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UBT: “We Aren’t All Homewreckers”

delusionalAnonymous over at XOJane would like the reading public to know that “In all honesty, being a side piece has made me a better woman.” Apparently, it’s the kind of better that dare not speak its name.

You know the Universal Bullshit Translator can’t resist an opportunity to probe the shallow depths of OW self-reflection. So, here we go…

Some women start affairs for the thrill. Some women start affairs for the sex. Some women expect their affair partner to give them the world. If he’s married, she will go to any length to break that union, no matter what the cost. I am not that woman. No matter what your opinion is of me, I am not a homewrecker.

No, I’m a better class of woman. I just fuck other women’s partners for the thrill and the sex. But I’m not a homewrecker. To wreck your home, you’d have to know I fucked your partner. And you’ll never know. So, hey, my hands are clean! Did I break your wittle whelationship? I never demanded a commitment! My wrecking is entirely casual.

Twenty years ago, I met my husband. He is a wonderful man who loves our kids and me.

It’s wonderful the way he loves US. Kibbles!

We’ve been through a lot together. Like most marriages, it hasn’t always been perfect. Two people working though everyday life can have its ups and downs, but we have always dealt with them together. We have raised amazing children together and honestly enjoy each other’s company.

You can tell my profound regard for my marriage by the way I string cliches together to describe it. And our children are AMAZING, of course. Those hours I spend away from them investing in meaningless fuckbuddy relationships? Amazing! It’s just a wonder how my selfishness manifests itself as happiness for the greatest good!

So it may come as a surprise that I am also in a committed relationship with another wonderful man.

It may come as a surprise that I use the word “committed” with my fuckbuddy and not my husband. But HEY, I’m not like those other Other Women who expect things. My commitment to my fuckbuddy could never be construed as homewrecking.

I never expected to meet someone who makes me a better person, but a few years ago, I did. He is also married with children.

By “better” I mean “fucks around on his wife and kids.” By “better” I mean “like me.”

Our lives have changed dramatically since we met, but just as my husband and I have worked through the ups and downs, so have my friend and I. In a way, he has become the outside voice of reason when I need advice or just someone to make me smile and remember life isn’t fair.

Life is so unfair, the way one gets a husband AND a fuck buddy. Just makes me smile.

The biggest misconception about affairs is that both parties come from sexless marriages. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I have an amazing sex life with my husband. So does my friend with his wife. Do we have sex? Yes, we do. Our sex life fulfills fantasies we can’t get at home. And it is amazing.

Amazing kids! Amazing sex with my husband! Amazing sex with my friend!

Our sex life fulfills this little fantasy of superiority that we both have, that we deserve more. We can’t get that at home, what with the whole solitary genital assignment most people are born with, so if we want a smorgasbord of pussy or dick, we have to leave home to get it. Amazing!

But the truth is, the sex is only a minor part of our relationship.

Lying and hiding it is the major part. Good times.

If something happened and we could never have sex again, I wouldn’t leave him. I would still enjoy the same wonderful relationship we have now.

Like, if he was paralyzed, I would totally visit him. I wouldn’t leave him. I would sit there and tell him about all the ways life is unfair to me, and he’d make me smile.

I have read all the articles about women who are convinced the woman who slept with their husband was a homewrecker. I am sure some women are. But that is not me. I have never assumed I am anything more than a friend.

And doesn’t that make me a better class of homewrecker? The friendly kind? I’m not the kind of person who deliberately takes a flamethrower to your sofa. I’m more like the friend who was just playing around with flamethrowers, because gosh! they make me smile! and then I incinerated your sofa.

It’s totally different. Don’t judge.

I have never had any intention of wrecking his home, just as he has never intended to wreck mine. The truth is, I love his wife. She has never not been a presence in our relationship.

I love chumping his wife. She’s present in our relationship. What’s not present is the truth that I’m fucking her husband. #lovewins

We openly talk about our spouses and marriages.

But not that whole “I’m fucking your husband” thing. I left that out.

She is a good woman. He knows and loves that my husband is a good man. Our spouses have never been hidden; they have always been there, just as our kids have never been hidden. Our families come first, no questions asked. Many times kids have had issues or spouses have been sick, and our time is put on hold. Never has this been an issue. Being good spouses and parents has always been more important. Being those people is one of the reasons we have been together so long. We love those people too.

By “love” I mean deceiving them.

And hey, sometimes, our time gets put on hold! (Damn child’s appendicitis.) And we have to be good. And wait. And not ask questions. Life is unfair sometimes.

The other benefit to our relationship is that it has made me a better person. His advice helps me to be a better spouse. In the times I am frustrated or irritated with my husband, sometimes it is nice to get a male perspective on the situation.

By “male perspective” I mean I blow him.

As women we obviously don’t know how the male mind works. He has helped me to understand men think differently and how to deal with that difference. When it comes to kids, sharing experiences has made me look at parenting differently and made me more relaxed when it comes to my kids. Our relationship is a stress reliever for me, and that alone has helped me time and again.

Fucking around and investing in my friendship has made me look at parenting differently. What my children really need is for me to relax! And have the stress relief that comes from cheating on their father! Less time with my family and more time cheating has helped me time and again.

I never went into an affair to find a way out or to take over someone’s marriage. Some women in affairs are good women, good wives, and good mothers. Don’t assume we all want to be the bitch who steals your husband.

No, we’re the bitch who writes an XOJane column about how happy you are to fuck my husband without me knowing about it.

Some of us have no intention of wrecking your home. We are perfectly happy with the relationships we have. We suggest you make sure you are too.

The UBT is confused — make sure I have a happy relationship too? Which, as you define it, is screwing around on my partner? Or being the unwitting partner to whom someone else is screwing around?

Just everyone stay in the dark so you can maintain your happiness?

No, Anonymous. The UBT looks forward to the day your husband serves your ass for divorce. Then you can see the depth of your “friendship” as the karma truck tires back over you. Cheers.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Bravo, Chump Lady. Thank you for putting that load of steaming bullshit through the UBT.

    • I wonder how anonymous would feel if another woman was “friends” with her husband – knowing that he was just looking after his own “happiness” as well?

      • I bet she would even be more pissed if her AP betrayed her and had a 3rd kibble-giver that he confided in and screwed to fulfill the fantasies the other two could not.

    • Bravo indeed! UBT on form – and made me chuckle in several places!

      As for the original letter, wow, one big alphabet soup of smugness! So unbelievably smug.

      • “By ‘male perspective’, I mean I blow him.”

        I just startled my neighbor and alarmed by dog with the horksnort laugh that just escaped from me! Heavens to Murgatroid, was that some funny stuff.

        The UBT posts are probably my favorites.

  • OMG!! Your husband will find out one day! Affairs are always found out! And it will destroy your husband it will be the worst pain he has ever endured. He will wish for death so he doesn’t have to hurt anymore! This Is going to destroy your husband and family. This is going to wreck your home! And the home of your lover too!

    • ^^^ This “He will wish for death so he doesn’t have to hurt anymore”. I was there and know two men from work who did end the pain. 🙁 It’s real.

    • Damn that’s the truth!! I’ve been there too. Almost took out the OM and myself. Thanks God I love my kids too much to be without them.

    • Been that, nearly done that, when the order of protection against my verbally abusive husband was denied.

    • If her husband is as invested in the marriage as she says, she could never begin to comprehend the level of pain he will feel, and the wounding that never seems to heal.

      I guess a person who could rationalize something like this, and a lifestyle built on the deception of a person who loves and is investing everything in her, could not be expected to consider the destruction she will bring into the life of the man she professes to love (the one she’s married to anyway). And it is not just his personal life that will suffer. It often affects his professional life as well, due to impaired ability to perform. Those are not all the losses, not by a long shot.

      Also, you take your victims as you find them, and some people are not as resilient as others, and don’t bounce back. I hope he’s not one of them. So many here know what’s going to inevitably happen to this man, and his children. I remember well that pain, and how my life was reduced to trying to survive in 15 minute increments.

      What a heartless and cruel human being, this woman, to play God like this with the life of another person.

      • JK, the thing is, the person who wrote this is more than likely an anti-social disordered, as in a narcissist or psychopath. A narcissist does not feel guilt, their brains aren’t wired like the rest of us, in effect, they are disabled and literally CAN’T feel guilt or empathy. Don’t feel sorry for them…… they are quite happy the way they are, they feel superior to the rest of us because they can manipulate the rest of the population through guilt and empathy.
        They are truly evil toxic soul vampires who feel entitled to do whatever they want whenever they want, nothing is ever their fault, in fact they are often crying they are the victim, misunderstood, etc. They play the victim better than the real victim. They are all pathological liars and can turn on the tears like a switch. I have heard them described as being able to eat a cheeseburger while they watch you drown.
        This woman doesn’t care who ends up being a casualty in her quest to fulfill her needs, because she views everyone in her life as property, a tool to use as she sees fit. Because she has never felt guilt or empathy she has learned to fake emotions in order to fit in and get what she wants, her whole life is a sham, so to her faking it is as good as the real thing. ie: telling her husband she is faithful is as good as being faithful and if he discovered her infidelity it would be her husband’s own fault for snooping and finding out the truth.
        Warped, yes, but that is what makes these people disordered and they can’t change, nor do they want to.

        • So true! It is not the action which was wrong, it’s the discovery. When my son stumbled across the “morning after pill” wrapper in his Moms over night bag he was borrowing all the fault was his and mine. Evil hates the light of day

        • Yes and we are the trusting unfortunate ones who crossed their path and were sucked in. Wish I had had Chumplady b4 I met him but I guess you have to experience it to truly appreciate how good people can be taken in by good manipulators. The red flags are there you just choose not to see them cuz ur in wuv…and the rest is history-sucks

      • Not once, not ONE GODDAMNED TIME did this heartless lunatic discuss what the guy’s wife might feel about this. That she might care quite a bit that the ‘friend’ sitting at her dining room table sipping on the coffee she just prepared is banging her husband. You walked into her home? You looked her in the eye? You smiled and chit-chatted as you’re sleeping with her husband?! She sits and eats finger cookies and talks with her about their kids and spouses and can then go on to write this article in defense of her humanity? She has no humanity. She is a sick, evil pig. There are some things you just DO NOT DO. Pretty sure that if the woman who was sleeping with my spouse came for tea and presumed to keep me in the dark while discussing soccer and orthodontics, and I learned what she’d been doing, I’d knock her teeth down her throat and throw her physically out on the lawn. Sorry, this just got my blood boiling this morning, because there’s something so perverse about the fact that she’s smiling about having her tentacles entwined into the lives of her victims.

