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Ashley Madison Wants You to “Find Your Moment”

Poor Ashley Madison has gone in for some rebranding lately. After its data hack last summer, the resignation of its CEO Noel Biderman, continued controversy over its blackmail billing practices, AM is trying to soften its image.

Instead of douchey men swiping right while singing “I’m looking for someone other than my wife” now we’ve got this sad moppet buttering his toast to a lugubrious folk singer. Please someone pity fuck this man!

And lest you think all the women on AM are fembots, here’s a video with a real woman! Her life was just her bland husband and forlornly slicing cucumbers in an unlit kitchen until a handsome grey-haired stranger sent her “concert tickets.” Pan to the classy hotel and exchange of naughty winks. Hey, they aren’t adulterers — they’re concert goers.

But wait! There’s more! Branching out from the married-but-cheating fuckwit demographic, Ashley Madison is for polyamorists too!

According to Ad Age’s Creativity , the ads started being televised on July 18 and will be supported by a $10 million media buy.

I think we at Chump Nation should help Ashley Madison with its new branding campaign. The old tagline was “Life is short. Have an affair.” The new tagline is “Find your moment.”

AM, I have moments!

Maybe that moment when I found another woman’s thong in my bed?

Or that moment I got STD tested?

Or found the burner phone? Or had to explain to a 9-year-old why infidelity and divorce would be upending his world?

So many moments to choose from… So chumps, what’s yours? Help Ashley Madison out. Or go slice a cucumber or something.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • When he took forty thousand dollars out of our savings and hid it because he hated himself and thought he might have to leave. Right…….

    • Same for me. 40,000.00 out of the 401k after divorce proceedings in full swing. He “had to pay some bills”. Yeah, I wonder why. Amazing how many moments we can have after we leave the fog of dday and learn to look at what is really going on. I think I was a stellar student at the Marriage Police Academy.

      • When I read the “can I cum.c.u” text on his phone while he took a nap. And then when a search of the phone number returned the profile and photos of a plus-size tattooed prostitute.

        Those were some moments. Some eye opening moments.

        • “Those were some moments. Some eye opening moments.” Brilliant Sunrise!

    • What is with $40,000? Is there a playbook? After separation, $40,000 out of the account. Why?

      Indignant voice, ” I NEED a pickup truck!!” Like I am crazy for not understanding this enormous need!

      This from a man who never drove anything but a $90,000 Mercedes coupe…..a pickup truck???

      That was a moment.

      • Yes, what is this NEED for extra vehicles? I got the same indignation when I questioned his NEED for a second sports car, which only had two seats and therefore was worthless to transport our family of four. Didn’t matter, he bought it anyway…

    • 60K, 14k from son’s college fund, 3K from daughter’s, 6K from savings, 5k and 1.5k on vacation with OW. A home equity loan. And a 33K truck. Because that’s what good men do when they have a family. (*sarcasm font here). Cheaters dissipate assets first then run off with their affair partners.

      • They’re parasitic bottom feeders. They feed off of you and you get NOTHING in return.

  • Those video’s make me want to puke! What is honestly wrong with these people!!!!!

    • Yeah, I just threw up a little in my mouth watching that garbage.

      Can we produce the response videos? Using the same folk singing soundtrack, we can show the chump finding the evidence of Ashley Madison and the devastation that it causes. And just so it has a peppy, hopeful message, we can have the final installment the chump finding Chump Lady online and kicking the cheater’s sorry ass to the curb. Last shot? The AM bill!

      • Or we could flash pictures of chumps holding a poster with a personalized message.

        Found My Moment, followed by the TRUTH.

      • I don’t have the stomach to watch these videos so I can only imagine how disgusting and ridiculous they are. It’s still too fresh in my mind the moment I announced to the ex that I had found his new AM paid membership and asked him why in the hell he needed to pay for something that specialized in providing a safe place for married fuck heads to cheat discretely. He sure as hell doesn’t see me as his wife anymore so why bother hiding it?

      • Chutes: Love the idea to produce a response video. Maybe some chump has access to John Oliver’s “Last Week” program and can suggest it!

      • Chutes – yes, the AM bill at the end with the caption “Hope it was worth it . . .”

        • Do you realize the videos are on youtube?
          Feel free to leave a comment right there. Just saw one that says: “This company, and what it promotes is wonderful, and everyone should experience it if they need to”
          I think THAT really needs your answer!

    • I felt the same way — a rising tide of nausea that our culture even allows a business like this to operate without shame.

      • That is because we have taken the shame out of so many things that used to be considered immoral. Hey it’s okay to commit adultery – just get a no fault divorce.

    • Well folks here in Australia their new ad campaign reads…. Life is dull…. Have an affair WTF!!!! Puke stop the world I want to get off !!!!

  • Find your moment…. It’s hard to pick, there’s so many

    That moment…..when you find out from a computer software recording device that your husband wasn’t out working out at 2am, no, he had a good fuck with a woman and the back of the family pick up truck!

  • I’m having a “what is the world coming to?” Moment when I’m watching those videos.

    I mean really, what? Life’s not complete without extra curricular fucking? What if the camera had a shot of your sad little kids faces after you get busted?

        • No kidding! The only bright spot in that whole fucked up video is that the kid kept the money. That money will probably be much needed money for therapy.

      • The best thing about NASA is that we’re getting closer to finding Planet Fuckwit so we can assign one way tickets to these sociopaths.

      • Yep. The week before my exFucktard sent me a text meant for the OW, he did the same thing to our 20 year old son. Son couldn’t figure out what to do until dday. He confessed this to me after the 2nd dday.

        • My son couldn’t figure out what to do when he found his fuck head fathers fuck phone. He wound up in the mental hospital for 19 days and “Nobody” (Actually just me apparently – pretty sure now asswipe knew why our son freaked out) knew why he freaked out. The day he got out of the hospital – my son told me about his fuck-head fathers fuck phone. NOW things started to make sense…..why asswipe was treating me like shit and accusing me of off the wall shit, why my son freaked out, why dumbass quit paying for things. Fucking assholes!

      • The saddest and most disturbing confession in that video was the women who expressed that she was too broken for true love and afraid of finding a guy like her dad. That brought a tear to my eye.
        I wish I could give her a hug and tell her she is worth love. She is not a reflection of her father.
        BTW, What kind of sicko puts a used condom in his 12 years room and shifts the blame to him by accusing him of sex????? What a sicko..

    • If you want to know “what is the world coming to?”
      My son is 2. They taught him to call daddy’s babysitter “mamu”. I’m trying to tell him I am his mother, she is not etc. Now my son is having anxieties whenever he pronounces “mamu” by mistake (usually after he returns from a visit to his dad). He tries to correct himself, he is explaining to me she is not mama etc.
      At 2 years old, my son is trying to protect my feelings. His world is splitting in 2 different realities. The double life his father chose, now my son must live it. In those moments, I feel my heart is ripped apart and I can’t do anything to help him. What is the world coming to?

      • It’s sad that your Ex isn’t as concerned about his 2 year old. You wonder how these men were raised.

      • Enraged – this makes me sick. The courts should not allow this. It is child abuse plain and simple. It should be law that if someone is unfaithful in their marriage (which proves they are not concerned with the well-being of their family – especially their children) then they must have supervised visitation for at least one year with children under 15 years of age. That visitation should be with just the parent only and possibly those grandparents. The year would be a good amount of time for the vitriol to die down and keep the cheater from poisoning the child against the faithful parent. It would also allow time for the relationship with the AP to either become settled and calm or (more than likely) to burn out.

        Why the courts in this country seem determined to not protect children from their parents selfish choices is beyond me. If the problem is money, then they could train volunteers to do the supervised visits. I’d be the first one to sign up.

        • I think the problem is society is riddled with power hungry entitled assholes. Including judges attorneys and politicians.

        • uneff, I live in Europe. I had to come to a compromise (called mediation) only so I can relocate to my home country. Then he will get to see his son twice a year. The hell is almost finished (under 1 year) as opposed to having to go through court and wait for years.

          • uneff, I give you extra points for your idea. It’s very well thought.
            If you could push it through to Hague Convention, that would be great.

            Because I’ve been stuck in a foreign county all by myself, without any support. Alone, if anyone can grasp that concept. Could not go home to my family. They had to make turns and come here to stay with the baby, so I can work and provide, pay lawyers and mediator. This whole year I’ve been working just for fees and can barely make it.
            Meanwhile, the cheating husband has gone abroad to his home to visit family and friends, to smear me. Has bought a car to give her rides (until he left, he drover her in MY car)
            It’s a f-ing nightmare this Hague Convention!

      • Enraged, he’s two poor kid is experiencing things he never should have to. I’m so sorry for you. It’s horrible

  • What Ashley Madison is proving with these ads is that you don’t need their services! There is a chick on a train that you can smile at! There is a grey-haired stranger staying at the same hotel if you want to cheat on your husband! There is a skank waitress if you want a threesome! They are proving that if you get out from behind your computer screen, there are a ton of idiots with shitty morals out there who will cheat with you.

    New Ashley Madison tag line: “You don’t need us to cheat!”. What a bunch of dumbasses.

    • Uneff! But sad sausages might not KNOW where to look. Riiiiiight?!!! Brilliant, Uneff. On. The. Money. (Pardon the pun…)

      • Since most Sad Sausages couldn’t find their own asses with both hands, you are right, Horsesrcumin, they definitely need Gashley Cadison!

    • Or, the ads tell you that “Wow, I could be the chump husband whose wife cheats on me after making me a cucumber salad! Shit, women can do that?”

  • When I found a Victory Secret receipt on my dresser for an “outfit” I never received.

    Finding a plane ticket with another woman’s name on it.

    Blurting, “My husband is cheating on me.” To a random mom up at my daughter’s elementary school.

    Finding thousands of dollars disappearing quickly from our bank account.

    My grandmother telling me, “He’s a good person, father, and provider. Divorce is very hard. You should really think about how hard a divorce will be.”

    Crying hysterically at a rest stop in Ohio in front of complete strangers.

    Packing up my home of 20 years and getting rid of things I loved because I couldn’t fit everything into a small apartment.

    Crashing my car. Probably due to no sleep for days. – Leaving me permanently paralyzed.

    Being turned down for a second date due to being paralyzed.

    Missing my home and my dog.

    Finding crotch-shot pictures on my husbands phone.

    Finding random items like earrings, a jacket, a hat, sunglasses… my husbands car and believing they were co-workers he drove to lunch or off-site meetings for work.

    And yes, looking at the most innocent faces of young children and telling them their lives are changing dramatically. Forever. This was by far the worst.

    Trying to make your kids happy because you know their lives are temporarily fucked-up. Oh, but you can’t because now you’re paralyzed do you can’t walk or run or swim or do things like most normal mom’s can.

    Being totally broke and in debt from having thousands of dollars in a nice savings account. Now paying with counted out change from the car cushions.

    Owing 36k in medical bills with no more second income.

    There are still plenty of moments but broke, alone, handicapped, typing this with one finger, is light years better than living with a complete physcopath.

    AM, my husband did have an account with you. I found it along with several other dating and affair websites.

    Whoever is married and trolling your site for married men, totally deserves my husband or someone just like him. I hope you find each other soon!

    • Wiseoldowl – I’m truly sorry and moved to hear what you have been through and continue to go through. Thank you so much for sharing your story (your ‘moments’) with us.

      Maybe you should tell your story to Ashley Madison? Directly, or in a public way? Twitter?

      These adverts make me feel sick. The cheaters find their selfish moments, and we suffer the consequences. Perhaps it’s time that the victims of AM gave a little feedback?!

      • I agree. WOO — your story is god awful. And you know I read a lot of stories. I’m so sorry. Let AM know about your “moments” — which will last a lifetime.

