Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

Happy Father’s Day!

Hey, I just wanted to wish all our chump dads and step-dads out there a very happy Father’s Day! If you’re going through the infidelity and divorce crucible right now, and the Hallmark bonhomie of Intact Family Celebrations turns you off, please know it gets better. Like I tell all the moms on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day is your chance to celebrate YOUR way and make this day about YOU. (Yes, my chumpy friend, your needs don’t have to be microscopic on this or any other holiday.)

Thanks for all you do to be the Sane Parent. Thanks for setting a good example. Thanks for giving every straight woman and gay guy here hope that Good Men Exist. We love you and we wouldn’t be Chump Nation without you.

And a special shout out to my husband who is a wonderful father. To his corny jokes, to making Everything A Teaching Moment, to his love of baseball, popcorn, and BBQ, to his spoiling dogs to a ridiculous degree (he bakes them DOG CAKES for their birthdays!) to his being the sane guy who Shows Up — thank you. My own son’s father ghosted him (read this Scary Mommy post on ghosting — and the healing powers of step fathers) and today my son is proud to call my husband his parent.

Let’s share our Good Guy stories this weekend. Please leave off the myriad bad examples (we have Friday’s post for venting) and let’s show our appreciation for the awesome dads out there.

Happy Dad’s Day!

* * The picture is of my father and me last summer.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • My good guy story is thus…my son – who has an amazing son, age 6 – also has relatively severe mental illness. He really can not parent. His former fiance has remarried and I approached them with my support for an adoption so that my grandson can have the security he needs (rather than a spectre of being sent away to my son if {God forbid} anything bad happened to his mom).

    My grandsons family has allowed me to stay a part of the extended family even though some of them dont know the origins of my my sons “deadbeat dad” ways. My grandsons new stepdad has been gracious and kind. I, in turn, have opened my heart to the son that he brought into the relationship as he is short on grandmas.

    So thanks, Josh…for being the dad my son can’t be.

    • My other story is that my new husband is a wonderful father to his daughter despite parenting being made exponentially more difficult by his XW leaving and taking daughter with her. There were times when my nowhusband would drive 9 hours each way for visitation but wouldnt miss any chances to be with his daughter.

      Anyhoo…when I started dating him, his dad was alive (has since died) and I was forever being told “my dad wasn’t into ____” or “he didn’t have skills in ____” (yet everyone seemed to love his dad a great deal).

      So one day I asked “I keep being told what your dad didn’t do, tell me what he did do” (and paternal crapiness being a constant theme in my life, I didn’t actually expect an answer).

      But an answer I got…my nowhusband said “He taught me how to love” .

      WHAMMO ! So even though I cant list a single accomplishment that the world would have admired from this man, his simple acts of love helped mold his (mostly sane and functioning) family into being a group that loved.

  • For those of you with a crazy-ish (or worse…) ex, enjoy the eggshell free day in any way you want.

    It’s one of the best days of the year as you get to spend time with the people who care about you . The sun is shining here, my music is playing (criticism free) and my kids are very happy…

    Their mother has already tried for some centrality today, but we’ve ignored or left that behind and didn’t bother to board the crazy train.

    Happier Days ahead, especially when focused on self and kids rather than crazy making.

  • Shout out to my Ex Father in Law, yes, we are still close, 27 years after I divorced his son who cheated on me. He’s 82 years old and my grown son and I are going to visit him today. My ExFil is the closest to a Dad that I have, as my own Dad passed away 18 years ago. ExFIL was chumped many years ago by my ExH’s mom. ExFIL never missed a child support payment. In those days men didn’t usually even ask for custody but he would have deserved it. He was a great Dad to my ExH (though I feel that ExH inherited the peter pan gene and certainly the narc gene from my exMIL)…. but anyway. ExFIL has been an unwaveringly wonderful grandfather to my children. He never missed a school play or concert even though peter pan Dad (his own son) was living in another state with woman no 3, then 4 that he cycled through after I divorced him. This is a true blue, loving Dad and Grampa. He is interested in everything the kids say and do. He engages in meaningful conversation with them and is loyal. He even stood by me as I spent 16 years with Cheater#2, always treating that asshole like gold, like family, and with courtesy and respect. Only after post Dday breakup did he share his feelings that he always thought something was “off” with Cheater#2…. but anyway – I cherish every day that we have with him. That’s true family. Happy Father’s Day!

