New Age Cheaterisms

LLLSeveral of you suggested this contest in the comments this week — take a popular New Age-y aphorism like “Live, Love, Laugh” and rewrite it for cheater sensibilities –“Lie, Luv, Litigate.”

Cheaters seem well-versed in philosophy — the kind of Pinterest-board deep thoughts that can only be expressed by a sunset meme or a basket of kittens.

So what’s your cheater goop speak of the week?

If you see some judgement, set it free?

Keep Calm and Hide Your Phone?

You Light Up My… Polygraph?

Please share yours!

fly

 

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_esq
_esq
7 years ago

In the midst of movement and chaos, no need to keep it in your pants.

ItIsWhatItIs
ItIsWhatItIs
7 years ago
Reply to  _esq

Don’t get mad, Darling, get EVERYTHING! I believe Ivana Trump said that?

Calmafterstorm
Calmafterstorm
7 years ago

When in doubt, whip it out

Hosanna
Hosanna
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

HAHAHA…love this one!

JannaG
JannaG
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Whip it. Whip it good.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Hahahahahaha!

WhereisMia
WhereisMia
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Omg lol !!!

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Calm. Lmfao! Love it!!!

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Luving it

StartofSomethingGood
StartofSomethingGood
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Ha, Ha, Ha!!!

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago

“If it itches, scratch it. If it REALLY itches, get STD tested!”

dealwithit
dealwithit
7 years ago

Yep! This!

NorthLondon
NorthLondon
7 years ago

She felt broken.
So she fucked her co-worker to make her feel whole again.

Insert obligatory picture of jubilant woman in a field of flowers.

Lost2015
Lost2015
7 years ago
Reply to  NorthLondon

Nice London, I think you hacked my wife’s Pinterest page.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  NorthLondon

Ah yes, the old “I’m broken so it’s okay to destroy you with my selfish actions” excuse. My favorite line was, “we’re both broken so we were drawn to each other.” So…because the two of you are fucked up you thought you’d fuck up a bunch of other innocent people in the process??

Finally Moving On
Finally Moving On
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

That sounds like my ex. The “it is all me and she and I are broken and need each other” garbage. What a waste of 10 years of my life with him… 🙁

David
David
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

“we’re both broken so we were drawn to each other.”

Thank you for bringing back this classic. My XW trotted every single line from the Cheater Script I’d forgotten it. She loved the Royal “we.” WE were broken? Speak for yourself, Your Majesty. Only one of us was admitted to a psych ward prior to our relationship, and I’ll give you a hint as to who it was: it wasn’t me.

JannaG
JannaG
7 years ago
Reply to  David

My ex was admitted to the psych ward prior to our relationship as well. He used to cut himself. It was sad.

Peaceful chump1111
Peaceful chump1111
7 years ago

I personally like the one CL posted a few days ago. “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either”

Susan
Susan
7 years ago

Love it!!!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

Love!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

Amen, Peaceful Chump 1111. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

I have to sigh and wish I had heard CL’s version of that one when I was growing up. It was my hippie dippy mantra for a lot of things. I got so fucking duped with, “If you love something let it go, and it comes back it is yours and if it doesn’t it never really was.” Cue that stupid butterfly.

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
7 years ago

So funny! Ex and Skank broke up but are now back together…. True love I’m sure…..,,or both couldn’t find a better offer yet!

kb
kb
7 years ago

Ironically, that was OW’s go-to aphorism every time she and XH had a fight. At the time, she was either texting him or messaging him on Facebook, and he had push notifications on his phone. If he left his phone unattended, I could pick it up and see that “If you love someone…” repeated in multiple messages.

By the way, they’re getting married in 2 weeks and XH’s communication skills are as good as (n)ever. The only reason he parted with his phone in the last 2 years was when they had a fight. He would even leave it locked in his car! This way, he didn’t have to answer her calls or engage with her in any way.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  kb

Now that’s true love…..NOT!

SoMovedOn
SoMovedOn
7 years ago

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose to hire an attorney.”

JannaG
JannaG
7 years ago
Reply to  SoMovedOn

Hahahaha. It did for me. 🙂

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  SoMovedOn

LOVE!

Peaceful chump1111
Peaceful chump1111
7 years ago

The truth shall set you free….or just getting rid of the liar works too

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

LOL

Kimhopes
Kimhopes
7 years ago

Lie, steal, cheat.

