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Ghoulies and Ghosties and Long-Legged Beasties and Things That Cheat in the Night

halloween-facebook-costume-funny-ecard-ojrToday’s Fun Friday Challenge is to create a Halloween scenario for cheaters. This shouldn’t be much of a stretch here, folks. What’s more heart-stopping and stomach-churning than infidelity? You can approach the Scary anyway you want.

Horror film trailer? It came from the Deep, trailing a path of slime and ooze…IT WANTS YOUR FAMILY!!…IT BOILS BUNNIES! It’s… GRIZELDA!!! #shesjustafriend

Halloween costume idea? (Please avoid the obvious — cheaters disguise themselves as human.) Trick or treat suggestions? Halloween games cheaters can play? Bobbing for bimbos!

Let your imaginations run wild. And maybe enjoy a little early Halloween chocolate. (I won’t tell.) TGIF!

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Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • The OM was a true monster! Dr Strangelove masqueraded as her respectable 20+ yr older OBGYN before fucking my XW and stealing her away with his narc charm. And once he had her he beat her up. Part Prince Charming part lecherous c*nt. Beware of spreading your legs for Dr Strangelove

  • My STBX is that one piece of candy that DOES have a needle in it, that apple with the razor blade, that homemade popcorn ball with poison…
    Should have dumped my candy bag and been selective instead of choosing that treat on the top.

  • If neighbors who weren’t home left out a bowl of candy with a sign to “take one”, cheater would dump the whole bowl into his sack and giggle for getting away with it.

  • For Halloween this year, Fucktard and Cunt Face MD will be going as Romeo and Juliet — after all, their love was forbidden yet could not be denied. On closer examination, Fucktards tights are stained and have runs in them, his codpiece is more then slightly eschew (and leaning to the left, as always) and his doublet is too tight and clearly made for a much, much younger troubadour. Unfortunately for Fucktard he left his feather cap on “the cot in the mainframe room”, so his rapidly expanding bald spot is shown in all of it’s glory.
    Lady Cunt Face MD on the other hand dress is a sparkling wonder. Until you look closely and realize the sequins are really the tears of the children (hers and Fucktards) whose lives she has blithely destroyed. Her hem is ragged, the stains around the bodice are better left unidentified, and her pointy hat is filled with knives (her preferred method of threats and manipulation). Cunt Face MD is truly a Princess in every sense of the word, with cowering nursemaid behind her acquising to her every demand…no wait, that’s not a nursemaid – that’s Fuctardeo, Fuctardeo – where for art thou, Fucktardeo?

  • Ex’s costume should just be his regular clothes but with his Pants on Fire. As in Liar, Liar, pants on fire! He was proven to be a pathological liar, time and again.

    Mr. Nice Guy could alsi have a mask that’s his face, and even when he takes it off you see the true, deep ugliness where his soul SHOULD be.

    • Get him one of those Galaxy Note 7s. Tell him to be sure to put it in his pocket for safe keeping. Very soon his pants will literally be on fire!

      • Yes, all cheaters are liars. So we need multiple factories making the pants.

        I think lying is the worst personality trait you can have, cause like they say Satan is the Father of Lies, and it really just leads to all other sins. Sorry for the religious undertone but that’s what I think.

        We are always talking about Fixing your Picker on here. It’s probably really easier than you think. Just watch the person for signs of being a liar. They might fool you with not being overt with cheating, etc, but they will lie. I never realized what a liar the ex was till I found out he was a cheater.

        White lies. Lies of omission. Deliberate deception, it all counts. And it’s all an indicator of character. Or lack thereof.

        • I 100% agree about the lying and also about the Father of all Lies.

          The first time I heard my ex lie, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and it unnerved me. The lie had something to do with the Mountain Dew I purchased while on Spring Break. And he told the lie to the people we were sharing a room with. I’ll file this lie under the category of “Stupid and Unnecessary Lying.” I remember thinking, “why did he lie about the Dew?”

          This was the first of many Unnecessary Lies, lying by omission and just outright lying to my face and other people’s faces.

          He’s a snake who can look you right in the eye and lie without blinking.

          • Yes, I agree. Mine lied to me about voting of all things! Just why? I really heard him when he said everything was easier with OW. She has much lower expectations, and he struggled with mine in many areas of life – honesty, faithfulness, work ethic, and, yes, even civic duty.

            • Exactly!! Just why about the unnecessary lies?!