  • Shout out to my youngest son’s father-in-law!
    My son thanked him for showing him what a good man, husband and father looks like.
    He is lucky to have a decent role model to counterbalance his cheating father.

  • I could gush on and on about my husband and proving to be the sane parent and Good Men Do Exist. What man takes his daughter (my stepdaughter) to girly birthday parties where he is usually the only man, plays dress up and takes same daughter to get her hair done? He did draw the line at bra-shopping, I did that. LOL. He is sweet, nerdy and he is MINE.

    My dad is the epitome of the hard working, get-it-done man. When I was in the middle of D day, I came home from work and my yard was mowed, weeds pulled and new mulch was in my beds. My dad and one of his friends worked all day. Things like that is how he shows his love and he will never know how grateful I am for that.

    My pray every day for my boys to turn to these men for guidance and for direction.

  • This will be my first Father’s Day without my own dad, who passed away on April 1. He was, very simply, my hero in every conceivable way — but never more so than during the ordeal with KK.

    No matter what obstacles presented themselves, no matter how painful the difficulties that resulted from her deception and mindfucking, the path forward was always laid plain by remembering his honesty, his integrity, his empathy, and his resolve; and by merely following the example he set for what it means to be a husband, a father,and a man.

    There are good men in the world — REAL men — and I was fortunate enough to have one as my example. My only hope is that I can be half as good for my own children.

    • Well said UXWorld. Chump dad here who is lucky enough to have the shit show of infidelity five years in the rear view mirror.

      My dad had died a couple of years before my unpleasantness, but I channeled his empathy, humor and basic goodness often. I was lucky to have a father who quietly modeled how to be decent and I hope I am doing the same for my daughters.

      • Condolences, UX. At every step of this process, you have modeled what a sane father looks like and put your girls’ needs before your own.

    • UX and D2…..my parents did the same for me as well. They were chock-full of honesty, integrity, grace, dignity, love, and I can go on.

      So being raised in this perfectly healthy state is how I was able to stay sane in the X’s tsunami he created.
      Thankfully I never felt like any of it was my fault.

      Both my parents were wonderful, beautiful people that I dearly miss.

    • UX

      Time and time again you have been the model of strength to your daughters. Your father was an impressive man who was no doubt proud of his amazing family. You share his qualities and are a fine example of an authentic, loving father to your children.

  • Hats off to all the chump dads here. You are much appreciated. I love knowing that there are so many good men out there. My impression of men was definitely skewed after having been through a malignant narc sperm donor, and two cluster B husbands. You all have shown me that good men do exist on this planet.

    I also want to applaud my son for being such a great Dad and all round fine human being. I am so proud of him. He demonstrates his good character everyday and I thank my lucky stars that I am his Mom. He and my DIL just divorced this week, and they were grown ups all the way through. He is voluntarily paying twice the child support mandated. He is present in his girls lives as much as possible and they know that they have his love and support always.

    Lastly, I want to recognize those Moms who are doing double duty, picking up the slack for absent spouses and parenting like a champ.

    You all rock!

  • Happy Father’s Day, to all you great dads.

    Not everyone will agree, but I think parenthood is/can be/should be the most important relationship a person will ever have. Anyone who walks away from it is truly a sociopath as far as I’m concerned. And I’m not talking about adoption, which i think is a blessing in some instances. I just mean the standard (fill in the blank) something else is more important to me.

    But, I think parenthood is the one relationship that’s eternal, and the one where I can understand unconditional love. Not justyifing putting up with crap, but I can understand any mother or father still loving their child no matter what.

  • My dad is a quiet, gentle down to earth man who was the one I went to for calm support when I was younger (and still do).
    My BIL is a great man who shared night feeds right from the start with my SIL with her unsettled screaming daughter then twin boys. He is totally hands on, I often see him at the shops with 3 kids in tow doing the groceries or taking them out so SIL gets a break. I’m glad she picked a man who is so different to her father and brothers (my ex is her brother, most of the men in their extended family are narcs)

  • I hit the jackpot in the Dad department. I was a Daddy’s girl (Mom and Dad divorced when I was in 1st grade and Dad never re-married). My Dad was cool, funny, loving, loyal, smart, interesting and free-spirited! I lost him about 2.5 years back after a long illness — he battled so hard and spent the better part of two years in and out of the hospital.

