Happy Thanksgiving, Chump Nation! Have you started your turkey basting yet? I’ve got a 20-pound behemoth to prepare, so forgive the brevity of this post. Today, as promised, we’re going to do that traditional Thanksgiving thing of going around the table and saying what you are thankful for. (Yesterday we got to vent our spleens.)
I’ll begin. I’m grateful for all of you. Thanks for sharing your stories and helping all the newbie chumps who are just starting this suckfest. The Tuesday of Meh is out there! And while I can preach that over and over, I’m one voice. It’s a hell of a lot more convincing with a chorus of hundreds of thousands. (Two million unique visitors to the site, over 12 million page views… that’s a LOT of chumps.)
I’m thankful for my husband (who has a pathological love of turkey…. thus a 20-pound turkey for THREE people today), I’m thankful for my son (may he pick his towels off the floor today and wake up before noon), I’m thankful for my family (may we not discuss politics for the next 30 days), and I’m thankful for good health (squidgy middle-agedness notwithstanding).
A decade ago I was spending Thanksgiving with a cheater husband who had to run out the morning after Thanksgiving to another state to do an “errand.” All my family was visiting too. How’s that for a red flag? A couple days later — my first D-Day. (November 29, 2006)
I’ve come a LONG way since then. And so have you. Let’s give some thanks! Happy holidays!
What am I grateful for?? Really. You had to ask?
CHUMP LADY AND CHUMP NATION.
I AM SO VERY GRATEFUL.
Of all the blogs in all the world you don’t want to belong to- this is the best.
And I am grateful for everything else in my life minus one cheating cheater.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING CHUMPS.
I am also slightly embarrassed because I got first post and I wanted to be the first and ok I was teachers pet – I am that girl!! ?
But seriously. I could not be more grateful for this site and all who belong. You all rock.
Ha, ha, ha! I was trying to beat you for first! Also teacher’s pet! Glad you won! Great post!
Aw thanks guys. I have no favorites! (Okay, except maybe Tempest.)
I forgot to add that — I am VERY grateful for Tempest, Che Guevera Chump, Troll Zapper In Chief, and all around Awesome CN Moderator and Den Mother.
Here, here for Tempest! She is a most awesome Den Mother! We love you Tempest!
Yay, Thank you Tempest! Or should I say Lady Tempest Trollzapper?
Here is to CL, for best chump shepard, beacon of strength and best 2×4 deliverer of the blogosphere!
And to Tempest for mother of wit-breathing dragons, research-based eraser of bullshit and gallow humor master!
I am court-ordered to psrent with X and without CN, I would be such a chumpy chumped chump “for the sake of my kiddo.”
Instead , I have developped a teflon brain against bullshit, better boundaries in all areas of my life, and silence as the loudest FU against the entitled.
I am most thankful for the support and wisdom I have gotten here. I believe I am as far into Meh as I will be until my kiddo is grown, and will keep sticking around, hoping to help other chumps as much as possible.
Thank you CN for sharing so many stories of resilience and spunk, much love to all!
Awww, you guys are making me tear up (and no onions in site to blame it on; my daughter chopped those this morning).
Want to know how much I love all of you? There are hours, no days, at a time, when I’m actually grateful Hannibal Lecher cheated on me, as it was the only way I would ever have met such a wonderful, warm, witty band of friends (on-line and IRL).
And Tracy–there are no words to convey how thankful I am that you were the lone voice of reason and compassionate in that post-infidelity desert. I’ve said it before, when I happened upon the blog a few weeks after D-day, it was as if the clouds parted and the sun shone down upon me. Salvation! And I get to use swear words when I post!! You have saved more lives than those 2 million new-viewers, because whole families are now free from emotional abuse and anxiety. Love you!
Hey we can be joint first!! Here’s your trophy ?
And second the shout out to Tempest!!
You go girl.
A third for Tempest! Amen to that!
I ka-thousand the sentiment.
NOTHING has done more for me like CL & CN!! Not therapists, not family, not friends, not strangers…….trust me, I’ve talked to all!!
Greatest blessing E-VER!! Thank you!!
Ditto. I’m grateful for many many things in my life. But as far as the end of my marriage is concerned, nothing has helped me understand what the hell happened and what the hell I needed to do about it as much as Chumplady and Chumpnation. Thank You and Happy Thanksgiving!!!
I count my blessings:
Maintenance until I’m 70 and the wonderful lawyer who fiercely fought for it.
A new roof over my head that comes attached to a tiny beach house that is my sanctuary.
Chump Lady and Chump Nation who understand that putting infidelity behind me (at age 60) is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.
My amazing, wonderful son’s and daughter-in-law who want me to be happy more than I do.
My therapist who has pushed me and crossed many lines to keep me alive.
My hope is that next Thanksgiving I will be able to add that I am thankful to be alive. I am here because I lost the right not to be here when I had children.
Thank you all for being the group that understands that gratitude and pain can exist simultaneously.
Well duh. Thank you CL and Chump Nation
That’s the first thing I wanted to say! I am thankful to Tracy for ChumpLady and ChumpNation. I’ve said it before, you kept me alive this January.
I am thankful for all the chumps that chip in every day or less often. I love your humour and kindness.
I am thankful I live in NZ, I am one of the very lucky few on this planet.
I am thankful for my body which has risen to challenge of taking over the farm alone much better than I expected.
I am thankful to the traitor for teaching me 70% of my farm skills in the first 7 years we were here. I was a townie with no knowledge or experience before that.
I am thankful I got to teach the traitor and the whore’s little boy to ride a push bike and to swim. I loved doing it no matter how painful it is to have lost the people I thought were my family.
I am thankful I got to help his other boys with school, studies, job hunting, learning to drive. I loved doing that too.
I am thankful to his family, I loved all the times we had together, I love my would-have-been sisters in law, the nephews and nieces. I loved having an extended family for those years.
I am thankful to my OW mother. Yes, she was a mistress and put me in a terrible situation from the start but she was a loving mother and taught me to be independent, financially responsible, hard working, and kind. She was far from perfect but she did her best after the affair and paid dearly for it, I know that. She also struggled all her life with severe depression and anxiety after a terribly abusive childhood. So, she did some terrible things to my father’s wife (who was kinder to her in the end than my father because she understood what a bastard he really was, my mum didn’t, never did!) but I believe she was chumped by a narc who carried on doing this to another 3 women and 3 more children after his first wife and my mum!!! He was the only man she ever had sex with voluntarily…
I am thankful for my battle axe grandmother who raised me with my mum. She married a vicious bastard and didn’t get out; her daughters suffered as much as she did, she made up for it as a grandmother.
I am thankful for all my dogs, cat, goats, ducks, pig, chooks, cow, and all the sheep.
I am especially thankful for my best friend of 12 years who was given to me as an unplanned puppy for my 40th birthday. I love how we sing to Bohemian Rhapsody together!
I am thankful for my favourite sound: the patter of 4 paws on a wooden floor! 4 legs good, 2 legs bad!
I am thankful for the local farming community, the farm discussion group members who are so generous with their help and advice.
I am thankful I discovered after years of being told I am depressed and believing it, that I am a true optimist, able to take one day at a time, one obstacle at a time without fantasising horror scenarios in the more distant future.
I am thankful I realised within 2 months of going on citalopram because the traitor said I was depressed and asexual that it was bullshit. It dulled my emotions and my nature, my ability to feel deep joy and sadness, empathy. It made me breezy and cheerful on the surface, but completely indifferent to beauty, art, drama. I was not depressed, I was gaslighted. Big difference. Thank goodness my body reacted to it with such headaches and nightmares, and protected me!
I am thankful for the new friends I made on my agri women development course, especially an older friend who farms alone after having to pay out another gigolo.
I am thankful for the internet which has brought me all these new connections, information, blogs, music, friends. Yep, I met the traitor online 10 years ago but it hasn’t put me off!
I am thankful I live in a modern country where I am not stuck with a man who takes advantage of me because a woman has to be married, can’t leave, can’t have her own bank account or some bullshit like this. Thank goodness for the gender equality we have, even if it’s not perfect.
I am thankful I went to school and uni, we have a mostly free health care system, we get picked up by an ambulance if we have an accident, the roads and power lines are maintained, our society functions and we are not in war zone! I get to vote and complain, I can go where I want, when I want.
I thankful I have a lifestyle of such comfort and abundance even a king could not even dream of 100 years ago!
I am thankful every day the sun shines just enough, the rain falls just enough.
I am thankful the earth hasn’t moved for me in a looong time and I don’t live anywhere near all those bloody earthquakes!!
I am just thankful, I always was, the traitor is never satisfied, couldn’t be content, but I was, even with his flaws, even when debts were spiraling, even when he was selfish, even through all the miscarriages, I was thankful to have him and his kids, and I told him all the time!! Just thankful. It’s not that hard for goodness sake!
Happy Thanksgiving my US chump friends, and thank you Tracy!
