards, but then they disappear too. And to be honest, I still haven’t met anyone that I really connected with like that first one. Actually, tomorrow is the one year anniversary of that break up, and I’m still hurting from it and missing him.
I will say one guy / first date story stands out a bit….connected on Match and we texted for a few weeks and had really good texting chemistry. Good, smart, flirtatious banter. He was an attorney and I work in politics, so we had a ton in common. From him profile photos, he looked attractive too, so I was kind of excited to meet this one. We agree to meet at a nice restaurant for drinks and appetizers, and as soon as he shows us, I can see he’s about 40 pounds heavier than his photos. (what is it with online daters posting OLD photos?!?!) He also, I hate to say this, had a slightly feminine way about him. Can’t really explain it, but…I knew within seconds this wasn’t going to work. I did sit through dinner with him though. The conversation was ok, but not near as good as I would have expected for having had so much “texting” chemistry. I also noticed that he kept making a point of playing with his car keys (which had a BMW key chain on it) and dropping them on the table like he wanted me to see he drover a beemer. Weird. Anyway, at the end of the night, I gave him a hug, told him it was nice meeting him and off I went.
The next morning, he texted me and asked me if I would like to go out again. I knew the answer would be no, and I’d have to text him back that evening. I was in an all – day work meeting, that I was running, so I had no time to sit and send a text. By 5pm, I received another text stating, I see the answer must be no, huh? I kind of rolled my eyes, but thought I’ll come up with something nice to say and text him this evening after my son goes to bed. Just as I got my 4 year old to bed and grabbed my phone to text him, I get a message from him telling me I am an immature and selfish 12 year old if I can’t even respond back to him. He had a few other choice comments for me before ending it with “oh yeah, and Season 3 House of Cards ends with…” and told me the ending to my most favorite Netflix show which he knew I had not watched yet. (ok…psycho…). I responded back nicely, apologized I had been busy all day, but said its probably best we don’t go out again. He then texted me back twice apologizing, that he overreacted, he really liked me (this is how you treat people you really like?!)….but still…I was done. He still texts me to this day, every once in a while, usually about politics and then making a comment about how I wouldn’t give him a second chance. I just ignore it.
While today’s CL column is full of funny dating stories, it might be a nice idea to do a column another day about successful dating stories or finding romance after betrayal/divorce. I am almost 41, with a 4 year old, and hope that romance / marriage is an option for me in the future. This dating pool gets me so down sometimes, so hearing that it can work out for others (especially us chumps who deserve to find someone special, if we want that) can definitely be uplifting.
Kellia! That House of Cards spoiler was *such a huge DICK move*!!! Wow!
That alone would make me stop online dating, lol! What an unexpected way for anyone to prove in five minutes or less what a completely crappy partner they’d be!
I hope you watched it all anyway. This was a good season. Now I know that next year any dating ventures will come to a screeching halt until AFTER I’ve watched the entire season in full!!
Golly. I am so deeply traumatized that I think I would do a better job as “movie Matt Damon” on Mars as an astronaut, than trying to date again….
Issue include: self-esteem, confidence, yadda yadda; body image (hateful); just being a woman over 55; don’t really want the rest of my life changing some guy’s diapers, however nice he is–give the real marriage age gradient, men my age are looking for 40 year olds…So at my age I have 70 somethings in the scanty pool; sexuality: totally destroyed by crapweasel’s meanness and manipulation…now THAT’S a big topic to bite off. oh, yeah.
Would be happy to start a thread in Forums if anyone wants to talk about the parts of a new life that are evidently beyond reach for most of us older gals. (and no, don’t tell me that one story about your friend, whatever. I’m talking about population characteristics.)
Count me in on the over 55 and outcast thread.
me too!
I hear you NfV, biologically speaking it makes sense for women to date men 10 years younger, but in the romance shere we are still stuck in the fifties. Especially true with online dating sites. On the sites I got young men interested in the older woman fuck or guys way older than I am. Vast majority completely ignoring my age range requirement, and a whole lot of assholes ignoring my explicit request for local only. Way too many wanting to fuck around online from a thousand miles away, those dudes pissed me off most of all
At 55, I date single men who are 10 years younger.
….and then there was the high school teacher. He arrived older than his pics presented him but still nice looking. Our messages had been easy, somewhat flirtatious but once across from each other—blah. He just didn’t seem like the same person. He makes several comments that indicate he’s not happy with his job.
He asks if I have any tattoos. No, do you? (He’s dressed in long sleeves). Says he has a few; they are where they won’t be seen by school administration. Then he says he wants to get another one but he can’t until he’s no longer working for the school district.
“Oh really? Where?”
“On the back of my neck, you know where it meets my back.”
“Oooww, that will hurt a lot. It’s really sensitive there due to all the nerves in that area” I say.
“I know. I like the pain and I can’t wait” he said with a bizarre ass smile.
Gulp.
I actually don’t have any terrible date stories. But I do have an encouraging story for those of you who are new here and wondering if things will ever get better. I met a guy on Plenty of Fish 2.5 years ago, and we just got engaged. Yes, there ARE good guys out there (and good women as well) and if you want to meet one, you probably will. Might have to kiss some toads first, though, not gonna lie.
Congratulations Glad!!!! OMG!!!! I am so happy for you!
You deserve a good man in your life after tolerating and surviving your Cray-Cray Ex! I am overflowing with well wishes for you!
Glad, that is absolutely fantastic!! Congratulations!
Congrats Glad!!
Whoohoo Glad, nobody is more deserving of happiness than you! Congrats!
Yay, Glad….You go girl….whoot, whoot!
Wow, what great news! May you have a wonderful and sane marriage!
Congratulations, GIO! Time to live it up! You deserve happiness!
Congrats Glad! I don’t know why, but I’m giddy about learning Junga’s response to this news! Surely someone (if not the cray cray himself) will let you know what he thinks exactly. I sense something entertaining coming our way…
Congratulations! Here is to your well-deserved happiness!
I’m so happy for you GIO! You go girl!
That is wonderful! Congrats, GIO! I am so happy for you!
Ok, I do have a couple….
The Starving Man
I knew he was meeting me straight from work. He drove an hour to meet me at the restaurant in my town. He was hysterical in his online profile, we texted and talked on the phone before this first date. He was shorter than I expected but height is not everything. When the chips arrived to the table, he leaned forward over the basket and inhaled the chips! He was starving with a capital S!!! It was unattractive even though I knew he would be hungry but he was SO hungry we couldn’t even have a conversation! He asked me for a second date but I declined. He was a nice guy. A good guy. But just not for me.
The BodyBuilder SWAT Hottie
He used to do those competitions and all that. PLUS he was EMS/SWAT. I thought he was great. Good chemistry too. First 2 dates were nice. We were texting/calling regularly in between those dates. A few hour s before date #3, I get a text from him basically telling me I don’t work out enough (I”m not a female gym rat) so he was cancelling. I told him never to contact me again. He didn’t. But I’m in shape but I am not a She-man. Nope! haha It hurt at the time but….whatever. He wasn’t the one for sure.