    • Ugh ..SOCIOPATH . I DON’T THINK So!It will destroy your amazing childrens lives and thier trust in the WORLD! But hey you know you have rights to show the world how insecure, and what a lowlife, selfish ASSHOLE that you both are! And remember in the end HUN….you and lover boy know your are nothing but pieces big SMELLY TURDS that can’t flush down the toilet! The divorce is coming BABE so get off your high horse because the reality of your wonderful CHEATING boyfriend- Married man is about to come true! Best of luck on your new life together without Kibbles and hey dont forget thier might be other women in his life right now that you don’t know about! ?????Kiss my Happyly Divorced asss!!!! Ex Kibble Spouse

  • Bottom line: Lies, deceit and manipulation make life better.
    Because apparently lies, deceit and manipulation don’t hurt anyone, kind of like HIV or cervical cancer or herpes…..

    • Yes, these cheaters don’t give a rats ass about the damage they cause. After all, so long as their dick or vagina is happy, who cares about the rest of the world, or their immediate family and children’s lives they destroyed. It doesn’t matter, because it’s all about them and their needs. They should have stayed single and not had children in that case. It’s quite accepted these days not to marry, stay single and pork around.

  • this woman sounds exactly like my ex’s. she really does think she’s an amazing mum, particularly when she’s away from them and NOT being a mum. oh, and she also moved out of her family home, leaving her 2yr old, 5 yr old, and 8 yr old sons. yes, she’s clearly amazing. when i mentioned the word homewrecker to my ex, he was really offended and said i didnt understand. i now realise HE doesnt understand the meaning of the word.

    • There is simply NO LINK in their minds between the actions and the consequences.

  • Ok, Ms Perfect, tell your spouses so they can find their bestie friends. You are a home wrecker and a glorified piece of shit but who cares. La di da.
    Take sex out of the picture and see how long he sticks around.

  • It’s not hard to be a better person when that person’s original moral standing is so fucking low to begin with :).

    Oh, read the comments on the original article, they rip the anonymous author to shreds; it’s fantastic.

  • Yea, my ex tells our daughters that she only communicated with him to get martial advice because ours was falling apart. The falling apart thing was news to me. He left his wife for mine and they are engaged. I think my daughter’s may be figuring it out. There is no such thing as a ‘better form of cheater’. Thanks CL for exactly what I needed today.

    • Not only are cheaters delusional (see XOJane column), but they always have a chicken/egg problem. They launch an affair which wrecks the marriage (even when the spouse doesn’t know about the affair, it deleteriously alters the dynamics and equality of the relationship), then claim they had the affair because the marriage was damaged. smh.

      • Yep. Their problem is that you have a problem with it. And heaven forfend their children think any less of them for it……

      • Oh, Tempest-you got that right. And even now, as I got shithead to sign the separation agreement (without legal counsel) and will be sitting pretty for at least 12 years (oh yeah, I lined up those ducks), he still, when queried why the marriage of the century just dissolved, replies “it’s complicated”, and launches into the chicken/egg nonsense. I wonder if all the energy expended to keep his conscience clear-ish will make his head explode one day? I’m counting on it.

        • A toast to you, SmartisHard, for your great settlement!! (and I’ll add psychic power to your wish that your X’s head explodes)

          • The screaming penis exploding before his head just so he could watch it explode would be awesome! I would pay to see that!

            • Ladies, should this happen, I will post pictures before the ambulance comes ?

  • I have a very different definition of “friend” than this anonymous author does. A true friend wouldn’t selfishly cheat with a married friend. Just saying.

    • LOL. DM, I bonked my head on the existential absurdity ceiling as I read, and I think I’m concussed. I have a very different definition of “person,” than she, let alone the “BETTER person” she defines. Gah. And gag.

  • “I have never had any intention of wrecking his home, just as he has never intended to wreck mine.” It isn’t the wrecking that matters; it’s never having any intentions to do the wrecking.

    But there I go, but as CL says, “It’s totally different. Don’t judge.” I’m watching from afar as Jackass and MOW reconnect, now that she’s getting a divorce but still hiding the affair from her STBX and getting her grown kids to hide it too because they don’t want to hurt their dad.

    There I go, being all judgy. But they didn’t intend to wreck that home, no sir.

  • Two commitments? uh no. Fucking your friends? Double uh no. She is delusional like all the others. I guess commintments mean something to her as long as its more than one. Nope shes a ho!

  • Wow, the delusional world these cheaters live in is just shocking. After I discovered my STBX’s double life he had the audacity to shout at me “I always showed you respect!” and the bizarre thing is he really believes it. All the lies he told me, the sneaking around, the STD he gave me, they were all done in the name of RESPECT. I’m slowly learning there’s no arguing with people like this because they have no other choice than to believe their own lies.

    • !! Mine said the same thing!! “I always showed you respect in other ways.” Right–my X sucked my support, my medical advice, my problem solving as a way to illustrate his “respect” for me, all the while badmouthing me to his APs (who assumed he’d leave me for them) and fucking skanks from the adult websites in the middle of the day, and coming home to kiss me on the lips.

      That kind of respect we could do without.

      • Mine assured me that he “bragged on me” to his parents…oh like its respectful to talk up your wife to your parents showing how well you picked leaving out the parts where you rage at her, abuse her and cheat. I felt so “respected”

      • The Douchebag repeated over and over again in a faint disbelieving voice as his deluded fantasy world collapsed around him “I was so discrete”, “I was so careful” and “I never meant to hurt you”!!! Psychotic right there.

        • If they are not home wreckers then why do they help wreck homes. Shouldnt they say what douchebag you are married go talk to your spouse fix it or end it as nicely and honestly as you can. They maybe come see me but no they dont cause they are whores who also dont care more fun to win win win and help fuck over the spouse. May there pod genital parts wither and die. No excuses for cheating and lying. None!

      • You nailed it again, Tempest-there’s no black and white to cheaters, just 50 shades of endless gray…..

    • LOL Mine told me he was ‘mostly devoted to me’
      He cheated for 30 yrs, regularly leaving me home alone, while he went to a bar, a friends house, came from work at 11, etc. I think he thinks he was devoted because he was a cakeater! Just because you are there daily, does not a marriage make. It does demand some effort…

      • Mine told me that during his 5-year affair, during which we got married and were in MC (he did not disclose the affair and now admits that he did MC “only to prove a point” that I was “selfishly not meeting a crucial need of his” on 100% his terms), he ALWAYS loved ONLY me. HAD always loved only me. Never loved her. I was the only one who ever mattered. He just got emotionally twisted. By me.

        I said, “Let me get this straight. You spent 5 years living a second life with another woman. Exposed me to STDs. Spent hours on the phone daily while I pleaded with you to talk to me. Exchanged thousands of texts. Supported her financially. Waged a Claire-is-mean-and-crazy campaign that, because you are so smooth and literally targeted ONLY me with your venom, worked. Took her to your family’s home. Took your children to see her many times a year, did family things with her and her son. You gaslighted me to the point that I was suicidally depressed about believing I was insane. And now you insist you ‘take full responsibility’ for choosing to cheat. Very subtly, however, you both insist that I caused it and insist that causation doesn’t matter (better known in logic as A and not-A, which is a really fast way to make somebody crazy). Then, always, the hint: but for all my crimes, you would never have cheated. You also tell me, with no emotional affect, that no, it did not occur to you, once, that you were affecting another human being. Not one bit of that is love. Not one bit. So don’t insult me any further. You’ve done enough damage for ten lifetimes.”

        His reply: “You don’t get to tell me how I feel or felt. I did and do love only you. I’m sure, to you, it might not seem like love. But it’s complicated.”

        No. It’s not complicated. Just like Anonymous (though he’s MUCH smoother than she), he’s a predator who does not care about whom he victimizes.

        Abuse is not love. Full stop.

        • Abuse is not love. Most definitely! My cheating ex said he “always meant it when he said he felt for me like noone else” What a dickhead! Also had the audacity to say that I “treated him like shit” when I found out about all the lies and said I was leaving. That’s treating him like shit? How about all the abuse I went through? That’s what I would call being treated like shit

        • ClaireS, you have just described being involved with a narcissist. Number one trait of a narcissist? can not feel guilt or empathy. They are disordered, disabled, their brains do not develop like a normal brain, they can not change, they don’t want to, they know they hurt people, they just don’t care. In fact, seeing the pain they inflict actually feeds their ego, “see how powerful I am, how wonderful I am, look at how upset she is about losing me. I must be really special to cause that much pain.”

  • This woman is delusional and disgusting, as are all cheaters. Same with her married boyfriend. Hope they get dumped and stuck with each other for eternity. No time off for good behavior.

    • She is delusional. What criminal admits to their crime, same with this woman, she will never admit she’s a homewrecker. Denial is not just a river in Egypt…

      • His wife has always been a presence in their relationship, except for when you’re fucking her husband? Such a beautiful friendship with so many benefits.
        This woman lists the benefits of her relationship with her “friend’s husband” this lovely woman’s husband. Unbelievable, we openly talk about our spouses? you mean bitch about your spouses to justify your fuck fests.., which is more exciting when it’s forbidden. A great stress reliever, really? You’re not a home wrecker, not a bitch. Happiness, peace, problem solving, stress relief all in the name of love.., not your fault, who knew? these things happen, one moment you’re standing next to the water cooler at work, the next.., at a motel fucking a married man, all in friendship. Who knew?
        We’re all good people?
        Liars aren’t good people in my opinion. People who destroy families for their own selfish desires aren’t good people. Shattering your children’s lives and security for the rest of their lives is a tragedy and benefits no one. Kellia, delusional was my first thought too, as I read this woman’s BS.

  • The home she’s wrecking is her own, she’s just too stupid to realize it.

  • “By ‘male perspective’ I mean I blow him.”


    You laugh or you cry. I most often choose laugh, and CL and Chump Nation are responsible for much of it.

    Plus, at some point it’s a relief to run out of tears.

    • I’m sorry this poor stranger isn’t a whiny, pathetic little ball of thinly veiled insecurity, but you’ve really got it covered. Go find some real problems instead of whimpering online because of something relatively minor (yes, it was. Try being actually abused and see how big a deal cheating is) that happened several years ago. And before you judge someone else’s choices, take a sip of your own catty, immature poison.

  • Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Anonymous is disturbingly hilarious. A complete eedeeot.

    Arguing that omitting isn’t lying is common for a five to eight year old. Attempting to hyperliteralize terminology to win a negotiation is common for a thirteen to fifteen year old.

    Not a “homewrecker” simply because you don’t specifically want to break up your AP’s marriage? Horse shit.

    So I suppose if she was, say, driving and rocking out to her favorite tunes and didn’t notice that she drifted into the other lane and caused another driver to swerve into a guardrail and spin out, crashing into a semi and killing a child in the back seat, it wouldn’t be her fault, because, hey, she didn’t mean to run that other car off the road, she was just enjoying her music and that other thing just happened. Oh, and the dead child? Not her intent, so there’s nothing to feel bad about.

