What’s Your Patronus?

A chump commentator Glinda once wrote:

I feel my anger has taken a patronus form – a huge tiger that sits there silently reminding me to stay on guard. It’s good now. Anger came back when I realized the kids and I were putting up with things that aren’t normal – that are abusive. So I traded silent hurt projected inward to an anger that protects by projecting outward.

I thought this was a terrific concept — an anger patronus! This Friday challenge is a bit of a rerun, but I thought we could use some uplift. Where do you get your strength? What happy place do you go to in your mind to summon resilience?

For those of you non-Harry Potter geeks, a patronus is this sort of guardian animal that appears when you’re in danger. You have to think hard of the people who love you, and positive things, and it just appears. You don’t know what form it will take (a white stag!), but after you summon it, it kicks dementor ass and protects you from harm.

When I was going through the Troubles, I definitely summoned a sort of patronus. I summoned Chump Lady. There was no Chump Lady then, but I conjured up her persona in my darkest hours. She was several parts Aretha Franklin, South African freedom fighter, and WASP-y matron who takes no shit.

When I was paralyzed with depression and indecision, my persona patronus would appear and kick some ass. “Let’s call the lawyer! Let’s make a plan!” I owe that patronus a huge debt for the good life I’ve found on the other side.

Today, I think my Patronus would still be part Aretha Franklin, part pine cone elf, and part Randy Rainbow.

So tell me — who is your patronus? If you could summon all your guts and courage into one being, what form would it take?

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ANC
ANC
7 years ago

A Grizzly Bear.

I may look soft and furry, but don’t fuck with me or my kids.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

I’m with you there ANC. Reminds me of the grizzly bear attack on “The Revenant.” Ferocious.

Gail
Gail
7 years ago

I imagined myself to be the most beautiful queen of England! On horseback and dressed to hunt and kill I and my large army of horseman, including knights of armour hunted my Ex and his mistress down! When found I ordered them both to be beheaded even when they pleaded for their lives! This was the only way to wash thier shame and clear the family name!

MBC
MBC
7 years ago
Reply to  Gail

This is so bad ass.

Vastra
Vastra
7 years ago
Reply to  Gail

Love this Gail!

Lovey dovey
Lovey dovey
7 years ago

Exactly mine…a mommy grizzly

Nyra
Nyra
7 years ago
Reply to  Lovey dovey

Yes!
When I realized that I had to protect my young–the tables turned!

Great quote from Glinda. Thanks for that!

Freewill101
Freewill101
7 years ago
Reply to  Nyra

Me too!! My girls have me programmed into their phones as “Mumma Bear”
Lol. They have seen me in action protecting them ?

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago

My patronus is a shot of Fireball whiskey – a shot glass of whoop@$$

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

feel the burn!!!

Chumpdiddlyump
Chumpdiddlyump
7 years ago
Reply to  Merry Meh-hem

I’ve always like the saying, “she’s whiskey in a tea cup.” That’s me alright.

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpdiddlyump

Chumpdiddlyump. OMG. Best name ever!

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago

I think mine would be some sort of small bird a la Sasha from Peter and the Wolf – tiny, occasionally obnoxious, but she’s tweeting because she’s trying to wake me up and get me to action.

cdclocks
cdclocks
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

Mine is similar…cute cartoon nudging and warning me…until he’s overwhelmed. Then….well…

Usually, my patronus/protector is a cute cartoon lizard who waves red flags, skitters, or scratches when necessary to get my attention. [I’m sure my cartoon lizard visual came directly from my understanding of lizard brain. “Lizard brain refers to the oldest part of the brain, the brain stem, responsible for primitive survival instincts such as aggression and fear (fight or flight).”]

When lizard brain panics, however, that little b@stard morphs into freakin’ GODZILLA stompin’ all over my brain and heart.

When Godzilla starts destroying my inner city, a cartoon version of ME becomes my patronus…chasing that monster and beating him back with a broom – back into his cage in the back of my head where he belongs!

Skittering and waving red flags to warn me is perfectly fine, but no overblown monstrous stompin’ allowed in my heart and brain!

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

My favourite story growing up as a child, Sasha – Great choice

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago

A Lion! Lazy, but don’t get me angry, because when I finally set my mind to something, it’s as good as done. When I finally realized how bad it really was, I did what needed to be done and got out. 🙂 I’m also a Leo. Very appropriate.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

And Marked, you have a great head (mane) of hair!!!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

My Patronus was and is badass Phil Collins singing “I Don’t Care Anymore.” in this video. This song helped me channel my anger into getting over my fear of taking an entrance exam for a nursing program. Figuring out online banking and how to pay bills online. Meeting with a mortgage officer. Putting an offer in on a condo. Packing and moving again in less than two years. Dealing with so many things I haven’t dealt with by myself in over 20 years. Figuring out things I never dealt with at all. Getting shit done while dealing with depression. And on and on. This song brings out Mighty Martha!

Darkstar
Darkstar
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

I don’t have one exactly but often think of that same song and how much I relate to the words. Especially “we never played by the same rules anyway” feel just a tad stronger than before.
Can’t wait for the day when I truly don’t care anymore and this awful pain will cease.

WishTuesCameSooner
WishTuesCameSooner
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Yes! Martha I can relate to that too. I guess I don’t have an animal Patronus. But I can relate to that song very strongly and exactly to what you are going through too. Dealing with depression while trying to deal with all that life is throwing at us all is very difficult. As it is like a Dementor stealing away all the good and happy feelings and leaving you feeling drained and grey and sad.

I wish I could just jump emotionally a few years from now. Because I’ve been through something similar earlier in life and I know how Meh you can get about those people you once cried your eyes out over. For some reason, probably sadly, addiction to a narcissist though I am working on it now that I know what it is, I still feel rough going through this. I don’t want him back, I want to go forward. But like you, I feel ill prepared and stressed. They make you that way, dependent on them so that they can control you. But we are at least free. And we can learn what we need to, to remain free. It may hurt, but the hurt will fade and the freedom will remain.

I see a lot of hawks on my way to work each day. I had one fly right in front of me the other day and it was amazing, they are beautiful birds. They have a keen eye. Perhaps that should be my Patronus, a Hawk, with it’s keen eye always ready to spot and protect me in the future from any other narcs who want to take advantage of my softie self. I like that.

Bamboozled
Bamboozled
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Mine was “Time for Me to Fly” by REO Speedwagon!