Mine is a bit of a different angle. My X traded me in for his secretary when our second child, a son, was one week old. I was 40 years old with a baby at the breast and a toddler in tow, not exactly “dating material.” About 3 months after DDay I met a guy (fellow chump) at a work-related event and once in a while I would run into him in group settings at business social functions around town. He worked with some close friends of mine who cleared him as a great guy. I could tell he kind of sort of liked me but I knew I wasn’t ready to date yet and did not consider myself “on the market.” In casual conversation, I happened to mention that some friends of mine from church always went for Sunday brunch at this cool, fairly new Irish pub in town where they had live Celtic music on Sundays, and he says that sounds fun he might meet us there. YIKES! He just invited himself to our event! I thought, perfect, I can introduce him to my single girlfriend from church – she was 40, never married, cute, sweet and would be great for this guy. So I made sure my girlfriend was going to join our little group of about 10-15 folks (some couples, some singles, a few kids) and she was excited about it. My group headed to the Irish pub after church. (The guy, Tom, was going to meet us there later when he finished at his own church in a nearby suburb.) Well, my girlfriend never showed up! She called me to say she had decided at the last minute to go to her parents house. Then, little by little, the other folks in our group ended up leaving early for various reasons. The only people left from the original group were me and my two kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By this time, my daughter was up on stage at the invitation of the Celtic band and was “helping” with percussion. I was in front of the stage holding my now-six-month-old son in my arms and “waltzing” with him to calm him. This is the sight Tom saw when he entered the pub. Well, we sat down for a few minutes and had a bite to eat and I told Tom that everyone else had to leave and that I was so very sorry but I really couldn’t stay much longer because I had promised a friend that I would go to her art opening at another location. Well, what does he say but “that sounds like fun.” (I’m thinking: “Dude, I wasn’t inviting you to come with us!!! After all I am technically still a married woman and I have my two children in tow! What in the hell are you thinking???”) But I said, well you are welcome to go to the art opening, after all it is a public event, but you will have to go separately. So he followed us there in his truck. Well, we get to the art opening and it is very crowded and up a bunch of stairs and I can’t get the stroller in so I left the stroller in the car and was just carrying my six-month-old son (who, incidentally, was a HUGE baby the size of a one-year-old). At some point my daughter needed to go to the bathroom, so Tom says, I’ll hold the baby while you take her into the bathroom. So I let him. When I come back Tom is surrounded by a pack of women doting on my baby! “He looks just like you!” (both were bald – other than that they have nothing in common) and Tom never corrected anyone that it wasn’t his child! He just let them think it was his! I was mortified! Even worse, I was acquainted with some of these ladies socially, from church, etc. When I walked up to get my baby they all looked at me with raised eyebrows. As I am standing by Tom, reaching out to take my baby from him I hear a “SMILE” and look up to see our picture being taken by the local newspaper writer for the society pages of our daily newspaper. OMG that’s all I need in the middle of a divorce is to have my picture on the society page showing me with another man AND my kids!!!!! With the strength of an Olympic athlete, I propelled myself through the crowed toward the photographer, calling “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” and grabbing for the camera! Fortunately, I had a business relationship with the reporter and was able to explain the awkwardness of my situation to him and he agreed not to run the pic. So, the rest of the outing was relatively calm. We congratulated my friend on her successful art exhibit, etc etc. Then it was time to take the kids back home for a nap. Tom walks the kids and me to my car, and I put the baby in his carseat and fixed him a bottle and was holding it for him while he drank. Tom stood outside the car and was talking to my daughter and me. Then my daughter announces, “I have to go potty.” What to do what to do? I can’t send her back in by herself. I can’t send her to the restroom with this man. The baby is greedily gulping down his milk. Tom says, “Why don’t I stay here with the baby and hold the bottle while you take her to the restroom?” So I agreed. I take my daughter all the way across the parking lot, through the building, to the restroom and finally back to my car. I am thinking, it was just so awkward that my single friend didn’t show up for her “set up,” which if course Tom had known nothing about. Having been off the market for 18 years, I was thinking I sure don’t want him to think this is a “date” — This man is just tagging along on my pre-planned activities with my kids. I sure don’t want to set a bad example for my 3-year-old daughter! Tom gets out of the backseat and hands me the now empty bottle, and I buckle my daughter into her car seat. I walked around to the driver’s side of the car and got in, buckled my seatbelt and turned the ignition. Then I cracked my window the teeniest bit and said, “Thanks for your help with the kids. Bye.” And then I drove off, leaving him standing in the parking lot watching me drive away. Fast forward: I tried several more times to fix him up with my friend, and they did finally meet. My friend said he talked about me to her the entire time! He told me he was interested in me, no one else. I told him I wasn’t ready to date. He said he would wait until I was ready, which he did. He told me that the day he walked into the Irish pub and saw the kids and me dancing with the Celtic band he fell in love with all three of us at the same time. We now both consider that day to be our first “date,” even though it was not intended to be a date (by me anyway) and turned out somewhat disastrous! We married two years later, and that same Celtic band played the reception at our wedding. We have now been happily married for 8 years, and two years ago he formally adopted my two children. And my single girlfriend? She is now happily married and she and her spouse have been named to be the legal guardians of our children if anything should happen to the both of us.
Oh MissDeltaGirl!! That is the sweetest thing I believe I have ever read! So entertainingly written and such a great ending!!!
That is really a very happy story. So glad for you.
See! Good things happen too!
This made me smile ear-to-ear, MissDeltaGirl!!
what a great story – congrats to you!!
?
OMG Y’all!!
I just got a notice from Match that a man “is interested” in me. Apparently he’s on my daily Matches. I have my profile open but I am not a current subscriber so I get very little access to anything specific.
Anyway, in contrast to their usual process, they told me his username. I checked him out—-a PROSPECT!!!! I love his profile and I don’t doubt he’s ‘authentic’. I can see we have a lot in common and he lives out in the boonies like I do. Has a great smile….
Hmmm…I think I may take Match up on their 7 free day membership to see what I can get going here
You never can tell…..
Hesattjecurb…..good for you!!!
After X and I separated, I was PMd on Facebook by a man who was in a closed group for people who shared a common interest. He seemed funny and charming and we had a lot of engaging and interesting chats over the course of a few months. He knew I was separated but not divorced and that I had no interest in dating, plus he lived on the other side of the country, so I considered our chats to be safe and above board.
Eventually he started injecting flirtatious banter into our conversations, and then he started sending me lots of virtual flowers and hearts, liking everything I posted, and “confessing” to me about his troubled, sexless marriage and his own impending separation. I expected this kind of talk to stop when I didn’t follow up or reply in kind, but of course it didn’t.
Ding, ding, ding! I was still new to the whole narcissism thing so my Spidey Sense was on alert, but not enough to avoid what happened next.
It turned out he just happened to be traveling to the same city he knew I would be in to visit family and could we meet up for coffee? I said I would think about it, but I knew it wouldn’t have been a good idea, for multiple reasons. Leading up to this invitation, he’d been regaling me with compliments about how smart, funny, and beautiful I am and asked if he could see a recent picture of me “just in case” we ran into each other (I’m not one to post pictures of myself, other than a generic headshot every once in a while).
So I sent him a picture of me with my son at his recent graduation–I didn’t do anything to pretty it up, partly to test his sincerity. I was expecting, at worst, a generic “nice picture” or something along those lines. Instead he responded with, “You should do something nice for yourself.” What? He clarified. “You know, like work out.”
I replied with, “I guess menopause must be catching up with me since I actually do work out, every day” (I could stand to lose some weight but am not hugely overweight by any stretch) and then told him I had a lot on my plate and would no longer have time for our chats.
