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You Might Be a Cheater If…

August 5, 2016 by Chump Lady

cheaterqueenToday’s Fun Friday challenge comes from JenPen. Ala Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” JenPen suggests “You might be a cheater if…”

For fun and a few much needed laughs…we wondered how many cheater lines we could come up with…well, I just knew the chumps would all have a lot of ideas….and thought it might be a fun post sometime.

“If your Match.com profile shows a headless body…you might be a cheater!”

We’ve done this one for “You might be a chump if…” But now it’s time to give cheaters a turn!

You might be a cheater if:

…You can’t remember how many phone carrier plans you have.

…You do all your texting on the toilet.

…Your Girls Night Outs have no girls.

Your turn to play! TGIF!

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Filed Under: Fun and games

Previous article: UBT: “We Aren’t All Homewreckers”
Next article: Dear Chump Lady, My ex wants to live in my basement

Comments

  1. Thankful says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:56 am

    You might be a cheater if the photo you use for your match.com profile is a selfie of you and your mobile, taken in a toilet.

    • Over and Out says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:28 am

      and I’ll add:

      …You pose shirtless and are wearing mirrored sunglasses. [men]
      …You take an angled boob shot to highlight your cleavage. [women]

    • 60 Corvette says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:36 am

      …Have a photo of a woman in a little black dress your shirt pocket on Thanksgiving, but tell your wife you “Have no idea who it is, haven’t worn that shirt in years”
      …Have a picture of you and a pretty woman on your cell phone, and tell your wife “she is a Stripper, and I was counciling her”
      …Your wife remembers you said something like that to her decades ago
      …You come home at 3:00 a.m. from an “Important Business Meeting” (after your wife ironed your shirt, shaved your neck, and styled your hair) You were late because there was “so much traffic!”
      …You immediately erase all phone messages on your brand new iphone, but wife recovers erased message to hear a womans voice cooing “Oh,Gaslighter! I can’t wait to see you!” (Kicks your sorry ass out that very minute)
      …After long separation and Gaslighting your way back into Wreckonciliation, you tell your wife you will be home soon, are at an early breakfast meeting with a big client and VP of a National Bank.
      …but It is Sunday
      …And Monday is Martin Luther King day, a banking holiday

      …your wife of 36 years files for Divorce

    • geekmom says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      . . . and your legs are numb from sitting there so long!

    • TOLEDO says

      August 6, 2016 at 11:22 pm

      You might be a cheater if ……your wife and your girlfriend EACH post an obituary in the SAME newspaper. http://www.littlethings.com/two-obituaries-leroy-blast-bill/?utm_source=shemarm&utm_medium=Facebook&utm_campaign=obits

  2. allfornothing says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:59 am

    You might be a cheater if you “love your partner but are not in love with them anymore”

    • Lldodd60 says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:57 am

      +1

      • Chumpfor21 says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:00 am

        Yep

    • honeyandthehomewrecker says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:46 am

      Ah, yes. The universally applied cheater mantra about love vs. in love. Mine said ‘Wife, you’re my best friend, but I don’t feel about you the way a husband is supposed to feel about a wife.’ So true, just not in the way he meant. Husband’s are SUPPOSED to open their mouth hole and speak words about their supposed unhappiness and ask for counseling or a divorce, not bang a stripper for 5 months while I’m at home with our infant and toddler. A husband is SUPPOSED to protect and keep his wife safe, not intentionally hurt her more than any other human being ever has. And, a husband is SUPPOSED to be a man and take responsibility for his actions, not whine like a 13 year old little bitch and claim none of this was his fault, because his happiness = the only happiness that matters out of the four of us. Gag.

      • NWBiblio says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:02 pm

        Ho.Ly.Sh*t!

        Honey&, I have NEVER heard anyone whose ex used the same line — exactly! — as mine, until now! THANK YOU for sharing your story!

        • honeyandthehomewrecker says

          August 6, 2016 at 12:31 am

          Ugggg…what is it with these disordered men? Do they not understand that life is not like a Def Leopard video? No, I am not some half-dressed skank with giant hair on top of a Camaro giving you come-hither eyes. I just had your babies and I’m a sane, funny, intelligent woman who tolerates your laziness and praises you when you do the slightest helpful thing while I bust ass for both of us. It’s never enough somehow. They have to have that fresh, new attention. They want the fantasy of a stripper-turned-housewife praising their manhood and showering them with accolades. Well, mine sure got what he wished for! He’s married to his AP, and a stripper turned housewife is exactly what she is. Teenage boys with arrested development who never grew up. That’s what they are. Sad to hear we relate, but happy to know the cheater playbook can now officially add one more go-to cliche!
          http://www.honeyandthehomewrecker.com is where you can read the rest of my story. Hugs!

      • UXworld says

        August 6, 2016 at 7:42 am

        I feel compelled to point out that this is the exclusive domain of men.

        My STBXW said the exact same thing — she wants to be someone’s decked out blonde on the Camaro with come hither eyes — and get the accolades that go with it — and put me through hellish emotional abuse in order to do it.

        All on the name of (her words) ‘becoming the person I was always meant to be.’

        So your vehemence might want to be altered to “What is it with all of these disordered PEOPLE?” (Or more accurately ASSHOLES)

        • honeyandthehomewrecker says

          August 6, 2016 at 11:13 am

          You are right, 100%. I get used to using the cheater vernacular in the masculine, but it is certainly not relegated to men! As Chump Lady points out, it’s not a male/female issue, it’s a LACK OF CHARACTER issue. Best to you in recovering from the bad taste left by your Tawny Kitaen wanna-be!

    • patty says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:22 pm

      your penis falls into your secetary

      • Amiisfree says

        August 5, 2016 at 3:34 pm

        Haha, totally!

  3. Inthedark says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:03 am

    You might be a cheater if you have deleted all the messages from that secret friend you have never mentioned.

    • Marked711 says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:24 am

      +1

    • willowchumpx30 says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:52 am

      + another 1

    • jmcclure366 says

      August 5, 2016 at 4:04 pm

      + yet another one

  4. blessingindisguise says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:08 am

    You might be a cheater if you change screens on your computer every time your family walks into the room.

    • Beth says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:36 am

      ^This!

      • neverwouldhaveimagined says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:05 am

        Yes!

      • patty says

        August 5, 2016 at 1:23 pm

        soooooo this ^

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:13 am

      or slam your laptop shut when the spouse walks into the study.

    • divorcinganarcissistblog says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:47 am

      or you might have a serious porn problem. haha

      • MehGloriousMeh says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:33 pm

        serious porn problem = cheater

        Although it’s taking people a long time to figure out that virtual sex also constitutes infidelity. It took me over ten years to make that realization, after lots of gaslighting “It’s just to relax. Aren’t you glad I’m not doing it with REAL women? It’s not cheating!” But by the time I did make that call, there were multiple physical relationships as well so it didn’t matter much.

        • Linda Bailey says

          August 5, 2016 at 2:36 pm

          It certainly is infidelity.

        • brit says

          August 5, 2016 at 5:09 pm

          Your wife is taking “your”coat to take cleaners and finds a receipt for porn movie rentals from the hotel room you were in while you were on a business trip, you deny it, then blame her for snooping. Throw out a few things changing the subject like she’s Bipolar, tell her you’re seriously concerned about her mental health, or I can never make you happy, ask her if she’s ever happy, to divert the attention from you to her.
          If she won’t let it go, hey, sorry, you need porn to relax after that grueling, long hour flight.

  5. mickeyblueeyes says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:08 am

    You might be a cheater if…You can got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food again on the way down.

    (Sorry)

    • mickeyblueeyes says

      August 5, 2016 at 6:09 am

      *get!!

      comedy..its all about timing

      • Jill says

        August 5, 2016 at 2:05 pm

        There is a medical term for that…. cranialrectumitis!!

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:48 am

      Ah, so that’s where his head went. I would pass through the living room on my way to do some household chore and occasionally see him sitting there headless. It looked like he was sitting on a bowling ball, I just never put two and two together before. I was too fixated on why the glow from his cell phone light was reflecting from his rectum like a lighthouse beacon. I’m sure it wasn’t to find his way out, but get further in because he even thought his own shit smelled sweet.

      • ClaireS says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:34 am

        Okay, you two. You almost owed me a keyboard. LMAO.

      • Pagan 602 says

        August 7, 2016 at 6:53 am

        Coffee just came out my nose. Thank you.

    • Pearshaped says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:37 am

      Damn, that’s an even better Stupid Human Trick than the simultaneous jerk-off/typing one.

      • Sunrise says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:24 am

        You know you’re a cheater (and seriously disordered) when you’re jerking of to porn on the big screen TV while simultaneously reading the latest Clive Cussler on your iPad.

    • geekmom says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:39 pm

      . . . or so far up your ass you have to unzip to see where you’re going.

    • Effie says

      August 25, 2016 at 5:51 pm

      +1 — LOL!

  6. Thankful. says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:10 am

    You may be a cheater if you have, recently bought new out of character underwear, have taken up shaving your junk and are never home when you are meant to be because you always have a pressing issue to manage.

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:52 am

      Yours wore Underoos too? Mine would come home with new shirts and come out asking me if they matched his pants. I’d look and say, “You’re wearing blue jeans.” His response, “Yeah, but do they match.”

      • Datdamwuf says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:25 am

        You might be a cheater if:
        You switch from tightie whities to plaid boxers

        yep, he did that

        • Tempest says

          August 5, 2016 at 9:14 am

          or start buying extensively from Undergear.

    • neverwouldhaveimagined says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:08 am

      All three! New underwear is how I knew for sure. My STBX is super cheap and his all had holes before he got am AP.

      • mim says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:44 am

        Mine too!!!! I wonder if she likes his nasty hole ridden undies now…because we all know a leopard doesn’t change its spots and he’s back to his old ways.

        • MidlifeBlast says

          August 5, 2016 at 12:04 pm

          Lol, I used to have to throw his holey underwear away for him and buy new ones.

          • newlifeahead says

            August 8, 2016 at 3:56 pm

            OMG, mine went from totally white to all different colors! And yea I was still washing them and putting them away!!

      • horsesrcumin says

        August 5, 2016 at 3:11 pm

        Or I bought all his (designer, imported) underwear, and actually every item of clothing he ever wore for over 25 years, just for her to tell him what outstanding taste he has, and how great his body looked in what he wore – especially his underwear. Ah, yeah! I have a pretty good eye! And like she’d know! Bought everything in mum-grey that was ever made…

        Needless to say my habit of regularly surprising him by buying for him stopped. Immediately. Comical to watch him try to dress himself. Ditto the grooming (ear hair!) Just couldn’t be arsed making him look good anymore. Funny that.

        • MidlifeBlast says

          August 5, 2016 at 5:19 pm

          She should have picked you instead. Bet she’s pissed when she realises she got the booby prize

          • horsesrcumin says

            August 5, 2016 at 9:15 pm

            She didn’t even get the booby prize, Midlifeblast. He had finished the affair before I ever had a clue. “Choosing” me. And I didn’t even have to do a Pick Me Dance! Awesome, right? She told me via text message about six weeks after he ended it with her, while we were at a friend’s birthday party that she was supposed to be at. How lucky was I? The Chosen One. Yup. So damn lucky 😉

        • Helen Campbell says

          August 5, 2016 at 8:35 pm

          Me too. He always had compliments on his sartorial splendour. Nothing but the best, you know! Dress shirts, $ 150 but worth every dollar. I dressed him well. Now, he’s on his own and I hear his live in ” doesn’t shop ” so he’s back to buying $ 19.99 shirts like he did when
          he was 16 years old living with his cheap dad. Not my circus, not my monkey anymore.

        • Jeanny says

          June 4, 2018 at 3:52 pm

          Omg funny…. when we met I said to myself “ok, wearing x and y is not a biggie… easy to change that”
          15years of marriage- I was buying clothes for him, he looked good.
          Last trip we took, I was saying nothing at all, focused on buying/ packing for myself and kids.
          Pics tell all: an attractive, well dressed lady with cute kids and a man with a mismatched outfit.

          Yep, go for it

    • The Chump struggle is real says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:18 am

      Omgah! Mine did the same exact “new underwear” shopping spree right before I found out. He even took the liberty of modeling them for me (during which I admittedly chuckled through the big “show” with an, “Oooookay…???). Red flags were waving at full mast and here I was thinking he was just in a weird shopping phase. I was somewhat right in my assumption; he was shopping around for dirty whores, after all.

  7. Anita says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:17 am

    You might be a cheater if You accuse your wife of being “jealous and insecure” of a whore you are dating behind her back.

    • Datdamwuf says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:25 am

      You might be a cheater if: You accuse your wife of cheating on you after you are busted

      • Over and Out says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:31 am

        +1

      • Sunrise says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:51 am

        You might be a cheater if you go to the hotel near your office to “sleep off a headache” when home is 20 minutes away.

        • Over and Out says

          August 5, 2016 at 12:57 pm

          It gave me a headache to read that….

        • Doingme says

          August 5, 2016 at 6:32 pm

          Sunrise

          You might be a cheater if you take a whore out to eat, get drinks at the casino, and get a hotel a mile away.

          I called him on it when I saw his bank statement. Quickly, he replied,”what if I was too drunk to drive?”

          My reply, “because you booked the HO Jo the day before.”

          Why not own it? No, lying till the end.

      • Susan says

        August 7, 2016 at 9:07 am

        Mine did the same thing! When I went on a marriage forum after his affair was discovered, he started to accuse me of cheating on him now w strangers on line !!!

    • Rose says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:09 am

      Your might be a cheater if: you give your wife the go ahead to have a “friend” after you called him out on his inappropriate “friend”ship! ?

    • Sunrise says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:53 am

      You might be a cheater if you and howorker get fired within minutes of each other.

    • patty says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:24 pm

      yup yup yup

  8. VulcanChump says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:21 am

    You might be a cheater if you can justify kissing another man’s girlfriend by assuming you’re rescuing her from her “evil, evil, boyfriend”.

    • With Brave Wings says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:03 am

      The other women also truly think this as they are saving our husbands from us. So pathetic.

      • Miss Sunshine says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:40 am

        Turns out OW are saving us from our hisbands.
        He’s yours now!

        • With Brave Wings says

          August 5, 2016 at 9:55 am

          Oh yes, in hindsight it’s a wonderful thing! The best karma is that she has him now…my past is her future, bahahahahahah! Good luck special snowflake.

        • nodancing says

          August 5, 2016 at 10:15 am

          So TRUE! They do us a favor!

        • mim says

          August 5, 2016 at 10:47 am

          I wish I could “like” comments. I swear I’m going to send her flowers one day! They are looking miserable and I hear they fight a lot….waiting for just the right moment to send her a thank you bouquet.

          • Special snowflake ha! says

            August 5, 2016 at 11:18 am

            Me, too! Once the divorce is final and they can get engaged. She can’t have him actually living with her until they are engaged or married (her divorce decree, cause she still has little ones….ha,ha,ha)

            • freddypagaga says

              August 6, 2016 at 8:48 pm

              I discovered mine had already been engaged to Toothless the Whitetrash Whore for 6 months before I discovered the affair–his reply “Well her ring isn’t as nice as yours….” Needless to say I cancelled the 25 year anniversary party I was planning….

              • Roaring says

                August 7, 2016 at 12:04 am

                Freddypagaga, What. The. Fuck? He was engaged? Do you think these guys are idiots all along? How do they live?

      • Doingme says

        August 7, 2016 at 5:27 pm

        -zero can’t marry her be cause hel will lose his health insurance. Yet he assured me he wouldn’t marry her. He’s looking to hit pay dirt with the other OW. Phone records don’t lie.

    • CeliA says

      August 6, 2016 at 1:53 pm

      They think they are really fated for each other and that becomes The Justification for everything they do behind their SOs back.

  9. lovedandlost says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:24 am

    …if your wife just doesn’t understand you and you have sooo much more in common with …pretty much everybody else!

    • Done4Good says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:12 am

      ^^^^^This!!!

      • Paintwidow says

        August 5, 2016 at 7:33 am

        Yes!!!! Absolutely this^^
        I only wish there was a prize, this would win.

        • mavis says

          August 5, 2016 at 12:20 pm

          + 1
          And the question “do you REALLY see us being together for the long term?” after 20+ yrs of marriage

          • oaktree says

            August 5, 2016 at 5:15 pm

            That’s fucking unbelievable. My stbxw told me (after 21 years married, 25 together) “I never really was the marrying kind.”

    • With Brave Wings says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:40 am

      LMAO!!!! Yep, everyone else on the planet.

      • brit says

        August 5, 2016 at 5:18 pm

        Similar to the “I get along with everyone else but you,” what does that tell you Brit??

        It tells me you’re full of shit.

  10. Carmella1722 says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:25 am

    You might be a cheater if you complain to your girlfriend that your wife doesn’t trust you.

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:53 am

      That’s funny 🙂

    • Kay says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:33 am

      Ha! Carmella. Hilarious. And sadly, very painfully true.

    • Blogdramedy says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      Nice one, Carmella. In my case: you may be a cheater if you complain to your girlfriend’s HUSBAND that your wife doesn’t trust your “friendship” with his wife. This OW’s husband emailed the ex saying, “I don’t know how you can live with someone so distrusting.” Talk about ass end of the stick. This was shortly after I discovered the affair and the ex was madly scrambling to make sure I was portrayed as the crazy one. It’s been a year now and so happy I can laugh about everything that happened. Well, most days. 🙂

      • Carmella1722 says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:27 pm

        Yeah, OW sometimes would text my H that they couldn’t meet up after work because her husband was driving her and picking her up, and that he didn’t trust her. My husband’s response was “you can’t live like that.”

    • Darkstar says

      February 28, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      Love it!

  11. Brenda says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:26 am

    You might be a cheater If you tell your girlfriend that time you spend with your own child is “playing Daddy” and that you are ” bored” by it. And she then tells you what a “good father” you are. And of course, she’s a “wonderful mother”, whoring with a married man in front of her teenage daughter. Wow, it’s amazing when you write it down.

    • With Brave Wings says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:06 am

      The kids are collateral damage and the cheaters are too selfish to realize it. They really do think that they are good fathers and it’s insulting to the actual amazing Dads out there.

      • CeliA says

        August 6, 2016 at 1:56 pm

        Yep. Mine would fantasize of impregnating me just to get the OW jealous. Sick bastard.

  12. nomar says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:29 am

    You might be a cheater if . . .

    . . . You’re in a “committed relationship” with several people who don’t know each other exist.

    . . . Your idea of a “friend” involves swapping bodily fluids.

    . . . You can greet news of horrific emotional trauma suffered by those who have sacrificed the most for you with the dead-eye stare of a week-old grouper in a fish market display cooler.

    • Done4Good says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:14 am

      Yep, I was on the receiving end of the dead fish look. That made me want to punch him in the scrotum.

    • The Ex-orcist says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:14 am

      Ba ha ha ha????

    • Thankful says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:28 am

      Oh, the dead eyed fish look, like a week old groper in a fish market window. love it!

      I found that this was always accompanied with total deniability, as if all questions being asked in reference to any form of infidelity were deliberately being spoken in some distant tribal dialect.

      your not accountable if you don’t understand the question.

      you might be a cheater if you claim to love your wife but are un able to get it up majority of the time.

      if your penis is crusty majority of the time

      or if you have a log on to Ozzie frogs.com and pretend to spend hours looking at and communicating with others on the sight because all your spare time need to be spent communicating with other and sharing you love of broken-down crap box european cars. this was what mine was looking at overtime I entered the room when he was on the computer, yet

      ooooooooh you might be a cheater if you have a need to keep clearing you browser history.

      • Anita says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:14 am

        You should have told him “there’s an app for that”. Clearing browser history I mean.

      • Confused123 says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:30 am

        Crusty penis? Is that an STD?

        • Annie Get Your Gun says

          August 5, 2016 at 12:58 pm

          It’s just another long-hair band from the 70″s. You know, old men with saggy balls who are getting back together for one last tour. Their opening act is The Easy Vaginas.

          • Confused123 says

            August 5, 2016 at 3:48 pm

            Groan!

    • Hesatthecurb says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:33 am

      Once again, Nomar, you go to the heart of it……You summed it up for me!

    • Done4Good says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:57 am

      I also received (still do sometimes) the kicked puppy dog look. That is, when he can actually look me in eyes which lately, has become less and less.

    • Chumpasaurus Rex says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:51 am

      “Dead-eye stare”-YES! callous and unfeeling when you are an emotional wreck…

    • Blogdramedy says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:15 pm

      That. So much that! I always loved his dark brown eyes but after discovering his affair and reading up on the commonalities of cheaters (so much the same, so very unoriginal) memories came flooding back of that dead stare and very little blinking. I just recently finished watching “The Fall” and wow, talk about flashback.

    • brit says

      August 6, 2016 at 5:22 am

      Yes, I know the dead eyed stare, I called it reptilian, reminded me of the lizards I see in the garden or behind the glass at Petco. I can’t look at a reptile without thinking of him. X eye’s protrude, always reminded me go those big lizards whose eyes move in different directions. I like the dead fish comparison,good description like a dead fish, looking past me. From now on anytime I see a dead fish (Grouper) X will come to mind. Slimy like a dead rotting fish.