    Interesting story. As I was making regular trips to the hospital to check on my Dad, meet with doctors, etc. etc. (while working full-time) my ex was actually in between jobs. He had all the time in the world. My Dad had loved and supported my ex to the fullest extent. My ex had loved being around my dear Dad when Dad was healthy, upbeat, and funny! But as Dad lay in the hospital dying, do you think ex ever took the initiative to go check in on him? That would be a big NO.

    So, toward the very end I asked my ex to go with me on this particular day to see Dad especially because I needed help carrying in a big gift basket of goodies we were giving to all the nurses on his wing for taking such good care of him. Ex went in and stood looking at my dear sweet Dad and then said the most insincere “I love you” I have ever heard in my life. Again, my Dad was very loving and always showed love and support for my ex but for whatever reason on this day — the last day my ex would see my Dad alive — my Dad didn’t say a word back in response to my ex.

    Again, this was before my 3rd and final d-day. But I think my Dad spent enough time laying on his back “doing the math” to compute that if the Fuckwit was off work and never once came to check in as he was battling for his life . . . That ain’t love . . . and thus, my Dad wasn’t going to say what he didn’t feel back to the Fuckwit.

    I was somewhat taken aback by my Dad’s response at the time. I spackled. Made sure I told my ex “you know Dad so loved you” to make up for my Dad’s silent response. NOW, I hold that incident dear to my heart. My Dad modeling authenticity as it relates to love (or lack of it)!

    I miss my Dad daily. I am so thankful for him. And, any strength that I’ve shown through the hell I’ve been through has come through my dear sweet father.

  • My husband – a fellow chump, had always wanted children, but he gave up that dream because his first wife didn’t want them. When he was married to her, he adopted a rescue dog and bought a crew cab truck so he would have room to haul his nieces and nephews around. He loved taking them to the park, the ice cream shop, etc. After he caught his wife in an affair with her old high school boyfriend, he divorced her and met me not long after at a business event. I was a wreck, 40 years old and newly abandoned with a newborn at the breast and a toddler in tow. We got to know each other as colleagues through work and group events. He waited several months to call me and ask me out romantically, but I was still in bad shape. I tried to dismiss him, citing the kids. He said, I like it that you are a mom. I can tell that you are a good mother. I know what I want. I’ll wait until you are ready. And he did. It didn’t take long for me to “be ready” after that. He changed diapers, fed the baby, and ended up going to physical therapy from carrying the baby so much (my son was HUGE). He took my daughter to plays, for ice cream, and snow sledding. Every night he would come by our house and have dinner with us and help me get the kids ready for bed, read them a story and tuck them in and then spend a little time with me before driving home to his town about 45 min away. He took two vacation days from work to go to all the elementary school open houses with me and help choose a school for my daughter. Guess who asked the most questions of any parent there – the one who was not even a stepdad at this point!! He volunteered with me at my daughter’s kindergarten, alternating thursdays with me to read a story to the class. One day, he read “The Giving Tree” to the class and cried as he read the ending. We married when the kids were 2 1/2 and 5. The night before the wedding, he gave our daughter a special ring with three hearts. He told her, the big heart represents your mom and the two smaller ones are you and your brother, and this ring symbolizes that I love all three of you with all my heart. He gave our son his own special bible with his name engraved and a special inscription in the front that he read aloud to our son – and that is the Bible our son carried down the aisle at our wedding the next day. We didn’t take a honeymoon because we didn’t want the kids to feel like they were being left. He coached Tball and baseball and attended countless ballet recitals. He has helped with school projects, taken us on family road trips, and played hours of monopoly. He has watched “fashion shows”, thrown the football in the front yard,and rushed to the emergency room for the latest boo-boo. He has taken our kids to work with him for “take your kid to work day.” He has never made our kids feel guilty for wanting to spend time with bio dad when he would appear on the scene. And he was there to pick up the pieces when bio dad didnt show. Three years ago, he formally adopted our children. Even so, he makes it possible for them to see bio dad, half brother and grandmother so long as the kids choose to. Most of all, he loves and respects me and models this to our children every day. We will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary this winter and 12 years as a couple. Thx for a great decade! Happy Fathers Day to a great dad!!!!!!