    Oh, and that other driver would do well to pay more attention to his or her driving. After all, it was that person’s choice to be driving near her and the truck, and it was the other person’s choice to swerve to avoid an accident. The other person should have been paying more attention so she can continue to drive in a way that endangers others because that’s how she likes to drive.

    Also, driving like that makes her a happier person, which is also good for other drivers on the road, so, hey, there’s a plus side…

    …to causing a child’s death.

    What a douche.

  • Justification. Plain and simple. I got the ‘I never meant to hurt you” with tears from Prince Charming. Yes, you did. The day you lost your spine. And if this is friendship? Fucking around with woman you knows husband? I think I will become a hermit.

    They have to tell themselves these lies because they know they are shitty people. Build yourself up buttercup, because one day your ass is going to be served on a platter.

    • Ceci did some research that showed all it takes for someone to believe a lie is repetition–if a person tells her/himself over and over again that I’m a good person, that I have good intentions, that my behavior doesn’t hurt anyone else, that I’m not a homewrecker, that I cheated because of a bad marriage, and a person starts to believe it.

      • Tempest, I said this very thing to my ex POS “repeatedly telling a lie doesn’t make it the truth”. He had no idea what I was saying and accused me of “talking crazy as usual”. Kind of proved my point that he had lied so often that the lies had become his truth. I think it took me a good 2 years of being away from him to get my own perception of reality back on track. Truth bending to this degree is very harmful to everyone around the liar. I had been lied to so convincingly for so long that I started to doubt my own judgment. I thank god every day for his affair and abandonment.

      • This self-delusion business always confuses me. If they are so deluded, why do they bother to explain how they are conforming to societal norms such as being a good person? If they’re truly deluded and believe that, there shouldn’t be any need to mount a defense. I’m missing something here ….

        • It’s image management. They are so afraid others will see them as we do and not as they see themselves. Prince Charming and Cinderella hid the fact that he was living with her for over two years to protect her reputation as a “good girl”.

          • Ildodd60, they’re disgusting. TWO YEARS? Talk about long-haul crazy-making.

            I wasn’t clear with my question. If they are so deluded, how do they know that they need image management? Is some part of them not deluded?

  • Yes, my ex was a better person while fucking his whore behind my back. Sure he was. Just kidding. He was mean, nasty, a liar, just plain ugly in mind, body, and spirit. This shit never make you, or anyone, a better person.

  • HO-LEE SHIT! I cannot believe vapid self-absorbed people like her walk among us. It really is stunning to know there are shit stains like her (and her cheating partner) out driving cars, possibly owning guns, and most tragically, raising children.

    I’ve got a little experiement for you, Anonymous. Why don’t you and your “friend” tell your spouses and children what you’re up to and let THEM decide if you are good spouses and parents. I’ll bet they’d have a very different view of you than you seem to have. I pretty sure the wife, (that you are so friendly with), would happily rip your head off and feed it to her dog. And I’ll bet your husband would bash lover boy’s face in with a Louisville Slugger then throw your cheating ass out in the gutter. Where you belong.

    Can’t wait til the shit hits the fan for you. You’ll stand there with your mouth hanging open, astonished that your husband called you a whore. And you’ll have the nerve to be surprised.

    As for being a home wrecker? Hopefully his wife will look at you as a home sanitizer. When (not if) she finds out she’ll hopefully kick his cheating ass out and maybe even thank you for getting rid of the filth that was her husband, which would make you a home sanitizer.

    • “I’ve got a little experiement for you, Anonymous. Why don’t you and your “friend” tell your spouses and children what you’re up to and let THEM decide if you are good spouses and parents.”

      + infinity

    • I, too, love this post. Well done!

      1) Yeah! Tell the spouses and let them in on your amazing secret and then see how fun it is, you condescending twat.

      2) Home wrecker = home sanitizer! I love it! One day I had a revelation that the cheating was a gift–my Get Out Of An Unhappy Marriage Free card. (Ok, it wasn’t free. It hurt like a mother fucker.) And cheater bait did me a favor! She’s a home SANITIZER! Hahaah!

  • Seriously, there are SO many single people out there, yet some people still go and choose married folks to fuck. My friends and I get hit on married men, and these men are appalled when we turn them down. How dare we not want them. Whatever dude, go play in traffic. And cheaters are the lowest forms of human beings, because they are cowards who aren’t strong enough to display morals or good character. These cheaters and AP have choices every step of the way, and yet they *choose* the most selfish and self-centered option there is. Cheaters and AP are BOTH home wreckers, I don’t care what anyone says.

    • Someone actually told me last night that he like my ex. And this was five minutes before he told me that he had no respect for men who cheat on their wives. sure they are “nice” men and women, we just don’t understand their need to lie and cheat.

      • I have no respect for cheaters either. They have a choice to tell the truth and do the right thing and they don’t. And I don’t consider these people as nice, they are anything but nice. Nice people don’t go sneaking around, have sex with others and perpetrate a fraud on their spouse. That is the definition of evil and screwing over someone’s life, all the while they smile to your face and pretend they care about you. That’s what I call a snake.

  • btw, if we were to read the OM’s submission, it would look like this:

    “I fuck her. I like fucking her. I like fuck. Fuck.”

    Guessing he would not write ten paragraphs about what a “special friendship” they have.

    It’s the age-old game: Women use sex to try and get love; men fake love to try and get sex.

  • This poor OW, needs his HELP with her marriage. The blindness of affairs, of not seeing that THEY have created their own distruction and wreck innocents in the process. Too bad we can’t walk them through the streets naked shouting, “shame,shame,shame!” The ultimate punishment

  • Brings up the post you did about nice vs kind. She may imagine herself to be nice. But she is very, very unkind….to her husband, her own children, and the OM’s wife.

  • Of course I love the UBT, but reading what this woman is thinking at least gives us a window into their thought process. I can’t make any sense of it other than to conclude that this lady is living in her own self-constructed reality. And maybe that is the lesson to take here – there is no way to make sense of it other than these people have deep fundamental character issues. They live in their own little bubble where they make the rules, they get to have all the fun, and any negative consequences that might arise are to take place somewhere else in somebody else’s world.

    It’s so beyond ridiculous what these people tell themselves. I guess that’s how they keep their worlds together – justifying their actions, no matter how absurd the reasoning. I keep waiting for some sign of rationality to return to my wife, but it’s apparently never going to come. And even more depressing, maybe it was never there to begin with.

    • Blindside, I think many of these women that say they are just fine with how the affair is going and have no intention of wrecking their lover’s marriage are full of crap. This anonymous woman has been told that her affair partner will never leave his marriage for her (but really hopes that he does) so she pretends that they are both on the same page. She’s hooked and cannot let go, so she justifies the “affair” as something that is positive. She would blow up her & his family in a New York minute if she had the chance. Then her story would be that their love was bigger than this, blah, blah, blah. Bunch of horseshit.

      • Respectfully, I disagree. I think this woman really likes having two men needing her and stroking her ego. One man will never be enough. Plus, I also think she really enjoys the power she gains from the deceit of not only her own husband but also the other wife. She gets much more centrality by having many circles of people revolving around her. This other guy is not “better” than her husband in any particular way. She is into addition rather than substitution. And this is why she honestly believes she is not a homewrecker. Even if I were to accept her thesis, it doesn’t mean she isn’t a complete lying whore. Ugh.

        • These OW love to “win” and by winning that means the affair partner dumps his wife for her. They derive such satisfaction from one upping the wife and that feeds their defective egos. This woman writes as if she has it so together and any critical comments would more than likely be met with any eye roll or the condescending “you’re not evolved enough to understand”. When her world comes crashing down (and it will one way or another) she’ll be one hot mess.We could analyze all day but what is comes down to is that these women will never know real happiness or self respect. Corny but true.

        • I know my wife was out to “win” the OM from his wife. She was planning with the OM to get simultaneous divorces and she would just substitute him for me. The OM must have been feeding her some kind of bullshit that he’d divorce his wife too just to keep the sex going, but when my wife got serious and it was time for the rubber to hit the road, surprise surprise, the OM got cold feet and stayed with his wife.

          • I know of that ho. She’s in Corona ca
            She should have worked harder to WIN!! Losers.

          • Blindside, same happened to my x. He thought that schmoopie would leave her husband for him and she did, for a while. After 6 months of “bliss”, she goes back to her husband. That’s when x decides that he wants to work things out. Awww, cheater got a bit of his own medicine. No thank you cheater, you made your bed now lie in it.

      • As long as they are both married, they have a delicious interlocking triangle that produces cake, cake, cake. They know what their spouses don’t now. They have wonderful secrets. They can, together, break the import bonds not only of sexual fidelity but on the confidences important to marriage, which are not only sacred in the religious sense but in the legal sense. Even the court can’t make a spouse testify to those things that are held within the marriage. But a Schmoopie? More powerful than the church, more powerful than the law.

        A smart therapist once told me that human systems try to preserve themselves. The cheaters want to preserve their marriages because cake. Money, property, sex, the adoration of the spouse and kids, the good reputation in the community. Lotsa cake. They also want cheater cake. More sex. Secrets! Sneaking! Risk taking! Risky cake!

        These disordered serial and long-term cake-eating cheaters can’t sustain a marriage without a triangle. They need that narcissistic supply. And the best kind of triangle is one that lets a cheater get over on their own spouse as well as “compete” in secret with the unsuspected spouse of the AP. Thrilling cake.

        And somewhat safe cake because the AP has the same things to lose. It works until one of the chumps figures it out and then we see they were home wreckers all along, because whether the chump stays or divorces, what’s left is wreckage.

        • Sorry for the typos–there is more than usual “destruction noise” coming from next door.

          • The triangle of a narcissistic mother, golden child and scapegoat child has a parallel to the triangle of cheater, spouse and affair partner.

            The golden child is a narcissistic extension of the mother, a mirror to reflect back the idealized false self of the mother. The golden child can do no wrong and the scapegoat child can do no right. The narcissistic mother projects her faults and self-loathing onto the scapegoat child and blames that child for all that is wrong in the family.

            The cheater, who is most likely a narcissist, has made their spouse a scapegoat for all that is wrong in the relationship and blamed them for everything. The narcissistic spouse projects their faults and self-loathing onto their spouse, and refuse to take accountability for any problems in the relationship.

            The cheater is perpetually on the hunt for their “golden child”, the “favorite,” AKA the affair partner, who is essentially a narcissistic extension whose role is to reflect back the idealized false self of the cheater.

            Just as the narcissistic mother encourages the golden child to abuse the scapegoat and as the golden child knows they are in a more enviable position than the scapegoat, the affair partner is encouraged to join in the berating and duping of the faithful spouse and feels superior that they are the “favorite.”

