I found your site recently, I love the support here.
Can I make a request for a post for those of us who just can’t leave? In the sense that, it’s not just about escaping abuse and infidelity, but also about literally starting a complete new life down to the BASICS.
For example the women who has not worked in the last 10-20 years as she was a housewife, or for the men or women who has become so worn down and isolated by the narc that they have NO friends left (some could have been driven off a long time ago by the narc or the constant drama the spouse has to ride). Or if the spouse has no money, no resources, no family of their own to turn to for help to leave.
This seems like an unsurmountable mountain. How do you get out of the pit and maintain your sanity while you are trying to do so (and still having to live with the abusive spouse?)
Well today I’m going to crowd source your request from a bunch of people who did all those things — started over after being stay-at-home parents, left abusive partners, made new friends or re-friended old friends they thought they’d lost, went back to school to get credentials for a new career, forged new “families”, remarried, reinvented.
It CAN be done, Abby. If you don’t believe me, go back in the archives and read every single Tell Me How You’re Mighty post and marvel.
But you need a plan, and you need to BELIEVE you can do it. Worn down? Yeah, aren’t we all after this shit storm. Isolated? Reach out. No money? Start saving, start siphoning, get a job ANY job. If refugees and immigrants and single moms flipping burgers can do it, so can you. And consider public support (welfare, the dole) — that is why we pay tax dollars for these programs — so every citizen has a safety net, at least temporarily.
If your husband is abusive, call your local women’s shelter or domestic abuse hotline. They’ll connect you with professionals who will help you make a safe escape plan.
The mountain isn’t insurmountable, Abby. It’s just uphill. Slogging up mountains sucks, no question. But staying with an abusive spouse sucks worse. And unlike staying with a shitty person, the mountain climbing has great rewards — and the view is amazing. Start climbing!
Chump Nation — I want your practical tips today — how you’re rebuilding and starting over. Throw a rope to the newbies and let’s hoist them up the mountain top.