He tried to backpedal and say that’s not what he meant at all and sent me multiple gaslighting texts, which I ignored. Before I had the thought to block him, he texted a pic and said, “Would this make it up to you?” It was a picture of his erect penis.
His wife ended up dying suddenly a few weeks later and two months after that he married an unsuspecting woman from our group, after an intense and very public (on FB) love-bombing campaign. Turns out this was his fourth marriage and he was “romancing” multiple women on FB at the same time he was trying to love-bomb me.
He quit the group once he nabbed his target, leaving many to wonder why. So his daughter, who was also in the group, issued this statement: “Y’all should know my Dad was just on here to get laid, he did, now he’s gone, consider yourselves lucky.” Ouch.
They sure do move fast. And the daughter’s announcement, wow.
So glad you *dodged* that one.
I feel like it’s a sign that my picker is at least turned on, if not running quite as it should be. I also think I would have pegged this guy much sooner, though, just a few months later. He was a doozie!
It wasn’t an official date. Several of us met up for drinking and dancing. One of the men in our group, very handsome I might add, asked me for a fast dance, I love to dance….sure. After the dance he said to me, “I will never ask you to dance again.’ I asked why? He said “you dance too well, and everyone was looking at YOU, not me.” NARC MUCH?
You should have said: “Thank God, you are a horrible dancer and make me look so bad. Don’t quit your day job. “
Hahahahahahaah!
BUT, he had no problems dropping sexual innuendos the rest of the night. DICKHEAD!
I have one more story. I met a guy who lived in another state. I was out with friends one night and he approached me and asked me out. We went out on a first date a few days later, and it was the best first date of my life. He was a total gentleman. We agreed to see each other again. So I saw him again and when the time came to be intimate, he was acting really weird, almost like a zombie. Right after we become intimate, he proceeds to tell me he takes ECSTASY and he got it from his coworkers. Mind you, he works for a top consulting firm on the West Coast and I was baffled. And things clicked at that moment, where I knew he was high on this shit. I told him I didn’t want to see him ever again, that drugs weren’t my thing, to which he proceeds to yell at me at the top of his lungs “WHY ARE YOU SO JUDGMENTAL??!!! Everybody takes drugs, including all of your friends!!! He stormed out of my home and I blocked him right away. What a relief I felt after that…
He showed-up to the date on ecstasy? What a freak.
Yes he did! And he was appalled that I didn’t accept him in his state…Freak indeed.
I have yet to go on a post-divorce date (I filed in March, we are hopefully signing the settlement next week). But I do have a pre-marriage dating story.
I had been talking/emailing with this guy. Seemed nice enough. We meet up for the obligatory coffee date on a Sunday afternoon. The coffee place was close to my apartment, so I walked over. Also, I had a plane to catch later that evening and I had told him as much (i.e. I was not able to hang out for the next 6 hours). This was also back when I still had a landline and an answering machine.
So I walk over, he’s already there and has something to drink. OK – could have waited and ordered together, but whatever. I grab a coffee and sit down. We chit chat a bit, and but pretty quickly the conversation comes around to his ex-wife. I can’t remember all the details… but he had married this smoking hot Latina (I’m guessing she married him for the green card), but shortly after the wedding she’s basically ditching out on him to go hang out with people at her church who only speak Spanish (and he doesn’t really speak Spanish so he can’t go along). In particular she’s hanging with the minister of the church quite it bit. Well it turns out she was fucking the minister of the church the whole time.
He was obviously still very traumatized by this. By the time he finished telling this story he was like trembling and very worked up. He was calling the ex-wife all kinds of names in language that was not really first date language. It was all waaaayyyy too TMI for a brief first date coffee date. And of course he did not ask me a single thing about me. I basically just spent the whole date nodding and saying “Wow” or “that’s tough” … or whatever.
After like 45 minutes I decide to call it. “Well I gotta go. It was nice to meet you.” He then acts all offended that he drove all this way (it wasn’t that far) and I’m bailing. I gently remind him that “I do have a plane to catch, remember I told you.” This seems to placate him. Now granted I didn’t have to leave for the plane for like two hours, but he doesn’t know that.
I walk home – and in the time it has taken me to walk the few blocks, he has left a message on my machine. It’s basically like “I would like you to call me back and tell me how you think it went and see if we can plan another time to get together in the next few days.” In a moment of odd clarity – I called him back, and was like brutally honest with him. I told him “You know, I do not think that we are a match. But I also don’t think you are ready to date. You have a lot of pain and emotion surrounding your ex-wife, and I can see that it is really hard for you. I think you need to spend less time trying to find someone to date, and maybe spend some time talking to someone about your marriage and to help you process all the really strong feelings you have.”
… and there was a bit of a pause. And he said “Yeah, you are probably right.”
So I hope he took my advice and that he found someone to make him happy.
I forgot about this one. Was separated from exH, not skankboy….divorce was taking forever so we agreed it was ok to date. That said, was in contact with a man via the internet. He was very helpful in helping me to setup my computer via computer and phone. Asked out for lunch. He seemed nice enough, said ok, I will meet you at said restaurant. While in my car, I see a heavy set man pull up on a bicycle in torn jeans, sweating profusely. Thought nothing of it. Went inside and said I am here to meet *****. Waitress escorts me to the table…..Lo and behold, it is him! I couldn’t be rude and ghost him for all that he has done, so I meet for lunch. I could tell he couldn’t afford to pay, so as a kind gesture I offer to pay to thank him for all his help.
During our conversation, I mentioned I would be flying down to Florida to vacation for a week. I decided to stay several weeks. When I got back, he had left over 30 messages on my house phone…love bombing, then getting angrier and angrier in his messages. “You didn’t ask me permission to stay longer than one week….etc.” Are you fucking kidding me!??? Changed my number as fast as a NY second.
Fuck him and the bike he rode in on!
Exes and dates dont seem to understand once we survive being chumped and are once again strongly in charge of ourselves making ny minute decisions is a safety measure. Asswipe is totally flusteredby the new me. Too bad so sad. Fuck him.
Fuck him and liver and onions, too!
+100!
Fuck him for sure, but lay off the liver and onions! I LOVE liver and onions (even better if it’s got bacon too, or sour cream, but not both ….)
Though I have written about several bad encounters, I have to admit I have met some very nice men…there was just no chemistry/nothing in common.
The two ultimate worst dates were ‘gropers’. The least offensive was a super guy –at first. Our dinner had incredible conversation and I thought this man is sooo sincere and his job is so compassionate (head of child advocacy group).
We went out to the patio to listen to live music. As our lively conversation continued, I soon realized that every time I turned my attention away from him, he would stroke his hand down my arm–ie: when my eyes weren’t on him, his hand was on me.
Then, at one point he ran his hand down my leg–from very near my crotch to my knee!!!
I didn’t say anything. We had already discussed having a second date.
I excused myself to ‘go to the ladies room’ but I actually left in my car.
He emailed the next day and alluded to his actions (did he offend me?). He got crickets from me.
The worst date:
As we were working out the details of our meeting, he seemed to be concerned he was going to be on the receiving end of a bait and switch. I told him if he was disappointed in my appearance, he could tell me and I would pay for his drink and leave….