      • Yes!!! Please do tell. Wiseoldowl. This narrative is so bloody much bullshit. I am seething. And I can’t express my sorrow fully for all that has happened to you. Tell them about your moments. (Like they’d care…fuck them. Oh wait. That’s the whole point, right?)

      • Your story is an appalling example of the damage these cheaters do. But your post is testimony to your courage and resilience. One thing I know for sure: everyone here sees your worth and your mightiness.

        • Totally agree with LAJ. You are so brave, WiseOldOwl. Thank goodness you got away from that monster!

          Try not to worry about the medical debt. Just get food, housing, clothing, utilities taken care of first. I don’t know which country you live in, but in the U.S. you can get hospital bills forgiven in bankruptcy filing (current credit and income situation are important factors to consider before going this route, consult advice).

          I’ve read that some people were able to get the hospital to waive the balance for extenuating circumstances (your story certainly would apply). There’s low-cost or free medical care for you and the kids (ACA or state MediCaid). Do an Internet search and find some contact numbers to call in your area. Keep trying until you find someone who can help you. Good luck to you and your kids.

    • Wise Old Owl – I am just so sorry for what has happened to you. Your children are very lucky to have you as their mother – a bright, articulate, loving woman. I wish you only good things to come.

    • WOO – Hugs to you, you’ve been through so much. “Blurting, “My husband is cheating on me.” To a random mom up at my daughter’s elementary school. ” I did the blurting thing, too. It was easier than telling people I knew, at first.

    • WOO,

      OMG! I am so sorry that this is your story/your moments. Double/Triple ((HUGS))! These are things that people who believe infidelity is “no big deal” need to hear.

      Unfortunately, anyone who would set up/profit from or advertise about or on a site that ENCOURAGES people to seek relationships outside of their marriage is not going to want to hear or care about a message which reveals the stark ugly reality of infidelity. The morals and empathy of anyone associated with or interested in using AM (and any site like it) set sail for The Island of Empty Shells a long time ago.

      WOO you have my admiration and respect for your strength and resilience.

      • Hugs, Woo.

        Those AM moments have a way of becoming a lifestyle for us ‘collaterally damaged’.

        Big hugs, and stay mighty!


      • WOO

        I’m so sorry for your pain and suffering. I struggled with thoughts of hatred, vengence, and ill wishes for the sociopath in my life. It’s a waste of my energy. Sending love and strength to you instead.

        • Sending you hugs, WOO, and keeping you in my prayers. God the cheaters of the world really are a bunch of evil twits! They really deserve their karma.

  • The moment I was writing thank you notes to those who attended our daughter’s funeral, when I saw an email from his 22 yo mistress with a hotel confirmation for their trip in a week to Mexico to celebrate is 45th birthday. And a note about how excited she was to go. Not only had he told me this was a business trip, but it was to the same place we talked about going on out babymoon together with out daughter and where we had our honeymoon 2 years prior.

    • Beyond comprehension. Don’t even go there. It sounds like the mind / soul of your cheater is a very, very dark place. It doesn’t sound like somewhere and someone you want to understand.

      I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter.

      • // , Why dark? Why not gray, colorless, and empty? Or maybe an office-beige?

        • Hey Coward!
          You don’t get to RE-WRITE the Bible.
          So it stays as it has been established: Evil resides in a DARK place.
          Just where you want to keep your name: in anonymity, in the DARK. Ha ha ha

    • Oh my…there is a special place in Hell for this level of betrayal

    • Jessicawett – that is just a whole new level of evil. I can’t even comprehend all of the demented a person would have to be to do something like that to their spouse. Also, the 22 yr old having absolutely no empathy for what you were going through. I hope the two of them rot in hell – it’s where they belong.

    • Jessicawett,
      This makes my heart hurt. He didnt deserve to be her father. My ahole ran to screw his howorker 2 days after having someone in our immediate circle die. I was at home crying and all they think about is that dick. F your ahole and mine!

  • That moment following abandonment and discovery of the affair….puking into the toilet bowl…for weeks!

      • yes…”moment” where I weighed 113 pounds, my hair was falling out and I had hives. Couldnt eat for days after BD day and D day

        • Same here Unicornomore. I withered down to a size double zero, so, the same size I was in grade school. 107 pounds on a 5’7 frame looks so sickly, but there was nothing that I could do to change it. I was drinking Ensure (and only one a day because that’s all I could manage) and couldn’t eat a thing.

          I know that many people find the divorce diet a sort of confidence boost, but to me, I was so ashamed of my body for failing me when I needed the strength.

          It took me almost a full year to gain the weight back and look like my normal thin (not sick) self.

        • Yes I’ve had stressed induced hives but my DDay 2014 progressed to 4 hospital stays, the last in February 2015 &I left the hospital weighing 82 pounds. That was on top of the back surgery gone bad from November 2011 that I was just making headway with. I’m making a come back slow but sure I weigh 94 now. I’ve learned the patience of Job because I couldn’t leave. BUT JUST WAIT! Going to do what I have to do till it’s DONE!

          • And his AP OW was his brothers mil!! Oh &yea she would never do something like that he’s FAMILY

          • Going to the hospital for hives was my final warning from my body. I went to the hospital in August and left in September. He was killing me slowly.

            • Emergency room hives!? Me too! Holy crap, I thought I’d never find another chump who had that happen to them. He (first asshole cheater husband) left his email open on the laptop, I stayed up until 4 am ready them. Suddenly, felt my throat tighten really hard and difficulty breathing. Eh, panic attack I thought. Makes sense. Then from my shoulders to my knees broke out in ginormous hives. I didn’t even really give a shit what was happening to me at that point… went nudged sleeping fuckwit’s shoulder “hey, hey… I am going to the hospital. I am in anaphylaxis or someone is praying for my death or some shit.” Then just drove myself to the ER in case my throat swelled shut. I have no known allergeries. Weird physical manifestation of extreme emotional distress, I suppose. Ahhh, good times.

            • Informal…I never felt genuinely suicidal (as in being ready to actually harm myself) but I had moments where I BEGGED God to not let me wake up the next day and please give my life to someone who was dying whose spouse actually valued them. I remember being really angry when I woke up the next day.

              He was slowly killing me but the bastard (soon after Dday) said “dont starve yourself for me” I suppose giving fair warning that he knew he wasnt worth that.

              He seemed to be “living the life” with love form 2 women, forgetting he had children and doing whatever he chose regardless of who it hurt – while I had the weight of the world on me. Fast forward…he died and now cant redeem himself and cant enjoy all that life has to offer…I live and laugh and love and dance in my yard.

              I just completed a round of preventative medicine visits getting all up to date with all that stuff us 50 yr olds are supposed to be watchful of because I have so much to live for.

              • Unicornnomore – I read your post and lived all the words with you. It’s an awful feeling and torture to have to go through what you did. I know what it’s like to no longer want to live. And I really liked the ending, where your Ex died and now you can fully live your life! Some people bring joy the moment they are out of out lives, I’m very happy for you and your new found life. Hope you get to enjoy each day to the fullest.

        • Ah, yes. The 20+ pound weight loss in less than a month. The hair falling out. The constant shaking. Not being able to sleep. Those priceless moments

          • I was in good shape, after the cheater gaslight diet I was a stick, I lost all my body mass and it’s now a few years later and I have not been able to get it back. That moment when you realize how hard it is to get the hard body back that you always had. That moment when the asshole tells you his cheating was good for you, ‘look at how you lost weight’. Motherfucker, I didn’t need to lose any weight, and all these wrinkles that appeared because even my face became a skeleton? yeah, shitty.

    • I’m sorry DM. The truth is Mrs. DM is very lucky to have a guy like you. I’m glad you have a family now that is grateful for you.

    • This!!! Puking, lying in a fetal position on my floor thinking I would never get up again, my chest with an ache so horrible that I thought it was going to explode, so much weight loss that I needed belts just to keep my pants from fall down, not eating for days, my son crawling into bed beside me sobbing his heart out because his dad did not care one little bit about him, my son in hospital really unwell and his father too busy (with the OW) to even visit him once and lying about it, my daughter crying her eyes out at school, me going home to an empty house which he packed up while I was at work and just left, me finding him at the OWs house a week later at 1 am in the morning because he just needed someone to “talk” to…. yeah great moments!!!

      Life now, happiness, fun, amazing kids, house, healthy, happy, laughter. 🙂

      • JABT, it’s amazing how wonderful life can be when you get through it isn’t it? I was just saying that the other day – that I really, love my life. I’m at peace. I’m happy. I come home, do what I want to do, take care of my home and my young adult children and am really, really peacefully happy! I’m so glad that you are there too and I wish nothing less for the rest of Chump Nation. 🙂

  • How about turning onto the street where you and your family used to live for 17 years and see your 16 year old daughter sitting on the curb in front of the only home she had ever known crying her eyes out. Nothing like sitting down beside her and hearing, “Dad, there are other people living in our house.”

  • When my at the time 17 year old daughter found condoms in his wallet when I told her to look for some cash for breakfast out with her and her two brothers while he slept off his DUI after totaling our car the evening of her birthday. Fuckwit. Good riddance!

  • The moment he said “You *know* I was in Europe with another woman, no I can’t say I thought much of home at all.”

  • Watching cheater ex and schmoopie cuddle publicly at an Alanon meeting I had to chair, in front of thirty odd people who knew we were married. It was a sneak attack on their part. It was cheater ex’s and my “special meeting” we had gone to for a couple of years. I pulled up my big girl panties and chaired the damn meeting calmly. Afterwards I went into the bathroom and cried for about 6 minutes, splashed some cold water only face, and went out and confronted him in the car. Told him he had a choice to make. If he wanted her, he got her….he could go home and pack his shit.

  • My moments:

    1. Finding out I’m being abandoned and left with a special needs daughter to look after alone.

    2. Him stealing $50,000.

    3. Hospitalization, fighting for my life.

    Fun times.

  • That moment I realized my husband was out fucking around before, during, and after each of my two pregnancies, one of which I lost.

    That moment when I remembered and understood in a new light the times my husband’s “best friend” came over for dinner and I was rushing around serving the two of them home cooked food, special desserts, and wine in a freshly cleaned house while they smugly sat there and let me.

    That moment I saw the email sent from his “best friend” to my husband with a picture of nothing but his hotel bed. Not the view from the balcony, just the bed front and center.

    That moment when I stood in the Publix giftcard section with tears running down my face as I tried to pick out an anniversary card for our 30th … none of them said anything close to what I was feeling and I didn’t even know about the 30 year gay affair yet, only the “emotional affairs” with female coworkers.

    That moment I remembered and understood in a new light coming back from a 5 week emergency trip to a foreign country where my mother almost died from emergency brain surgery while on vacation … and walking in to find the two of them sitting there casually in our family room.

    Those ads not only make me sick, they also make their “customers” look completely pathetic.

    • That is haunting, DixieChump. I’m sorry about your miscarriages, your mother’s surgery, and your having to endure such an asshole for 30 years.

  • That moment you stumble upon your spouse’s newly-purchased AM account (after him recently mind-fucking me about how he was living a hermit lifestyle and absolutely was not looking for anyone or anything resembling another woman) and finally realizing you’re done being a chump. Divorce agreement is currently being drafted.

    There’s your new ad!

    “Ashley Madison – the company that proudly provides Chumps their well-deserved freedom from fuckwits.”

  • My moment?
    An anonymous email of my husband with his mistress.

    You want an open marriage have one. Deceit will cost you. Just ask my X.

  • What a bunch of cowards and losers. Has anyone ever met an adulterer that they respect (not even counting our spouses)? I didn’t think so. There’s a reason for that. They are total losers.

