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Strange Bedfellows

Today’s not-so-fun Friday challenge is to share the unseen ways in which your cheater rubbed their affair in your face. The secret frissons of duper’s delight your cheater got wearing the heart necklace the Other Man gave her, or how his “art” hung on wall. Perhaps you did the affair partner’s taxes or gave free legal advice “as a friend”? Maybe you had them over for dinner and smiled unknowingly as she enjoyed your best casserole?

Part of the chump experience is defilement (IN OUR BED? Really, OUR BED?!) and being used. What did you NOT know you were sharing? (Other than your partner.)

While this assignment is depressing as hell, it should serve as a reminder of why you don’t want cheaters back. And it might also serve as an antidote to anyone who buys Esther Perel’s bullshit of how “erotic” and healing the infidelity experience is.

And for those of you who believed your cheater was especially cruel, perverse, and lacking any sense of the sacred, this post will show you that, no, they’re pretty much unoriginal in this way, too.


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  • Ow was our best friends wife, x took her on family vacations with us. Without her husband because she was a sahm who needed a break. I thought it was considerate at the time. They carried on their affair at my house while I was at work. In my bed surrounded by all our family pictures. Must have been a huge turn on.

    • It’s amazing what some people find a turn on really. Maybe the could give this particular perversion a latin name

      Gross! I’m sorry newday 🙁

      • I remember my first boyfriend trying to get me onto his parents bed, seriously you have to be kidding. Friggin weird.

        • Yeah really? I’d rather do it for the first time in the back seat of the vehicle. But that’d kill my interest as well. Fortunately or unfortunately I was the oldest virgin in the Boomer’s “Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll” generation and insisted (oh so very politely, of course) in a “neutral setting.”

          Deargawd, what a disappointment to a Catholic School girl. Really? THAT’S IT? Where the hell is the Cherubim and Seraphim? Where is the Heaven’s Parting? YOU GOTTA BE SHITTNG ME, I saved “this” for looking over the shoulder of this guy’s ass doing a woodpecker and the most “intriguing” thing is his hair on his ass bouncing up and down?

          Oh hell. If I had a clue I’d have “done it” with this guy instead: My first “oh TW, you’re heading for the first and worst fall,” who wrote me a “Dear Jane” letter from Boot Camp. Mon Dieu, I was ”saving” absolutely nothing for nothing. No offense to the Catholics, but please don’t do this to your kids: This was beyond description my worst, most horrid “Welcome to being a Groan Up” world experience. At that moment, you loose more than credibility-you loose your “voice/control” for eternity.

          There is nothing short of those angels that could have sufficed: No “Apocalypse” that could begin to meet the expectations proffered. (And that’s a negative phenomena.) The Earth was suppose to move under my feet! Instead, the damn bed springs were the accompaniment. I had more exciting experiences albeit not the same watching Bonzo doing his thing on “Moby Dick” standing backstage at the Philmore.

          • Oh stink TW. I had the perf experience. Also waaaay older than all my mates. Read, age started with a 2. With the guy I was deliriously in love with for the next 27 years. It was stunning. As was the rest of thone years.

            But we all know how that story ended.

            Always advised my kids to be in charge of their sexuality. To enjoy, and stay safe, emotionally and sexually. They have. Three of them have all been completely in charge of their sexualities. Differing ages (of first contact!) Differing chats over the years.

            A while back I read an incredible article about young female sexuality. It echoed my thoughts, but put it far more eloquently than I ever could. About not hiding it, loving your body and power and being respectful, honest and safe. I have two daughters and one son, and those messages are important. They all say they have zero regrets. And good experiences with sex and love. Wish I’d bookmarked that article!

    • Newday, on the Cruelty-o-meter, your cheater registers a 9. He didn’t get a 10 because he lacked originality. I bet there will be a dozen more stories like yours on this blog today.

    • It’s only a turn on if you are a sick psychopathic disgusting cheater. Turds.

      I think most of the “at home fuckers” are financially based. By the time they rent a motel they could probably afford a hooker and get what they really want.

      • I agree. They want a private spot and hotels are expensive. I think they compartmentalize and make themselves believe it has nothing to do with defiling a sacred space.

        It’s really messed up thinking, obviously.

        • Mine was too cheap to take her anywhere that would cost money. What a prize!

          • Ha sounds like mine! He was so cheap he would only bang her in the back of her Kia in motel parking lots or public parks. Quite the Latin lover.

      • Mine had sex with our babysitter in our house before they went to the hotel. Guess it was a turn on to do it in a place that would make me mad.

      • I agree! Mine had sex at his work place where they have empty guest apartments, and of course at her house, while her husband was at work. I came home from work at all different hours, so he couldn’t count on my home.

        • Mine had sex with her in his office, while I was working in the room upstairs….I worked with him at the time and she was our ho-worker…

      • I know my “at-home fucker” (awesome phrase!) was financially motivated to carry on at home. Can’t afford to rent a motel room when you’re drinking your whole paycheck.

    • ExH’s affair ho was a longtime “friend” from college, and he was godfather to her daughter (who, strangely, looked an *awful* lot like him). She was also a lawyer and had supported and “pushed” him into law when he “needed” the push. She also pulled many political strings to get him two coveted clerkships when he was a mediocre student at best (not too bright) who had graduated (barely) from a lower tier law school. Although I was really uncomfortable with the relationship from the start, I got the typical gaslighting and denial/blameshifting. One particular bit of detritus from their “friendship” that tortured me and which he refused to part with was a photo of the two of them (after he ran a marathon – she also “pushed” him into that: I guess he didn’t have much agency in his life) that he kept in his little box of treasures on our dresser. He refused to throw it out, saying that their relationship was a “non-negotiable.”

      Once I pulled my head from the sand and figured out what was going on, I danced the dance and demanded that he send her a NC letter so that we could “survive and recover from an affair” (thanks for nothing, RIC). He did, and she responded with an invitation – a demand, really – that he be there for her daughter’s confirmation. And now this is the most humiliating part: although I was pointedly not invited, I insisted on going with him. When we showed up at the church, he went over to talk to her. He came back and said that he “had” to sit in the front row with the rest of her family, and that I would be obliged to sit apart, a few rows back. I was so messed up that I did it. Why I didn’t go over and punch her and and him in the throats and shake the dust off my feet right then, I will never know. It was beyond a shit sandwich: it was a public humiliation for me and triumph for her (she thought). Of course now in retrospect I realize what a huge favor she did for me by taking such a spineless loser off my hands. And for making me realize that he wasn’t worth it, because he didn’t think I was.

      Just as an aside, women like that – strident, controlling, competitive bitches who are “one of the guys” but who gun for married men – make me a bit ill. Although to most of the world they seem like driven high achievers, deep down they are so very needy for kibbles, their soul an abyss that nothing and no one can fill. Like parasites eternally feeding off the crumbs from another woman’s table. Eew. ?
      Last I heard of her she had been appointed to a judgeship – how ironic, for someone so unfit, morally speaking and otherwise.

      Once I trusted that he sucked and wisely removed myself from this bizarre triangle, she had nothing to fight for and no one to fight with. I bet it was no longer as much fun without a “rival” to vanquish. Nothing like kicking one leg out from under a three legged stool and watching it self destruct. Lol. Looking back, it seems like the whole thing was more about me in her mind than him, in the sense that I suspected she was way more about the challenge than the prize. Did anyone else experience this with their exH’s affair partner?

      Last I heard of him he married another lawyer and they bred. Gross. ?

      So so grateful to be free of such abuse and crazy making. And what’s more important, I am a better me now than I have ever been. I came through the fire purified and stronger than I was when I went in. I have experience and depth of character that I previously lacked. I have more empathy. I learned the hard lessons I needed to learn to truly come into my own. So yeah, happy ending. 🙂

      • “Looking back, it seems like the whole thing was more about me in her mind than him, in the sense that I suspected she was way more about the challenge than the prize. Did anyone else experience this with their exH’s affair partner?”

        Yes, Cliffs…..This is very common. Once again, right out of the ‘Devils’s Playbook’. This happened in my situation & it is explained by psychologists.

        Also the emptiness you mentioned: “…their soul an abyss that nothing and no one can fill. Like parasites eternally feeding off the crumbs from another woman’s table.”
        Your wording / description is excellent! These types of females are absolutely disgusting & seem to be ‘a dime a dozen’. Nothing to admire about them at all!

        Now, an actual contribution to today’s topic: One OW, the one that was long-term & the most involved, actually lived with us. Thought we were helping them out while she & husband ‘got on their feet’ financially. They were, after all, family & that’s what families do for each other. Right?!
        Then, she kicked her husband out of our house on false charges of abuse. I still did not know cheaterpants was ‘doing her’. She now needed to work, so she worked for us in business & I even babysat her kids while she went to a ‘counseling session’ at woman’s shelter. Or so I thought. She was actually out with cheaterpants. And they also did their filth in our home……Yeppers The worst kind of scum all around. Good times……

        There’s more, but I have a cheater-free life to go live!

        Divorce now done……Free of the mind-games & sickness!

        Love all y’all as we all ForgeOn!

      • Cliffs–that confirmation story is downright creepy as a window into the X’s soul. Awful; I’m sorry you were treated so badly, but you’ve spun gold out of straw post-divorce.

      • Fantastic, Cliffs! Gain your life, and self-awareness too ?
        Yes, the X’s final AP, who I have diagnosed as Histrionic, was crazy as all getout. She used to throw glasses at my front door, toilet-papered my front yard TWICE, and emailed X to wake up to the fact they were soulmates. She wanted him bad. Then I lawyered up and left! He was nothing to her about two months later, so it was just the chase, and shitting on a wife, that she really loved. Oh how I laughed after he told me- well, she wasn’t what she appeared to be ?
        She was a fuckin nut, and why did he not know?

      • Yes, there was something about OW’s need to win in every aspect of her life. I called her Penelope from the SNL skit by Kirsten Wigg. If someone talked about going on a mountain hike, she claimed to have climbed Mt. Everest. It was bizarre. She was the biggest “one upper” I have ever met.

        X made the typical cliche move and brought the bitch to our home for dinner. My youngest was in junior high school, and we had just returned home from a track meet. OW began lecturing my daughter about how inappropriate it was for my daughter to be wearing her track shorts at the dinner table. Daughter looked at me like,”WTF?” And, of course, being my daughter, took OW down in about two sentences.

        One of my friends was also there and she point blank asked OW why she was at our home. Even she could sense something was not right. OW acted like she was offended by the question, as if she were queen of MY castle!

        That encounter definitely rubbed me the wrong way and I had a huge fight with X about it. Naturally, I was accused of being a paranoid, suspicious shrew, who was just jealous of OW. What BS. I think OW was trying my life on for size. As she got crazier, she began telling her friends that her kids were getting a rich dad, who was going to pay for their “new lifestyle.” She also began showing up places where she knew my kids would be. The entire experience was bizarre.

      • Yep! “More about the challenge than the prize” is a common story. Imitation E wheedled, begged, and cajoled him to leave for years, and then when he did, she didn’t know what to do with him.

        She thought that it would be instant Epic Romance Time, apparently, but instead got a sad alcoholic moping around her apartment all depressed because the wife he thought he’d just be best friends with wouldn’t speak to him.

        (How he thought that was going to work can only be explained by serious delusion.)

        Then he got sober and left. That must have made her head spin.

        • Mighty E,

          “This…She thought that it would be instant Epic Romance Time, apparently, but instead got a sad alcoholic moping around her apartment all depressed because the wife he thought he’d just be best friends with wouldn’t speak to him.”

          (How he thought that was going to work can only be explained by serious delusion.)

          Key word Mighy E they are delusional.

          XH showed up at my house with Valentine’s flowers and card post my kicking him out on DD and his moving in with whore he also gave flowers, took to dinner and continued their fuckfest 2016.

          I was reeling from DD and just diagnosed highly aggressive cancer. I asked him why he would do something so cruel. He said, “who else would bring you flowers?”

          You can’t make this delusional cruelty up.
          I dumped his flowers in my compost and told him I now give myself flowers.

          What he received from me was 100% no contact and a divorce petition. He was shocked that I grew a backbone and his charm, rage or sad sausage no longer worked on me. His jig and his mask were up. He got away with it for 36 years. No more!

          I grow my own fragrant roses now. As a matter of fact my peaceful and healing home is surrounded by my own flowers; just the way I like.

          She won an old, saggy balled and limp dick, lying, cheating, foul breath, drunk with 50% less income/assets. They deserve one another.

          • Ugh. What a total rotter your ex is. I’m so glad you’re free now, FreeNow!! I bet your flowers are beautiful. 🙂

            • Rotter. I like that too. People on here come up with the best descriptive terms.

      • Gogfather Gobfather Goofather FATHER… But the mom/ evidently is a Jesus Cheater, confirmation and all.

      • COI… sounds like you X got himself a nice Dominatrix… good riddance and ride on into the sunset without either “bitch”!

      • Cliffs, that is just horrible. You are not alone – I know the desperation you felt. I have a similar screwed up church-related story. OW’s grandmother died, and Ex insisted on going to the funeral. A four hour drive away. Because she was such a good family friend, you know. I told him that we were not close enough to her and her family to justify taking the day off work to go, but he insisted, saying to me: “When your mom died last year, didn’t it bring you comfort when people cared enough to drive to the funeral?” Yep. He used my mother’s death to manipulate me into agreeing to go. It chills me now. So we went. No way in hell was I going to let him go alone. When we arrived at the church service (surprise!) I stared straight at OW’s husband, and at the moment I think we knew. We just knew…

    • I hear you NewDay. OW was a family friend. I served her more meals in my home than I can count. We went camping together. I cared for her children…. But the worst was finding a photo, shortly after D Day, of OW posing beside our Harley. While I worked and ran kids around, they had apparently both taken the day off for motorcycle “rides”. She even borrowed my helmet and gloves, and she was still wearing her own wedding ring in the photo. Sharing that photo with OW’s now ex-husband was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The double betrayal we have both survived was horrendous. Sometimes various other fucked up memories surface for me and I think, “No normally functioning adult could ever do that to a friend.” Sociopathy in its full splendor.

      • Dee, My X and his Ho worker worked together and both had Harleys and guess what! They used to take days off without my knowledge and go ride together.

        • Urgh – that sucks Newme! Did you also get this line from him: “Well YOU never made time to go with me!” Oh pu-leeeeze.?

      • Ditto, Dee. Was a ‘friend’ of mine for 35 years by D-day. The double betrayal, and me realising I had been her catering and hospitality bitch while she fucked the man I thought was the love of my life. It will affect me forever. I’m better than I was in the beginning. But it really sucked the wind out of my sails. Trust won’t ever be a factor in my life again. I fight every day to find a mindfully positive thing. To keep going forward. We have three lovely young adults together. He is truly appalled at his actions. But you never undo what was done. His shit totally affected my life. Even though I ended our relationship. I know he was sick. But he still always knew what he was doing was wrong. We actually get on really well, only because he is totally remorseful and would drop anything to help me if I asked (I don’t! I have always been more than capable) unlike many here at CN. But it doesn’t change how it has affected me or that I needed to leave a cheater to (try to – still working on it every day) gain a life.

        Ugh. A bit melancholy at present. Just over a month out from Masters thesis submission date, and drowning a little! Then I have to go back to the real world and turn my 0.5 job into a meaningful full time one, or buy/start a business, sell the farm, find somewhere else to live. More hard shit awaits. And I feel like I have been doing the hard shit for too many years already!

