RIP Julie Gomoll

Every single person who has ever been helped on this site owes it all to an unsung Austin WordPress developer and polymath named Julie Gomoll. Quite literally, this blog would not exist and could never have had the reach it’s had if my life hadn’t intersected with Julie’s in April 2012 at a BlogathonATX “Room for Improvement.”

My blog was a couple weeks old. I had exactly three posts — The Unified Theory of Cake, The Humiliating Dance of Pick Me, and Ego Kibbles. That’s it.

The Room for Improvement was just that — a room you’d sign up to be in the presence of Julie, who would happily criticize your site and tell you how to make it better. And she did that with grace, good humor, and snark. I was so impressed, I asked if I could hire her, to teach me some WordPress tricks — and that was the beginning, folks. Ten hours with Julie.

She taught me SEO. “You don’t buy it, you earn it.” (Meaning, don’t sign up for scam services, build your site organically. Choose the right theme. Name your graphics correctly.) She taught me plug-ins. She told me I needed a tagline.

“What do you want people to DO when they land on your site, Tracy?”

“Uh, I dunno. Keep reading.”

“No, you’ve got a NANOSECOND of their ATTENTION. What do you want them to DO? Your design needs to telegraph that immediately.”

I went into some long, waffly diatribe about all the bad infidelity advice out there, and how I wanted to stand for self-respect and leaving cheaters, but hey, there’s cartoons too… and…encouragement for better days ahead and…

“How about ‘Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life‘?”

Julie coined that, people. She NAILED it. I changed my banner to Chump Lady — Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.

Here’s the other thing she said the first time she met me. “I love the cartoons. I think you should sell the cartoons. Have you seen The Oatmeal? They remind me of The Oatmeal.”

Two years after that conversation with Julie, I got a literary agent. The same agent as The Oatmeal.

And when the blog flipped a million I was at another Austin BlogathonATX, and she beamed and boasted because it was her baby. She got a mike and said “Hey! Guess what?!” and happily embarrassed me and told everyone.

And every milestone, and when that tagline became a book, and when the blog flipped 15 million, and when Hollywood called, Julie was there every. single. time. to cheerlead.

I’m glad I could thank her. But I could never, and will never be able to thank her enough, because she killed herself last weekend.

I was just reading my Facebook and saw tributes to Julie coming over my feed and was like, WTF? Apparently, she suffered from depression. Apparently, it all became too much. A recession in 2008, the loss of her home, trying to get hired as a middle-aged woman in the Austin IT world, isolation, loneliness, a life-time’s struggle with mental illness. I didn’t know these things. I knew Julie as a vibrant, funny person. An adopter of dogs. A person who knew all the cool restaurants in Austin. The person who lit up my social media the antics of Mr. Pants, her shepherd mix.

A person who did not know how much she was loved. Or how many people she helped. She helped all of you. She brought this site into the world.

Fuck, I hate suicide. The whole point of this place is to fight darkness. To come back from insurmountable odds and be mighty and not give in to the undertow that wants to drown you, that says “You’re not good enough,” “You’ll die alone,” “You’re a failure.”

I hate when we lose anyone. I can’t believe we lost Julie.

Her sister wrote a tribute that said she used to sign her emails with “Leap, and a net will appear.”

She was a net for others. Please keep her memory alive and get help if you suffer from depression. I’d like to think Julie’s still here, a ghost in the WordPress machine, still encouraging, still cheerleading, forever vibrant.

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Stephanie
Stephanie
6 years ago

Oh, Tracy.

You made me cry.

I’m so sorry she suffered. Her mind was always going, wasn’t it? She sent out flashes of brilliance but it must have been exhausting keeping so much inside.

Ugh, the world needs so much help for mental illness.

Well, she SHOULD be proud of how many people she helped and helped to help others–like you.

I’m glad she can rest finally but I wish she’d known peace here.

zyx321
zyx321
6 years ago

What a wonderful tribute to Julie. Also an example of how a chance meeting can change a life.
Julie’s spark lives on here at Chumplady.