  • I have to say I find the poly one very, very disconcerting; the man looks like my ex and his partner looks like the AP! Very, very weird for me.

    Perhaps this is their future? As two cheaters in a relationship, they’ll have to have a poly relationship to keep their relationship going?!

  • The moment i heard he saw something he wanted it he went for it and didnt give a fuck who it hurt. His mask down, demons released, my eyes opened wide. Words burned burned in my brain.

  • I was going to chime in with one or two of my own “moments” but reading what I’ve already read here in the comments reinforces the fact I got off kind of easy by comparison. It didn’t feel that way at the time of course, after my life and heart and world were smashed to oblivion by a man who suddenly seemed to have bottomless disdain for me rather than a committed love. I’d just like to send ((HUGS)) to EVERY ONE o’ y’all.

    • “bottomless disdain”

      That was a punch to my gut too. I once asked him what I had done to him to make him hate me so much. He said he just couldn’t put it into words. Later he recanted and said he didn’t hate me, but his actions and demeanor said otherwise.

    • Same here … what horrible things to happen to you. I mean, no matter the degree of betrayal, it’s all relevant, and our own personal horror, but reading these accounts makes me grateful I had a run-of-the-mill, cowardly, alcoholic cheater who made me feel worthless without causing too much lasting damage (I hope). I can get over feeling worthless. Definitely hugs to everyone.

      And OMG!!! how many people would that $10 million ad campaign feed or house? How fucking greedy is that to spend $10 million to tell people that one comfortable life isn’t enough when you can have two!!!!

      • My guess is they will make lots more money then ditch. Or maybe that’s my hope. Chump the cheaters!

    • @GOYSACH I’ve also read some of these comments and realized that, despite my utter devastation at my ex’s betrayal, I got off pretty easy as well.

  • Having a nervous breakdown 3 months after dday & not hearing from ex & his entire family ever again.

  • That moment when you open a detailed 2 page letter from your 11 year old informing you your husband has been cheating on you.

    • I am so sorry your son had to deal with that. He sounds incredibly smart. Jedi hugs to both of you Rose Red

  • Tracking my EW thru find my phone, to the local park at 3am , To find her snuggling up with the OM. Very confronting , but so character building. These things are etched into your mind for the rest of your life . Probably best if you move on and forget these things ever happened but , oh and don’t bring it up in any future arguments heaven forbid haha. Fark

  • Oh, Ashley Madison, the wonderful service my ex turned to when my eldest was only a year old. I’ve had many moments, which I’ve shared on here over the years:

    Watching how hurt our kids have been by his and his whore’s actions has been the gift that keeps on giving.

    It was fun dismantling our marriage of 13 years and crying every night in my bed for God knows how long.

    STD testing and crying my eyes out to my OB/GYN was quite a moment!

    Checking credit card statements and eventually learning how much of an asshole my ex was after the AM dump was super fun.

    Yes, those were some wonderful moments.

    You know, AM doesn’t share those moments in their nasty commercials, of course, but what they also don’t share is the reality behind their clientele. Do people honestly think that AM is loaded with hot people? If my ex and his hooker (since the men pay, AM is nothing more than a form of prostitution- enjoy those moments, ladies, when you are rendering your services that have been paid for by your john) are representative of who signs up, enjoy screwing ugly, needy, awkward people! But I guess that when you don’t have a soul and are just looking to satisfy your selfish needs, you’ll do ugly inside and out without even using a condom! Now that’s a moment to share with friends and family on social media!

    How about, “Life is short. Don’t tie yourself down to one person; stay single so you can enjoy as many ‘moments’ of sex with a stranger in the back of your car as possible.”

    • How many other people had the “crying in the doctor’s office while getting STD tested” moment?

      * Raises hand *

        • Forgot to add the extra humiliation of having to tell the Dr. to test for everything under the son since I caught him with prostitutes……………

          Stbx sucks more than a hoover vacuum!

      • Yup, that’ll be me. It was also my 2nd “moment” that sealed the deal that he sucks big time.

      • *Raises hand*. My doc was funny. She said “motherfucker! You are the third woman today. Men are shitheads. Was she ugly?” I love my doctor. She gave me a hug.

      • I got tested for everything. I called my OB and scheduled my appointment but she couldn’t get me in immediately. She suggested that I go to Planned Parenthood for an HIV test that very same day though. And that’s exactly what I did. While the PP nurse was exceptional, she also asked me, “when was the last time you had an HIV test?” I lost it and started sobbing and told her that my husband was having an affair and I’ve never had to be tested before. She was genuinely kind and I so needed it in that moment.

        I still tell people that want to pretend that affairs are no big deal or something that is between two people, how I was forced to get a damn AIDS test. My health and LIFE were compromised. Yes, maybe that’s dramatic, but it still holds true. He could have given me an STI or HIV and never once thought twice about it. Some people ask me, “oh an AIDS test, was he sleeping with men” and all I can truthfully answer is, “he’s a cheater and a liar, so I have no clue who he was doing”. Not my job to tell people it was a woman or to protect his image. They want to think he was sleeping with men, so be it.

      • Yep, had to tell my doctor of nearly a quarter century that I’d just gotten divorced, that PreyingMantis had been unfaithful to me, and that heaven knows what kind of diseases I might have going on. Because that’s what she loves most of all – having to play medical janitor… 😛 As it turned out, I’m OK… but it was traumatic and humiliating. Until I got the results back, I was an emotional wreck.

      • Raises hand.

        My doc asked me “Well, do you have a reason to believe he gave you something? What should I test for?” I said “At this point, let’s just assume he gave me everything. The numbers could be in the hundreds.” He looked queasily at me and left to grab what he needed. (He was the stereotypical socially awkward silent type.)

        I looked at the nurse and her eyes were full of tears. She said she had her tests for the same thing a couple of days ago.

        That was the beginning of me learning just how common it was.

        • I’m sorry, but that reply from your doctor is just stupid. “What should I test for?” Really??? REALLY??
          Sounds like a cheater.

      • Raise hand(s)… Yup! Twice bc I hadn’t found CL and was still playing the pick me dance, in bed! Fucker. Those STD panels weren’t covered by ins and I paid over $1200!

        • I have insurance, but my copay for all the lab work was still over $800. My OB/Gyn is a very kind older man and I could tell he was upset over it. His nurse was mad as hell.

      • Me too. She’s been my doctor for 20 years and asked why I needed STD testing. I told her everything. When I told my stepmom about the testing and it came out clean, she said that she thought he had an emotional affair. My reply was that was what he told me. He never admitted to having sex. Why should I believe a liar?

        • The fucker told me, repeatedly, to his last fucking breath that he never had sex with her. I found the hotel reciepts after he died…never even gave me the info I needed to go to the doctor and get checked. The fact that I never got an STD (I know of) is amazing to me.

          • But I thought that getting a hotel room was just so they could play canasta? There was no sex. Honest.

            I thing calling them half-wits would be giving them more credit than they deserve.

          • Add me to the list……shithead cheater ex gave me a rest of my lifetime STD gift. Not HIV, thank heaven, just an occasional painful reminder of his suckitude.

            • I had to go to another locality to get tested as I work closely with doctors who are my referrers for work… Felt so humiliated I travelled far away to ensure my business remained private. So depressing I cried all way there and back ? I hate fucking cheaters

  • To have someone call you and tell you your husband and your friend were acting like hormonal teenagers at a Boy Scout training session and when confronted about it was told “She was mistaken in what she saw”.

    Finding the text message on his phone that said “Thanks for the snuggles, xoxo’ to be told you are mistaken she just needed some reassurance after a difficult day.

    To find him at her apartment with no lights on after he swore he wasn’t going back to her.

    And above all forcing him to tell his 20 year old son he was fucking another woman after he cried and told them he wanted another chance. And watching your son crumble knowing that his father played him.

  • Rebranding Ashley Madison is like rebranding $100 a can vomit flavored soda infected with a fatal disease. There’s no way to spin it that makes it a good thing and the target market is totally messed up.

  • That moment I caught him at it again after I’d married him for the SECOND time, when he dropped his mask, looked at me with his cold dead eyes, and said, “You’re so easy.”

    • That would be the moment I knew I was looking directly into Satan’s eyes.

  • That moment you find your (tiny, emaciated) body dangling by the neck from the woolshed rafters five months after D-day. And thinking, yes. I am insane. But it’s okay. Because I will be gone from here very soon. And the agony will be over. And no. I am not usually THAT insane …who even was that? I can’t even. I have kids. And I would never do that to them. Right? But I nearly did. Ugh.

    • I know and feel your pain, I came very close to the same end myself. But thankfully, I have a very good friend who talked me down and reminded me that I have a Autistic son who needed me.

    • That moment passed HC and for good reason. We all have to tap into that one second we choose to fight for ourselves.

      I repeatedly ask who that person was who lay there crying, not eating, or sleeping. This is why CL and CN are so important. We aren’t alone with our pain, the pain is finite, and we gain a life. ?So happy you are here.

  • They’ve changed the name of their media company too — to “Ruby.”

    Which is the birthstone for the month of assholes.

    • This is so fitting! I just scrapped the gold ruby ring he left behind that I bought him while we were dating. I also found his ruby class ring and dumped that too. He is literally a ‘Cancer’.

      • Heya, watch yer traps, ladies. hehe. You knew you’d offend a proud Cancer and Ruby birthstone from somebody around here.
        Cut it out. Mine was a Scorpion and really suited it! ha.

        • And, is that true? They changed the name of the company to Ruby? what’s with that!

          • Their marketing is so immature and sophomoric, I’m sure it’s a Ruby Chasm reference (ladygarden).

        • I am a ruby, a Leo. I wish I had been an “asshole” 23 years ago and turned and walked away when I met my ex.

  • That moment when your then 16yo daughter is screaming at you telling you that it takes two to wreak a marriage and you need to stop playing the victim because dad is sorry for what he did and you should accept his apology and let him come home.

    I was doing my best to not talk to her about our issues but apparently he wasn’t. And 3 years later, he still can’t stop even though we’ve been divorced for over a year now. I let her rant (much less of one now than it used to be) and don’t respond and she apologizes for letting him get to her. Rinse and repeat.

    • I had a similar experience BBCheater. When I told my son (the one who busted his dad to begin with) I was leaving, the response was “But dad won’t be able to afford to live here.” WTF? Maybe his stupid ass father should have thought of that before buying a fuck phone.
      I’m almost quite certain asswipe has convinced our daughter that everything is my fault as well. She rarely talks to me. He’s very manipulative and can convince a person the sky is actually green rather than blue. So – I just have to wait for the day my kids figure that out for themselves. It took me 25 years….

      • Fuck phone. Love it – that’s a new one and perfect. (I bought my X one so he could get into the internet age – the rest is history) Sorry about your daughter and her being so manipulated. She’ll figure it out eventually. It must be so hard not to lose your cool.
        What did YOU do wrong!? Kids frontal lobes are not wired quite yet when they are teenagers. Patience, I guess. Peace to you.

        • Yes, the phones. I remember sitting in the living room watching Fucktard texting on his phone and being suspicious. Hell, he texted when we were shopping, on vacation, boating, fishing, etc. All the time he was texting. I remember thinking to myself that if he was having an affair, how easy was this for him that he was able to sit in our home and invite this other person into our lives because of the technology. When we first got married in the late 80’s, he would have actually had to leave the house to use a payphone or risk having me overhear him on our only house phone. There would not have been the constant communication between him and the OW. He wouldn’t have made much of an effort without the technology because he was just too damn lazy. I wonder how many more men and woman cheat because technology makes it so much easier for them to hide their shitty character.

