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Happy Father’s Day!

dadmeHey, Happy Fathers’ Day to all the chump dads out there! To all you single parent dads, every-other-weekend dads, and 50/50 dads who were deprived precious time with your kids because you were chumped — thanks for all you do. I hope you’re enjoying the day today with your kids, your dad, or grandfathers. I hope small children let you sleep in, that your beer is cold, and your pancakes were fully cooked.

The single chump dad perspective is probably the least represented in the divorce blogosphere — but let me recommend a couple — and Divorced Dad 101. If you’ve got others, mention them in the comments.

A shout out to my husband — stepdads count too! He’s been more of a father to my son than the one he got saddled with. If it weren’t for my husband, my son would’ve never learned to love Mexican hot sauce, debate, or Breaking Bad marathons. (Note — NEVER walk in on the turtle scene. I did, to my eternal regret. They both give me a hard time for not liking anything more dramatic than a Jane Austen adaptation or spicier than celery salt.)

And a shout out to my own father (pictured above). Everyone can see where I get my gap-toothed dorkiness. While you’ve never been chumped or divorced, you’ve set a good example. Although I wish you’d let me beat you at Scrabble and why do you impose so many arbitrary rules on jigsaw and crossword puzzles?

Happy Fathers’ Day everyone! Hug a dad today!

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  • Happy Father’s Day, everyone who needs to hear it today! 🙂 Thank, Tracy, for your post. I’m a woman having a “bad” Father’s Day. Why? Because I miss my kids and I’m pissed at my ex for being a snake and breaking up our family, because HE SUCKS! And I’m also mad, because I felt like both mother and father all these years when he was busy working seven days a week. So happy Father’s Day to all the chump moms who did most of the fatherly duties when their husband were working all the time, pursuing their hobbies and pursuing their ho-workers. And once again, Happy Fathers Day to the Chump Men! I hope you are having a great time with your kids today. 🙂

  • Yes happy fathers day to the great fathers and step dads! Hope you had a great fathers day!!!!

    P.s. as i stated before. Asswipe the great famous for teaching everyone kids included dont call text was expecting fathers day phone calls and got only texts. Hes very annoyed no calls. Careful what you wish for or the bluebird of karma shows up!

  • It’s a tough day for chumps all the way around. I’m thankful you posted Tracy.

    To all the cheater dads, fuck you and I hope you die a horrible death. I don’t really care if that sends me to hell. If I get my wish it’s worth it.

    To all the chump dads and dads of chumps … Happy Father’s Day. It may not be the dream but you know your worth. Those kids are lucky.

    • “To all the cheater dads, fuck you” — there really isn’t else to say to them today besides that!

      • It’s so damn sad and pathetic that there really isn’t anything else to say to them. I would give anything to be wrong. But no matter how much they claim to love their kids…. They didn’t. They failed at the ONE thing that mattered. The very one simple thing that made any difference in the world, they didn’t care. Men (or women) that truly love their kids do not decimate/destroy the other parent. I dare someone to claim that they love their kids and cheat on the kids’ other parent. How is it possible that your own child matters less than your next orgasm? When cheaters can answer that then I will believe in unicorns.

        • This, a thousand times.
          Mine made no attempt to see his kids for fathers day. Who knows if he was waiting for me to make the first move, but I refuse to play his ‘diary’ (he actually used to call me this) anymore. He says that he is a father every day and he doesn’t need anyone to tell him or the kids to celebrate it on one specific day. All about him. Luckily, the children did not question why they didn’t see him for fathers day. I sent them off with presents for him the night before – purely because I know they like to give them. It wasn’t my idea of fun shopping for them.

  • My kids had the privilege of waking up in my stbxw current boyfriends house (not the AP) and not with me. Not doubt a big show to the boyfriend to show that she’s a wonderful woman and thinks my kids should be part of the grand show she seems to put on these days, and a way to try and wind me up (I didn’t get wound up by it). Calmly collected them at 10am, barely spoke to her, put the kids bags in my car and drove off. MEH!

