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China’s Mistress Dispelling Services

disspellThe Reconciliation Industrial Complex has quite an outpost in China, reports the New York Times. If you’re a woman chump there and you want your husband to stop cheating on you? Don’t call a lawyer — call a “mistress-dispelling service”!

Mistress-dispelling services, increasingly common in China’s larger cities, specialize in ending affairs between married men and their extramarital lovers.

Typically hired by a scorned wife, they coach women on how to save their marriages, while inducing the mistress to disappear. For a fee that can start in the tens of thousands of dollars, they will subtly infiltrate the mistress’s life, winning her friendship and trust in an attempt to break up the affair. The services have emerged as China’s economy has opened up in recent decades, and as extramarital affairs grew more common.

With greater opportunities and incentives to be unfaithful — not a few businessmen and officials signal status by maintaining fetching young women — new businesses to combat the cheating have apparently flourished.

Before I UBT this notion of mistress-dispelling, may I just give a bitter, middle-aged, feminist middle finger to the New York Times for “scorned wife” and “fetching young women”? Seriously, NYT? You report on a story of gobsmacking sexism, and you’ve got to join in by reducing women to infidelity stereotypes? Hey, chump wife OF COURSE you got cheated on! You’re not fetching or young anymore! You’re not righteously angry about your husband devaluing you and siphoning off marital resources to fuckbuddies, NO, you’re scorned.

Thanks for another infidelity article that’s all tee-hee, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Yes, men are just irascible scamps with fat wives chasing them round, threatening them with rolling pins.

After her own search, Ms. Wang decided to hire Weiqing International Marriage Hospital Emotion Clinic Group, a mistress-dispelling service in Shanghai. “I looked at some cases on their websites and didn’t know if I should trust them,’’ she said. “But I felt I had no other options, so I thought, why not try it?”
Weiqing eventually ended the affair, she said, by persuading the other woman to take a higher-paying job in another city. “I don’t care how that woman is living now,’’ Ms. Wang said. “I just feel relieved that my husband is back.’’

Ms. Wang, who was recommended by Weiqing to be interviewed for this article, declined to give her full name, saying she wanted to protect her family’s privacy. She would not say how much she paid, except that it was enough that she asked her parents for help.

Weiqing said it started helping clients like Ms. Wang in 2001 in Shanghai, and has since expanded to 59 cities.

Fifty-nine cities in China? How many millions of chumps are there? Makes me want to petition my publisher to translate my “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life” book into Chinese.

Although hang on, there’s a very good reason women don’t leave cheaters in China — if they do, they will be UTTERLY FUCKED.

One response to marital infidelity is divorce. But divorce can be costly, especially for women. Aside from the social stigma that falls more heavily on women, family property and finances in China tend to be registered in the husband’s name. A divorced woman can find herself homeless, adding to the pressure of taking measures to save the marriage.

One commentator in the comments section who seemed to have some familiarity with the divorce laws in China, added that men get custody there. So not only could women lose all their money and property — they could also lose their children.

With all that at stake, you’d better do a pretty pick me dance. And while you’re at it — ask yourself what you did to make your husband cheat on you.

While the counselor goes to work, the mistress-dispelling service advises the wife on how to make herself more attractive to her husband.

Can you become a smorgasbord of pussy, Ms. Wang? Can you (or your parents) afford another mistress-dispelling service after this OW is replaced with yet another?

My Chump Lady observation that “false hope sells” seems to drive quite a profit in China. In the West, the RIC just has books, counselors, and affair-proof-your-marriage scam artists. But hang on to your unicorns, chumps! The mistress dispellers are coming here!

Some mistress dispellers have begun to expand their operations overseas, mainly serving ethnic Chinese women living abroad. But Mr. Kang said he was preparing to start English-language services for non-Chinese clients in Europe and North America by opening a call center based in the Philippines or Malaysia.

“We began by servicing Chinese,’’ Mr. Kang said. “But we’ve discovered in the course of our work that it’s not just our own people who have these problems. Everyone does.”

Ask Chump Lady

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  • I ran a pretend-girlfriend-emotional-affair-dispelling service once.

