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New Infidelity Euphemisms

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Cheating is such an ugly word. That’s why the Reconciliation Industrial Complex has so many euphemisms. Cheating? No, they strayed or were wayward. (Blown off course! Get it? Apparently, the real fault was that they lost their compasses…) Fuck buddy? No, mistress, friend, or lover. So much more sanitized that way.

And cheaters themselves give us so many euphemisms! Disgraced politician Mark Sanford gave us “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” for “AWOL while fucking an Argentinian.” “I’m not going to tell you I’m cheating on you” is “You don’t want me to have any friends” and “You’re a jealous, controlling asshole!”

Well, you get the picture. One of the things we do here at Chump Lady is call a spade a spade. I have my own little vocabulary for infidelity. I call it cheating. I dispense with the soppy sadness of “betrayed spouse” and use “chump” instead. (There are no chumps without con artists.) I say “unicorn” for an unlikely thing we want to believe in, like reconciliation. And if you spend too much time thinking about this shit, I’ll tell you to stop “untangling the skein of fuckupedness.”

Language matters. So your challenge today is to come up with your own cheater euphemisms or translations.

Girlfriend — That person listed “Frank” on his cell phone.

Cheating — “Whistling past the divorce lawyers.”

Your cheater — “Dick dribble”, “The Great Waste”, “Farty McFuckface”

Give the Reconciliation Industrial Complex some new terms to work with. TGIF!

 

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Uncle Dad: The man who once cheated on me, and now has traded in his five year old daughters for a new fiancé with a shiny new three year old son.

    Uncle Dad has supervised visitation, so he has all of the legal rights and decision making capabilities of, say, an uncle.

    • Thats what pisses me off
      They retain their rights to the children they discarded like yesterdays paper.
      They are allowed input and decision making over young developing minds when they are the most illeligible people to do so. Their twisted distorted logic should be kept as far away as possible.
      Instead laws courts judges and lawyers protect these assholes and continue the cycle of abuse and help create the next generation of disorder.
      My feeling is if you abandon your family and break that contract you lose all rights to that property.
      Instead the disordered bounce in an out of kuds lives leaving a trail of shit that they have to wade thru forever.
      If your going to leave then get the fuck gone and dont cone back EVER.
      Just my humble opinion
      Thank you and good night

      • Yes! This! You chose to throw your family away and abadon them, you lose your rights!! I’m struggling so hard with this right now. D-bag cheated on me (and our kids) for 2 years then one night decided he “was done”. Cheating on your spouse is also cheating on your kids! 2 years of pick me dancing and trying to do what was best for my kids and our family got me nowhere. Now he expects the kids to accept it all like it’s no big deal and accept OW and respect her. OW seems to think she has the right to tell me what a shitty spouse and mother I was and hopes we can all put this behind us and get along for the kids sake. News flash bitch my kids don’t respect you and never will. They don’t respect their dad either and have been through hell. But I have to sit back and give these assholes visitation and then pick up all the pieces from the damage they caused and continue to cause!!! D-bag owes me for child support and medical too but judges don’t care about that either. He still gets his visitation! Where is the justice?? I’m new here and I’m feeling so angry and violated right now. Could really use some encouragement.

        • Newbie, I totally understand your anger. I was there too. I still find my way back there sometimes. In my state (Louisiana), a parent can’t sign over their rights to a child unless there is another person who is willing to adopt the child right then.

          It’s ridiculous, I know, but I think the thinking is that if a parent relinquishes rights, then that parent also gives up responsibility for paying child support too. As long as they are still on the hook for the rights then they are on the hook for child support.

          Uncle Dad owes me about $10,000 in back child support because he has quit his job where his garnishment was active and found a new job. He refuses to tell me where he works now. So, I have refused to allow him to see my children–not that he actually saw them anyway. He threatens to file for contempt, which is funny because he left his attorney owing over $20,000. His attorney won’t file anything in his case until he pays the bill.

          What makes me so sad is that my girls have asked me to find them a new daddy. My youngest has started calling her father by his first name. Last night, my oldest asked my dad, her grandfather, if he would be her daddy. This is what breaks my heart for my girls.

          I make it a point never to editorialize when speaking of their father. When they ask why he doesn’t live with us anymore, I told them that daddy broke a promise to mommy. They asked what kind of promises daddy broke, so I said daddy had their little half brother with someone else when married to mommy, mommy couldn’t live with daddy anymore after that.

          Newbie, I was lucky in that my attorney is my step mom, and one of the best pieces of advice she gave me what never to expect anything from him. He has shown me who he is, so believe him.

          When I filed for divorce, my ex had found Twu Luv with his ho-worker, after getting another ho-worker pregnant, and left me (a stay-at-home mom) high and dry. He stopped paying any of the bills. The first paycheck he got, after packing a bag and leaving while I was at the zoo about an hour away with the kids, without so much as leaving a note, went into another account that I didn’t have access to.

          That was January, 2014.

          By April, I was begging family for grocery money and my utilities were about to be cut off. I filed for divorce in May with a house in foreclosure, a car about to be repossessed, and an overdrawn checking account. And, no job.

          Now, 3 years later, I make more money than him, I have my house, my job which I love, a new car, and my girls. I’m happy, and the divorce is a distant memory. It’s a shitty thing that happened in the past. I’ve moved on and made a life that is my own. I’m too busy with kindergarten mom stuff and work and my own hobbies to really even think about it all.

          You have to learn to never expect any better from a cheating asshole. Don’t depend on them. They cheated on you. You couldn’t trust them in your marriage. Why in the hell do you think you can trust them now? Don’t depend on them for money. Any money you get, treat it as a bonus.

          Depend on yourself. You can trust you. It also turns you into one hell of a badass who believes in yourself. Once you reframe all of this from life happening to you to the perspective of YOU happening TO life, then amazing things happen.

          Big hugs!!!

          • Love you Kelli, amazing post.

            And newbie, it sounds like he’s fucked himself anyway, given you lots of cards to work with. Wish mine would play into my hands like that. Stay blessed

          • Love you Kelli, amazing post.

            And newbie, it sounds like he’s fucked himself anyway, given you lots of cards to work with. Wish mine would play into my hands like that. Stay blessed

            • Thank you Kelli! I needed to hear this today. You’re right, I shouldn’t expect anything from him. I’m guess I’m still in shock and can’t seem to comprehend how he can do what he does? I thought I knew this man. He blames me for our marriage failing and has been telling my kids and others I cheated on him. I want to get to MEH so badly but this hurts like hell.

              • Why does he do what he does? He is a shitty person. Why does a person promise to marry someone, then never stop dating? He is a shitty person.

                Why does a person lose custody on a Wednesday and convert his daughters’ room into a room for his girlfriend’s son on Thursday? He’s a shitty person. Why does a man say that he lost custody because of a technicality in his lawyer’s wording of his pleading? He’s a shitty person. And a liar.

                You ask why he blames you and says you’re cheating. He does it because it shifts the blame from him to you. He can’t be wrong. Oh hell no. He is Mr. Sparkles. He’s Mr. Awesome from Awesome Town. He doesn’t make mistakes. No, that girlfriend he has? Well, you made him do it. You were mean, and angry, and you frowned at puppies, and loaded the dishwasher wrong, and put the milk in the door of the refrigerator when he *told* you that is not how to do it. So you drove him to do it. There was no other way. And, besides, you started it. You cheated on him first. That’s his story.

                I caught my ex’s escapades when I went through his phone and saw his text conversations dating back over a year. Not only did I see the many, many (soooo many) women he was screwing, and the sonogram picture of his child (conceived on our youngest’s 2nd birthday), but I also saw the text conversations he had with his mother going back months.

                He sobbed operatically to his mother about how crazy and unhinged I was. His mother was mounting this ludicrous campaign to have me involuntarily committed to a 72 hour psych hold for observation. My ex’s grandmother gave him the money to hire an attorney to start the process to have a court hearing to order the psych hold.

                Luckily, my ex is a special breed of malignant narcissist with addiction issues, and he blew through the lawyer money on drugs and booze. Also, I’m not crazy.

                So, yes, people who cheat, also have the tendency to lie and steal. My advice is not to engage. I referee the same arguments with my two 5 year olds. The conversations go like this:

                Child: Mommy, she called me a [child-like insult]
                Me: Do you think you are a [insult]?
                Child: No
                Me: Well, then who cares what she thinks?

                Newbie, do you think you were a bad wife? Did you cheat? Moreover, your ex is a KNOWN LIAR! So why do you even care what he thinks or says about you? He’s not exactly a credible source. He’s the 5 year old of character expert, here. You took his cake away, so now you’re a stupidhead. You’re going to let that upset you? Be the adult.

                You will always be your children’s mother. He can’t take that away from you. It may look hopeless now, but you will always win out. You’re their mom. You haven’t changed. They know what your heartbeat sounds like from the inside. He can’t compete with that. You got this, girl!

              • Too true Kelli! I can’t quite believe how badass I’ve become in the same timeframe as you. Investing and trusting in myself is such a new approach to life! But my kids, and my daughter in particular, are watching and learning.

              • Kelli–your words are a lifesaver for me today! Just yesterday I engaged with ex after being no contact for a month and I hate myself for it today.

                I confronted him about the lies and crap he is saying about me and it turned into a screaming match with him telling me how awful I was as a wife and still am as a mother. But you are right..look at the source. His credibility is shit. Anyone who truly knows me knows I did not cheat on him.

                I am trying to tell myself that I was a good wife, I was faithful and I did everything I could. Sometimes that’s enough to get me through. Sometimes his words hurt me so bad I can barely function.

                I want to be strong! No..I will be strong! I will do this and supportive people like you and CL who have been through the same shit storm are helping me move forward.

                I beat myself up but one step forward, two steps back I guess. It’s been 7 months since he walked out the door and I’m feeling stronger everyday. Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement!

          • Kelli, and that same POS is probably STUNNED that you had the wherewithal to exist and persist and rebuild after he left you high and dry. The disordered generally want to see the suffering that they cause, and convince themselves that only they can alleviate that pain by tossing the occasional breadcrumb to keep their victims in line. Cutting all that groveling out of the story is hard for them to take. YOU ROCK!

          • Agreed – Kelli, great post, thanks!! That last sentencing about re-framing Life is AWESOME and empowering – thanks for the kick ass reminder.

        • Welcome newbie. We are all here for you. Navigating through the shit storm is not easy believe me we all know. Im four years from d day and over a year divorced. It hurts i still hurt but it does get better i promise you that. I wasnt until i got indifferent about a year in i was able to handle the madness better. Get indifferent, get angry dont show those motherfuckers your soft white underbelly. I straightened my spine, looked that asswipe in the face and said you cant hurt me anymore! And stuck it out for awhile to gain my life and you will too. Find cl “cool, bummer, wow” and apply it it sure helped me. Come back, rant, rave, cry, yell we are all here for you. Big hugs!!

        • I think the hardest thing for me still today is accepting that there is no recourse for violating moral law. I try to remind myself that everyone’s moral laws are different (and well… some that have no moral compass at all).

          I still haven’t reconciled this in my mind, but I will tell you that if I dwell on it, I know I’m letting his actions control my happiness. When I get stuck, I just remind myself that the best revenge is living a good life.

          Your anger is justified, and yes, it’s completely unfair… as it seems like cheaters can do just about whatever they want morally, as long as they aren’t breaking any “laws”. I guess eventually you Just come to accept it, and realize cutting those types of people out of your life is your only recourse.

          • Thank you got-a-brain. This too is my struggle! D-bag and OW homewrecker are happily moving on with their lives with no consequences whatsoever! It kills me. And to make it worse they have the nerve to blame me for the marriage failing. Leave me alone already! Sick to death of D-bag not paying his child support or bills he agreed to pay then lying about me to everyone he sees and not a damn thing happens to him!! I want justice and consequences so bad…

            • Something like 3% of rebound relationships actually work out in the end. So they might be happy now, but I doubt it lasts. My ex was with the last OW he had when I filed for divorce about 9 months or so. They didn’t live together, and one morning when he didn’t answer her calls, she drove over to his house only to find him in bed with another woman.

              Leopards do not change their spots, newbie. He did it to you. He will do it to her. Have you ever considered that they are putting such a happy face on things because they want everyone to think they are so happy, when really they are realizing what a mess everything is? Blended families are very hard. All of the experts recommend time to heal alone after the end of a relationship. Here they are out of the pot and into the fire. Their odds of happiness are slim.

              Talk to your attorney about him not paying child support and bills he has agreed to pay. Start the process of holding him in contempt and garnishing his wages.

              You have dealt consequences to him. He’s having to pay for an attorney, which isn’t cheap. He’s making up lies to tell family and friends about why the marriage ended. People aren’t stupid. If he is living with someone this soon, they know why. He has to live somewhere other than his home with his children. He only sees them during his visitation.

              Talk to your attorney about visitation. In my state, at age 9 the judge begins to factor in the kid’s choice when determining custody. If they do not want to go to their dad’s, then that may help.

              Also, living with a woman he is not married to might help. I live in the deep south, and I can actually have it put in my custody papers that my ex cannot have guests of the opposite sex after 10pm except blood relatives. Mine is not allowed overnight visits, so it doesn’t matter.