    Had a lovely day at the zoo with them, laughed and messed around, came home cooked them dinner, put my youngest in the bath, got their school stuff ready for the morning blah, blah, blah. I know the kids are supposed to look after me today and before me and their mother split up I would probably have been grumpy for still having to do everything and not have a rest, but I truly wouldn’t have had my time with them today any other way.

    I feel for any dads who didn’t get to spend time with their kids today.

    Happy fathers day?

    • Forgot to mention…when it was Mother’s Day my stbxw was too busy doing other activities to spend the day with her own children. So I’ve had Mother’s Day and fathers day with my kids ?

        • My stbxw yelled at her kids on mother’s day because they didn’t do ‘special things’ for her, after she destroyed our family. Huh.

      • Hi mickeyblueeyes, and other Chumps.

        Your children know who the sane, dependable parent is. You’ll probably get happy Mother’s Day posts down the line, as the kids realize that you are stepping into both roles.

  • Living the dream. Got a beautiful little girl via remarriage who wished me Happy Father’s Day! It is a sweet revenge to those who naysay-ed my father abilities. I am rich today, indeed!

  • Cheers, CL! Happy Fathers’ Day to me and to your dad too! Always a day of mixed emotions for me. I didn’t get anything from my son today despite the fact that I always get him something to get his mum despite everything but hey ho. Your good wishes are very much appreciated.

    • You have NO idea what a great example you are to your son!! Keep up the great work! I hope you enjoyed your time with your kid. It’s a gift to him that he has a dad, and he will always hold you in high regard, because you put in the time. This will be a gift to yourself–that you know you live with integrity, that you have the love and respect of your child.

      Really–well done!

      Don’t expect any thoughtfulness from a cheater, ever.

      xH was never a good role model for Mother’s Day, nor birthdays (red flag) and I have had to teach my boys that they need to think of me for Mother’s Day–mostly for their upbringing, frankly. I will harass each of them on the Hallmark holidays to treat their wives with respect and cherishment. I’ll be damned if they will follow in their father’s footsteps in this regard. It makes me sick and sad that they have such an incompetent for a father–so I know how you feel, believe me.

      • Yeah, Miss Sunshine. My XH was the same way with my birthday, Mother’s Day, Valentines Day and any other special day — I got nada! Narcissistic cheaters are not thoughtful AT ALL! He was only thoughtful to his “supply”, aka his harem/ho-workers and other people that he needed to impress and make himself out to be the “nice guy.” I went eight Mother’s Days without getting anything. Not even a “Happy Mother’s Day.” The Mother’s Day after my 40th birthday, which I didn’t get any presents or cake or anything (same as all the previous bdays), I said to him, “Aren’t you going to wish me a happy mother’s day?” And he said, “You are not my mother!” I SHOULD have left right there and then, but I sucked it up and “tried harder” for the next eight years. He sucks!

        And all the previous 12 years of our marriage, I went out of my way for every single one of his birthdays. Nice homemade meal with a homemade, decorated beautiful cake. Invited his family over. I had many, many Father’s and Mother’s Day get-together for his parents at our house. I went out of my way for his moms birthday every year. Made her a beautiful dinner and cake. Every single Father’s Day I bought my now XH a card and presents from the kids. I always made his day special. I kept telling myself, at least I’m modeling good behavior for my kids. But now I look at it and I wasn’t. I was allowing my husband to treat me like shit all the time. My kids didn’t ever see him bringing me home flowers (flowers TWICE in 25 years!), no VDay, no date nights, etc. I modeled how to be a used chump and it bothers me now that they never saw how a husband should treat his wife.

