Huma Finally Leaves
You may have seen the news last week — finally, Huma Abedin has filed for divorce on Carlos Danger, (aka Anthony Weiner), her pervy, sexting, boxer-brief-throbbing, disgraced politician husband. The news was announced Friday, the same day Weiner plead guilty to transferring obscene material to a minor. Weiner will next be sentenced to jail and must to register as a sex offender.
The unicorn has died, people. A few moments of silence.
…
So WTF with Weiner’s “apology”? CNN reports:
At the hearing Friday, Weiner accepted responsibility for his conduct. “I have a sickness, but I do not have an excuse,” he said through pauses and bouts of tears in an emotional statement. “I entered intensive treatment, found the courage to take a moral inventory of my defects, and began a program of recovery and mental health treatment that I continue to follow every day.”
Uh huh. Because we all do moral inventories on our diseases. I’d like to apologize to my mother for my nasal polyps. Nice little mindfuck there, Weiner, you sad sausage. I’m sure it took real courage to admit, through your tears, that none of this is your fault. Sure, you don’t have an excuse, you have a sickness. PEOPLE CANNOT HELP BEING SICK. Fuckwits can, however, control themselves from texting “I would bust that tight pussy” to 15-year-olds.
If entitlement were a disease, you’d be dead, Weiner. But until we find a cure, good luck in prison. I’m sure you’ll find some friends to enjoy your throbbing boner with.
As for Huma, welcome to the other side. Wish you’d gotten here sooner (which might’ve saved the free world having to learn about the shared contents of your laptop), but whatever. I’m glad you laid that reconciliation burden down.
Oh, and before we descend into political sniping (please let’s just keep it to snark about the “disease” of sex addiction) — in the interest of bipartisanship — a big WTF goes out to Callista Other-Woman-Hair-Helmet-Joker-Doppleganger Gingrich for her promotion to ambassador to the VATICAN. Is Trump trolling Pope Francis? Really? We couldn’t do better than the third wife of a serial cheating hypocrite?
Good luck to Callista. At least it gets Newt out of the country. (No tag backs, Italy.) As someone once snarked about Nancy Reagan, “I hope she trips and breaks her hair.”
Crazy times.
Holy Calista,
Ambassador to the Vatican!
It’s like a prayer, NOT!
https://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/exclusive-gingrich-lacks-moral-character-president-wife/story?id=15392899
I live near DC and am a Catholic in good standing (I even have “Widow Points”) I think he shoulda made me the dang Ambassador.
I would vote for you, ( in a heartbeat), unicornomore!
As a lapsed catholic, and practically an atheist, I had hopes when this Pope was elected, that his papacy might bring me back into the fold. There would be less misogyny, more of the kind of tolerance I look for, It’s been one long disappointment so far, and the latest episode with Bill O’Reilly was the nail in the coffin for me.
Mind you, his choosing to embrace divorcees rather than accept contraception killed it for me months ago…Not that I think it’s wrong to accept remarried divorcees, but to me,the priorities are all wrong. Start with contraception. Misogyny and acceptance of mistresses become wives? Yuck!
WTF!!!
I feel like her appointment to the Vatican is a result of the pope subtweeting the president on the regular.
I really feel like God has asked the Pope to run interference on this one. “Hey, Francis, I know it’s a shitty job, but we really need to keep a close eye on this presidency. Well, more than usual. You know what everyone says about ‘Better the devil…’ and ‘Keep your friends close…’ and all that. You’ll have earned a real solid in the afterlife, so see if you can keep a lid on things. Just ignore both of their hairdos, and try not to get freaked out by her eyes.”
I am dumbfounded, first the Bill O’Reilly has a private audience with the pope and now Calista Gingrich is named ambassador to the Vatican? I read an article this morning that after his conversion in 2009, Gingrich had his first two marriages annulled and this makes his current marriage to Calista his only true marriage. Are you kidding me, A marriage that began as a six year adulterous affair is his only true marriage?
Woe to the catholic church. Yes, God has infinite grace, but there is this pesky little thing called repentance and it doesn’t mean “I am sorry this happened to me!”
Just another case of the modern narc phenomenon of accept and bless my bad behavior.
So sad.
Ugh, agree completely. “It’s annulled, so it didn’t happen and neither did any of that bad stuff I did during that time!” Reminds me of Homer Simpson putting his hands over his eyes and flooring it through a red light: “If I don’t see it, it’s not illegal!”
Another of Homer’s pearls of entitlement: “It’s my fault and I’ll put it on whomever I want”.
And speaking of Wiener, entitlement and Gingrich hypocrisy, I recommend The Keepers.
https://makeagif.com/gif/simpsons-if-i-dont-see-it-its-not-illegal-DMCEmd
Glad she finally did it. It does take a leap of faith to leave a cheater-although this fuckwit is more than your standard fair ‘cheater’. Pervy doesn’t even do him justice. I guess being in the public eye really makes one want to be the winner. Especially when your mentor turns a blind eye and tolerates shit.
I am being cynical here: although she will be feeling the relief, I imagine, I question whether she would have held on (as Chumps all over do, me included), had things not been brought into the legal arena and the ex having to register as a sex offender. I am sure someone has told her, cut him loose, for the good of your career, your children and your family’s reputation.
I figured if there was anyone who needed to have her ducks in a row before leaving it was Huma. Here’s hoping she never has to look back.
My though exactly. It has probably (hopefully) been silently in the works for a long time. Maybe by waiting until conviction she gains some leverage.
But wouldn’t this be costing her their joint assets with him fighting a legal battle?
I was going to take my ex’s propositioning of underage girls on foreign soil, which is a federal offense if you’re an Aussie, commanding 10 to 20 in prison, to the Australian Federal Police.
I was advised by my lawyer not to do so, until our finances were legally separated, because he would likely blow through all our assets defending himself.
His conviction and sex offender status guarantees her full custody. Well worth whatever he blew through in legal fees.
That is what she was waiting for.
I feel like we should throw her a party. 😉
She chose the perfect time. No one will ever question her decision or her “role” in his behavior.
Maybe, unless their finances are separated already. You never know…
The News estimated it could easily reach $100,000.00 for the divorce but she has a higher chance for custody of thier son! ?
This was also my thought. That baby is priority 1.
Yay Huma! It’s about time.
Funny thing about “sickness”, these fuctwits that claim to be sick should actually be claiming they are insane. They hide their dirty deeds which tells me they know it’s wrong and they do it anyway. That’s not disease, it’s choice. Big difference.
Oh and “Carlos Danger” will never not be funny!
I was reading an article about it (just to really make myself want to vomit) and they had pics of the convos he had with this girl double checking she was deleting their conversations, etc. Not that there was any doubt he knew it was wrong but he KNEW it was wrong! If you want to start the Anthony Weiner Disgusting text diet where you’ll NEVER eat again look at the Daily Mail. Be warned it was AWFUL and you’ll want to bleach your brain afterwards.
The CSATs want us all to feel sorry for these helpless souls “lost” to their disease when they’re the most calculating clear thinkers you could imagine. I’m so happy to be rid of them and the Cluster Bs they’re providing cover for.
Yep, CSAT voodoo based on a slurpee mix of 40 yr old non-evidence based SA treatment theory plus 13 stepper disease based model…my stbx landed a gem of a CSAT therapist who committed atrocities such as
1) telling me I had to commit to the cheater and our marriage (after discovering his 8 years of cheating and lying) so that HE would have a guarantee it was worth it for him to do the recovery work (how’s that for risk shifting?) and
2) treating a cluster b manipulator for “codependence”!
