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Dating Disaster Stories, Anyone?

baddateBy popular request, today’s Fun Friday challenge is to relate your worst dating story. You can’t “gain a life” without a certain amount of pratfalls, and what’s more awkward than dating?

I do hope this contest, however, does not have the unintended effect of making chumps stay in dreadful relationships, thinking “better the Devil you know.” Look, it’s one bad date. A single day! Unlike being shackled to a cheater for the rest of your life. Keep it in perspective. You have to swipe right on a lot of frogs.

The best bad date story I know belongs to a friend. Her date was a fellow she knew from a think tank. She knew he was nerdy, what she did not know was that he did monthly reports on his life, complete with CHARTS. He told her this over their dinner. He had categories. Social life. Career. Family. Charitable giving. Sex. And every day he would come home and RANK the day, so he could chart his progress.

And that might’ve been just odd, except that, according to my friend, he acted totally shocked that SHE DIDN’T DO IT TOO!

“How do you know if you’re making any PROGRESS?!”

But that wasn’t the crazy thing that stuck with her, and made this story famous in our circle.

She said, “He ranked it all to the second decimal point.”

Thus was born the Decimal Date.

Your turn.

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  • Oh I like this one! While I did eventually meet an amazing man online I had to go through a lot of bad dates. The worse was this guy I met for lunch. I was waiting outside and across the street I saw someone who resembled him but 30 pounds heavier. I prayed to myself “please don’t let him be my date” and of course he was, especially given that I was less than year D Day and things just were not going my way at this point in life. Oh and he had on a Hawaiian shirt and of course more facial hair than in the profile… gawd I hate facial hair and Hawiaan shirts… so much that I put it in my profile later “No Hawaiian shirts or facial hair” yet I digress. So we go in and he proceeds to tell me about the 6 year long affair he had on his wife! No insight, no remorse. Then he tells me he got fired from his last job for watching internet porn while at work! I guess he had one good quality and that was honesty… or maybe it was just stupidity.

    • no!!!!! he didn’t.

      I have not commenced dating yet but am toying with the idea. Challenged with the knowledge that my cheater only ever dated two women and married both of us, I intended to have a good look at what is out there before making any decisions.

      but I think todays thread is going to give me a lot to think about.

      Please bring your best CN and educate a yet to date chump.

      • Ha ha free therapy! I went on a date with a psychologist and we both happily talked about our childhoods for the whole meal.

    • hey at least he warned you right up front so you didnt have to uncover that one 5 years later!!!

      • I know! Most of these dates reveal their crazy very early on. I’d rather know right away. The sooner the better.

    • When I WAS on dating sites, I put on m profile that I was separated/divorced because my husband cheated so no need for cheaters to apply. You will not like me I assure you. It won’t be a good date. I actually had men private message me often about “good for you!” and sadly sharing they were in the same boat.

      • I have not been brave enough to even think about dating again. I’m so mistrusting, thinking that EVERY MAN is always just an inch away from cheating at any unpredictable time. I learned that no matter what I do I have no control over these cheating assholes. If they want to do it they do it. My pick me dance was beyond lame, I like so many here pulled from every register I had and at the end of the day it made no difference. At this point I’m thinking most men will be seeking it out or having an opportunity presented to them will bait, no matter what wife does at home and how good they actually have it. I hope I will be able to revise my thinking about men (not a men hater just very untrusting) and hope so much that there are more decent men out there than I tend to believe at the moment. But if I ever go on a dating website, I will remember what you put in there and it hopefully takes the wind out of their sail for cheaters even to respond. I hated it so much when my STBX would put separated on his profile, that was when I first started snooping and I had no idea we were separated. We were still very much legally married doing what married people do.
        Lying Assholes !!!

        • Not excluding the male population being cheated on. I know women cab be as character disordered as men and definitely have the potential as well to do the damage.

  • Hi All, I can’t resist sharing my worst date story. In one word, shitty.

    I met my date at a local watering hole for a glass of wine one snowy evening. After an hour or so of chatter, I learned that he had never been in a truly full relationship. They had all been with younger troubled and needy women. He did not speak of them in a disparaging way, just some paternalistically.

    Suddenly, he turned to me and said, “I want to f*** you up the a**”. Then again, ” I want to f*** you up the a** without a condom”. Then he opened his mouth and kind of waggled his tongue at me. Gross!!! Now, most people I related this story to asked if I abruptly stood up, called him a total jerk and left. But I couldn’t resist asking him why he would say that to me. I got a long explanation about how he could only experience sexual satisfaction when engaging in extremes. His trade for taking care of these women who had been in his life was for them to take care of him. Essentially, this was one pretty depressed guy. Really, I felt sorry for him. One very sad sausage. Needless to say, we never met again.

    • i would have just asked if he was suffering from Tourette’s…

      • OMG-I just had a flashback of Amy Poelher as the Tourette’s girl in the Duece Bigalow movie!!!!!!
        I don’t know how you didn’t just burst out laughing at that ridiculousness when he said those things to you……..

        What a loon he was!

    • Just spent 30 mins typing my story- and then it disappeared, will try again in the morning 🙁 evening here in Oz……

    • Sad sausage? I think I might use some other adjectives. “sick” pops to mind.

    • And I believe the reply to that one is, “Dude, seriously, get some therapy.”

    • This is funny, but I know if it had been me I think I would have had a heart attack or I would have stood up and gone bat shit crazy on this loon! I’m sure my facial expression would have said it all no matter what! No poker face here!

    • Just, wow! I can’t believe you kept your composure. I would have said, “check please.” I’m glad you didn’t end up alone with him. Kind of scary if you ask me.

    • This is hilarious! and shocking! I can’t stop laughing. Oh my, I’ve just started dating, nothing wild yet, but I guess I better expect it!

    • OMG!!! I would have been like “you know you just said that outloud right??”!!!! WTH!!!!

      • I know, sick, sick, sick. It was pretty shocking. But I couldn’t resist asking him WTF. So very, very sad that one. Let me say to those of you just embarking on dating that I met a lovely man online, and we’ve been together almost five years.

    • Damn, I’ll have to stop using the “I want to ** you up the ** line”.. noted.

      I do enjoy some of the potential hindsight responses.. I’d go with “right now??, can I finish my wine first?”.

      or.. “Great, I’d like to poke you in the eye with a fork afterward..”

      or.. “Ah, now all your dating issues and relationship problems are making sense.. you’re super creepy!”

    • Awful. This is where I get in trouble, too: I would have laughed and either asked why, like you did, or said something flip like “Not unless we’re married and probably not even then” or “Phbbt: NO. You first”, and gone on to the next topic.

      What is that called, when I do that? Because I do it all the time, when guys are inappropriate. Just, a) yes I heard what you just said; b) that was weird but I’m not giving you the pleasure of seeing that you “shocked” me, partly because it was less shocking than lame; and c) I’m going to give you a pass right now and let’s see if you flub it again.

      To me, it’s always been info gathering. But after reading CL and comments for the last week or so, I’m getting that probably I need to just get up and leave at first sign of this junk.

      On topic (sort of), in HS I had a severe crush on this one guy; one afternoon in class I overheard one of his best friends doing that dicky thing some guy best friends often do. He says to my crush, loudly enough to humiliate, “Hey ____: I want you to bend me over and f*** me in the a** as hard as you can.”

      The language (in front of me, a female), and the intent to humiliate (in general), pissed me off. At the time I was an absolute knockout, although shy, but in this case I decided to use it. So I coolly walked over to these two, leaned over to the dicky guy best friend, who I’d never spoken to before, and whispered hotly in his ear, [Hey ____: *I* want *you* to bend *me* over, and f*** ME in the a** as hard as *you* can.]

      You know. Mirroring. You like that kind of talk? Cool, let *me* try.

      That PoS went flame red and dead silent, and never mouthed off in front of me again.

      I thought the dicky best friend was reprehensible. But now I think X was a lot like that guy. And I never did get with the crush. Sometimes I think maybe I should look him up.

    • I SO respect you for having the presence of mind to ask him WTF… I would have been so shocked that my response would have been stupid.

      • I would have gone beet red from anger, you know the type that comes up from your toes to your head in an instant.
        I’m not a violent person but I like to throw bananas on occasion.
        In this case, I would have either tipped the table over on him or at least thrown a glass of red wine straight in his face.
        And, wtf – I ain’t picking up the bill!
        I’d just walk out and let him pay the damages.

        This idiot does not sound one bit sad to me, he sounds absolutely dangerous.

        Good grief!

        • I can’t stop laughing. If I’m ever sitting in a bar and see a banana go flying across the room, I’ll now know to turn and say, “Hey, Shechump, leave the asshole and join me for a drink.”

        • I will never look at a banana the same way, evah again!!! LOL!

          • Thanks for the invite Annie! I’ll spot you!

            hehe…actually, George Bush knew how to duck a banana or a shoe.
            Most folks aren’t that quick.
            I give that to George for one thing he knew how to do.

            Heck, I AM sorry for throwing anything at all, but I got so frustrated at times, it was the only thing handy to get his attention and I’m not proud of it. He never threw anything at me.

            I chalk it up to Chinese-Water torture.
            He slowly worked away at me until I hit him in the head with a banana because, from a few meters/yards away, he wasn’t quick enough at his old age to deflect it. Hey – just offering lunch. And, never hit him in the ear or the nose or the eye! More at his chest. When he threw me out of his office, yep, I used my strong legs to take every computer off our duel desks as he had my hands fassened behind my back.
            Yeah, asshole, don’t ever do that again!
            He must have been afraid of me that my arms might have done more damage than my legs.

            Man, those were really awful d-days! Don’t wish them on anybody.

            Not that I’ll ever date again, but I would make it clear that if they piss me off…watch out, or I’ll throw fruit and granola at them.

    • Otos, that is the difference between chumps and affair partners. They are actually flattered by comments like “I want to f you” and so on. It’s easy to get dates if you are an unpaid prostitute, like they are.

      • So true.. a chump (I know from experience) would think, “this person is probably full of disease if they are so sleazy.. no way I want to go near that”.. That also says “I don’t respect you”.. so now I have a diseased person that thinks I’m a sleazebag like them.. not sexy at all. Call me old fashioned. Speaking of which… what ever happened to building up to sex without talking about it or ordering hot dogs and onion rings so you could act out what you plan on doing later over dinner… wtf..

        I could be totally off.. perhaps it goes way back to cavemen times when cave guys would scratch a pic of their dick on the wall of the cave to impress the ladies… I’d have to research that, how many cave drawings are dicks.

        • OMG, Everyone, thanks so much for your awesome responses. Really, it’s hard to know what the best response would be in a situation like this. What a great group you all are with different takes on this sad sausage!

          • Otos, I think you should introduce your date to PhysicsGals date, they have a great deal in common! ASSES, both of them!

        • Sometimes I’m still a little bit naive. I just read your comment about onion rings and hot dogs and I’m thinking to myself, “Well, no one is having sex with me whose breath smells of onion rings and hot dogs.” I got through a few more comments, before it clicked. I had to go back and read it again to make sure I got it. I can’t stop laughing.

          When I finally do start dating, I pity the guy who innocently orders onion rings and hot dogs. That will be a worst date story for him, “This woman began beating me with my hot dog and smashing onion rings in my face while she screamed that I was a sad sausage.”

    • Omg ! What an asshat ! ONE of my many first date disasters was the time I met a woman for coffee by a Starbucks. First, she was at least 40 lbs heavier than her pictures. Not the slim girl in her pictures. She didn’t want to go to that Starbucks, insisted on walking to one a few blocks away. No problem, says I. We had walked about a half a block and she’s already holding my hand and talking about how much fun we’ll have on our second date! I felt like the cat in the Pepe LePew cartoons. Being polite, I hung in and made polite chit chat for an hour, before I made my escape. Heading home she was texting me, asking when we would be going out again. Confidence and being upfront is good. Extremely needy, not so good.

      There was also the transvestite who forgot to tell me he was a transvestite. Or the one told me she was looking for a man that would buy her a BMW. And that was pretty much the only thing she managed to say in intelligible English. There actually is more. Lol.

      • LOL! These stories sound familiar (based on the online date guys I met). Tell us more, Dan!

  • My date showed up to the pub with a grocery bag filled with pop cans for recycling. He had just had his car taken away for his third DUI,

    My other worst bad date, the guy went to the till to pay the bill upon returning he said, “so did you check out my ass?” I replied,” uh, no.” He stormed out before I finished my drink because he wore the pants esp for me because they showcased his ass,

    • oh dear God. sounds a bit Narcissistic to me. the ass pants. you can’t make this shit up

    • HaHa! Actually, I think that’s a great line if done with a sense of humor by a normal guy. Clearly this guy was serious though!

    • Were they assless chaps? If so, I can see why he’d be insulted.

  • This was BEFORE I met Mr. Sparkles… which may explain why I thought he was “so perfect”. I met a man through Match and over coffee he proceeded to tell me how his first wife had passed away… and that he was investigated for her murder.

    Yup. Can’t make this stuff up.

    • now that is a confidence builder,
      please tell me he didn’t lead with that?

    • “Hey, I”m suspected of murdering my spouse.. how about you?”

      Narc small talk.

      • Yep, I was a suspect in my wife’s murder, could you pass the salt?

    • No, that was Cheater #1, my first husband. That wasn’t his wife, that was his long term girlfriend. Woke up next to her dead one morning. Had a, ahem, lively chat with the local sheriff. I’m so glad he told you that upfront so, unlike me, you didn’t waste twenty years on his useless ass.

  • Met this guy for coffee. Set up by my friend because she knew him casually and he seemed nice. We were finishing up our coffee and he leans over and says “OK, let’s go to a motel.” I said ” Huh, I don’t even know you! ” He replied in a breezy way, ” Well, you gotta think of it in this way. You’re a big girl, if you want a man in your life you have to put out, you don’t have a choice.”

    By then I was pissed. I looked him straight in the eye and told him, “Oh, yes I do, and I’m voting with my feet!” I picked up my purse and walked out. Called up my friend and told her to never, ever, EVER set me up on another date.

    • I might’ve said “Yeah, I’m a big girl. Too bad you’re not a man.”

      • Variations on this theme.. (love the afterthought comebacks)

        “You’re a big girl, if you want a man in your life you have to put out, you don’t have a choice”

        “I’m going to go look for a man right now..” and walk away.


        “Why, is there a man in that hotel room? What does he look like, is he hot?” Look perplexed.

    • Oooh I had a similar experience. A male friend who thought I was a good catch but was living far away and didn’t want me to go to waste (haha), set me on a date with a tall Algerian professor. I did not suspect the plot, I thought I was sharing a meal with a well educated foreigner who merely wanted company, and we had a friend in common. So I was shocked when the man behaved suddenly as if I was openly looking for a husband and he agreed to organize our wedding next month. I was absolutely mad, left the scene, and he sent me many many emails with self pity and rage.

      • Did you tell your friend he would need to send your date his goats back? Wonder how he survived the shame of having to return a dowry. WTH?