            • OMG – this is the train wreak I’m living at the moment, #1child is scapegoat child & has been for 1/2 her life, #2 is golden child & co-conspirator. All the while we’ve had the narrative if he’s happy the kids will be happy bs. Finally getting some counselling, hoping it is not too little too late to undo the damage. The lack of care/understanding/insight of the long term damage is mind blowing.

  • “….it made me a better father.” Not ever did serial cheating/purposeful deceit make the asshole in my life a BETTER HUSBAND. He couldn’t justify his serial cheating in this way. Seriously, any cheating in any way does NOT make you a better parent or spouse.

    Lies deceit thievery make you a selfish ass who does not give 2fucks about their kids and definitely not their spouses.

    Cheating is the ultimate FuckYou in a relationship even if the unsuspecting party has what appears to be the perfect relationship with the cheater.

    • Yes, cheating on your spouse makes your kids’ lives better. What a crock.

  • The Kunty Kibbler could have written this. (Maybe she did.)

    Central message: “If what I’m doing makes gives me the kibble I need to feed my entitlement and make me feel good, then my new happiness can only benefit those around me. If that bothers you in any way, I would suggest you have some personal things to work out on your own.”

      • I’ve been wondering what KK stood for, now I know. That’s HILARIOUS!! One of my very favorites yet. Good job UX!

        • It works two ways — KK are her maiden name initials (which she’s using now on social media, having dropped her married last name — my family is thrilled)

          • I can completely relate to why your family is thrilled. When my cousin divorced his cheater wife he made the mistake of asking her to not keep his name. It was a short term marriage and they didn’t have children together so she had no reason to keep UNTIL he indicated that he didn’t want her to and then, of course, she insisted that she was keeping it. It’s an uncommon name and she then proceeded to get into very public legal trouble by suing her boss for sexual harassment and having it come out that she had fucked her way through the entire organization she was fired from so my family was dragged through the mud because of someone who wasn’t even a relative. Lots of marriages went down in flames from the fallout from that skank. We all keep hoping someone else will be stupid enough to marry her so she’ll change her name again but so far no luck.

            • I dropped my married name like a venomous snake. I didn’t want to associated with him or his future skank. My sons were cool with the fact we wouldn’t have the same last name. they still slip up with their friends but I laugh and say it’s okay it’s only been 6 months.

              • Not only did I drop my married name but my daughter changed her last name to my maiden name as well. She said she wanted to be sure she was not associated with her father in any way. I guess that’s what happens when you are caught cheating two weeks before your daughter leaves for her freshman year of college and then when she has a bad year due to being traumatized by her family imploding, proceed to tell her she doesn’t deserve to go to her expensive private college and should be forced to go to community college instead.

              • My X was actually put-out that I didn’t want to keep his name and continue to bask in his reflected glory. He only learned about it while I was on the stand answering the judge’s questions in order to finalize our settlement. As I was leaving the courtroom X followed me and said, “Are you really sure you want to change your name? It’s going to be a lot of work.” I answered that I did it once, I can do it again, and then his attorney added, “It’s not that hard.” Totally cracked me up inside.

  • So, is it a behind the back, secret, deceptive affair? Or do they have an all parties on board with it open marriage arrangement going on? Because it sounds like she’s trying to pass it off as the latter while skirting around admitting to it being the former.

    • I was also struck by how much her justifications for cheating sounded as if they were coming from someone in an open or polyamorous marriage, only without the open or polyamorous part. Meaning that she and her fuck-buddy are the biggest freaking cowards on earth, who want to pretend to be open, sophisticated, and thoughtful about multi-partner relationships, except when it comes to actually informing the other, unwitting, partners that they are, indeed, in a multi-partner relationship. I do not mean this as a dig at open or poly relationships at all, if anything it enrages me that cowards like this woman would use some of the same language about the potential benefits of open/poly relationships to justify lying, cheating, betrayal, and abuse.

  • They only thing that really comes to mind is
    What an absolute selfish fucking bitch
    I hope she gets abandoned by all those she “loves”

  • I wonder how she would feel if she found out her husband is also secretly having sex with her “friend’s” wife? I guess she would be okay with it as long as her husband is still happy in the relationship she has with him. Right.

    • First, she’d be PISSED, because how dare he? ALL time, attention and kibbles must be for HER.

      Then she’d be thrilled, because it would prove he’s no better than her, that cheating is ‘normal’, etc ….

  • “Our spouses have never been hidden; they have always been there, just as our kids have never been hidden.”

    Yes, they have always been THERE! And how do you hide KIDS?

    Yes we have always been there doing the heavy lifting. We were only an afterthought while you were fucking. Twenty years of deceit justified.

    This explains why -zero could never make a decision or plan for 36 years. He had to run all decisions through his CUNTsultant first.

    I’m no longer watching from the sidelines with popcorn. I’m smiling knowing the life he destroyed was his own. Yes, the pain nearly destroyed me yet I’m no longer just an afterthought for the disirdereds pleasure. Fuck you Anonomous for brushing yourself off after years of glorifying your services HIDING.

  • Captain Asshole’s whore also said she was not a homewrecker because she didn’t want to have a future with him, she just wanted companionship and sex. Honestly, if you are fucking someone else’s husband without her knowledge, you ARE a homewrecker already, just based on the potential fallout when/if it is discovered. I guess then the whore just shrugs, grins, and says “ooooopsie!”

  • Delusion….Delusion….Delusion…..

    This dingbat is a prime example of contorted mental gymnastics.

    Everything is “AMAZING”. She actually believes she’s a better person, wife, mother, and friend because she’s fucking her friend’s husband and that she loves her too. Fucking her friend’s husband has made her a better person.

    It’s all good….actually it’s “Amazing”….really super duper “amazing”…awesome “amazing”……seriously can’t repeat enough how “amazing” it is.

    This dingbat needs her straight jacket tightened by a few more notches and more padding on her walls.

  • Boy, I hope she did not get paid to write that self serving, sociopathic sewage.

    Here’s the other big thing I am not buying: That she likes her Cheating Partner’s Wife. That is an act of pure, psychopathic malice and abuse toward someone.

    Oh hi….you look great. Yes, I am fine (You stupid bitch I am fucking your husband…IN YOUR FACE).

    I do NOT buy for a second her Ghandi like…We live, We love…in a white circle of light, we mean no harm.

    No woman…NO WOMAN is going to accept some nut rag fucking her husband. She would turn feral on her and want to rip her hair out and then disembowel her. And she knows that. Even a child understands exclusivity and possessiveness over something they treasure (That is my toy!).

    See…now THAT is scary. Some monster smiling at you…How are your kids? and being friendly and concerned and empathetic….and she is playing with your husband’s cock? It is inside her? They roll around naked and fuck and then make small talk over the hummus at the block party with you? All smiles?

    I think I will take my X’s ghetto whores outright aggressive taunting me over someone like this.

    Someone wrote it above, but I thought it too: They walk among us.

    That she describes, so glibly, trite, light….an act that made me consider ending my life….it deeply troubles me.

    I can never go through this level of pain again. Never. I would not survive it. Maybe I will just be the cat and dog lady… could be worse. It could be MUCH WORSE.

    • “self serving, sociopathic sewage”–Brilliant, SylviaisSad. That is the phrase of the day.

    • She certainly is a scary “non-homewrecker” type. I would much prefer the blatant, “I’m fucking your husband and I could give two shits if it wrecks your marriage” type over this psycho. This woman’s confession reads like what sociopaths like Bundy and Dahmer’s inner voices must have sounded like. “I’m going to put you in a meat grinder and enjoy it but really, it’s for your own good.”


      • And you are not even exaggerating. It DOES sound like a serial killer or sadistic freak justification for gleefully fulfilling their base needs while the victim frantically tries to work the duct tape off her mouth.
        “I know this blade stings…but I want to see how you bleed.”
        Morals and ethics…..where did you go, outside of this website?

    • My exwife was like this … her boss/OM’s wife was a lovely woman who had some involvement with her husband’s business: my wife went on lunch dates with her, to parties at her house, etc., etc. I just can’t fathom how she could do that … you’d think she’d at least try to avoid her.

    • I would take my ex’s Ashley Madison whore over the friend situation any day. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to realize that not only your spouse has betrayed you, but he/she has betrayed you with someone whom you thought was your friend. That is hateful and sick.

      • I can’t say as I recommend it. It’s a side of diahrrea with the shit sandwich.

        AP was my ex sister in law, who had remarried. Hummus at the block party, and all that. And she is still hateful and sick. So is my ex.

        It took a while, but I realized that they’d have done it to anyone, and that they utterly deserve and complement each other. It was tragic for my kid, but I think in the long run, less tragic than it might have been. It all remains to be seen whether she will partner up with a psycho narc like her dad. Or mine. Once I stopped focussing on the fuckbuddies, it got a lot better-I am intent on breaking the abusive cycle for my kiddo, mostly by calling it what it is, and tolerating no lies, half-lies or omissions.

        Now, I sort of chuckle about those two. Twu wuv….image management much? How delusional do you have to be? How shallow are their friends (some of my former ones) to have anything to do with this OW skank, or vice versa?
        I am set back ten years in my career, on another continent raising a teenager singlehanded, poor, frightened, etc. But I walk in truth, and so does my kid. I am probably a long way from Meh, but, equally, a longer way away from the shitshow.

        love to all Chump Nation!


      • Unfortunately, my ex fucked around with a “friend”, made her our daughter’s godmother and brought her into my house to babysit our kids when I went to work. I now am blesse me with a video of him fucking her in our living room with our baby girl in the background. When I found out, I threw both of the disgusting shits out and divorced him as soon as I could scrape up the money.

        There are so many single people out there, you had to go after a married man? Well, scunt, you can have him now, our decree should be ready any day now. And by the way, all throughout this mess (today makes 5 years I just realized) I called her a whore, and called him a whore as they were both using me both as a cover and for financial gain as I was the breadwinner. The ex has never corrected me….

        It’s funny how they think that things will not come out and they think that their spouses will just be ok with everything. I still want to put a knife in their throats for the pain that they have caused me and our children.

        • I am speechless, Kurleegirl. They not only screwed in front of your child, but videotaped it? How did you get hold of the videotape? I hope you used it to your advantage during settlement. Sick fucks, the lot of them.

        • Oh, I totally get that part, too….but that isn’t me. The high road can really be bumpy sometimes.

          I guess it depends how narcissistic they are. I went NC with OW immediately. And it took a while to trust that Mr Fab sucks to the very marrow in his bones. After that-which took time-I figured, ‘Why feed the beast?’