        Right. Pity party over. Socks up. Big girl pants on. Tally ho!

        • Oh shit! Re-read that and the context is wrong!!!! I didn’t mean the people of CN are not capable! Oh lordy no!!! Quite the opposite!

          I meant we are not NC and we do get on well. Gulp. Super faux pas!!! D’oh!

        • Master’s Thesis? That’s awesome Horsesrcumin! It is all-consuming work so hang in there. Remember: you are the author of your own story from here on. You control the narrative. Be that mighty role model for your grown children. I guarantee part 2 of your life story will be much more inspiring than your ex’s.

          • Oh I know, Dee. Thank you. But eight years of knowing and being mindful hasn’t healed my broken heart. I wish he was your standard run of the mill arsehole. That is awful. But easy. Not worth a moment of your time. This guy is really pissed at himself. Totally gutted and sorry for what he did. He gets it. And is exceptionally kind.


            But he broke my heart, made me sick, and irrevocably damaged a truly beautiful love story. We all lose. Dumb fuck. I still don’t get how you don’t see how permanently damaging affairs are before you embark on one. Rocket science, right there, right?

            • Hey horsesrcumin,

              My cheating H is similarly gutted. I’ll tell you what, I think that’s the cruelest bit out there. I believe it, but I also believe that through his remorse he gets kindles from me. Let’s face it, if he wasn’t remorseful, there would be absolutely no contact.

              But his remorse keeps him central. And I’m realizing (much like you) remorse is not enough. And he did it on purpose. And he knew it was wrong and he rubbed it in my face and so did the skank.

              The kindest remorse he could give me would be to go away.

              Take care. ?

    • When Mr. Sparkles left, I insisted he take our bed. I don’t think he ever had the cajones to bring anyone home (I have very observant retired neighbors)… but I knew I sure as hell didn’t want to sleep in it again after he left.

      He’s already cycled through the OW and has a new GF. I doubt he washed the sheets.

      And, he actually has a door in his bedroom that leads out to the backyard… I think that is what sold him on his rental 🙂

      • I refer to that kind of contamination as “wasband oobleck” (Dr. Seuss was a cheater, after all), and over the 4 years and 4 months since my divorce, I have slowly divested myself of all possessions that have that slime on them: to charities, friends, and the junkpile. Good riddance!

    • Mine too, newdaydawning. Except she was a single mum. Old school friend of mine who was struggling with (planned) single parenthood. Gosh. Adulting is HARD!!! Never been in a relationship at nearly 50 that lasted longer than 6 months (except during their 15 month affair!) She came on holiday with us regularly. To our parties and celebrations. He says there was no added excitement holidaying with ‘both’ his women. Yeah. Whatevs. He didn’t seem to think there was any extra revolted baggage with them sleeping in our holiday home bed. “We never did it in OUR bed!” Kibble for you then. Good boy! Fucker. They did it everywhere else in my life. Children’s beds. Couches. Car fondling. Ewwww! Probably the kitchen bench! Also big on fucking on my property while I was at work.

      Why can’t I just let it go? Definitely something wrong with me. For sure. Catching diseases off them in my own house. Priceless.

  • My ex-husband and I met in law school–the first say, actually–and we dated 3 years before getting married. He pretended to be a doting husband. I found out in 2013 after 10 years of marriage that he was a serial cheater who solicited sex with random strangers on the internet (Craigslist & Ashley Madison) along with having sex with local women who were drug users. He was general corporate counsel for a very large local credit union, where we had our mortgage. I found out during the divorce that he made “special arrangements” to have one of his crazy cocaine-using affair partners conduct our mortgage closing, meaning she had all my financials, my personal information, my SSN, etc. I sat in a room with them both for well over an hour, talking and joking as she witnessed and notarized my mortgage documents. He would lose his law license if anyone found out.

    • Wow! Similarities! I met X on first day of law school also — DDay 25 years later but after the mask was off full on narcissist sociopath: blamed even our kids– said the stress of their existence and (normal) family demands MADE him “have an emotional non-PA attraction and texting flirtation with 30 yo messenger he met in the elevator of his downtown office highrise.” LIAR! Within weeks he was paying $5k a month for their secret glass apt downtown. Gave me an STD that proved it was a PA.
      many more OWs have come to light going back 18 years. It was all a fraud. I’m divorced now and completely NC. I got everything in the trial.

      He’s still living with OW, supporting her through private low-rank law school – baahaaahaaa! Our kids won’t have anything to do with him– his health is horrible now. He’s permanently stuck on rage channel. Ugly and rotten to the core.

      In our D, whore gave a false statement that X’s testimony actually completely revealed to be false. When her character and fitness hearing for bar admission comes up in a few years I just might put that into the bar admission committee’s hands. Then again, who has time for that shit– I’m busy as hell as a new partner at a big firm and raising my kids completely solo 24/7.

      So many similarities here……

      • Please do your profession a favour and put that info into the bar admission committee’s hands.

  • The vasectomy that I nursed him back from. (Who spends a week in bed after a vasectomy, btw?) He wouldn’t get one for ten years after our youngest was born but then suddenly he wanted one.

    • LOL – they can be done under local anaesthetic in a clinic, and straight back to work! Mine had his vasectomy soon after he left me, but sent the health fund payment receipt to me, no doubt to keep it hidden from OW who was desperate for a baby with him (no pregnancy 4 years later, she must be wondering why).

      I had OW (my son’s music teacher, who also started teaching my ex) over to dinner after she had an ear operation. An operation my surgeon ex arranged (and probably paid for) as she had no money, a fact she bemoaned constantly. Her face was swollen and she kept whining “oh I look so awful!” in her breathy little girl voice. Stupid me was reassuring her she looked fine, but secretly thinking this was the most painful evening of my life, and if I didn’t know my husband was a decent man and she was deeply religious, I’d bet they were having an affair.

      • Haha that is so the same …. had a vasectomy years ago but now talking babies with his trade in !? Maybe hes forgotten and keeping her hopeful by going through the performance of condoms (lots of detail can be gleaned from bank statements that indicate religiously ever fri and sat evening he paid a visit to the pharmacy then the liquor store then got a dvd…right where OW lived .) what a lying shitbag cheater.

    • Newwoman, my x did the same thing! Got a vasectomy when our youngest was 10. I had long since given up asking him to get one. I found out much later that his call to action was that he found out he had impregnated some stranger he picked up in a bar on a business trip and he was being sued for child support. Which he then paid secretly for years. Of course I took him in for the procedure and brought him ice packs for his aching groin. But it wasn’t me he was concerned for—he had no intention of ever being sued for child support again.

    • Actually the vasectomy was my idea after the birth of my third. It was for his sake as much as mine because he didn’t like condoms and the pill killed my libido. I suppose I could have gotten my tubes tied, but that is more invasive than a vasectomy and I am the one who went through three pregnancies and childbirth so a vasectomy didn’t seem like too much to ask. At the time he went along with it and didn’t complain, but of course he later added it to his long list of resentments against me. He sure found a use for it in the end, however. I’ll show her, I’ll let other women get the advantages of pregnancy free sex with me. Jerk.

    • Mine used his vasectomy, which our insurance paid for and I catered to him during the long week of recovery, as a selling point in his Craigslist ads. Too bad he couldn’t spell the word correctly.

  • My fuckwit was given an expensive scarf by her fuckbuddy. She wore it to our marriage counseling (I later worked out…)

  • My ex had been living in an apartment and I was in our home, but when the divorce was final I moved out of the home and he moved back in with the OW (long story). In the midst of me frantically packing and sorting through ten years of mementos, he sends me a text saying: The OW will start getting mail at the house next week, please set it aside for her. (I wasn’t moving out for another two weeks)
    Yeah, sure! I’ll set it aside right in the shredder!

    • I’m gobsmacked at these assholes. I shouldn’t be at this point, but for some reason this kind of crap still shocks me.

      I think the shredder was the perfect response to your ex’s request. 😉

    • Ha. My ex still hasn’t changed his address with the post office, probably because he still sees the current lady he’s crashing with as “temporary” after a couple of years. You know, it’s important that he keep his options open. The first couple of weeks after I asked him to change his address, I set aside mail for him and gave it to him when he came for child visitation. Then I realized “What kind of a force of habit, b.s. thing am I doing here?” and quite. So now every single piece of mail I get to my house, not addressed to me, goes right in the garbage. Bye bye bills! Not my job to be your secretary anymore.

      • My ex also refused to deal with filing a change of address form with the Post Office, until I marked the annual notices from his union pension fund and from Social Security “DECEASED — RETURN TO SENDER”

        Man, did that unleash a shit show when he found out what hoops needed to be jumped through to fix those issues!!! The emails I got could have scorched Atlanta better than Sherman, lol!

        • Fabulous way to deal with their inertia over mundane details like redirecting their own mail!

          • Brilliant! My mom is still getting ex’s mail. We haven’t lived with her in 10 years and the divorce was final three years ago. ill have to share that idea with my mom. Lol!

        • What a great idea! I’ll have to do that for the mail I still get 2 years later.

        • Actually, this can land you into legal trouble if the ex is really vindictive. YOU were very, very lucky.

          I’ve also seen the government go after people for this type of stuff. All you need is someone petty in your local office who will NOT be happy you have just made your life harder.

          – A Lawyer

          • But, respectfully, wouldn’t it be difficult to prove WHO actually wrote on the envelope?

            Not cheater’s mail, but other’s mail I so very frequently receive really ticks me off.
            I have enough paper garbage to deal with and have to return other people’s mail to the post, way too frequently.
            Just saying…..and asking?

            • Peacekeeper 🙂

              I took back my maiden name AND moved to a new location…and I have received satan’s mail! WHAT!

              …I always write on it, ‘Return to Sender, No Evil Monster’s at this address’ …and draw an arrow to his name

              🙂 …sayin 🙂

              …sometimes I crack myself up 🙂

              • Hi JeepTess,

                I always love your style!

                I am happy you have your name back and even happier
                that no evil monsters live at your house!

                YOU are a good egg, keep on cracking yourself up!

                A sense of humour saves us!


              • Peacekeeper 🙂

                Thank you! I needed a good hug! 🙂

                I’ve seen my mailman crack up when he picks up my ‘return to sender’ mail too 🙂 That makes me happy all over again 🙂 Community service! Laughter is the best medicine for sure! Genuine, unfettered belly laughs can cure a myriad of ills! 😀

                I am grateful every day for you and all of CN! WE got this and WE gonna make it better 🙂 Bless Tracy for this site and all the healing it provides daily! WE all provide this wonderful service to each other! It is AMAZING! 🙂

                Even Beau the Monster Biter benefits! Happy Mom! Happy Beau! 😀

                Thank you 🙂

            • If you are the one residing where it’s delivered, it might be on you to prove it wasn’t you. Your fingerprints will be on that mail. Will anyone else’s?

              Unless you live with 20 other people where there’s no way of knowing, I really, really don’t advise doing this.

              If you are in the USA, messing with someone’s mail and their government benefits are federal crimes. Full stop.

              Also, if you are in the middle of a divorce and the judge finds out you did something like this, you will be toast. (I’m a divorce attorney, I’ve had to explain this to a lot of clients who have done things like you are suggesting).

              A lot of these revenge maneuvers are either illegal or seriously backfire.

              • Mhmm, could you please give some examples where the government actually went through the trouble to have an envelope fingerprinted, and then come to your house to check for a match? Last not least, the ex is dead to her.
                I just write not at this address. But, I really like the deceased idea :).
                Once I went to the OW house, and then the ex called and told me she could get a restraining order against me. I just laughed. I simply rang the door bell politely, and when she did not open, I left.

          • It’s illegal to tamper with/open other people’s mail.

            I sold the house to an attorney and his spoiled wife (no job or career but needed a full-time babysitter) and moved out of state. He got my new address through a childhood friend (he’s friends with one of her siblings) by claiming that he wanted to thank me and tell me how much he and his family are enjoying the house. I never received a thank-you note but I did receive opened pieces of mail stuffed in an envelope. Once is a mistake,several times is intentional. He knew exactly what he was doing.

            I thought about reporting him to the bar association but decided to move on. Funny how I managed to keep my mitts off their mortgage packet mailed to what was still my house before closing. Guess I have better boundaries and manners… Had to have a talk with my friend about boundaries ! She needs to learn how to say “no”. I had told her about the wife’s bitchy behavior.

        • Yeah, I sent back all his mail marked deceased. I also took down his photo sites amd deleted all his precious,pictures of the OW that I found on his flickr.

          I threw most oF his possessions except for a few of the crappiest things that I black-bagged and delivered to his office receptionist. I left a few random things in the cupboard which when the cops came to “reclaim” his stuff, I,was able to give them with a shrug. Hey, I said to them, he was penniless and I was supporting him! He sure wasn’t getting back anything I purchased for him. Some charity in Africa got that good stiff.

        • Love It MN! Man, the things these cheater’s do to maintain centrality.

          • They only forward mail for a year so it’s on the person to make sure they give people their new address.

        • Hahahahahaaaaa, brilliant! !!!

          This past January, I was accused of being a mail thief by “doing something” to one of exh#2/The Evil One’s W2 from a former employer of his. Idiot never informed said-employer of his address change to his slut-shack, much less change in spouse. When I called employer to verify they had sent W2 to my address, they stated not only did he notify them off his address, but I was still his spouse/emergency contact. Idiot.

          Never did see the W2, but did see a fat stuffed envelope addressed to TEO sent to my house from the State’s Legal Department of the Department of Transportation. I jumped right back into my car and went straight to the post office and had it returned to sender.

          I had to get rid of it before I succumbed to temptation of opening it! I do regret not opening it though.

      • I Struck his name out and wrote CHEATER then put it in his work post box for his co workers to find. Yep was very statifying.
        I was at court getting a restraining order yesterday and got talking to other women doing the same, except hers was against her druggie son. Turns out she works with asshole who she thought was gay and meek and mild, no that his public image, he’s a raging manipulator and cheater, sure that’s going to get around. He mainly works with women who he has spun a load of stuff to.
        Sometimes the universe just loves you.

      • Same problem–6 years out. But I do get a bit of pleasure when mail arrives that demonstrates he’s making financial errors. A teaspoon of schadenfreude can’t hurt me now and again, can it?

        • THIS… I had to co-sign a leases for Mr. Sparkles to move out because his credit score was so low. 2 years later, I’m off the lease… but they still copy me when he’s missed a rent payment or hasn’t paid his taxes, etc.

          As CL always says… they take their crappy life skills with them.

          Good riddance.

          • I reported the OW to the city tax dept when Ex moved into her apartment because she no longer qualofied for the single discount. She couldn’t prove exactly when he moved, so they reverted to a back,charge for a whole year. That was priceless…cost them about £300 they didn’t have. The tax lady told me in person what a pleasure it was to,send the bill to them after I told her their affair story. I love being judgmental when the opportunity arises.

            • I must be that bitch, too. Was horrified twenty years ago when a mate’s XW was claiming single parent benefit whilst living with her AP – her former business partner and best friend’s husband! My mate wouldn’t dob her in to authorities. And he was paying the benefit anyway, and could have paid less if the govt dept knew. Super chump.

        • Loooved it, when he did not pay the urgent care center the measly 65$ copay. I had scanned and sent him the invoice, the reminder, and yet he doesn’t pay. So it went to collections. And he missed two car payments. Schadenfreude.

        • LOL Eilonwy- that deserves a place in the upcoming Chump Nation “Leave a Cheater” musical. (Cue Mary Poppins music…) “A teaspoon of schadenfreude makes the shit sandwich go down…in a slightly less nauseating way”.