And as someone who has had to deal with depression with both my mother and my daughter, I have seen how difficult it is for those with depression to see themselves from the outside. How they might have worth, and are loved. If you suffer from depression, please get help. And know that sometimes it takes time. My daughter’s FOURTH therapist is the one who made the connection and has helped her climb that hill.
Jedi hugs to you all

Alison
Alison
6 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

I was going to say something similar, so let me just underscore what you’ve said.
My father killed himself, and so I’ve seen firsthand that those who are depressed are not thinking rationally and are unable to do so. They are indeed unable to see, while in the depths of depression, that they have worth, and are valued and loved. It’s so important for those of us with depression to learn how to manage it, to see how it distorts our thinking so we can learn the patterns and methods of countering them (exercise, an inner script, talk therapy, light therapy, medication), and to get help before the worst of the darkness descends. And it’s important for those whose friends and loved ones are depressed to express concern and to act–ask someone out for a walk so they won’t isolate themselves–and not to expect the depressed person to be able to pull themselves out of the situation by their will, because depression robs you of your will.
That said, it’s equally true that if someone you know commits suicide, it’s not your fault, although inevitably you will feel guilt. Guilt is the nature of suicide: what could I have done, why didn’t I see it, wasn’t I important enough to the person–all are questions you might ask yourself.
I’m glad, Tracy, that your friend Julie has left the shining legacy that is Chump Lady. Very few people, whether mentally ill or healthy, can at the end of their lives say as much.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago

I’m sitting here in tears for a woman I never met, never heard of until now but to whom I owe a great debt because she helped bring this place of healing into being. What a terrible loss. I’m sorry Tracy. Please accept my condolences.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Oh, wow, Tracy. Beth perfectly described what I’m experiencing after just seeing this post. I’m just so, so sorry to hear of this huge loss. Julie won’t ever know how many people she positively affected through her knowledge, skills and amazing talents. Prayers for Julie, and for all those whose hearts are broken right now and miss her. <3

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I have spent the past three years trying to get hired again after being pink slipped. My middle age, skin color, gender and inability to speak another language other than English means I am a cliche in my field. I can completely understand how hopeless and devalued she must have felt.

Being discarded twice – first by a husband and then by a school superintendent – in two years has a way of annihilating one’s self esteem. If my kids weren’t depending on me, I don’t know where I would be now.

Ms. Gomoll’s legacy is that her guidance helped you, CL, pull so many of us away from a deep abyss. We turned around and walked away to something better. How tragic her illness conned her into thinking that there was nothing more for her own self to gain.

So saddened.

JamLady
JamLady
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Well said, Beth, and I echo your sentiments.

I’m so terribly sorry for your (our) loss, Tracy!

RIP Julie.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Ditto to this comment – she did help so many of us. Some she knew about, many she didn’t.

Sorry for the loss CL

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago

It’s visitation weekend so I’m on my own… in a shop… crying. RIP x

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

Visitation weekend for me too… I’m cleaning house… and sad for Julie.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago

If you need help or to talk to someone, please please call the national suicide prevention lifeline at 800-273-8255. It is a lifeline.

Please ask for help.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl
chump for 30yrs
chump for 30yrs
6 years ago

I am truly sorry your loss. My dearest friend tried to commit suicide a few months ago, and, lucky for me, failed. Fighting the feeling of hopelessness and depression is a hard fight. Getting the terrible news (for you) leaves a feeling I haven’t been able to describe.
Chump Nation is grateful to your friend and all she did for you, and therefore, us, as well. In my experience, now would be a good time to have one of your post-surgical pain killers. It won’t make the pain go away, but might lessen the intensity for a few minutes. Peace.

Butterflidreams
Butterflidreams
6 years ago

Oh how sad… I am so sorry. You wrote a beautifully descriptive tribute to her.

ANON
ANON
6 years ago

The ripple affects one life has on another us truly the stuff of miracles. You have no idea…

BlackSwan
BlackSwan
6 years ago

Tracy, I’m so saddened to hear of Julie’s suicide. I lost my sister to suicide 8 years ago. There was no net for her either. I tried to make one for her, but her mental illness helped her dodge it every time.