          My kiddo has the same policy now, so slit throats in exchange for emotionally healthier child who becomes a boundaried adult in the longer run? I’d call that a bargain.

          Long term, I know I will be olay, too. Find love again. Or not. Just being alive and cheater free is enough.

    • Yes. The “soulmate” OW was a coworker with my ex and I knew her fairly well. She had us over for dinner a couple of times during their affair — wanted to spend time with me talking about homeschooling and raising autistic children. Smiled and chatted so friendly with me, and all the while she had to have been laughing inside her head, knowing she was balling my husband. I played tennis with her. Went with her to the dog rescue where she volunteered to help walk the dogs. When I think back to how that whore and my cheating ex had to have been laughing and gloating inside during those times, it makes me sick.

      After Dday, during the nightmare four months I had to stay living in same house with ex, I got his phone a couple of times and saw all sorts of texts between the two of them speculating on who knew about their affair and how “surprised” everyone would be once it was out in the open. There is no question that it is the thrill of cheating itself that fuels these sick, filthy people. And if they can smile in the face of the unsuspecting chump, that excites them even more.

  • Hello all — I’ve been reading but have been really busy at work, and haven’t had time to comment recently. This one is too sweet though — so I’m taking a break.

    I really don’t believe we are going to make any progress in any of our relationships until we find a way to overcome the host of common delusions that plague our society. This is the “there is such a thing as free love, sex without consequences” delusion. It doesn’t work if you are single, and of course it doesn’t work if you are married. Nothing is free. Actions have consequences., You may have intended to have a friendly little fuck, to while away a few stolen moments and everyone gets to enjoy and then go home — BUT there are always complications like other friends/lovers, STD’s, getting caught, hurting innocents, etc. The list goes on. Just because people can sometimes engage in this stuff and seemingly get off without “harm” coming to them doesn’t mean there was no harm. It’s like playing Russian Roulette. There is a bullet in that gun somewhere, and no one wants to be there when it comes thru the barrel.

    I think of these delusions like the host of sorrows released when Pandora opened her famous box. Pandora was merely curious? Perhaps, but look what happened.

    Rock on Chump Nation — doing the right thing is usually not the easy thing, but knowing the difference between right and wrong is AMAZING!!!!

    • “Actions have consequences.”

      A simple concept really, yet beyond the comprehension of so many.

      “This isn’t personal, this is about me and my new shiny fuckbuddy.” His actions destroyed the reality of my family’s future and my perception of him as a decent and loving human being. How much more personal can you get?

      • It’s nice to be missed! Fall semester starts later this month, and in about another month things should calm down a bit. It seems every year that more people wait until the last minute — and sometimes past that! — to take care of their personal business and responsibilities..

        It occurred to me after reading this blog that this idea of “free” love extends to other areas as well. The whole concept of “free” education has a tremendous price tag on it — the price is paid by folks like me toiling away in the trenches of higher education, trying to get the i’s dotted and the t’s crossed. The price is paid by all of us who struggled to have a better life. The price is paid by those who don’t equate showing up for a free ride with actually pushing ourselves to learn something worth while.

        This is another social delusion you know. Just as there was no free housing, free mortgages, or loans without consequences when the housing bubble burst, there is no free education. It takes a lot of commitment and effort and hard work to become educated. Making it “free” to the public does not make it appreciated, either by the public or by employers or society at large. If it is “free” why should anyone pay more for an educated person than an uneducated one? After all, there was no “cost” was there??? Except for the cost of your time and your struggle to prioritize your life in the pursuit of and the accomplishment of something that is important to you, and should be important to those who care for you.

        Commitment isn’t easy. Accomplishment isn’t easy. Hard work and desire for a better life may drive us to achieve our goals — but it doesn’t guarantee that we will obtain those goals. People like this OW may delude herself that she doesn’t cause any harm — but she and her wayward OM are actually stealing time, and money and energy from their spouses and children. They are pretending to support marriage on the surface, while they actually undermine the support system that protects marriage and family life. They are trying to have something without paying the true price for it — stealing from the hearts and good natures of others. How can this not be a wreck waiting to happen? How can they sustain a delusion so full of risk?

        If we stop looking for free, and start asking “What does this really cost?” and “How am I gong to pay for this?” maybe the concept of being responsible will somehow come back to life? “It’s not my intention” is no substitute for being strong enough to uphold values and promises.

        Gosh — I’ve missed talking with you all!!!

        • “It’s not my intention” is something people say in order to avoid being accountable. If it is not their “intention” to hurt or harm you, but you are hurt or harmed, then by implication, they are not really responsible for you being hurt or harmed. It is a passive-aggressive mindfuck. If you consciously decide (in this OW’s case, repeatedly) to do the thing that has a better than a 50% chance to cause harm, then it is your intention to cause harm, or at the very least, you really don’t care whether or not you cause harm. And you don’t care because that would mean that you could not have the thing that you want or do the thing that you want to do and whether or not someone is harmed by it is actually irrelevant to you. Anything you say or do after that is just self-justifying bullshit to make you feel as though you are a “good” person (however you define that) even though your behavior indicates that you’re not.

  • Two vapid, delusional assholes lying around in post-coital bliss getting each other’s perspective on how they can get their spouses to better meet their needs … while the spouses are at home raising the amazing kids.

  • Even if all this crap she writes were true (which we know it isn’t!), if she were actually a better person, a better wife and mother because of the affair, it’s still COMPLETELY WRONG! Because you don’t get to buy your own ‘happiness’ by deceiving others! Depriving people of the right to make decisions about their lives based on having all the info they REASONABLY EXPECT to have is immoral.

    Hey. I’d be a lot less stressed, and therefore a better mother, better partner, better friend, heck, even a better employee, if I just lifted about $50,000 from the till at work. And if you think that makes me a thief, well, clearly, you’re just bitter, and self-righteous, and judgemental!

  • Reminds me of my ex’s claim that he and the OW were “very good people who were just doing the best that they could.” He claimed that until I agreed with this, I’d be unhappy. Yeah, I guess delusions exist so that we can all be SO HAPPY.

    • You can usually see the actual situation if you turn their words around: until you agree with him, he’ll be unhappy.

      That’s why NO CONTACT makes them so miserable. They need us to agree with being victimized.

  • Yup, it’s all fun and games, as your husband sits while the kids sleep, drinking straight from the bottle……talking himself down from the primal urge to kill you both.

    • What you wrote…that has been one of the biggest shocks of my adult life. I thought when someone cheated…they were sorry. But I have found, they become MORE abusive. I thought I would get to stomp and swear and be self righteously outraged. No. He was MAD AT ME. ???
      Words cannot convey my disbelief at this turn of events.

      And I am with you. He threatened to kill ME. Head shake….WHAT??? YOU cheated on ME. I should threaten YOU. I should be the one glowering at you with murderous rage and renting the wood chipper.

      It shows that cheating, as CL wrote yesterday, is just another body blow, just another kick, just another bruise or fractured arm. It is physical and mental abuse. HARM. VIOLENCE. DESTRUCTION.

      This crazed woman writes about it like it is as harmless as eating a grape in the produce section without paying, or as blissful as getting a massage that you did not tell your partner you charged on the Discover Card.

      We are not bad! We are just a bit naughty and we are actually improving lives. You unwashed masses are not enlightened enough to “get it.”

      No, I get it. You are both committing acts of treasonous betrayal that will, not perhaps… will ruin someone’s life.

      It is a game changer of proportions that can derail an entire career, the ability to experience joy, the desire to get up and stay six feet above ground.

  • This is from the social, Catholic activist Dorothy Day, and her autobiography, “The Long Loneliness.” This is not any attempt to proselytize.
    Day was very smart and she lived a bohemian lifestyle in NYC before she turned to advocating for the poor and the “unwashed”. She had a great love for the Catholic church (she was not born Catholic) but that is not the point. You should read her book: It is amazing.
    She was very well read outside of the liturgy and never just gave the easy answer. She had an abortion and had a child out of wedlock before she devoted her life to social justice but this is the conclusion she came to after much observation, life experience and writing.

    [W]hen sex is treated lightly, as a means of pleasure … it takes on the quality of the demonic, and to descend into this blackness is to have a foretaste of hell…. There is no such thing as seeing how far one can go without being caught, or how far one can go without committing mortal sin.
    ~Dorothy Day

    • according to my ex – he can’t out sin God’s forgiveness so therefore they won’t have to answer for what they have done. Good luck getting married in the Catholic Church.

      • Mine told me he didn’t need to feel guilty or sorry, because he had confessed, asked for and got Gods forgiveness.

        • How convenient for them to suddenly become concerned with holy and pure conduct. Truly grotesque.

  • You are engaging in sexual behavior that would “wreck” their “home” (and your own) if discovered. You know it would wreck your two homes, which is why you haven’t disclosed the affair to your spouses. Hence, you are very much a “homewrecker,” and a stupid one at that, given that you just wrote a lengthy column trying to defend a notion that could be eviscerated in 1-3 sentences like I just did.

  • Ummm, you can put lipstick on a pig and it’s still a…. Where does she find the time to carry-on an adulterous relationship let alone self-servingly write about it? Oh yeah, not counting sleep a good portion of her 168 hours in a week are not spent with the family she promised to love, honor and respect.

  • Among lots of insanity and rapidly changing stories, OtherWhore did try this one: “I care about your husband. I knew he and I would eventually not be together. I wanted to . . . how to say it? I wanted to send him off to a joyful life.”

    Implying that 1. he was soooo unhappy before she met him, and 2. she was making him a better person and that I would reap the benefits.

  • My daughters best friend growing up led a double life with his secretary. He fathered two children with her.

    His oldest daughter was in a horribly abusive relatiinship and got pregnant. He TOLD her she had to marry him, being the good Christian he professed to be.

    After finding out about his other family she was found dead in her car with her child who also died.

    The selfishness runs DEEP. Cowards ruin lives. Annonomous, your a coward who unfortunately will never change. Most people want to live with honor and integrity. You lack conscience. Only a sociopath can use others and justify their actions. We look at you not with pity but disgust as you try to put a spin on immorality. We see you clearly.

  • Wow! Cheating and lying makes her a better mom and wife! Now I’ve heard everything! How about murdering and robbing? Do they make you a better person too? I must be a lousy mom because I’ve never participated in such self improvements. It could be a whole new category of self help books!

    Aside from the absurdity of the “better mom and wife” statement, the thing that stood out to me was her arrogance and pride! So smugly confident that she had figured out the best way to have a happy life. That is what I felt the most from my STBX. To do this horrible thing to another person (much less to your husband or wife, the person you vowed to love forever, through good and bad, in sickness and health…..) requires that you think so highly of yourself and your needs, that everybody else’s needs and thoughts are eclipsed. YOUR happiness is so much more important than that of your spouse or kids. And then to top it off, after you take whatever you want to make sure you’re happy, you then start treating the loyal family at home like they are the problem, the ones who didn’t adore you enough to satisfy you. Frankly I think cheaters have such an enormous hole inside that nothing could ever fill it. Maybe we should pity them. At least we get to leave the jerk behind and start a new life. They are stuck with their jerk self forever. Now that would be torture!!