          • That’s how I found out about his cheating; I always checked the long distance calls (being a cheapskate as I was) and found several LOOOONG calls to a number in So. CA. His rant: “Why do I have to justify making a long-distant call?” My answer: “Why do you have to make mystery long-distant calls?” This was also a long time ago, when Ma Bell sent itemized bills!

      • Lady Strange – “his father won’t be able to afford to live there”. what are you? A sugar momma. And he can afford a fuck phone, he can afford to put his dick in another woman, he should be able to afford the consequences. Too bad, so sad.

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    • PF,

      I think I love you. The best – and more accurate than the “glamour” ads.

    • PF, this made me laugh out loud!!!! These are gems, “Inflated ego and shrinking of the Brain”, “Selfie Psychosis” and “Spray Tan Dependency”. These pretty much sum up the cheater x. I can’t believe that I wasted 22 years on that thing with a “shrinking Brain”!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • The moment that I found a watch that was purchased, but it was the exact one that Ex had already gotten me the Mother’s Day before. He didn’t realize it was the same and would return it. Howorker emailed me later and told me that she hoped that I enjoyed the watch that he got her.

    The moment of him saying he was going to kill himself while on a business trip and then went radio silent only to find out from the phone records he was talking to howorker all night on his phone.

  • Finding an email from a woman who had pretended to be my friend in order to get close to him, an email instructing him how to divorce me and keep as much money to himself as possible.

    • I love your profile pic, nodancing. Crispin’s crispian- the dog who belonged to himself. One of my favorite childhood books. <3

  • That wonderful moment when you read the text your husband sent to the ow telling her how much he loved her and how she was the best thing in his life and he is calling her the same affectionate name he called you.
    That moment when he tells you that you are the biggest bitch he has ever met and he can’t believe he wasted 34 years of his life on you.
    That moment when you have to change your son’s obituary at the last minute because he didn’t list you as a parent.
    That moment when you realize the ow went on your family vacation with you because he was fucking your friend.
    That moment you realize he was fucking her in your bed why you were working overtime.
    God, the list could go on forever.

    • He didn’t list you as your deceased son’s mother? Oh my, that is a special flavor of nasty evil.

      2 people (his sister and his business partner – both cheaters) wrote obits when H1.0 died…when I read them I was like “who are you talking about ’cause I don’t know this person”. His stupid ass nasty cheater sister (who published a book of new aged poems and short stories about cheating while she was still married) put a quote at the end of his obit that was the absolute antithesis of who he actually was. Totally fucked.

  • The moment his grandfather died and he still stayed an extra day with the whore on their business trip. He arrived late to the funeral while chumpy me was there all day. I did however tell his aunt that he was having an affair and her response to me was, “I wish we could kick HIM out of the family”.

    • // , But will they? Well, no.

      Chumps usually end up with the greater share of the consequences.

  • That moment when, after you tell Asshole you want a divorce, Asshole says he is going to call CPS and report you for sexually abusing 15-year old son. And then tells son that CPS is coming to take him away.

    Followed immediately by that moment with the loaded handgun. And the rifle. And then the moment with the police.

    Too bad the moment with the suicide threats in a GROUP TEXT MESSAGE to our three children didn’t pan out.

    • My STBX was an abusive, personality-disordered con, like your Cheater. I have had too many ‘moments’ to count.

      What is most vivid, though, in terms of horrible husbands, is an image related to the abuse of one of my kindest, most optimistic friends who was abused by her husband and spent a couple weeks in jail! After her time in jail (thankfully she was acquitted), I saw her and her young sons living out of her car–while her abusive STBX comfortably lived in a large house in a safe neighborhood chasing blond model-like women thirty years his junior. Would Ashley Madison please ad that image to their public collection?

  • The moment when the whore’s husband pulls into your driveway and in front of your 10 year old son tells you your husband is a cheating bastard.

    The moment you discover that you’ve been lied to about your husband’s income – by about $400,000.00.

    The moment you look at your credit card statements and discover hubby spent $45,000.00 in one year on himself for clothing and shoes all while he admonished you for spending too much on clothes at Walmart for you and your son.

    The moment you realize someone decided you don’t have the right to be loved.

    The moment you realize your son’s childhood is forever tainted.

    The moment you realize that your youth has been stolen.

    The moment you realize your entire life is a lie.

    • THIS!

      The moment you realize someone decided you don’t have the right to be loved.

      The moment you realize your son’s childhood is forever tainted.

      The moment you realize that your youth has been stolen.

      The moment you realize your entire life is a lie.

      Oh, but let me also add this came to be after using find my iPhone to locate husband of 17 years at an Asian massage (hooker) palace when he was supposed to be at his own father’s birthday party with the whole family……………….

      Yes, it felt like my heart and the whole world dropped out from under me.

        • Thanks Dat-
          My Dday was 2 1/2 years ago & I did finally get thyself away from him………thank god & CL/CN.

          Something in this post triggered my sadness today instead of my usual IDAF attitude about loser stbx.

          It made me remember how absolutely devastated I felt on Dday.

          I guess I’m not at meh yet

      • Oh, Current Chump, I’m so sorry you had to experience that. There should be a law against perpetrating anguish in your spouse.

        • I just wish each one of these Ashley Madison creators urging people to “find their moment” could relive just 1 of our horrifying chump Dday moments………..
          Bet they wouldn’t want to be working for or endorsing such a vile employer promoting that type of morally bankrupt behavior. Must be nice to know everyday that they get up & sell their soul to the devil to be paid to help ruin other people & children’s lives. There has to be a special place in hell for these people.

          • I totally agree with you … facilitating others immoral behavior is repugnant. I’m sure they tell themselves that the cheaters would cheat with or without their assistance. True but irrelevant. Convenience stores that sell cigarettes to children say the same thing.

  • When it dawns on you that the lying, blame shifting cunt and his prize catch the community drunk cock slobbering bitch were behind me losing my job. The job I busted my ass on, was a dedicated employee who never would have been terminated otherwise. Why did I immediately dismiss him as behind any of it? Because I projected my good character on him. He even commiserated with me trying to figure out who called my employer and fabricated a story that might possibly lead to my termination? WHO INDEED!!

    However, when I did realize it was him and that he endorsed the cock slobbering bitch to make the phone call (at the time I was not aware they were fucking-this was prior to d-day), he set the stage for this chump. I must have looked like Godzilla swinging my head around and looking him dead in the eyes and said “it was you.”
    its been Godzilla ever since lol. And coward he is?? He runs and hides. oh, and continues to lie saying it wasn’t him “I swear on so and so’s life.” Fucking lying piece of shit you better RUN????

    • On D-day my EW swore ON THE LIVES OF OUR CHILDREN that she had only one affair (boss) during our 20 year marriage, and that it was ONLY 10 months. Three weeks later, remembered another lengthy affair with another man seven years earlier (co-worker). Then, two years after D-day, she admitted that that first affair may have actually been a year longer than she originally claimed and, then again, it may have been even longer than that. Geez. No, I put nothing past her, and don’t believe a word she says anymore, even when she swears on the Great Pumpkin.

      • I wish that cheaters and the pods they cheat with and people who excuse or think cheating is ok heads would explode and they wouldnr be around anymore. Harsh i guess but it goes with having a bad day.

      • Jk, why didn’t she just simplify her story to “I’m a Whore” and be done with it. Sorry you ended up with such a shitacular specimen of the female gender.

  • Find your moment….

    It sounds so deliciously thrilling to abandon the couch and the cucumbers to meet someone new when your SINGLE or a reckless impulsive teenager who is embarrassed to buy condoms.

    I’ve been approached while married over the years to have sex with total strangers who were married and also by friends. Just the idea was repulsive to me. I was Married and shocked. It was a no brainer.

    As I’ve looked back over my life I realized I never enjoyed his company. That thrill and rush he wants to relive repeatedly is the anticipation of getting a stranger to have sex with him. That is what he lived for and always will.

    The moment you get home from work and find you savings book with a balance of 0 with a note saying I’m leaving for California

    The moment you smell perfume in your pillow and you don’t use perfume.

    The moment you find condoms in the trash.

    The moment he comes home with crabs.

    The moment you can finally have sex after a year and a half due to prostate cancer and he says he is dating.

    The moment you lose your home, become homeless, after he moves to Florida and never sends money.

    The moment you realize he’s been telling other women he’s in the process of getting a divorce while living together.

    The moment you open the healt statement in the mail and see he was tested for HIV.

    The moment you realize he is a sociopath and while still loving him you know you have to save yourself and file.

    The moment you face the pain and despite thinking it will never end it does.

    The moment you find CL, Tuesday, and Meh.

  • I’ve been trying to watch what I eat which means allot of vegetables so I’m slicing cucumbers all the time.

    Next time I do, I’ll be thinking about that moment when I realized I had HPV from my ex – cut to slow motion jaw dropping while looking down.

    Or that moment when I found out my marriage was a lie – cut to rolling over in bed towards the camera while blurry woman in the background types away on her phone.

    Or the moment the judge declared us single again – cut to the guy in the first video rolling out of bread and eating alone in the kitchen, minus the stranger on the subway.

    Ah the moments! To many to count. Too scarring to forget.

  • The moment you call your husband who’s on a “business trip” to tell him about taking the kids and friends out to dinner and when would be a good time to call daughter later. Realizing he didn’t have a clue why he was being told this. It was daughters birthday that he totally forgot about.
    Repeat for son’s birthday months later.

    The moment of clarity when it all comes together and the earth falls away from under your feet. A moment remembered for a lifetime.

  • The moment I was nine months pregnant and discovered my husband answering Craigslist sex ads.

    Fuck you, Ashley Madison.

  • Although less traumatic than the ones sadly listed here, how about those moments when you are at family oriented places and events (theme parks, fourth of july fireworks, lower school graduations, etc.) when you are surrounded by seemingly happy, in tact families and it is just you and your child. I know now that some of those other families have cheating (discovered and not) going on too, but from the outside it is a sad and lonely feeling to observe and realize your child is seeing and thinking the same thing you are.

    I can think of a variation on slicing up that “cucumber” scene … interesting little choice of metaphor there.

    • Been there, DC. And I still feel sad at school events when ex is there but we aren’t there together as parents supporting their kids and feeling pride over their accomplishments. I like it best when he can’t make it to events and I have them all to myself, like I will today when the kids present everything they’ve been working on for the last two weeks at their summer camp.

    • And DC know your child looks up and feels proud her mama is holding her hand. She appreciates YOU. Know this!

    • My whole marriage was like that. At least now there is the possibility of a future.

  • That moment when you find a mix CD of Polish love songs and folk music in his glove box…

    … on your anniversary

    … driving to the concert that YOU paid for

    … and he’s been ignoring you the entire day

    … and when you confront him AGAIN with your suspicions about the CD and the Polish ho-worker you’ve had numerous arguments about

    … he yells at you and turns the car around to go home.

    • You’re not from Canada, are you Lulu? Not that my exwife is Polish and her AP was a married coworker (boss, actually) or anything ….

  • The moment your husband tells you to leave his hospital room where he’s recovering from surgery (and not come back until the next day when he needs a ride home), so his “friends” can visit him…friends I can’t meet because I’m “too dramatic.” Asshole. I am happily divorced now.

  • How do these crooks have 10 million to spend on an ad campaign? grrrr

    • Ads are mostly likely funded by investor money.. and the ad campaign is to keep the business going until the ownership can find a way to unload it without losing their entire investment. I hope they lose all of their money AND go to Hell. These “moments” stories here are heartbreaking and have me seething at the abusive cheaters.