              Get smart about what you send to his attorney. When my ex refused to pay bills he was ordered to pay, I faxed copied of receipts to his attorney’s office. 85 pages. 3 times a week. Never in the same order. His attorney billed him for an hour each time I sent a fax. $250. That’s how my ex ended up with $35,000 in attorney bills, and I ended up with sole custody. My attorney was my stepmom.

              But, most importantly, and I say this as kindly as possible, find a way to move past it. The more you think about it, the harder it is to get over. It’s never going to be fair. It’s never going to feel like justice has been served. They never suffer enough for the pain they cause you. They never “get it” about how much they hurt you, no matter how many 18 page letters you write trying to explain. They never apologize and really mean it.

              You have to find peace with knowing that you dodged a bullet. Yes, you married a scumbag, but on the bright side, you are no longer married to a scumbag. Meh comes when you start planning your life after divorce. You have been given a blank canvas. You can do whatever you want with it. That’s the best part of all of this!

            • And don’t feel bad about breaking no contact. It happens. We all make mistakes. Just know to do better next time. A few weeks ago, Uncle Dad texted me saying he was going to hold me in contempt if I didn’t let him see his daughters. I held it together fairly well. I said he wouldn’t be able to do anything until he paid his attorney.

              I have found that complete and utter disdain works exceptionally well with disordered wingnuts if your goal is to get them to leave you alone. Not anger. Disdain. There is a difference.

              Two strategies you might try that worked for me:

              First, I saved him in my phone contact as Idiotic Twat. That way when I saw the name, I laughed and didn’t get mad. I was ready for whatever lame crap I knew he was about to pull. It was always a scheme, and I was ready.

              Second, for about a year and a half, I decided that I was only going to communicate with him via text and with emojis. This was advice from a friend of mine. She said it helped her while waiting for court. Thumbs up for yes, thumbs down for no. It keeps things short and sweet. You can’t get too wordy and therefore get yourself in trouble by saying too much. You can’t cuss someone out with an emoji. Also, it subtly communicates that they aren’t even worth typing words. Just pictures. Oh, it made him so mad, too. So, that was fun.

              • Again Kelli, your advice is priceless! I have sole physical custody of my kids which is a blessing.

                Just contacted my attorney to get contempt process started. I was going to wait a while and give him a chance to make things right but after reading your comments I’ve decided to go for it now.

                I have to stand up to him. I have to be strong. Thank you! You’ll never know how much you’ve helped me today! Hugs Kelli and Chump Nation!

              • Kelli- You are kicking ass and taking names, a bon fide inspirational Rock Star. I don’t know you, but I am so proud of you.

            • My ex called cheating “getting support,” as in, “But I needed support because you were being so mean to me by questioning where I was and who I was texting after midnight while not in bed with you.” She walked away and it looks like she’s having a great life on the outside, but she’s a mess on the inside. Sure, I get sad sometimes when I think about what my life was supposed to be like at this age, and I still get angry when she takes the kids out for an expensive dinner that I can’t afford (because she needs to blackmail them into watching our dog that she took away when she goes on trips with her gf), but I no longer feel anxious, because I am not being constantly screwed over, lied to, and rejected. I am no longer an emotional hostage. I have my LIFE back.

          • Hi Got-A-Brain — you say there is no recourse for violating moral law? Here is what I have done:

            — inform the church’s administrative board
            — tell the police what he looks like and his car make/model/color for picking up prostitutes — I was told “We’ll eventually bust him, he will get caught.”
            — arrested for domestic violence
            — listed affair partners for depositions
            — made use of free therapy for abuse survivors
            — warned neighbors of his “peeping tom” habit

            So, there may be no recourse, there may be, but wherever I could, I pressed told and asked for help: quietly and with dignity.

          • I am so glad I live in an “at fault” state for divorce. I ended up getting everything–all my retirement, the house, and everything in it. I hate that so many states don’t recognize infidelity as “fault” in a divorce. It’s so screwed up that they can blow up a family and still walk away with 1/2.

            • Yah LisaLisa, when this is done, I’m going to see what I can do to change the laws in my state.

            • I think no fault contributes to divorce rates. My STBX knew that she would get 50% including my military retirement. That is what she is bringing as her financial contribution to their relationship. Without that money I don’t know if the OM would have been willing to move from Nevada to FL and buy or support the cow. They had planned and knew exactally what she would bring before I found out everything

              • Lonely Guy,
                Check on that part about your X getting half of your retirement. I was told by my lawyer that my soon-to-be-X can be kept from having any of my pension and 401K!

                I feel for you and understand where you are…heartbreaking.

                Stay strong!

          • I DO totally agree that living well is the best revenge, especially in the wake of a cheater, because it just guts them to see that you’re fine without them (it reminds them that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them) BUT…every so often I like to imagine that we all relocate to Saudi Arabia, where there is still a very physical and brutal punishment for adultery. I’d be happy to offer all my fellow chumps first pick of which huge, jagged rock they’d like to throw at my cheater! Oh, and aim for his junk initially, let’s not put him out of his misery too quickly eh? Heehee ?

        • Newbi, I will echo Kelli. When I decided there was nothing left to work with and asked myself what I needed for once(!) I decided to try no contact and looked at it as: x fired me as his wife– threw me and our 4 kids away — 25 years- like we were meaningless trash– he lost the RIGHT to have any contact with me! No more access to my phone, texts, voice, friendship, my eyes, my smile, my joy for life, my mind, my friendship, my support. I control myself and I refuse to share any of me with someone who held such contempt and disrespect for me.
          Buh-bye douche bag!

          My life is so great now! I won 70% of all assets,full custody…all our real estate and cash. I have an awesome sexy boyfriend who adores me and wants me and respects me and shows he does through his actions these past 18 months!

          Meh is almost here!

          • Motherchumper, you ARE right there. Look up at the signpost. Nothing more for the turd who fucked you over, a good life for you. Maybe you need to cross the intersection or go over that footbridge, but you are right there.

          • Thanks for the encouragement motherchumper and good for you!!! 20 years and 3 kids for me. I hope I can get there too! MEH here we come!

        • I think it’s so interesting that the court will say if you speak ill of your ex the kids take that on and you’re speaking ill of them. But by the same token, if the cheater cheated on you it has nothing to do with the kids. He didn’t cheat on the kids and discard his family he only discarded you and it’s just between you and him and has nothing to do with the kids! Such bullshit !

          • Agree 100%, total bullshit! When a cheater cheats and leaves it has a huge impact on the kids not just the chump! Which is why CL is right when she says kids need to know be told the truth. They were chumped as well!

            • I completely agree, especially if the cheater moves in with their AP and the kids have to go back and forth between homes… That is a mega shit sandwich for the kid and the chump… Ask me how I know…

      • I say spread the word (marriage is trap) for some! Educate girls in highschool about relationships, babies and the prospect of the legal system destroying their lives based on these choices! Tell them America is no longer a family orientated society! Tell them to realize the mistress is out there ! She may already be in your home, at spouses job, reviewing your finances and planning her attack on your children! These women are truly sad sausages with extremely low self worth but our society glamorizes them! America is society without god!

        • Hate to break it to you Gail, but there are quite a few of us on here who are atheists. If belief in God is all that keeps someone moral, that person scares the shit out of me.

          • +1 This has nothing to do with god. My cheating XW Narc and her AP/New Husband drag my kids to church every Wednesday and Sunday. Doesn’t seem to have made much of a dent in their immorality. Just made them more sanctimonious in their selfish entitlement.

            • +2

              X and Skanky go to mass together every Sunday. Why the holy communion wafers haven’t burned holes in their ugly faces is a real mystery.

              • Yeah. STBX takes communion every Sunday, still. His ho-worker whore went to Catholic school and started affair with my STBX while she too was still married. Divorced now, and her kid goes to some private Catholic school. I’m sure her whoring, home wrecking ass is dutifully falling in line to receive communion same as my clueless STBX. Assholes, the both.

          • +4

            Belief in God or participating in a religion is not necessary to live a life of high integrity centered around core moral prunciples of human decency.

          • I’m Catholic though more spiritual then religious, I totally agree with you Chumptitude….do the right thing because that’s what your sole should tell you not a “bible” or any any religious reason………PERIOD….everyone should believe as they choose but stop putting God into everything……..please these pieces of shit should do the right thing because in there heart that’s what they want to do….

        • Agree with WhichWay. There are a lot of ways to learn right from wrong and other tenets of morality. Places of Worship are but one choice. It’s about setting the compass correctly, not who set it.

        • Gail, Most definitely.., girls need to learn to put themselves first, document everything even when the marriage is seemingly going well.
          Trust your instincts.

          Should be a required class for all high school girls.

        • This comment is exclusively for Gail…if that’s okay?
          Gail, are you new here? As you can clearly see…the slightest mention of God here will only result in many comments against Him and most are designed to make you feel kinda stupid for even connecting the dots…even though what you said is crystal clear for some. Notice that no one would dare to step up and defend your right to express your simple observation…but those who believe opposite can feel comfortable here expressing theirs? ONE sentence has resulted in seven comments saying that the continued disposing of moral principles declared by God is NOT really the root of our societal problems. Okay, I’ll bite…then WHAT IS? Not having the right kind of education in High School? FOO issues? Poverty? Stricter rules or better upbringing? Gallows?

          So, my recommendation is to go to Divorce Ministers site if you want to expound on the God connection. Here, well you can clearly see what happens by looking at all the people who could not just gracefully ignore your simple observation about a Godless society… basically saying that we don’t need a God or that there isn’t one or we can make up our own principles depending on the results we want outside of His. (Ever wonder where the idea of “adultery” came from? Or liar…or thief…or coveting…or lust…or betrayal…or treason…or extortion?) Everyone here is suffering the effects of those very Biblical violations. Ever wonder how an unbeliever gets ANY idea of what is clearly right vs wrong? Just by the way it “feels”? The newest edition of Cosmopolitan maybe? Our ever changing “laws”? I mock because I know that how we “feel” is no indication of right or wrong…our cheaters would then be justified regardless of the destruction they caused…you know…because how they feel MUST be right, and so by what/who’s moral principle should they be compelled to stop? Our Laws now days actually defend their right to do the worst of wrongs. It was not always this way.

          If any of us DARE to say “God”…watch what happens…joining the Fuck thread is deemed to be a better choice for getting better results. Get it?
          This is a place where you can vent in the most vile terms as long as you do not bring up His name. You can even get some good advice about steps to protect yourself going forward…practical things that you might not have even thought about. BUT, God is where you can get ACTUAL long term results for whatever is ailing you…if you can learn to lean on Him and trust Him regardless of going through this fire. He is near to the brokenhearted. He will guide your future. Many had the mind bending experience of having a “Jesus Cheaters” (I had one)…but you and I know that they were eventually exposed as being wolves in sheep clothing…they were influenced by demon spirits wearing religious masks…they love the pleasures of Darkness rather than the goodness of light. They. Did. Not. KNOW. Him. Those who cling to God and put their hope in Him will come to know that.

          Blessings and His Strength to you Gail,
          Sweetz

      • There doesn’t seem to be consequences for their behavior. It makes me wonder why anyone bothers reciting marital vows, planning a wedding, inviting friends and family who take tine to attend the wedding some traveling long distance for that matter why or go through the trouble of getting a marriage license if you’re not going to take them seriously.
        X lied so much about everything, he didn’t hesitate to continue to lie in court, after being sworn in to tell the truth, after his statements that I’m a pathological liar and an alcoholic, in front of the judge X calmly turned to me and called me a pathological liar…
        I was under the assumption that as long as I was honest there wouldn’t be anything to be concerned about. I was wrong, I didn’t realize I was married to a disturbed individual who without a doubt is a sociopath.

      • It is a perverted society, ain’t it? In mass media adultery is all present and glorified, it changes consumer’s perception of what is right and what is wrong. Isn’t it so that the no-fault divorce filings are made to specifically protect cheaters and degenerate people?
        It’s very disgusting, but we let down the bars on this in 1960’s and earlier than that even. If the stigma was still on adultery the way it should be, things wouldn’t be as bleak as they are right now.

  • Cheater’s words:

    Main Whore/AP: Split-soul that once reunited with the cheater’s split part is there forever.

    Other occasional whores: “just for fun”, different personalities that needed to be explored on the most inner level.

    Cheating=curiosity that i can’t understand with my boring preferences.

      • SO BOORING, yes, and such an outdated concept, why couldn’t i be progressive like him and his 4 times married whore who still managed to rack up at least 3 other broken marriages under her belt AND be polyamory when it suited her so that’s where hub got it from. He didn’t cheat, he just “TOOK ANOTHER LIFE PATH”.
        Right.
        Asshole, I took a life path too, right to the divorce attny’s office. HELLO consequences!

    • Also, I remember the term whorecrux from a CL post – the concept of how they split themselves (I’m reluctant to say soul) among their many whores, compartmentalizing.