Time for me to fly
oh, I’ve got to set myself free
Time for me to fly
And that’s just how it’s got to be
I know it hurts to say goodbye
But it’s time for me to fly

cantwaitfortuesday
cantwaitfortuesday
7 years ago
Reply to  Bamboozled

“sheets” Damian Jurado

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Bamboozled

Oh, I use to love REO Speedwagon when I was in high school. “Time for Me to Fly” — great and appropriate song for leaving a cheater!

Lyn
Lyn
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Mine was “What Goes Around Comes Around” by Justin Timberlake. I played it over and over to channel my anger.

Giddy Eagle
Giddy Eagle
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Hey, thanks for this. I’d love to hear from other about songs that spoke to them during their pain and recovery.

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Nothing like Adele’s powerful voice in Rolling in the Deep to channel your anger:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw&w=640&h=360%5D

https://youtu.be/rYEDA3JcQqw

Fave lines:

– See how I leave with every piece of you / Don’t underestimate the things that I will do
– Think of me in the depths of your despair / Make a home down there / As mine sure won’t be shared
– Turn my sorrow into treasured gold / You’ll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

Playing this full blast while I sing to it in the shower can be quite therapeutic.

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

The song that I’ve played literally hundreds and hundreds of times since everything happened is Thom Yorke’s ‘Black Swan’. There’s nothing in the world like this song. I just stick it on repeat on my earbuds and clean the house or blog.

Ex-wife. That’s my patronus. She’s the persona I’ve created that makes the most horrifically fucked up situation that I’ve ever been on the receiving end of…funny. Well, not funny exactly, but becoming her somehow allows me to remove myself from the story and mock the absurdity and cruelty of what’s been done to us. It’s my way of casting the ‘riddikulus’ spell…I get to laugh at my greatest fears,

If not for CL, my babies, and the ability to write freely about the nightmare I’ve endured, I honestly don’t know where I’d be today.

Hope this link works to display Black Swan…if not I’ll try something else in a new comment.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j_WV77prfc&w=560&h=315%5D

over it
over it
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

“You Lost Me” by Christina Aguilera

Postchump
Postchump
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Titanium by David Guetta and Sia

You shout it out
But I can’t hear a word you say
I’m talking loud not saying much
I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up
I’m bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium.

Strong, defiant, great metaphor for the chumps becoming mighty.

ChumpedbyLoser
ChumpedbyLoser
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

OK. Call me silly, but I put on “Far Behind” by Candlebox. I change the lyric “Left me far behind” to “Left you far behind” and then I crank it up so I can think of nothing else. It has been very empowering for me.

ChumpedbyLoser
ChumpedbyLoser
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedbyLoser

Picture your cheater singing this song to themselves when they reflect on what they lost.

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago

My grandma would be mine! She was hilarious. She drank sherry practically all day and always had the heat on high so it was like going in a kind of old lady opium den. I definitely came out feeling buzzed as she always gave me a sherry. She cheated at cards, she even cheated at the church beetle drive, she had no sense of smell so could eat anything even trick peppered almonds without batting an eye. She always saved all the best biscuits for herself and gave guests the tin of broken ones. She crocheted about a thousand blankets for Africa and rode her bike with a hat on until she got knocked down at age 60. She cleaned by sweeping dirt under rugs and often set fire to her undergarments (which were many) because she would warm the backs of her legs in front of the fire by hitching up all her skirts. I guess she couldn’t smell the singed cotton! She had her hair coloured bizarre pink and blue tints and used to send us to play in the electricity sub station near our house with some packed sandwiches as she said it was like a secret place ?
She didn’t speak to my grandad for a month as he killed her budgie by suddenly sneezing.
She lived to 90 and was the best lady ever. I don’t miss her as I feel she is still with me, especially when I play cards.
Best of all she loved me to bits. And still does.
Winnifred Mary Hartley was a character. ❤

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Mine would be my grandmother crossed with her nutty older sister who could shrug everything off. My grandma regularly burned her hair curling it with an iron she would put on the gas stove and forget about for 30mins, then find and wrap her beautiful long white hair around until it was all burnt to a crisp!
She lived on coffee with 5 sugars, cheese, vermicelli noodles, a glass of port for afternoon tea to the age of 95. Once we were crossing the street and a middle aged man almost didn’t stop and made his brakes screech. So she laid into him calling him an old fart! We never had a washing machine, she did all the laundry by hand, even the sheets in the bathtub. When I was sick, she would always change my sheets daily so I would have a crisp, fresh smelling bed even with a fever. She was well into her 70s then so it was bloody hard work for her but she did it anyway. When she bought ham, we didn’t have much money, so I would get the pink bit, my mum got the fat and she ate the rind. Seriously! She couldn’t bake except apple pie, didn’t care much about cooking. And my mum didn’t cook at all, so I guess that’s where I get it from…She did crossword puzzles all the time while talking to herself, and I used to watch over her shoulder. I learned to read that way by the age of 3 without them realising until one day I wrote a note and left it on my mum’s desk.
Her nutty sister was pretty much the same with less hair and even scrawnier. She used to grow a lot of vegges. We went to see her every week and swim in the “water tank” by the creek. I loved catching snails in the lettuce and playing with them. I was obsessed with snails as a kid. So when it was time to go home I’d want to take the snails but I couldn’t. She would put them in jar for me, we’d make holes in the lid, give them some lettuce leaves and she would swear to keep them for me until next week. Every week, the snails “escaped” and I went to look for more. I was 20 years old when she died and that’s when they told me the truth: every Sunday night she had fried snails for tea after we left…

They both used to say they were never bored, it’s just that other people were boring…

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

I love your Grandmother and never knew her, but I really want to know what a “church beetle drive” IS???? Cos I want to know how you cheat on it. LOL. I’m glad you had a person who was kind if batty in your life. Oh, and really glad you didn’t get electrocuted in the secret place! 🙂

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Hahaha
A church beetle drive was an event held, not surprisingly, in a church, where lots of people sat around tables. Here’s a proper explanation
“A beetle drive is an old favourite – a simple game requiring only paper, pencils and dice. A great game enjoyed by all ages. The aim of the game is to be the first player to draw a complete beetle. The body parts you draw are determined by the throw of the dice.”

It was fun but my grandma pretended to ‘mistake’ which number was what part of the beetle. And she filled in mine for me. It was quite cutthroat as the prize was sherry! Lol.