  • The moment my husband had the Sheriff come arrest me and escorts me out of my home for 20 years….because I found out he was cheating and Kathy Bates his car in the Walmart parking lot….Towanda….
    And the time he planted his gun in my car 6 months prior to this to get my fingerprints on it to use it later to have me in jail for a year. Good thing I have the text message of me asking him “Why is there a gun in my car” him replying “it isn’t mine put it in a safe place for me”…..
    I still sat in the county jail for 10 months because it was a gun charge in a very volatile divorce.
    I welcome my jail experience. It humbled me in so many ways. It also showed me I’d rather be in jail than be in the prison of the marriage I was in with him for 20 years.
    I work for my divorce attorney now. God has a sense of humor I guess.
    Hugs to CN….these stories are gut wrenching.

    • I’m so sorry Tracy. My moments were also orchestrated by the asshole, the night I told him we were divorcing he attacked me and when I called the cops he convinced them I attacked him, queue handcuffs and a night in jail. The cop was brutal, the other cop knew it was wrong and never appeared on the report. False report. I got a deferred dismissal, asshole tried punching himself in the face to get another arrest but his hand was too bruised. Eventually pulled a gun with suicide and threatening me. Cops say no arrest, it’s a he said/she said despite finding him driving drunk with the loaded gun sliding around in the trunk. He got a DUI. The justice system is a joke. It was just another weapon in the assholes tool chest.

      The moment; after fleeing the house the day of the gun I called him and said I had to call the cops if a trusted person didn’t remove the gun, he said “how’d that work out for you last time sweetheart?” And damned if he didn’t convince them I lied about it. My worst moment came later when the cop said it was his right to keep a gun and it would be returned to him when they released him from his night in jail for the DUI. Or was it at midnight when he said he’s coming home and the door better be open? I went to a hotel and fought for my life back, not killing me you asshole, not ever going to hurt me again. I went Jedi Ninja, managed to get him committed and a PO, I still have the PO, keep renewing it. He’s afraid of going to jail, imagine that…

    • OMG, Tracy–I’ve never heard anything so vicious. I’m so glad you were able to get away from him. And I hope his nasty little winkie gets all pimply and infected and then falls off.

  • The Moment:
    You find condoms AGAIN -cue blaming others- and you are chemopaused and have no need for them because YOU are faithful and committed to the marriage.
    Your GYN asks how many partners you have and did you not get my message LAST YEAR concerning the STD?
    You are in for your second cervical biopsy BECAUSE of the STD.
    You are taking 5 plus showers a day to wash off the skank.
    Bless us when we walk out that door and nail it forever!

  • Adding- the moment our lives were changed forever because of his stupid decisions and not being a man and just leaving us.

  • I would just love to say how thrilling it is to see that bedierrman, his wife appliance, and his slimy company took such a large hit. I don’t normally wish bad things for people, but I saw him and wife on a talk show a few years ago i guess and they are both disgusting and immoral. They should have criminal charges filed as far as I’m concerned, for fraud. Filthy pigs.

    • I think the best word to describe both of them was “smug”. Guess they aren’t so smug anymore.

  • I’m sure I’ll have other thoughts later on, but for now I am just in a state semi-shock that Tom Rosenthal, who I really like, provided songs for all these ads.

    • Semi-shock here, too. One disturbing flash while reading CL’s post. I’m not remotely violent, nor vengeful. I startled myself when I saw the word “cucumber.” And “slicing.”

      The cucumber metaphor, reimagined, is twisted. (Did the test groups really not catch this? The marketers?) A woman in a unit kitchen, desperately in need of rescue by adultery, methodically SLICES a CUCUMBER for her husband that he will EAT in his SALAD? Or, on the inverted side of things, a chumped woman, a cucumber, a male Cheater’s allegedly uncontrollable or undeservedly neglected appendage, and knives?

      • Oh I think the cucumber metaphor is absolutely deliberate and will probably play well to the target market — women who, would rather metaphorically cut up their husband’s appendage and serve it to him in a salad than actually build a real, honest life for themselves.

        • agreed ANR, the cucumber was deliberate and obvious metaphor for cheating women, it’s always been shortcut for having a sex toy, wouldn’t you rather get dick? That’s what they are saying.

  • these videos are filled with people who are craving connection. It’s really sad that the videos don’t show the consequences of the actions of making these said choices. BTW that first video is a totally F-ing lie. YOU NEVER make eye contact with a stranger on a NY subway, let alone smile at someone. Totally a fake reality.

    • I needed that…laughing. So funny thewife2003. The first time I made eye contact on a subway I got….what the fuck are you looking at???

  • The moment I read a personal ad response saying he was a Bi MWM… And using a picture of himself from our son’s baptism day.

    Yet I still have days where I think he’s “changed” for the OW.

  • So many “moments” ????

    One I will never get out of my head, but I wish I could: three kids playing marriage police following Dday 1-10- find burner phone registered to 30 yo slut telling X that “divorce doesn’t hurt kids” with links attached to back her up.

    Kids confront douche – he screams to all of us “what do you expect? I HATED every minute of the last 10 years of this family!” And our little one sobbing, “but daddy, that’s my whole life.”

    Writing this now, 16 months later, It still makes me cry in pain and rage- rage about the harm he caused. How could he????

    • “he screams to all of us “what do you expect? I HATED every minute of the last 10 years of this family!”

      I’m sorry, but you were married to a very sick person. I can’t believe he made that statement. He doesn’t deserve to be married or have children. This guy is scum. Those are some hurtful words that may never be taken back. I’m so glad you’re not married to a seriously perturbed individual. Big hugs to you, your ex is mental.

      • Awwww. That’s just so sad … I hate that he said that to your children. I hope he’s gone from their lives.

        When I stupidly asked mine, “Don’t you think you’ll miss me?”, he said, “No. I wouldn’t have missed you 10 years ago” … we had been together 12.

        • I’m sorry he said that your kids. My douchbag said it too – screamed it actually. He was in the living room and angry that he couldn’t get the fire in the fireplace started and just screamed “I hate my family!” Kids and I were in the kitchen, the next room over. Thank goodness my kids were too young to understand. I was old enough but still stayed for many more years.

    • MC99 – your husband is such a complete prick. You’re poor little child.

    • MotherChumper, I don’t know what to say. That’s one of the worst things I’ve ever heard someone say in front of their children. I hope you have that little one in counseling.

    • Wow! How sad! What a cruel piece of shit he is. I hope your kids one day understand that their father is seriously defective.

  • I’ve watched these advertisements a couple of times and may I just say What the Fuck??? There is absolutely no way I would ever want to sign up for their service based on these ads.

    These really do address how pathetic and mentally ill cheaters are though. They are slogging around like they have the worst life on the planet, the ultimate sad sack. Then some random whore smiles at them, or a stranger fucks them, and it’s all great! Really??

  • Can we find out on which networks these ads will be airing? So I can never watch them again. AND let them know I won’t be watching and why! I’m an old lady and not their prime demographic anyway, but I’m an old lady with money to spend and I’d like for these networks to know it.

  • I got too busy for blogging with my new baby, but it is so nice to check back in. Tracy Schorn is incredible.

  • Hey Chumps…. Why are we being so self-centered today? We’re not the only one with “moments”, ya know….

    For example, there was the moment, about week after receiving my divorce papers, when my ex-whore-fucker husband also received a cc’d copy of the subpoena my lawyer sent to the whore/john website he was so active on. The subpoena, all pretty and legal looking, was requesting all the information of my husband’s full legal name, along with the stupid, silly, embarrassing screen names he used to post his whore reviews all over the website.

    Now, THERE’S a video of a moment I would pay $10 million to see…. the look on his face when he realized that (to paraphrase the Violent Femmes) “This Willl Go Down On Your Permanent Record.”

    • The moments I am looking forward to:

      The moment when he does the math and figures out he gave me 57% of the assets.

      The look on Cinderella’s face when she finds out he will be paying my mortgage for the next 8 years and when the house sells he has to turn over any profit to me.

      The look on Cinderella’s face when she find out he will be a half a million dollars poorer when all the QDRO’s have finally been executed.

      The look on Cinderella’s face when that big diamond ring didn’t magically appear on Valentines Day because no only did he have to give me $5000 immediately after the divorce because he also had to pay $8500 of my legal bills.

  • That moment when you find your kid’s suicide kit.

    That moment your ex tells the truth.


    That moment when a Chump thinks about all of that, and says, “Meh.”

  • When your significant other blatantly tells you he is searching other women online “to see what else is out there”…..

    • Yeah, one of my “moments” was after being discovered, and me begging ex to stay with me, him matter of factly stating, o Muse that would never work, I already ran “The Sharing Idea” by her (OW) and she won’t go for that.” jaw dropping wtf moment.

  • So many to choose from…..that moment that you skype with him in Afghanistan and a slutty little Captain comes bursting into his room giggling. Definitely in violation of Army order 1B. Bye-the-bye he was in the corps of engineers and never saw any combat. Just two months after marrying you.

    …that moment you turn on his computer (because he has the stereo rigged to go through it and you want to listen to X-mas music), and the email making an appt. with a specialist fetish prostitute pops up.

    …that moment you are at your biopsy alone. He “has to work out of town.”

    …that moment you calculate the cost of the trip to see the prostitute (lives in another state) and realize that he was willing to spend about three thousand dollars (plane ticket, hotel, concert tickets, actual rate of whore) to fuck someone else while you can’t cover daughter’s tuition.

    …that moment you are a few days later serving a Thanksgiving dinner to his asshole family with a smile plastered on your face but you haven’t kept food down in days.

    …that moment when he tells you “Of course I want to fuck prostitutes–they’re young and thin.” You are still the size you were when you got married.

    …that moment when you sobbingly ask why he ever married you when he admits he did not love you and he says, “I performed a cost/benefit analysis and thought you would add value to my life.”

    …that moment when he seems stunned by your suggestion that he shouldn’t be distributing communion given the current state of his actions.

    …that moment when the psychiatrist convinces you that “Yes, he went to Afghanistan, but you are the one with PTSD.”

    Yeah so many special moments. Good times.

    • “distributing communion”….. makes me wonder what these people think!

  • My moment?…

    When I came home from a weekend away, walked into our apartment to see my wide changing the bedsheets…a mere 4 days after I had changed them myself. Because CAKE.

  • I have so many moments, I can’t even count them all. But at my vantage point, six years past Dday, four years since divorce finalized, getting married to Nice Guy in less than four months, I have to say that some of those moments are actually laughable now. Oh, I’m never going to laugh about the cheating, the lying, the deception. Nor will I ever laugh at the financial devastation ex created or his continuing emotional harm of our son. But the rest of his insanity, which is still going on? I just shake my head and laugh.

    As to AM, after it was revealed that just about every woman on that site was fake, how could men STILL be stupid enough to pay for a membership? Is it like a club that’s the opposite of Mensa?

    My gut feeling is that the majority of affairs start between coworkers, or in some way linked to the workplace. Well, aside from the cheaters who prefer paying for prostitutes.

    • I think the majority of affairs begin when you have two stupid people in close quarters. Work, hobbies, neighbors, etc., it happens because Cheaters have no boundaries and shit life skills; they are always looking for “greener grass” and need that constant high (kibbles!).

      • Or in my case, Drew, when you have a D-O-G that hunts for whores, like in strip clubs. That was the one in my case; there were many more before too that I didn’t know the details of. This was all found out after stripper find and I left.
        He’s a whore hunter….lol……has a nice ring to it.

      • I think you can just leave it at ” Affairs begin when you have two stupid people”. the rest is embellishment! Mine found a hoe across the US of A. My motto, in addition to “Trust that they suck”, is: Cheaters gonna cheat.

    • GIO, in my case sample size of 1, the correlation between cheating and coworkers is 100%.