That’s so disgusting Kim, and so familiar. The blame got shifted onto me too, and I received the same bullcrap label. I went back to her and discussed how she couldn’t diagnose me simply because my husband had a “disease.” She then asked me why I married him. I told her it was because he was honest and his actions matched his words, I also loved him and we got along great and had a great sex life. She said “so I hear you saying that you had lots of fun and lots of sex and now you want to leave him because he still has those traits?” WTF? So because I thought he was HONEST, SEXY and I LOVED HIM, that meant I was asking to be CHEATED ON? It’s a special brand of mind-fuck.
Yuck Kim, I am sorry you had to deal with another Cluster B abuser in the shape of that counselor.
I just want to state for the record that I had never seen a picture of Gingrich’s wife before, so I had to google, and now I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. Dammit Chump Lady! ? “Joker-doppelganger” — I thought for sure you were exaggerating but it’s chilling. Truly chilling.
Good news ladies, there’s enough of him to go around..,
https://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/dailypolitics/swingers-newt-wanted-open-marriage-blog-entry-1.1688600
Let’s take this a step farther friends- she’s written children’s books!
I think we have a new Friday challenge. Cheaters write children’s books.
The Velveteen Mistress.
Now We Are Six — Polyamory for Beginners
Winnie the Complicated
…
Um, cheaters DO write children’s books. Ever heard of Dr. Seuss? Drove his disabled wife to suicide with his affair with a younger woman?
(Haven’t read the comments, sorry if someone else brought this up.)
We should really do a “profiles in famous cheaters” series or something. Give these assholes the memorials they actually deserve.
Rarity, you are SO correct! Another famous children’s author/cheater was Roald Dahl. Loved, loved, loved all his books but…he cheated on his actress/wife Patricia Neal. He is credited with overcome her debilitating stroke but his gold crown was severely tarnished. Sigh…https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1301717/Roald-Dahl-broke-Patricia-Neals-heart.html
That should read, he helped her to overcome her debilitating stroke.
Oh yes! So many! (Lovely to see you, Rarity x.)
Horton hears a ho
The cat with a fat (a fat is slang for a boner)
The Whoreax
How the bitch stole Christmas
I can screw with my eyes shut
One bitch, two bitch ……
I can lick 30 hookers today
Dr Seuss pops up (an actual book title)
Dr Seuss on the loose (an actual book title – oh the irony)
The snatches
The moot book (a moot is Aussie slang for a vagina)
These are all so funny! Here, let me complete this one:
One bitch, two bitch, old bitch, new bitch
The muffin muncher (an actual book title). My ex nutless wonder would appreciate this one as he believes oral sex ain’t cheating. Didn’t Huma’s bosses husband the ever charming former POTUS once try to use this “logic”.
The muffin muncher (an actual book title). My ex would appreciate this one as he believes oral sex ain’t cheating. Didn’t Huma’s bosses husband the ever charming former POTUS once try to use this “logic”.
Hilarious Rarity ?
Hahaha! Awesome Rarity ?
Are You My Motherfucker?
Hairy Mcleering’s Boner
I will never ever look at my kids books the same ever again. Not sure if I want to bleach my brain or piss myself laughing. ?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-mpyWl0aeU
For our overseas friends 😉
I was about to post Hairy McCunty from Who-the-fuck-cares, kiwi ?.
Bush forever. Apparently. And hairy nipples. Mmmm mmmm.
I am nearly wetting myself Kiwi. They are some of my fav Comics/children’s books. Won’t ever be able to look at them again without this convo in my head. Hilarious.
Dickrot Flats
The Liar, the Witch and the Whoredrobe…
Where the Wild Dicks Are.
Goodnight Fucking Cheater.
Charlotte’s Web of Deceit
The Very Horny Caterpillar
Harold and the Purple Dildo (that one’s for SCaL and UX)
Curious George and the Underage Escorts
OMG these are hilarious!!
How about…
The Princess and the STD
CinderMeh-la
The Emperor’s New Karma
The Three Little Dicks
Oh, the Places Your Cheater Will Go!
How the Cheater Stole Christmas
If you give a Cheater a Kibble
Cheater and the AP’s Giant Peach
ding ding ding Tempest wins !
The Monster at the End of This Divorce Summons…
Little red riding hood and the 40 year older big bad wolf
The Sky is Purple, and other alternate realities.
Brotherhood of the Traveling Cock
GEODE, LMAO!!!!
I had to look her up too. Well, Vatican City will run out of Botox…
CL you cannot possbly imagine how you made my day with this comparison…
You can call yourself Catholic and not practice its teachings as easily as you can say you are a millionaire and not have a dollar to your name.
Their appointment to the Vatican is incomprehensible to me, a mere mortal.
My Italian wish: That they both tremble before God in His goodness.
Holy crap. Makes Nancy Grace look almost human by comparison- not quite, though.
Good one Arnold. LOL.
Omfg
Do her eyes ever move? How does she blink?
“How does she blink?” – LOL
Goodness gracious that’s alot of plastic surgery. In the South, we say ‘bless her heart’. She is a super duper special snowflake no doubt. Perhaps my 49 year old wrinkles and bags under my eyes aren’t so bad 🙁
Looks like the Pope just invited the devil into the Vatican! Is that what you call diplomacy?
So that’s what ‘permanenently gobsmacked’ looks like. Smells like Trump giving the pope an underhanded one-finger salute. Good news is that this pope has no qualms about firing back. Bad news is that he’s too classy and graceful to do so, unless there’s souls or lives at stake.
Up next, Trump appoints anti-education activist to head Department of Education. Wait, crap, he already did that. Maybe a climate change denier to run the EPA, crap, check that one off too.
Sad state of affairs in Washington these days. The one good thing is that I have faith that the founding fathers forged a government strong enough to survive these kind of idiots in power.
Sorry about the political digression. Couldn’t restrain myself.
Peace.
aeronaut
Some kind of drug that takes the edge off and makes it easier to live with herself and her transgressions. I don’t know enough about American drug brands to speculate on the specifics.
Oh, and Newt.
I don’t think trump is that clever. I think it was bannon.
I am gobsmacked! Of course it was Bannon. Brilliant way to undermine a faith and position. Send two of the worst most vile examples as Catholics to Rome as US ambassadors. It almost makes me vomit how calculating and shrewd this move.
The pope is no fool. I pray to God his right hand men/women vet these two empty souls before they have an audience.
At the very least, Pope Francis should politely ask how they met.
Scoundrels.
Dammit. Me too. Had to look. Wish I hadn’t. Poor Pope Francis.
You made me look too – and, yes, as bizarre as the description sounds, she is it!
So glad that Huma left that disgusting perv! I double down on the sentiment knowing she’s not falling for the pity channel with all of his “the disease made me do it” rhetoric. Just a different spin on the “devil made me do it” defense.
Unless I see it in scientific journals, I will NEVER believe sex addiction is an actual disease.
Be free Huma. Life will be better with this disordered wing nut out of your life!!
Sex addiction is almost as real as chocolate addiction. There are no physiological effects of withdrawal from sex. There are slight physiological effects of withdrawal from chocolate. Withdrawl from a heroin addiction can be fatal. So classifying all of them as addictions is painting with a very broad brush.