    Then I left him, and suddenly I didn’t need it any more.

  • Can’t wait till the mistress and the ‘service provider’ team up and soak Mr AND Mrs Lee for all they’ve got.

  • So, it’s a sort of exorcism by bribery. Fighting shitty behavior with shitty behavior. Another example of cheaters bringing out the worst in those around them.

    Not a sustainable way of life. If it comes to the point that this is your best option to save the marriage, then you have no marriage to save. A standard of living , perhaps, but no marriage. To quote the Amityville Horror, “Get. Out!.”

    • Nomar, I’m sorry, but I am seriously laughing over the Amityville Horror thing. Tears and all! Especially when I picture the cheater and all their crap in garbage bags being sucked through the front door like some sort of mystical portal along with an amplified demonic “angry scorned woman voice” roaring those words. Damn, that’s great. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

      Seriously, I can see how this option may seem like the only one many wives in certain cultures feel they’ve got. In those cultures, you marry into an entire family and the marriage is part of maintaining status in the community. Not that I’m saying these women should stay, but often it will cost them a lot more in many ways which can make the process even more daunting. And to try and change that would be changing hundreds of years of history and quite possibly cultural norms themselves.

      Maybe instead of offering to pay off the stupid mistresses, who probably think of an affair and then being paid to leave as a viable career plan in many cases, these agencies should focus on how to help these wives establish themselves in safe settings, even maybe communal environments, so they can pool their meager resources and support each other. Perhaps even start some sort of legal fund so they can mediate issues with their husbands, even if they typically have no voice or say in the business of maintaining the family?

      • This is brilliant! I agree, instead of paying off the mistress, why not give that money to the betrayed spouse so she can get back on her feet. It’s all so backwards…

  • So in China, some slunt can potentially become wealthy by letting herself be financially dissuaded from having sex with married men. It’s like the anti-prostitution prostitration. WTF?!

  • Such a messed up world where the NYTimes essentially extols this as a legitimate business totally missing the point of how it exists to exploit vulnerabilities and gender inequalities in China. Plus, they clearly don’t understand infidelity if they think cheaters only go for more (physically) attractive partners. Cheaters trade down often times.

    • On a political side note, I’ve always wondered why the various political movements of the U.S. only enforce their ideas to the U.S. culture, but give other countries a pass, saying we need to respect their cultures.

  • Who would have thought that most of us female chumps should be grateful to have the option to leave our cheaters?

    Horrible situation for Chinese women; losing money and social status is one thing but losing your children in a divorce is cruel.

    Many ultra-orthodox Jewsish women face the same dilemma here in the US. Possible dismissal by the community, the children stay in the community and the man has the right to deny a religious divorce. Without a religious divorce, a woman cannot remarry. Luckily, in New York State, the law requires a man to give a religious divorce.

    Oppressive rules apply to LGBT members too – if they come out, they loose their children.

    Another reason to be grateful to live in America!

    • Until infidelity is treated like the crime it is (breaking a contract, stealing from your partner, deliberately exposing your partner to life-threatening illnesses, slander, and physical and/or psychological abuse toward the partner and children), it will continue to be winked at and perpetuated by writers like the NYT who (I swear) look for stories to encourage clickbait.

      What a fucked up world we are living in right now.

      • This is the best, most succinct description of infidelity I have ever heard…. Thank-you for this!

        • I have been beating this drum for a while no information =no consent = biohazardous rape and apparently my nowdeadhusband did this. Its been years not so if I were going to manifest disease, I would have by now but if he were alive, I would be prosecuting him to whatever the law would allow

  • In Chinese culture, a husband had grounds for divorce if his wife complained about his side-piece.

    • China’s culture historically and traditionally endorses its men having multiple partners. I can’t get hopped up about this one, at all.

  • Do these “dispelling” services dispel the shitty character from the cheater?

    Like an exorcism?

    Or a lobotomy?

    Dispelling OWs (and OMs) is like dispelling water from the ocean. There’s plenty more where that came from, and it’s up to the married partner to decide whether he should take another dip.

