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RIP Julie Gomoll

Every single person who has ever been helped on this site owes it all to an unsung Austin WordPress developer and polymath named Julie Gomoll. Quite literally, this blog would not exist and could never have had the reach it’s had if my life hadn’t intersected with Julie’s in April 2012 at a BlogathonATX “Room for Improvement.”

My blog was a couple weeks old. I had exactly three posts — The Unified Theory of Cake, The Humiliating Dance of Pick Me, and Ego Kibbles. That’s it.

The Room for Improvement was just that — a room you’d sign up to be in the presence of Julie, who would happily criticize your site and tell you how to make it better. And she did that with grace, good humor, and snark. I was so impressed, I asked if I could hire her, to teach me some WordPress tricks — and that was the beginning, folks. Ten hours with Julie.

She taught me SEO. “You don’t buy it, you earn it.” (Meaning, don’t sign up for scam services, build your site organically. Choose the right theme. Name your graphics correctly.) She taught me plug-ins. She told me I needed a tagline.

“What do you want people to DO when they land on your site, Tracy?”

“Uh, I dunno. Keep reading.”

“No, you’ve got a NANOSECOND of their ATTENTION. What do you want them to DO? Your design needs to telegraph that immediately.”

I went into some long, waffly diatribe about all the bad infidelity advice out there, and how I wanted to stand for self-respect and leaving cheaters, but hey, there’s cartoons too… and…encouragement for better days ahead and…

“How about ‘Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life‘?”

Julie coined that, people. She NAILED it. I changed my banner to Chump Lady — Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.

Here’s the other thing she said the first time she met me. “I love the cartoons. I think you should sell the cartoons. Have you seen The Oatmeal? They remind me of The Oatmeal.”

Two years after that conversation with Julie, I got a literary agent. The same agent as The Oatmeal.

And when the blog flipped a million I was at another Austin BlogathonATX, and she beamed and boasted because it was her baby. She got a mike and said “Hey! Guess what?!” and happily embarrassed me and told everyone.

And every milestone, and when that tagline became a book, and when the blog flipped 15 million, and when Hollywood called, Julie was there every. single. time. to cheerlead.

I’m glad I could thank her. But I could never, and will never be able to thank her enough, because she killed herself last weekend.

I was just reading my Facebook and saw tributes to Julie coming over my feed and was like, WTF? Apparently, she suffered from depression. Apparently, it all became too much. A recession in 2008, the loss of her home, trying to get hired as a middle-aged woman in the Austin IT world, isolation, loneliness, a life-time’s struggle with mental illness. I didn’t know these things. I knew Julie as a vibrant, funny person. An adopter of dogs. A person who knew all the cool restaurants in Austin. The person who lit up my social media the antics of Mr. Pants, her shepherd mix.

A person who did not know how much she was loved. Or how many people she helped. She helped all of you. She brought this site into the world.

Fuck, I hate suicide. The whole point of this place is to fight darkness. To come back from insurmountable odds and be mighty and not give in to the undertow that wants to drown you, that says “You’re not good enough,” “You’ll die alone,” “You’re a failure.”

I hate when we lose anyone. I can’t believe we lost Julie.

Her sister wrote a tribute that said she used to sign her emails with “Leap, and a net will appear.”

She was a net for others. Please keep her memory alive and get help if you suffer from depression. I’d like to think Julie’s still here, a ghost in the WordPress machine, still encouraging, still cheerleading, forever vibrant.

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  • Oh, Tracy.

    You made me cry.

    I’m so sorry she suffered. Her mind was always going, wasn’t it? She sent out flashes of brilliance but it must have been exhausting keeping so much inside.

    Ugh, the world needs so much help for mental illness.

    Well, she SHOULD be proud of how many people she helped and helped to help others–like you.

    I’m glad she can rest finally but I wish she’d known peace here.

  • What a wonderful tribute to Julie. Also an example of how a chance meeting can change a life.
    Julie’s spark lives on here at Chumplady.

    And as someone who has had to deal with depression with both my mother and my daughter, I have seen how difficult it is for those with depression to see themselves from the outside. How they might have worth, and are loved. If you suffer from depression, please get help. And know that sometimes it takes time. My daughter’s FOURTH therapist is the one who made the connection and has helped her climb that hill.
    Jedi hugs to you all

    • I was going to say something similar, so let me just underscore what you’ve said.
      My father killed himself, and so I’ve seen firsthand that those who are depressed are not thinking rationally and are unable to do so. They are indeed unable to see, while in the depths of depression, that they have worth, and are valued and loved. It’s so important for those of us with depression to learn how to manage it, to see how it distorts our thinking so we can learn the patterns and methods of countering them (exercise, an inner script, talk therapy, light therapy, medication), and to get help before the worst of the darkness descends. And it’s important for those whose friends and loved ones are depressed to express concern and to act–ask someone out for a walk so they won’t isolate themselves–and not to expect the depressed person to be able to pull themselves out of the situation by their will, because depression robs you of your will.
      That said, it’s equally true that if someone you know commits suicide, it’s not your fault, although inevitably you will feel guilt. Guilt is the nature of suicide: what could I have done, why didn’t I see it, wasn’t I important enough to the person–all are questions you might ask yourself.
      I’m glad, Tracy, that your friend Julie has left the shining legacy that is Chump Lady. Very few people, whether mentally ill or healthy, can at the end of their lives say as much.

  • I’m sitting here in tears for a woman I never met, never heard of until now but to whom I owe a great debt because she helped bring this place of healing into being. What a terrible loss. I’m sorry Tracy. Please accept my condolences.

    • Ditto to this comment – she did help so many of us. Some she knew about, many she didn’t.

      Sorry for the loss CL

    • Well said, Beth, and I echo your sentiments.

      I’m so terribly sorry for your (our) loss, Tracy!

      RIP Julie.

    • I have spent the past three years trying to get hired again after being pink slipped. My middle age, skin color, gender and inability to speak another language other than English means I am a cliche in my field. I can completely understand how hopeless and devalued she must have felt.

      Being discarded twice – first by a husband and then by a school superintendent – in two years has a way of annihilating one’s self esteem. If my kids weren’t depending on me, I don’t know where I would be now.

      Ms. Gomoll’s legacy is that her guidance helped you, CL, pull so many of us away from a deep abyss. We turned around and walked away to something better. How tragic her illness conned her into thinking that there was nothing more for her own self to gain.

      So saddened.