I would imagine that lots of people who discover their spouse/partner is cheating contemplate suicide as a way out.

I would encourage those of you contemplating suicide to come here and ask for help. We Chumps stick together through thick and thin.

By giving help, humor, reaching out a chump hand, we can help those Chumps overwhelmed by depression and desperation, and keep Julie’s memory and spirit alive

seriously?
seriously?
6 years ago

That is so sad, I am sorry. What a waste.
Nobody knows how others feel once that door is closed and you are on your own.
Terrible for her and how bad she clearly felt, and devastating for all who knew her.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
6 years ago

My heart is breaking. Apparently, nobody truly knew the demons she was dealing with. Depression is so debilitating.

Julie’s life impacted so many people by helping you develop Chump Lady. Wonder how many other blogs she helped?

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
6 years ago

I wish Julie had known how much what she did, mattered, and that she’d leave a gaping hole, and that somehow she’d find the right treatment…

I wish for all of us to take stock of our own ripple effects. I wish many things. So sorry for your loss, Tracy, and for ours.

ugh

paigeup
paigeup
6 years ago

I also am in jagged tears. I am so sorry. I haven’t yet read the article, but Time magazine’s cover story August 7th is depression & something new for treatment. God bless her & your intersection. Angels you are.

Danni Smith
Danni Smith
6 years ago

I think, know, that people with depression are gold medal actors. They hide it and perform as though busy, involved, engaged and others see this and think the person is too busy to be friends with me or have time to socialize with me. Then the depressed person is just left alone and feels even lonelier and more depressed, while feeling unliked and uncared about. The world is designed to continually lose knowledge and skills only to have to be rebuilt in another created human. My magical thinking:I want to put life in a bottle. A very peaceful rest, dear Julie.

Exwife New Life
Exwife New Life
6 years ago
Reply to  Danni Smith

‘…people with depression are gold medal actors’. Word, Danni Smith. My first hubs, father of my children “out of the blue” killed himself. It was the worst story ever. Whatever you think it was way worse for our children. The only thing he didn’t do was take others with him. And his wife at the time never discussed “why” or what the run up was.
My 2nd hubs (cheater) developed Severe Depression with a side of craigslist hookers due primarily to business set backs and a huge alcohol addiction. He created brain damage in himself. When he collected an armory of guns I ran away.
I escaped because I am a survivor. But people who are vulnerable to their own demons stay because they don’t want to admit they have value to others.
CL, I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s hard to admit that we/ or others couldn’t reach someone who has already shut the door to hope.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago

I am so sorry, Tracy. I really am.

(((Hugs))))

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
6 years ago

Julie sounds like an amazing person who has helped so many. I have to admit I didn’t see the suicide part coming. So sorry on the loss of your wonderful friend.

nomar
nomar
6 years ago

It is a tragedy that the wonderful woman who coined the phrase “gain a life” was ultimately blind to the immense value of her own. This site is a legacy of compassion, continuing to help others–millions of lost souls–after she has departed. I pray she has found the peace and comfort she deserved but that eluded her in this life. “All who are weary, come home.” Godspeed, Julie.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Well said Nomar.
You’re in my thoughts Tracy, my condolences for this tragic loss.
And thank you Julie Gomoll for helping launch and grow this life-changing community. Rest in Peace.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

So true, and those of us who are dog-lovers realize the pain must have been immense for Julie to leave her dogs behind. Fingers crossed they can find a home together.

So sorry for your loss, Tracy.

ChumpedupChik
ChumpedupChik
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Yes nomar 🙁 – she coined the phrase we all cling to and i wish she could’ve felt the same hope or relief we all found in it.

I’m so sorry for your loss Tracy and that you got the news the way you did. It is so sad that she couldn’t see how much of difference she made for so many in this ugly world. Depression is a horrible and maddening thing. heartbroken for you and her family and friends and the world – all the people she touched and helped.

I will remember Julie as a butterfly taking flight, just as she helped your blog and book take flight, every time i come here. Thank you Julie. You will be greatly missed. ??