Wow Kiwi – your post really moved me. Thank you.
You made me think of all ways I should be thankful too.
I think I’ll make out my own list now – and what a great thing to look at anytime you’re feeling down..
You express yourself beautifully, dear.
Thank you SheChump, I enjoy counting my blessings everyday because I can descend into negativity as well as the next person. I find it’s a sort of meditation, focus on all the good things, all the little things, the shape of a fern, the babble of a creek, list them, add to the list. I also found that whenever I overcame an obstacle this winter on the farm, I made a note of it to go back to. When I am facing the next hurdle I am afraid of, I go to my list and tell myself I dealt with each hurdle on the list one at a time and I managed. If I something went wrong, it got sorted somehow. My older farming girlfriend taught me the best thing was she never makes the same mistake twice now she is alone. She’s in her 70s with bad knees and she’s still going strong.
Kiwichump–what a wonderful list of gratitudes, including those advantages we take for granted. Very healing.
Thank you Tempest! Hope your Thanksgiving Day has gone well.
Love it Kiwi chump!! So inspiring and straight from the gut sincere.
Kiwi chump – appreciate you sharing. You inspire me. Thank you – and I love NZ.
I’m grateful that my kids seem happy and have adjusted well to their new ‘normal’ across two households, post divorce.
That was one of my biggest concerns after DDay and deciding to get divorced. It hasn’t been plain sailing along the way, but we’re in a good position now.
Mine too north. It’s been a big adjustment for them but they seem to be ok now.
Of course I am thankful for every chump who spends the time and energy to help each other understand what has happened and what can happen next with compassion, understanding, and snark. We are so much stronger together!
I am thankful for my child, my supportive friends, PTSD Guy and the happy peace that has blanketed me since my new life started. May every chump here be blessed with a new life that brings them the joy I have found.
I’m grateful for my health, my time with my sons, my family and friends, CL and CN, and my fantastic girlfriend nomorenarcs!
Chump Lady! You rock! Chump Nation, thank you! There IS life on the other side of this terrible ordeal! Three years later, I’m at MEH and loving life. Even when it’s hard.
I’m so thankful for all of you! You truly saved me. I’m thankful for God and my wonderful mother who has stepped in to be the other parent to the autistic daughter my ex also abandoned when he left me. I’d be lost without her!
Happy Thanksgiving to all Americans (I’m Canadian so we gorged ourselves last month)! To all newbies who have just been hit with this unbelievable pain: hang in there. I’ve read the last chapter. You win!!!
“I’ve read the last chapter. You win!!!” That’s an awesome perspective Start, and I’m stealing that line to read every day! Slogging through the trenches in the middle of my divorce, it’s hard to hold on to that truth, but reading wisdom like that here every day gives me hope and something to look forward to! Thank you!!
You are mighty! Hang in there! I remember thinking I’ll never get over my husband. Never love again. It’s just not true. There IS a great life, great love, great happiness on the other side of infidelity and divorce. And it doesn’t take as long as you think!
SOSG, I love your last sentence as well! Thankful for CN and Tempest and Tracy and all of my newfound friends – getting to peek at the ending of my story is inspiring. Thankful for my kids, whose elementary school crafts and love notes keep me grateful, every day.
What Capricorn said x 1000! Thank you CL and all my friends and family. Almost 3 yrs out and still struggling but its been so worth it! We had our Thanksgiving in Canada last month but I am twice as grateful to CN for being an International organization.
lovedandlost – I’m a Canadian and been in the US for 37 yrs and, hell why not?, I decided long ago to celebrate both months 🙂 And, this week I went to 2 different Free turkey/ham meals since I’m a ‘senior’. (hey, very young senior! and they put on a great meal. Then again today at the Legion – also a great meal. We were sitted next to a few homeless folks as their doors are open to anybody, seniors or not.
Best meh- Tday holiday I’ve in in 3 yrs!
And, none of us 4 old ladies needed to lift a finger!
Grateful for this blog. Grateful for my kiddos…they are super awesome. I’m grateful for my family… especially my mother & sister. Super grateful for my friends. Grateful for my job…I work with homeless Veterans and I love it. Grateful for my work colleages. Grateful for my pets. Grateful for my house. Grateful for food and water and clean air. Grateful for clothes. Love to all.
I’m thankful that I found this site close to 3 years ago after 3 or 4 DDays. I’m thankful I can’t even remember how many DDays there were (the first one was 10 years ago yesterday!). After being married for 20+ years and 4 children, I was so scared I couldn’t do it on my own. Well, I can and am so much happier. I’m officially at meh and have been almost since he left. Enjoy your day chumps and if it’s not enjoyable, know that it can be. Take it day by day and one day you’ll wake up and be at peace. That is my hope for all of us.
I’m grateful for seeing who my STBXH really is quiet early. We’re still staying together as the process is still in its early phases.
We live together but live like strangers *teardrop* part of me wants to reach out and talk…. But I know I’ll get lied to, so I just keep quiet and go about my life.
The living together while the divorce proceeds is the most difficult time….gosh I wish it didn’t take so long. It’s been 2months since d-day.
I’m also grateful for CN. It saved me from myself and the narc. Cheers to you CN. Happy thanksgiving everyone.
Oh my goodness I could have written the same post.
I’m also grateful that I figured out pretty quickly the person that my ex really was. I’d asked him one thing – total honesty – so when I caught him lying I cut him off cold turkey (no Thanksgiving pun intended). He wasn’t at all pleased but boy did that save me heartache and help me move on.
I feel for you DoneandDusted – we lived under the same roof for 8 1/2 longgggggg months – so being lucid about him was a true gift.
Everything. Literally, every damn thing.
I’m thankful for my kids, my family who have helped me and stood by me. My work friends and my job. And for Chump Lady and Chump Nation. Have a nice day, everyone. 🙂
I’m thankful for the “Embrace” documentary I watched on Tuesday (with current husband in a full theater with maybe two other men in it…) — it is helping me along my journey toward learning not just to accept, but to actually learn to love, my squidgy middle-agedness and the stages that will follow.
In my old cheater days, I never would have imagined there was any chance that actually loving my body would ever be an option. These days it seems like a reasonable eventuality.
I shall feed this beautiful vessel that is getting me through my life some delicious food today and take good care of it because it depends on my care to perform as well as it can. It has some troubles, but it also gives me a lot of pleasure and ability while it pilots me around to share with others I love. This body has earned all the kindness I can give it. Taking care of it includes giving it what it loves, which happens to include pumpkin pie, thank you very much. 🙂
Happy day and safe travels, CL and all of CN! Take care of your beautiful selves!
I think I want to see this too
It was quite good and I felt very inspired by it. Fair amount of nudity, but it is contextual, so it didn’t bother me.
Grateful for Chump Lady and Chump Nation. This site has saved my sanity 100 times over, giving me an outlet to share raw feelings about the fuckwit’s behaviors that — had I not been able to process here with you — would probably have killed me. Nobody gets a chump like another chump. Bless you all.
Grateful for hindsight, and how it has shaped all my future decisions. Marrying, living with and then divorcing and moving on from a fuckwit’s cruelty gave me tremendous insight into my lifelong lack of self esteem. Now I take a moment to ask, “Is this a good decision for ME? Or am I doing it for everyone else?
Grateful for my sons, the rescue dog one of them guilted me into adopting, and all the people our lives who lift us up instead of tear us down. I know we are lucky to have you.
GRATEFUL I am divorced from a nasty, hateful excuse of a man. Divorce is indeed, the end of an error.
Hugs and Love to all the newbie chumps here today. I am one of the lucky people who was able to divorce and gain a life rather than continue a life of loneliness and servitude to a man with mental illness.
Happy Thanksgiving to my neighbours to the South
In the comments to Nov 22 blog post, Tempest wrote this:
Finding out details, even with trickle truth, tips the balance of power more in favor of the chump. It gives us the advantage of saying, “I now know what you did. I now know what you are.”
This rang so true to me: I am a year and half out from D day – 28 years together, 24 years married, 2 fantastic kids. Then found out about co worker AP of 2 years, and then AP of 5 years that he met online, then about his Ashley Madison attempts to cheat. He told me they made him feel like Jesus Christ, that he would get blow jobs at work in the bathroom, that he would fuck them in the car on country roads, in hotels, that he took them to out of town meetings, that they knew where we lived, that he would be texting them while with me and our kids. Knowing these details helped me stop wreckonciliation attempt. Knowing without a shadow of a doubt what a piece of crap he is steels my spine to deal with my lawyer and getting all paper work in order for divorce.
thanks to CL and Tempest and everyone here at CN for helping me on the road to Meh
Completely chumped- Man it gives me shivers of nausea that anybody is that creepy, so sorry you went through it but glad you are making it through. And I think jesus Christ would have said ” please leave me out of this!” While talking about bj’s. Eww.