              Years upon years of stupid lies. For years I thought it was me, not remembering something right even though I have a great memory. Or hearing him say he never ever watched “The Brady Bunch” or “Gilligans Island”, but somehow knew the theme songs for tons of TV shows. When I questioned him about how does he know the songs if he never watched the shows, he said it was “Common knowledge.” I can’t tell you how many times he used the Common Knowledge Card to either lie or to put me down when I thought I’d share something interesting I learned. I’d find out something obscure but interesting thing that came out in the news or online that day, and I’d share it with him and he’d say, “That’s common knowledge.” Of course I stop sharing stuff with him. Who needs to be made feel less than or “everyone already knew about that except for you, stupid.” He never said those words to me, but that’s how I felt when he’d say “that’s common knowledge.”

              I finally stood up to him a few years ago. For some reason he had to tell an Unnecessary Lie to our kids. At the dinner table we all were talking and for some reason the movie “Monster University” came up. We all went together as a family to see the movie a few years before. My ex lied and said he’d never saw the movie. What?!! He sat to the right of me and both kids sat to the right of him. We loved the movie, exchanging laughs and glances throughout. We went to dinner afterwards. But for some stupid, unnecessary reason he lied and said he never saw it! When I confronted him later that evening about what he said, he once again lied and said he never saw it. Gaslighting at it’s best! He later went on the computer and looked up his “XYX Family Day” Excel family file, the file he decided to make it chronicle what we did as a family. Yeah, he’s douchebag ass who made a record of what we did together as a family. I’m sure he didn’t want the kids to ever say, “Dad, you never did anything with us”, so the ass started a excel file after I convinced him to take one day off a “work/ho-worker”, because the kids were growing up and one day they’d be gone and on their own. So he started this stupid file and documented what we did with them. Who the fuck does this?!!!! So he looked up on his file and had no record of him going to see the movie. What kinda stupid person does he think I am?! Hello?!! McFly?!! It’s his file and he can easily delete and add to it. With a highlight and a stroke of the delete button it was gone. Why would someone lie about not going to a movie that they went to? A total sociopath, that’s who!

              • Power. Knowledge is power; if a cheater can convince you of something, or without a piece of information you need, it grants them POWER in their puny little minds.

              • My ex was obsessed with excel spreadsheets too, recording every penny that he spent on every single thing. OCD. And yes, future ammunition. The demeaning was similar too, his preferred method being to pretend to listen to something I said, then say, “Word to the wise [and complete opposite of facts I just stated]. Gaslighting.

              • Oh, mine had an excel file schedule of dates and times he was screwing his various whores.

                There were so many, he felt the need to keep track of it in a spreadsheet, I guess.

                That was just one of the many little gems I found after D-Day and sadly couldn’t use, being in a no-fault states.

              • Oh yeah, the Excel SPREAD sheets… I used to call my ex the King of Excel. That was before I knew he had a 1000+ rows spread sheet of porn stars. He also used to keep an excel spread sheet of my periods so he could avoid scheduling a vacation when I wasn’t available to service his needs. Because putting your mouth on a stripper’s asshole is fine but having sex with your wife on her period? Euwwwww.

        • When I was growing up my father thought liar was a curse word. He always said that was the worst thing you could call someone because it showed total lack of character and integrity. Unfortunately, I married the world,s greatest liar.

    • Ex would also need to carry a battery powered lantern that he can brighten and dim, to represent all the gas lighting he so enjoys. But that is really just a variation of lying, isn’t it?

      His other preferred technique is blame shifting so maybe he could carry a sign that says ,” I blame HER” and shift it from side to side ( shifting). Every time we discussed his lying, cheating, whoring ways he tried to immediately turn it to me and the fact that I am Fat and Lazy. Oh well, at least I’m not a lying whore.

          • Yes, it is ALWAYS the cheated on’s fault. Didn’t you get the memo?

            As far as Fuck Him, lol, is rather not. What a waste of time. Any guy who is with ex for sex is in for a sorry surprise.

        • You, too, Anita? My piles of kids’ school papers and extra sets of chinaware drove my X into the crotch of gradwhore, according to him. And also that I didn’t “listen to him” (read: “obey him”) about said piles of paper.