    • Oh, wow, Tracy. Beth perfectly described what I’m experiencing after just seeing this post. I’m just so, so sorry to hear of this huge loss. Julie won’t ever know how many people she positively affected through her knowledge, skills and amazing talents. Prayers for Julie, and for all those whose hearts are broken right now and miss her. <3

  • If you need help or to talk to someone, please please call the national suicide prevention lifeline at 800-273-8255. It is a lifeline.

    Please ask for help.

  • I am truly sorry your loss. My dearest friend tried to commit suicide a few months ago, and, lucky for me, failed. Fighting the feeling of hopelessness and depression is a hard fight. Getting the terrible news (for you) leaves a feeling I haven’t been able to describe.
    Chump Nation is grateful to your friend and all she did for you, and therefore, us, as well. In my experience, now would be a good time to have one of your post-surgical pain killers. It won’t make the pain go away, but might lessen the intensity for a few minutes. Peace.

  • Tracy, I’m so saddened to hear of Julie’s suicide. I lost my sister to suicide 8 years ago. There was no net for her either. I tried to make one for her, but her mental illness helped her dodge it every time.

    I would imagine that lots of people who discover their spouse/partner is cheating contemplate suicide as a way out.

    I would encourage those of you contemplating suicide to come here and ask for help. We Chumps stick together through thick and thin.

    By giving help, humor, reaching out a chump hand, we can help those Chumps overwhelmed by depression and desperation, and keep Julie’s memory and spirit alive

  • That is so sad, I am sorry. What a waste.
    Nobody knows how others feel once that door is closed and you are on your own.
    Terrible for her and how bad she clearly felt, and devastating for all who knew her.

  • My heart is breaking. Apparently, nobody truly knew the demons she was dealing with. Depression is so debilitating.

    Julie’s life impacted so many people by helping you develop Chump Lady. Wonder how many other blogs she helped?

  • I wish Julie had known how much what she did, mattered, and that she’d leave a gaping hole, and that somehow she’d find the right treatment…

    I wish for all of us to take stock of our own ripple effects. I wish many things. So sorry for your loss, Tracy, and for ours.

    ugh

  • I also am in jagged tears. I am so sorry. I haven’t yet read the article, but Time magazine’s cover story August 7th is depression & something new for treatment. God bless her & your intersection. Angels you are.

  • I think, know, that people with depression are gold medal actors. They hide it and perform as though busy, involved, engaged and others see this and think the person is too busy to be friends with me or have time to socialize with me. Then the depressed person is just left alone and feels even lonelier and more depressed, while feeling unliked and uncared about. The world is designed to continually lose knowledge and skills only to have to be rebuilt in another created human. My magical thinking:I want to put life in a bottle. A very peaceful rest, dear Julie.

    • ‘…people with depression are gold medal actors’. Word, Danni Smith. My first hubs, father of my children “out of the blue” killed himself. It was the worst story ever. Whatever you think it was way worse for our children. The only thing he didn’t do was take others with him. And his wife at the time never discussed “why” or what the run up was.
      My 2nd hubs (cheater) developed Severe Depression with a side of craigslist hookers due primarily to business set backs and a huge alcohol addiction. He created brain damage in himself. When he collected an armory of guns I ran away.
      I escaped because I am a survivor. But people who are vulnerable to their own demons stay because they don’t want to admit they have value to others.
      CL, I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s hard to admit that we/ or others couldn’t reach someone who has already shut the door to hope.

  • Julie sounds like an amazing person who has helped so many. I have to admit I didn’t see the suicide part coming. So sorry on the loss of your wonderful friend.

  • It is a tragedy that the wonderful woman who coined the phrase “gain a life” was ultimately blind to the immense value of her own. This site is a legacy of compassion, continuing to help others–millions of lost souls–after she has departed. I pray she has found the peace and comfort she deserved but that eluded her in this life. “All who are weary, come home.” Godspeed, Julie.

    • Yes nomar 🙁 – she coined the phrase we all cling to and i wish she could’ve felt the same hope or relief we all found in it.

      I’m so sorry for your loss Tracy and that you got the news the way you did. It is so sad that she couldn’t see how much of difference she made for so many in this ugly world. Depression is a horrible and maddening thing. heartbroken for you and her family and friends and the world – all the people she touched and helped.

      I will remember Julie as a butterfly taking flight, just as she helped your blog and book take flight, every time i come here. Thank you Julie. You will be greatly missed. ??

    • So true, and those of us who are dog-lovers realize the pain must have been immense for Julie to leave her dogs behind. Fingers crossed they can find a home together.

      So sorry for your loss, Tracy.

    • Well said Nomar.
      You’re in my thoughts Tracy, my condolences for this tragic loss.
      And thank you Julie Gomoll for helping launch and grow this life-changing community. Rest in Peace.

  • So sorry for the loss of your friend and mentor Tracy. So insightful of her to come up with, Leave A Cheater, Gain a Life. In those seconds when this caught my eye, my life forever changed.

    This site is that ‘net’ for so many and has saved so many lives. There is always a kind word, support, and humor here to get me through another day.

    Loving myslf does not come easily as I was told hateful cruel lies about myself during the discard. However, the power in Julie’s words and yours Tracy overrode anything the Limited and his slunt used to push me toward ending my life. There is always hope, therapy, support for depression and mental illness. Rest In Peace, Julie. You touched many with your words.

  • I am truly sorry for your loss and the world’s loss. As with many people who are smart, glib, talented as well as depressed and isolated, I’m sure many who knew her thought ‘she’s smart , talented, fantastic ‘…. she will find her way. Depression is an unrelenting foe. If you learn that someone struggles with depression I hope you will never assume that bc someone looks like they will find their way, they actually will. Keep reaching out to be that net and help them to stay afloat. It’s sometimes the smallest action that will make the difference in a person’s life. My condolences.

  • Tracy, so very sorry for your loss and for the loss felt by all those lives she touched. Suicide is a terrible thing. It leaves the survivors a lifetime legacy of loss and regret. And Julie’s passing should remind us of the need to reach out if you are suffering from depression–even just to tell a friend, a teacher, someone that you are struggling. And for those of us who are aware that someone is struggling with depression, as in every other human encounter, kindness and understanding helps. I’m speaking as a survivor of both chronic and situational depression and a survivor of at least one and perhaps two suicides–neither of which I could have prevented but both of which wounded me to the core. Julie helped Tracy create this safety net for us; we can pay it forward as best we can. Know your worth. Be kind. Pay it forward.