    • Well, but since it’s all the husband’s money, and the wife has no hope to get any money or property, or the kids, she might as well spend it all on this whack-a-mole venture.

      • Hiring a hit man would probably be more effective ….or not for the mistress though……you gotta feel sorry for people who have no options….a man’s world….and laws further the problem…..fault divorces should be law….and every other contract you break other than marriage has legal and financial consequences …..yet infidelity is so much more damaging on every level….cheaters walk away in many instances as better off than the betrayed spouse. …..bring back biblical stoning if the won’t change the laws back to fault to ensure victims are protected. I guess the law makers have too much to gain with the current balance of the scales to ever change back to at least some justice

  • Yay for lack of sleep but I’m modifying the Ghostbusters theme in my head and thinking that method of disposal would be far preferable to what amounts to exploiting desperate women and ultimately rewarding bad behavior/dismissing it with a costly slap on the wrist. Suck both the assholes up and store them away in a vault of eniquity…

    If they’ve got some strange
    In the neighborhood,
    Who ya gonna call?

    If they’re acting weird
    The Marriage isn’t good,
    Who you gonna call?

    Unfamiliar hairs
    Perfume in your bed.
    Who you gonna call?

    I ain’t afraid of no lawyer…

    • Oh yes! I saw this wedding announcement a long time back and always wonder what Chump lady thought about it. If you read the comment section I would guess that this is probably the least supported /vilified marriage in the history of the NYTimes.

      • But, hey confused 123, they didn’t “cheat” or anything. What utter horseshit. Maybe they will get sent to China …

        • Chump Lady did a column on these two when the nyt article came out. They apparently didn’t get the kind of feedback they wanted and wished they had not done the article. Not the destruction, just the article. I feel so bad for these two losers’ children.

  • “But I felt I had no other options, so I thought, why not try it?”

    Are you kidding me? No other options?! How about the best option of all, and that is the freedom to leave a cheating dirtbag. I’m not sure how cheating, mistresses and divorce is perceived in China, but the NYT has stooped to the level of tabloid sleeze reporting. Very disappointed.

  • Stuff like this is just so sad. I’m so sick of these whores. And unfortunately, I think the major benefit of RIC is to encourage and perpetuate adultery. Sometimes I don’t think all of them even realize it but they do.

  • “Yes, men are just irascible scamps with fat wives chasing them round, threatening them with rolling pins.” And curlers in their hair. And frigid. And “don’t pay him enough attention.” Yeah WTG New York Times. I commented on the article the other day, that you can’t “win back” someone who had no respect for you in the first place.

    I also find besides the antiquated gender stereotype and the use of the word “scorned” (which I detested even before it happened to me), NYT is engaging in some kind of weird racial voyeurism…hey aren’t those Asian people quaint, quirky and different? titter, titter. Tut, tut.

    • “Hell hath no fury like a woman …” has a better ring to it than “Hell hath no fury like a woman <seeking an amicable dissolution of the marriage so the cheater need not be overly inconvenienced."

    • oops … the word scorn dropped out of the first version. I guess autocorrect doesn’t care for the word either!!

    • Racial voyeurism and a sexist article too.
      What worries me is a possible return to these dreadful times when women were so dependent on men they were stuck in these situations. It wasn’t so long ago women were stuck like this in our cultures. My grandmother was and she was married to a cheating, wife beating, wife raping bastard but stayed. With China wielding more and more influence in the world it could happen. They certainly have a lot of clout in little NZ. Women’s rights are human rights.
      In 1986 I lived in Ireland. There was a referendum on legalising divorce. Women were terrified it would go through and voted against it because they didn’t trust that if they divorced they would get enough child support to survive. Referendum result: NO. The economy was very bad back then, lots of Irish people were emigrating and they still had large families and were quite poor. Some of my friends remembered not having enough blankets on their beds and piling their coats over the sheets in winter. Even women who were miserable in their marriages voted No. Things have changed now in Ireland, but that only came with prosperity. Freedom is not cheap.
      Best not to judge Chinese women in that awful situation.