  • My friend went on a date with this guy. It was date 3 or 4, he picked her up, as they had dinner reservations at a restaurant. Halfway there, he pulls the car over, and pulls out a brown paper bag and says: “I made some sandwiches. Let’s fill up on these, so we don’t eat too much at dinner.”. My friend weighs 80lbs at most and is tiny. How much food could she have eaten at the restaurant?

    • That’s even tackier than a friend of mine whose first date took her to Ikea cafeteria. Swedish meatballs, anyone?

      • I might have preferred IKEA to my date with the broke ass bartender. We went to his place of employment for dinner and sat by the kitchen door. Not ideal for conversation but not a deal breaker. We never ordered. Drinks and food just kind of arrived over the course of an hour or so. Eventually I figure out that he has his friends bringing out stuff from the kitchen for us that they are not ringing up or putting into the system. Yeah, the appetizer table two ordered never arrived because….I unknowingly ate it.

      • Please dont think me a snob, but on my VERY FIRST DATE this century, I was all dressed up for a conference presentation close to the city and driving my Mercedes and the fellow (ostensibly a professional) I was supposed to have a meet up with got flustered at the last minute running out of ideas and suggested Dunkin’ Donuts…now Im not saying its impossible to meet ones soul mate in a donut shop, but I was just not gonna do that. We found a Starbux which had slightly more charm than dunkin donuts and he let me buy my own coffee. At the end of the date, he called me by some odd pet name he just invented. blech.

    • Kellia,

      RE: Sandwich guy

      To me…that is more off off putting than the “up the ass” player above.

      Being tight, miserly., preoccupied with every dime spent….this is on the level of bad hygiene, or a criminal history.

      I don’t care if your friend was Sumo sized, he can pay for her dinner.

      That is one of the “types” I was thinking about when RSW said her in post that perhaps..we may not find someone, and to peddle that starry eyed hope could be misleading.

      I have found that some men over a certain age who are single are true misers. Like the lawyer I know (who is single) and has loads of cash, but stops by Sheetz (this is a GAS STATION) and scarfs down two hot dogs there at night for supper, or dinner to SAVE MONEY.

      He complains about the cost of all items and he allows his obsession to save a few dollars to ruin almost every experience.

      This is something HORRIBLE I am going to write, and I wish it were not true. However, I have observed it too often to not put it out there.

      I have observed that as women get older who are on the dating scene, and they are dating men that are available (that sad little pool) that the men are available believe the women should be so happy they are even dating …..that they should be “bargains.”

      I hope it is just a nauseating subset of men that both me and my friends have encountered, like a Southern Ebola virus, but I am not sure. If you look on dating sites, most men in their 40s and 50s are searching for 20 and 30 year olds. These “men” are not hot, not remotely so…but have a sense of entitlement that they should be with someone much younger. When they are not with their young fantasy, I think they believe (in their small reptilian brains) that they are settling somehow, when they are with someone their own age, and that they should not have to lavishly “court” the woman, i.e. spend money.

      It is my fervent hope that this is NOT the dominant trend, but it is out there.

      • And most of those men hungering for 20-30 year olds will die wanking off to Hustler magazines, having lived the remaining years of their life alone and dissatisfied. Many wealthier ones will get their trophy wives and die without a real partner who mourns their passing.

        The men with integrity will find high-quality women. The lower-quality men who “settle” for women their own age and think we should be lucky to have them? Vote with your feet.

        • I think my 53 yr old grandfather new daddy went for the very 30 yr younger daddy issued, naive, low self esteem, homely, uneducated, part time, ho worker, no car, no family attachment little skank is dumb.
          My thought is anyone of my age group would see right through his wicked lies.

          • ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

            Jeanm, I think you nailed it!!

        • Tempest,

          I wasn’t going to respond to this, but it got the better of me. About a month ago I was interviewing a man who is 60 and very good looking. It turned out that he was being harassed by the husband of the woman he had sex with. She is 30. She is carrying his child. I couldn’t say anything since I was on the job but I so wanted to scream at him, “You fucking idiot! You would not be harassed if you didn’t sleep with other men’s wives, and you could not get them pregnant if you slept with women your own age.”

      • Sabina – Lol at being Sumo sized!! Men who don’t have their shit together will usually go for younger women, since they are a bit easier to manipulate. Steve Harvey talks about it in one of his books. There have been much older men who have hit on me, and clearly I’m not interested, but usually the guy is in some sort of a mess, like his finances are a disaster, his personal life is in shambles, something, but their lives are in total disarray. I get very suspicious when much older men hit on younger women. I think it’s been the case throughout history.

        • Not always–my X is very good looking, highly intelligent, and very financially successful. He likes em young, and is apparently sparkling enough to get them (two main APs were each 34 years younger than him).

        • Younger = more fun, more and longer-lasting “eye candy” or “arm candy” potential, and yes, easier to manipulate.

          Bonus if they are wealthy, or somewhat favored and from wealthy family, or have aging or sick parents and stand to inherit, *and haven’t any children or mortgage of their own yet to allocate that wealth to*. That’s X’s MO. He is looking for a supplementary trust fund.

          I had a flash sense a few months ago, around tax time, after having been NC/LC for almost half a year. By that time I had been apprised that he is living with someone now, who he loves. What I sensed/heard was his sense of sudden excellent fortune:

          “I married a full second income.”

          Did you? Well. Good for you.

          Ah, cheaters.

          • This scares me to death and a reason I have no desire to date.
            I know they would only be interested in my assets.
            That’s just plain scary in itself, but I earned those assets the hard way.
            Just because I’m a single woman with assets, does NOT mean you will ever take advantage of me.
            So glad I am now so much wiser, thanks to the Lies Of Conceit, X!

  • Guy plonks three phones on table at dinner.I ask,of course,why three phones, but already seeing a giant red flag waving.
    He says,without batting an eyelid,one was for his friends and family,one for his business and one for his sex life.He also revealed he’d had a seven year long affair with a married woman.
    I left skid marks in the car park.

    • Wow, three phones.. only thing cooler than that? Four phones. AND he can get a married woman.. what a keeper. Three phones and married chicks dig him. I wonder if they are all on the same phone plan or if he has three plans… You should have drilled him for five hours just about the phones. Any time he tries to change the subject.. be like “So if you lose your sex phone, can you call it from your friend phone to find it? Do charges apply?”

    • OMG, you just escaped a meeting with my x!
      He used to make a great deal out of the fact he had to use 4 phones. 1 cell and landline for his business, 1 cell and landline for personal stuff. Mad a big show of whipping the 2 cells out during a meeting with our lawyers just in case his soon to be next chump or one of his other boinks called.)
      Oooh…so sexy wearing those phones on his belt in their special holders, made him look like he was wearing his batbelt with his special batphone and his batphone backup.
      Christ on a cracker, I nearly lost it trying not to laugh.

        • BUT….

          Meth Maggot would triangulate me with his cell phone. In one of my less attractive moments, on Christmas Day, I smashed his phone on the concrete when a 24 year old called during our Christmas Brunch to wish him a MERRY CHRISTMAS at 10AM.

          His cell phone was a way to make me insane. It was almost a fetish object to him. That is because he LOVED having drama, secrets and other women calling him at all times. The horrors it revealed to me can make my stomach clench right now, as I type this.

          Those cell phone fixations…red flags.

          If you are with someone and focused on, marriage, even lunch, and there is no business or medical emergency pending, who gives a damn who is calling?

      • You guys are so funny! Although the joke is on the wackos we dated. This discussion reminds me of a first-and-only date who brought ALL of his electronic gadgets from his sports car to the restaurant and had them splayed out on the table next to his place setting. Since he wouldn’t stop playing with them, I made him put them back in his car. For a change, this guy had no edge but he was a child who lacked social sense.

    • It beats skid marks in your underwear after that remark! LOL! How did you not laugh in his face?

  • Where to begin. So many distaste stories. I went on a date with a vegan very health conscious guy once who proceed to tell me through out the date the multiple ways he stayed health and watched what he ate and drank. Then all of a sudden he mentions ‘but I do partake in Coke. It my one bad thing.’ My reply was ‘ That’s ok a Coca Cola once in a while was fine especially since he was living so cleanly.
    At that point he stares at me and say, “no, Coca Cola is toxic for your body. I was referring to Cocaine. I occasionally snort it for fun”. My jaw dropped. He seemed so cool about like it was totally normal.
    I got out of there as fast as I could and never looked back. I guess cocaine is vegan so it was fine to put in his body in his head. Did I mention he also had two boys under the age of 8?

            • This will sound terrible, but if he did occasionally snort it, it would not be that big of a deal, as in terms of affecting his personality. IF HE SMOKED IT…that is a huge deal.

              Getting caught with it…big deal…in any form. Felony.

              If he just snorted coke (the old booger sugar!) from time to time, it would be like having gallons of strong coffee in one blast. The effects would last from 5-10 minutes at most. It is very expensive and snorting it is not as habit forming, by a country mile, as smoking it. (That is usually crack…and crack is WHACK!).

              Remember what Robin Williams said? Coke is God’s way of telling you that you have too much money.

              • He also said ‘cocaïne, it makes you paranoid and impotent! That’s the drug for me!’ 😉

  • Hahahahahahaaha! Gives new meaning to “brown bagging it!”

  • I went on Date 1 with a guy who followed me in the girl’s bathroom. He supposedly wanted to make out in one of the bathroom stalls. How juvenile. I bolted so quickly out of there, to never see him again!

    • One thing if it’s like a “meet in the bathroom” (did it in junior high), but to just show up there…. that’s like asking if someone can ** you in the **… super creepy… I’m amazed reading this at how many creeps you poor women have to put up with on dates. As a man, I’m embarrassed.

      • Yes, it was super creepy. He was crazy, I’m sure of it. And thanks for your support, we’re bound to meet a few cookoos when dating.

      • It was illuminating to hear about what men experience when they date online. On a first date, I usually ask the guy how he’s faring on the singles sites. Guys also run across fake personal descriptions and old photos, married women, gals just looking for a meal at a nice restaurant and the occasional stalker. The biggest complaint for the men is being hit by spam emails from prostitutes or commercial sex sites.

        I note that it’s equal opportunity for both genders when it comes to financial scamming or trolling for the green card. Hmmm, maybe I’ll avoid the usual online dating sites after all!

        • There’s a blog called Hell Is OKCupid that will either put you off internet dating for life, or if you’re brave enough to proceed, gladly accept screenshots of the messages you get that are just too bizarre not to share.

  • So many stories I could tell, but I’ll share a mildly weird one — one date said to me after dinner, “Let’s see, you ate about a third of the food, so give me one third of the bill.”

    • I would have said, “tell you what, loser, I’ll give you 100% of my middle finger!”

  • There are 2 disasters with the same guy for me, I’ll start with the “lesser of the 2 Evils”

    I was going to finally celebrate my birthday with a S/O, who was also my fiance and I was in SO MUCH LOVE and it was to be a day/night of fun and a party and so much happiness. I was going to be spoiled!!! Well we walked out of the front door to start with birthday breakfast and he saw a small puddle by the porch steps. It looked to be a clogged line that was small and could’ve been handled when we got back.

    Unfortunately he decided that a call to Roto-Rooter had to be made right then and there, and it ended up being the focus of my day. We never went out, no party, no friends, no card, no presents, and definitley no happiness. I ended up eating a slab of specially made marshmallow that he had ordered for my cake, with my Pug.

    His birthday celebration (18 days after mine) went off without a hitch, with a party, BBQ, family, friends, presents, the whole deal.

    THEN….a month later I was watching my Pug and noticed he was very listless and unhappy. He had stopped eating and stopped drinking, which I realized as I saw him go up to his bowls and sniff but then turn away. That was not like him at all, especially for a Pug!! So I picked him up and started petting him and adjusted his collar thinking it may have gotten tighter with him gaining weight from all the snacks.

    As I adjusted his collar, I felt a hard line under it and tooka closer look…..turned out he had a black hair rubber-band AROUND his throat! I screamed and started crying and took it off his neck. I immeadiately confronted my fiance and at first denied it and then almost gleefully told me he did it because he was jealous of how much I loved my dog. He wanted him to die so all my attention would be soley on him.

    I got my dog out of there and i moved out a few days later. Needless to say it didn’t last much longer and we never got married. He left me for a much older woman he met at his current job, one that i got him by filling out the application, creating his resume, and making all appointments for him to get his new class DL, Dr. Appts for the physical, and actually getting him a doctor in the first place.

    • Psychopath right there. Wants to kill your dog, and proceeds to put a rubber band around his neck to suffocate the poor thing, and doesn’t care about you. Wow, just wow, evil to the core.

    • Casey Kuntz You are lucky to get away from that dog murdering psycho!

    • this is certainly not the type of guy you would want to have kids with if he was willing to do that to an innocent animal.

    • Thank God you didn’t marry that rotten bastard!

    • And not just kill the dog, but slowly torture the both of you. He’s lucky all you did was leave.

        • He would have no more worries about finding love. Because, if anyone, mark it down, put a black rubber band around one of my dog’s necks….I would butcher him slowly and feed him alive to hogs.

          He would have to RUN for his life or go into Witness Protection, because if I got my hands on him, I would go medieval on his ass.. Blow torch and pliers medieval. Proper and legal matters would be in order and if I got caught and sent to prison, I would be at peace with it.

          • That TURD is still walking this earth?? He should’ve been put down 7 feet under immediately – but he’s allowed to thrive & live??! That other chick better sleep w/ 1 eye open!

    • Jealous of a dog. Special place in hell for that bastard. Thank the stars the pug was ok.

    • Glad you avoided marrying this one. Seriously screwed up. You can’t help but wonder what he might have done to you if he became unhappy. I’m glad for you, and your pooch.

    • OMG Casey, what a nightmare! I’ve got a Pug, too and I’d cripple anyone who tried to hurt him.

    • OMG! I’d have slipped him an ambien & gradruple-wrapped that rubber band around his johnson. NOBODY messes with my dogs!

    • I think that takes the ‘Cake’, Miss Casey K! ALL critters are precious & need to be loved…..

      Your EX is a really ‘special’ kind of SICKO! to do that to a trusting & helpless critter; to be ‘jealous’ of an animal….Wow

      In my case, cheaterpants was also jealous of my pup…..even though he was the one who chose to adopt them in the first place!!. I believe his jealousy led to him pushing my precious pup to an early grave & painful last 2 years of her life. He takes pretty good care of HIS critters, though……Sickos, all…..

    • I am grateful that we had no kids together, he blamed me for the first 2 years for not being able to get pregnant, then he found out he was 100% sterile and took it out on me, he got into the truck and said, “well you should leave me now, I can’t give you a baby”. It was like watching a child throw a huge fit, but that child is 6’3 and weighed about 350+.

      He had a lot of issues that contributed to his anger, his brother, cousin, and uncle all were diagnosed with cancer within 2 weeks of one another and he saw his cousin go first and then his brother in 2009, the uncle just passed away a couple months ago, the only reason I know is because my old friend from HS has a cousin that is still in communication with some members of my Ex’s family.