Wow, Completely Chumped, he is one sick MFer. It sounds to me as if he not only got off on the bjs, but got off telling you about his conquests. Irredeemable. It still boggles the mind how we were able to tolerate them for decades.
I am grateful for my faithful, loving and loyal rescued cocker spaniel. He has just turned 16 and is starting to look if not act his age. My grown up kids are fab and the quiet one who was devastated by her idiot fathers actions has just started her own dog walking business, it is doing rather too well and I have to go for walkies too.
I am grateful for discovering the running club even though I have broken my little toe. Hoovering! No glamourous interesting injuries for me. They are re starting me in January.
I am really glad I have found chump nation the support here is awesome and hugs to all
I am thankful that I have survived what I once thought would kill me. I am thankful for my sisters and friends who demanded that I stop spackling and doing the pick me dance. I am so, so grateful to Chump Nation for understanding why I spackled and danced, because no one else did.
I am thankful for all of the usual stuff, and for a kick ass lawyer, the return of my libido, and a really nice man.
I am thankful that today I will suffer NORMAL problems, not ones that indicate that my life is being lived totally wrong, being directed by a pathologically oriented person. Even when my demented alcoholic mom shows up, I will be thankful that God allowed me to see what that path looked like early enough to choose a different one.
A demented alcoholic mom? Try to think of it as *material.* That’s got to be a deep vein of gallows humor there.
If all else fails? More pie.
Yes, when the alcoholics and addicts in rehab refused to live with her, I felt so vindicated.
She is so much nicer to me now that she forgot who I am.
Is it ok to find this so so funny?!?!
yes, its ok to think this is funny. Since mom and dad left, daughter and I have been laughing that when my daughter was telling a story about her friend getting her cat spayed, it sparked mom to tell the story of the day daughter was born. yeesh…where are those 2 things connected ?
I am grateful for reality.
I am grateful for the words to now be able to name and understand what happened to me.
I am grateful for clean water, clean air, healthy food, clothes and the roof over our heads.
Most of all, I am grateful for my children. For their love and respect. They keep me grounded in the present moment and give me hope for the future.
I, too, am grateful for my children. Two of the three will be joining us today, both of the boys. And, they will be bringing the ladies in their life to share dinner with my parents, my husband, and myself. They are lovely you guys men who treated their girlfriends with respect and love, and bonus! The older one is “step dad” to two little boys, kids whom I am coming to adore.
I’m grateful for my new home. This is the first major holiday celebrated within these walls, the first of many. Even though the remodeling isn’t finished, and much of it is jerry rigged for today, it’s clean, and the oven brand new, cooking up plentiful food to feed this small army.
I’m grateful for the constant, devoted love of my dog and my cats. They never judge, they don’t care about how much money I don’t have, and they are always here for me.
I’m grateful for my close relationship with The Lord, and His constant ear. For everything I have learned and continue to learn. For books and websites, television and Netflix, and the Journaling I get to do.
I like my life. For the first time in many years, I feel happy heading into the holidays and the new year!
MomOfTheGoodGuys – ‘I like my life. For the first time in many years, I feel happy heading into the holidays and the new year!’
I can’t tell you how much that line also rings true to me.
He was so disinterested in every family event for the past 5 yrs that I was becoming disinterested myself. He was a Debbie Downer to be around and I knew it was because of the money we’d spend if we put on any functions that we used to do yearly. If he didn’t want to help me put up a tree?, I sure wasn’t going to get excited about putting something in his stocking.
I truly am looking forward to this season ahead and had 3 great T-day dinners I thoroughly enjoyed.
And, I’ll tell you that you never run out of conversation when you go out with four ladies like I did.
My relationship was becoming far too quiet when he and I ate out . . and then, towards the end, he started picking horrendous fights just as we were pulling out of the driveway of the house being all dressed up. My g/f’s NEVER do that.
I am thankful for the wisdom of this nation. Thank you Tracy and Tempest. Without you I might have never ended the cycle of abuse that was my life.
I am greatful for finding compassion on these pages, knowing I was not alone each and every step of the way.
I am greatful for the chumps who share their stories however painful.
There is a Tuesday. I wanted that day to come. There is Meh. It’s real.
I’m greatful for the love and support I had to find my identity, detach, and accept the fact that he sucked and that I could indeed gain a life.
I’m greatful for the journey, my amazing children, and granddaughter.
I am grateful I can spell and write at least 98% of my words correctly, lol.
I am thankful for a good life. It’s not perfect but it’s good enough for me.
I am thankful for a healthy child who loves me like I love her. I am thankful that she is resilient and has just been able to roll with the huge changes in her little life.
I am thankful for peace for now in this part of the world. And peace in my life.
I am thankful for having found Chump Lady and Chump Nation. You guys have helped built my inner strength which has helped me in my journey towards gaining a life.
And last but definitely not the least – I am thankful for having left a cheater. It makes me sad to see chumps who are still stuck with their cheaters either because they are living in denial or because of circumstances. I pray that they will find the strength and that they will be fortunate enough to walk away. Life is indeed better on the other side.
I am thankful for my sister who has been my rock and my beacon through all of this
I am thankful for Chump Lady who showed me that I didn’t have to sit passively while Fucktard made his choice. I had choices, too. That I was worthy of choosing myself.
I am thankful for Chump Nation for giving me the kick in the ass that I need (with all too frequent regularity) that I can survive this – that he does indeed suck. And for letting me participate in others journeys as well…to let me be someones cheerleader just as surely as they have been mine.
I am grateful for things finally going my way a year leaving my cheater, although I had to leave my home and dog 🙁
Lived with mom and dad for a year, saved up and bought a mini home a month ago that I never have to leave ?
I’m grateful narcissist ex works across the country 6 months of the year as he tries to run the show when he’s home.
I’m super grateful for finally being on the proper medication for my Narcolepsy…tired of feeling so much shame most of my life.
And getting on antidepressants that actually work, I believe they saved my life. And of course CL and CN for giving me the brutal honesty I truly needed.
Love you guys ❤️
I am so very grateful for CL and CN that saved my sanity, made me laugh through the tears and for the new friendships I’ve gained.
I’m thankful for D-day, despite the devastating pain that went along with it, because it showed me what I was married to and spared me wasting anymore of my life with someone who did not love or respect me.
I’m thankful for my family and friends that stood by my and help me up through it all. And I’m thankful that this divorce that’s been drug out for a year and a half is finally coming to an end and I will finally be free to gain a new life, back to my home state with my family and grand kids.
I seem to be having trouble posting. I have lost my long post…boo hoo.
I’m grateful to CL & CN. Literally saved my life from a sociopath.
I’m grateful for our man chumps (mumps) for showing me that there is some hope, however slim, that I may have the good fortune of being loved by a man like this….I don’t know if our mumps know how incredibly sexy and attractive they are simply by virtue, character, and their desire to be a man, in his true role. Thank you mumps.
Tonight after my meal I will check back and try to re-post my previous tirade I lost??
Happy Thanksgiving my precious chumps❤️❤️
Hear hear on the Mr Chumps. They too bring me hope and that there are wonderful men out there after all. And I don’t mean just romantically. Being so horribly shafted by Ass Clown has me deeply suspicious and mistrusting of the entire world, and men in particular. Mr Chumps’ are helping me entertain that it is going to be ok to trust people again. As long as my radar is tuned, my BS meter serviced and my self-value top of the list.
Well said X. I second that.
I’m in Australia so Happy Thanksgiving all Chumps stateside. X
Thankful for the Mumps too, I hope to meet one some day!
Today is the first anniversary of my D-day, I am grateful to be able to say I am happily divorced for six months now… This time last year I felt like I had been bludgeoned, WTF? in my vocabulary every minute… Now I feel blessed, able to forward with clarity all because of the wonderful people in my life and Chumpnation!!! I’m actually going to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner this year… Many blessings to you all!!! XOXO
I’m thankful for all MY family and friends who are back with me, and still love me after 25 years of isolation. My girls who love me and get together any chance we get. My new friends who do get it and have been through it. And especially CL and CN, who have guided me through the most horrific event of my life. I’m grateful for everything. 🙂
Good morning everyone. I am very thankful for this entire year … it has been a traumatic but tremendous growth opportunity. I am thankful for finally knowing the truth that explained all the many mysteries of the past 30 years. I am thankful for CL and CN for helping me stand up and say ENOUGH. I am thankful to be on the good side of divorce. And I am thankful for the love and joy now in my life. I believe this is the happiest Thanksgiving I have ever had, and I wish this peace for all my chump friends, now and always. Happy Turkey Day … please pass the stuffing!! Love, Dixie
I am thankful that I am a citizen of the United States of America. ??
I am grateful that this is not my first Thanksgiving without Match Girl.
I am thankful for Chump Lady, Chump Nation, my family, my sobriety, and puppies. And nothing else.
Puppies, definately puppies!
You got puppies Ian???
I didn’t get nothing! I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage.