    • Yes LaJA. Know your worth. Be kind to yourself and others. The pain of being cheated on has left me feeling devalued (how could he not value me and all the great years we had?) even though I know intellectually I am a good person of value. I haven’t felt suicidal but definitely feeling like I wish I wasn’t here. Like what is it all about? But with this site and other help I know it will get better. Eventually. On a Tuesday.
      Julie was obviously a quality person. Her Twitter feed shows her to be an intelligent, humourous and caring person.

  • Yes what a beautiful tribute to Julie. I’m also in tears very sorry for your loss Tracy. I’m so grateful that your paths crossed because this blog is really such a wonderful place and has helped me and so many others find our way to a better life.

  • Whoa. Was not expecting that ending. I’m very sorry for your loss, Tracy.

    It’s a sad irony that the best people suffer with self-doubt while the assholes among us sleep like logs.

  • DAMN! I didn’t know this woman at all but your tribute to her is so very moving that I’m tearing up.

    I think that the people reading here probably know more about depression up close and personal than any ivory tower full of PhD’s. I myself was suicidal 3 times after D-Day and I even think of myself as a strong and resilient person. I know from personal experience the darkness that exists within us all and how staring straight at it is so very very terrifying and overwhelming. Yes, I and many others possibly including Julie use a self-applied layer of “spackle” on ourselves to show the world a happy smiling face that makes mental illness one of the most horrible things out there. It is indeed an invisible killer.

    Thank you Tracy for sharing this with us and know that we all mourn the loss of this wonderful human being and friend.

  • Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing all the ways in which Julie helped Chump Lady to thrive and to grow. Though it’s probably little or no comfort, Julie’s legacy is this: a place where people can work through their pain with heartfelt support (and maybe even have some laughs through the tears) and get sound advice from you and the Chump nation.

    If I hadn’t found Chump Lady, I would not be who I am today.

    Thank you to Julie for helping you make it happen.

  • So very sorry for the loss of your dear friend, Tracy. Indeed I don’t know how well I would be if not for this site. Thank you for continually reminding me where the path is……
    I’m so grateful to be Mostly Meh, working busily with my life. Never will I forget the Chumps that replied to my desperation in the early days. Tempest, Moving Liquid, NWBiblio, ANC, FMT, and many many others.
    Hold on, you new members of this tribe. Hang on for all your worth. You are loved, and prayed for, and your life matters.

  • So sorry for your loss and the worlds. The lonely desperation thats comes upon us at times is so loud and if it wasnt for you julies amazing help all the chumps here i too would not be here. Having to fight out of the darkness into the light can be difficult but i always saw the light at the end of the tunnel even when it wavered. May she rest in peace. Thank you julie. And thank you tracy for sharing with us.

  • Jesus, Tracy – I’m so very sorry and shocked. Your description is of a phenom gal with the world as her oyster. You just never know. Having dealt with the suicide of a dear friend many years back – I can empathize. But much as you talk about the skein of mindfuckery we must never work on trying to untangle – so is there one in the aftermath of a suicide. You’ll never truly know what was in her mind that suddenly made death the only option. There’s ideas, diagnoses, and hypotheses…..but at the end only she can tell – and she’s not going to. My heart breaks for you and all her family. I don’t think suicidal people ever truly consider the wake of their actions and how it roils those who loved them. Over 20 years since my dear friend decided to check out of the mortal coil – I still wonder, and feel that ghost of survivor’s pain and guilt. Every thought and prayer to you and all who loved Jill. Her involvement saved us all as surely as you have.

  • Thank you Julie. You are an angel.RIP

    Thank you Tracy for all that you do and all that you’ve done for us.

  • Julie such a beautiful person, truly inside and out. I so wish I could just give her a tight hug and tell her she is loved, she means so much, and she’s important to so many others.

    Perhaps we are unable when we are depressed to fathom the enormous ways which each of us impact others lives. Maybe we aren’t aware how even the smallest words, actions, and deeds reflect who we are.

    I’ve been in the black dark hole and today I send to anyone who’s feeling hopeless a tight hug. Not a generic hug like a greeting, or not a hug like I’ve missed you.

    I hug you with understanding and without judgment.
    I hug you with compassion and without words.
    I hug you, I feel you, I love you.
    I won’t let go, please hug me back too.

  • http://slavetosocial.com/oh-mentor-mentor/

    “She was passionate and excited about what she did, and it was infectious. When we worked on Room For Improvement, she said her tagline should be “I’m not afraid to call your baby ugly.” And it was true; she’d give it to you straight, whether it was good or bad. But it was never mean. She may say your website looked bad, but it came from a place of love. Because she wanted the best for you, and she KNEW you had it in you to make it better. She believed in people, and she wanted to see people succeed.”

    • Chump Lady,
      Reading thru more posts today.
      Just wanted to reach out and say that Julie did “see people succeed”
      This was because of her rich influence on you.
      You are a part of her that carries on each and every day.
      Her legacy lives on in your daily life as you help each one of us in your Chump Family.

      Please remember and cherish each one of your chuckles with Julie and feel better soon!

      Xxxxxx

    • Dear Chump Lady,
      I’m very sorry for the loss of Julie, your mentor and champion. I imagine her to be a fiercely proud and independent woman whose loss of financial livelihood was extremely difficult to bear. I can relate so well to her situation as I have not yet recovered from the last economic recession and am also unable to find work due to my age.

      It’s humiliating to be so dependent on handouts even though I am very grateful for them. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to support myself again and pay off the huge debts .. the future is uncertain. People who consider suicide have lost hope for a turn for the better and that feeling of hopelessness is truly a private hell.

      I stick around only because I’ve experienced surprising reversals in the past when I least expected it. Even if I can’t know when and if these sort of miracles will happen again, I surely won’t get to see them at all if I were to exit now.

      Please get good rest and I hope you are recovering steadily from your surgery.

      • This is very sad news.

        Age discrimination is alive and well and still entirely socially acceptable for some reason.

        Its not just skin color, race, gender, sex, sexual preference and ableness that needs to be considered when fighting for social justice.

        All you young ones out there – your time will come too if you don’t change your bigoted ways. tick tock.

    • Not in the Austin area, but if her dogs are Aussies or Aussie mixes or other high energy breeds that are often dropped off at shelters after people realize that they’re too much work, you might contact the local breed rescue and/or agility club. Agility clubs will send the information out to their members. Most of those are familiar with the challenges of dealing with high energy dogs who need a job. Most have multiple dogs.