    • I kicked my cheater out of our home on DDay. He had the nerve to ask this before he left, (after hours of insane conversation!), “Ok, but is it okay if I come back tomorrow evening to take a shower? I have a date with [OW].” This was already planned I guess. What wasn’t planned was me finding out about their affair. I’d had about two hours to process the bombshell of him cheating and was ecstatic that he could “date” her openly the very next day.

  • Mine got me to help him keep calling American Airlines to recover suitcase for AP, who had accompanied X on a business trip to Orlando. He had checked her suitcase under his name because she already had two 32kg bags (!!!). Chumpy me swallowed the story that this “assistant” had time for so much shopping when she was supposed to be working.

    I also now understand the shit-eating grin on X’s face when he told me how much he enjoyed Busch Gardens on that trip.

  • My ex-wife had several APs, so I have many examples. Dinners at our home, kids’ birthday parties, free professional advice, and, yes, cheater art on the wall. A self-portrait, even!

    Why did no one tell me how odd it is for your wife’s boss to gift her a self portrait??

    Why do they do it? In my ex’s case, I’d guess her love of deception, a compulsion to accumulate cool stuff (tech gadgets, baby pets, boyfriends), and a need to assert her superiority through secret advantage. I think those three factors explain 90 percent of all the decisions she makes in life.

    • Chump Lady has an explanation about WHY cheaters feel contempt for chumps.

      Does anyone here remember it? It is very handy for today’s Fun Friday.

      I think it has something to do with Power Dynamics.

    • “a need to assert her superiority through secret advantage.”

      Ding, ding, ding!You hit the nail on the head, Nomar. The thrill of having their foot on the back of the person they’ve supposedly pledged their life to is a huge turn-on to cheaters.

      Mine showed me an African necklace that one of his ‘grateful’ students had given him, and had a HUGE piece of artwork in his recreation room from an AP during his former marriage (and there is a lesson–cheaters don’t change. I believed my cheater’s ‘remorse’ about his treatment of his former wife. Still kick myself for that gullibility.)

    • Mine wanted to put a massive beach photo on the wall. I’m pretty sure it was taken by shagabag who thought she was an artiste.

    • 2 “models” he had “photographed” attended my wedding and are in my wedding pics hugging him. Jewelry he gave me made by a “friend”. Pictures of a “friend” with her arms around my young children on a trip he took them on to see their grandma. Email 2 days before my wedding making a date to meet up with yet another “model” “friend” for a “photo shoot” –on MY birthday. Email to “dancer (as in pole)” “friend” to send her some great photos he took when he was recently in her town –with me on our honeymoon. Photo of naked skank in my children’s playroom posed with exact same heart-shaped props he had my children pose with for the Valentine’s Day card he helped them make for me.

  • Mine had his sluts in our beds–home, cottage and Florida in rooms full of my clothes and mementos. He also used my car to take his last AP on a shopping trip to the US under the guise of selling it there for me ( he’s a car dealer). Car wasn’t sold and he claimed it needed some work–bullsh$t. I was watching as he ate here and there not alone paid for a motel room and spent money shopping on our joint credit card. This was after the separation but before he moved out..

  • My sister’s cheating X started a new business and put BOTH women in charge. Yep, he literally had them become business partners, and neither knew about the other (for about a minute). Then he sat back and watched the fireworks, walking away from both of them when the show was all but over. #sickshitnarcsdo

    • That is sick, orchestrating a scene with 2 women fighting over him. My ex tried to stage a similar meeting soon after D-day when I was dropping the kids over to him after work one friday. He specified we had to change the location to a local basketball court and had this smirk on his face, I knew something was up. I stuck to our usual arrangement, but by chance walked past the court shortly after, and saw in the distance OW parking her new luxury car in front of it around the time of the planned drop-off. Further evidence of what a sadistic narc he was.

  • After I asked him repeatedly to please not have her in our home as I went to my parent’s out of state to regain my composure, he had her in our home. Our door was accessed by calling our phones. He didn’t answer when she came over, so I received the door buzz. Later, I realized she had taken a handful of my coats and clothing. Why the hell would the OW want my stuff?! I guess she considered it a clothing swap since they later placed a pair of her panties in my work bag…


    • I only worked out much later what happened to my favorite pair of Rocket Dog shoes. She wouldn’t have fit into any of my clothes, but I guess they’re compelled to take some sort of “trophy.”

      • That is so sick. That is seriously serial killer shit! That just tells you what you’re dealing with.

        • Someone who desperately wants to be the person whose husband she’s screwing. Like there was some weird stalker shit going on when I thought she was just his coworker. Dying her hair red, (I’m a natural redhead,) trying to shop at the same stores I like, (but she’s definitively “plus” sized, and vintage shops don’t carry much in that size,) reading the same books I have on the shelf like she has a prayer of understanding dense texts on neurobiology or feminist theory without having ever attended college. I mean, the weirdo seriously wanted to BE me.

          And the one thing we apparently did have in common other than sleeping with the loser was a shoe size.

      • Yeah…I didn’t figure it out until I had moved out. I still think “whatever happened to my favorite white trench…oh.” She couldn’t fit into any of my things either, but I guess that didn’t stop her from taking them…

  • One of my stbx husband’s affair partners sent a pair of sandals as a gift to our two year old daughter. My husband never said who they were from — they just appeared in her room one day. I kept asking who they were from, because I couldn’t remember and was worried that I had failed to send a thank you note to my parents, who would never let me hear the end of it. He claimed he didn’t know.

    They were cute, but our daughter didn’t like to wear them. But on the day we went to get our family portrait taken, he insisted that she wear them. Even though she was crying, he put them on her and refused to let her take them off. Eventually she adapted and we got some great pictures.

    Two years later, this February, when I’ve learned about his cheating and am reading the messages between him and this woman (one of his ~14 APs over the years), I see that he had emailed the proofs of the pictures of our daughter to her, saying how wonderful the sandals were and how much our daughter loved them. I’ve taken down all those pictures and shoved them in a drawer, because even though I love the photo of our daughter, I can’t see anything but the shoes from the whore.

    • Omg, creep! I see that I’m going to get so mad reading this post today

    • HOLYCOW! What balls he had with the sweater and how shitty to get the kids involved. WTF!

    • Sounds like you need a new photo shoot!

      After my first D-day, I was on vacation with Mr. Sparkles and our son. I scheduled an appointment to just have me and my son have our pictures taken together. I’m so glad I did because even though he is gone, I have those memories of me and my son.

    • Wow. Just wow. It is unbelievable (and yet not) how awful these pseudo humans are. After my divorce a friend of my mom’s took one of my wedding pictures and through some magic of photoshop, cropped my ex out of the picture! It’s wonderful to have that picture of me looking beautiful in my wedding dress surrounded by my family, with no fucktard to be seen. It looks completely natural; if you didn’t know the groom was in the original you would think the photo was taken that way. Since my beloved Dad and grandparents are now deceased, the “new” picture is very precious to me. Maybe you can do the same with the picture of your daughter – either crop the shoes out or “change” them to other shoes. Then you can keep the picture of your lovely daughter without having to think about those damn shoes.

      P.S. What sort of monster makes his poor child miserable just to score a point with the OW? Asshole.

      • Beth, please give us more tips on this Photo cropping technique…

      • I (with the help of photoshop) actually replaced my XH in 2 really nice wedding photos with Gerard Butler – I posted pics of them one year (on my non wedding anniversary) on FB to my friends (many who had attended the wedding) they loved them ❤️

    • Oh, sweet baby Jesus. .. I want to throat-punch your ex! !! That is beyond despicable.

  • He asked me to bake his coworker (ho-worker) a birthday cake, and I did. Looking back, I can see it and realize how disordered he is.

    • Almost,
      Looking back, if it were me I would be glad I was a Chump because I would have spiked the cake with something that would send me to jail.

      • I agree CW and along with the spiked B’Day cake we could pack some lovely spiked shit sandwiches.
        Yummmmm, in both their faces.
        If above was not quite spiked enough we could repeat with more spiking added to the D’Day cake.

        Awwwwww, thank you Fun Friday, that feels better.
        (I am in the kitchen baking)!


      • Spiking a cake with milk of magnesia would work wonders on a gastrointestinal tract !

        A middle school boy is being bullied by a classmate who breaks into his locker every day and steals the boy’s lunch. Boy tells his mother what is happening. Mama Bear tells her son “Hey sweetie,buy lunch today in the cafeteria but don’t eat the stuff I packed for you, okay ?”

        Bully does his usual (breaking and entering,theft) and has a severe case of the runs. Problem solved. Little sociopath in the making.

    • Well, in his mind as the “household appliance wife,” that’s what you were supposed to do to help make him sparkle.


    • Yeah, mine picked out Christmas and birthday gifts for his “supervisor” at work…the one who supposedly kept giving him good reviews. And I paid for those gifts since I recall wondering why he always was short of money part way through each month. It would happen when I’d be buying some little thing for our home, and he’s say, oh get a second one and I can gift it to “OW” next time! I look back and see now that he must have bee involved with her almost our entire relationship. Silly cow, I hope she enjoys his daft company.

  • My ex was cheating with her co-work that I had at the house to help him with extra money while he was going through his divorce. Cash so his wife wouldn’t know. Then I would give him food to take home felt sorry you know he was a veteran and we are supposed to help them out. Little did I know the entire time he was having his lovely affair with my wife. Let him stay at my mother-laws house while we where trying to sell it so he had place to stay. Yeah so he and my ex could hook up. Best let him become friends with my kids. Think he is the coolest. Never trust anyone period.

    • Methesucker,
      if you had known you could have served them special sandwiches and cake,
      as above!

    • That really really sucks. The nerve of them to take advantage of your empathy, charity and generosity. It’s incredible. You will be honored in this life or another for that suffering.

  • He would tell me that he felt sorry for my friend/ neighbor down the road cause her husband was always away. He would suggest that we get her to come with us on our dates. Its funny, now that i look back, i remember having a weird sensation as i walked towards them after coming back from the washroom with heads huddled together in deep discussion. They had been having an affair for over 2 years. This women and her husband were our friends, we went out together, spent xmas eve together, etc. But the joke was on her in the end. He had a few other girlfriends as well.

    • Naturally. Once a cheater accepts the notion that they have a spouse and a lover, why not add more lovers to the mix? It’s all about character and integrity (well, lack thereof) in the end.


    • 4kids, I totally get this one. I didn’t drive (now I do) so our “friend” offered to drive me to the retreat centre where I was going for a week to finish a book I was writing. When I returned home (also driving by our “friend”), my same-gender cheater had changed the sheets–something she never did (I was the laundress in the family). They had been using the time to cheat on me all week. She would also have a two year affair with my ex b4 I saw the light (after many trials and tribulations) and I also believe the joke will be on her. I have learned my ex may well have had other lovers, and I have little doubt her pattern of behavior will end any time soon….

  • Mine agreed to mc during his affair so he could impress the mow. He was working on the marriage and it wasn’t working out because of unappreciative wife, see mow? Expensive mc too, so she’d be impressed by the $$ he was spending, poor thing trying to save the sacred union. Also booked hotels for her and her bh so he could show them both how connected and important he was, with high status at all hotel chains. Took me away to expensive hotels so he could tell her about where we stayed so she’d be more enthusiastic about her efforts and maybe also want to go to such fancy places. It was a carrot he dangled to make her want him, she always looked like she’d been camping for weeks, he couldn’t risk being seen with her.

    The 2 worst for me: us spending a week at our beach house, him telling me it was the best week we’d had in years, how much he loved me, kissed me goodbye and drove back to work with a stop to see her at a hotel halfway. While he was with her, I was telling mutual friends that we’d turned a corner and how hopeful I was for the marriage, and how sincere he’d been. I was crying with relief, he was getting his dick sucked by a serial cheating hillbilly who thought he was a multi millionaire. But she made the effort and drove hours, left her bh and kids behind, and showed my husband she wanted him so much, while I sipped wine and thanked god my marriage was on track again, she did the work and I did not. Still stings a lot.

    Also bad: Sitting on the couch next to me texting the mow and giggling then hiding his phone. It was so cruel and meant to be. I was so confused and always had tears brimming and he’d sneer and tell me I was a drama queen. He was like a teenage bully.

    • OMFG amazing vacation here too. I thought everything was fine. We went on an amazing little road trip vacation. He said we had the most perfect day ever. And then less than two weeks after our TENTH ANNIVERSARY he fucked the slut and here I am. I went to meet my girlfriends for dinner in between our trip and D-day and there I am bragging about how happy I am and how amazing our trip was (we were always saving for something because we live in a very expensive area {I was born here} and we rarely went on vacation) and he’s texting that see you next Tuesday and fucking her while I’m just amazingly grateful that my life is feeling so perfect and “we’re so in love still”.

      • This is on a smaller scale but about three weeks into the attempt at reconciliation, we took the kids on a family outing to the amusement park. Our kids are older so we sent them off on their own and STBX and I spent most of the day alone together having a generally good time. At the end of the day he said he had had a good time.

        Two days later the evil bitch sent him an invite to go to a movie with her and it was all over. Suddenly he just couldn’t stand to be my husband anymore and he just had to move out. I thought we were making slow progress, then bam!

      • Our first family overseas holiday was last year, he blanked me for two weeks pretty much, couldn’t work it out at the time. Every spare minute he was up at reception sending photos to her, fucker.
        I swear one day I will go on a holiday with someone who wants to enjoy my company and who loves me, or maybe it will be me and my boys rocking a few backpacks.

        • That’s how I feel too, Lady B. I traveled a lot with my XH and instead of truly enjoying being with me, unbeknownst to me at the time, he was making secret texts/calls to OW from public bathrooms and wishing he was there with Schmoopie instead of me. Like you, I really pray someday to have a man who would rather be with me than anywhere else or with anyone else in the world and that we will both mutually and completely enjoy each other’s company.

      • Oh, oh! The OW showed up ON MY FUCKING PORCH the night before our tenth anniversary crying and rolling over on the sonovabitch. I had our anniversary date on my FB so I’m sure that wasn’t an accident. I callwd him at work to come home and get his whore off my porch, and he rolled up with the cops in tow because he’s such a fucking pussy. God times, good times.

        • I’m a responsible gun owner and fully fearful of the law and don’t believe in shooting someone without actual fear of my life but I have to say if that C–T showed up at my house I’m not sure I could restrain myself! I’d probably shoot her like the rabid dog she is!

          It should be justified. In fear of my life. That WHORE broke into my life and stole it. Pretty sure you should be allowed to shoot criminals that steal from you.

          • BTW, Sad Sausage is in no way a pun on your name – I just now saw it, but I use it because wonderful Chump Lady used it once and it sooo describes my SS who somehow gets oh so sad (and sick) any time I “meanly” make him remember what he did.

            • No worries! I’ve seen the terminology and it is so 100% right on! They feel so sorry for this terrible situation they’ve been forced into ? I only call myself Sad Shelby because I’m so damn sad it’s ridiculous. I know I shouldn’t be but I still am ☹️

              • Dear SadShelby,
                Try not to be sad too much He is not worth it. I know we have to go through the sadness and I cry nearly every night but now mostly just for 5 minutes, then get mad and tell myself I will be happy to spite him! We are the good people so sadness shows how much our attachment meant to us and it takes time to break those bonds. We will be happy in the future on our own or with a new love. Don’t let him dictate how you feel. Lots of hugs.