Peace.
aeronaut
Yep, addictive behaviors do tend to operate similarly regardless of the tool/substance used in the behavior, and those behaviors do tend to arise from similar sources as one another. Also, the oxytocin rush a person gets when acting out sexually is very similar to a drug in many ways. On the other hand, the person claiming to be a sex addict seems to be able to control the behavior in some situations (business meetings, grocery stores, etc.) and does not physically suffer when doing so, which makes the concept of addiction pretty wiggly.
I remember a joke (I think it was Chris Rock on Tiger Woods’ shenanigans): Have you seen those women he fucked? He’s not a sex addict. If he was fucking a dead chicken, then MAYbe he’d be one…
Sex addiction? Nah. Just entitlement and misogynistic objectification.
I saw her on the subway a month or so ago. She had shades on and had that terrified look some celebrities get when they are in public and are trying to make themselves look unassuming so no one bugs them. I felt badly for her. So glad she dumped that creep. Illness my ass. Entitled narcissist who got his iPhone taken away from him now…boo hoo. What a child.
My XH, when confronted with all the lies told me that they are a “defense mechanism”. Ah, right. So it’s all sad sausage when you are caught in a lie because it isn’t a lie just a defense mechanism to protect your whittle illness of DOUCHEBAG.
Aaargh! Do these asshats go to the same training grounds? Are they all part of some illicit club with silly handshakes? Cheaty McCheaterpants used the same bullshit ‘it’s my defense mechanisms’ as justification for his lies. FutherMuckers!
Hi! Thanks ChumpLady for the article. Here’s some stuff I really liked:
1.
“The unicorn has died, people. A few moments of silence.”
…
And actually this is an excellent grieving rite that all of us chumps can observe for ourselves: “The day the unicorn died.”
2.
“As for Huma, welcome to the other side. Wish you’d gotten here sooner (which might’ve saved the free world having to learn about the shared contents of your laptop), but whatever. I’m glad you laid that reconciliation burden down.”
I like here that you mention the spread of the cheater / gaslighter / liar’s bullshit and the harm and repercussions his actions have not only on us, but our children, our family, our community, and for some chumps: the nation and the free world. This is not only snark, it’s truth. Maybe realizing that the harm effects so many people can give chumps even more energy for exiting.
3.
“We couldn’t do better than the third wife of a serial cheating hypocrite?”
Above is so empowering to chumps worldwide. It sends the message all over the world, to power, that cheaters are outcasts. A movement is growing, I hope it spreads to women worldwide.
4.
“Good luck to Callista. At least it gets Newt out of the country. (No tag backs, Italy.)”
And this . . . delicious. Cheaters not welcome here. You folks take them off our hands.
I had to look her up simply because of Chump Lady’s lovely description. Also found this quote on a News Max article about her and hubs: “‘They’re a great couple that had a nontraditional start,’ said one friend.” BLECH. That’s one way to sugar-coat a dog turd.
https://www.newsmax.com/Politics/CastillaGingrich-NewtGingrich-presidentialcandidate-ambitions/2011/05/10/id/395854/
And recall that Newt is the reptile (almost appropriately named, since actual newts are amphibians) that served one of his wives with divorce papers while she was in the hospital getting chemotherapy. Talk about cowardice and serving up a shit sandwich. She’s tethered to a machine, feeding poison into her system, and gets served. Even if she was totally expecting them, a very shitty thing to do.
Peace,
aeronaut
Yes and it keeps resonating with me that he said he started going to Catholic mass to watch her “perform” in the choir. Can’t help but think that had to be a trade for her performance in the bedroom. Yet another wonderful evangelist like Ann Snyder converting these lost souls.
Sounds like my cheater stbx should convert to Roman Catholic.
Mine became Catholic one year before he got another woman pregnant. I think he knew he had shit for character and maybe he thought this would magically make him a better person. Unfortunately, it was just the motions because after Easter, he never went to mass with us. Kind of like those magic diets that people try so that they don’t have to do the hard work of changing their lifestyles.
Mine ex actually converted while he was planning our wedding AND banging prostitutes. It was just for show.
Also, let’s call it like it is:
Cheaters
Liars
Gaslighters
Perverts
Voyeurs
Whore-Mongers
Masturbaters
Haha Queenmother! Put that list of words to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and you have a new cheaters jingle! (And a list of everything my cheater did) Maybe “weineritis” could be new slang for “sex addiction” … because poor poor sausage!
Stupidcallousegotisticsextingallatrocious?
You. WIN. The Internet!
hahahhaha! best ever
CL!
Look what you have created!
MONDAYITIS!
Excellent posts Queen Mother,
Getting back to Saint Callista, I am certain many chumps could think of a much better and more fitting choice of Ambassador to the Vatican…….there is a beautiful single Mother, (chomped lady), who is lovingly raising her four beautiful children on her own, works 2 jobs, takes her children to church….she lives on my block. She is like a Mother Teresa to anyone in need. Just a fantastic, good living lady. My vote would be in her corner.
Meanwhile Callista, have another shot of hairspray! Your gonna need it!
Monday is just bringing it all out in me.
Thank you CL, CN!!
Callista hunny bunny, “Just say NO” to huffing hairspray fumes while hanging out with the 6th graders behind the dumpster: The inevitable result is residing *in* the dumpster (now the one behind the Vatican)-and calling it a “Promotion.” Clearly you view yourself as a pretty saavy fish (ohhh lady, those prominently displayed amphibian eyes!) considering you ended up with a newt-and a hella specimen if I may say so. But consider this: Who in their remotely right mind would be so cruel to a baby to make sure their name spectacularly underscored the congenitally obvious? How is this not be a mortal sin? (In addition to your on-going saga of Mortal Sins-The Next Generation the two of you individually and as a matching pair of posteriors have managed to commit?)
newt: n any of small salamanders found in damp places
salamander: n any of tailed lizardlike amphibians with moist scaleless skin
So now you’re gonna pull off the loaves and fishes thing, huh? I know exactly how you got through security with all those cans of hairspray: You hooked up with them exactly where you hooked up with the newt, in that moist place where you hatched a million am-fib-beings. Nonetheless, it will be a challenging newt promotion so focus Callista, focus: You’re getting up there in age and ya know, even refrigerated eggs have a Expiration Date when they’re gettin stale. I do hope your Vatican Contract included something about continuing financial renumeration in the event your efforts result in rotten eggs/a sulphureous ‘Fin-ni.’ Otherwise, your Newt-tonian Parable will morph into The Sermon on My Discount. Yes Callista, those eggs aren’t worth squatty old men without a source of fertilization-and your head(set) newt has done shot the last of his viable load long ago. (While stating he was “hard at work” plugging up some Third World 12 yr. old male’s “Exit Strategy”-remember? You were the one that “helped” by purchasing that kid a Huffy Bike.)
Just so there’s not even more of a cult-cha clash, please be advised all those guys you thought were clowns in those funny striped get-ups are actually the Vatican Police. Those large axes they carry have been used for beheadings for centuries so try not to loose any more of your’s, OK?
Toodles, Mizz Tresseme Hair Spray(ed her huffing self right into “Imma Crazy Bitch:” Every Picture Tells A Story Don’t It?)
RUN, HUMA, RUN!
Maybe it’s because they’re in the public eye, and thus they get more publicity when they get caught, but it just seems like every other politician is a cheater. Is it the feeling of power? The adoration from their supporters? More opportunities?
