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And the Valentine’s Day Poetry Winners Are…

Happy Valentine’s Day, Chump Nation!

As my gift to you, I actually drew some cheater cartoons, inspired by the 527 submissions to our annual Infidelity Valentine’s contest.

It was really hard to narrow down the winners. I asked my husband (who has a useless masters degree in comparative literature) to be the final arbiter — and these were the winning selections. There were SO MANY AWESOME poems! I hate to pick favorites, forgive me. Everyone mentioned here gets a signed book (I’ll send you an email today). Deedee won the popular chump vote AND broke the rules by doing her own free-form rhyming verse. (I imagine someone rapping this…) She had me at “suppurating sores.”

Also, I wanted to draw a big buttface.

Deedee:
Ode to Arseface

Thought we should be civil
Thought we should be friends
Thought that I would pick me dance till the very end
You thought you were a super stud
With your harem of whores
And now I hope your dick is pocked with suppurating sores
You said that I was bitter
That my potty mouth was crass
Take your opinions
And shove them up your ass
Cos now I’m in the land of meh
And I think you’re a prick
Couldn’t care if a thousand whores
Were swivelling on your dick.

Next up in the winner’s circle is Capricorn! Who neatly summed up the entire infidelity experience in 17 syllables. Well done!

Capricorn
Infidelity
Hurts like a motherfucker
But has set me free

Also encapsulating heartbreak in 17 syllables, from joy to despair, was topshelf with this winner!

topshelf

When you said “I do”
…my heart wild, my eyes wet…and
when you said “I don’t”.

In the limerick category we have JoyWalker who had me at rhyming “disposal” with “Chernobyl.” And also is a garbage disposal not the perfect symbolic gift from a cheater?

JoyWalker
There was never a marriage proposal
Gifts included a garbage disposal
As we lay there in bed
“I fucked them” he said
Hope he shrivels like a rat in Chernobyl

Finally, You Deplete Me pulled off an entire cheater karma story in limerick verse! Excellent work!

You Deplete Me:

Dear Ex-Valentine living alone:
I’ve gone as gray rock as a stone.
I’ve got all your money
so kiss my ass, Honey!
And a toast to your shriveled old bone!

Happy VD to one of your skanks!
She wants kids, but we know you shoot blanks.
Hmm, perhaps I should tell her
you’re just an old feller
and that happens when fat guys wear spanks!

Valentine, we both know you’re a liar.
who spends cash on loose women for hire.
Don’t try to gaslight me,
or charm me, or fight me,
I’ve got proof. I’m an excellent spyer.

You begged for a ménage-a-trois
with two chicks, lacy undies and bra.
For your clandestine capers
I’ll serve you with papers
in a Valentine’s card. Mmmwa ah ah!

Darling Hubby, you just make me sick…
Moral compass points straight to your dick.
Do you think you’ve been clever?
You’re the lamest ass EVER!
And the kids and I know you’re a prick.

If Craigslist could tell all its tales
of hoes and their sad sausage males,
then all chumps like me
would laugh ’til they pee.
She’s your “Valentine!” (Right. ‘Til he bails.)

I hear that the love vows are true
for your fetus-aged shmoopie and you.
I’m relaxed, sipping tea,
thanking GOD I’m now free
and laughing as she says, “I do.”

Great work everyone! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Best Valentines Day gift ever! Starting my day seeing THAT assface was priceless and made me laugh! Congratulations to all! Grateful for all the true gifts CL!

  • Yay!!! Congrats, everyone! Great picks, CL and Mr. CL. 🙂

    I told my local male chump friend to stay off Facebook today; they’ll be lots of posts of undying love for partner and pictures posts of flowers, candy, etc. No need to hurt ourselves. Better off coming to CL instead for some laughs.

    Valentine’s Day has always been a sad and hard day for me. Before we got married, ex would get me flowers and be romantic. Once we were married, no more celebrating Valentine’s Day. And I never said anything, because you shouldn’t have to ask for things like that! After my 40th birthday and Mother’s Day which is always a week later; months later I told him how much it hurt my b-day wasn’t celebrated and neither was Mother’s Day. And he was like, “I didn’t know. It didn’t dawn on me.” Or something like that. A few years back, I was at work and one of my co-workers got delivered a box of chocolate covered strawberries on VD. And I was happy for her, but when I walked away, I starting crying a big. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me that my husband never did anything like that for me. Now I realize it wasn’t me. It was him! And him devaluing me as what narcs do. It’s all intentional I’m sure his current Whore Dujour is getting something nice today. I hope he gets something nice today like a STD.

      • Thanks, LiveForToday, and Happy Valentine’s to you too. I’m sorry your cheater forgot your birthday. They really do suck, don’t they?!

        Once each, my ex “forgot” our son and daughters birthdate. Well, he “forgot”, because he wanted to do something for himself (selfish!!!) on those days. And our kids were very little at the time. For sons, he wanted to run in the Corporate Challenge and it fell on our sons birthday. And for our daughter, he wanted to go out of town with friends to see a football game. He “forgot” those were their birthdays. Yeah, right! He’s a selfish prick who does what he wants and if he needs to lie in order to do it. He will!

        And this Valentine’s post with all the candy everyone is getting today — my ex, probably around the time he was cheating with a work whore while I was pregnant — asked me to get a bag of Skittles for work whore, because “she likes them soooo much!” And what did Super Chump do? I bought a bag of Skittles when I went to the grocery store. I hang my head in shame for what I put up with and did and for “love.”

        • I bought my cheater whore gifts too – not knowing at the time they were sleeping together. Same. Don’t hang head in shame. We loved. We are REAL!

        • If anyone ever gave me Skittles……..how insulting even for the whore. You have nothing to be ashamed of, so please let that go. Be happy your ex is someone else’s selfish nightmare.

          • The worst for me was realizing his coworker who kept asking for my delicious recipes was the work whore. Somehow, it hurts even more to think about that b*tch making MY chocolate chip cookies.

            • Yeah, that would bother me if ho-worker had my recipes. But…..you baked those cookies with LOVE! There’s no way they are as good as yours. I always told my family that my food was made with love. It was, especially the baked goods as I used to love to bake. I’m not a big fan of cooking, but almost every meal was made with love. The once in a while frozen pizza, probably not. lol. 🙂

        • Traitor always demanded to be made a fuss of for his Bday and Father’s Day but couldn’t remember his 3 oldest sons’ birthdays, only the whore’s son Bday. I don’t mean to imply anything bad about the little boy, nothing is his fault. It’s just the favouritism the entire family has been commenting on for years. Couldn’t understand why, now we all know…
          Traitor stole the boys’ Christmas chocolates, and all the chocolates I bought for his siblings and nephews and nieces. As for VD, nothing from the moment we came to the farm.
          But wait, this has a happy ending, my VD present to myself yesterday: I finally got the ute’s clutch problems sorted, despite nearly getting stuck in the city with no clutch last week, deciding not to call roadside rescue because I would have got stuck in the city 1 hour away from the farm. Drove back 55kms with clutch pedal getting stuck on the floor, ute overheating and starter motor nearly munted. Took it to the village mechanic next day (another 20 hairy kms…) but a day after picking it up, clutch acting up again. Took it back there on VD, fixed! I was having a little pity party with traitor’s SIL about how when whore had car trouble I lent her my car for weeks, drove her car to my same wonderful mechanic, got it fixed, drove it back to her, paid for it myself and had to wait 6 months for the money back. And she lied about having a full driver’s licence, so I didn’t know at the time, but my car wasn’t insured when she drove it! I was feeling sorry for myself being alone with no one to help like I helped her until I realised that my car troubles this past week have taken me less time and cost me less money than helping her out with her problems did. Yay! On VD, I realised that I am so much better off alone, having nothing to do with the traitor and his whore who exploited me for nearly a decade. Happy Valentine’s Day!
          PS: same wonderful mechanic said yesterday he wants to buy my old munted tractor.
          Finally getting rid of the old wreck that traitor refused to trade in when we bought the newish one 4 years ago. Bye bye rust bucket! VD could not have gone any better for me, stuff chocolates!