      Thankful, I laughed at “any words spoken in reference infidelity deliberately being spoken in some distant tribal act” it’s weird how they’re able to go into a trans like state. X would walk around the house in a trans state months prior to his exit, occasionally he’d throw in a look of disdain.
      When X did announce he was leaving he looked past me with with the grouper look as I was devastated and begging him to stay, or talk about why, he said he didn’t want to hear my drama. Asshole shatters my world and he doesn’t need the drama..

  13. Carmella1722 says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:30 am

    You might be a cheater if you claim that the affair you insist never happened is over.

    • Lldodd60 says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:52 am

      +1

      • ClaireS says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:38 am

        +2. You might be a cheater if said formerly non-existent but now over affair still isn’t over. You’re just “trying to ease her down gently” or ” trying to break up with her slowly so she won’t go crazy — because you don’t want her to hurt your wife.”

    • With Brave Wings says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:23 am

      “SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!” *rolls eyes*

      He got so mad when I called her his girlfriend because in his mind he wasn’t really having an affair. They were just friends that went on dates apparently.

      • ChutesandLadders says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:20 am

        Mine went ballistic when I told him, “Tell your piece of shit work whore to stop calling the house.” When he told me I was crazy, I replied, “Oh, that’s right. You are unemployed again. It’s just
        piece of shit whore’ now. My bad.”

        • minime1224 says

          August 6, 2016 at 3:05 pm

          mine pulled the line before I even knew about chumplady I love you but Im not in love with you. that killed me. Then I said is there someone else and he said no and I said right then I said well whoever she is she must be some piece of work because nice women dont steal other womens husbands and he said she isnt LIKE THAT WTF

      • unicornomore says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:52 am

        Same here…he was sure that he and Schmoopie had invented some new category of human interaction and when I referred to her as his “girlfriend”, he looked shocked and said “She is not my girlfriend” whereupon I reviewed the common usage of the word proving him wrong

        • Blogdramedy says

          August 5, 2016 at 1:21 pm

          I, too, referred to the OW as his girlfriend. His MARRIED girlfriend. Because she’s the wife of a couple we met while travelling. When I discovered what was going on (emotional affair, emailing, texting, Skyping when her husband wasn’t home, secret cell phone, and then banging each other when we travelled with them to Italy) and asked him to end the affair, his response was, “she lives in another country and is totally devoted to her husband and will never leave him, so what’s your problem?” I mean really, how do you respond to something like that? Other than head in the opposite direction.

      • Hopiumrecovery says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:40 pm

        Yep, I got the “she’s not my gf” bs too, ’cause that would make him a cheater and he doesn’t cheat. Even though he was screwing her and screwed others in my home while we were married and before we married. He denied it to the day he finally took his stuff and his mom out of my house two weeks after the divorce. He slipped up and mentioned the “three of them”. Then denies he is living with the slut puppet, who I know for a fact he has been living with for the past year. The crazy doesn’t stop.
        So, you know your a cheater (and a sociopath) when you believe your own lies in the face of clear and absolute evidence to the contrary (photos of your pp in her mouth, in our home, for one of hundreds of examples).

  14. Anita says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:34 am

    I like a thing I’ve seen on Facebook, can’t remember it exactly. Something like

    “If you wonder if hiding/deleting texts/emails/phone calls, makes you a cheater, you already are one.”

    Sorry for the bad interpretation.

    • happily ever after says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:40 am

      Don’t be sorry for that quote speaks the truth.
      You might be a cheater if you hold your phone a little too close to your body all the time.
      You might be a cheater if your phone use is 5 times anyone else on the family plan.
      You might be a cheater if you cheat….lie….steal….and pretend it’s all so innocent.

      • Susan says

        August 7, 2016 at 9:19 am

        …and hide under the blankets and txt. Or run into the bathrooms w phone attached to the arm. If trying to hold or use their phone, OMG!!!! Yould think you were asking the impossible!

        Having to ask spouse over & over if everything is ok w them. Having children ask the cheater if they are ok too…

        Oh, I never want to go thur ever again living w all the early uncertainties.

  15. UXworld says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:37 am

    If your spouse confronts you with incriminating evidence taken from your cell phone or computer, and your only response is “Well, it’s obvious that you can’t be trusted either,” you might be a cheater.

    • Sausalito says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:46 am

      Oh yeah, I can’t be trusted now either, because I dared to open a new bank account in my name only…

    • ChutesandLadders says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:24 am

      Yeah, when he left his computer unlocked “by accident” and I found emails detailing how long they had been cheating, he accused me of “unlawfully hacking” into his private account. Then he threatened to have me arrested for it.

      No lie.

    • Current Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:58 am

      when you accuse your wife of violating YOUR privacy when she catches you at an Asian massage parlor with hookers using find my iPhone app because you are late to your own fathers birthday party & keeping your entire family waiting!!!!

    • geekmom says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:45 pm

      I got threatened with prosecution for hacking and invasion of privacy when I discovered his emails. On my own computer. On the Internet account in my name. The one I adminstered to set up his email. Ass.

  16. Anita says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:43 am

    You might be a cheater, if you put your secret Friend’s number in your phone under a man’s name. Oh, these cheaters are oh so clever.

    • Still a chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:21 am

      Anita +1

    • ByeByeCheater says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:25 am

      yep +1

    • Beth says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:38 am

      Uh huh.

      • Paintwidow says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:08 am

        Same.
        Preston was really elizabeth. Knew I hit rock bottom when I asked why he was texting Preston at 2am.

        • Beanie says

          August 5, 2016 at 9:37 am

          Yes! Sarah = Steve

          • Marisa says

            August 8, 2016 at 9:34 am

            my cheater and the OW call each other King and Queen. Gross!

            • HeatDeath says

              August 8, 2016 at 9:53 am

              One of the earlier D-Days for me was finding a list of nicknames Nowdeadserialcheaterwife and her “twu wuv” had for each other (this was before he cheated on her.)

              “Husband” and “Wife” were literally on the list.

              Even she just didn’t even try to gaslight her way out of that one. The cookie jar pieces were there on the floor at her feet. She just plead down to EA, and said she’d never talk to him again.

              Yes, of course I bought it. Sigh.

              This was within a year of marrying me.

            • Kar marie says

              August 8, 2016 at 9:58 am

              Asswipe and whore juice called each other master and mistress and always called him sir. Also sickening.

      • mavis says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:26 pm

        + 1
        brilliant, aren’t they?

      • newlifeahead says

        August 8, 2016 at 4:07 pm

        Yep, mine did that, of course it was the only contact in his secret phone!

    • newdaydawning says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:40 am

      Exactly!!!

    • Dixie Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:07 am

      Yep. And tag it with your favorite hobby “tennis” just to add a layer of plausibility. Oh that person? Someone I play tennis with now and then.

      • Azkadelia says

        August 29, 2016 at 7:50 am

        In my case, tagged with “Accountant.” Why do you need to call the company’s accountant on her cell phone at 6:30 in the morning???

    • Calmafterstorm says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:12 am

      Ascher was really A…whore! Gotta give him points for alliteration though

    • mermaiddani says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:26 am

      My ex-husband did that. That’s how I caught him. I asked him why he was texting “Shane,” telling “him” how “he” looked nice and asking about “his” Valentine’s plans. “Shane” was all alone on Valentine’s because “his” kids were with their fathers. (Yup. Plural.) Then, in the same conversation, he invited “Shane” over. “Shane” had plans with “his” girlfriends that night, but would be available much later. My ex invited “Shane” to come over when “he” was done with the Girls Night Out, but warned “him” to call him first. (My ex worked and lived out of town four nights a week.)

      • Chumpy dad says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:35 am

        Yep, Martin was only listed as M in her phone. I had to call in the FBI to decode that one for me. I never would have figured it out for myself 🙂

        • ANC says

          August 5, 2016 at 12:57 pm

          Mine was Max. As in her last name, maxwell. But ironically used her dog as her “face”. The dog is waaaaaaay cuter. Should have used a horse head.

          • geekmom says

            August 5, 2016 at 1:47 pm

            ANC, the horse’s other end would have been more fitting.

      • Azkadelia says

        August 29, 2016 at 7:52 am

        Do cheaters really leave the text evidence on their phones? My cheating husband wiped his texts immediately. Or did you have some other way of finding out…(and please, tell me what it was!)

    • 4 a.m. 4ever says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:46 pm

      Yes – she was “Electrician” (he’s a contractor), and he was “Lori”.

    • Aunt Podger says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:18 pm

      I confess, my cheater was so pathlogically possessive of me, I labeled any friends or family members he did not approve of as “bank” (my mother), [landlord) (my college roommate), etc. I never called them without his express permission, nor did I ever speak to a person of the opposite sex without him in the room and listening to both sides of the conversatio. He had all my passwords. I had… a sham of a marriage.

      I guess I deserved his affairs and abuse. I did lie to to him by secretly keeping the ability to call my parents, even if I never actually did so. Idevote my life to being better than that… and happily single forevermore

      • Annie Get Your Gun says

        August 5, 2016 at 1:39 pm

        You deserve to be respected and treated as an adult and not have your life monitored by an overlord. That is abuse. Anyone who tries to manipulate you into isolation is an abuser. You deserve to have friends of your choosing and family. He can go right back to hell. Any time you feel the need to hide things in your relationship, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. There’s a big difference between hiding your phone because you’re having an affair and hiding your phone because you called your mom. In both cases you were being abused and for that YOU are owed the apology. I am so sorry you had to experience that type of treatment.

        • Aunt Podger says

          August 5, 2016 at 2:05 pm

          Thank you. I needed that. I am crying.

          • Annie Get Your Gun says

            August 5, 2016 at 2:31 pm

            You have value. Don’t ever forget it. Look in the mirror and repeat, “I have value and demand respect.” Believe it. If anyone tells you differently or treats you unkindly just hold up your hand to cut them off and walk away. They are not worth one more second of your time.

          • ClaireS says

            August 5, 2016 at 2:37 pm

            AnnieGetYourGun is spot-on, every single word. NO ONE deserves affairs and abuse. Please, he’s done enough harm. Don’t give him one second more help by taking one whit of responsibility for HIS cruelty and evil.

            You are amazing for having survived. Know that, and if you don’t, or you falter, come back and read her post. I wish I could give you a hug. Airborne will have to do. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

            • ClaireS says

              August 5, 2016 at 2:39 pm

              Update: BOTH of AnnieGetYourGun’s posts are spot on.

      • Loridachump says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:53 pm

        Aunt posher I was starting to feel bad too podger! I had to hide any male contact I had under another name. He was especially insane about an ex of mine I broke up with amicably. 7 years before meeting him. We remained platonic friends. Talked on the phone if it had to do with Union matters, never met for lunch, coffee, rarely saw each other at work, maybe once in passing every 6 mos or so. Much of the secrecy I had around hiding friends numbers were to protect him. I never wanted anyone to know I was living like this.

        He would read my texts, emails but never find anything. It was like being in the military and all of a sudden there’s a pop up inspection of computers and phones. He would demand I do FaceTime to make sure I was at work like I said I was.
        Found out he was cheating on me the whole time. Even had a seperate apartment I knew nothing about….shit

    • CAGal says

      August 5, 2016 at 3:25 pm

      This is funny – I was in the very last stage of “lining up the ducks” and I managed to get into his phone for the first time in a long time. Not going to change anything, but hey – why not? He didn’t even have the sense to change her name to Dave or something. Just her normal name and at 7:45 in the AM on Saturday they had already been talking about some sex dream that she had had. I was like doing the “face palm” in my head.

    • Susan says

      August 7, 2016 at 9:36 am

      Geekman, Anita, current chump,Sausalito, etc… So right on!
      Aunt Podger, I too had a control freak, but mine was w food. I could never have appetizers, dessert, cheese, pastries, ice cream, or seconds. He had such an eating disorder or that he refuse to recognize. We fought over food a lot, what I could eat and what I could not eat .

      Friends would tease him and tell him he was gaining weight and then I was the one who suffered and couldn’t eat anything.

      I would tell friends not to do this because I was the one that would be paying for it, but they thought it was funny because he was so anal about his weight gain.

      He was determined to stay his weight that he was in college he was now down to 62.

      Throughout my 40s and 50s I would hide eating food and only eat what I like when he was away working. My sister would watch and cover for me if we were out to a restaurant if she saw him come in we would switch plates.

      I never gained weight and probably never would other than when I went into menopause and I would tell him believe me I will lose the weight because I like clothes to much.

      Our 28th year he had an affair with a woman that was much heavier than me .

  17. Bud says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:52 am

    You might be a cheater if you disguise your adultery partners phone number in a second contacts entry of your friends name.

  18. Kar marie says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:53 am

    You might be a cheater if your spouse goes looking for evidence on a hunch, finds it, asks you about it, you deny say its only a casual thing thing, means nothing and why were you invading my privacy!

    • willowtree says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:56 am

      this

      • chris1731 says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:05 am

        This

    • Dixie Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:27 am

      LOL! It goes from “you are mistaken” to “nothing happened” to “we’re both married so we didn’t cross that line” to “it didn’t mean anything” … hmmmm

      • neverwouldhaveimagined says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:17 am

        Yes, how could you snoop through my personal things (gasp)? Um, how about a more important question like how could you keep a love letter from your whore in your briefcase, you idiot? Oh, that’s old he said you know I broke it off months ago.

        Well, did you read it? Because I did and she included the date.

        • ColdTurkey says

          August 5, 2016 at 6:48 pm

          You might be a cheater if you have a tube of K-Y jelly clearly visible in the mesh pocket of your bookbag that you place on the podium while you teach class.

          • Tempest says

            August 5, 2016 at 10:00 pm

            That is creepy and disgusting. I hope the teaching evals mentioned the K-Y jelly so the Dean’s office could address it.

    • Chumpasaurus Rex says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:53 am

      Oh the classic “invasion of privacy”. I definitely got that one too!

      • ChutesandLadders says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:26 am

        ditto

      • Anita says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:34 am

        Me, too, regarding the invasion of privacy. Oh well, he’s got all the privacy in the world now. Love it.

        • Chumpasaurus Rex says

          August 5, 2016 at 12:31 pm

          Haha! Ain’t that the truth. Philander away, divorcee!

        • Current Chump says

          August 5, 2016 at 4:42 pm

          Don’t you just love the “Invasion of privacy” bullshit?
          When stbx gave me that crap statement on Dday, I told him that I thought our marriage was private?!

          So happy to be rid of that assclown

          • Loridachump says

            August 5, 2016 at 9:06 pm

            But I used to tell him he was invading my privacy. I hated that he would go through my phone and read my texts! Some of those texts were private conversations between friends ad myself not meant for him to see, personal situations, problems friends are having. I told him my friends text me not you! I tried to show by example and not do the same to him. Then one day I did . Every time I found something incriminating .

            You may be a cheater if your partner finds a text in your phone telling a women how beautiful she is and you ask her on a date and your response to her is “what about you fucking your ex at work?” Even though you have no evidence to prove this ever happened…..and you continue to repeat this response until your partner ends up trying to defend herself against these false accusations….mission accomplished .

  19. Kimhopes says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:56 am

    You might be a cheater if you spend thousands of dollars on credits for a dating site while still being married to your clueless wife.

  20. Done4Good says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:04 am

    You might be a cheater if your spouse points out the enormous amount of text messages to your “Friend” over the course of a cell phone billing period so you move said Friend to a texting app which your chumpy spouse discovers only to respond, “well I didn’t want to upset you with all those text messages when you pay the bill.”

    • lostntx says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:48 am

      Dealt with that one for sure!

      • Other Kat says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:25 pm

        You might be a cheater if you justify hiding your technology with the excuse, “If you saw what’s in it, you would accuse me of cheating.”

  21. BetterDays says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:09 am

    You might be a cheater if … you complain your wife never wants to do anything with you anymore, but you’re a passive-aggressive shit to her on date nights … because you’re secretly comparing her to the other women you go out with and they’re “more fun.”

    • Calmafterstorm says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:22 am

      OMG I lived that! It’s hard to compete with new and shiny especially when you didn’t even know new and shiny existed.

      • oaktree says

        August 5, 2016 at 5:40 pm

        Bingo!

        • ColdTurkey says

          August 5, 2016 at 6:51 pm

          Yup.

    • ByeByeCheater says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:26 am

      +1 here too

      • mavis says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:30 pm

        You know you’re a cheater when you bring new sex moves into the bedroom & say “women like that’. I kid you not

        • Tempest says

          August 5, 2016 at 1:02 pm

          Wow, Mavis, your X sounds like a real treat (not). What a creepy fucker.

          • Mavis says

            August 5, 2016 at 5:18 pm

            yep. Very creepy Tempest – thanks for validating

        • Noelle says

          August 5, 2016 at 6:00 pm

          Mine did the same! I had to tell him that ‘spitting on your hand isn’t foreplay”. His response, “oh, I thought that’s what women liked”.

          • Loridachump says

            August 5, 2016 at 9:10 pm

            OMG!!! The spitting on the hand!! WTF???????

    • BetterDays says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:51 am

      One of the best things about CN is posting something you’re not sure anyone will understand … and then finding out you’re not alone and that move was right out of the Cheater Playbook. OMG!

      And yep on the competition. When I confronted him about his behavior, I couldn’t believe that in his arrogant, entitled mind, I — his wife — was in competition with ANYONE, let alone his whores. Whores who probably believed that boring wifey just didn’t understand him anymore. I wonder if they got the message that if they weren’t fun and entertaining enough he’d put them in the same category as the old ball and chain. Kibbles, kibbles everywhere.

      At first I was hurt and humiliated. Then I was furious for a long time. Now it makes me laugh because it’s another story of Cheese Fries’s asshattery. Hard to believe I used to think the mask was the real him.

      • Dixie Chump says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:28 am

        “Cheese Fries” is the best, disdainful moniker!!!

        • BetterDays says

          August 5, 2016 at 8:40 am

          I used to call him The Entitled One which also fits. As I was processing our twenty-two-year relationship, I had to swallow the fact that I knew he what he was before we even started dating but I spackled like hell because the good times were so good. Back in college, he told me he and his friends used to have some ongoing bet about sleeping with different women — women who were in relationships. I don’t remember the exact details but the prize was Cheese Fries at the student union. And I knew he’d cheated on his long-distance girlfriend. I assumed he would grow out of that juvenile crap simply because I couldn’t imagine anyone NOT growing out of it. So now I call him Cheese Fries to remind me that he never changed, he’s still the guy I knew he was before I put my blinders on.

          • oaktree says

            August 5, 2016 at 5:45 pm

            My stbxw told me about the time she and a friend were in a club, and the friend dared her to go up to and seduce the hottest guy there. Which she did, and ended up spending several days on his sailboat, blah, blah, blah. Should have figured…

    • Springy says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:23 am

      Wow, thank you for this A-ha moment!

    • MovingOn says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:24 am

      YES– I remember the last date I went out on with ex-cheater shortly before D-Day. We went out to dinner, and I remember sitting there while he told me, in excruciating detail, all about one of his grad classes. It was like the social studies class scene with Ben Stein from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: “Anyone…? Anyone…? Voodoo economics…?”

      When I think about that, I have to laugh that he was the one who cheated. I can’t say that my final memories of our time together were filled with his romantic gestures or sparkling conversation. He clearly didn’t need to cheat to get away from me– he cheated to get away from himself. Only… oops. As Emerson once wrote, “My giant goes with me wherever I go.”

  22. Calmafterstorm says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:13 am

    You might be a cheater if you suddenly start taking herbal male enhancement pills but tell your wife it is to promote bone health. Boner, more like it.

    • Done4Good says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:17 am

      LOL!

    • BetterDays says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:53 am

      Hahahahaha.

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:20 am

      Ha! Yes, mine had Horny Goat Weed.

      • MidlifeBlast says

        August 5, 2016 at 5:24 pm

        I used to MAKE mine drink horny goat weed cos he was such a lame

  23. Little Mighty Me says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:18 am

    …If you can’t muster the hand-eye coordination required to change a baby’s diaper or fold a load of laundry, but you can easily sext long Penthouse Forum type paragraphs one-handed while jerking off with the other.

    • FreeWoman says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:33 am

      Eeeeww!

    • Pearshaped says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:33 am

      Too bad David Letterman isn’t on anymore. That’s a great Stupid Human Trick!

  24. Calmafterstorm says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:21 am

    You might be a cheater if you think the classic movie “Gaslight” is an instructional video.

    • Amiisfree says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:47 am

      Brilliant!!? 😀

  25. lldodd60 says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:22 am

    you tell your wife how luck you are that you have two best friends, her and the woman young enough to be your daughter that you hide texts from because she signs them xoxo.

  26. Smarter now says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:25 am

    4 weeks into your marriage you ask your spouse if they have anyone they “regret” not being “with”.

    6 weeks into your marriage you secretly cash out the honeymoon funds from your wedding.

  27. Annie Get Your Gun says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:27 am

    You might be a cheater if:

    1. You buy condoms and your wife has had a hysterectomy.
    2. Your cell phone can’t be more than an arms reach away and always face down.
    3. You go out with the friends that you don’t really have.
    4. You send a text to your girlfriend declaring your love but your wife gets it.
    5. You have to look up the word “defendant” when you get served.
    6. You’re a Fucktard.