I just wonder what quality is it in them that makes them seemingly more susceptible to screw around on their spouses. What’s worrisome is that these guys are decision makers for our country/state/locales, and they don’t seem to be very good at making decisions.
What do politicians want? Power, control, admiration.
What to cheaters want? Power, control, admiration.
(At least in my case)
Amen, sister.
Same with a lot of surgeons.
Same with some attorneys– x and I are both attorneys so obviously not all — but I have noticed A LOT of narcs/cheaters at the top in firms– men and women!
Werd.
Well, when the ‘Fake News’ of a happy marriage meets a very public truth….
But then it took public humiliation for many of us before we let go of our marriage myth (thanks Facebook).
So Hurrah for Huma, now she’s signed the divorce papers. Just hope she gets herself deleted from his prison visiting list.
Give me a break. She filed for self preservation. He is a sex offender now. If she did not file, she would lose her son, she would not be eligible to live in certain communities, jobs or be accepted in certain circles.
She is an entitled, extremely connected millionaire who has advantages we could only dream of to escape this freak, and now she files? She saw the light because what? He took a plea?
I am saving my tears for the woman working at Payless Shoes who has no savings, no family and three children and an abusive husband than this pampered, smug opportunist.
Here here!
You could argue that everyone who has been chumped files for “self preservation.” Think of what the alternative is: continuing to be abused. Personally, I think your spouse being a registered sex offender is a pretty damn good reason to get a divorce and pretty incontestable in court that the spouse is guilty of wrong doing.
He solicits minors, you have no idea what he’s actually capable of.
They were married, they have merged assets. You have no clue what he ran through on his dalliances. You have no idea whether she’d be the one paying alimony in this situation. With him in prison, she controls the money, the assets, and custody without the legal battle.
Yes, my thoughts, too.
Having money doesn’t soften heartache. It doesn’t make betrayal easier to process and walk away from without scars.
Seriously have to think that he could have molested her son……No boundaries….No breaks…..No repercussions !
I do find it dismaying that we criticize other chumps, with whom we have no direct contact, as if we can know what is in their hearts or minds. Being wealthy and connected does not mean a person doesn’t feel the searing pain of betrayal. She may have been waiting to file to make sure she could get full custody of the son if Weiner was found guilty.
Very sad when we do not have sympathy for other chumps.
Agree 100%, Tempest.
Agreed.
To tempest’s comment.
You are right Temptest.
She will be ok financially. And I feel for their child.
She was chumped for all to see hear and read.
My inner snark came out this am!
I am 100% on board with this, along with assuming I know how it is for someone based on media reports. The media get small details wrong all the time, just like all people do. That’s why “telephone game” is a thing.
We’re all just guessing. If you met me and tried to guess my history, or met my parents and tried to guess how I turned out, you would probably hit pretty far from the mark.
Nobody outside it really knows what happens in a person’s private space.
Tempest-
You are *assuming* she is chump.
Why? Because she was cheated on? She may not care what nonsense he got up to as long as her career was in tact- all evidence points that. I see no evidence she was a chump.
I see a woman who carefully calculates, plans and schemes to feather her own nest – to surgically preserve her power and career. Her timing is laughable. He is a now sex offender. She had to cut bait. Image management 101- registered sex offender is not cool. Not yet anyway.
Sorry to knock you out of your maudlin reverie, but money DOES matter. It matters in spades when you are trying to escape the disordered. Try leaving a controlling man with $300 in the bank and an AmTrack ticket vs. sipping drinks on a private jet with the cell numbers of world’s most powerful people, then checking into the Four Seasons in Bali to “strategize.”
When you carry the Birkin of the one of the most powerful women in the world, you are not playing on the same tennis court as anyone on this board. Not even in the same country.
Not everyone whose partner strays is a chump. Some don’t give a shit.
This sounds like the “why did she stay?” that’s thrown at plenty of surviviors of domestic violence. “If it was all that bad, why did she stay? Why didn’t she just leave?” It’s often far more difficult and complicated than that. If we accept the concept that cheating is abusive behavior, then shaming her for not leaving earlier is exactly the wrong thing to do, no?
You don’t actually know her financial situation. Who’s to say that she has unfettered access to all her money, if they have merged assets? Financial abuse is a thing.
I think the assumption that Huma stayed because she is some kind of cold, calculated machine is just that, an assumption. Even in marriages with many assets, money usually is not the reason a person stays, or goes . I know it wasn’t for me. It was about the fact that I was leaving the man I had been with for my entire adult life.
One person’s pain is not somehow more valid because of financial resources (or the lack thereof). It angers me when people think they “know” what went on in anyone’s marriage but their own. Even rich and “powerful” women can be chumps!
How do I know? Because I was in a very similar situation. Now, my X was NOT a pedophile, but I did suffer a great deal of humiliation when his affair was publicly exposed. I didn’t leave immediately and many people wanted to speculate why, and of course, judge me because I failed to act as they believed I “should”. In many ways, the way I was treated was almost as hurtful as X’s betrayal. And the things that were said to my children will be with them for the rest of their lives.
You think you know why Huma made the decisions she did. In reality, you will never know, nor will any of the rest of us. As much as I wish she had left Weiner when she first learned of his misconduct, I refuse to revictimize Huma because of some preconceived notion of who I think she is.
Mindy–I will try to come out of my “maudlin reverie” to point out that you, with no evidence whatsoever except that Huma is in politics, claim that she “looked the other way” while Carlos Danger sexted underaged girls, that she only cared because it affected her image. There is NO evidence, other than her being in a political position of power, that Huma is a narcissist, nor lacks empathy, nor lacks normal human emotions. And I teach narcissism as part of my job, so I believe I’d be sensitive to signs of it.
Huma has made very few public appearances or speeches, and so she remains a blank slate onto which you can throw your calumny. This also means that I might be wrong, but I would much prefer to err on the side of compassion instead of cruelty, and to evoke the empathy that intensified after D-day to throw a metaphoric life line to someone who most definitely suffered as a result of her then-husband’s betrayal. Guess I’m just chumpy that way.
Tempest, you are a compassionate Chump, that is a strength you possess.
It shines through in all your posts.
You also have an abundance of knowledge, which I, for one, respect very much.
Again, I believe we never know what has happened, and what is happening, in each chump’s struggle.
Some of us share a lot, some days, other times we may hold back.
We should unite, the best we can, to ease each other’s burden.
On a lighter note, If, we all felt the same, this site would be boring,
no chance of that!
?
Carrying a Birkin bag does not disqualify you as a Chump.
Being in the public eye does not disqualify you as a Chump.
Knowing that your spouse is a piece of shit predator and staying married until he is sentenced to prison does not disqualify you as a Chump.
Not sure why you condemn her choices. She’s been humiliated. She has a young child. She is a Chump and deserves our support.
For me, I won’t judge another. I am sure others would have wondered why I stayed with skankboy as long as I did. For me, it was the cost sunk, fear and other crazy reasons. But, they were MY reasons. Only we know when enough is enough.
Thanks for pointing this out tempest. Maybe she is a narc but she could very well have thought she was marrying for love and was as blown away by the loss of her fairytale as any of us.
If you would have asked me 5 years ago what I would do if my husband cheated on me, I without a doubt would have said toss his sorry ass out on his ear and never look back.
What actually happened: begged for forgiveness and did the pick me dance for 6 months. Thanks to finally seeing the light and listening to a lot of good advice, I am on the path to divorce and hopefully as no contact as I can but that doesn’t mean I still don’t battle wishing I had that fairytale every damn day.