              • Sad Shelby,
                I love your sense of humour.
                You are very much respected on CN.
                When you feel sad think of all of your friends here who love YOU!

      • Same…10day road trip post Dday. Amazing adventures. Me bragging to friends we are stronger and better and have the common goal. And same discovery a few weeks down the road.

      • Was expressing how lovely it was to have made it to 25 years together after a difficult year which involved selling our fourth generation business and ‘forever’ home and moving away from our friends and family. I had found it tough. I didn’t agree to the move. But went along with it anyway. Felt I had little choice. I adored him, he made a decision, so I went with it. Leaving him never really crossed my mind as I was still very much in love with him. His reply? This man I adored. “Yeah. Who knew? It’s been a tough year.” That was it. 18 months later I discovered the now ended affair. Digging to find timelines (see CL’s recent post, “I don’t remember”) I eventually realised he had started it about a week earlier than our “silver” anniversary. At the time I thought it so out of character for him to be dismissive of that date. Now I feel sick I made such a fuss of him, telling him how much I appreciated his patience as I worked through my grief and loss at losing my home and having to create a new one. All his doing anyway! The super hot sex, we had several times that day, etc. Ugh. I physically shuddered typing this. ?

    • We celebrated our anniversary by going with several friends to a tropical hotel. I thought Sad Sausage was trying to show off by getting a suite that we didn’t need (nor could really afford). Turns out that OW staged a fight with BH and my husband ‘helped them’ by having BH sleep it off on our couch (effectively trapping me in the bedroom, because BH gets ‘handsy’ when drunk (and Sad Sausage ‘informed’ me that BH was groping people a lot – turns out to be a lie)… so I sat awake and stressed in a strange bed in a strange city with a locked door while OW and SS fully utilized BH/OW hotel room.

  • My ex did the very ostentatious and deliberate removing of his wedding ring when he would go out on his “adventures.” He made sure to leave it on the kitchen counter so that I wouldn’t miss it.

    I get it, you’re cheating.

    My regret is that I didn’t find ChumpLady until I was in the divorce process; my salvation is that I did find her and Chump Nation.

    • Mr. Sparkles played the “remove the ring” game too. He even went so far as to want a new wedding ring because he had lost weight and his was becoming loose. By the time he left, he had 3 wedding rings on his nightstand.


      • Sad Sausage’s ring was too tight, but he didn’t want a replacement because it wouldn’t be the same.

    • Mine removed the wedding ring too before DDay. At first I thought he might have taken it off for a good reason and forgotten to put it back on. Then I thought it might have been irritating him in some way (well it was, but not in the way I thought). Eventually I saw it as a statement about our marriage and about a week before DDay I picked it up and hid it to see if he would notice.

      Well apparently he did notice because he asked for it back on DDay. He wore it for a few more months, but then took it off when I went to visit my family’s vacation property while my parents were there because I needed emotional support. We had also gotten married there. He gave me the ring and told me to keep it somewhere special in the vacation house. He probably thought he was being all sentimental and all, but it hurt like heck. He was basically asking me to put the ring somewhere thousands of miles away where it would be nearly impossible to retrieve. The message was unmistakable.

      • satan said his broke…wore it for 29 years, never a problem with it…then, damn, it just snapped and broke…huh…caught it on a (ho) nail, I guess.

        • One of exh’s OW stole his wedding ring. He took it off and when he was in the shower she took it. Can you imagine him looking for the ring and her watching it all? Can you imagine how much this sick shitsack was getting off on that? Nothing but a sick cunt. But it was my scumbag ex who opened the door for her to do that.

          • Supreme Chump:)


            Now when satan gets through to me bout ‘:( try dealing with wanting you in my life :(‘ I’m like ………..


    • After three years of wreckconciliation, I told ex I wanted a divorce in the fall. He begged me to stay through the holidays; apparently so he could date.

      One of the times he “was out late after work” he put his wedding ring in his pants pocket and forgot it was there when he put said pants in the washing machine for the wife appliance to launder. I put the load in the dryer and younger son (who was an adult but still living at home) needed to dry his load of laundry so he emptied the laundry from the dryer to a basket and his dad’s ring fell out of his pants. He put his dad’s wedding band on the kitchen counter and went to work.

      I was the first one up in the morning and I thought my ex was staging a big scene to let me know he was no longer wearing his wedding band when I saw it sitting on the counter. Ex however was just as surprised as I was to see it there and proceeded to ask me how it got there. Of course I had no idea but since there was only one other person living in the house, I put together what happened pretty quickly. I asked my son about it at work and he told me he did indeed find the ring in the dryer with a bunch of his dad’s jeans. (shocking I know!)

      Later that evening the ex told me he figured out that the “ring fell off when he was folding his laundry and it must have fallen in the basket where our younger son found it.” He didn’t know I already talked to son.

      Why ask me to stay through the holidays if you’re just going to date while I’m still living at home? Oh yeah…he’s a psycho!

  • This is an interesting question.

    Two things stick out in my mind. First it was a Blue Tooth sound box that she got from her affair partner. She swore someone else gave it to her and when I asked again several months later the story changed again. She would constantly play music at the house with it when I was home.

    Second one is when we were talking about separating she was talking to me about sex and it sounded as if she was comparing me to someone else. Considering we been married for 13 years I did not know what to say or how to react.

    • Definitely know that feeling. Every time he talked to me about sex to show me how not up to snuff I was I got that feeling too that he was comparing. One time he outright said to me what’s-her-fuck was the best he ever had.

    • Yeah, mine said something creepy after sex once, too, which on the surface sounded complimentary, but raised the hairs on the back of my neck because it seemed as if it was based on a recent comparison to someone. D-day happened a few months later.

      • Umm mine used her name while having sex with me. Didn’t dawn on me until I found out about the affair a few months later, fucking gross.

  • We have 3 children, all born within 2.5 years. When our middle daughter was 4 days old (and the oldest 14 months) I was standing at the sink washing dishes when someone knocked at the door. It was one of my stbxh coworkers with her infant daughter. Stbxh had invited her over to meet our newborn without my knowledge. She held my newborn. They laughed and joked and flirted while I nursed a newborn and cared for a 1 year old. She was mistress #1 of 7 (I am sure there are more but I only have proof of 7.)

    • “ONLY have proof of 7″… thank God you are away from that hot mess AlohaFreedom. Hang in there!

  • Mine, in an effort to inspire me to pickme dance faster, faster, faster, would compare his affair partners to me. Not want me to wear a certain scent if it reminded him of her, blatantly tell me where he was going when he left the house to go to one of them. I ate a lot of shit before I finally had enough and separated and filed. Now I’m a week and a half away from my divorce date, and CL has a lot to do with that!

    • Wow he was so disrespectful. It is amazing and wonderful that your self esteem survived, how crushing he was trying to be. Kudos for getting out, you are so strong!!!!

  • The worst (to my knowledge) my cheater did was to take me to lunch with my mum and son at the pub they both work at. OW wasn’t waiting our table but she came up at the end of the meal and asked if we had enjoyed it etc. I suspected something could be going on with them but he denied it (Pregnant chump she is only 19, said in a very condescending way) I didn’t want to believe someone would do that to their pregnant wife. He also took me and DS there for new year whilst he was working. This was 4 days before d-day. OW wasn’t there but he was acting like a loving husband and father, and then 4 days later he walks out on his marriage and family.

    • What a dick. How are you doing? I hope you are able to eat and sleep properly. The stress a cheater causes can be debilitating.
      I can attest to the stress having minimal long term effects on baby and, despite a low birth weight (5lb12oz), my little girl (10 months now) is perfect and so happy! I was worried about the effects of high stress on my pregnancy. And I wanted to share with you, that everything turned out fine, in case that was a concern for you.

  • Skanky lurked at my father-in-law’s wake. She sat in the far corner, all gussied up as though she was at a night club for my husband while the mourners filed by the casket and on to us, FIL’s family.

    Some telling signs: when I tried numerous times to stand by my husband to receive the mourners with him, he suddenly had to “help his mother” or “check on our kids.” Looking back, me next to him probably screwed with his narrative to Skanky that I was a cold-hearted bitch who couldn’t stand him.

    Most telling though, was when I walked over to Skanky because she had been sitting all alone in the back corner of the funeral home, and I didn’t want her to feel unwelcome. As I introduced myself and extended my hand, suddenly X was on us like white on rice.

    The next day, she lurked in the back of the church. As we left the church behind the casket, X refused to hold my hand, and would not walk with me. Skanky showed up again at the reception at my sister in laws house. As I hugged my husband during a private moment in the kitchen, suddenly he shoved me away, as if I was on fire. As I turned to walk away from the blatant yet confusing rebuff, there was Skanky, throwing daggers at me.

    He must have had a lot of mansplaining to do that night, because he never came home to me and his grieving sons until the next day. His excuse? His mother couldn’t be alone.

    When I took his mother out the next week to the hairdressers, she told me she had spent the night of the funeral at my sister in law’s house. So yeah, X used his mother’s grief as an excuse to fuck around.

    What a prize ole Skanky caught! In the catching herpes kind of caught.

    • CandL,
      Even though it is fun Friday, your post makes me feel very sad, ( I know the whole cheating thing is so sad).
      You did all the loving, spouse supporting things, that a loving spouse does and your cheater treated you with such disrespect.
      I hope your fil was a good person. You also showed loving support by being there for your children and the rest of the family.
      You, CandL acted with dignity and grace.

      My cheater did not support me during the illness of my Mom and my Dad. He did not attend either the visitation or the funeral for both my parents.
      I am saddened and even feel embarrassed to tell CN this.
      It is something I have forgiven, but will never forget.

      Even sadder is that I felt a certain relief that he wasn’t there as he did not like my family and I never knew what he would say or how he would act.

      Being a peacekeeper, I just can’t understand how people can’t treat each other with love and respect.
      I am so naive that way.

      Chumps of CN you are mighty.
      Your posts all touch my heart and I am so sorry for your pain.
      In my eyes each one of you is Mighty!

  • I already knew about Mr. Cheaters & Whore nation but playing dumb. I looked on one of his whore’s fb page her fav movie was “Serendipity”. Mr. Cheaters Pants bought the movie and was watching it all weekend, and over and over. Then downloaded the movie on his IPad.

    Me: “Mr. CP, I was under the impression you did not like romantic movies because they Are “cheese”❓.
    Mr. CP: “For some reason this is the only movie that I was able to download “faster” ?!! (business/whore trip)
    ? Sandwich any one❓

  • OW#1 – nothing at the time, to my knowledge. In retrospect, he shit all over our family to do it… because the primary places they got it on? All places our tiny children and I went all.the.time, to the park across the street from our townhouse. Massive park with the library, senior/community center/police station in a building down the center. Two ponds with trails around it; one for swans and one for fishing. Benches and grottos and little falls with pussywillows and tall grasses. Sports fields and baseball diamonds for all the children’s leagues. A playground and ice cream place. Fireworks and festivals.

    They got busy on damn near every place one could possibly lean/sit/lay on… including the dugouts. While we were across the street, sleeping and unaware. Pigs. That was SUPER fun: being triggered heavily all day because that park was where our life with small children was based around. Story time? A walk? Playground? Feed the swans/ducks/geese? Birthday party? Ice cream on a hot, beautiful night? Concert/movie in the amphitheatre? Fishing? All then spent with watered eyes and sore throat (“allergies” I told people because I looked a hot mess)… I’m surprised I didn’t get throat cancer from having to choke down so hard every damn day, all day.

    OW#2 – she was older and more tepid. He wasn’t. Still, she felt some sort of guilt – as it is – and bought us all Christmas ornaments and gifts. She gave us her daughter’s hand-me-downs and toys. Once I found out, I launched myself upstairs like an effing rocket, tore every shred of clothing from the drawers and dirty laundry basket, and burned them and her little gifts in the fire pit. When Christmas came (5 months later) and I opened the ornament box, it was all I could do to not chuck out the whole crate. I gingerly removed each ornament (huge, feathery angels with faux pearls and gems all over them and a few others), threw them on the walkway outside, smashed them to pieces with a hammer, then set it all ablaze. I made sure to do it when Cheater would be there to watch my fury. And, as expected, he was frozen and couldn’t leave even though he wanted to. Bastard.

    • And this park thing was such a huge deal because… Cheater HATED going there with us. I would literally beg. Even though it was across.the.damn.street. He said it was boring. (Hello? We have a newborn, 1, and 2 year olds… take a fucking walk with us twice a week and suck it up. He’d plaster a smile on his face but you could see the resentment, just stone-walling us all. The affair went on from the pregnancy of our 1st through when the third was almost 1 year old. I wonder how he explained what an unaffectionate, uncaring bitch I was while I was pregnant with and nursing 3 children born within 27 months, start finish. Asshole.)

      • Tangent: When Cheater was trying to make me look unreasonable and told me that he couldn’t have been THAT bad a father because LOOK!, he’d gone on Facebook and found 13 pictures of him smiling in the same picture as his children… I FREAKED. “You fucking bastard! I can tell you exactly how I begged you to come with us *each* of those times and for the record, I took a picture literally EVERY TIME you spent any time with them. Congratulations- you have had 13 decent moments with your kids in the past 10 years. Four of those pictures are the few times you stopped playing video games to look at what they’d done; see how ecstatic they are?! What an amazing father!”

        I will say that THAT, coupled with his own rampant-cheater father (Church Minister) looking horrified that not only was he a cheater (not ideal because his dad thought I was awesome, but he understood it), but he was also a terrible father (NOT acceptable to ignore/despise your own children), Cheater did cry real tears eventually… and has been a better father. Not great but if he still has resentment, he hides it well for the children’s sakes.

      • This park post made my stomach knot on your behalf. Swear, as I read the list of the brutal and endless triggers associated with that park, it made me spin – that sick sick sick spin – for you.

        • After I spent the first season of Little League looking at our son sit with his teammates on the bench he fucked that nasty, pig-whore on? That part of the pain hardened, so to speak. I’ll never get that part of my heart back… but it doesn’t hurt so viciously anymore; it’s more a bad memory. I remember the pain… I just don’t feel it.

          • I understand, insist. All of my life was tainted. Where I lived and where I relaxed. I sat on that couch every night. And couldn’t enter my son’s room for about a year. Places are important to our sense of identity and agency. Loved spaces were now wildly erratic. I lived them still, but loathed what had happened in them. It really messed with my head. And yes, you harden. And pieces of your heart are forever damaged.

  • Susan of Seattle bought him gifts he could use right under my nose…inserting herself into my home…
    She got him a wallet, a tie, fancy shampoo, chinese tea with rosebuds in it.

    She came to his military retirement ceremony with a fake date and sat in the second row. There was another ow from an earlier stage of cheating there too (Dee from Boston) but I didnt know any of that yet. Susan brought my daughter (then second grade) a gift to the reception after the ceremony…one of those big lollipops. Susan took some private time with my D meeting her and giving her the fucking lollipop…was setting herself up as the bonus mom.

    Ive told this story many times, but for anyone who missed it…the day I learned that they were more than friends , I put the Chinese tea in the toilet and pooped on it.

    • I LOVE THIS. Sometimes, shitting on whore roses is MIGHTY. lol!

    • OMG, unicornomore,
      “Miss Perfect Lollipop is the name I choose for cheater’s OW, Co-Ho Worker.
      I think of her every time I see those cellophane wrapped suckers near the grocery check outs. The lollipops all look so sparkly, pretty and pretty. Hmmm, which one shall I choose. I will take this one, ” Miss Perfect Loolipop!
      ( I like your wording better unicornomore, now when I see them I will address them as “fucking lollipops”
      yes, much more appropriate)!