    • Delta Girl…you got quite a keeper in that deal. One reason I never left nowdeadcheater is a fear that no one would ever love me and my kids. I realize now that I will now never know since I didnt give anyone the chance. Your H rocks

    • It’s so lovely to see stories like this, I met my partner when my little boy was 8 weeks old after being chumped in the early stages of pregnancy. He’s been the most wonderful father, he’s kind an attentive and my little boy who’s now two adores him and calls him daddy. We’re now trying for our own baby. Strangely enough even though being chumped was the worse experience of my life it’s lead me down the path to true happiness so I wouldn’t change it for a thing

    • Miss Delta, you and your H are the living proof that biology does not a parent make. I love that he has the chance to be a (kick-arse) dad, despite the missing biology. Thanks for sharing your joy xxx..

      My mum and dad split when I headed off to uni. Dad pretty much disappeared from my life for about ten years. Mum eventually remarried, and although her new husband had three adult kids of his own, he was a super stepdad and eventual grandad to all of his and Mum’s shared brood. My kids had a much closer relationship with him than they ever did with my dad. He made my eldest daughter a gorgeous outdoor playhouse, complete with bedding, oven, etc, carefully and lovingly transporting it to our garden from their island home several hours, for her birthday. He loved playing with and having my kids stay, reading stories, teasing and laughing, building treehouses, etc. Dad is okay, but he is not the kind of grandad Pa (my stepdad) was to our kids. Pa’s grandies were treated exactly as mine were by my mother. Blending and blurring the constructs created by us about biology. As it should be.

    • That is a keeper FOR SURE! Tears here too. Just about every single detail you mentioned would have been “too much trouble” for my STBX. I am both crushed that I’ve never had a partner that committed to and interested in our kids, and inspired that there are men out there that could fill the role for someone else’s kids and LOVE IT rather than resent it. Your husband has a huge heart, that is amazing!

  • Shout out to my oldest son. He is 8 and 13 years older than my youngest and my daughter. When narc-ex bailed, he stepped in at age 19 as THE adult male in their lives. He even got the requisite Father’s Day brownie at church on Father’s Day. He has since moved away and started his own family and is a World-Class daddy to his own daughter.

    • Yeah, that’s so sweet!

      My middle son kept the little one on track when he veered off just a smidge. I will always love that. He was a great example and kept the little one positive.

  • Shout out to all the good men in my sons’ lives who were examples of faithfulness, and who showed my sons how much fun it is to be a married dad, even with life’s imperfections.

    Shout out to the dads here at CN who help all of us keep the faith; you’re great examples and mentors to each other and to us moms that good guys are great. Mad respect.

  • My Dad passed away 5 years ago after a long, loving and happy life with his wife of 60 years, 6 children, & 16 grandchildren. I recently read this quote which describes perfectly: My father’s hands will always guide me, My father’s heart will always love me. It is a wonderful thing to feel love from your father & to know genuine love exists.

  • My dad is taking care of EVERYTHING while my mom fights stage 4 breast cancer. He’s an example of how to treat a wife in sickness. She had a bilateral mastectomy 11 years ago with no reconstruction, and he loves her even more than he ever did–SHE is his rock. He is grateful for every day with the love of his life; he told me the other day that he still can’t believe this beautiful woman walked into his life and stayed and loved him. He is HER rock.

    Good God, a good man is gold.

  • Chump Daughter of a Chump Dad here. Dad expressed his anguish in a dignified way, grieved, took care of himself and gained a new life, fixed his picker, and re-married someone great. His support and example helped me immeasurably years later when I got chumped, and gave me strength to resist the hoovering once I got out. He said once when I was young, “the only thing you can control in this life is how you behave.” He has always been my hero. Three cheers for all the Chump Dads!

  • I met the most amazing Chump Dad six years ago during my SI days. His posts were so compelling. He had two daughters and a serial cheating wife. Our stories were similar – long marriages and children about the same age – and we began what would become a deep and lasting friendship.

    His wife was horrible. She cheated with men that Amazing Chump Dad had employed. He had befriended and tried to help these struggling guys, all the while they were screwing his wife. The level of betrayal was astronomical.