    • Digbert says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:46 am

      Yes!!! This I knew it was not just me with the condoms, in my case XH periodically insisted on using them in the bedroom post hysterectomy because my vagina ‘irritated’ him – maybe ‘it’ knew something I didn’t ???

      I also bought the periodic ‘ man scape’ explanation as male grooming gone overboard ?

      • Annie Get Your Gun says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:06 am

        My vagina “knew something I didn’t.” Now that’s a cartoon I don’t think Chump Lady can post, but the mental image caused me to choke on my coffee. I’m laughing so hard tears are running down my legs.

        • Paintwidow says

          August 5, 2016 at 8:15 am

          Geez…I almost just choked on my yogurt.

          • SandD says

            August 5, 2016 at 8:25 am

            You might be a cheater if your husband had a vasectomy 3 years ago and you get an IUD

            • mickeyblueeyes says

              August 5, 2016 at 9:03 am

              You might be a cheater if you pressure and guilt trip your husband into having a vasectomy, whilst having an affair. (I was that husband!)

              • Kar marie says

                August 5, 2016 at 9:27 am

                Big hugs mickey blue that is just so wrong.

              • mickeyblueeyes says

                August 5, 2016 at 10:56 am

                Although according to her version of events she was only texting him at the point of my vasectomy..the physical side of things only began 2 months after my procedure…so that’s ok then!

              • Digbert says

                August 5, 2016 at 4:44 pm

                Very heartless woman Mickey, you are well rid ?

        • Digbert says

          August 5, 2016 at 4:46 pm

          Looking back ….I am kinda proud I had an ‘angry vag’

          • oaktree says

            August 5, 2016 at 5:56 pm

            +1

      • Kar marie says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:24 am

        Man scaping is just vain and gross! Ewwwww! Not very manly if he wants to do this. Asswipe did it cause of the whore he is a pretty hairy guy. I told him want to look better for the whores? Shave your back and butt hair. A slong is supposed to be manly not pretty you whiny little bitch!

        • Miss Sunshine says

          August 5, 2016 at 5:33 pm

          The Coward left an enormous mound of gray pubes, unflushed, in the master bath toilet before BD. Aside from being gag-inducing, it was another giant “fuck you” to me. And he looked ridiculous. I hope it itched.

          • ClaireS says

            August 5, 2016 at 6:12 pm

            I hope he nicked his scrotum. A couple times. (Sorry, guys here.)

          • Kar marie says

            August 5, 2016 at 7:03 pm

            It looks like a young boy its just gross and very creepy. Turn off for me.

            • Miss Sunshine says

              August 5, 2016 at 10:09 pm

              It looked like he had taken a weed-whacker to his tallywhacker. It just looked horrible.

              Bahahahah! The more I think about it. Bahahahahah!!!

              • Tempest says

                August 5, 2016 at 10:11 pm

                I’d be happy to use a weedwhacker on any cheater looking to manscape/womanscape. No cost. Feel free to offer my services to your X.

              • Annie Get Your Gun says

                August 5, 2016 at 10:13 pm

                I’ll hold your purse (or him down, whatever is necessary).

              • Tempest says

                August 5, 2016 at 10:25 pm

                Thanks, Annie, I knew you’d have my back (or my purse, or spare weedtrimmer twine).

              • Annie Get Your Gun says

                August 5, 2016 at 10:12 pm

                Too bad he didn’t.

              • Miss Sunshine says

                August 6, 2016 at 12:27 am

                Ohhhhhhhh, you guys are so hilarious!!

              • Kar marie says

                August 6, 2016 at 9:34 am

                I busted out laughing and said it looked like a boys and not a man. He asked me doesnt it look trimmer and neater? No i said it looks stupid your supposed to be a man. Turns out the whore liked it and also the beard he grew. I hate a beard on him it doesnt make him more handsome, less handsome, some guys just dont look good in beards and way older. But some guys are just plain stupid. No offense to all guys but if you manscaping dont. Ewwww!

              • Kar marie says

                August 6, 2016 at 9:38 am

                Asswipe always referred to caveman mentality when speaking of the relationship roots. My only comment was im sure cavemen didnt shave their pubes to empress whores. He shut up always referring to cavemen but uh wake up dude its 2016, where are all your tribal tattooes and piercings? Asshole. Cavemen is no excuse for cheating. What an idiot?!

    • Sausalito says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:53 am

      Hey, at least yours used condoms. That’s a rarity in Cheaterville, you must have gotten a special one!

      • Digbert says

        August 5, 2016 at 4:41 pm

        Yes, but not always – I was pissed about the condoms because:

        A. There was no chance of getting pregnant
        B. I was infertile due to an emergency op and nearly died during the procedure so to bring condoms ( flavoured) into the bedroom 2 mths later was a bit of an insult!
        C. He wasn’t consistent – maybe my vagina wasn’t always angry …… enough ???

        Either way, infertility with a cheater sucks especially if you invest a long time with someone and find yourself at 40+ childless, homeless and wondering who the hell you have been living with half your life .

        The only advantage is that you have not procreated with the fucktard so no contact is possible from the start.

    • Other Kat says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      Having to look up the word “defendant” cracked me up–mine hated being referred to as the “respondent,” especially when it meant he had to sit behind me in court with a big sign in front of him. It also reminds me of my neighbor, a man I strongly suspect is a narcissist but I don’t know him well enough to be sure. The other day when we were out in our yards chatting, he and his wife started arguing about whether or not they’d both been deposed in a lawsuit between other neighbors that happened a few years before I moved in. Clearly hubby wanted to be right but obviously had a shakey grasp of the facts, and his wife refused to back down on her insistence that she had, in fact, been deposed. He got angry and exasperated and finally said, “All I know is that they did not deport ME.” She came back with, “Well, you should have been deported. But the word you were looking for is ‘depose.'”

  28. liveandlearn says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:27 am

    You might be a cheater if you are using private windows while browsing the Internet.

    You might be a cheater when you arrive at the restaurant for a family dinner and cannot look your spouse in the eyes for fifteen minutes. And when you do, it is with a grimace.

    • HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:43 am

      Yep!! Always used the private browsing, and each time I confronted him? “I didn’t know it was set on that”. Uh huh, along with being set to delete the history after each session. I’d change the settings without telling him and lo and behold the magical computer would re-set itself to his preferences late in the night.

  29. Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:28 am

    You might be a cheater if you take your family for a quick overnight stay of a vacation, then go for a week to the beach “by yourself.”

    Thanks for the great childhood memories, Dad.

    • Miss Sunshine says

      August 5, 2016 at 5:42 pm

      The Coward did that. Needed a trip to Hawaii to “clear his head” because work had been so stressful. During the school year. He asked me a couple weeks before if I wanted to go. Of course there was no way I could arrange for time off work on short notice, and the kids couldn’t go, but weren’t old enough to leave alone. I was irritated then guilty for being irritated that he didn’t try to plan a vacation we could all enjoy as a family? (So confused.) But then I put my confident/supportive wife pants on and bid him farewell–he deserved some time off, I reasoned! I teased him about “his girlfriend,” (hahahah) knowing he didn’t have one. I’m sure it made The Coward feel like big shit to get one over on me like that. Well? Better have been worth it. Who’s laughing now? Me! What a loser….

  30. FreeWoman says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:29 am

    You might be a cheater if:
    You send 27 text msgs a day to the female neighbor.
    You have games you play with her, to see who knows the most rock bands.
    You take her to the park, to feed the ducks on Saturday.
    She rents a hotel room, and invites you over to talk!
    God, they’re stupid.

  31. Done4Good says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:31 am

    You might be a cheater if you tell your spouse you purchased an Ashley Madison membership only so you could make new friends.

    • BetterDays says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:56 am

      Yes! Or if you tell your spouse that answering Craigslist sex ads was just fantasy. “Besides, no one responded!”

      • geekmom says

        August 5, 2016 at 1:55 pm

        I got that one too!! But mine was,”I’d probably never go through with it.” I really loved that “probably” disclaimer, especially while waiting in the clinic for my STD tests.

        • Tempest says

          August 5, 2016 at 2:02 pm

          Let’s hope the cheaters like their post-divorce “fantasy” spouses now.

      • NfV says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:00 pm

        hahahaha I got that too! pretty much forgotten it, now. thanks for the chuckle.

        Oh, and being a cheater….he lied about his age and whatnot in the ads.

        You might be a cheater if…you lie to prospective fuckbuddies who are half your age …

  32. ByeByeCheater says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:34 am

    You might be a cheater if you’re too tired to have sex with your wife because you just got home from having sex with someone else then when your wife discovers your cheating, you justify it by saying that you and your wife rarely had sex.

    You might be a cheater if you’re screwing others while telling your unknowing spouse how much you love them, your family, the life you’ve built together, etc.

    • BetterDays says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:57 am

      “You might be a cheater if you’re screwing others while telling your unknowing spouse how much you love them, your family, the life you’ve built together, etc.”

      So much this.

      • Dragonlady says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:11 pm

        You might be a cheater if-
        Your spouse says “your the most beautiful thing I wake up to!!”
        And “you complete me and I love you so much!!”

        Translation-
        cause yesterday I woke up next to a 50 year old shrivelled horse face cumbucket who makes strange noises when we fuck so I can’t keep it up as its so distracting even closing my eyes doesn’t help and “I feel sorry for the horse missing it’s teeth!!” And yes he actually said that about her after he got busted. The nicest thing he could say about her was “she has nice eyes”. Really what a load of horse dung…. misognystic prick!!!

      • MotherChumper99 says

        August 6, 2016 at 9:45 pm

        Ditto! Including a posts on FB about how I was his “beautiful wife and best friend” ???

    • MeToo says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:01 am

      I know those!!

  33. Done4Good says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:37 am

    You spend Christmas morning with your face in your phone texting your whore instead of watching your four-year-old open her presents.

  34. Doglover says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:37 am

    You might be a cheater if you start a photography business so you can take naked pics of women.

    • Special snowflake ha! says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:28 am

      Gosh, that was another brilliant idea fuckwit had during wreckonciliation. Why not do a coffee table book of all ages, shapes and sizes of naked women to show the “beauty” of the female form. ( while telling me to lose weight) they really are all stupid, aren’t they?

      • blessingindisguise says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:51 am

        Mine suggested that we start an online porn business. I was about 6 weeks post-partum after our first child and I couldn’t for the life of me figure if I was supposed to be in “the action” (I’m sure there’s a market for post-natal porn somewhere) or whether I was just supposed to support his new business idea. Neither particularly appealed to me. Go figure.

  35. Paintwidow says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:39 am

    This is awesome. Please let next Friday be ” You might be a homewrecker if…”

  36. David says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:41 am

    You might be a cheater if “refusal to buy leather seats for new car five years ago” is the best you can come up with when blaming your spouse for making you so unhappy in the marriage that you had no choice but to destroy it.

    • lostntx says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:13 am

      Wow! That’s the best she could come up with?

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:18 am

      But you don’t understand how important THINGS are to shallow people. How can she hold her face up and manage her image without those damn leather seats? Unreasonable chumps!

    • Chump Mama says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:25 am

      Yes!!! My husband told me he shut down emotionally and put up a wall because I didn’t support his career enough when I asked him to spend more time with me and the kids instead of working every night until midnight! Now we really know what he was doing!

      • Kay says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:50 am

        I wish my mil could read this one. She’s going around telling everyone that h had to have an cause of this. ^^^

      • CAGal says

        August 5, 2016 at 3:57 pm

        Mine hinted that our marriage started to deteriorate when in response to him wanting to quit his “regular” job and work on his business full time (which was not exceptionally successful), I had the audacity to suggest that we should talk about plan keeping track of how it was going and at what point we might have to think about changing back a regular day job so that we were not plunged into financial ruin. Apparently not wanting to lose the house and go back to living like a college kid at closing in age 40 meant that I didn’t BELIEVE IN HIM!!! Magical special him who was certain to be a huge success and the fact that I couldn’t just accept that he was the next Steve Jobs, well… he just can’t do that and needed to find someone who got him and understood that he WOULD be successful.

    • Current Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      You refuse to have sex with your wife because you claim her messy closet, and the garage being a mess has put you in a bad mood & makes you not want to have sex when in all reality you are saving yourself for your pay for play whores!

  37. Beth says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:44 am

    You might be a cheater if in thirty plus years together you never bothered to ask your wife what her favorite flower is (it’s NOT red roses from a grocery store you asshat) but you have the flower preferences of your stripper fuck buddies listed in their contact information on your phone.

    • BetterDays says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:58 am

      Ugh, what a colossal asshole.

    • Sausalito says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:57 am

      Sorry, that made me laugh! I have gotten more spray-painted carnations from the grocery store than I care to remember. Accompanied by a mylar balloon if he was feeling magnanimous…

      • neverwouldhaveimagined says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:25 am

        Credit card records show he bought flowers for all of us on the same day! I bet he felt like a stud at the florist, being romantic to all his ladies. He sucks!

        • Finally realized says

          August 9, 2016 at 1:50 pm

          Years ago I was a small town florist and a fellow came in to get identical bud vases, one for his wife and one for his girl friend. He had the cards in the wrong envelopes. I debated whether to tell him, but at the last minute I did…and have regretted it ever since. He almost collapsed with relief.

          Later his wife called to question the bill and wanted an itemized account. I imagine he collapsed then, too.

      • Other Kat says

        August 5, 2016 at 1:18 pm

        Mine professed to be shocked, shocked I tell you, to learn–after 24 years of marriage–that carnations are not, in fact, my favorite flower! Never mind that on the rare occasion when he’d previously given me flowers, he’d at least had the good sense not to buy me carnations. Remembering petty details like that is beneath these disordered fucks.

        • Noelle says

          August 5, 2016 at 6:08 pm

          Mine had flowers delivered to me on our anniversary on a Thursday, he walked out on Monday morning…got the bill, he got the 2 for 1 deal at Flowers to go and sent her flowers on the same day. POS.

    • ByeByeCheater says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:03 am

      ugh, mine stopped buying flowers for me because I paid the credit card bill. He said he was afraid I would see the charge online before I got the flowers – and I belived him. What a chump I was.

      and for the random times that he acknowledged a special occasion (my birthday, etc.) he would take me to a restraurant he liked. He likes fish and I don’t. I do eat shrimp so I was limited in what I could order.

      • mavis says

        August 5, 2016 at 5:32 pm

        you might be a cheater if your wife arranges & throws a surprise party for your 40th with all your friends & relatives then you turn to her the afternoon of her 40th and say “what do you want to do tonight?” Answer: I want a party to celebrate my 40th too! Well, says cheater, I didn’t plan anything because I know women don’t like to be reminded of their age.

        • ClaireS says

          August 5, 2016 at 6:23 pm

          Lovely. Cheater, liar, AND selfish sexist fuck.

        • Nan says

          August 5, 2016 at 8:37 pm

          OR, you might be a cheater if your wife arranges & throws a surprise party for your 40th with all your friends and relatives and your buddies concoct a ruse to get you to the venue and you walk in with your whore.

          • Loridachump says

            August 5, 2016 at 9:28 pm

            Please I have to hear what he did when he walked in with her!

  38. newdaydawning says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:44 am

    You might be a cheater if you send over one thousand text messages a month to another woman but can’t send one text to your wife telling her you’re unhappy.

    • Kar marie says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:20 am

      Yes this!!!!

    • ddame23 says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:36 am

      +1

    • Sausalito says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:57 am

      +2

      • Kar marie says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:26 am

        + 1000. This is a great one!

        • Cindy says

          August 5, 2016 at 10:56 am

          Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!

    • awake says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:23 am

      Yes! 18 hours a day of text messages but when asked if her phone number looks familiar to him he says no. Then tells you he lost all his contacts in his phone recently and can’t remeber whose number is whose. Then claims it’s just an “emotional affair” when pressured and it meant nothing and he’s glad I found out because it was all to much for him to handle. But comes back a month later and is mad at you because you are being mean to the OW.

      • Annie Get Your Gun says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:15 am

        Same here except mine was stupid enough to bring a list of work contacts home and it listed all their cell phone numbers. It took me but a minute to realize it wasn’t his boss he was texting 300 times per day.

  39. lostntx says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:45 am

    You might be a cheater if you just talk to other guys to better understand the bible because they are a former youth minister and to help better understand you (the husband)

    • David says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:46 am

      Good god.

      • Annie Get Your Gun says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:17 am

        God had nothing to do with it.

    • happily ever after says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:55 am

      You might be a cheater if you are texting/talking/lunching/screwing a howorker 40 yrs younger to “work on their marriage” but won’t say a word when spouse brings up your “distant” behavior.

      You ARE a cheater is your ex-spouse is a proud member of this Chump Nation.

  40. Quicksilver says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:49 am

    You might be a cheater if your wife finds your viagra and you claim it’s to enhance your athletic performance

    • Anita says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:25 am

      I have a question. If the ap are so “sexy and fuckable” why do so many of these guys need Viagra? Just sayin, lol.

      • Kar marie says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:53 am

        Only thing that gets limp dick hard any more is vicious bondage sex, double dose viagra, hair bands and shoelaces around his slong with a belt in his hand visciously beating a pod woman to a pulp, taking pictures of said bruises for jerking off in the bathroom later on. Never knew how disgusting he really was. Needs total control or he cant get it up. Hes almost 100 percent a dom but enjoys being hurt and beaten on occasion while he directs dont do this dont do that. Yeah big tough guy thinks he a god no wonder he didnt interact with the kids much like me they are not very obediant either. Asshole!

        • Anita says

          August 5, 2016 at 10:33 am

          Kar Marie, I can’t really think of any words for how disgusting your ex is. Thank God he found someone else who is as sick as he is.

          • Kar marie says

            August 5, 2016 at 2:52 pm

            Anita, she is dumping him again as i write this fifth time!!! But i have no worries some other stupid woman will want him im sure!

      • HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:04 pm

        Anita, I wondered the same thing. Why would he need Viagra for hookers or for his side piece that’s almost 20 yrs younger? You’d think they’d be the reason he wouldn’t need it. Could be the pressure of trying to constantly perform like he was in his 20’s when he’s in his 60’s… I dunno.

        All I know for sure is that he’s old, he’s a drunk and he farts a lot.

        • Dragonlady says

          August 5, 2016 at 9:23 pm

          Supposed “Gods gift to women” , “because he still got it” , couldn’t keep it up either. He had problems before and during his sex-antics with OW’s. Maybe just maybe douchebag the over consumption of hard core porn has killed it for you!!!

    • ChumpLawyer says

      August 31, 2016 at 7:55 pm

      My special snowflake said he got Viagra four times in the previous month because it helped him pleasure himself.?
      Also, back when we were having sex, he would take an Ambien and a Viagra and tell me I had 15mins.

  41. David says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:51 am

    You might be a cheater if after confessing that the unborn baby you and your agonized husband terminated was not really your husband’s, you sweetly say, “See how much I love you? How much I sacrificed for you? The OM was really angry”–while your husband stares at you, mouth agape, with a dawning realization he married a severely disordered, impossibly evil person.

    • Supreme Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:10 am

      Wow. There are no words for this.?

      • Mehphista says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:14 am

        But they rhyme with “clucking bell”.

        I sincerely hope this waste of organs is a long, long way away now.

    • Dixie Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:15 am

      That is tragic. I am so sorry.

    • lostntx says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:15 am

      Holy shit! Saying she is evil is a compliment!

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:38 am

      I bet she didn’t have a reflection and avoided garlic. What a soulless bitch. I’m so sorry David that you had to go through losing what you thought was your child only to find out even that was a lie.

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:23 am

      Oh, David, that is heartless. I’m sorry.

    • ClaireS says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:21 am

      David, my heart aches for you. I’m so sorry. {{hugs}}

    • Dragonlady says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Evil doesn’t even cover it. I am totall stunned!!!

  42. divorcinganarcissistblog says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:51 am

    you might be a cheater if your wedding ring irritates your skin

    • pookyand3 says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:10 am

      this+5

      • Doingme says

        August 5, 2016 at 2:57 pm

        Or your wedding ring just happened to break.

        • Her Blondeness says

          August 5, 2016 at 6:42 pm

          Or you no longer wear it because “it doesn’t fit anymore”.

          • Nan says

            August 5, 2016 at 8:48 pm

            Or it gets in the way while you’re training for a marathon, but you have a thing attached to your shoe and another thing wrapped around your chest that transmits data to the ginormous watch on your wrist.

    • Springy says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:44 am

      My STBX LITERALLY broke out from his ring. So, we got another ring, different metal. Supposedly not something that one breaks out from. And he still broke out. I always joked that he was “allergic to marriage”. I didn’t know that I was right…

    • Sagefemme says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:29 am

      +1

    • ByeByeCheater says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:07 am

      mine “lost” his ring twice so he stopped wearing one.

      • divorcinganarcissistblog says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:50 am

        Mine “didn’t like” his original one, and replaced it with something that didn’t even look like a wedding ring.

        • Other Kat says

          August 5, 2016 at 1:12 pm

          Mine got his resized so that it was in constant danger of slipping off, then he lost weight to make sure that losing it would be inevitable. When I made it clear that I wasn’t buying these excuses he set up in advance, he developed the habit of constantly taking his ring on and off any time he had to sit and listen to me or anyone else speak, even at work. It was so obvious and embarrassing to watch.