Moving on is harder than staying put.
FeelingIt–good for you. It takes a while to wrap our heads around the duplicity that these cheaters are capable of, but once we do, self-respect kicks in. It’s hard at first, I know.
I would agree that moving on is harder than staying put, but only in the short term. It is stunning the amount of justification that is done to remain in a marriage that is without love, without respect and without boundaries. A manipulating man who marries a woman to obtain Citizenship in the United States, yet she believes… and hopes.. that he loves her. Except he doesn’t. A 20 year marriage ensues, and after numerous years long affairs, a premium Ashley Madison account, a profile on SugarDaddy.com (who knew there was such a thing?!) in which he is specifically looking for 18 – 22 year old GIRLS (and he is 45!!!) he is finally outed in an anonymous email. But yet, she stays. Our desire to have a loving spouse and an intact family flies in the face of every bit of common sense our family and friends offer our way. Love is not defined as any of this, ditto for respect. And yet, most of us are not packing suitcases the moment the betrayal is uncovered. Hillary and Huma are privileged, no doubt, but deep down inside feel the same as every one of us has at one point or another. Betrayed, fearful and ashamed. Should we all have filed the moment that we discovered our relationships were frauds? Undoubtedly, yes. But we all reach these conclusions in our own time frames. Ironically, there is a part of me that absolutely believes that the widespread tolerance of this behavior is one of the things that perpetuates the behavior. Whether it is a friend, a family member or a coworker, I cringe every single time I hear a woman that has been cheated on say, “I’m not leaving because I love him.” I want to remind them all that this is not love. Instead, I offer hugs and hope to God that they come to their senses sooner, rather than later. We have, after all, all been there.
Yah, you are right, QueenBee, the widespread tolerance is what perpetuates it. I feel like our society will come to a tipping point where that all changes
Yep, it is “the devil we know.”
It’s not a lack of sympathy for what she has gone through with this sad excuse for a man…she has played the political game and dealt with the faithlessness of her husband for longer than anyone should have had to (not unlike a certain Mrs. Clinton). Of course it’s her choice to react/take as long as she did on her path to this point — just as it would be for any one of us, but she was trying to make things work to her advantage too for political gain. So whither the pity? Just lots of using going on. Not sure which came first — the used chicken or the used egg. At least she got the fuck out, and kudos to her for that. That man is train wreck.
Really, because I’m pretty sure that Hillary and Huma staying in relationships to cheaters actually COST them political capital (and probably the election). But by all means diagnose Huma’s motives without ever having met her, or without her ever having a very public presence for us to ascertain her personality and motives from her (virtually non-existent) speeches.
Again, I have sympathy for any person whose spouse cheats on them — particularly when it’s so public and vile. But she is a politician also (and I am using that term in the “dirty” sense of the word). Honestly, I am not diagnosing anymore than you are.
+1000000
I think it is also worth noting that there are a lot of Roman Catholic chumps out there, myself included. I personally can tell you that without my Church, I would have committed suicide during my divorce process, and that is not an exaggeration. So it’s hard to hear it called a “cesspool of hypocrisy” among other things. In addition to not getting into politics, not criticizing other chumps, maybe we could add a ban on religion bashing? Chumps come in all shapes, sizes, financial statuses, and religions….
Yes GG 1431, I never would have made it through without my church and priest! Not to mention the Pope didn’t ask to have her sent over
Thank you Jojobee, ugh it’s frustrating. I’d love to see the backlash here if people started disparaging Huma’s religion…
And each one of us has asked ourselves after the fact how we could have stayed in the relationship for as long as we did. Each one of us has probably battled that feeling of embarrassment for not seeing what should have been obvious.
Count me in that category, GetMeFree.
Mikky says above “But then it took public humiliation for many of us before we let go of our marriage myth”.
I don’t know Huma and, thus, how she was planning her exit strategy.
I definitely have “battled that feeling of embarrassment for not seeing what should have been obvious”, even though Cheater was a master manipulator.
Mindy W. read Chump Lady’s post from last week, Five things that keep us stuck with cheaters. It happens in the best of families.
Chump Nation is a rainbow nation. *Anyone* can be chumped.
Yes, this is true.
Chump pain unites us, that is why we are here.
We do not know other chump’s circumstances.
But, boy, we know their pain.
Yeah, it would have been nice if she’d separated from his cheating ass before it affected the entire country. I have empathy for *any* person caught up in a mess like her marriage was, but she’ll be okay insofar as having the resources to take care of herself and her child, etc.
I agree Mindy. She is very well connected to the wealthy Saudi Arabia families and she is very well off herself. She has resources and wealth that only some of us could dream of. And why file now, when he dick of a husband has been sexting for YEARS! Poor woman my a**. She’s doing it because he is no longer of use to her. She’s a narcissistic opportunist, who has a self-serving agenda. I don’t feel bad for her one bit, as she’s exactly where she wants to be.
Wow. I guess if you are rich then it’s ok to get cheated on.
Hear hear. She is an opportunist and he simply left her with no other opportunities. That being said, he is still a complete asshat. I feel the worst for her poor child.
+1,000
Preach it Mindy. So agree.
Or maybe she rode the hopium bus clear up to the prison gate praying it was going to take a left turn in Albuquerque?(yes Bugs Bunny reference!) Chumpdom has no financial status/wealth requirements. And you only have to be on this blog to read hundreds of stories of Chumps that stayed in shitty relationships waaaay to long because they were not enlightened to the ways of the Chump (narcissistic personality disorder anyone? The Recovery industrial CON-plex? Sex-addiction-12-stepping-scapegoating?) I come to the Chumpnation to get the reinforcement and TRUTH that I was not enlightened with dealing with my cheater- and it seems like most of us on here don’t get here until after the relationship is over. So Huma, we will save you a seat on the bus to Chumpnation, and hopefully you will take us up on the offer- we’re a pretty fun group (and funny!) and we’ve been there done that. Have a seat.
Agreed. I’m not wealthy, nor was I when I was married but together my ex and I made enough money to launch us into a higher tax bracket. I certainly could have left him immediately after finding out about his cheating ways because I earned enough money to support myself; had a decent sized 401k and could afford to live comfortably.
I stayed for three years of wreckconciliation out of pure unadulterated fear just because of the supposed sunk costs I had in our 27 year marriage. I certainly didn’t gain anything by staying with him other than my self esteem decimated a little more but I’m sure others from the outside looking in might have thought I stayed for the lifestyle. We owned a house on the water, had lots of toys including a boat and took at least two vacations per year and always one to a tropical destination.
Does that make me an opportunist too? Not hardly, just a chump that may have had it financially better than the battered wife with small children working at a shoe store to make ends meet. It doesn’t make me any less of a chump though.
Agree 100%.
I am fully self-supporting. House was/is mine.
I loved him. Suffered from a hopium problem. And I didn’t want to break up the family.
It took him leaving after 11 years together, 9 years married, to go chase the OW for me to hit my rock bottom.
Luckily, I found CL and CN shortly after and filed.
Yes and I’m sure you like me worked hard to get where we are. I paid my own way through college working full/part time so I won’t apologize for having it better than the shoe store lady, nor will I listen to anyone spouting drivel about my chumpdom because I’m not suffering financially or because I didn’t leave right away.
Nobody else walks in my shoes but me. Some of us (many chumps on this board) were frozen in inaction because they were simply afraid so I’m not going to pass judgement on any other chump for doing the same. I reserve my judgement for the shitty cheaters.