    • Chump Mama, so true!!! Their “happiness” is all that matters, treating the loyal family at home like the problem is just par for the course.Like you said “leave the jerk”.

  • A window into the delusional mind of a sociopath. It occurs to me that these people are not without morals. But their fleeting “happiness” takes priority over morality. They are really good with deceiving themselves and want to be validated. Hence, publishing an article on XOJane. She’s practically begging for that validation, which goes to show that they know what their doing is unethical. If you’re ignorant that’s one thing. But doing what you know causes harm to another person, especially for pleasure is just pure evil.

    • They understand right and wrong, they simply don’t consider those “rules” belong to them. Morality is for OTHER people, and makes it easier for the disordered to use and abuse, because they know normal people expect a certain way of behaving and so are easy to fool.

    • From WikiHow:

      “A sociopath can be defined as a person who has Antisocial Personality Disorder. This disorder is characterized by:

      1) a disregard for the feelings of others,
      2) a lack of remorse or shame,
      3) manipulative behavior,
      4) unchecked egocentricity, and
      5) the ability to lie in order to achieve one’s goals.”

      Well let’s see how this lady does:

      1) Check….ahhhhhhhh, yeah
      2) Check…obviously, why should she be remorseful when her affair is improviing everyone’s lives?
      3) Check…..oh yeah
      4) Check…..her happiness is paramount, and it’s good for everyone……….so yeah a whole lot of check
      5) Check……she’s just not screwing anybody, she’s screwing her friend’s husband, so hell yeah check

      I believe Dr. Michael you have successfully diagnosed this woman. Compete Sociopath. Next.

  • After I found out who my STBX’s side piece was, and that she’s young enough to be his daughter who spends her days taking daily selfies in between slinging drinks at the bar at night, I told him he was an embarrassment and a colossal fool for throwing it all away on nothing more than a low class hole.

    I then looked her up on FB, which was filled with meme’s such as ” Sorry, not sorry”. “Jealousy is a sin! Glad I’m not a hater” …and the best one, “You may not marry me, but I’ll be the one you remember when you go home to your boring wife who fakes orgasms”. ( All of which he “liked” )

    I wanted to respond with, “Adultery is also a sin, and to be jealous would mean you have something that I want”, “Give it time, and you’ll be sorry”, and “The only thing fake about me was the man I was married to”…. but, neither one of them deserve a response from me. Anyone who boasts about screwing a married man is a low class whore, and the married man is a disordered asshole that will end up with exactly what he deserves. Nothing.

  • So… if her husband is so awesome… and her cheater partner is so awesome… why don’t they just reveal their cheating and have an open relationship? Why don’t the cheaters give the chumps the chance to screw each other as well? I mean, if they’re so awesome, I’m sure everything will be totally awesome when they learn that their spouses are cheating on them with each other! Maybe the four of them can have orgies together!

    Oh, wait. Because that wouldn’t be fun. That wouldn’t be cake eating. It’s much more fun to lie and feel superior because you have a secret life that your stupid chump doesn’t know about. It’s much nicer to have your fuckbuddy entertain you while your chump waits at home with dinner on the table. Also, decent and honest people would end their marriages first and not indulge in such twisted deceptions, and we’re not dealing with those types of people here.

    Also, if everything is so wonderful, why is this writer anonymous? By her reasoning, she has nothing to be ashamed of! I mean, there won’t be any consequences to her awesomeness, right?

    Lady, you are an asshole. I hope your husband and the woman you proclaim to “love” while you screw her husband both find out and take you both to the cleaners. I then hope that, once the dust settles, they fall in love with each other, successfully blend your families together, and you and your cheater partner are left out in the cold with your noses pressed against their dining room window, watching as the happy blended family celebrates Christmas Eve together, not giving a shit where either you or your fellow cheater are.

  • Lady, how would you feel if you discovered that your husband was having a long term emotional and sexual relationship with one of your friends? What if you learned the two of them discussed YOU and your marriage…nothing between you and your husband was sacred…he shared EVERYTHING…with HER. That argument you had? She knew. Your health issue? She knew. Your deepest feelings and insecurities you shared with your loving husband? He told HER and the two of them had a good laugh at your expense. Do you know how that feels? I hope you find out soon.

    • Excellent point. There are things we share with our spouses that we assume will be taken to the grave. It’s rather horrifying to realize that those things have been shared with a sidepiece. Just another rung in the betrayal ladder.

      • Very true, and just another twist of the knife. I hope she gets a good giggle out of it when my past becomes her future.

        • “I hope she gets a good giggle out of it when my past becomes her future.”

          So very well said and I couldn’t think of a better fate!

  • The least she could do is set her husband up with the OM’s wife so they, too, could take advantage of the opportunity to become more awesome ‘spouses and parents’. Her husband would also be in a position to get the ‘female perspective’ when he gets frustrated and irritated. Difficult to believe a person could write an article justifying lying and cheating in such a ‘matter-of-fact’ way. Not even a hint of the hurt and destruction that will result if their affair is discovered.

  • I’m absolutely astounded that someone can be so delusional as to justify this. This chick has got a major screw loose.

  • I just keep imaging the moment when the now unsuspecting spouses feel the earth fall away when this affair is revealed.

  • This load of BULLSHIT just cracks me up! Just the thought of a grown woman believing that fucking someone else’s husband has transformed her and her life into “amazing” everything is beyond laughable! And then to believe that she is not a homewrecker is more than I can even understand! Bitch, you are robbing the wife of this affair partner (read: hunk of shit) because he expends his time fucking you instead of investing in his marriage! WOW! Delusional much??? I had the same kind of OW who constantly, even after I divorced my husband, sent me unsolicited e-mails telling me how “nice” she was even if I wasn’t! WTF? I chalk it up to a saying my dear mother said often, “If you have to say you is then you ain’t!” I also agree with a previous post, please tell your families about your affair and let them decide for themselves if this makes you a phenomenal person. I am certain that you will be shocked to find yourself curbside with only the clothes on your back genius! What really kills me is this idiot suggesting that we all just get on board and behave the way she and lover boy do! Again, WTF? Where is that damn karma bus anyway?

    • I started to realize that maybe the karma bus is late because there are too many people to … handle.

  • And BTW, to the POS who wrote this article I have a message for you. You may say you aren’t a homewrecker if you wish, but don’t even try to convince me that you aren’t a run of the mill whore! “If it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck” you get it!

    • I know! Why can’t we label things correctly. It’s not downsizing, it’s losing your job. It’s not that she isn’t a homewrecker, but rather she’s a total whore! Time to call a spade a spade. Got that right.

      • I think Whore is far too soft of a word for this woman. (and, she makes me ashamed of being a woman)

        She is simply a Double Traitor.
        So is her lover boy.

        It’s like a Spy Game.
        We don’t want to get caught, so we go to great lengths to prove our love needs to be hidden at all costs.
        The costs of those double lives is often very hard on your health, Traitor.
        And, on your Traitor lovers’ health.
        Unless, of course, you are what you appear – a Sociopath without a conscience.
        If you DO have one, believe me, it will come out and haunt both you and your exaulted ruler for the rest of your lives, and your spouses lives and your children’s lives.

        Live, love, fuck. Fuck you – you will get fucked in the end.

        What a waste of space I’ll never get back.

  • Excuse me, but your EGO is showing…

    Wow! She really has her head firmly planted in the ass of fantasy, doesn’t she?!! Her mastery of lies, deception and manipulation has transformed her into a better wife/mother/person… She and her playmate have no intentions of breaking up their “happy” marriages because leading a double life is nothing more than having a little fun with a “friend”… and escape… AP keeps her grounded through the ups and downs of life and fills the “gaps” in ways that her husband is literally unaware of… They’re not hurting anyone…

    I’m quite certain that their spouses won’t view it quite so nicely nor hold the same high opinion of her “awesomeness” (nor of her AP) once the truth is out in the open for all to see. No, she’s not a “home-wrecking” whore, she’s one of those “clandestine” whores. Different M.O., but same sick mind.

    • The disgusting thing about this is they think it’s okay. And that no one will find out. My STBX told himself that he would do this thing one time and then no one would ever find out. But then the whoremat got pregnant. And he had to say something because he couldn’t have a secret kid on the side when we didn’t even have children because we couldn’t afford them. THEN the whoremat miscarried and he helped her through it and that FUCKED HIM UP seeing her in that state. All because of a super sneaky secret side fuck. And now he realizes he doesn’t know who he is or how he thought that was ever okay and now he sees everything he threw away for nothing including his sense of self, his pride, his morals, his ability to feel good about himself. He’s disgusted. And he even told me yesterday that even if things were different and he could go back in time and he could have done it and she DIDN’T get pregnant and nobody EVER found out about it he would punch himself in the face for even THINKING of doing it. Because it wasn’t worth losing literally everything for. He has lost his entire life and the future he thought he had and the one person he now realizes loved him more than anyone. Cheating is never the answer. It is a disgusted disease and people need to speak up about it more!

  • Just because an AP didn’t completely break up a marriage, doesn’t mean they aren’t a “home-wrecker”. Even if the chump and the cheater manage to hold things together (the chump plays pick-me dance well enough to get “picked”, and the cheater manages to fake reconciliation well enough that the chump still hands out cake), the cheater has still devalued the chump to the point where the relationship is deeply wounded, and the chump is still playing marriage police and sleeping with one eye open, damaging the relationship even further. The home is still “wrecked”, even if it hasn’t been condemned yet.

    • That’s the part that gives the Chump and their kids ptsd. What the military calls ‘collateral damage’.
      Real world harm, in other words.

      I think Anonymous is in for a serious reality check at some point. She might even weather exposure, divorce, getting together with her AP, coparenting, and so on, but the longer term prognosis for narcs, cheaters and sociopaths is that they die alone. My dad did. In the end, only my aunt was Chump enough to keep my dad from going into a home, as ever, she supported his pride over common fucking sense. I wasn’t there-any dad who blows off their kid’s graduation and wedding in favor of a road trip with Schmoopie isn’t really a dad. I said my goodbyes by phone, and am learning to chump less, and think more.

      When Chumps realize they are spackling, they -hopefully-leave the house and contend with what caused their denial-hopefully recognizing it is down to their cheater’s choices and nothing else, or dealing with any FOO issues (see my dad, above). Does that piss me off? You bet, but the karma described above is comfort enough for me. As it is, the people I respect most among our former community have eff-all to do with them.

