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Tori’s Marriage-Saving Pregnancy

tori-spelling-3Hey everybody! Celebrity unicorns Tori Spelling and serial cheat Dean McDermott are expecting their fifth child. People magazine broke the story with the headline “Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott on Saving Their Marriage After Infidelity: ‘We Had to Start Over'”

Yes, it’s all about starting over. Those first four children? They were just practice children. And that kid from his other marriage? That one doesn’t count at all. THIS kid is the magic kid who will make Dean keep it in his pants. Chumps know how pregnancy keeps men faithful. Fetuses have superpowers.

See Dean petting that stuffed lizard? Babies are just like stuffed lizards. Watch me cradle this lizard. Am I doing it right? You can trust me with a lizard!  He is one with the lizard. Totally method. As his children wander away from him, except for that defiant kid whose face says, “Seriously? This guy?”

Hey, it’s different this time.

“We worked really hard!” chirps Tori as if she were decorating a cupcake. “I found my voice.”

That was the problem — Tori Spelling never had a presence before. Shy, retiring, shrinking violet Tori Spelling.

Dean: “Love conquers all. That’s what this pregnancy says about our relationship — it’s everlasting.”

Tori: “It’s really different than the other pregnancies! We just got lost after the first one. It just happens!”

Dean: “For this pregnancy, I feel more mature. I feel more present.”

Tori (interrupting): “HE’S BEEN SO NUTURING!”

“I’m really excited about this pregnancy,” shrugs Dean, while looking at his hands. Can you feel the excitement? This is his face after he delivers that line. >>>screen-shot-2016-10-06-at-6-53-08-am

#WTF #Hopecandyispaying

I’m trying to imagine the new reality TV series that’s going to come from this. Diapering With The Stars?

“I feel like people take marriage too lightly in this day and age,” Tori tells People.

Some people think other people take reproduction too lightly. But whatever.

“Sometimes things happen in life and they’re mistakes, but love doesn’t just turn off. That’s not how our hearts work.”

I’m sure your first husband is intrigued by that statement. (To those just tuning in, Tori and Dean were married to other people when they fell terribly, hopelessly, forever in love.)

“I want our kids to know one day that we stuck it out and worked through it.”

Good luck, Tori. Your kids are the special kids who are worth sticking it out for, unlike your stepson, who I guess was just one of those life “mistakes.”

What other unicorn stratagems can you cycle through to keep that Canadian ham faithful? First there was the Tori penis tattoo. Failed. So you got new tattoos in Paris — Tout mon coeur, Tout ma vie. I hope any would-be OW reads French.

Children one-through-four flunked the Keep Daddy Faithful test. Let’s hope 5 is the magic number.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I’ve heard of Tori Spelling, but I don’t know this couple or him. That video made me quite uncomfortable. None of it seemed genuine. But he looked like a right misery-guts. The only smiles he made were fake ones for the camera – they were very awkward. As for Tori, it seemed like she was over-compensating, overly cheery. Doing all the talking for him, so it seemed. I know I could be very, very wrong here. They could be a wonderful couple, and the awkwardness was simply from having a camera in their face.

    As for the awkward “you lessened your anger” – what’s the story there?!

    • Dean has the same miserable expression X had every day for the last couple years of our marriage.
      Then X would look at me with Deans face and say you’re never happy. Huh? it never occurred to me then to tell X to look in the mirror. I was too busy being Tori. ha!

      • brit, our lives mirror each other’s life quite a bit. Without knowing the end was nigh, my ex whilst looking in my direction but not actually looking at me commented, “you will never be happy” and “not everyone has your standards, you know” !! Like you I should have told him to look in the mirror because he was the one always looking for a free vagina to fall into. I was too busy being what I thought was a good mum and wife, faithfully, hardworking and concerned for everyone else well being except my own. That won’t ever happen again because I love being free and I do take very good care of myself now.

  • Wait…they “got lost” after their first child, so they went and had THREE more?

    And THEN they worked on their marriage somehow?

    I understand there is never a perfect time to get pregnant, and plenty of unexpected pregnancies work out just fine… but c’mon!

    Getting pregnant three separate times while you’re “lost.” These are LIVES you’re creating, here. Doesn’t that require at least some planning? And why not use contraception while you’re “lost”?

    My ex and I were trying to get pregnant with our first child when she started cheating. I have no respect for that woman now, but we were both aware enough at the time to STOP trying to get pregnant while we “worked on our marriage” (aka, I work on whatever she claims is wrong while she fucks another woman’s fiancé).

    Purposefully having three children while you are “lost” is not a good life strategy, for your life or for theirs.

    • And regardless of whether their marriage is a continued success for the rest of their lives, or it’s not, that first child will someday come across this interview. I only hope that when they do, they see it when they have maturity and perspective, for otherwise, it is likely they will blame themselves somehow. It is very common for children to blame themselves in a separation.

    • But you’re overlooking the fact that it’s most convenient to claim that you were lost AFTER the fact in order to manipulate the chump. It’s actually magical, exploratory, self-expressive ME time. “Lost” is how they minimize the adventure after they’ve been caught and have to dumb it down for the chump who couldn’t possibly understand such a high level of sophistication and rebellion against the “system.” Babies are an exciting invitation into self-actualization and a steady stream of attention…until they poop and scream and don’t pay ANY attention to the awesomeness cheater-parent is lavishing on the new bundle of joy. Then they start to transition from kibble-factory (“You’re positively glowing! She looks JUST like you!) to a never-ending demand on their time and attention, and we all know how much cheaters like expectations. They only feel lost once consequences start to creep into the periphery, and then cling to that raft until they land on Next Opportunity Island.

      • Free Vixen, I read this comment by you earlier today and you gave me an “a-ha” moment! Thank you. 🙂 My ex has called a time in our lives when I was pregnant his “lost time.” I totally accepted that a few years later when he called it that. We always joked it was his early mid-life crisis (he was around 31 when he put me thru hell for over a year when I was pregnant and after our daughter was born.) Didn’t even hear or Dean say that until you mentioned it. Total cheater talk. Another word or phrase that needs to be added to the Cheaters Handbook.