  • I’m kinda embarrassed to say this but I used to refer to the ex as “Pencil Dick” or “Spaghetti Legs” – behind his back of course – no point looking for another beating. Then there was his “when we decided to separate” which in actual fact meant “six weeks after I moved in with the skank and stopped coming home completely, even introduced our kids to the skank, and then brought them with me as “bodyguards” to tell you I was going to divorce you and to expect the papers”. Which was strange really because I ended up filing as I guess it was “too much work for him”.

    • Forgot that one! the MISTAKE.

      18+yrs of mistaking rando’s, ho workers, aff’s, ‘massage’ people, xgfs , MOWs for me, the chump.

      It was a MISTAKE when I told you I was meeting a client when I was actually meeting the MOW at the Hyatt on lake-cook. Man it was a mistake she was on a plane from LAX, landed at ORD and ended up at a hotel 5 miles from our home!

      ( one of the many MISTAKES by asshat)

      • AN,

        “Mistake” love this! Yes mine said he made a “big mistake” yeah like forgetting to take out the trash or something.

        Cheers to you AN!

      • Recognize your references: Lake-Cook and ORD. Is it just me or is Illinois crammed FULL of cheaters and hos??? Especially Northern Illinois?!! The “Hub City” west of DeKalb is literally crawling with them. Ugh!

    • Wow, my ex also put on her Facebook that “we decided to separate”!

      No, we didn’t decide, you decided to have a boyfriend! I didn’t have any part of that decision, did I? That’s what she should have put on her Facebook. But as I have found out, honesty is not her strong suit.

    • I call mine Asswipe. I keep an excel sheet of what he owes each month for the kids’ expenses (I nailed his dumbass financially). I have the total labeled AW TOTAL. I cut and paste the info into an email each month. I usually delete the AW, but not always! Would love for him to ask me what it stands for. I wouldn’t tell him. Keep him wondering. Makes me smile. ?

  • One Mistaker: I only made one mistake, her favorite saying, even though she did it over and over again for three months, with two different guys.

    • Selections from the Kunty Kibbler “All About Me” Urban Dictionary:

      mean
      (adjective) calling me out on my own behavior, to the point where I become uncomfortable
      “Why do you have to be so mean by bringing that I fucked a guy in our bed?”

      move forward
      (verb) completely erase any memory of my cheating from your mind, so that I can self-manage my image
      “Why can’t you just find a way to move forward instead of dwelling on the past?”

      healthy
      (adjective) blissfully devoid of all memory of my cheating and mindfucking
      “You may not believe this, but all I want is for you to be healthy.”

      your children
      (noun) the appliances I use to force my chump to break No Contact/Grey Rock
      “It’s too bad you can’t interact with me for the sake of your children.”

      The person I was always meant to be
      (noun) the qualities and behaviors I am exhibiting at this moment, as determined by the person from whom I am trying to extract kibbles
      “When I’m with you, I feel like I’m finally able to be the person I was always meant to be.”

      ———————–

      Cast of Characters

      The Kunty Kibbler = my cheater

      The Tuftsy Builder = AP #1
      The Bass-playing Druggie Slap Machine (BDSM) = AP #2
      The Stockinged Fryer = live-in bisexual girlfriend of BDSM
      The Frat Boy = AP #3
      The Tattoed Gymdad = AP #4
      The Country Lifter = AP #5
      The Carrot Singer = AP #6
      The Creepy Writer (aka Knight of the Purple Dildo) = post-filing polyamorous fuckbuddy #1, and current main squeeze
      The Bearded Chef = post-filing polyamorous fuckbuddy #2
      The Harvard Garven = post-filing polyamorous fuckbuddy #3
      And the Rest (all of those I don’t know about)

      • “And the rest …” brought to mind the original Gilligan’s Island theme song. I am sorry you know of them well enough to provide such descriptive names. KK is such a POS. I hate her.

      • UX,

        How I would love,to find the “carrot singer” on YouTube!

        As for Creepy Writer, once you mentioned he was in the audience for one of your performances.

        What was up with that? I’m curious as to how that situation came about that he attended your performance.

          • @skinwalker — and I’d love to direct people to that video, but that’s risky as you may well imagine. Especially since he appears with his wife (whom I suspect is divorcing him now); I’d rather not risk public comments directed at either one of them if she is indeed getting away from him.

            As for the Creepy Writer (and I should have made is alias “Rider of the Purple Dildo” instead) — he miraculously started taking up story telling last summer, 5 months after I started doing it. (On his website he now calls himself “Author and Storyteller.) There a local competitions monthly, so there’s nothing to keep us from running into each other at them if we’re both intent on doing this as a hobby.

            I can’t vouch for Creepy Writer Wife being a chump — KK was telling anyone who would listen that, despite having two children together, had ‘mutually decided they no longer wanted to be married, but couldn’t afford to get divorced” (though in the latest GAL paperwork, KK testifies that he is now in the process). Given what type of life KK presented as wanting to have, I suppose it’s possible that CW and wife have some type of open marriage understanding and that she’s aware of who KK is (and, because she’s seen me at these telling events, who I am). It’s taken every bit of my strength to keep from walking over, introducing myself and asking her, “WTF? Do you know what’s going on?”

            • Yeah I know you can’t give that information and if I did happen to find it, I would not disclose the location of it on the web either.

              Sucks that Creepy Writer decided to take up that hobby too! Bleechhhhh!

      • Laughing so hard right now, UX. You take the KK horror show and make it…funny, in a tragic sort of way.

        • @LovedAJackass — it’s like some sort of mondo, perverted Canterbury Tales, isn’t it?

          (Uh-oh — I see a parody on the horizon…)

          • I’m mean. TheLimited always gets to implant something to devalue.

            Just to clear that up, he lives with a crazy woman.

            Cheated 18 times that I know of; hell when I’m mean it will be a knock out blow.

            Just saying.

      • My authentic self = the asshole that I have always been, but am now demonstrating to you in such a way that no amount of spackling can excuse, so you are forced to divorce me. Such as calling from Burning Man with a demand that we open our marriage so he can explore his newfound interest in kink (S&M). “The price of becoming my authentic self is a high one, but it’s worth it to me at any price.”

        • Yes!! Same as the cheaters guiltingbthe chump for not loving them ‘unconditionally’

          My new answer for that – “would you choose a cheating lying coward as the one person you promise to cherish and love as your spouse? Would you choose Maddoff as your CPA and the person managing your 401k money? Yeah, me neither.”

          Trust the cheaters suck…

        • Calling from Burning Man for permission to do something you might not approve of? Something there sounds off to me.

      • Dear GOD.

        She must have been exhausting to be with. She’s such a fucking vampire. Never satisfied, never happy, always chasing, running running running after something that isn’t and never was and never will be.

  • CN employs a wealth of creative terminology! I like to call his present arrangement Affairytale. As long as I can call him gone!

    • Tempted.

      Wtf. Chocolate is a temptation, not a fat ass loser at a bar. Magical powers of the prolapse and the unfettered drive of a powerful penis.

  • My terms are pretty grotesque … cheaters are too.

    * the illicit enema aka true love xhamster reenactments
    * alternative clean aka Petri dish of festering diseases to give these gifts to the unsuspecting
    * parental enhancement aka cheating makes me a better parent
    * progressive relationship building aka cheating improves ME! ME! ME!
    * “my needs” aka all about ME syndrome
    * Disney dad/ Disney mom aka parent who is there for FUN! No real parenting with the unglorified daily living with kids
    * he or she ‘gets’ me aka found someone who is as devoid of character and morals as myself while being attached to a Chumpy SO
    * my spouse/so is frigid, repressed aka got busted wanking to nubile creepy porn; desperately seeking reenactment partner

    That’s all I have for now.

  • I call my X , Rainman, because all he brings to the table is tears. I call the OW , Storytail, because she writes shitty books and is his current piece of tail.

  • Ex is refered to by me as Prince Charming and his partner Cinderella. She needed him to rescue her from a life of drudgery and be her sugar daddy.

  • I refer to my cheater as df, aka dickface. Even my attorney refers to him as df in conversations and when in court with him.

    • I refer to mine as “TF” – trannyfucker. (One of the dozens of people he screwed!) also “PM” -Public Masturbator. Now that I am in the state of MEH, he’s referred to as Keyser Soze (Kevin Spaceys character from “the usual suspects” ) because his con was/is so jaw dropping, it had his family, some friends (some knew who he was and sat idly by) his employer, and my friends and family blown away once he was exposed.

      • Keyser Söze, perfect. The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing people he didn’t exist.
        If that doesn’t nail it, I don’t know what does.

        • I’m totally borrowing the “affairytale”. It’s spot ON and describes “the dream”! Love love love it!!!!

  • I have moved on: As if our 20 year marriage, 2 kids, and me pregnant was just something that didn’t work out. You know, kind of like when you decide to leave a little of dinner on your plate to move onto dessert.

    • Ouch.

      ‘we grew apart’ ‘ we wanted different things’ ‘ we turned into roommates’

      WE statements. Any kind of WE statement coming out of he mouths of liars. (I like to shut that shit down because all the ‘WE’ crap was done without the knowledge of the Chump so it cannot be a WE decision or action.)

      • He sent me a “We vs I” video recently as he was accusing me of my focus on “I” – my huge ego that could not take this shit anymore. The funny part was that in 12 years together he never used “we” but it was always you vs me. He was always able to come up with reasons on why we didn’t have to have joint bank accounts, why we couldn’t travel together, why “we” was such a killer of his spirits and “I” was just so original. Why would the “I”-guy want to suddenly switch to “we”-guy and start preaching how he wants a drama free life and how he is so focused on our kid’s well-being and I am just focused on my own ego and needs. Mindfuck of epic proportions.

        I am still a “we” person. Only not with him anymore. My son and I together is a “we”. You rot in “I-shit”, cheater. Ariverderci!

      • “We grew apart,” my personal favorite, = “I tried to fuck any attractive woman under 30, and it affected how I treated my wife.”

      • Yep. Just ran down this conversation last night. Informed my fucker that “we” will be looking at extravagant legal fees if he keeps up that bullshit. HE made a unilateral decision to cheat and discard; alternative options were always available at any given time, but HE made a CHOICE and that choice was to go the dishonest and dishonorable route. That’s not my style, and, no “we” in that.

    • My ex used, “I’ve checked out of this relationship,” to me. My reply, “Marriage isn’t a hotel that you check into and out of at your convenience.” She didn’t respond.

      Hugs.
      aeronaut

      • If it were a hotel, mine would have had a revolving door for sure. All kinds of people checking in and out! Maybe there was some kind of group discount rate?

  • We deposed my cheater during divorce proceedings & my lawyer nicknamed him:
    Sweaty McSweaterson. He said he’d never seen someone busted in so many lies he practically drowned in his own sweat. I guess this makes his OW Sweates McSweaterson!

    • Clemmy this makes me laugh every time you write it. It’s up there with “Narkles the Clown and the Flying Whore” as the All-time best in my book.

      • Oh, and the episodes of “Clementine sees right through Jagaloon McGee”… I love that you so have him pegged!

        • I never thought my life would be a telenovela… but now that it is, I might as well come up with creative titles for each episode of the crazy buffet. Sigh!

          • I often refer to my life as a made for TV movie, but now that you mention it Telenovela is a better comparison. Made for TV movies have a beginning, middle and eventually end in a reasonable amount of time.
            My life is an endless drama, I never know what to expect.
            I’ll think there’s nothing more he can do to disrupt my life he does.
            It’s truly unbelievable the crap he comes up with..

  • Because mine’s a serial cheater to the nth degree, I call him/them Fuckwit and the Cum Dumpsters.

    He’s a gangster gaslighter, too.

  • My ex is simply Chuckles because he’s never made me laugh except by accident. The ex friend OW is Slaggy-Anne Whoreson as if you change a couple of letters. You have her real name. What can I say it was a gift. I do call her Slaggy for short.

  • My ex once told a friend after D-day that he sees himself as a gladiator, always suited up and ready to go into glorious battle as the center of attention. If he said it once, one might write it off as an annoyingly hyperbolic metaphor. But he repeated this ridiculous self-aggrandizing shit like 20 times. I like to pair this with one of my son’s favorite cartoon characters, Lightning McQueen, a pompous, narcissistic race car.

    So my ex has earned the nickname Gladiator McQueef.

      • Something that causes major pain until it’s gone, then your life is better without it and you can’t figure out what it ever did for you in the first place? I like it better!

  • I use “the ex” and “the skeevy ex” (not “my” because he isn’t “my” anything) along with “that guy I accidentally married”.

    Others:

    – He has a fidelity problem. I do not. Therefore, we weren’t compatible.

    – He prefers children. I prefer well-adjusted adults. (His third wife was 16, no lie. He was in his 30’s. I was the first wife.)

    – I was several years too old for him when he met me. (We were 19.)

    They aren’t particularly funny, I know. These days, I prefer not to speak of it all in too charged a way when I discuss it aloud. I like meh, and I strive to mostly stay there.

    • As for the AP’s, I call them the “cast of thousands” and “one of the many” because there were SOOOOOO many.

        • Fucktard fancied himself a musician, at least as much as a delusional tone-deaf manchild who couldn’t follow a beat could, so he had “groupies.”

