Merit Badges for Cheaters

Cheaters make cheating seem so easy. It just happened! I don’t know whose underwear that is. It just appeared! But really, we know it takes mad skills to cheat. Laying the groundwork for a double life is like preparing for a NATO airstrike. The burner phone, the aliases, the diverted monies…

So today’s Friday Challenge is to create merit badges for cheaters. Let’s recognize their cleverness which they so highly esteem in themselves. Sure, it’s easy to dupe a loving partner who trusts you, but it takes a special kind of fuckwit to think it’s an achievement. Yes, that stripper really does love you for YOU.

What must cheaters do to earn the badge? Are there rankings? What games are they playing at Camp Narcissist this summer? (Capture the Sad Sausage?)

Tramp Collecting?

Photoshopping Dating Profiles?

Dis-orienteering?

TGIF!

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Sayonara Sad Sausage
Sayonara Sad Sausage
6 years ago

First of all thank you CL and CN I’ve just found you and you have brought me out of my despair and saved me so much wasted time trying to figure this out. My merit badge for my Sad Sausage is that despite being on multiple dating apps, Craigslist, texting a woman 200 times a day, getting videos and sex pics from a woman …now that I’ve filed for divorce he’s told me “But I never slept with her” (despite a medical bill for STD testing but that was due to back pain lol and yes I believed it… wow I’ve come so far ?) so I award you the ” I didn’t fuck the Ho(s)” badge! Bye sad sausage have fun at Camp Chlamydia while I’m ????

Mom Of The Good Guys
Mom Of The Good Guys
6 years ago

Camp Chlamydia FTW!

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
6 years ago

The bus for Camp Chlamydia definitely stops in Clusterfuckdale for more cankers, er.. campers.

BeowulfSabrina
BeowulfSabrina
6 years ago

“Camp Chlamydia” for the WIN!! I got the same “std test but I didn’t have SEX” although thanks a lot asshole, how did I get herpes, Hep B and mono??? Vaginal secretions can transmit Hep B, I bet he didn’t know that. Never once has he asked how I am, whether I have lasting liver damage-he cut off ALL contact and hoovering after his attny told him I was thinking of suing him separately in a personal injury lawsuit for the risk to my health. I havent been with anyone else since 1990, good luck trying to impression management a new set of lie.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
6 years ago
Reply to  BeowulfSabrina

Hugs, BSab. Chlamydia and HPV here. No other partners, ever. 29 years. Loved him to distraction. Constantly dealing with cervical changes and six monthly smears for the last seven years, including two pretty big and invasive procedures, yaddah, yaddah, just par for the course for the rest of my life. My own body disgusts me now.

The lack of protection used just makes my brain explode almost more than what he did with my ‘friend’ in my houses and right under my nose, even while the kids were in the house at least once.

Sending good vibes for a long, happy and healthy life despite his disgusting transmissions. Ugh.

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

So fing sick . All 5 of our pet rabbits died of haemorrhagic symptoms the week my ex decided to tell me he wanted a divorce. His psrents are that weird…. anyway it was soon clear to everyone that the family home was going to be repossessed because he had no intention to pay the mortgage (he refinanced the debt twice before he left spend spend spend…..yes i know CHUMP TASTIC). So no money at ALL so will be renting from now on ( tricky with 5 massive free roaming rabbits never been in a cage) .so now hes throwing around emails trying to put us off the scent like they got accidentally poisoned from some neighbour just at that week after 7 years. Even sending a news link about rabbit viruses spreading to pets. Then i realised. ..he knows all about viruses since he gave me herpes ….feel so tempted to just text something trite like …yeah so great you know how these things get passed on with killing potential. Fucking moron he probably wouldn’t get it.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  BeowulfSabrina

What a colossal shit he is, BSabrina. I hope the organisms he passed on are kept at bay, and you outlive him (with a dynamite life) by 30 years.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  BeowulfSabrina

BeowulSabrina,
I just want to hug you, giant hugs to you, beautiful lady.
Love,
Peacekeeper
( I love your post name)
YOU are mighty!

BeowulfSabrina
BeowulfSabrina
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Hugs back and thank you. This blog has saved me many times in the midst of despair. 26 years with someone I didn’t even know. starting over at 63 is hard but being married to a monster was soul and life draining. Good luck to everyone here. WE ARE MIGHTY.

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
6 years ago
Reply to  BeowulfSabrina

Beowulf… hugs to you, sister! 40 years for me, had to start over at 60 (62 now). Toughest thing ever, but it’s getting easier ever day! We are mighty!

Crazy Lady
Crazy Lady
6 years ago
Reply to  MyRedSandals

Beowulf & My Red Sandals, you give me hope. Mine is forty years and now 58 years old. I’ve been with STBX since I was eighteen.
Toughest and most painful experience evet!! Hope “sweetie” was worth it for H.
She was also married (married HO!!).

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago

Camp Chlamydia!!! hysterical.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hysterical, hysterical.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Does it require a physical to attend? Std testing instead of immunization records?

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

As I recall, POP was awarded the “Whoreticulture” badge at Camp Chlamydia….

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago

Good one! i just cracked up. needed that! Must be my STBX’s twin. I heard the same… “but I didn’t bang anyone I swear”. Yeah ok! 4000 texts a month, Tinder, Bumble, Craigslist, etc… I spoke to the tinder whore and had all the texts forwarded to me. Anyway I digress. If I give him a badge based on his LIES… I grant him the “I can’t close the deal” badge!

Sayonara Sad Sausage
Sayonara Sad Sausage
6 years ago

Lol I can’t close the deal they were even sad sausages when they were trying to get affair pussy. I hope you’re doing great now without your sad sausage WifeofKingTantalus and ??

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago

Yep these poor sad limp sausages! My divorce is killing me but there’s some level of peace in the no contact. I hope you are all doing ok too. ?

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago

Level of peace in no contact. Exactly How I feel.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
6 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

819 days and counting (I just looked it up) It is so peaceful!

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

yeah Clearwaters I came to the point that the pain and fear of staying was greater than the pain of leaving. it’s a relief just not having someone lying, manipulating, and destroying our self esteem all day eventhough life is shit for a while.

Sayonara Sad sausage
Sayonara Sad sausage
6 years ago

I’ve filed but he’s still living here hopefully only another two weeks. I packed all his stuff and moved it to the garage. I just want him gone so I can adjust to being alone in the house. I bought a keyboard today to learn how to play piano and I have joined some meetup groups which have been great. This blog etc. has provided so much comic relief and helped me realize I’m not alone and it isn’t my fault. I hope it helps everyone else too.

over it
over it
6 years ago

Dear Sayonara,
You are MIGHTY! You can make it through the next two weeks and things will be SO MUCH BETTER after he’s gone- I promise. Stay strong… as his time with dwindles down, he will likely begin frantically cycling through the channels; rage, self-pity, etc.. He will likely try really hard to get you to give him “one more chance”. He will say all the things your heart wants to hear. DON’T BELIEVE HIM. I am speaking here from experience. I fell for his bullshit and all it got me was a few more years in fake-reconciliation hell and a few more D-Days (the only think more painful than D-Day, is your 2nd D-Day). Once he is gone, you will have room to breathe. You will more gain clarity with each new day. You will have time to focus on yourself, which is very difficult to do when you are so focused on someone else. Do yourself a favor and go NO CONTACT. Put a little counter on your phone “# of days NC”. Under the counter, list all the reasons why you should remain no contact (i.e. he is a cheating mother-fucker, he lies, he sucks, contact will only make things worse for you, contact is pointless because there is absolutely nothing he can say that will make things better, etc. etc. My list kept getting longer :o). As the counter goes up, so does your resolve! Be brutally honest with yourself. Listen to your head, not your heart. Most importantly, KNOW that you WILL get through this and there is a happy, better, peaceful, cheater-free life on the other side. Many of us here are living proof! I was terrified of being “alone”. I honestly didn’t think I could do it. I truly thought I would never recover; never be happy again. But then something magical happened… I am so much happier now! I have peace in my life again. The ugly drama left with him. I can sleep through the night again! My mother always said, “You can’t put a price on peace- it’s priceless!” And she was so right! I have been divorced and on my own for a year and a half, now. I’m not quite at Meh but I am getting very close. I am so happy with my new life that if I remain single forever I am perfectly fine with that! I have awesome friends, an amazing family, a great job, a daughter who is the light of my life, and a cute little house that is all my own in every way! Trust that the pain is finite, and a great life is waiting for you on the other side… I promise!

Sending you love, light and strength. You are doing all the right things already. You GO GIRL!
XOXO,
Over it

JustBreathe
JustBreathe
6 years ago
Reply to  over it

Over It, you are mighty!