        • Man, I could have written this. They are all the same; even the same watered-down explainations.

    • JC – My wife was a serial cheater over a 20 year marriage. When it started has always been the moving target. I realize now my wife was certainly looking elsewhere and hoping to replace me long before my second child was conceived. Yet, she got pregnant again. I wonder why, now that it’s over. Accident? Wanted two instead of one? Need more child support in the case of divorce to keep the new house we bought? Knew I was a good provider and would always take care of them? It all seems so devious. Like we were just chess pieces in a game. She was playing God with our lives.

      I should have known she was cheating. She lost interest in me almost overnight after two years of marriage (we had a beautiful one year old) and we had sex only eight times in during the entire year my second was conceived (1997) – and only once in the last two months of that year when she had to have become pregnant. Almost another immaculate conception. Why in the world was still there? To me, both of my kids are magic and I’m so grateful for them, but I’ll never understand the person with whom I created those lives.

      • Watching the video makes me want to vomit. There doesn’t seem to be any genuine remorse from him and they both just seem empty. It’s sad because I probably would have said those same empty lines that Tori said (minus the fact we did not have another pregnancy).

      • Or, um … his penis? That’s a visual from hell.

        Now that I think about it, given the many things “surrogate” could symbolize one at a time, or all at once mixed together… in one clever word I think you just captured the whole parade of horribles.

        Title: “Tori Spelling, OW and Married Chump Wife #2, is Pregnant: Sex Addict Rehab Flunky Dean McDermott Says Little, Pets Surrogate Repile During “Celebration of Renewed Marriage” Interview.

        • I can see the new book now:

          “True Love VicTORI: How reconnecting our real love made Dean less angry and me a child hoarder”.

        • ClaireS that is hilarious!! I wonder if the photographer consciously chose the reptilian phallic imagery.
          The whole story is creepy and reeks of desperation and magical thinking. As though by making this story public, Tori thinks she can make baby 5 a cure for cheater husband, against all evidence. It sucks when publicity-hungry fading celebrities feel the need to air their infidelities in a magazine spread or TV show, and worse still when they involve their children. I hope baby 5 doesn’t get blamed when the inevitable split happens.

  • What a string of empty cliches… [we hit a rough patch… I had to block out the naysayers… everything isn’t black and white… what about the happy gray area… ]ugh.

    But then again, empty is what I should have expected from someone like this. I kind of feel sorry for her but then again I don’t, seeing how she publicizes, capitalizes on and monetizes her chumpitude and her children, from behind her surgically altered face.

    • and seriously??? –> “there is PASSION in our relationship!! this is proof!!,” she says patting her belly, i.e. he fucked me! my husband fucked ME! see!! I’m pregnant and that proves it!!!” sad.

      • The Muse, in RIC that is the gold standard of success, getting your cheater, should be living in the street ex, to fuck you. Pregnancy is the icing on the cake I’m sure. Luckily it didn’t happen to me.

        • What? Is this true?
          I had a lawyer before I had a confrontation with Narkles the Clown so I never did the reconciliation thing. The idea of him touching me after D-day would induce vomiting.
          That is nuts!

        • Anita, OMG. I didn’t find this site for a while. But I did find RIC. I never got to the “end product” aspiration. I focused on the Gottmans, who advocated letting the victim get it all out before any other conversation about the marriage. Now I think they’re more dangerous because they look slightly more humane than the others. Expert wolves in sheep’s clothing. JMO.

          While Gottmans don’t treat PDs, they also don’t advertise that fact. And they seem to ignore that character and personality disorders are fairly common among cheaters, if not DSM-level (plenty are), then predators and aggressors who deploy tactics of abuse. I couldn’t bear the rest of it. Then I found Chump Lady on Huffington Post. Saved.

          Anita, sorry if this has been asked and answered — how were you affected during your RIC phase? What made you stop? If it had been a possibility (don’t know) did you ever consider having a baby? Or, theoretically, would you have?

          I think I’m on topic because the clichés I’m seeing, while reading up on these two, fit what I now call RIC’s Big Fat ICK Agenda. Tori pretzels. Dean blames bad sex life. Dean goes to sex rehab. They stay married, have three, now four, more kids. Dean says he’s not the only cheater in the world (normalize abuse, much?). Tori reports that he’s working hard on himself and their relationship. And on.

          • Hi, Claire S. Regarding the RIC effect on me, I bought into the whole He actually still loves you, he’s having a midlife crisis, he’s in a fog horseshit. And the You weren’t sexy enough whorseshit. I’m pretty sure I’m not sexy, lol, but that’s not what this is about.

            The RIC has two main ideas I disagree with:

            If you can get the cheater to have sex with you, it means they love you.

            If you have children, he is cheating because you pay too much attention to the children.

            Thankfully, I never bought into the paying too much attention to the children one. But the cheating did have a negative effect on my parenting ( due to anger, depression, focusing on his shit) and that is mainly what I hate him for.

            He used the things I did under RIC to continue on with whore and treat me bad, mainly I think cause he’d gotten away with it for so long. He always got really pissed off and threatened to leave if I didn’t comply with what he wanted but I finally figured out that was a control tactic. His ass didn’t want to go anywhere. He was enjoying CAKE.

            • ClaireS… Continued.

              Anyway, one day I just snapped and told him we were done. I really had a lot of time to observe him and was increasingly disgusted by what I saw. I didn’t plan to spend the rest of my life with a man who snuck around with a whore behind my back. A man who acted like a slimy whore had the same right to be in his life as his wife and the mother of his child. Fuck him. Fuck that skaggy slut too. Jokes on him, she didn’t want him either, she was just out for some attention to pump up her aging whore ego. She called me jealous and insecure but she was the jealous insecure one, not me

              The final piece of the puzzle finally fell into place when I later discovered Chump Lady and her excellent article The Unified Theory of Cake. These fools will gorge on cake until they die.

              • Oops, forgot to add I would never have had another baby with ex. I would have dumped him the first second I found out about his whoring if I didn’t have a child with him already. I mistakenly stayed much longer than I should have as it was.