          • Man, the imagined musicians are always the worst. The level of insanity I listened to daily made only worse by his new girlfriend and soulmate the other musician who couldn’t play an instrument. Not even the triangle or xylophone- which my kids mastered in third grade.
            Now they song off key in awful pitchy screeches while strumming ukuleles on you tube. Yay!

            • Gosh, did we share the same Durtbag and his slut puppet? Funny thing is neither has a day job, and now they are having a baby. Poor satan’s spawn…..guess slut puppet will have to go back to her waitressing profession to help support Life at disfunction junction. Hahaha. Karma…..

            • But her real musical talent is playing the skin flute. Ha ha ha…

              So happy to be free from Turd McTurdson and Skank! Flushed my toilet, took out the trash and life looks and smells a whole lot better.

            • Oh lord, don’t get me started on ukuleles! They seem to give even the most talentless of narcissists the opportunity to regale the world with their imaginary musical virtuosity. X happens to be a good musician, but it wasn’t until he started playing the uke that he went from playing at home by himself to creating a youtube channel and playing gigs in a Hawaiian shirt.

              • Fucktard “played” piano and guitar, both horrifically. To the point that I bought a metronome to assist his timing and even recorded his “art” so maybe he could objectively evaluate it. Nope, it all sounded like chart-toppers to him. He had this fantasy of playing coffee houses, but was laughed offstage when he tried that at the university where he did his research. That was widely reported, though I was not there. He said he would be too nervous, but now I’d bet $100 he had another potential victim in the audience and could not allow his universes to collide.

          • Oh my God, pencil dick used to fancy himself a singer/songwriter à la John Denver. At the beginning he actually wrote songs for me which were SO TERRIBLE I was wiping tears (of laughter) from my eyes, but which the narc took to be tears of emotion. Fast forward 20 years and drunk pencil dick used to sing (repeatedly) the first five or six bars of a few tunes then forget the rest. And of course, the more he drank the worse the sound of someone torturing a cat came through. Recently my neighbour commented how they had wanted to call the cops when he sat outside at 3 am screeching but never did for my sake. Ha ha, I knew I wasn’t mad.

    • Amiisfree,

      Sounds like the ex is working towards that magical ‘half my age’ barrier. Once he turns 36 (or 34 in some states) it will even be legal. Or do you think he might shoot for the stars and go for one third his age.

      You have my sympathies. At least when he was with you, you two were close in age.

      Hugs. Strength. Peace.

      • He typically marries a woman around his age. The super young wife was a one-off. I think he’s on marriage 5 or 6 now. The APs are often, but not always, young and pangender. He is easy to follow online. I look in every so often to see if he is coming back to this area. So far, he has not, and I could not be happier. I don’t feel sad about losing him anymore. It’s the best thing that ever happened. I most feel sad for the destroyed people he leaves in his wake.

        Thanks for the support, and right backatchya!

  • I learned the term Schmoopie to refer to the OW on this site. I like it. It implies a certain contempt and lack of respect for the AP without being vulgar. Not that there is anything wrong with vulgar and the APs certainly are vulgar, it just isn’t my style.

  • The PI I hired said cheater ex looked like Saddam crawling out of his hole, called him that for a while. The OW is pathetic, complete loser. I was reading yesterday’s post today and noticed the OW called her married cheater ‘soul mate’. So did the loser call exasshole. Soul-less mate?

  • It’s not politically correct to disparage the “wayward” and the “soulmate other”. To call them Cheaters…..Douche…Manwhore…..Whore…..Slut…..etc… is insensitive.

    The acceptable response is to romanticise the sensitive wayward and their soulmate and propel their victimhood. Everyone knows they wouldn’t “wander” if their spouse fulfilled their needs and to also recognise that their “lover….lovers” are performing an act of sheer goodness and are martyrs.

    Waywards and the Others need a safe space…they should not be ridiculed….they should be respected and not called names.

    If they hurt you, it’s not their fault….they are Wayward snowflakes and Other snowflakes. To call them cheaters and bad names is a sign of discrimination. it’s not them who need to change but those who judge them that are the problem.

    Barf……

    Lolololol…..Namaste Y’all

    • Hey and it’s also “so complicated!”.

      And “you would not understand anyway because you are too focused on yourself!”

      And “it’s easy to blame others but try to face yourself and be courageous enough to combat your insecurities!”

      And “open-mindedness and courage have always been a sin. People don’t understand different-thinking grandious personalities.”

    • After all PF they are sensitive and lets be frank, they wouldn’t be cheating if it wasn’t for our lack of understanding. If only we had been more intuitive to their feelings,

    • The romanticising is the absolute pits. I had a (former) friend tell me that it was so terribly sad to love two people at once in our society. Implying that I was obviously the barrier to some fantastic, windswept, epic love story. This despite my ex telling her outright that he never loved the OW and that he told the OW he didn’t love her. That he had fucked up when he had some life stressors and that he didn’t even LIKE the OW. This ‘friend’ decided that we never had a (nearly 30 year) love story, that I was shit in bed, and that OW was all that. And again, the ex told her the opposite. That we had amazing, exciting, connected and fulfilling sex. And that the OW was inert in bed. The romantic storyline was just too good for her to ignore. She is a (former?) cheater. First marriage was only a couple of years old when she had a affair with a client. Big surprise what viewpoint she took and spread around town like wildfire. And most of those idiots bought it. I think I might live in Switzerland? ?

  • Just Friends

    A relationship that has two layers: 1) the outer one for the casual acquaintance you “run into” what seems like all the time, just in case someone saw the two of you in public together and someone mentions it to your spouse and 2) the inner one for “running into” each other’s faces and genitals, groping, fingering, and breathless yearnings to be getting oral (in the back/distribution side of the parking lot where you “ran into” each other) all.the.time. IF ONLY they didn’t love their family so much, they could be together and finger each other incessantly! BUT- they can’t- so they’re Just Friends instead

    • Again, insisitonhonesty, thanks for sharing, a touching story of dear friends who valued and loved their families with all their heart, so much they were willing to fornicate in the back seat of an automobile, in the parking lot where they worked and risked the humiliation of being discovered. They were wiling to risk all that and endure the struggle in the name of friendship and more importantly to save their families, the families they love with every fiber of their being.
      Imagine the stress, these two have had to suffer, the cold leather seats sticking to their bare behinds in order to maintain their friendship
      There’s a song by Elton John, called Friends, the first line goes like this..
      Making friends for the world to see, let the people know you got what you need..,
      Could be their song..
      I think their friendship story has ruined the song for me now, I won’t be able to listen to it ever again without thinking about their bare behinds and bobbing heads.

  • I don’t talk about him much. In my phone I changed his real name into ‘Serial Cheater’. So every time he sends a Whatsapp (mostly in the family-whatsappgroup) I smile 🙂

  • My ex: Reason for divorce, I was too controlling meaning I wouldn’t let him respond to Craig’s Lust ads and meet couples/men/women

    I call the OW the dog walker. Ex still refuses to admit she’s going to be his wife. He claims that his dog walker signed for court papers when he was deployed for a year. OWs name was the one that signed.

  • In My Boat: In real life, I refer to other chumps I meet as being “in my boat”. We have a common/shared experience and they get it unlike those who do love us and support us…but they just aren’t in the boat. And let me tell you, that “boat” is a damn cruiseliner!!! What the hell!!!

    Everything that Happened: empasses all that occurred prior to DDay (the suspicions and research), DDay itself (the confrontation) and all the events that occurred directly after DDay. The surviving, the grief, the hurtful words, lies, life changing decisions to make alone, changing banks and direct deposits, realizing who the OW was……all that crap!!

    Dick Chop: a chump friend calls his STBXW’s OM “dick chop”. Clever and funny…and he’s not even on CL!!!

    Rage: The way others refer to MY anger about being cheated on. Apparently, my demeanor changes when I talk about the ex and it takes me a while to adjust back to “normal”. However, my rage is laser focused kind in that it is held for the ex and his Whore solely.

  • So many names for the ex: he who shall not be named (harry potter reference), man child, I often say I have 2.5 little boys – .5 ? people ask – that’s their father, the ex. Also like to call him synthetic things like Splenda or Velveeta. He thinks very highly of his mma skills and would constantly tell the AP how he was “going to go pro” (big lie) so I refer to him and Schmuck Lidel (play on Chuck Lidel) or ninkampoop ninja.

    And for the lucky lady/ladies of his ego feeding them… they don’t have individual names. I just refer to them all as “the sluts” because his oh so empathetic reasoning for everything was, “he just wanted to fuck someone like a slut”. Oh how the skies opened that day. Such a gift. Such a shallow pool he exists in. Happy to be out of that piss water pool.

    Oh and my EX inlaws – the absolute best part of the divorce – his parents famous line was “not my problem” soooo my standard response anytime he wants me to do something for them – they’re not my problem and I have no legal obligation to them. They’re also listed in my phone as not my problem.

    • MMo2, I LOVE “not my problem” for the out-laws. My ex MIL is an evil bitch and like you, never having to deal with her again was the absolute best part of the divorce. I’m not sure if she is still in my phone but if she is, I’m changing her listing to “not my problem”. That is brilliant!!

  • Carpooling

    When a female co-worker you’re Just Friends with is nervous about driving because some sort of precipitation is happening, those Just Friends may begin Carpooling. How would she ever get to work without such an excellent driver? Shortly after beginning Carpooling, your employer may begin having more pre-opening meetings and “the entire staff” may begin having team-building events in the evenings. Spouses aren’t allowed because the owner is cheap. Spouses also may not pay their own way because… team-building. Spouses are not part of the team.

    Carpooling is also excellent for Just Friends because there’s a reasonable excuse to be seen together in public for extended periods of time. (ie “Sarah saw us at Pier 1 because we were killing time between closing and the start of the dinner.”)

    Carpooling is always justified, even when no weathers are happening at all. It’s so GREEN. And what kind of monster doesn’t want their spouse to be GREEN? A selfish one.

    • Ugghhh, I felt all kinds of gross reading this. It was very well-written, and captured WAY TOO MUCH of the grim reality us chumps face. We beg to go to stupid (imaginary) office events but aren’t allowed? I got no time for that bullshit anymore. Glad you’re insisting on honesty now! #TeamTruth

    • Absolutely spot on, Insistonhonesty! I too heard all about numerous “team events” that the employer jealously guarded from outsiders like spouses because they were all about team building. Out of state training, with hotel room paid for–off limits to spouses, because team building was so crucial. After work drinks in bars–only for members of the team. But wait, whoops! That time (or two) that he accidentally mentioned talking to a coworker’s spouse, who was in attendance. Well, THAT person just invited themselves and the coworkers were all too polite to run them off. I marvel at my former ability to believe bullshit. Decades of lying and gaslighting affect your perception.

    • Neighborly

      When am attractive blonde neighbor shows up at other neighbors barbecue, follows X to the bathroom corners him and grabs his behind..
      Same neighbors dogs suddenly become escape artists. Guess who volunteers to help her find them>
      My good samaritan X.., if she wasn’t attractive he wouldn’t have helped her find her dogs.
      Unfortunately I trusted X and never questioned the length of time it took for them to get her dogs back.

      I shouldn’t have to be concerned about my X screwing around with our neighbor. I know if anyone were to grab my ass what I would say.., nothing complex, how about stop, I’m married?
      X is quite capable of using his words, he didn’t want to use his words he wanted to see how much further it would go.

  • Him

    Asswipe
    Man whore
    Puto
    Master of bondage

    Her
    Whore juice
    Hoovering fat buzzard
    Stupid whore

    His women
    The harum
    Slut puppets
    The sex slaves

    All of them
    Pods!

  • My ex is the Edgar Suit (the alien cockroach wearing a human skin in Men in Black) or the Fucktard.

    There wasn’t an OW per se just a long line of strippers or hookers or strippers who fuck for money so I never bothered with a nickname for them.

    “I was increasingly unhappy in the marriage” was code for “I’m fucking sex trade randoms every chance I get and then having unprotected sex with you but I’m entitled to because I’m entitled”

    • I am in awe of you for coming up with “The Edgar Suit”! That’s one of my favorite all time movie scenes, and my husband uses to do a spot-on impression of “Egga” wanting “suuugrrr!” It also fits so perfectly for a cheating situation, wherein the person we thought we knew becomes someone else entirely. Brava! And, best wishes for a stupendously happy life!

  • I’ve been coming up with new names for all of them since day 1. I rotate them around as her name in my phone contact list every so often.

    Her =
    Adulteressa the Wonder Cheater Superheroine (or sometimes just “Adulteressa”)
    Hester Prynne
    Cheaterpants
    ..and my personal favorite:
    Princess Sluterella

    OM #3 (the one she left me for) =
    Pillsbury Doughboy (he looks like a photoshop composite of me + the Pillsbury Doughboy; so, he’s like me, only uglier, shorter, fatter, more bald, and with an unkempt goatee)
    Prince Cheating
    The POSOM (Piece of s*** other man)

    OM #1 =
    Gramps (he was old enough to be her grandfather, eww!)
    P*rnstache (he had that 70’s mustache from certain movies)

    I have to add one from someone else. At the same time that my wife left me for the Pillsbury Doughboy, the babysitter’s dad (who works for a church, no less) left her mom for this ugly chick from Rumania.
    She and her brother call the other woman “Slutsylvania.”

