There was an absolutely stellar column that ran at Scarymommy.com this week, “A Letter to My Best Friend’s Ex-Husband Because Screw You A**Hole.” (You had me at the profanity, Samantha.)
Reading between the lines, Asshole has cheated. The couple is divorcing. They’re trying to do that conscious uncoupling thing for the children, where the chump eats the giant shit sandwich of her rage and humiliation and pushes forward into some sort of dignified shared custody situation. But just because the chump is eating the shit sandwich, doesn’t mean her BFF is.
Samantha comes out swinging:
BUT, just because she’s being a fucking pillar of dignity and strength, doesn’t mean that I’m not pissed. Oh, I’m pissed. I’m pissed, and I’m looking at you, sir. You see, this is happening and it has to happen and it should happen, but you are the reason this is taking place. She is willing to recognize what a good father you are, and acknowledge your redeeming qualities as she works to forgive you for your indiscretions, but I don’t have to do that. I get to pull the Best Friend Card here, and I get to just be pissed the fuck off that you are the catalyst for the heartbreak, pain, anxiety, and overwhelming stress that you are causing my friend. So, FUCK YOU DUDE.
Fuck you for making her sad. Fuck you for making her question her own value and self-worth. Fuck you for making her question your entire relationship. Fuck you for making her feel like she has to figure out what she did wrong. Fuck you for making her feel guilty that she can’t keep up the facade forever and pretend like everything is fine. Fuck you for making her stress out over money. Fuck you for making her stay up all night crying. Fuck you for making her heart break as she attempts to prepare herself for spending 50% of her time away from the children she adores beyond comprehension. Fuck you for making her stay up all night as she worries how this will affect their future.
Every chump should be so lucky to have a Samantha on their side. A friend who validates, who channels the pain and anger of being betrayed and articulates it, when the chump is probably still too shocked to go there. A friend who take SIDES. A friend who recognizes injustice. A friend who does not brook any cheater narrative nonsense about “growing apart” or it all being “for the best.” No — this friend assigns FAULT. YOU did this. YOU broke this. Innocent people who do NOT deserve this are suffering, so FUCK YOU.
A standing ovation for Samantha!
Your Friday assignment is to tell CN about your Samantha. If you have no Samantha, tell us about you being that friend in someone else’s life. What kind of friend would you like to be to future chumps? How are you upping your friend game?