Cheating is such an ugly word. That’s why the Reconciliation Industrial Complex has so many euphemisms. Cheating? No, they strayed or were wayward. (Blown off course! Get it? Apparently, the real fault was that they lost their compasses…) Fuck buddy? No, mistress, friend, or lover. So much more sanitized that way.
And cheaters themselves give us so many euphemisms! Disgraced politician Mark Sanford gave us “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” for “AWOL while fucking an Argentinian.” “I’m not going to tell you I’m cheating on you” is “You don’t want me to have any friends” and “You’re a jealous, controlling asshole!”
Well, you get the picture. One of the things we do here at Chump Lady is call a spade a spade. I have my own little vocabulary for infidelity. I call it cheating. I dispense with the soppy sadness of “betrayed spouse” and use “chump” instead. (There are no chumps without con artists.) I say “unicorn” for an unlikely thing we want to believe in, like reconciliation. And if you spend too much time thinking about this shit, I’ll tell you to stop “untangling the skein of fuckupedness.”
Language matters. So your challenge today is to come up with your own cheater euphemisms or translations.
Girlfriend — That person listed “Frank” on his cell phone.
Cheating — “Whistling past the divorce lawyers.”
Your cheater — “Dick dribble”, “The Great Waste”, “Farty McFuckface”
Give the Reconciliation Industrial Complex some new terms to work with. TGIF!