My husband had a six-year affair with Jackie. I found out six months ago and we have been diligently working to reconcile. He claims to disclose all, but last night I confronted him with debit card charges to hotels and restaurants. He had told me that she paid for all the hotels and they never went out. He was “shocked” by the charges and said he honestly didn’t remember them. There were a lot of expensive meals and hotels. Tried to tell me they were years ago, but dates were last November, December and this year. Claims that’s how much he hated her, he blanked it out.
I figure let’s keep this in perspective. We worked it out by 2 a.m. last night and were having sex when he says, “This feels so good let’s do this all day Ja…” Horrified, I start sobbing, “You called me Jackie!”
He claims I was squishing him and knocked the air out of his chest and he made the ‘ja’ sound, but caught himself and was as horrified as I was as he immediately thought I would think he was he was saying her name.
Is this believable? He has also threatened me — get out of his sight, and said to throw him out if I don’t believe him.
I am exhausted.
I don’t believe him. Can we throw him out, please?
Let’s review why this “reconciliation” is not sustainable.
- SIX-year affair. Six years. SIX YEARS. Six. Six!!! Your husband is a–okay with the double life thing. He can sustain lying to your face for 2,190 days straight without flinching. This is someone who prefers cake as a lifestyle. Six years!
- He’s gaslighting you. Pay no attention to the EVIDENCE — hotel and restaurant receipts. Pay no attention to the TIME STAMPS. Pay no attention to the missing marital monies. No wonder you feel like you’re losing your mind — he’s denying your reality. THE reality. That’s a recipe to make anyone stark, raving bonkers.
- You reward his lies with sex. The pick-me dance performed naked. It makes you sob. Let’s keep this “in perspective”? Okay — “this” is fucked up.
- He threatens you. Can’t you just feel the remorse?
- Jackie is still in the picture. She’s there in the hotel receipts and on his mind. She’s a very convenient tool to bludgeon you with. Heck, I’m not even sure your husband made a “mistake” calling out her name, and then denying it. This is your cue to pick me dance harder! More frantically! Is your self-esteem worn down to a nub? Good. Gaslighting for the sake of gaslighting means you’ll just accept his version of reality, no matter how outlandish. Cake is maintained.
Let me tell you how this plays out next. After you read this and get uppity and start asserting reality — he will punish you. The channel will be firmly set to “self-pity.”
Really, Losing? You’re going to throw it all away because of ONE STUPID MISTAKE? Which wasn’t even a mistake? It was a MONOSYLLABLE! Ja could MEAN ANYTHING! Jammy Dodger! Jacobite! Jabberwocky! Why must you punish him for this trifle?
So you’re not going to assert reality to a fuckwit, Losing. You’re going to go straight to a lawyer and start lining up those ducks to leave him. Because you have absolutely NOTHING to work with here. He’s not sorry. He’s not truthful. And he’s still cheating.
If he doesn’t like the consequences you’re about to lay on him? Tell him to blank it out. Apparently that’s what he does when he just hates things so much. Tell him it’s much easier to divorce him unconscious. Press for a better settlement!
Let the fuckwit be Jackie’s problem. She’s sustained the pick me dance for six years. What do you want to guess, he says your name too?