          • Oh jeez, the piles!!! The Evil One was a man cave/office bit I wasn’t allowed to have any type of extra space whatsoever, cause I have a classroom and keep my crap there, until he found my journal and calendar documenting all of his dirty deeds and all nighters …then of course he tried to “make space”, but I refused….
            Funny thing is,my piles are contained now, hhhmmmm, thanks for the extra space, fucker

  • Asshat would be that guy in Silence of the Lambs- the one dressed in the skins of his prey. Kinda looks like a person from faraway. Up close, the !horror! of a thing dressed in human skin to *appear* to be human himself.

    • Yes, what about Edgar the Bug from MIB? He’s really a intergalactic cockroach dressed in human skin masqueradeing as a human.

      • Oh jeez, the piles!!! The Evil One was a man cave/office bit I wasn’t allowed to have any type of extra space whatsoever, cause I have a classroom and keep my crap there, until he found my journal and calendar documenting all of his dirty deeds and all nighters …then of course he tried to “make space”, but I refused….
        Funny thing is,my piles are contained now, hhhmmmm, thanks for the extra space, fucker

    • He could go to Halloween parties with Hannibal Lecher, who of course would come dressed as …Hannibal Lechter.

  • My ex’s costume should be evil Superman from Superman III (he has a Superman emblem tattooed on his arm — guess I should’ve spotted the narcissism or Peter Pan-ism when he got it; oh well).

    The best scene in the movie is Clark Kent choking the life outta him in my opinion.
    🙂

  • Mine actually is the same nationality and has the same name as the villainous character in the movie titled The Mask! Their smiles are similar, too!

    • With 6 months of occasional therapy sessions and a few 12 step meetings to his credit, Dr. Crazy can go as a “Recovered Sex Addict”.

      If anyone can figure out what that looks, please contact me…

      • Yes, a few therapy sessions, and then he can whine, “but I’m tryyyyyyying, can’t you see that?” all the while still banging some whore…

  • Mine would be dressed as Mary and bf would be Jesus. They would have signs declaring the love and forgiveness of God while stopping at various houses to frolic and commit adultery.

  • Close your windows and lock your doors, but still you won’t be safe. For if you have the INTERNET, this treacherous slithering monster will find its way into your home. If you’re a gymnast… he’s a gymnast. If you’re a single swinger… he’s single swinger. If you’re unloved and just wanting to find one special person for the rest of your life… he’s your guy! And best of all, he’ll tell you he’s a Bi MWM or a DWM with his wife and kids blithely sitting in the next room. There is no defense against this evil… except NO CONTACT and CHUMP NATION! This film is un-rated because the villain refuses to finish the divorce. #nothingcanprepareyouforthisevil

  • Ex can go as the anchor blazer wearing mayor of Amity (everything’s fine! There’s no shark! Hey my kids were in that water too!) I’ll be forced to go as good ole Chief Brody (somethings wrong, we’re going to need a bigger boat) and his new gal can don a shark costume!(all it does is swim and eat And make baby sharks)

    I love Halloween!

  • I think ex should dress up as a Horny Goat, since its his favorite “enhancer”.

    Do you think if I dressed up as a Beauty Queen (like the one he left me for), he would come back?
    …….nah, I think I will just dust off the (b)witch’s costume instead. Apparently it suits me. 😉

  • My ex is going as his 20 year old self- skinny, pimpled, with hair out to here (the higher the hair, the closer to God!) cuz, you know, he’s not original enough to re-invent himself and feels the need to relive “the best days of his life”, giggle, snort. His soon to be next ex wife is going as Little Ho Peep!!!

          • Thanks Virago! If you like that maybe I should post my 12 limerick ballad that begins…
            “Beware stout old surgeon so sick,
            Country charmer but truly a prick…”

              • Don’t jump to any conclusions Virago. That verse finishes with
                “Craig’s listers he’d bone,
                Often played all alone
                Til one day he broke his own dick.”

                Tasteful???

              • There’s no “Reply’ button for your limerick, Geode.

                Fabulous limerick. I’m more into obscene than tasteful!!!

                A clear case of Philandering Phallus Fractularis, for which the recommended treatment ought to be radical excision.

              • Excellent treatment plan Virago! And I have a urologist standing by – his prior ex, who’s feeling the same sense of karmatic satisfaction I am.

  • Mine would be The Invisible Man. You know, missing from action during all family times, times of illness or need, social interaction, or chores. And now, thanks to No Contact, I don’t ever see him and it’s wonderful!