    • …TravelingTheWorld…lying cheating coward is a grandpa and a ’70’s mustache…

      …and he ‘dates’ girls 1/3 his age…

      …hummmm…

      he’s also a cliche in many other ways…traveling salesman for one.

      …ugh…they just suck.

  • Ex is inbred goat ? humper or fucktard or codependent pig

    Skank is Alcoholic Aunty Whore or Cum Dumpster

    Ex MIL – Trailerpark Grandma

  • Ooh, I have one!

    Sexless marriage- I quit putting any effort whatsoever into maintaining a relationship with my spouse, and am shocked, shocked I tell you, that they no longer care to jump my bones on a daily basis.

    Nagging wife- She’s busy earning 70% of the household income while my unemployed ass drinks all day on the couch, and she has the nerve to ask me to mow the lawn and do laundry once a week.

    • mightyE, “Sexless marriage- I quit putting any effort whatsoever into maintaining a relationship with my spouse, and am shocked, shocked I tell you, that they no longer care to jump my bones on a daily basis.”

      This what got me hung up for a while. If I had known that x was going to say this to a very large amount of people, like he did to justify leaving me, I would have cut that f*er off years before he did leave. I felt so used afterwards, but hindsight is 20/20. x knows and I know that he f*ing lied about this and that’s all on him. Lame assed motherf*er is my euphemism for x.

  • Good topic!!

    I call my RDH = Real D*(* Head, Fakeonator, Optical Illusion, Hypocrite, Child trapped in a man body, RAPOS= REAL AHOLE, POS :-), ALSO FB = FAT BASTARD (USED FROM ONE OF OUR CHUMPS SORRY), Sugar Daddy since the whore is like 15 years younger than him.
    The picture on my phone when he calls is an Hologram of Star Wars

    To the last whore I called her: Whore 9.0 version, The free fancy diner chaser, Horney Howdy= Kind of Matches her name.

  • In the note I found about X’s affair with an undergraduate,

    “grew close” = had an extended bout of oral sex before she demanded he leave his wife (me) before she would have intercourse

    • What a kindness! She only let him gore his mouth into her vagina but didn’t let his penis inside of her BECAUSE THAT’S GOING TOO FAR?

      My God, what a LADY. Somebody hand this bitch a medal and thank her for showing such restraint!

  • My favorite of the most eye roll worthy euphemisms for cheating remains Estel Perel’s: an act of exuberant defiance. There isn’t enough soap in the world to scrub up that kind of bullshit.

  • “WE need to fix US” = I cheated on you multiple times, please clean up the fucking mess I made.

    “Ted Bundy” = Mr. Sparkles name in my cell phone.

    “L’amour du Jour” = Mr. Sparkles girlfriend of the month (year)

    “#4” = Mr. Sparkles OW when he abandoned his family

    “Minor inconveniences” = me and the kids

    “We stopped having sex” = Mr. Sparkles responded to a Craigslist ad indicating his was a BiMWM

    “I should be able to kiss you whenever I want to” = but I only want to when we’re out with other people

    “We weren’t happy” = I was cheating all along, but it’s your fault… and heck, you could’ve cheated too

    “You’re a BITCH” = I filed first, got everything I wanted, and he got the bill for it.

    • ICSMC, Cold-hearted bitch! That’s what the crapweasel calls me when he speaks to our children. Because I too filed first, hired a kick ass attorney, got what I wanted, and sent poor, poor crapweasel the bill. And then, of course he was so broken there was no choice but to marry the twatwaffle and make believe he is happy.
      Hang on to that second wedding day smile, you dumbass. I got MEH and got more than half of the marital assets. And I got rid of you!

  • He who shall not be named–courtesy of my new nice boyfriend(sorry mightymamaof2 you’ll just have to share it!) or wackjob
    Her–slut, wife appliance, sugar mama. A friend who sees them because her boyfriend still lets him drop by calls her boobs on 2 legs because she’s so stoopid friend can’t carry on a conversation wit her–says he took a BIG downgrade…
    I’m MEH!!

  • Cheater boy churns these things out a mile a minute.

    What he calls his affairs: mistakes, a number of mistakes, poor decisions.
    What he calls his lies: compartments, attempts to protect me, attempts to protect the children, playing by ground rules established to prevent harm, torture for him.
    What he calls current slut: ideal partner, perfect companion, person he trusts, someone he took unfair advantage of, someone who showed signs of stress when the affair was discovered, someone he thinks he loves even though he is not sure what love is.
    What he called his STD, fortunately treatable and not passed to me: a scare, not really an STD.
    What he calls me: terrible partner, poor companion, reason for affairs, person he did not want to sully.

    One of the many benefits of going and staying no contact is gaining distance from all of this double-speak. The obfuscation is terrible for mental health.

      • OMG … that’s what mine says too. He’s a “flawed human being” … a ploy to get us to sympathize with them. The desired response: “Oh honey, we are ALL flawed in some way … don’t be so hard on yourself.” The actual response: “Sign here and then go fuck yourself.”

        • Exactly! He wants to be seen as this otherwise nearly entirely amazing human being with, you know, just this one tiny, wholly understandable flaw. Not to forgive it immediately given the otherwise near perfection suggests profound deficiencies of character in the one who declines to let it go and celebrate him. Yup.

          • Oh yea! You just nailed it, exactly! I still, after months (and reading a bachelors degree worth on narcissism), can barely wrap my brain around it … “it” being this type of perspective … but that’s their reality.

        • A “flawed human being” is not the same as a Pogo Stick. Especially one that keeps sticking one shallow mud puddle and vaulting to the next.
          A “flawed” anything is aka a “Reject:” Did not pass Quality/Self Control testing.

        • Yeah, the “flawed” thing is straight from the self-pity section of the cheater handbook. My reply to that was, “that’s a shame. What are you doing about it?” Um, switching from strippers to prostitutes?

  • My ex is a really active sporty guy. Or so he says. He enjoys

    “playing tennis” … getting blow jobs from married women out behind the bushes near the courts

    “camping” … reenacting Brokeback Mountain with his buddy in a warm climate

    “skiing” … reenacting Brokeback Mountain with his buddy in a cold climate

    “hitting the gym” … hitting on married women at the gym over lunch

    “going out for a jog” … getting those gym whores to go out on the trails surrounding the office with him

    “walking the dog” … using drugs out in the woods behind our old house while sexting his bi-gender harem

    It’s pretty surprising he’s got that roll around his middle given how very active he is all the time.

      • “getting a haircut” – for three hours?
        “going to the gym” – until 3:00am?
        “going flying” – in a thunderstorm?
        He also spent a few hours at her house “introducing our dogs”. Our dog didn’t like her dog – good dog.
        Really it should have been obvious but I was gaslighting myself by thinking all of the above was actually plausible because “he wouldn’t do something like that.”

        • “Going for a walk,” at midnight in our shitty suburb = texting or calling Imitation Me (what I call the OW due to her bad dye job approximation of my real hair color and the fact that she attempts to copy my style in all things, but badly.)

      • Oh yes the “working late” thing! Trouble is I believed it.

        Mine wrote in his work calendar “off site meeting” when he was having an afternoon at a hotel with Skank

        He also wrote “working from home” when he was actually at a home – just not ours lol!

        He said to me that he was “just off to do some chores” – why oh why did I not check up? I just trusted that he was doing chores.

        Yes I was well and truly chumped.

        • “Off site meeting” for me was “faculty day retreat.” Well, until I found the hotel bill charged to the credit card. Day only; king size bed.

          • Survivor

            Me too I found the hotel receipt.

            To cap it all the same evening was my “girls night out” to celebrate my birthday and the skank came to help me celebrate (she was my friend). She gave me a Starbucks voucher that she bought in the Starbucks that was in the hotel foyer. At the time I did wonder why she didn’t buy me a small present (she usually did) but just assumed she was busy (she was – with my spouse).

            When it all came out she texted me to say that it was definitely not an affair “Cheater and I met to buy you a Christmas present.”

            Still in shock 🙁

  • I am from the South. My euphemism is not cheater-specific, but I find myself using it quite frequently these days. My partner/wife of sixteen years dumped me for her “Cuddle Slut.” (Thanks, J$, for that euphemism!) She walked away from me and the daughter (that we had fostered for three years and then adopted) because she wanted to Feel Alive again. Now, when she complains about the difficulties of life, I have trained myself to think, “Well, bless your heart. You sure are struggling.” instead of “Well, good, you fucking selfish idiot.” Healing through sarcastic Southern cliches.
    Bless your heart = May your life be filled with boils, splatting frogs, and other plagues

    • Another Southern option I love is “I’ll pray for you.” which is of course very vague as to exactly the contents of those prayers!! I’m praying you get hit by a bus that is moving slow enough to give you a long, lingering, painful death!

      • Newlady15, You could start a trend!

        Although my stereotype of Canadians is that– minus your cheater– they are a kind folk. Canadians might actually mean “bless your heart” when they utter that phrase. 😉

        • I’m not Canadian, but I also mean it when I say it, with loving compassion, and I have to be careful sometimes to be sure a person hasn’t received it as sarcasm. I try to stop saying it, but it has been in my vocabulary for a looooong time.

          • Hell I’m a Brit and pencil dick is American, but I’m sure I can pull off “well bless your heart”. Looking forward to trying it.

            • Forgot to mention, our oldest got married today. Pencil dick buggered off back to the States and missed it so I took great pleasure in posting photos (I would have anyway) on FB so that my family and friends can see the happy couple. Pencil dick posted that “they are both very happy for them” (my son and his new wife). I’m gonna reply “well bless your heart”.

        • Yes, Canadians (or NWesterners) would use, “Bless your Heart” with total compassion and mean it.

          It’s awkward when you run into a stubborn Southern Woman who found their way up to your Northern Territory and you don’t know this phrase, until the old Southern woman you said it to almost slaps you across the face in contempt.
          And, we thought it was a compliment.

          lol.

  • Cheater says: “I want a divorce so I can continue my journey without guilt.” (He got caught.)

    Cheater then lies to the judge by stating that I am contesting the divorce. WTF! An euphemism for “I am the Lord Sparkledick, so great and glorious that my wife can’t bear to lose me”.

  • HIM: Fucktard
    HER: Cunt Face M.D. or CFMD for short

    We drifted apart. We are best friends. We live like room mates. I haven’t been happy for a long, long time = reasons for fucking CFMD = all Calm’s fault.

    Mystery Manor = Fucktard’s residence. He kept it secret from me, our children, his mother and even his lawyer, my lawyer and the court.

    “I’m sorry that you and the kids are having a difficult time adjusting to the changes” = Grow the fuck up all ready. I’m happy. Why are you guys all so selfish you can’t be happy that I’m happy?

  • Cheater name YoYo knickers…they go up, and down, and up, and down…

    “You’d actually get on with him, he’s a good guy, you’re a lot like him”

    “You’d actually get on with him” = I’d like you two be friends so I can image manage my cheating

    “He’ a good guy” = Cheating Cunt (Sorry I hate that word, but he is). He’s on his second affair, his wife tried to commit suicide when she found out about his previous affair. His wife’s mother had just died and her father had terminal cancer. Say that out loud you dumb bitch…he’s not a great guy.

    “You’re a lot like him” = can’t think of a euphemism for this one other than “Fuck Off!”

    • Yeah, I got “she’s a good person” about Assholio’s MOW. I don’t think anything pissed me off more than this delusional statement.

    • My x told our 13 year old daughter 2 weeks after he ran off and moved in with the slut – “you’ll love her, she’s just like your mother only younger” – my daughter responded “she’s not at all like my mother because my mother would never have an affaire with a married man” and then my daughter pointed out the slut was closer in age to her than she was to my x and that was disgusting.

  • “Very confused”=Months of surreptitiously continuing affair while pretending to pursue therapy and trying to figure out how to make the mess look better.

    “Let’s not get lawyers and forensic accounts involved”=If you find out what really went down here I am totally fucked.

    “You need to examine your role in the failure of our marriage”=I am going to blame everything on you.

    “I am the true victim, here”=All you really need to know about the workings of the cheater brain.

  • I refer to mine (definitely not around the kids) GMF, AKA Grandmother F-er. And she is referrred to as “Granny Whore”. Again NOT. AROUND. THE. KIDS.

    It’s bad enough they screw around with our minds and emotions, but it is a special evil to screw around with the kids.

  • Cheater: “Deadfool” (He made it too easy, he’s a comic book nerd and his favorite character is Deadpool.) He’s dead to me.

    Lying: “Not being as forthcoming as I could have been.” This was a MC fave of his. Couldn’t handle me saying “you lied.”

    Girlfriend: Person labeled as “Joe” in his phone, after D-Day. It was boxer “Lucky Luciano” before that. Can’t make this shit up!!

    Cheating: “Making a stop.” “Phone died.” “On my way.” “Do you want me to pick you up something to eat?” This last one would buy him another 45 min when he was supposedly at the Burger King a mile from our house.

    I want cake: “We mesh in so many other ways, babe.”

    You pulled off my mask in front of our closest friends: “You’re out SLANDERING ME all over town.”

