What the hell is going on with people who say, “If you accuse someone of cheating they will.”
I recently heard a therapist say this, and it brought me back to all the times my cheater said, “If you keep accusing me of this, you’re going to make me cheat!”
At the time I bought it, but now I’m like WTF??? Me pointing out that you are behaving suspiciously will make you cheat?
Where the hell did this idea come from and why do people believe it?
Yes, Clichegurl, among your chump super powers — you know, that special mojo that compels people to cheat on you — is jealousy. See, he never would’ve had the idea to cheat if you hadn’t planted the notion in his head! It’s all your fault!
I wonder what other ideas you can plant in his head and make him do… Flap his arms and be a chicken? I mean, if you’re going to THINK CHICKEN he may as well just be a chicken.
Where the hell did this idea come from
Ortonville, Michigan? Satan? Lousy therapists? I don’t know, your guess is as good as mine.
and why do people believe it?
Because victim blaming is a Thing. Instead of sympathizing with you for being duped by a cheat, it’s less disturbing to think you somehow deserved it. See, he isn’t a crappy, worthless person — you DROVE him to crappy worthlessness by your super powerful mind rays. You ASSUMED crappy, worthlessness and so, figuring that your perception of him could never be altered, he SUCCUMBED to crappy worthlessness.
Think about this decision tree, Gurl. Let’s say you think something false about me. (I’m a chicken.) And no matter what I do, you persist in this fiction. (That I’m a chicken.) I could a) insist that I am NOT a chicken. b) Provide complete transparency as to my humanity. c) Decide that I’d really rather not be with someone who doubts my essential being and dump you.
How ridiculous would it be to choose d) Become a CHICKEN?
Gurl — your therapist is a quack and your cheater is a mindfuck. Your cheater is just threatening you — that if you persist in questioning his shadiness, he will do the very thing you fear he’s doing. (Except he’s already doing it.) If you keep accusing me of this, you’re going to make me cheat! is blameshifting. The problem isn’t his shadiness, the problem is your “jealousy.”
Generally speaking, good people don’t keep you off balance — only mindfuckers do.
We don’t make anyone do anything. Your partner has agency. And so does your shrink. And so do you — please dump them both.