And OMG you only realise how narrowly you escaped death as a child later on! Didn’t hit me until I was in my twenties how dangerous it was – no wonder the gate we had to scale was so high.
I used to go in there all the time. I found the humming quite therapeutic !!!!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

I love it, sounds way more fun than bingo and I see how easy it’d be to cheat, heh. I’ll bet there is razor wire around that thing these days! LOL

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Wow, what a charachter! And your description of her is marvelous.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

Wow! I kinda have a crush on your late grandma. Whatta woman! Thank you for telling us about her.

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago

My patronus appeared when I had decided to not let my kids be abused again. The oldest, the target of most abuse, had already left home, so the X began to turn his craziness on the youngest.

I asked myself what I would have done differently to protect the boys and my answer was in the form of a mama bear, she rose up, went to the room where the X was ranting and told him to leave. I finally found the words to tell him I was filing for divorce. It was like some being took over because I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t angry. I was matter of fact as I kept repeating it was over and he needed to leave.

I think my patronus was part bear and part angel, I have never felt strength like that before.

Newlady15
Newlady15
7 years ago

I think mine would be an eagle. Brave in facing the worst crisis of my life. Observant and on the lookout now seeing all of my stbxh’s BS. Knowledge of narcissism and sociopathy so i never allow someone like that into my domain again…

Joy Walker
Joy Walker
7 years ago

I like to picture my younger self in my wedding dress, with a huge sword and the ability to breathe fire!

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  Joy Walker

I **LOVE** this visual!

Had we all shown up at the altar like this, I doubt many of our ex’s would have even gone through with the wedding….and saved us a lot of money, time & sanity in the long run.

Only those strong men who want an equally strong partner in life would have married us in this state of being!

Maybe next time: an older & wiser woman in a wedding dress, holding a sword and breathing fire….

?

Blown Away
Blown Away
7 years ago
Reply to  Joy Walker

Joy I love you! ❤️

little red riding hood
little red riding hood
7 years ago

Mine would be a 1940s broad, out of a black and white movie, she would be fabulous and tough as nails.
Betty Davis, Joan Crawford(crazy), Lana Turner.
Women that could be vunreable and tell you to go to hell all at the same time.
That is part of me everyday.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago

I’ve always wanted a saucy, young, Barbara Stanwyck to play me in my life story.

Murphy Cee
Murphy Cee
7 years ago

What would a merging of Randy Rainbow and Maya Angelou look like? That would be mine. Part serene, yet firm and wise, with Randy’s ability to call out bad behavior with humour and song. The visual isn’t pretty but the feeling in my gut is fabulous!

Shadowfire
Shadowfire
7 years ago

A dragon.

In fact, the ex calls me this – he’s been burned a few times 😉

DeAun
DeAun
7 years ago

My patronus is the me I want to be. When I was lying on the floor crumpled in a heap, I wrote myself a letter that said “get off the fucking floor”. So that has become my motto, when I am scared and I need strength I say that to myself “get off the fucking floor”.. I want to be the tough woman l that can get off the fucking floor and kick some ass. So I imaging me being that person and somehow can pull it off.

Braveheart
Braveheart
7 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

DeAun, thank you so much for “get up off the fuck in floor”! Read you post yesterday and thought to myself, she is MIGHTY!
Today, after my STBX came over to get some things I was crying lke a baby after he left…then your words came to me, GET THE FUCK OFF THE FLOOR! I did! It was empowering! It’s a gorgeous day out. I have things to do, people to see.
Grateful for all the wisdom and sarcastic humor on this blog!
Here’s to working towards perfect MEH!
XOXO

DeAun
DeAun
7 years ago
Reply to  Braveheart

I love this!!

Lyn
Lyn
7 years ago
Reply to  Braveheart

GTFOTF is a great acronym.

m.twain
m.twain
7 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

This is truly mighty…

Giddy Eagle
Giddy Eagle
7 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

Thank you. I’m wandering around in circles now, getting very little done. I’in the early stages of divorce and my mom has stage 4 lung cancer. Although we’ve known it was terminal, it didn’t feel immanent until now. We already tried chemo and just learned that the immunotherapy isn’t working. I had to take her to the ER as she’s now having deep, sustained pain from the tumors.

How much can I bear at once? My pain at discovering my STBX has been leading a double life for 12+ years, my daughter’s pain at the demise of the family and the discovery that her father isn’t who she thought he was, layered with the pain of losing my mother, supporting her and supporting my brother.

Today I have to invoke my mom’s long term care, which won’t be long term after all, put a trust together, update her will, and a power of attorney. Oh, and I’m in the midst of negotiating temporary support.

I may not get to it today, but I’m going to write a letter to myself. Thank you so much for the idea. I have no doubt it will a be powerful tool to help motivate myself. Mine will be “stop procrastinating and get on with your life.”

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Giddy Eagle,
Several people in my family (four generations) have terminal illnesses and will likely die within the next few minths. Some including a five year old, died last year. Even family pet died this month. A few others have developed chronic disabilities or illnesses. I also have a chronic injury that has bothered me for four years. As such, although I don’t know exactly what you are going through, I have some idea. You sound very mighty to me.

Giddy Eagle
Giddy Eagle
7 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Isn’t is mind-blowing to see that the world keeps spinning in spite of our personal tragedies? How can people go on about their daily lives when I can hardly breathe? And yet, they do, and we survive, one day at a time, until we re-enter the world of the living and reclaim our place in line.

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Oh, Giddy Eagle, I’m so sorry that you’re having to carry such a heavy burden by yourself right now! It’s so hard to get out of bed and function some days, taking care of everyone else, and just trying to remember to breathe…but please don’t lose yourself in the middle of all this! Schedule time to pamper yourself because you need it to recharge your batteries. Nothing elaborate, mind you, just simple things like: a long luxurious bubble bath with a glass of wine, an afternoon with a good book & a cup of tea, or allow yourself a special treat for dessert…something rich, luscious and sinfully chocolate! Remember, if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll have nothing left to give to others.

I used to hear that God gives you only what you can handle…but then I wished he wouldn’t trust me so much! ? Sounds like you’re in this same boat, and I believe we’re in great company with the many others sharing our struggles. It’s a full boat!