      • They look pretty and delicious, but the truth is; they are full of artificial flavors, and so much sugar, they’ll rot the teeth right out of your mouth.
        Pretty but disgusting. Not unlike these assholes that willingly participate in blowing up families to pieces.

        • Pretty? You should see some of these shitsacks. Pretty? No. Disgusting? Yes.

          • I had a cheating BF some years ago whose long term F***buddy kept a stash of girl-toiletries in a little box in the bathroom cupboard of his man-apartment. When we were first together, he told me she had been in his life but was now gone. I knew our relationship was time limited because I,was not interested in any guy who would use a woman, any woman, like that. I noted the stash but never mentioned it.

            So, as fate would have it, one weekend I came to stay, and to my horror, I found her pink toothbrush, still damp, in a cup in the cupboard. She had clearly been there earlier in the day, even though he swore he hadn’t heard from her in months. Also, there were two large damp bath towels on the rack. I made sure I used that pink toothbrush to wipe around the toilet after I had a big dump. I put it back in the cup and left.

            I almost choked later on when BF mentioned he had “run into” the old FB aand that she had contracted an e-coli infection. I just sarcastically said “probably from sucking your promiscuous dick”. Can’t remember, but that’s the last time I recall ever caring what that guy thought. These fuckers made me do things I never would have imagined in any previous life.

    • Oh unicorn no more I’m sorry that you were chumped but amazing therapeutic move with the tea. I too flushed a limited edition bottle of whisky $60.00 that cheaterpants kept in our house, silly me thought he finally wasn’t a cheap ass. Texts later showed it was from the whore.

  • When I was pregnant with our first baby the cheater tried to convince me to name our daughter the same name as his OW, which it turns out he had been with since before our marriage and the entire duration of our marriage up to that point.

    • One of the worst ones I’ve read so far today. Please tell us you didn’t go with it!

      • Thankfully no! At the time he had convinced me she was just his close friend but my skin was crawling when he suggested it. I just said flat out no. He eventually let it go, but then I found out our cat was named her Nick name.

    • I’m shocked by his behavior and in absolute admiration that you aren’t currently incarcerated on a charge of spousal murder.

    • The NAMING of a child. My sadistic abuser father was a source of unending trauma for our entire family…but one of the milder things he did was force my lovely mom to name me after his “first girlfriend” (she rode the bus with him to school and he probably stalked her just like he did my mom).

      And my name had to be spelled *exactly* like hers “Wild Flower” not “Wilde Phlower” or any of the other versions.

      He bragged about naming me that. Fighting with my mom in the hospital about my name after she just gave birth to me. But now, decades later…the name thing I’ve taken in stride since it was just over a school girl. I love my mom and like my name…… but if it had been an affair partner, I think I would have gone into a severe depression from an identity crisis.

    • What is it with these assholes trying to impress Schmoopie with baby names? My husband started his affair with a close family friend when I was 6 months pregnant and continued it through the birth. We had two names we were trying to pick between, and he ended up pushing for one over the other. I agreed to go with that name, and later found out that it was the one Schmoopie preferred.

      The kicker? The OW texted me after I delivered my baby and told me how much she loved the name we’d chosen.

    • Oh yeah, that reminds me of something else he did!

      Our daughter was born in 1982, prior to the modern era of routine ultrasound and thus finding out the gender prior to the baby’s birth. We did not know what we were having, (although I had “known” she was a girl from the third month on), and we had a boy’s name picked out, but hadn’t decided on one for a girl. He shot down every choice I suggested.

      On the *way to the hospital*, he suggested this beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking name from his culture. I immediately fell in love with it, and knew it was “THE name!”

      So, Daughter is born, she’s healthy and perfect and beautiful, and I’m over the moon. Five months later, I’m going through a drawer and find letters from a girl, a daughter of friends of his parents, who obviously had a huge crush on my guy. Her name? The lovely name we’d bestowed upon our little girl!

      That revelation made me cry, and if memory serves, it was at least one of the final coffin nails as regards our relationship. He was about the least trustworthy person I’ve ever known, as I have stated before, I feel bad for his current wife. She has a lot to deal with, as some information fell into my lap, and I happen to know that he has affair partners all over the country.

  • Ah, yeah — this subject is pretty high on the “suckitude” meter. 🙁

    At the end of our marriage, I discovered that my STBX:

    – screwed one OW in the family car on multiple occasions
    – got me a job with him several months after I gave birth to our second child (he had been screwing a co-worker the whole time he worked there … now I know why she was so mean to me from the moment I started working there)
    – told me how much he liked seeing me in a leather coat and “dreamed” about us riding motorcycles together … well, the OW at that time was an official “biker bitch”
    – Every time I was pregnant, he took me around OWs

    It’s all so humiliating that it’s difficult to express the depth of it.

    • Jess Mom, YOU should not feel humiliated for one second. The WHORES (your ex and ow) should be humiliated. Not you.

      • Thank you for that, Anita. It didn’t even dawn on me to READ what I was typing … I can see now how sad it is that I feel that way. More than two decades of his maltreatment has definitely taken a toll. Thank goodness for therapy (and CN/CL)!


  • In denial almost 2 weekend told son & I he was going skiing , didn’t want to take me ( very high slopes…uh yeah). So my son & I helped him with all his ski gear in the car. I told him to he careful.. off he went.

    Week later saw charge bill showing motel room in our area, restaurant we went to, gifts at mall. He ripped charge bill partially up which I glued together Finding out he lied. When confronted he said he “won” a room at party, was alone, but met friends to drink with & didn’t want to drive home drunk So he didn’t want me to know ’cause I wouldn’t understand!

    Of course he was with the whore.. how stupid was I?
    But eventually kicked him out & divorced him

    So angry I saw red flags but was in heavy denial.
    Long marriage – 34 years gone ?

  • My ex pays child support to me with checks that have photo images of his wedding to his much younger howorker. Happily for me the number he pays is large and they never bounce.

      • Initially I requested direct deposit because seeing those pictures hurt like hell. The sick fucker resisted just because he is that cruel. My wonderful therapist opened my eyes to the fact that the pain caused to my greedy ex for having to part with so much cash far outweighed the pain he caused me. I actually see him clearly for the pathetic bully he is now so no more hurt feelings. And he’s getting divorced again ???

        • SO… being me… I would draw “add-on” images to him and his STBX before depositing them… maybe give him (or her) as mustache… I know I always look at my cashed checks 🙂

          Not very meh, I know.

          • You and I must be twins separated at birth, because I can sooooooooo see myself doing just that, and chuckling gleefully as I did so! ?

          • Or add pictures of other women next to his wife-about 7 or 8…

        • OMG! That’s so awful and funny AF at the same time! ??? I like to picture him having 1,000’s of those checks for years to come with pictures of yet another failed marriage to remind him what a loser POS he is. Take that cash and draw a mustache and horns on that dirty skank’s face and laugh all the way to the bank!

          • I wish I could post the picture. She was very young and clearly planned the dream wedding of a middle school girl. A friend of mine described the dress as “big bird meets toddlers & tiaras”?

      • X refuses to use direct deposit, and continues to mail child support to me. Parting with money – even for his kids is painful for him. He will not use my first name for child support checks. I had to explain every fucking time I deposited it that I am “C.” in the “C. andLadders” name. But now I can deposit it with my cell phone.

        Such a prick.

    • Amiisfree,
      I don’t know how to send enough hugs for that pain.
      I am so sorry.

    • Amiisfree, I have no words and I can’t give you a hug but I am sending love and light to you. I am so very sorry to hear you had to go through this.

    • Thank you all. Thankfully, this was many years ago and I only learned of it many years later. He groomed her well.

      I was 19 when we met (and looked much younger). I was too old by 23, but I didn’t know that for a long time. His second wife (not my niece) was 16 (he was about 32) and her mother had to agree to the marriage. It’s a pattern, as was loving to get away with it with someone I knew. That was a big part of the arousal.

      He’s disgusting.

      • So sorry you and your niece experienced that. He sucks. You are mighty.

    • OMG. That is horrifying, Amiisfree. The family-fuckers are a special breed of disordered, bottom of the cheater phylogenetic scale.

    • That’s a horror show. Unbelievable, except I’ve been reading here nearly 4 years.

  • It was the Summer of Chemo and I had been seriously slacking on my Pick Me Dance, but it was over and my wonderfully supportive sister had thrown me a party. A party my cheater missed because he had a scientific conference in Amsterdam he HAD to attend – though he was arriving back to our home later that day.

    Chumpy me picked him up at the airport after the party. He was distant. and after hours of cooing him, he confessed that he had started seeing an old girlfriend. He was a wreck. He wanted to save our relationship.

    Who cheats on a bald lady?

    (BTW – 13 years of survival under my belt and a wonderful boyfriend who is also a Chump)

    • I suspect their chances of having an affair actually ramp up when the chump is sick or otherwise incapacitated. They run low on kibble supply because the chump is otherwise occupied with vomiting, chemotherapy, intensive pain, and doctor’s appointments. Then they justify that reduced kibble supply for why they had to bang someone else.

        • Or when chump loses a parent. My cheating asshole left me driving home from the airport on the way home from my mother’s memorial service. I was also recovering from ACL surgery at the time.

          I think whore showed up at the airport as he told me to wait outside while he waited for our bags. It was over 100 degrees outside.

          • Yup: XW was in the throes of her double life as my mother literally lay dying. Come to think of it, I think she was texting AP in the hospice hall. Some of my mother’s dying words were to XW: “I know David will be ok since he has you…” If she only knew the suffering she caused her son she’d die all over again.

          • Jojobee,
            It is so sad, they are never there when we need them.
            My heart goes out to you and your daughter.
            I hope she is doing better now.

            Our children are our life, we feel their pain and want to mend it.


    • This is why when my friends commented that it was Karma that OW has cancer, I tell them “No. Cancer is a disease. It just happens. I will celebrate Karma when something that she DOES or has Caused bites her in the tail. She’s just ill” (I don’t feel bad for her either – any more than I would a stranger on the street. It just IS. However, Sad Sausage doesn’t know, and I certain won’t be telling him.

      • I like to think that she got it because it’s what she deserved but my mom is VERY sick with stage 4 cancer and believe me she and my stepdad do NOT deserve what they’ve been dealing with. It’s a bad hand dealt to someone and has nothing to do with deserved or undeserved. If “deserved” was that easy to assign I hate to think of what all these chumps have done in the past to be where we are.

  • OW was disgusting in that she had herpes and didn’t tell my dumbass. They had a 6 month affair and sex at least 8 times. Her husband told me when he finally got the balls to out them to me (he had known since month 4—-TELL the other spouse newbies, please!!!). Thank god I didn’t get it. I do wish he had, but little consequences for him it seems.
    They had sex in my 3 yr old daughters room, while my daughter slept in my 7 yr old sons room,10 feet away, while I was at work.
    I know in my soul he called her one night out of spite for me making a joke. So while I was upstairs with his grandmother who happened to be visiting and our children, he spent 45 minutes downstairs planning a get together.
    He told her how to get a new app to hide from her husband who had become suspicious. I had no idea.
    He left our 3/7 year old children home alone while I was at work for over an hour and since they “were supposed to be asleep” but heard him leave they went to the neighbor who knew about the affair and said “is our daddy here?” and she told them “no he went to the store let’s go back to bed” and then sickeningly put my daughter in our bed and then called her friend and said “he needs to come home his children are walking around at 9pm looking for him”. 3 and 7. Of course neighbor didn’t tell me and I remember coming home and thinking “3yr old must have had a bad dream and he let her sleep with him, maybe he’s finally being a good dad”. Happened again the next night since he didn’t get “caught” by me. Or any other people with morals. The irony disgusts me every time I think of it.
    He mocked me one night when I told him “tell ‘EA suspect’ or whoever I say hi”
    Since it wasn’t EA suspect (who lives in another state so I wasn’t *really* worried, his response was “what? It’s WHOMEVER btw”
    Yeah mock my grammar bc I suspect you of having an affair. Douchebag.

    • Oh yeah OW gave my kids ice cream sandwiches and let all our kids play together. I have a picture of our children playing together. She also told me they probably drove around in my car to different stores looking for condoms.
      At least I got a new car now.

  • Oh yes and he took his AP around to put friends at the cottage the weekend after the separation(they had supposedly just met that Monday–ya right!!). If they had just met she’s a slut who goes away with a strange man to a cottage with few neighbours in October, if they didn’t just meet she’s a slut who sleeps with a married man. By the way our friends(more than one cottage was visited so he could show off his new slut/appliance/host(as in a parasite needs a host), they were beyond shocked since they didn’t even know we were separating after a 35 year marriage.

  • My ex husband took a first class flight to Singapore and texted me about how nice the pod space was and how we could join the mile high club in it 🙂 haha. Fast forward 1 month and I found an email to his cheating girlfriend about ho nice the space was in first class and how they could really join the mile high club in it 🙂 haha.
    The dumbass couldn’t even be original…..

    • No originality. I noticed the things, events and activities, that I sought out and did with cheaterpants and my kids, he presented to the APs as his idea. His contribution to their cheating relationship, down to the small details of the event/activity itself.

      What it highlights is they are a bag of skin. No soul. No real personality. This is why they are parasites and we were the hosts. He STILL trys to cop my ideas as his own for the kids. But I won’t play games with my kids and I won’t be using them as tools either. This I have to be grey rock and it sucks because I really, really, really want to scream that he is a mindless, soulless vampire in pursuit of his next host.

      • I caught mine texting MY jokes to the OW.

        At the risk of sounding egotistic, I am very funny. Have been since I was a kid. I’d say something that made him laugh, and he’d steer their texts around to the topic just to make my joke.

        Dick. At least come up with your own material.

        • ME TOO!!!! Same same. In fact not just jokes and funny observations but ANYTHING said or done with an Intelligence Quota requiring more than 90 points was mine fobbed off as his.

          At least with his new girlfriend only being about four months old, he has SOME hope of appearing like the brighter of the two. But only some.

        • Mine did the same thing! He even went so far as to brag about knowing certain people (politicians, head chefs at restaurants) that I had never introduced him to in order to impress her! So very sad…

    • Mr. Sparkles would text me every morning after he left for work… “Good morning my love. Have a great day.”

      I have every confidence now he cut and paste that message to others.

      Unoriginal is an understatement.

    • Not you as well! He sent me and OW the identical photograph and caption.

      Timeframe, he sent it to her first, then me.

  • I knew the OW and her husband as well. She was a co-worker of my ex’s and invited to many gatherings at our house. Ex and GF worked at a university – ex a VP and Dean of Students.

    I was so delighted when GF took my daughter (then in high school) under her wing. How lucky was our little family that this young and energetic professional woman took a special interest in my beloved daughter! They traveled together to women in leadership conferences and even some college visits always promoting the endless opportunities that awaited my girl.

    What I did not know is that my daughter had misgivings about the nature of her mentor and her father’s relationship. She felt that her dad insisted on the interaction and that GF was auditioning for the role of cool-hip-young- new-mommy. When the five year affair was discovered the blow back was huge. My daughter was estranged from her father for over two years and had he not had some major health issues she would still have no relationship with him. Their relationship is forever damaged.

    Although I have forgiven myself for my blind trust, memories of that time still bring me to my figurative knees.

    Funny, I so vividly remember coaching my daughter to craft the perfect thank you card for each of the kindnesses bestowed. Good god…

  • Not sure my contribution compares to some of the tortuous experiences of other chumps. This happened after I had been through MC with ex for a year and found out she was still cheating with #2 and #3. She was supposedly serious now about saving our marriage.