Sayonara Sad Sausage
Sayonara Sad Sausage
6 years ago
Reply to  over it

Thank you for your kind words and advice over it. yesterday was our wedding anniversary and I got flowers and an invitation to dinner lol I was like there is nothing to celebrate sad sausage so a big fat NO. He’s doing exactly what you wrote starting to freak out that I’ve filed and this is happening and he has to go big a big boy in the big old world. He’s told me he loves me he’s stupid but will change and of course he never had sex with anyone lol. Thanks to you and CN and CL I know I have to stick to “GET THE FUCK OUT” and not let him dissuade me. He was supposed to pick up the divorce papers two days ago and I told him last night I would have him served at work if he doesn’t get them today so of course I’m mean because he’s so busy all day and spread so thin… I told him to pretend it is one of his craigslist whores that he texted 200 times a day and make time.
Good for you for being at meh and living your life for you!! I want that day to be here so fast but I know it will take patience and just feeling the pain but one day I will get there. Then I will blog advice and kindness to the new chumps on here like you did. Thanks again!! ??

The Ex-orcist
The Ex-orcist
6 years ago

Welcome Sad!!
This blog is the sole reason I had the strength to dismiss the ClusterFuck B Sociopath. It will help you tremendously in your healing.
I’m meh now, 22 months out from D-day, I have a sweet man in my life who absolutely adores me, I have a job I love, and I am free from abuse and mindfucking.
It would not have happened if not for CL & CN, and a big shout out to CockSlobber for “stealing” my man!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Swisser
Swisser
6 years ago
Reply to  The Ex-orcist

Cockslobber???? LMAO!!!!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  The Ex-orcist

SSS and the Ex-orcist,
YOU are MIGHTY,
You make my hear sing!
Even on cloudy days you have sun and warmth stored in your heart and it will shine through!

Double Mighty!
Hear CN roar!
?????

Sayonara Sad Sausage
Sayonara Sad Sausage
6 years ago
Reply to  The Ex-orcist

Thanks Ex-orcist this blog has been a lifesaver! So glad to hear you’re meh and free from the mindfuck and that you are loving life!! Fuck sad sausage and cockslobber here’s to their misery ??at Camp Chlamydia!

Awake
Awake
6 years ago

“I couldn’t close the deal.”. Lmao. I wish I would have thought of saying that to him. Bravo!!

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago
Reply to  Awake

Thanks Awake! Omg Paintwidow I can’t take it. restraint badge that’s a good one. I did say it in a text. If I said it to his face I don’t doubt he would have knocked me out. All that work! 6 months of working her 5am to 9pm 7 days a week and meet ups at work. ugh I’m such a cockblocker for calling her husband. **snickering**? He just gets an award for “participation”?

chumpinrecovery
chumpinrecovery
6 years ago

Perhaps my STBX deserves the “restraint” badge for not having sex with her for a couple of months while we were trying to “reconcile”. Never mind that he was still texting her 24/7 when he was supposed to be NC and he couldn’t wait until after the divorce to start banging her again post reconciliation attempt.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
6 years ago

Ooo, Cheater #2 earned both those. “But I never had sex with her!” Yeah, who do you think you are, Bill Clinton, FGS???? This denial after several weekends out of town with their bike club (more like the cheating club) and even more long rides (innuendo anyone?) where they were gone all day. Yeah, if you expect me to believe that, I have ocean front property in Arizona I want to sell you, too.

Karma'sComing!
Karma'sComing!
6 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

There is Karma! It will come! know a terrible pair each were married to awesome people – used to meet up riding their bikes (wink wink) in the woods!! The woman was 36 her -husband was 36 a neurosurgeon and a hottie! She had 2 young kids! She left him for- her bicycling banging buck and he left his skiing champion, sweet adorable wife and daughter. And the bad cheater’s they married! Guess what -it took some 10 yrs time but… now they are 50 and divorced! And he got the prize a lying, boozing bicycle babe who would show up at the school bus reeking of alcohol. The other Chump spouses were devastated. And they were the more outstanding people in each relationship. Maybe that is why cheaters suck. My Cheater is with a 20 yr younger -and goes to her apartment during the day 14 min. from his office, golf club and stays exactly 2 hrs. But they never had sex. I told him that anyone would have a very hard time believing they did not. Lol divorced in 60 days.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

Is she the cycling club’s “town bike” ?

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
6 years ago
Reply to  Awake

The restraint badge.
Even though he was sexting her for two years and Itracked his phone to a hotel in the middle of the day when he said he was test driving a boat, they never slept together until after he asked me for a divorce……out of respect.

Kristen
Kristen
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Mine also earns the Badge of Restraint. He and OW were so sensitive and caring that they claim to have refrained from sex on my birthday every year, even though it was also their “anniversary!” Such noble sacrifice….

Forever2bme
Forever2bme
6 years ago

‘The highest number of scores in one game’ badge.
The number of women they had been cheating on all at the same time, now that takes a lot of planning and preparation! And surely deserves a merit badge 🙂
(my ex had 3 of us at one point)

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
6 years ago
Reply to  Forever2bme

The whore he left me for was #14… I’ll bet my inheritance she doesn’t know that.

deedee
deedee
6 years ago
Reply to  Forever2bme

My ex for the win!! He had me,a nurse,a doctor colleague,a patient and a secretary all on the go concurrently.Imagine the cunning deviousness required to run that fucked up puppet show.I prefer the idea of a ‘Manwhore’ tatoo emblazoned on his forehead to a merit badge.Or it could be put on with a branding iron.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  deedee

deedee,
CN Branding Iron Band will help
Give us the date as we have to heat up the stamper ahead of time,
Nice and hot,
Nice and hot,
Who’s in?

deedee
deedee
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Thanks Peacekeeper.?Truth is I couldn’t care less what he’s doing or who he’s doing.Poor oblivious woman.My past is her future.His pathology means he will never change.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  deedee

“My past is her future”. Awesome quote- first I’ve heard it.

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago
Reply to  deedee

deedee…omg…how did he ever keep it straight…that takes some mad skilz. How long did he keep that up? How did it fall?

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

branding iron, now we are talking… now that is an unmerit badge. If only we could brand them. The women of the world would be so grateful. Save so much pain and disease.

deedee
deedee
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

He was really good at keeping it underground and compartmentalised like the total sociopath that he is.Some of these women even knew each other,worked alongside each other.I think duper’s delight gave him a high.
I used a P.I. to get the facts.When I presented the evidence he vamoosed with exit AP.I learned of their relationship from a tawdry rag newspaper because both he and her are relatively well known in my country.
Total nightmare.He has since moved on to his next victim.
The whole thing reads like the plot of a soap opera.
I was a complete mess,now zero contact and meh.Took too long but got there eventually.Now when I think of him I shudder.Repulsive human being.

Intothelight
Intothelight
6 years ago
Reply to  deedee

My DDay is fresh, less than two months ago. I am slowly learning what a monster he was, but what do I tell my teenage daughter who says he was always a good dad? How do I teach her to have a better “picker” than I had? By the way my STBXH could get a badge for longest time others knew but wife had no clue

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  Intothelight

Oh yeah …that is the standard story….its called the smear campaign. Everyone outside gets the poor oppressed me version and you get the luke warm …we’re ok keep on fucking version so there is no gap in the transition to …im leaving you you must have known….cos everyone else did…feel sorry for you …it takes a while to wrap your head around the evil. Keep reminding yourself its ALLabout them . Sorry dint know what to tell daughter . Mine just watched how shit he treated me and made her own mind up – 16 … its so fucking hard after 20 + years . They have no soul not possible. ..

Wilma
Wilma
6 years ago
Reply to  Intothelight

@Intothelight . You will have to let let your daughter make up her own mind. You can respectfully disagree that YOUR definition of “good dad” doesn’t include hurting their mother, stealing time and assets from the life of the daughter, and then let her see you be MIGHTY. Show her that boundaries are your and her friend. You don’t have to make it about her dad, either. Teenage kids see boundary pushers, and unequal relationships all the time. Use them for examples and you won’t ever have to mention the monster. Respond to comments after she visits him with the classic “Cool, bummer, wow” and let her develop her own relationship. You can’t protect her, but you can give her some tools and clarity even when NO CONTACT with the monster.

Intothelight
Intothelight
6 years ago
Reply to  Wilma

Thank you Wilma!

deedee
deedee
6 years ago
Reply to  deedee

BTW he managed the double life for 20 + years.And no one had a clue.I mean no one.The mask was soooo convincing and his job gave him both a fertile hunting ground and time flexibility.
High functioning narcissistic sociopath.Dangerous in the extreme.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  deedee

Deedee, I shudder even though I was married for almost 40 years. All the more reason to shudder.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  deedee

That is sick. I feel the same way about my STBX (not quite that many but still pretty skilled at wearing the mask). He makes my skin crawl now.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

“He was sicker than I am smart!”

BOOM

deedee
deedee
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Yep.Sick is the word.He is charming,urbane,funny,intelligent,beautifully groomed, but beneath the surface was a monster.I am a smart,educated woman with a very demanding career but he was sicker than I am smart.

OneDaySomeDay
OneDaySomeDay
6 years ago

I think I’ll go with thecomment image

Because of the saying and achievement: ‘Better ten OM/W’s in the air than 1 Chump in your hand’. She sure managed the wildlife out there.

Or maybe award her the stamp collecting badge(get as much ONS as you can), reptile study (cheaters), shotgun shooting (yeah you shot me right in the face with a shotgun).

Oh well, whatever. Time to get back to Meh.