          • It Is What It Is says

            August 5, 2016 at 4:30 pm

            Mine wouldn’t wear his wedding ring because, “as a surgeon he had to wash his hands so many times a day he was afraid he would loose it”. Funny how so many of his colleagues could seem to keep track of theirs and wear them.

    • geekmom says

      August 5, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      Mine “joked” about not wearing his ring because it “cut of his circulation.” Ha-ha. Fucker.

      Oh, and you miiight be a cheater if you come home from a business trip missing your wedding ring because “it was stolen out of my suitcase,” and refusing to address why it wasn’t on your finger.

      • geekmom says

        August 5, 2016 at 2:02 pm

        “Off” not “of.” Dang it.

      • ChumpLawyer says

        August 31, 2016 at 8:03 pm

        Might be a cheater if your wedding ring (one of a kind custom $5000) is stolen from your car (no damage to car) and won’t report it to the police or insurance.

  43. PF says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:53 am

    You might be a cheater….if

    simultaneously get breast implants and become a vegan

    snort coke and preach the dangers of gluten

    Spray tanning and Botox injections but only buys organic vegetables and fruits.

    Cares about global warming but blasts the air conditioner while driving the big SUV.

    Selfie addiction and Marilyn Monroe quotes on Facebook

    Follower of Esther Perel and Gwyneth Paltrow

    New Age music and vodka

    etc…..enough for now

    • blessingindisguise says

      August 6, 2016 at 1:49 pm

      Shallow, vapid, and hypocritical. Pretty much sums up cheaters.

  44. Done4Good says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:57 am

    You might be a cheater if you tell your wife you’re not sure what to do because a girl you used to go to high school with told you she thinks you two should try dating (even though you’re not even legally separated) and you’re hesitant because the girl is also your best friend’s sister. Your wife, apparently, doesn’t factor into your tough decision.

    • BetterDays says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:04 am

      Insert image of horrified scream here.

      OMG!

      Immediately after the discard, Cheese Fries friendzoned me (because what’s twenty-two years together? pffft) and would tell me about his dating adventures while I’d stare at him, utterly gobsmacked by the words coming out of his mouth.

      • Done4Good says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:35 am

        I was always expected to lend a sympathetic ear whenever he felt inclined to share with me about how he was feeling down because he just couldn’t find the right woman (we’re still married BTW). Then he’d get upset by my lack of sympathy and tell me, “see this is why I can’t open up to you.” Yeah, you’re right. You shouldn’t open up to me anymore because lately anytime you open your mouth I want to dump a pot of boiling water over your head!

  45. This Chump medicated for your protection says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:57 am

    You might be a cheater if…
    You tell your husband ” I would have never given him (OM) the time of day if I had known he was engaged.”

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:22 am

      OMG!

  46. Pearshaped says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:57 am

    You’re letting your wife talk about how brave you are to admit you are a sex addict.

  47. Amiisfree says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:58 am

    …if you don’t want to be monogamous but you promised your partner monogamy and feel entitled to receive monogamy in return

    …if you think omitting information is essentially honest because you didn’t outright speak a lie

    …if you stay in a relationship you don’t want because it legitimizes your social image and/or ensures strong financial support for the lifestyle to which you have grown accustomed

    …if pleasant physical sensations in your genitals are substantially more important to you than pretty much anything else

    …if you are a self-aggrandizing, childish douchebag who doesn’t give a shit how anyone else feels as long as you are getting everything you want at all times

    • ByeByeCheater says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:09 am

      ^^this – yes to all of them!

    • Dragonlady says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:30 pm

      All of the above. Douchebag down to a tee!!!

  48. Pearshaped says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:59 am

    And oh yeah, if your whore is suing your kid for slut=shaming her.

    • MidlifeBlast says

      August 7, 2016 at 4:18 am

      Is that happening?

  49. Jenpen says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:01 am

    If you can’t go to the bathroom without your cell phone….you might be a cheater!

    You guys are awesome at this!!

  50. Trying2Cope says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:02 am

    You might be a cheater if everything you say and do is absolutely completely utterly perfect, while everything your partner says and does is so wrong you are forced to lecture them daily and write them thousands of words-long emails even though you share the same bed. Oh, and if you never ever compliment them no matter how lovingly and successfully they supported your emotional, physical, social, sexual, domestic, financial and spiritual well-being while you did almost nothing in return. Because you were busy. With the only person on earth who deserves your super-duper-amazing love, an OW who is half your age and willing to fuck you once or twice if sufficiently bribed.

    • EyesOpenNow says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:23 am

      ^^This^^

  51. Thankful says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:07 am

    You know you have a gay cheater when he frequents one of the many second hand clothing shops he likes to go to and comes home with a woman’s t-shirt and when you see it and comment. Thanks for the thought but it won’t fit me and he response no I got that for me. And you tell him it is a woman’s t-shirt and he states he doesn’t care he likes it. And your left puzzled and he’s now sulking because you had the audacity to question his choices in clothing.

  52. lftocner says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:14 am

    You might be a cheater if you fly your f girlfriend to Hawaii instead of your wife

  53. Lostandfound says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:15 am

    You might be a cheater if you fly to Florida to apologize to the other woman because you hurt her too. You lied to her too. And even though you say you’re going to break up with her the plane gets delayed and you have to stay there eight days.

    • Done4Good says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:27 am

      You might be a cheater if you tell your wife you don’t want to let the OW get too close emotionally because you don’t want to hurt her, completely disregarding how hurt your wife is hearing about how concerned you are about hurting the person who is trying to destroy your marriage.

      • ByeByeCheater says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:13 am

        You might be a cheater if your wife tells you to unfriend your multiple OWs on social media and you refuse because it might hurt their feelings – and you say this to your wife in front of the MC during wreckonciliation.

        • ClaireS says

          August 5, 2016 at 10:25 am

          Please tell me MC told you to run. Please.

          • ByeByeCheater says

            August 5, 2016 at 12:11 pm

            eventually but not till later

        • Done4Good says

          August 5, 2016 at 10:33 am

          OMG

  54. Lostandfound says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:16 am

    You might be a cheater if you tell your wife that the other woman is the most honest person you know and that I would like her

    • Her Blondeness says

      August 5, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      +1

      • Her Blondeness says

        August 5, 2016 at 6:48 pm

        L&F, extra points if the OW was a convicted felon, too. Can’t make this sh!t up.

      • Kar marie says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:00 pm

        +100

  55. Dixie Chump says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:20 am

    You might be a cheater if you can only talk to your friend on the phone if you are down the street at the local park and standing hidden in a grove of trees next to a graveyard. For about an hour every single day before you come home from work. I shit you not. “Find my iphone” is such a useful little app.

    • The Ex-orcist says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:27 am

      They are so stupid

      • Other Kat says

        August 5, 2016 at 1:05 pm

        They really are. Mine had no idea about Find my Iphone either. And like yours, Dixie, he used to show up in the oddest of places, some of which I later discovered were well-known hook-up spots for men on the down-low.

        • Dixie Chump says

          August 5, 2016 at 7:34 pm

          Mine had to hide among the trees so that he could have phone sex with his boyfriend who was several states away after we moved. Ewww.

    • Rumblekitty says

      August 5, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      Oh how I love Find my IPhone! Also, if you can’t use it on the cheaters phone, you can always accidentally leave it YOUR phone in their car and track them off your phone. #marriagepolice #evidence

    • Dragonlady says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:42 pm

      How about sitting in the drive for an hour with the car on and music playing softly in the background all the while telling your “soulmate” (fuckbuddy) that your finding it “so hard to say goodbye” and head into the house to see the family, more particularly your wife, “who’s a bitch and doesn’t listen to me and doesn’t like change Wah Wah!!”
      Who you then take on a fun romantic date and splash all over Facebook, much to the horror and distress of said fuckbuddy. I know this because said fuckbuddies Hubby at the time had sound activated recording/tracking device in her car and shared it with me.
      All the while I’m inside getting dinner, helping with homework, cleaning and juggling the needs of our quadraplegic son!!!
      Oh his life is so hard poor sad sausage!!!
      NOT!!!

  56. Dixie Chump says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:22 am

    You might be a cheater if you take three vacations a year with your “friend” but only one a year with your actual family.

  57. Phoenix says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:22 am

    You might be a cheater if out of the blue
    you ask your daugjter and wife to go shopping and select a men’s cologne for you when you’ve never worn cologn in your life.

    You might be a cheater if you start becoming obsessed with brushing your teeth every time you walk out the door and start buying breath mints when you never did before.

    You might be a cheater if you start emotionally abusing your wife and kid.

    you might be a cheater if you start saying you want to go on country road drives in your sports car by yourself on the weekend when you never did before.

  58. The Ex-orcist says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:26 am

    You’re a cheater when your chump decides to see what exactly you are up to after vanishing daily. That decision leads to shit hitting the fan approx 5 minutes later. Yep, you’re a really dumb cheater when you think you are safe using the snapchat app?. Hacked that in 5 min and was chatting up the dumb drunk cock slobbering bitch on your behalf.

    You’re a cheater when you get pissed that the chump trumped your smug fucking face by hacking your shit so easy. BAM!

  59. tulip says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:31 am

    …if you claim “insecurity issues” led you to have an endless number of f%$# buddies throughout your entire 20 year marriage…

    • FreeWoman says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:03 am

      Or the reason was – I’m insecure, and I was just looking for ‘acceptance’.
      ?
      Hmm, since when does acceptance involve getting your secretary pregnant?

      • tulip says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:54 pm

        Gawd..they’re all the same! Seriously, is the cheater playbook etched on the palms of their hands? Acceptance? I’m so sorry FreeWoman.

        I never acknowledged the “insecure” bs my exh spewed. He is in marketing/sales for f$;@ sake!!!…word salad is his ONLY language. Insecure my ass.

  60. Datdamwuf says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:32 am

    You might be a cheater if:

    You panic and race back into the house when you realize you left your cell phone behind

    You tell your spouse she’s just a friend and the affair is imaginary

    You are found at 3am on the couch with your pants down, cell phone tightly clutched in your hand

    After years of neglect you suddenly need to lose the belly

    After 17 years you suddenly start telling everyone your spouse is abusive

    You tell everyone you haven’t had sex in years and neglect to mention you were the one who refused sex

    • Dixie Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:35 am

      Don’t forget the sudden interest in getting your teeth whitened and a discolored tooth fixed after 30+ years of it not being an issue.

      • Chump Mama says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:44 am

        Yes to the teeth whitening!! Mine also became so obsessed with losing weight that I felt like I was married to an anorexic teenage girl. He also grew a beard which he knew I hated (so I am guessing the OW liked it)

        • Anita says

          August 5, 2016 at 9:06 am

          Why are these cheaters so shallow? I have never had a good relationship with anyone who has been obsessed with outward things, like appearance, money, popularity , etc.

          • neverwouldhaveimagined says

            August 5, 2016 at 9:32 am

            So shallow and obsessed with looking youthful.

        • I am the Chump. says

          August 5, 2016 at 2:42 pm

          Manorexia! Mine got that too. Would race into the bathroom and weigh himself multiple times a day. Loser.

      • Tempest says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:55 am

        Yes, teeth whitening, and what’s up with shaving one’s chest? Is stubble there supposed to be arousing?

        • Doingme says

          August 5, 2016 at 5:00 pm

          It’s to get rid of the grey.

      • Chumptacular says

        August 6, 2016 at 2:30 pm

        You might be a cheater, if after a period of neglecting your teeth, you decide to let your chump pay/go into debt to have 5 cavities fixed. Then, after getting home from the dentist and being in a bad mood, you physically attack your chump for asking to have a talk about the marriage.

    • Other Kat says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      Dat, I also walked in on X sound asleep, naked, with just his boxers around his knees and his iPad on his chest. And pretty much ditto on everything else here, I always chalked the manscaping up to the fact that he’s gay and that seems to be a thing with a lot of gay men–but I have no idea why straight men would assume women to find it attractive.

      And Chump Mama, I used to tell people the exact same thing when X went on a rabbit-food diet to lose weight not long after the manscaping, new goatee, and new underwear–that it was like living with an anorexic teenage girl. Add to that his sanctimonious sneers at the healthy meals I continued to serve to myself and our children, as well as his refusal to order food from restaurants while we were on vacation. He’d just sit there while the rest of us ate and alternate between looking down his nose at us and at his phone.

      • Regina says

        August 8, 2016 at 1:31 am

        I figured out that the reason that these changes are made by our mates is because the Cheaters are so stupid. These women (OW’s in my case) know the guys are married or taken, so they say they are “game” for no strings sex and “fun”. Then they starting saying things like I wish you would grow a beard, or I like plaid boxers, or I wish you would manscape, lose weight, etc., etc., etc., because they really DO want us to find out, get mad and leave. This way, the women look innocent like they never intended for this to happen. And the Cheaters are too foolish to blame them. After all they are great gals and loads of fun!

        And, you might be a Cheater if you confuse your spouse by coming home and starting a fight straight away so you can walk back out the door to your waiting side piece you already had plans with. Leaving your spouse thinking WTF? What just happened?

  61. SandD says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:32 am

    You might be a cheater if you have a deep mutual attraction to your tennis pro
    And your mixed doubles partner
    And your best friend’s husband
    And your neighbors husband
    And your last boyfriend from 12 years ago

    • Rumblekitty says

      August 5, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      Ha Ha!

  62. Dixie Chump says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:33 am

    You might be a cheater if you suddenly need to walk the dog WITH YOUR PHONE and the dog just had a walk about 10 minutes ago.

    • With Brave Wings says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:14 am

      I saw a 100% increase in dog walking too. Just another validation that they are all cut from the same cloth.

      • Tempest says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:27 am

        Yes! Mine seemed happy enough to take the dogs to dog parks on the weekend, probably so he could set up his Craigslist hookups for the week.

      • Waffles says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:06 am

        You may be a cheater if you drive the dog cross town to walk her at the park. Around the corner from OW’s house. Despite living 5 mins from the huge park that the dog loves.

    • happily ever after says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:05 am

      X 80 per night.

    • ByeByeCheater says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:18 am

      We didn’t have a dog but my ex would take about an hour longer to mow the grass than he needed to because he would stop to text women at various places outside that I couldn’t see from the windows.

      Even my daughter commented after he was gone at how fast I could mow the lawn compared to him.

  63. Chump Mama says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:38 am

    You might be a cheater if…..

    You never forget to clear your history, cache, etc.

    You refuse to allow Find my Phone because you will not “live like I’m in jail.”

    You say after 23 years of marriage and 3 kids that you want to find someone you are more compatible with.

    If you defend your 9 year double life of cheating with your wife’s friend by saying that you are just a good person who made a mistake.

  64. StrawberryJellyfish says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:38 am

    You might be a cheater if you tell your spouse you’ll consider reconciliation if she will have anal sex with you.

    • The EX-orcist says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:41 am

      OMG LOL WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:45 am

      You should have come home with the biggest dildo you could find and said, “You first asshole.”

      • Amiisfree says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:54 am

        Yes!

      • Kay says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:06 am

        Annie!! You are hilarious!

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:29 am

      That is disturbing. Mine said he’d consider reconciling with me after asking for a divorce (though I didn’t know it was to be with gradwhore) if I’d consider threesomes, foursomes, and lesbian sex so that he could watch.

      • ClaireS says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:40 am

        *head spin* WHAT? “I’ve degraded you shamefully and shamelessly already, and now I’d like to degrade you more. ‘Cause I’m so magnificent.”

        “Never mind that I’m an academic who’s supposed to think for a living such that inanity of ANY kind should immediately set off alarms in at least the intellectual part of my brain.” Holy shit.

    • Rumblekitty says

      August 5, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      Oh Jesus Christ . . . smh

  65. Chump Mama says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:48 am

    You might be a cheater if you can read the CL posts and truly believe that this stuff does not apply to you because your situation is “different.”

  66. Off the crazy train says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:50 am

    You might be a cheater if…

    Your phone NEVER leaves your side, including when cooking, taking it to the bathroom with you, and sleeping with it under your pillow…

    • Anita says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:08 am

      I can’t believe these dumasses don’t know about all the secret texting/ phone call apps there are these days.

  67. zyx321 says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:52 am

    You might be a cheater if…
    Your spouse/significant other is the one who always has to initiate sex

    (…and then made to feel inadequate/ like it is a chore)

  68. Off the crazy train says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:53 am

    You might be a cheater if…

    You show a sudden obsession with TV programmes about cheating. Including watching ‘The Affair’, then secretly recording, watching, then deleting episodes of another TV show based on cheating (but then forgetting to delete an episode mid-series before the wife notices)

    • Amiisfree says

      August 5, 2016 at 8:55 am

      Wow. Cheater porn? Instruction manual?

      • Finally realized says

        August 10, 2016 at 12:26 am

        How about a sudden obsession with the television show “Cheaters” and insisting that you watch it together, even though you tell him you really hate it? How weird is that?

  69. NoLongerMyProblem says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:54 am

    You might be a cheater if… everytime you go visit your “mom” you refuse to take your children with you so they can see their grandmother.

    You might be a cheater if… you sleep with your phone, claiming you don’t want to miss your mom’s call.

    You might be a cheater if… you tell your wife your cousin’s funeral is on Friday and then turn around and tell her it’s been moved to Saturday. Bonus points if you take your whore to the funeral to introduce her to your family. Triple bonus points if you claim to have found your mom’s keys in your briefcase once you were halfway home so you needed to turn around and go back and then you don’t manage to get your ass home until after 5 the next day.

    You might be a cheater if… you tell your wife you’re going to visit your best friend in one state but your mother-in-law volunteers to trail your ass and finds your car parked in the whore’s driveway in a completely different state.

    • With Brave Wings says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:10 am

      So he used his Mom as the excuse and then she volunteered to bust him? That’s GOLD!!!!!

      • Kar marie says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:29 am

        ?

      • NoLongerMyProblem says

        August 5, 2016 at 1:13 pm

        Oops, I worded that awkwardly. MY mother (so his mother-in-law) volunteered to bust him. His was too busy attending funerals with him and the whore.

    • Dixie Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:58 am

      You might be a cheater if you tell your spouse you are visiting mom for three days and tell mom it is for two days … One free day and night where no one really knows where you are! And extra points for being such a good son who visits “mom” all the time!

  70. ChumpForLife says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:00 am

    You might be a cheater if you’re jealous of any opposite sex friends your chump has – because opposite sex friends are only for sex.

    • FreeWoman says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:08 am

      Yup.
      Same here!

    • Chump Mama says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      Yes!!! Yes!!! I was constantly defending myself from his accusations. He saw me talking with a man once and drove off crying!! Are you kidding?

    • Loridachump says

      August 6, 2016 at 12:09 am

      Yep! But cheater has only “business” with his opposite sex relationships but if you talk toa man you have to be blowing him right?

  71. Sausalito says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:08 am

    You might be a cheater if lying by omission = telling the truth

    You might be a cheater if you have prayed, and God has forgiven you for the affair, so it’s all good

  72. Brightness says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:11 am

    You might be a cheater if…you were physically there (insert any family event), but no one remembers, because you were NOT mentally there!

    It’s like Darkness become a ghost – to me and kids. I know now it’s because he was giving all of his attention to his secret life.

  73. Done4Good says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:17 am

    You feel bad about having been caught cheating but not about the actually cheating.

    You have more female friends than male friends because women are “more understanding.”

    You pretend your marriage is fine so that others won’t judge the fact that you abandoned your family for a 28-year old piece of ass.

    You tell your wife you want a divorce and then do nothing about it for two years because you’re weak and a coward.

    You blame everyone but yourself for your poor choices and resulting depression.

    You refuse to understand that YOU SUCK.

    • Waffles says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:24 am

      My POS took almost 4 years to give me the divorce he wanted so badly. I had to ride his ass hard for at least 2.5 of those years. I even asked for a d as my 40th nd gift. Still took fucknuts another 3 years to get to it. Boo hoo, consequences really *hurt*. Yep, he sure does suck.

      • Waffles says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:25 am

        nd = birthday. autocorrect.

  74. HeatDeath says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:31 am

    You might be a cheater if you have a screen full of texts on your phone to someone other than your husband that just says “I love you” over and over again, and you tell your husband that you say that to everybody and it’s just a perfectly normal greeting.

    You might be a cheater if you only have sex on the last night of your honeymoon, and then not again for another 6 months.

    You might be a cheater if a friend of your mother sees you holding hands with a guy at Target, and you tell your mom and your husband that he’s just your “gay friend”.

    You might be a cheater if you tell potential boyfriends on chat “I want to cuddle, but not with him [husband]”.

    And best of all, you might be a super-DUPER cheater, if you tell your husband /this/ story: http://www.chumplady.com/2016/08/ubt-arent-homewreckers/#comment-257628

    Your husband might be a chump if he buys it.

    • ClaireS says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:54 am

      HeatDeath, the whole story is awful. Just hideous. And almost certainly only a tiny piece of the rest of her abuse of you. That said, what you do know for sure is wretched and cruel; I hope you are at or get to meh soon. I’m sorry.

    • Doingme says

      August 5, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      HearDeath

      And to have the ability to lie without a care not just to you but her own mother.