        • Well, mine managed to get it done while working from home.
          Pretty hard to do since I was working side by side with him daily with his business.
          How else was he to meet anybody, you ask?tt
          Well, through MY hobby of showing dogs.
          There she was, waving her ass in his face early in the morning and cooking his breakfast (I don’t eat breakfast), and showing our dogs together.
          Greatest of friends!
          We traveled everywhere together for 3 yrs (her and her husband and we each had 3 Danes) and cooked and ate and drank and listened to rock’n’roll..

          For 3 fucking years, right under my nose.
          I just have no idea how I missed it.
          I couldn’t believe it and when I finally figured it out, thanks to C/L and C/N in a few short weeks, I short-circuited his entire plan.
          Kicked him out, Filed for divorce, changed the locks and had my ducks in a row with a pitt-bull attorney.
          Then socked him in the belly (Pocketbook) because it was a very-long term marriage. (and a 3 yr affair)

          Frankly, I had no interest in the money at that emotional time, but it made a big diff to him.
          He was playing defense from the minute I filed – huge tactical advantage.

          And, now, I’m thankful my attorney fought for a 50/50 settlement and he apparently paid back every penny of the money he spent on his whore because, ‘the truth would set him free’. It was about $15g’s. I was just stunned.

          Thankfully, my attorney got me a good deal during a terribly emotional time during Mediation with 4 attorney’s present.

          I came out okay but I’d have rather had my old husband back than any money in the world.
          Silly Harlequin stuff, I suppose.
          It’s just that I never cared about the money and it was his entire focus. Different values I guess.

    • Unfortunately, I have empirical evidence to support your theory (multiple co-worker affairs over 20 year marriage).

  • “I performed a cost/benefit analysis and thought you would add value to my life.”

    How nice it would be if these monsters had to register like sex offenders.

    • Amen! Believe me, he never performed this analysis in the other direction. He never worried if he was adding benefit to my life. And he never gave me any truth that would allow me to decide HE wasn’t worth it. That bothers me the most: he acts like he is a person with needs and wants and I am merely a commodity to be consumed.

      • in fact, this is the essence of what is wrong with the AM ads with the indie EMO folksinger soundtrack. in their ads, the sad sausage is so sad, clockwatching at work, slicing boring cukes, OMFG their life is SO BLAND. A person walks past them, in the dark background, that is their spouse OBJECT.

        That thing is there to house or feed them or be their beard, or parent their offspring. but only THEY, the sad cheater sausage has “NEEDS.”

        Fuck that.

        My asshole pulled that crap too after his mask was exposed. Then suddenly he had “never” been happy with me and my kids, and was so “heartbrokenly lonely” that he “had” to fuck strange, and on DDay I didn’t even know about at least two prior affairs all while I’m paying the bills and feeding this asshole in a house I paid for us to own. Poor, poor wittle deeply lonely fucktard.

        Ashley Madison go fuck yourself.
        No living human being deserves to be lied to…… why is that so hard to comprehend.
        Smiling at strangers on the subway? Go home and be a REAL MAN, and tell your wife that you don’t love her and then go out and develop some real integrity and take some real risks instead of hiding from someone who pledged their trust and love to you.

        God, I hate these greedly cowardly people.

      • Jojobee:”That bothers me the most: he acts like he is a person with needs and wants and I am merely a commodity to be consumed.

        Exactly! Isn’t it funny how they act all entitled, like they are the supreme authority in the relationship and they will give us *their* approval. We are there to serve their needs, and be at the mercy of their approval. F- that! It’s reciprocal, or I’m out. The shittier their worth, the more entitled they are. It’s mind boggling and baffling.

  • My moment ; camping trip on my son’s 8th birthday with ow and her husband and 3 kids (they were our neighbors and friends). She and my husband just had to text each other all evening while sitting 2 feet away from their spouses, talking about the “jog” they had planned for the morning and how to make sure none of the 5 kids present tried to tag along. Then me waking up in a tent, no husband, and walking out to the fire area at 5am to find her husband miserably looking at the fire saying she wasn’t in their camper and asking me if they were cheating on us.

    • Wow. What idiots. I didn’t know the OW but sometimes I fantasize about giving her a piece of my mind. Then I step back and realize there’s a plan for me and that just didn’t include a lying, cheating, unhappy louse.

    • Wow, I hope the two of you were waiting when they jogged merrily back into your campsite. Amazing how brazen cheaters are.

  • Ashley Madison: Finding your moment = getting a sexual thrill. As if we’re animals, and it’s all that matters.

  • Wow. So many great moments… I don’t even know where to start. A big one was when I realized ex no longer gave a fuck for our kids and left them all high and dry financially (this after stealing youngest daughter’s college savings so he could go on vacation w/skank). My eldest was out of state and a junior. I was at orientation at University with my son (our second), I spent the night in son’s truck in the parking garage. When I called ex and asked him how we were going to finance college, he said, “He’s your son, you figure it out.” Daddy had already blown through 14k of son’s college savings and made over 100k/year. Because he is a Narc, I knew he was walking out on our mortgage too(our dream home and the twenty acres it sat on in the Sierra’s) cause that is what the disordered do. Because… new pussy. How about the week my children and I spent packing up the family home, and giving stuff away, because we had to move. Or the day I sat in the doctor’s office for STD testing after finding a HIV test dated two year previously in his desk drawer. So many good memories. How about that time he vandalized our foreclosed home because I wouldn’t share the money the bank had negotiated with me to move out? I could go on and on but who the fuck cares anymore? I just am happy to be away from all that garbage. In those early days my one thought was: Who the fuck are these people!?!?
    On the plus side, my children have, for the most part, done well. We are struggling financially, and personally, (cause that mindfuck doesn’t change) but it has made us stronger. My kids understand who the sane parent is. This year we plan to spend the holidays together, as far away from Disordered as we can get.

  • That moment when my father was just burried and I was highly pregnant and my STBXH told me over Skype he wants to be free and did not want a baby and then ran off with a yoga skank only a few months later to want me back and shrug and say it was just sex.

    He sure found a moment!!! And now he gets to live it for ever. Without me.

  • The moment when I had to go to my OB/GYN with whom I had a 15 year relationship, and who had delivered both of my kids, and ask her to test me for STDs because my husband was having an affair. I will never forget the look of shock that flashed across her face, and then she quickly hid it, and was all business. Ugh.

  • My moment was finding out he was having online sexual interactions with other women 4 months after our wedding. I found this out 18 years of “marriage” later.

    The other moment was seeing the chat transcripts throughout those 18 years. He had … a lot of moments with a lot of other women. All those moments were time/energy/passion taken from me and our family.

    Like junglechump said, he can live those moments now forever — without me.

  • The moment I found the “one friend” Facebook account and all the things that made no sense on their own finally fell into a clear picture of an affair.

  • The moment I realized Durt almost succeeded in manipulating me into buying a house from him and slut puppet (8 months into our marriage). He said it was going to be a rental property that he could fix up.
    I agreed in principal and he produced the real estate info right there. I was shocked be issue I didn’t know he was already looking at houses for our rental property. I insist on going to look at the house I am buying with my money so he has to call up the realtor and says “my wife, WHO YOU HAVE NOT MET” wants to see the place. The next day I go to see the place and find out Durt looked at it a week before and he wasn’t alone, no he was out house shopping with slut puppet. He wanted me to finance his life with her.
    Stupid me after the anger and hurt of that, he and she gaslighted me and I ended up putting the house under contract contingent on the sale of my other rental property. Durt was pissed insisting it could not be contingent. Well, I didn’t have a spare $200k laying around so it was contingent. Luckily that house did not sell (I later found out he was shacking up with her in it), I came to my senses and cancelled the contract. Then I got to experience true narcisist/sociopath rage, and so did our marriage counselor.
    I have 100s more moments, but that was a big one due to the sheer manipulation and cruelty involved. He had emotionally beat me down so I was willing to do almost anything to please him.

    • I cannot believe the extent of the manipulation and deceit this guy went to have you buy the house. It’s unbelievable, all for self-serving purposes. He was clearly using you to set up a cushy abode for him and his slut. I can’t believe what kind of scum this guy is. Talk about being a charlatan and a con-artist. I’m so glad you’re no longer with him. And he was probably so sure his plan was going to work. I’m glad it went bust on him. How about he buy his own friggin house with his own friggin money.

  • CHEATER MOTHER FUCKERS need to stay OUT of marriages and committed relationships if they’re soooo bored and unhappy like those ads show. It’s really sickening to me!!

    • God how I love your username!!! I often say “I Have Hate I Have Hate” to myself when thinking about STBX and final OWhore since I first saw those words on here LOL. So glad to just say I HAVE HATE instead of listening to the “you must become friends/forgive” shit.

  • He asked for a divorce out of the blue, said there wasn’t another woman (there was), said we should meet to go over finances. The night we were suppose to meet was when I first learned about Noel Biderman. I looked over our joint checking account and found the name. I had never done our bills for the past 24 years. It was the one thing he contributed to the marriage or so I thought. I learned he was a financial mess with late fees, penalties and unpaid bills. I googled Noel Biderman to find out what category to put the expense. My whole world changed. I refused to meet him and refused to listen to this lying, cheating, immoral man. I suddenly knew all about Ashley Madison before the scandal came out to the world. He was furious that I refused to meet with him to get the divorce all taken care of on our own. I couldn’t bare to be in the same room with him or even look at him. He ranted that I was playing games. I told him there was one reason I canceled our meeting, Noel Biderman. He raged that he had no idea what I was talking about. I told him he was smart enough and could figure it out. Then, over the telephone I could hear when he realized I knew his dirty little secret. The kicker, he had paid for it when I took our kids to visit his parents who lived six hours away. He was too busy and couldn’t get away. After that I scheduled my STD test and worked exclusively through my lawyer. I have now been divorce for 6 months. Thank you AM for making it incredibly easy to be rid of this horrible man. And thanks to CL and CN for helping me realize I am not alone.

    • chumpfree, good for you for refusing to meet him in person after you found out. You were strong!

      • Congratulations to one who did it by “the book,” (CL’s book, that is).

    • Chumpfree – You are mighty!! I enjoyed reading your story and how you refused to meet with him. And it’s funny he’s raging when he’s the one who cheated on you, and you’re the part that should be irate and livid. Funny how that works with cheaters who think they are entitled. And playing games, I guess you beat him at his own game by not playing by his rules. Good for you!

  • God, these cheaters are a bunch of turds. Anyone who claims to have one of those “good cheaters”, well I’d just hate to be them. These stories should be notification that they are dealing with a snake. But the other cheater already knows that because they are one, too.

    It’s all good, until it isn’t. Buyer beware.

  • OMG lldodd60! What is it about scouts? DDay #4 (and final) for me was my EW’s AP’s wife coming up to me at a scout meeting to tell me that my wife and her husband were having an affair! They met at a scout winter camping trip (that included me, BTW). Some F*cked up “moments” for sure.

  • The moment when I heard a new ringtone coming from his phone. It was playing “I want to lay you down in a bed of roses,” by Bon Jovi (his favorite). When I curiously checked to see who was calling, his coworker’s name flashed on the screen.

    A month earlier he’d made a big deal about assigning everyone in our family their own ringtone. That’s when I realized he’d assigned that one to her.

    • PreyingMantis did that too – assigned one of the AP’s LMFAO’s “Sexy and I Know It”, but would never give me a custom ringtone. Later, PreyingMantis turned off all the sound and vibration on the phone – the one *I* purchased and was paying for on *my* plan. Made it easier to evade detection…

      • Yes, such a special moment when I felt so very guilty for spying on him, when I logged into the verizon account that I had been paying for him to have his phone on our family plan for 10 YEARS. And discovered one single number being called and texted 100s of times a day sometimes with photos attached.