TGIF!

Rebecca
Rebecca
6 years ago

“Best friends at work” badge for hiding the affair behind just being partners in a firm.
“Great Guy” badge facilitated by me for making sure he always showed up or volunteered for the right events, planned great adventures for him to take his sons on and always made sure gifts, cards and his ‘attention’ showed up on time to everyone.

The Eagle Scout I created fell apart the day he had to do it all on his own!

Oh, except for the “Best friends at work” badge – THAT he manages to keep on his own ?.

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
6 years ago

“My dick made me do it” badge.

Karma'sComing
Karma'sComing
6 years ago
Reply to  Uniquelyme

Hysterical laughter!

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  Uniquelyme

Sounds like the pre-req for the Eagle Required Blamshifting Merit Badge.

WishinForHappiness
WishinForHappiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Uniquelyme

“It’s NOT cheating, it’s DATING” badge

Yeah…because that’s what you do when you’re in a “committed” relationship ??

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago

How about, “It’s not dating because we didn’t eat anything!” I just give up on understanding how their minds work.

Foggy Days
Foggy Days
6 years ago
Reply to  StaryEye

Lol I got ‘they weren’t dates because I didn’t pay for their meals’. Hmmmm…..rokay!

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
6 years ago
Reply to  StaryEye

Um. Eating pussy notwithstanding?

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

? I hope not! ???

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
6 years ago
Reply to  StaryEye

Hahaha! I got that too – but I was never seen in public with her, I never bought her a meal or a gift. So she was not my girlfriend.

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

unbelievable. didn’t think anyone else was being told this shit. “I didn’t have dinner with her she got there after I started eating my burger. I was almost done”

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago

Where does it say that dating must involve eating? I missed the memo.

Magneto
Magneto
6 years ago
Reply to  StaryEye

“She just picked up my beer and drank it.”
After I caught him at the pub with town drunk “finishing” his beverage.

Of course, it was all innocent, until the bar called the police to have her removed due to hew cursing out the staff.

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago
Reply to  StaryEye

So strange…. I seemed to have missed that memo too. I also missed the memo where dating profiles and texting and calling women from Tinder 100s of times a day arranging times to meet for drinks isn’t dating either. ??

YouCantHandleTheChump
YouCantHandleTheChump
6 years ago

Can’t Remember Badge
“I can’t remember anything about that night cuz I was so drunk but I know didn’t fuck anyone!”
Pfffft, asshole!!

Linda
Linda
6 years ago

I heard that one too! I was drunk or I took antidepressants so I can’t remember. Well, I caught him red handed with one of them and another one sent me proof. He actually gave the one my phone number so she wouldn’t answer if I called. Dummy! She texted me all kinds of things once she got mad at him for dumping her.

Nora
Nora
6 years ago

“Can’t Remember badge” — good one!

The Ex-orcist
The Ex-orcist
6 years ago

I annoint the ClusterFuck B Sociopath with the “Failure to Perceive a Threat” merit badge. He wins for being the sole responsibility for fucking his own life up. The prize? A major downgrade in a common, ordinary bar slut with no class or brains. Her name is CockSlobber.
Who, incidentally, must be driving him crazy now. He is back to his mean miserable rude selfish asshole sociopath self. The honeymoon must have ended when all his plans to destroy me came to an abrupt halt when every scheme blew up in his face. Thus, his plan to punish me deserves a badge. He expected a certain behavior out of me. I don’t blame him there because I was a beaten down chump for 18 years. Then I found CL.
Insert evil laugh. Fucker got served. ?

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
6 years ago
Reply to  The Ex-orcist

Perfect, EX!!!!!

Karma'sComing
Karma'sComing
6 years ago
Reply to  The Ex-orcist

Reading your post helped me so much tonight.

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
6 years ago
Reply to  The Ex-orcist

Yessssssss

GraceInMotion
GraceInMotion
6 years ago
Reply to  The Ex-orcist

You are mighty!

violet
violet
6 years ago

The “I have no idea how that burner phone showed up on the front seat of my car, but, because it upset you so much, I threw it in the river. When I disappeared for two hours, I driving around to get my head together” badge. Even back then, I was not fooled.

To this day, I wish I had fought back when he snatched the damn phone from my hand, but I was in shock. Naturally, he had sworn that he was done with OW. But really, not being able to see what was on that phone changed absolutely nothing. His reaction told me everything I needed to know.

Chumpette
Chumpette
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

The phone he “threw in the river because you shouldn’t have had to see anything so terrible” somehow always gets moved from his toolbag in his car to his overnight bag when he had to leave the car home on work trips… But it was thrown in the river, so it’s not in either bag ever, right?

Funny thing is that it doesn’t even work any more after I pulled all the data and disabled it… but he can’t let the hunk of plastic go, not can admit he still has it.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago

It’s the Oscars
“And the AWARD, the BADGE, for having the most condoms in the bottom of his travel duffel bag,
( placed where I would see it, my first heartstop sign of his ho/co worker affair),
goes to (long pause) my cheater!
Standing ovation goes to me for being SO stupid I never never saw the light.

I hate the Oacars, I just see fake smiles, fancy gowns….and condoms!

Bear with me, I pray my posts get better.

Love and thanks to my supportive friends in CN!?

Wren
Wren
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Definitely gets the “emergency preparedness” badge for having all those condoms handy!

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Wren

I guess they are cheaper in bulk?

Peacekeeper–all of us can look back and think, “How did I not KNOW?” Don’t beat yourself up. As a friend said, if someone smart wants to deceive you, they will.

Hugs!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest,
All I can see is him walking into the drug or whatever store and picking up the condoms and taking them to the check out and taking hard earned money out of his pocket to pay for them.
In the back of his mind does he think of our 3 year old child at home, of me, in first trimester pregnancy for our second daughter. Of Course he doesn’t. In my heart of hearts I know he doesn’t give us a second of a thought.
His mind is on his tru wuv, the someone he felt how he has never felt for anyone else ever.

Funny, too, I know he hates to use condoms and with his putting himself and his wants and desires first, always, I doubt he even used them. ( kinda gets in the way of tru wuv)!

…..sigh…..

Hope CN is sleeping better than me.?

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Peacekeeper, I will second what Tempest said. Once you accept that this person is incable of empathy because they do not have a conscience, your emotional attachment starts to disconnect. I now only think of my STBX with disgust and all those memories we shared…are no longer real because he wasn’t real.

And I understand your situation. I was left 6 months pregnant with 2 other kids for the 23 year old who worked for him. And if you know that he does not like wearing condoms, there is a good chance he will not use them. There is an almost 3 year old girl out there (with different OW) that is the result of my STBX and his aversion to condoms. Suit for paternity testing and a court order for child support all hit while I was pregnant.

Trust they suck…it is the most healing thing you can do for yourself.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

GetMeFree,
(Thank you for reaching out to me).
You have gone through so much pain and suffering, so much!
Don’t you sometimes just imagine a heart, a chump’s heart on overload with the weight of such burdens, while imaging the cheater, basking in joyful sex with some OW/OM. How the hell they can ever achieve orgasim is beyond me.
But then, GetMeFree, we Chumps attach LOVE to sex and orgasims. We love wth all our heart. We meant our vows. We aern’t out trolling for orgasms. We have principles, we have integrity.
Cheaters, live for the moment and if in that moment their eyes feast on OW/OM will then, let’s just go for tru wuv instant orgasmic happiness. Yea right, sucker face! Trust they suck!

The best part of your post sweet lady is the S in STBX.
Strength and CN love and support to you!
You make my heart soar!

I look up to you. In my eyes YOU are mighty.
((((Many hugs to you and your children)))

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

GetMeFree,
Your second last paragraph,
“THIS”, Me, exactly, we are Chump Sisters.
?‍❤️‍?

Funny, sometimes I almost wish there would have been a DDay2 and I fantasize that at that time I would have had the knowledge, wisdom, strength, sensibility, to RUN, take my precious babies with me.
Also CN, CN are in my fantasy,
But hey you guys are here now.
You’ve got my back.
I can do this.

GetMeFree,
Your second last paragraph, words to live by.
Yes and Thank You!
♥️

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Peacekeeper, I stayed through dday#1. Very few people knew about it. Most people saw us going through a rocky period but have no idea he cheated on me. My kids didn’t know either. Then dday#2 came and I was done. Done with the marriage, done being the bridge between him and the kids, and done with the secrets. My kids know it all now. And revealing that there had been a dday#1 was one of the hardest things I ever did, but there is freedom in living in honesty. Life is still hard and dealing with him, the divorce, and his parenting time sucks. It often pisses me off and hollows me out inside, but the truth is that I am more at peace in my core.

Here is what I have learned (took quite a few counselling sessions)…we cannot control anything except our own thoughts. And when I start tunnelling down into thoughts of his “happiness”, I remind myself that it is just a mirage. He is rotten inside and eventually that will bubble up again. May take a decade or more. He may create more children along the way. He may continue to lie and hide income. But somewhere along the way, karma will find him. At the very least, he will have to stand before God at the end of his life and I can’t imagine that will go well.