  75. Tempest says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:32 am

    You might be a cheater if:

    -you have 6 magnum condoms and notes preparing for a sexual harassment charge in your computer bag (D-day)

    -your sister-in-law finds dick-pix on your camera at a wedding

    -you come home at 5 a.m. after graduate student parties, with a note not to wake you

    -you suddenly start buying Diesel jeans in your 50s

    • Buddy says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:39 am

      I had a creepy neighbor dude in his 50s with a flat butt that wore Diesel jeans with the huge embroidered pockets. My dark side did think this funny.

      I’m too somewhere around my 50s and do like CoH jeans though.

      • Tempest says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:42 am

        I think jeans on guys are sexy at any age; my X simply became obsessed with what 20-year olds were wearing after his affair with 22-year old gradwhore. He started teeth whitening and manscaping shortly thereafter, too.

        • Shechump says

          August 6, 2016 at 5:06 pm

          I think they’re sexy, especially on an older man who can actually button them up and they fit. (I don’t know about those Diesel jeans)
          X quit wearing jeans when he turned 30 because he got too fat.
          He lives in sweat pants – so very sexy.

  76. Buddy says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:35 am

    You might be a cheater if in front of your husband you tell the marriage counselor that you truly love your husband and made a huge mistake you regret then send your AP an email or text that evening.

  77. With Brave Wings says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:35 am

    You might be a cheater if…

    you claim to be visiting your dying grandfather but are actually with the whore.

    you are late to said grandfathers wake because you’re on a business trip with the whore. apparently the airplanes to get home stopped flying.

    you forget to pick up your kid from daycare because you are with the whore.

    your google search history includes, “can my wife see my text messages” (or something to that effect)

    you claim that your paycheck is “my money” and open up a new bank account.

  78. Lookingup says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:37 am

    You might be a cheater if you get pregnant while your husband is in the hospital with a burst appendix and so hasn’t had sex with you in 6 weeks. You might be really stupid if you then tell him you are pregnant and ask him to pay for an abortion.

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:33 am

      Awful.

    • Lyn says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:21 pm

      Lookingup, did she try to convince you she seduced you in the recovery room while you were under anesthesia? LOL

  79. LIningUpDucks says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:38 am

    You might be a cheater if:
    – You keep a lifetime supply of Axe body spray in your car
    – You poop and shower with your cell phone
    – You take “shadow” photos with your fuckbuddy so you can upload them onto facebook without exposing your fuckbuddy’s identity

    • With Brave Wings says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:42 am

      Showering with the cell phone and locking the bathroom door – check.

      • LadyStrange says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:52 pm

        Yep – “Check!” OMG – It was pathetic. Mine would bring it to bed and walk with it along his leg (toward the wall – not the leg closest to me) as though I couldn’t see it. Fucking idiot. Then of course lock it before crawling into bed (of course facing the wall while doing so.)

        • chris1731 says

          August 5, 2016 at 5:58 pm

          OMG, I forgot my ex-wife used to do shower with her phone thing… forgot all about that as well as doing her business while texting….

    • Dragonlady says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:58 pm

      OMG LiningUpDucke the shadow photos yes I was given them by the Whores Hubby. All set up against nature backdrops of the two of them cuddling and kissing. Then there were the kissing selfies browse people are demented and sick.

      • Dragonlady says

        August 5, 2016 at 9:59 pm

        *these not browse

  80. neverwouldhaveimagined says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:42 am

    You might be a cheater if you fail to come home and after your wife has spent early morning hours calling local hospitals and police you finally call return her call and actually claim you fell asleep in your car after a late work dinner with colleagues.

    Really? How dumb do you think I am? I know if my husband is not in our bed at night, he’s in someone’s.

    • FreeWoman says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:25 am

      NoooNooooOooo….
      He just fell asleep on her couch, that’s why he dragged his ass in at 6 AM! You silly Chump!
      Gee, you always think the worst, don’t you?
      (Actual conversation)

      • Off the crazy train says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:21 pm

        Urggggggh. I got something similar about him passing out at a friend’s house. Several times over (missing the last train home, got too drunk etc).

        Except one time he sent me a message in the morning after another unscheduled stop over: “heading home now, just pulling my clothes on”. Errrrrr, you got naked on your friend’s sofa??? What a giveaway. What a chump I was. The shame.

  81. Manchump says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:43 am

    You might be a cheater wife! If you get annoyed at your husband for finally telling the 3 kids why mummy and daddy are getting divorced I.e you ran off with the butcher, who lives at home with his mum, and you thought it might be a good idea to contemplate having his child and then get an abortion. Bye bye cheater, man chump checking out

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:46 am

      You guy chumps have an extra layer of hell with the paternity issue. I’m sorry for what you went through.

      • Buddy says

        August 5, 2016 at 2:30 pm

        Yeah, my cheater was very late twice, once before and once after dday #1, and both times luckily were negative. Whew! Plus I had had a vasectomy but my manipulative cheater would say “you have such strong sperm they probably still made there way through!” Of course, I later found out she was just trying to rationalize that I was the father. But luckily, moot, since she was not pregnant.

    • Lookingup says

      August 5, 2016 at 9:50 am

      My cheater asked me to pay for an abortion. Not very smart as I was laid up in the hospital when she got pregnant. Cheater busted, Not very smart, lol.

  82. Tempest says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:44 am

    You might be a cheater if you declare “I never so much as held hands with that woman” when you actually had an extended bout of oral sex.

  83. Divorce Minister says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:45 am

    You might be a cheater if…

    …you are more upset about people knowing about your cheating than actually cheating on your partner of years!

    …you meet reasonable requests for respecting the marriage with “You’re not the boss of me!” responses.

    …you fail to grasp how inappropriate it is to share about your marriage with a “former” affair partner.

  84. divorcinganarcissistblog says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:46 am

    you might be a cheater if…. it didn’t mean anything because you couldn’t finish

    • ClaireS says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:59 am

      Just. Not.

  85. topshelf says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:06 am

    …..if you just shrug after discovering your father cheated on your mother after 30 years of marriage

    …..if your already severely limited vocabulary just grew to include the word “soulmate”

    …..if Verizon, Spokeo, and Holiday Inn are all conspiring against you to fabricate false records

    …..if you “lost” your wedding ring in a strange vagina

    …..if you have replaced your three-hair comb-over with a toupee that could put Daniel Boone’s ‘coonskin hat to shame

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:13 am

      Hilarious! I’m glad I’d finished my coffee before reading your list so that I didn’t ruin my keyboard.

    • The Ex-orcist says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      ???????

      • neverwouldhaveimagined says

        August 5, 2016 at 3:17 pm

        Lol. He misplaced his wedding ring big time!

  86. Over and Out says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:12 am

    You might be a cheater if:

    ….Your extensive friends list on Facebook consists mostly of women who post sexy selfies.

    ….The majority of phone/text/email conversations with your “friends” occur in the middle of the night when your wife is asleep.

    ….You sext with your “friends”.

    ….You get excited that you’re too busy at work and can’t go along on the family vacation.

    • Over and Out says

      August 6, 2016 at 11:00 am

      ….You don’t introduce your “just friends” to your wife and go to great measures to ensure they don’t ever meet.

  87. Little Mighty Me says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:12 am

    …if you can remember and recite a litany (to the tiniest details!) of examples of your faithful spouse’s “flaws” or “mistakes” (real or perceived), including examples from 12 years ago…but you “just don’t remember” where you were, who you were with, or what you were doing for 15 hours last Saturday.

    • ClaireS says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:14 am

      +1000. You might be a cheater if your spouse, when under detailed and repetitive attack and trying to fathom the disproportionality of your rage, says, very quietly, “Can you try to remember that I’m a human being over here, you know, just like all those people in your life you NEVER rage at?” — and you suddenly become steely and controlled, then deliver the jugular-aimed coup de grace by replying, “They don’t have mental issues, don’t ignore my needs when I’ve sacrificed everything, and haven’t wasted years of my life.”

  88. Chumpasaurus Rex says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:12 am

    You might be a cheater if:

    You swear on your dead uncle’s grave that “nothing happened”

    You were never “passionately” in love with the person that you married and spent 6 years with

    All people are completely interchangeable to you

    You have to go talk to the OW about your jobs that you might (did) lose, but you promise not to have sex with her because you’re still married (my response? “It never stopped you before!” That made me feel like a badass, haha!)

    • ClaireS says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:15 am

      Badass indeed! Bravo.

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:46 pm

      You are a badass.

  89. Roberta says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:12 am

    Divorcinganarcissist, I think they all tell the same story of not being able to finish or they go limp with the whore! That’s just BS! My ex would hand me that crap constantly. Telling me that the sex really wasn’t that great with her, etc. Fact of the matter is Schmoopie and Ex were constantly seeing each other, couldn’t stay away from one another it seemed. And they were always in some hotel room together. I find it hard to believe that a woman who is also cheating on her husband would take the time to travel a distance to be with my aging old goat if he wasn’t capable of screwing! I can surely bet they weren’t playing cards or praying to God for salvation in those hotel rooms! What a load of horse shit! And the proof is that once he really did become very ill and actually couldn’t perform, the love affair was over!!

    • Dragonlady says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:12 pm

      It’s amazing what these pathetic Cumbuckets put up with. The OW’s Hubby contacted me and she had spilled everything about how he was a “limp dick” and got angry really quickly, wouldn’t do what she asked and always put his wife and family first (what a load of horse shit) and she had the scraps but she could accept that because he was trapped and he had to be responsible and his family needed him, our son is a quadraplegic and even though he tried to break it off with her Wah Wah Wah Wah!!!!

      They are seriously mental. I think that it will be proven one day that there is actually a mental condition these people have that allows them to act so callously and not just a personality disorder. There are still people with PD who don’t commit Adultry.

    • Regina says

      August 8, 2016 at 2:02 am

      Yeah, I got the couldn’t perform thing, sex not good, sexy and so on until they got into bed, then a disappointment blah, blah blah. I guess it is part of the sad sausage thing, instead of being livid, you are supposed to feel sorry for them. Mine reported being in this horrible nightmare of non-performance for 5 months. I think it was well over a year. I told him no man would put up with that when he can get good sex at home! No man goes back for humiliation and embarrassment for months. Please!

  90. MovingOn says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:15 am

    You might be a cheater if…

    … you see cheating as having “me” time (direct quote from the whore’s Ashley Madison profile)
    … your chump spouse finds out that you’re cheating, disapproves, and wants to divorce you for your heinous, selfish actions, and YOU are the one who gets mad and treats the chump like he/she is the one who cheated
    … you truly believe that your cheating won’t hurt your kids and that they’ll be thrilled to blend families with your cheater partner and his/her kids
    … you never bother getting any sort of therapy to figure out why you’re messed up because you don’t think you’ve hurt anyone or done anything wrong.

    • Chump Mama says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:26 pm

      YES!!!! I made him move out a week ago, and he is treating me like I am a criminal! It is beyond comprehension to me how they can do what they do and then act like you are the guilty party. This is not normal human behavior.

  91. Tempest says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:35 am

    You might be a cheater if:

    -after two marriages of being a serial cheater, to two very different types of women, you still claim “marital problems” drove you to cheat, and tell your ex-wife (me) that she should “own up to your part in the demise of the marriage.”

    • ClaireS says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:20 am

      Yeah. You loved him and married him, and had the audacity to believe he was a decent human being who deserved you. He didn’t. There’s your part.

  92. CalGal1 says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:35 am

    OMG – I know this is supposed to be all in good fun, but gosh, so many triggers! Switching from tighty whiteys to boxer briefs, check. Begging me to shave his back, yep. Taking male enhancement pills, which he kept on the workbench in the garage, that one too. Disappearing to the bathroom so often (usually when we were on a date) that I thought he was having prostate issues! Whats App on his phone, which was suddenly locked down like Fort Knox. This all preceded the ILYBINILWY speech of course. Smack me upside the head!!

    • Other Kat says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:43 pm

      Manscaping I get, X did that too, but what’s with the switch from tighty whities to boxers? Mind also did that and it did add to my general suspicion, but I don’t get the motivation behind it.

      • neverwouldhaveimagined says

        August 5, 2016 at 3:22 pm

        Tightie whites are not studly. The perception is only old guys wear them anymore.

      • cheaterssuck says

        August 5, 2016 at 6:55 pm

        Unless a guy has a real svelte physique, tighty whities don’t generally make a good impression. Boxers are more forgiving. Although I can understand why guys would want to wear the TW because I can’t imagine it feels good when the “boys” are unleashed and they can go where ever they want. 😉

        Anyway, I think any change in grooming habits in general is a red flag, especially when it comes to changing things that only your spouse is supposed to see. Unless you’ve actually verbalized that you want to do it because it would make you feel more attractive to them. That would require adult conversations and stuff though so I doubt that would ever happen with a cowardly cheater!!

        • Dragonlady says

          August 5, 2016 at 10:16 pm

          Don’t forget the compulsive showering.
          Your a cheater if you go from showering once a day to two times + for no reason. Other then “I feel grotty!!”
          Maybe he thought he was washing away his sins ?????????

          • Shechump says

            August 6, 2016 at 5:24 pm

            Mine did the opposite around home, between slut-visits. He totally let himself go – no shaving, no showering, no brushing his teeth, never changing out of his bathrobe to go to work from his home office. Felt like I was living with a bum.
            Oh – but on the weekends when he had to go on a ‘business trip’, boy, did he get all gussied up.
            And, one day, I did notice 2 brand new packs of blue tighty whiteys (guess he didn’t get the memo about only old guys wearing those) but I always told him blue matched his eyes. Before that, I always bought his shorts.
            And, yeah – I saw his Dad once in his old tighty-whiteys and thought the X was sure looking like his dad.

    • Datdamwuf says

      August 5, 2016 at 2:57 pm

      Consider yourself smacked CalGal1 and Jedi hugs! It’ll get better!

  93. LadyStrange says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:35 am

    You might be a cheater if:

    – Your wife gets a severe weather alert at 3 AM and you cannot see the ‘text’ she got – therefore accuse her of having a “Secret Contact List” on her phone

    – You have Bob/Amanda listed as a contact when “Bob” has his own contact number

    – You can’t tell your wife you love her because YOU don’t want to be HURT again because she had a fictitious affair 16 years ago that you have no proof of, but constantly use that against her

    – Your cell phone has become an appendage. It never leaves your side, or it is upside down and on vibrate

    – You are ALWAYS “Shopping” online…

    – You have become and all around asshole! You SCREAM at her when she asks you to take your daughter to the store. You SCREAM at her when YOU lose the oil plug when changing oil in her car.

    – You start calling every woman “Baby”

    – You begin flirting to the extreme. You pick up a woman to “crack her back,” then when you put her down, you two kiss – right in front of your fucking wife. When your wife tells you that she didn’t care for that behaviour your response is “Well, you’d better get used to it cuz it’s gonna happen!”

    – On Mother’s day, rather than saying “Happy Mother’s Day,” you say “Why should I wish you a happy fucking Mother’s Day? You are’t my fucking mom!”

    – At Christmas you spend $400 on a stupid ass gift for your parents, but you give your wife a jacket that you ‘won’ at work.

    – When your wife has car problems and needs to be picked up, you are too busy at the bar to go get her

    Fucking assholes!

    • Anita says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:51 am

      Lady Strange said, ” You become an all around asshole “.

      Winner, winner, chicken dinner. The truest thing I’ve seen this morning. Not only was turd bucket a liar and cheater when he was messing with whore, he became one of the vilest humans I everhad the pleasure (not really ) to be around. I honestly remember asking myself if he’d always been like that, and if so, why I dated him, much less married him. And after he was caught cheating, he became even NASTIER. Didn’t think it was possible.

  94. Mehphista says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:41 am

    You might be a Cheater if, when caught fucking your sister in law, you then tell your wife that you are so relieved, this has all been driving you nuts.

    • NoMoreNarcs says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:46 am

      What a hero

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:13 am

      Damn–I got the same “I’m so relieved this has come to light; it’s been bothering me for years” bullshit.

    • lostntx says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:40 am

      Got a version of this when I busted her using skype with “friends”. I realize now it was just speak from the cheater handbook and there was no real remorse!

      • Mehphista says

        August 6, 2016 at 4:03 pm

        Yep. Serious case of the “Me, me, me”s. About which I am becoming “Meh, Meh, Meh”

        Update on last year’s Kiddo finding vintage (like six years earlier than he admitted to during the legal settlement process) sexts on a phone he loaned her. “I feel terrible, how many times do I have to say I am sorry.”

        Sustitute ‘sociopath’ for ‘Cheater’ and these still all read the same, LOL. What a moroon!

        • Shechump says

          August 6, 2016 at 5:31 pm

          Tempest – ‘Damn–I got the same “I’m so relieved this has come to light; it’s been bothering me for years” bullshit.’

          I got that almost verbatim!
          Oh, whew – *I* am so relieved to get this off my chest.
          I’ve been just sick about it for so long.
          (and, he certainly looked relieved enough to start smirking!)

          Well, glad I could relieve YOUR conscious finally. The audacity to admit relief.
          Wouldn’t he have been more relieved to have admitted it in the first place rather than put me in the position of extreme Captain Marriage Police for 2 yrs.

          No sense asking *me* how I was feeling! Fucker.

          • Tempest says

            August 6, 2016 at 6:06 pm

            SheChump–it’s total horseshite. “I’m so relieved” = “I am relieved I don’t have to keep track of one more lie because I know you’ll forgive me since I’m so fab and you’ll never find anyone better.” Except that *being alone* = finding someone better.

            • Mehphista says

              August 7, 2016 at 12:15 pm

              Well, that didn’t work on Mr Fab. I kicked his ass out five minutes later.

  95. NoMoreNarcs says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:42 am

    You might be a cheater if: you keep fucking the person you’re not married to under the pretense that you had so many beautiful things from the martial bed to teach your poor girlfriend

    • Over and Out says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:06 pm

      NMN, You said this above but I think your entry meets the criteria, too… What a hero.

  96. marysocontrary says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:43 am

    You might be a cheater if:

    …you wash the sheets three times before your wife comes home from a trip, to get rid of the evidence.

    …you haven’t spoken to your kids in months. Your cheating is inconsequential. We didn’t raise our kids to love conditionally!

    …you’re mad at your daughter for looking at OW’s completely open Facebook account that shows you’re a huge liar. Yes you’re living with her, yes you attend church with her, but daughter shouldn’t have looked! It’s private (even though it’s open). Of course it never occurred to OW that your family might look! She didn’t mean to hurt anyone!

    …you suddenly need weekly testosterone injections.

    …you grow a douchy soul patch.

    …you get $60 haircuts even though you lost your job for an affair with a subordinate.

    …your wife is really boring, and now you’re doing the same things you did with her with OW. It couldn’t have been you.

    …your kids have special needs and now your wife has to take a job she’s super overqualified for to make ends meet, while going to endless doctor’s appointments and physical therapy sessions. You can’t take the kids because THEY WON’T SPEAK TO YOU.

    …you buy a $600 pair of new glasses because 25 years younger OW says they “look hip”.

    I could go on and on.

  97. TeeTee64 says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:47 am

    Yeah, I’ve heard all of those, plus some. But here’s a CLASSIC for ya:

    His brother and (brother’s) GF hacked his phone and they created his NUMEROUS profiles on dating/hook up sites. Complete with profile and dick pics. Yeah…….

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:12 am

      Yes!! Hannibal claimed a student wanting revenge on him created his Ashley Madison profile (because obviously the student *knew* AM would be hacked a few years later. Maybe the student engineered the AM hack, just to pay him back!). smh.

      • TeeTee64 says

        August 5, 2016 at 11:26 am

        And they just so happened to have pictures and videos of your privates in “varying states of array” because…….????? Really?

      • Lyn says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:15 pm

        I also got the “that strange caller that told you I wasn’t where I said I was came from a disgruntled coworker who’s trying to get back at me.”

        • Over and Out says

          August 5, 2016 at 2:18 pm

          Isn’t it nice how they are able to solve all the mysteries for us?! And isn’t it the damnedest thing that their lives are FULL of crazy people either throwing themselves at or out to get them??!!!!

          • TeeTee64 says

            August 5, 2016 at 5:13 pm

            Ah, yes….everyone ELSE is a liar. Or making stuff up. Or batshit crazy. And mine should be long dead by now with as many people who supposedly have/had a vendetta against him. WhatEVER……

            • Over and Out says

              August 6, 2016 at 11:23 am

              Our front lawn got “decorated” with a boxful of sex toys after I gave birth to our first child…. Of course, my then husband had NO idea who would have done such a thing!

              However, for several months prior to that a supposedly “crazy, obsessed woman” harassed us with frequent middle-of-the-night phone calls asking for him (way before cell phones — we only had a land-line then). She refused to talk to me if I answered the phone and if I hung up she’d call back… It got so bad after I had the baby that I had to change our phone # and pay the monthly fee to have it unlisted.

              Unfortunately, chumpy me believed his many stories for far too long…

              • Lyn says

                August 6, 2016 at 9:07 pm

                We also changed our phone number to unlisted to stop the “disgruntled coworker” from harassing me any more.

      • Mehphista says

        August 6, 2016 at 4:05 pm

        Of course, because only the Majestic Hannibal is worthy of a student learning to hack a worldwide site worth millions, just to show how much she loves him. (Sarcasm)

  98. ChumpDude says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:48 am

    You might be a cheater if… you blamed your favorite niece for getting on your phone and sending all of those sext messages. That niece was 13 years old.