    I’m done with this shit: “We’ve decided to go our separate ways.” He actually TEXTED me during the Friday prayers at our tiny mosque to say maybe we should have a “joint statement” like this when we explain why I was moving back to my home state after a year of marriage.

    Coping: Laughing all the way home!!

  • “Move Forward” – shut the fuck up, stop asking questions and shove this shit sandwich in your piehole. You don’t deserve to know the truth and couldn’t handle it. Just be happy you still have sparkly me around.

  • “I haven’t felt like your husband in years” means “I have been in or looking to be in relationships with other women for years” (so yeah, not much of a husband).

    “We were just parents” means “you were parenting my children while I was off fucking other women”.

  • Mr. Lovenuts favourite, frequent saying: “Busy Making A Livng”. AKA. Worked in a city far away, away long periods of time. Stumbled upon Miss Perfect Lollipop! Endless orgasims! ( what’s a lonely fella supposed to do to fill the long lonely hours).
    Chump, me, keeping up the Homefront, fellow chums know the drill: kids, home, job, welcome home hubby puppet, perfect sex even. “Welcome Home Honey”. All the while he has found his perfect other half, tru wuv, etc. and can’t wait to get back to her. I knew nothing!
    We don’t make this shit up!
    CL, some Friday could we please have a “Fantasy Friday”Column? Chums could have the opportunity to express a secret fantasy ( or several) ,
    that we wish upon their cheater. I am bursting with one such fantasy!
    I am new to CL, CN and am catching up, ( is there such a thing?), on archives. This topic has probably been covered before.
    If so my fantasy can wait!
    Thank you CL for this topic, so many cheater sayings, so little time.
    Happy Friday fellow chums!
    Stay strong. You are mighty!

  • Oh yes and “I don’t want to hurt you anymore”, “I still care a lot about you”, and “I wish you didn’t hurt so much” means “I don’t want you to hate me because that would make me feel bad and it might make you say mean things about me to other people so they don’t like me either and that would make me feel bad too”

    • Also add if you wont be my friend thats really gonna fuck up my life til i die! I still need my happy family! Spoken by a true cheater mac fuck face!

      • My, my, I, I, my. You only came up as denying I my deserved friendship and happy family after I threw those things under the bus.

        • “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Then stop doing it, asshole.”
          “I still care a lot about you.” The way I care about getting an STD from you, right?
          “I wish you didn’t hurt so much.” See above: Then stop doing it, asshole.

  • I’m not happy- translation I’ve been screwing a bipolar, mentally unstable, violent woman for 4 years behind your back and I’m not happy you found out.

    I have loved you from day 1- translation I haven’t been a faithful husband for the entirety of our 13+ year marriage, but hey here’s a bone, I have always loved you.

    And the kicker, when he would go to “hang out” or “play cards” until the a.m. hours while I sat home with our six children who were at this time 12 and under and I would plead with him not to go, “I’ll be back”. Translation I am going to screw OW or other OW or other other OW, but I always come back home. Because most of them live with their parents and I can’t spend the night and here is a safe place to land.

    Jackass.

  • Him:
    “Not that often through all the years” = serial cheater
    “I am not gay” = serial bisexual cheater
    “I am sorry I hurt you so” = I have no understanding of the pain I have caused you.
    “I didn’t think you would care” = my double life and fucking strange meant more to me than you.
    “I love you and I miss you” = I miss cake

    • I also got the “I didn’t think you would care” but on seeing the wreck I became, clearly showing I did care, she went on to fuck him anyway. At that point the lightbulb came on in my head. Divorce final in two months – I hope.
      Trust they suck

      • Yup, me three. “You were cold to me, so I thought you wouldn’t care if I fucked some bar slut without a condom. Oh, you are upset? Well, I can’t just dump her now, she’s in love with me and feeds me endless kibbles. So I’ll just lie to you for another six months while I continue to fuck her.”

  • I remember my idiot came back after a weeklong conference for his business/hobby and found I’d used the opportunity to move into the spare room. Oh, the betrayal! It was only a few weeks after I told him I’d caught him for the last time and was getting a divorce. So he couldn’t possibly have seen the spare room coming.

    His comment about his time away and how terrible it was that I took actions to tear us apart? “I’ve been working on things to make our marriage stronger.” [Between skanks, I assume. Also, those things were never revealed.]

    He also had this gem: “I’ve been acting like a married person!”

    My comment: “WTF is that supposed to mean coming from you?”

    I still don’t know wtf it would mean other than cheating with as many sluts as he could find.

    • Oh … well … if you’re doing THINGS … that changes EVERYTHING. Why didn’t you SAY so!

      Mine also offered up that he was “doing things he should have done a long time ago” without filling in the blanks on what those things might have been. Snort.

  • In my phone I have him listed as ‘Troy Trump’. Troy is his brother who is a revolting human being, serial cheater and child abandoner. Trump – for the obviously narcissistic, lying slimebag who believes he is ‘special’, ‘the rules don’t apply to me’ and ‘everyone dance attendance upon me and my whims’ person currently residing in a large White House in Washington. Every time I see his name come up in my phone I remember how much I loathe his disgusting person. Also, his ring tone is a duck – ‘quack quack ‘ sounds and awful lot like ‘f&$@, f&-@!’.

    • Euphemisms –
      ‘You never invested in US’ means I refused to leave my two small children in the care of a non-driving, little-English-speaking demestic helper whilst living in a foreign (Middle Eastern) country and travel with him beyond the country’s borders for a week.
      ‘You could never accept the new successful me’ means his career (which discarded wife slaved to help build) has taken him so far out of my ‘little’ world that his shininess blinds me and I need to accept that his success means he can screw whoever he wants as a perk to his success. It’s what successful people do!
      ‘Our lives are taking us in different directions’ is the excuse given to colleagues to justify the divorce. His direction involved the most convenient set of new panties and my direction involved caring for three special needs children and running a household while he was mainly absent.
      ‘YOU wanted this divorce’ is thrown around because I’m supposed to just accept his behavior and stay married?
      ‘The children (teens) must respect me as their father’ is a tough call seeing as they can’t stand the sight of you.

      Lot so more but I’ll save it for my memoirs…

  • **”I love you like a family member”**: I’m cheating on you (but will protest that I am NOT), and I now “love” you like I “love” my family, which is to say, superficially. Perhaps you and I can talk about sports or what’s on sale at REI or Costco like I do with my parents.

    **Him**: “Dipshit”, “Daddy Warbucks”, “Scott Peterson”.

    **Her**: “Whoremelia” (by the tender age of 32, she had managed to cause two coworker divorces). “The Office Scooter”: Everyone wants a ride, but no one (except XH) wants to be seen riding it. “Bunny Boiler”. “Skank”.

    **Going in early to work at 4:00 am”**: “My whore is an early riser. We have blocked off PTO for today and will spend it fucking – while you work. I will come home to a hot dinner you prepared and enjoy it, while you go back to work. I typically smell of rancid face oil, so don’t fall too in love with my freshly showered scent after a long day. If I pick you up from physical therapy and I smell like fetid, sweaty balls and we have to open the windows in the car, don’t worry, I just have “high uric acid after I go for runs”.

  • Here’s one that you can use in plain sight. Most people think AP means ‘Affair Partner’. Wrongo. It means Adulterous Prick or Adulterous Pootie (or pick your favorite offensive slang term for female genitalia).

    Armed with that, it becomes kind of comical to read over RIC and cheater-apologists websites.

    “It is critical that the betrayed spouse give the wayward spouse time to separate and grieve the loss of the adulterous pootie, …”

    And ironically, a google search on Reconciliation AP calls up all kinds of accounting information where AP = accounts payable. Hmmm. Wonder if we could fold that into the mix.

    Hugs. Peace.
    aeronaut

  • My ex’s cheating was called “looking for whatever was missing in our marriage “.
    Stupid me, I should’ve supported him to find that missing piece but who knew it was hidden in the underwear of some slag down the road as well as his ex girlfriend from years ago? I just didn’t think to look in other women’s beds.

  • My STBX loves to gamble, so he will put things in terms of that.

    His threat: “If you don’t do this, I will be forced to play my final card”
    In other words, if you don’t fix the mess I made with my relationship with the kids, I will tell them something you did when you were 19 so they know you are not a saint either.

    My response (after I told the kids the gist of some bad behavior from college): “That card has already been played…by me. Now you are left alone at the table with an empty hand.”

    Meanwhile, my hands are so full of cards, I can’t even hold them. Stupid shit doesn’t know when to fold.

  • Husband who decides monogamy isn’t for him:
    “Whores Whisperer”
    Woman who takes in man who left pregnant wife: docking station
    More definition than euphemism but it still feels good.

      • The worst kind of woman. What kind of married man gets involved with another woman when he has a pregnant wife? Someone so entitled that he can’t share attention with the wife incubating his child.

      • I’m interested to know too. Cheater will take her identity to his grave so knowing is a privilege I’ll never have. Left me pregnant, and alone to care​ for our two y/o toddler while he moved in with unknown whorestress.

  • I use the term “the X”.
    I like the distance it conveys with no possessive attached to it (i.e., not “my ex”).
    I like that the X variable stands for a vacancy, a generic unknown, a nothing-special (as in mathematics).
    I like that I didn’t put any creative thoughts into it. Flowery language confers some centrality on the object of the attention.

    But sometimes I use the term “shit sandwich” or SS, which coincidentally happens to match the X’s initials.

  • We drifted apart — I’m fucking someone else.

    I wasn’t happy — I’m fucking someone else.

    You argued too much — So, I had to fuck someone else.

    You are too good for me — I’m fucking someone else.

    I’ll always care about you — But I’m fucking someone else.

  • They need excitement : monogamy is boring.

    Your sex life is lacking: monogamy is vanilla

    They want to be happy: Adult responsibilities like
    commitment, communication, and honesty make them unhappy. Also, They really like cake… that makes them happy!

    You didn’t meet their needs: Your mind reading skills need major improvement! They don’t know what they want… and it’s all your fault.

    They cheated because you did, or didn’t do XYZ: They love to pretend their hurt feelings, unhappiness, and cake eating (which They didn’t communicate) are proportional to ripping an entire family, friends, and finances apart. This works well to justify their actions.

    Affairs are complex: So to make them less complex, let’s generalize everything about them, shove the betrayed spouse into a neatly packaged box ? and label it “flawed marriage” as to portion the faithful spouse their fair share of that nasty word we call “blame”. God forbid anyone is labeled blameworthy in such a complex situation.

    Cheaters lie because they don’t want to hurt you : Cheaters lie to get the upper hand and disqualify you from making decisions in your own best interest. Cheaters don’t like consequences… but they do like cake!

    Situational factors can not be discounted: Please dismiss your spouse from the responsibility of keeping boundaries! You see… any guy or gal can have attraction to someone; then without warning, trip and end up with a penis in a vagina… it’s a common household accident! kind of like burning yourself on the stove… it just happens!

    Your marriage can be better after an affair: oh come on, stop being such a blubbering baby! Shit happens and then YOU get to pick it up, apply it to a bread of your choice (I prefer croissant) and gobble that shit sandwich down so you can have a great marriage! You better be sure to cover up that shit breath though, or you could put your marriage in jeopardy once again! Keep that shit under wraps Chump!

    Haha! I love this… I could go all day! Sadly “I” (unlike my cheating fuckwit) have responsibilities to attend to, so I shall bid this therapeutic session fairwell!

  • Cheater for him. Whorezilla or Psychoslut for the married thang who stalked me and my children for YEARS after I dumped him (and he dumped her).

  • I’ve been miserable for years- I’m fucking someone else
    I don’t love you like I did- I’m fucking someone else
    I want a separation – I’m fucking someone else
    I’m not having an affair- I’m fucking someone else

  • The Limited:

    Not getting along = I found a whore willing toget a hotel and pretend my dick works (it doesn’t)

    I want a divorce= I really, really want to fuck this whore for a while. I’m not going to file and when you do I’ll rage.

    I’ll be away Saturday night=. How’s the shit sandwich bitch? No problem I packed your closets and took your keys fucker, don’t come back.

    Idon’t know what happened? = I abandoned my granddaughter and adult children for 2.5 years and now I cry.

    WE =. Sociopath and borderline combo

    Love dad and Nanthony = WE (see above) have a unique/vague attachment to the past. But I an still scratch that down just for you; when WE fell it: when we spare that moment; we take pictures.

    Nanthony

    It’s time to make peace= I’ve blown your husband; harassed you multiple times, called you and tried to have you arrested: called you a whore; ran you off the road, called you a frigid cunt who will die alone; so what say ya?

    I’m a Christian woman=can’t you seethe rosary beads hanging from his mirror?

    He won’t cheat on ME=yes, I know I’m ugly as shut with tits hanging down to my ankles, sound like a man, can’t keep a job, have no class or morals. And untreatable mental illness, but my fuckimg is amazing. My better than all the other whores. I’m special.

