It was 20 years and POOF he’s no more in my life. Just gone. But not gone because all of the memories. The shit he left around that I am still finding. And living in the house we shared for those 20 years. Still watering the plants we planted. Staring at the walls we painted. The Furniture. The Artwork. And the missing furniture. And missing artwork. And the missing hugs and exchange of smiles. Missing the teamwork and not missing the policing.
Back and forth and back and forth. It’s gotten easier but I don’t think it will ever really resolve.
And I’m thinking, Dude, you need to move. You need new furniture, new artwork, new wall paint, and you sure as hell need to dumpster or donate of every single one of Fuckwit’s things. Do NOT call him and say, “Hey, I found your grandmother’s lace doily collection. Would you like me to send them? I know MeeMaw’s antimacassars meant a lot to you.”
No ChumpDude! No THEY DID NOT mean ANYTHING to him. You know why? Because they’re there in a moldering box with all of his other shit. Shit you, the chump, are supposed to clean up. Or save for him until such a time as it occurs to him that he would like it back. Or maintain it all in a perpetual shrine.
Which of these it is? I DON’T KNOW, CHUMPDUDE! You’re supposed to READ HIS MIND. Did you choose throw it out? WRONG! Did you choose save it for him? WRONG! Fuckwit has rigged the game. You’re always wrong and it’s really touching the way you still pine for him. Kibbles! And having his stuff strewn about your life is a great pretext for still being in touch, so hey, about those antimacassars…
NO NO NO!
Chumps, it is not enough to go no contact with the fuckwits in your life, you need to go no contact with their stuff too. Your choices are:
a.) Get rid of it.
b.) Move away from it.
c.) Quit imbuing it with meaning. It’s just STUFF.
Konmarie his ass, ChumpDude. Does it spark joy? No? TOSS IT OUT.
Everyone’s homework assignment this weekend is to tell Chump Nation and ChumpDude what you did with the Stuff — the furniture, the art work, the paint colors — and how you took your material world back.