        Even more special a moment when he came home that night and I asked, “were you out on a DATE?” and he looked right at me, rolled his eyes, and sarcastically said “Don’t be Ridiculous, Muse!!!!” not knowing I had the screen open on the computer in front of me.

        Someone I trusted with my heart, soul, money and my kids safety for sixteen years.
        Yes’ “special moments”!~~~

        Wish I coulda been a fly on the wall when my attorney told his attorney that he was going to get a mere 5% o the outlandish sum of money he thought he was entitled to from me.

        Idiot. Oh yeah, “special moments.” Hope OW is enjoying subsidizing his lying, cheating ass now. LOL.
        Meh is my true Special Moment, when I realized that it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough for him, but the other way around. Yup.

        • I feel that Muse. The now X came home from a ‘business’ meeting across the country.
          I came across a tiny mistake the ‘clever’ guy made while he was gone, digging thru his desk with suspicion – the name of a sexy, romantic hotel that he’d never take me to in his lifetime.
          Savannah. Very velvety, big fireplace, huge canopy over the king-sized lavish bed (ugh) and he was on a business trip to Atlanta.
          $500 a night.
          Turned out, he flew her first class to join him in Atlanta and drove the rest of the 3 hr trip to the southern coast of GA.

          I had the screen pulled up of his room when he came home from the trip.
          I asked him if he had a good time.
          He was speechless and stunned.
          Thought I was an idiot.
          I kicked him out the next day and eventually, I made him reimburse me for that entire whore trip.
          About $5g’s.

          Information is good.

          • good for you, shechump! I kicked the asshole out that night too. At 1 in the morning, he stepped out the door of the house he’d shared with me for 12 years and dialed up OW and went right over to her house. A woman he expected me to believe he had just met TWO WEEKS AGO. Yes, they think they are so effing clever and that the chump is so effing gullible.

          • Beautiful burn, Shechump! I’ll bet he about swallowed his tongue when he saw that photo on your screen. Dick.

  • Conference tickets, not concert tickets. Aka: work sent her to an out of city/state/country conference and Ashley Madison thinks that’s the perfect opportunity to cheat on her boring husband. How cliche.

    Still ridiculous “reasons” to cheat.

    • Feralblue, I set up a fake AM account ( that is the only way you can check them out), and they have a “travelers” service where people who are traveling can set up dates in advance. It’s so disgusting. I got like a 100 messages in one hour. I just can’t believe that people can be so flattered by messages from strangers who are only wanting to use them for free sex.

      Women get a free account but they charge you like $39 or something to delete it. I just left it.

  • The moment he burst into tears when she gave birth and he could not be with her (his brothers girlfriend) in the delivery room. It was a confusing, bewildering, surreal moment.

  • A moment to remember for me was the moment when I discovered that the new car seat had been damaged by what could only be described as “sex.” I propose an Ashley Madison commercial for the spouses of Ashley Madison customers. This one could be called “Find your revulsion moment.” The commercial would start with a shot of me discovering the car seat. Then it would show a close-up of my shocked face, followed by me clutching my throat in response to a wave of nausea. The camera would then pan down to me clutching my stomach which now felt like a hollow fit. Finally, it would show a close-up of my face mouthing the words, “What has he done now?”

    Another commercial for the spouses of Ashley Madison customers would show a darkened bedroom with someone lying in bed wide-awake and alone, staring at the ceiling. It is 3:00 a.m. The commercial ends with the tagline, “Find your PTSD moment.”

  • My moment was when he’d just, in the span of 20 hours revealed an affair on the opposite coast, that he was moving there, that I was on my own to sort out and care for every facet of our entwined lives (house, cars, china sets, our 1 and 2 year old children) and had walked out the door without a single tear. I screamed ‘YOU ARE ABANDONING YOUR FAMILY!!’ He opened the door back up and calmly replied ‘I love my children’, shut the door, and never came back. He visited his kids once for 4 days last year, but other than that, we’re on 28 months without being in their presence and $28K delinquent in child support. That’s some true love right there.

    Eff you, Ashley Madison. Eff you very much for normalizing affairs to the world as harmless dalliances and not the criminal violations that they feel like on the receiving end.

    What is the difference between a common criminal and an adulterer? Very little.

    • LOVE your blog.

      Sorry you had to write it. But it’s fantastic. You’re a gifted writer. Your ex is a coward.

      • Thank you so much, Stephanie. Writing it is a part of my multi-pronged approach to overcoming the various traumas that Honey foisted upon me and the babies. Other prongs include gardening, crying into my wine, and gaining weight at an alarming rate. Some prongs are more effective than others.

  • I’ve participated in a lot of petitions over the last few years. Recently we got companies to stop sponsoring certain people, the petitions helped to get the Fox asshole gone. I’m going to look into what organizations I belong to where I can start a petition to stop running the AM adds. I hope other chumps can do the same because my bandwidth for this is kinda limited right now with personal life stuff.

    So CN, lets get some petitions started. Jedi Hugs! Jedi Ninja band together!

  • The moment when you find out that you were on an “audition” while on a “romantic” getaway that included his friend and his friend’s wife, at a f*ing dark beer festival in the summer in 90+ degree weather, outside. I was on an audition to answer the question about x husband “keeping” me or letting me go. He chose the damn cheapest hotel to stay in and invites his friend along, you know just in case he and I had nothing to talk about on our “romantic” weekend and he got wasted. Romance was high on his list. After this day he just knew that he couldn’t stand another day with me, but then let me find the cell phone bill with hundreds of texts for an entire month afterwards. F*er!!

  • Well, the moment I plugged his real email into one of those “Have I been hacked?” websites and discovered that he had Ashley Madison AND AFF accounts! Hilarious! This was a couple years after the divorce and a good long stretch of NC. It was before they shut down the search tool that allowed me to see if he’d been hacked on those sites (I actually never suspected he’d have had one, but wondered out of curiosity if he’d gotten hacked at, say, Home Depot or Target.) Well, when I looked again just to confirm, the search engine sent him an email thanking him for the inquiry, I’m sure. That must’ve freaked him out a little, right? I’ll never say a word to the kids, even though my youngest was telling a friend about the hack, noting that it was funny that all these jackasses had been caught. My tongue was bleeding…. The discovery helped me along toward “meh,” as it was just more evidence that the Coward was disordered. Meh.

  • I remember my worst moment–and there were many horrible moments, like being cheerfully recognized in the line at the lab as I held my STD orders in my hand, or paying attorney bills that would’ve funded a few really nice family vacations (worth every penny, though), or being conspicuously single and lonely in a sea of happy couples all the time everywhere, or seeing photos of my gaunt self, or seeing smiling selfies of the Troll and Coward together (how so very unsettling to look on as a stranger claimed my husband–that’s my husband), or realizing that my partner had become my enemy without informing me, just when I most needed a partner, in an ironic twist of the knife. I could go on and on. But the worst thing I endured was witnessing my youngest son drop to the floor in a heap, wailing, wounded, betrayed by his idol, when his father informed him that he’d been lying, that he had a “girlfriend,” that he was leaving for something more important than the life we’d created. And all the Coward could muster was, “I deserve to be happy,” from his blank, ugly face. That was crushing. I will always hate him for that. My life is infinitely better after cutting the Coward out of it. But I will never forgive him for injuring my children, then claiming to love them. And now I’m mad all over again at everyone who insisted to my kids that they needed to understand that their father loves them. That includes my parents who nearly demanded to my kids that “You need a relationship with your father,” before they were damned good and ready for a relationship with that asshole. Fuck that bullshit. I need a moment.

    Don’t rush the kids into betraying their own feelings. Fuck that. You can visit when and if you feel like it. You don’t have to feel anything you don’t feel just because it’s a cliche that children need both parents. Fuck. That.

  • After an argument my husband of 20 years announced in front of me and our 3 young kids.. (shouting angrily) “That’s it!!! I’m leaving this family!” Then he stomped off. Said in anger but still WHO DOES THAT. He always had a temper and a dark side so I spackled and spackled.. he had an affair for 2 years during which I stupidly took him back and back.. but I’m finally seeing the light.

    • I SO wonder what he would have done if he woke up the next morning and found a letter on the pillow from you, “That’s it, you have upset me so much I am leaving this family!”.

  • So many moments… worst one? Hmmm, seeing he posted “Hey, (girl’s name), I just wanna hit that pussy ONE TIME” on the chat profile page of a 15 year old. .. but oh, she wasn’t REALLY fifteen years old, you see. Just sorta role playing fantasy. Well, then where is the harm in that, right? PUKE, PUKE, PUKE

    • I’m soooo sorry. What an animal. I’m starting to wonder, are all men just filthy, slobbering animals who’ve learned how to get dressed in people clothes and occasionally shave? I’m really, really trying to not become jaded about men, but DAMN. 15 year olds, the vast majority anyway, still look child-like. You get to 16-17, perhaps you could pass as an adult…but 15? Sick as eff. It goes without saying that you are better off, but as we chumps know, that’s a double-edged sword. We have so much trauma in every area of life, but none so profound as learning who we were really married to. PUKE indeed.

      And I just have to say, I love your name so much that if I were a cartoon drawing, I’d have hearts drawn in my eyes instead of pupils. Just saying.

      • Part 2 of that lovely moment: needing to verify that the “girl” really wasn’t underage (she wasn’t) because I felt I had an ethical duty to find out for sure if he had, in fact, solicited a minor and report such illlegal activity approriately. Phew! He’s just a cheater, not a pedo.. what a relief! That’s a warm fuzzy moment to remember… PUKE! So glad he is gone!.

        Glad you like my user name 🙂 or as like to think now ChumpedUpKicksAss. Lol

  • My story seems to combine many themes here…

    Yes, Ashley Madison had at least one real woman because my husband now lives with her.

    Yes, they trysted in Atlanta (what is it about Atlanta?)

    Yes he lied to everyone, most heartbreakingly to our son.

    Yes he rewrote history to my having squelched his happiness back to the moment we met.

    Yes he expects me to support the chunk of his lifestyle not currently being covered by Miss Ashley Madison, and so he has consumed 5 years trying to make me do so.

    Yes, he was an Eagle Scout and used Scout meetings to meet with his lover and let our son and her boys ‘bond.’

    Yes, I’ve now incurred legal and expert’s fees totaling more than 4X the settlement he’s likely to receive from me.

    Yes, we’ll be having a divorce trial for this relatively small beans settlement.

    Yes, my son’s college money is now in the pockets of our attorneys, with not a penny going to Dickhead himself.

    Yes, he professes fatherhood and demonstrating responsibility to be his highest goals… While lying about his income and cashing the child support checks I send him.

    Yes, despite all this, all the pain and cost will be worth it one day when I never have to see, speak to, or interact with him ever again.

  • My moments?
    There were plenty of AM kind of moments, when other guys, younger guys were looking my way, even while I was on his arm. I’m a tiny bit older than him and I know he doesn’t get that kind of feeling with his “personal babysitter”, despite her biiig tits. Or maybe he does, what do I know, I “only” have everything else and never cheated on my husband.

    But I digress.
    My moments?
    When I was reading the detective’s report, and got to the part where he brought the baby and OW by taxi, up to the front of our building complex. I was waiting outside. The report said: “the woman got out of the cab and run to hide”. There are bushes on both sides of the alley, so that must have been quite A MOMENT to watch.

    When going through the movies from his phone, the ones he filmed the baby while I was at work:
    THAT moment when I realised that it ain’t Alanis Morisette calling his name in one video.
    Or THAT moment when he was praising (not the baby) and then kisses sounds coming from below the camera.

    The moment when I told the other mother that our shared babysitter is living with my husband.

    The moment I sent that email to the director of the school where her kid is going, asking if if she really teaches a class for toddlers, as she and him have told me.
    – No, she is not teaching here.
    – In any case, she’s living with my husband. After I was picking up our baby, she was babysitting my husband.