          • I’m not familiar with the Gottmans but I seriously think I became delusional when I was under the RIC umbrella. The turd was treating me like shit, and I was lapping it up like a dog and working even harder for his approval. I am disgusted I put up with that but I have a motto: You can’t change the past . so I don’t stress over it too much. I had a lot of people against me, and no one really for me. (Again, RIC advice, I kept it all to myself and put on a happy face to the world. Tori. Is that you? She’s doing the same thing. But she married a known cheater and so did he, so what can you expect?)

      • There is also presumably “passion” in his extra-marital relationships as well. He’s a passionate kind of guy.

      • Don’t feel too bad. Her relationship with Dean “overlapped” with her first husband.

        I hope she has fun living in her happy gray areas. I feel bad for their kids.

        • Really, happy grey areas? Puh-lease. There’s faithfulness and then there’s cheating. I’m not sure what the “grey” area is, but I’m fairly sure no one’s truly happy there.

  • OMG. The body language and posturing of every single person in that video (including the kids) is really something. Something creepy. The man’s face and lack of eye contact when he uses that totally flat voice to declare how much he loves her … he could just as easily be ordering stamps at the post office … from the automated stamp machine. Poor kids.

    • My first thoughts were the same, the faces on her practice children aren’t happy, carefree children faces.
      They look troubled, in ten years “practice” children will be adventurous teens now that will add some excitement to their lives. I bet Dean has the same excited expression as he does in this interview when telling everyone how excited he is about this “love conquers all” baby.
      They want their kids to know they stuck it out? I think it’s more likely the kids will know they stuck it in.
      I didn’t recognize happiness in any of their faces. It was an unhappy group of staged people trying to hard to appear happy.
      My heart goes out to those children.

  • First thing I thought of after reading/watching this was a quote from a character in Richard Yates’ novel Revolutionary Road (later a film with DiCaprio and Winslet).

    A couple in the 50’s struggling to keep it together amid unmet expectations, resentment, losing their identities in the banality of suburbia etc. Everyone thinks they’re crazy for wanting to pack up the family and move to Paris, except the mentally ill adult son of the local realtor, who applauds them for facing the emptiness and trying to address it.

    Their plans crumble when wife gets pregnant with their third child and resentfully become resigned to their mundane lives. The mentally ill neighbor calls them out on it in a long condemnation speech to them. The chapter ends with:

    “But John wasn’t finished yet. ‘Hey, I’m glad of one thing, though’ he said, stopping near the door and turning back, beginning to laugh again, and (his realtor mother) thought she would die as he extended a long yellow-stained index figure and pointed it at the slight mound of April’s pregnancy.

    ‘You know what I’m glad of? I’m glad I’m not gonna be that kid’. “

    • Oh gosh, I had forgotten that book. I’ve not seen the movie, but the book doesn’t end in a pleasant way. I seem to remember that they were both cheaters, were they not?

      Was the whole move to Paris thing not portrayed as a crazy scheme by April, because she thought that they were better than everyone else, she thought they were different and superior, and she looked down on other people? That she had to find meaning through external things?

      • OCT,
        I thought the “move to Paris” thing was about recovering the freedom, the lightness of being, chasing opportunity, rather than serving obligations of the “American dream”. But I followed that light in my 20’s rather than marry, have children, work full time and get a property mortgage, so maybe I’m just projecting like I did so well in my marriage? Aspects of that movie are ugly and lovely, the hope contrasting with the descent into entitlement portrayed. I saw it around my divorce being final, labeling the manipulative behaviors out loud made my friends uncomfortable. I watched it again a year or so ago, and saw more beauty in it.

        • You could be right, it’s been a long time since I read the book. I did pick up a sense of superiority in the characters, though. In particular in April. I think I’ll have to read it again. I’ve never seen the film, but it sounds great!

  • After the absolute shameless adultery Tori and Dean committed in front of the mdeia because their special love just would not be denied….I say Karma Bus c’mon down!

    If I remember correctly, Dean and his wife were in the process od adopting a baby and Tori would actually taunt Dean’s wife in the media. Also there was something about Tori demanding his wife not be allowed at some function/award show in Canada…of course she was shut down.

    Somewhere in Canada the first Mrs McDermott is cackling gleefully.

    If I never see karma, it pleases me to see other chumps Win!

  • Are we sure that’s tori? She looks like a blow up doll that got hit in the face with a tree branch. I think the criminal here is her surgeon.

  • I remember watching an episode of their reality show several years and kids ago. Talk about unreality! Poor poor Tori. So now she is an expert about love! I CANNOT STAND IT! Dean is that typical cheater. Wish his penis would just fall off! The only people I feel for are those poor children. With all of daddy, Aaron Spelling’s, inheritance, Tori cannot buy love, no matter how many children she keeps having. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She just doesn’t want to admit it.

  • Back in my Oxygen/TLC watching days I caught a few of the shows of the first couple of seasons, Tori & Dean Inn Love. Not a proud admission on my part, but in my defense I would put the channel on as background noise while I did other things around the house. I didn’t know much about their relationship or that they were dual cheaters until much later. It was a typical “reality” show about not really much of anything other than a couple of people wrapped up in their own drama. When Dean’s cheating came out a couple of years ago I read an article and it seemed like Tori might be handling it less like a chump and more like a woman scorned who was having none of his lame excuses. Go Tori! But alas, just a short time later she made that soul depleting declaration, “his wandering penis actually helped strengthen our relationship.” No, Tori, No!

    But I guess that makes for better television than she kicked his cheater ass out and then had to struggle with being a single mom like so many of the rest of us commoners. Truthfully, I’ve always felt that Dean looks like the type of guy that would rufie some young girl’s drink and drag her back behind an alley but then so do so many of these cheater-types. I just don’t get the appeal. This may be some kind of marketing ploy for a new show but the multiple kid thing has really been overdone, even with the added element of infidelity. Again, I find myself lamenting for these poor kids. It’s bad enough to have their childhoods splashed all over the media but add to that the paternal fuckwit and they have little chance of becoming well-balanced adults.

    But Dean’s face in that screen shot says it all. He simply can’t contain his joy for child number 5 can he?