      It was crazy how close a circle we made and I realized I had probably hung out with them a couple times back in the mid-’90’s and just don’t remember him there. He actually took it s a sign that we were meant to be together and he wanted to marry me. What made it weirder in retrospect, was that my Jr. High friend actually dated his sister in HS and then we found out that he was related to my other HS friend who’s sister I was best friends with

      *ChumptyDumpty, I don’t mean to make light of his personal inadequacies, and I never judged him for it the whole time we were in each others lives, and I loved him truly, but honestly, there would be no way to wrap a finger around his Johnson, let alone an rubberband! *MICRO*

      Also the Ambien would have maybe killed him, he was suffering from severe sleep apnea and if he hadn’t met me, he may not have lived many more years. He would stop breathing for up to 2 minutes at a time, all night. I made him go to a sleep clinic and get a CPAP machine. I was terrified that I was going to lose him if I didn’t pay attention.

      He did get physical with me one time and one time only, and I think he did it to see if he was capable and I think it scared the shit out of him. We weren’t even arguing and were standing in line at Safeway and I was in front of him putting the groceries on the belt and all of a sudden he rammed the shopping cart into the back of my ankle/calf. I let out a yell that garnered the attention of about 10 people and they all watched as I laid the verbal smackdown on him, in a respectful manner, and used all the big words he hated. I took pictures of the huge bruise and showed/told everyone in his family what he did. His dad was beyond pissed.

      He was an odd duck, 26 year-old virgin (I was 30) who had never had a girlfriend and had never kissed one, his own dad thanked me for dating him because they all (Immed. Family) thought he was gay. They had never seen him with a girl and when he called his sister to tell her about me, she actually yelled to her room-mates that her brother had his first girlfriend ever and wasn’t gay.

      Crazy times. I had a ton of good times with him, it just sucks that when he fucked up, he did it big.

      I hope all of us can find the peace and well-being we ALL deserve!!

  • Mine wasn’t a date, but a singles meet up group with my divorced BFF. I was hopeful that there was someone to talk too, but found quickly that the men, (who were all older and I am 50!), were either already with someone in the group, were mentally disabled, or physically disabled. I talked to one guy that only told me all about his knee surgery and recovery.

    One fairly decent looking man talked to me, but I found out from my friend later he has a habit of touching women’s private parts, this after he used a lame excuse to brush my boobs with his hand. Ugh!

    Not only that, my friend and another woman spent the entire evening talking about all their bad experiences with online dating sites. How the men were usually scammers, and to find a decent intelligent men with Christian values was nearly impossible.

    This was my first time out after my divorce. Discouraging to say the least. Luckily, a guy at work asked me out and I have been seeing him since. So far, so good, he reads books, goes to church with me, and has a great butt. I think I hit the jackpot! Ha!

    • See, folks, not everybody with a great butt has to wear ass showcasing pants. 😉

      • Hahahaaaa! “I like nice butts and I cannot lie, Those other women can’t deny, When a guy walks in with a shit-eating grin and ass pants in your face you get SPRUNG!”

      • Counterpoint: individuals with good butts should be REQUIRED to wear showcase pants.

        • Hey, all y’all……cheaterpants has a GREAT butt.. Told him so quite often!….Too bad he did not keep it in our marital bed!

          (Lesson: Great Lookin’ Butts mean nada! Too bad some of those sicko dates are ‘butt-centric!’ After all, what exits from a butt, hmmmm?!?! Yup…..) 😉

          Forge on, Great Nation! Love all y’all

        • The original bum-provoker guy sounds like a jerk.

          But y’all know as well as I do if you have a butt and you’ve been around me, I looked at it.

          • And we know you’re looking 😉 . It goes from flattery to creepy when, well, the posts above said it so well.

            I’ve had men who have said, “Nice ass,” when I’ve walked by. I stop, look at them square in the eye and sweetly reply, “Were you referring to my body part or your personality?”

    • How rude touching lady parts willy nilly! Shudder! Im no prude but if a guy plays grab ass with me i swing and ask questions later. He would be on the floor picking his teeth out of the rug. The only thing in this world i really own is me and i say what goes. Touching lady parts indeed. The pig.

  • I haven’t actually dated since my divorce but I did go to speed dating just for the experience and to see how I felt around men. One guy told me that he drank so much one night that he missed the exit for his house and drove past it for 45 minutes before he realized it. Uh no. Another one spent the whole 5 minutes telling me how he traveled the world and always brought his now ex wife jewelry from the countries he visited. He made sure to say that he doesn’t travel like that anymore. A third guy told me how he was only there because a friend talked him to going then went into detail about why gas prices are so high (he wasn’t in that line of business though. Never asked about me. It was an interesting experience that helped me realize I wasn’t ready to date yet.

  • OMG these stories !!!

    The first person who I invited to dinner (he was an “interested texter” I met on Catholic Match) turned me down flat. I bravely trudged forward and kept trying.

    My first date admitted to me that he was still single because he spent years “whoremongering” (Uh, dude, youdidnt just hang with them, you were one).

    I started dating a really cute fellow I met online and he seemed a gentleman. A few dates into this, we were kissing becoming friendly and he asked me how big my dead husbands penis was. He said “I bet he was hung like a bear!”…I tried to ignore it but he asked again. Nothing fuels passion like questions about your dead husband’s penis.

    Fortunately I only had 5 first dates before I was reacquainted with H2.0

    • WHAT IS IT with that line of questioning?

      I can’t even put my experience with that into words yet. But WTF IS IT when they want to know THAT!

      • Nothing says “Im secure in myself” more than asking about a dead guys penis :::Shutter:::

  • I was on date 2 with a guy a day before I went on a long weekend to Paris with friends. He knew about the trip and we could have date 3 after! When I returned home, I happily emailed about the trip and said I looked forward to seeing him again. Then I checked my voicemail. It was filled with increasingly perturbed and finally nasty messages about me not answering while I was in Paris. Needless to say, I immediately blocked him everywhere and was so glad he didn’t live in my city.

  • A dating story? I’ll be 59 in a week and I am still rebuilding my life after my abandonment 2.5 years ago. There is no one on earth who would ask me for a date and probably never will.

    For some of us, “dating” and new romance is not in the cards.

    Generally I’m okay with that but today this article fucks me off. Sorry all.

    • Moving, why do you say “no one on earth who would ask me for a date and probably never will?”

        • I’m 44, also 2 1/2 years out from D,day and no one has asked me for a date while my very flamboyant closeted ex moved on to another woman and married her.

          but I am sure as hell not about to throw in the towel and neither should you. look at the 2.5 years as a time to take stock and fix your picker.

          • My friend in college didn’t get asked out almost the whole time and she was beautiful!! And 20.

            • MovingLiquid. I am glad, very glad I don’t get a 2nd look in a grocery store.
              I’m old – almost 60 and I’ve accepted that.
              But, I also have a shield around me that says, don’t bother me and don’t bother looking at me.
              If they do, I look them head to toe, and walk on.
              Most men my age in the dating pool have big belly’s and far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)
              I am much more attracted to bald, for that matter, if it comes down to that.
              I do like to flirt occasionally while waiting for medicine at the pharmacy – that’s fun.

              My body probably exudes rejection, even tho I like to go around wearing lower cut tops for summer.
              Just DON’T you dare look at me.

              These dating horror stories just confirm it for me!


              • Brava to you, SheChump. It’s hard to pull-off for some women apparently, but the silent head-to-toe dressing-down is a killer move.

              • I am with you Shechump, I am not interested. I am even older (almost 67), and I cherish being alone, or with friends and family, and not spending my time and energy on someone who does not appreciate it. My life is now peaceful and fulfilled, without a relationship. And these stories just reinforce my feelings.

              • Shechump,
                Question about this: “…far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)”

                I’ve heard that from various people throughout my life, and I’ve always wondered why anyone would think that someone is hiding something with facial hair. You’re not hiding anything with the hair on your scalp, and what on earth could you hide with facial hair, anyway? A scar? A chin tattoo? a very, very small unborn twin?

                I get that women will have personal preferences for or against facial hair, but where does the idea that it’s an attempt to hide something come from? Facial hair goes in and out of fashion. Some men follow fashion, some don’t.

                Personally, I think most men look better with facial hair, particularly Caucasian men who are old enough for their beard to have turned white, because if they’re clean shaven the white whiskers mean they have no five o’clock shadow, and they look like old women.

              • Grumpy Chump – quoting me, ‘Question about this: “…far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)”

                Gee, I must have read that a dozen times and I have NO idea what I was talking about!
                Sorry. It makes no sense whatsoever to me.
                I do like facial hair on the right person, not everybody can wear the look.
                I just must have been having a very very strange day! lol. No excuse for such a weird comment!

                My apologizes to any men with facial hair!

              • No apologies necessary! I just wondered, because I’ve heard that since I was a kid, but I’ve never gotten an answer when I asked what they were supposed to be hiding.

              • GrumpyChump – after analyzing this, I think what I meant was, my X was always hiding a big smirk under his facial hair, which he grew during his affair.
                This is probably what I meant about people hiding their faces under the hair.
                In his case, he began growing his facial and head hair and he started looking like Doc Brown on Back to the Future.
                Very unkempt – unlike most guys having an affair.
                Quit brushing his teeth! Showering, etc.
                Oh, he had all the new blue underwear and new clothing that he never wore around me, because he started to look like a real pig after awhile. He quit shaving and rarely got out of his housecoat around the house (he worked from home). I’m sure he was trying to turn me off.
                Either that or, he wasn’t handling the double life so well.
                But, in mind my mind – he damn sure couldn’t get away with the smirk, no matter how much hair he had.

              • Shechump,

                Gotcha. There’s nothing like associating something with a cheater to give you a strong aversion to it. My cheating ex never painted her toenails until she started cheating, and ever since I noticed the connection I’ve been repelled by painted toenails.

              • I should probably clarify that I don’t mean to suggest that painted toenails = cheater, just that in the case of my ex she started doing it for the OM, and even though I know that was just her, the sight of anyone’s painted toenails gives me the heebie-jeebies.

        • Almost 2 yrs. out for me. I’m slim, I take care of myself, I have many intetests. People seem to think I’m a nice person. My friends can’t believe I haven’t had one. single. date. I’ve decided I have to be OK with what is. At least I don’t have to live with Stimpy’s cheating and his emotional abuse. If someone comes along, that would be wonderful, but I don’t look for it to happen.

        • MovingLiquid

          I was thinking about how no one has been interested in me either.
          The truth is that I am the one who never looks.

          The two times I made the effort I went out. The first I left without saying anything. And the second was too self absorbed and boring.

        • ML, I get it. At 63 I definitely feel that ship has sailed for me too. There is a real thing with being an older woman. We become invisible. At least that has been my experience.

          It’s probably a good thing that I am not remotely interested in dating at this time. I have too much going on in my life to even make time. Plus I was never very good at it. I tend to be pretty straightforward. Just folks type of person, that’s me. I’m just fine with doing life on my own.

          I figure if I’m supposed to find someone, I’ll run into him somewhere along the line. I just ask Spirit to make it really obvious because I can be a little dense with this stuff.

          • Tessie – I am trying very hard to be invisible and, for the most part it is working.
            I WANT to send a message that I am not available.
            I dress frumpy with oversized clothing so I don’t attract any body.
            I actually work very hard on my physique with exercise but nobody is going to see what’s underneath these clothes.

            I can be a real flirt if I want as I am an extrovert, but it’s not what I want at all.

            I gave my best to my past relationship for most of my life and it didn’t work.
            I want nothing to do with another relationship ever again as I can never survive that kind of pain again.
            It’s not that I’m letting the X take away anything from me but, I just will never give my power over to anybody who will abuse my trust.

            So, I’d like to stay an enigma as much as possible.
            Yeah, it would be nice to have a good old fashioned fuck on occasion, but hell, not sure it’s worth it.

        • ML…I totally agree. I’m a well-upholstered 57 : smart, funny, yadda (I think). But I am now officially invisible. Sales folk are often rude to me (I call it out super politely).

          Yeah, dating Not gonna happen….in this world I’m barely human, let alone female. Feminine? hahahahah. To quote Amy Schumer & pals, my last fuckable day was a looonnnggg time ago.

          Folks here talk like being in your 40s is a thing…guess what, It is NOT a thing. A little wobble: NOT a thing.

          Being just another genuine honest to god middle aged woman, or older, who doesn’t spend her life doing pilates & plastic surgery…yeah, totally a thing.

          I’m not realistically datable. or fuckable, or often, even friend-zone-able, and it’s been made so very clear to me.

          Leave a cheater–awesome!! Gain a life–great! keep trying (try age discrimination in employment: these things are not a matter of willpower, but real social dynamics.)

          Date again, or even have somebody look at you without mild distaste? not gonna happen. Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but that the way it works in our world.

      • You have no idea what’s in the cards for you. Three years ago, if you told me I’d be living 1000 miles away, divorced because of my X’s cheating, I would have said you were crazy.

        Nobody knows what’s going to happen. But don’t assume what will happen is going to be awful.

    • I am 55 and no one has been looking at me during the past 15 years I spent with Ex. It doesn’t mean anything !
      As soon as I started wanting to find someone, putting myself in situations to meet new people, there were nice looking guys who were interested. A good conversation and enthusiasm do attract prospects. And also, men from the past started showing up, as if they had sensed something, how strange…
      Do not judge your potential on the number of guys who look at you. It’s not the same behavior as when we were 20.

      • I was with my ex for 12 years from age 18-30 and I never seemed to encounter interested men who would flirt with me during that time. But most likely I wasn’t looking for it/open to it and gave off that impression that I was no available for dating.

        I started dating through the divorce and I couldn’t believe how popular I was, I had to beat them off with a stick. I had no problem finding men to want to meet up for a drink or a meal or a walk, and these were for the most part educated, employed, respectful, high quality men. I have much more luck online than in public but I’ve met and dated men the old fashioned way as well.

        • StrawberryJellyFish,
          So you were 30 years old when you had to beat men off with a stick? In my twenties, while I was a (female) military officer, lots of men banged on my door. At 50, my love life is sadly vastly different (i.e., non-existent), although I am just as fit (very fit) as I was back then.

      • I have to say once I “put out energy” to being available, that’s when guys started to look. I kept telling myself when I have a relationship again this is what I want, XYZ. And guess what a friend I wasn’t real close with but knew of my situation sent me a text asking if I was dating yet. Turns out to be one of the best text ever received, he is a chump as well. Going on 6 months and taking our time. I’m excited for what the future holds. It wasn’t easy though, I thought everything he did/didn’t do was a red flag, once I just relaxed and took it all day by day it was better. I was on match and POF and most men were looking for hook ups, or wanted you to talk to them every day…It was exhausting

    • ML, I understand your hurt, but I must say that 2.5 years really isn’t that long. Don’t give up. I haven’t even though I work in a government research area in the middle of nowhere and I haven’t had a date in FIVE YEARS! I love my job and It’s in a beautiful rugged and wild part of the country, but also very redneck and conservative, and that means that I never meet anyone who I have a single thing in common with. I have a lot of smart, sharp, well-educated, very attractive male colleagues – all from somewhere else and all married. The ex who cheated on me (the memory of which brought me to this site years later) was an unmarried co-worker, and I felt so incredibly blessed to find him here. I thought we had everything in common – except, of course, as I found out later, integrity and character. It was a humiliating, horrendous experience and the disappointment almost killed me. I knew I would be alone after that for a long long time – and I was right.