I am going to make this life work for myself and my kids. I refuse to not find joy in whatever life I manage to get out of this. And I will never again base my happiness on another human being. No one will ever determine my value except myself and God.

Peacekeeper, whether you stay in your marriage or not, your value is not based on your husband either. And if you have a close relationship with your daughters, your relationship will survive anything you would decide to reveal or do. Sending good thoughts your way. Be strong for your daughter and I hope you find a way to peace.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

I hope you got some sleep, Peacekeeper. Don’t try and make sense of cheaters or their values. Their priority is satisfaction of their nether-regions and no one, and nothing else, is a close second. It’s very painful for chumps to finally acknowledge that, but once you do, you’re in the clear–the attachment to them starts to fade, with disgust and contempt left in its place. Hugs!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest,
I just typed out big chunks of my heart to you and my device lost my writings.
I am usually very strong. I am the pick me dancer, he stayed and I have lived with that since DDay. The staying!
Jeep Tess( thanks JT) shared with me a posting with a link stating all characteristics of a narcissist, sociopath. I did know a lot of Hesse traits, I learned more. My cheater does NOT possess a lot of these soul crushers, but he DOES possess enough of them.
Everything is centered around, up and down, sideways and across HIM.
I am a very very strong person. Expect Nothing has been my motto, very sad, but it works for me.
I have a very strong bond with my 2 daughters ghters, I have an army of bummer crop friends, I am even one part of a Thelma-Louise friendship and we have done most everything except go over the cliff, head kerchiefed intact in the convertible. We have comfort in that we do have the convertible.
Funny, my daughters, my friends, family members do not know about the DDay or the cheating, but they know him and they know his personality, his characteristics. What more can I say.
Thing is my older daughter’s sudden loss, horrific circumstances of his unfortunate death, well I could not get to her sid fast enough to support her and her young children. Doesn’t leave much time or attention to the cheater. I won’t go more into his character, just the trust that he sucks.
Older daughter ghter is so close to cheater Dad, tries to please him. Younger daughter would just as well prefer to tell him to go fuck himself. She hates so many aspects of his character, is able to dis nagged herself, usually doesn’t even return his phone calls.
I am rambling, but just have to tell you, Tempest, that your response post was so timely.
My daughter was so having a hard time of it last evening, cheater Dad was being his usual poor him left alone act and I felt so very down, trying to stay up for daughter, children…thought my heart would just break apart.
What I did was I told my daughter to give me one of the sedatives her doctor gave her after her husband passed, (she refuses any medication), I told her I loved her with all my heart, took the medication and went to bed. ( the children were more settled last evening was good for them, bless their heart).
I slept better. I always have to find a solution, myself, there is no TLC, no strong shoulder to lean on with my cheater. Us Chumps know hey are hollow, no kindness or support inhabits their body, mind or soul. I believe they really are to be pitied, they have no soul. Their loss.
Me, I got my girls, my little people grandchildren who can melt your heart, give you purpose, and I can do this way of living returns to me.
But, Tempest, CN, I have to tell you, seeing your posts this morning, feeling your understanding, your love and support, well you are a pure shot of sustaining oxygen to my lungs and I can breath again.
Thank you,
I can’t see you but that matters not, ai feel you in my heart!
I can do this!
Tempest, CN please forgive any typos, sending this message before it is lost!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

JeepTess,
I am speechless, but I will steal Abba’s ( one of my favourite singers), words, ” I believe In Angels”.
I just read your reply post to me.
Your words mean the world to me.
Thank you.
CL, CN came into my life about a year ago. I cannot believe what a life saver, life pick me upper, you, JT and others in CN have been to me.
I escape to you frequently during the day, ( and night). 24/7 you are there for me, arms open wide, a heart full of love.
Thank you JT! More appreciative words fail me.
I will remember your kindness and knowing you are there for me sustains me.
Nite nite JT, CN, sleep well.

JeepTess
JeepTess
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

(((((((Peacekeeper)))))))

If there is anything I can do, please just ask. You are just an awesome person who deserves so much better than you have been given.

Tempest has all my contact information.

I wish for you all the warmth and love your heart can stand 🙂 everyday, all day, all the rest of your days 🙂

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

It’s hard to imagine there are people so self absorbed they don’t let annoyances like children or a spouse enter they mind or have a conscious that prevents them from cheating or feeling remorse.
He only thinks of himself and his current “luv” interest. My X told everyone that he and his AP had so much in common, that he had never been happier in his life. Leaving me was the best decision he ever made. This after 20 years of being a devoted and supportive wife, sacrificing my career for his. X had a long list of my shortcomings as to why he couldn’t live with me any more. All news to me.
They need to prove to everyone that the decision they made was the right one by announcing to everyone how damn happy they are. Makes me wonder if they’re trying to convince themselves.
Update, he’s not longer with AP, I found him on match.com while he was living with her and eventually he found his current, true love.
Sadly their children will be last on his list of concerns if at all. They make their appearances but they’re not going to put their children’s needs or concerns ahead of their own or want the best for them. Certainly not if it inconveniences them or their true luv.
It was a hard for me to accept and for a long time I didn’t want to believe it until I found CN. Sorry you’re having a hard time sleeping.., and more sorry you’re here but your couldn’t have found a better place to be now that you are..

Chumpette
Chumpette
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Mine thought he was doing something wonderful for the kids – cultivating a new mommy that would understand them better than the mean witch who (gasp!) made them get up for school, do their homework, and go to bed. And was so interfering that I would call him from work to ask if he had fed them dinner… “what kind of dad do you think I am?” (um, the kind that is not home and the kids are calling mom at work to ask if Dad is going to bring them food when he gets home from being at work with me, except he wasn’t)

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumpette

Chumpette
Innocent children, breaks your heart, he couldn’t even feed them.
He wasn’t there for them. You were working and I am sure you were thinking of them, worrying, wishng you could be 2 places at once.

To me, it is just a life known fact that my cheater never ever changed one diaper on either of our beautiful daughters.i used to feel so sad and embarrassed about this, but CN has taught me his short (long list) comings are on him. Nothing to do with me, NOTHING!
Still, I will never understand Chumpette, never.
You are the sane loving parent, your children feel your love.
My daughters are older now and the bond we share is air tight, could not be more secure or more full of love.
I am so sorry for all you have gone thru.
Xxx

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit,
There is so much emotion in your posts.
I feel your pain and I am so sorry.
We struggle with how could we be so right for each other, so there, so caring and puff, one gaze in a tru wuv’s eyes and we, the chump become yesterday’s thrown out newspaper, disguarded trash.
Oh, but look, we have children, born of our love for each other.
I swear if and I have to say a big if, we Chumps knew of impending heartache that drops us to our knees feeling so nauseated, we could have ordered some of those air plane puke bags, there just in case we need one.
Our children are our children, every second of each precious day. We love them when they are sleeping, when they are awake all night as we nurse their fever, quiet their bad dream, nourish their tummy, love them to pieces even when they shout, fight, tattle on each other. We might feel a headache coming on, but hell aern’t they the most adorable, astonishing human beings, our precious children.
For the life of me I will never understand how a cheater can just disappear from a child’s life. I would be unable to breath without knowing where my chin is as her place is with me. My cheater said OW felt bad about taking him away from his tiny daughter. Ahhh, so sweet. Probably almost as bad as he felt wanting to go to his tru wuf, be by her side forever.
Oh, please pass me another one of those air line bags, I feel a big puke coming on.

Thank you, your post was so timely.
I was so down last evening, just one week from SIL’s passing.
Long road ahead, but you have given me strength and slowly I notice my sense of humour is slowly creeping back. I need it, I count on it, just like I need CL, CN. What would I do without you.

Oxo’s

Geode
Geode
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

26.2
skanks

nomar
nomar
6 years ago

I award my cheating ex-wife the Segregated Sperm Badge for her proud assurance to me that, “I never slept with you and OM on the same day.” Because if our bodily fluids aren’t both inside her at the same time, it’s not wrong??? #urp #petridish

Kristen
Kristen
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Oooh, ooh! Mine gets that one too! Told to me as though that level of sensitivity and restraint was a gift I should be damned grateful for.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar, that’s called IVC – intravaginal compartmentalizing!

nomar
nomar
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

IVC–LOL! Makes me feel better that there’s a “medical” term for it. And I though she was just cruel and bat-shit crazy!

TiredChump
TiredChump
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Ewwww……just gross
Extremely disordered way to disassociate from her bad behavior

Lady b
Lady b
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Oh sweet lord spare us.

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
6 years ago
Reply to  Lady b

Unfortunately Yo Yo knickers DID sleep with me and OM on the same day as me, so alas I can’t award her that badge. YUK!

nomar
nomar
6 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Well, MBE, my ex wife’s track record for honesty was suspect to say the least, so I’m guessing the only-on-different-days brag was pure bullshit. #sloppyseconds

WishinForHappiness
WishinForHappiness
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

He is incapable of getting it up (medical issues) so I must have gotten the emotional sloppy seconds all the time without realizing!
#whatanasshat

Aeronaut
Aeronaut
6 years ago

Wishin’,

When you two finally agreed to separate, did you drop a “well, at least I can finally get a good screwing, I’ve been missing that for so long, …” on him? It’s cheap, it’s mean, but it probably would have been really cathartic to dump on him like that.