He was about 15 minutes late. I saw him walk by the window and I was impressed. Even better looking, fitter than I thought he was. Once seated, he told me he wasn’t disappointed. I felt he was fishing for a reciprocal comment–“NARC?” He didn’t get it. Then he apologized for his tardiness “My legs are so muscular, I had to change my jeans several times to find some that fit.” NARC!!!
Discussion of his son’s being in med school. He’s studying to be a urologist. I am praying ‘please don’t let him say anything inappropriate’. He does–references ‘pussies and penises’.
But wait!!! It gets better!
I excuse myself to the ladies room. He says “Oh, good. I was hoping to see what your ass looks like in those jeans”
When I return he says some more idiotic/narky stuff. I don’t remember how this came about but he took my hand into his and stroked my palm with his middle finger…it gave me the heebie jeebies. A friend told me that is some sort of sexual innuendo and I believe her–very gross/high schoolish/inappropriate.
There was a band playing outside and I think with a change of scenery, maybe he’ll get his shit together. WRONG.
My standing up next to him was more than he could bear. He kept stepping back and apprising my butt and legs. Then he put his hands on my waist like he was measuring it. All of this was happening in full view of patrons who were inside looking out windows to the band/dance floor. Some of those patrons were actually my neighbors out for an evening at our local nightspot–recognizing me and seeing my discomfort.
He kept grabbing my ass/waist/stepping back to get a view. I felt like a lamb at the county fair being handled by the judge. I told him if he didn’t knock it off, I was fixing to slug him. He laughed at me. I told him I have elbowed a horse in the ribs hard enough to knock the air out of it. “I swear if you touch me again you are going to get it in the solar plexus”.
He touched me again. WHAM! He got a shot to the chest that knocked a gust of hot air out of him. “I might be little but I’m tough” I told him.
Neighbors inside saw it and bust into a round of applause. I picked up my purse and went back inside to our table to finish my drink. He came inside and sat down acting as if nothing had happened.
The bartender, Rob (who knows me/had seen what was going on/is protective of single ladies) came to table to ask if I needed anything. He arrived at the table just in time to hear Groper say “I bet you look really good naked” “No thanks, Rob. I’m done” (wink).
Groper went off to restroom and Rob came back to make sure I had driven myself there, otherwise he would take me home.
Groper walked me out to my car. I could see that Rob was watching the whole time. Groper wanted a kiss.
“That’s a NOPER, GROPER!”
This guy was truly the narkiest, slimiest, entitled misogynistic human being I have ever been in the presence of.
The only person who I think might be more so is currently seeing his delusional dream of being President collapse into thin air at this very moment ;-o
When I was married maybe approximately 10 years ago, my husband and I went to his work Christmas function and we were waiting for everyone to arrive before we proceeded into the venue. My ex husband had a very senior role in the company and when he said to his boss who owned the company, “you remember my wife Maree”, I put my hand out to shake the boss’ hand and but he took my hand into his and stroked my palm with his middle fingerā¦it made me very uncomfortable”, as I had never experienced that from anyone before and he also mentioned that everytime he saw me I looked lovely. I told my husband when we arrived home and he thought it was a real joke as in funny. It gets better because on Monday morning at work he told everyone what had happened. Now is that a bloody idiot or what??
Maree, that’s creepy! Gave me the shivers!
That guy was asking for an ass whoopin’ HATC.
lol, oh, no.
So, that trick with the sly middle finger stroking the palm? I get that it’s supposed to be suggestive, but, not sure of what. Because to me, aside from being inappropriate, it’s only suggestive of a *very* small penis. :/
Middle finger stroking the palm how very juvenile. Sickening.
I thought we were just going out for an early āneighbourlyā dinner (it was a new neighbour that had moved in 2 mths previous, had chatted briefly, no physical attraction, sensed a bit of a red flag from subsequent chats but I stupidly had been reading too much by Lisa Arends and accepted his offer of dinner- what was the harm?)
Unfortunately my car park space is opposite his pad, as I reached into my car to grab my coat prior to knocking on his door en route to the venue I became aware that I was being watched. I swung around to be greeted with …..a vision ………..it was propped (like John Wayne) outside his front door, tango heels poised on the step – arm leaning on the doorway (think Micheal Flatley style heels) , a large bold pink shirt unbuttoned at the chest a button too far down, cowboy hat and shades.
My heart sank and I felt nauseous as I approached then he went all āHannibal Lecterā and practically sniffed me and said ā you SMELL Niceā ………….. I wanted to run there and then and spent the next 2.5 hrs planning to escape but mindful that he lived in the same apartment block so I couldnāt bee too rude.
In summary the date went like this:
He kept trying to touch my back with his hand anytime I was near, or walking in front going through a doorway etc.
He must of been hard of hearing (I hope) as I had to repeat everything more than once, and he seemed to enjoy leaning in close to my face to pretend to hear clearly (he sat opposite)
He had never been married, he was 51
His last girlfriend tried to kill herself with a large knife (he wasnāt present)
His family had been in a religious cult
He had no male friends
He had major MOMMY issues
He liked toys, cars, bikes, planes,
He had lots of accidents (allegedly) – he bought a plane and the propellor fell off mid-flight and he crashed into the side of a mountain, made the evening news, survived obviously!
He hated living alone, disliked his own company
He was training to be a counsellor at the local Uni
He had a psychiatrist, I would like her – as we both seemed to be āgroundedā
He boasted of his tango conquests- providing services to lonely single women
He told me many women were after his money, he was solvent (hmm……. had sold all his properties,6 in total) and when he did online dating they often asked how much money he had before they wanted sex on the first date…..
He can hear my HEELS when I walk to the car every morning……..
15 mins into the evening he was planning further dates, we could do this/do that, we could go holidays, what was I doing for Xmas? (whoa!) ……I was thinking, not with me sunshine! I made it clear politely that I was not on the market, I repeated this several times throughout the evening.
We went for dinner via another wine bistro (ironically called āStrange Companyā)
He sulked when I wouldnāt share a fishbowl margarita with him in the Mexican restaurant (a bit intimate for 1st date methinks), he asked me to order for both of us and then proceeded to grill me after the waitress left about what I had actually ordered.
The final straw came when I refused to discuss my personal relationships with him, just stuck to general chit chat, although he knows I am divorced. He called me a hypocrite and said I needed physical satisfaction and started waffling on about the 5 senses and wanted me to do the quiz with him, I have no idea what planet he was on! He told me I contradicted myself because I indicated I would think very carefully about marriage 2nd time around, it was general remark.
Anyway I told him during an awkward silence that I didnāt like being grilled and diagnosed by a trainee counsellor whilst out for a social dinner.
I paid for dinner.
I legged it out of the taxi and he tried to launch into a bear hug, I sideswiped that and was home safe by 8:30pm.
The next morning I was having a coffee (in bed) reading the papers at 6:45am and I got a text saying how much he enjoyed the evening and how he fancied a āreal coffeeāā
I did not respond for 11 hours……politely declined and have been tip toeing to my car ever since
My best friend and I have shared many a doodle of this nut job in his cowboy hat with the words āYou Smell Niceā or āI can hear your heelsā I wonāt be able to watch Silence of the Lambs again………..
@Digbert–I love the visual of what he looked like ‘poised for dramatic effect’ in the doorway. LOLOLOLOL
This reads like a “Beware of these warning signs” list. I’m thinking I might carry my gun, handcuffs, and badge when I start dating. Can you imagine the guys I work with.
“Hey sarge, what is she doing here so late?”