  • Names for cheater ex husband: Whore Fucking Asshole (accurate), Dr. Strangelove (physician), Adulterer (in my phone), Andy Android (because he has no empathy).
    Names for final OW: Homewrecking Whore, Wifetress, OWife, Special Snowflake, Idiot

    Glossary of cheater terms:
    “You killed our love”: I blame shift all my cheating on you because you are a love killer!
    “I didn’t feel married to you”: So it was ok to be on dating Apps as single since I didn’t feel married (I didn’t get the memo)
    “You were selfish too”,: You didn’t give me enough kibbles, how selfish of you.
    “I don’t have a girlfriend!”: Semantics; I am only buying sex from escorts at this time, not a specific girlfriend.
    “I need time to decide”: I want you and her to do a lovely pick me dance.
    “I choose you!” : I need the beard of my wife and family back as people are starting to gossip.
    “You just need to be positive”, : Ignore that I have moved back home and no change in my thinking or behavior has happened.
    “You are just looking at things wrong”. : Don’t believe what my girlfriend wrote you in that letter, I finally got closure.

    I could go on and on. 27 years of gaslighting and emotional abuse seems almost amusing in hindsight.

  • Yeah, I know this is mean. But I call my brothers cheating, std infected ex wife Scratch Snatch or The Itch Bitch.

  • Clusterfuckdale: The place where X and Skanky live. Where my son was kicked out and living in his car in the driveway in January because Skany “didn’t like how he talked to her.” Where Skanky’s pedophile ex husband out on parole visits as a “treasured guest.” Where my son’s tires were slashed. Where dear old dad has an open bar and tap in the living room, minor sons be damned. Where my sons would rather visit hell than visit there.

    Domesticated Partner: Skanky’s self description to the police officer who was about to arrest my son in his father’s home and called me for help. When the police officer asked her who she was, that’s how she described herself. After living with X for five years. As good Catholics. Like a fucking housecat.

    Work Associate: X’s description of Skanky. The woman he was fucking while married to me.

    His Property: X’s description of the house I have in my own name as part of the divorce agreement. He walked away with millions in an inheritance that he always promised as our “retirement” and I got Rita Glossner’s (“The Middle”) run down shack. He still tells the kids I “stole” it.

    Freedom: The moment I got divorced from a nasty, mean, cheapskate.

    Chains: Shared Custody

  • My ex is a Pod Person, a replica of a human from some alien planet without empathy. His girlfriends, OW 1, 2 and 3 are usually The Coven, individually Crazy Cop, the Troll, and the Superior Blob.
    Best euphemism so far- ” I misspoke myself” he said, as he made one last attempt for kibble, after a Dday of biblical proportions. There were literally fires burning out of control 2 km away so I think I can say biblical.
    And apologies for the many priceless gems I am going to steal from this discussion- Affairytale is excellent but there are so so many others

  • Oh this is fun.
    Just one small example, I could seriously write a whole book.

    When we sat down to tell the children ( the oldest is 25 the youngest 11 we have 6 kids and they all know the truth just at age appropriate levels for the 11year old and 14 year old, he is unaware of how much each of them know as he has such shallow relationships with each of them, communication is not his strong point like most cheaters) and he came out with ” I know this seems strange because your Mum and I get on so well (we were two weeks out from returning home from a romantic trip from Paris celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary- what a con and 3 years of wreconcilliation which I don’t regret as it’s allowed me to get my ducks in a row) and we love each other a lot.”

    At this point I laughed and corrected his comment with “when you love someone you don’t do what you did to me!!”
    He continued with
    “well maybe we don’t…..
    Your mum and I are separating because she can’t meet my expectations and I can’t meet hers. And we will always be a family. ”

    I laughed again and corrected him with ” we are getting a divorce and you all know why dad’s leaving, let’s not rake through the muck here.” And then turning to him I categorically emphasised that he and I were definitely not family!!!

    Hi responce “I’ve never used the D word.” In that small little boy victim voice he uses when he’s trying to be manipulative.

    He is still trying to control the narrative about who and what I can tell to people.
    Nope that ships sailed.
    When you fired me as your wife appliance you lost any control over who and what is communicated.
    Not my circus not my monkeys.

    And finally free on so many levels.

    • Hold on a minute. Did that fool really start with how You couldn’t meet His expectations?

      Always the good guy, except when it matters, eh? Be free and flourish!

  • Cheater Gaslighting Euphemisms

    “You’re CRAZY!” = You have caught on to my double life.

    “I’ve been faithful to you the entire marriage.” = I’ve had sex with so many others that I’ve lost count.

    “I’ve never had sex with that woman.” = I’ve had sex with that woman.

    “I’m being accused of something I didn’t do!” = I did it but you were not supposed to find out about it.

  • I don’t have any new euphemisms to add; these all pretty much sum it up, and then some. Haven’t posted before, but really feeling I need a kick in the pants right now and every day to get through this. Been keeping it all to myself and it is sooo hard to carry. My WS was pretty bold. He gave a gift card to MY co-worker. (no, he does NOT work at my place of employment). He somehow found her address and phone number, showed up at her house, called her out, and gave her the card. She asked him, “Does your wife know you are here? Does she know you are giving me this gift card?” His response, “No, no, and it would destroy her and us.” Thank God my co-worker had the respect for me, common sense and disdain for what his motivation probably was, that she approached me and told me. Awkward on many levels. Awkward every day. I’m trying every day to keep it together. He is in counseling but I’m not interested in restoring whatever he thinks we can restore, it is just buying me some time so I can figure life out. It is a trust issue. It is a “you frickin creep me out because she is young enough to be your daughter.” It is broken vows. It is that he can’t grasp how wrong his actions were even though “it was a mistake, I didn’t mean to hurt you, nothing happened, yada, yada, yada.” This is my new reality. I hate being in this place. I am having such a hard time wrapping my brain around any of it.

    • Hugs to you, Blindside. It is SO difficult and keeping it to yourself is the hardest. I did that for quite awhile. But this is the one place where I found people who understood and spoke this “shit sandwich” language. If you haven’t, please read all the archives, and I HIGHLY recommend CL’s book. That book saved my life.

      Although it is difficult, I am glad your coworker clued you in to what happened. Please get your ducks lined up. I feel it is going to be a long road ahead. Please keep reading and posting. Chump Nation has your back.

      (((((HUGS)))))

  • X is mostly Fucktard now. At one time, he was Don Draper. I read “Ashley Madison Special” here once and thought it was a perfect name for the OW.

  • My euphemisms for my bastard, mother fucking asshole ex-husband has been and forever will be titled The Evil One…his 10+ -year younger OWife is known as Mrs. Dumb-Ass, because she is—

    she got chumped with her 2 kids’/baby daddy, hooked up with TEO not long after her husband left her (the day after she gave birth to baby #2 for a Hooters girl—- I cant make this shit up if I tried)

    She found out what a lying piece of shit he is within a short time, but stayed with him anyway….married him 60 days after divorce was final….

    Its been almost 2 years since D-Day, him moving out, but putting me through Pick-Me Dance, Wreckonciliation, cake eating for weeks, finally divorce —- all within 6 months, I know thats nothing for most folks here in ChumpNation, butmit still hurt like a mother fucker and I am still pissed off beyind words about how easily he abandoned our Autistic daughter, how he just walked away with a backward glance to go make a new family with Mrs. Dumb-Ass and her two kids…

  • “We weren’t wearing our hats.”

    Huh? When I was packing your bottom with gauze after your hemorrhoid surgery, untangling your nightmare IRS problems, cooking your favorite crab cakes after wearing heels all day on my feet….it felt like I was wearing my “wife” hat, you scuzzy, soul sucking, diabolical LIAR.

    Someone referenced teaching little children about the perils of marriage. I think a lesson to learn, non religious but spiritual, is never worship someone, a person.

    Do not make someone else the emperor of your entire happiness. It is seductive to lose yourself in someone. Movies and media teach us that this is the path to ecstasy. This is a catastrophic mistake. (Example: my life)

    Always hold a little of yourself back. Not in a stingy or sneaky way, but a “be your own best friend” way. Have a skill where you can make solid money, and have your own friends who are without guile and kind but not Yes Men. Have a safety net with deep roots. Have hobbies and a life that is YOURS.

    Then, anyone else is gravy. It can be delicious gravy (I am thinking a chocolate sauce gravy over cheesecake bites) but you will still have your legs under you if the bottom falls out.

  • I always wait for the “Fun Friday” @ CL I have been reading this all day!! ?. I think I will change his name to Whore- Meister mentioned by one of the ladies today & Whore version 9.0 will be baptized as Lady C (if you know what I mean) waiting for him to sign MSA once is done I will try to tell him that on his face!!! I very calm polite because how he said this divorce is “amicable” YES of
    course since he was already single a long time ago without me knowing it!!! Idiot!!!

    Another good topic for a fun Friday should be the stupid things that happen between our kids & the “whores” pretty soon my kid will be surprise with the presence of “lady C ” my kid is in the pre-teen years is getting a little bit stubborn & on top of that kid will have to deal with “Teenage Daddy” & “Lady C” kid is only child and kid adores “Teenager Dad” it will be an epic fight!!! I do not want to be on the circus it will break my heart but Whore- meister looked for it! Idiot!

  • “We split up” = “I found an old hookup on FB? And tossed my family overboard because she blows smoke so far up my ass that all I can see is her blonde hair.”

    “I’m not leaving the kids, I’m leaving you” = “I’ll mail in a check and text them from time to time, maybe take them on a vacation now and then. But none of the real shit.”

  • “It just happened” – I was minding my own business, and all of the sudden I was magically teleported into her apartment, our clothes instantly disintegrated off of our bodies, and a freak wind gust picked her up and dropped her, pussy side down, onto my inexplicably hard dick.

    • No it most certainly did NOT “just happen.” An earthquake “just happens.” An avalanche “just happens.”

      But a drive by shooting takes a bare bones minimum of a weapon, ammo, a vehicle that actually is in running condition, an opportunity and not a hella lotta skill when you don’t care that you mowed down all the innocent bystanders.

  • I started calling my STBXW a LCNW, Lying, cheating Narcissistic Whore. That was changed to LCNB b for bitch…However as time goes on, Ive come to the conclusion that I have to give up my anger towards her.

    I just dont want anything to do with her any longer. I now refer to her as ‘her’ or ‘she’ A nameless female who is just one of billions on this spinning rock. Someone who I wouldn’t give a second glance nor a second chance.

    Cheating has opened my eyes to what ‘I’ want, and Narcissistic relationships aren’t in my game plan.

    Fuck cheaters.

    • Reminds me of the saying that I like … “Don’t get mad, get gone.”

      Me, I’m still mad as FUCK.

  • Long term lying cheater – Deceptacon
    His having random sex with guys while in a Christian marriage – he fell.
    Choosing to keep his infidelity a secret – He tried to walk straight.
    Deciding to have an affair with another man – Curious.
    His reason for cheating – Demonic possession.
    Why he should not be divorced – Delivered, restored and forgiven by the church. Victim.

  • Honestly, for the health of my own brain and heart, I try to just refer to these people by name (in public) …if I acknowledge them at all. In my mind and journal, however, there are a few common “euphemisms” that seem to stick around slogging through the muddy bog and fog.

    ***D-Day: Discovery Day, Death Day, etc.

    ***Post D-Day: Hell, recovery,

    ***Referring to the cheating, finding out, sorting through it all, etc. = “The Ugliness”

    ***The cheater: The asshole, …lying, cheating, unreliable, untrustworthy, and dishonorable asshole – but not a total asshole…yet. …but still, a proven, asshole. (I won’t call him an SOB or a bastard. That would be insulting his parents. …parents who did NOT raise him to behave like a lying, cheating, unreliable, untrustworthy, or dishonorable asshole.) I also sometimes just refer to him by his name. …which is usually good enough. For the people who know what he did, those dishonorable connotations are now firmly associated with his actual name. …works for me. His own name is now a label for his behavior.
    …and though the asshole is still in my phone under his actual name, his ringtone is Chumbawamba – Tubthumping “I get knocked down / But I get up again / You are never gonna keep me down”

    ***Regarding the OW, I try to be “good” (well, I try to be the better person…because I AM. Duh.) and just refer to her as that woman, the affair partner, the OW, or if I’m particularly disgusted, that WHOREable Woman. I DO know her name, but since she was an employee who purported to be my friend, I find her name particularly distasteful. (Actually, I do my best not to refer to her in ANY way…preferring to ignore her existence at all when ever possible.)

    ***Those mutual friends who decided to just stay out of the whole thing all together = Switzerland friends

    ***Sycophants – These are the employees, buddies, and even (supposedly) mutual friends who all knew about the affair, but did NOT tell me…for years. I also call them morally questionable sycophants. …the ones who chose the company of my cheating husband over respect for me …or human decency.
    FYI….syc·o·phant (ˈsikəˌfant,ˈsikəfənt/) noun
    a person who acts obsequiously toward someone important in order to gain advantage.
    synonyms: yes-man, bootlicker, brown-noser, toady, lickspittle, flatterer, flunky, lackey, spaniel, doormat, stooge, cringer, suck, suck-up

    ***True family and friends: The ones who stuck to me like glue from the first MINUTE they found out about my husband’s infidelity. …the ones who were just as shocked, appalled, angry as I was. …the ones who’ve always had my back and always will.