            • Honestly you deserve every happiness after what you have been through ! I love the things you post and the way you post. One kick ass survivor that’s for damn sure.
              If I’m ever down under and who knows what a chump can do once they are free, I’m going to visit!
              Happy Valentine’s. ! ❤

              • Would love to meet some overseas Chumps visiting in NZ, and one day have a Chumpalooza on the farm. Get in touch if you travel this way Cap!

          • The X sent one daughter birthday wishes one day early, the other one….one MONTH early. Just to show he cared about remembering their birth days…

              • Tempest.
                That’s my dad. He can not remember how old I am, how old my brother is. How old my boys are. Sometimes I go down in age sometimes I shoot forwards. Every now and then he’s right. Lately he’s just not sending anything.
                Trust that they suck!

              • Capricorn: My dad, too. Though the two are very different on surface characteristics, I married my father. smh

              • Yep. I’ve seen this too. Phone call to wish child a happy birthday–right day, wrong month. Child expresses confusion. EX is insulted that child did not think he would call. Child explains it is not his birthday until next month. EX pretends it is all a joke.

                Oddly, no one finds it very funny.

        • Forgetting their kids’ Birthday sucks! Pre-DDay, my DS, after many years spending his Birthday away on vacation at the beach (4th of July) with a friend’s family (who could deny him that?), was finally home one year (24yrs old) and wanted us to throw a BBQ Dinner for him & his buddies, male & female friends. “Of Course, we’d love to” we said! Cheater called from the opposite coast, at the last minute and couldn’t get away over the holiday weekend cuz he had an important meeting on Tuesday morning and would be too tired. Found out he spent the weekend at the Beach House with one of his GF’s and who knows else. It was all about him and his happiness! To forget the Birthday is one thing, but to cancel at the last minute was inexcusable, and intentional. ..The Party Went On Without Him… but my Son was very hurt, obviously.
          Heartless Fucktard didn’t even call his Son… I’m still mad about that… Don’t fuck with my kids!

      • to Livefortoday-the man who had pursued me, while never telling me he was already living with someone: I found out, but already emotionally attached and trying SO HARD to detach, along came my birthday. I never expected a gift, nothing, that’s likely part of my problem, I expect too little. However, this is what happened and it was the best birthday gift to myself ever, because I cut him off totally after this, refused his contacts, and it is now more than 2 years since this happened. HE REFUSED TO SAY THE WORDS HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME AND HIS EXPLANATION (note, Irene is the name of the woman he lived with) WAS, “IRENE TOLD ME NEVER TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A WOMAN OVER 39”. I responded, “and did Irene ever tell you not to cheat on her?” And that was the impetus that gave me the courage and strength to end it, there-my awareness of how terrible, and stupid and ignorant and the insanity of this ( as I learned) serial cheater. I then began research into NPD and I am certain this man has this diagnosable disorder.

        • Good for you, Danni, for being so mighty and getting out when he told you the lie about not wishing someone a Happy Birthday. My 40th b-day I thought that maybe my ex would buy me some flowers. Or a present. Or a cake. Nothing! Just a funny card that he ran out that morning to go get. A week later was Mother’s Day and I spent the week before getting the house cleaned a little each day for a big Mother’s Day party at our house (got manipulated by his mommy dearest to have us host). As we were waiting for family to arrive, I said to him, “Aren’t you going to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day?” And he said back to me, “You are not my mother.” This after every previous seven plus years of making him feel special on Father’s Day. He couldn’t bother to do anything for me, let alone wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. In hindsight I can see all the red flags and NPD behavior. At the time it just hurt and I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong to be treated so poorly. Good for you for seeing the red flag and getting out!

      • My husband never forgot anything, birthdays, V-Day, Anniversary, etc. That was one of the things I loved about him. Now I know he was just checking off a to do list. Obligatory V-day chocolate for wife: Check. Still, today will be rough as it will be the first time in 25 years I don’t get the obligatory box of chocolate. Sigh. On the other hand, one of my sons gave me a chocolate heart this morning so maybe I don’t need the empty gesture from STBX.

        • Chumpinrecovery – sorry this must be a tough day – so happy to hear you’ve raised a very caring and generous son. Hugs

        • Chumpinrecovery, That’s so sweet your son did that for you. I’m sure he saw his dad give you chocolates each year. But as coming from your son, it meant something instead of something being crossed off a list.

          I’m 50 years old and have never gotten a heart-shaped box of chocolates from anyone. It’s something I always wanted, if just once. And I never mentioned it, because if you have to ask for a gift, then it’s meaningless to me.

          • Actually I think my son just knows I like chocolate. I wish I could send you some now. We all deserve chocolate (unless allergic).

            • I do love chocolate, but the bod doesn’t need any at all. It’s more along the lines of your partner just doing something nice for you without you asking for it. Darn Hallmark, restaurant, etc for us chumps thinking we need to feel loved because someone did something nice to us one day out of the year.

              In all honesty, I remember saying to my ex early on in our relationship. “If you love someone, you show them every day.” It was regards to Valentines Day for sure. I know it’s a made up day to flowers, chocolates and cards. I just thought he’d try to love in some way each day. But he didn’t. So I hung on the holidays, thinking they’d make-up for all the other days. I was so blind, but didn’t know it.

    • Big Congrats to the winners, it was such a fun day writing those poems. A little time to forget the pain for a while.

      Martha,

      “A few years back, I was at work and one of my co-workers got delivered a box of chocolate covered strawberries on VD. And I was happy for her, but when I walked away, I starting crying a big.”

      I have had so many moments like that and felt like such an idiot. You think your on the mend and going along fine for a few days and bang. But yes it is all the devaluing that has made us feel so emotional and sad out of the blue, just like that at the drop of a hat for the most innocuous reason.

      AND i just had one of them – I have been dying to see which ones Tracy would choose all week, i have been having fantasies about showing Dog’s Vomit the poem that a famous cartoonist drew a cartoon for and him thinking ‘fuck who else knows’ he’s super paranoid about image management and there are so so many funny as hell ones to choose from, it’s been such fun to read them. So i open the page and when i saw that i was not one of the book winning entries i burst into tears.

      WTF!!!!!

      Omg, it’s only me here but i had to walk away for half an hour and was and am so embarrassed at myself. Sobbing like toddler chastised for eating a cookie.
      Shit he has worn me down to a crazy nothing. And it’s not until bizarre things like this happen that you see just what years and years of wearing down has left you with. Not much, you have to fight to not only rebuild your life but who you are and how you see yourself.

      Days like the last few, reading all those poems, and writing them with ‘no holds barred’ has been liberating and hysterical. To laugh OUT LOUD and from the belly is such a glorious feeling. String a few of those days together and you have a damn great week. I can keep myself amused with all the images of the disgusting medical things i allocated to his body parts in my poem and even add more verses in my head, then feed him to the dogs. Great therapy!
      And as a lot of chumps discovered Soooo addictive 😉

      To the winners i genuinely love yours and all the chumps poems. Loved them all.