*Finally* getting clarity on who that man I married really is – a fake, an abuser – and the depth of the dysfunction that was my marriage.
Him getting a bit sloppy and me demanding to know the truth (backed by polygraph).
Finding CL and CN to help me sort through the rubble. Nothing to work with. (Dunno where I’d be without this site – prolly still slugging around with the RIC)
The therapist and two women that I did group counseling with post-d-day.
My wonderful friends and family.
My satisfying job.
The concept of “no contact” and the strength to stick to it.
Perseverance to withstand the Fuckwit slow walking the divorce.
The healing that has begun (and that, hopefully will continue!).
My immense gratitude centers on my ?children? and on the people (like Tracy!!!) who have the courage and insight to reach out and make a difference in dark times.
I always notice how it takes *time* to inspire, and it takes *time* to care with kindness, and it takes *time* to take practical action. We all have some extra time, and I’m thankful I can give my time to those I love, and to those I can help.
“Money alone does not lift burdens…The world is in need of time, and if we have but one hour to spare, we are wealthy. It takes time to listen and to comfort, it takes time to teach and to encourage, and it takes time to feed and to clothe. We all have the gift to lift each other’s burdens and to make a difference in somebody’s life.”
~Hans B. Ringger
Thank you for sharing this quote, Wideawake. It helps me to remember that having choices and time are a different kind of wealth, and giving back to those who have helped us and encouraged us is a different kind of economy, one that defies our culture’s obsession with youth, beauty, and actual dollars. I might not have dollars, but I can usually make time and choices. I once heard a humanitarian worker from the Philippines tell a crowd that “if you woke up this morning and were able to choose whether to eat or not, or what to wear…then you are rich.” I need to practice gratitude for always having these choices before me.
Today, I choose to be grateful for the bounty of help, advice, encouragement, counsel, and the gift of laughter that CL and CN give so freely. I am blessed every day. I am blessed in the wee hours of the night. Thank you. I have learned so much from all of you. I have laughed so hard. I have had my breath taken away by your insights. Thank you for your part in my healing.
I am grateful for my sister and fellow chump. I cannot imagine my life without her. Sis, if you read this between all the cooking, know that I love you and am so grateful for your beauty, caring, generosity, and love. You truly make the world a better place. My heart is full.
I am grateful for my friends and family who stood by me when I left that lying cheater. Money cannot buy the kind of love and loyalty that was shown to me. Though many were Switzerland, or even cheater apologists, the cream rose to the top and now I see you in all your faithfulness and beauty. I am so blessed.
I am grateful for another year of invites for the holidays. Thank you to the relatives of relatives who make sure that I always have a place at their table. And especially for the reassurance that cheater ex will NEVER be invited. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am grateful for the new life I have gained. The new house. The new neighbors (while keeping in contact with the best of the old neighbors). The new friends. The new adventures. Thank you, God, for all these gifts.
I am so thankful for my two grown sons. My 20-year-old working college student surprised me last week arriving from his place an hour away with a bouquet of fresh Lillys, a bag of groceries to cook me breakfast, followed by him doing the dishes then serenading me on the piano! Bliss!!! My eldest flew me to visit him and his beloved in New York for a week last month. Getting away from reality to enjoy such a huge change of aquarium was the most fun I’ve had in years! (I have been pretty much holed up on my CA ranch for three years – licking my wounds, and trying to maintain my sanity after coming to understanding the decades of covert abuse and severe Psychopathy of the man I spent my life with since I was a 19-year-old girl) My sons and my oldest’s girlfriend and I will be spending Christmas in Mexico City. From there we are all flying to Cuba for New Year’s and my 60th birthday! This is a HUGE big deal for me and I am so grateful that my loving sons will be with me for nearly 2 weeks on this fabulous adventure. Younger son is joining me for Thanksgiving over at my girlfriends house with her family. A huge big thanks to Cump Lady and Cump Nation for being the voice of reason throughout this journey. Happy Thanksgiving and big ((((Hugs)))) to you all.
Chump not Cump!
CL and Chump Nation, Happy Thanksgiving! I am grateful for my family. My Mom and Dad, who allow me to live on their property, which helped three young adults get through school, and who have always supported me. To my Aunts and Uncles who have intermittently employed us to bridge the gap in my teacher’s pay and who love me unconditionally. To my cousin who listened and listened and listened to me chew on my decisions and rail against the world. To my children whose resilience and kickass strength show me they care and that we are still family even when we struggle. I am thankful for two jobs and great coworkers. My good health. Good food. And a roof over my head, even if it may be falling in!?Most of all I am thankful for the beautiful small moments that come my way. Life was never this good with a Cheater.
I am grateful for my family and that I will spend Thanksgiving with them today.
I am grateful to have a good job.
I am grateful I was finally able to complete my goal of obtaining a MS degree.
I am so grateful for your site Chump Lady. I spent three years chasing that stupid unicorn after my dday and I’m pretty sure I’d still be doing it if it wasn’t for your site. This is my third Thanks Giving without cheater ex and I couldn’t be happier.
To all of chump nation and especially the NE Mighty Chumps, I am so grateful for all of you and your collective wisdom. This is the best blog ever and I feel blessed to have found it and all the wonderful people who contribute.
Happy Thanksgiving Chump Lady and Chump Nation!
I am very thankful today for just being me and being alive. Although, without CL and CN I know that, that may not have been the outcome. What I have learned on this site is invaluable. However, I am most thankful for being blessed with the ability to be able to create, carry and give birth to the 2 people who mean the most to me in my life. It hasn’t turned out how I expected it would but I would not trade them for the world. I am just very thankful for all the good that has come my way in my ‘short’ 65 years. xo
I am thankful for my sister, my mom and dad for their support and counsel. My girlfriends and their husbands for gathering around me, loving me and filling my empty nights after STBX first left for the AP, and continue to this day! My daughter for her strength and for finally getting her dad to see his AP of 3 years for the pathologically lying POS she is and kicking her out of his life!! They don’t have to be around her anymore and I don’t have to share my kids with her for these holidays at least! My kid rocks! I’m thankful for my son for his quiet strength and humor. I’m thankful for my counselor, and most of all, I’m thankful she told me about CL’s blog. CL and all you wonderful chumps have saved me from myself and given me the backbone I needed to file and set about gaining a life! Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Dear Chump Lady, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for answering my email in just a few hours after I sent it and reassuring me that you and the CN exist and it’s all real. Thank you for keeping this site alive after a decade from your DDay and living the meh in respect to your cheater narc. You and the CN you created have helped so many people around the globe! I stay on the site every day for most of the day reading the stories of the CN and with every single story the fog dissipates further. What kind of life was I living before? Thank you, champ-ladies and chump-gents, for helping me with this realization!
But today, I am also thankful to my narc serial cheater for:
1. Our son. No matter how he resisted having children because “the world is cruel, children are dying in Africa and the Middle East, what are we going to give them except the war-torn world with economic scarcity of resources, I am not made for a routine and I can never be your “typical Norwegian” husband walking the dog and raising kids, you are a career woman and don’t really care for children, it’s just a nature call, etc.” and all that bullshit, I have my sunny son, the light of my life, my biggest joy. Thank you for “graciously granting me just one!!!” (his words) our son, dear narc!
2. Constant humiliation, degrading, criticizing me, and exaggerating his worth and right ways – because I finally understand that it’s not him whom I loved but the illusion and dream of him created with my very capable imaginative mind. If my imagination was so mighty to be able to idealize him and put on the pedestal and pray and submit to his malignant ways, then I can now redirect its course away from the narc and towards a new life – I have a living proof that my mind is powerful and can do what it wants. The key is to change the direction now. Thank you for enlightening me, dear narc!
3. His constant gas-lighting, lying, keeping secrets and making it feel as if it’s all in “my mind, my low self-worth, my in-confidence, my jealousy” and me actually believing him that the problem is in me and I need to fix it. All that self-doubt and uneasy feeling in the gut finally led me to the self-exploration, delving deep into spirituality, reading tons on astrology, psychology, mythology, philosophy and making me understand, finally, that I just happen to be one of the millions who were “lucky” enough to come across an NPD-er and that he is a typical case and that I am also a typical enabler of his behaviour with a cake ready for him as he pleased. Thank you, dear narc, for opening the door for me to understanding my own self, I think without the deep excruciating pain you caused me this enlightenment would have been impossible.