    Then cheating wife just left. She walked out on ACD (Amazing Chump Dad) and her 11 and 14 year old daughters. ACD was determined that his girls would face as little disruption as possible. He got them to every gymnastic meet, every flag team completion, every doctor’s appointment all while working a demanding and exhausting job. He planned and prepared every meal. He was the one who dealt with his daughters’ first periods and first heartbreaks. He spent every free minute doing dad things with them. I’ll always remember him texting me a picture of his truck stuck in the mud on some remote country road because he took his 14 year old out for some driving fun. They were both filthy and their faces filled with joy.

    Many nights, after working incredibly long shifts, he’d help with homework and papers and projects – foregoing sleep to shepherd these girls through rigorous academic tracks. And never once did I hear him complain.

    Today he has two girls headed into their senior years – one high school and one college. The elder is an exceptional student who is in nursing school the younger is poised to be valedictorian. Through this all he never trash talked his ex. Both girls knew about the affairs and there were a couple years of estrangement from their mom because of the abandonment, but ACD was always made sure they knew that he would support a renewed relationship.

    Want to hear my favorite part of the story? Last year I introduced him my exSIL (yup – my ex-husband’s sister). I was very fortunate and got all the in-laws in the divorce and my SIL has been one of my dearest friends for 30 years. Anyway, they are crazy in love and they are now living together. His daughters adore her and the whole crew is loving life. Damn – don’t you love a happy ending!

  • Happy Father’s day to all the inspirational CN dads whose self-sacrifice and obvious love for their children is a daily reminder of the good in the world.

  • Hats off to the great Dads of the world. A special Happy Father’s Day to my Dad who passed away in the 80’s. My Dad was a common sense individual who taught me to look at a situation and deal with it head on. He provided me with the wisdom and knowledge to live day to day and not only survive, but thrive in my life! Next would have to be my FIL! What a stellar person. He was on my side always, even during my divorce. He was there every step and assured me I would be better off without his son. He unfortunately suffered a massive heart attack just days before my mediation and I thought I would just lose it. I swear I could actually feel his presence in that room with me.
    Happy Father’s Day to all!!

  • My father died 13 years ago. He never told me he loved me. He never explained how to be a good father. But he didn’t have to. That’s just how he was: a quiet, gentle, humble man who showed me how much he loved me, who taught me by actions how to be a good father. I never doubted that I was his world.

    He loved my mother for 53 years, until he died. I never saw him show any affection toward my her and after he died I asked her about that. She said he was just too shy, she couldn’t change that trait, but assured me coyly that well into his 80s he still “couldn’t keep his hands off her.” He kept his “secrets” far from the prying eyes of his children.

    He was a swarthy, handsome Italian musician surrounded by women in the entertainment business who attempted to flirt with him. He never cheated. It would never occur to him. He adored my mother even as she struggled with obesity over the years. He was the epitome of “meaningful actions over cheap words.”

    They were an unlikely couple for their time, the late 40s: she was a Midwest Jewish girl and he was an Italian Brooklynite straight out of central casting. She was an intellectual and highly educated. Him, not so much:-) But they fell in love and their families fell in love with them. Their differences didn’t matter.

    I asked my mother toward the end of her life “the secret” of their longevity. She looked at me (rather scornfully!) and said, as though it was obvious for the world to know, “If we knew something would hurt the other, we didn’t do it!” Duh.

    Happy Father’s Day.

    • Here’s to meaningful love in acts and character, and in deep affection and loyalty, as opposed to words and empty gestures.

  • My dad…..I miss him so much. Gone a little over a year.

    He had a gruff exterior with a genuine heart of gold.
    He’s the man who visited my mom’s grave EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for 25 years!
    Now that’s devotion!

    I love you dad!

  • My father died a little over three months ago. He was 86 and, first to last, my hero and biggest cheerleader.

    He got leaned on hard over last three years, after infidelity blew up our family, but he was always there with support and encouragement. He was amazing (and a chump who remarried and had been remarried 48 years when he died).

    There’s not enough room to express what he means to me, or how much he’s missed, but he was everything a father should aspire to be. Happy Father’s Day to you Dad, and to all great dads out there, past and present.

    • I was hoping you’d chime in with your father tale, JK. He sounds like a warm, lovely man (and the apple fell right under the tree).

  • CHUMP LADY and MR. CHUMP LADY,

    You guys have beautiful eyes and smiles
    and hearts.
    Have a lovely Father’s Day!

    CN loves and appreciates you both!!

  • First I have to give a shout out to my dad. He just turned 80 this year. He’s been married to my mom for 51 years and he’s been devoted to her for their whole marriage.