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago

So sorry for the loss of your friend and mentor Tracy. So insightful of her to come up with, Leave A Cheater, Gain a Life. In those seconds when this caught my eye, my life forever changed.

This site is that ‘net’ for so many and has saved so many lives. There is always a kind word, support, and humor here to get me through another day.

Loving myslf does not come easily as I was told hateful cruel lies about myself during the discard. However, the power in Julie’s words and yours Tracy overrode anything the Limited and his slunt used to push me toward ending my life. There is always hope, therapy, support for depression and mental illness. Rest In Peace, Julie. You touched many with your words.

thensome
thensome
6 years ago

I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. Thank you Julie Gomoll. Rest in Peace.

ChumpAdvocate Vickie
ChumpAdvocate Vickie
6 years ago

I am truly sorry for your loss and the world’s loss. As with many people who are smart, glib, talented as well as depressed and isolated, I’m sure many who knew her thought ‘she’s smart , talented, fantastic ‘…. she will find her way. Depression is an unrelenting foe. If you learn that someone struggles with depression I hope you will never assume that bc someone looks like they will find their way, they actually will. Keep reaching out to be that net and help them to stay afloat. It’s sometimes the smallest action that will make the difference in a person’s life. My condolences.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
6 years ago

Tracy, so very sorry for your loss and for the loss felt by all those lives she touched. Suicide is a terrible thing. It leaves the survivors a lifetime legacy of loss and regret. And Julie’s passing should remind us of the need to reach out if you are suffering from depression–even just to tell a friend, a teacher, someone that you are struggling. And for those of us who are aware that someone is struggling with depression, as in every other human encounter, kindness and understanding helps. I’m speaking as a survivor of both chronic and situational depression and a survivor of at least one and perhaps two suicides–neither of which I could have prevented but both of which wounded me to the core. Julie helped Tracy create this safety net for us; we can pay it forward as best we can. Know your worth. Be kind. Pay it forward.

Georgie
Georgie
6 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Yes LaJA. Know your worth. Be kind to yourself and others. The pain of being cheated on has left me feeling devalued (how could he not value me and all the great years we had?) even though I know intellectually I am a good person of value. I haven’t felt suicidal but definitely feeling like I wish I wasn’t here. Like what is it all about? But with this site and other help I know it will get better. Eventually. On a Tuesday.
Julie was obviously a quality person. Her Twitter feed shows her to be an intelligent, humourous and caring person.

BetterEveryDay
BetterEveryDay
6 years ago

Yes what a beautiful tribute to Julie. I’m also in tears very sorry for your loss Tracy. I’m so grateful that your paths crossed because this blog is really such a wonderful place and has helped me and so many others find our way to a better life.

idle hands
idle hands
6 years ago

I’m so sorry. No other words.

Roaring
Roaring
6 years ago

Whoa. Was not expecting that ending. I’m very sorry for your loss, Tracy.

It’s a sad irony that the best people suffer with self-doubt while the assholes among us sleep like logs.

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
6 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

Totally agree with your last sentence

BowTie
BowTie
6 years ago

DAMN! I didn’t know this woman at all but your tribute to her is so very moving that I’m tearing up.

I think that the people reading here probably know more about depression up close and personal than any ivory tower full of PhD’s. I myself was suicidal 3 times after D-Day and I even think of myself as a strong and resilient person. I know from personal experience the darkness that exists within us all and how staring straight at it is so very very terrifying and overwhelming. Yes, I and many others possibly including Julie use a self-applied layer of “spackle” on ourselves to show the world a happy smiling face that makes mental illness one of the most horrible things out there. It is indeed an invisible killer.

Thank you Tracy for sharing this with us and know that we all mourn the loss of this wonderful human being and friend.

kmanning
kmanning
6 years ago

Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing all the ways in which Julie helped Chump Lady to thrive and to grow. Though it’s probably little or no comfort, Julie’s legacy is this: a place where people can work through their pain with heartfelt support (and maybe even have some laughs through the tears) and get sound advice from you and the Chump nation.

If I hadn’t found Chump Lady, I would not be who I am today.