4. For creating this separate life in two countries and claiming that this was being done out of his care for me and our son’s security when he moved us out to Canada after the Middle East was torn off with war. 6 years into our life across the ocean in two countries, where he would visit once a year (because more was “impractical’) for 3-4 weeks in the summer and we would go there over Christmas, and I would yearn for togetherness and our good old days together with complete amnesia of how psychologically abusive my life was when we were together. The physical distance he created actually made me long for him more because the human mind has a tendency to remember the good and disconnect from the bad. Thank you, dear narc, that I now have the luxury to live without seeing and hearing you for the most part of the year. I had suffered because of that and begged you that you let me come back (leave beautiful peaceful Canada just to be with you in your shitty place of residence), but you always found tons of wise justifications for a “no” to maintain your freedom: your country was still insecure, our son does not speak the language and identify with this country, I won’t be able to find a meaningful and well-paid job because I don’t speak the language, and that you absolutely had to continue living there to take care of family properties and you also needed to “mellow down!” – ha-ha! Thank you for breaking my heart with those justifications and thank you for not letting me move back in January last year. Because if I had, and then went through the D Day, I would have been living with you now, in a country where I can’t have a meaningful job, I don’t have a family, where our son would struggle because of his own issues, and I would also have to be facing you day and and day out with your entitlement of having the cake and eating it, too. Thank you for not letting me come back, dear narc. I will never come back to you!
5. For lying to me for months after the D Day and making me feel like a mad woman who created these stories in her head even after she read the texts in your phone. And then after a few months deciding to come clean and lay it out that your cheating started in second year of our marriage and continued for 12 years. That you had a wife, a love of your life whore (you call her a split-soul with you), and sex-whores all throughout and that was a normal life for you. For finally showing your real face, thank you!
6. For failing to keep a “good face” after we decided to reconcile and proving how a unicorn idea it was just 4 weeks after you spilled your guts out and told me “all the truth”. For refusing to stop the communication with your ex-es because “they once were a part of your life, and you just don’t discard people, and it’s very mean of me to even suggest this!” – thank you! For creating a beautiful split-soul story and the electric hug you shared with your 15-year long relationship (longer than our 12-yr marriage) and making me believe in it to the point that I would google and educate myself on split-souls, send you articles, in the hope to befriend you and understand the way you feel – only to realize how f’ed up my mind was for continuing to be a doormat to you. Thank you, dear narc, for this pain you caused, and for finally lifting the fog.
I cannot divorce (yet) because there is a risk of him taking our son to his country of residence (they both hold dual citizenship) but I am grateful for this chance of living in Canada with my son – there was a time in my life when I cursed Canada and me having to move here because I thought it was breaking my family apart. I am grateful for finding great friends every time I made a geographic move and changed the place of residence. My friends everywhere have my back. I am grateful for my mother-in-law who lives next door with her second husband and helps me out with daily routine related to my son driving him to and from school and his activities, feeding him (and me), taking care of him when I have to travel for work. She has my back. And because of that my narc “fired” his own mother from her role of being his mother – something that he proudly talks about in front of our son. She understands this all very well, because my narc cheater is a faithful son to his own narc father whom his mom divorced long ago. He was struck with Alzheimer’s at 54 and lived for 20 years in a nursing home as a vegetable and his second wife abandoned him right there robbing him of all his possessions. My narc cheater ended up taking the responsibility for his dad’s care and I always thought it was so noble of him. Until I understood why he was doing this, simultaneously fighting his step mom for the properties his dad owned so that now he can rent it off and live off the rent without having to work. His father finally died 18 years after and I hope this is what awaits my narc – a mind-f..king disease with glimpses of sanity. I am even grateful for my alcoholic step-father-in-law who genuinely loves my son although he never had kids of his own and has his own big issues, but I know he has my back.
Happy Thanksgiving to the fellow chumps in the USA, we had ours in Canada a month ago. Thank you for giving me a chance to put this into writing. When I have my “I miss him” moments, this is what I will revert to. Thank you.
LongtimeChump, this is an amazing post! I admire you so much for choosing to frame the experience as a part of the journey. It’s like CL making this community possible after her own history.
I am so grateful for the intelligent, insightful, inspiring community here – and so blessed I found it right away after D-day one year ago.
Blessed that I’m part of THIS group and not alone in that marriage.
Blessed that this round-the-clock support also provides a college education in issues that affect every part of my life. It’s been humbling and also invigorating to begin this unexpected new life.
It has mostly been hard AF.
But this place exists! And the survivors are so interesting and smart and FUNNY and challenging and incredible.
I’m glad to give thanks to all of you and especially Tracy and Tempest.
Wow indeed Longtimechump! Stay safe in Canada. I am thankful to you for sharing your insight!
Roaring and kiwichump, thank you! I wish I had found Chump Lady and CN back in January after D Day. Instead, I became an Amazon/Google/RIC chump devouring all the info online and in books and believing yet again in the unicorn of reconciliation. I am satisfied that I tried. And I am grateful it did not last long – he could not make a real effort and keep this unicorn image longer than a few weeks. What awaits me now, though, is a trip to spend Christmas vacation with him and our son. The tickets were bought back when we were in the reconciling mode. I can easily blame work and not go, but he may insist on our son going there with his mom since he already made all the bookings on the seaside resort – and I don’t want this to happen. There is a huge risk that he may keep our son there just to spite me. So I have to play it safe. At least 2 weeks on the seaside in winter will benefit our son and I can read the CN stories with no fear that someone is looking over my shoulder as I do when in the office. Wish me patience to detach and not react to his provocations.
When you say “a huge risk that he may keep our son there…” what does that mean?
I wish you didn’t have to eat this particular shit sandwich. I’m glad there is time to strategize. How do you want your interactions to unfold?
Maybe talk loudly and slowly, as if he is a deaf Alzehimer’s-sufferer already. Reverse gaslighting – treating him now the way he’s sure to become in the future!
Although his belief in imaginary soul splitting probably qualifies him as demented.
Longtimechump, I get the fear of him keeping your son. Hope you can take measures to protect against that when you travel with him. Is there a Canadian embassy or consulate there? Can you alert them to the risk? Good luck.
Roaring I did the talking loudly thing with the traitor in the last few months when I realised how he was bullshitting me pretending not to understand stuff, “forgetting” stuff. I talked really loud and distinctly as if he was deaf, a foreigner or too bloody thick. Did it with a smile, really polite, like I was talking to a 2 year old…I still do it when he tries to pull that shit on the farm. He hates it but he can’t complain.
LOL, loud and slow talk is a great tactic, never thought of it! This would drive him crazy – hahaha!
Risk: Narc and my son are both citizens in his country, I am not. Three of us are also Canadian citizens. When we fake-reconciled, the decision was made that my son and I would move back by next September. He felt forced and trapped by me to agree to this because I cornered him for the first time – I dared utter the D word and was ready to call the shots and so he had to change the tactic and show some form of consciousness to be able to continue eat the cake! I bought into it again. It’s funny how he also claimed that “family is one of the important parts of his life, although it’s not everything, and that being able to compartmentalize everything made him successful in managing me, son, whores, split-soul, friends, jobs, properties, his dad, etc. until I snooped and found out” – all his words! This is because “men have this great ability to compartmentalize which women lack”. So I guess I was Compartment No. 1932 and he just took us out of the drawer, played with us for a few weeks when we saw each other in the last 6 years, then put us back in the compartment until the next bliss he would graciously grant me. So when I refused to play the tourist-compartment game with him, he changed it and offered that we go back to live with him – all of a sudden the country was safe, the business was booming and I can find work, and he is also out of his whore-addition and is “willing to explore the family routine and maybe even get a dog!”. But he put forward tons of conditions of course – I should be able to find a stimulating and well-paying job, good friends (but mingle with his new questionable ones), things to get busy with, along with caring for our son’s daily stuff, etc. And I was also to stop snooping and let him live his life “quietly and peacefully” as he now wanted, and he also wanted to go travel and especially do the zen mediation in one of the Indian sacred places – you see, all this spiritual talk and aspirations threw me off balance with him every time he would change things around and make me question myself, my mind, my sanity with his fake mysterious words. Anyway, now when I go and confront him and propose divorce, he may get mad and pissy (maybe). I am thinking he may fight in court for our son go visit him there every year. The Canadian judge would most probably agree to this – we are all Canadian citizens. Any travel with any of us could be negotiated. The risk is that he may keep our son there based on his country’s citizenship where I have absolutely no rights. So my plan is to strategize carefully. I have to see a lawyer to find our the worst case scenarios. I would like to be able to divorce and put the closure on this, but if there is a slightest risk that he may spite me and do something that will jeopardize my son, then I better hang in there for a few more years – until the kid is 16 or around when he can take care of himself. In this case, he may still view this as cake eating, having his family twice a year at his convenience but maintaining a free lifestyle – and he may agree to this arrangement. After all, this is what he has been pushing for all this time: us here and him there until I “retire and he will take care of me and guarantee a bowl of soup on the table.” Still confused and lots of contradicting thoughts spin in my head but I think I am getting there. The CN helps a lot! I am addicted to this site now.
LongTimeChump he does sound dangerous. I can see why you are afraid to rock the boat. What would he say to you demanding the same freedoms, since you are apart so much of the time, couched in the spiritual talk you have schooled yourself in?
Also if he is so self absorbed, I wonder if he would want to keep your son, the boy would cramp his style!
What an entitled arsehole though. Did you ask for croutons with your bowl of soup, or would that be too much bother for his highness?