      Breed rescue will arrange for transport through their volunteer networks. They’ll make sure the dogs get to their new homes, regardless of where in the country those homes might be. They also ensure that the future owners have adequate space and experience.

  • She helped soo many through you, she will be truly blessed. For anyone who believes in an after life, say a little prayer for her. I can only hope she will know how many lives she saved indirectly. Thanks Julie. RIP Julie.

  • I am so grateful for Julie’s skill and courage, and I honour her life.
    In my work I meet women who fight great battles we never see.
    And then..we know.
    So, there she goes, into the mystery of all our beginnings and all our endings.
    Thank you.

  • I know what suicide does first hand to those that are left behind. It is a journey I would not wish on my worst enemy.

    Julie is now free of her burdens and can feel the light once again that her family, in many ways, never will again.

    Those of you battling with depression please, I beg of you, let the love you feel for others motivate you to speak out and seek help. You cannot imagine the damage you will do by leaving by your own hand to those that you love most.

    This website saved me and I had no idea this someone had anything to do with it. I will not forget the woman I never met.

    Pray for her family and loved ones. Hell on Earth has swallowed them up.

  • Every time I come to this blog, I think of Chump Son, a gentle and thoughtful member who a few years ago contracted a fatal illness and suddenly stopped posting. His widow’s kind words to Chump Nation have remained in my heart for years now. She told us how much her husband had cared about helping all of us with his pithy words and compassionate advice, and how welcomed he had felt here.

    Julie Gomoll helped craft a support network that has been invaluable to so, so many people, and I will be forever grateful to her for her assistance to Tracy and for her wisdom in advising us all to “leave a cheater and gain a life.” She was instrumental in honing a community that has saved many of us, and my heart aches that she felt suicide was her best option. Rest in peace, Julie Gomoll.

  • Gut punched on that ending, CL.

    I cannot comprehend the profound loss her friends feel from this act.

    No words.

  • For all the people she helped, I wonder how often her phone rang with an invitation to go out for dinner, a drink, or even a cup of coffee?

    It’s hard to convince yourself that anyone cares, or that you matter at all, when the phone never rings.

  • What angers me for her, and millions of women, is that we become invisible when we reach middle age. No one hired her!!!
    I am so sorry, Tracy.

    • This is so sad. A friend of mine is struggling with the death of her husband which was followed by the suicide of her son a few months later. It’s just heart breaking. I feel so bad thinking of the suffering that the suicidal person went through, as well as the pain the surviving family and friends experience. I’m so sorry for your loss, Tracy.

      And yes, Let go, we DO indeed become invisible. It’s very hard to find work when we get older. That by itself is demoralizing; add depression into the mix and it’s a recipe for despair.

  • That is so so sad. She certainly left a legacy of helping others and live on through that legacy. It is just sad that she couldn’t see how much value she brought into the world and how much she was appreciated.

    My daughter suffers from anxiety induced depression so it scares me when I hear about people who commit suicide because of depression. The one good thing in her case is that at least I know she is depressed and in need of positive reinforcement. It is hard when someone you thought was happy commits suicide.

    • People often comment that I am vibrant & warm, and yet I have anxiety and depression – so it just shows you that mental illness isn’t characterised by someone’s personality attributes. For me, Julie’s story hit close to home.

      I hope your daughter improves and lives a full and meaningful life. x

  • So sorry Tracy. This has really touched me and it’s difficult to find the right words. It’s so ironic to not be able to offer that safety net to sufferers of depression when Julie and you Tracy have done just that for us.
    Not sure where I’d be without CL , so sad that no one could save Julie.

  • Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. Forever and in so many angles of life.

    I just shared this precious mantra with three suffering chumps yesterday. One opened her eyes wide and dropped her jaw at these very words, they indeed nailed it for her.

    Julie will be forever in my thoughts and prayers, it truely was this motto that caught me at an Amazon review and brought me to CL.

    What a pity, what a waste to have a person like Julie fall through suicide and lack of opportunity.

    Tracy I feel for your loss, hope you are recuperating from your surgery.

  • When I saw the picture and r.i.p., I immediately assumed cancer and continued under that assumption until I gasped when I read she killed herself. It just goes to show that everyone has their own struggles and we don’t really get what we see. I am sure so many of our chump relationships are viewed by the outside world as wonderful to be envied until they implode. Heck, I might have thought that too even with inside knowledge.

    So it is ironic, that a woman who had such an important role in creating this place that has helped me so immeasurably at the darkest time I have ever known by giving me a forum to see that I am not alone and do have worth, could not find a place to lift her out of her despair.

    You are right Tracy, her life was not in vain as she helped so many and that legacy continues.

  • I lost my oldest son to suicide just weeks before D-Day, when he was barely 20, and I know the feeling of not having done enough, not having said enough, not having been enough. You have no idea how much I cried when I read the news about this wonderful lady. Her loneliness and hopelessness were too much to bear, and I believe we at Chump Nation need to be aware of the risk and be there for each other more than ever.
    I hate suicide too, Chump Lady; it says we have failed one of ours. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

  • Tears. What a kick in the gut — for you, Tracy and, now that we know the back story, for all of us. If what you describe was all she did (which I well know it wasn’t) she left one hell of a legacy. Hugs to you and all of Julie’s friends and loved ones.

  • I have been crying today, feeling so sad, close family loss, tragic, has impacted our family’s life forever.
    But, in my family, the man who died had an army of caring people, trying desperately to save his life.
    Thought I would cheer up, reading CL and I came upon today’s post.
    Dear sweet caring Julie, all that she did to help others and not one of us was there for her at the ending of her life.
    Not one of us. But, we didn’t know we say.
    Julie, I am so sorry that your life ended this way, but you did not die in vain. You touched Chump Lady’s heart
    and she in turn helps so many of us Chumps navigate through life. The ups and downs, the good and the bad. And you, Julie made this all possible.
    I also believe Julie, that your sad passing has touched our hearts, our very souls. I know we will all strive harder to help each other,
    To be there for each other.
    Somehow, my tears have stopped Julie. I know you are sending us your strength through Chump Lady.