  • You are on the ball., CL! I saw this earlier today in news feed and CL is the first thing I thought of.

    Old Dean there knows babies are a cheater’s best friend. My ex sure did, I was at home “babysitting” while he was out fucking some whore. I’ve seen this happen again, and again, and again….

  • I remember when Dean cheated and Tori had the absolute gall to meet up with his first wife (you know, the woman she stole Dean from) and actually expected the ex-wife to feel sorry for her! And his ex, who looked incredible by the way, said to Tori “He’s a knob, but he’s YOUR knob now!”. Oh, the satisfaction was palpable, and might I add, absofuckinglutely delicious!! ?

  • Notice in the picture that Dean is holding a stuffed animal, looks likes a croc lizard, and the four other are no where near him. Also notice, Tori is in a gown showing off her baby bump while one daughter looks likes she’s trying to smash the glass patio door to escape.

    • The picture shows the kids playing with the swatters…it conveys a real Lord of the Flies vibe. No grown ups in the house.

  • Very Hollywood. Very contrived. Very much positioning themselves to be perhaps the UN-Brangelina.

    Just look at it as a Brand message, Tori and the dude being the Brand. Their Brand imploded with the karma bus. Their Brand has a terrific opportunity to rebuild in Hollywood as the UN-Brangelina. This offers both of them the possibility of new endorsements to elevate their Brand = $$$$$. I don’t think tori gets any inheritance $ so long as her mother is alive because her judgement is very poor.

    Anyhow, I am analyzing this drivel in a different way. Where those clowns live is all about entertainment, building and audience and then profiting from popularity from the mass marketing via reality shows, speaking events, tv or movie role, etc…

    As humans, the entire 3min video pitch was creepy because if you look at the kids, most kids don’t have filters, you know the entire spiel is Made For TV. I feel sorry for the kids. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction.

  • CL,
    I read your #hopecandyispaying hashtag as #HopeCandyIsSpaying. Wishful thinking I guess. The Humane Society should use them in a PSA: People, this is what happens when you don’t spay and neuter your strays.

    • Yes, mine too. I don’t find lying and cheating at all attractive. Now when I think of X I feel .. nausea.

  • One thing I like about reading about celebrity cheaters is that it really breaks the myths about them. In movies, books, TV, etc cheaters are portrayed as glamorous, sexy, appealing, etc. In real life they are just scummy and gross, like these two. But, other than celebrities, cheaters are usually hidden and you can’t see how pathetic and disgusting they are. It is like a lesson in abnormal psychology. A train wreck.

  • I know that they’re a big joke (and if we don’t laugh then we’ll cry) but if you’re at all familiar with my posts on ChumpLady, you know that nothing infuriates me more than when children are mistreated and used as tools.

    If your marriage is toxic, why do you want to bring a new person into it?

    What happens if the stress of adding to a child to an already struggling marriage only hastens its demise? Do you resent the child for it?

    What happens if your cheater keeps on cheating? Do you use the “for the children” excuse to stay in the marriage and therefore shrug off the burden of your poor choices on to their shoulders?

    I hate how people are always quick to blame the media for social ills, but in this case, I wonder how much watching the shitshow that is Tori and Dean provides validation to chumps in Wreckonciliation.

    • Lulu, I agree, how are her practice children going to receive this added burden which will receive the attention they obviously are lacking? After their love child becomes more of a burden and attention hog, Dean and Tori will inevitably fall back into the same pattern of arguing, that poor baby will be the focus of their anger and resentment. Mom and Dad were “getting along” until Dad stuck it in.
      Extremely pathetic couple. Isn’t it common knowledge you don’t bring a baby into the world to save your marriage. It’s clearly a recipe for disaster.

  • My grandmother had 11 children but that didn’t stop her husband from straying over and over again. Sometimes I think those kinds use pregnancy and children to keep you right where they want you, busy, dependent on them, and stuck. Who would leave with 11 children to raise all on their own?and then the abuse and entitlement ramps up.
    Well, she did kick him out after several chances and a few more children, and went on to raise those children all on her own. The older kids helped her. Very few of those kids even recognized their father when he’d stroll back into town on occasion. He died alone in some dirty hotel room and she claimed his body cause no one else would, and had it buried in unconsecreted ground.
    The kids and her struggled but had many happy memories and they all adored their mother and had great respect for her. Now when we talk about the family and growing up, the father is never mentioned. He is a non- entity in a very large happy family. His loss!
    The point is, 5 or 11 babies does not change the shitty, disordered, character of a selfish, disconnected asshole! Good luck with that, Tori!

  • Crazy how people think having a child makes your relationship whole, or better somehow. Maybe that’s why my ex wanted to keep having babies. It was a huge burden on our relationship because it’s actual work, and my ex wanted me to baby him and ignore the kids’ needs. I have 4 children, and I believe (believe it or not) that 3 of them were orchestrated by him. 2 were the result of an odd condom mishap, and one was the result of pull-out failure after I strongly suggested we abstain because of how fertile I knew I was in that moment. He said to me, after 2 Ddays and just before our last accidental pregnancy, that he wanted to have another baby because it “brings us closer together”. I laughed in his face and told him how wrong he was and how vehemently against it I was at that time. Next thing you know, I’m pregnant. I know it’s a pretty rare and unbelievable thing, but, he actually trapped me.

  • What irritated me the most was Dean’s “Love conquers all” comment. Are we really supposed to believe that he loves her and that she still loves him? When my D-day hit the man I loved became a mirage and a stranger took his place. My devoted, conquering love for him vanished into thin air. When he continued to lie and cheat I knew it was never coming back.

    • I think what he means is “Her pick-me dance was intoxicating. Now this baby is intoxicating. I’m rockin’ a good buzz right now.” We all know the buzz is ephemeral and has nothing to do with love.

    • “What irritated me the most was Dean’s “Love conquers all” comment.”