Hugs.
aeronaut

Chumpiest
Chumpiest
6 years ago
Reply to  Aeronaut

LMAO!

DWD
DWD
6 years ago

The commitment badge, as in, “I kept my wedding ring on my finger (while I stuck it up her vagina) to show that I was committed to you and not available for a relationship.”

Karma'sComing
Karma'sComing
6 years ago
Reply to  DWD

???

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  DWD

I just threw up a little. shudder

BeowulfSabrina
BeowulfSabrina
6 years ago
Reply to  DWD

I got an indignat “I took my ring off when I was with her” to prove he never really cheated, like what kind of horrible man do you think I am??? SO entitled.

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago
Reply to  DWD

Ugh. Dick bags. I’ll give the opposite award. The award for “my wedding band burns my cheating lying flesh off so I take it off in the morning and leave it in my locker at work” badge. ? “I can’t swipe right on whores with this ring restricting my full range of motion” badge.

AtomicFireball9
AtomicFireball9
6 years ago

I award the FOO Fighters badge to those who, like my ex, had to cheat because mommy/daddy/grandma/the dog didn’t love them enough.

BeowulfSabrina
BeowulfSabrina
6 years ago

WINNER WINNER WINNER! Poor little victim manchild.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
6 years ago

The love badge, i.e. “I told you I loved you, doesn’t that count for anything?” for both Mac and Sue.

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago

I give my stbx the “Tricky Dicky Victim Award”. Somehow he has to always be the victim and needs my sympathy. I find out he is trying to date a “friend” from work while I stay home with the baby. After I called her to yelled at her he got upset. I told him only a dumb woman would date him, a married guy. He became very offended and flipped the discussion to his poor self esteem. He wanted me to comfort him and tell him he is attractive/charming enough to seduce her anyway. If I really thought he was awesome then I would understand why she fell for him. Really!?! Who is going to reassure me? Not him. He says I shouldn’t judge him because he was in a “bad place” then.

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago
Reply to  StaryEye

I saw a shirt that said, “I am too clumsy to be around a fragile masculinity.” Feels relatable since my poor sausage is too fragile to deal with consequences.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  StaryEye

T-shirt truth!

Mandie101
Mandie101
6 years ago
Reply to  StaryEye

#whataboutgraceforthecheater #darvo

NotToday
NotToday
6 years ago

I would like to award “Father of the Year” award to Mr. Justification for texting Schmoopie updates on my labor status when my son was being born and letting her help pick his name.

He gets extra gold stars for going home from the hospital to “get some sleep” (chat with Schmoopie) and staying home from baby’s first doctor’s appointment to “watch sick toddler” (put toddler in front of tv by herself and chat with Schmoopie).

onlyhalfoverit
onlyhalfoverit
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Oh, my. Are you me? My ex kept his Schmoopie (my supposed best friend) updated throughout my entire labor. Then, he magically came into the delivery room with the name he wanted to name our daughter – yes, schmoopie named my daughter without me knowing it. This is one secret I will take to the grave so as not to hurt my daughter. Don’t know what badge to give for this except the FUBAR FATHER badge. Also, Schmoopie gets a badge for visiting me in the hospital room and giving me a half-eaten box of ho-ho’s in a gift bag as my labor gift. CREATIVITY BADGE ALL AROUND. (It’s been 10 years since the divorce and this shit still hurts.)

Karma'sComing
Karma'sComing
6 years ago
Reply to  onlyhalfoverit

I hope you give them homemade truffles this Christmas that you spit in the chocolate!

NotToday
NotToday
6 years ago
Reply to  onlyhalfoverit

Jesus, we’re like chump twins. Schmoopie was also a close friend, and she was texting me congratulations on my new baby while simultaneously trying to set up a sex weekend with my husband.

Bitch even asked me if I’d had any stitches “down there”. Yes, she was assessing the state of my vagina immediately after birth while trying to screw my husband. There’s just no bottom to that empty elevator shaft.

Crimson Comet
Crimson Comet
6 years ago
Reply to  onlyhalfoverit

My ex named our middle child. Years later when I learned of at least a dozen years of cheating with seven women that I know of, plus numerous encounters, the idea occurred to me that there might be “significance” to the name he chose.

I flat-out told him my suspicion, and demanded that he never tell me if it’s true, and who he named her for. So I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. It’s a pretty name, and a lot of people have her name, so I don’t want that polluted with a connection to a OW. And I totally agree that the child should never be told the origin of their name, if it’s an affair partner. Serves no good.

Crimson Comet
Crimson Comet
6 years ago
Reply to  Crimson Comet

This leads me to realize the cheater award I’d give him. The Perfect Liar award. He has an uncanny ability to lie so well that I doubted my own senses, even proof that I didn’t tell him I found, but tested him to see what he’d say. Still had to check if I had read it right, he was that convincing!

Merrychump
Merrychump
6 years ago
Reply to  onlyhalfoverit

D/ck£ess worm or sperm donor. These badges would fit my Xh also.

WishinForHappiness
WishinForHappiness
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Seriously?! ? WTF?! How did I not KNOW people could be so awful?!

MissDeltaGirl
MissDeltaGirl
6 years ago

I didn’t know either, until the same thing happened to me. OW and X were planning in great detail how they were going to raise MY children while I was (blissfully ignorant and) pregnant with my second child. Got the bomb dropped on me one week post- delivery, during which he argued “but she’s a great mother. It’s one of the things I love about her.” As if that would make me appreciate her. Yeah right. Every great mom fucks her man-friend in front of her kids while daddy’s at work.
P.S. to those familiar with my story. Do not despair. 12 years out now and all is well!!!!

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago
Reply to  MissDeltaGirl

Ugh. My ex always told me I was a “good” mother, but alas, I later read in his journal that Schmoopie coworker was an EXCELLENT mother.

NotToday
NotToday
6 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Lyn, same thing here. Mr. Justification told Schmoopie that she was “the best mother he knew”. While I was at home, raising our daughter and pregnant with our son, using my master’s level STEM education to teach my toddler why it rains, how to tell the difference between lichens and moss, how to speak rudimentary French.

Schmoopie? I saw in the chats that she rarely even mentioned her kids. And at least once, her kid was sick with the flu and she was chatting with Mr. Justification until her sick kid literally crawled out of bed to beg her to come cuddle him.

Yeah, she’s mom of the effing year.

CeliA
CeliA
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

STBX also hooked up with Schmoopie from work who’s a single mom. He probably got attracted to that ‘motherly affection’ he got from her. Thank God I’m out …he wants a mother, not a partner I don’t have any plans playing that role…

Anita
Anita
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

All that talk about the AP being “excellent mothers” is just cheaters trying to get laid. Whore in x’s case was a Horrible mother but he blew smoke up her ass to the contrary. They are going test the motherhood skills 99% of the time anyway. It’s just small talk

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Anita

^^^^
Truth-you can’t believe anything they say.
Trust only that they suck.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  MissDeltaGirl

Hugs just the same. Dragging kids and unknowing wife into this sick fantasy. What horrible, deluded human beings. Glad all is OK now!

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago

This exactly. I was so stupidly naive. No one could possibly do these things to another human being that they claim to love. Wrong!

Tobefree
Tobefree
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

I was so naive! No more . The line I got was I was lying to her when I told her I loved her to shut her up . Married 14 years
well now he can shut up and get out I’m done

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago
Reply to  NotToday

Makes me want to yell at them. Probably wouldn’t do any good anyway. They suck!

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
6 years ago

The Brave Explorer Badge for plowing through boundaries most folks would not dare get near. Like, shitting where you eat, fishing off the company pier, risking a family business for a blow job, coming up with extravagant lies ON THE SPOT for why there are weird hotel receipts, paying cash for hotels while bouncing marriage counselling checks and suffering the embarrassment of a flaccid dick with not just his wife, but his starfish-posed sidekick. Such sacrifice. And soooo exhausting! The bravery for being the only man in history to have to go to such lengths, since this was no typical woman or affair, but a very special connection. Plus, the bittersweet taste of “but I was never going to leave you”. He approached each boundary with a scythe, chopped, cleared and marched to gratification. He left behind a vomiting, confused wife and a pile of kids, none of whom knew when or if he would ever have a meal with them again or come home after work, or “work”.

I volunteer to nail gun the badge to his forehead.

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

Haha! How about “Flaccid Dick Award”. I could use one for my stbx too.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

Dibs on thirdsies!

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

Ha, fourthsies (I can’t count)

WishinForHappiness
WishinForHappiness
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

Can I borrow the nail gun after you’re finished?

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

Love it!, my 13 year old is begging me to let him but a nail gun to build things, maybe I will relent on the condition he loan it to you for merrit badge installation!

Nora
Nora
6 years ago

I hereby nominate my Cheater for the:

Liar Liar Pants on Fire badge.

Faux Business Trip Planner (with Frequent Fucker Miles Rewards!) badge.

Denial Ain’t Just a River in Egypt badge.