“She’s booking another one of her dates.”
Too funny, Annie.
But in all seriousness. This sounds like a winning strategy for a dating profile.
“Here are some pics of the dicks I booked after our first date.”
You’re too funny. It might also work.
When I was a cocktail waitress, I had a customer who was soooo charming every time I brought a round to his table. Having guys hitting on you at the bars while you wait on them is certainly nothing new. But this man was so charismatic, and didn’t seem to be drinking much .He ended up sticking around at closing time just to talk to me. He didn’t try to pick me up, we just talked forever and made arrangements for him to take me out the next night. I gave him my number & address.
When he came to my door and I answered, he made a kind of “Whew!” noise. After we got in his car he confessed he had been so loaded the night before, he couldn’t remember anything about me! Just found the number and address in his pocket and decided to try his luck, and was relieved that I was good-looking. And from there things just went further downhill until I was teary and insisted on going home. I’ve never met anyone like him. Drunk, he was great. Sober, a complete and utter asshole. I know I’m lucky he wasn’t a psycho, but I was young and immortal then…
I’m still immortal, I just forgot to ask to be healthy and immortal so I’m not giving anyone my info till I make sure they aren’t serial killers
@Maree–I swear that is the most disconcerting/off putting and disgusting feeling. isn’t it? Ugh! I can still ‘feel’ it when I think about it.
I just recalled this about Groper–he told me a sad sausage story about a woman he’d recently broken up with probably vice versa actually). She was high level military and traveled with men for her job. He couldn’t understand that she didn’t/couldn’t respond to texts or answers calls when she was taking care of business or in meetings. He said he wasn’t jealous about being with men, just that he should take precedence over her work.
A few weeks after our ‘date’, I saw him on his motorcycle in traffic next to me at a light. I was ‘admiring him’ and then realized it was ‘Groper’. He’s so damn good looking but such a f’ing freak!
Can I say to you that my skin crawled and like you I can still feel it to this day. What is wrong with people who think that they can do that? Oh wait, I know what is wrong with them because I was married to a complete and utter misfit. A very poor excuse for man.
I don’t date, not because I have anything against it but because I am too busy! Literally, I have a full time job and a child active in sports, scouts, band, church, school, etc. Plus hobbies of my own. And it is a blast. I’ve spent most of my entire adult life building it around a man. And got treated like shit to show for it. I don’t think I enjoyed any relationship as much as I enjoy being a mother. But I picked losers, so maybe with a decent guy it would be OK.
I’m genuinely happy for those who have found new spouses or partners, especially by using the online dating sites. When I was about two years out I decided to give it a try, admittedly just to see and because I deeply missed (and still do sometimes) the things Ex and I used to do together, like hiking, concerts, kayaking, eating out with friends, bicycling. What I have concluded is that it’s pretty random who you can arrange to meet through these outlets, and it really does keep coming back to your picker. Many of you telling these dating stories seem to have really strengthened your pickers and you’ve stood up to some real inconsiderate assholes. So that is great! chumps no more!
But I haven’t found it easy to even be “matched” on these sites with a single man. It got so depressing, I removed my dating profiles because it’s extremely depressing to me that men my age (I’m 61, was 59 when Ex aged 55 hooked up with OW older than me at then 59 and she isn’t better looking either) are listing their age preferences for females at WAY lower than their own ages. And many of them clearly appear to be older in their photos than they say they are. Is it really possible so many “52 year old” men have all that gray hair and balding heads and pot bellies? Sorry chump men reading this. My profile has actual pics of me looking like I look now, smiling, and doing fun things — and I’m not all that bad, thin to medium build, often told I look younger than my age, but I don’t flash cleavage in my photo or respond to younger men my sons’ ages (25???) who say they love MILFs or men who when finding out I’m a lawyer start joking about handcuffs (especially because my cheater Ex was deeply into controlling domination in bed, ugh). I’ve been ghosted by so many chatty men and weirded out by others (like a guy on the first phone call, we hadn’t ever met in person, after one online chat, speculating on which one of us should move to the other’s city 50 miles away!!!) buh bye Felipe.
Since my picker was in ruins and seriously defective when I met my most recent cheater-ex, who swooped in and lovebombed me when I was a lonely single Mom with three kids (and just starting my career that I’m sure put dollar signs in his eyes)… dating seems seriously dangerous for me. I feel like I’m still a narc magnet so was thinking I’d try focussing on people I know IRL.. except that isn’t working either.. because the one other guy that I might have been interested in all my many years I was with cheater, started to ask me to go hiking and kayaking last summer and I really enjoy his company and have always done so — ironically, the only man my Ex was ever jealous of an openly mad that I was laughing at this guy’s jokes at a party ten years ago — now has a girlfriend. I asked him can we go kayaking again this summer and he said, no, his new girlfriend would not approve. And I’ve know this guy as a friend for 20 years! guess I kind of blame Cheater for my not having had a chance with another man because I was loyal and faithful to him when he was having at least four affairs that I didn’t know about until 2013’s “exit” affair (and “exited” only because he got caught and I kicked him out).
And I’ve “lost” one of my good female friends who was divorced a year or so later than me because she met a guy on Match.com and I never hear from her EVER now. Out of curiosity tonight after reading all the posts from today I went back to Match.com and voila, still every man 60 to 61 years old is looking for a woman 35 – 45. WTF. seriously. I just… give up…. I will stick with my other divorced lady friends for dinner dates… maybe I’ll join a meetup. But if one more well meaning person tells me I’ll find someone some day… just. No. Thank You.
Try another site, like Plenty Of Fish.
I second Plenty of Fish. I had zero success on Match.com and I think a large percentage of the profiles on that site are fake or old and abandoned.
I met Nice Guy through PoF. At the time we met, I was 49 and he was 58. It’s been two and a half years since then, and we just got engaged this past week.
My oldest brother is very happily married for a year now to a woman he met on Chemistry.com. They are both in their late 50s. So us older folks can definitely find romance via the dating sites.
YAY, GIO! I’m so happy for you! Congratulations!
Don’t mean to minimize your frustration, Internet dating can suck, I’ve been there, but there are senior dating sites.
I had the same frustration on PoF and Cupid, men expect to date women 10 to 30 years younger than themselves. It makes no sense and it’s a bullshit.
The first time I made dinner for the man I should never have married went like this: My parents were not home that night. I had the house to myself. I made it very romantic. Candles, flowers on the table, soft musicā¦. the first thing I heard? āThis pork is okay, but the way it SHOULD be made is not with apples and cinnamon.ā (His mother didnāt cook it that way.) Why I didnāt boot him out of the house then is an enigma to me.
Uggh. Heard that from my STBX for years. Pork served with sautƩed apples and cinnamon is amazing and go perfectly.
I was just told by my MIL that her son, who never thanked me for making anything, bragged at a bbq in front of his whore that he’d prepared a dish using my recipe. That didn’t go over well. Lol
We are here, @aka and I enjoying a bottle of wine and a delicious meal… Thinking, well bring on the horror stories, who needs to freaking date when you can take a fellow chump to a great dinner filled with witty conversation and mutual understanding?
My first post-divorce date, I was told to meet-up at “Ihop on Wet N’ Wild Way”. I put it in my GPS and got led by GPS to a hotel.
Here is one that I still don’t know how to analyze.