      What Dean really means is Tori’s money conquers all. He has 5 kids (4 with Tori and 1 with his former girlfriend), and this will be his 6th child. He loves the luxurious lifestyle, living in Beverly Hills, driving high end cars, going on lavish vacations and having nannies (at least 2) take care of his kids. He has no career, no money, no personality. How nice to be a man in his shoes huh? He is staying because what is his alternative? To lose his gravy train and sugarmomma. No way, he knows how to play his cards right. And if Tori wants a 6th child, then so be it! He’ll bend over backwards, because he’s a prostitute, salivating over her money and lifestyle.

    • Dean doesn’t have the look of love in his eyes for Tori or his children.
      He looked bored and disinterested, even suffering through this interview.
      I noticed not one of his children looked at him, or smiled, or ran up to give him a hug.
      Sorry, but I didn’t feel the love connection in this family.
      I imagine it was the same thing people were thinking when I was spackling,
      sadly I see myself in Tori and I felt sick to my stomach. It was like watching myself with
      cheater, the difference is I wasn’t pregnant, and only had one child who acted much like these kids when his father was around. I had people we know and even a couple strangers tell me X was indifferent towards me. I brushed all that off, made excuses, that they didn’t know him as well as I did.
      Makes me cringe and want to hide under a rock.

      • Same feeling here. And I was pregnant when he left. Little surprise gift of Wreckonciliation. I was in her shoes and smoked the hopium pipe. Seeing myself in her situation did not feel comfortable. Then I remembered…I’m no longer stuck there. I’m now working on gaining a life.

  • I guess this is what happens when two cheaters/colluders get together.

    I have four children and my ex cheated during all of my pregnancies and if that’s wasn’t enough of an insult, he made sure to really sweeten the deal by not even bothering with condoms. He never did, but damn. Not even during my pregnancies???

    These one-track minds have absolutely no foresight or damns to give about anyone but themselves. Not even their own children can contain their self given right to pork anyone they want. Children won’t convince these empty souls to give anything up that they feel they have the right to do.

    I don’t feel sorry for Tori, though, just the children involved. She got just exactly what she deserved for being a cheater AND for acting in collusion with a cheater. This should be added to yesterday’s Karma stories. Whore who cheats and fucks other women’s husbands got the male lot lizard gem featured above. Yeah, you enjoy that shit, Tori. Looks like you really hit the jackpot.

  • 5 kids?? 3 of them when you were lost? And now one to help fix your marriage after infidelity? Yeah because nothing helps the stress of a marriage broken by infidelity by an infant. How demanding can they possibly be?

    Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people!!

  • Just a couple of thoughts. A part of me thinks this is Tori’s way of saying, “See? I didn’t make a mistake! It wasn’t a mistake that both of us cheated on our spouses! This is tru wuv!!”

    And the “lost” comment by Dean. My ex actually calls the over year period in time when I was pregnant, he was mean and cold to me, for sure having a major EA and I wouldn’t be surprised a PA, and going to Canada at least ten times for 100% naked lap dances (and probably more!) — he called this his “lost time.” Yeah, lost in the arms of OWomen and his penis probably got lost in a few vaginas and mouths.

    • And I forgot to also say that I INTENTIONALLY didn’t breed with him after our daughter was born. We were planning on having a total of three kids, but after what he put me through when I was pregnant, I was smart enough to stop having more kids. I love both of my kids to death and I have no doubt I would have loved another. But the presence of both of our kids changed him. After first was born, Jeffrey Dahmer was so jealous of his son and acted so strange. And of course how he treated me throughout my second pregnancy and even after our daughter was born. Total lying, cheating douchbag! Why would I set myself up for more treatment like that?

      • Exactly Martha! The difference is that you were smart and made an intelligent decision. If your husband is treating you like shit, why should we permit ourselves to get pregnant. We have a choice too in the matter. And I never understood women who quipped their husbands were beating them up, yet I found out year after year, that these women were getting pregnant and were popping out kids. If your husband is beating the crap out of you, you don’t have 3, 4, 5 kids after that. You leave. And yes, it is a decision to stay or leave. And if you can’t leave, then you don’t bring an innocent child in this mess.

    • I’m not so sure they have money problems. I’m starting to think they are very well off. The entire family -that is 6 people – all take these lavish vacations all the time, drive very high end cars, live in Beverly Hills in a very nice house. Also, her mother Candy is funding all of her expenses and Candy said that all of Tori’s kids are very well taken care of and always will be. If they didn’t have money, she wouldn’t be popping out a 5th child. A 40K amex bill and a 200K lien on a house is peanuts for a girl who is part of a millionaire family. I think those expenses are to throw us off her scent and to fool us into thinking she’s struggling financially. Someone who is as broke as she pretends to be, would be driving a shitty car, living in a crappy town and not going on vacations and driving these expensive cars, and least of all if you’re broke, you don’t have a 5th child. I think she’s VERY well off financially, and having her 5th child shows that beyond any doubt for me.

      • And some of the websites claim that Tori’s net worth is estimated at $15 – 20 million. Now that would explain her lifestyle and decision to have a 5th child.

      • I thought her Mother cut her off financially? They’ve never had a great relationship, and Tori has spoken of the rift between them a lot (I recall an episode of one of their vapid ‘Tori & Dean’ shows where she mentioned the fact that her Mom doesn’t help her financially) So did that change? I was hoping not, because let’s face it, the idea of her Dad’s massive fortune definitely played a part in Dean’s, ahem, ‘love’ for her! I hate to be so shallow, and I’m certainly no Cindy Crawford myself, but Tori has a face like a melted welly, and one of the worst boob jobs ever performed! I’m convinced that Dean ‘laid back and thought of the money’ LOL!

  • “Ain’t that special”l!

    Babies don’t make them change. He will continue with his penis activities and she will be left crushed and caring for 5 offspring. Breeding with cheaters is never the answer to a happy life. Cheaters CHEAT!

    Both of them are deep into image management right now! His “love conquers all” comment made me puke and Tori apparently has bought into the shared responsibility. Yep, she “made him do it”

    Sorry no sympathy or support here …..