  • My husband’s Howorker is Chinese and lives in Shanghai! Maybe I should hire a “mistress-dispelling service” to get rid of her! Thanks also for the cultural lesson… she is married and had a child. Doesn’t look like she’d give up her kid and status for a life with her boss. I often wondered how divorce was looked upon in China.

  • So sad that businesses have found a way to profit on false hopes…

  • What do you want to bet there’s a ground up rhinoceros horn or shark fin involved in this scam. I’m sure the infidelity stereotypes in China are much more prevelant and installed most probably including suicides and murder given the cultural norms.

  • Wow! I had no idea, but when you stop to think anout it, it makes sense. Male dominated, good ol’boys societies disgust me! Blows my mind!

  • I can think of a few ways to dispel these sluts and they aren’t as pleasant as the Mistress Dispelling Service methods, believe me.

      • Still too good for them, Dixie Chump, lol.

        My preferred method for dealing with cheaters is that once a person steps out side of their marriage, the marriage immediately ends in divorce, with fault , in favor of the innocent faithful spouse. At that exact moment, the Cheaters become married to each other with no divorce option available, ever. Whatever their interaction was on that day has to continue until one of them dies. For example, if they talk on the phone 2 times per day, for 45 minutes that’s what they have to do for eternity. Hell, why stop it at death. ? 500 texts a day? Blow jobs daily behind the 7-11? Ditto. That’s your standard daily requirement.

        • I also think that the cheaters should, in addition to bring married to each other, should have to maintain physical contact with each other, at all times. Within touching distance. The only parole time would be for cheaters to see their children. No contact between co cheater and children, ever. When ex has to see the kids, new co cheating spouse enters solitary confinement holding cell, where a continuous loop of their conversations is played.

          I really regret I can’t make this happen. If I could be granted a superpower, I would become The WhorANator, lol. Able to detect, expose, and punish cheaters in an appropriate manner. Watch out, Arnold Schwarzenegger, The WhorANator is coming for your nasty cheating ass.

        • Anita, now I have Meatloaf’s lines from “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights” stuck in my head. . .

          “So now I’m praying for the end of time
          to hurry up and arrive.
          ‘Cause if I have to spend another minute with you
          I don’t think I can really survive.

          I can’t forget my promise
          or break my vow

          But God only knows how….”

          That would be “justice.”

    • I was just thinking along the same lines… screw a “dispelling” service. How about a “disappearing” service? When you’re being cheated on, you should be able to pay a service to make your cheater spouse and his/her cheater sidepiece disappear so that you get all of the assets, full custody of the children, and the ability to move on and create a new life. I don’t condone murder; I would just like them to be kidnapped into a cheaters’ relocation program where they are given amnesia, reprogrammed to believe that they are someone else, and then relocated to somewhere on the other side of the world where we would never see them again. That would be money well spent.

    • We are forgetting that with all of the mistress dispelling services there needs to be a Douchebag flush as well. Crap like this doesn’t happen in a vacuum. What stinks for these wives are the cultural norms whereby they get screwed over.

      What I would like to learn is what happens within these cultures when the tables are turned, cheating wives and chump husbands.

  • Cue up the Lee Greenwood…. I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. As badly as some fuckwits abuse the system in the States, at least in theory under the law, divorce should be equitable for both parties.

    We have a way to go, but we may never get laws enforcing the truly equitable solution of the cheating fuckwits being covered in honey, staked to an anthill, and fucked sideways with a cactus. Until then, I’ll just be grateful for my state laws.

    • or, make that anthill a Fire Ant Hill, and change the honey to beef bouillon (those little suckers are carnivorous).

    • For some reason, I can’t get out my mind how ruthless Chinese women are to Western women who are not a size 0. You will be called fat to your face. Right to your face. They will say, You are too big, you fat. You so fat! And laugh and laugh.

      They will also say to you, as soon as you walk in a store “WE HAVE BIG SIZE FOR YOU.”

      You can be size 12/14 and they act like your steps are shaking the foundations of their store.

