I know I’m not supposed to read this site, as I am a cheater, but I have found it very interesting and insightful. You are spot on, and I do feel like I am a despicable cheater. And my wife is a super chump. I’ve been married to her for 25 years, since we were both 20 years old. We’ve always had a difficult marriage, but we also had some good periods, and divorce is ‘not done’ in our families.
Three years ago I fell in love with A. while separated from my wife. A. lit me up, made me happy, and I feel like she was the love of my life, we were perfect for each other. We had an awesome 6 months together (just us, no wife in the picture) and I was certain I wanted a divorce. But then my wife found out about A. and started the pick-me dance in full force (as I have learned from this website) and it confused me. Suddenly I saw her benefits, and her love for me. We have two kids together, and our families pressured us to stay, and our 6 months apart made me appreciate her, and I stayed in the marriage. Since that point I have always been clear with A. that I wouldn’t leave my wife.
Anyway, long story short, I never got a divorce, and I couldn’t give up my affair partner. I am the most indecisive person in the world. I had a 2.5 year affair, and I ultimately chose my wife and my kids. I’ve been broken up with A. for 8 months now and I moved back in with my wife 6 months ago, but I regret it every day. I made the wrong choice, but A. wants nothing to do with me anymore (understandably) and has not responded to any contact from me (doing the no contact as you also recommend on this website — it works — I hate that she’s moving on).
But now I am blaming my wife for being such a chump. I’ve been reading this site for a while, and my wife is the chumpiest of them all. Sometimes I wonder why she loves me and why she even still wants me. Our marriage is not great, we are just living day to day. I now remember why I wanted out of the marriage in the first place. We have lots of arguments. She’s been such a chump, and pick me dancing so hard, and throwing her love at me, and loving me ‘unconditionally’, basically refusing to divorce me. Because of her unwillingness to leave the marriage I am now stuck in it. And unhappier than ever. I have wanted to divorce her several times, and I told her that, and every time she talked her way out of it. If she had just left this marriage, I could have been with A. But she refused. Now I have to suck it up, and make the best of my situation (divorce will never happen — my wife will refuse), but internally I am heartbroken and longing for A. I resent my wife for not leaving the marriage. I guess I was too weak to do it myself.
Anyway, rambling on, I forgot my question. I guess you could always put it through the bullshit translator. Anyway, here’s a lesson for all: don’t cheat.
Thanks for the public service announcement. Not about cheating (DUH, this is a site of people who’ve been cheated on), but for being the sort of flaming fuckwit who thinks I give a single shit about his unhappiness. Really dude, you’re going to try the self-pity mindfuck channel on ME? Yeah, no. I’m running your letter because it’s a nice look into the rancid oatmeal of a cheater’s brain. If anyone was ever a poster child for “Leave a cheater, gain a life” it’s you. Try and save your marriage, chumps? Your reward is the cheater’s condescension, blameshifting, and revulsion.
Sound familiar, CN? It’s All Your Fault! What you do, don’t do, considered doing, or once read about doing — it’s WRONG. Don’t try and correct course, because that’s wrong too. The ONLY sane move with an asshole like Yoyo is to leave the game.
Yoyo, I’m not going to UBT your bullshit. The UBT is worn out from UBTing Robert Weiss yesterday. And I’m spending the morning under general anesthesia. So I’m just going to leave it to Chump Nation to UBT your letter. Maybe nuggets o’ stupid like “I resent my wife for not leaving the marriage” or “Suddenly I saw her benefits” (like she was a piece of quality livestock) or “just us, no wife in the picture.” (Nice how you conveniently erased two children.)
Have at it, CN.