  • She never had a voice? Are you kidding me? She’s been expressing herself left right and center the entire time! She decided she wanted 4 kids, so she popped out 4 kids. She pays for everything, so therefore, she has a say in everything, and he just goes along with it. She’s calling the shots every step of the way with him. He’s miserable, has no career, no money, and no say. He cheated on her because he doesn’t want to be in this marriage, but likes the financial and luxurious perks he’s getting. And I’m shocked that with all the problems they have, that they are having a 5th child. Tori knows exactly what she is doing.

  • Right after D-day, my STBX got my name name tattooed over his penis. Yes, I demanded it. At the time, I was out of my mind with crippling grief and despair, and he was in full-speed unicorn mode. Do I think that a tattoo will keep him from doing this again? Not at all. But I do take pleasure in the thought of him either stuck with it or having to get that thing lasered off one day. (Ouch!)

    • I talked mine into getting a vasectomy. I think of that all the time and smile, bc one of the things he lamented as he was leaving was that he wouldn’t be able to have children with OW (he already has 4 with me). Guess he had to find a new hobby, lol.

  • He has four LIVE children, his wife who is pregnant- to touch, hold, or pose beside, but some stylist or photographer decided:

    Hey Dean, you are going to sit on the FLOOR, off to the side a bit, and pet a stuffed lizard.

    Is that a wink wink, or just moronic Hollywood?

    Looking at his ugly, smirking, crusty face makes me so happy I had the COURAGE to leave the X. He would have stayed with me and run me in the ground. I would weigh 300 lbs or 70 lbs and be haggard and sick. And after I collsaped to the floor, he would have stepped over me and partied on.

    She may have grown up in a 50,000 square foot home, and had all the connections in L.A. but it doesn’t mean bupkus. She is lost.

    • Silvia – He was 5 children already, this will be his 6th child. He has a child named Jack with his former partner, Mary Jo Eustace.

    • I’m wondering if they purposely staged this photo so that all the kids are going in different directions. It appears to be utter chaos in that house, as the parents look on, dreaming of their new baby, and are oblivious to what the ‘old’ children are up to.

      • Yeah, and Dean is not standing next to Tori. Notice he’s sitting next to her, like he’s a kid holding a toy insinuating he’s one of her children. And Tori is the Queen and the only one standing tall in the center holding the entire family together.

  • I also think Tori knows Dean is cheater, but she’s pushing her own agenda and doesn’t care. She always said she wanted to have a very big family. And maybe she has a number in her mind of the number of kids she wants to have and will keep popping out kids until she gets what she wants. And then will discard Dean.

    I know a lot of women who stay with their husband, just so they can pop out the number of kids they want. And after they get what they want, they divorce the husband. At my former job, I know a woman who wanted to have 3 kids, it was her agenda. She got married, her husband was a total deadbeat, didn’t work, didn’t do anything, and after the moment she had 3 kids, she divorced her husband, because she had achieved her goal. Maybe Tori is doing the same thing, is using Dean as a sperm donor. He’s pretty much useless in every other way.

  • I guess with all the places Dean’s Dongle has been, it was bound to fall into Tori’s Twattle occasionally too. Perhaps some other of his spawn from various mistresses will turn up and they can add them to the circus of their life.
    Like Brangelina, no adulterous fiasco of a sham marriage is complete without a heard of kids to witness it all!

  • Dean is a disgusting pig. When he left his first wife, he told her “I’m not leaving the kids, I’m leaving you.” Then, he decided to not go through with the adoption of their second child. So, his ex adopted the baby on her own. Father of the year! Poor kids.

    • Yes and Tori is just as disgusting. Her first husband was a really sweet guy and very caring and doting on her. She made her therapist call him to say Tori wanted a divorce and he was blindsighted and devastated about the whole thing. And Tori came out saying she was never really attracted to her first husband, he was more like a friend. Ok, then, why did you marry him and make vows to him? She’s such a bitch.

        • This is quite catty of me (MEOW ?) but her face does reflect that plastic surgery cannot make everyone attractive. Not matter how many times you go under the knife.

          • Not catty at all, so much as a fact. She looks like she got hit in the face with a bag of hot nickles. Twice.

    • So unoriginal. Mine said the same thing. And I know there are others who heard the same line. Oh gosh! I just role my eyes now. They are sooooooo boringly the same. Like lemmings.

    • “When he left his first wife, he told her ‘I’m not leaving the kids, I’m leaving you.’”

      Really? Then maybe leaving the country wasn’t such a good idea! He literally left Canada to move to the United States. I would say that qualifies as “leaving the kids” in my book!

    • They’re just the weirdest couple period. Those poor kids… Tori is getting exactly what she deserves with this loser.

  • Yuck! That gray area will be the cloud of doubt she will live under until she gets hurt again. I feel sorry for those kids. Hell, I feel sorry for my own kids.

  • This is NOT a judgment on any one here, who has given a cheater a chance. But, I could never do it. There is no way.
    I never did. Once I saw that text, that was it.

    This is how life would be with me, once I knew someone cheated on me:

    X: Can you pass me the potatoes?
    ME: Why don’t you ask your whore to pass you the potatoes, you shit ass motherfucker?

    X: Call 911! I am having a heart attack!!!
    ME: Maybe the whore Ashley can call 911 for you.
    (As I step over his convulsing body).

    I NOT could control my rage or ever forget. I don’t know if I am obsessive, prideful or unforgiving or what it is…but I could not do it. We would not last 5 minutes.

    He might think all was calm….but he would have to learn to sleep with one eye open, and I would hate his guts every second. Violence would break out at any moment, and I would hold nothing back. Someone would probably die.

    I cannot fathom it…living with a man that you know has fucked another woman. Once you cross that line…the relationship is dead. I would live in a ditch first.

    I remember on Mother’s Day (the D DAY) when he came to my mother’s house, and he emailed me before he came to the gate and said (did not ask me!)

    “I am coming back to your house with you.”

    I said, “No, you are not. What would we talk about…her pussy and your dick together?”

    And I never changed my mind. I might miss him, but I will never change my mind.

    • Those were my thoughts, too, Sylvia is Sad. I even did those things when i found out slut fucker had cheated on me.