      That relationship only lasted three intense months. Before that, I hadn’t had a date in SIX YEARS, since my divorce, which is why finding this guy here seemed like such a miracle. So, yeah, 11 years with practically nothing. But I haven’t given up yet! So you can’t either.

      • Yes, Athene, I’ve changed a lot in the last 2.5 years. I have been married four times and I have ALWAYS been with a man until now. During this time I have truly gotten to know myself and it’d be hard to change for someone again. I don’t want to! I’ve done it all my life. I finally have a take or leave me outlook. And even though I sound a bit bitter because I do get lonely and do wish I had someone to share my life with, I also have a very exciting job and feel pretty happy with my life. At this point I do not want to feel there is anything “wrong” with me just because I haven’t dated and don’t have plans to. The ultimate in healing from this nightmare of being cheated on and abandoned isn’t to find someone knew, but to find contentment.


        • I love that ML…That is the place I hope to get to too…contentment. I’m guessing it is a special spot in the land of MEH. I’ll find you there ML. Xx

    • All I can say is that the people I know who are out there dating, are actually doing something about it. Meaning they have a profile on online dating sites, and are actively looking to go on dates. They have nice photos online and a cute description. And they are not passive about it. Chances are, if you aren’t serious about dating, it won’t happen. Unless you’re in your 20s in a college environment, where there are tons of single people, after that period, getting asked out won’t be a common occurrence. If you want to date, you really need to put yourself out there, either going to singles events, getting online, or doing something about it, rather than just sitting back and doing nothing, hoping to get asked out. Just my 2 cents.

      • I agree. I was in a new city after my divorce, living with my father, and just going along working and being pretty bored. I looked into the local volunteer opportunities, so I could at least help someone else out! I ended up joining a Rebuild Together group, to fix up houses for the disabled or low income population. It turned out to be fun, and a lot of cool people, and the guy who I saw fixing the bathroom floor there, and who I sat next to at lunch, well, he asked me out for wine afterwards, and now we’ve been dating for two years!

    • MovingLiquid-

      Don’t throw in the towel. One of my dear friends is 62 and her husband cheated, left and married the OW when she was in her 50’s. She’s on Match and she dates pretty regularly. She is having a good time and so can you!

    • I remember a lovely blog post about a very nice man you met in a rummage/second hand shop where you kicked yourself a bit for not asking his name and giving him your number. That wasn’t so long ago. You’re not dead. You’re overworked and a bit sad right now, but you’re a wonderful person and have been through a lot and you need to heal a bit- and I think once you’re in your own space (not sharing with your family) you will be able to have some sunshine and pure joy in your life and remember how much fun you are. And someone will notice. Try finding a local church who does their service outside every once in awhile- you still get your God fix and maybe meet some other God loving folks. You’re far too hard on yourself. Your husband was an absolute ogre and he basically ate your soul alive. But you have been so mighty since that point and you will find happiness. Much love.

      • How kind of you, Just Me. Thank you for remembering all that. I was just thinking that there’s a man who comes to my work about once a month. I like what I know about him, which isn’t a lot. I don’t know if he’s married so I will find that out before going into crush mode. But the other day we were talking about the changing weather and I mentioned tomatoes and he asked if I grew any tomatoes. I felt like I was 16 again! I was so shy I just nodded at him! Hysterical. But after we parted I realized how lovely it is to feel that way. Who knows, I might feel it again someday.

    • Yeah, I can’t really offer up any stories either. I married late in life at 32. We dated for 4 years and lived together for one year so I’ve essentially been off the market for almost 18 years. I’m 45 and after a couple of miserable dating app account attempts I decided that dating today is too off-putting to me.

      I watched an interview with Jennifer Garner as she talked about her cheater (Ben) and she described herself as a dinosaur who preferred receiving flowers to text messages and snap chats. Yeah, I’m with you Jen. Technology may have improved our lives in some ways but dating isn’t one of them. After only two days on one well-known dating app I became so disturbed by the responses I quickly deactivated the account.

      I have a pretty fulfilling life working a full-time job, raising a young child and pursuing my MBA degree. While it would be nice to have some Prince Charming sweep me off my feet one day, I’m not optimistic that that day will ever come. People don’t seem to want to have to earn anything like love and respect anymore. It’s all about instant gratification.

      I decided that I can make a good life for myself and don’t necessarily need a relationship to feel fulfilled. My ex is the complete opposite and bounces from one empty relationship to another. Text messages and Tinder profiles do not a relationship make. At least for me. I’m a chump and a dinosaur and I’m okay with that.

      • 100% Agreed and I am in the same mind set as you. 42 years old, young child, full time job, lots of friends. I really don’t need the aggravation of dating.

      • I, too, don’t get the texting thing. I ran into an old friend at a local deli who I had been interested in before the MFPOS. He started texting. And texting. And texting. Lots of suggestions, no follow through. So I TEXTED and said, I don’t get the texting thing, we seem to be on different planets here, so I am just going to stop. Three seconds later the phone rang and we had a great conversation. Later, another TEXT. And another. And another. Obviously he did not hear me. So I just stopped answering them. I figured this was a red flag. Along with all the “lets do this, lets do that”s that went nowhere.

        What was that???? By the way, we are early 60’s, not 30.

        Favorite pre-marriage dating story: I was asked out by a doctor, a friend of a friend. When he called, he asked me what I would like to do, and not being shy, I suggested a nice restaurant, not fancy but popular. He said he hated that place, suggest something else. So I did. He declined. So I told him to pick, and he did. Eye roll.

        When we got to the restaurant, I ordered a glass of wine. He said, “I don’t drink”, to which I replied, “that is fine with me”. He repeated it. This is all with the waitress standing there, looking at us like we were a tennis match, back and forth. Confused, I repeated, “that is fine, whatever”. It then became plain that I was not supposed to drink, either…but I ordered it anyway. Began to think, “let me out of here”.

        He then asked me what movie I wanted to see, and he…objected. Get the picture?

        I smiled, got up and walked to another table, where I saw a friend sitting. I sat down, told him I was on the date from hell, and would he take me home? We were sitting there drinking wine when doctor stormed out.

        A month later, doctor happened by while I was in my front yard. (Lived in neighborhood). He looked at me and said “If you had been nicer, I would have married you!” I just rolled my eyes and laughed. We actually became good friends and howled over this story. He died recently and I miss him.

        • Loved your response to the doctor’s objections. Sounds like he could have made a career as a lawyer, too. It’s really cool that he did turn out to be a friend for you, and I’m sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))

          Re: texting, after X, the one guy I liked enough to date asked for my email address. Because of the electronic hell I went through with X, I told the guy I don’t do email or texting. He accepted that but on a later occasion tried to offer me his email address written (ahead of time) on paper. I thanked him but refused it with both hands: “I wouldn’t use it; I don’t do electronic with men.” I told him at this point in my life, contact is phone or in person, and that’s it.

          So he calls me and we see each other in person every so often, as friends. I’m grateful for his respect and his easy willingness to observe my boundaries.

          Texting will NEVER be part of my dating arena again. It’s been almost a year since I blocked X, and the part of my brain that was scorched by his electronic assaults still panics every time my phone screen shows a text notification, even if it’s just from Amazon. I’m from the era of turntables and rotary dial phones, and if you want to date me but can’t find a means to reach me in full physical voice or person, it’s just not going to happen.

          • Agree. I text my kids and friends. Also get calls from them. When ex started texting me alot It irritated me what am i chopped liver. I didnt mind texting with him but not all the time. He trained everyone texts only no calls including the kids. He texted me merry christmas and became enraged when i didnt respond. He said i texted 80 people merry xmas i wasted an hour doing that they all responded but you! Im not 80 people im your kids mom you sincerely want to wish me merry xmas call you twit. And those 80 people who are not your friends are scared you wont be their friend anymore cause the great asswipe texted if they dont text back! I told him i dont care fuck you im not your friend anymore and i really dont give a shit! Cant be bothered answering the phone so now he is pissed family friends and kids only text or facebook happy birthday and fathers day. I heard im their fucking father and they cant call me the ungrateful bastards! They call and text me all the time they rarely even text him. Why they resent their dad for cutting off their how ya doing phone calls. He resents they all call me and text me all the time. Why me and not him. Told him you stupid fuckup be careful what you wish for dumbass. They are under the impression you really dont care that much when your own daughter wittnessed you answering six times in one day your whores daughters and chatting at great length to them and barely pay attention to her. I know she came home and cried on my shoulder that he only loves her cause he has to and the whores daughters are more important to him than she is. Mom he spent half the day talking to them on the phone and the whore and totally ignored me left me in a sea of strangers who also ignored me i havent seen him in two years and im only home for a week. I spent tons of time with her fun great dear old dad only spent time alone with her in the car on the drive to his house i see it my daughter sees it noone else see this. The whores daughters and whore tried to completely take him over and make him forget he had a life before them. I told him i love my kids i pay attention to them and enjoy them. Hes an asshole without a clue of the damage hes done on his own nothing to do with me. I encouraged all to keep trying but theyve pretty much given up. Not my fault his. I didnt cheat he did he not only abandoned me he abandoned them. He let them down. Fucker. Let him suffer the consequences of his actions. He and the whore may or may not get back together broken up four times but shes says they belong together. Haha! Hes just pissed family didnt jump on his side and embrace the bitch. I could have dealt with this better and so could the kids if he had been honest and upfront and we moved to end the marriage before he commited to some bitch and they might have respected said bitch more if she had told asswipe end your marriage and come to me with a clean slate. She didnt she just doesnt care and neither does he. The kids figured out who he is really is on their own with his actions. When i told my kids my husband died for me that day the smoke cleared and someone different stood before me looked like him sounded like him but not the him i knew they didnt quite understand now two years later looking back my daughter told me recently she reminded me of what i said she said her father died that day too and how hes treated and ignored her tried to make her embrace a whole new family by pushing her and take sides against me she didnt quite believe till she witnessed it for herself now she says fuck him im not playing his stupid teenybopper games and i will see him when i feel like it. She pushes him back and tells him to fuck off when he tries to order her around. Thats my girl!

      • Done4Good,
        Your history sounds a lot like mine, although I didn’t marry until I was nearly 40. You sound really well-adjusted!

    • Happy Sunday Moving Liquid,

      A lot of men are very simple minded and have been programmed to find exaggerated sexual charactistics as what they do a “double take” for…i.e. women with huge breasts, lips, very thin, young or the new Kardashian look of huge bottoms, etc.

      Do not take “not getting a second look” personally. It is a simple formula. If I get a spray tan (tanning is a no no), wear my hair down which is long, and get fresh high lights, put on make up, high heels and skimpy clothes, I get male attention.

      If I wad my hair up in a bun, no make up,look pale, slop around in my Birkenstocks and Johnny Cash T shirt….not so much.

      Men, especially American men, are herd creatures. They go with what their buddies think is “hot.” They are not taking the time to notice how exquisitely blue our eyes are, or how kind our gaze…they are looking at us as MEAT to be POUNDED. (Yes, there are exceptions…I know this).

      Overall, they want that meat to be young, big tits, thin and highly sexualized. Is this the sickness of Western media or porn, or mean “red in tooth and claw” brutal biology? Maybe both.

      And you are is depressing. I think reading all the dating train wrecks could have the effect of making us want to go back to the devil we know. But that is globalizing. As CL said, It’s just one date.

      America is immature, and values youth over all. Look at all the actresses in their 40s and 50s who have made themselves into Madame Toussant’s wax creatures to stay “in the game.” Even in Great Britain, they have TV shows where there are actresses who have wrinkles, love handles or just look like NORMAL aging women…some of the most popular shows there. But not here (Just the Golden Girls, and their aging was viewed as comedy).

      So, maybe the long, predatory stare (that is what it is) of lust will not happen in the Walgreens anymore. That’s okay.

      I do not think being paired up is the magic factor of being happy. I wish I could take a pill and never want or crave male companionship again. But humans crave contact.

      Meeting someone now might involve more thoughtful planning…a club, a meet up, an introduction from a reasonable friend.

      And if you don’t want to meet someone….there are so many great books to read, recipes to try, places to go, dogs and cats that need homes. (horses too!) ….that is okay as well.

      However, the hard truth is that as we get older, the pickings are more slim, and the fantasies we had may have to change.

      I think that is why this is so hard to move past. I think that is why this site hit 10 million views.

      We are all letting go of a dream that involved someone we believed loved us, and all that entails: lust, desire, belonging, home, youth, fulfillment, plans for the future, sexual energy and excitement. All lost.

      There is only one guarantee: change. It was not the change we wanted. But it came knocking like the Gestapo at the door all the same.

      Do we roll with the punches and *perhaps* find someone or something better? Or, do we learn from the poignant but cheese ball county song-

      Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter.

      That is what I am fighting.

      Wishing you warm thoughts for this day.

      • Totally appreciate this post — and I did see your response to me on a different topic, but haven’t been able to find it again to respond. I did see and I thank you!!

        For this one, I love what you’ve said about the programming — both male visual and UK television. X was all for huge tits (D cup not even close to what he favored), although I suspect whoever he is with now probably doesn’t have what he wants, either, just money, and time to fawn over him. But I’m not bitter.

        Myself, I am hoping someday for a big strong Christian-hearted bison rancher who doesn’t have a smartphone or bother with the Internet. And I don’t care if he is a man of few words, as long as he holds my hand and folds me into his big arms and breathes into my hair at night.

        I get second looks still at 48, no matter how I’m presenting. Ideally I’d like to be almost cloistered (voluntarily), or loved by a good man who is physically formidable enough that any other man thinks a second thought before looking twice at me.

        I’m not sure what that says about me as a person, or about my picker or ideals, but there you go. The alternative seems to be what I am already doing: push forward and just continue to ignore the looking. Some people suggest it all stops as we age. If it stops here, fine. If I find that hurts my feelings, or sucks for me, I’ll consider moving to France, where a woman can be 80 years old and still sexy as hell.

        What I always told my X, who had body image issues:


        It just never was. For those of you who are hurting from our natural processes of physical aging, I hope you can know deep in your heart that it *isn’t* about looks. Facing our aging mirrors is hard, and sometimes sad, but look at you:

        You’re beautiful. You’ve lived a lot of life. This is all amazing. You’re beautiful. You just ARE.

        When you see your own reflection, SMILE AT IT. Do that every time you see you. Because you deserve it:

        You’re *beautiful*. NEVER forget that. You just ARE.

        • Here! Here! I like Alpha men, too. I like that idea about the rancher. Strong, and disconnected from all this social media which is really a circle jerk!
          I almost wrote that: Absent moving to France….
          I love it that you knew that.