    My ex and I met fuktard #4 at cub scout camp. He and I cooked breakfast for the cabin. I found out seven months later when his STBXW came up to me at a scout meeting and told me that her husband and my wife were having an affair. We walked outside the elementary school gym and she filled me in on all the details. My now ex had recently stormed out of MC because we tried to focus on her problems (after all of my shortcomings had been the focus for months). I filed two weeks later.

    • It compares… be glad the mindfuck is over and you’re free!

  • My husband invited his affair partner to our church one day. After church he told me he had invited the guy back to our place for lunch, the guy barely spoke to me which I thought was a bit fucking rude seeing he was coming to our home, but it got stranger when we got home, I was pissed with my husband that he had not given me any warning that he had invited someone to church and then to ours for lunch. but when we got home and the guy arrived he and my then husband had a hushed exchange of words. And suddenly my husband calls out to me that the guy was not staying. I walked into our lounge room to find my husband giving this guy a shoulder massage while trying to convince him to stay for lunch, still the guy does not speak to me. This all happened in front of our three young children. I was secretly glad the guy didn’t want to stay for lunch because 1) I had nothing as I was not expecting a guest and 2) The whole scene just creeped me out. I never saw the guy again but he and then husband had several heated discussions by phone following that day spanning several months. Angry raised voices but never close enough to me for me to actually hear what was being said. Husband claimed that he guy was having girlfriend trouble (someone he had met on a trip to Canada) and another time my husband claimed the guy was demanding my husband found him a job (my ex worked in recruitment at the time) I knew there was something not right, I even warned my husband to be careful of this guy because I considered he was trouble. I would never have considered he was my husband’s affair partner. I was so blind. I have only come to know through people owning up to having seen them together at the time of the affair who he was. One person even mentioned that they were shocked when I came to work with them a our local supermarkent as they had seen my husband with this guy and our children and was pleased to think that our community was so open to having a gay couple with kids only to meet me and find out who my husband was. Only telling me once may marraige ended. I often wonder now how many others I met unknowingly?

    So Glad to be free.

    • Wow– that’s so creepy, Thankful. Glad you are free now! My STBXH also had a secret gay affair that began as an EA with a coworker. Total mindfuck. (In addition to CL/CN, The Straight Spouse Network was a good resource for me early on.) Lasted 8 of our 15 years together. They “honeymooned” together on my dime for a week every year. They were long distance so I got tricked into moving across the country so they could finally work together because they were besties in the same profession. My calling him out on it started the Discard, a mere 7 weeks after arrival. My H suddenly walked out one day. Fuck him– as Madea always says “when someone wants to leave there’s one’ll one thing you can do. Let him!”

      Divorce is slowly progressing. My lawyers are bulldogs. But overall? I am overjoyed. It gets better everyday! The OM’s wife, however, is still in deep denial; our husbands have her gaslighted so bad and she has struggled with deep depression for years. I tried telling her but she refused to believe because in true narc form, our husbands accused me of having postpartum depression. Her own dad was an epic cheater so she probably learned chumpery at his knee, just as I learned to be a Caretaker of narcs from my own narc mom. Someday I know I’ll be getting a long email or phone call from her. We’ll be like Grace & Frankie or some shit. Lol

      Most blatant effed up “tell” of theirs? One time they were sharing a 5-star hotel room together and my STBExH actually called me to tell me he was in bed spooning with the gayAP. In a jokey manner he said this of course… but it was true. I knew it was true when I found the “I love you” text between them. These cheaters are so brazen you just gotta laugh at some of this crap!

  • OMG! Let’s start with this. He at first had me accept her friend request on Facebook and her “friends” so they could keep tabs on me and soak me for info on my personal life under the guise of “friendship”.
    Then he wanted to meet her and her husband for “lunch” because they just happened to be traveling through our state on thier way home from a trip. I was out of town at the time, so it would have made no difference if I said No! He did go, but her husband was NEVER there. Just a first “hook up”.
    I spent a year planning a Disney vacation for my daughter and her family and us. Come to find out that Schmoopie was also there, but only behind my back! He spent one whole day “alone” in the condo I had rented because he said he didn’t feel well! He was actually screwing Schmoopie in our “magical memories” condo all day! I have NO pictures of him with the family at Disney, but there ended up being about 90 pictures of him and Schmoopie at Disney. He was a grumpy, nasty piece of work the whole time we were there and totally disengaged from us! #inowhateanythingdisney!
    He would go on and on about all her “perils” of stupidity and thought she was so cute! I found her to be dumb as a box of rocks and could not understand how he could find her so funny and interesting!
    Once I was made aware of his affair, he told me how worried he was about her while I was trying NOT to pass out on our ceramic kitchen floor in the kitchen.
    He gaslighted the crap out of me by having a “cheaters only and guest cheerleaders” Facebook page created by him! He said he had “no idea” where that came from! Except HE created the damn thing!
    I left him briefly and I know she was in my house and he screwed her in my bed! He denied it to the day he died, but solid proof existed!
    He would boomerang in and out of our marriage cause he was “so confused” and “on the fence” about who he would choose! I knocked him off the fence with a kick ass attorney and a great settlement!
    Once I was diagnosed with lung cancer he thought it was a “trick” to get him back, so he stayed away the entire time through every ugly surgery. He did return very briefly after surgery #1. It was to try to get me to amend our taxes (I refused) because he owed over 8,000 dollars to the IRS! He did manage to give me MRSA which meant I had to have a second surgery! Thanks loads!
    The list goes on and on! You all know that he is dead now and I did take care of him till he drew his last breath.
    Ms. Perel and all the others can wax on about how affairs are so great, but I saw a man who in the end deeply regretted his actions. It wracked him with guilt and fear. I don’t know if it was for himself or his family and it really doesn’t matter. His last days were awful for him. He verbalized how much he hated what he had done and he absolutely hated Schmoopie.
    He was a covert narc and in the end it came back and hit him square in the ass!
    Poor Devil!

    • I am blown away and feel depressed reading tonight’s post. Just unbelievable and makes me wonder about all the shady shit that I may never know about asshat and hopefully don’t find out, it’s just heartbreaking.

      • Lady B–you’re still in the midst of the emotional maelstrom. There will come a day when even atrocious news about what your X did during the marriage won’t phase you in the slightest after thinking, “Well, that’s an interesting behavior from the disordered.” Every time I find out more dirt on my X, I just think, “more fodder for the novel!”

        • Or just burst out laughing at the sheer absurdity of a lunatic’s antics !

    • What’s with the women who support gals having an affair? They all get up your ass and befriend you (the victim) then you find out they were spying/double agents for your cheater/spouse? Happened to me. And seems to be a reoccurring theme here in Chump Nation. One thing to deal with your narcopath spouse, then you get a whole disordered peanut gallery with him?!! Oye.

      • My XH’s co-worker whore had her friend (another co-worker of XH’s) stalk us in a restaurant before he dropped the bomb on me. She asked questions about my braced knee and upcoming ACL surgery. We chatted for a long time. XH seemed nervous and told me after she left that he didn’t like her.

        Fast forward 3 months, XH was gone and had filed for divorce. Same woman sends me a request on FB days after I was served with divorce papers. A few weeks later, I found out about the XH’s whore. Turns out, this woman was whore’s bestie at work.

    • Mighty is this:

      “He would boomerang in and out of our marriage cause he was “so confused” and “on the fence” about who he would choose! I knocked him off the fence with a kick ass attorney and a great settlement!”

      Way to go Roberta!

  • I’ve shared this story before, but mine involved a beach towel that married COW bought her that she’d bring to the beach every weekend with our family. And then he’d show up with his wife, so that towel just laid in the middle of all of us. After D-day, I told her I didn’t want to see that thing again… what does she do….brings it back out the first day of opening weekend the following summer.

    That was the final trigger that sent me to the attorney’s office the following Monday, and I filed the divorce complaint by Friday. The towel just personified to me just how little respect she had for me and how she was never going to change. I still see her at the beach now (and she still brings that same towel out to this day, it’s kinda pathetic actually), and I hate the thing, but I look at it as the symbolic bucket of cold water that finally knocked some sense into me and got me out of a relationship with a piece of shit.

    • I would make that fucking towel disappear…or have a run in with a pair of dressmakers scissors.

      • Fire is really good for making towels disappear. But now, given what it means, I’d steal it from her and hang it from a flagpole in front of your house.

        Hugs. Strength. Peace.

  • I spent 15 mo (the duration of the affair) being friends with the OW, whom I was told was my CH’s (of 11 years) old friend from jr high. Her husband had died and she’d moved 3 blocks from our home. He encouraged me to be her best bud because she was a widow, taking care of her elderly mother and 2 horrible children that were her drug addicted niece’s. He said she was pitiful and had no life. Felt sorry for her, etc… She weighed over 350 lbs (I am thin) so I started walking with her daily and began attending Weight Watchers meetings with her as a support. She’d been a friend of his family for all those years, so he invited her to attend family functions with us and she was frequently invited to go with us other places too. Little did I know, this was the SAME woman he’d cheated on his first wife with 38 years prior and had cheated with her on many other relationships over the years. A year, after Dday, she died. On the first anniversary of her death, her mother told his family she’d requested her ashes be spread at my CH’s favorite fishing hole (on his family’s land)…NOT beside her dead husband, less than a mile from her home. His family agreed! This was all done behind my back with him knowing. I’m so glad I left that shit storm. I’ve been free for 2 weeks!

    • Two weeks?! How wonderful to hear of good news on today’s read. I am so happy for you and hope that you are doing well. It will be a year for me in September and I often smack myself for not leaving sooner. SoManyTears…I hope they are soon tears of happiness and laughter!

  • My ex delighted in telling me, while we were laying in bed about a month before our wedding, that there were rumors at work that he was having an affair with someone in the budget office. He acted totally indignant that he would be accused of such a thing, suggesting that coworkers were just out to get him. Alarm bells were going off, so I gently asked him if there was any truth to the rumor, and mentioned that now would be the time to disclose such a thing before we got married and I walked away from my stable life and my home. He adamantly denied it, even when I pushed a little more and mentioned his AP by name. Absolutely no truth to the rumor, he reassured me. He claimed he loved our son and me and wouldn’t cheat. He put his arms around me, kissed me, and assured me everything was perfect. He continued to rant about his rotten coworkers who were accusing him, his boss’s opinion on things if he was hypothetically having an affair, and solicited my input on how to deal with it, all while whining about being the victim.

    Four months later I was separated, homeless, and unemployed with a 2-year-old. Instead of coming clean that night, he waited until we took wedding vows, until I quit my good job, until I sold my house, until I moved across the country with him, until we had uprooted our son from his home, until I was separated from my family and support network, until he felt I was powerless and in a weakened position. (For any new chumps out there, I spent a year in my parent’s guest room with my toddler, and eventually got a spectacular job in another state, where I struggle as a single mom but generally kick ass.)

    What fun to dangle the truth in front of the little Chump and watch her futilely swat at it!

    • Free Vix–mine did something similar. About a year before D-day (and probably about the time he’d been called to the sexual harassment officer appointment, unbeknownst to me), my then-H mentioned some controversy over “a graduate student who left the program because of me.” My ears pricked up, but I assumed he had been harsh in his academic assessment of her (since he could be a rude, critical ass). Never even occurred to me he might have had an affair with her, as I just don’t think like that. Correction–*didn’t* think like that.

    • Oh wow. That is absolutely unconscionable.

      I’m so gratified to see how well you have bounced back from his fuckery.

      God’s many blessings to you, and to your little guy! You are a great example of resiliency and strength for him.

  • My Cheater suddenly developed an altruistic streak while I was working (at his insistence) a job which required evening and weekend hours. He began volunteering, and actually was appointed to the Board of Directors of a major nationwide charity. I was stunned at the time this selfless giving took – but since it kept him busy while I was working – and he had never wanted to do anything but sit at home and watch TV when I was there – I was pleased for him. I was pleased to the point that I would specially iron his shirts, and before he walked out the door I would use the lint roller to make sure there was no cat hair and straighten his tie. When I became suspicious after finding a hotel receipt I went through his pockets and found tickets for the opera (he HATES opera) and comedy clubs, dinner cruises, movies, concerts. Yeah, I was working a crappy job because we needed the money for retirement, but he was spending more than I made every week to entertain a woman 10 years his senior who had never worked a day in her life. I must have CHUMP printed on my forehead because the reason my first marriage ended (again after 20 years) was that my husband found every excuse in the world to leave whatever job he had and avoid finding another one (but at least he didn’t cheat). I work – they play. Sometimes I wonder what I did in a previous life to have this kind of karma.

    • Well, that’s familiar. My EX developed a strange altruistic streak too. When he handed his business card to a waitress decades his junior and offered to help her with her literacy skills (she’d told us while he chatted her up as she brought refills to our kids that she wanted to go back to college but was not a good reader), I was too stunned to say a word. The jackass didn’t like to read to our kids, but a sexy 25-year-old blonde, now that was someone he could “read” with.

  • Jackass made up a story about moving in with his parents so he could remodel their home for sale. He told me how his friend’s married sister lived around the corner and came over to see the dining set, which was for sale. She lived around the corner…and didn’t have a dining room big enough for that set. When I finally confronted him weeks later, not a bit of remodeling had been done. He had never even moved in all his stuff, which was stacked in the entry. And the dining room was still intact. Just a lot of gaslighting.

  • Yep…the OW was a friend of mine. Use to come to our girls events and listen to me cry about my marriage.

  • Dear CHUMP LADY,

    Thank you for “Today’s Therapeutic Topic.”

    We all need a little TTT on our journey!


  • The OW got my Ex a job under her supervision at a home improvement store. I don’t know how she knew he was looking in the first place. Anyway, my son and I had been on a homeschool field trip near the store right after he got the job and wanted us to stop by to see his new job and meet his ho-supervisor. We did. It was the hottest day of that Spring, We were sweaty and smelly after being outside walking wooded trails all day. We meet. Ex is excited that we have something to talk about….our sons. Piece of Shit was just getting started…..and she knew what she was doing. On DDay, Ex told me that they were “just friends” and that I was over-reacting and he should have told me about how much they talk/text so I wouldn’t think it was anything more. How stupid do you think I am? He did always appreciate my ability to tell people No but I don’t think he liked being on the receiving end of it.

  • I’m sure there were many I don’t know about, however, the two that stand out:
    My XH was a contractor “handy man” and worked for the OW family run pharmacy. While the affair was going on my mom became extremely sick, so I was running between NH and CT plus working 50 hours. I came back from visiting my mom one evening and my XH told me the OW had made us dinner. I ate that dinner all along raving to my ex about how delicious it was and how nice it was that she made us dinner. I get sick to my stomach when I think of him watching me eat the dinner she had prepared and gush over how nice his slunt was.
    During a short reconciliation shortly after Christmas (I was in an apartment), he was still in the house. I noticed he was wearing new shirts and there was some new things in the house. Asked him if those were Christmas gifts from the slunt. His reply, “yes they are and I don’t see what the big deal is they are just clothes”!!!!!! Really????????? I went through his drawers and threw each and everything that she had bought him out. That should have been my sign to run and not try to save the marriage.
    However, I stayed for a few more weeks, till I found out he fucked her again. RUN CHUMP RUN!!!! And I did!!!!!