      It is VERY common and it makes you feel terrible. They “feign” they do not know it it rude, but I am skeptical. I think they know exactly what they are doing.

      These women need to learn about sisterhood….hands off attached men and stop ridiculing each other…STICK TOGETHER DUMMIES.

      This type of cruelty bleeds into the way women treat other. If you google China women beating the other woman, there are many videos of the mad (rightfully so) wives beating the absolute shit out of the whores their husband are sleeping with, in the street, and often other women join in the beating. They often strip her naked and just commence to a beating.

      I admit…this would feel good for many reason…but you never see the MAN get a well deserved ass whooping.

      What a way to live….having to fight, scheme and pay money to hang onto a son of a bitch who does not give a shit about you, and then wait on him hand and foot as you worry about the next whore he wants to screw?

      I would take my chances with fate. That is chumpdom to the exponential of NO WAY IN HELL.

      • Oppression rarely makes people behave nobly (though I think it is important to note that most Chinese women ARE very tactful and compassionate–including quite a few chumps of Chinese descent in our very own CN).

        • No…inside China it is very common. Many women who go over to teach English leave because of literally being pointed at in the street and ridiculed for their weight. It might be a result of the oppression, the old crabs in a bucket analogy, but it is non stop and abusive. You have to grow rhino thick skin to shrug it off. It sounds insignificant but try it everyday and you began to wilt inside and feel like Quasimodo. It might make them feel some power as they do not have proper legal rights as women in the marriage.

      • I think life as a celibate in China might be preferable to being married with these kinds of scenarios. Very sad. Glad I live where I do.

      • There is a way of dealing with people who try to insult you, and it’s called Not Giving a Fuck! Who cares what some skinny bitch thinks? Fuck that.

        • Nice thought. But let’s be compassionate of others. Constant ridicule can wear you down. Please be more compassionate to your western sisters.

  • I’ve got a great “Mistress Dispeller” – a flame thrower. That way you don’t have to work at being more attractive to your cheater, you just have to have decent aim. 100 points for getting them both with the same shot.

  • Too bad we can’t petition no fault states to add Adultery to the list of reasons a marriage can end and then award 75% of the marital assets to the betrayed.

  • We need to start one stateside. We could call it “Slut B Gone”. Hire us some ninjas and have them slash tires, throw bricks through window, put bags of dog shit through mail slots, sneak in and put a ten pound flounder in the heating ducts, cut the crotches out of pants, grind up lightbulbs and add it to potato salad.

    Could send the cheater a “Chicks with Dicks” magazine subscription to work, call and leave a message with his assist that states “While we are grateful for your interest in being a Boy Scout leader, your past criminal record regarding indecent liberties and contributing to the delinquency of a minor prohibits us from allowing you to be around children”.

    The only limits would be our imaginations!

    • With my experience with the Boy Scouts of America they consider adultery a “family problem” that needs to be solved within the family. At least with volunteers. But a skanky District Executive – it’s a violation of their “no fraternization with the volunteers” policy and you can, and I did Cinderella fired for it.

  • I absolutely refuse to use the word “mistress” for these whores. It is way too good of a word for any of them. Maybe they could rename it “Insecure Sluts who fuck married men Dispelling Services.”

    The euphemisms associated with adultery are a big part of the problem. Along with the myths that these skanks are better than the wives of cheaters. Not even close.

    • Whores love the word mistress. It sounds so edgy and sexy. Getting a blowjob in your car after picking up bar whores requires little skill, lacks class, and if that’s what they consider sexy, file. Problem solved.

      • Yep. They’re homewreckers, is all they are. I, too, refuse to use the word “mistress.”

        Maybe “cheater-bait” is good, too. Because I honestly think that discovery of the Coward’s cheating, being only the final straw, was very good for me, ultimately (not for my kids.) It was bound to happen sooner or later; it just took cheater bait to facilitate what comes naturally to entitled pricks like the ex. If it hadn’t been her, it would have been some other whore. So now he’s not my problem any more. He took the bait and bailed. And he’s her problem now, not mine.

        Goodness gracious it is good to live in the USA. I’m free!!