I am so grateful for Chump Lady and CN. I am grateful for the beaming light after living decades in darkness. It’s been a rough year but I am grateful for the drought as I truly would not appreciate the rain. I am grateful for my beautiful children, family, and friends who have walked with me and supported me. I am grateful for my recent promotion and so grateful to God as His Living Water prevented dehydration when all I could do was lay in bed and stare at the ceiling and go to work and stare at the walls with tears flowing. Thank you so much Tracy for your dedication to this blog!!!
Thanks for this beautiful post. It really encouraged me.
I am grateful and consider myself blessed this Thanksgiving day for the following:
—- my children
—- my inner circle of friends that have carried me through this suck-fest 18+ months ago
—- my career/job, even though the evil one tried to get me fired this year
— and lastly, I am grateful for ChumpLady & the mighty ChumpNation
Happy Thanksgiving to you all! !!!
My heart goes out to all of you coping with your first round of holidays. I promise it gets less painful.
I was a wreck 2 years ago, but I started a new tradition of taking my mother (chump who never remarried) out for a beautiful dinner on Christmas Eve. I cried at the table the first year and was thankful that she didn’t try to cheer me up. She just allowed me to be where I was in the grieving process.
It’s not ideal splitting time with my S7 with X, but I’m accustomed to it now. I’ve planned a Saturday hike with a fellow chump so looking forward to that little adventure. You can slowly and steadily rebuild, dear chumps and it’s better than you can imagine.
I’m thankful for the peaceful life I have now with good friends, minimal drama and a small but growing savings account.
I am ever thankful for ChumpLady sharing her hard earned wisdom and articulating what we all needed to move forward. Much love and healing to each of you. Long live CL!
This is my first Thanksgiving EVER without my kids — they are with the ex and his sister’s family today — and it is as painful as I imagined it would be. Nevertheless, I am thankful for my loving, supportive parents and their continued good health, my brothers and the fierce, funny, kind sisters-in-law they brought into my life, a job I love, delicious and plentiful food to eat, a cozy warm home, good friends, and wise witty women of Chump Nation who lit a candle in my darkness. And also for red wine and dark chocolate, my closest companions on the really bad days.
I’m grateful CL was one of the first sites I found after D-Day. It opened my eyes to the gaslighting and emotional abuse I’d been dealing with for decades, and how all of that killed my soul. The actual thought of snake fucking another woman (or even multiple other women over the years) was almost anti-climactic, but I finally had reasons to fucking run like my hair was on fire.
I’m grateful snake was a high functioning narc asshole, I can stay retired, he didn’t leave me a financial wreck.
I’m grateful for my daughter. She may not totally comprehend what I went through with her dad, but doesn’t hate me for leaving him. I don’t get a lot of time with her, but what I do get is unpolluted by snake’s manipulation, triangulation and endless kibble seeking. Our mother-daughter relationship is better and purer now.
I’m grateful for my four crazy dogs, two of whom I got after leaving snake. Two was fun, four is insane, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’m grateful for my home. It’s not perfect, but it’s perfect for me.
I’m grateful to be off my meds. Odd how treatment-resistant my depression issues were until I got snake out of my life, and now…. not depressed. Just some normal mood swings that I feel and understand and have a handle on now.
Just grateful for a better, peaceful and generally happy life now.
I am thankful to finally see reality. Thankful to be rid of a lying, cheating coward. Thankful that life is much better now….that it is authentic. Thankful for my three wonderful kids….kids that are wonderful IN SPITE of a crappy person for a father. Thankful that ChumpLady was there for me….to help me see that it wasn’t my fault….that he is a fuckwit….and that his behavior is not unique in any way…that others have gone through this and always come out better in the end. Thankful that I am finally at Meh! XO
I am thankful for:
1. My parents. They have been my rocks, have helped me enough to keep from sinking, and swoop in to take over”my life” when the baby has a seizure and we end up in the hospital for days.
2. I am thankful for my kids. The 13 and 15 year old are REALLY good kids. Even with such a disordered and selfish prick of a father, they are turning out pretty awesome. And for my 9 month old..even with her health issues, she makes us smile every day. Sometimes, I think God surprised us with her to help us weather the implosion their father tried to make of our lives. As my older daughter says, “We are still a family, Mom. Dad is just no longer a part of it.”
3. I am grateful for the staff of the children’s hospital. They have cared for not just my baby but all of us. This is not just a job for them but their hearts. Thankful they are willing to share that with us. BUT I am also thankful we are waiting for her discharge papers so we can go home.
Your post touched me. I’m very sorry you are going through your babies’ health challenge without a partner. Great virtual hugs to you. Hope those discharge papers come soon and your baby is well.
I am grateful that, thanks to the wisdom and support of CL and CN, I had the strength to reply with a simple “No” when X texted, “It would be best for the children if we had Thanksgiving dinner as a family, wouldn’t it?” I am grateful that, when he texted back accusing me of not putting our children first, I didn’t feel the slightest bit perturbed and had no urge to reply. I am grateful to Tracy and this community for introducing me to the concept of Meh and inspiring me to get closer to it each day.
I am grateful that, even though he can’t be home for Thanksgiving, my middle son is safe and stateside after a 7 month deployment as an “advisor” in Iraq and that my oldest son will be celebrating with me and his younger brother today despite X’s attempts at alienation. I am grateful that I had the foresight to negotiate holiday placement of our youngest on even-numbered years, knowing that the first post-divorce Thanksgiving and Christmas would fall to me and give me the chance to establish new holiday traditions in my own home.
I am just 3 months past D-Day and my pain is still very much on the surface. We don’t celebrate thanksgiving here in the UK, but today I spent the day with someone in far greater need than I, and I made a mental note of all the blessings in my life.
I’m thankful first and foremost for my beautiful three children, whose constant demands forced me to get out of bed in those first weeks after D-Day when all I wanted was to stay in bed and never get up again. I am thankful for the love and support of my family and dearest friends, the kindness of strangers. Every word and gesture has been like water on parched thirsty soil. My life had been so devoid of affection these past years, I’d forgotten what it was like to be loved simply for who I am. I am grateful for the days when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, when I can truly look forward to a future without my ex, my self-confidence renewed, living life on my own terms. I am thankful that I am slowly on the journey toward that new and better life. There are still days when I look back, when I try to figure out what went wrong, wonder what I could have done different but hopefully that too will become a thing of the past.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I am mostly a “lurker”, but words cannot express my gratitude to all of you here at CN for getting me through what I now call “The Apocalypse”. I am in ” post Apocalypse” now nearing Meh, two years from D-day. Thanks to all of you here I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, I’ve targeted my righteous anger when I needed it, but most of all, this was my daily safe place to fall, gather words of wisdom and strength to learn, understand and keep moving forward.
I am grateful to my many devoted friends, family, and two specifically devoted lawyers who continue to stand by my side for the long haul to hold him accountable and to be another pair of eyes. My young adult daughter has taught me so much on walking the line between loving me and attempting to love her dad while keeping her boundaries strong. My son with autism who has been the bravest of all as he has, because of guardianship laws, been required to have the most face time, has been my guru, in teaching me new “strategies” to be a mother bear, a world that I never thought I would need to enter and the definition of emotional detachment and expression of feelings and information ( even though he is non-verbal). The miracle and gift has been the growth that the 3 of us have been through. We are surviving, growing, becoming better and it never would have happened without the Apocalypse.
Life can still stink at times. But the new life is so much better for all of us. I am so, so grateful.
Thanks again to all of you.
This is my third Thanksgiving post D-day 4 when he left our family for the OW.
1. I’m grateful for Chump Nation and the people who show up daily to share their hope and strength. I used to hate it when everyone said “GIVE IT TIME”… but, they were right. Healing takes times, so to the Newbies… Give. It. Time.
2. I’m grateful that Mr. Sparkles walked out for the OW. I don’t know that I ever would have left the marriage – the gaslighting and mental abuse and physical abuse (withholding of affection) rendered me worthless in my own eyes. No. More.
3. I’m grateful my son is so happy and thriving. God’s will be done.
4. I’m grateful my stepdaughter wants to hang out in my house today instead of being with her Narc Dad and his new girlfriend. (Yes, he and the OW broke up this summer – shocking, right?!)
5. I’m grateful for my health that is slowly returning. The anxiety is gone. I laugh more. I sleep better. I make smart decisions for today and for my future.
6. For sure – grateful for CL and Tempest and all you wonderful Chumps… each of you… you are a blessing in my life.
7. I’m grateful that I had friends and family who didn’t go “Switzerland” on me and instead, rallied around me like pit bulls on a mission for Mr. Sparkles ass.
8. But mostly, I’m grateful for the peace that is in my life today. I’d forgotten what serenity felt like for many years. Some ask me if I’m lonely – and some days I am – but mostly, I’m serene. I have God. I have my son. And, I have me. That is enough.
Get your Turkey on Chump Nation – You are mighty!