      It’s a fucking long, long way to Meh but when i get a glimpse of it over the hill it will be a little easier knowing it is within sight and my grasp. And hopefully not to many more sobbing meltdowns.

      • WHK – your poem was a winner because it helped you continue to process the mindfuck you are now facing with incredible courage. And, push away those fantasies of showing it to your abuser, and instead replace them with MIGHTY THOUGHTS of NO CONTACT and the freedom and peace of mind that comes from not giving a single minute of your life to them any more. Cheaters don’t get it – the joke is ON them.

        You’ve got this… you’re a winner. Celebrate yourself today.

      • (((((((WARNING Hopium Kills)))))))

        🙂 I second what ICanSeeTheMehComing! says 🙂

        You got this and you will get there sweet soul!

        HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

        • I can see & Tess,
          I am so amazed and shocked at how far i have come in the last few weeks since finding CL & CN. It can never be underestimated how much of literal lifeline this amazing place is. It’s my oasis of peace, laughter & kinship and i know so many other chumps feel the same.
          Thank you both. I am okay and moving forward in tiny little shuffle steps and that is fine by me because it is forward no matter the speed. I am NC although i do have a meeting with him at my convenience in the next week or 2. There is no way i could have seen him prior to finding CL, my bowels literally turned to water and THAT was humiliating, even if i saw his name come up on my phone but thankfully that has gone after months of humiliation. And damn it i’m a strong bloody woman, or i was, but i am finding myself again.

          Worry not my chumps i just thought i would share a retarded, weird, out of the blue moment with you. And it truly was a weird moment lol. I’m laughing at it already. I keep rereading my coffin poem and the really really really wish poem and they make me laugh and i love that i can think that about dog’s vomit now. I took them to show my therapist and she cracked up. Tracy is brilliant and i hope she knows just how therapeutic these little challenges are for us.
          Tess – My 21 y/o old son came home this afternoon (we are a day ahead of u guys it is now the 15th) anyhow he came home with a bunch of flowers for his girlfriend and handed a bunch to me and said “Not all men are arseholes mum, I love you” I got so lucky with my 3 kids – Boy 25 twins boy 21 girl 21 they have been my saving grace.

          Thank you for your kind words and my warm fuzzy hugs xxx

          • Aaaaa! Warning! Your son’s actions brought happy tears to my eyes! What an amazing guy! 😀

            Yes, we are Blessed with our children, our friends and family and CL and CN! AND OUR FREEDOM FROM disordered, abusive, lying cheating cowards 🙂

            YA FOR US!

            • Ahhh Tess,
              Yes he is amazing. I have no family, my husbands ditched me and believed his BS and i had one friend i could talk to but after a month of my talking couldn’t hear it anymore and i was like a shot, lonely duck with all this pain and anger and no where to find comfort. I had my kids who are not an appropriate outlet for the stuff i needed to talk about.
              So being completely destroyed again i finally googled ‘venting rage at cheater husband” and voila i found my chumps & my salvation & lost the wish to die. All i had google up until then were sickening things like ‘pain at my husbands affair’ blah blah and it makes me laugh i had to type in RAGE to find you guys 😉

              • Warning, Just a thought and thanks for sharing your story about your poem not being picked as a “winner.” Do you think it was a trigger to that days and nights not being “picked” by your cheater and whoever else in your life didn’t “pick” you?

                With the co-worker getting chocolate covered strawberries — it had nothing at all to do with jealousy. I truly was happy for her. It was just sadness that my husband didn’t love me to think I was worthy of anything for Valentine’s Day. He wasn’t “picking me.” It was a yearly sinking feeling that I didn’t mean much to him, even though he said all the right words to keep me strung along and offering daily nourishment of kibbles.

                I’m happy your Google search lead you here. 🙂

              • I had the same experience! I had only 1 friend I could talk to … but discovered FROM HER DAUGHTER…that, yes, she was one of satan’s hos too! WHAT?! Wow huh…kinda took what little life I had in me left right out…woosh!

                My kids all rallied round me and helped me stay upright…but, yeah, I couldn’t talk to them about the horror…and if I’d told my sons about the physical abuse…I just couldn’t…let the police handle it.

                CL and CN saved my life! Helped me climb out of the black hole I was dying in. Thank goodness we found each other! Chumps are awesome, happy, giving, loving people! Thank goodness we found this site! 🙂 We all need understanding and validation and advice desperately. We get that here among others of OUR KIND! 🙂

          • You didn’t get lucky, WHK…you raised a thoughtful, caring, compassionate young man. Way to go, Mum!!!!

            What a joy & blessing to have him in your life!!! Please give him a big from all of us at CN for doing the right thing by making his Mum feel special and making the rest of us teary-eyed with happiness for you while reading your story.

            BTW – Your poems were read and enjoyed by all at CN. I truly believe it was cathartic for all of us to not only participate in the contest, but more importantly, to get those festering words out of our heads and out into the world where we can let go of the pain and hurt they represent. Then we got to enjoy the fact that were are not alone in our pain, that others understand what we are experiencing and we are surrounded by people who truly do care about us and who will walk the path with us in the hard times and carry us through the fall times. We are not alone anymore. We are stronger together. We ARE Chump Nation!

            Either that, or we are Borg and resistance is futile?!?!?! Hahaha! Either way it feels better together, than alone!

            • That was supposed to say…who will walk the path with us in the hard times and carry us through the DARK times.

              Don’t you just love autocorrect? Not! LOL…

      • I hate everything about how commercial this holiday is.
        I’m dating a fellow chump and I made him a card today and it goes like this:
        Babe,
        I love you. I looked and looked but there were no cards that said this is a bullshit holiday invented by the flower,card, candy, balloon, and restaurant industries to extort money from suckers who will be judged on how much they love by how much they spend…..and it serves to make single people feel like shit so add the ice cream and booze industries to that list.
        Don’t you dare try and take me to dinner, if you love me we will eat macaroni and cheese in our pajamas.
        Happy Tuesday! I love you.

        • PW I love this.
          After i married i have always thought the same but didn’t mind if a bunch of flowers came my way (They Didn’t!)
          But after seeing all the valentines shit Dog’s Vomit had on his phone a few months ago that he had sent the piece of filth with the dying husband it was like a kick in the guts! Nothing for me for 27 years but this whore gets this shit!
          Fuck him…..as above my son showed me more love and caring than that arsehole did in decades. Sweet child.

          I love your dinner suggestion and PJ’s it say i am who i am and just love me for that as i love you. Beautiful

          • Warning,
            Your son is awesome but the best part about him is he probably doesn’t think he did anything extraordinary, just what good guys do.
            My kids too. I have a 25 and 19 yr old that have shown me while my ex was out whoring around I was doing the right thing. I have raised awesome kids, they are all me.

      • Hopium
        We all totally get it here. It hurts. It just plain, flat out hurts. We loved, we invested, we got blindsided. There is no way around it either. You just have to go through it until the good days outnumber the bad. Everyone here is moving at their own pace as we all have other stuff that has gone on and is going on for us. It’s all okay. This is the place to rage and vent and open up to people who completely get it. My heart really does go out to you. This thing makes you feel like you are crazy sometimes and that you will never be right. But you will and you will be better and stronger than before.
        One day at a time.

        • Thanks Cap,
          The great thing about my discovery of CL is that i can now see i will be fine. A few embarrassing and wierdo setbacks now and then but thats okay, i’ve got you guys and i’ll be just fine. I really do believe that , a month ago no way. A little crazy is okay i think? If not i’m fucked lol
          Thank you

          • Weirdo setbacks get fewer and farther between!
            STBX never did anything for me for Valentine’s Day. In rejecting him I am embracing the day – celebrating with my kids and spreading love to people who deserve it.