Tobefree
Tobefree
6 years ago
Reply to  Nora

That is awesome ! I’ll take the nail gun for the faux business trip with frequent fucker miles award for my special husband . The kids and I were lucky enough to get selfies sent to us on my phone by the jealous gf. jeakous of wife whose home supposedly reconciling with husband . Who does that shit? I’m like I want you and your emotionally disturbed bitch out of my life ! Sick attracts sick !

Nora
Nora
6 years ago
Reply to  Tobefree

“Sick attracts sick.” So true!

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  Tobefree

100%

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago

Some Badges stbx has earned:
Story telling
Leave no trace while destroying everything in your path
Take no responsibility
Gas lighting
King of the hill
Me first
Make women cry
Unsafe sex
Sex without love
Medicinal drinking
Look at me

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
6 years ago

Oh! How about the “I am not a doctor, but I can diagnose that my spouse is delusional, crazy, paranoid and unhinged because I’m fucking a therapist” badge. His intuition and reading of my mental state is legendary, but for all the insight, he left me alone with our children every day, because while I’m an appalling psycho wife, I’m a damn good nanny, laundress, chef and housekeeper.

Karma'sComing
Karma'sComing
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

Give me the nail gun and I’ll put the badge on him – I was a Scout Mom.

Librawoman
Librawoman
6 years ago
Reply to  Karma'sComing

Perfect! Love the nail gun comment!

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

yup, you summed it up, HollowBunny — good work

Mandie101
Mandie101
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

Hollow bunny…That is their go to counter attack. Yes. My wife is crazy…I’m leaving the kids with her and saving myself… Because I love my kids and my wife…Who I am leaving .. Because she is crazy. I won’t get her help. I’ll just leave before she asks me more questions about my double life! Who is the crazy one?

Findingpeace
Findingpeace
6 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Mandie 101 – That what I asked – why didn’t he try to get me any help?

Oh, yeah, they only help themselves. To co workers and prostitutes.

The “Help yourself, not others ” badge.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

Hollow bunny, that too, I think my cheater is in the same troop as yours and of course the dumb narcs are competing!

Finishline
Finishline
6 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

I also would like to add a badge “jackass of all trades, master of none”. Trades include: being a husband, father and good guy (in his opinion of course). He had the audacity to claim he knew more than the psychiatrist who was trying to determine why our teenage son was suicidal… oh, I don’t know: possibly because he showed up drunk when and if he ever came home.

Finishline
Finishline
6 years ago
Reply to  Finishline

*he being fuckface, not my son!

Stacy
Stacy
6 years ago

My ex gets the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” badge of cowardice. This phrase, I have come to learn, only means:

I am fucking someone else but ( ?? ) hey I still love you. That should be a cherry on this hand scooped shit sundae I made for you. ?

Fuck you “Sir Turd”. Love that one CL!!!

Never saw it coming
Never saw it coming
6 years ago
Reply to  Stacy

I got that same line too and when he got caught again with his truck at her house he told my kids it was my fault he was there and he was renting a cottage on her property really

Never so it coming
Never so it coming
6 years ago
Reply to  Stacy

I got that same line too and when he got caught again with his truck at her house he told my kids it was my fault he was there and he was renting a cottage on her property really

NoKibble4U
NoKibble4U
6 years ago
Reply to  Stacy

My ex has the “I love you like a family member badge.”

Must mean that while I’m fucking Whoremelia at lunch, I like coming home to my mommy who has lovingly prepared me a hot meal after working a more stressful job herself (but Hell, if I was mommy, I was better than his own mother!).

chumpittychumpchump
chumpittychumpchump
6 years ago
Reply to  NoKibble4U

Yea I never got the ILYBNILWY speech, I got, to my crying, begging question, “Don’t you love me anymore??” I love you like a sister. Yea, you love me like a sister now because you are banging your disgusting married with 4 kids whore. Fuckface

chumpittychumpchump
chumpittychumpchump
6 years ago

So he gets the “Extreme affaired down award”

WishinForHappiness
WishinForHappiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Stacy

I love it! It made me laugh even while I’m crying! ?

Nora
Nora
6 years ago

Some suggested Camp Narcissist activities:

Web of Lies Macrame.

Juggling Lessons.

Pervert Limbo (“How Low Can You Go?”).

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Nora

A+, Nora!!

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago
Reply to  Nora

Haha! Pervert limbo. . .?

Anita
Anita
6 years ago

I’m going to keep mine simple and call it the “Liar” badge. For some reason, that title bothered him more than being called Cheater. I guess cause I could not prove he had sex with the whore, but lying about his actions, that I could prove. Daily.

Requirements. Lie about these things.
1. Say you want a divorce when you really want Cake.
2. Say you were sneaking with a rando off the internet, not someone I know.
3. Claim your whore is a “really GOOD person.” She can’t help it if she fucks married men.
4. Claim you are both wonderful parents.
5. Be the victim. Not your fault.
6. Ignore that lies of omission are lies just like the blatant ones.
7. They aren’t “lies”, just Little White Lies. A public service, to keep anyone from getting hurt.

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Gasp! ? I was also told the OW was such a good person. She is just so wonderful, if I could only understand. Maybe it’s the same woman.

Anita
Anita
6 years ago

I left out the biggest lie. That you are a decent person. Not a lying, cheating, whoremongering loser, just like the rest.

Lady b
Lady b
6 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Mine said in a txt recently he ‘is a great person who needs to build his confidence’ ok then!

Anita
Anita
6 years ago
Reply to  Lady b

Yes, Lady b, all these cheaters have Character that other people should emulate since they have such damn fine morals.

MurphyCee
MurphyCee
6 years ago

Instead of comparing dick sizes they can compare number of times they didn’t get caught.

And a contest comparing the most callous, selfish thing done during the marriage to accommodate their cheating. I nominate my cheater for getting a vasectomy against my wishes. God Forbid he have to use a condom with his whores!

Finally, there should be an award for most disgusting thing brought home, like STD’s, OW underwear, or bed bugs, because cheaters bring home all kinds of things, including bed bugs – which I found after extensive surgery and my 1st cycle of chemo.

Keepin'Calm
Keepin'Calm
6 years ago
Reply to  MurphyCee

OMG. Bed bugs?!? Unbelievable!

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  Keepin'Calm

What about pubic lice or crabs ?

Hmmm…is that why he started shaving off all his pubic hair ? I never dared to ask…

Nothing says “I’m a grown ass man” like looking like a prepubescent down there.

brit
brit
6 years ago

Badges:

We weren’t getting along.

I didn’t mess around until after I moved out.

I’m a great guy.

Not my fault, Chump is mentally unstable, see I’m a great guy badge.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Great guy badge, check. Great guy in light of “crazy” wife, double check. Anything to make their sorry ass look better…

chumpinrecovery
chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

So which is worse, the crazy one or the one who caused the crazy?

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago

We know the answer to that one, but the shallow people that peddle and buy the BS won’t examine it that deeply.

icandothis18
icandothis18
6 years ago

Hero turned zero badge–Firefighter ex cheated with howorker female firefighter. Twu wuv.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  icandothis18

Please tell the Fire Chief — pretty sure that’s a violation of code of conduct. Puts at risk the lives of the good people depending on them to be attentive and focused during firefighting.

kmanning
kmanning
6 years ago

My ex has earned some of the most challenging badges:

Porn proficiency: graduated from print to video to online and interactive.

Escort geo-caching: willing to travel to unknown destinations and have sexual encounters in random locations.

Image management: awarded to ex by his family for his ability to shed his “crazy” and “unreasonable” wife; my family cannot award the badge since I took back my power and assigned the shame back to the cheater where it belongs.

Out West
Out West
6 years ago

Mine gets the badge for “I was tired so I slept at the office”. Of course he earned many of the merit badges listed above.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Out West

Ha! Mine had to get a hotel room after a graduate student party because he was “too drunk to drive.” But not too drunk to bang a party attendee.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Mine after 20 years of insisting on coming home from work at all hours, even when our son was young, suddenly, decided he’d sleep at the airport or get a hotel so he wouldn’t risk disturbing our sleep. Don’t wait for him, he brought his gym clothes and would be going to the gym when he woke up… Conveniently the airport is only a couple miles away from AP’s house.
What a coincidence.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago

As for games: a shit sandwich eating competition- would they do it if the prize was a whore in a house of mirrors?

Maria
Maria
6 years ago

The ‘I’m still a good guy badge’ –

“We never slept in our bed”

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
6 years ago

Here’s an update of a few actual badges:

Communication by Gaslight (Communication)
Home Destruction (Home Repairs)
Cell Phone Photography for Craig’s List (Photography)
Signs, Signals, and Codes for Cheaters (Signs, Signals and Codes)
Using Digital Technology for Cheaters (Using Digital Technology_

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
6 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

I looked up merit badges on Wikipedia and learned that most are earned at camps or “merit badge weekends.” Perfect for cheaters…

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago

Ok, now I’m picturing the Kunty Kibbler bedecked in badges, ribbons and medals like some third world military dictator, standing on a balcony waving to the masses below.

Where do I start? . . .