Thank you to Julie for helping you make it happen.

Chumpfor21
Chumpfor21
6 years ago

So very sorry for the loss of your dear friend, Tracy. Indeed I don’t know how well I would be if not for this site. Thank you for continually reminding me where the path is……
I’m so grateful to be Mostly Meh, working busily with my life. Never will I forget the Chumps that replied to my desperation in the early days. Tempest, Moving Liquid, NWBiblio, ANC, FMT, and many many others.
Hold on, you new members of this tribe. Hang on for all your worth. You are loved, and prayed for, and your life matters.

Kar marie
Kar marie
6 years ago

So sorry for your loss and the worlds. The lonely desperation thats comes upon us at times is so loud and if it wasnt for you julies amazing help all the chumps here i too would not be here. Having to fight out of the darkness into the light can be difficult but i always saw the light at the end of the tunnel even when it wavered. May she rest in peace. Thank you julie. And thank you tracy for sharing with us.

Char
Char
6 years ago

Jesus, Tracy – I’m so very sorry and shocked. Your description is of a phenom gal with the world as her oyster. You just never know. Having dealt with the suicide of a dear friend many years back – I can empathize. But much as you talk about the skein of mindfuckery we must never work on trying to untangle – so is there one in the aftermath of a suicide. You’ll never truly know what was in her mind that suddenly made death the only option. There’s ideas, diagnoses, and hypotheses…..but at the end only she can tell – and she’s not going to. My heart breaks for you and all her family. I don’t think suicidal people ever truly consider the wake of their actions and how it roils those who loved them. Over 20 years since my dear friend decided to check out of the mortal coil – I still wonder, and feel that ghost of survivor’s pain and guilt. Every thought and prayer to you and all who loved Jill. Her involvement saved us all as surely as you have.

Char
Char
6 years ago
Reply to  Char

Agh – I meant Julie there at the end, not Jill.

christiana
christiana
6 years ago

Thank you Julie. You are an angel.RIP

Thank you Tracy for all that you do and all that you’ve done for us.

spiritwoman
spiritwoman
6 years ago

Julie such a beautiful person, truly inside and out. I so wish I could just give her a tight hug and tell her she is loved, she means so much, and she’s important to so many others.

Perhaps we are unable when we are depressed to fathom the enormous ways which each of us impact others lives. Maybe we aren’t aware how even the smallest words, actions, and deeds reflect who we are.

I’ve been in the black dark hole and today I send to anyone who’s feeling hopeless a tight hug. Not a generic hug like a greeting, or not a hug like I’ve missed you.

I hug you with understanding and without judgment.
I hug you with compassion and without words.
I hug you, I feel you, I love you.
I won’t let go, please hug me back too.

ReallyDoneWithNarcs
ReallyDoneWithNarcs
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Dear Chump Lady,
I’m very sorry for the loss of Julie, your mentor and champion. I imagine her to be a fiercely proud and independent woman whose loss of financial livelihood was extremely difficult to bear. I can relate so well to her situation as I have not yet recovered from the last economic recession and am also unable to find work due to my age.

It’s humiliating to be so dependent on handouts even though I am very grateful for them. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to support myself again and pay off the huge debts .. the future is uncertain. People who consider suicide have lost hope for a turn for the better and that feeling of hopelessness is truly a private hell.

I stick around only because I’ve experienced surprising reversals in the past when I least expected it. Even if I can’t know when and if these sort of miracles will happen again, I surely won’t get to see them at all if I were to exit now.

Please get good rest and I hope you are recovering steadily from your surgery.

Buddy
Buddy
6 years ago

This is very sad news.

Age discrimination is alive and well and still entirely socially acceptable for some reason.

Its not just skin color, race, gender, sex, sexual preference and ableness that needs to be considered when fighting for social justice.

All you young ones out there – your time will come too if you don’t change your bigoted ways. tick tock.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Chump Lady,
Reading thru more posts today.
Just wanted to reach out and say that Julie did “see people succeed”
This was because of her rich influence on you.
You are a part of her that carries on each and every day.
Her legacy lives on in your daily life as you help each one of us in your Chump Family.