          • A little crazy!! After what we have been through! I really thought in the early days I would not recover, full stop. I felt wounded beyond repair. I could not function for weeks, not sure I’m functioning well now. I couldn’t write lists, couldn’t shop, wore clothes but not well, forgot how to do conversation, would cry or laugh inappropriately, couldn’t for a moment remember how to drive, often drove to the wrong place. Wasn’t sleeping, couldn’t eat, then couldn’t stop. It was truly a nightmare. The mind movies, the flashbacks, the panic attacks.
            But it does end. It does. Just hang on and try to surf as best you can. You heart and brain are trying to sync again. Takes a while. Plus normal life annoyingly goes on.

            • I think we reach meh when realize that life annoyingly goes on! There are so many stages of getting there and the first part is so very painful. It’s as if a bomb exploded in your living room. Trying to put the pieces of a normal life back together seems impossible. With the exception of Tracy and CN, there isn’t much guidance. There is strength in not feeling alone.

              I despise VDDay with the strength of a thousand suns, for so many strange and bizarre reasons that writing them down is pointless. Suffice it to say, I have been on the receiving end of grand and expensive displays and deeply humiliating betrayals on this particular holiday. I have concluded that simple but heartfelt gestures are the true measure of a person’s love. Flowers are lovely, but if they are given as a required but meaningless obligation, what’s the point? It is strangely comforting to know that I’m not the only who looks back on this particular holiday with a jaundiced eye!

          • Warning, You are not crazy! This is the second time (I think) that I saw you wrote this today. Have you acted what looks like “crazy” to the outside world? Probably. I have too many times over. I’m not sure what country you are from, but I’m sure you are familiar with Tiger Woods, the golf player. His wife went “crazy” on his car after she found out about his cheating. This is what these cheaters do to us! And my now ex was telling all his ho-workers and bosses I was crazy before I even did anything. For the first six months I was someone in a fog, like a tiny mouse hiding in the corner. I could barely talk to him. My ex isn’t crazy, but he has some type of personality disordered — almost 100% convinced it’s NPD. They make us feel crazy with what they do. What they say and how they act.

      • It’s okay. I am trying so hard to pack up from my home of 17 years and a marriage of 20. I am sending just about everything to an estate sale. Keep a few things and my dogs. I can pull things out and then I just walk away. I haven’t packed a damn thing because I don’t know how to do it anymore. I have to, but then I think he’ll let all the shit go and keep the dogs. Start all the way over. Take nothing but the clothes on my back.

        I sat on the back pew of our church and would constantly cry because something was wrong and I didn’t know what or how to fix it. I was so depressed by his side because he had sucked the life out of me. Now, it is ending 22 years after we got engaged on Valentines Day and I don’t give a rat’s *ss about him. But , I need motivation to move and I am not a needy person. Plus, we have had severe destruction in the area over the last month and people have lost lives , homes, families, etc. I need help but I don’t want to ask for it when others need so much more.

        • Saw – just breathe. You don’t need to decide anything today. When you’re ready, try making a list… and think about where these things on the list will “fit” in to the life you want to build. If they don’t fit, let them go.

          There is a great song by Hillary Scott called “Thy Will”… worth the 99 cents download. I feel God talking to me through it every time it comes on my Pandora station or the radio.

          And, if CN can help… that’s why we are here. But, don’t deny a neighbor a chance to lay down their own burdens and help you too – we all need a distraction in times of trouble and helping another person is the best one.

          Peace.

          • Thank you. I just have felt so lost since the final decision and mediation. I thought I would feel free again. Instead, it’s like I can’t move.

            • The paralysis feeling is TOTALLY NORMAL. It’s grief. It’s a giant shit sandwich and you can only take little bites at a time.

              But remember — the pain is finite. I swear it is. And you’ll move through it and you will get to a new life on the other side. ((Hugs)))

        • saw
          You are doing fine. Ask others for help. There is nothing more healing sometimes in times of your own trouble than to be able to help someone else. That’s the true meaning of love and community.
          We’ve got you, today of all days. Hugs.

        • Saw, I know it’s so hard to ask for help. If there is ANYONE that you think can help you if for only a few hours — ask! I know it’s hard to pack stuff up, but you can do it! I was clinically depressed with suicidal ideation, but used my bursts of rage to help me pack boxes and move them to my apartment.

          It sounds like you belong to a church. Talk to the priest or pastor. Tell them you need help. People really do want to help, but don’t know how. (((HUGS))) to you. 🙂

        • saw bless your heart!

          I read about these guys first on ‘Lady With A Truck’ I think…and then I think one of our wonderful chumps talked about them too…? They will move you, I’m almost certain, for FREE because of your situation. 🙂
          You deserve a break and some help. I can completely understand what you are going through…I had to move out of my home of 30 years…36 years together…all the STUFF…all the memories…the life.

          Here is a link to their page:

          http://www.meatheadmovers.com/

          …we really need to rally together for each other…I just can’t figure out how to do it. If I am near you I will come help! I’ll bring Beau the Monster Biter to watch over us and give us belly laughs and sloppy kisses 🙂

      • WarningHK–your poetry from the other day gave me, and so many other people laughs and joy. Frankly, you’re talented enough to give up your day job! (And I have a spare CL book, which I will happily send to you for services rendered during the Valentine’s contest. just drop me a line at tempest.ariel2014@gmail.com)

      • I love your poem WHK! We can’t all be winners, but I copied it and will keep it for my own enjoyment of our revenge fantasies! ((((WHK)))))

    • Martha-here I thought I was so clever when I used dujour. It came to mind with the knowledge of this 69 year old’s serial cheating life because he had never been alone, and his history (wow what I learned thru my, not to brag, super internet sleuthing skills) of always having piggybacked the women, always still with the current while making his move into the life of the next, as in this: 1.living with one in a joint tenancy townhome, 2. waiting for the ex-wife outside her school, a teacher whose income had vastly increased since he had divorced her 7 years prior and crying, I love you, marry me again 3. goes home tells that dujour, OUT. 4. that dujour is out two days later. 5. the dujour ex moves into the townhouse. 6. they get remarried, today VD is the anniversary of their 2nd marriage. 7 stays married to her 10 years, just long enough to stake legal claim to her pension in a divorce. 8. starts cheating on the wife with a married dujour woman with nice assets while still married and moves into this dujour’s woman’s home. 9. divorces ex-to-current wife again 10. lives with the latest dujour woman for 5 years and then starts on me finding out lots about my finances before I find out he is already with someone. I was the dujour and didn’t know, ended it and he is still with the most recent dujour, and certainly he must be trolling as I write. At times a feeling creeps in for a flash, a nanosecond, where I feel sorrier for him, than for me, because I was seriously wounded with a long recovery-still not there yet, but better, permanently changed, but better.

      • Sounds like a classic gold digger as well. My xw did the same. History of overlapping relationships to get more money. Just pathetic. Don’t be sorry for them, they plan it this way.

      • Yes. I remember meeting a friend who was of the opposite sex. He was interested in fox hunting. Something I always wanted to see and ride in. He was generous to invite me to a hunt. I told him I would stay with my friends. Later, he invited me back saying that I should stay at his place with a separate bedroom and bathroom. No problem since he was not being inappropriate. But one time just talking, the conversation turned to finances. Direct question: ” Do you have money “? I replied, “Since, I am waiting on an agreement I have no idea”. Red flag. Good bye and don’t text me when you are drunk and have drama issues with the barn that my friends keep their horses located. Done!