    • ClaireS says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:26 am

      I have a feeling that family dynamics and enforced silence made this impossible, but how I wish you could have replied, “Wow, we’d better forward these to her mom and dad.”

      • ChumpDude says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:20 pm

        Oh I wish I would have thought of that! I knew he was cheating so I knew blaming his niece was a lie (albeit a very disturbing one). But still, suggesting we contact her parents would have been awesome. The problem is he would have hated me that much more, and I was in the middle of the Pick Me Dance phase, and I didn’t want to risk scaring him away. Pick Me!! Pick Me!! Trauma bonding is such a sad state of affairs.

  99. ChumpedtotheMax says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:52 am

    – you claim you are flying overseas to visit your son in Germany for his birthday, but spend a week at your cousin’s in a city an hour away from your son instead.
    – you first claim your cousin’s husband is dying so you may need to fly to Germany to be with her, and then switch the story to your cousin has breast cancer instead, but when asked if family should reach out to her, say “it’s a secret and no ones knows about it but me.”
    -you take an unexpected cruise because your friend’s mom is ill and he gives you his cruise ticket so he can be with her. You have your friend drive you to the airport instead of your wife, you don’t take any photos while on the cruise even though you have a camera, you have a neighbor pick you up at the airport when you return then berate your wife when she explains how hurt she was when you up and left on a week long cruise without her.
    -you have a secret facebook page under a different name so that you can communicate with your girlfriend and share photos of your recent cruise together.

  100. SolteraOtraVez says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:54 am

    You might be a cheater if…

    You regularly come home tipsy or drunk after 3 am. Your phone was “off” or “dead.” Every time.

    You “drank too much to drive” and figured it would be better to “sleep it off in the car” for awhile.

    You suddenly need a thousand dollars worth of new tattoos.

    You never wore your wedding ring in a 10 year marriage.

    You feel the need to LOCK YOUR PHONE IN THE CAR at night and hide your keys. WTF

    You NEVER forget to clear the browser history each and every time you use the computer.

    UGH!!!!!!

    • SolteraOtraVez says

      August 5, 2016 at 10:58 am

      Oh, can’t forget this: you frequently “lose track of time” and “accidentally” get home at 4, 5, 6 am.

      I was such an idiot.

      • wearerhinos says

        August 5, 2016 at 3:11 pm

        My Ex actually complimented me and remarked on how her work friends thought I was “so cool” to let her stay out until 4:00am. I wonder if it was the same work friend who was screwing her?

        She was unhappy and I was willing to do anything to ‘make’ her happy again. She’d go out for work happy hours and not come home until the next morning and I still trusted her. She did all of the crap with her phone that so many others have described and there were so many others. I was so stupid. Such a freaking chump.

    • Chumpasaurus Rex says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      “You regularly come home tipsy or drunk after 3 am. Your phone was “off” or “dead.” Every time.”

      Yep! Amazing the things that I recall now that didn’t seem so suspicious and are now SUPER obvious. I just feel stupid that I actually would wait up worried about him. Asshole.

      • TeeTee64 says

        August 5, 2016 at 5:19 pm

        Yeah….the “dead” phone one is way over used. Or better yet “my phone is acting ALL F***ED UP, I tried but couldn’t even text or call you. K.

        • MudlifeBlast says

          August 7, 2016 at 4:55 am

          Yep, I feel stupid when I think back in this one grrrr

  101. Cindy says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:01 am

    You might be a cheater if you go for a “run” and come back smelling like a morning breath blow job in the evening. When your spouse calls you out on the foul smell, you claim to have high “uric acid” and laugh hysterically loud.

    • Cindy says

      August 5, 2016 at 11:04 am

      Sorry this was so gross – but it’s a true story.

  102. Just around the bend says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:03 am

    ……you feel the need to pay for the “outing” with your best female buddy and then justify that your “datelike” treatment (because, of course, it was not a date) with her is due to the fact that you don’t see her ALL that often.

    Would you suggest seeing your wife /girlfriend less often to motivate you to make at least a similar effort.

  103. Done4Good says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:04 am

    The more I read of these, the more I feel that there is a great need for an “Escape From NY” type place of banishment to send all of these a-holes to live out their sorry, miserable lives!

    • Current Chump says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:01 pm

      I would personally hire Snake Pliskin to relocate my stbx to such a place & pay him a bonus if he does it quickly!
      It would be a dream to never have to deal with stbx again

  104. GladIt'sOver says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:15 am

    You might be a cheater if you have a lot of “just friends.” Or even one, actually.

    • yo says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:19 pm

      Ah yes, the JUST friend. (as opposed to the UNJUST friend?)

  105. yo says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:42 am

    If youre evasive about bills not getting paid…and then freak out when your spouse picks up your bank statement, and you snatch it away, and accuse your spouse of “invading your privacy”…you know damn well youre CHEATER!!!

  106. Waffles says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:44 am

    You may be a cheater if:

    your secret ‘friend’ from work has a cute nickname for you: swampnuts.

    said friend ‘accidentally’ leaves a bottle of dollar store perfume mixed in with your wife’s perfume.

    you have an incredibly tight friendship w/wife’s former LESBIAN friend. Who has a history of fucking married dudes.

    you have a picture of a girl who looks JUST LIKE OW on your computer, with a dick in every hole.

    • Chumpasaurus Rex says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      HAHAHA! Swampnuts? Good Lord! Glad you got away from him!

  107. yo says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:45 am

    If you cant seem to find time for your kids or spouse, but are always available at the beck and call of your special “friend” at a moments notice…helloooo youre a lowdown cheater!

    • geekmom says

      August 5, 2016 at 2:23 pm

      Yup. Mine would run like the wind to “help” her with car problems, house issues, etc., but couldn’t be bothered to pick me up at the airport after a two week trip. He was “settled on the sofa” so sent our 16 year old son to get me.

      Oh, and he called her his “work wife” and couldn’t understand why that bothered me.

  108. sterling says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:49 am

    You might be a cheater if you stay up late ‘to play computer games’ — which he ALSO did. But he was additionally on IRQ being sexual with women in chat.

    You might be a cheater if you have an email address where you pose as a woman to get even MORE sex partners online in the most maximally dishonest way possible.

    You might be a cheater if your online sex partner in another timezone results in you having video sex when you kids come home from school — so you take your laptop to sit on the marital bed while she gets it on for you to watch. You end the session abruptly when your kid comes home, because you don’t give a shit about your affair partners either.

    You might be a cheater if you yell at your betrayed wife about invading your privacy when she finds bookmarks of dating site profiles on your browser.

    You might be a cheater if you think reconciling is your betrayed spouse making it up to you for all the mean and angry things she said over the years while you were so busy staying up late having chat sex to care for her, the kids, the house or your job well. Any attempt from me to explain that reconciling was him solely making up what he cheated me out of was met with outrage and hurt that he just didn’t like it when I pointed out he cheated and I DID NOT CHEAT. Oh, he really did not like any feeling of responsibility or debt to me.

  109. Doingme says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:54 am

    You might be a cheater if you ask your wife if you should shave your arms and ask how you look in the new boxers you bought.

  110. yo says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:59 am

    If youve always hated grocery shopping, but are suddenly so happy to do all the shopping and errands..only problem is, it takes you three hours to complete a one hour errand…and you ALWAYS forget something and dont mind going out AGAIN and AGAIN for forgotten items…ding! Ding! Cheater!!!

    • geekmom says

      August 5, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      Mine’s a gearhead. He’d make weekend trips to the “auto salvage yard” just to “take inventory” and be gone all day. The same place that was only a couple miles from her house. Somehow “going to the junkyard” is an apt description.

    • cheaterssuck says

      August 5, 2016 at 6:42 pm

      Mine spent 3 hours at the “gym” every weekend. Trust me when I tell you his physique did not tell the same tale!

    • Sausalito says

      August 10, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      Five hour trips to Home Depot because, “well, Home Depot didn’t have what I needed, so then I went to Lowes, but they didn’t have it either, but the other Lowes 30 miles away had it in stock, so then I had to drive to the next town to get it.” Riiiiight.

  111. Doingme says

    August 5, 2016 at 11:59 am

    You might be a serial cheater if you recycle the Dream Girl poem and give it to three women your dating simultaneously, changing only the name while married.

    • yo says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Oh how romantic. PERSONALIZED copied original shared poetry! Its PERSONALIZED!

      • Doingme says

        August 7, 2016 at 1:32 pm

        It was reused over and over.

  112. Lyn says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    You might be a cheater if you choose “I want to lay you down in a bed of roses” for your coworker’s ringtone.

    • yo says

      August 5, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      Euh vomit

      • Lyn says

        August 5, 2016 at 12:24 pm

        I know, it’s such a cheesy, melodramatic song.

    • Tempest says

      August 5, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      Liking that song alone is grounds for divorce.

  113. babe99s says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:17 pm

    You might be a serial cheater if I hadn’t found all your little gifts you bought for the skank under the backseat in the truck.

    • TeeTee64 says

      August 5, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      Have you ever gotten a little trinket that was obviously intended for someone else? And the meeting didnt work out or whatever? The gas station scented wooden roses, cookies you hate (but I thought those were your FAVORITE?) …..yeah, that’s a big slap in the face.

      • Dragonlady says

        August 5, 2016 at 10:45 pm

        What about skanky gold bikini’s in size small when your a medium and his responce “I ordered a Medium they must have gotten it wrong”. Then again twice more for sheer baby doll neglige type lingerie size small.

        What I didn’t know is that she had just revealed to XH she hated Porn and anything that suggested Porn in sex. (Her hubby liked Porn apparently which interestingly enough he told me about and that she had introduced him to it. To “Spice” up their marriage.) But I digress both XH and fuckbuddy were in IMPRESS mode with each other. And on their best behaviour. My XH had ordered the stuff already hoping to “surprise” her but decided it wouldn’t go down so well and gave it to me, instead.

        SURPRISE!!

        As you can imagine aside from the size issue I was like… Why!!!
        IT was so out of character in my mind at the time. He was all ” I was just trying to be spontaneous!!”
        Now with my chump nation education I know better. Face palm!!!

  114. Current Chump says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:23 pm

    You might be a cheater if you suddenly go get checked by the Dr for ED and complain how much it hurts you that you can’t have sex yet you haven’t had sex with chump wife in forever.

    You also have a blood tests ran for supposed diabetes which you say you have but don’t take any type of meds for it and haven’t been back for a return visit.

  115. Lyn says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    You might be a cheater if you keep a journal to write about how your wife disgusts you while she’s walking around the house. Then, when she discovers it, you sob, “I guess I’m supposed to keep it all inside!”

  116. Nerium13 says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    ”
    She likes to do the same things I like”

  117. ChumpSaidBuhBye says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    You might be a cheater if…

    You “warn” your significant other that an ex girlfriend might try to contact her to “cause trouble” but ignore anything she says, because it’s all vicious lies. Because she’s crazy. And she’s held a grudge. And she just wants to break us up because I’m not with her anymore. Better yet, don’t even open any strange emails. Because you don’t need to be upset by those delusional ramblings about how we’re still together. Because she’s crazy. And she’s a stalker. And did I mention she’s crazy? So if she contacts you ignore her and her vicious lies.

    • Hipiumrecovery says

      August 6, 2016 at 8:27 pm

      Omg! Durtbag was constantly using the crazy ex trying to break us up excuse when he feared one of his harem or side pieces was about to spill the beans. I am sure he is using that now with slur puppet and, I, the crazy ex wife. SMH. Too bad for him in our marriage, on dd#1, Bambi included a pic of them in the act. Can’t blame that one On the ex. I stopped believing that bs after that. So he changed tactics and blamed jealous bfs and husbands.

  118. awake says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    You might be a cheater if your husband tells you there’s a rumor going around that he had a woman bent over the pool table having sex in the back room of the bar he owns. He wakes you up at 2:15am to tell you this.

    • TeeTee64 says

      August 5, 2016 at 5:22 pm

      Yep!!! Those damn vicious rumors…..

  119. tomato says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:48 pm

    You might be a cheater if you tell your wife you had sex with prostitutes while your wife was pregnant with your second child because you thought it wasn’t as bad as having a girlfriend (which I later found out he also had)

  120. SnakebitNoMore says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    You might be a cheater (I’m looking at you, Crab Ass)

    — if you say you can’t figure out how to de-activate your dating site profile, but won’t let your partner help you do it.
    — if you stay active on dating sites after agreeing to exclusivity
    — if you pre-emptively make excuses for receiving dating site emails, by claiming you just send them to spam and ignore them
    — if you’re caught being active on the dating site, you say you just wanted to let the women messaging you know that you have a girlfriend
    — if you make up a slew of excuses why you don’t want to be with your partner anymore, when the real reason is you know she knows you’re a womanizing fraud now

    You might be a cheater (snake)

    — if you keep claiming you need to work overnight at month-end, even though you told your spouse last month was the last month you’d have to do that, then gaslight her into thinking you never said that
    — if you pick fights, start the silent treatment, and move into the guest bedroom for months on end
    — if you have to work alone with a female co-worker in an otherwise empty house, because you just get too many interruptions at the office to get any work done
    — if you arrive late to meetings on a business trip, because you and your female co-worker got lost looking for donuts
    — if you tell your former co-worker how she is the whole package, sexy, gorgeous, smart, fun-loving etc right after she tells you about her divorce, when that was almost word for word what you told your wife when you were trying to get into her pants years ago (dude, you need some new lines after over a quarter of a decade)
    — if you trash your wife behind her back because she’s crazy and depressed, but won’t say a word or lift a finger to help her out of it by being a decent human and husband
    — if you pre-emptively make excuses for your wife not to travel with you once you are both retired, because you have plans with your clueless twatwaffle
    — if you plan your retirement in a state that will allow you to dump your spouse and screw her over financially (but fuck you, snake, I beat you to the punch and got my half)

    I could go on and on about the fucking snake, but I’ll end it here.

    • Shechump says

      August 6, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      Love you Snake!

  121. LadyStrange says

    August 5, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    You might be a cheater if:

    You recycle the FAMILY laptop after your wife opens it one day to see you had left your YAHOO account open and saw the hundreds of emails from skanks. Then you purchase a new laptop FOR YOURSELF – put a lock on it so the rest of the family has to go out and get their own laptops!
    Fucking Asshole!

  122. tomato says

    August 5, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    You might be a cheater if:

    — you tell the marriage counselor you resented your wife for asking you to order pizza after she had spent 12 hours taking care of your newborn and 3 year old by herself while you were off “working”.

    — you take your female “friend” on a trip where you share a hotel room but you tell your wife when she finds out that you made her sleep on the floor.

    • cheaterssuck says

      August 5, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      But tomato, he had to push all those buttons and speak on the phone!!! Don’t you feel bad for the poor, sad, sausage??!!

      • tomato says

        August 5, 2016 at 6:53 pm

        I was a very mean and inconsiderate wife to dare ask such a thing of him

        • Doingme says

          August 5, 2016 at 7:33 pm

          Oh, the old whore slept on the floor. Sounds like a CUNTry song in the making.

          Really? Tomato your awesome!

  123. The Ex-orcist says

    August 5, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    You might be a cheater if when lying you state “I swear on so and so’s life”

    • Chumptacular says

      August 6, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      Or put your hand on The Bible and say you didn’t cheat despite evidence to the contrary.

  124. gblife123 says

    August 5, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    You are married and engaged. Me, being the wife, I knew I knew nothing. Her, I’m not so sure. Anyway, no divorce was even discussed on my end. He no longer lives with me, and I’m really not sure what he is doing, where he is, but I damn well know that I am still being financially supported. Who really wins here? LOL

  125. Mandie101 says

    August 5, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    …if you cheat/ commit adultery/ have an affair/ have a liaison/ fall for someone other than your partner or what other euphemisms society conjures.
    …if you fuck over your own family. Who needs enemies when you have a personal Judas in the family?

  126. lostandfound says

    August 5, 2016 at 1:28 pm

    You might be a cheater if:

    Your own son is not talking to you and you haven’t seen him in a year, but you instead try to get the gf’s daughter, who thinks you are a cheating dirt bag, to like you

    You tell your son and everyone else, including the mc, that the reasons we had issues was because your wife is a terrible nag

    You stop paying money towards your own expenses (since his car loan is in my name I had to continuing paying it so I didn’t ruin my credit) and family expenses, but admit that you gave money to the OW

    You refuse to have sex with your wife and you tell her how skillful the OW is and offer helpful suggestions that your wife should watch porno alone, that you would rather whack off into plastic wrap than have sex with your wife, and that the OW “works around” your disabilities. You tell your wife that you didn’t want to have ex with her.

    Your father calls your wife (of 35 years) on her birthday, thinking she is the OW (he is fucked in the head) and tells her how glad he was to meet her (on a vacation your wife didn’t know you took with the OW), what a “doll” she is and how welcome she is in the family (when we weren’t even separated yet)

    You tell your wife that you can’t afford to buy her anymore birthday or anniversary presents because she only wants “expensive things” but you take the OW to an $800 playoff game and a Broadway show for her birthday

    You tell your (now ex) wife that you never wanted to leave her but that she “pushed” you out of the house when all you wanted to do was stay (when she discovered you talking on a 7-11 pre-paid phone with the girlfriend)

    You tell your wife that you left for good because she wanted you to get an apartment, live alone and go for counseling and “you can’t” live alone and you never stopped cheating

    You tell your wife that she is “the nicest person I know” and that none of this was about her

    When you feel so bad for yourself that you become a full blown alcoholic and have to be detoxed five times in five years, the last two times after you left the wife for a “fresh start” with the OW

    When you lie to your lawyers and you tell them that you have no money because your wife spent all the money, she makes more money than you do, and she doesn’t earn enough money at her job

    When you still want everyone, including your wife and son, to feel sorry for you because you are a sad sausage and you didn’t mean to do anything bad- you just fell in wuv with your soulmate

    You tell your wife that the OW is the “Most honest” person you know. She would “never lie” Then your wife reminds you that she knew you were living home and cheating the entire time. Yes, you admit, but she’s such a “good person” that she kept telling you to “go home to your wife”. You tell your wife that she would really like the OW and would be good friends with her if they met.

    You tell your ex-wife not to wait around, you’re not coming back, and btw, you (the ex-wife) would never take me back anyway (would you?)

    • Idle hands says

      August 7, 2016 at 8:35 pm

      What a mind fuck.

  127. willowtree says

    August 5, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    This thread is so amazing, dead on-point and also kind of triggering. These fuckers are all the same.

  128. Mandie101 says

    August 5, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2051666/Larry-Hoagland-tried-bomb-wife-run-high-school-sweetheart.html

    Happened a while back but goes to everything we now know. A lot of us got off comparatively well.

  129. ByeByeCheater says

    August 5, 2016 at 2:45 pm

    You might be a cheater if you tell your fiancee that the one thing you will not tolerate is cheating. She thinks she’s so lucky to have a guy like you. Fast forward 25+ years later when she’s kicking you out for cheating and realizes what you really said – the one thing you will not toerate is cheating – meaning that you wouldn’t tolerate HER cheating but you never said YOU wouldn’t cheat. Talk about a play on words and omission of the truth!

    • unicornomore says

      August 5, 2016 at 4:53 pm

      Been there, done that. He sat me down very early in our marriage and explained that he simply could not ever tolerate cheating. Over the years he randomly makes comments that make you believe he would never cheat but he DOES cheater things. I was SO CONVINCED by his words that his actions never convinced me he was cheating

      • HeatDeath says

        August 5, 2016 at 5:00 pm

        This. Precisely. It was made clear to me that cheating was the one thing that was completely, utterly unforgivable. That she was gone if that ever happened – no second chances.

        It seems so cynical – to so consciously blatantly lay the rhetorical groundwork to throw us off so early in the process.

        • Awake says

          August 8, 2016 at 10:23 am

          So true. Mine told me he would kill me and the guy if I ever cheated on him. Hmmmm….do I get to do the same to you and your biker whore?

      • Waffles says

        August 5, 2016 at 8:29 pm

        ^^^ Haha. Yep, same thing with JAMF (jive ass mother fucker).

  130. Datdamwuf says

    August 5, 2016 at 3:10 pm

    Might be easier to flip this. Kinda doing it more like Foxworthy

    If you find your husband on the couch with his dick in one hand and his cell phone in the other…………heeeeeee is definitely a cheater

    If YOUR husband suddenly decides HE needs to go to the beauty parlor for cut and color? heeeeeeeeee might be a cheater

    If YOUR husband’s monthly credit card bill doubles and he rages about how he does all the shopping to shut you down? heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee is a cheater

  131. Datdamwuf says

    August 5, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    If you find a bill for flowers on the credit card and your HUSBAND says he sent his mother flowers when he’s NEVER done that before? Becomes enraged when you pick up the phone to ask his mother how she liked them? heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss a cheater

  132. fancyfree says

    August 5, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    If you’re confronted by your wife who discovered your sexual conversations on the computer by downloading a software that records key strokes–and you feverishly deny it was you doing the key stroking–you’re a fucking cheater. BYE!

  133. bepositive says

    August 5, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    You might be a cheater if you call another woman more frequently call your wife.