I have SO much to be thankful for, but this year the person I am truly MOST grateful to is Tracy Schorn.
Tracy, you saved my life. You saved my sanity. You are more than an inspiration, you help The Broken find their way to Healing and a better life.
The world is a much better place because of you. Keep writing, Tracy. They need you.
Thank you. ❤️
Me too: I also have SO much to be thankful for, but this year the person I am truly MOST grateful to is Tracy Schorn.
Tracy, you saved my life too. You saved my sanity. You are more than an inspiration, you help The Broken find their way to Healing and a better life. You give us leadership through the dark days. You give us a roadmap. You call it like it is and help us face reality. You restore our humanity and our agency. You help us see the injustice of infidelity and support us in our own very person battles for justice.
The world is a much better place because of you. Keep writing, Tracy. WE need you.
Thank you. ❤️
I am grateful for this wonderful community of kind souls who make the world a better place by forming a human ladder to pull each other up. Chump Nation is awesome.
I’m thankful to have gotten safely to the Other Side, where the grass really is greener, the air purer, the sun brighter, the music clearer. Life is good. That path can get steep and bumpy, but it’s well worn and there are plenty of good folks to offer you shelter and show you the way.
Wherever you are in your journey, take care and have a great Thanksgiving!!
What a wonderful image, Survivor–I love the idea of CN as a human ladder building a way forward for each other.
Me too. That’s what it is; there is always an arm reaching down for the next to pull them up out of a bad place and toward the light. This is no Underground Railroad. We go high. Think about the idea that it takes a village to raise a child. Here it takes a Nation to raise a chump out of stunned bewilderment. I love you all for the work you do everyday to heal and help.
Today I am grateful for every darn thing in my life. Happy Thanksgiving! HUGS!
So very grateful for CL, her humor and no-nonsense approach. Finding this site has been instrumental in my healing 2.0 (or maybe 3.0, who’s counting?). This is one of the few places where everyone ‘gets it’.
I am so very grateful for my life after X. There is peace and calm. I am myself again. I do not miss anything from my old life!
Happy Thanksgiving CL and CN! I am grateful for this blog. As someone pointed out, this blog has helped me more than any therapist, video, etc. to heal, laugh again and not even fear the narc when I accidentally ran into him at a liquor store with my sister. I have been invited to join real friends for Thanksgiving dinner today and I am so honored. I have been asked to allow a gentleman who has never shot a trophy buck and is handicapped to allow him his dying wish to get one trophy buck to mount on his wall. I have tons of deer on my farm and they only kill to put food on the table. They give me meat for deer burgers and chili, etc. The daughter and dad know to leave the does and babies and younger bucks alone. I get the joy of hopefully fulfilling his last wish on his bucket list. And I still get to see my deer and other wildlife. I feed them corn to watch them and keep my horse troughs full of water. I am grateful for peace, happiness and the love of family, friends and my dogs and cat. I am happy for all of you survivors!!!
I am grateful I am having Thanksgiving dinner at my sister’s house and not spending days shopping, cooking and cleaning for an unappreciative douche bag!
I am grateful for the health of my children. Two years ago at this time my daughter was just out of the hospital after a self harm attempt. she almost had to go back in last week– but she spoke up and crisis was averted.
I am grateful for my kids, my family, and my friends. A small gathering this year, but with loving friends.
I am grateful to CL and CN– I am 3.5 yrs post divorce, and 4.5 yrs post DDay, but I still find comfort coming here, and am glad I can assist other, more recent, “club” members.
Jedi hugs to all of Chump Nation.
Happy Thanksgiving!! I’m so glad to hear that your daughter is doing better. Being able to recognize and head off a crisis is what will lead her into a healthy adulthood. You have been an amazing mother to her through all of your ex’s crap.
We haven’t been in touch much lately because I have a hard time keeping up, but I’m also grateful that we connected here. I’m still hoping we can meet in person someday!
zyx321–I am so relieved that your daughter is warning you when she is having a rough time. We’ve been on CL about the same amount of time, and your daughter’s painful journey navigating the betrayal and divorce has been gutwrenching. So happy she’s found her voice. Hugs!
I am grateful for a great many things, and at the top of that list is my beautiful little boy. He is the only good thing to come from my ex, and I will be forever grateful that I get to be his mommy. I am grateful for my amazing job and the multi-million dollar view I see out my window every day. I’ve had the pleasure of living places that most people aren’t allowed to live or can’t afford to live, and I thank the stars for my unbelievable career that makes it possible. I’m grateful for my amazingly supportive family, for my chump neighbor who my son and I have adopted as family, for JC whose friendship and perspective has made a huge difference in my life, and of course for my bug-eyed, wire-haired little mutt whose tail is always wagging for her people. Today I’m grateful for friends who invited us for Thanksgiving dinner, and I’m grateful for stuffing (my favorite). I’m grateful for chump nation, the community that steeled my spine and echoed what I knew to be true (that I matter) but didn’t feel free to express fully at the time. I’m grateful that I learned my boundaries and how to enforce them. I’m grateful that the future still holds a great many possibilities, and that a positive change may be coming my way soon.
Also, I am grateful for my electric mattress pad that keeps me toasty warm, and no one to complain that the bed is too hot.
Happy Thanksgiving, Chump Nation!
I am thankful for CN and Tracy, my family, my friends, my tribe of female friends who are ruthlessly supportive and my Local Chumps who will be having a meetup on Saturday.
I too have a therapist who bluntly faced me with the truth of my EX who isn’t worth the powder it would take to blow him up with, my faith in God which has sustained me through MS and going through a hellacious divorce…and now? A beautiful peaceful home, with my beloved shelter pups who make me laugh every day, my new life of fun classes, writing a novel, the Y, and all things wonderful and funny.
Who knew being able to watch what I want on TV, when I want would count as a JOY? I love BBC mysteries etc. Ex hated them. ‘I can’t understand what they are saying?’ Really? Truthfully, he is rather deaf.
Anyhow, Love and Hugs to all you chumps. You are worthy, mighty and beloved for your honestly, vulnerability and that fact that life has thrown the very worst at you and YOU are still standing. Take that, all you cheaters!!!
2 MILLION CHUMP LARGE, GROUP HUG
I am grateful for the drama-free life post DDay, the fun and laughter I share with my family and friends, the wonderful job I have, my busy schedule, my independence, the friends I am going to spend Thanksgiving with, and for Chump Lady and Chump Nation who keep me strong and help me stay mighty!
I am thankful like everyone else here for CL and Chump nation, you guys are the best. I thank God for my two beautiful children, the only worthwhile thing from the x-whore. I have the pleasure of raising them into the wonderful people they are becoming. Children truly are a blessing from God and I don’t know if I would have fared as well if I didn’t have them to hold on to. My son was only 6 when Dday occurred and he used to walk up to me and just wrap his little arms around my waist to comfort me from time to time. He sensed his mommy needed a hug…I thank God that with my divorce over now I can proceed to move in with my life…I will not take this mess into 2017 . I also thank God that he is now the OWs problem now…wait till she realize she got a dud!
Thankful for this site, for Tracy and for my Personal Guides I found here…
Moving Liquid, Tempest, Mystique, and the all old – timers that walked me thru hell.
It took a lot of time ….. but I can finally say (and mean it) that I am better off. Financially, emotionally, geographically and spiritually.
I love my family, my sons, my beautiful grand girl, my dog, Thunderpaws, and my cute mountain home. I love being retired, my part time job, my volunteering and breathing in and out.
Dream of your new life, New Chumps. You can get to MEH. It’s not easy or a straight line. But it does happen.
Make your life yours. Love to you all – Happy Thanksgiving!
I am thankful for spending time with people who truly care about me. I am thankful for ending a toxic relationship when I’m young enough to start over. I am thankful for my kick ass lawyer who won me a huge settlement! Lastly, I am thankful for this group…..it has helped me in more ways than I can say.
I’m grateful to a previous coworker whose become a friend over time. When I texted all the people in my life a Happy TDay he responded back that I needed to come to his family Thanksgiving. He insisted in just the right way so I went. I met his wife, kids and some extended family. It was awkward, it was hard to say yes and go over there, but I’m glad I did. I’m grateful for everyone who takes a chance on new friendships, it’s not easy to connect. I wish more of my friends lived nearby, but I’m grateful to have friends at all regardless of distance! Wish we could have more in person hugs, but hey! Jedi Hugs!
Happy Thanksgiving Chump Lady and Chump Nation!
I am grateful for all of you
I am grateful for my family that after my breakup took the car and drove for 2k km to spend the Xmas with me and make sure I was not alone
I am grateful for my friends that spend hours just sitting with me on the couch
I am grateful for every morning I wake up, every time I am going running and even every time I stay home with a movie
I am grateful for my health
I am grateful cause I am not bitter, I still can trust and feel. And this is amazing
I am grateful for the sorrow, the sadness and the never ending time. It was hard, but it gave me so much. It was a lesson I could have not learnt in any other way.