I will keep you and your Mother in my prayers. In the meantime, keep taking those baby steps forward. It may not seem like much progress is being made, but after some time, you’ll look behind you and see how far you’ve come! Stay strong and when things get overwhelming, come here and give a shout out to the CN and we’ll give you the hugs, love, strength & support to get you through this!

Giddy Eagle
Giddy Eagle
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedOff

Thanks for the love and support. It’s amazing to me how much we can help one another without ever meeting or even knowing each other’s names.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

GiddyEagle, big hugs, my mum died of lung cancer too, well over 20 years ago but it’s still raw. I hope she gets good palliative care. She will be surrounded with your love and your daughter’s. She must be so proud of you. Please tell yourself and her that you will be ok even if it takes time. She has done a good job with you she will watch over you.

little red riding hood
little red riding hood
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

I was divorcing, lost my house to foreclosure, took care of my dying mother and then plan her funeral. This all took place over thanksgiving and christmas of last year.
You are stronger then you realize, when you have no choice but to be strong…
Sending prayers your way

whodoesthat
whodoesthat
7 years ago

The stories are so sad … So much can happen in a crazy time: my cheater left out of the blue …let the house go into foreclosure and left us penniless …meanwhile I lost my job . getting through one day at a time is my mantra . I think health also suffers because we’re so dam stressed !

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Giddy Eagle,

So sorry for all you are going through. We are all here for you. You are not alone. You’ll get through this. Trust us here at CN that you will! I didn’t believe it myself. I didn’t think the pain would ever go away, but it will. Just take it one day at a time. Be good to yourself as much as you can. ((((HUGS)))) to you.

Stronger Every Day
Stronger Every Day
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Seeing all this support is so touching. Giddy Eagle, please let me also offer my support as well. I’m sending you strength.
I was in the early stages of separation still trying to get through each day without falling apart when my uncle very suddenly became ill in the ICU and my family had to make the decision to remove life support. I was thinking that I couldn’t handle any more than what I was already dealing with and I am learning im much stronger than I ever thought. Hold on to those people who love you and care about you. Read this blog. I’m still in the middle of making it through but I promise it stops hurting as much as it does right now. Remember you are mighty. ?

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Giddy Eagle, Jedi Hugs. And peace.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

One day at a time (and sometimes, minute by minute.)

Sending prayers.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Giddy Eagle, this is that time you must reach down to your toenails for strength. That’s okay, it’s been waiting there for you. Please know you are not alone. You have a Nation here to listen and care.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

So sorry, Giddy Eagle. Sending well wishes your way.

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Giddy Eagle.
My heart goes out to you.
One of my bereavement clients taught me so much about strength. He husband had died suddenly just watching tv with her. He was 59. Her daughter was battling breast and brain cancer and her mother was seriously ill in hospital.
I spent many hours with her and it became obvious that some things you survive by just surviving. Day by day. Hour by hour.
Sometimes all you can do is your best and let everyone who can help, help you.
Please post often so we can be some of those people for you.
Hugs.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Sending you a prayer for strength and courage in this most trying of times. May your mother find peace, may your daughter find a new family arrangement that provides her with a firm foundation for adulthood, and may you find a new cheater free life. You will endure.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

So sorry you have so much pain and hurt in your life right now. (((Hugs)))

LotusDancer
LotusDancer
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

I was (and still am) recovering from cancer treatment myself when I find out about my stbx and my “best” “friend.” I feel your pain in a slightly different way. It’s awful. You’re going to make it because you have no choice, and that’s the truth. It will suck more than you can bear, but time will pass. It will pass. And then eventually the pain will be slowly ebbing. Eventually and not soon enough but time will help. Hang in there. She has one sane parent. You don’t have to be strong for her just sane. You’re doing too much but you have to. Get as much help as you can and then wait. Time still passes. Xoxo

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

^^^ This. If I had read it before I posted, I would not have bothered posting anything further. This is exactly it.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

Wow! I love this so much! 🙂

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

I love this more than I can describe.

LucyInTheSky78
LucyInTheSky78
7 years ago

I see a hamster: fluffy and cute, surprisingly noisy at times, finds a way to climb out of any situation, can’t be outstared, and has exceptionally long, sharp teeth.

Oh. Wait. Poppy’s escaped again. SAKE!…. *reaches for falconry glove*

Chumpdiddlyump
Chumpdiddlyump
7 years ago
Reply to  LucyInTheSky78

Want to hear something crazy?? I am lucyinthesky77 for all sorts of things I need aliases for. Isn’t that weird?

nomar
nomar
7 years ago

Mine would be a cross between Willie Nelson and an owl. Willie because he is a Zen master in the face of catostrophic reversals in fortune (remember the IRS tapes?). An owl because they look you dead in the eye without blinking or flinching, and when they are done with you they rise up on powerful wings and depart without so much as a chirp or a squawk. Just flap . . . flap . . . GONE.

Freckles are Beautiful
Freckles are Beautiful
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Can I perch on a limb with you, Nomar? I can do the two braids if it helps. Your weird mashup is just a perfect way to describe me. I was in a short relationship with a BPD freak before my cheater ex, and my first marriage fifteen years ago ended after six years with kind of a “we’re just not feeling this” fizzle. People always marvel at how I don’t lose my mind and freak out on my exes for neglecting/abusing/cheating but rather I just stand up and walk away. What’s the point, really? They aren’t going to hear me and ain’t nobody got time for that.

#StoneColdHippie

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

I’ve long likened the rage that descended 5 months after D-day, and lasted about another 6 months, as a hurdy gurdy monkey that refused to leave my shoulder. Most days, it hissed and spit and threw peanuts at passersby. He was demanding enough that I had to set up the rage monkey in the guest bedroom. Eventually he calmed down and would leave my shoulder for days at a time.

Now, my patronus would be a fire-breathing dragon–more controlled, more dangerous, and willing to make a scary appearance at the first sign of cheater apologists or manipulation or victim-blaming of any kind. Thus far, the only scorched victim has been a dishonest real estate agent I encountered (though 2 people who have postulated a “get over it” attitude did get their eyebrows singed). A Switzerland friend who is espousing my X’s false equivalencies (that things I did were just as bad as what he did) could be next.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago

Meditation.
I’ve been meditating daily for over a year now, I’ve gotten a delicious puppy, and when I go to get angry I just try to think about all the great things I have in my life now that I wouldn’t have if he hadn’t been an asshole.
I guess inner peace is my greatest weapon. I think being great, peaceful, happy, landing on my feet is what hurts him the most.