Caro
Caro
7 years ago
Reply to  Kimhopes

Lie, steal, cheat, repeat

violet
violet
7 years ago
Reply to  Kimhopes

“I am not a whore.”

JannaG
JannaG
7 years ago
Reply to  violet

“I am not a whore.”*

*I prefer to be called slut instead. Thank you.

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago

The Betrayed Partner Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the SERENITY to accept the cheater as someone I cannot change
the COURAGE to change my life because I can, and
the WISDOM to know that no contact and leaving a cheater is the only way to GET A LIFE.

Finally Moving On
Finally Moving On
7 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Perfect! Love it! 🙂

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
7 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Yes, yes, yes !!!!

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

“What goes around, comes around, and needs to be STD tested” ????

CakelessinKalamazoo
CakelessinKalamazoo
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

This.

dealwithit
dealwithit
7 years ago

If you think the grass is greener on the other side…..it’s because it’s fertilized with your bullshit.

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
7 years ago
Reply to  dealwithit

So funny!

Buddy
Buddy
7 years ago
Reply to  dealwithit

nice

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

“Time heals all chumps” ?????

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
7 years ago

Luv Means Never Having To Say “I’m Married”

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago

‘Luv Means Never Having To Say “I’m Married”’ – That is gold, GOOYSACA, absolute gold!

hisfreeliveintherapist
hisfreeliveintherapist
7 years ago

This is gold.

_esq
_esq
7 years ago

I love you but I’m not in love with you. AKA Sorry I just ripped your intestines out, threw them on the ground, stomped on them and then lit them on fire. Ooops – gotta go. She’s waiting. Good luck with your efforts to neatly reinsert your organs. Oh. And I hope your hair starts growing back and you stop looking like a skeleton. Later.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  _esq

I love you but….is the cheater’s mantra. See, I’m not a bad person because I do “love you” just not you know, the way I promised I would when I married you, bought a house together, had a child……

Finally Moving On
Finally Moving On
7 years ago
Reply to  _esq

This…so, so accurate.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago

Hahahaha. Love it.

musette
musette
7 years ago

Search, Smother, Shame, Slaughter
Desire, Dominate, Destroy, Discard
A cheater will be cheated on with those they cheated with.

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

“After all, tomorrow is another…lay”

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Hahahahaha!

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

LMAO!

ElectricTulip
ElectricTulip
7 years ago

I feel nourished by all this cake.

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago

And from Ben Franklin – needing no changes.to describe our cheaters……………

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
7 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Although I believe Ben Franklin was a huge cheater… our national symbol should have been a turkey as he wanted.

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

“Don’t sweat the small stuff”, and BABY, all they got is smaaalll “stufff”. At least in my experience. Very small. Almost non existant.

JannaG
JannaG
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

My ex was always concerned he was too small, because an ex-girlfriend told him he was. I actually thought he was fine and never would have hit below the belt like his ex-girlfriend did. Though it was tempting to talk smack to him after the cruel things he said to me.

Sarah
Sarah
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Amen!!! Lol

Lucky
Lucky
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Oh, so sadly, this is not true. That part of him is one that I miss most of all. 🙁

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago

Just follow your dick and the truth will manifest

Caro
Caro
7 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Good one!

Deedee
Deedee
7 years ago

Cheat,prey,hump.

Mehphista
Mehphista
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

LMAO! Good one!

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

“No amount of planning can ever replace Dumb Fucks”

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

“Lawyer UP!!” (instead of “Cowboy UP” for you non-horse people….)

This is fun. Thank you, CL and fellow Chumps….

lemondrop1966
lemondrop1966
7 years ago

Love the one you’re with.

Linden
Linden
7 years ago
Reply to  lemondrop1966

Ugh! Horrible 70s tripe. My mother said that when my father left her, the song “Philadelphia Freedom” was popular and she hated it.

CakelessinKalamazoo
CakelessinKalamazoo
7 years ago

YOLO!! as in You Only Litegate Once! If you learn your lesson that is.!

And on the heels of that

A chump needs a cheater like a fish needs a bicycle.

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago

YOLO YOLO YOLO

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

The genitals want what the genitals want.

JannaG
JannaG
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

The genitals want…gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomoniasis…
At least that’s where these “you only live once” cheaters are headed if they keep going like Energizer Bunnies.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

me too

Stacey91
Stacey91
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Hey — me too! 🙂

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

This – done in cross stitch and framed – like an old colonial sampler

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

” D-Day is the first day of the rest of your life”…..

no1
no1
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Actually I refer to it as “the worst day of the rest of my life.”