    CL, I am. So sorry for your loss of an inspiring, amazing friend.
    May Julie rest in peace and her puppies find a good home.
    (((Hugs)))

  • I’m so sad to hear about this. RIP, Julie.
    This is not connected with cheating, BUT if there is anyone out there struggling with depression, there is a group online (FREE, non-profit 501c) that has been very helpful to me. It is called Recovery International and was founded decades ago by Dr, Abraham Low. I have found it very helpful AND you can use it with any other therapy (or none), twelve step groups (or none), medicine (or none). Dear Abby has recommended it.
    I generally would not mention it anywhere like a ChumpLady blog but I was so struck by the sadness of Julie’s suicide (and I never even knew her) that I wanted to mention it: http://www.recoveryinternational.org

  • Thank you for letting us know of and about Julie and for this lovely tribute Tracy. I will be forever grateful for everyone who made this online community possible. I am so very sorry for your loss. HUGS

  • Tracy,
    I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. For our loss. Even tho we didn’t even know it.
    I almost…almost decided that to end it would be better than the pain. But that’s what my Ex had anticipated. I found a text from him and his girlfriend saying “she’ll just drive herself crazy and we won’t need to do anything”.
    Meaning….she’ll kill herself…and we won’t have to pay for you to divorce her.
    I read it. Re read it. And said to myself….Not today…not today MO Fo. And I fought back.
    But I know the thoughts, feelings, despair. So much so when a friend of mines son killed himself over his cheating wife….I wrote a letter to his parents.
    It hurt to write it, but I wanted them to know that the pain is so real, so intense that ending it is all you want.
    They appreciated the letter. They knew what I had been thru.
    I wrote that letter from my jail cell.
    I needed to make my situation help someone.
    I’m sorry Julie has left this earth. But for her, she is at peace now. The suffering has ended.
    God bless and keep her. May God comfort you.

    Tracy

  • I’m sorry truly sorry this wonderful woman left this world too soon. She had many gifts to still share. No one truly knows their affect on anyone until it’s over, it shouldn’t be this way,ever. You,CL and CN have helped me discover there is LIFE after tragedy. Never stop sharing your gifts with anyone who needs it!

  • Sad news. Your blog helps me NOT feel not good, enough, not to do the pick me dance, not give up and I’m not alone in my chumpiness. Yes you’re right, very sad news, but her thru you, got me thru some of my depression and sometimes gives me a good laugh.

  • Heart-breaking. We each have just one, precious life. It’s so damned tragic when someone feels compelled to truncate it.

    CL, your tribute was beautiful. Please know you, her family, and her friends are in my thoughts.

  • I am truly sorry. It breaks my heart that people suffer so deeply that death is the only release from pain. She has contributed to making life better for so many people.

    I’m sorry you lost a friend, Tracy.

  • Getting a jolt like that..how can that happen? I think alot of us have had suicidal thoughts for a minute or two not long after D Day I know i needed a prescription for a few months. It was heartbreaking to read this news.

  • The sucking black pit of depression is a brutal and voracious beast. Very sorry that it claimed such a kind and gifted person. Her influence definitely lives on.

  • Thank you so much for this lovely tribute to a remarkable woman. I met her decades ago through her sister, I’m crushed that she’s gone, and I’m thirsty to hear how other people are remembering her.

  • If it wasn’t for Julie’s tagline, I would never have found CN and Chump Lady… it wasn’t until I had exhausted my search and received nothing but reconciliation crap and got to the point where I needed to kick the cheater out… I typed: ‘How to make my cheating husband leave…’

    … and there you were… top of the search… and here I found relief, mightness, sanity, humour and an amazing support network.

    Julie, you were a living angel… you are at peace now. Thank you.

  • Bless you Julie for all you did for all of us and everyone your life touched.

    Rest in Peace Beautiful Soul.

    Bless you Tracy. I am so sorry for your loss.

    (((((((Chump Lady)))))))

  • Such a beautifully written tribute. Thank you for sharing. This site has helped bring me out of the darkness of infidelity, divorce and grief and into the light. So deeply sorry for the loss of your friend.

  • I am so sorry for your loss,I guess she just couldn’t deal with the pain of living anymore. My mother committed suicide after her husband of 25 years left her for another woman, she played the pick me dance for a year, as he couldn’t make up his mind whether he wanted her or the other woman. If he would have been truthful right at the start, I think she would be here today, instead of getting her hopes up, then being let down time after time. I am going through divorce with a.cheater right now, after 33 years together, I have been playing the pick me dance for a year, after finding your site, telling my story and getting support , kindness , and love from chump nation , I am done with him, my life isn’t. Worth the shit he has put me through this year, he’s just not that special! Wishing there was a site like this when my mother was going through divorce. God Bless you Chump Lady, and God bless the wonderful , caring individuals at chump nation, you never know ,you may say the words that will save someone’s life! Thank all of you from the bottom of my heart! I am on my way to having a life again!

    • I wonder which is worse, the death of someone you love or the end of the love you thought the cheater had for you. I’ve had both and both are so painful, an enduring pain that you cannot stop for a second. It just wears away the plate on you and you are never the same-changed forever and sometimes I wished the cheater would commit suicide because I wanted him dead and I wouldn’t, couldn’t kill anyone. Were he dead, I wouldn’t feel the pain of rejection, being used, lied to, just death pain. It’s all pain, all the same and all different. But you see, so intense, consuming, that many commit suicide for both the death of a loved one or the cheater’s betrayal. And both times, it was a very long time before I stopped thinking about how I would do it, if I did it. I just didn’t have as much courage as pain. But maybe I had more courage than pain, enough to stay until tomorrow. I don’t know. But I made it through twice-and I live with two holes in my heart.

      • I loved my spouse so much, and felt pain that I had never felt before, but after trying to work on it for a year, the pain is slowly leaving, deciding that I’ve had enough, makes me want to live again, I decided I didn’t want to live to make him happy anymore, I’d actually rather work on making my dogs happier, anything and anyone but him! He’s not worth one more second of my time! Hang in there Danni, there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

  • Ok chump nation…help me out here.
    I am so saddened to read this about a beautiful person taking her life. I hate! Suicide!