Don’t forget fear of failure, refusing to fail at our marriages (because we’ve accepted the narrative that it is 50% our fault from the RIC, and 90% our fault from the cheaters). I think among the relatively well off chumps are a lot of high achievers with high expectations of ourselves, so we won’t give up easily, we’ll fight for what’s right. Except we’re wasting our time fighting for the cheaters…
Not giving Huma a high five for filing to divorce Weiner. I don’t really see that she’s a true chump.
As for Newt’s helmet haired wife, she fits right in with the Vatican that is a cesspool of hypocrisy.
namaste y’all
Wow PF. As a Roman Catholic I have to tell you, that is offensive.
Unfortunately people don’t care if they offend you when you are a Catholic. It’s upsetting to see all of this here, a place I have come for healing and hope and help for years now. Just an fyi for all those who think they know better, the Catholic Church feeds, clothes, houses, educates, and provides more medical care for more people on this earth than ANY OTHER organization, anywhere, ever. There is no perfect church, and there have been many flaws in mine, but this site is not about religious issues/faults/scandal. It’s about people who have suffered abuse, infidelity, trauma, etc. Some of us love our faith and would appreciate that being honored. If you want to trash Catholicism, I’m sure you can find any number of sites to do that…
I’m giving you the benefit of doubt that you did not read my previous post about my father’s abuse by a Priest.
Your response seems to lack empathy and only comes out as accusatory as Catholic bashing. I commented on the hypocrisy of Vatican and did not say all Catholics.
Really….is saying you saying no religion is perfect an appreciate response to the abuse father suffered as a child.
To insinuate that I came here to bring religion bashing offends me. As it is, CL mentioned how ironic that Callista Gingrich is the new Vatican ambassador. I only participated in a fluid manner which has been in the style of this forum from day one. Rarely does CL censor this forum and it seems you are attempting to do that by inferring there are other sites I should go to.
I am sorry that your family suffered abuse. And yes, some of that was institutionalized. However, that does not justify Catholic bashing either. Do you know who the largest numbers of abusers are statistically? People employed by public schools. Yet no one ever gets up and talks about the evil public school system. The facts are that cover-up is often the response to abuse and that has to be fought in every institution in our culture and across others. Child abusers go where children are PERIOD. That still does not justify the bigotry against an entire religion. You need to feel safe here, but so do I and so do the other Catholics, agnostics, and atheists, and everyone.
Sorry, my username did not come out here and I don’t want anyone to think I tried to post anonymously. This is Jojobee.
The freedom to call out hypocrisy whether it’s about religion or government is not bigotry. Any religion or institution that has a history of abuse is not immune to criticism.
You’ve put words in my mouth and it’s ironic that any institution that is against gay marriage or birth control, or covers up child abuse is not immune to being called out in it’s hypocrisy.
You used the word bashing and bigotry, the irony is astounding.
Thank you for feeling sorry about my father’s sexual abuse by a catholic priest but then insinuating I’m a bashing bigot.
Well, all the institutional coverups of sexual abuse were pretty offensive as well. Individual Catholics may be nice people, but the leadership has some pretty big sins to answer for.
What happened to my father as young boy by a Priest who was only transferred to another church to repeat his abuse is beyond offensive.
Anthony Weiner is a sexual predator and it’s offensive that Huma after she had proof of her husband’s sickness only just a day ago filed for divorce. That even though a picture became public nearly a year ago of her husband who sexted a pic of his hard on with her child sleeping next to him she continued to reconcile with that sicko.
I have sympathy for chumps, but a chump who fails to protect their children will not have my sympathy.
We do not know what actions Huma took or did not take to protect herself and her child. In my state, divorce requires a long waiting period, but a couple can get a complete legal separation of assets and a complete custody arrangement while separated. Filing for divorce does not tell us anything about what protective steps she took or when she took them. Similarly, being divorced does not mean she is protecting her child–you’d have to know what the custody arrangement was to draw any conclusions on that issue.
Finally, given the legal issues her husband faced, Huma had all kinds of opportunity to use the divorce as a negotiating tool. Maybe she didn’t divorce him faster because he agreed to seek no custody if she waited until it was a convenient time for him. We can no more tell if her choices were strategic and chosen in her child’s best interest than we can tell if they were selfish.
We can be glad that she is soon to be leaving her cheater.
As of March this year they were living together, give me a break. CL even had a thread this March about how mind boggling that Huma was still attempting reconciliation with that sicko.
I highly doubt that if a Huma moved out and taken her child with her a year ago she would have secured full custody with or without a divorce filing.
I think in some ways Huma was lucky. Yes,she was cheated on….we all were. Yes, her husband was a sneaky, amoral asshole…..all our spouses were. That he went after young girls may weed some of us out of this, but discovering your spouse texted dick pics and perverted sext messages and trying to work it out just makes her……us.
Where is she lucky? She never had to deal with being portrayed as a shrew, and her ex was always so busy trying to keep his public image going that he never trashed her……there was none of the ” I had to do it. My wife is a cold bitch who just yells all the time and never has sex with me.”
Not that she hasn’t had her cross to bear, the email incident was unfortunate. But….she wasn’t attacked as a wife by the spouse she was killing herself to be better for even though HE was the cheating asshole. Talk about insult to injury…..Am I right?
There is that I guess….
So, how does this annulment thing work when it comes to producing living, breathing children? Although his second marriage produced no children, Newt did have 2 daughters with his first wife Jackie. Does that make them illegitimate? Does that make them disappear? SMH.
My annulment was finalized just last week. As it was explained to me, the annulment has no impact on the children. They are still able to receive all sacraments. Legitimacy of the children is considered a civil matter, whereas the annulment deals only with whether the marriage entered into was a sacrament or not.
Children of an annulled Catholic marriage remain legitimate, due to what is called the “presumption of validity” of the marriage while it was still a marriage.
As far as i know being a lasped catholic. An annullment means any children that were born during the marriage to be anulled no longer exist in the catholic church. At least thats how it was explained to my mom 35 years ago from the arch diosese of bridgeport and 5000.00 dollars. my future step father said no and they were married in city hall. Maybe its changed as i am laspsed.
I’m going through the annulment process right now. And my daughters are still completely legitimate and Catholic. All it does is clarify your status in the church if they agree that yours was not a sacramental marriage. It can be because one or both sides went into it without knowing their spouse fully (that they were a lying cheater). It’s the equivalent of a civil divorce, but in the church.
Thanks marked. Good to know back when my mom tried it was your kids dont exist. Nice to know the church changed its policy.
1962 was when the canon law changed, probably took a while to trickle down to your mom’s diocese.
Atheist Daughter of excommunicated Catholic here. Dad punched a bishop.
He was so ashamed he couldn’t wait until his next teenager to…
These people are wired differently. They can’t change because they are who they are. Huma finally gets it. She is not special to a sexual deviant. She is useful when he has to enter her world to eat, sleep, work, procreate and look responsible.
The void Weenie tries to fill using dangerous sexual excitement is unfillable. Man or woman. A guttural world empty of emotional intimacy where love does not exist only physical pleasure. If you can call it that. I think its more of physical release from the pressure of feeling personal failure. For a moment it makes them feel invincible when in reality they are pathetic cowards and they know it.
Like the rest of us, she is mourning the life she thought she would have instead of the one that is.
La vida loca, Huma. Big hug.
