Oh Chump Nation, I have a dilemma. I just can’t seem to summon my powers of snark on the Brangelina divorce. I suppose it was inevitable. A.) Because the Other Woman is never THAT special. (Insert “If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you” cliche here.) And B.) Anyone so invested in convincing me they are THAT fabulous is flying too close to the sun. You’re going to ignite and plummet to the ground. (See also Elizabeth Gilbert.) Hubris or spackle (what the hell are you covering up?), that shit is not sustainable.
I’m sorry Angelina, Brad Pitt wasn’t a prize. If the rumor mills are true, and she hired a PI and caught him cheating with a co-star, then I do commend her for lawyering up and dumping him immediately. The fact that she wants sole physical custody telegraphs she’s not into conscious uncoupling. She’s got him by the curly short hairs. Hey, if you’re going to divorce a cheater, that’s the way to do it.
But however shall she rebrand? What persona will she invest in next? A plucky, globetrotting single mother of six? UN Ambassador? London School of Economics professor? (She is one. And WTF LSE?! The Fabians are spinning in their graves.)
Perhaps she will get a new tattoo. Or adopt another kid. Or maybe she’ll just distance herself from this entire debacle and fade into obscurity. Or eat a sandwich (as long as we’re listing improbable things.)
Your guess is as good as mine. Enjoy the schadenfreude.
Photo credit CNN.