          Yes, I was worried about you when I read you thought you had made a mistake. I am on Day 30 of NC, and I reading my own words over and over. If someone cheated….what would you or me talk about with them?
          Her pussy? His dick in her pussy? Their orgasms? Lucky…it rips me apart.

          It is NOT about looks. I wrote when I saw who Meth Man was with (both of them) I was relieved and repulsed. But, I was not jealous (THANK GOD) of their “looks”.

          But, everyone has their own look and I do not believe in the “limited pie” theory.

          There are unlimited amounts of pie….we can all be beautiful in our own way. No catty limited pie thoughts…just stay away from men who are engaged or married. Why is this so hard for these women?

          I am getting deeper into exercise, and I believe this is helping me not call. I am sorry if this post is a big scattered.

          I am just bone deep sad today. It is Day 30. I had hoped for a long apology email (I got one short one three weeks ago) or a something to show…that he misses me, that he cared, that I mattered, that he sees the loss.

          I guess I have a long way to go to MEH.

          Thank you for writing.

        • Hi Flutterby,

          Thank you! That means so much to me. I am moving in molasses and white knuckling in a “crisis” today. Day 30 NC.

          I went and hid my phone in my bird feeder for the birds I feed. That is how bad it is…this insane urge to call. Like CL’s post on no contact and her Shephard and the mail man…Go away! Come back! Don’t go! I hate you! I love you! Please call! I hate you.

          I can’t get past that he does not care. I could be dead. It is like I tangled with an alien. Was it all fake?

          These feelings…I don’t have to act on them. Calling him would be a major setback.

          Oh boy…this is a one more miserable experience.

          • SabineS–sending you strength!! You can do this! Keep the phone in the birdfeeder (perhaps in a plastic bag? I have birds, and they do sometimes s*** where they eat). Stay busy, go for a brisk walk or swim, look up comedies on Netflix, borrow a friend’s dog to walk (if you don’t have one). Busy, busy, busy–the mind needs to be occupied.

            Anything you feel you still need to say to him, write down & then burn. We’re here for you (post in the forums if you need an extra boost from the old timers, or tips on NC).

  • Not interested in dating. Sorry, that’s not a good story. But I could tell you about how I met a woman at the pet store who could not stop talking to me, and she said her ex had stalked her, and I expressed some sympathy, and then she told me that he had broken both of her arms, and she was going through trials.

    At this point, I am thinking, “TMI”. Then she proceeds to tell me how her and her friends love to go to the casinos and gamble and get soused on the free drinks while they gamble, and then she asked me if I’d like to come along some time, and I declined saying, “No, drinking, gambling. Not my thing. I gotta go”.

    She then became enraged and said I was an asshole and followed me hurling insults as I left the store without buying what I intended to buy.

    Not interested in dating.

  • A large part of the idea I was too old and unloveable must have come from the way XH treated me. I’m 61, feel much better than when I was with him. Having a life must have made me attractive because I have lovely boyfriend now. I cringe when I think how unworthy I used to feel and still struggle with it sometimes. The XH knew exactly how to bring me down and have me for dinner. He sucked, not me. It breaks my heart to hear how anyone feels unloveable after being treated horridly. CL’s Leave a Cheater Gain a Life is hard work, and it can take time to smile again and feel attraction again, but it’s a worthy goal.

    • Margaret, I’m 61 too. My X did exactly as you’re describing, always mocking me, calling me Fatso (because I had an extra 10 lbs on), and generally leaving me sitting home alone while he went out. It makes me feel like shit just to write that, years later. He really sucks. I need so much positive reinforcment now, that I hope my BF and family are able to keep giving it! They do it because they love me, and they are good folks. I wish there was a self-esteem pill, LOL. Baby steps, and practicing self-love, and it gets slowly better, but I was put down by a pro for 35 years!

    • 100% agree. I felt that way after DDay. My self-esteem was disseminated and I felt unloved and unattractive. And desperate. Being alone was terrifying. Things didn’t get GOOD for me until I intentionally NOT dated and took some time to just be. I found my worth again. And my smile. I liked my own company. I think it’s a necessary step.

      • I only finally met Mr Right when I gave up dating, and started dating myself. I tried as hard as possible to not engage with him when we did meet, but I think he understood my attitude, being a fellow chump. It took him a momth to contact me after we initially met and exchanged phone numbers, but along the way, I couldn’t have given a toss if he called.

        Thank goodness there are still normal men around. I advise sticking to one’s own age group. The normal guy chumps out there are just as downtrodden as us…if they’ve run the gamut of the cheater wife.

        • Marci,

          Glad you found Mr. Right.

          I would love to stick to my ‘own’ age group, meaning to me + or – 5 years my age, or a bit younger even (maybe 10 years younger), but it seems as though most of the men I meet, at least online, want someone who is 10 to 25 years younger than them, especially for a long-term relationship! So that means that the men looking for women in my age group are 70+ years old! I don’t want to date someone more than a few years older than me as my (hypothetical) partner would probably not be able to do virtually any of the things that most interest me (e.g., weightlifting, triathlon) (and some of these men online have said so) and would likely die many years before I do, leaving me right back where I am now–single and celibate!

          • RSW,
            Keep at it. You are going to find a good man. You are in great shape, you have experience…maybe a fellow triathlete? Just get out there. You don’t need these dating sites, the odds are terrible. I honestly haven’t met anyone on a dating site that was a keeper, except guys too old for me. Let them live their “younger woman” fantasies until they figure out all they are wanted for by that crowd is their money.

            Never have figured out why guys want younger models. Must be their own fears of mortality.

          • Before I started dating I thought a lot about what I was looking for. My age parameters were 10 years +/-. I ended up dating a man that is 12 years older than myself and doesn’t fit any of my physical parameters! He’s shorter, smaller, older and not especially distinguished looking, but he’s a complete gentleman, loves me dearly, makes me smile, treats me like a goddess, has the patience of Job, loves animals, works hard etc, etc. Dating an older man, at my age, is not what I had planned, but it’s better than I had ever imagined it could be.

            Also, I’m finding that dating an older man makes me feel young again, which is quite an ego boost after realizing I wasted my youth chasing a unicorn. If I were to date younger, I might always feel like I’m struggling to keep up. I’m loving it, and going with it. Just something to think about.

  • Met a fellow chump who seemed to understand what I had gone through and was still processing. Had about five phone conversations that seemed to indicate we had alot of opinions in common. Met twice at local park for walk and talks. He suggested only activities we could partake in that were inexpensive and were coupon oriented. Constantly needed to label “where we were at” and what kind of “relationship” we were having. After walk/date number two told me that I “wasn’t flirty enough”. A quick hug goodnight wasn’t satisfactory, apparently. I should have been willing to make out in my car in a public parking lot at the end of the evening. Ah, don’t think so. All this within a week or so of getting to know each other.
    Different guy takes me to a senior fish fry and wants to stay till they close so we could chat inexpensively on date one. During this date he clearly showed racism with his remarks. Second date takes me out to dinner at his favorite restaurant and got upset when I asked the waiter what the soup de jour was. He insisted it was a “kind” of soup and didn’t require such a ridiculous question. When the bill came, he scrutinized it for ten minutes. No interaction with me – just him going over the bill in silence for all that time. I offer to pay my part, as he continued to grimace over what was on the bill. He treated waiter rudely overall. Very telling. No third date for us.
    Haven’t dated since. Losing faith that there’s anyone for me out there.

  • Luckily, I’m dating a person I’ve known for a long time through work, but my girlfriends have told me some funny dating stories. One of them thought she’d finally found a nice man who seemed “normal,” but she found out later that she was wrong. Things were going pretty well until this man found out my friend had a black friend. He then decided he didn’t want to date her any more because basically he was prejudiced.

    Later on my friend made the unfortunate discovery that she had left her garage door opener in his car. She called and asked him to return it. She told him she’d stand on the sidewalk in front of her house so he wouldn’t have to get out and come to her front door.

    So, there she is waiting and she sees his car coming around the corner. The guy slows down just a little, rolls down his window, pitches the garage door remote control at her, then speeds away as fast as he can! What a loon.

  • Shortly after my divorce many years ago, I accepted an invitation for a date for tea from a man I met at the grocery. It was hard to schedule with him. His phone number was a pager back when pagers were a thing. He was a shiny yoga teacher type, hippy dippy, etc.

    We finally met at the tea house, and within minutes of getting his tea, he unloaded a big loud ration of shit on the waiter for “making the chai wrong.” I burst out laughing. He got huffy and asked what was so funny. I said, “Dude, you’re being a total asshole. Calm the hell down.” Somebody across the very quiet meditative tea house clapped softly and semi-whispered “yay!”. The waiter smirked.

    He clouded over and quit griping, but continued telling a bunch of stories about his greatness. Fine by me, I didn’t want to tell him about myself anyway.

    When the check came, I wouldn’t let him pay for me (a common practice for me anyway) and he said he was offended. I told him that paying for myself wasn’t about him and I wasn’t negotiating payment terms. He relented.

    He wanted to walk me to my car. I said no. He asked how he was going to kiss me goodbye. I said “exactly”. The waiter walked me to my car.

    That narcissistic douche kept trying to call me for a second date.


    • He was a rager. Addicted to angry. Imagine when he got angry at you.

      A man ASKED ME to go to a museum I said I wanted to go to. He then calls the day of the date and asked me to drive.
      It was an hour there. He had a car..I said, are you sick? And said, No, I just thought because it was somewhere YOU wanted to go, YOU should drive. It just hit me wrong, in the gut, and I did not want to ferry him around. Maybe old fashioned, but it is how I felt. He asked me on a date, and then asks me to drive? was it the gas?

      I was SUPER NICE, and said, you know…I just don’t want to go. It is okay. Best wishes.

      He then unleashes terrorist emails on me like: It is good you don’t or can’t have children, you would contaminate the gene pool…you are alone for a reason. Vicious, vile emails. He was a college professor, and thought about all the female students he must terrorize.

      It was SO BAD. And guess who it sent me scurrying back to? It was one of the times I tried NC and failed. Meth Man would have driven me to Nova Scotia…and liked it.

      But that type of remembering is dangerous.

      • Is this Prof in Calgary? Cause there’s a nasty one out here that treats women really garbagey.

  • These stories, lol.

    It was the first time I tried on-line dating. I had 4 somewhat successful coffee dates at this point. I say successful because I learned that I can do it and while the guys were interesting and nice enough, you really do have to meet in person to see if there is chemistry.

    I had been chatting with the 5th one for at least a month, and still he hadn’t asked to meet in person. I was on the fence because of his inertia and some of his answers were somewhat odd (like not having any knowledge of the legal process for getting divorced when he said he was separated). However, I got brave and asked him.

    We meet at a local pub/restaurant. He is 30 lbs heavier than his picture. (Did I mention his profile said athletic?) He orders the fattiest thing on the menu and tells me how he is getting back into shape. After 20 minutes, the conversation from his end is well…like he is going through a list of questions on a set of index cards. The minute he cleans his plate (he might have licked it if we weren’t in a public place) he announced “well I have to go, I left my kids at home!….. Don’t worry the oldest is 12 but I should get back.”

    He pays the bill and the waiter asks if he wants the receipt. Loudly – he says “BURN the evidence!!!!”…..

    Total time – start to finish – 60 minutes.

    The next day, I sent a follow up email basically thanks but there was no chemistry. His response…”Awe…I kinda liked you. I kinda wanted to see you again”. (Yes those were his exact words.)

    Not really a disaster….This is when I realized you can learn a lot about someone in 60 minutes and to listen to your gut (i.e. he is still married).

    • I sorry but this story is so freaking funny.

      I’m getting bake into shape?
      I left my kids at home the eldest is 12?
      BURN the evidence…………

      it is 12.50 in the morning here I so hope I don’t wake the kids with my laughing.

  • I just remebered 2 dating stories.

    1. I have a Date 1 with a guy and he finds out I like sushi. So we end up going to a sushi restaurant. The sushi arrives with a huge chunk of wasabi on the side. My date who had never had sushi before, proceeds to take the ENTIRE wasabi chunk and as he’s about to put it in his mouth, I start waving my arms not to do that! That it’s extremely spicy and he should be careful. He just looks at me shrugs his shoulders and ends up putting the WHOLE wasabi chunk in his mouth and swallows it all. I just sit there stunned at what I witnessed. Within 5 minutes, he was in convulsions and we had to end the date early, because he was too sick to carry on. I didn’t see him again, what a buffoon.

    2. I had been dating a guy and we end up going to a bar/lounge one night. We sit at an open table where there is a tall glass of beer filled to the brim, just sitting there. After 20 minutes, no one is there to claim the beer, so my date proceeds to drink the beer. I tell him not to, because we don’t know what’s in the glass and he doesn’t know what he’s ingesting. He tells me “I’m exaggerating”, that he’ll be fine. Well, lo and behold, within 10 minutes, he gets sick and is throwing up non stop in the bathroom. I look at his face and he’s white as a ghost. Then he manages to drive us to his place and he continues pucking for the rest of the night. I didn’t say a word, but I kept thinking to myself, what a moron. It was downhill from there and I slowly lost interest in him…

    • Your puke story reminded me of my own puke story… I was going on a date with someone I’d been seeing fairly regularly at one of those group cooking classes, so we cooked dinner with everyone else and had a couple glasses of wine. We then went to a well-known bar in Beverly Hills, but parked down the hill because he didn’t want to pay for the valet (as I’m thinking, “Do you see these heels I’m wearing?”). On the drive home, though, he all of a sudden throws up on himself, in his lap. We pulled over so he could clean himself up, and he about cried. I left as soon as we got back into town as he hops he shower. As much I recognize it was probably one of the most embarrassing events in his life, I couldn’t bring myself to go out with him again.

      • lol, oh no, there’s nothing worse than puking in the car. I can’t even imagine the scenery. And then he cried, … too funny.

  • I had dated a guy for some time and we decided to cook dinner together. Since he had more free time after work than I did, I sent him a simple grocery list for the menu. When I got to his place, he was mowing his lawn on a riding mower. He said, “The groceries are inside on the counter.” It seemed pretty rude but I went inside — only to discover that he had only bought ONE THING from my list and the bag was filled with other food — INCLUDING A BOX OF HAMBURGER HELPER. I thought, “Am I on an episode of Chopped, where I’m given secret ingredients and am supposed to whip up an effing masterpiece?!” I made him a plate out of the meager ingredients and put it in the fridge covered with plastic wrap. Then I walked outside and motioned for him to come over. He drove up next to me and idled the engine and I said, “I’m leaving.” He was SURPRISED! and said, “What’s the problem? I was just going to finish mowing and then come in.” And I said, “So you were waiting for me to ring the dinner bell?! Your dinner’s in the fridge.” And then I calmly walked to my car and drove away. What this guy didn’t know was that I was seriously contemplating having my first intimate experience that very evening, and cooking dinner was going to be FOREPLAY. He might have gotten dinner out of me, but he certainly didn’t get “DESSERT” — or any more dates, for that matter. Forever known as The Hamburger Helper Guy.

    I felt SO EMPOWERED, because OId Chumpy Me would *never* have had the guts to act that way previously!