  134. jmcclure366 says

    August 5, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    You might be a cheater if your husband believed he was doing a really great job at practicing self control by asking another woman for sex, texting her late at night, meeting her at her favorite bar….but they never actually HAD sex.

  135. jmcclure366 says

    August 5, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    You might be a cheater if your wife finds your dating profile online with pictures posted that SHE took of you, but it was just for fun!

  136. LostToAWartWhore says

    August 5, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    You might be a cheater if you insist that you have the right to collect pictures of your “friends” but, the pictures are always of the same “friend”.

  137. unicornomore says

    August 5, 2016 at 4:55 pm

    You might be a cheater if you receive a call from your wife of 18 years and say

    “Who is this?”

    (face palm)

  138. TheUpwardWay says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    You might be a cheater if you can ‘identify’ with these songs:
    – “Me and Mrs. Jones”
    – “Torn Between Two Lovers”
    – “There’s No Easy To Break Somebody’s Heart”

  139. Chumptacular says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    You might be a cheater if lying is your native tongue.

    • Kar marie says

      August 5, 2016 at 7:00 pm

      Haha! Love this one!

  140. Manchump says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    You might be a cheater if you say after 10 happy years of marriage/ family life , ” I’m not sure , I need some space, I might move out for a bit” me:” oh OK! Bye Bye cheater “. But then don’t actually walk out the door , “because of the kids “

  141. geekmom says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:14 pm

    You might be a cheater if you throw away the best damn thing that’s ever happened to you and have the fucking nerve to blame HER for everything that’s ever gone wrong in your life.

    On second thought, I’m not sure that makes you a cheater. But it sure as hell makes you an asshole.

  142. just another chump says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    You might be a cheater if you say that one little lie about why you were late or why you were going out and with whom. Lying that one time cascades until you actually believe that somebody as stupid as your chump never deserved respect.
    Like a wise person here on CN said it is the first lie that is told and then never discovered that starts the exponentially increasing disrespect for the trusting loyal partner.

    • Shechump says

      August 6, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      This is excellent just-another-chump.
      It’s amazing how somebody can go from being seemingly more honest than my own dad, but to start that one lie….
      ..and how many thousands of lies followed it. My head was spinning with all those lies.

  143. chump for 30yrs says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:22 pm

    you might be a cheater if there are frequent “morning meetings” in which you and your “car pool mate” MUST leave the house at 6:30AM in order to get to….All the HARD work is done BEFORE 8:00AM.

  144. Chumptacular says

    August 5, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    You might be a cheater if you have more lives than a cat and they are running concurrently rather than consecutively,

  145. oaktree says

    August 5, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    You might be a cheater if, after that weekend at the beach with “the girls,” you get dropped off a block from home, because “the girls” were in a hurry to get to their play rehearsal.

    You might be a cheater if you encourage your husband to go visit his family (since you’re having such trouble as a couple), then rent a vacation house on the lake and ship your son off to friends for three days. Oh, and the night before your husband leaves to visit his family, you come home from work at 5:30 am, wearing the new dress you just bought for your daughter, and with your hair newly done. You say you went to a coworker’s house for a drink and fell asleep.

    You might be a cheater if you change the return flight from your Thanksgiving trip (while the rest of your family is in California without you because you suck). And when you say you’ll be at the airport to pick up your daughter who is flying in at 6:30 am and you don’t show up.

  146. Roaring says

    August 5, 2016 at 7:54 pm

    you might be a cheater if you…

    forget to mention to your wife that you fuck strangers in bars on business trips

    forget to mention to your wife that you have STDs from fucking strangers in bars on business trips because you *proudly* never wear a condom

    forget to mention to your wife you spent all the savings on prostitutes

    fall in love with the sex-trafficked teenager you sent most of the savings to because you believe your fantasy is real because you are also a dumbass

    believe the best thing about Woody Allen is his courage in standing up for choosing to fuck his teenage, Asian step-daughter

  147. Roberta says

    August 5, 2016 at 8:24 pm

    You might be a cheater if

    You leave call your wife from work on a Friday to tell her you need time alone to think, so you will be getting a hotel room for the weekend. Then your wife tracks you over 88 miles away at a hidden hotel at three in the morning! But of course your whore insists you didn’t have sex! Please! Because when you pulled up to the place, you and Schmoopie (who was in a WHITE negligée) are on the second floor balcony!

    You might be a cheater if

    You leave town knowing your wife is having half of her left lung removed because of cancer, but fucking your whore is more important!

  148. Chumptacular says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    You might be a cheater if you go into a rage when asked if you are cheating.

  149. Linda2 says

    August 5, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    You might be a cheater if you give your wife’s phone number to your girlfriend and tell her not to answer if your wife calls. Oh wait! You might be dumber than dirt if you think your girlfriend won’t use that number to contact your wife!

  150. Kara says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    You might be a cheater if you fuck someone that isn’t your spouse.

    …What too simple?

  151. Miss Sunshine says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:15 pm

    Wow, so many cheaters getting fashion and grooming advice–or even just fashion and grooming, period–from their spouses, while fucking other people.
    More evidence we become the sexless drone/secretaries/parents/appliances. (Or maybe we always were.)

    So fascinating.

    Mine asked me if he should laser his pubes, which I thought was really strange at the time. I told him I didn’t think that was necessary. I thought he was being considerate….

    Bahahahah! (Just like the pube story I wrote above. The whole thing is now soooooooo freaking funny to me.) Hahahahah!

  152. Miss Sunshine says

    August 5, 2016 at 10:58 pm

    You guys! I think we’re writing the Cheater Manual!

  153. St. Elsewhere says

    August 6, 2016 at 1:35 am

    You might be a cheater if….

    At the age of 38, the macho guy starts using lip balm.

    You take your phone everywhere, including the potty seat.

    There are levels of security in your phone, and a special password for the messenger you use to have chats with the whore.

  154. Notadoormat says

    August 6, 2016 at 2:29 am

    When your STBX thinks he’s being nice by saying: “We waited to mess around until you and I decided to divorce.”
    Ah … So it was all innocent and platonic until I said the magic word – divorce.

    • brit says

      August 6, 2016 at 7:44 am

      Notadoormat, Unbelievable, I heard the same line.., almost word for word, the only difference was “he didn’t mess around until he moved out.” So kind, and considerate,

      Of course he didn’t mess around, he’s a man of integrity,
      Mysterious disappearances, long afternoon/evenings X claimed to be spending at the book store reading and drinking coffee and didn’t know where the time went.
      He’s not that kind of guy, lie..? no way, that would be dishonest.

  155. scharklady says

    August 6, 2016 at 9:28 am

    …own your own business and ask your wife and family to stop coming by unannounced.

  156. Kingbenji says

    August 6, 2016 at 9:31 am

    You might be a cheater if you tell your husband that his demand for 50% custody is a way of manipulating you… since you would be receiving less child support in that scenario.

  157. scharklady says

    August 6, 2016 at 9:31 am

    …suddenly have to do normal day-to-day business in a different city, even though you could get it all done close to home.

    …start receiving Thany You cards from the jewelry store in said different city.

  158. scharklady says

    August 6, 2016 at 9:34 am

    …suddenly can’t remember where you were, who you were with or where you bought that 2 hours ago.

  159. scharklady says

    August 6, 2016 at 9:35 am

    …request that your wife cook that awesome thing the OW made the other day.

    • Miss Sunshine says

      August 6, 2016 at 10:59 am

      Ah, the Pick-Me Polka….

      Let’s…see…. Which one of my female appliances cooks it better for me….

  160. Kissfanp@verison.net says

    August 6, 2016 at 10:21 am

    1 You may be a cheater after your wife has back surgery never protect her had to help his mom in bathroom because she Can’t wipe her own potato or sour cream try help her up she sits back down 10 days later your back in hospital because it came undone . 2 you may be a cheater you take your wife out 1st time to lowes n disappear 2 hours walking around looking for him at front desk having them paged n shaking from pain . 3 you may be a cheater when you win trip n while were there invite single mother n son out to dinner how romantic . 4 you may be a cheater when you call your wive a thief for 2 dollars ‘ 5 you may be a cheater when your denied going to doctors and told 2 get job n doctors haven’t released you yet n spend marital resouces on your married whore . 6 you may be a cheater to pick your mom up from nursing home n leave your wife to take care so you can lie say your going to retirement party but your fucking your whore . 7 you are found out through text msgs I had him move out . Can hardly wait till divorce is final . Can’t make this shit up

  161. FicoChump says

    August 6, 2016 at 11:35 am

    We should pay for a Billboards regarding the underwear!!! Save money, time, detective fees, marriage police work, your life & anxiety for future chumps!! I have the same sh&(**t. From fruit of the Loom underwear to designer underwear!!

    You might be a cheater if ….the pictures of your wife are deleted from the FB history & everytime you used to tag an event that you were with him the post was hidden. Because in his world I am just like the Charlie’s Angels character !! I can not be seen. IN his “official story” I am not his wife or maybe we are not together or maybe we are having problems. What ever the POS is reading from the cheaters manual.

  162. Roberta says

    August 6, 2016 at 11:57 am

    You may be a dumbass cheater if
    You create a Facebook page under you and Schmoopies pet nicknames and your adult daughter finds out!

    You may be a cheater if
    You swear you DID NOT create that Facebook page and you know nothing about it. Even though your adult daughter “hacked” the messages and they mention specific names of your wife, kids, etc.

    You may be a cheater if
    On the “cutsie” Facebook page you created you have “friends” who are all wrapped up in the “soap opera” atmosphere, believing all your lies about your horrible marriage! Then telling you to go ahead and divorce your wife and be happy with Schmoopie!

    BTW, none of the pods giving him advice personally knew him or Schmoopie. I wish Facebook would go out of business!

    You might be a cheater if
    Women are calling the house asking for you and as soon as I identify myself as your wife they hang up! I was told they were probably adult students who were calling, but I found your dating profile later and you were dumb enough to list REAL information about yourself including your work address, real name, etc.!

    Lord, these pods are stupid!

  163. Schmetterling says

    August 6, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    you might be a cheater if you come back from a very much needed solo trip in a black leather jacket and you later see his ‘SHE IS JUST A FRIEND” and work colleague in a matching black leather jacket.

    you might be a cheater when you go on a solo trip and prior share way to many information about the plans you are making and what couch at what guys house you sleep on on what day and post their numbers on the fridge where you can be reached at, knowing your wife is a chump and will never call these single, drunk looser friends of yours.

    you might be a cheater when you call me at 7:00am your time from her number (you didn’t know I had memorized from seeing a gazillion times on your phone) when you on a solo trip to call me all giddy to tell me you love me and miss us.

    you might be a cheater when you admit you shared a hotel room with you colleague but vehemently insist that you didn’t share a bed and nothing happened and you just shared the room because it was cheaper
    (this could qualify for Stupid shit cheaters say) -hahaha

  164. Manchump says

    August 6, 2016 at 3:35 pm

    You are definetly a cheater wife if you say to your devoted chump husband after fucking around behind his back, “you just weren’t romantic enough”. Chump response ” oh sorry I was busy going to work and raising 3 young children, and being a loyal person FFS. Yeah sorry about that, not!

    • Tempest says

      August 6, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Manchump–you can never please a cheater. If you’d sprinkled red rose petals on the bed every date night and kissed up her leg, she’d have complained the rose petals stained the sheets and you didn’t ask her if she wanted you to kiss her leg. They find whatever criticism will get them the most leverage (in terms of a chump owning a fault) and then run with it. No wonder interaction with cheaters makes us wonder if stabbing ourselves in the eye with a fork might be more pleasurable.

  165. Chumptacular says

    August 6, 2016 at 6:09 pm

    You might be a cheater if, after your wife finds evidence that you cheated and you deny it, you still crane your neck to look at every young woman that passes by (like a kid in a candy store).

  166. Shechump says

    August 6, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    Ditto the comments on – We are all writing the Cheater’s Manual.
    Tempest, you start working on it – you know, with all your free time. 😉
    This needs to be compiled.

    What started out as a Fun Friday became an increasingly triggering and sad post after reading every one.
    The audacity of the pain these cheaters bring out.
    I’m so sorry for everybody that went through this pain.

    The X did 90% of these things.
    But, I have one question to ask.
    Dying to know because I never caught him actually texting or emailing his harlot. (thankfully)
    He used his work phone and wouldn’t give me password access. (Top Secret)

    OK, so since he slept with it under his pillow, showered with it, went out on secret walks, stayed up til 1am texting on it when he had so be up at 4am for work (asleep by 8pm) He always said he was watching the Japanese market. wth>
    He used to be so tired he’d take 6 hr naps after work.

    So, my question is – What the hell are these two star-struck lovers talking about??
    I am dying to know what keeps them glued to these phones and the need to text during family dinners and faking watching t.v.
    How do they have SO much to talk about?
    I mean, when we were dating, sure – we racked up a lot of phone calls being 500 miles apart, but not having the need to talk to him 25 times a day. (this was old fashioned email and expensive landlines for long distance) I guess we kept the romantic tension hot while on our rare phone calls twice a week.
    Don’t they get bored with this school-aged note-passing?

    Anybody, please, help me.
    What do they possibly have to talk about so much?

    Thank you.

    (I can’t get over the fact anybody would take a shot while shitting on the toilet – oh, that’s respect all right. But, I guess their penis is hard right before that happens)

    • Annie Get Your Gun says

      August 6, 2016 at 7:27 pm

      I’m with you. When I started catching on I checked the verizon bill. I had no reason to check it before. I texted 2x more than both sons combined. Over 300 per day. Unless he was sending one letter at a time like a sixth grade coded message. I really didn’t want to see his text because the one he sent to me by mistake and got him busted was enough, “Goodnight my georgeous girlfriend. I love you.”

      • Finally realized says

        August 10, 2016 at 1:53 pm

        The majority of the texts I saw were either juvenile sexual innuendos (“You said come! CUM!”) (“I love the way you rock me!”) (“I can hardly walk after that!!!”) or their secret love code in which they had to guess what each letter meant, as in ICWUYRIMA (I cant’ wait until you are in my arms). Some were practical – like when he was arriving from the airport to their Disney World hotel and trying to find the pool where she was waiting in her new bikini…..I guess he was too excited to figure it out without her help. Various airport gates, “Where are you?” “In the bar…” “In the bed waiting for you! Get up here! Muah!”
        Also many written from various planes after take off, reviewing the wonderful tryst which had just ended, and yearning for each other; the agony of being apart.

        When I quietly notified him that I knew about the affair, he stared at me and then declared, “You read my phone texts??! That is so junior high school!” My immaturity disgusted him, apparently. LOL.

        The fact that I read his texts by accident while searching for a family member’s phone number in an emergency was beside the point.

        • Anita says

          August 10, 2016 at 2:33 pm

          Finally, those texts you read show the truth about these affairs: they are just abnormal behavior, like their maturity level reverted to junior high. So juvenile. What adults act like that, besides cheaters.?

    • Manchump says

      August 7, 2016 at 6:33 am

      Shechump when I was in CIA phone mode I got my ex s phone and downloaded 8000 texts from AP . I read every single message , very ordinary reading but most of it like 80% was stuff that you would send your partner like I miss you, or just talking about daily work activities . then 10% of it were messages organising secret meetings, or bitching about chump . The other 10% was them arguing with each other , had a laugh, at those ones . It was very sobering because after reading all those messages I sort of knew exactly what to do then. There was no going back. Trust that they suck..

  167. NoMoreEvil says

    August 6, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    You might be a cheater if…you purposely pick a fight with your wife over something stupid and then say, “All we ever do is fight,” and then try to use the fight as an excuse to leave, but when your wife doesn’t take the bait and doesn’t react to your manufactured drama, you say you are leaving anyway and mumble out loud, “This would be much easier if we were fighting!’

    • oaktree says

      August 7, 2016 at 4:08 pm

      OMG, my stbxw did exactly that with me. She would argue both sides of the issue just to keep us bickering at each other. I am very sad.

      • Kar marie says

        August 7, 2016 at 4:49 pm

        Yeah me too. Asswipe would pick fights and we never fought before. Sigh. Takes a long time to get past all this shit.

        • Finally realized says

          August 10, 2016 at 1:56 pm

          Same here.

  168. Nyra says

    August 6, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    You might be a cheater if …
    -when asked if you were involved with a young female at work, you ask “which one?”
    -when your wife finds out about your credit card purchases for “dates” with prostitutes, you give her the deer in the headlights stare when she says she’s certain that you then had no problem taking women up on free offers
    -when you tell your wife that someone from work sent some gift wrapped food home with you, you dramatically say “ya, ya,YA that’s who!” when she asks if it was your younger female subordinate
    -you stop having relations with your wife to invest in more exercise time and spend over $100 on your special skin care products when your wife is struggling to feed and cloth the family
    -you don’t tell your wife where you go, what you buy, or what you are doing because she’ll get angry

  169. Roberta says

    August 6, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    Shechump, from the sexting and texting I saw, and made copies for the lawyer, it seems it was all fantasy and very sexual. He would tell her he was going to take her to “space mountain” and then she would say he had to “put out her fire so his “fire hose” had better be big!” Lord, the dumbest shit you’ve ever read in your life. Then they would text telling each other that “nothing would or could get in the way of thier pure love”, or the Schmoopie was expressing her fear that he may change his mind and stay with me. That would set off a flurry of texts from him or really bad poems about how he just couldn’t live without her! Anyways, this is the shit they usually say. Just a waste of time and results in a huge bill! It’s all crap that even the most love struck fourteen year old wouldn’t bother writing! At least in my case it was this ridiculous!

    • Shechump says

      August 6, 2016 at 10:45 pm

      Thanks for the ‘insight’, Roberta.
      I do.not.get.it.

      The X was a workaholic and if he didn’t get to bed by exactly 8pm, he was pissed off at everybody for making a noise.
      He woke up at 4:30 am religiously to get to work for 36 yrs.

      How could he stay up half the night telling some woman (who also has to work the next day) assuring her his hose could put out her fire.
      My God. This sounds so juvenile! I mean, seriously?
      For all hours of the night?
      How long can that talk go on for?
      For those secret walks he took on Sat & Sundays by himself with his phone every where he went.

      No wonder I was going nuts. None of it made sense.

      I suppose this is when they escalated it to make plans to get me to leave the house.
      Oh, he thought he was soo fucking smart.
      He started treating me so badly that I thought about getting an apt just to get away from him.
      I mentioned that once and the next day he looked up a realtor and went looking for small houses for me 1/2 hour away.
      I’m like WTF?

      I KNOW they planned for her to move into my home.
      He got so cocky he thought he could actually get away with this, in a divorce court!
      She would move in while I was gone and even started to do some landscaping in my yard.

      So, I’m sure that’s probably 1/2 their big plan while tiddling their thumbs along on their little fuck phones.

      I’m just glad I didn’t see any of those texts.

      • Shechump says

        August 6, 2016 at 10:48 pm

        For the record – everything totally boomeranged on him.
        He got nothing he thought he would.
        bwaha

        • Roaring says

          August 7, 2016 at 12:16 am

          Shechump, I’m so glad this turned out well for you.

          If STBX’s whore had tried to do any gardening at MY house, I would be in prison for murder right now.

          By now I shouldn’t be astounded at the audacity of these assholes, but I am. Every single time.

        • Roberta says

          August 7, 2016 at 7:22 am

          She chump, I know exactly what you are talking about. My Ex was Mr. Military, everything by the book, grounded in real life……then he went totally off the rails! I had no idea who the Hell he had turned into or why, but he was someone else nearly overnight. You couldn’t reason with him, get him to see that what he was doing was self destructive and destroying his family and hers. And for what??? He became addicted to doing anything he wanted! I also know the plan to have Schmoopie take over your house, car, life, etc. Schmoopie and my Ex thought I would just run away and leave everything behind. They were totally wrong! Once I got done my Ex had little to nothing. I got everything! Once the divorce was final and he moved in with her in Fla. he was unemployed and got sick, real sick. By then the honeymoon was nearly over for these two turds. The relationship ended with a whimper. The great “Twu wuv” was over after four months of actually living together, but they had destroyed thier “real, solid, lives”! The marriages and assets they had worked all thier lives to enjoy were gone! Consequences suck! Her ex husband has since remarried so she is going to have to search out a new boyfriend on Facebook I suppose. My ex hangs around hoping that I’ll let him come back and remarry him. It’s all very sad! He is 61 years old now, no assets, no job, poor health and his kids want little to do with him. He gets no sympathy from anyone after the way he treated me. Schmoopie is mid fifties and has a minimum wage job. She left a husband who was a quarter million dollar earner! Again, consequences suck! It’s hard to turn back the clock on your bad behavior. I’m sure she misses her beautiful home near the beach, her country club and the respect of her kids!

          • Roberta says

            August 7, 2016 at 7:31 am

            Also, my ex’s Schmoopie would actually introduce herself as me! Yep, she would come to my tiny town and use my name! Talk about creepy! My lawyer and I put the brakes on that real quick! If she had come to my house to garden and landscape then she would have become fertilizer in a heartbeat! She’s a big steamy pile of manure anyways, might as well put her to good use!