        • Wow, Martha. I too heard “You’re not my mother.” And, like you, I made sure that he did something nice for his mother every Mother’s Day, (even after she told me that her poor son had made such a mistake in marrying me). If only she knew how I reminded/nagged him to throw her a few crumbs of attention via phone calls on all those major holidays …

          My (whew!) former husband marked our 24 years of holidays together by delaying his gift-giving until as late as possible in the day as he could, usually well into the evening, after dinner. If I mentioned anything about it during the earlier part of the day, he always told me “The day isn’t over yet; there’s still time.”. So glad I no longer have to spend any time trying to figure out how to live with someone who seemed hell bent on driving me insane!

          • Yep! Same here, ColdTurkey! I’m the one who reminded him to call his parents if he hadn’t called in awhile. I’m the one who said, “We haven’t seen your grandma in a long time. You should call her. We should go visit her.” And this, his grandma who supposedly meant the world to him! And you ex-MIL sucks to saying that to you! My ex-MIL said so many hurtful things to me, but instead of sticking up for myself and saying something, I just “tried harder.” And when I finally stuck up for myself after D-Day, all hell broke loose and she turned into the bitch that I always knew was lurking underneath fake “nice person” mask. Good riddens to him and his fake family that I went out of my way for for over 20 years.

            That is nuts about your XH withholding presents until the end of the day. How controlling!

    • If I recall correctly, your son is adolescent/early teen years. They’re pretty self-centered then. Wait a few years and he’ll make up for this year’s missing gift, I’ll bet.

  • Happy Father’s day to each of you here on CL! You are exceptional and loved on this day and every day. Thank you for being you!!!

  • On this Father’s Day I am feeling sad for my son while the stupid fuck wit is probably feeling sorry for himself and drinking. Here’s the conversation I had with my son a few days ago: did you see dad on his birthday last week ? No but I texted him. Are you seeing dad on Father’s Day ? No. Do you have any regular contact with dad at all ? No. Then last night my son’s beloved cat fell and shattered his leg and had to have it amputated. And I am thinking that this prick who completely abandoned me also completely abandoned his own son and can barely be bothered to text him occasionally from schmoopie’s house in Florida. My son is 30 but he grew up having a dad. In the last five years my husband has abandoned me five times and every time he left he also stopped talking to my son because he knew his behavior made him look bad. So now with the final D day one year ago he has only bothered to see his son once. He has not shared in any of our son’s milestones achievements and setbacks. He’s not there to comfort him today when his cat is so sick Just because he left me doesn’t mean he shouldnt still be a father to his own son. But instead of thinking of his son I am sure he is feeling sorry for himself that my son is not celebrating him on Father’s Day. So that’s what I am thinking about on this Father’s Day. All fathers do not deserve to be celebrated

      • I’m going to capitalize on the “Crappypappy” concept. Start a website, sell t shirts and shit. Not all dads are honorable, why should those poor kids feel awkward or isolated on this day? (acme, inc.) I’d sell:

        Big fake foam “You’re #1 !” fingers – but the middle finger is raised.
        OW of the month club – send out rotating free profiles for easier passing around the “twu luv”.
        Crappypappy logo/pinstriped rubbers – with super glue on the inside – so more children to be ignored can’t be “accidentally” created by the menace.
        Send out free printable certificates of club membership and distinction, suitable for framing and ready to hang.
        Just thing of the free e card generator that could be utilized;
        “Roses are red, Violets are, well, violet…. just pay the fucking child support already.”

        Just need a little start up money –

        • Ooh please do it! My cheating traitor claimed to be going away for 2 days to see his 15 year old son from his first wife whom he hadn’t seen for 18 months. He left me at home looking after his youngest son from his second wife, said he wanted us to have some time together alone. He only stayed with his son one afternoon then went to his second wife and stayed there and fucked while I was looking after their son. I only found out because his eldest son phoned me looking for his dad on the second day. We kept ringing his cell, couldn’t get hold of him. So eventually I rang wife no. 2. There he was, father of the century, me stuck at home with homewrecker whore and traitor’s son. Crappy pappy x 1000000

  • To all you Chump Dads out there, Happy Father’s Day!