Well, the “Compartmentalization Superpower Badge” for sure

Then there’s the “Paltering Badge,” for texting a pic of herself sporting a black eye — which she got during a rough sex session with BDSM Guy — to the Carrot Singer, then leading him to believe that I was beating her by using phrases like “He (UXworld) has never hit me before…” (for more on paltering, see https://www.chumplady.com/2017/04/paltering-another-kind-mindfuckery/ )

But the most creepily amusing one would be the “Pathetic and Unsuccessful Creativity Badge,” for her attempt to explain why she was hiding out in our daughter’s bedroom sexting a Marine stationed in Japan on New Years Eve: “Well, I was creating a Peapod (grocery) order online when I suddenly got a massive panic attack. I have no idea why. I just needed to be alone to work through it, so I went up to E the Elder’s room for a while.”

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Great ones UX, I can imagine your X and mine standing on a stage, smiling from ear to ear at their cleverness while receiving their “Compartmentalization Superpower” and “Paltering” badges.

Trust that they suck!

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
6 years ago

Mine gets nominated for the “I’ve been unhappy for a long time despite looking happy on all our family pictures right up to DDay” badge…

If his unhappiness was indeed so deep and so prolonged, he should consider acting, missing out on winning an Oscar would be so sad.

chumpittychumpchump
chumpittychumpchump
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

I like this one too!! 2 weeks before meeting the disgusting whore I received a mothers day card “Everything meaningful in my life I have because of you. Thank your this beautiful life and family, I love you from the bottom of my heart”

When asked how he could say that and all the other love bombing that went on right up until he starting banging slutface, ” I was pretending in cards and texts.” HOLY SHIT MAN! You totally missed your calling, actor not a cop. Cops are supposed to be upstanding citizens who HELP not INJURE the innocent, actors, well, they are actors. Hate that fucker.

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago

this is terrible. it really hits a nerve. no conscience just calculated and cold it makes me sick. admitting it too like nothing it just kills me. I had a sociopath LEO too… said some similar shit. when I asked why he needed to text and call 3 whores everyday at the time as me… “I only chatted with you during the day to throw you off so you didn’t think they meant anything to me”. I don’t know how you reacted to it when he said these kinds of things to you but I went numb into a paralyzed kind of depression. its evil.

brit
brit
6 years ago

X would “joke” to friends that when he was out on business trips he paid for sex with cash, then there’s no evidence.
Later I’d ask him about what he said, he’d laugh, and say he was only joking, where’s my sense of humor. I thought he was a man of integrity as he often told me he was so I didn’t question him.
Now I know better, it’s one of many aha! moments.
He wasn’t “joking,” it was his not so subtle message to the other husbands letting them know he screws around and how he gets away with it by paying cash.
Devious bastard.

WifeOfKingTantalus
WifeOfKingTantalus
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

ugh Brit this is horrible. I said to Mantits many times that jokes are supposed to be funny. what’s funny about telling our neighbor you want to bury me and my dog in the 6 foot hole you dug in the backyard? yeah haha so so funny. interesting that in a rage a few months later he tells me that I will breathe my last breath at his hands and he will put me 6 feet under the ground. “funny” how the 6 foot hole keeps being mentioned. because these are not jokes… these are comments about what they are doing or what they want to do or going to do. killing your wife isn’t funny. and Brit cheating in cash isn’t funny either. he got away with taunting you feeling superior that he’s cheating and you can’t catch him. He’s simultaneously putting feelers out for other cheaters to join his crew while putting you down and knocking you off balance. I always felt he said things to our “friends” for me to hear and bet on me asking him about it later. That allowed him to scream at me and call me names and label me as no sense of humor, giving a hard time, stupid, childish. the response should be I’m sorry I shouldnt make jokes at your expense or I’m sorry I was a fucking dick I won’t do that again. sorry if I’m rambling I’m just so mad that we married a bunch of heartless motherfuckers.

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago

Same here. Mine gave a tear jerking speech at our son’s wedding about how long we had been married, when he was planning to pitch me out like so much trash just a couple months later.

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
6 years ago

I would give mine the … I make mistakes badge.

That’s what he called it, a mistake.

Uh huh.

NotANiceChump
NotANiceChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

Lol. Yes, the ole Mistake badge. I made a mistake when I put too much flour in chocolate chip cookies once and made a really dry casserole. He made a mistake when he tried to fuck a 21 year old. Sounds equivalent.

BVC
BVC
6 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

Mine whined that true love would stay even after a mistake. While he was balls deep in the mistake.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
6 years ago

How about a merit badge for….

Elusive and Evasive Maneuvers (no, I was at work, I swear)

STD Test Taking (if you have to do it over and over maybe you get really good at it)

Un-First Aid (I don’t want to hurt you)

Teflon Coating (you can’t prove anything, nothing sticks)

GoodSexBeforeIDie
GoodSexBeforeIDie
6 years ago

Mine earned the Fastest Asset Reduction Turnaround (FART) award. 6 weeks after I kicked him out, he located his next wife appliance (no, seriously, he’d never met her before-it was my ICloud account he used). He moved her in, and less than 2 years after, she’s entitled to 1/2 his assets now. Yep, you got it, he left with half, and is now the proud owner of 1/4.

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
6 years ago

HAHAHA!!! Love the FART badge! Delicious example of karma.

Lady b
Lady b
6 years ago

Another douche bites the dust!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
6 years ago

He’s…stupid.

GoodSexBeforeIDie
GoodSexBeforeIDie
6 years ago

Mine earned the Fastest Asset Reduction Turnaround (FART) badge. 6 weeks after I kicked him out, he located his next wife appliance (no, seriously, he’d never met her before-I know because it was my ICloud account he used). He moved her in, and less than 2 years after, she’s entitled to 1/2 his assets now. Yep, you got it, he left with half, and is now the proud owner of 1/4.

GoodSexBeforeIDie
GoodSexBeforeIDie
6 years ago

Sorry, wifi playing up

FicoChump
FicoChump
6 years ago

BEST FiNANCES Badge -FOR SURVING with checking account in read EVERY MONTH & being able to be Mr. DOS EQUIS ? at the same time.
For 4 years we were in Bankruptcy (just under his name) we were “nickel & diming”.In addition using my credit for everything, A credit card was
taken under my name & I guess who was the only one using it? Mr. Cheaters Pants No $ for laundry or going out. But there was money for Tinder m, dates, Vegas, Expensives clothes, shoes,FTD flowers (not for me) etc.
Now I am free of Mr. Cheaters Pants. Thanks to CL, CN & Lawyer. Child support, spouse support & almost all his retirement. Him?! Got another victim. Just wait a few years and see what will happen with Fake Money Man on a suit! New victim should have a good credit score!!

PS I wish we could post pics and names to rat all of them ?But the internet could crash ?

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago

He was sleeping at his friend Bobs house, she called Bob to take her to doctor ..My then H said “I’ll take her”..
Then proceeded to spend whole day with whore. Breakfast, car wash, grocery shopping then dinner.

Got Merit badge?? He was just being a GOOD person.. she was just a friend. I tried to believe it.
How stupid was I? So mad now at myself why I was in denial!!

His ass is gone now…he’s her problem now – Fuck them both

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Kathleen, I want to know why Friend of Bob couldn’t have done the very same things that he did that day, with you?

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

QueenMother,

Exactly! He slept out night before.. said he was too tired to drive home.. so he slept over “Bob’s” house (probably no such person) . I found out days later after in an argument we had ’cause he started to not cone home a lot.

I was the marriage police..getting sicker & mentally unbalanced with all the stress.

Yeah..she was Just a Friend my ass. I was in such denial. Terrified of losing my marriage..but even I had my breaking point. She can have him ….
She probably sleeps with one eye open?

Meh or Bust
Meh or Bust
6 years ago

I would like to award Porky Pig the merit badge for LEATHERWORK based on his one twu wuv, the older other woman, Yoga Whore (think Magda in “There’s Something About Mary”).

http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/1998_There_s_Something_About_Mary/big/fhd998SAM_Lin_Shaye_001.jpg

echo
echo
6 years ago
Reply to  Meh or Bust

That’s hilarious MoB!! I was going to award mine the I Bagged a Cougar badge because she was 17 years his senior. He’s got skills.

Sionara
Sionara
6 years ago

“Stakeholder Partnership Development” badge, for banging multiple co-authors, colleagues, and associates domestically and abroad, and cultivating new contacts in the hotel lounges of Manila, and the cafes of Spain.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago

The dickless wonder should have a badge “I was homeless for two weeks after SHE tossed my ass out.” Idiot!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

THEN, when he was couch surfing, he asked if he could live on the other side of MY house and that we could date! The “I’m so full of myself I shit rainbows” award goes to him!

GonnaBeOK
GonnaBeOK
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

OOOOH! How romantic and thoughtful he was! How did you ever refuse such a smooth line? So, was that award patch shaped like a unicorn or a limp dick?

GonnaBeOK
GonnaBeOK
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Good grief, NMSB! “Idiot” is too kind – I’ve got a better name but this isn’t the right thread!