          • Kar marie says

            August 7, 2016 at 7:39 am

            Asswipe and whore juice plotted to get me in a rental so they could have everything with me fighting to sell my house to get another house. What ever he came up with the answer was no. I may be a chump but im not that stupid. The whore would pay all the bills on our house while i was being paid for elsewhere, yeah that would have lasted! Asswipe was pissed off royally cause i wouldnt take the deal of the century and i did not trust either of them. He was pissed i didnt trust him! Ha! The whore just imformed him she has a new boyfriend and they will just be friends. Second time she pulled this and played him. Amazing how a strong alpha male can get sucked into a 50 year old 14 year old drama bullshit. What an ass! He got played! Again! He is a whiny little bitch pod! Fucker.

            • Roberta says

              August 7, 2016 at 8:03 am

              Kat Marie, it’s jaw dropping isn’t it? They let thier little whores try to call the shots in your divorce. Mine actually brought his personal papers home so I went through them. On each and every page of any settlements I tried to get him to agree to the ONLY writing is that of his whore!! I asked him if he made even ONE decision on his own and he just stood there and looked at the ground! This bitch thought I was stupid or something because after having lung cancer surgery that left me with a half of a lung she had the audacity to write over my proposal for spousal support, “Roberta can work!” Really???? There just has to be a warmer place in Hell for these greedy, immoral assholes! I figure she is getting her payback in aces! Little Miss country club, rich bitch doesn’t have that status anymore. She actually has to work now and she has a minimum wage job! Me? I have everything I am certain that I worked for after 41 years of marriage! I wasn’t about to give it to her plus my husband! So, you might be a cheater if….. You truly believe your wife is as stupid as your whore says she is and you end up losing the life you could have had because little Miss Schmoopie was sooooo smart and sooo hot that you couldn’t keep it in your pants! I figure these two assholes, who aren’t together today, got just what they deserved! I have zero sympathy for them!

              • Kar marie says

                August 7, 2016 at 8:33 am

                I totally agree roberta. Whore juice broke his heart twice oh my someone else is gonna get all that money! He would believe a toad if it would give him bondage sex. Asshole!

  170. blindersoff says

    August 6, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    Your mistress found out you had another girlfriend and told your wife to get even

    • BetterDays says

      August 6, 2016 at 9:11 pm

      Dang.

      Mine had a whore in our hometown and one in each of the two cities he traveled to. (These are the ones I know about.) Was anyone else surprised their cheater was such a stud (or studette)?

  171. Drew says

    August 7, 2016 at 2:53 am

    You might be a cheater if…
    You wait till your wife goes to bed every night and you stay up late to im/text/call/Skype Schmoopie (Or jack off to porn. So much easier than having an authentic relationship IRL).
    You spend hours at the Racquetball club “working out.” And in twenty plus years of marriage and kids you have subtly made this sport your own thing because it’s so much easier to lead your fucked up double life. Not one of your kids plays the sport because taking them to your club through the years was “inconvenient,” and now that they are adults they can see how screwed up this is.Towards the end of the marriage you are spending most of your extra time there. Like Saturday and Sundays, and still I trusted you.
    You “work” long hours and when you do go on vacation with your family, you are depressed, irritable, and a drag to be around. You let your in-laws pick up the tab and talk shit about them to your wife.
    You pick fights with your wife. Over stupid stuff. Winning is that important.
    You compete with your son and you belittle him because he is most like your wife. You let your youngest daughter think that her worth is wrapped up in her looks (and not who she is.) When you tell your eldest daughter you’re divorcing her Mom, you cry and share that whole ILYBINILWY speech.
    You are embarrassed when out in public with your family, but you still play the crowd like a politician (or a Sparkley double life Cheater turd).
    You go out to dinner with your family and then spend the entire time talking to the
    waitstaff.
    You stop attending your high school children’s activities because you have a girlfriend out of state and she needs you.
    You play fast and loose with money, and money has become a big issue. You: Refinance the house. Purchase vehicles you don’t need. Dump your 401k and put it into your retirement account. You do this because your spouse is still unaware of the skank OW. You are entitled to a financially sound future and your spouse isn’t.
    You make good money but it’s only okay for you to spend it, it’s not okay for your wife to buy anything.
    You purchase cell phones for your entire family so you can call Schmoopie on a private line (and not the State phone, lol).
    You travel more to tournaments and you let your wife know you’d rather not have her (or the kids) there as “we can’t afford it.”
    You rob your kid’s college savings account so you can take Schmoopie to Florida.
    You tell everybody what a good parent your spouse is but that *you* were only “together for the kids.” Like having a parent who’s living a lie and who will eventually blow that family up is a good thing…
    You are evasive. Future plans hell, from one day to the next.
    You can not make any decisions regarding our future.
    You hang out with male friends who talk badly about their families/spouses/children.
    Your friends are Cheaters, divorced, and fucking around. Peter Pans.
    You make unilateral decisions. Your vasectomy. Soliciting a transfer, moving away from friends and family for your job, and then telling your spouse, after it is a done deal. Two more great decisions, A 33k truck and a 1800 dollar vacuum. WTF!?!
    You punish your wife by criticizing everything she does, you are perfect though. (And then wax poetic two years later when Schmoopie shares those exact same interests).
    Enough already. Looking back, ex was selfish, entitled, competitive, secretive, and disengaged. “You are not the boss of me!” And what I do/want matters more than what anybody else wants. I also believe he was shallow, incapable of empathy and of loving others in an intimate way. He was however a great actor. Sparkley. Held down many great jobs. Was active in the community and well liked. I was fooled for a long time.

    • Nyra says

      August 7, 2016 at 7:50 am

      It sounds like I was married to his twin!

      • Roberta says

        August 7, 2016 at 8:08 am

        You might be a cheater if
        You allow your Schmoopie to call all the shots in your personal financial life and divorce because you think she is “wicked smart!”

        You might be a cheater if
        You put Schmoopies name on all your bank accounts and when you break up, she empties each one so you have 0.00 money and you “just can’t believe she did that to you!!” Shocker!

        • Roaring says

          August 7, 2016 at 12:09 pm

          Roberta, hahahahah! I LOVE to read about them falling victim to their own schemes! It’s also sorta validating to discover that THEIR twu wuvs were even worse than they are!

          STBX fell deeply in wuv with his fave webcam whore. In twu wuv, send her all our savings. But surprise! She was scamming him. He still can’t believe it.

          Hahahaha. Dummies.

    • Lola Granola says

      August 8, 2016 at 7:10 am

      Selfish, entitled, competitive, secretive, disengaged, sparkly, popular. That’s our Sinister Minister all right.

      Right from the cheater’s playbook.

  172. Doingme says

    August 7, 2016 at 10:46 am

    Oh, Roberta it’s shocking to them, imagine that.

    You might be a cheater if you find yourself living in a 200 year old dumpy, dingy second floor apartment with a whore who Is mentally I’ll, losing you business, the respect of your children, have to sell your precious car to pay the bills, and have to pretend you like her dog, fucked up son and become grandpa to her grandchild.

    He’s not the first serial cheater who picked door number three and lost everything because the easy way was believing the whore was a dream girl.

    I was finally able to see clearly that I did indeed gain the life I deserved. At 59 he’s not a catch for anyone unless STD’s count.

    Xoxo Roberta.

  173. Anita says

    August 7, 2016 at 11:39 am

    You might be a Cheater …

    If your spouse suspects you of being a cheater.
    Or if your spouse is ” jealous and insecure “.

    Except in the few rare instances where cheaters accuse the spouse of being a cheater to divert attention from themselves, 99% of the time if you suspect them of cheating or are “jealous and insecure ” it is because they are cheating. Same with “spying” on them. It’s for a reason, this does not happen in a vacuum.

  174. Chumptoth9thdegree says

    August 7, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    You might be a cheater if… You get 7k plastic surgery while I am in chemo and radiation because your ‘man boobs’ from steroids make you feel worse then me with stage three cancer… According to you. It’s all about me and they don’t go with your 8 pack abs. Your not cheating you just want to do something nice for yourself because your suffering from my cancer talk…. Like get the fat sucked from your moobs (man- boobs) …. And can I take care of you while you revover. How dare I bring up my suffering – your looks are important too. You can’t bare to look at yourself if you don’t get it done right now…. Guilt me into the urgency of it….

    Then I find that all your ‘clients’ have two numbers – one that’s really them- and one that’s a girl that sends you sexting pics … Sure ‘Bob’ your client was ‘pretending’ to be a playmate that wants to see your dick… Your work clients always joke like that!

    • Datdamwuf says

      August 7, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      That is so fucked up 9th. Jedi hugs!

  175. Roberta says

    August 7, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    These assholes really are idiots aren’t they? And the level of evil selfishness never ceases to amaze me! I mean really? Your wife is suffering through cancer and you get cosmetic surgery and want to be pampered while you recover?? WTF??? At least mine had the decency to be gone screwing his Schmoopie while I went through the worst part of cancer treatment! When I was diagnosed with cancer, his Schmoopie sent him articles downplaying how bad my condition was. Treating it as if it was a cold I would recover from. She is a callous bitch! But once lover boy was diagnosed with cancer she rang the alarm and had to figure out where the lifeboat was so she could jump ship on him! Serves him right! Then to add to the shit stew we are served, we find ourselves in our late to early 60’s and we poor chumps are hung out to dry! I figure that what goes around comes around. I can’t wait to see what happens to his dearest Schmoopie in the future. I wish a pox on the bitch! You can be sure that I will want a front row seat to that show!

  176. Let go says

    August 7, 2016 at 4:51 pm

    With just a little tweaking you now havre THE CHEATER’S HANDBOOK.

  177. Smart is Hard says

    August 7, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Ah…..you might just be a cheater if you empty your personal checking and savings to buy gift cards so that your Ashley Madison and Adultfriendfinder gold memberships are untraceable…..

  178. Tiana says

    August 7, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    I think CL should do a post about volunteers and doormats. The chumps who actually accept the affair, and desperately beg for love from someone that obviously doesn’t love them back. The chumps who have a don’t ask don’t tell policy because they have no self-respect left. The ones who can only say ‘But I love him.’ and the ones that prefer to model dysfunctional relationships to their children. Some chumps never have ‘enough’ and may just enjoy drama and pain.

    • Chumptothe9thdegree says

      August 7, 2016 at 10:52 pm

      It’s very obvious you are trying to deflect or make excuses for your own bad behavior. You want attention. You love being mean. Write a cold hearted jab at the people here to punish us – we love pain?

      You won’t even care for these responses because you clearly lack empathy. But your need cake. Yes? Cake needing ‘Tiana the great’ thinks we all deserve it.

      Naturally we all asked for it right? We love the drama? The life we built in love for years is all imploding because they Don’t love us anymore.

      Your supposing we were told. You think my ex told me he didn’t love me? No – he talked of plans for travel and buying more investments, more children. How we would grow old and he couldn’t live without me.

      What did he tell the women he lied to? Probably that I was hortible? He used me to get other women. His beautiful model/actress woman wasn’t doing it for him- he just stayed with me out of pity… Blah. Blah…poor sad sausage. He just needed a slutty average skank to really make him feel good?

      Naturally whatever liars tell women to get them to feel ok spreading legs. He’s a hero- we know it’s over and we are ok with it? so it’s ok if he fucks you? Please – Tiana you might be a girl like this? Do you have a smoo pie on the down low?

      Our partners had us fooled. They had empathy with seduction, charm, shared values, time, commitment, or so we genuinely thought.

      With you ‘Tiana’ you are showing no charm- so it’s easy to see your trying to incite a fight. That is what you get off on. Had my ex been as clearly cold as you I would have never fell in love.

      Clearly people don’t enjoy pain and drama. Many of us here have asked if something is off, to work hard to be great partners. Only to be told were imaging it. We are gaslit and told were paranoid. They use our goodness as our weakness and exploit us. They are steps ahead of us.

      By time we Confirm we have indeed been lied to – We have shared love, families, homes, businesses, often many years, entire friend networks with these people.

      Of course we will give them the benefit when they say there not doing anything. And when we know… 100% they broke our commitment-

      They blame us- it was us who worked too hard on the business or paid attention to the children or didn’t have sex everyday… It’s always an unfair fight with a person who has the advantage.

      The one playing on the others love – commitment – investment against them. You can say whatever you like- but ultimately when you break a commitment with lies, cheating, and abuse- it is no ones fault but the cheater. Leaving first is on the one who’s unhappy – anything else is just selfish.

      I was sold a lie. I fell in love with a liar. And I was all the way in for years before I knew. Sick with cancer… This man told me he loved me 10 times a day, text me he loved me, spent every night in our home.

      People fight for the love they have. The use there own set of principals and character sometimes and think their lover is capable of the life they told us we had with them was real- and true. Thats how they got us.

      Thinking you can just disappear from years together, children, places together, businesses together- that thinking about what it means to blow up your life might make you pause- take your time – wish, hope, and try to keep your family together- That’s compassion, empathy, love. I have all that. I will def work on my ‘too much kindness and love’ problem. I’d rather have that problem then be my ex who is having to lie through life to use people to chase the thrill of being a slave to cake even if I burn people’s lives down.

      Tiana I think this is the wrong sight for you-you belong on ‘Coldheartedbitchesanonymous.com’

      • CluelessChump! says

        March 29, 2017 at 11:57 am

        Hoorah! Chumptothe9thdegree!! Preach girl!!! We are all behind you!

    • Dixie Chump says

      August 7, 2016 at 10:57 pm

      Pineapple.

    • Shechump says

      August 8, 2016 at 12:32 am

      Tiana – I’m so sorry you are going through this.
      I think most of us loved our cheaters til the very end.

      Here’s a post C/L had back in June about this very subject. Hope it helps.

      http://www.chumplady.com/2016/06/but-i-love-her-him/

      • Shechump says

        August 8, 2016 at 12:37 am

        Well, I obviously read Tiana’s intentions wrong.
        Chumps tend to fall towards the empathy spectrum, not the catty spectrum.
        So, I’m going to throw an umbrella over for Tiana’s pineapple drink.

  179. Sylvia is Sad says

    August 7, 2016 at 11:47 pm

    Tiana,
    I could not comment on this thread because all of the memories were too painful. It made me feel suicidal. It made me sick to remember all the rotten lies I was told so my X could have the thrill of duping me with meth whores.

    This is what you need to understand: I would rather take a beating, with a baseball bat: I would rather have chopped off my little finger: I would rather lose every dollar I have in savings: I would rather have all my teeth knocked out-

    than for my X to have looked me dead in the eye, over and over and lied to me and made me believe that the life we had together was real, when it was all a joke to him. When he was showing up and having sex with me after being inside another woman, gave me an STD and made me feel worthless. I broke up with him immediately, but this is not some badge of honor. It is because I was genuinely afraid that I would murder him and the whore that posted their picture of FB in bed together.

    To have a woman tell me verbatim our conversation, as she listened, and he put his finger over her mouth so I would not hear, to see a woman’s texts to a man I worshipped that ‘her pussy needed that dick.’
    This is in the middle of an active love affair: blueprints for a cabin on 40 acres, a large diamond ring, him doing numerous chores at my house, roses, bringing me little treats that I loved from a Mexican bakery.

    You have no idea what it is like for someone to cruelly and viciously deceive you for their own pathological needs.

    Tangling with a sociopath is to be a victim of a crime. If we were a few hundred years back, the people who perpetrated these frauds would be hanging from the town square. And I would applaud.

    I cannot fathom what joy it would bring you to write your ignorant and vicious post. When you love someone, you do not want to believe the worst. When you have a life together, you cannot accept that you have to throw away homes, children, shared holidays and years of memories because of “a stranger” and the fact that your partner is so duplicitous, and dumb that new genitals cause him to blow up LIVES.

    You are a C U Next Tuesday.

    I deeply hope life will give a helping of the pain you are gleefully dishing out to people who have suffered so terribly, that we have to write here so we will not commit acts of violence against others or ourselves.

    This is not “I have cellulite, I hate my mother in law, I want a Birkin, My coworker is a bitch” pain.

    This is life threatening treason. Do you understand?

    • Shechump says

      August 8, 2016 at 12:55 am

      Sylvia – ‘This is life threatening treason. Do you understand?’

      Bravo Sylvia. Thank you.

      None of these cheaters can possibly have the empathy of a real-true-human-being who knows what love, family and sacrifice is.
      Shallow as a shot-glass as they say.

      The rage the cheater subjects to the innocents around them who love them is probably the cruelest thing to experience.
      All because the whore thinks the family unit is in the way and wants the cheater to herself whatever the cost.
      YOU have no idea when or if they will pull a gun out and shoot his entire family because he thinks you need him. (see shot-glass comment)
      Or, a wife deciding to take you and your family out. You dish out crazy, you will get crazy back.

      Well, Tiana – if you happen to be the slut the X fell for , let me tell you how close you came to committing worse crimes in your ‘passion’. Or caused the cheater to do a crime for you. Ask Datdamwolf about that. Ask me, ask many here, how many times they feared for their lives. Whether from Boiler Bunnies or the pond scum your LT partner became.

      You think this is a game? HA.
      If I were you, I’d be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life.
      I am one who likes to research ways to get away with murder and there are many books about it.

      Not that I would lower myself to your position but you know, I have so much information about you it would make your head spin and I could ruin your life with your grown children and now grandchildren. All I have to do is make one phone call….think about that while you’re spreading your legs to a scumbag.

  180. Tania says

    August 8, 2016 at 3:29 am

    WHAT.. CL herself said volunteer doormats exist (see comments on Tom Jones post). It is something I’m interested in. Not trying to offend ordinary chumps who are trying to move on. I’m talking about the extreme codependent cases. Chumps who accept the affairs.. not talking about chumps working hard yo move on!

    You are scary shechump! Hope you don’t accidentally murder someone!

  181. Shechump says

    August 8, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    Tania – ‘You are scary shechump! Hope you don’t accidentally murder someone!’

    OMG – I couldn’t possibly have every written what I did!
    This is shocking to me.
    I don’t even know you and made an assumption that was based on nothing.

    Where did that anger come from?
    Murder? – Yeah – no, I do NOT read books on it. Just read true crime, really! 🙁

    And, shit – right when I thought I was at Meh.
    Obviously, I have a long way to travel yet.
    I have never written something so ravenously hateful in my life – it came out of absolutely nowhere.

    I would respectfully ask you to accept my apology, Tania.
    I totally misread you and the comments.
    I think my first one was my instinct and then I read other posts and thought I wasn’t reading you correctly.

    I feel like a fool.

    SheJustChumped

    • Serious says

      August 9, 2016 at 4:41 am

      Don’t apologise, Shechump, Tania’s a troll. Her comment was deliberately crafted to provoke.

      • Shechump says

        August 10, 2016 at 7:00 pm

        Thanks, Serious.
        I usually don’t get so angry on this forum.
        I hate being played for a fool. Especially if its a troll that I didn’t notice.

      • Shechump says

        August 10, 2016 at 7:01 pm

        Seriously, the last thing I want to do is insult a real life Chump on this site.

        • Tania says

          August 11, 2016 at 8:09 pm

          I don’t get it. CL just posted something about this woman letting her cheater live with her on the weekends for the kids. And everyone pretty much agrees she is a doormat, oh so pathetic etc.

          But when I mention a doormat everyone gets angry and I’m being accused of being a troll????? Makes no sense.

  182. ItsAJourney says

    August 11, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    He might be a cheater if….
    He takes his secretary for an abortion, “because she doesn’t have anybody she can count on”.

  183. A says

    August 17, 2016 at 10:23 am

    They are not cheaters they are simply male whores & easy makes who can be taken by every woman. Disgusting how cheap they are. Groan!

  184. Baquerizo says

    September 11, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    She is a cheater if tells you that there is an important course to take in a weekend and shows you the reservation in a city 2 hours away driving; sent you a picture from the place she was going to sleep. I zoom it up that picture and see the house number and discover the correct direction was in a different city she was supposed to be. That’s a fucking professional stupid cheater.

  185. Broken Hearted Uni says

    October 30, 2016 at 2:00 pm

    Having a close platonic friend named Shaun who I know and texts you all the time. Then having your affair partner come up on your phone as “Shawn” changing one letter, who’s real name doesn’t even begin with S. This way I’ll think you’ll talking with a platonic friend. Really sneaky.

    • Anita says

      October 31, 2016 at 5:33 am

      Broken Hearted Uni, I think all these dumb fuckers do some variation of the Change the Name in the Phone trick. They think they are all so clever. It only takes a few dollars to do a reverse phone lookup. Dummies.

  186. stupidconcours says

    March 11, 2017 at 2:01 am

    You might be a cheater if you take gas station- get your dick hard pills and troll the casino for gutter rats.

  187. CluelessChump! says

    March 28, 2017 at 10:35 am

    You might be a cheater if you go from a size 38 waist to 28, buy new colorful underwear, shop at Express, tell your wife how many women made googly eyes at you or called you “sexy”, or complimented your new muscular physique, while then, “mentoring” and “giving advice” (secretly sneaking off to meet her) to another man’s wife and mother of 3… (who likes to take a million selfies and boob shots of herself and posts it on FB) just talking, that’s all , get caught, then do it again, but, tell you that you are his world, the love of his life, will never leave you, can’t leave you…. and oh, he swears that they never actually had sex or “skin never touched skin”, but I found screenprints of them sending each other pictures of their genitals… while home with me! ….did i mention he’s 55?…did I also mention after over 30 years of marriage? Ugh! WTF!

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