The Meet Cute: I am in a huge parking deck after a meeting, dressed up and a man stops and says, You are beautiful. Being cheated on by Meth Maggot, I am highly interested in this compliment. We talk for one hour (my feet killing me from my heels) and I said, I have to move my car! It will be towed. He says, I don’t think so.
I own the building. (Yes, he did.).
Move to date planning. He was extremely interested in my favorite foods. I LOVE to eat (eating disorders…I have none). I said, there are so many. He said, Pick some. I named things I was digging at the time.
After two dates at restaurants, he invited me to his house. Super nice and huge. This man was slim and sort of handsome, very kind, South American.
He greets me and says, Look at what I have got for you!
In the kitchen, there is a huge spread and all my favorites I named: Salmon, Asparagus, Yeast Rolls, German Chocolate Cake, Big Salads with Dressing, Butter, Twice Baked Potatoes.
We started to eat, and I got so full. I said, I am full. He said, NO! Keep eating. I said, I can’t, I feel sick.
He said ” I want you to sit on my lap, and keep eating and I can feel your stomach get super full and tight. That is so hot.”
Around this time, I looked out on his lanai, near the pool and I saw what looked like a furry basketball. It began to roll. I said, what is that? He said, Oh! That is Ms. Kitty.
He had fed his cat so much that she was so obese that she looked like a basketball. I said, “Rick” (fake name) that is animal abuse. It is pitiful. He said, No! She likes it.
At this point I had to use the bathroom (sick and full) and made my excuses to leave. He said, NO! You need to eat more! I was literally cowering int he bathroom as he stood outside the door with a pice of the cake…Do you want some more?
I practically ran to my car. We talked a few times afterward (very awkward) and he always said, I need to fatten you up!!!
Because he was loaded, sweet and sort of(?) kind, sometimes I think of taking that call. But I see poor Ms. Kitty…rolling by the pool……
No not call him. He will abuse you.
That poor kitty, left behind with a feeder…that is so funny yet very disturbing Sabine
And, important to note…I am NOT skinny and need no help “getting fat”. I am a few pounds away from being overweight. I LOVE to cook and eat. I don’t have any guilt about eating that most women do. Especially after Cheating Meth Maggot, there is no man I would starve OR GET FAT for.
I will never see him again because the issues that his behavior hints at…control, making a woman big…PASS.
Also, when we were kissing before the forced feeding foreplay session (GROSS) his dry small tongue darted in and out of my mouth like a spastic lizard. I hope no one eating breakfast for that visual.
Annie…perceptive again. I pay attention to everything someone says, and he was disparaging his ex wife. His complaint? When she got home from teaching first graders, she dressed in comfy “sloppy” clothes and did not look sexy for him.
I said, she is cooking dinner and she is supposed to be a dolled up in Fredricks of Hollywood garb or something after herding 1st graders all day?
Here is something I have learned after 30 years of dating (I AM EXHAUSTED)
*When a man or woman disparages their partner with vehemence and contempt and that is the main theme of their lives, they are bad news. There are two sides to a pancake (not addressing cheating) but when they paint themselves as the perfect, mewling victim and their EX as the bane of their existence, it is a harbinger of misery to come. You will be the next person they slander.
But…to indict myself…I want to analyze Meth Maggot with anyone….I would probably flag down the mail lady to talk about him. I was washing some big dog beds at a laundry mat and actually starting analyzing it with a homeless lady. I bought her snacks so she would listen.
Therefore: This means I am not yet ready to date. (Yes?)
Lol, yes Sabine, rofl.
I too am discussing my dirt with anyone who will listen. The Brazilian waxers that the AP and I go to know what happened.
I am laughing now too! It is tragic.
Oh man, I used to joke before I filed that the only two people in town who didn’t know I was divorcing my X and why were my X and the check-out clerks at the local grocery store. And that it was just a matter of time before they knew, too.
Sabine, this guy was slim but he wanted to overfeed his pets and women? There’s some cray cray going on there ..and even if you might be safe going to the restaurant with him (avoid being at his place), this can only be a short term thing, at best.
I think you need to move on .. make space for a saner guy to come along.
Yes, he is on the Freak Show list. I was self medicating with people and CL aptly wrote, and ran into another lunatic.
As I said:
*The odds are not good and the goods are mostly odd.*
S, I’m laughing now at your darting tongue like a spastic lizard reference. Very funny! But, yeah, I don’t think lizards make for sexy kissing.They can sometimes be interesting creatures to observe.
I met a man through mutual friends. Our first date was playing cards at a friends house. The beer was flowing freely. More people stared showing up and a house party was born. The friends had a small dog. The man I was with decided to get on his hands and knees and tease the dog. He is on the floor barking back at this small but aggressive dog. All of a sudden I heard a scream. The dog had him by the nose and wasn’t letting go. That little dog pretty much took all the skn off this guy’s nose. My bad because I couldn’t stop laughing.
No trying to be a Terminator, but if he had teased one of my dogs in that manner, there would have been a violent beat down from me with any object I could get my hands on.
That is a TRUE dumb ass. I hope the dog was not punished in anyway. He was terrorizing the dog.
I’m on one right now ?
Bahahah! Take good notes! And stay safe!
I have two good stories.
1. My sister, who is a lovely, strong, and kind person, was on her second date with a fellow and it was going very well. Suddenly he leans in and says to her, “I love how submissive you are.” He had mistaken her kindness for weakness. He seemed very surprised when the date ended early and she didn’t invite him back to her place for sex.
2. A lady I know went on a date with a fellow she met on a dating site. She didn’t like him when she met him, so told politely him via email that it wasn’t going to work out. This guy didn’t take no for an answer and continued to email and call her. She was talking to a police officer friend about it and when she mentioned his name, the officer turned very pale. He looked up the name and it turns out her date had stabbed his wife to death (21 stab wounds) some years ago and was out now. A cease and desist phone call from the police ended his stalking.
Oh gosh, murdering his wife by stabbing her to death 21 times. Yikes! These people are nuts.
holy shit, bluecat! How can this guy be out roaming the streets? 21 stabs .. that indicates incredibly psychopathic rage, very out of control. He’s still dangerous since he won’t hear “no” .. stalker, indeed.
I think he’d done it when he’s was quite young. A life sentence isn’t truly for life and many only serve 1/3 of it for good behaviour. My Mother-in-Law was probably 58 at the time.
I have actually never been chumped, (I came here at first because my good friend was but now I read this site everyday because it helps me stick up for myself and set boundaries, which has always been hard for me, especially at work. I hope you don’t mind me posting.
My weirdest date. By Far. Ever. And I’ve had some doozies. He was a stranger which I don’t usually go on dates with. I was blinded by a pair of large biceps and paid for my shallowness.
1.)He offered to read me a poem he had written about 9-11. He showed me his tattoo of the Twin Towers, which he said he got before 9/11 because he had a premonition about it.
2.) he hasn’t been able to break into the music industry, so now he’s trying to focus on his cagefighting (I wish I was making this up.)
3.) he and his Mom have patched up their relationship. She had kicked him out of the house after he broke all her windows in a fit of roid rage.
4.) he said he can “speak Irish” (I think he meant gaelic? I asked him to say something and he got the deer in the headlights look and changed the subject.)
Jeeeeeez I’m glad you got away clean from that one! Broke all the windows in a fit of rage? HELL no!