Please remember and cherish each one of your chuckles with Julie and feel better soon!

Xxxxxx

Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Sorry for your loss, the world’s loss. It’s always harder when its suicide.

kb
kb
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Not in the Austin area, but if her dogs are Aussies or Aussie mixes or other high energy breeds that are often dropped off at shelters after people realize that they’re too much work, you might contact the local breed rescue and/or agility club. Agility clubs will send the information out to their members. Most of those are familiar with the challenges of dealing with high energy dogs who need a job. Most have multiple dogs.

Breed rescue will arrange for transport through their volunteer networks. They’ll make sure the dogs get to their new homes, regardless of where in the country those homes might be. They also ensure that the future owners have adequate space and experience.

kb
kb
6 years ago
Reply to  kb

I should say, “I’m not in the Austin area, but….”

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You’re a good friend Tracy. RIP Julie.

Tormented Chump
Tormented Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

From Michelle Greer’s Austin Startups site: “Julie loved dogs. Like, pretty much any dog. She even built the first website for Austin Pets Alive!, which has saved thousands of them. Thanks, Julie. We’d like to help you save thousands more. Please help honor Julie’s memory by donating to Austin Pets Alive! in her name.”

Fundraiser in honor of Julie Gomoll: https://austinstartups.com/a-fundraiser-in-honor-of-julie-gomoll-3085912794c4

JustBreathe
JustBreathe
6 years ago

Sometimes there are no words. I’m so sorry, CL.

Hcard
Hcard
6 years ago

She helped soo many through you, she will be truly blessed. For anyone who believes in an after life, say a little prayer for her. I can only hope she will know how many lives she saved indirectly. Thanks Julie. RIP Julie.

diane strickland
diane strickland
6 years ago

I am so grateful for Julie’s skill and courage, and I honour her life.
In my work I meet women who fight great battles we never see.
And then..we know.
So, there she goes, into the mystery of all our beginnings and all our endings.
Thank you.

Carol
Carol
6 years ago

I’m so sorry. (((Tracy)))

GraxeInMotion
GraxeInMotion
6 years ago

I know what suicide does first hand to those that are left behind. It is a journey I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Julie is now free of her burdens and can feel the light once again that her family, in many ways, never will again.

Those of you battling with depression please, I beg of you, let the love you feel for others motivate you to speak out and seek help. You cannot imagine the damage you will do by leaving by your own hand to those that you love most.

This website saved me and I had no idea this someone had anything to do with it. I will not forget the woman I never met.

Pray for her family and loved ones. Hell on Earth has swallowed them up.

ColdTurkey
ColdTurkey
6 years ago

Every time I come to this blog, I think of Chump Son, a gentle and thoughtful member who a few years ago contracted a fatal illness and suddenly stopped posting. His widow’s kind words to Chump Nation have remained in my heart for years now. She told us how much her husband had cared about helping all of us with his pithy words and compassionate advice, and how welcomed he had felt here.

Julie Gomoll helped craft a support network that has been invaluable to so, so many people, and I will be forever grateful to her for her assistance to Tracy and for her wisdom in advising us all to “leave a cheater and gain a life.” She was instrumental in honing a community that has saved many of us, and my heart aches that she felt suicide was her best option. Rest in peace, Julie Gomoll.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
6 years ago

Gut punched on that ending, CL.

I cannot comprehend the profound loss her friends feel from this act.

No words.

UnrequitedLoyaltyEqualsChump
UnrequitedLoyaltyEqualsChump
6 years ago

For all the people she helped, I wonder how often her phone rang with an invitation to go out for dinner, a drink, or even a cup of coffee?

It’s hard to convince yourself that anyone cares, or that you matter at all, when the phone never rings.

Let go
Let go
6 years ago

What angers me for her, and millions of women, is that we become invisible when we reach middle age. No one hired her!!!
I am so sorry, Tracy.

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
6 years ago
Reply to  Let go

This is so sad. A friend of mine is struggling with the death of her husband which was followed by the suicide of her son a few months later. It’s just heart breaking. I feel so bad thinking of the suffering that the suicidal person went through, as well as the pain the surviving family and friends experience. I’m so sorry for your loss, Tracy.