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
6 years ago

VICTIM BADGE- in his mind he’s the victim. As he’s moving his crap out of the house (never having brought a single box) he says to me “this is really hard. I didn’t expect it to be so difficult” Later to our teen daughter “this divorce isn’t turning out at all like I thought it would”, to me “who is counseling you to be this way? (Hello. My lawyer).You’ve changed (yup, thank you chump nation)” and a million other tragedies and excuses that give him the right (in his own mind) to be the victim in all this. Seriously. He cheated, he cranked up massive debt and now wants to be the victim. How his mind works and spins his crazy. So GRATEFUL to be free. He recently demanded that “we will be the best of friends and share the joys and woes of single parenting for the kids sake. HE will no longer be ignored by me” Nope. That is the silver lining of divorce. I no longer have to deal with you.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfree

Well, you had two choices:

1) Bwahahahahaha!

2) No.

Actually, a nice combination of both was appropriate. I hope you applied them equally.

Shouldn’t that be an “Oblivious” patch?

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfree

Chump free, they just don’t think like normal people! Mine was all hurt that I wouldn’t let him help me load all my stuff up to move into a friend’s house. Did he think helping me pack was going to make up for screwing around with his married coworker? Did he think I’d change my mind and think he was a good guy after all? What is wrong with these people? I told him to stay away from me. What I didn’t move myself, I hired a moving company to move.

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Way to go Lyn!

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago

“I never slept with her” badge because he really didn’t sleep in the same bed with her. My fault for asking if he slept with her instead of asking if he had sex with her.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

That’s why these assholes would make good defense attorneys

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

Sucks for us that they are “defendants” in most of our divorce cases. Mine just got off on a contempt charge because of how he answers. Should have been a slam dunk but he had an answer for everything and played the “innocent” victim. It is unbelievable. And now my faith in the court system to do what is right is sorely shaken.

TiredChump
TiredChump
6 years ago

The “we’re just friends” badge. Coupled with “and you know I don’t have a lot of friends” and a small tear in his eye – when I asked “is anything going on – please don’t break my heart ” after I noticed he was texting his assistant from a family vacation in Italy.
I felt sorry for him – I was getting a bald faced lie and being chumped and didn’t even know it

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago

Fortunately for us, Demeritwear has some already made up that fit the bill!

For spending what should feed the kids on whoring around, the Stripper badge:
http://www.demeritwear.com/Strippers_p_202.html

For loving putting it up any hole available, and for being one, the Ass badge:
http://www.demeritwear.com/Sea-Legs_p_148.html

For liking them too young and viewing prosecutable porn on the home computer, the Underage Girls Gone Wild badge:
http://www.demeritwear.com/Flashing_p_106.html

For having a bizarre and confusing amount of aversion to becoming and staying clean enough to smell like he lives in a civilized home, the I Don’t Shower badge:
http://www.demeritwear.com/No-Shower_p_54.html

For chasing anything that vaguely resembles a “hippie chick”, the Yoga Makes Her A Target badge:
http://www.demeritwear.com/Namaste_p_157.html

For obvious reasons, the Stupid Oughta Hurt badge:
http://www.demeritwear.com/SOH_p_135.html

For dishing out shit for the chump to eat over and over for years, the Shit Sundae badge:
http://www.demeritwear.com/Sundae_p_45.html

And, for we chumps, the Mighty badge:
http://www.demeritwear.com/-You_p_263.html

🙂

GonnaBeOK
GonnaBeOK
6 years ago

Ah, I think Dick has exceeded the requirements for the “What a Mess” Award – yes, after I first got the letter from the slut’s husband, Dick wanly passed the back of his hand across his forehead and said “What a mess”. WTF?

And let’s not forget the Friendship award – why can’t we still be friends? I can’t understand the requirements for that award because I wouldn’t treat someone I disliked with such shabby treatment.

Last award to present to him at the Boy Scouting Out Strange buffet would be the Consistency award which is given to the scout who answers the simplest question with “I don’t know” consistently, no matter the question . . . even if it’s “what do you want for dinner?” (yes, that was during the please-let-me-stay-as-your-wife-appliance stage – my face is red with shame).

Attie
Attie
6 years ago

The Mindreader Badge – he was capable of having an entire argument with me but all by himself because he was able to “read my mind”. “You think this, and then you thought that and I know you intend to …..” I swear I didn’t even have to be in the room. It wasn’t just my mind he was reading of course, “your brother-in-law thinks this, and looked at me and thought that” all the while none of us lesser mortals ever moved our lips. Sad thing is, he believed it. Hell if he could have read my mind he would have spontaneously combusted!

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie

I too wished for spontaneous combustion. It never happened. However, if you listen very carefully each time they get a consequence for their actions you’ll hear a BOOM.

I have heard them often.

Had to take out a three year loan for his first filing SINGLE. BOOM
I kept my pension and he has NO retirement. BOOM.
The whore he knew for a week and moved in with has borderline personality disorder. BOOM.
He lost his prized BMW. BOOM.
She makes NO money. BOOM,
He hates dogs and didn’t want one. She is matted with dog hairs and talks baby talk to the lap dog. BOOM.
He had to go to haul laundry to do it at a laundromat for three years. BOOM.
He cries. BOOM
She gets an ultimatum to get therapy in December (he’s still cheating) as the discard has begun. BOOM.
Evicted from their apartment last month. BOOM.
He’s supporting her. BOOM.

Listen closely. You will hear the fireworks.

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

I know what you mean, mine was telling me all this stuff I thought too. Even though he never asked me what I thought about anything!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie,
You write so well.
Spontaneous combustion to a cheater, instantly,
Close enough!
You made me smile,
Thank you!

SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION!
(A DDay pain stress releaser)!
???
NO badge, just pouf and they’re gone!

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago

For him:

S’Mores Badge of Next

Winner of the softest marshmallow on a stick competition.

Runner up for the shallow water diving competition.

Ohana
Ohana
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Runner up, I love it. The softest marshmallow can’t even win at losing. You have a way with words, Doingme. Laughing so hard.

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  Ohana

I forgot he signed up for the Dick No Condom Fits Merit Competition at the Campfire wiener roast. Nanthony was one of the judges and personally sized things up or should I say ‘down’. He won the GET TESTED tee shirt.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

“Winner of the softest marshmallow on a stick competition.”

DoingMe–you capture the absurdity of the Limited so well! dying with laughter here.

jumper
jumper
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Me too!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

doingme,
“Runner up for the shallow dive competition”
No doubt a cheater finished in first place.

Fellow Chumps, your writing powers wow me,
you are all cracking me up today,
Just when I need it.
You rock!

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

For her:

#19 Honorable Mention award for 2014 Fuck Me, Fuck Me in a cheap hotel award.

Merit Badge for the Pig Roast all you can eat buffet.

Winner of the Any Pussy Will Do Limited contest.

Roaring
Roaring
6 years ago

The Lifetime Achievement Award for Lack of Volition in a Starring Role goes to x. Who can forget such memorable lines as:

“He wanted to suck my dick and wanted me to suck his,” from that racy blockbuster: The Minister Told Me To

Or that convincing line, “12 years ago you said something really mean to me which I can’t remember anymore but it proves you, Roaring, are the real problem,
so that’s why I had to spend all the savings on sex” from that original concept film: I’m a Martyr just like Jesus

And finally, for his role in placing his penis in a wide variety of holes, none of which were attached to names (except his for his sister) but all of which charged money for the experience (except for his sister who, instead just had her life ruined), who can forget his poignant lament: I deserve intimacy.

chumpittychumpchump
chumpittychumpchump
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

He fucked his sister????

Roaring
Roaring
6 years ago

x started sexually molesting his six-year-old sister when he was twelve. That continued for eight years. She was in her 30s before she finally found the courage to file a CPS report but the statute of limitations had passed. I discovered this after D-day (and also that his first wife left him when sister filed that report). In the twenty years I was with x, whom I met when my own beloved daughter was six, no one in his family ever mentioned any of this.

It’s made me a little crazy because I wonder if I’ve made too much of this – I mean, he is a creep, right? It is so weird that his family shared this. I always just thought his sister was a controlling, over-sensitive, passive-aggressive wimp. Now I think she is brave and scared and has low self-esteem and is an abuse victim. But also complicit.

Needless to say, x’s sex partner of choice is prepubescent.

WishinForHappiness
WishinForHappiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

OMG…your ex was a certifiable monster! I am so sorry! I didn’t realise he actually abused his sister! ?

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

Roaring The depth and breath of their depravity no longer amazes me as I know cheating is just the tip of the iceberg.

It disgusts me knowing we were with such predators. The limited racked up thousands of dollars on our phone bill accessing porn and blamed it on his son. After the final dday he was explaining how he accidentally landed on a child porn site. Still at that point I was oblivious to just have sick he was throughout our entire relationship.

Such evil knows no boundaries.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

He belongs in prison!

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

He is a creep who is not right in the head. Get far, far away.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

(Retching sound)

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

Yah, I was laughing too, until I got to the part about his sister. What has the world come to . . . .

WishinForHappiness
WishinForHappiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

Hilarious! ? I didn’t know I could laugh so hard while I’m so miserable.