Nowhere to go but up. And happier every day to leave the past behind.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago
Reply to  no1

I love that!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

AWESOME!!

Riot
Riot
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Brilliant

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

” What’s LUV got to do with it, to do with this?”

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

I’m available enough, I’m dishonest enough, and, doggone it, people f*** me.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

LOVE it!!!

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amiisfree: hahahaha

I want to print this and post it in the sanctuary of the New Thought church where I met STBX and which kicked me out after D-day because “my anger was bring STBX down.”

I see you. I hear you. I fuck others secretly.

Namaste.

LIningUpDucks
LIningUpDucks
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Love this

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

LIKE LIKE LIKE

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

lol 🙂 Gary Smally

Chumpbunny
Chumpbunny
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Ok, I actually snorted on that one, Stuart Smalley!

Carolyn
Carolyn
7 years ago

Not sure of the exact wording, but it would need to show a picture of sushi or possibly some current teenager terminology cause ex and whore were both 40s/50s year old teenagers who just LOVED SUSHI. I know, a pic of Molly Ringwald from the 80s in The Breakfast Club with her little sushi lunch.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Carolyn

Carolyn
Carolyn
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Lol, thanks, Tempest!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

Lie
Cheat
Lie about Cheating

willowtree
willowtree
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Yep. He sure did.

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago

Where your penis goes, your life follows……………………………..(orig: where your mind goes, your life follows)

or

Change your affair partner and you’ll change your family’s world……………….(orig: change your thoughts and you’ll change your world)

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

If you do who you’ve always done, you won’t catch what you’ve never caught (thereby giving it to who you’ve always done, ya skeevy bastard.)

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

In my head I hear that with a Scottish accent “ya skeevy bastarrrd!”

liveandlearn
liveandlearn
7 years ago

And from Shakespeare :
Be that thou knowest thy cheater as greatest as thou fearest.

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago

DON’T Let them eat cake!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

I love this one! Very haughty.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

When in doubt
It’s all your fault I cheated

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

“Porn shucking”…”Porn on the cob”….”Creamed Porn”…..”Porn maze”…..”Porny jokes”…..”Pornflakes”…..

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Oh, I made a “serial” joke!!

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Dianne, you made me crack up on the bus! I feel like I need to share this with 40 people now!

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
7 years ago

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

Memory this word brings up:

While he was a selfish monster who had just been outed as cheating, while he was pondering which woman to choose, he (likely trying to encourage a new turn in the “pick me dance”) says to me “What men really crave is to be admired”…to which I responded “the first step in being admired is to do something admirable”.

He could have left the marriage more admirably if he had acted with decency and integrity, but those things are hard.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Standing ovation!!!! Same here, unicornnomore!!!

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
7 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

ROFL Rumblekitty!! 🙂

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
7 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

Alright! It worked!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago

Trust nothing cheater says, you will be happy
File for everything, you will be happier
Go NO CONTACT, you will be happiest

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Oh I really like this. Facebook or Pinterest ready, I’d say. Thanks for the laugh.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

You are never given a fantasy without being given the power to make it come true. You may have to f*** a Smorgasbord of strange to get it, however.

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago

“Don’t sweat the small stuff like lying cheating and stealing–ya right! “

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

From that place on you to that place on me which, when your place is in my place, we are one sleazy mess.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago

You are never too old to set another goal or have another affair

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago

And the old one: “You will know them by the height of their lies”

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

or by the dead snake look of their eyes 🙂

MissDeltaGirl
MissDeltaGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Ah, yes. The Dead Snake Look. If only I had know what it was when I was younger. Now I see it everywhere: My new boss. I mean former boss as I quit as soon as I was onto her. My contractor on our remodel. We are wrapping up with him today and not hiring him to do any further projects. That look, combined with one act of selfishness or not doing what they say they are going to do no matter how petty, is a sure sign of more to come.

Lucky
Lucky
7 years ago
Reply to  MissDeltaGirl

I never saw it as dead snake eyes, although it was reptilian. That look always reminded me of the plotting secret hatred I’d once seen in a 6yo girl. Scary in a girl child, scarier in a grown man. But also kind of funny.

no1
no1
7 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

While wreckonciling I tried to explain to cheater how I could tell he was being dishonest by that look… he of course disagreed that the look exists, or that i would ever be able to tell if he wasn’t telling me something… Frankly I’m glad he never caught on that the deadeyes are real. It’s nice now having that weather vane available when discussing finances, child rearing, etc…

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
7 years ago
Reply to  MissDeltaGirl

MDG, you are on to something. I call it lizard brain and one act of selfishness, paint my butt blue, I am gone.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

I needed this laugh today. Thank you fellow Chumps!