Attie
Attie
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwidow – that is a good point. While life with my ex was a living hell, the fact of having come through it means that I appreciate every single thing in my life now – particularly the peace and financial security of not having him blow through both our pay checks. It is like being given a second shot at life.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

Mine would be a Phoenix. Nobody can destroy me. Nobody owns me. Nobody gets to define me. I will always, without fail, rise again.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

+1

Lala
Lala
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Love!!!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amen!

CloserToMeh
CloserToMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

This.

Braveheart
Braveheart
7 years ago

Sir William Wallace!
He fought for Scotland’s independence.
He was mighty. We are MIGHTY!!!

Freeeedom!

Mehphista
Mehphista
7 years ago
Reply to  Braveheart

If we’re going with Scots heroes, I bagsies the Scathach, a warrior witch who lived in the Black Cuillins and taught Cuchullain everything he knew. She could change into a craw, a bruin or a wulluf. Patronustastic.

My ex and his ilk? Mair like Sawney Bean, y’ken?

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Or Morrighan? The triple Goddess of Celtic mythology. She was the goddess of war and could appear as a crow flying over the battlefield to embolden her warriors, and to inspire fear in her enemies. Powerful and fearless! Y’ken? I can relate to that!!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Oh, hell yeah Mehphista!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

A shape-shifting warrior witch is perfect!

Skinwalker
Skinwalker
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Scathach

Attie
Attie
7 years ago

My sisters were always great (both would gladly have murdered the bastard for me) but I found quiet strength in my parents. Just before my mom died (at 94) she asked me if I would ever get married again – I told her I would rather have all my teeth out without an anaesthetic! She then looked at me and said “he was a real twat wasn’t he”! Oh man, I love my mom. Then one time I was asleep and my dad came to me in a dream – only he was actually a young child that I was struggling to take care of. Eventually I looked at child/dad and said “dad I just can’t do this on my own”, and my dad then became a young man and whispered in my ear “if you only realized how close I am to you”. That’s when I knew I could do it and get away from that God-awful life!

But in the end I think my patronus is the howling wind. We get a really violent wind here called la bise, and when the bise is blowing I like to dress up really warm and go out in it. It is sometimes so strong it almost knocks you over, but it blows all the cobwebs and doubts away and I come back roaring like a she-wolf!

Cricket1114
Cricket1114
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

I lost my Dad in October. I know he would be proud of how far I’ve come. Before he died, he kept pushing me to keep going. I feel like he still is.

Margo
Margo
7 years ago
Reply to  Cricket1114

Cricket1114 – your dad is behind you 100%. I lost my dad 9 months before I married the DickHead. Before he passed, DickHead had asked for permission to marry me (my dad was very old school) and my dad felt like I had found the right one. 15 years later I go to the cemetery to talk to my dad about filing for divorce. I left the cemetery, went to a jewelry store and bought myself a silver 4 leafed clover pendant. I’ve been wearing that pendant and doing everything I can to make my dad proud since then. My Irish ancestry had made me fiesty! I have done everything I could to protect myself and my kids and take the high road. Not always easy, but I feel that my dad has definitely been there to help me along the way. After six years, I finally got ex to the courthouse two weeks ago and finalized everything. Its been a long haul, but I’ve never felt this close to Meh.

ChumpedOff
ChumpedOff
7 years ago
Reply to  Margo

I’m an Irish/Scot…fiery, stubborn and strong! Kick-ass combo. Finally got him to settle just before court last week after 6 years, 6 months & 6 days of living in hell. And we all know what 666 denotes! Referred to him as BeelzeBob, but wasn’t clear on how appropriate a nickname it was until the end. The last laugh is mine. HA!

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedOff

Geeze ChumpedOff! You ARE MIGHTY!

…I whine about my almost 3 year divorce…Wow! GOOD FOR YOU!

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

ChumpedOff,

I had to laugh when I heard that satan’s secret PO Box is #66! HEHEHEHE!!!! I said, ‘Well of course it would HAVE TO BE!’ 😀

little red riding hood
little red riding hood
7 years ago
Reply to  Margo

I’m built Irish strong too

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Wow … that was beautiful Attie. I recently lost my dad and despite our many issues in life, I do feel he is watching over me every single day.

Attie
Attie
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I’m so sorry for your loss. You may think I’m in idiot (I probably am) but look out for a white feather – it is the symbol of your guardian angel! Some people think it is twaddle but I find it incredibly comforting and I know that mom and dad are with me all the way. God bless.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

I will do just that … I too find such signs comforting and meaningful. Thank you!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Love this! 🙂

strong and real
strong and real
7 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Oh my Attie! Thank you! My tears are flowing. I guess I needed this.

CloserToMeh
CloserToMeh
7 years ago

Right now my spirit animal is the Honeybadger. The HB is relentless, eats cobras, gets stung by bees like a thousand time and doesn’t give a sh*t. That’s what I strive for.

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  CloserToMeh

Seriously bad ass patronus!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

Racer X without doubt. From the 1970’s Japanese cartoon, Speed Racer.

Racer X would help his brother, Speed Racer, win all the races all the while keeping him from dangers. Racer X would do this with anonymity.

This patronas allows me to be tough skinned and to find my strength during dire times just as Racer X has done.

Racer X proudly wears the number 9 along with other unsung heroes, Roger Maris, Robbie Gould and Ted Williams.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago

And Gordie Howe!

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

He’ll knock your teeth out if you don’t show some respect.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

Oh, I used to love Speed Racer! My brother and I used to race home from school each day to catch Speed at 3:00! 🙂

Mehphista
Mehphista
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

And then Starblazers. I STILL have a crush on Derek Wildstar.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

Aha! Number 9!!

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

I had a great grandmother who I never met…my mothers fathers mother…her name was Elizabeth and she raised a big family while married to a bastard and life never gave her any second chances….she lied married to a man who they said would eat a steak dinner while he watched his wife and children starve.

She raised her big family in a house in rural Kansas (where there are 2 seasons “too hot” and “too cold”)…I was told when her kids got unruly she would plop herself in the middle of the wood floor on her knees and pray the Rosary out loud. She was poor and without power her whole life. I was also married to a selfish bastard but I live in a time when I have autonomy & options plus my circumstances gave me education & money …all things Elizabeth didn’t have.