      • Yep, Danni, my XH has always done the same piggybacking thing going from one woman to another, and just wanted us for what HE could get out of it. What a MOOCH!!! I also found out that he had lived in so many different states, too, which was disurbing. He would basically move somewhere and sponge of the woman he had there then completely burn all of his bridges, personally and financially, and they move to a totally different place and start the cycle all over again. Extreme narc pattern behavior. It is so pathetic and parasitic!!!

      • Holy cow, Danni. Just wow. Who are these people? And like you said, you didn’t know you were a dejour. And the over-lapping of relationships? My ex the same. His mommy was his first relationship, but once he “blossomed”, he hasn’t been alone since he was 18 years old and he’s now 47.

    • I know, Martha! Mine is the “flip her a $100 or more gift card and be done with it” type!

      He thinks cards are waste because they only end up in the garbage and flowers just die so why buy them.

      Last week I was a sap with tears in my eyes when a beautiful bouquet was delivered because I thought it might be from him since he’s trying to wreckconcile and come back.

      Nope! It was from one of my friends to thank me for helping her through ovarian cancer from operation to conclusion of chemo (so far so good!). She is widowed and lives alone with 2 dogs and I was extra glad to be there for her!

      • Mine always loved my cards, I always wrote sweet things in them. After DDay his birthday was coming up…..I called my sister in panic at the store…..I said there is no section for Happy Birthday to the man that cheated on me what do I do? She said buy a blank one. bwahahhaa… he was pissed…..couldn’t understand where all my sweet nothings went….really?

      • Skinwalker, I can totally understand you longing that those flowers were for you! So many times at work I thought *maybe* that beautiful, big bouquet was for me. NOT!

        Skinwalker, I don’t recognize your name, so I’m unfamiliar with your story. If there’s one thing I’ve learned at Chump Lady is that cheaters don’t change. They just don’t! In retrospect, I wish I could have taken young Martha and whacked her in the head and say, “He’s not going to change. Leave! Run!” But I kept thinking his words were true, but it was just more lies to keep the kibbles that I delivered coming to him.

        Skinwalker, I’ll be older you to you: He’s not going to change. Leave! Run! Buy your own darn flowers (I did that for awhile, but I’ve stopped as I have school to pay for.) You deserve better than a cheater. 🙂

        • Hi Martha! For a few examples of my story, look at the contest thread, way down at the end. I posted poems with examples of how his disordered and devious mind works.

          Search “Naked Yoga” and “Al Queda sex slave.”

    • Hi Martha,, I can so relate, my bday is a week before mothers day as well. My DDs is sometimes on or right before. She was my mothers day gift 2 days before mothers day 26 yrs ago!??? Soon to be 27 this year.
      The last time I received any flowers, yellow roses, I might add, was one month before he starting fucking his ho-worker. Mmhhmm was part of his plan I suppose.
      Yellow roses I believe are for “friends” guess he was hoping for that outcome.
      Nope, could careless what Do over Dad decides on any calendar event, because he just sucks.
      Hope that creep lives a long hard miserable life, cause he deserves it…

      • Congratulations to the Poem winners and thank you all for providing us with something to smile about today. I am grateful for CN for that and to CL for providing a safe haven for me to come and feel like I’m in my home away from home. ?

      • JeanM, Awww the yellow friendship roses — HE SUCKS!!! Good for you for not being friends with him. Good for you for not caring. It’s hard for me to remember *exactly* what my ex said in The Divorce Letter about us being friends. Some day I’m going to submit that thing to the UBT, but CL will have to take three days of posts in order to decipher the garbage. That’s if she chooses to use it. lol. I have no doubt my ex thought we’d be koombaya-ing into the future as he thinks he’s “perfect and special”, so why wouldn’t I want such awesomeness in my life?! We could still talk. Be “best friends” like he told me I was to him for 20 years. We could go out for drinks where he took his work whore until 1:30 in the morning. We could to The Anchor Bar. The place where chicken wings were invented. A place I always wanted to go, but he was always working. Where did he say he was when I called him the night I caught him out with the whore? The Anchor Bar. He wasn’t there of course. He was in either his car, her car or a hotel nearby as it was raining that night and they were kicked out of a different bar that closed at midnight (yeah, cheaters turn you into a detective.) No clue. Don’t care. He’s a cheater and she’s a whore.

  • Congrats to all poetic Chumps. Valentine’s Day used to be (how lovely is the past tense) the wedding anniversary. Ex arranged the wedding day date – and of course I thought oh, he really loves me instead of oh, he’s a really good con man. Because the latter was the truth.

    Three years ago in early February, shortly after finding Chump Lady, I ensured Divorce papers were served before Valentine’s Day so I could reclaim the day and let Ex know the con was well and truly over.

    And as we all love a good Karma story the relationship with Schmoopie and Ex fell apart spectacularly last year. Seems the ‘love of his life’ realised she’d been conned too. I’d warned her about the drinking, the money etc. but hey she was different. Chump Lady was right. Ex did not change for her either.

    Happy Valentines Day all- go buy yourself chocolates and roses to celebrate being free or on the freedom road.

    • I love it. You reclaimed this day. And I like your advice. Buy yourself some chocolate or roses. Not because it’s some lame Hallmark holiday. But Just because. 🙂

    • I always love a nice karma story!

      Happy Valentine’s Day, Mikky! Virtual flowers and chocolates being sent your way! 🙂

      I told my local male chump to do something nice for himself today. For me, I’m going to take a nice, long, hot bath tonight and read a book. Followed by some CL and maybe some Netflix. I’m also going to eat healthy today. Time to fall in love with me and take care of me!

      • I’m using this wonderful day to finish moving into my new place……my son brought me a ring made from flowers and my daughter said I am her valentine, best day ever. Because last valentines I received nothing from my cake eater….because he was knee deep in kibble from the OW…. I hope they enjoy the day today together, because I am.
        My screen saver is also a pic of them smiling so happily that I found in his email….makes me laugh every time I open my phone.

    • Mikky, yep, Karma is a bitch. Skankboy emails me how he is not happy. Oh well, (filing nails.) I wonder if it is going to rain today?

    • Wow, Mikky, you tried to warn the AP? You’re a better person me! I’m just letting skankboy’s hoe learn for herself.

      • Mmm- well she was a colleague/friend who I had previously confided in ….! So on D-Day I reminded her about his ‘issues’ and said she really ought to concentrate on her own relationship and two young children. Well of course she ignored me and I’m very relieved she did otherwise I might still be trying to fix the unfixable.

    • I am big into reclaiming things my STBX ignored or otherwise ruined. My birthday, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day… I now celebrate them with people who actually love me.

      • LouisvilleFlower
        That’s a great point. Set out to deliberately reclaim everything they ruined. Man, when you’re good you’re good! ❤

  • Happy V day-“Void of the Cheater Day” all my fellow chumps! Today I will be kissing a name man, we call it the CPR dummy, yeah me. (I need to renew my CPR certificate today.) Don’t ya’ll be jealous. xoxoxoxox

    • Nomoreskankboy………..Good for you !!! Love it ….these people are mental and emotional psychos one guy did such a number on one of my best friends I couldn’t even begin to tell it……..makes your head spin….I’m a bit touch I would have smashed him in the head a few times he would have ran….lol….plus her ex husband another trip…but she’s been through the ringer thank God greats boys cant stand ex husband also..they see him now for who he is… as me friend used to try to protect him …..piece of shit……..boys are young men now they have his ….number

  • Thanks so much CL.This just made my day!
    And the arseface cartoon looks just like him.
    Happy V day chump nation.Do something nice for yourself today.?