    What do I do with all this advice about telling someone depressed you care when it’s your cheater saying he is suicidal if the marriage is over after d day 2?? What if he actually attempted and you were told and in numb shock and horror were told about it and that he wanted you to know that he tried and realized how sick they were and that evoked the depths of your compassion and at the same time the shock of anger at the feeling of blackmail and and not knowing whether to go see him or not…deciding not to see him was the best thing for him because first…how to
    Stand beside his bedside after
    That and say yes, it’s over !?!?
    Or go hug him and kiss him and
    Have the attempt
    Drive me back to him?
    I didn’t go..didn’t
    Want to hurt him more, didn’t want to enforce the terrible action, didn’t want to be blackmailed back to him, and wanted him to get the help he needed which was not from me.
    And now he uses that against me as if I didn’t care and am cold and treated him as less than human. Like the incredible pain I was in didn’t matter. Like
    All my decisions were not measured against what was best for him,
    And secondly what was best for me and I was not in any shape to go see him, the man that I loved,
    Who had cheated and lied again, and then tried to take his life.
    This is mental illness, devastating, horrid, manipulating in this case, and terrible.
    Any words chump nation? Any one else go through this? This news has certainly struck a nerve…I know this situation with Julie is different and I think that is my point…there can be many facets with suicidality and we
    Can’t lump all together how to respond or what to do. What if it’s the cheater who is Suicidal??

    • Threatening suicide is a form of abuse. You have to leave. His family and friends need to help him. Not you.

      If he attempts again, and whether or not he is successful has nothing to do with you.

    • Don’t. Go. Back. Let me explain why.

      Suicide is terrible enough, but when it’s used as a weapon against others, it’s unspeakable.

      Is your cheater actually diagnosably mentally ill? Or is he hiding behind this as a way of manipulating you and hurting you even more?

      Having known some suicides myself: it’s THE most individual decision you can make. No one makes another person suicide. People choose it for all sorts of reasons, but ultimately it’s the individual’s choice.

      Unfortunately, there are also people who make suicide attempts or engage in self-harm, NOT because they are mentally ill and can’t control their actions, but because they are evil bastards who want to control, hurt and manipulate other people.

      I despise these individuals, because they are hiding behind the very real pain and horror of genuine suicides and the real suffering of people with serious mental illnesses.

      If your cheater is genuinely, diagnosably mentally ill, to the point of suicide attempts, you need to walk away and leave them in the hands of the professionals right now. You may need to end the marriage anyway – not just because of the cheating, but because you cannot cure this person or heal them. You CANNOT. This is NOT your job. You will continue to put yourself and your children at risk unless this person’s mental health issues are addressed with drugs and hospitalisation and a LOT of therapy. Once they have a lot of treatment and are stabilised, then maybe you can talk.

      If your cheater is a fake – if this ‘mental illness’ is sudden, and conveniently only appears when he has been caught cheating – he is a very, very dangerous man. You need to get away, you and your children, because it won’t stop here. This is the equivalent of a terrorist attack on your marriage – the idea is that you will never feel safe again.

      Can I just say that conflating sociopathic manipulation with genuine unchosen mental illness is an u wise way of thinking? Nasty isn’t the same as crazy.

      • Thank you Lola and Never…
        I think it’s both, if that’s possible…genuine and manipulative…both sides….

        • Sad Chump, of course it’s a mixture of genuine and manipulative, that still doesn’t make it your responsibility. I experienced the draw of threatened suicide to keep me in the relationship for 25 years. When I finally left and filed for divorce, he killed himself the day he got the divorce notice. It was the ultimate “You’re not the boss of me!”

          In your case, he has had a lifetime of opportunities to seek help for his mental condition. Instead, he has figured out how to make you responsible. Take back your power. I admit the first six months after his suicide were excruciating for me, but at five years out, I am a happy well adjusted former chump. I don’t say this in too many circles, but his death was a good thing.

          I agree that the suicide of Tracy’s friend is very different from what you are experiencing, but I understand why any suicide triggers your sadness. You deserve happiness. Reach for it and leave behind his responsibility that he selfishly tries to chain to you. Initiate full No Contact measures with him, and seek mental health support for yourself if you want it. Big hugs.

          • Thank you Ali Rose…oh my that is the fear I have had and yet I know it’s not my responsibility…when you say ‘take your power back’ how do I do that!? The blame is excruciating even though I know it’s not true.
            I didn’t know the severity of his illness before I said I was done…then I think if I had stayed then would he have been ok? Or was he this sick anyways? Or
            Was this so mixed up in manipulation I can’t tell where one starts and one ends?
            And I can’t go all no contact…kids…and it’s sooooooo hard!!!
            And something is wrong with me because I keep wanting to go back after all this. And I feel guilty leaving because he is sick. Even though he left through adultery first…then tried to get me to take him back and it all exploded when I said no. And now he’s flipped it so that I am the evil one who didn’t respond properly to the whole mess.
            It’s so awful. I do want him to get help and get better. And I don’t want blaming me to be part of his personal therapy…it’s too much to take.

            • I went NC with kids too. My guess is that is a start. It’s almost like we are addicted to being their caretakers. The people we should be caretakers of, ourselves and our children period!!! He used you for many years and he is still trying to use you. Only advice I can give is for you to truly start working on yourself and to let it go is go NC. It’s not easy, in fact, it’s torture in the beginning but just remember that he never deserved you!!! That gwts me thru some tough days, hours, minutes or seconds. That’s one way to regain your power back. sweetChumpgirl xoxo

            • Sad Chump, screw his therapy! He can organise that for himself; he’s a grown man.

              YOU need help more than him at the moment. YOU, Sad Chump. Remember YOU? We are talking about YOU, not him.

              You seem to be on the verge of disappearing into his needs and his demands, when really YOU are the person who actually needs much more help and support. This is what manipulators do – they suck us into invisibility, because it’s all about them.

              Actually, this needs to start being all about YOU.

              I am serious – your head is spinning because you are the victim of the worst kind of manipulation and abuse. A good therapist or counsellor can help you sort this out, and help you to get your power back.

              A good therapist won’t give your power back – you still have to do the work – but s/he will support you, coach you, and push you in the right direction.

              Also, read CL’s advice on Co-Parenting With A Fuckwit (google it) – it’s really sound and helpful and practical. You will learn how to go ‘gray rock’ and how to schedule using software, so that you have as little contact as possible.

              Chump Nation has your back. Go and get YOU back.

      • Good analysis, LolaG .. you really know about the types of people out there. A narc/sociopathic personality can be both manipulative and suicidal at the same time. These are the murder/suicides we read about in the news. Get away and be safe, Sad Chump.

  • I don’t know what to say, other than I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. This site has helped me so much (I only joined recently, but I’ve been reading for a while). Please accept my sincere condolences.

  • That’s fucking bullshit.

    Depression is BULLSHIT.