Yeah, i was glad he didn’t know where I lived or my last name. Didn’t stop him from texting me 20 or 30 times after me saying thanks but no thanks…
I love this story, ML. It’s so pure and sweet .. reminds me of past work crushes and those sure makes days on the job more fun. Feeling an attraction to someone is like a life spark. Even if my infatuation doesn’t end in a relationship, I’ll always have the pleasant memory of how it felt.
I wish I had had more time yesterday to respond. This has been a great day to read. My most recent dating experience made me examine my standards and picker repair…
I had been dating this guy for three or four weeks. The first date I was immediately attracted to him, fun, witty, intelligent. We met at nice restuarants, drank nice wine, had nice soft, physical contact. I learned he had pain issues and took heavy duty pain meds. I’m a drug and alcohol therapist so I thought I’d be open minded. So….
I show up for dinner and find him at the bar, drink in hand telling his bar mate all about me. He proceeds to turn toward me and ask if I think he looks ‘hot’. He’s all excited, the girls at the bar think he’s ‘hot’ I should too. This is new behavior for him. We get a booth and instead of sitting across from me he wants to sit next to me, his hand on my thigh. Orders another drink, appetizers and starts in about how he thinks he is in love with me. By the second drink at the table (he had had two prior to me arriving) he is sloppy, the food sucks, he’s eating with his fingers, dropping food on his lap and being VERY friendly with me. We send back his entree (My chumpy sparkling skills start right up, making excuses for him)
We leave. In the parking lot I question his sobriety. He’s walking off (mind you he’s had multiple surgeries that make his gate distinctive anyway). He assures me he is just ‘fine’. RIGHT. From my previous experience with my X, I do not insist that he is drunk and ride with me (red flag that I have no self assurance and doubt my judgement) I request that he follow to my house. He makes it about a mile down the road and turns right when I turn left….I call him and tell him to turn around. He says he’s right behind me. He is not.
I can hear him driving, I hear a “crash” and he commences to swear and says something like “i hope this is worth it, I just effed up my car”. He’s lost. I tell him to stop driving, I’ll come and get him. He stops, gets out of the car and tries to give me his location. I try to find him. For an hour. Each time he decides to leave.
Finally I go home. Still on the phone with him. He can’t program his new car’s nav system. He’s swearing, whining, crying and driving. Three hours this goes on, whole time I’m on the phone with him. At 2 am he shows up on my doorstep. Sheepish, cute, apologetic (full pity the narc mode) I fall for it.
The front of his car is trashed. I give him two advil and a glass of water. He leaves in the morning. The damage to his car was over $11,000.00
I wish I could say I cut it off that night, but I did not. I continued to date him for another month, I even went on a trip with him. A trip that he planned to the last detail, where we went, what we ate, what I wore….insisting that because I had trust issues I should just trust him…
I finally ended it after he was upset that I would not miss him enough over the summer when I had trips planned with my kids. It got nasty fast. His true narc behavior came out to play and when I set boundaries he went into the emotional ozone layer. I thought long and hard, it was love bombing, I was insecure, the drama felt sickenly familiar, he tried to hoover me back in.
The reason I love these stories is that we still have so much to learn about ourselves and it is so helpful to also learn from each other. I haven’t started dating yet, but do enjoy the occasional flirtations. When I’m ready I will keep all these stories and lessons with me.
Hi OutWest,
Do you think it was his alcohol and pain meds that made him so…bizarre and a train wreck, or he was disordered…or it is a toxic stew of both?
When he crashed his car, did you feel in the pit of your stomach…a sense of dread…or did it feel familiar? You felt like you should “help”him?
Or, if he had had multiple surgeries that made his gait distinctive, was he in “surgery rebound”? With concurrent medication “weirdo” side effects?
I’m curious whether this guy had body contouring or other cosmetic surgery. I’m finding that those surgeries are.a deal breaker for me, at least right now. Or, you know: hair transplants, anything that makes a person not look like who they were for most of their life. :/ I’ve had three loved ones shapeshift and morph into complete aliens, and it just sends me bawling straight to the therapy couch.
The worst post divorce date was with a woman who lived in a nearby town. She asked if she could bring a friend. I had reservations but I thought maybe she feels vulnerable and as it had been so long since I’d been dating I did not know what passed for normal. So I agreed. She suggested a concert at a club. I arrived early. I bought membership as required by club rules and bought my ticket. I was interviewed/interrogated by both of them. The friend then tried to make her excuses to leave for the rest of the evening (I took this as a really good sign). The date then asked her friend to wait. She asked me what my plans were for the rest of the evening and said ‘goodbye’ by this point the band had not even gone on stage! I was devastated and had to go the chip shop to cheer myself up.
Yet again, I wish that there was a chump only dating site, I’m sorry the date turned out that way ?
I wish there was a chump only dating site too, AD!!
Ugh, LimeyChump, “rude” doesn’t quite cover her behavior.
Tempest, I think it it’s more like “nutty” or “crazy” .. I had ex-girlfriends who were like that (the cold, game-playing, neurotic but beautiful type) and they pulled weird stuff like this on very nice, kind men.
Sorry, Limey, it’s her, not you. Don’t think her “rejection” as any indication of your worth.
When I was newly divorced, I found a job as an optical tech/assistant in an optometrist office with 2 doctors. One day a handsome man came in for an appointment. I was assisting Doctor A that day, so another tech prepped him for his eye exam with Doctor B. When Doctor B was finished, he came out of his exam room and told me that Mr. Handsome had specifically requested that I help him with his glasses selection. (That created a bit of havoc in the office dynamics, but I worked for Doctor B, too. The other tech and I had to switch places temporarily.) Mr. Handsome then ended up asking me out on a dinner date…
Everything went well. He was a perfect gentleman. I agreed to go out with him again. For date #2 he took me to a bar — not exactly my cup o’ tea, but I’m ok going once in a while. Again I had a nice time. However, from there forward he always took me to bars for dates… And when he drank, he pined over his ex and how she had done him wrong. I noticed, too, that lots of women knew him wherever we went. (Hello red flags!!) I decided after about 4 or 5 dates that he was not a man I would want to have a serious relationship with and I stopped seeing him.
Several months later, out of the blue, he called and asked if I wanted to go out for a couple of drinks. I had nothing else going on and said OK. He picked me up, took me to a local bar (of course), we found a place to sit, each got a beer, and he excused himself to use the restroom. He was gone maybe 10 minutes. (The place was crowded and he knew just about everyone.)
When he came back to the table he was agitated. He said on his way to the bathroom, he ran into some guy who was running off at the mouth to him and it made him mad. He wanted to finish our beers and go somewhere else. Before I could ask any questions, the bartender came over and told us in no uncertain terms that we had to leave. I was totally confused and having a serious WTF moment because we literally had only been there about 30 minutes or less!!! I’ve never in my life been thrown out of any place!!!
Turns out that Mr. Handsome had followed the guy whom he had had words with out into the parking lot and cold-cocked him!!! Not a hair was out of place on his head, his clothing was not disheveled… There were absolutely no signs indicating that he had just been in a physical altercation. I had NO idea that Mr. Handsome had a violent streak. If the bartender hadn’t come over and said something, I wouldn’t have known.
I ended the date right then and told him never to call me again.
Here’s another dating disaster…
While married, my ex and I were friends with another couple who weren’t married but had been long-time partners. The GF was 9 years older than me. The BF was about the same age as my ex and me. Soon after my ex and I split, the BF was tragically killed in an accident. The GF and I remained friends and often would have Girls Night Out with some other girlfriends. She and I were helping each other through the loss of our significant others.