  • OMG I love the boyscout leader thing! Delicious! And the flame thrower. Heck, I have no aim so I would probably just maim. Could I get points for that?

  • As a New Yorker, I prefer solutions that are immediate and to the point. Fuck the “mistress-dispelling service”. I think a “cheater-dispelling service” would be far more economical and streamlined. No high paying jobs in other cities for the fetching young women….. Just a bullet in the head for the cheater. Done. (I haven’t done independent research, but my guess is a bullet to the head of a cheater ends affairs real quick)

  • I was living just outside Shanghai with my ex when I discovered he had a mistress, she is mid twenties divorced and doesn’t have custody of her child. Prior to my ex’s relationship with her being exposed I lived in China with him for 2 years and met a lot of young women in the same situation.
    After living there for a couple of months it became clear that most of the couples we had met in both social and business circles were married men with mistresses, the men mid to late fifties the women early twenties. The men had wives and children back home who were unaware that their husband was living with another woman, quite often the same age as their daughters.
    These other women were given an allowance to spend on themselves but were also quite open in telling me and each other how much they received. Almost all of them sent the money home to their parents.
    Occasionally a man would return home permanently, say if his contract had ended. In this case the mistress was paid off with a lump sum and she would move on to find another.
    I asked a 22 year old young woman why she become involved with a 56 year old married man. She told me it gave her family kudos, he’s English therefore he must be wealthy, he can provide for me and my family. She also told me she hoped he would divorce his wife and marry her so that she could live in the uk.
    It does not say in the article if Ms Wang’s husband is also Chinese, but I presume that he is as I don’t think the “mistress-dispelling service” would be useful for a wife living thousands of miles away from her husband who trusts that he is there to earn a living and does not even know of the mistress situation as I did not when I first arrived.
    I would not have believed this if someone had told me about it before I moved to China but I experienced it, saw it with my own eyes and lost my marriage because of it.
    It also ruined my experience of living in China, I was excited at the prospect of going to live in a foreign country, the cultural differences etc but what I got to see was a very seedy side of it. I still have happy memories of my experience there but its clouded by the dark side.

    • “She told me it gave her family kudos, he’s English therefore he must be wealthy, he can provide for me and my family. She also told me she hoped he would divorce his wife and marry her so that she could live in the uk.”

      Ugh, all in the name of money, i.e. prostitution. How sad that people are reduced to using each other. It’s really messed up.

      • As Tempest mentioned above, this is the end result of tyrannical authoritarianism, reducing human beings to objects. Life is cheap where people have no freedom, no personal rights. It’s really, really sad how desperate most of the world’s population is.
        Cherish your human rights and freedoms if you have them.

        • Yes, the wives and the mistresses are all stuck in an oppressive system where women have to sell themselves somehow, either as courtesans or as wives who put up with this crap because it’s better than being divorce and destitute. So what are Chinese feminists doing about it? What is the Communist Party doing? What kind of equality is this? I wonder how hard it is for feminists to make progress there. Amazing when you see that there are a lot of women delegates in the Chinese Communist Party.

          • Datdamwuf’s link below shows how hard it is for feminists to make progress in China. The system has become more oppressive in the past decade. Female delegates toe the line, making waves will lead to them not being delegates.

            • Sorry, I saw that post after I’d made my comment. All the articles in that section of the Guardian are so depressing. I count my blessings I live in Godzone…

    • LMAO.

      In a culture where a large majority of women won’t chose divorce because they have way too much to lose, the would be lawyers had to come up with a new source of income. So they chose mistress-dispelling fees. It’s sad how people prey on each other’s unhappiness to make money.

  • Thanks for pointing out the terrible way in which the NYT portrays these women who are stuck in a society with laws that disenfranchise them based on their sex. It boggles the mind when you remember that men outnumber women by a large margin in China, yet the status of females is still so low and their legal rights so fucked up they cannot leave their husbands even when they wish to. It sucks.