  • Here’s my late entry
    Roses are red violets are blue
    You and your lies stink like poo !
    Sorry if someone has come up with it already.
    Great poems. I wore my earrings I bought a month ago for the first time, they are a metal broken heart with a zigzag down the middle. My co worker got the most fabulous bunch of 12 roses. I was very happy for her she has had a long road and has found a good man, but damn I had to swollow the tears ten minutes later.

    • Hang in there LadyB, the life you want will come in time. Normal to grieve after this shit. Just be sure to do something good for yourself today. Maybe some new earrings? I’m loving owls right now for some reason. Choose a symbol of strength or happiness. Hugs.

  • ?. Wow.
    Thank-you so much. I really enjoyed writing that stuff. Very therapeutic.

    Official notice today that divorce will be final in six weeks.

    What a process this is. Hugs to all chumps today especially. No finer group of people. ❤

    • Congats Cap

      And WOW 6 weeks! Your country moves fast (which country are you in?). I think i saw somewhere you and I had D-Day the same month – May last year? In Australia we have to have a 12 month separation (Dog’s vomit left me in Aug so thats when it starts) before we can file for divorce. But then again it’s not a bad thing because i’ve only just got to the stage in the last 3 or 4 weeks where i can string an intelligent sentence together with the bonus of no tears on most days since i’ve found chump lady. The way this shit completely fucks you is unbelievable i would never have imagined. And I cannot imagine where i would still be emotionally without all my chumps. It has been my saviour & my turning point.
      Do you have a time limit/span to finalise your asset division in your country.

      • Hopium
        LOVE all your posts.
        I’m in uk. DDay was July 10th 2016.
        Filed September that year on the basis of adultery. If you do that process is MUCH quicker as it is seen as a legal breach of promise apparently. He signed a confession. If he had not I would have forced it still and named the three OW. That makes them liable for costs too.
        First I had the petition to divorce agreed (uk jurisdiction and enough cause) then today came the Decree Nisi which means if nothing else changes then divorce will be granted automatically in six weeks.
        This is the time to get the financial agreements in place. Mine luckily are all done and signed and sitting on lawyers desk.
        So eight months all told and about £1000. Court fees and lawyer fees.

        I feel for you. It is the most painful experience I have ever been through. I think I may come apart when its final. I am just trying to get to that tape and burst through.
        Agree about chump nation. Saved my life absolutely. Hang in there. We can do this together. ❤

        • Congratulations Cap! You’re lucky the UK still has fault-divorce. I live in the Pacific NW in the USA and the “progressive” system abolished fault. Pro-cheater move as far as I can tell and nothing progressive about it?

          • Mother Chumper, I’m in Fl and I was about to write the same post.
            Capricorn, you are lucky. In the US your husband can fuck his mistress on your coffee table and it just is what it is….no fault state honey.
            Maybe I need to move to the UK?

            • Georgia is the same way. Plus, they say 50:50 , but that is only for the years you lived together. Then, the liquidation and hidden assets are a real pain. The mediator and my attorney did good so far. It proof is in the pudding.

              • Illinois as well – so fukking unfair. Thats why I’m still fantasizing karma. But whatever.

              • Saw, I divorced in Ga. also. I insisted on putting the whores name in my divorce filing. I mediated and ends up with 80%, the house and it’s contents and a car. Bonus, her husband divorced her in Florida. His lawyer was able to obtain a copy of my filing so he had proof that she was screwing around! I need Florida you don’t get any alimony if your spouse can prove infidelity. Sameness in Ga.

              • NZ is even worse, no fault only and it’s not even called divorce anymore, it’s dissolution of marriage! And you are treated the same if you’ve been in a relationship for three years, even if you didn’t live together!

        • I’m in Pennsylvania and No Fault divorce gives cheaters free reign to move outside the marriage and fuck whomever they want with no recourse for their spouse whatsoever. They are entitled to half of everything and even with proof that they cheated, it only serves to raise the costs of your divorce with no favorable dispensation in the end. With no fault divorce, they also removed the “alienation of affection” charges you could press against the cheater’s AP too. No Fault is just a cheaters paradise.

          And then the legal system wonders why divorce rates are so high? Well over 50% in the USA! Well, gee….DUH!

    • Congratulations, Capricorn, on both counts. I heard today that the Financial Order for my divorce has just been approved by the court and that I can now file for decree absolute. I filed today. D-Day was 21 May last year. Love and strength to everyone on this road.

  • YouDepleteMe – I am still laughing over “fetus-aged schmoopie”! You should thank that asswipe for giving you so much material to work with!!

  • Brilliant. I love you all. Wicked smart. Brave. Strong. I’m impressed. Will you all be my Valentine?! (My former Valentine is busy with a fetus-aged schmoopie. Lucky me!)

  • This will make going to court this morning a little easier! Thank you!and Congratulations to everyone who entered! There is definite talent!

  • Congratulations to the winners!

    Seriously Tracey, you should start a line of greeting cards under a new category called “Infidelity” (actually Cheating is more appropriate). The cards could have ass faces and purple dildos all over them. You can even throw in a dancing yetis and some unicorns.You will never be at a loss of snarky words with all the talent CN offers. 🙂

    • Yes different sayings……let’s c…..Cheater Tweeter………….Cheater Repeater………….Cheater Eater…….Cheater Greeter……….Cheater Peter…..and so on………………….

        • Hilarious, Tempest. Great job on the cartoons and congrats to the winners.

          The piece of shit who brought me to this site three years ago sent me a Valentine’s Day card. This is the same fucker who lied to me for sixteen years through two heart surgeries. Subtlety gaslighted, devalued and scoffed at my dreams while banging prostitues and getting his happy endings at the local parlor. Covert narc. A true parasitic horse’s ass. My apologies to horses. Words are C H E A P. I can write a check for a million dollars and not have money in the bank.

          MF’r sent me “flowers” every Valentine Day – barf…such a great guy – barf….lucky girl – barf, vomit, hurl…

          He was and still is a lowlife common thug who preys on women. So the next time you see those “flowers”, wonder the motivation. I do.

          Give yourself some flowers today. Love yourself. Do not depend on someone else to give you a gift that you should have been giving yourself this whole time. Take your power back.

          Truly this is a chump’s day. I see nothing but people who understand its true meaning, here.

      • Ohhh it would be fun to buy a special card to let them know they are busted and served.
        I’d feel almost sorry for the fuckers with the razor sharp wit of chump nation skewering them in card form.
        Oh the cards we could send to OW.

        “Congratulations on your prize of a sparkly narc!!

        Please note the care and feeding instructions, porn requirements, perverse sexual demands, inappropriate body hygiene habits, need for complete privacy and dedicated encrypted wi fi access 24/7. Please note the potential for verbal and physical abuse. Please note also that possession of said narc comes with the promise of continued lying and mindfucking and we can accept no returns.
        We hope you are fully satisfied with this fuckwit and have many years together as you deserve it. ”

        Sincerely ex-wife. Resident of ‘meh’.
        Translation. You have a problem bitch, tell someone who gives a shit.

    • OhHellNo, I am not a fellow Christian, but this is a very good article. I wondered a lot about what my feelings would be if my love was set on a higher setting, love of God. Would all of this have hurt less? I told myself that while in wreckonciliation, chastised myself actually. Told myself if I was focused on this greater love, nothing would matter, or I would love unconditionally… Not such a good idea the unconditional love, but focusing on greater things is good.

  • Moral compass points straight to your dick???