Thanks to all of you mighties, love and peace
I am grateful for the incredible generosity of CL. When her life went up in flames, she turned the pyre into a signal fire to guide thousands of other people to better lives.
I am grateful to all the chumps who courageously spill their hearts and tell their painful stories. You give me strength.
I am grateful to the chumps who have survived much and are doing brilliantly. You inspire me.
I am grateful to the chumps who are struggling. You remind me that I have come along way.
I am thankful for each of you. I’m thankful for, my always faithful, 16 year old border collie. I’m thankful for my children. I am so very thankful that I am not crazy and that I am able to see so much more clearly than I could 4 months ago. I’m thankful for two little boys who, by what must be a miracle, came into my life 4 weeks ago and have allowed me to love them which reminds me that I can love and they love me, which reminds me that I am loveable. Most of all I am thankful for hope. I really had forgotten what that was like…believing that something, anything is possible is such a far cry from where I was for last several years. Yep, Hope is creeping in and it’s changing everything.
But for now, I’ll just say that I’m grateful for sex since my divorce, both as a bachelor and in a long term relationship.
As I’ve mentioned, sex dwindled in my marriage. It became predictable, and much less frequent. I know that it takes 2 to tango, but I also now see how my ex chipped away at the playfulness, adventure, and even dirty aspects of our sex life. And how I agreed with that because I believed I was making her happy. Silly chump.
So yeah. Call me superficial. But I’m thankful for sex this year.
I am thankful that this has been my path for the last 8 years. That it was hard and painful and I never would have chosen it, but I survived and it made me a better person. I am thankful for the compassion I was shown along the way, for the clarity that came regarding the people in my life incapable of compassion. I am thankful for the new good people I have found, and I am thankful for the absence of some of the old indifferent ones. I am thankful for the gift of perspective, the loss of some smugness, and the conviction that, in the end, it will be okay. Yesterday, today, tomorrow–all of it.
But I am most thankful for my new, reconstituted family. My two bio sons, my parents (approaching 60 years together!) and my brother and sisters, my AMAZING second and FINAL wife (a Chump, of course!), my stepson with her, and her welcoming extended family. I did not earn this. It was all a gift. All I can do is remain grateful for the gift, to cherish it and wonder over it and try in small ways to pay it forward. Of course I continue to have challenges. But I never lose sight of the fact that now? My days are sweeter than peach ice cream.
Chump Lady says that by losing a cheater we gain a life. We survive. What’s largely left for chumps to tell is how that new life is often richer and filled with contentment than we could have ever imagined. I found that life, and I wish as much for all chumps who read this. The Tuesday you find Meh is great. But what shows up on Wednesday will blow you away.
Inspirational, nomar! Thanks for sharing.
That was beautiful.
So much humility in your beautiful post, Nomar, thank you.
“I am thankful for the gift of perspective, the loss of some smugness, and the conviction that, in the end, it will be okay. Yesterday, today, tomorrow–all of it.”
And a great ending to my Thanksgiving shared with my son and granddaughter.
It will be OK. Yes it will!
I don’t often thank Cheater or anyone else who has harmed me and my family, but when I think about it the right way, I actually can say I AM thankful for them.
If it wasn’t for how poorly I was treated by Cheater, his disapproval, his rejection, his impatience and abuse—I would never have found the courage and strength to look inside myself and find those things for myself—approval, acceptance, patience and love.
I am thankful that he and certain others tried to make me believe that I am unlovable and unworthy, because I got to see for myself that I AM worthy, and I AM lovable, I deserve love and respect.
I’m thankful for how I learned how to survive, because of what Cheater did to me, how I learned how to rely on myself and be happy without anyone else to “complete” me. I learned how to define myself.
I’m thankful for my kids and my dog. Without whom I would have rolled up in a ball and let it all go. My strength comes from them, their faith in me.
Lastly, I am thankful for everyone here at CN, and Tracy in particular. This blog has saved more than a few souls.
Happy Thanksgiving, all.
I’m thankful that next Thanksgiving I’ll be divorced.
I’m thankful for the truth. Every thing I could not understand before makes sense now.
I’m thankful for my siblings, all of them opened their doors to me and my children to move in if i wanted to move out, that made all the difference.
I’m thankful for my wonderful children, so glad to have them. They are a blessing from God.
Last but not least, I’m so thankful for Chump Lady and Chump Nation. Every single post and each one of the comments is a light shining bright in this darkness that is adultery and deceit . We can see the truth here.
You have all said it all.
Unbelievably, I’m a bit thankful to have been cheated on because it popped my bubble of a life I thought was iron-clad.
Destroyed all of my naiveté.
I watched all the air fizzle out of my life in a few short months.
It taught me that there is true evil in this world that I used to think was the work of fiction.
I pulled my head out of the sand.
Grateful that it lifted the rose-tinted glasses off my nose.
Grateful that it taught me that nothing is forever
Grateful that it taught me that I cannot depend on anyone for anything, except on myself
Grateful that it taught me to accept things which I never thought possible to accept
Grateful that it taught me to let go of what was harmful and not to cling on , to know that there will be times in future that will have to let go again of similar things
Grateful that it taught me what my dealbreakers are
Grateful that it taught me not to accept other’s lies and disrespect to me
Grateful that it taught me that no matter how desperate I thought my situation was, even when I thought I was losing my sanity, that I had to stand up and live , for myself and my kids
Grateful that I still find life beautiful in the midst of evil, treachery and unbelieveable pain and betrayal
Ditto, you’ve said it all.
I’m very grateful for the networks of chumps online & in real life tell you that they’ve been through it too, and you are going to get through this OK, maybe even better than before.
And I love the dark humour and uncensored venting here.
Thanksgiving for all and more to come and be.
You are are and will always be my “lifeline” CN and CL!
At the end of the day, any given God loving day, I know (we) I got this.
Thank you all!
Late to the post, as I skipped reading the blog for a few days to spend Thanksgiving with family out of state. Since I just added my comment to the things I’m not grateful for post, it’s only fair to cap off three hours of reading all of the comments on both posts (!) by adding that I’m incredibly grateful too… for:
– My 3 grown children’s love and support these last three years.
– My BFF who had my back from the very beginning, right on D-Day and helped me make it through by everything from just being there, just letting me fall asleep on her front porch about 3 days after D-Day when I probably only had 3 hours sleep in three days – I still tear up remembering this brief respite in which I felt safe for the moment. For believing me when I described the years of abuse. For letting me just vent and for helping me find my backbone.
– Three other real life friends who truly get it, and truly value me for who I am. Two of them I only met a year ago but it feels like we’ve known each other forever! Fellow chumps, one seven years out and one only a year out, so I was “ahead” of her and have been able to help her! What a gift, to be able to use this shitty experience to give someone else the benefit of my lessons.
– I’m grateful for my ability to support myself. My heart goes out to the chumps who were SAHMs and/or financially dependent on their cheater. I have always been the breadwinner in both my longterm relationships so I’m grateful for that though both divorce and then breaking up with Ex have cost me dearly financially, nevertheless I am glad I didn’t have to start all over careerwise.
– Grateful for two therapists who both guided me and helped me fight my way out of the fog, realize it was abuse, and that it wasn’t my fault.
– Grateful for finding this site, of course, for the opportunity to meet some of the mighty NE chumps, at a time when I really needed that. Grateful for the forum and the blog itself and the ability to post and to read, and to receive suppot and learn from all the chumps.
– Even grateful for who I was during the years that I was with him – I was an honest, trusting generous person and I don’t regret that a bit, I just need to fix my picker about life in general (as I’m not looking for another relationship!) just want to live out my honest, simple life. Yes, I do sometimes feel that I regret I ever met him, and regret that I believed his lies and his fake persona, but ultimately am grateful that I can learn from it and never let it happen again.
Grateful for a loving family of sister, BIL, and numerous in-laws.
Grateful I’ve been able to find a cute little house to buy and begin to remember how to garden in four-season weather.
Grateful for peaceful nights and pleasant days.
Thankful about no longer being shamed and humiliated for my weight.
Grateful for recent knee replacement surgeries which have returned me to being able to walk across the room without pain. (Funny what little things like being pain-free can be sooooo much of a gift.)
* Grateful that I survived the heartache, pain, and betrayal that consumed me three years ago
* Grateful for reconnecting with old friends
* Grateful for getting back into gardening, reading, other hobbies
* Grateful for my children who show me unconditional love and appreciation
* Grateful for no longer feeling like divorce = failure
* Grateful that I found my self esteem again (a work in progress)
* Grateful that on the tough days I can put things in perspective, look at how far I’ve come, and have faith that the best is yet to come!
* Grateful that my faith is stronger than ever!
* Grateful for anticipation of the day I’ll reach Meh and stop looking for the karma bus
* Grateful I found this blog that inspires me to keep going and DontLookBack :)!