    He was a great dad to both of his daughters. He worked hard all week but always found time to read stories to us every night and spend time with us on the weekend.

    He passed his sarcasm gene to both daughters and his love for sports to me. I cherish any time we spend together because as he points out to me regularly, “he’s playing with house money now!”

    A big shout out to all the chump dads on this site because you all model what it’s like to be a great dad and role model for your children. I think you give us (chump gals) all hope that there are really good men out there that act with integrity just because it’s the right thing to do!

    Happy Father’s Day!!

  • The best gift a father can give his child is the affection and love he shows their mother and visa versa.

    My father called my mother his bride until the day he died. They had their ups and downs and the marriage was a little wacky, but they were committed in every sense of the vows they took on their wedding day.

    During the last 22 years of their relationship, she had to care for him in the home because of a physically debilitating illness. He slept in a hospital bed in their room, she in a bed near him. But, every once in a while we would catch her in bed with him, late into her sixties. He passed away at 72.

    When I asked her what the secret was to their marriage. She said they made an agreement early on that whoever left the marriage had to take the kids.

    There were 12 of us.

    Happy Father’s Day

  • Long before I ever imagined that my marriage would end the way it did and long before I ever knew that Chump Nation and chump Dads existed, I always admired single Dads. People are used to single Mom’s, but single Dads are less common. It takes bravery, love and patience to be a single parent of any type, but I especially admire those Dads who take on that role with so few role models., and yet so many do it so well.

    Thank you single Dads for being the sane parents and setting a good example for your children and society.

  • Happy Father’s Day to our wonderful men and fathers in CN! Sorry you are here but I’m so grateful to know there really are good guys out there.

    My dad was a serial cheater and ended up married to young Schmoopie (my older sisters age) after my mom booted him 30 years ago. He’s in his 80’s now and is mostly by himself. He still has his Schmoopie in marriage, but she doesn’t even live with him.

    My inspirational story and shout out goes to my older brother. Although we had a horrible role model as a father, he is an amazing dad and was a great husband. My SIL died of breast cancer 4 years ago. She was diagnosed at 39 y.o. with a very aggressive, Stage 4 type and she fought for almost 5 years. When she had her big surgery and was told recovery would be long and slow, bedridden for 6 weeks, my brother rearranged the bedroom and built in a TV area for her. He insisted she die at home and he cared for her while she was basically in a coma. He would carry her into the bathroom to bathe her. He dealth with her family (a bag of mixed nuts). Then ultimately he kept life as normal as possible for their 14 year old daughter after my SIL’s death and my niece was going to start high school.

    He has taken my niece to every softball game through school and traveling leagues. Bought private lessons. Has raised her solo. Never remarried. They live 6 hours away from any family. We all went to her high school graduation this May as she graduated with honors. She got a full sport scholarship for college. Although my brother wasn’t chumped, he was dealt a crap hand in life.

    I can only hope to find someone half as good as him one day. I’m hoping I can fix this damn picker!!

    Enjoy your Father’s Day all!!

    • MJB – What a fine man, your brother. You have reason to be proud of him. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  • Happy Fathers Day to all those dads with an intact moral compass! You’ve taught me that there are authentic, kind men in the world! My shout out goes to my lovely granddaughter’s father who stepped up and took care of his daughter when her mother decided to move thousands of miles away after their divorce. He once told me that there is no book on parenting when I called him out on decisions he made when my granddaughter was young and then in her teenage years. I chose my battles wisely and when I spoke up about certain things he listened and respected my input. We raised that child together and I am forever grateful he stepped up and allowed me to co-parent this amazing beautiful child.

  • Here’s to the Very Kind Man, who financed his DD’s dream wedding (including the extra thousands at the last minute when her mom came up a little short, who pinch-hits when XW’s foster son needs someone to take him to his games, and who introduced me to the wonders of a pro level leaf blower. Here’s to my nephew, who has raised 2 step kids and given them a great start in life. Here’s to the dads of my college sports team, who rack up thousands of miles following us all over the region, who make a lot of hot sausage for our team meals, and who are raising another generation of good men.

  • Here’s a shout-out to all the dads out there who’ve modeled what it is to be the Sane Parent, and to all the dads out there who have modeled what a healthy relationship looks like.