I like to think that she would be proud of me. I live for her…the life she couldn’t have. I had a photo of her made into a pendant I wear on a chain and when I do important & exciting things, I speak to her as I put the necklace on..”Elizabeth, you are going with me today” .

So many people in the past were served shit sandwiches and had no options..our sandwiches are shitty but we CAN break out of our circumstances if we choose to.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Wonderful story, spinning a legacy of abuse into threads of salvation.

That’s this website in a nutshell: CL and all the chumps who have made it out saying, “Today, we’re taking you with us.”

#letsgo

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

This is why I love this site so much; it has truly been life-changing.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

That is precious Nomar, yes…those of us who are past the worst are here to reach out a hand

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

OMG! (((((((Nomar)))))))

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Thank you Unicorn

Tears are running here!

My grandmother, Mamie Virginia, had the same life as your great grandmother…thirteen children to care for and an abusive, alcoholic, violent, womanizing husband with no care for anyone or anything but himself and his selfish needs…before she died at 72 she told my SIL and I, ‘…don’t you girls live your lives for any man! Live your lives for yourself!’

…she was my father’s mother…my father is just exactly like his father, and x – satan – is just exactly like both of them…

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

So writing this made me curious so I went to my Ancestry.com account and looked Elizabeth up…she was born in 1874 and died in 1926…the exact age I am now. gulp. wow.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Oh, this is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing your story. 🙂

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Unicornomore
Fabulous. I’ll think of her too now.
I often think of how strong women must have been through history. Just thinking of going without ‘sanitary products’ makes me go cold. How strong they must have been.
My own angel, my grandma, WMH above gave birth in a bomb shelter in the Blitz.
She killed a chicken once by cutting its head off for Xmas during rationing (it ran around and she hid in the outside toilet until it died) but no one could eat it as she had named it so they gave it to the cat and cried.
She loved the last bit of the story. I always had to ask ‘what was its name’ and she would say ‘*****’ which was MY NAME. She always got a giggle out of that. I wasnt too sure of that myself!!

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Capricorn

My nutty great aunt and her husband decided to get chooks at the start of WW2 (they lived in Paris then, he was an artist and she was a milliner) so they would at least have eggs to eat, and kill the odd chook for the pot. He had fought in WW1 and had become a pacifist and a communist. They decided not to have children because they didn’t want to make cannon fodder. How right they were!
All the chooks ended up becoming pets, they used to jump on the dining table and share food with them, they could never bring themselves to kill one…

louisvilleflower
louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

I love your nutty aunt!

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“Elizabeth, you are going with me today”

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

Hello there Rumblekitty! 🙂

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
7 years ago
Reply to  Peakyblinders

Hola!

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

How did you know I spoke Spanish?! Miss ya. We’re not on here as much as we used to.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
7 years ago
Reply to  Peakyblinders

My job had Chumplady blocked, but I figured out they only blocked the main page. If I come in through the archives, I’m good.

Give them a month or so and they’ll have the whole thing blocked. 🙁

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

I also only can check the site at work. They haven’t blocked me, but my job has gotten mucccch busier, so it’s been tough getting here, but when I do, it’s always nice to catch up.

strong and real
strong and real
7 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

yup me too Rumblekitty. Thanks Unicornomore!

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

you guys are sweet

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I ADORE this story!! Thank you so much for sharing.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

should say “she died married to a man..” sorry

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago

Mine is an alligator, beautiful to look at in captivity but will snap you in two with its jaws when needed.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew
7 years ago

Mine is one half Meghan Trainor. I listen to her songs pretty much everyday. That girl really understands boundaries, how not to take crap in relationships, how to love yourself and how to be good to others. The other half of my patronus is the me I discovered after Dday: the desperate/crazy hunt for truth, finding it, confirming in triplicate (hey, this couldn’t be possible, right?) and then crawling into the corner at work and snotty sobbing (“he’s still with herrrrrrr”) while my poor, confused co-worker awkwardly patted me on the shoulder and said it would be ok. And, you know what? I REALLY heard him, and realized he was fucking RIGHT. I wiped my nose on my jeans, finished the work day, picked up my older son from daycare, and after putting the kiddos to bed told my husband we are getting a divorce, he needs to move out and no thank you I’m not interested in MC, you are a bad person (still not sure why it came out so polite…). Some days I don’t feel badass me so much, so then I lean on Meghan more. She’s always there for me, as long as the batteries on my phone don’t run out 😉

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
7 years ago

Mine would be a huge, resonant gong. (Not an animal, I know, but whatever.) I fell victim to my ex’s words over and over again. I made the mistake of reacting emotionally to his actions but always making choices based on his words (and therefore his lies). My patronus is a big, deeply resonant gong that drowns out everything my ex says so I can look, see, and decide for myself what I believe. When ex starts jabbering, I whack that gong and he shuts the hell up because he realizes that his words no longer have power over me.

LiveForToday
LiveForToday
7 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

I like that

cdclocks
cdclocks
7 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

Oooh. I like the gong idea! 🙂 I think I’ll go search for an audio file of a gong to play on my phone as needed. Perfect!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  cdclocks

Oh, this is so good!!! I love it! I was like you always listening to his words (so many lies!), but reacted emotionally to his actions. And when I would, which wasn’t very often, the narc rage, gaslighting or mindfuckery would appear.

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
7 years ago

Like Tracy, I summoned up my own patronus & named her Wendy MadWolf. Anger was her middle name! I got better & better at setting aside raw emotion & that feeling of victimhood, letting WMF take the reins. Gathering Intel, hiring the PI, lining up ducks pre-confrontation. Afterward, getting ex in the polygraph chair, and ultimately catching him in various acts that proved he wasnt the unicorn he was pretending to be, kicking him out & hiring the lawyer. All Wendy. I was still allowed to cry & wallow from time to time but Wendy always snapped me out of it.

Early in the discovery process I had joined a small forum of fellow chumps and we all discussed this subject…stepping out of our human selves & into super-hero mode. When times got tough , our motto was ‘Cape On’. We joked about earning merrit badges for our capes for every mighty task completed.
Cape On has remained my motto. Like getting dressed for work – you have a job to do. That job is taking care of you, your kids & your future. Completing a task always helps lift you up, even if only a little each time. Baby steps.

Attie
Attie
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

“Cape on” – I must remember that. What a great motto!