    When I was five and my sister one, we move from our mothers rental, to live with my dad. It was 1971 and in the age of “free love,” my mother was a semi-pro. She also did drugs and stole. Courts back then did not favor dads, even when it was clearly in the best interest of the child. I think it has gotten better, but it’s still not great. The courts may have granted custody because of the sex, drugs, and stealing, or the fact that a five year old makes a wonderful decoy to distract store clerks while mom is stealing. I don’t know because my dad has never talked about it.

    We all have stories and some are much worst than mine. But what I know is this, my dad wasn’t perfect, but he raised me to be respectful, honest, loyal, to value others, and he stuck. He never left me. He remarried when I was nine and gave me a new mom and two new sisters. My mother had visitation rights for me and my sister, but the things that she continued to do caused us both the cut her from our lives when we turned eighteen. My dad is 78 and still married to my stepmom.

    My point is this, dads can be the better parent. I think that male chumps draw the short straw in most things. If you’re a dad no one can take that away from you. Stay strong and be there for your kids. It’s a long haul and often painful, but your kids will grow to KNOW that through everything, you love them.

  • Happy Father’s Day to all the outstanding chump dads and step dads who make a difference to their precious children.

  • Yeah, soon to be ex never did anything to encourage the children to acknowledge me on Mothers Day, Birthday, or any other holiday, but being Chumpy McChump Chump, of course I Always made sure he had appropriate cards gifts etc.

    Fast forward to today. He’s suddenly madly in love and deparate for a divorce – so desparate he’s offered me approximately 10% of our joint assets as his generous offer. Had a lovely dinner with his mother Friday evening who was surprised and appalled to learn the whole story. Ha ha ha – she’s going to the attorney tomorrow to make sure her estate bypasses the boys and goes straight to the grandchildren.

    But don’t weep for him, Argentina. The current bunny boiler sent him to bagpipe camp (I’m not making this up) with a lovely card filled with candy for Father’s Day. Because nothing says a good father like one who shit all over his wife and three kids for you. And I’m sure she’s looking forward to him providing his fatherly gifts on her child, even though she’s not divorced yet. It’s sad that we’re not making this shit up.

    Blessings and happy father’s day to all the real dads/chumps out there. So good to know there are some of you left out there!

  • Happy Father’s Day to all the Good Dads out there. By the way, if you are cheating on your wife, you cannot be a good dad. Goes for female cheaters, you can’t be a good mother if you are are cheater.

    • This: “By the way, if you are cheating on your wife, you cannot be a good dad.” Agree! All the time he was with his ho-worker when I was pregnant with his second child. All the time he spent thinking, texting, emailing, going out for coffee, lunch, drink dates with his ho-workers and was disengaged with me and the kids. Not a good dad! HE SUCKS! He’s now a Disney Dad, trying to make up for lost time. And his mommy is doing the same. THEY SUCK!

  • Thank you! Here’s to all of the single dads out there who have their values and priorities in the right place. Stay mighty!

  • Father’s Day was surprisingly not to shabby. I lucked out that the live-in STBX was too tired (as usual) to wake up at 530a with my son. So he and I capitalized on this opportunity to go to breakfast and the aquarium before picking her up for lunch when she woke up at noon. Lunch was pleasant enough in the heat wave, but at nap time she sleep until 530p while I played a dice game about mice with my son after he woke up from his nap at 4pm. Then a nice dinner with a margarita.

    The only grating thing is the way she seems to think that I am still her friend. I gotta get her out of here so I can stop being polite and making small talk. Mighty by inches! I will prevail eventually!

    • MrQueasy, I don’t know how long your live-in situation has been going on, but yeah, I found it to be intolerably difficult. I insisted that she move out and nagged her til she did. It was hard as hell. My hat is off to you for what you are doing for your kid.

      • My therapist and I are working hard to get me from zero to reasonable nagging. But as my sister says, you can’t rush a slug without getting your hands dirty.

