Whether it’s XOJane, Huffington Post, the Daily Mail, I swear I can’t read anything written by the Other Woman without obligatory “pity” for the poor chump. Shock. Horror. Why does she take him back? She’s a joke! I’m the one he dreams about really, blah, blah, blah.
The publisher knows their readers’ opprobrium will result in more page views, so there’s some cynical programming at work. But OW sites actually LINK to me and I read the same stuff there. The most recent one was some forum on LoveShack for people in extramarital relationships. (WTF? It appears to be a board about relationships, and I guess the editors have elevated fuckbuddies to the status of Legitimate Relationship You May Wish to Tells Others About.) Same deal — what does he see in HER? (the wife). She’s such a fool!
Is it hypocrisy? Projection? (I’m not pathetic, YOU’RE pathetic!) Do they tell themselves they are serving some Higher Purpose (like “improving his marriage”… snort) so it’s all okay? Oh no, I’m not being used! Eyes wide open here!
Or is it sour grapes? The cheater returns to his wife, and the OW thinks, “Why would she take him back, can’t she see he’s a cheater? A loser?”
Hey, OW — a public service announcement.
1) Your disdain for your cheating married man is ridiculous. YOU are a cheater. That loser that you pity the wife for being saddled with? — that’s the guy you wasted your life on, hanging out for hurried fucks, waiting for his furtive texts. Don’t pretend you’re above it — you devoted a lot of yourself to that loser. Traded your dignity for sleazy sex with the idiot. The wife? She had every reason to devote herself to him — she doesn’t know you EXIST. And once she discovers you exist? That’s HER business to contend with, not yours.
You’re going to judge her for her poor choice in partners? Bitch please, you CHOSE THE SAME GUY. Only he put a ring on it with the wife. That’s the one he’s seen in public with, and you’re the dirty secret. She doesn’t KNOW he’s a cheater. You DO — and yet YOU CHOOSE him over and over and let him fuck you, because apparently you’re not very discriminating.
2) Yes you got used. You think you were using him for sex? It was all very mutually gratifying and no one gets hurt? Bullshit. You hurt the chumps in this equation and you stole from them. And as much as I don’t care for you, you stole from yourself. You robbed yourself of the opportunity to love someone honestly and above board. Your self esteem is such that you accept this second-hand, used goods status, and then you want to dress it up as sophisticated and all-knowing? You can’t put lipstick on that pig. He uses you, you’re not special. You want proof of that? He goes home to a wife. And probably other OW too.
3) You are not enlightened. You are not part of the universal sisterhood. You aren’t a credit to our gender. You’re a throwback to an unenlightened age where men are this Valuable Resource without whom we have no economic or social status. So we must compete for them, by any means necessary. Lie, steal, cheat, spread your legs, do anything — all so that Important Man Chooses You.
Yeah, you want to dress this shit up like you don’t need a man. You just extract the best from him and leave the drudge work to his wife. You want us to believe you’re some femme fatale, the one he really thinks of, the all powerful seductress. You peddle the absurd notion that you’re a feminist really.
If you’re so all powerful and irresistible, what are you doing on a hook up site? Why are you poaching from the Taken pool? I mean, with super powers like yours, gosh, you could have any available man, right? So why not test that shit out in the open market place? Why the secrecy and the life half lived in the shadows?
You are not powerful. You demonstrate the most mortifying kind of weakness — desperation.
You want to project that desperation on to married women? Well you’re right. They are desperate after they find out about you. Their entire world, What They Thought They Had, crumbles. They have deep investments. Children. Mortgages. Shared years together. Family. In the beginning, yes, they usually are desperate to hold all that together and hold on to their husbands.
But here’s the difference between you and them — they kick ass. In time they do the thing you can’t do — they stand up for themselves. They demand better. They go it alone. They survive and rebuild. They ARE a credit to their gender.
You feed on the carrion of that dead marriage.
And you have the nerve to condescend to us?
Excerpted from a previous column.