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A Chump Emancipation Proclamation

freedomIt’s a little past Independence Day here, but it’s never too late to gain a life!

Thought you all might enjoy a Sunday extra from KibblesNBits. 

Dear Chump Lady,

In honor of what will be yet another difficult holiday for some. I have re-written the Declaration of Independence for Chumps everywhere. Thank you for all you do! Happy Independence Day!

Our Declaration of Independence
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the bonds which have connected them with a cheating partner, and to assume the powers of freedom, to which the Laws of Values and character entitle them.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all who have been cheated are created equal, that they are endowed with unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That whenever any Form of relationship becomes destructive, it is the Right of the cheated to alter or to abolish their relationship, and to lay a foundation as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. It is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such an abusive partnership, and to provide a new life for themselves and their children’s future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of the chumpted. To prove this, let Facts of a cheater be submitted to a candid world.

They have broken the bounds of marriage and commitment..
They have blame shifted and gas-lighted their partner info believing it is all their fault. Thereby inflicting emotional abuse.
They have recklessly spent monies secured for your family and children.
They have called together family and friends for the sole purpose of feeding them a false narrative and moving them into compliance.
They made their partner/spouse vulnerable to disease and sickness.
They have obstructed the Administration of Justice, by lying under oath, and spreading false witness against their partners and circumventing the law.
They have made partner/spouse dependent on their will alone, taking advantage of their empathy and using it to fuel their relentless desire for cake.
They have created false records, email accounts, craigslist profiles to troll for hook-ups and have enlisted their allies to cover their tracks.
They have kept among us, in times of peace, enough tokens of affection to keep us in our place, and in a state of confusion.
They have frozen our assets and cut us off from our family through alienation.
They turn our children against us for the purpose of feeding their own ego.
They declare themselves falsely sorry and falsely invested our relationships only to continue to cheat.
They have plundered our lives, ravaged our self-esteem, burnt our love to ashes, and destroyed families for the sole purpose of self-gratification.
Our repeated pleas to change have been answered only by repeated injury.

We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, and their actions in contempt and adjudicate responsibility upon them.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of Chumps, solemnly publish and declare, That we have the Right to be Free and Independent; and have full Power to stand up in courts, demand child support, counter their false narrative, and to do all other Acts and Things which bring peace and stability to our hearts, minds and families. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to support each other and provide council to those who have been newly chumped. To light the way toward the land of Meh.

Signed,

KibblesNBits

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Hear hear, I second the motion.
    We have the right to be free, awesome and down right fabulous. Go chump nation, stand proud.
    Xx

  • Didn’t Chump Lady start this blog on April 19th? She’s our very own Paul Revere and prelude to the second shot heard around the world.

  • Great! Now we need to educate judges on the narc. traits and lawyers on how to expose them. Meanwhile document, document and document!

  • In the words of Martin Luther King —- Free at last. Free at last. Thank God almighty we are free at last.

    We SHALL overcome!

    • There were only 56 delegates that signed the original one. With the size of CN we’re going to need a much larger piece of parchment. Since parchment is made from animal skin, does anyone know of a really big unicorn we can use?

        • Holy cow, I think I might be healing just a little. I no longer think of skinning them but sheering them and writing the declaration and all of our signatures in permanent ink. Better yet, Fucktard likes tattoos of his greatness. I’d be willing to tattoo this on his hairy back and saggy butt. Like I said, healed only a little.

  • Ah yes, a declaration of independence… In my Chump links that I use to refresh my own declaration I have the one below from the film Elizabeth- about Elizabeth I.

    After finishing the pick me dance (literally) with cheating Robert Dudley, Elizabeth exclaims: “I will have one mistress.. and no master.” Just her way of saying leave a cheater, gain a life (Queendom).

    • This was my ex’s favorite movie! No conversation for me but he became a chatty Cathy with her. I read an email were they were obviously watching movies and having drawn out conversations about them. Well after seeing The Notebook he was so excited and just couldn’t wait to talk to her about it! I have yet to see this movie and probably never will.

      • yeah, when i was in my snooping discovery phase I got to read about their movie discussions. I would watch the movie with my cheater, she’d deflect any advanced I made during the movie, then later, I’d read about how the movie represented true love, true passion, barf.

  • Until I found Chump Lady, none of these truths were self-evident. This blog declared them for many of us. The pursuit of my life has been a painful, rewarding pleasure.

    Through our independence, other seeds can be planted and other seeds can be grown.

    I feel so lucky that my life has intersected with a point in history where all kind of freedoms are possible.

  • Perfectly written! When you declare independence from these soul leeches you are truly free and JOY enters your life.

  • When the cheater requests reconciliation just tell them; “I am disinclined to acquiesce to this request.” And file for independence.

  • When I finally got rid of my cheater, the first thing I did for myself was to buy a boxer puppy and named him Declaration of Independence, or as we call him, Dex. He reminds me of my independence and freedom every day. Best thing I ever did.

  • Hey Tracy, this letter to Carolyn Hax needs the Universal Bullshit Translator. Also, if anyone wants to comment on todays column from a cheater, go for it! The title of the column is bullshit, it’s from a cheater who flat says he dreads his wife asking if he should give up…I say YES, please stop torturing the woman.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-a-separated-couple-is-struggling-to-find-a-way-to-reconcile/2016/07/14/588c5a46-4548-11e6-bc99-7d269f8719b1_story.html?tid=pm_lifestyle_pop_b

  • I will celebrate my Independence Day and sign this declaration. Well done, KibblesNBits!

    CalmityJane – April 16th, 2014.

  • “They have broken the bounds of marriage and commitment..
    They have blame shifted and gas-lighted their partner info believing it is all their fault. Thereby inflicting emotional abuse.
    They have recklessly spent monies secured for your family and children.
    They have called together family and friends for the sole purpose of feeding them a false narrative and moving them into compliance.
    They made their partner/spouse vulnerable to disease and sickness.
    They have obstructed the Administration of Justice, by lying under oath, and spreading false witness against their partners and circumventing the law.
    They have made partner/spouse dependent on their will alone, taking advantage of their empathy and using it to fuel their relentless desire for cake.
    They have created false records, email accounts, craigslist profiles to troll for hook-ups and have enlisted their allies to cover their tracks.
    They have kept among us, in times of peace, enough tokens of affection to keep us in our place, and in a state of confusion.
    They have frozen our assets and cut us off from our family through alienation.
    They turn our children against us for the purpose of feeding their own ego.
    They declare themselves falsely sorry and falsely invested our relationships only to continue to cheat.
    They have plundered our lives, ravaged our self-esteem, burnt our love to ashes, and destroyed families for the sole purpose of self-gratification.”

    Love this! It summarizes my dreadful marriage to a covert narc. Great job!

    • Me too Doingme, it was surprisingly easy to modify the copy to fit recent experience. Or I guess not surprising at all, these Narcs are something else. I only hope in a few years I am still not reeling. I guess it takes time but it is such an assault on basic human decency…..it takes so much time to heal 🙁

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