  • Peter Pan is bouncing off the walls. “Too much candy?” I think. No, he hasn’t hit the houses yet … this is his natural state. He’s outta control …. “Waaaaaaa. I wanna go outside and play!!!! Gimme treats!!! Gimme candy!!! Gimme, gimme, gimme!!!”

    Meanwhile, Mommy Big Boobs is dressing herself up, too, in something inappropriate, and tells him, “Oh, Petey. Don’t go to that witch’s house for Hallowe’en … come to mine. I’ve got candy, and big boobs, and alcohol, and a big screen TV. Now, doesn’t that sound good, Petey? Bwaaa-haaa-haaaa.”

    And Petey goes off to the Land of Disbelief, never to return.

  • My ex gets to play a balding chubby Vietnamese man with a manbun pretending to be Navajo so he convince her to continue financially supporting him even though his “charm” and “humor” wear thin by end of year two.

    All the while his sister wife assassinates any art career in Spanish Colonial tinwork he though he though he might have.

    And that Halloween horror show lasts…all….year…long

  • My xw is going to have to don her Supermom outfit and actually take the kids trick or treating since it’ll be her week with the kids in our first year of divorce. It’ll be her first time taking the kids trick or treating in 4 years. Yep, you read that right. Been taking them by myself for the last 4 years. How on earth did I miss all the red flags???

    • I always took the kids too…but her new narrative to our daughter is she basically raised the kids herself…yeah right even our daughter rolls her eyes at that bullshit..

    • Your costume will be a shirt that says “sane parent”.Hers can read “insane parent”…and on the back it can say ” oh, and I’m a cheating asshole too”.
      Same. My kids are grown now but I think twice he may have tagged along for Halloween.

    • I always take the kids out trick or treating. He hands out candy, I think. I always take them to parties, activities, sleepovers – you name it. I go alone to school stuff except concerts, he goes to those.

      He should be a mocking bird for Halloween. Imitates normal.

  • “Kids! Stay away from Douche’s candy! It looks like Wonka Fun Dip but it’s crushed Ritalin and those aren’t Mentos, they’re THC Zoots! What? Daddy douche says “all the really smart successful VCs are doing it? ” No kids, just say NO!

    On the 31st in an expensive glass high rise apartment with no food in the fridge and no furniture you’ll find Thing 1 and Thing 2 running amok in a drug-fueled fuck frenzy. Thing 1 will be feeling sorry for himself and blaming horrid wife for anything that doesn’t go his way ….waaahaaaaa

    Meanwhile, in a cozy home in the suburbs, a thin beautiful loyal mom is stirring a delicious pot of chili to warm the kids and neighbors who will stop by before they all go trick’o’treating with 25 neighborhood kids. The house and yard are decorated with kid-carved pumpkins, orange lights that cast a happy glow, and the Monster Mash KidBop CD is playing. Apple cider fills the house with the smell of fall.

    Kind mom is dressed as a nurse with a crisp white dress, cute and appropriate for a family evening. Laughing tweenagers are getting ready for the festivities in her bathroom. The dog and cats are curled up on the hearth by the warm fire. Not a cheater in sight! Is Halloween on a Tuesday this year? Looks like it!

  • One daye while ex was here talking about getting back together someone banged my door – the trick was to tell me how long they had been involved (six years) and the treat was to put an end to the pick me dance and false reconciliation. The whole horror show involved them brawling in my house and OW was such a scary monster that ex ran away with claw marks and real blood.

  • Several ideas for mine:
    1-Peter Pan, in an neverending search for youth (not necessarily his own–younger and younger women will do).

    2-Dorian Gray, as he could masquerade as a significantly younger man (including shaving YEARS off his actual age on this AM account). Ooops, looks like time has caught up with him, he’ll have to go as the aging picture instead.

    3-A lovely loaf of home-cooked bread, which looks wonderful on the outside but was made with cockroach-infested flour.

    • Tempest, 1, 2 & 3 are my ex to a tee, particularly No. 1. It appears he is in the bars and clubs with the prostit-tot and it is taking a very big toll. I wanted class and style and he wanted arse and trash. He got his wish. As they say, be careful what you wish for !!! 🙂

    • I like your #3 option! Reminded me of a web page I saved where a enterprising zoo doing Valentines Day fundraising offered to let patrons sponsor / adopt a fancy breed of cockroach – to commemorate those awful relationships that had (hopefully) bit the dust

  • The Cluster Fuck B Sociopath will actually take his mask off and everyone on earth will run for their lives when they see the horror. A writhing maggot factory in an empty corpse. Dead eyes, raging, spewing vomit.
    Cock Slobber will be a Free Jizz Cone machine (you know-similar to a snow cone machine). Jizz is infinitely available from every skanky orifice.
    Ugh those two are just fucking gross.?