      But, I had a child with ex. The thought of my sweet beautiful child being around a nasty whore was what drove me to reconciliation. I didn’t even realize that was what it was til later. I convinced myself it was “love”. My mistake. But I never would have stayed with a cheater otherwise.

      • I understand that, Anita! That is why it is a strange blessing that I cannot have children, as I would have gotten pregnant with this Mutant. He would probably not even make a child go to bed all night…honestly he has NO sense and he would take a child around whores, probably high.

        I was talking to an older women today in the library, and she is alone, after her husband cheated. She said, You are so young, I said, Not really.

        She said, People might not agree, but I think you are better off alone. That is a sad commentary! I don’t want to be alone. But, I WILL be before I am with some lying piece of shit.

        • Sylvia is Sad, all I can say is children come along when they want to. It doesn’t happen in every case but many women who are told they can’t have children do have them. It’s amazing and miraculous. But life can be wonderful either way.

          It’s a catch 22, though, I hate slutfucker but I can’t wish I never met him due to having a child together. I never expected to have a child myself, then slutfucker ruins our family to fuck a useless slimy common whore. I will always hate, hate, hate him for that. What was the happiest time in my life was ruined by two nasty whores. I hope they both rot in hell. If I were Satan I would fuse these two at the crotch and they would have to fuck endlessly for eternity for what they did to me and my child.

          Guess I’m not a very Forgiving person, huh??

          • Anita, I don’t think they deserve Forgiveness. Period. I don’t care what any religion says.

            They ruined the most joyous moment of your life. I hope they get anal cancer and have no health insurance in the States. (A true nightmare). I understand 100%.

            • Thank you, SIS, I agree. Some things are beyond forgiveness.

              I’m usually ( used to be) a happy go Lucky person so I don’t hold a lot of grudges. I’m holding this one. No one who has truly intentionally harmed me deserves forgiveness, especially those who are not remorseful. I’ve forgiven people I shouldn’t have in the past, it never made me feel better, just stupid.

            • My youngest was only a year when my ex and the OW started their affair. She kept telling him that he needed to be happy. Meanwhile, I was at home with a baby. Oh, that’s right, according to my ex, I wasn’t fun anymore. I agree Anita that my ex and his twat waffle ruined the happiest time of my life.

    • ? me too! And I tried but I found myself dropping comments about the women. Didn’t help that I’d see them on occasion while running errands. And every conversation with him ended with ‘you ass!” In my head. I just lost all respect for him.

      • Mandie,
        Exactly! I think the only way it would every work is if he:

        1) Let me beat him senseless, like real violence, in a sustained beat down until he needed casts and stitches.
        2) He gave me $500,000 cash (find it, Bitch)
        3) He signed a postnup that was positively medieval
        4) He wore a chastity belt, like a real one, that caused him pain and incontinence issues.

        And even then I would still probably snarl at him everyday. It just would not work.

        You are much stronger than me, Mandie. If I had to see one of these bitches….I am not sure what would happen. It might be Jerry Springerish. Or I might collapse. It is too scary to consider.

        • Meg. I saw them for who they were. One was living with a man three kids from different men and screwing my stbx and two or three other managers…hard to feel like she trumps me as a person. All of them have been needy or insecure or ‘ beneath ‘ him . Things that I am not. The women never tried to contact me and I figured he sold them a good story. I never was angry with them. Disgusted,amused at times. Even a sprinkle of pity. But for all the blasted pain the whole thing has a comical side…ergo chumplady s illustrations. These people truly think they are all flavors of awesome…se Donald Trump. I’m not American and not partisan. I thought he was an ass before politics.

          • One was rude to me, when she answered his phone and I was in shock. She knew I existed and she still was texting the X over and over and over. She is a gutter drug whore who lost her children to Child Protective Services for….letting a boyfriend (not the bio dad) beat the children. You can’t make these things up.

            I am not her friend.

            There should have been some good vibrations, energy, karma sent my way for all the married or attached men I have shut down cold….but life does not work that way.

            • The good karma is the shit you shit down hence protecting yourself and sparing yourself hurt.

              It is what it is. They suck.

  • These 2 are poster children for twu love cheaters, it’s them against the world and their love conquers all…Airbrushing does wonders for Tori but nothing can help Dean’s beady narcissist eyes.They are both so self absorbed and their poor children appear to be only props for them, I feel as if they are putting all their shit issues on their children when I hear them speak, after their children came they were lost? waaah when these kids came along it wasn’t about just about us anymore, but the new baby puts us back in the press yay….they make me sick

  • These two. Fighting do hard to look virtuous and failing epically. They pretend to be what we truly are. Just goes to show they always wanted to be us.

  • Betcha Candy has either written Tori out of her will or set up some kind of trust specifically for her grandkids that guarantees ol Dino can’t get his mitts on any part of that half billion he’s been sticking around for. When you look at Candy Spelling’s net worth it’s incomprehensible to the likes of ordinary folk. I think the lizard petter is just hoping MIL kicks it and actually bequeaths everything to her children. I’m pretty sure she knows from seeing the past decade string out on reality TV and the tabloids what an ass SIL is and like her deceased husband (who only got to see the start of this icky marriage ) will make sure he gets nothing.

    • Ding Ding. I would bet the farm “lizard petter” (that is good) is only hanging around because of the staggering amount of money the MIL has. I imagine he has a grimy Sunset Street lawyer working hard to figure out a way to get his dirty, cheater hands on it.
      I always wondered why her father cut her off with the money. Many Jews will do that if you marry a non Jew. (Ask my sister how we know). But, he really did not help her….her father. If she did not need the money, I imagine she would not have to frantic do reality shows. And CL said above they have money problems.
      The best thing a woman can have is her own money. Then, you can write your own ticket. If you can see you don’t need a man to complete you.

    • I wonder if there is some sort of trust that will pay out $$$$ to each grandchild. So the more kids she has, the more revenue streams she will have for lack of better word. Tori and her mother have a notoriously bad relationship, and it would not surprise me if she was out of the will or getting limited resources or the like. But most people have a soft spot for the grandchildren. I have no idea how old Candy Spelling is, but I wonder if Tori keeps popping out kids, hoping they will be still be young enough when she dies that she can exert some kind of control over their inheritance and be able to reconfigure to get access to the money. I hope for the kids’ sake that Candy has a good lawyer and trustee who is not having any of that. Dean of course is just hanging around because he doesn’t have anything else to do/anywhere else to go.