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago

Be Good
And if you can’t be Good, be Careful……..not to let your spouse find out

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Oh yeah

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

that is a phase my cheater used to tell my kids. I always thought it was a reference to STDs but in his cheater brain that probably was what it was and if you cant be good, be careful not to get caught.

Lucky
Lucky
7 years ago

“It is what it is”, ugh.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Mine said the same thing until I changed it to, “It is what it is, but it becomes what I make it….now get the fuck out!”

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Wow Lucky. I thought my cheater only used that one!!

Special snowflake ha!
Special snowflake ha!
7 years ago

It’s a shame that you aren’t evolved enough to understand….I can love two (or more) women at once. If you’d only let go of your Puritanical ideals, you’d be much happier in our marriage.

GorillaPoop
GorillaPoop
7 years ago

My ex seriously said this to me:

“Becoming one’s authentic self comes at an exorbitant price, but it’s worth it, at any price.”

My therapist had a gag reflex when I told her that one.

This was three months ago when I wouldn’t agree to an open marriage, so he moved out, excited to get on with his new post-Burning Man life of bisexual S&M, augmented by sexfinder.com hook ups with strangers.

Now he is already complaining about having to live in his parents’ basement and how hard he has to work now to pay his own bills. Sad, sad 40 year old sausage.

When I pointed out that he had made his bed and now he is lying in it, he looked completely taken aback. He retorted,”We both made decisions!”

Right, ass wipe, you gave me a “choice” between a divorce and a lifetime of shit sandwiches, and I decided to choose door number 1. Move along, loser.

JannaG
JannaG
7 years ago

Translation: If you only let go of your puritanical ideas, “I” would be much happier.
Reality: If you only let go of me and this marriage, YOU will be much happier.

Linden
Linden
7 years ago

Oh, this is familiar. Except the ex in my case said that if my parents hadn’t gotten divorced when I was young and created lifelong insecurity in me, then I would be able to love freely like he does. In other words, I couldn’t accept his cheating because I was psychologically damaged.

DoneNow
DoneNow
7 years ago
Reply to  Linden

Oh my. This is the first time I’m encountered that argument here. I thought that might be the one original piece of bullshit he came up with. Now there’s nothing left. He’s just completely textbook. He went further to say his family was healthier because his parents had stayed together even though his Dad was a cheater. In his mind it as divorce that does damage, not the cheating, lying, and abandonment of his father. Nope, no disfunction there (that was sarcasm.)

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Linden

yes, mine said that because I had an alcoholic mom & a bad childhood. I would never have as much in common with him as Susan of Seattle does…you see she and him had good childhoods so they had a deep connection.

Special snowflake ha!
Special snowflake ha!
7 years ago
Reply to  Linden

Yep, got that too. My FOO had “damaged” me to the point where I couldn’t accept “real” love. I was the broken one, which is why he had to have side sluts.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago
Reply to  Linden

Deep

TiredChump
TiredChump
7 years ago

A “tru love” story never ends……. neither will your spouse’s affair

VeniVidiVerily
VeniVidiVerily
7 years ago

He: “True love doesn’t fit in a box. There are many boxes all existing at the same time.”
Me: “I’m taking my empty box and going home.”

_esq
_esq
7 years ago
Reply to  VeniVidiVerily

Love it!

_esq
_esq
7 years ago
Reply to  _esq

I guess Pandora’s box is sparkly and smells like sunshine and roses. For now….. go ahead and Tiptoe through her Tulips. Asshole.

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  _esq

V-V-V – well now, I’ve finally heard somebody else repeat what the X said. He can love a lot of different people at the same time. I’m like – huh? WTF? Not with me around. And, he wasn’t talking about his mother.

David
David
7 years ago

Said by XW during sham marriage counseling (while having the affair in my face):

“OM and I have an adult relationship. He told me we will both swim in the ocean of our relationship, side by side, but swimming individually. When I get tired, he will tread water and hold me; and then we will continue our swim, separate but together.”

Vomit. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I divorced her and they are now drowning in debt and unemployment and treading the waters of their own shittiness.