  • Mine should go as her senior yearbook picture. She’s been out trying to re-capture that high school magic for years now – with middle school level maturity.

  • I would do a remake of the movies “Fatal Attraction” crossed with “Godzilla” and Psycho”, and call it either “Whorezilla” or “Psycho Slut”. The starring role, of course, would go to glitter pig, who stalked me and my children FOR YEARS after fucktard dumped her. The movie would be especially scary because it would be based on REAL LIFE. (Think 40 texts in under two minutes and calling me, the wife, on the pretext of telling me that something bad had happened to my child). I seriously thought she would attempt to kill me.

  • . . . “You’ve seen them both before as they wreak havoc on all who cross their paths! (Screams!). The Invisible Husband who leaves a trail of dirty socks, misses his children’s birthdays, leaves piles of dishes in the sink and skid marks in the toilets, but is never actually seen by his family!!! (Howls!) and Skankenstein – the most horrible whore of horror filmdom! (Sadisitic Laugh!). She slips into marriages like The Blob slips under doors and covers the innocent family with her putrid slime! (Screech!). For the first time ever, The Invisible Husband and Skankenstein team up in an instant classic – “The Pitiful and the Petulant”!

    “Watch how The Invisible Husband drives his wife insane with gaslighting and passive-aggression! See how Skankenstein invades marriages and destroys them with her thunder thighs and low morals! And when The Invisible Husband and Skankenstein are finally together after decimating all in their paths? This is can’t miss ending! Watch as they destroy each other with their over-weening egos! Will the earth be safe from their treacherous selfishness???? This is THE must-see horror flick of the year!”

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

  • Pee Wee can go as a giant urinal. His side piece is struggling to keep up wrapped tightly in Saran Wrap while chugging gallons of water.

    The horror story – it’s true. The funny part – The marital home was on Elm Street.

  • My ex simply goes as himself, or as a knight in shiny armor.

    I love Halloween, it is my favorite holiday. Yard decorated, etc.
    When we went to Halloween parties ex always hated dressing up, said he did not like pretending to be someone else.
    Now I know, he was pretending to be that good guy for years, the one all our female friends and colleagues went to for relationship advice, etc.

    • “Now I know, he was pretending to be that good guy for years, the one all our female friends and colleagues went to for relationship advice, etc.” <<< Were we married to the same person?

  • It was a creature from a foreign country, disguised as human, but don’t let that sweet smile and empty promises full you…this creature will drain your bank accounts, never show up on time or finish one of its many projects.

    It will subject you to broken down homes and cars with the promise of it will make things better, all the while, it drives the good cars, has the best phones while telling you you don’t deserve better.

    It will literally suck the life and good will out of holidays, parties or any joyous occasion because it feeds off of chaos and pain.

    In the end, it will find other victims to feed off while you stay at home guarding it’s hoarded up nest.

    Run! Hide! Never believe the lies of the alien with the charming accent. Always beware of its actions as they speak louder than words.

  • My costume vision is a cross between Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart” – and Hank Williams singing “Your Cheating Heart” at maximum volume as the soundtrack. (This outfit should work for either gender of cheater too.)

    So imagine a giant pulsating, throbbing plastic (!!) smelly heart with selfish me! Me! ?Me! ?Me! ?flames shooting out from all around it, and no matter what the person wearing this costume tries to say – the Hank Williams lyrics BOOM out instead:. ? “Your cheeeeeeeeting heaaaaart… will tell on youuuuuuu” ?

  • My ex never liked dressing up either. He should go as a 14 year old boy that only thinks about sex, whines about never being happy and throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. Better yet, dress as a big floppy dick!

  • My exh is a firefighter/paramedic who liked to dabble with he nursing staff, so he would go as:
    the male version of cruella de ville with his band of 101 mistresses

    At this Halloween party they will play pin the implants on the nurse. he will pass out travel size packs of Puffs as party favors so everyone can feign crying after they get caught.