    • ps: The original menu was Snobby Toasted Cheese (pepperjack cheese, avocado, tomato & bacon on toasted sourdough), blushing pears, and roasted cauliflower and red peppers. He missed out on that and MORE! bahaha

    • Awesome story, I found that the best way to impress a woman (on the 3rd date or more as this is not something to do the first two dates) is to cook for them.

      I make one hell of a Tillapia in Orange Juice, Moscato whine, Lime Juice, Adobo, Lemon Pepper and Asian Spices.

      If the guy is not willing to cook then he is not worth anyones time!

      • If and when I decide to date, that is one of my criteria, he must like to cook.

      • That would work for me AND a clean bathroom. I cannot overstate the importance of a clean bathroom. I haven’t dated yet, but before marriage I have left plenty of dates early because I sit to pee. Call me demanding, but I want toilet paper within reach, soap and a towel to dry my hands.

        • Dating bathroom horror story: cobwebs all over the sink and toilet, every corner of the bathroom, plus a sheet of black mildew over the shower tile wall. I wondered how someone could live that way!

          • I dated a guy who when I finally visited his apartment, had a pink toothbrush in the holder beside his own, and a whole rack of makeup and girly stuff on the shelves. He clearly had another regular female resident…when I inquired, he said it all belonged to his “platonic” friend who was an “ex-fb”. Not sure she knew she was an ex yet!

            I made sure I left a couple of makeup items behind so she would know he had cheated.

        • My now husband was single for 12 years (with one very brief relationship 6 years in) before he learned that I was single and available. (We dated 30 yrs earlier) We spoke on the phone / texted for about 2 weeks before we met in person when I stopped by his house on my way home from a business trip.

          I dont know what his house looked like before, but it was clean when I got there. I made some comment that it was sweet that he cleaned for my visit and he said “well, its not like I was expecting a visit from just anybody, it was ….YOU” awwwww <3

          • That’s so sweet. Action with just the perfect sentiment.

        • Bathrooms-
          My grandfather was a family physician who survived Dachau. He was married for 50 years to his second wife, Ellen. (His first wife died).

          He was “old school” and still made home visits and let people trade produce for their medical bills after he came to the USA. I remember the sun room being heaped with corn, tomatoes, cucumbers and jellies as “payment.” He never pursued any overdue bills.He died in 1991. People came to his shiva and told us story after story of how he treated them for free. We never knew.

          He told me there are some hard and fast rules for a happy marriage, easy and few. I wrote them down:

          1. Keep the fighting clean (no snake talk, open contempt)
          2. But keep the sex dirty
          3. Have separate bathrooms always. Mandatory.
          4. Never talk badly about your spouse to anyone but your psychiatrist

          I wish I could have married Mr. Meth and applied these rules! But it was not meant to be.

      • My first date post divorce was pretty awkward. We had chatted non-stop for months online in World of Warcraft. But in person, didn’t seem to have any chemistry.

        He was from a state over, visiting friends of ours in a city next to mine. Out date was a home cooked meal at our friend’s house. He is a chef by trade…but somehow it was still incredibly awkward. Should have been a more intimate date held several dates later. Didn’t go out with him again.

        The next wasn’t a date, but a hilarious situation. A friend of a friend expressed interest in me. He first declared all women were evil. (apparently his ex did him wrong) Then he told our mutual friend “You can tell her that I like her.” One: I never had any interest in the guy in the first place. Two: Are we in freaking middle school?! We were both in our late 20s …not teens. *face/Palm* Out friend has tried to dissuade him of his interest in me, to no avail.
        At that time, I was 27 and hawt. I divorced Exhole and it was like I had rolled in catnip. Had to beat them away with sticks. Or had my 6’5″ brother answer the door.

    • Outstanding. You no doubt have them lined up waiting for their chance at a catch like you.

  • I have a friend dating story. Sorry for posting so many stories, I just remembered this one too. One of my gfs was dating a psychiatrist, that I swear was nuts. So it’s the first time over at this place, and she opens his fridge and there was mold and worms crawling in there. He hadn’t cleaned his fridge in 4 years. So what does she do? She proceeds to clean his fridge for the next 2 hours!! And he doesn’t even thank her for it, but falls alseep at the end of the night right after she cooks him dinner. They didn’t even get to be intimate. And when I ask her why she did that, when he was treating her like crap. She yells at me, telling me: “But cleaning his fridge makes me HAPPY!”. And after he dumps her, she is super resentful about cleaning his fridge. I didn’t want to do this, but I told her so (to not clean his fridge).

  • Several of my disasters happened a few weeks into each acquaintance because, I think, there a lot of prople out there who can keep up the facade by simply ”mirroring’ us … Until their authentic self rears its head.

    I did meet one online guy for a provisional coffee, and he showed up barefoot, in shorts, looking like he just might have slept in the hedgerow the night before. Little did it surprise me, when on the same theme, he politely enquired if I would enjoy a little dogging some time? He said it with a perfectly casual, straight face. My immediate reaction was internal panic, because I thought I had sussed him out, he was a schoolteacher and lived in a good part of town.

    I made a quick excuse and beat it out of there. He texted me later and whined about how rude I was to leave without arranging a second date. I looked up his dating handle on google (which I should have done in the first place). There was actually a video of him shagging a girl on youtube! In the great outdoors.

  • I will share one bad date story…

    I was texting with this guy I met online. He seemed pretty cute and nice. But, then he got sort of…weird. He didn’t want to talk on the phone because he thought talking before you met in person somehow ruined the chemistry. I thought that was odd. Anyway, we finally meet up. He looks NOTHING like his picture (I just was not attracted to him at all), is dressed in tennis shoes, jeans, a baseball cap, and a t-shirt, and he’s totally awkward. I am not trying to be superficial here, but c’mon man-at least try with the first impression. Anyway, he started rapid-firing questions at me. I tried to ask him one, super innocuous question about his favorite restaurant in his neighborhood. He gets super huffy and says that I am “prying”. Needless to say, the date was pretty much over after that. He wound up texting me later saying how he had a great time and wanted to get together again. If that was his idea of a great time, I feel bad for him. He started with the rapid-firing of questions again, this time about why I seemed disinterested suddenly. I tried to let him down gently, saying I didn’t feel a spark. He blamed the one phone call we had before the date. No, I am pretty sure it was A. your lack of trying B. your bland personality coupled with the game of 20 questions C. your ultra-sensitive ego. I never texted him back. Luckily, he left me alone.

    I will also say that since my divorce, I have gone on dates with not one, not two, but THREE guys who have been hit by cars as pedestrians. None of them worked out and it had nothing to do with their very unfortunate accidents. But, seriously?! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

    • That’s funny. As a precaution, if they ask you to take a walk, firmly decline, or insist on helmets.

    • There was a period of time when I was dating guys who were impotent (emotional issues, not physical etiology), one after another. I was in my early 30s, divorced from a sexually unsatisfying marriage to a mean, immature husband. I just wanted to find a nice boyfriend to have great sex with but I couldn’t find someone able (I’m easy-going and non-aggressive so I don’t think I was doing anything to intimidate the men).

      It was so strange .. and, thankfully, that streak finally ended about 4 years later.

      • Yes…isn’t that the worst? A lot of it comes from high blood pressure or the meds. Or masturbating a lot! My best friend says it is a type of selfishness.

        Before Meth Man, I was with the 30 second man for a good while, so I understand the frustration. It really makes you resent someone who cannot please you sexually. It is not nuclear fusion.

        “Be the lover you desire.”

        • Impotence has so many causes, anything from emotional/psychological to physiological, weight issues, poor nutrition, to prescription or recreational drug use, even smoking or alcohol. Or just stress.

          But most of the time I find it’s about porn addiction and compulsive masturbation. Which is pretty sad.

          To be really super fair, though, at some point it is just about AGE. The very best guy who was interested in me after I left X, was significantly older than me, and also older than anyone I’ve ever dated. So I read up on sex with older men, and impotence is right there. I mean of course it is. We all know that.

          But what no one focuses on is that sex in our older years is supposed to be a little slower to rev. Not that we aren’t all still interested in it all the time!! Just that the aging body requires a little more time to get started, and the long lived life, honestly, deserves to have the best of it taken slowly and prolonged.

          We aren’t built to have monkey sex in our later years. We’re built for sweetness, tenderness, reflection, and long appreciations. Whatever kink can still be supported, if you want — just, take it slower, that’s all.

          When I learned all this and experienced it somewhat, I really wished that X and I would be together in our later years. I look forward to being 20, 30 years older, and loving some equally old man. Just saying: impotence as a factor of aging doesn’t have to be a turnoff. It means longer sessions and love and patience. It means the rest of the male body and heart and mind may be open to being loved more exquisitely, without all that aggressive yelling the penis does in its younger or more virile years.

          If this doesn’t make sense or isn’t actually topical (I think it might not be), disregard it. I just was really surprised, and touched, when I read about how men’s bodies change in aging. I had no idea.

          • Can you still hear the penises yelling clarice?

            Penis yelling thats funny?

            • They do yell. Some even roar, and don’t stop. Totally demanding.

              Don’t get me wrong, I love that. But I also love the notion that it all quiets down a bit when we are 60, 70, 80, etc. Not that there isn’t sex anymore, because from what I understand, there is. It’s just not as crazy or erection-driven or -centric as when everyone is younger. Honestly I think that the guys who trade in for younger models aren’t really aware that a woman’s youth or age isn’t what makes them virile or hard, or not. And it’s too bad.

              I like the image of the yelling penis, too. But I like it even better now that you’ve added Hannibal Lecter to the idea. ;D

              • Love the yelling penis! Since menopause my sexuality is so hightened and better way better than when i was younger. Amazed me didnt know i had it in me just takes longer to get there which trying to explain to a 59 year old screaming penis thats screeching for its lost teenaged youth back just doesnt understand. They, the cheaters know not what they lose. Any man in my life i hope one day there will be some just not heavy duty relationships has to play by my rules no more wifely duties for me. If not i will be happy and content. Fuckers.

          • LuckySeven,
            No, it was right on point. If someone is honest, kind, funny and smart…I will do handstands to start their car (wink wink). I would actually prefer an older man. I am tired of always having to be the heavy hitter…figuring things out, knowing how to do things…I keep getting with knuckleheads. I want a world shaker! We can get Viagra and take it nice and easy.

            I had a girlfriend who would RAGE at her boyfriend when he could not get hard. (Talk about the wrong tactic). He cheated on her and left her. He hates her to this day. I told her, less eloquently than you wrote, that it was NOT a reflection of her attractiveness and was the WORST way to address the issue.

            It can feel like a big let down, however, when the wind will not hit the sails.

            However, I was with one man who told me up front it was a problem. I just never mentioned it and acted “as if” we would not have problems. It took the pressure off and he could get an erection no problem. He was so happy about this. Everything was fine and dandy. He was kind, and sweet, and even built on a bathroom (my two bathroom rule in action!) , office and “sitting” area for me on his house so I could move in…but he was an alcoholic. So, I ended it.

            And I have never obsessed or been mired in grief over him the way I am over Meth Man. Not a drop. But Mr. Alcohol DID NOT CHEAT. He was an open book. If I called, he answered. There was no mixed messages. There were NO other women calling him, period.

            What a lesson in that. I need to remember that today.

            Lucky Seven, thank you for posting something. I am truly bonkers today. I have not called yet, and I Hope when I turn in tonight, I have not called. I have never shared all the horror on this site of all the things Meth Man did to me. My mother said last night…You escaped with your life. That is what matters. Dramatic? Not by too much.

            That I want him to call me shows I have serious mental problems that I fear cannot be fixed. But I want to fix them. That is why I am Day 30 NC….hanging on.

            • Listen, you can’t call him. I can’t call X either, and we both know why. Consider this my briefest public intervention. 😉

              I am not telling the worst of my relationship either. I barely can touch it with the safest CSAT. But *you know* what this guy did to you. You and I reference a lot of the same resources (I recognize many of your references deeply, even if I don’t say it out loud).

              In some ways, this man damaged a deep part of your soul. We don’t go back to that, understand? We DON’T. We are *healing, instead*. Because if we don’t heal, we’re lifeless. YOU DON’T CALL HIM.

              Part of my problem with it today is that it’s Father’s Day and the first one in 8 that I haven’t celebrated with him. It hurts like hell.

              But part of the reason I CANNOT call him, is that a) he lives with some OW now, and “loves” her — and b) even if that were not the case, if he slipped up even one time and either accidentally or purposely called me by her name, I would become a fiery red cloud of insane rage, and potentially unaccountable for my response.

              That is how I *know* there is *no way in hell* I can give this man even *one more second* of my physical voice or being.

              I don’t think this can ever be solved; there aren’t apologies or gestures enough to erase that other name out of his mouth or from around his _____. And no, I’ve never been like this about any other man either. Only God knows what really made this one so outrageously special.

              You have to do something else when you think you want to speak to this guy or hear from him. I feel a little weird hanging it all out on such a public clothesline here, but if that’s what we’ve got, I’ve got to.

              You do not call him. Understand? I know it hurts. But you do not call him. Today is not the day for anything like that.


  • reading some of these has made me realise that although not having gone on any official dates I have gone a couple of times with a single male friend for drinks as I considered him a friend (potential partner) and we have found ourselves in a similar situation (both spouses changed teams but won’t admit it) and have know each other for a long time.

    the first time we went for drinks was fine though a bit awkward as he had come with me to look at a rental property only to run into his ex wife and her partner at the open house.
    The second really got on my nerve. I did like the guy having known him for some years and thought I knew his character. I had even gone to the effort of introducing him to a few of my friends in the past year but he turned out to be a jerk. I discovered on boxing day while catching up for a drink that I was not worthy of his attention but he was happy to leave his ex-wife thinking that he and I were an item while he hooked up with some female he met online, while whining about how she was not really his type, he outlined for me how far he was willing to go to see if the relationship was possibly “the one” and how far he had gone with the girlfriend before her. Proclaiming his stud status at 50 which was a bit of a shock considering the whole professing to be a christian thing he had going on, which is why I had been reserved in telling him how I felt, plus every time we spoke on the phone he was always complaining about how hard things were for him with his kids (23,21,15) he had even confided in me at one point how depressed he was because he was so lonely but is work was so busy. The whole time this little voice in the back of my head was saying,” oh yeah my life is just easy, I have nothing to complain about, tell me how much your life sucks”. I was so pissed , he treated me like I was just one of the guys. A good friend helped me to see that I had dodged a bullet. I have still not met the girlfriend despite him bring her to a mutual venue, he kept his distance. and I am thankful I never exposed how I felt.

  • I met a guy at the gym…nice body, massage therapist, 52, divorced,etc. Led to some fun dates. However, he was perenially broke, smoked weed, and had little except a collection of motorbikes. In fact, all he did was lift weights and ride bikes. He sobbingly admitted one day that he hoped I would stay with him “despite his aspergers”. So, I read up on this new subject (for me) and convinced myself he was just a little weird,and one track minded. Then other obsessions came out…the old stockings and heels chestnut…we had to buy me new stockings on a weekly basis, they had to have red stripes down the legs, and cuban heels. Only red shoes. At first it was a big laugh, but soon got old.