    That is GOLDEN. I’m using that. with proper attribution of course. 😉

  • Man those are fantastic!
    ChumpLady, it’s clear that Masters in Comparative Literature is not so useless after all.
    Thank you for this. Made my day!

  • Valentine’s Day after DDay2 was hell. The puzzle pieces were starting to fit together, as I was finding evidence bit by bit, and the realization on that day dawned on me that he was flushing all our family funds into whores, and then staying with his affair girlfriend, an international woman of mystery, who traveled, had a fantastic house, and no kids.

    He left us financially destitute for years while valiantly keeping the whore-industry afloat, while putting his feet up in a fine house that he didn’t pay for. This image popped in my mind. I curled up in a ball in the shower and sobbed.

    That evening for Valentine’s, all he did was take the kids and me to the usual place for dinner, cheap and fast, no card or gift, but he showed me the new smart phone he got himself that day. He spent the day in the phone store getting himself an upgrade! I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even trying.

    I had a friend at the time who interpreted this and all the other similat actions on other significant events, to mean that he wanted Me to break up with Him. I learned that this was classic devaluing behavior. I was expected to be happy with intermittent crumbs. I wasn’t.

    • Crimson comet
      A pox on her (and him. A joint pox).
      Hugs to you. Those are terrible memories to have. I hope this Valentine’s Day is much improved!
      They do suck.

      • Oh yes! I am not anywhere near that dark place anymore, and am very happily divorced from the sociopath. He is living with that same schmoopie, but I now know she has nothing I want. It’s clear to me that he is acting out of the same playbook with her, and he’s hard enough to live with, even when you don’t know about the cheating! She invited herself into my marriage and has “won” him, but I don’t envy her. I’m free of his nonsense and opression and manipulation and abuse.

  • Thanks for this!!! The winners are brilliant, as were all the entries. When I woke up and realized it is Valentine’s Day, I kissed my pets, and came to CL. That’s all I need to mark the day, and thanks for the tip … I’ll stay off Facebook.

    I suggest a line of “Tuesday” cards.

    Roses are still red
    Violets are still blue
    You’re still an asshole
    It’s Tuesday. Fuck you!

  • That ass-face (though my first thought was butt-head) was priceless, and the winners are amazing! Congratulations, everyone! Now if there was just a little face peeking out between the cheeks, it could be my ex, with his head up his ass.

  • Changing the pic for Narkles the Clown in my phone to the “assface” right now!
    It’s delightful and makes me laugh.
    Come on everyone, make your cheater’s phone pic the assface. Let’s mark our solidarity with a smile!

    • The first name-calling I called the cheater was “assbrain.” And I was always a nice wife who never swore or called him any names besides cute pet names. I’ve had Sad Sausage as his pic, but I’m switching it to assface if I can figure out how to do it!

  • These poems are fantastic – I love CL and CN… couldn’t imagine spending a Valentine’s Day without you all.

    As for me – so glad that VD no longer means … time to get tested because Mr. Sparkles is a whore 🙂

    Happy emancipation day everyone!

  • Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! 🙂

    Congratulations fellow Chumps on your amazing hilarious entries! And thank you for all the belly laughs! Much appreciated!

    Martha…hummm…:) …from your reply above I’m thinkin…humm…Hello fellow Taurus! 🙂 …my birthday / Mother’s Day…yep…same situation…May 4th here 🙂

    Alloutofkibble: GREAT IDEA!!! 😉

    • Hi JeepTess! Yep! May 6th here. 🙂 Taurus the bull came out in full force almost two years ago. If I had horns, the cheater would have been gored. 😉

      • 🙂 I bet your cheater, like mine, couldn’t believe the swirling dust cloud his little ‘earth mother’ left in the wake of her escape 😉 Hehehehehe! Don’t taunt THE BULL stupid!! 🙂

          • Wow, may 6 was the anniversary, may 7th is my birthday. Glad to know there are so many of us bulls!

            Miserable Vomitus Mass could never do anything for those occasions-or Mother’s Day (except 1 carnation, given to each mom as we watched our sons play baseball on Mothers Day). But Valentine’s Day was different, always chocolate covered strawberries and the Steven Singer gold roses delivered to the office, of course. Only thing he would do for me all.damned.year. And that only the last couple of years. Every other VD- I would do a “romantic” dinner for him and ours sons. Tablecloth, wine glasses with sparkling grape juice, chocolate hearts and gifts for them all. And he would do NOTHING, not even a card. Until the last couple of years, manipulation anyone?

            But his birthday, on feb 16th, you damn well better do it up grand. Well, I’m happy this year, no more dancing for me! He can’t be with whore tonight. Taking youngest son to therapy then kendo seminar till 10. Wonder how whore will feel about that? Unappreciated maybe?

            MVM’s birthday is in the 16th of Feb. always big family dinner, gifts, cards, etc. MVM always joking about not having a birthDAY, but a birthday quarter. Be extra nice to him in his birthday quarter….lol. Hope whore does it up right and tight or she will pay the price.

            But me, freedom! I’m free of being the appliance, of hosting Mother’s Day dinners for our moms and his grandma. Making sure they had roses on MD and their birthdays. Cooking on VD DAY. Doing everything for all damned holidays without so much as a thank you. Let her have that fun now.

            Tonight I’ll go to work at the 2nd job and be grateful!

            • But me, freedom! I’m free of being the appliance, of hosting Mother’s Day dinners for our moms and his grandma. Making sure they had roses on MD and their birthdays. Cooking on VD DAY. Doing everything for all damned holidays without so much as a thank you. Let her have that fun now.” Yep!

              That was me. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. Most of his parents birthdays. Cheaters birthday. Our kids birthdays. Other holidays on occasion. Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve. Christmas Day. New Years Eve on occasion. So much more. The manipulation by my exes mom — oh, she was great at it and the guilt treatment. FREEDOM from it all. Cue George Michael!!!

          • Whooo Hoooo JeanM! 🙂

            Wow! You and Martha have the SAME birth date too! Coolness!!!

            Taurus 🙂 Even loving earth mothers can get to ENOUGH! I’m sure satan had never in 36 years seen me not just give in…imagine his surprise when I wouldn’t AND DIDN’T give in 🙂

            HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! 🙂

  • Um, hi. Nice poems. But what I really want to know is what area of comparative literature did your husband get his master’s degree in?

      • Dr. ICBIAC started grad school studying literature. . . But I jumped ship into a different discipline. Useless masters degrees are the most interesting.

  • Congrats to the winners and much gratitude for all the creative chumps on this site. These poems always make me smile!

  • Cheers to the winners and to everyone who joined in on the fun. So much beatifully distracting and entertaining creativity! Love to you, CN! ❤️

  • I had a wonderful time reading all the poems prior to today. Congrats to the winners. And the assface is priceless. Wiping tea off my screen.
    Today has never been an important day in my marriage. x never gave me Valentine’s day gifts except when his rotary club was doing the annual rose gifting (therefore entirely no intent just a show for his rotarians). The only time x ever “really” sent me flowers was on my 50th birthday a couple of months after he threw away our marriage and I found out about his whoring ways. Cheap little arrangement in a happy 50th mug went straight into the garbage.
    I look at Valentine’s day as the children’s little cutsie card exchange at school and my boys eating cinnamon hearts all day. Nothing more.
    To those of CN lucky enough to have a spouse genuine enough to give a meaningful card or gift I’m truly grateful to know there are authentic “partners” for some us out there!
    To those of us who are single today should be about the other loves in our lives. Give your dog a bone, pet the cat, have a drink with friends, call your mom. And think of all the chocolate on sale tomorrow!