      • Yes. Yes they are. I strongly discourage my daughters from dating anyone in that profession. Im sure they aren’t ALL bad, but there are SO many who are. And why waSte time sifting through them all looking for one decent one when a whole world of possibilities exists?

        • I had one too!!! Omg, what a nightmare. Found out that my ex banged women at the station, training auditorium, helicopter hangar, and once he was promoted and had his fire dept vehicle to travel in he would go to their houses to bang them there and just keep his radio on the bed I case he got a call.
          Sick fuck. Your tax dollars at work.

        • Add cops to that list too. I will never date a fireman or an officer. My STBX cop
          husband would come home and tell me stories about other officers hooking up with women on calls, having sex while on duty with women in their department, and constantly cheating on their wives. When he told me the stories, he always acted in disbelief that these men could act that way. Little did I know it was just a front to throw me off the scent. He was just like them… My advice to anyone thinking of dating a cop or fireman is to run the other way!!

          • IMO narcs flock to fire/police careers for the power, control and kibbles. My ex is a paramedic, we were married for 30 years and he married his paramedic howorker before the ink dried on our divorce papers. It takes me over four months to make what these two make in one. Yet howorker’s savings are dwindling, she sold her very nice paid off home to have a larger nicer home with a mortgage and they just seem not to have any money but then he did make all her dreams come true……?

            For Halloween the Horror movie is titled Spawn of Phlegm….dun, dun, dun! The camera focuses on my ex who will arrive fashionably late to the party dressed as ‘himself’ but everyone recognises him as the hero, showing up in the nick of time, walking into a room to save the day and bring victims back from the brink of death…gasp…swoon! Oh and somewhere in the party wifetress is stumbling around the room yuking it up with the good ol boys dressed as a Head Brewer or Brewmaster, depending on her position…lol
            After the charming hero collects his inebriated and now somewhat crumpled Head Master and takes leave of the party, it seems less sparkly and bright, people are sad and bewildered, listless and softly moaning as if someone sucked all the happiness and fun out of them. The horror and nightmare begins…dun, dun, dun! As the camera pans out you see the mask come off our hero revealing……the Narcissist vampire who is berating and browbeating his Head master into a sobbing pile but not before sucking the life out of the partygoers!!….run, scream and run away!!

            • Firefighters and medics leave a bad taste in my mouth. I hope to never need their services. They like being portrayed as heroes. My exh’s last affair partner was the girlfriend of his ambulance partner. His partner died in a helicopter crash serving as a paramedic. He didn’t deserve to die, but he was a cheater also. Anyway, my husband met his partners girlfriend for the first time at his partners funeral. Doesn’t everyone go to funerals to pick up widows?? Anyway, they are both disgusting to me. It was disrespectful to me and his deceased partner both

          • Again striking a huge chord with me! The Evil One was a volunteer Fire Fighter and full time Maintenance Man at a nursing home. Imagine that, a Fire Fighter fucking his nurse howorkers.

  • Monsters. We tell our children they don’t exist. Not only for their peace of mind but for our own. But some monsters are real and they are more terrifying than you could ever imagine.

    Because these monsters you’ll never see coming.

    Oh yes, monsters exist. They are in your homes. They are in your beds. They are wolves in sheep clothing.

    They can be charming, witty and attentive one minute and the next they’ve knocked you to the ground with their savagery and innate inability to cause you deep emotional pain. You’ll question the truth. You’ll beg for mercy. But these beasts have no mercy.

    No one is safe from the Cluster B. These soul-sucking pods sneak into your lives to take everything you hold dear. Your trust, your love, even your own reality. And when they’ve robbed you of everything you value in life, they will stare blankly at you with their cold, dead eyes and convince you it was all your own doing.

    There’s only way to survive an attack from a Cluster B. You must remove their power from them by taking away what THEY hold most dear. Kibbles. Without kibbles these monsters will smolder and crumble like a vampire exposed to sunlight.

    So beware Cluster B’s. Thy day of reckoning is here and thy slayer is named. #ChumpNoMore

  • Mine could go as a bobblehead.

    Whenever I asked him a question, he would just nod and agree……all the while secretly SEETHING that I wasn’t reading his mind. When it was all said and done, I asked him “so what percentage do you think we agreed on things…(chumpy me thought it was 85%)…..he looks at me and says 40-60%
    FOURTY TO SIXTY PERCENT???

    THEN WHY DIDNT YOU EVER FUCKING SAY SOMETHING INSTEAD OF BOBBING YOUR HEAD. idiot.