    • Ugh, Blindsided. That just reminded me of how my ex would Christmas shop with Schmoopie coworker and she picked out Christmas pillows for my couch. She was so thoughtful to help him with his shopping. Of course, he hated shopping with me and the kids. If I ever did talk him into it he was so uncomfortable and antsy the whole time it made us all miserable. When I moved out I left those damn pillows. I wish I’d pulled all the stuffing out of them.

      • I think they got off on seeing us totally oblivious to something going on right in front of us. Sick idiots!
        I was married for 32 years, I’ve been officially divorced for a year (separated for 1 year before that) and I still have to remind myself on bad days, that I didn’t lose my best friend or soulmate, I freed myself from a liar and a cheater.

      • Lyn, that reminded me of how Assholio used to sneak off to Christmas shop with his former high school girlfriend (“We’re just friends! Why are you so jealous?”), and then”forget” to mention it. Once he even took our daughter with him, which really pissed me off. Fucked up games that cheaters play…

        • Yes, of course we were never told of the shopping trip with Schmoopie until afterwards, and we were never invited to come along. The longer I’m out of my marriage the more I can’t believe the things he did. At the time I just felt sad and depressed and wondered why he couldn’t be as good a friends with me as he was with her. Of course, I couldn’t devote 100% of my time worshipping him since I was home taking care of the kids and she was working for him. LOL

  • I took an OW’s daughter to Vacation Bible School (along with my own three kids) every night for a week so that she and hubby could “work on a big project.” (Trust me, it’s a very SMALL “project.”)

    So while her daughter was learning about Jesus and loving our neighbors as ourselves, her whore of a mom was lapping his strings of baby juice out of a ramekin. (I guess this is a thing. Who knew?!)

    Another whore (also married) texted him that she couldn’t wait for a repeat of what was apparently a common occurrence: “I can’t wait to lick your cum off the basement floor.”

    These things and much more happened in my house and following D-day they were what pushed me out the door in three days’ time.

    But now, looking back, I just feel a mixture of smugness and sadness for these pathetic whores — trading their pride and decency for such degrading acts all in order to feel “loved and wanted.” Which they most certainly weren’t, because as soon as they said, “Know what? This drinking your cum thing isn’t really all that exciting or fulfilling for me anymore,” — they’d be replaced with another slunt who was willing.

    You can have him, Ladies!

    • OHN – I’m at work right now… but you better believe I’m going to google this when I get home… “her whore of a mom was lapping his strings of baby juice out of a ramekin”… WTF.

      • That is seriously the closest I’ve ever come to almost puking over something I read on the internet. Damn, these bitches are desperate whores. I doubt paid hookers do the shit they do for free. Eeew eeew

    • Did they have to wear dog collars and bark as well ? Talk about low self-esteem…

  • I think the worst thing she did was run a 5k on our anniversary with the POS. The kids and I were cheering her on, and there was this other dude running next to her. Hey, wouldn’t you know it?, this other dude just happens to be that creepy letcher that goes to parties with our friends.
    Ugh, how trashy.

  • The OW posted a picture on Facebook and tagged my stbx. The picture was at her college graduation- she and her favorite professor (yes, my stbx) standing side by side, very closely, with huge smiles. This was months before DD.
    I said to him, “Wow, your students love you. You make a real difference in their lives.”

  • I discovered the gift I was given for Christmas purchased a second time on our credit card as a “graduation” gift for the soul mate 25 years his junior.

    How did I know to look even before the credit card statement came? Well, he was furious a package had not arrived and was storming about the house blaming me, the post office, Amazon, etc. Although he told me it was a book he was waiting for, his level of anger and frustration was completely disproportionate with a missing book. I suggested he ask Amazon to have it resent to the recipient directly (I knew it was a gift, but I didn’t know who it was for,) and he began yelling at me that I was an idiot because I didn’t understand how important it was to give a gift in person (not a principle he’d ever practiced before). So, a couple days later I checked our statement online and found the $500 “book.”

    I had truly loved the “book” when I received it at Christmas–it was one of the rare occasions when he’d chosen a thoughtful gift for me (it was an easy choice since he’d seen me admiring someone else’s, but nonetheless, I had been pleased he’d noted my desire for the item). Obviously, he’d concluded that what pleased one woman would please another.

    Absolutely no originality here. Not in the choice of gift and not in the way he was being a jackass. And although it violates the “don’t untangle the skein” rule, I do wonder how he would have explained the $500 charge when the bill came a few weeks later since I was the one who always paid it?

  • Wow, these psychopaths are just dreadful.

    Mine took me to the restaurant where she worked on our wedding anniversary. He faked an illness so that he could get blood work done for STDs without my knowledge. He had said server in our home and I found sunglasses and a coat that belonged to her. He also purchased lingerie for her that I found receipts for.

    How these people live with themselves I just do not know. If I lived a double life I’d spend most of it puking my guts out. I can barely pick up a penny off the street without wondering who may have dropped it and if it can be returned.

    • I thought I was the only one who tried to find the owners of lost pennies! We of concern and tender hearts. What a contrast to these ruthless,cruel life vampires.

  • My husband kept pressing for us to be couple friends with his schmoopie coworker and her husband. After awhile I realized I got a sick feeling in my gut every time I was around her, so started refusing to hang out with them. One weird thing is that she would bring shirts her husband couldn’t wear any more (after losing weight) and give them to my husband. I’d say 15 or so shirts. So my husband was wearing her husband’s shirts. Schmoopie coworker and my husband also carpooled together, worked together, and traveled together. They would jog at lunch, spend weekends at conferences, and drop off each other’s dry cleaning. She would often pick up his dry-cleaning along with hers on her way home and deliver it to our house. It was very in my face. She lived down the road from us so we were practically neighbors too. When she moved to another town my husband sulked for weeks.

    The most flagrant thing that happened was the day I heard his phone ringing. The ringtone “I want to lay you down in a bed of roses” by Bon Jovi was playing. My husband had gone to great lengths to assign family members different ring tones and spent a lot of time playing them for me and the kids to hear. When I saw that she was calling and he’d assigned her that ringtone (which I knew to be one of his favorite songs) I instantly got sick and felt faint. He saw me pick up the phone and rushed over as I plopped down on the couch exclaiming, “You have this ring tone FOR HER?” Then he launched into an explanation about how the ring tones were just randomly selected by the phone and he hadn’t chosen it specifically for her. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes when he saw me pick up that phone, now I realize he was afraid he’d been caught. Anyway, he put his arms around me and told me I had nothing to worry about. I wanted to believe him, so I did. After D day I asked an IT specialist if phones could assigned random ringtones and he said no.

      • Yeah, I was not a favorite of Bon Jovi but tolerated their music because he liked it. I didn’t like that song before but it really makes me puke now.

    • That is so awful and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. That sick swerving world changing feeling was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I hope to never feel like that again. Hopefully that is all behind you and everything good is ahead of you.

  • To all of you out there who kept me company over the last 12 months. I read this blog everyday, but I never posted. I hope you guys are ready for this:
    – For 2 years, he has been cheating on me with his brother’s ex wife who also was my BFF and I was her daughter’s godmother
    – She used to come to our house at least twice a week and would stay over the weekends and sometimes for a few weeks in a row. I can only imagine what happened during these nights as I used to go to bed early to be able to care for our infant daughter during the night and early mornings
    – They used to have sex in our house while I was pregnant, suffering from chronic sciatic pain and working non stop to pay for all the bills while he was “focused” on building us our dream home -it was really his dream home, but oh well
    – Last, but not least, while he pretended to be broke for over 2 years and had me pay for everything, he gave her over 100 K without my knowledge -which he claims to be his separate money but we are still waiting for proof of that.
    – Here is how I found out about the affair: I was laying down in bed with him while I was 7 months pregnant with our second baby, woke up to turn off the TV using the smart app on his phone and landed on steamy text messages as soon as I typed his PW. They were using a chat app to keep their conversations hidden….His last text to her? He asked her to come over immediately to give him a blowjob while I was asleep.
    – Next morning, I tricked him into confessing everything and I recorded the conversation from start to finish. Then, I lawyered up big time!

    Happy Friday Chump Nation!

    • Your presence of mind is admirable. I hope your lawyer devastates both of them and that you reach a child custody agreement that is exactly what you want.

      • Thank you Eilonwy, the kids are all I care about! I kept my mouth shut and didn’t share the reason why I filed for a divorce to protect the kids. He on the other hand took advantage of that and spread rumors to save face. One of the rumors I heard was I got postpartum depression and I lost my mind after giving birth lol. So I went ahead and filed. Very clever!

    • Wow! You are awesome to kick him to the curb when you were 7 months pregnant. Good for you! Welcome to chump nation, the club no one wants to belong to.

    • It is good to hear your “voice”. Sharing it will clear you of it, on Tuesday. 🙂 A thought popped into my mind when I read what they did to you and I am compelled to tell you…go for the house no matter how you feel about it. I am in California and sending money for your AP to hide/hold is a hard thing to prove as separate. Show no mercy as it is important that we help others with their karma whenever possible.

      • Thank you GraceInMotion, actually the house was my separate property. We lived in it before and after the marriage. I can’t even walk in there without feeling like I want to vomit. So the house is going on the market as soon as the divorce is final. Also, about the money, he confessed to giving her 80K; then lied under oath and said he only gave her 20K. The idiot forgot 1. He confessed the 80 K to me over text message and 2. He didn’t know that I recorded him while we discussed it at length face to face. Never a dull moment with him.

        • I would want to dump it too. I hope he gets nailed and I have every confidence he will. It is so nice to hear of someone who may get back a small portion of what he/she has done.

          • I wanted to dump the house too, It was “our” dream house and it made me sick every time I pulled into the driveway. thankfully it sold fast.

    • Thisishowitsdone–What a horrific story, and I’m glad you finally posted. I am in awe of your smarts and badassery since D-day.

      • Thank you! Don’t get me wrong, I did the pick me dance for a few weeks, but I kept collecting any evidence I could find. And I showed up to work 2 weeks after I delivered our second child via C-section to make sure I don’t loose my job in case it didn’t work out. Glad I did! Four weeks after I delivered, I caught them AGAIN. I didn’t even bother saying anything until I filed and got the green light from my lawyers. When I broke the news to the cheater, he asked in disbelieve “why did you do that?”. Lol, really dude??? I said because I don’t need to keep you on a leash if you don’t want to be in this marriage. I already have a dog and one is enough for me, at least he is loyal and will never betray me. So you are now free to do what you want. Best moment of my whole life! I read Chump Lady book in one day and I snapped out of the lies quickly. I read all your stories and I know I am lucky that I was able to do what I did. Now, I want to help anyone in need even if it’s through a prayer. My heart goes out to all of you.

    • What fuckers they both are. Slimy, nasty fuckers. You are mighty. He is never going to be better. It only gets worse with staying. Hugs to you from me and your CN.

    • Congrats ! Cut him out of your life with surgical precision-one swift cut and the cancer is gone !

  • My alcoholic husband joined AA and we agreed to start over and work on us.

    After a couple of meeting, he came home and told me his sponsor said he couldn’t work on us ~ he had to work on him first.

    I agreed and gave him plenty of space.

    Turns out, I think his sponsor was the OW as he moved out of our home ‘to think’ shortly thereafter ~ in a cottage owned by OW ~ and spent all of his time with her.

    OW is also in charge of local AA group and her specialty is ~ AA And The Newcomer ~

    Really? Can anyone say PREDATOR?

    Unbelievable to me.

  • THIS:

    “And for those of you who believed your cheater was especially cruel, perverse, and lacking any sense of the sacred, this post will show you that, no, they’re pretty much unoriginal in this way, too.”

    I could respond “me too” to many of the tales shared here and it’s only 10:00am EST.

  • OW eased her car into my spot in the garage as soon as I left for work and came in to play “house” with my loser ex-wife, Satan. What OW (straight, married to a man) and Satan didn’t know is I was suspicious and had planted a voice recorder right under our couch in the living room. When I confronted Satan that evening about having sex with OW on said couch WITH OUR CHILDREN in their rooms, Satan denied, denied, denied. Called me crazy. Got close to me and looked me straight in the eye and said “I swear on the life of our children that there was no one here today….so much so that if I am lying to you then I would allow God to take the lives of my children in a car wreck”. Went on and on about how crazy I was and screamed at me about how dare I accuse her of such “indiscretions”???? Well, have you ever seen a narcissist who had no way to wiggle out of a lie or gaslight a victim???? I have…..bc I took out voice recorder and hit play and all you could hear was sounds of the morning’s pleasures on our couch with the baby monitor in the background. If I have ever thought someone would spontaneous combust right before my eyes….it was that morning!!!

    Also, before I played my hand with the voice recorder, I recorded Satan sexting and masturbating (and could hear a pic taken just a the right *moment*). Kicker??? I could hear the 18 month old crying over the baby monitor….actually saying “mom” over and over and over begging her to come and get him out of the crib. She finished off her activities, got up and washed hands, went outside to smoke a cig, and THEN went and got 18 month old out of bed who cried and sobbed the entire time. who the EFF can get off listening to your that needs to be consoled just down the hall???

    • God that’s so awful. I hope it helped you get a lion’s share of custody.

      • ANC, sadly, I was totally manipulated and we ended up with 50/50 custody. I am bio mother and now feel overwhelming guilt for saddling my sweet babies with such a loser of a parent. I am actively working with my attorney to get that changed as ex has been less than stable with my kids and breaking the divorce decree. She married very quickly and moved kids out of the county against the decree. Stayed with her 5 months then left and moved kids back in with her parents. Wonder why she left second wife????? …..hmmmmm….could have something to do with new young gf that was immediately introduced to my kids. Let us not forget new gf is straight, married woman #4! What the eff is wrong with a lesbian that seeks out straight, married women and then leaves soon after the divorce is complete?? Great person to have 50% of the teaching capability for morals. I pray every night that I gain what I need to get primary custody so I can limit her ability to teach them her version of right from wrong.

        • You are documenting this stuff ? Your X provides Instability for your kids and now your former MIL is their caretaker.

          How was she able to leave the country with your children without your consent?

    • I would have bee livid to find that out!!! OMG she is an asshole of epic proportions.

    • Ugh. Let me just pick up my heart that dropped on the floor, reading your post. Actually hearing your wife with someone else, after she tried to blame shift her lying bs onto you??? I can’t even….

      • Even more evil is invoking a car accident involving your kids. Total psychopath.

  • So OW worked with EXasshole, 20 yrs younger, newly married. Befriended me (I used to stop by his work to go have lunch with him) – and I started inviting her to my home for dinner with my family. Her husband always worked late, so she had no kids, no responsibilities, no other friends (red flag) – so she would sometimes call me – “Hey what you guys doing?” and I fell for it – “yeah come over, have dinner with us”

    The audacity of these assholes – to sit at my table with my 2 tweens, and I after they had just fucked at work. This to me is worst than the sex they had. It is absolutely entitlement, total disrespect and totally fucked up. For him to allow her to sit at our table – for 3+ years?

    This is the part I will never forgive or forget. I really am at Meh for everything but this… She can have him. A man than can do this to his wife – someone that loved and worshiped the ground he walked on – and he can do this? He is a selfish entitled asshole, and I hope she discards him in this same manner.