  • Fantastic poems, love all the talent here!
    ‘I’m relaxed, sipping tea,
    thanking GOD I’m now free’–Ain’t that the truth, You Deplete Me!!!
    And CL, you are a wonderful artist, in addition to caring enough to keep this site going, to save the Chump world, bless you and thank you. Enjoy your Valentine’s day!

  • Some of the loneliest days I’ve ever spent were on Valentine’s Day married to a selfish, mean man. He worked hard to make holidays trivial, and enjoyed hurting my feelings. He got off on the control.

    Even before I discovered the cheating, I knew something was very wrong with our marriage when I went to the Hallmark aisle to pick out a Valentine’s Day card for him and could only cry at the sentiments that I knew he would never ever feel for me.

    Today I’ll give my three sons and true valentines a little token of my love. And hope they realize it’s just the tip of the iceberg of how much joy they have brought me.

    Thanks for the laughs and poetry. Man oh man I needed that today!

    Happy Valentines to CN!

    • ChutesandLadders, I totally get where you are coming from. My birthday and Mother’s Day purposely diminished. All the while I was trying my best to make his mom feel special on her days. I really thought that I was doing a good thing. I thought I was being a good wife by taking on his moms special days, because he was “so busy.” That was me being loving to him by taking on the added responsibility of celebrating his mom and dads specials days. I even told him I was doing it for him. Super Duper Deluxe Chump raising her hand!! Here I am (or was)!!

    • Chutes
      That’s so sad about knowing something was wrong because of how Valentine’s Day made you feel. But happy to hear you have lovely sons who you can spoil to bits!

      • They’re teens and early twenties, so right now I’m still trying to teach them that kindness and thoughtfulness matters. My sixteen year old is doing the dishes as I write. Better than chocolates! 🙂

        It’s a challenge to undo the nasty lessons they got watching their father treating me like I never mattered. If I could go back in time, I would slap the “staying together for the children” fantasy out of my brainwashed head. All that did was teach them how to treat women like shit.

        Baby steps. It’s nice to feel I matter again! 🙂

    • Thanks CL, I really enjoyed the contest and I can’t believe we got the results so fast. You and Mr CL must have been scratching your heads trying to pick. I have never even tried to write poetry, or limericks or anything. This got me going, I was ruminating my anger in rhymes for a few days; very therapeutic! The entries were fantastic, we Chumps are the best. Congratulations to all the winners, this was so much fun!

      • Let me assist with the mental visual:
        55 year old guy, 40 pounds overweight, awkwardly hopping around trying to get hairy legs through micro-stretchy openings, finally and exasperatedly laying on his back with his knees bent and ass up in the air, sweating, huffing mightily, the recurrent resounding SNAP! of a lost fingertip grip on elastic, red welts rising on pasty skin, finally gets them on only to have them instantly roll down below his paunch when he exhales. An Adonis in the making I tell ya!

        • Love the sound effects too! 40 pounds overweight is nothing, you should see the traitor since he left. Was 15 kgs overweight before, had put 20 on since, total 40kgs so that’s 90 pounds? Sure the whore is fattening him up cos she’s afraid he’ll cheat if he’s too “fit”…

        • Hey now…..you have just described ME trying to put on my panty hose when I was pregnant with twins! (Minus the hairy legs!!)

        • Bwahaha…You Deplete Me!

          Reminds me of putting on my Calvins in the 80’s! (Except I was already thin and not using them as a torture device to pretend I was thin.)

          I hope his Schmoopie gets pregnant … that would be a nice surprise for a guy who shoots blanks!

  • Hi CL Nation,
    Tomorrow marks one year from my dd and 10 months from my divorce and I thought I would post here for the first time to thank you all for being this special support network and wish you all Happy Valentine’s day!
    I have been in awe all this time with your strength, courage and love, it helped me so much!
    When I started reading CL posts I was so ashamed of my story, it sounded like a bad soap opera script (24 years of marriage, WH in an AP for 4 years with one of my best friends). I felt I must be a really shitty person to deserve all this until I read all the stories shared by my fellow chumps and your words of support and I finally realized that we were all just living and loving according to our values and this is nothing to be ashamed of.
    Hope you all celebrate Valentine’s loving who matters most: yourself! And today is Tuesday, so we are all closer to Meh!

    • ChumpAsItIs, I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I’m thankful that you have found so much help and encouragement at CL and CN, like all of us have. That’s so good you are not ashamed of your story. I feel shame sometimes when I think of what I did (sending HIM flowers after D-day when he said to me, “I wish someone would send me flowers.” I hang my head and wonder what was going on. Now I know it’s the Pick Me Dance, Trauma Bonding and so much more. Thanks for posting today. 🙂

  • CL let me suggest compiling a chump nation poetry collection. Proceeds go to a shelter. I’d buy one. They’re hilarious. Think of it as a unique infidelity help book in verse. It can be found in the self help section and the poetry section. 🙂

  • Not for nothing, but does anyone else think @ChumpLady’s cartoon looks more like a scrotum head? A shaved scrotum head with STD pimples on it? (nice that it’s appropriate either way)

  • Congratulations to all the winners and to TopShelf:

    When you said “I do”
    …my heart wild, my eyes wet…and
    when you said “I don’t”.

    So sad and beautiful, it reminds me of the lyrics from the Leonard Cohen song, Hallelujah:

    “And love is not a victory march
    It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”

    Happy Valentine’s day to Chump Lady and everyone in Chump Nation. On this Valentine’s Tuesday, I hope you have found Meh or can see it in the near future.

  • I have to share this Valentine’s Day story. My son (25) called me last night as I was driving home from work, tired, and feeling a little maudlin about the prospect of spending this day alone. He said, “Yo Moms, any plans for tomorrow? Has any guy been smart enough to ask you out?” I laughed and told him no, not yet, and that I was planning on cooking at home if he wanted to come over. He just sighed dramatically and said, “Mooooom, I’M asking you out on a date! How would you like to be my Valentine and get treated to dinner, and afterward maybe some hot, steamy….laundry?”
    Love that kid! Who needs roses when you’ve got dryer sheets?

  • Dear fellow Chumps,

    I refuse to hate Valentine’s Day. I’ve always loved it, even as a kid. I remember crafting an old shoebox into a colorful mailbox, the excitement of seeing who put a card in my box, eating pretty cookies and treats, wearing all red. I met my ex-husband on Valentine’s Day when I was 16. He left right before Valentine’s Day 36 years later. I remember how I wrapped up a gift left him a “last card” on our kitchen table, when I came home after he was gone he’d left a list of how we should split up our assets. Cold as ice. But I was determined he would not ruin my favorite holiday. He never had that much power. Claim Valentine’s Day for yourself! For all the people who love you, who have stood by you. For the people who are alone and struggling. Send them a card. Show them some love.

    • Lyn, you are so right. Valentines day doesnt have to be just for couples. We can show some love for someone who is alone. A neighbor or relative. Send a card or care package. Visit. What a good example to show our kids. You have given me some inspiration.

  • I got my mom and my sister (her husband is out of town on business) and our girls together tonight and we went out for dinner. Took some awesome pics and had a good time. My daughter called it “Gal-entine’s” day! When I look back over this past year and see how far I have come, I realise how blessed I am to be free from him. I’m enjoying gaining a life with the women in my life who love me!

  • Congratulations to the winners, and to all who shared their poems. What great therapy, the annual infidelity poetry contest! Thank you CL, you have given so many of us a place of refuge, where we can share, learn from each other, swear, laugh and heal. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all!

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