    The clincher was when I discovered his kleptomania habit and realised I had unwittingly been his accomplice / getaway driver in several small heists. He only stole shiny objects. Sort of like a monkey. He finally invited me to his place, and I made a point of searching his cupboards, and yes, found several shiny objects stolen from my house. I put them in a bag and snuck them home.

    The day I dumped,him he responded with arrogance. My abiding memory of him is seeing his back end waddling down my sloping driveway…as only a weightlifter’s bum can waddle. I still chuckle about that. He doesn’t get No Contact and five years later, still tries every which way to,contact me.

    • A klepto, on the spectrum, with a red shoe fetish?!? I’m not ready to date yet. But if that’s what’s out there, I’m happy to remain a spinster forever…

      • Yikes!! Ain’t that the truth. I may just have to stick with BOB…. now if only I could teach BOB to cook…scratch that, him getting too close to flames is probably a bad idea.

  • I’m nowhere near ready to date again. It’s been 6 months since my divorce was final and I’ve been out of the marital home for 2 months. I’m getting used to my new life, and wow! I’ve been really busy!

    But I like reading about these dates. Maybe I’ll try the online dating pool (scary), or maybe I’ll meet someone in my community. It’s educational to see how people deal with these bad dates. We’re all Chumps, so the ability to establish and maintain good boundaries is a huge deal. I like seeing how folks here are handling those situations.

    There may not be anyone in the future (I’m in my mid-50s), but that’s okay. In the short term, I’m not worried as I really need to focus on me. 🙂

  • I think I have stories about me! First date I blather on about how I am not interested in liar cheater fakers. What, I got a second date? I blather on about the importance of fidelity, respect, mutual reciprocation in relationships. What, I got a third date? I blather on about how I need to personally know someone BEFORE I sleep with them because I KNOW my vagina is an idiot and doesn’t ask questions. What, I got a fourth date? So will see how it goes…he is kinda cute.

    • I’m dying here, Calamity! “I KNOW my vagina is an idiot and doesn’t ask questions.”

    • That’s hilariously awesome! It means he likes you for YOU!!! Keep doing that!

      • I can’t believe I still want to be physically intimate with a man. I’m tossing hurdle after hurdle and praying down on my knees at church, “Dear, God, holy shit, I thought I was over this.” But no, life threw me another monkey wrench. I will miss seeing him if I have to throw him to the dogs, but I know I will survive.

        And to you, Moving Liquid, who I love to pieces and have been with on our shared journey to enlightenment, it will come when you least expect it. I don’t know in what form, but it will. Because you, my dear sweet Moving Liquid, are worthy of love as well as everyone here.

    • Calamity! You are so mighty! Love this! My vagina is also an idiot ????

  • This is my FAVOURITE topic of conversation right now, since I started dating in January.

    I have had many, many bad dates but I have one that stands out, as well as a semi-relationship that ended pretty dreadfully too.

    1. Bad date: I met him at a singles night. He told me he was a social worker who worked with troubled youth. He seemed like a decent person. Anyway, mid first date, he rapped a poem over dinner at a restaurant. People could hear. It was mortifying. Then he told me he wasn’t actually working. Then at the end, after splitting the bill for the plate of chicken nachos which he polished off pretty much alone, he said, “If you want to chill again, that would be dope.” Famous last words.

    2. Bad but so funny semi-relationship: I met a really handsome, seemingly successful and well-traveled man at a speed dating event in January for 30 to 40 year olds (the age range thing is an important detail). He was in marketing – same profession as me – and shared many of the same passions. A few dates in, I sorta started noticing he might be slightly younger than me. I’m 38 and I pegged his age at 32 to 34, but I never brought it up because he had to be north of 30 anyway. Regardless, he was very respectful and consistent and fun to be around.

    Then weird stuff started to happen. I went to his place and he was living with his parents. However, he told me he bought a house and would be moving there in April, and his parents were in Florida for the winter, so I just chalked it up as a transitional move to save a little cash – you know, between apartments. Then one day, he told me he’d moved over the weekend in with a cousin… ok weird, in my experience moving takes a lot of planning and what happened to the house? (said he was planning to invest the cash in a business instead). Then I noticed he rarely talked about himself and wouldn’t volunteer too much info, aside from the airy fairy topics of travel and work. Anyway, I eventually looked him up on LinkedIn and his college grad year was listed as 2012 … people go back to school, right? I did! Then I met his friend who looked super young and was behaving strangely. To make this long story short, as I was ending things because he eventually became inconsistent and the lack of emotional intimacy – fun aside – didn’t work for me, I asked his age … he was 25! He said he knew how old I was and didn’t bring up the age thing because he knew I’d bail.

    I felt like an idiot but it taught me a lesson. I had avoided talking about my age and being too forthcoming about my circumstances because I feel old at 38 and was embarrassed about the divorce and the cheating. This is all a learning experience, though, and now I know better. It’s a pretty funny story but I did smart for a bit, since I spent a couple months getting emotionally invested in someone completely inappropriate.

    • Oh gosh, the same thing happened to me. I was 40 at the time and I met this guy out with friends, who said he was in business with his father. It was a high end italian clothing store for men. The suits were really nice, no wonder he showed up in these beautiful italian suits on our dates. So we saw each other for a month, when I started suspecting he was really young. He wasn’t capable of much emotional intimacy. When I finally pushed him for his age, which he was extremely reticent to divulge, he said he was 22 years old. I gasped!

      • Hmmm… we almost dated the same person, Kellia! He was in the family’s business too! Italian! But home builders.

        In my defence, all my friends pegged his age at 32.

        • My friends did that too, LOLOL! It may have been the same person after all. Hee hee!

    • Emily- But he would have been rocking it in bed.
      Sorry…but I have done the leg work.
      NO REGRETS! This was before Meth Cheater.

  • Ok, so I got tired of just dating one guy at a time. I had been on a couple of dates with an ex-military guy who was OK (had money, nice body, well educated, plenty of hobbies, normal family…but also had a chronic back problem and was hooked on opiates, thus my doubts). So,when he admitted he had been dating another girl and that he couldn’t decide, I just suggested we revert to being friends and go on walks occasionally but no sex. He was OK with that because we had some common interests. So, one Sunday afternoon, he dropped by and was in pain so he went upstairs and fell asleep on my bed. No problem. I sat downstairs reading and chilling.

    To my horror, a guy I had been seeing online/long distance (an hours drive away) suddenly rang my doorbell and I went into a panic. I ran upstairs and warned guy #1 not to come out of the bedroom since the other guy was military too and I did not know his temper! The problem was, I really liked guy #2 and din’t want to ruin things. He eventually turned out to be a cheater…but that’s another tale.

    So I let guy #2 in and he wanted a cup of tea. I told him I was busy but he insisted on staying an hour or so because he had ridden all that way to see me. Just before he left, to my horror, guy #2 asked to use the bathroom which was up next to the bedroom….so I just sent him up and prayed that guy #1 would stay quiet. He did. Guy #2 left, none the wiser.

    We laughed our guts out afterward. Guy #2 lasted about seven months until I discovered he was under arrest for assaulting his ex wife.

    My house felt like a revolving door supermarket for the two years I dated.

    • In an age of cell phones, how hard is it to text to say, “driving past your way; is it okay to stop by?”

      I expect even friends not to stop by unannounced. Should I ever date again (dubious), any man who stops by unannounced gets to meet Tramp, my semi-feral terrier/shepherd mix:


      • Yes, I suppose that was another red flag I dismissed because I was so “complemented” that he bothered to,drive all the way. I’m sure if I had to vet him again he would not have lasted as long.

      • HAWH AHAWAAWWA HHAWWAAA. I love it Tempest!!. You are hilarious!!

      • I’m thinking bringing your dog on the first date would be a great way to weed-out the freaks.

      • Tramp’s teeth look fantastic!!! Great job…..that is a pet peeve of mine (no pun intended). When people don’t brush their dog’s teeth.
        This will extend Tramp’s life by many years.
        Off topic but could not resist the admiration!

        • ‘pet peeve’ –lol!

          My house is Club Med for dogs–premium food, big back yard full of squirrels (thankfully, fast squirrels), games of tug of war, doggie intellectual puzzles, sleeping on the bed. And I do brush the other dogs’ teeth. Tramp’s? probably not. Even with an unbrella policy, my insurance is not high enough to cover the injuries I would sustain. The only way I can get burrs off his face is by playing tug of war and then scraping them off as he warns me not to with an ominous growl (but won’t relinquish the tug of war toy, which keeps me safe). He really is semi-feral; he was picked up in the 2015 Texas floods and had probably been mostly wild for his first year of life. I took him home because he was close to being euthanized for aggression that got worse in the shelter (and he has trapped me upstairs since his arrival). Safety is a delicate balancing act with Tramp, but I’m safer with him than I was with my serial cheater X, it turns out.

    • When I was dating, I always told them the following: “This is not the “Do Drop Inn”. Call before you come to my house. And I didn’t answer the door if they came unannounced/uninvited. 🙂

  • Met a guy on PoF. Set up a first date, a Saturday AM breakfast date on account of our very-different work schedules (he worked Wednesday-Sunday 2PM – 11PM, I worked a standard M-F daytime shift). We seemed to have good chemistry on the phone and in text message.

    Got to the restaurant and he wasn’t there. 10 minutes past, no-text no-show. 15 minutes past, no-text no-show. The idiot hostess kept on asking if I wanted to be seated and I had to keep on telling her, no, I am waiting for my party. 25 minutes past and I texted the guy to say, don’t know where you are or if you thought this was funny, but I’m gone.

    He texted me back a few minutes later (as I was pulling out of the parking lot) to say no, wait, I’m on my way. You guessed it: he slept in. He had pulled a second shift for overtime and had only gotten 2 hours of sleep; kind of idiotic to pull that crap. I was too upset and left anyways. He somehow managed to cajole me into giving him a second chance.

    So, the day of our date arrives (this time a proper evening dinner) and on the way to the date he says, “Oh, by the way, a car accident damaged my teeth a few years ago.” I’m thinking… like, a few tooth chips? I have a congenitally missing a front lateral incisor myself (I wear a flipper with a fake tooth on it because I can’t yet afford the $5K-$6K that I need in bridgework) and it’s no big deal. Somehow, on our phone conversation on the way to the date, it also gets out that he has bad credit, a bad rent history, his nightmare mother is trying to kick him out of the apartment he lives in with his brother because she wants to move in (for real), and I can’t ever come over to his place because it’s too much of a mess.

    Met him in person and his teeth . . . oh my gosh, his teeth. The entire top line was rotting, brown, gone. His breath was overpoweringly bad; I could smell it from across the table. The accident was years ago and he had no money saved towards getting his teeth fixed.

    I got home and Google’d him. He’d been arrested a few years earlier for “bond forfeiture” (he later claimed it was just a traffic ticket he ignored).

    Smart guy, cute guy, nice guy, great chemistry with me, but just way too much of a mess for this single mom. I couldn’t see myself ever kissing that awful breath. I told my friends about the incident and they said “car accident” may have been cover for “meth mouth.” Yikes.

    • He was on meth time and had meth mouth. When someone is on meth, they can spend 1 hour in the bathroom brushing their teeth. They become fixated on small, idiotic details. This is tweaking. That is why there are stories (true) of them scrubbing their bathroom with toothbrushes all night long.

      The brown teeth color and rotting comes from the chemicals in meth (akin to putting your mouth around an exhaust pipe) and the chronic lack of saliva because meth dries out their mouths like a piece of wood. This causes their teeth to decay and turn brown and rotted.

      Meth Man has a trust to pay for his dental work, and he is at the dentist biweekly. They fix it, and he goes right back and ruins them. The dentist told him, until you stop, this is futile.

      You dodged a bullet. A lot of drug addicts do have magnetic chemistry. But it never ends well.

  • Im three years out six months divorced ive still no interest in dating. I dont care if anyone looks at me or not and i aint looking but i have too stories. Both before asswipe.

    Guy i used to see every day near where i worked asked me out. Seemed nice ok. Took me out to a dance club proceeded to get very drunk and was mixing his drinks. Most people get very wierd mixing drinks he was too busy pounding them down i saw a girl i knew and she said she would give me a ride home in a bit. Well prince charming found me grabbed me spun me around and yelled loudly that he was elvis presley come back from the grave just to fuck me i better be honored the king wanted only me and hike up my skirt and commence fucking right there in the bar. Well thats a line i never heard before and my usual reaction of anger to something like that escaped me and i burst out laughing as most of those around me did. That was quite a line. I managed to get away from him he wouldnt let go squeezing my arms tighter and he was getting madder cause everyone was lsughing at the jerk. I found a very handsome 5 foot six 200 lb built to the max bouncer and told him this jerk was annoying me the bouncer asked two questions what did he do and who is it. As i said he grabbed the bouncer said who? Picked the guy up over his head and threw him through the front doors. Bouncer says leave jerk says no i bought her drinks the king needs to be serviced bouncer knocks him out and calls the cops who take the jerk away. Bouncer escorts me back inside buys me a drink dances with me hands his business card martial arts school he owns gives free lessons for self defense a school he started after he older sister was attacked and continues on with his job. When i left i thanked him he told me be careful lots of bad people out there.

    Second one out to dinner with what i thought was a nice guy who complained about the food complained about everything wanted it for free ate everything including mine made the waitress cry. I slipped her a twenty apoligized for this fuck head and asked him to take me home. I ate almost nothing and no dessert he sickened me so. Get to his car get it he pulls it out grabs my head and said you didnt eat much heres your dessert! I hit him in the face and ran from the car called my brother for a ride and never saw that jerk again.

    • WOW, Kar……Just Wow!!!! Glad you lived to tell about it! Nice upper cut, there……

      Stop the dating & take up another ‘hobby’ for now, please! The Nation needs you waaaaayyyyyy more than some freak does! You are enough all on your own!!!

      • I havent dated in 30 years those were both before the ex and i never intend to start dating maybe some nice male friends but no dating sites or looking for dates from me.

        • Whoops…..l missed where you said these were stories from before a__wipe! I am sooooo relieved! Gotta be more careful when I drink & post! 😉

          Anyway…..l also have absolutely zero interest in dating now or in the foreseeable future. Also, as I will only have sex with the man to whom I am married, well, no sex going on either. That is the least of my interests! And I will NEVER do the on-line dating thing either. Just a bad rap all the way around, IMHO…..

          Forge on, Kar marie Take Care!

          • ForgeOn, I’m of the same resolve; I’m not having sex again until my wedding night, with the man who is truly my husband. It’s been over a year and it’s not fun? But also, my head isn’t fucked. So I’m in pretty good shape.

            The funny thing is that shortly after I affirmed this decision, I got hit on by three married men, all in a row. The first time stunned me into total silence for a month and I had to do EMDR therapy to get back on track. The second time, I handled it more gracefully and directly, and could laugh about it. But then, confused and concerned, I hesitantly confided about it to a third, and after assuring me that it wasn’t my fault and it was on them, if they were willing to step out on their marriages? Guess what. He hit on me, too.