David
David
7 years ago
Reply to  David

Her Cheater-Script Marital Rewrite was her premise: I was too controlling. Except I wasn’t: I told her to quite her job, I’d work more, take a year off, travel with some girlfriends while I stayed home with our two babies, sure, we can buy this house even though we can’t afford it because it will bring you happiness… just on and on.

Oh, wait! Yes, I was controlling that one time when I told her to stop having an affair, destroying me and our family, or I would divorce her. Stupid controlling husband-me.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  David

I’m controlling, too. I’m so controlling for telling the Cheater that it hurt me when he sees women behind my back. Entitled piece of crap! Your Cheater is typical with the Word Salad they come up with!

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  David

David, how did you keep from cracking up and laughing when she said that bullshit? Good lord, she sounds like a cheap harlequin story with legs! I would have laughed till I cried.

David
David
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

In hindsight, four years later, I can laugh at the utter absurdity of it. At the time I was in deep pain and shock–just devastated that she would continue, remorselessly, to bring pain to me and our children, and so desperate to hold the family together that I actually half-believed what she was saying. As with so many other stories, my spouse had become a stranger. It was a nightmare from which I finally found the strength to extricate myself.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  David

I understand that profound desperation, panic, grief. So sorry you had to endure that. Glad you found the strength.

Finally realized
Finally realized
7 years ago

I understand it, too. When I look back in surprise at what I put up with in the horrid months right after D Day, whilst he was pretending to have “chosen me”. It’s humiliating. Then I remember that “profound desperation, panic, grief”. I was truly out of my head with it all.

I’m sorry you had to go through it. Glad you’re on the other side now.

WhereisMia
WhereisMia
7 years ago
Reply to  David

David these are fuckwits !

uneffingbelievable
uneffingbelievable
7 years ago
Reply to  WhereisMia

David – how did you keep from hurling on the MC’s carpet? Sounds like she deserves the freak. How much you want to bet this strap-on has a Yanni playlist?

David
David
7 years ago

Eventually (a session or two later; I don’t recall) even the MC had had enough and told her, annoyed: “Maybe if you stopped having an affair and turned your attention to your family, you wouldn’t be so unhappy?”

At which XW stood up, enraged, and said “I don’t have to take this,” and stormed out. No, you can’t make this shit up.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  David

Utterly right David, you can’t make this shit up. Our MC suggested exasshole might consider testing for Bipolar Disorder, he was reasonable and calm in her office, saying that was a serious diagnosis and was appalled she would say such a thing. When we got to the car he went into a full on rage, I was driving and just kept telling him ‘of course you are not BPD’, it’s OK, relax… it took a while for me to see the humor in this because he was scary as shit. I’m sure ya’ll see the irony of his raging out of control because a therapist suggested he might have BPD…

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Therapy only works if the person sincerely wants to work on themselves and their life-coping skills. Mine decided that yes, he did have problem and sought help on his own but once the therapist got too deep into the real issues he bailed. Of course, it didn’t help that by then another “love of his life” appeared on the scene and was able to distract him with “you’re a good person, your wife is the crazy one” so he didn’t have to deal with reality anymore.

Highview
Highview
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

HA! HA!! HA!!!! That is hilarious!!!!!!!!!

Linden
Linden
7 years ago
Reply to  David

Oh, god. Apologies to Kahlil Gibran, but I can’t stand his poem “Marriage” anymore.

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness … [during which you can chase other people and then pretend later like you thought this would be okay with your spouse, so no need to tell her]”

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  David

David, your X’s quote reminds me of that movie, Open Water.

The one where a couple goes scuba diving on their vacation, misses their boat back, treads water together…..holding each other up physically and mentally, until they exhaust themselves and realize no one will save them from their decision to NOT FOLLOW THE RULES (be back at the meet up at the specified time) and then they are eaten by the nurse sharks.

Lucky
Lucky
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Waa! THIS TOO. What a great rejoinder, ANC. I *hated* that movie!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  David

You can’t make this stuff up, can you? So sorry for your pain, David. Cruel, disordered cheater. Glad you swam away from that shark.

Raging
Raging
7 years ago
Reply to  David

He was telling her he’s still going to bang other people.. aka ‘side by side but individually’. ‘Separate, but together’.. so much bullshit it takes a few seconds to decipher it.

Lucky
Lucky
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

Waa, THIS.

pookyand3
pookyand3
7 years ago

somewhere, someone else is sick of his shit too

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  pookyand3

Yes!