    The moment I showed our family picture to the receptionist where he resides with OW. She remembered they moved the extra bed (for her son) to the basement that very morning.

    The moment I told the mediator and our lawyers that they (+her son) are living in one room, and are bringing my son there every other weekend. “Can you imagine what my son has witnessed?”

    Are you having a MOMENT while reading this? q.e.d

  • The moment my sad, lonely cheating husband begged me to understand how hard it is to find a decent woman on AM. Didn’t I know how much this hurt him? Didn’t I get how lonely he was? How can life be this hard? Fuck you, AM.

    • Dianne, “How hard it is to find a decent woman on AM?” Are you kidding me? I wish I had the hookspa that Lorraina Bobbit did.

  • Thanks for posting this. With the sad, sap music my question regarding ads for random fuckbuddies is WHY….

    1. In the first video – why didn’t lonely guy just talk to the chick. Why does he need remote hookups. As if that chick is a AM member. AM members by default are in HIDING. Looking normal and decent and honest but secret ply fucking rando’s.

    2. Video 2- yeah. Fucking right. When I travel I always seek a “connect” with strangers because I don’t have LIMERENCE in my LT relationship. Actually, this IS the dude I married, but for me when I’m traveling, it’s not something to even consider. I’m tired!

    3. They should just do a Craigslist ad. Much cheaper than AM.

  • I have stayed with my cheater long enough to take him to the cleaners and set aside assetts for myself in order for me and my children to be “ok” once i drop the bombshell on that motherfu$&er and make him aware that i know ALL about his side pieces….

    Ladies…. When you find out… Play it cool…. And NAIL HIS @SS to the wall!!!! Hit him where it hurts…. Make SURE you are taken care of… And then heal yourself….i wont say it isnt hard to smile into his fat smug face everyday while i pocket his $ while he stupidly sits there so pleased with himself thinking he has duped me…. As hard as it is, force yourself to think clearly and be as selfish as he has and MAKE HIM PAY!

  • I guess I will go there, with apologies to any sister/brother chumps who will find this story painful…..

    The look on my oldest son’s face when he got the letter from cheater ex telling him that neither cheater ex nor little brother was coming back, and telling him that if he (big brother) went to cheater ex’s parents and promise to never speak to me again, they would give him fifteen hundred dollars.

    The nearly two week wait, with search parties in two states coming up empty, after cheater ex and his buddy killed themselves.

    The press camping out on my lawn day and night. The press, digging for juicy tidbits and then making up lies about cheater ex’s family, when I refused to trash cheater ex or his family to them. Of course cheater ex’s family thought it was me. Doing interviews to try to get the word out to everyone to look for my boy.

    Finding out my child had been found dead, while being taped losing it, and then having that tape aired in the evening news…. the morning news….the noon report….

    Being treated like I was the criminal by the local police because cheater ex’s family smeared me to them and they (the police) never bothered to verify the narrative. ….then having the same thing happen all over again after my home was destroyed by arson……………(Coming home from work one morning, two and a half years later and finding my home a burnt out shell, all my pets dead, and everything I owned gone.)

    As far as I’m concerned, cheaters and most of their APs are dark entities, spreading evil and destruction wherever they go, and to whomever is unfortunate enough to be around them. They are one of the scourges of humanity.

    Next week is the anniversary of my son’s murder. It is a tough time of year for me and my family. I guess my warning would be, never underestimate the cheater. There is no such thing as too low to sink as far as they are concerned. Don’t put anything past them! They want to win no matter the cost. Keep a true picture in your mind of who and what you are dealing with. Keep yourself and your family safe.

    • Oh, Tessie. I am stunned. This made me sick to my stomach. I can’t even come close to imagining your pain and am so, so sorry you have lived through all of this. You are a pillar of strength and your surviving son is lucky to have a mother who could navigate this evil. Know that there are people out here who are cheering you on and send heartfelt wishes of love and strength to you.

      • omg, Tessie! Sending you hugs and be strong! Your son is lucky to have you.
        You are absolutely right, cheaters are dark entities.
        Adultery is so much more than just the act of F-ing somebody else.
        It’s the lies, the deceit, the mockery, stealing money, time, affection, living this double, dark life. What creeps are cheaters!

      • Tessie, I wept the first and only other time I saw just a bit of your story. I weep again. I wish I had, anyone had, the right words, but as uneffing wrote SO beautifully, “there are people out here cheering you on and who send heartfelt wishes of love and strength to you.”

        Please keep posting your story when it feels right to you. There are lots of people who read and don’t post, new people, relatively new people… we need to hear your story and your warning. I’ve mentioned that I’m trained to recognize people who are cruel, manipulative, and evil (and likely disordered) … but though I purposefully looked for signs before committing, it took years of very subtle cycling before I suspected the horror show I was living. Affection filters, cultural imperatives, and incomprehension when it’s up close and personal make it “hard” to “see.” (Quotes because it’s not the devastated one’s fault that the destroyer is a destroyer.) And as you point out, I doubt anyone could imagine … the dangers of underestimation. I’ll be thinking of you this week.

    • My warm big hugs coming at you tessie. No one NO ONE should ever have to go through what you and your family have. So ashley madison and the like promoting this shit should all have misery on their lives til their last breaths. Ive said many times beware the pods for they are less than sub human
      Big hugs to you tessie i am so sorry for your loss.

    • Tessie, your story always brings tears to my eyes. May your son’s memory be a blessing forever. May you be comforted along with all who mourn. I am so sorry also about your pets and your home. As you say, some of the disordered are capable of evil beyond anything we imagine. Those are the ones who are actually demons walking in disguise.

  • The moment my ex- started getting a rash all over his body, then I started getting one on mine, and months later I went to the dermatologist to find out I (we) had scabies … turns out he picked this little diddy up from him having a sleepover with a “really great guy” (ex-‘s words). Fast-forward to rubbing pesticides all over our bodies, twice-cleaning everything, etc. F*CK OFF ASHLEY MADISON!

    • That moment the OW called me and told me that she wouldn’t even apologize to her pastor for falling in love with my husband and telling him she intended to spend the rest of her life with him.

      • To that I would have replied: “God did not send you somebody else’s husband, you [expletive]!”

  • Tessie, I’m praying for you and the soul of your son. You are a really strong woman and I wish that I had an ounce of your strength and perseverance. You go girl!!!!! God bless you!!!

  • The moment my newly minted 18 year old cancelled her graduation open house, due to the exposure and drama of the affair. The moment I realized xh was in fairy land, and I had become the Evil Queen… and he thought he was Prince Charming to OW Cinderella.

    I hope the birds and squirrels and field mice are still doing all their household chores for them…singing songs.

  • Tessie, my heart, as always, goes out to you and to your family. As hard as your story is…it’s the truth. Leaving the disordered can be dangerous, especially under these circumstances.

  • My moment was in October, 2014, when my OBGYN told me I had 13 high cancer risk hvp cells. I told her no, I haven’t had sex with another man for 40 years and I’d never had genital warts. She calmly explained to me that genital warts are a result of otherwise benign hpv, and that these cells could live a long time undetected. The nurse in the room was staring awkwardly at the floor. They’d had this happen many times.I then remembered that 30 years earlier, for the first time in my life, I had to be retested on pap smears because they were “abnormal”. No one at that time was testing for hpv. By the time I was retested, the paps were normal. This happened for two pap smears; never again. Memories flooded back at that moment – my husband yelling that he had to get to a “morning meeting”. It was 6;45 am. He said the meeting was a 7;45. Never occurred to me that his carpool mate (car fuck) lived only 9 minutes away. Those morning meetings lasted a year; maybe a year and a half. Along with the morning meetings came work trips away for days and weeks. I nearly passed out on the table in that office. My moment. Medical professionals feeling sorry for me. Realizing that I had been a fool. It didn’t matter that later he agreed to a polygraph that it never happened again. I spent the next two years in therapy screaming and crying . And NOW I see an Oncology OBGYN.What was going to be happy retirement years are now daily struggles with reality.
    Ashley Madison makes these moments in hell easier for all cheaters. And now they are validating ( trying to validate)cheating.
    I can’t react. I have to puke.

    • Wish you strength and health.
      I think we all here understand perfectly the moments at the dr, being tested for STD.

      Regarding AM: I stopped being angry at the OW. She is nothing special, nothing “better”, she’s not an upgrade or anything. No. She was just a professional he called to have s e x with. Ordering s e x these days is like ordering pizza. AM makes it easy.
      Who wants to live with a partner that orders s e x like he orders pizza? No, thank you!

  • Let’s see….I get left high and dry with no working phone and he deleted my account from the desktop… money..Cheaters are scumbags…glad I’m divorced and no kids still sucks…he’ll get what’s coming to him..

  • The latest greatest moment for me, however, was a few weeks ago when I was on my back with legs up in stirrups getting a “punch biopsy” of my cervix (yowch!) because the HPV still hasn’t cleared… the gift that keeps on givin’.

  • So many moments:

    9/11/14: Finding the 6 condoms in his computer bag, along with notes he wrote to prepare for his sexual harassment hearing about an affair with a graduate students 8 years prior. PLUS, the extra notes about an affair with an undergraduate who insisted that he leave his wife for her.

    5 weeks later, when I lamented that he’d had an affair with a 22-year old, he coldly said, “It could have been a 40-year old who would have been even more threatening to you.” Guess how old his most recent AP turned out to be?

    The memory of my sister finding dick pix on his camera at my brother’s wedding, which now makes sense given that he was caught in both the Ashley Madison and Adult Friend Finder hacks.

  • So my story is I used Ashley Madison. I was married. Four years ago I was looking for someone to love me because I was tired of fighting for the attention of my then husband. I had been fighting for this marriage at this point for five years. I put up a profile and waited. Didn’t have to wait long. I was hit up by more men then I could count. Some wanting to meet in the parking lot to “screw”. I had so many men begging for my attention it was the highest buzz I ever had. Yes, I found one close enough to drive to and yes I met him for sex. It was the worst sex of my life. I went home and scrubbed myself and cried. He said the nicest things to me. Things I wanted my husband to say to me, not to his howorker. So I tried again with the same man. Not any better. This time I got caught. Oh he used this against me for a while and I felt so guilty I stayed another 5 years all the while he had his howorker on the side.

    It was the worst decision I have ever made in my life. My divorce was final in May after 27 years. 9 of those years he was screwing his howorker, now they are shacked up together. She left her husband in January after 27 years of marriage. He still says I had a part in the breakup because I was unfaithful. Many years of counseling later and I now say I did not have an affair. I was not responsible for the breakup of this marriage. He screwed around so much I can’t even count. I have had two sex partners in my life and will regret doing what I did for the rest of my life, unlike him who just recently told my kids he was “dating” the ho who broke up our marriage and has had multiple affairs on her husband. I am sure they will be faithful to each other. I am not writing this for sympathy, it feels good to tell the story. I however have true remorse and regret, unlike him he never will.

  • I found a pair of mens underwear in our bed. So, I made an overnight trip that weekend and setup a recording device. I caught the whole fucking thing. It made my physically ill to listen to it. She says he was suicidal before she met him and she can’t break up with him because he’ll shoot himself. But apparently it’s ok to upend my whole life…!?

  • The moment when his son sat crying on the stairs begging his parents not to split up. Who’d want a life without exciting moments like that eh?

  • Vile.

    Anyway, this inspired me to search the AM hack for ex-wife’s-married-boyfriend’s email address.

    It’s there. Not surprising, I guess. Took a screen shot and saved it away.

    • Yep. Found asswipes email there too. No wonder he freaked when he found out about the am hacking. These fuckers should always be exposed!

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