“I always come back to you!”
My ex used to do this mindfuck and it never failed to infuriate me.
What makes you assume I WANT you to come back? You think you’re doing me some sort of favor?
Is this some sick assurance that I’ve won the pick me dance?
Other than being several sandwiches shy of a picnic, what could compel cheaters to say this?
Yeah, I know a claim to the moral high ground is rich coming from a person who’s banging someone else, but I swear part of the “but I would NEVER divorce you!” narrative is smug condescension. I’m a Family Person. I VALUE marriage! Unlike YOU who talk of divorce and who want to harm the children and break up their home! You’re a quitter.
Next they swan into a self pity aria. I’m trying. Can’t you see how much I put up with you? Okay, a Mistake Was Made. How long must I be punished?
I Always Come Back to You of course is also a flamboyant display of entitlement. They assume there is hearth and home to come back to. It’s also a staggering act of minimalization. Oh, that affair? Yeah, so? But I’m with you now. What’s your issue? Why would you think anything is wrong here?
Cake is Right and Proper! Do not upset the balance of cake!
Of course, to the unschooled chump, they don’t see cake. They see a dramatic love affair gone wrong. The cheater strays, is wayward for awhile, but then is tugged back by the great, powerful love they have for their chump. Oh to be the focus of such a love! Oh to WIN the pick me dance and crush the competition under the heel of your boot!
If a cheater boomerangs? I suggest you not be there to catch them. Let that thing drop.
This column ran previously. Happy July 4th!