Beth
Beth
7 years ago

My patronus is a queen. I have declared myself to be the queen of my own life. I got a crown tattoo to remind me I am in charge of my life and my destiny. When life gets me down I imagine reaching up and straightening my crown (white gold with lots of diamonds and blue topaz) and moving on.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Very cool, indeed.

Chumpdiddlyump
Chumpdiddlyump
7 years ago

Wonder Woman with fiery red hair has taken over as my patronus. I now have so much WW stuff from friends and family, I am surrounded by her/my badassery all day. Even my cheater ex gave me a gold WW ring that couldn’t have been too cheap. He knows what he lost.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
7 years ago

I’m a Leo, so I gotta go Lion too. A female lion.

I love how they always look so chill. Look – I’ve got these cubs hanging all over me, I’ve got to chase dinner. It’s hot as fuck in the savannah, but I put up with it. But you screw with me, and you are mince meat. Then I go lay back down, lick my paws, and act bored.

That’s pretty much what my divorce was like.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago

Mine is the Killer Rabbit, fierce and feared.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

LOL Monty Python!! 🙂 I love the killer rabbit. Such a funny clip from the movie.

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Oh shit that is funny Survivor!

Love Monty Python!

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

I’ve had rabbits off and on over the years since I was five. Over a dozen. Several were housebroken litter box trained houserabbits. Nothing sweeter, and nothing more stubborn when crossed. Love, love, love their spirit and attitude. Someone arrives unannounced and without a proper greeting to the bun, they may well find their shoe pissed upon. Territorial little things.

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Survivor 🙂

…I know some assholes that deserve to be pissed on!

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

JeepTess, I try to steer clear of those these days, but maybe you could use a rabbit?

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

This rabbit is FLIPPIN MIGHTY!!!!!

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Survivor! I’m thinkin we could all use a rabbit!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MHUlVIJy94

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Me too Survivor 🙂 Nasty disordered types are not allowed into my garden! 🙂

I’d love a rabbit! And Beau does need a buddy to hang out with when I’m out! 🙂

cdclocks
cdclocks
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

LOL!!!! Nice!!!!!!!!

Skinwalker
Skinwalker
7 years ago

This is a great topic for me!

Here’s a relevant excerpt from my profile:

A skinwalker is a person with the ability to turn into any animal they desire. The Navajo skinwalker is known as ‘yee naaldlooshii’ and is a variety of Navajo witch.

Skinwalkers are most frequently seen as coyotes, wolves, foxes, eagles, owls or crows.

In my fantasies, I am a skinwalker and I can stalk and pounce on Narcissistic Cheater Fuckwits taking the guise of whatever animal I need to be!

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Skinwalker

So cool, Skinwalker. Love your patronus, your ‘nahual.’

willowchumpx30
willowchumpx30
7 years ago
Reply to  Skinwalker

Love this one, and Navajo mythology.

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago

On D-day I became my inner “Mama Bear” to protect myself and my children.
While I wavered many times in the ensuing 2 1/2 years of the legal battle with the narcissist, my Mama Bear self stayed strong and saved me.

Vegan Chump
Vegan Chump
7 years ago

My Patronus has always been Erin Brockovich. Maybe she doesn’t qaulify as a “Patronus” but I take inspiration from her. This woman built her life from nothing and spoke her mind along the way.

Any time I’m feeling beat down, demoralized or feeling sorry for myself I conjur my inner Erin Brockovich.

I’ll ask myself, What would Erin Brockovich do in this situation?

She would stand up for herself and/or stand up for the rights of others.

Rock on Erin Brockovich! You’re my hero.

bepositive
bepositive
7 years ago

Definitely a dragon. I go along minding my own business, doing my thing until he pokes at me or our kids. Then it is red eyes and flames shooting out of my mouth. A big strong spiky tail completes the look.

yooper01
yooper01
7 years ago

I would say mine is the Phoenix. My X married the OW in 2015. I got the following message from the OW right after the wedding. “We are choking on the dust and ashes of our enemies.” I posted a picture of the Phoenix Rising out of the ashes on my facebook. Under it I wrote, “The Phoenix rises from the dust and ashes. She shakes the dust of the past from her wings. She looks toward the sun and the new day rising. She stretches her wings and reaches for the future.” I never heard a reply back.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  yooper01

I believe this is one of THE most popular divorce tattoos. For good reason!

FraudulentChump
FraudulentChump
7 years ago

Mine would be a gorilla, because I’m learning it’s OK to be big and strong, and fierce. I made myself small to be with him, I make myself big to walk away.

peaceatlast
peaceatlast
7 years ago

Mine is the rabbit that guards the cave of Caerbannog in the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The knights underestimated the power of the bunny until it rips out the neck of several fully armored knights armed with swords and shields. The bunny even makes one knight “soil his armor”

Yep, my patronus is the killer bunny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgj3nZWtOfA

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago
Reply to  peaceatlast

^^^^This!!! The Killer Bunnies! YES!!!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  peaceatlast

LOL! 🙂

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  peaceatlast

There are funny videos out there of bunnies eating berries – adorable and terrifying! 🙂

willowchumpx30
willowchumpx30
7 years ago
Reply to  peaceatlast

love the killer rabbit! (and Monty Python) I even have the plushy. teeth dripping with blood lol

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  willowchumpx30

A chump after my own heart.

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
7 years ago

I’m a jaguar. Quiet, graceful … and one with my surroundings.

But inside is a warrior who will no longer be fucked with by xhole or those like him.

I’ll growl one time ~ but that’s just a warning. Fuck with me again ~ see ya!

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

I like the jaguar – strong choice!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

I am so struggling with this one. There have been quite a few times in my life where a rescue of sorts was needed … an abusive father, a bad work situation, a bad marriage. In each case, the only person around who seemed willing to spring the trap was me. And it always took me a while to get to that point of “this is bullshit … I’m done!” Rather than an animal or a person, I think the best I can do is reference an act of nature … a tornado. AHA!!! The Tasmanian Devil from Bugs Bunny cartoons. That’s it!!! Phew … that was stressful!! ha ha

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Good one! How about the RoadRunner? And the cheaters would be idiot coyotes.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Dixie, One word says it all. “Enough” Once the point of no return happens, it pushes us to get through any hardship.

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

You gotta love the Tasmanian Devil!