At some point, a much younger man started showing interest in her (he was a few years younger than me). She, however, claimed she was not ready to have a serious relationship with another man. She had gone out to eat with the guy on quite a few occasions and was getting vibes that he was ready to take things to the next level… She said he was such a nice guy and she didn’t want to lead him on. She said he would be perfect for me, however, and wanted to introduce us. At first I refused because the guy clearly was interested in her. But she insisted that he and I would make a better match. I reluctantly agreed to attend a little get together at her house with him and a few other people to see how things went.
He and I hit it off. He invited me to go to a NYE party with him. We had a great time and started seeing each other. All was going well, I thought. No red flags.
About a month or two later, my friend started acting distant. She wouldn’t return my calls or was short with me when we did talk. Then one day she nonchalantly mentioned that she had spent the day shopping with Mr. Wonderful. Wait… What?!! Her response to my surprise was claiming not to know that he and I were dating exclusively since we (she and I) didn’t talk much anymore… As I pressed her further it came out that she was jealous that Mr. Wonderful had turned his attention to me rather than her and she changed her mind after having introduced us. Apparently they were seeing each other on days that he wasn’t with me and neither one of them had the decency to clue me in. (When I questioned Mr. Wonderful, he claimed that he thought I knew because she and I were friends…)
Needless to say, I dumped both of them. With friends like that, who needs enemies, right?!
What a bitch.
Back with one more……
Guy contacts me from dating site—turns out he lives about 3 miles from me, which is amazing because I live in the boonies. We agree to meet for dinner. When I arrive, I am told he’s there but he’s not at table. Hostess says he may be outside–that immediately makes me think he’s a smoker even though he swore to me he’d quit. (I will not be around a smoker–profile is very explicit about it)……He approaches me and I can smell cigarette reek. UGH. He’s much better looking than his profile pic so at least that’s positive…..
As we get to table, I see an almost empty glass of whiskey….he immediately says “I hardly ever drink”…..over course of dinner, he has 2 more drinks…no idea how many he actually had before I arrived.
During our meal, he gets a phone call which he ignores. Another call, he ignores. Then a text which he reads and responds to. Friends/neighbors are there and have seen him, can they come to table to say hi? They do and turns out I know the wife. While they talk I go to restroom. They are gone when I come back and he tells me that they have invited us to come by their house when we are done. I figure that would be ok.
When we walk out to my car so I can follow him, he suddenly pulls me to him. I say I don’t kiss on first date. He smirks and stuffs his tongue in my mouth…no ‘exploratory’ lips touching–just stuffs it in. I gently push him away with a ‘look’ on my face. It is dark and as I am following him, I see the glow of a cigarette in the car. At an intersection he opens door and puts burning butt on pavement. As I said, we live in the boonies. There isn’t a street lamp within 5 miles. It is pitch black, no way for me to remember the route to where he lives, much less how to get back out. It’s like a spaghetti bowl of hills/turns and it’s PITCH BLACK, no moon. I follow him up a driveway and as I get out of my car, he tells me the friends called and cancelled for some reason. We’re at his house. “Let’s go inside and talk. We’ll just talk, I promise”. Sounded kind of odd–why the pre-emptive disclaimer?
He takes me on a tour of his home..remember he had told me he ‘hardly ever drinks’? There were 3 bottles of wine, 2 half gallons of whiskey and more on his kitchen counter…..hmmmm. You hardly ever drink and you have all this sitting out looking like it was used within the past few hours?
We sit on couch and very quickly he does the tongue stuffing before I can even put up resistance. We talk a bit, he does the tongue attack again. I try to get the point across that I am not into what he’s doing but he’s not getting it. He tells me a bit about his wife’s illness and death. Is saying they had a pretty calm marriage, not much arguing. Next thing I know, he turns to me and grabs both my arms above the elbow to illustrate how he had grabbed her during ‘one of the few incidences of discord’. I totally freak out but I maintained my composure. Of course that is bizarre by any means but it is also something that my abusive ex husband had done to me on many occasions. As I am trying to settle myself down, he does the tongue stuffing again. It is so unwelcome and just horrendous. It’s like his mouth is wide open and a stiff tongue is being jammed in my mouth. I am shaken to the core by then. I ask where the guest bath is.
When I come back to the couch, he comes back into the house. “I had to go get something out of my car” he says. No, you had to go out and have a smoke, I think. I can’t get out of there fast enough. I tell him I need to get home to let my dogs out, he will have to lead me back to the main road. He does so. When we get to road and I am going to go on my way, he doesn’t even get out of his car to come say goodbye, which was fine with me because I sure didn’t want a kiss goodbye.
I didn’t contact him afterward and I didn’t hear from him. UNTIL, one day I mistakenly send a text to him. In the text I say “If you are still interested, let me know. I can send you some pics”. (I am referring to something I had for sale and hadn’t heard from the prospective buyer as I had anticipated).
The next morning I had a text from Mr Mistake ‘YES!!! I am still interested! I thought you weren’t interested in me. I would love to have some pics” Oh.My.God. After pulling myself off the floor, I text for him to call me later in the day. He does and I explain I had sent him a text meant for someone else.
Wow, you do have a lot of stories! This is what it’s like for single women who date .. more physically dangerous for us. I’ve had several near-rape type dates – pushing for sex and ignoring the “no.” Guys who were figuring out how to get me to go to their place. I was lucky nothing worse happened. From now on, at the very FIRST hint of aggressive or rude behavior, I’ll end the date right then. Do not be overly polite.
Like your story, hesatthecurb, I had the same “I don’t smoke or drink” guy who reeked of cig smoke and got staggeringly drunk by the end of the evening; then he insisted on driving me back! Fortunately, my car was only a few blocks up the same street.
Another date tried to change our meeting place at the last minute as we were both already on our way to the venue. I wouldn’t pick up the call but I later asked why he was trying to reach me. We had an otherwise nice one-time dinner date, good conversation, but there was something off about him.
@KeepNarcsAway—-As I was following him, I had one chance for an ‘out’ and I should have taken it. I could have made a left turn and headed right to my home and could have ‘lost him’ if he’d noticed in time and turned around to follow me. I will never again fall into that kind of potential trap again! If there’s one single pinkish or orange flag, I am out of there. This particular date happened about 2 yrs ago so I’ve improved my safety protocol
I honestly don’t know if he set me up with a fake story about the neighbors inviting us over or not but these days, I never am alone with a man until I feel I know him quite well. But then again, we never can tell what’s going to happen as recent event of the woman being murdered by man she met on dating site illustrates.
@LuckySeven–thanks, that’s Cracker my blue and gold macaw. The coolest thing with feathers on earth!
O_O
Your story totally scared me, the whole way through. It was only your beautiful parrot and the fact of your writing and time/date stamp that made me understand it would turn out ok.
SO GLAD YOU SURVIVED THAT. And what a crazy awful creep, for leading you to ??his home?? WOW. I don’t think men like that even HALF understand how terrifying that is. (((HUGS))) because WOW.
This is the kind of thing that scares me to death about dating. I have Aspergers so I’m really not good at picking up subtext and if someone isn’t being honest with me it can be really hard to tell. Add in, I’ve only just been diagnosed s