    All the suckful, loser cheaters & sinful shmoopies out there swanning around, sparkling like no tomorrow, fucking up shit like it ain’t no thang, and we loose an integral, vibrant, good-natured person who was like a [background] founding mother of Chump Nation.

    Bullshit.

    RIP Julie. Thank you for your non insignificant part in helping Chump Lady exisit.

    Chump Lady played a large role in preventing my, and so many other down-trodden, abused, and devastated chumps.

    • Chump Lady played/plays a large role in preventing my, and so many other down-trodden, abused, and devastated chumps suicide.

      I’m not joking when I say that I was often thought of dying in the weeks and months and years following D-Days.

      Chump Lady/Nation has helped me gain a life, and become mighty again.

      RIP JULIE. WE AND MR PANTS WILL MISS YOU.

  • My goodness. This post saddened me and brought about the tears because this is a brilliant woman who brought so much to who you are today, and for us as readers to get the support we need, thanks to your blog. The second reason it hurts, is that it reminds me sadly of the loss of my mom who shot herself when I was just 17 due to her overwhelming depression. I’ll never forget holding her head as she whispered that she loved me, then taking that final breath of goodbye. Back then, people didn’t understand depression, and sometimes I think there is still a stigma that delays many from seeking help. My prayers to you and her family for this monumental loss. Stay strong.

    • RO,
      Losing a parent, especially at a young age, is so devastating.
      I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your beautiful Mother. No matter how many years ago this happened it is new in your heart forever.
      I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever.
      Please know that I care and I am so sorry ❤️

  • My heart sunk when I read the word suicide. My whole body felt it.

    Julie, you must have been suffering so much and those dark clouds of depression must really have taken a hold.

    Ask for help please people if you feel like you are slipping in to that dark place. And try to accept it if it offered to you.

    Take care of one another.

    Hugs Tracy xx

  • I’m so sorry for your loss Tracy. The world lost an amazing woman. May she rest in peace now. For anyone feeling this isolated and lost, please seek out help now. Please know you are loved and have value, even if you are in a dark place currently.

  • I am so sorry for your loss CL. So sorry that this obviously intelligent, honorable and lovely women was taken by depression. I know that suicide was the mode of death but it seems clear that people who suffer from depression to this degree feel that suicide is their only way out. It’s so tragic. May she rest in peace.

  • It may be just a coincidence or a message, but as I finished reading the comments from this very sad post a car went by. Blaring from the car was the song “Lean on Me” and the words were “we all need somebody to lean on.” I found it strangely eerie, but true! We need to lean on each other for strength during times of gut wrentching pain. I know Julie was not a victim of infidelity, but some of the other sad societal standards that make it difficult to stand out in today’s youth oriented environment. I am 61 years young and I assure you that I feel it! People who are well meaning I’m sure refer to me as “dear” and treat me like a doddering old lady! It’s quite annoying and I assure you that I am not your typical little gray haired granny! But I have nasty cancer that slows me down a bit so I guess they are assuming I am unable to do a lot for myself. I know that Tracy and her blog saved my life when I was going through the awful betrayal and without the snark and humor of CN I don’t want to think of what may have become of me!
    Tracy, I am sooo sorry for the loss of a very talented woman! If only she had embraced and known the contribution she made to all of us here at CN! Her life was valuable! To society, please don’t judge a book by its cover! Just because someone is “older” doesn’t mean they are useless! I know men and women who can out think a lot of the younger generation! Hell, they can run circles around them when it comes to “thinking out of the box” because they have had so much life experience! I am forever grateful to this wonderful talented woman for helping Tracy successfully pull off this blog! I hope her friend knew how many people she saved!

    • Not a typical gray haired old lady. I love it!!!! I too am not typical im a rage against the machine lamboginni kind of girl!!

  • I have heard a number of people say in posts that they literally would have died if they had not found this blog. Tracy, Chump lady and Julie literally saved many people from killing themselves or sticking around in a situation that would eventually kill them, and I’m not exaggerating.

    I guess that means that both your lives have saved so many, it was all worth It!

    So sorry for yours and the world’s loss. Now it’s time for Chump lady to keep on keeping on, and finish one of the things she and Julie started!

  • Oh. Tracy.

    I’m sorry it sucks so much. It won’t go away. It will become part of your life tapestry forever. A cure and as blessing, too. She’ll be with you and over time the pain will not be the first feeling you get when you look at the tapestry.

    I wish I could give you a hug right now.

  • Thank you, Julie, for your part in bringing us all together and helping us heal. I’m sorry you couldn’t find the peace you were instrumental in providing for so many others. That’s incredibly sad. I pray that you find it wherever you are now. <3

  • This absolutely breaks my heart. Thank you for honoring Julie and for sharing her incredible contributions to Chump Lady. My nineteen-year-old son was sitting across the table from me as I read and began to cry. When he looked at me with concern, I turned the laptop around to face him and said, “These two ladies, Tracy and Julie, saved me.” I told him it was because of you and the Chump Lady community that I found the strength to face the truth, to stop tolerating manipulation and deception, and to stand on my own two feet. The divorce was final in March, and my son and I are “no contact” with my ex-husband. We are still working through complicated settlement matters, and I have a long road ahead after 30 years of marriage and financial dependency, but my heart, mind, body, and soul are free. If only Julie had known what a tremendous impact she had on my life and the lives of so many others.

  • I am sorry Tracy. It is painful to know that the ones we lean on did not want to be here anymore. Thank you for sharing your story and writing this beautiful tribute. You could not have changed what happened.

  • As a depressed person who did, finally get over PTSD with lots of EMDR and other therapy, i would like to say that often the well-meaning people who try to help do more damage. I have a sister who has known for ages, but she knows nothing about depression and has never bothered to learn, so she’s always making remarks that make it worse and cause me to pull further away from her. My experience of family members “helping” has been all negative. I feel like I’m always on a balance beam, hovering between letting my depression overwhelm others and having it overwhelm me. Even with therapy, I feel completely on my own. If I didn’t have animals to take care of, I’d be out of here.

    • Hi never mind, I know what you mean about the animals, they are my saving grace too! Hang in there, hugs!

    • Nevermind, I know that balancing act.

      Most people don’t know what to say to depressed friends/family so that tends to deepen the isolation. I was dumped by a friend because she got frustrated with my dark view of the world and she tried hard to change my thinking. I was heartbroken to lose her and this just taught me to clam up about myself. When I didn’t have the energy act happy, I just stopped socializing altogether and refused to pick up the phone when people called. I didn’t want to deal with anyone else’s lack of understanding when I was barely able to manage myself.