    My own father died about 12 years ago. He was a terrific man, married for 50 years to my mom, and once told me that being with the woman you loved was “amazing.” That was at anniversary #25. At anniversary #50, he still showed that he could sweep her off her feet!

    There are a lot of great dads out there, and I wish all of you a very Happy Father’s Day!

  • My son was cheated on by his girlfriend, who is the mother of their daughter. Somehow, my son was able to remain kind and caring to her while she was off getting high on heroin with some guy she met in rehab. Meanwhile, my son continued to love and care for his daughter every step of the way.

    Then, the girlfriend came back and led my son to believe that she wanted to work things out. He wasn’t so sure, so he was very cautious. Well, she left again this time with another dirt bag who she had met in rehab. This one had a criminal record, no job, still lived at home… nothing to offer. She was with him for about three weeks and wound up pregnant.

    Fast forward to today. She delivered a baby girl last night, and my son was right by her side. After she realized how foolish she had been, she broke off the relationship with the baby’s biological father after just six weeks. She suddenly realized the kind of man that my son is, and they slowly rekindled their relationship. I wasn’t too happy about it at first, obviously, but my son has a bigger heart and soul that I do. He forgave her, and decided that he would raise this new baby girl as his own. So, for the past nine months he has stood beside her every step of the way.

    I couldn’t be prouder of the heart that he has, and the man that he has become.

  • So Yo Yo knickers has been away for the last 2 mothers day, would rather spend the time with BF than her own kids! Fathers day is important to me to spend it with my kids, even though I don’t actually get a break, breakfast in bed or anything like that…a card, a small gift and time with my kids and I’m happy with that.

    Anyhoo, I booked the 16,17 and 18th June as a holiday as it was my best friends 50th birthday, the party was some 350 miles away and a load of us are all having a guys weekend away at the coast. I text and emailed Yo Yo with the details back in February and said I can’t have the kids that weekend (didn’t give details so she could be disruptive) got confirmation from her saying “OK – noted in my diary”.

    Fast forward a few months an I realise the weekend away falls on Fathers day! The weekend away was booked and paid for and felt I deserved some time away from work and the kids but would rather spend it with the kids, especially as it might mean my kinds spending the day with Yo Yo Knicker’s BF acting as surrogate dad!

    So I constructed an email a couple of weeks ago saying that “I was planning on taking the kids to my parents that weekend as it’s fathers day, is it ok with you if I have them that weekend” Bear in mind I had initially asked her to have the kids months ago, and she could easily turn round and say ‘No’ as she had made plans with them and upset me over fathers day.

    Her reply was as follows…

    “That’s fine, I am going away early on Thursday morning for a few days so can you have them an extra day?”

    So she hadn’t even remembered that I had said I couldn’t have the kids that weekend – stupid bitch! On one hand I’m glad she hadn’t remembered, but on the other her lack of respect and common decency to remember that I had said I couldn’t have the kids months ago is typical of her selfish entitlement.

    In the end me and the kids drove down to my parents who live 50 miles from the coast/party on Thursday…had a night there, my kids stopped there whilst i travelled to the party the next day/night. I had a great time catching up with my friends over a few beers and some horrific dancing at a club that we are all far to old to attend! But haven’t laughed so much in a long time.

    I travelled back to my parents on the Sunday morning, gave my wonderful dad a card, present and a big hug and the whole family including my 2 other brothers went out for a lovely meal. Perfect!

    • Sucks that making alternate arrangements mean that we still have to walk on eggshells. For the simple reason that we never know what reaction we may get (like your fear that she would put up a stink over losing the weekend when in reality she completely forgot). I guess that is the shit sandwich.

  • This is for my 15 year old son who will be an amazing dad someday. His dad ditched the family when I was 6 months pregnant. My son cares for and loves his little sister. People comment all the time about how sweet he is with her and how wonderful it is that she has him in her life given the circumstances with their father (who only sees her about 15 minutes twice a month). Now if I could just get him to change those dirty diapers;)

  • My stbxh walked out two years ago leaving me with two children under 5. My father is a brilliant dad and grandad to me and my children. He was wonderful to me and my brother growing up and he is wonderful to our own children now. My son is closer to him than his own father. Thank you Dad for always being there and never letting me or your grandchildren down. Your patience, wisdom, fun and cuddles mean they have a fantastic male role model to be proud of and look up to.

  • >