      There is a difference between having trappings of wealth and having actual wealth. You can have a nice house, a nice car, but not be liquid. These two have managed to string together a living doing something (not exactly sure what), so they may have cars and houses, but not actually have much cash in the bank. Now obviously you can liquidate assets, but for people like this who are all about appearances, they usually don’t want to do that.

  • I read an article about his ex-wife — and she thinks that the affair never happened, that it was all for PR and that he actually never went to rehab. Who knows.

    But he actually abandoned a child when he left for Tori, cause he stepped away from an in-process adoption…. loser

    • And a son … he and his first wife had a son he walked away from, and were in the process of adopting. She continued with the adoption regardless. She had packed in her Canadian career and moved to LA to support his career. Gee, thanks Buddy!!!!

      I can see the affair being staged for reality TV … it’s hard to tell what’s real these days. If this wreckonciliation is being staged, then anything else could have been, too, to get viewers. Tori probably knows exactly what flavour of Kool-aid she’s drinking … Ka-ching!

    • I’m inclined to agree that the A was a stunt to draw viewers. Guilty of watching, soley due to the infidelity angle (only time I watched any of their shows). It seemed fake to me. But … I’m not a cheater, so maybe Tori really was the BS. Just the soullessness seeping out. I do think that he cheats in her, just not in the case that the show revolved around.

  • And thats what young adults watch and think is normal.. so annoying that this kind of crap is television worthy.

  • Chump Lady nailed the absurdity of this made-for-bad-television wreckonciliation. When two fucktards interbreed, all we can feel is pity for their offspring.

    Still, it’s no surprise that this post garnered one of the lowest comment numbers of all time on this site. Nobody of any note really gives a flying fuck about these nitwits!

  • Uhm….no, I’m sorry. Just NO.

    I am the daughter of a chump (hi mommy!). I have been reading this site for a few years and nothing seems to tug at my heart more than the pain inflicted on the children. Children who suffer at the abuse of narcissists and pure selfish people.

    My mom had two ddays. I was 8 and 14 years old at the time of those ddays. In between those 6 years, I saw my dad as I see this twirp, Dean McDirty, act during the whole video. Fake, Fake, and FAKE!

    My dad took his affairs underground. This is what I see here. Mr. McDirty will continue his ways and the poor children will be no better off now or in the future because mom Tori can’t model self worth. He makes me sick! Just like my dad made me sick when I caught him cheating on my mom when I was 14. I outed him. Unbeknownst to me, it wasn’t his first rodeo. Hence, 2nd dday.

    I’m not proud of it, but I am proud of my mom for finding this site and modeling the ways of a sane, loving and SMART parent.

    • Thank you for writing in and giving us a glimpse of the “perspective of the kids” who certainly suffer right along with the chump. I’m so sorry for what you went through, but as a mom, it is so gratifying to me to hear that you have such great insight into what truly happened. I worry so much about my kids in all of this, but you give me hope that they will come out stronger and more clear of right/wrong. Congratulations to both you and your mom!!

      (((Hugs)))

      • Thanks Chump Mama!

        It will take time for your kids to see who is who in the relationship, for sure. It will come. Keep lines of communication WIDE open with your kids and let them know that despite the horrible things that are happening now, that you are there for them.

        My mom suffered, a lot. I began asking questions when I was in middle school. Everything was answered in an age appropriate manner (she read A LOT of CL/CN). She never said bad things about him (and she had every right to do so) but she also never made any excuses for him either.

        I’m 17. If he calls me, I answer. I started university this semester and I have things to do but he doesn’t understand. Or doesn’t care. He continues to be selfish and makes everything about himself. Who needs that? I sure don’t 🙂

        Your children need one sane parent, as CL says here. If you model that, they will come out on the other side just like you have (or will be soon!).

  • Speaking of celebrity couples, I just read this in an Australian newspaper:

    http://www.canberratimes.com.au/comment/how-hillary-clinton-handled-bill-clintons-cheating-shows-she-has-the-resilience-for-the-presidency-20161005-grv9jo.html

    Well, I suppose that’s ONE way of looking at it … Bill’s cheating made Hillary a better person?

    The comments section pretty much made me despair – talk about drinking the Kool Aid of the RIC. Unfortunately the comments had closed, so I couldn’t recommend chumplady.com!

    I know we here at ChumpNation have mixed views on the Clintons, but I was aghast at this article. Hillary may have many great qualities and end up being a really good President, but it wasn’t Bill’s cheating that gave her those qualities!

  • My marriage was bad from the beginning. My husband literally checked out on our wedding day. It was a Justice of the piece wedding and he looked like he was interested in anything but me.

    We never had sex. E V E R. His life was work, The Golf Channel, Sleep. This routine was repeated every day.

    I cried many times and asked what was wrong. He would say nothing and just turn up the television louder.

    So many times I had conversations by myself by answering his part of what I think he should have said. I suggested counseling and he would just give me a look like I was crazy. Years later, I understood. I mean why would he go to counseling when his life was perfect?

    This went on for way too many years. On d-day, when he was caught red-handed in years and years worth of lies, I remembering him begging me to try counseling.

    There was no way. At that point, I was already at MEH. I laughed in his face and denounced his silly counseling idea. No, I think divorce would suit my needs just fine.

    The more I hear about marriage counseling and sometimes even individual counseling, I’m shocked at not only no real progress being made but sometimes even regression to a worse state of mind.

    I’m sure there are many helpful counsellors but they seem rare as opposed to the norm.

    I just don’t know how anyone gets past infidelity. I know two marriages that stayed together after infedelity and they seem to be decent marriages now.

    Yes, kids change things but having FOUR before you realize there are some “communication” issues that need to be addressed is ridiculous.

    I don’t know this couple’s history at all but I wish them the best. I’m always leery of those who have to tell anyone who will listen how great their relationship is. They’re usually not so great.

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