  • No insult to reptiles intended, but here they are all ready to go trick or . . . er, I mean, to turn tricks.
    If they stand real close together like this they can do the trick on the sly. They think. Everyone notices. They don’t care.

  • My fucktard ex is a detective/cop. The first Halloween after he left his family, his skank dressed up as a police officer (the slutty version I am sure) and fucktard dressed as her prisoner. They even got one of my girls, who was 9 yrs at the time, to dress up as a prisoner too. Wow, there are no words.

  • Perhaps I should send Narkles the Clown a six fingered glove so he can be Count Rugen from the Princess Bride. I can totally see him saying ” I’m sure you’ve discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I’m writing the definitive work on the subject”

    I’d go as Inigo Montoya altering his words during his battle with Rugen as “I want my life back you son of a bitch.”

  • The Limited will dress as a baby. Nothing on but a diaper and a pacifier in his mouth

    She will be walking him with a child harness in one hand and a a no name beer in the other. She will exchange sympathetic glances with all the men she previously gave blow jobs to. Such pride.

  • Well, in a real life horror show, my ex-cheater, who never previously gave two hoots about Halloween, now picks the kids up to trick-or-treat wearing a costume. Of course, unbeknownst to him, it’s a very appropriate one: a vampire. One of my close GFs comes to my house to help pass out candy since I get hundreds of kids (literally) in my neighborhood, and she doesn’t get any. So, when my ex started doing this whole vampire routine, we laughed ourselves silly (and continue to do so every year). Just think of Bela Lugosi as Dracula but awkward and dorky. That’s my ex!

    Oh, and the OW? Of course, she’s too cool to wear a costume (I always dress up), but she has, on occasion, worn something quite appropriate: a witch’s hat.

    So, it’s pretty accurate to say that my ex is a sucker (in so many ways… for marrying the OW would be at the top of the list), and his cheater partner is definitely a witch.

  • The au pair (OW) should wear a slut-dress made out of greencards, while my STBXH is the village idiot running after her.

  • Mine, a poltergeist.

    *Poof!!* He just flat-ass disappeared one day, with no warning, then began to manipulate and destroy lives and homes; working invisibly through a few texts and a short-skirted lizard of an attorney. Made one final apparition in front of the judge, where he treated me as the invisible one.

    Do not look for him, he’s all smoke and mirrors.

  • Cheater #1 – Homeless bum. Not much of a stretch since he goes to AA meetings to pick up chicks and then crash with them until they get sick of paying for everything and throw his lazy ass out.

    Cheater #2 – Used car salesman. Tells you everything you want to hear, smooths over the hard questions with diversions and non-answers. Has a business card that reads “will fuck for sales”. If you knew him IRL, you’d know that this is hardly a costume.

    • Blondness: mine is (or was – don’t know) a car salesman. Did well at it too . . . so honest, trustworthy, detail-oriented!! Yeah, right. A very, very good liar.

    • Wow, Ex#2/The Evil One, was a car salesman, distributor, sales, etc. for years. Truly screwed up they all are.

  • My ex could go as his online female persona, dressed up like the college friend whose photo he used as ‘her’ profile photo.

    I cannot make this shit up.

  • x would be wearing a tight, sad sausage encasing, to show his physique, hahaha, and his gf would be dressed as a fat little dachshund chasing after him trying to meet his ever changing needs. Chase those goal posts little doggy, you’ll finally get there and just look at the prize you will catch. (insert evil laugh)

  • XH and OW could go for Halloween as a horse, “Sparkles, The Ruddy Nag.” OW would be the horse’s head, as she has a flowing blonde mane and a ruddy horse face. XH would not have to spring for a costume either; he could go as himself and be the horse’s ass.

  • My Ex would definitely go to any event as Walter Mitty…always dreaming of a more exciting life, where he’s the hero. But somehow, it never happens.

    • x told me that he was my knight in shining armor, and then when I got stronger, clinical depression for the majority of my adult life due to narc parent and then narc spouse, he just didn’t feel like he was that for me anymore. This was one of the many, many reasons that he had to find a gf that understood him, boohoohoo. x’s secondary costume could be a “knight in shining tin foil”, he was just as useless.

    • Sorry NfV but my brother has already claimed the title of Walter Mitty. In his mind he is the hero of the world and he thinks that there isn’t a woman alive who can resist his irresistible charms !! He is a dreamer and a cheater to boot.