  • Happy Father’s Day to all chump dads and step dads. I truly hope it was a wonderful day for all of you!

  • I hope all of you Chump dads out there were able to enjoy this day with your children drama/stress free.

    I had to remind myself to stay grey-rock and not wish The Evil One a HFD when i picked up DD from him by remebering his shitty behavior last year and years past. I didn’t even comment to him at how pathetically exhausted he looked or try to chit-chat with him. I didnt ask about his day or anything, was actually annoyed that DD came home with a bag of candy and trinkets from ChuckECheese’s or wherever they went. He sucks, fuck him. If he wanted the usual King for a Day special treatment he shouldnt have fucked around on me or put me through the hell he did.

    I didn’t call EXH#1 either and wish him a HFD either, he sucks too.

    All the years i was with them, neither one of them ever treated me special or nice on MD, but God forbid I didn’t treat them like kings on FD.

    Glad those days are over!!!

  • Thank you for all the good wishes today from a chump dad who now shares his kids with a long-term serial cheater. It means a lot to be thought of by everyone who commented here.

    I also want to let you know how much I love and appreciate my dad today, who has always been the father a kid dreams about, and is the kind of man every father hopes his daughter is lucky enough to find. Thank you Dad for being there all my life, and for loving us all so much and making sure we knew it. Thank you for calling me every day through this misery of the last two years, to listen and encourage me, to give me hope when I had none, for refusing to let me isolate myself, and assuring me, like always, that “there is nothing we can’t get through together.” Not too bad coming from a man who is 85, legally deaf and blind, operates on about 20% of a heart, falls frequently, and now weighs only 120 pounds.

    Happy Fathers Day to the only hero I have ever had.

    • JK, your dad sounds like a wonderful man and you are very lucky to have him. I wish I could say some kind words about my own dad but I can’t. Having said that he was my father and I loved him anyway. I hope you have enjoyed your day.

      • Thank you, Maree. He is a wonderful man, and I have always known how lucky I am to have him as a father. All his kids, grandkids and great grandkids know how lucky we are. I wish you had had the same.

      • Thanks so much for reminding me that there ARE good men out there, JK. Your children are indeed fortunate to have two generations of decent men to serve as role models. Your father sounds like a wonderful man, and I hope you get many more days together. Happy Father’s Day to you both!

      • There was never a doubt about him being there for me. He’s one in a million. Muhammad Ali never had a “corner man” that could touch him:)

  • On my Father’s Day, I dropped my kids off at my ex’s apartment where she and her affair partner were about to host a birthday party for my daughter that I wasn’t told about except in passing to make sure I dropped them off by a certain time (not that I would’ve went anyway), and I noticed the affair partner’s name is now on the mail slot next to hers, which is just lovely. I then got shitfaced the rest of the day and drunk-angry texted her. Doing well!

    • Don’t do the shit faced thing dude….put it into working out, writing a journal to your kids…art…hanging with a friend…feeding homeless Vets…whatever…but dont add to her assholemness by hurting by yourself!

  • Happy Father’s day to all CN Dads, I’m sending you huge thankful hugs for sharing your recovery stories on CN, they give me hope that there are good men in the world!

  • My cheater ex last Father’s Day was mad that he didn’t get a Father’s Day present from the kids (13 and 16 at the time) and I.

    I had no intention of spending money on this lying, immoral, horrible person.

    He was shocked that I didn’t even wish him happy Father’s Day.

    Here is the kicker- in May, I got nothing for Mother’s Day and expected nothing. We are no longer together.

    I pointed this simple fact out to him and his reply was that he actually tried to buy something for me and took our daughter but they couldn’t find anything. He was mad that I didn’t even try.

    Can’t make up this crazy. Selfish, entitled, worthless ex!

    This year I got him nothing for Father’s Day again. I think he is finally getting the message of the reality of divorce. No. More. Cake.

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