      Narcwits just keep piling it on, and the cracks get bigger. The more spackle, the more mess to ultimately clean up. And the more that lands on the Chump, alas. As the saying goes, the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off!

      I wish I could reach out to the spouses in this article, but I guess the next best thing is, in real life, if I see something, to say something…..

  • This woman sounds all confident and self-evolved and sophisticated. But I am quite certain she is fully aware of how her justifications would be received by her husband and “friend” … she is fooling no one, including herself. Nice try.

  • Reminds me of the time Saddam informed me for the 100th lying time that the OW was a friend, and SHE had helped him deal with ME because our marriage was so broken he needed her advice. The bullshit that comes out of a cheater’s mouth is absolutely insane. This is a woman who called Saddam her soul mate, fuck right the fuck off with that ‘helps my marriage’ crap.

    • The “help my marriage” is BULLSHIT! You talk to your same sex friends about your marriage. If you need to talk about marriage with the opposite gender friend that is NOT a friendship. That is the start of an EA and possibly a PA. The things you speak to the opposite gender friends about you should be speaking about directly to your spouse! That is who you air your grievances to! That’s where the shit will actually get fixed! It makes me so angry because I can see the break down in our marriage (not that we or I made or let him cheat. That was all him being an asshole!) and if he had just SAID SOMETHING to ME instead of blah blah blahing to his friend who he had an EA (not I love you but definite crush type shit) and to ME instead of the whoremat we would have a happy relationship right now. Instead I’ve lost almost 20 pounds and I’m living alone while he’s moved in with the whoremat because he literally had nowhere else to go. It makes me SO ANGRY! Small choices. That was all it took and here I am in the smoldering wreckage of my hopes and dreams and burned up love holding my broken heart. THIS SUCKS!

  • I…can’t believe someone wrote that. There really are no words. Despicable.

    I wish a tiny bit of self-awareness, REAL self-awareness, on the author of that post. It would destroy her.

  • Ugh, this is appalling! I cannot believe someone could be so delusional to rationalize their behavior like this!!!

    As always CL, you do your UBT brilliantly.

  • I think the word “homewrecker” is a bit of a trigger for me, because it reflects the one time nowdeadserialcheaterwife tried to share some aspect of her double life with me.

    Nowdeadserialcheaterwife (Ndscw) spent a lot of time on a chat room on Yahoo. She had some extremely sketchy friends. (Yes, this should have been a red flag the size of a football field). One of these girlfriends, she told me, had an open marriage – they could sleep with other people as long as the other spouse was aware of it. In retrospect, there was a kind of subtle excitement, envy or masked admiration at the sheer scandalousness of their lifestyle. (Whoops, now that red flag is covering a major suburb!)

    So she told me about the time she went over to this girlfriend’s house to visit. She told me that the girlfriend was, ahem, “entertaining” a male friend (not the husband) upstairs at the time. Ndscw told me she waited downstairs until they were done. (Hey, now the red flag is covering a mid-sized state!) Later on, Ndscw tells me, she innocently mentioned this incident to the husband, thinking, she said, that since they had an open marriage, it was all cool. Turns out it wasn’t, and now the girlfriend is severely pissed off at Ndscw and calling her “a homewrecking whore” all over the chatroom.

    At the time, chumpy-me took this at face value. Looking back on it, with what I know now, it seems very contrived, and enormously sketchy. Breaching a confidence like that may get you yelled at, but “homewrecking whore” is a very specific kind of insult, and one that doesn’t /quite/ fit the story I was told.

    I’m just about certain that the story I got was preemptive damage control. Anybody willing to bet me that, whatever else happened, Ndscw /didn’t/ sleep with her friend’s husband? 🙂

    • Also taking sub-bets on whether there /wasn’t/ a three-way with Ndscw, the girlfriend, and her male friend.


      Who did I marry?

  • Love your take with the UBT CL-
    So according to this journalist slunt-I was doing things wrong this whole time? I was supposed to cheat on my stbx to make me a better wife & mom…..and that way, I wouldn’t mind about all his porn, craigslist hook-ups and asian massage parlor hooker cheating….?
    Um ok-That sure isn’t your mama’s marriage-that’s for sure!

    And where does this awesome, non-homewrecker, cheating POS find all this spare time to screw around behind her husband’s back and have a “relationship” with someone else’s husband? I have 1 kid and between school, sports, and kid functions-I barely have a minute to myself let alone time to screw and have a “relationship” with some other man!!!

  • OW actually told me she was really on my side and cheering for me in the beginning of their “friendship”. She would even try to get him to understand why I was doing all the things that he was complaining about. Well at least I had her on my side for two weeks lol… (they immediately started having sex). These people are delusional and truly believe the stuff that comes out of their mouth. Ridiculous!

    • Oh yeah, I had to hear about how understanding OW 2 was in listening to his issues with me and how she was able to share with him her own similar issues with her poor, chumpy fiance. It took them all of about 4 weeks of “sharing” before things got physical between them. About four more weeks after that, she had him convinced he should never move back home or try to fix his marriage or keep his family together because darn it, his happiness was important too. Now her poor, chumpy fiancee is her poor, chumpy hubby and she’s probably off “sharing” with some other poor misunderstood, sad sausage.

      • I don’t think he even understands how fucked up it is that the advice he was getting was from someone who had no issues with cheating on someone she professed to love, admitted to hating children, used drugs and had no issues with having unprotected sex with someone she barely knew. It’s a real head shaker.

    • The whoremat was “helping” my STBX by telling him to “fix things with your wife” and THEN to really put the cherry on the fix your marriage sundae she said, “I love you!” to my husband! SEE?! That was HELPING ME! I want to fucking strangle that bitch. What a fucking cunt! Not that my STBX isn’t a dick but it made me so angry to hear about that. She was complaining about her husband too. Except somehow I’m a bad wife because he didn’t just tell me what he wanted but I’m on the same level as her alcoholic STBX that cheats and hits her and stole her 401k? Yep. Pretty much. I’m evil incarnate because he didn’t get all the sex he wanted when he couldn’t even tell me what his issues were. Seriously FML.

  • Entitlement, total disregard to the people involved – their spouses and children.
    Totally dismissing consequences: they are tearing their own families apart.
    They feel smarter than thou: silly chumps don’t know.
    The fact that she is writing this letter/column is bragging in disguise. Who gives a f* whom is she screwing? Especially anonymously. She does and she needs to brag about it. Under the guise of “I am not hurting anyone”. Probably the fun is getting boring if she needs an audience now.
    It is beyond despicable what these 2 turds are doing, the pain and mockery they are inflicting on their own families.
    It’s not enough that they are cheating by night, they are “friendly” with the chumpy significant other of the fuck buddy, by day! They are meddling in the life of other’s children.
    Is there any piece of soul of their chumps these 2 haven’t fucked with????

    Can she imagine what it would feel if the roles were inverted? If she was chumped like that? NO, she can’t imagine, that would require EMPATHY and obviously she has none.
    All she cares about is her. Her holes, her image, her own image about herself: she’s not a homewrecker.
    Well, she definitely doesn’t feel like one. Is that surprising for anyone?

  • Disturbing. I too never thought people like this existed. Stupid + sociopathic = pure evil.

  • I’d like to poke them both in the eye with a fork, because I love them and I want to make them both happy.

  • Great UBT post. Someone who honestly thinks like this has a blindspot the size of a house.

  • This whore has a real bad case of the smug. “I know something you don’t know,” in the presence of overwhelming condescension is a recipe for disaster. So really what she is, is a homewrecker pre- getting caught. The whole fucking thing will blow–kids be damned–when the cheater husband tires of the cheater wife and decides to fuck someone else, OR, these sanctimonious assholes are caught by the chumpy spouses.
    But aren’t they just amazing. Oh, the thrill of lying, cheating, stealing, abuse.

    • “pre- getting caught” you’re brilliant, Miss Sunshine!
      Yeah, she confessed already anonymously. Next, she’ll tell a friend. Then before she knows it, the whole “story” it’s gonna circle around their families like a pack of hungry sharks. It’s gonna get bloody….
      I’m just hoping someone will direct those poor chumps here, to CN, for support.

  • Anonymous and kin, whose *lucky* victims show up here?

    You are not a good person. Hence you cannot possibly be a better person, though you might be too stupid to do that math. I’m not actually sure you’re even a person, were I to give you my definition of a human being.

    Nope. You? You are a stone cold killer. You just choose to murder souls instead of bodies.

    • “I’m not actually sure you’re even a person, were I to give you my definition of a human being.” You are spot on!
      Dana from Thrive after Abuse said something like “If you need to explain to somebody what is normal and what is not, then that’s a deal breaker right there”
      Yep, it’s someone THAT disturbed that doesn’t know what is normal, it’s not worth the effort to even explain, let alone give them time, love, yourself etc. Run.

      • ‘Dana from Thrive after Abuse said something like “If you need to explain to somebody what is normal and what is not, then that’s a deal breaker right there”’

        Damn, that’s the one that I didn’t figure out for a long time! But it finally dawned on me, well after I kicked narc cheater’s ass out, when he was YET AGAIN saying how his (very convincing) physical threats ‘weren’t a big deal’ because he’d never actually hurt me, and that cheating was ‘just something that happens in relationships’ and that his asking for very little time with the kids, and then cutting it even further wasn’t abandoning them, that I just didn’t want to have anything to do with a person to whom I had to explain these things, repeatedly, insistently, and at length. Much less to someone who didn’t even understand or in any way internalize what I was explaining!

        They really are a different kind of human being. Pity they don’t come with easily identifiable features, although my picker has gotten a lot better.

  • another psychopath.

    anyone can write anything on the internet.

    “someone to make me smile and remember life isn’t fair.”

    sums it up beautifully.

  • I love this post today – not the stylized, navel-gazing, clueless, amoral, no self-awareness or empathy having OW who wrote the article, but the discussion.

    Reading cheater thoughts is a fascinating view into why this particular blog exists. The whole why it is difficult or impossible for cheaters to change or to sustain change is readily apparent in her gibberish.

    ME, ME, ME, I is writ large. Everyone with which she is involved is amazing – because, by inference, she’s amazing. She can even LOVE her side piece’s wife and recognize how amazing she is, because Not Homewreckers are amazingly magnanimous like that. This is world salad, circular thinking and self-justification at its mediocre best. I am not a Homewrecker because no homes have been wrecked because my lover and I are lying, sneaky, underhanded, back-stabbing, soulless cretins and what our spouses don’t know won’t hurt them, but we’re good and honest people who LOVE the AMAZING spouses whom we have spent years stabbing in the back while smiling in their faces because really, we have no respect for people whom we can fool like this. Plus, we’re all better people because if I’m happy, everyone should be happy because I have no ability to see people as individuals with their own feelings, but as objects who are here to make sure I’m happy and I feel good – and amazing. But it’s all good because the homes, while admittedly slightly askew because of the cheating, are not wrecked because we are all amazing and I’m not a Homewrecker. I’m really just a whore, but whore is such an ugly word, I prefer to think of myself as enlightened and amazing – and anyone who would disagree with me is unenlightened and judgmental. And not amazing.