Maree
Maree
7 years ago

I can honestly say I do not know what my patronus is but I know it sits quietly without interrupting me, on one shoulder and then is tries the other shoulder just guiding me along. It has kept me safe for 65 years as of yesterday and I can honestly say that something (!) has guided me along the long and winding road. Things have not turned out as I would have hoped and/or wanted but that is life. I also think I have an inner strength that I truly didn’t know I had but I do now. We Chumps learn the hard way but we learn unlike our exes.

Maree
Maree
7 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Thank you to each of you for your wishes. They are very much appreciated I can assure you. xo

Lyn
Lyn
7 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Happy birthday Maree! Thank you for sharing your stories with us. They help!

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Happy Birthday Maree!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Happy Belated Birthday, Maree!

saw
saw
7 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Maree, I struggle with this idea at the moment. The divorce is almost final. I am going to get up front cash and a rollover retirement. Plus, my vehicle and certain pictures, most of the furniture and books. But, he developed Parkinson’s, so the progression of the disease has made the narc more angry because he is a doctor and this doesn’t happen to them. He is making sure that the only person who was caregiving is gone out of anger at the disease. So the ego of the narc with such a difficult disease has caused the divorce and manipulation by the family narcs. It’s all about money , honey. Anyways, I was told today by my attorney that he does have the disease and I am too young to give my life caregiving for someone who is gone. Plus, he said that his children were never going to accept me despite the 20 years married. I cried as though he died. I am weak, but I am strong because my friends pull me out of the pit. I am free and moving on. But, I grieve that he is alive with this disease and doesn’t want the person who was there through everything. My sister said that she felt God was protecting me from danger because he was becoming more abusive verbally and mentally. I did snark at him. But , it’s sad when you are finally free and they are more than a narc. They got a very narc disease. I will be mighty, just today I am grieving his disease.

Maree
Maree
7 years ago
Reply to  saw

Dear saw, you are mighty but you are just not aware of it. You will grieve which is to be expected. You have been a loving, loyal and supportive wife and now your life has changed. You know saw, forget about his kids never accepting you, that is for them to sort out. I know it hurts and badly because my 2 adult kids prefer their father and his SE Asian prostitute and I have been rejected, so the hurt is very acute but it will and it does diminish with time. You are free now to be you and to be happy and in due course when your heart and your head are aligned your world will open up to many new and wonderful things. My very best to you. ((HUGS))

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Happy Birthday, Maree! Your strength is legendary. It ought to be unnecessary. But I was told once long ago by a very wise woman that if need be, we can reach right down to our toenails to find strength and courage. You have, and others will, and just knowing there is such a place to reach is inspirational. Hugs to you. You put the M in Mighty.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Happy Belated!

Beanie
Beanie
7 years ago

Dragonfly. It means “new beginnings” I even got it tattooed on my hip!

Beanie
Beanie
7 years ago

Dragonfly. It means “new beginnings”.
I even got one tattooed on my hip!

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago

My patronus is my grandfather whom I never met. He was a handsome, fierce-looking half Blackfoot Native American. I went to a Tarot card reading once 15 years ago and she told me that there were several men standing around and watching over me. Particularly in Native American dress. (I believe her as she would not have known that about my heritage) It was particularly comforting for me and as a woman, allows me the ability to see men in a good light as chivalrous, fierce protectors.

My other patronus is my inner bad-ass. I may be a nice, peaceful person, but I’m not a pushover, so as soon as my understanding turns into impatience and my brain says “I’m done”… I quietly execute any plan and I won’t stop until it’s done. If anyone ever gets an earful from me, they MORE than deserve it…

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  Peakyblinders

Wow, a lot of the commenters look up to their grand/great grands as their guardians. I was once close to my grandparents but as I got older I had less chances to be with them and eventually they passed on… I once promised my granny (mother side) to introduce STBX but in hindsight I’m glad I didn’t since he is such an embarrasment.

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
7 years ago

You know how when two heavyweight boxers are getting ready to go at it and they are face to face and they stare each other down? . . . I adopted your phrase, Tracy, “Stare that Mother Fucker Down”. I have a post-it note on my computer with two eyes drawn (mine) and that phrase written on the note. I’m still battling to get legally free and whenever I start to get nervous, uneasy, or mad (which is always) I see my note and stiffen my spine.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Nikki Lynn

It’s not hard to do when someone is cruel and disgusting, is it?!. Especially once you realize that you deserve better. A death stare is another phrase for it!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Nikki Lynn

Isn’t it amazing what we can do when we just decide “Enough.” Decide deep down inside.

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

It really is, Dixie.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Nikki Lynn

“Enough” is a visceral response to too damn fucking much shit. It’s a physical manifestation of a deal breaker.

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Yes – I had a moment when my whole body reacted to the thought of continuing to eat shit sandwiches. I felt so tired and unable to move, like all the million tiny cells in my body were holding a protest against further harm!

willowchumpx30
willowchumpx30
7 years ago

Mine is a dragon. Sleeping peacefully, but once you awaken me I breathe fire and brimstone and burn your ass to the ground.

Enraged
Enraged
7 years ago

Hm, interesting idea.
It’s that BIG voice that tells me “get your shit together!” when I felt down. Or that tells me “I’m awesome!” whenever I get feelings of not being enough. This is the will that drags me out of bed in the morning and makes me put on makeup and a smile on my face. This is an amazon, wouldn’t you agree? A fierce Amazon! Beautiful and feared!

Dubious
Dubious
7 years ago

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Dubious

Nice!! Very nice.

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
7 years ago
Reply to  Dubious

Dubs, I knew you would come through with something good! 🙂

Dubious
Dubious
7 years ago
Reply to  Nikki Lynn

Gracias, Nikki Lynn:

After further thought; she’s for the chump who is still suffering.

LisaLisa
LisaLisa
7 years ago

Mine is the old me, 19 years ago before I “fell in love” with an alcoholic, abusive, lying serial cheater. A few months of almost no contact has given me a new perspective of how he slowly ratcheted up the abuse over the years. A few years of therapy helped me find myself again, and a few weeks of the wonderful chumps here helped me find the old me again. That girl that used to not take shit from anyone and knew how to spot those who disrespect or disregard me and quickly expunge those losers from my life. I’m back baby, I’m back!

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  LisaLisa

Welcome back, LisaLisa!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  LisaLisa

Welcome back!

LisaLisa
LisaLisa
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Thanks! I’m so glad I found this place. Tracy and all of you have done so much to help me see through the bullshit and harness my anger.