    • For a true idea of how bad it is for women in China:

      Guo’s organization has been shut down, the government is systematically targeting activist who are attempting to get equal rights for women. They’ve jailed many feminist organizers and other human rights groups have been closed. Guo’s is the latest. It sucks. A quote from the article above:

      “Guo described how she had been drawn to activism having witnessed the suffering of one grandmother, who was divorced for failing to bear a son, and another who starved to death aged only 41. “Growing up immersed in such experiences I formed an idea very early on: why did women have to live such miserable lives? Why can’t women be equal to men?”

  • Really shocked it’s not the other way around in China.

    With a generation or two of one child birth policy and families wanting male children, I’d think there would be a shortage of women and men invading a marriage to find one of the relatively scarce women.

    As others have mentioned, this is as messed up as a soup sandwich.

  • I have another culturally-based solution: bring back the Cultural Revolution practice of parading prisoners through the streets with a placard detailing their crime.

    Unfaithful husbands (or wives) would be convicted, and paraded with these characters printed on a sign around their necks:


    (I am a cheater.)

  • The whole system smells like one big human rights violation to me. I would rather see these cheaters, their schmoochies and the owners of these “businesses” all rot in Chinese prison. My heart goes out to these poor women and their children!

  • A friend of mine who was in Singapore as an expat confessed to her doctor there that her husband had been visiting prostitutes.

    The doctor advised her to do what his Singaporian patients (women) do, and that’s turn a blind eye, become frigid, and get what they can monetarily from him. She was stunned.

    And HE was stunned that SHe was stunned.because to him, what mattered most was money. All else derived from, “will this affect one’s wealth?”

    My stbx isn’t from China but is from SE Asia. If you think the west has issues with a “boys will be boys” mentality, marry a foreigner from his neck of the woods.

    It is excused, justified, pandered to. In many families, marriage is a means to build wealth (aside: mine sucks at building wealth. He is a sociopathic parasite who has banked off living off my work and money), not create a strong, intimate, loving bond.

    the values and ethics we take for granted are limited or very different in many non-western cultures. I read once a man who believed his Chinese mother in law fit the checkboxes for psychopathy was told by a therapist, “i was wrong: she’s not a psychopath, she’s Chinese.”

    (I also met many people from my husband’s culture who were gracious, kind, and made it clear they’d never stick with a partner who cheated. So, my stories here are anecdotal, not applying to everyone in other cultures).

  • These chumps would be better served if their money would get them some knee cap breaking for the cheater instead.

  • I wonder what the percentage is of married men in China who have “accidents”? Like, falling off cliffs, boats out at sea, down steep staircases, or having cars fall off the jacks on them while changing tires, electrocuting themselves while in the shower, tripping while walking with a knife, falling off high ladders, etc.? I bet if you compare it to the US, it is statistically significant.

  • Thank you CL for reminding us what a fragile little oasis of near equality we live in. It sucks being a woman in so many places. At least we can get out and live our new lives. All the more motivation to make the most of our good fortune being citizens of the West.

  • My serial cheating fucktard volunteered for 3 medical mission trips to China –all so he could fuck Chinese prostitutes that are plentiful in the hotel lobbies–hell the concierge will call and arrange for you! Foreign businessmen often have their “Chinese wife” while there and their real wife back home. All the men on the mission trip visited prostitutes while there.

  • My mistress dispelling service is to call it like I see it – free of charge. If your significant other is a fucktard and cheating, I promise to let you know. If (when I’m ready to date) I am out with someone and learn he is attached, I will let his wife/GF know. If I hear someone is struggling to save their relationship because their significant other is in a fog, I will point them to CL!

  • I’m not sure what you are trying to get across just around the bed. I’m a compassionate person. I’m not sure why you think not letting someone else call you names makes you uncompassionate.

    • This is what you wrote:

      “There is a way of dealing with people who try to insult you, and it’s called Not Giving a Fuck! Who cares what some skinny bitch thinks? Fuck that.”

      Some people do give a fuck. so what advice do you have for those people. Are you telling them that they are weak because they care?

      • No, I did not say they are weak.

        Also, I don’t have any advice for those “people who care” what strangers think of them, and did not claim to.

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