Via con Dios, Weenie, you are going to need it.
*Vaya con Dios. At review, when looking at excitement, I saw the word entitlement…much better word.
To think that this asshole literally changed the course of our presidential election makes me more than “slightly nauseous.”
I read somewhere that she had not filed because she was preserving her right to claim “spousal privilege” which would mean she would never have to testify in any trial.
Now that Wiener pleaded guilty — there will be no trial — so she does not need the legal protection of marriage.
That makes sense to me.
Yep, prudent on her part. Had she testified the election would have been even more of a shitshow.
Doesn’t make her Chumphood any less legit.
When I was young I lived in a predominantly Catholic neighborhood, with a Catholic elementary school on the edge of the neighborhood. My playmates would share stories of “what Sister did today,” and as they grew into teenagers, I learned about confession. I cannot imagine the horror of being a priest and having to listen to the confessions — it would have to take someone with enormous faith or enormous capacity to wade through a sea of BS everyday to put up with the truth — much less the lies, half-lies, and blame shifting that must go on. Plus, even though they are “educated” in catechism, I think the majority of Catholics I’ve know have not developed a true understanding of the significance of tenants of their faith. I may be wrong — but since I never affiliated with any particular religion, I have heard many of the different philosophical basis’ for the different common Christian faiths and I did study Old Testament and New Testament academically in college. I also look up references in literature and history books frequently. Still, I’m certainly not a religious scholar.
It seems to me that the Pope (this one in particular) would have to be non-judgemental of an appointed ambassador. I don’t know what this woman did to “earn” this position, but her spouse has certainly been helpful to the current President — and he must not ever have been overly concerned about his actions or resulting reputation — as long as it did not interfere with his power and his wealth. Political appointments often do not make sense to those of us who believe in the concept of being “qualified” for a job. I think throughout our history they have always been some sort of reward, or recognition for assistance that resulted in the President getting into office. It is one of the sad realities of political life and the livelihood that tax paying citizens provide for the elected and appointed officials .
When I see someone I despise on the news, I try to mute the TV, and repeat to myself a mantra of “this too shall pass.” I mute many, many things. We cannot change reality, no matter how much we are disgusted by it. I personally believe it is better to know the truth than to be fooled by public relations releases. These folks can dress up, and they can parade around like they are the envy of the world, but we don’t have to like or respect them. They are just another example of life not being fair.
As for Huma, I hate to see education and extensive work experience wasted on a weiner. Maybe she has learned not to believe in the RI rhetoric? Maybe she is tired of being useful to a POS? Who knows? Whatever her motivation, at least this particular loser will be held accountable for some of his “sickness” related actions. I used to wish my ex’s would at least be ashamed, but I found they have no shame and the public at large generally doesn’t care. Another liar and cheater? YAWN!!!
The good news for chump nation is that we know them for what they are, and that we found a way to be free of, or greatly reduce, their influence on us. We know the truth, and it has set us free. There has to be some good in that?????
Portia,
Reading your posts makes me wish I did my English homework instead of learning how to pick the stearing lock on my brother’s motorcycle so I sneak it out for a ride.
Well said.
Steering..spelling is on a roll today HAW HAW HAW
Portia, I appreciate the absence of hyperbole in your posts. I worry that outrage is expressed so frequently in society that we have no words left when we encounter truly outrageous behavior.
Mute noise and recite mantra is a healthy strategy. “This too shall pass” is nice. I sometimes use “There’s nothing new under the sun.”
What a nice post and sentiment. 🙂
Standard PR damage control rhetoric. At this point, I don’t really expect anything different. It would be refreshing to see one of these people simply say, “I’m a piece of shit and I got caught being a piece of shit,” but I’m sure that’ll happen when hell freezes over.
For my part, I don’t have trouble that things like sex addiction or whatever other “illness” this guy thinks he has exist. I mean, considering the fact that sexual acts flood your brain with pleasure chemicals, it’s pretty easy to see how something like that could be addicting.
But it certainly is freaking suspicious that these people all have a sudden and miraculous epiphany about their problem only AFTER they get caught.
My problem with addiction as “disease” is that acquiring the addiction requires making a conscious choice and then another conscious choice over and over again.
My dad was an unrepentant raging alcoholic. He didn’t just wake up one day falling down drunk. He chose to indulge his desire for alcohol every day for over sixty years.
x was a “sex addict.” He chose to indulge his desire for strange sex every day for forty years.
Both men had no problem spending all the money and hurting all the people in several families because of their “addiction.”
I don’t think “selfish” or “liar” is a synonym for “addiction.” And I definitely don’t see sex addiction (or alcoholism) as being on the same level as cancer or the HPV that x left me with. Those are actual diseases.
Fuck you sex addicts.
They used to be called degenerates and perverts. Changing the name to “sex addict” does NOT make them any less a degenerate or pervert.
Dr. Omar Minwalla will tell you “sex addiction” does not exist. Only sick, selfish fuckers with personality disorders.
Roaring, there are many of us who could be battling sexual diseases that escaped with our health intact. It easily could have been me. I am so very sorry that lying piece of shit coward did this to you.
Thanks. It sucks. On D-day I asked him if he wore condoms. He just giggled.
In my divorce agreement, I signed away my right to sue x for infecting me. I probably wouldn’t have ever sued but I wish I hadn’t signed that. On divorce day (our second mediation), I felt overwhelmed by middle-aged men pressuring me to settle (my lawyer, the mediator, and x). I didn’t like or trust any of them and just wanted to get the hell out of there.
I am HIV-, and even having to take the test was traumatic. Not what you expect to need to do after 25 years’ monogamy.
But, yep, he gave me hpv, courtesy of one of his visits to a lady of negotiable affection. Cost me fertility as well, but I am blessed with Kiddo.
I have my health otherwise and I hope you are cured, Roaring,❤️
Oh Mephista, you as well. I am so sorry. Terrible what these inhumane pieces of garbage are capable of doing to an unsuspecting faithful partner.
Makes me sick.
Agreed Roaring.
He is so fucking disgusting.
One ugly mofo for sure!
There are billions of good souls in our world including chump nation.
However, people like Anthony Weiner are part of the group of pure evil that run the world through the central banks, The Vatican, the MIC, IRS, etc.
All of these monstrous stories of infidelity, are part of a bigger battle going on, which is a global battle of good vs evil
Just saying…..
Went to see Dr. George Simon deliver a training to mental health clinicians on “Manipulative People” last week. It was fantastic, and he mentioned Chump Lady and her superb work on “serial cheaters”!! So that was exciting. One of the things he said that so struck me and which I agree with wholeheartedly is that “addiction is way over-diagnosed.” OMG, someone finally talking some sense! Yes, there are some cases of genuine addiction, this is true. But more often, these folks have deficits of character that render these “addictions” as little more than abuse of substances or behaviors which most would pull back the throttle on. It’s the character deficit that’s the etiology. Just once, I’d love to see one of these guys say “I’m not and haven’t been a good person, but I want to learn.” Now THAT might impress me.
Hi K —
I read a recovered cheater say that ending affairs is only a decision, and can be done in an instant. I read this to James Bond, he thought for a second and said, “That’s true.”
Then this author, the above recovered cheater, went on to say that porn is harder to overcome, and can take months. “Months?!!!” I thought. “Months? That’s not bad at all.”
So this writer / recovered cheater’s own personal experience verifies that affairs is a choice that can be ended immediately.