      However, since I know what it’s like to be depressed and suicidal, I’ve been able to support my friend whenever she slips into that dark place. I’m just grateful that she has been willing to reach out to me before she acted on her suicidal thoughts. I have no illusions about being able to stop her from getting depressed; it’s been a long-standing situation for her. I worry that she may one day decide to not call me first, even though I tell her I’m always here for her. I know there are things I cannot control.

      Pets are great because they don’t judge you and try to “fix” you. They’re just happy to be with you. Some humans are wonderful in this way too, but I haven’t found too many IRL.

  • Tears. Too many losses lately – so many committing suicide. Thank you for giving this information out and I too have known a person just like this lady. I’ve lost my family – my kids are estranged – my ex-husband is a socio/narcissist…. my family of origin the same. But I will NOT go down – I’ve had cancer and I suffer with depression. Let us ALL be LIGHTS to others – SHARE your/our pain and help others know that they are not alone. There is a life worth living…. and it is available…. even if you suffer – others need you and your story.

  • like everyone else here, i’m in tears for a person i don’t know. my deepest condolences. i’m so very sorry.

  • I rarely log on to this site on Sunday night, because I know you don’t post as much then. But for some reason I wanted to check in before a crazy work week. I am so saddened to read of this senseless (to us, a least) death of a woman who obviously gave so selflessly. I feel like I lost a friend I didn’t even know I had. I am so very sorry to learn of the suicide of this obviously brilliant, creative, loving and giving woman.

    The fellow who made Animal House killed himself, leaving a note that said, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Unfortunately, when a person is in the midst of depression, there doesn’t seem to be any other solution. Sometimes, the love we have to give isn’t enough to heal wounds we cannot always see or understand.

    Tracy, you help so many people and you do it with such grace and wit. Please take very good care of yourself. You’ve been through so much this week. And please tell Julie’s family that, through her work with you, she has saved more lives than they will ever know. Her spirit lives on in you and in CN. All of us owe you both so much.

    As I go through the week, I will try to treat others just a little more kindly. It is often difficult to understand someone’s private struggles, or to know what sadness lies behind the smile. Many of the most loving people are crushed in the despair of loss and disappointment. Maybe one kind word, one small gesture, will make all the difference in the world. Peace to all.

  • You are a jackass, and we have learned from our dear friend LAJ that folks like you get your kicks from stirring the pot. Go back under your bridge and wait for the Billy Goats Gruff, you nasty little troll. I could say worse, but why stoop to your pathetic level?

  • So sorry CL. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt eulogy. I am grateful for the positive difference she helped make with her contributions to CN. This site continues to benefit so many, thank you.

  • That make my heart hurt.

    Julie, if you are looking down, you now know without any earthly pain or doubt how many people you helped, and how many lives you changed, and what an impact you had on the earth.

    I know you are now resting in peace.

  • Julie – THANK YOU. You used your talent and you gave hope to millions through Tracy’s blog. Chump Nation is in your debt. You are forever our net.

  • So much hate in you, logan (no need for using the capital L), is just another reinforcement of Tracy’s message powered by Julie’s words “Leave a cheater, Gain a Life”. Even if CL makes billions on sub-humans like you and my cheater, it only means she empowers that many people to rid our lives of the scum like you. Rot in your own jealousy.

  • Thank you for the tribute to someone who powerfully impacted your life. Many chronically depressed people can pull off ‘ normal’. I’m very sad for your loss of your mentor and friend.

  • Sending you hugs Tracy. So sad to hear of Julie’s loss. I understand why the thought of ending one’s self is so seductive. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I still had one kid to worry about, I’m not sure if I would have stayed around after my youngest son’s death. If cheater ex had managed to kill both my sons, I don’t think I could have lived with that.

    Also, as an older woman, it’s hard to be treated like you don’t have worth. You become invisible. Getting dismissed as an older lady, and having to be assertive on a daily basis in even mundane things is tiring. I can see how it can wear on a person. If she was struggling with depression, the way society in general treats an older woman might have been one of the tipping points. Who knows.

    Peace to you my friend. I am saying a prayer for her and you.

  • I am so sorry for your loss, Tracy. Julie seemed like a woman with so much insight and understanding, kindness and humor. It pains me to believe that someone like this was not valued more by her profession (and didn’t know how much she was valued otherwise). Not to mention that depression is a huge bitch. I hope you and all who knew and loved her will be able to find some kind of peace.

  • How many lives she helped save! I wish we could have saved hers. We need to continue her legacy and keep reaching out to each other!

  • What a loss!

    Reading through this, and knowing some others who’ve committed suicide while in the throes of depression, I remember what one of my colleagues said at the funeral of her son, a young man battling mental illness who’d hopped aboard the opioid express in dealing with his demons: “I wish you loved yourself as much as I love you.”

    I hope her family can find some comfort in knowing just how much a difference she made.

  • So sorry for your loss Tracy 🙁 What a sad story, I hope Julie’s spirit is at peace. And I hope it somehow knows how very much she helped at least this chump *not* contemplate suicide on many occasions. When I say this site has been a lifeline for me, I’m not exaggerating. I really did want to take my life after I was chumped and lost my baby, but this place kept me going. As someone who has also suffered from depression for several decades, I know firsthand that many lose the fight. It’s always so sad when that happens, I wish there were more to wrap around folks when we get isolated. This place has been a beacon for me, somewhere to laugh and feel cozy when life got cold and hard.

    • I’m so sorry, Tracy, for you and Julie. She must have been in incredible pain. I hope she knew what a difference she helped you make in so many lives. That’s a valuable legacy. God bless her.

  • Thank you for the portrait of Julie.

    I am so sorry she was not able to see the invisible influence and import of her generosity and creativity. Depression is so such a cruel affliction–it makes our brains lie to us.

    In her honor, I want to thank CL and so many of the rest of you who have shared support and encouragement with me. I hope you are all doing well, and that even on the days in the hours that you are not, you know that your words and kindness matter–as did Julie’s.

  • It’s easy to write how wonderful she is now that she is gone, but how many people made an effort for her when she was alive. That is when it counts. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but as someone who is going through a really tough time I have little sympathy for all barely there people.

  • We need to change terms, people! Mental illness is not the umbrella for all depression out there. It’s SOUL ILLNESS.
    Please think of this and try to change this terminology which burns innocent souls!

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