  • X could be Pinocchio. He had a few nose jobs……now I know why!

    BTW, saw Girl on the Train movie…..Not gonna give the story line away….but I shoulda known!

    • Her hair needs to go thru the UHC = Universal Hair Chopper. Seriously. I’m a licensed non-practicing hairdresser, and all I’m seeing is chop, chop, chop.

      My take-away from what I watched (not much). If someone wants to cheat, then don’t get married. If someone wants to always be dating, don’t get married.

      The end.

    • Ugh meant her name was right there, I’m going back to sleep now. I’ve never seen her–only read some of the drivel. That’s some insidious ghoulish crap.

  • I’m not very creative and I’ve thought of this on and off all day.

    My ex would be a Big Giant Dick. Why? Because he took photos of a BGD at a Halloween party before I moved here. He thought it was cool enough to take photos of it. Did I mention he was at the time a big Christian? hahahahahhahahahahhahahha. BGD costume had “special effects” of cum coming out of the top! Ex thought that was sooooo coooooool and took photos of that too. Nothing better than showing your girlfriend photos of a BGD with whiprcream(?) coming out the top. Oh, that’s so cool and not……

    So, Big Giant Dick is in the movie Scream. He answers the phone. Tim Whore-ton Coffee Snatch says to him, “Are you cuming soon?” In the background, Jiffy Pop Popcorn is just simmering to an pre-orgasmic level. BGD teases the Whore and says, “My wife is crazy and we’ve grown apart, but thinks……..kibbles with my wife, sex with my wife, my wife does 99.9% of the household duties and my only job is vacuuming the stairs once a month, my wife takes care of everything, kibbles, kibbles, but oh, OLD Whore-ton, I need new so I will enter into the garage by myself and nothing bad will happen to me and I’ll just grab Whore-ton and a me a few beers…..

  • My ex and his affair partner will be dressed to the nines costumed up in the society pages with fakes smiles. Yep the perfect loving couple. While at home they fight cause she drinks at 1am and blares the music and he wakes up screaming for her to give him his phone back. Oh no she won’t cause as the ow she knows they both are cheaters wrecking two families and can’t be trusted. This all seen by my daughter. They are their worst enemies. It’s all facade!

  • My cheater and the OW would wear two faces – the front face all smiley, friendly, involved mom/dad faces and on the back cruel twisted ones with a snarl and laughing at their poor unsuspecting spouses (and kids).

  • Fucktard ex would be dressed as Gollum from Lord of the Rings. The costume would consist of a hairy version of the leotard and tights he wore every morning to exercise, unwashed as usual to enhance the olfactory experience. He would skitter about, searching for the next shiny thing, his “precious.”

    Not much of a stretch there.

  • Beware this hallows eve of Vlad the impaler. He’s a soul sucking vampire, looking for a fresh young virgin host- well at least young. When exposed in the sunlight (he does his dirty work at night), he will turn to dust and disappear on the wind.The side effects of being bitten by this creepy ghoul are an aversion to online gaming and baby-men. One can only hope to protect themselves from this aging hipster with a well honed picker or possibly a stake through his heart….. Don’t give Candy to Babymen kiddies.

  • My ex would dress up as a panel van full of candy because when he started the affair he was in his 40s and OW was still in high school.

  • CH is a run of the mill cheater. He can go as Grumpy dwarf. OW actually practices the dark arts- Witch it is! (I was the ever trusting Snow White.)

  • Stbx will go as a vacuum cleaner for Halloween….because he sucks!
    Maybe he can go as the wind tunnel kind….because he super sucks!

    Of course he will dress himself up as the most expensive brand of vacuum because it’s all about appearances dontchaknow?
    But the inside is filled with garbage-just like his black heart & soul

  • Aaaahhh, The Evil One never liked to dress up for Halloween, he did a few times, but nothing like what he should always dress up as—- Shrek. People over the years would tell him he looked like (and acted like) Shrek.

    However, since he’s almost twice as old as his Schmoopie/Mrs. Dumb-Ass, it would be fitting to see them dress up as Woody Allen-is with his daughter/wife…more likely he would dress up as a fat slob/bum house husband and she would dress up as a “trophy wife” as I’m sure she thinks she is…

    What they should dress up as is Uncle Eddie from Christmas Vacation and Ellen Griswald. Losers

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