  • Ahhhh so many moments and so many APs! Cheaterpants is a very sick mofo. His ‘fuck you, ANC! ‘ antics span the length of the marriage. Only I never put any of it together until after I busted him with a LT MOW 3yrs ago. Here’s the list:

    1. A coworker, “Company Bike” – requested I take the Bike around Rome because she doesn’t speak the language and has never been to Rome.
    2. MaryKay Rectum of Wonder – shows lovely photos to me over a ten yr period of where he is traveling to for business and for his hobby. Rectum is carefully not in photos but there are usually a pair of wine glasses or beers. Brings back swag from Rectal trips for family to use or display in home (one object was the infamous Branding Iron).
    3. Milanese Liar coworker – brings Puntana di Schifo to marital home for dinner. Has her interact with me and my very very young children.
    4. Turkish Delight co worker- brings back gifted consumables from the Delight for the family.

    These are but a few. It is a flying red flag of sociopathy to do this to another person. Never once did I question anything. I truly trusted a skilled, fuckedup manipulator. My kids would freak out if they knew this abuse of all of us from their sperm donor.

    • Forgot the Missauga Mrs! Add that’s to my list. again, it’s all about the consumables because he ‘was thinking about me’.

      • Forgot the I Was Once A Disney Princess at Disney World! It’s taken some time, but the roaches keep crawling out of my beard marriage. I’m not seeking more skein. The shit is snowballing and rolling downhill.

        Today’s topic has triggered memories. One huge difference for me now is that I do not care any longer where he sticks his festering penis. One cannot undo stupid and I’m getting good at looking to the future, except for today remembering the past 🙂

  • Mine X did love to rub his affair in my face. The final affair, after I found out he went on a cruise with the wicked witch, I found a receipt for the scuba dive he did with her while on the cruise. I paid for his dive lessons for his 25th birthday. We never went diving together. Just one of many examples, but it was over for me by that time, just another reminder of his lack of love for me and his cruelty.

  • Keeping it on the light side, the following visual reminders made me laugh out loud then and still do:

    * AP gave him a thin bracelet with the words “Courage, Hope, Love, etc” engraved on it. This guy was NOT a jewelry person and seeing him wear that was a healthy dose of turn-off.

    *Shortly after D-Day he ordered $450 worth of shoes from Zappos. I had access to his camera roll via iCloud and got to enjoy the slew of selfies that came with him modeling the new shoes. Trying to look cool – FAIL. But absolutely hilarious. To this day he still posts on internet forums looking for advice on shoe fashion. Uh… how about be less shitty on the inside and maybe no one would notice your shoes??

  • So many things. Sigh.

    –My favorite baby blanket for DD? Given by one of the early AP’s. Who watches the wife loving wrap the infant daughter in that, again and again? I even saved that blanket, which is even now lovingly folded and stored in a hope chest with other mementos.

    –When that AP went missing some years later, after he had hired her into the family business over my objections, guess whose tech and social networking skills were called upon to help find her? Yup, mine. Turns out she had been turned away from a flight because she was drunk, and spent the night swilling vodka in the airport hotel, missing her daughter’s high school graduation in the process.

    –Latest AP was an employee, too. Ugh, the things they did. They always drove to that far away client together, and he always insisted that I come out and greet her when they were leaving, or when they got back. Oh, and they always left her car in my garage. Nice. The two of them also drove to visit my son at his far flung college, thus humiliating and confusing him. When son first confronted dad about the affair in the wake of those visits, dad not only denied, but called son angry and out of control, then informed me that I should get “help” for son, in the form of therapy and drugs, because clearly son had “issues.” But that’s not all. This slut is vegan, so home came all of the vegan crap she pressed on him. Every time I opened the pantry, there were the rutabaga chips and the dehydrated pineapple or whatever. BIG SIGH. Also, he brought her into my house to show off the work we had done to it. But, worst, he put her in charge of all of our finances, including routine bills and healthcare. She knew every cent I spent, every visit any of us made to the doctor, who was on which medication–you name it. Such a violation.

    –When he took DS on those sparkly father/daughter trips to a beachy locale where a client was located, the latest AP just happened to be assigned to that client. Yup. So, daughter got to witness dad yelling at his AP at work on a few occasions. Indeed, both kids have remarked that, “he treats her even worse than he treats you, mom.” I bet. After all, he has her guilt over her own lack of ethics to work with. Ah, what a glorious weapon of mass manipulation that must be, and how perfectly lovely that both kids have had an up-close view of that dynamic in action.

    –Texting and/or calling assorted AP’s on every family holiday, vacation, or special day? Check.

    –Oh, and just recently realized this one. When current AP’s boyfriend of a few years was suddenly gone, I asked what had become of that. Cheater said, “Oh, she prefers older men and is dating one now.” Doh! No mystery about who.

    • Oh sweet Cashmere – what a heartbreaking list of betrayals for you and your kids. What an ass.

    • The insight into your everyday spending and life – such a violation. Can’t believe he put AP in charge of your finances.

      • Galls me, too. Worse–she is still doing that, over my objections and repeated requests that the practice be halted.

  • He let that skank into our storage unit and she went shopping in it. She took my kitchen table, among other things.
    I got it back and I use it every day. It reminds me to stay mighty.

    He hid his secret cell phone, that she bought for him, in the stained glass window in the sanctuary where he was senior pastor of a well attended Presbyterian Church. I got my hands in it. She had programmed herself with the name: It’s Her!!

  • My cheater is pretty tame compared to many. It is all part of his image management of “see I am not an irrational, cruel idiot for leaving my loving devoted wife to go be with the one who gives a superior blow job which proves she loves me more”. He is careful about avoiding public humiliation of me as he knows that would just make him look bad. Still, there are things he does that really sticks the knife in. Mostly I hate how much he cares about her feelings. He feels guilty for hurting her (by not getting over me faster), and he doesn’t want to hurt her more. He feels bad for the way her husband treated her even though it isn’t much different from the way he treats me. She is such a good person and she “thinks the world of you”. It hurts when he says things like “she cares about me” as if I didn’t, or when he talks about how important it is to have a healthy sex life, as if we didn’t have one except we did. It hurts when he talks about his plans to take her flying when I used to love going flying with him. It hurts when he puts gifts and theater tickets on the joint credit card where he knows I will see the charges because I have been looking through finances as part of the divorce. It hurts that he made sure he lined up a replacement for me so he would have emotional support and then discarded me without a care for who would be there to support me (my one bit of karma there is that it turns out his family is there to support me and I don’t think that sits well with him). It hurts that he thought he could just shuffle me aside and slip her in my place and nobody would know the difference or care. At least he turned out to be wrong about that.

    Before D-Day there were a few things he did that still bother me although they mostly revolve around how her husband was treated. There are reasons to believe that her ex is no saint either, but he did not deserve the mind fuck he got from STBX. STBX met Schmoopie through volunteering for a school event, but her husband also happened to be STBXs flight student. STBX acted like he was best buds with the guy, told him that he was his best student and so much smarter than the others, etc. etc. We had dinner at their house and met up for at least one other social occasion. STBX spent most of his time talking to the husband like they were pals. All the while he was shagging the guy’s wife behind his back. That still makes my skin crawl, especially after hearing him go on about what he really thought of the man later. Truly a mask which makes me question our whole marriage. If he could put on the act for this guy, what has be been doing with me for all of those years? Schmoopie pretended to try to make friends with me too, but she wasn’t as convincing. I never felt like she was sincere and never really liked her much from the start (intuition maybe?).

    • Oh and when I confronted STBX on D-Day after her husband called to tell me about the affair, STBX’s primary concern was that he might lose his job if the guy told the flight school the real reason why he was dropping the flight lessons. (he didn’t lose his job by the way, no karma there but really the kids still need his income so not a bad thing).

    • Oh yeah, the old
      “I feel bad for her”
      “she’s a good person she cares about you”
      and “the sex is healthy”

      I got that too, what a friggin gut punch!

      • Yup. “OW is the real victim, here.” STBX said that repeatedly. Ugh. No.

        She had all the facts and freely chose her actions. I was constantly hindered by lies and detailed deceptions. She is no victim.

        • Yep I heard “she’s innocent in all this”. Really? I’d be more likely to believe “she’s a stupid whore for falling for my lying crap to get in her pants”.

      • Yeah, I also got “she’s a good person!” said in an indignant manner. Because of course a “good person” goes after a married father of two and pursues him relentlessly…

    • I still feel bad for OWs husband. And the amount of time he spent helping my husband is insane. And my husband told me that I didn’t express enough gratitude to them for their help!!!

  • After D-Day I went through my old email and text history with him and all of a sudden I noticed the ways he was totally obvious. Went on a business trip at Disneyworld in Orlando and ignored my evening texts to him, finally responding at 2am. When I asked him about why he texted back so late he claimed that cell reception was really bad in the hotel. In Orlando. Yeah, Orlando is really known for having spotty cell phone service. Still doesn’t answer why he was awake at 2am. Probably when he was sneaking out of OWs hotel room so their coworkers wouldn’t know. (Side note: they all knew.)

    But the one that always got me was this exchange:
    Ex: Hey, I was thinking of catching that movie “Her” sometime this weekend while it’s still in theaters. Would you mind if I did? It looks like it’ll still be at the ___ on Saturday (2:00, 4:30, or 7:00) – do you have anything planned for that day, and do you care what time I go to see it? Thanks!

    Me: I wouldn’t count on being able to go because there is supposed to be an ice storm tomorrow night. But maybe Sunday the roads will be better.

    Ex: Ah yes, good point. Sunday would probably be better in that case. Thanks!

    Me: Are you going by yourself?

    Ex:Unless you wanted to come with?

    Me: Well we don’t have a babysitter or anything.

    Ex: You can just call somebody if you wanted to come.

    Me: Sends a link to an open house as we were shopping around the houses at this time. Let’s check this one out on Sunday even though it is a little pricey.

    Ex: Yes, it’s definitely on the high end, but it does look nice. Would you want me to come with you, or were you planning to scope it out on your own? I’m only asking because this is around the time I was planning to go see the movie “Her” this weekend. Maybe I could go with you in a separate car to help keep daughter under control, and then I could drive to the movie and you could drive home with Daughter?

    In hindsight he was SO adamant about seeing that dumb movie. I don’t know why I didn’t piece it together. Turns out he was fucking her, not seeing a damn move.

    • Oh yeah, STBX just had to go flying that Sunday morning in spite of the thunderstorms in the area that would typically keep him grounded. “What? Not it’s not storming here at the airport.” five miles away from our house. He didn’t tell me he planned to go until that morning and no, it couldn’t wait until after the fancy breakfast I had planned for the family that morning.

    • OW (before I knew, but when I suspected Something was off in our friendship) actually literally invited me to go see The Other Woman with her. Even as dense as I was, I sensed that it wasn’t a kind invite.

  • Hmmm…so many to choose from.
    They hooked up at karate.With our kids. I even video taped their belt tests. Our kids feel responsible because they knew dad was doing something he shouldn’t but were too little to know how to say it.
    She used to come to our block parties and whine to my neighbors about how awful her cheating hubby was and then go make out with mine in my garage.
    The many dinners I cooked and ex invited her over cuz she and hubby had split and her kids were with her cheating hubby and she missed her family for her to complain about how she didn’t eat veggies.
    The awkward New Year’s we spent at her house and at midnight, ex told her she could kiss him on the cheek. They had probably had several quickies while I was dealing with taking care of the 1 year old and 5 year old.
    When I was in hospital recovering from emergency gall bladder surgery, he took my 5 week old to his child hating mistress to take care of, not the friend I had told him to go to, who had a 4 month old and was already babysitting our other four children quite capably. Boy did I hop out of the hospital bed and hobble home when I found out about that!
    Or how she “helped” ex plan our wedding anniversary. Must have been hilarious.
    Or how she would commiserate with me when I started crying about how weird ex was being.
    The craziest thing was a month after DDay and me kicking ex out, but still when I was trying to get up the guts to file, ex texted wanting me to drop off my kids for her son’s birthday party on my wedding anniversary date. Yup! And her son’s real birthday wasn’t even until several weeks later. Assholes!
    its sometimes a process to get to the what the fuck point but when it happens, it feels soooo much better than the fiery agony.

  • My douche bag of a husband would let his slut stay in our vacation home. She would re-arrange the furniture! I put a stop to that and banned her from the house.

    He also insisted that she was invited to our kids’ weddings. It makes me ill every time I even think of their weddings. I can’t even look at pictures of their weddings. My friends remarked on how strange they found it that she was there. I look back and I think they were trying to clue me in to what was so obvious to them. I wish they had just told me outright.

    The skank gave him lots of presents over the years. I rounded up what I could and sold them all. I spent the money on myself and it felt so good!

    • Dana, I can sympathize. My ex spent most the night of our son’s wedding dancing with his Schmoopie coworker. I didn’t cry or get upset at the reception, I was determined not to let him ruin our son’s wedding for me. It still amazes me that he would act that way, though.

  • Oh Chump Nation — where do I start?

    I could go on and on about the interactions I knowingly participated in with Kunty Kibbler and her BDSM Guy (brunch with him and his girlfriend, drinks at their apartment, etc.), but I can’t say that was “rubbing it in my face” because I naively accepted their “friendship” as part of my pick-me dance.

    But for all out, no holds barred rubbing-it-in-my-face shittiness?

    Basically EVERYTHING she did during the hellish 10 months we spent in the same house after I said “No more” and decided for both of us that the marriage had to end:

    — Increasing the frequency of her “going out with friends” nights only 10 days after shattering the reality of our daughter’s lives with news of divorce — because “that’s what ADULTS do” (her actual words to me).

    — Leaving a signed copy of one of Rider of the Purple Dildo’s books on the kitchen counter, with the inscription: ““To [KK], my love. I am so lucky to have met you. You are so special. Wishing us both the best. XOXO. [RPD] 5-18-16”

    — Getting a “divorce tattoo” (empty birdcage with door ajar hanging from tree branches, I assume to symbolize her escape from the imprisonment of marriage) on her right shoulder and showing it off to our daughters the same day

    — Saying “I’ll be home sometime tomorrow” to our daughters and going off for numerous overnights or weekends with RPD, including one to New York when she ended up in the hospital emergency room due to overindulgence of alcohol.

    — Stocking our liquor cabinet with the makings for RPD’s favorite drink, in the expectation that she’d have “people over” when I took the girls on a 1-week vacation to the shore (lawyer put a halt to that)

    — Wearing a tee-shirt with RPD’s name on it around the house (To my daughters: “He’s a friend who’s been kind enough to give me this as a gift”)

    — Keeping a “magic bag” of vibrators, outfits, and other sex paraphernalia — including the now famous vibrating purple dildo and waist harness that she uses to fuck him in the ass — in our bedroom closet. (The GAL assigned to our case was most interested in seeing pictures of this)

    — Every single instance of her insults and abusive language when I went gray rock and didn’t show her “proper respect”

    — and others too numerous to mention

    I certainly didn’t need proof of her shittiness after finding out about the Carrot Singer. Her behavior during that 10 months, as difficult as it was to endure, only steeled my resolve to provide a better example for my children. And compared to what I’ve listed above, it’s wasn’t difficult to do.

    • The harness and purple dildo has me laughing so hard tears are running down my face.

      • Cuckoo bird ! Hope she flies into a plate glass window !

    • The Lifetime Channel would turn down an autobiographical script about your divorce, UX, because they’d think it was too far-fetched. Sorry you ended up with an X five standard deviations from normal.

    • UXworld, you really need to write a book. You have so much priceless material!

    • What a descriptive account of the fuckery that was your life with X.
      Though the visual of a purple dildo being inserted anally up cheater’s lover brings me to tears, I am so sorry you were put through such a nightmarish hell.

    • This horrendous recap is truly hideous and I am thankful you are now free of her. She is evil.