    Did I get that right – you rancid, delusional piece of shit? But hey! At least I didn’t call you a Homewrecker.

  • You poor souls whose spouse boinked someone lesser than my deadhusbands OW…she assured him that her place in his life was to “teach him how to love Unicornomore”. Wasn’t that magnanimous of her?

          • Thank you exactly how i feel. Ive been trying to come up with something p o d could stand for. Anyone got any ideas?

              • POD =
                Pretentious Ordinary Dumbass.
                Puddles of Dung.
                Pussy Or Dick ( as in that’s all they are in life).
                Path of Destruction.
                Pathetic Order of the Douchebags
                Pissy Old Dumasses

              • Unicorenomore – ‘she assured him that her place in his life was to “teach him how to love Unicornomore”

                This chills me.
                We had a chick blow through town.
                Wealthy, married, lots of jewelry.
                She just lost a ton of weight and she had been hold up for a long time being large, I understand.
                So, she started running and kept losing weight…got her boobs done…and by God, by the time she emerged like a Cinderella, the entire town had their eyes on her. Gorgeous blond and very well put together.

                She came to every social event and her appearance was stunning.
                She was very confident at speaking at her ‘speak’ and even started her own local radio talk show.
                Very intelligent woman.
                Hugely ego driven. And, hard to argue points with her.

                But, she started joining all the groups in town, including ours…a humane society…and started taking over.
                (we finally kicked her out for being weird)
                Then the city counsel…everybody seemed honored she was there with this warped opinion that somehow made sense.
                She integrated herself in so many ways and she involved herself in the wrong relationship!

                She tried to get the handsome District Attorney to hire her as an image-make over, for his political career.
                Little did she know, he was married to one kick-ass bitch wife.
                She didn’t like HER interference in her husbands career one bit.

                Let’s just say it got really ugly with restraining orders against this weird, very pathetic woman who really did stalk them. She wanted to get a concealed weapons permit, like the wife had – this wife worked with rescuing dog-fighting rings – tough, little woman. We were asked to recommend the crazy women since she put us on the application and we told the sheriff she was very dangerous. Weird! Probably BPD, I dunno….

                But, she breezed out of town and cut off all relationships.
                Good riddance.

  • I think the thing that bugs me about stories like this is that they are like catnip to certain species of pseudo-intellectual cretins. She isn’t stepping out on her husband; no, sir! She’s just coping with being trapped by monogamy. If society would just embrace polyamory, these poor, poor creatures wouldn’t have to slink around in the shadows. As the old saying goes……TOTALLY BOGUS!

    • Doesn’t matter what society embraces or not. What should matter is whether the spouses opt in or not, but they’re not given options.

    • Yeah, embracing polyamory is not the solution. Because polyamory requires honesty – it’s at the foundation of every REAL human relationship. Ours were fakes.

  • “amazing” this, “amazing” that. I’m sick and tired of these selfish assholes trying to claim they are “amazing” and somehow more “real”, more “honest”… you “openly talk about your marriages????” EXCEPT with the person to whom it matters most that you are fucking someone else. Your spouse deserves an equal chance to a relationship with someone who values them, which clearly isn’t YOU. WTF?

    “The truth is, I love his wife. She has never not been a presence in our relationship.” that is probably the most barf-worthy piece of tripe in that whole pile of shit. No, she *isn’t* because you and her husband are actively choosing to deceive her. You don’t “love” her, you idiot. No, you LOATHE her and and gloating over your “amazingly” successful deception.

    You know what? I was an “amazing” loyal, hardworking, loving, caring, generous, sexy, giving partner to my Cheater. You don’t own the franchise on “amazing.” Far from it.

  • Dear Anonymous,

    You may not all be homewreckers but you are ALL pieces of shit. In case your fabulousness has forgotten the definition of a piece of shit, allow the Urban Dictionary to remind you that YOU are:

    “(1) a worse than worthless object or person; an object or person that holds no value or redeeming qualities whatsoever

    (2) a stupid, low-life, self-righteous human being who makes life a living hell for themselves and others

    (3) a small portion of human or animal fecal matter; waste excrement”

    By the way, Urban Dictionary, definition no. 3 is offended to have been included in the same league as nos. 1 and 2.

  • There is so much love floating in her life, that I am curious why she hasn’t had a foursome already.

    Now, that would be amazing.

  • I want to find this delusional psychopath and shove her face in a steaming pile of canine feces. I hope their spouses find out and completely destroy them and leave them to each other to rot in misery. They deserve each other. They’re selfish, vile, narcissistic troglodytes who deserve daily moral enemas.

    • I will be your “wing man” fucking bitches like these only understand one thing, and that is the fury of a chump scorned?

    • Chumpty Dumpty, let’s do more than just hope their spouses find out. Let’s make it our duty and TELL those spouses. If you know of any cheating situation, please tell.
      I so wish someone had told me, but they kept this horrible secret. What do I think of those people now? Accomplices to a crime!

  • What descriptions come to mind in reading this married adulterer’s ‘defense:’ entitled, self-centered, narcissistic, delusional, vapid, among other things. I have visions of some chump hitting this person on the side of the head with a two by four. I feel sorry for her husband and her affair partner’s wife and all their kids.

  • I realized a number of us commented how “enlightened” this Anonymous cheater thinks she is, but what she would call “enlightened” sounds more like “entitled.”

  • It’s genuinely frightening that this sort of thought process seems to be so common among APs. “Well, we’re just making each other happy, it’s not about the sex and if anyone has a problem with it, especially the spouse, then there’s just something wrong with them.”

    OW was a close friend of the family. Ex knew my feelings toward her, and how I felt about cheating period since I’m the product of an affair and it really screwed up my biological mom. He also knew if he cheated and I found out, it was over.

    And I’m sure this was discussed frequently during their pillow talk, or more accurately sofa talk/late night three season room talk/living room or kitchen floor talk. And she didn’t care that she was not only putting everyone’s health at risk by being unfaithful to my ex, but she knew I’d throw him out so she’d end up with him and still they carried on.

    One of my favorites was apparently in the beginning when things were so hot and heavy, ex drove me and the twins to a church event (damn blind wife couldn’t drive herself and give them even more time to fuck), came back home, she was waiting here, he put my then infant son down for a nap, they fucked all over my living room and he made sure to sponge the stank off and clean up in time to come pick up the twins and I while she stayed home to watch the baby “like any mother would” so ex didn’t have to wake him up and bring him to come and get us. Such a good mommy. Fucking the dad of the children you claim to love, not caring what it did to their actual mom and his wife? What a stand up lady.

    Both of them also had a thing for making sex vids (I absolutely refused) so I wonder if they even had the nerve to record their flings to watch in private or sent them back and forth to each other since I respected his privacy and never investigated his tech. OW thought it was so cool one evening, when we’d asked her to babysit, she’d ben Skyping one of her kinky boyfriends in our kitchen while the kids were apparently upstairs and he told her to do topless jumping jacks in *my* kitchen and she did. What an exhibitionist you are, slunt. You saucy creature, you can’t just not be a slut for the two or three hours we were gone, but have to degrade yourself and risk getting caught by little children for some perv online? Gosh, I can’t understand how you lost your kids for over a year… And then tell me about it when I get home like I’m supposed to be in awe of your sexiness? And then are surprised at my disgust? I’m just not as enlightened in the fine art of being trash, I guess. And even that wasn’t enough for my then husband to put his foot down. And speaking of ex? Any time I tried to liven up things in the bedroom, he “just wasn’t into it.” Maybe if my family were full of trash, convicts and severely mentally ill people, I would have been sexier to him.

    But this bitch. Over every morning (including at least once on weekends) for coffee since they worked together and often car pooled, over at least three or four nights a week despite my frequent protestations and her own neglected kids at home, over for the holidays especially after she got her kids taken away and I felt sorry for her though she is an extremely shitty and unfit parent but I couldn’t fathom losing my own kids, holding me while I cried after yet another unsuccessful mc session and saying, “You guys are the last happily married couple I know. You have to make it work.” while waiting for me to go upstairs to our room alone and cry some more so she could suck my ex’s d*ck without his pesky wife around.

    When shit got really bad after D-Day, the only thoughts that stilled my hand was that my kids loved and needed me, and that I had no doubt those sick fuckers would probably kiss while standing on my grave.

    It takes a special kind of heartless to fuck your friend’s husband after insinuating yourself so closely into the family in general the kids refer to you as Auntie. To fuck your friend’s husband after visiting your friend in the hospital to congratulate them on their new daughter. And to think I felt sorry for how ignorant, immature and wreckless she was even if I didn’t really like her that much, particularly when she started to infest every part of our lives like a fungus. And to roll the dice knowing she could very well end up making me a broke, blind mom of four including two boys with mental disorders and an infant?All because she was jealous of our situation, that her old ex-fuck buddy married me instead of her and because she thought I was “stuck up” even when I tried to help her out after all the fuck ups she created in her own life?

    To anyone like the bitch featured in this installment of UBT, may the salt covered cactus of life fuck you up your most tender orifices and then pour alcohol in afterward for good measure, or better yet, may you be blindsided by the loss of “the one true love” you thought you deserved and you will live with the deceit, agony and immeasurable layers of heartache and humiliation you once caused. Or both, really. I’m not picky.

    • Three years out and i still cant let it go. Like all here i loved with every ounce of my being. Asswipe was too big of a coward to tell me the truth. I at least thought i deserved that respect thats what hurt most of all. I will never say the last 30 years was a total waste it wasnt. But to be disrespected in this manner, i just cant believe it but then hes a pod and a pos. It still makes me so sad everything i worked for destroyed and at 62 start over again. It would have been easier if he has died, mean huh, but somebody would have come to hug me and tell me it would be ok. Im isolated here, sucks but i deal with it. Thank the heavens for the phone. All my love to chump nation today i have mostly good days now but today is gonna suck.

  • I’m reading this column while I’m at work, so I won’t comment while the ink is fresh. But I really really wanted to send all chumps here a message.
    For people like this, there is one single medicine or cure, if you like: truth.
    If YOU know of any situation where cheating is going on, make it your duty to tell.
    CN, do TELL if you know of any f* up situation. TELL, let truth shine over these subhuman, amoral fuckwits, and let the dice roll. Their spouses deserve better, WE deserve better, if only someone told us.

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