    ***Good Lawyer – Magician

    ***Great Counselor, Doctors, and CN – true healers/life savers

    • Butterbean, great advice about not worshipping and losing yourself in another person which was a huge fault of mine. I was like a dog looking for his masters approval with everything I did. My eyes would look at his begging for approval. X’s happiness was foremost in my mind as he became more disrespectful and rude towards me. I made endless excuses for his rude behavior. I’ve since learned no one has permission to treat you poorly under any circumstances, blatant rudeness is unacceptable.
      I have a few nick names for X such as, Lying Trailer Trash, or or Greasy Gym Rat, Slob Gob, misery. AP, I called his beard or man substitute. New GF’s nickname i Giraffe, I’ve never seen anyone with a neck as long as hers, possibly another beard or man substitute.

      • Slob Gob has a wonderful ring to it!

        I figured this out after the fact. I am in my 40(s)… hopefully I still have some time. I did two things right after this life changing open heart surgery without pain meds-
        1) I did not jump into any relationships
        2) I stayed completely no contact after a few hiccups.

        I just white knuckled it alone in terms of romance.My picker was so broken that I revoked my own dating license.

        I have not had sex in two years. I have not held anyone’s hand in two years, other than children, the elderly or paws. The loneliness is like an enormous, sulky Jabba the Hut, following me from room to room. I signed up and paid for eHarmony and would not check my messages for 3 weeks.

        At times, I get upset that I am “wasting” this time in terms of romance. I force myself to log onto eHarmony. But, I am dead inside. It is not Meh….it is a type of stillness. A waiting.

        A wariness…… I can’t ever go through this again. I was like you- my X was my focus, right down to what groceries I bought- what HE liked. I did all those silly things people do in an affair…for him. I whitened my teeth, got all kinds of laser skin treatments….he would not bathe for 3 days. Never buy that shit about someone cheating because a mate let themselves go. I was immaculate, polished, and highly aware of how I looked and smelled for him. Did not matter.

        This time I have spent alone- on one hand, it feels like a shame, a loss. The last shreds of youth are slipping by! But, he ripped something out of me at the roots that has to grow back.

        I love to garden, and I try to think of it as I had to put my heart to bed for a while. It was covered up, nice and cozy under clean layers of mulch.

        It just has to heal. It was macerated, spent, ruined, exhausted, frantic, beaten, bewildered.

        I am trying to fertilize it, and maybe something will grow. I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life. But….I will eternally chose peace and quiet loneliness over heart pounding, mouth going dry, finding new evidence of affairs in his phone and condoms in his overnight bag, screaming drama, him going MIA for days…..being gutted when he would not call- or when he would answer and another woman would answer his phone-

        Never again.
        Never again will someone have that much power over my well being and sanity.
        It is just too much power to give away.

        • I’m right there with you Butterbean 🙂

          …I stepped out and tried and got more of the same…so…nope…no more…not right now…apparently have more healing to do myself 🙂

          Reach out 🙂 We’ll hold hands and walk through this together 🙂

          (((((((Butterbean)))))))

          • 🙂
            Yes….thank you.

            I hate to think of the last of my “juicy youth” passing me by, but I just can’t survive cheating, deceit or cruelty- ever again.

            The loneliness I can sit with it- it is the rage that I have problems with right now.

            Planning a garden, ordering my seeds and cuttings, (I am turning part of my land into a wildlife habitat! You can get tree seedlings for pennies if you write your agriculture office) reading huge fat books, and making super complicated recipes helps to divert me…at times.

            Distraction. I have also made over $3000 selling things on eBay I never use. It is fun, it gets rid of clutter and you can take that money and it is what my grandmother called your “pin money”. Found money. If you make things, you can sell them on Etsy.

            But this rage I still have, which I thought would be tempered by now…..S.C.A.R.Y.

            I need a reset. I don’t know what will do it….but I would pay a king’s ransom I don’t have to find that answer. I try to –

            “get relative”…I compare my plight to a Syrian refugee dodging bullets, someone living in Niger fleeing from Boko Harum….it is only a band aid. It always comes roaring back.

            What deeply concerns me is that I will become that bitter old woman….who let a hell bent heart break her. (stolen from a sappy country music song).

            Tom Petty said:
            “And all the good girls-
            are home with broken hearts….And I’m free falling”

            • 🙂 Free Falling was my theme song for a long, long while 🙂

              I’m a few years older than you and 2 years divorced and I’m not bitter 🙂 You won’t be either honey, I promise 🙂 You’ll just be like WHEW! Thank goodness I am free of all that drama, deceit and daily cruelty. YA! I’m free!

              I went through all that too, I’m sure we all have, are now or will soon go through it. It’s necessary to go through it and set with it and learn from it…or it will come back at some future date and tap us on the shoulder and go, ‘…member me?’ …yep…

              You got this and you are mighty 🙂 We got your back and will be here whenever you need us 🙂

              • I was with lying cheating coward for 36 years…30 married… Trust me, Butterbean, you got this 🙂

            • I was afraid of that too Butterbean. Didn’t happen. My life is much different than I imagined it would be at one time. There have been some tough times. I had a lot of lessons to learn. But life today is good. I’m mostly happy. I’ve chosen not to date anymore and am just fine with that. This is my time, I get to do whatever I want. For the first time in my life, I own my own life. No more dealing with narcs and cheaters. I can be my own authentic self. And that is what we discover once we are on our own. We get to claim ourselves.

              • Tessie, it concerns me that I have no desire to be in a romance. Do you? In theory- yes. But the energy, the will to make it happen is simply not there. So, unless a man parachutes in through my roof…it all seems bleak.

                I have dreams that I run up to strangers and kiss them.

                I worry that Scuzzy Soul Sucker killed something inside of me that seeks out male companionship. It just all seems like too much effort after all the bills are paid, the counters are wiped down and all that chow chow. Just getting all the linens & sheets washed seems like a huge accomplishment. Exhausting.

                But- I am out of town and I just got a text from my new female friend that she mowed my yard for me, as it was getting that abandoned, haunted house vibe. It moved me to tears. No one the world would find her especially captivating…but she has that precious commodity: character with kindness.

              • Butterbean, I feel you completely. 2 and a half months out of D-day and 1 month of no contact down. People have suggested dating because I can’t seem to break that ‘bond’ I feel psychologically towards him. The thought of dating makes me feel tired and sick. I know it’s early days for me, but the thought of starting over again, trusting somebody, being intimate with somebody new, working out if you really do like them… wow, I just can’t fathom it in my brain. I feel I’ve been emotionally scarred, it’s a horrible feeling because I’ve always been so romantically driven and loving xxx

              • Butterbean, I really have no interest in romance at this point in my life. I suspect I am a whole lot older than you, and I am quite a few years out from D Day. When I was younger, I was interested in romance, but seemed to attract the disordered. Now, at 64 I have other irons in the fire and really don’t have time. Besides working 4 days a week, I am also renovating the interior of my small motorhome (can’t stand looking at a totally mauve interior,) and getting ready to spend a year on the road as an RV nomad. Also I am sifting through scads of stuff I never use, so it all has to go.

                My heart is still loving, just in other ways.

              • Yellowsunshine,
                I so understand. Maybe we have trauma bonding with the jerks. We should look into the therapy that reprograms our brains through eye movement? I don’t know the details, but it helps people with PTSD.

                You are at the very beginning. One month of NC is a true accomplishment. Like- it is huge. You deserve a gold star. It is a death when the marriage ends.

                The best thing I should do (but haven’t) but you could learn from my idiocy is to do Meet Ups. That way…there is no pressure, and you can sneak out the back door if it is filled with freaks. Just some light talking with wine and appetizers. Nothing too heavy.

                Be careful about this: retriggering. I had a few miserable dates with some real doozies right when I ended it all and all I could think was: Well, Scuzzy would never do that. It is a terrible trap! Don’t compare.

                This may not sound very feminist, but if I could meet someone else, who is not a mutant from Planet Disordered, I think it would help me. But, I don’t have the will. You explained it best: all that work. I don’t want to start over. I wanted him to act like fucking human being. I was madly in love with him. Ugh.

                Tessie, I want to be where you are. That is a magnificent lifestyle to be a RV nomad. I love the vibe at campgrounds. Everyone helps each other.

  • Over time it’s no longer an issue what to call the cheater. Once they are truly gone why bother thinking about them. Not part of my life, actually never really part of my married life with his constant absences and distant behaviour.
    I refer to my married life in terms of my sons’ childhood and the places and things we shared as mother and kids. x is only mentioned if relevant to some part of our story. I refer to him as x, he deserves no actual name, no capitals, not even an epithet. He’s “your father” while speaking with my sons (I do not ever bring x up in conversation but they infrequently mention him). I’ve managed to stop wanting to call him “sperm-donor” which is what the youngest once called him to his face (a horrible argument while still a teen).
    I love reading CN and seeing the names used for other chumps’ cheaters.
    Narkles the clown, fat bastard, chicken pot pie, kunty kibbler and the list goes on….!!!!

  • I think my favourite is yoyoknickers. Perfect.
    Unfortunately it does not really work for men. yoyoboxers -nah
    Ex – idiot brain/ moron pants/twat.
    Her- slapper

    However I really do not think she is the issue, as there were so many others.
    Pretty sure he is bi-sexual as well, but no actual proof.
    If that ever gets proven then his life really would implode as his family are about as “ist” as you can get.
    Sexist/ homophobic/racist – the full nine yards.

    Also Slapper, who completely loves herself, will realise that she is just a social front, as was I.

  • Mine told me that it never started, and it never ended, when I asked if it was over. I guess it was a fairy-tale.

    • That the mind fuck type response I get. Don’t answer the question just say something random and confusing like the mad person in the village, wing nuts.

  • “I didn’t think you’d care” = Instead of telling you I was unhappy, I decided to screw around.

    “She wouldn’t take no for an answer” = I didn’t even think about saying no because I wanted to fuck her, so I did.

    Reconciliation = The period where I continue to act like an asshole, blame you for my affair, and show up late for marriage counseling. But give me kibbles for even going! Oh, and I’ll still be fucking the whore the whole time.

    “Her husband is a psycho” = don’t contact him because you will find out a lot more than I want you to know.

    “The relationship is winding down” = I want to fuck her for a few more months, so I will throw this out there to see if you’ll believe it.

    “She is in a bad marriage and needs my support” = I need an excuse to stay in touch with her so we can still sext each other from our burner phones.

    “I don’t care if I have to live in a cardboard box, I want to be happy” = I love to pontificate, but when it comes down to it, I want ALL my stuff, and you are a bitch for trying to take any of it and forcing me to support our children.

    FROTA = the name of my future boat: Finally Rid Of The Asshole

    Him: Assholio, Fucktard

    Her: Skankwhorella, Common Bar Slut, Gaping Hole of Texas

  • I visualize x as Baron Harkonnen from the movie version of ‘Dune’ or as a tadpole with a beer gut. I call him ‘Asshole’ in my imaginary rants. I’m having a hard time disentangling myself from his name and that is a drag.

  • I have skankboy in my phone as “Dirty, Fucking, Pervert and I call his slut, “Ida Whore!” No need to explain further!

  • “I have a meeting” “I’m still at work” “I am meeting a client”= cheating

    “Let lightning strike me down if I am lying” “I swear to you on my life I am telling the truth”= totally lying

    “I wouldn’t lie to you”= totally lying

    “You’re the only one” = totally cheating

    “I created that dating profile for attention” = totally cheating

    “You weren’t meeting my needs” = I cannot accept responsibility… I blame you instead,

    “All men cheat” = It’s ok because everyone does it (but they don’t!)

    “I couldn’t ignore the biological urge” = I am a slave to my dick… blame biology

    “I spent all my money on you. That shows you are more important” = I am allowed to act how I want as long as I help pay the bills

    “You could always find someone too you know”= Two wrongs make a right, dontcha know?

    “It’s not my fault. Women love me” = ugh… no they don’t. You just lie and pretend you have money so they use you

    “If you want to label me, I will become the label”= it’s your fault I am a selfish prick.

    Ex = mini, flopsy, ego, ass wipe, curd,

    OW= whale, blob, toilet

  • Unbelievable. I got the exact “you get all my money….how could I be cheating? She would have to be one more cheap date.” Stares at me intently. Rub my arms and hair. Becomes indignant and insulted.

    What worries me is the way I would believe someone if they told me they were being honest. So childish…”I swear on my mother’s grave!” Oh, okay! As long as you take the oath of dirt…..what a relief!

    Of course, his actions became so intolerable, I had to realize that (drum roll) some people will actually look you in the eyes, never flinch and pathologically lie. This still wakes me up enraged. It changed my whole world perspective.

    I am so stealing “toilet”. Any woman that knowingly has sex with a married man should have her ankles beaten with a metal baton. Yes- I mean that.

    Most of the OW take sheer sadistic pleasure in the sick triangle they find themselves in…it delights them. Never see any of them meekly bowing out or taking the high road…they usually fan the flames, hyper post on FB with luvved up photos and demand the H/W cut support to the faithful spouse and abandoned children.

    Partners in crime- Shit birds and their toilets.

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