            Three strikes and you’re out. That was last year. So now I stay home and read CL and don’t talk to men anymore unless I have to, lol. It’s been ok; I like you folks better than anyone else, at this point in my life. It’s clear you all get it.

          • Thanks forge on you too. Male companions is about as far as i will ever go. No facebook, no instagram, no twitter no social media for me and on line dating terrifies me as i hear horror stories but im sure there are some great people on there. My contents ruling my relationship status are under pressure and im not opening the valve for noone. Wasted 30 years on asswipe i will not waste another moment. Im never gonna trust again this i know. I just want to be me and ill be happy if im content.

  • Most of these are much more horrible (and funny) than I’ve experienced, maybe because I just haven’t dated much since the divorce. My worst one was a guy I saw maybe 4 times, nice enough but no chemistry. After the 4th date I had him up to my apartment for a cuppa tea. We talked a little about our exes, and I mentioned that mine had married his AP, who’d been married 5 times before. My date said, “Wow, she must really have something, to get all those men to marry her.” That was our last date.

  • I am so glad this post came on a Friday so that I will have the entire weekend to fill y’all in on the CRAY CRAY (first and only) dates I have gone on. I will not be apologizing for numerous posts, lol 😉

  • Two worst first dates I can remember, met both online dating:

    1. The guy I met for lunch who showed up 20 minutes late wearing jeans with holes in the knees so large that I could see about a third of his legs. I wondered if this was his “dating effort,” what do his comfortable clothes look like? He also insisted that I pay for my own lunch before the check even came. I would have anyway, but whatever.

    2. The guy I met for a beer who, 15 minutes after meeting, asks, “what’s your number?” I told him he had my number, we’d texted, remember? No, he says, the number of people you’ve slept with. I was so stunned, I deflected, then excused myself to the restroom. I found our waiter, paid for my beer, and asked him to keep the guy busy while I snuck out to my car. Blocked his number, thanked the good lord I hadn’t shared my last name.

    I met my now-husband while on a meetup group activity I decided to attend because I strongly suspected my bf at the time was cheating, and was distancing myself. He asked me out a week later, and I told him I was in a relationship that wasn’t going to last, but I had to honor it until it was over. Cheater left his phone unguarded one night, and I found a string of emails. Problem solved, and my husband and I started dating a month later. He’s a gem!

  • The worst date I *never* had was all on me.

    This was in the 90s before I married. (Pre-cell phones for you kiddos). I kept all my phone numbers on a list in my wallet.

    I worked in a college book store with a huge number of staff. Two girls I liked worked there and they both had the same name. (Let’s call them “Amy.” (Their names were actually Amy.))

    Anyway, I had been out with both of them one time each over the course of a couple weeks. I had made-out with one of the Amys at the end of our first date. Well of course she was my first-priority for a call-back.

    One night I broke-out my trusty paper phone list and called “Amy.” I told her she was a great kisser, or some-such crap. Well, “Amy” undoubtedly was a good kisser, but she was curious how the hell I came to have any personal knowledge about her kissing skills.

    The next time I went to work neither Amy would speak to me.

    Moral of the story? Don’t shit where you eat? Nah, don’t be a dumbass.

    • I got pretty serious with someone in my early 20’s before breaking it off, I will call him Fucktard. Then I married a guy with the same name, Fucktard. I was talking to a contractor a few weeks ago and he was my age and gorgeous. He started flirting with me. I thought, “Yeah, me!” He introduced himself as Fucktard. Yep, same damn name. I mumbled something about baboons and left.


    While the guy described in CL’s post above seems quite … nerdy, anyone who uses a GPS/iphone/fitbit exercise tracking device is also somewhat guilty of quantitative tendencies. How long did I run? How many calories did I burn. How fast did I run? And these devices and apps do record all that info for monthly reports.

    • Okay, this was at least 15 years ago, no regular GPS use then. But yes, compared to the other stories, this one seems mild.

      Still, it’s weird to discuss your progress reports on the first date. And “to the second decimal point” always cracks me up.

      • OK, 15 years ago … extremely geeky for the times 🙂

        I won’t date someone unless they go to the third decimal point – you never know how those rounding errors might propagate!

      • There’s a fabulous xkcd cartoon where the girl says, we should break up. The guy protests but she says she can prove it and shows him a graph titled Relationship Satisfaction. He examines it and say, huh, you’re right. She says, see I knew data would convince you! And he says, No, I just think I can do better than a girl who doesn’t label her axes…

      • I was talking to my niece about her online dating experiences. She was telling me of the guy who kept asking questions like he was reading from a script. She excused herself after about 20 minutes and left. He later called her and said he realized he didn’t meet her expectations and would like her to provide him with an “assessment of his performance” so he can do better on his next date.

  • The worst dating disaster I created for myself was when I turned a casual acquaintance (Daniel) into a live-in companion. I had no intention of ever co-habiting with this guy…15 years younger than I…and just a casual friend off the web, who in retrospect, spun me a history that was completely bogus.

    I had only met him about three times because he lived a three hour train ride away, way out in the English countryside. We had met online, shared a mutual interest in history, and met up to,explore old historical sites. He was fun and nice looking, and claimed to live with his sick grandmother (he was 37). He had a long sad history of losing parents etc. and was very good at invoking sympathy.

    In reality, he was married to a 58-yr-old who was indeed ill, but to cut a very long story short, he was slowly poisoning her. I only learned of her existence after things blew up much later, and I have since met her and compared notes. I was about 52 at the time.

    This is not a made up story, it’s absolutely true and verified via the authorities.

    Daniel called me out of the blue one day in 2010 and said he was in a pinch…the police had “advised him to leave town until they caught the guy who was after him”. He made it sound so plausible and even offered the badge no and telephone of the cop involved. I told him to get on a train and come stay with me in safety. He arrived that night. We became intimate within the week.

    He spent five months unemployed living with me, and his charming stories gradually revealed a compulsive liar in operation. I must have been sooooo lonely because I kept thinking he’d have to go, but I just couldn’t bear to dump him out. He was broke and I was fixing him. He used my computer, and this was key eventually to my catching him out. I did spend quite a bit on him, fed and clothed him, paid his gym membership!

    When he finally found a job, he was out 12 hours a day. He would still come home and cook dinner, and always be the life of the party. My friends adored him. They teased me about my boy-toy but he insisted he was overjoyed to be with me. I took care of his financial worries by making him a life insurance beneficiary. I think I deserve the Stupid Award for that.

    About 18 months in, some red flags must have popped up because I installed a keylogger on my laptop, and within a week or so I could see he was all over the map, meeting prostitutes and shagging a colleague. She was sooooo in lurv, urging him to leave me. Problem was, neither of them had a dime, so his living free with me was convenient.

    To cut a very long story short, I did throw him out, but discovered after he left that the illness I had experienced in our final weeks together was in fact intentional lead poisoning. He also returned to my house one night and held me at knifepoint, yelling and screaming at me about all the reasons he hated and envied me. It was only the intervention of a paramedic neighbour that saved me. This was well investigated by the cops.

    Daniel and the OW admitted to having colluded in trying to poison me, but the CPS here in England didnt think the case would stick so they never prosecuted. I did extract several pounds of revenge…not saying how…but suffice to say now five years later Daniel is still digging holes for himself, and that he has a police record. He just keeps moving location.

    The silliest part is, he never changed his email password, so that I still have if I ever want to check up on where he is. He and OW have produced three babies in three years and live on full state benefits. I just watch in fascination…like staring at a car accident.

    • Marci – you were lined us as his next target, where he tried to poison you too. I’m so glad you got revenge on this sadistic, psychopathic, nutjob. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried poisoning the OW too.

      • Well the OW was his accomplice, and she ain’t worth murdering since she has no money! I am so sure that these two will self destruct that I have found it quite simple to move on. I just feel sorry they chose to spawn since those poor kids better get used to standing behind bars!

        • We had a chump here who found out her cheater and OW were trying to poison her. But the story seems a bit different from yours, wondering if that was the wife of the same asshole

    • Marci,
      If you read about sociopath’s, it says that the number one emotion they try to elicit from their victim is PITY.
      That is what he did to you..all of his sob stories. I don’t want to butcher it, but from the book The Sociopath Next Door, it says be aware of someone who is constantly trying to make you feel sorry for them.

      You also learn that sociopath’s are capable of mainly three emotions: Rage, Self Pity and Charm. That is their spectrum. He turned on you enraged when you cut off his gravy train.

      You were not stupid- you were tangling with a predator. For normal, empathetic people who encounter a sociopath, it is like the Green Bay Packers playing the local little boy’s team in sports…you never had a chance.

      That is why loneliness is so dangerous. I believe it is as deadly as cancer. It makes us take risks we would not take because we crave human connection so deeply.

      Predators can sniff out someone who is lonely and they move in for the kill.

  • My two fave dating stories, both guys I met through on-line dating. I don’t like to ‘chat’ for long, I like to meet up within a week or so, and with these two, I was very glad I did, saved me from wasting more time!

    Date #1, met for coffee. He spent 2 hours talking about himself, non-stop (despite my making leaving noises at an hour and again at an hour and a half). He added the occasional comment about how much we had in common, since, for example, we both like to read (which he knew ONLY from our previous e-mails, as there was literally not ONE question about me or even an opening for me to say something). At the end he seemed to have a tiny moment of insight, because he capped the occasion off by saying ‘I guess next time we need to talk about you!’.

    Date #2, we worked fairly near each other, so met for the first time for lunch near work. He suggested an all-you-can-eat sushi place. I love sushi, but don’t find the all-you-can-eat places usually that good, but hey, it’s just lunch, right? So we get there, order, and when the first plate comes, he pulls a Tupperware container out of his backpack, holds it below table level and starts putting sushi into it. At my startled look, he explains that these places are a rip-off anyway, so he’s taking extra home for his supper that night.

    Hey, at least they let me know right away who they were! A self-centered bore and an entitled cheapskate! I do appreciate that!

  • This is not date story but about being asked out on one.

    My daughter and I were at the local soccer store where we are known because X and my daughter are very into soccer been going there for years. My daughter was looking for a new pair of cleats and was trying on a pair as she was walking around the store. The man that always helps us when we are there says to me wow you are looking younger and younger. I replied so I looked old before? Then he says to me are you seeing anyone? I know you are divorced.) I wasn’t divorced yet and it had only been 3 months since I was separated). He knew this because of the X. Then he asks to dinner. I just replied I don’t think so. I was just shocked because he knew my X and was not really a friend but someone that he known for years. I just thought it was crossing a line.
    My daughter hadn’t heard any of that conversation. But after paying as we are walking out of the store he yells hey what about that dinner. I just smiled and said no and walked out. My daughter was 18 and started laughing and mom was he asking you out?

    I haven’t been back in that store since.

    Then about a month ago the X tells me that I’m the hottie at the soccer games. The X and my daughter play in the same leagues and everyone knows everyone kinda thing. So some of his teammates tell him that how I’m looking really good and I bet he is regretting it now. I just thought wow what nice teammates you have.

    I will admit it did make me feel good. I just thought that what the asshole gets.

    • I just love that story. I doesn’t matter about whether you date, but how you feel. It’s weird that I’ve been getting some attention I either didn’t notice before or it’s new. I enjoy the complements and smile, but that’s all I’m ready for.

  • After one date, dinner at a casual restaurant, he wanted to talk about “our future”. Nope, nope, and nope. I gave him the polite brush off and ran like the wind! And I’ve decided that at this stage in life, I just want a fuckbuddy who is up for the occasional social outing or casual date. The last thing I’m interested in is “the future”. Maybe in a year or two. But for now, commitment of any kind isn’t even on my radar. I couldn’t believe it, “our future”. On a first date. I couldn’t have been any more icked out if a roach ran across the table.

  • I can’t resist:

    Went out with a woman for over a month. Really liked her. We agreed to take it slow, sexually. Finally, the first (and last) time we went to bed, she started crying in the middle of it, saying she “can’t feel anything.” Now–and men will understand–if I were “under size,” believe me, I would be aware of it and indeed would have been self-conscious about it all my life. But I’m not. Anyway, she suddenly opens her phone and shows me a picture of her ex’s penis. His freakishly large penis. This was one of at least twenty pictures of it she still kept on her phone–in an individual, dedicated album. I left. Her last words were, “I hope we can still be friends.”

    Penis pictures of her ex. I hate dating.

    • David, I promise, we’re not all nutjobs! That one takes the wacko prize. And you know that penis size has nothing to do with being effective..

      • @David–“in an individual, dedicated album”…..LOL. I don’t know why but that phrase tickles my funny bone.

    • Good gosh, David. That is incredibly weird! I’m sorry that happened to you.

    • O. M. G. I wonder if she has a scrapbook?

      “I can’t feel anything”?!!! Who SAYS THAT?

      I think she meant tact and good manners.

    • Ouch, David, but the story is funny, although way after the date! Reminds me of the Samantha episode in Sex and the City. May you both find someone size-compatible ..

    • David, man, is this woman for real? Oooof, she’s a nutjob. I mean to cry after sex and to show you dick picks of her ex and carry 20 of them in her phone. That’s a certifiable nut job. She should be in an insane assylum. Who the hell does that? Someone who is not firing on all cylinders…

    • If only I could have borrowed her “dedicated album” for when my date asked me how big my dead husband’s penis was…what a missed opportunity.

      In some conversation with my new husband, I got his attention one day when I said :

      “The most important thing about a man’s penis is…..”

      wait for it…

      “who it is attached to”.

      My sweet man is so precious to me.

      and I count myself really lucky that I made it through dating and remarriage without a single dick pic

      • unicornomore, that note from your H just literally made me cry. I’m so glad you’ve got a good one.

    • And here I was thinking it was only women who are subjected to unsolicited dick pics! Sorry you’ve joined the club, David!

      • Kellia: “to cry after sex…” No, she cried DURING IT! So we stopped, and that’s when she explained why. Although she did cry after as well, saying, in reference to her ex “He ruined me!” I actually felt bad for her; she was a mess and really should not have been dating so soon after breaking up with Big Dan, or whatever his name was…

        • So much good advice today.

          Clean bathroom? Check.
          Don’t talk about X on first date? Check.

          How about crying *before* sex? Asking for a friend.

        • Did you go in her house? She didn’t have any framed photos of his dick above the fireplace, did she? How about framed photos for the holidays? You know dicks with little santa hats? Easter rabbit dicks? My personal favorite, green leprechaun dicks? I hope there weren’t pictures of them as a couple. You know, dicks and …. okay, I’m done. I’m laughing too hard.

          • LOL at the imagery of dick picks everywhere framed around her house, wearing all sorts of attire!! Annie, I burst out laughing when I read your post. Too friggin funny!

            • I’m still giggling. Do you know those frames that people buy for their children that has kindergarten through 12th grade to represent the different stages of growth? Now imagine…..

        • David – Annie is right. I wonder if she had a shrine to her ex’s dick in her home, lolol… If not, she should, so she could spend her days basking in its glory, rather than dating.