I have wondered about Huma and what she might be thinking. It is plausible that it is strategic. She is a very quite publicly known person. She has barely been heard speaking out loud….ever.
The one question that bothers me is What was she thinking when she found out that he was sending disgusting texts to a 15-year-old CHILD. I’d really like to know. How does one continue to be married to a person like that when you have a young child?? At that point, LUV is not enough. Protecting the innocent is paramount.
I am curious as to why it matters if it is a disease or not?
Is it because if its a disease it falls under the “in sickness and health” clause of our wedding vows and therefore we must excuse it? Do certain religions not allow you to have your marriage annulled if its a disease or you -the chump- will go to hell if you don’t abide by that sub-clause? Or they were “mentally incapacitated” so by legal standards not liable for their actions.
I happen to have a unique perspective because I am an alcoholic and a chump. I have been sober for 20+ years and am involved in fellowships of people like me. I have spent years reading and listening to people talk about disease/addiction/lack of will power debate. It simply doesn’t matter if I was under the influence or obsessing over drinking when I hurt people, I hurt people. PERIOD. I am to make restitution and take responsibility. I don’t get to blame it on the disease, I don’t get to excuse my behavior.
The only thing that the disease angle helps with is that I know can never safely ingest alcohol into my body with out it it setting off a chemical reaction in my brain that will trigger a physical craving. No matter how much my character has changed, I can never safely take a drink.
If sex addiction has the same characteristics they can never safely be around things that trigger that chemical response. But like me making the decision to put a drink to my lips. They decide to open that porn site, call that tramp, stare at someone’s boobs. What leads them to the point where they get to that place, is something they can control and take action against. Loved this statement from another poster. “I think its more of physical release from the pressure of feeling personal failure.” The feelings proceed the fix, dealing with the feelings is what is key.
My STBXH and I had a deal from the start of our marriage that if I drank, he had the right to leave. He married me knowing I had this addiction, but it was his get out of jail free card, nullified our wedding vows. I start drinking and nothing else matters, but that drink. However, I am responsible for every action, and deserve every consequence.
The only person who should care why someone takes an action is the person. If you can understand the why you can take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. It doesn’t give you an excuse for the behavior.
Now that being said if your partner’s cheating is the result of a disease so makes you getting out on par of people who leave their partners who have cancer, than don’t accept its a disease. Period. If your pastor/priest/minister says its is, find a new one.
Callista has a strong case for suing the plastic surgeon who did that eyelift.
Or maybe she wanted to ensure she could never blink in vatican negotiations.
I understand that Newt left both previous wives as soon as they were disgnosed with chronic illnesses.
Callista should make sure she never attends anymedical appointments.
But then, given the obese shape he’s in, she’ll no doubt outlive him.
Marci, Callista’s problem is too much botox, not bungled plastic surgery. There is a politician in my country who is (finally) in jail and his futile, useless wife (who also deserves to go to jail) has the same buggy, weird eyes as Callista’s from all the botox. Medical opinions made from her pictures.
I loved Weiner’s non-apology. It sounded so much like CheaterX’s. Truly, they all use the same playbook.
I think it was hard for her because she was in the public eye so much, and because they have a child together. After reading the news stories of Weiner’s sexting with a minor while his baby son was next to him in the room, I felt it was only a matter of timing that Huma was going to divorce him. And I’m so sick of hearing about how these perverts aren’t responsible for what they do because they have an “illness.”
Perhaps she made some deal with herself that this isn’t her most awful moments in life, but politics aside, husbands job aside, what she did in her spare time.. why… I made a contract with my spouse and he broke it. Society has decided it happens so ,uch, no one cares… I care Humalog, or any other chump that thought, ‘if this is the last abuse to save my marriage…’
I don’t understand forgetting the betrayal has no politics, no gender, no creed, etc. I had a very good (I didn’t know the truth even after the first dday) life in spite of my betrayer. But that doesn’t absolve the betrayal, nor the the betrayer.
My thoughts and prayers are with you in England tonight.
Ya know – I can relate to Huma’s arc on this. I put up with Ex’s “just friends ” relationship for years. We had a flair up, call it DDay but I thought it was fixed. Was it a strong happy marriage, no, but I thought we were on the right track. I was busy with work and friends and could mostly just ignore him. We went almost a whole year without any problems, and one day I left work early and saw his car by her house. I had literally just quit my job and was starting a new job in a few days. I was shell shocked. I could not handle dealing with yet another round of his bullshit and doing my job. I spoke to my mother, and she advised “park that issue for now”. She wasn’t telling me to forget about it. She was telling me to just get myself settled and then turn my focus to the relationship issue. I was done in late August, I didn’t file until late March. I have no children, no considerable assets, and I am not a public figure. My Ex had not committed crimes of any note (probably some IRS stuff someone looked). I calmly went about my work, never had a meltdown, never missed a day of work, saw the lawyers, so the accountants, and the executed. To the outside, it might have looked like I was staying in the marriage, in fact I was getting my shirt together.
Add the complexities of this case for consideration, and I can see where there was a clear best time to leave. She may have been ready to go last summer, but she was working on the campaign. She had to park this for a while. Then the election and all the legal issues, I can see where there was a clear best time to deal with this and so she calmly saw the lawyers, saw the accountants, went about her day until it was time to execute the plan.
I am gonna be EXECUTED here. My name is horses, and I am a chump. Reformed.
But. Yes.
I have a dear friend who is married to a SA. I was EXTREMELY sceptical. But more than three years later, I believe it. Doesn’t mean it is survivable. Or easy. Or for many (any?) I definitely could not be her. But I know both parties. And I believe him. He isn’t a ‘flash Harry’ – not some ‘glamorous’ guy who revels and justifies his arseholery in his addiction diagnosis. He is disgusted in himself. Works every single day to be a better person. Every day in 12 step. Several times a week in Buddhist group reflection. The sex was gross. He groomed morbidly obese, needy, broken women to fuck him. In a robotic and repetitive way (how can we really know, yes, I get that!) It disgusted him. But he kept doing it. I know! WTF?
To completely discount this is the one thing I disagree with CN about. I LOVE this community. And there is no way in hell I could stay with one. I agree that millions claim it who are just outright arseholes. But in a few cases – just sometimes – these people are fucked up in this unbelievably even more fucked up way.
My friend has completely disconnected from her husband’s recovery, owning her own healing, but knowing it is separate from his, and she can leave at any time. As I say, it’s not for me. But I respect them both for trying.
The 12 step bullshit does not help them. That’s because “sex addiction” is not real. The disgusting behavior is a symptom of a deeply seated personality disorder.
Along with being a horse’s ass….Weiner is one ugly mofo! Disease my foot! There is NO scientific evidence that so called “sex addiction” is even real. It’s a symptom of a personality disorder! Dumb fuck Weiner!
The Patrick Carnes crew (creators of the sex addict lie)- are making a mint off of this non existent “disease.” Follow the money! Look at the results of 12 step “treatment.” (zip, nil, zero recovery).
I wasn’t crazy about GWB. I wasn’t nuts about Obama. Even so, both of these men were loyal to their wives- and that I will always admire that quality in both men.
I will never vote for a politician who did not respect the boundaries of his/her marriage. Infidelity reveals a lack of moral character across the board.
It never ceases to amaze me how people continue to use the phone for their dirty deeds. Two words – Tiger Woods. Thank goodness she’s getting away from this crazy nightmare! Hugs…