And yes, Let go, we DO indeed become invisible. It’s very hard to find work when we get older. That by itself is demoralizing; add depression into the mix and it’s a recipe for despair.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago

That is so so sad. She certainly left a legacy of helping others and live on through that legacy. It is just sad that she couldn’t see how much value she brought into the world and how much she was appreciated.

My daughter suffers from anxiety induced depression so it scares me when I hear about people who commit suicide because of depression. The one good thing in her case is that at least I know she is depressed and in need of positive reinforcement. It is hard when someone you thought was happy commits suicide.

NeverLookingBack
NeverLookingBack
6 years ago

People often comment that I am vibrant & warm, and yet I have anxiety and depression – so it just shows you that mental illness isn’t characterised by someone’s personality attributes. For me, Julie’s story hit close to home.

I hope your daughter improves and lives a full and meaningful life. x

BeTrueToYourself
BeTrueToYourself
6 years ago

So sorry Tracy. This has really touched me and it’s difficult to find the right words. It’s so ironic to not be able to offer that safety net to sufferers of depression when Julie and you Tracy have done just that for us.
Not sure where I’d be without CL , so sad that no one could save Julie.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. Forever and in so many angles of life.

I just shared this precious mantra with three suffering chumps yesterday. One opened her eyes wide and dropped her jaw at these very words, they indeed nailed it for her.

Julie will be forever in my thoughts and prayers, it truely was this motto that caught me at an Amazon review and brought me to CL.

What a pity, what a waste to have a person like Julie fall through suicide and lack of opportunity.

Tracy I feel for your loss, hope you are recuperating from your surgery.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago

When I saw the picture and r.i.p., I immediately assumed cancer and continued under that assumption until I gasped when I read she killed herself. It just goes to show that everyone has their own struggles and we don’t really get what we see. I am sure so many of our chump relationships are viewed by the outside world as wonderful to be envied until they implode. Heck, I might have thought that too even with inside knowledge.

So it is ironic, that a woman who had such an important role in creating this place that has helped me so immeasurably at the darkest time I have ever known by giving me a forum to see that I am not alone and do have worth, could not find a place to lift her out of her despair.

You are right Tracy, her life was not in vain as she helped so many and that legacy continues.

Free Vix
Free Vix
6 years ago

Fuck.

I don’t know what else to say. Just…fuck.

Chumpiest
Chumpiest
6 years ago

I lost my oldest son to suicide just weeks before D-Day, when he was barely 20, and I know the feeling of not having done enough, not having said enough, not having been enough. You have no idea how much I cried when I read the news about this wonderful lady. Her loneliness and hopelessness were too much to bear, and I believe we at Chump Nation need to be aware of the risk and be there for each other more than ever.
I hate suicide too, Chump Lady; it says we have failed one of ours. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
6 years ago

Tears. What a kick in the gut — for you, Tracy and, now that we know the back story, for all of us. If what you describe was all she did (which I well know it wasn’t) she left one hell of a legacy. Hugs to you and all of Julie’s friends and loved ones.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago

I have been crying today, feeling so sad, close family loss, tragic, has impacted our family’s life forever.
But, in my family, the man who died had an army of caring people, trying desperately to save his life.
Thought I would cheer up, reading CL and I came upon today’s post.
Dear sweet caring Julie, all that she did to help others and not one of us was there for her at the ending of her life.
Not one of us. But, we didn’t know we say.
Julie, I am so sorry that your life ended this way, but you did not die in vain. You touched Chump Lady’s heart
and she in turn helps so many of us Chumps navigate through life. The ups and downs, the good and the bad. And you, Julie made this all possible.
I also believe Julie, that your sad passing has touched our hearts, our very souls. I know we will all strive harder to help each other,
To be there for each other.
Somehow, my tears have stopped Julie. I know you are sending us your strength through Chump Lady.

CL, I am. So sorry for your loss of an inspiring, amazing friend.
May Julie rest in peace and her puppies find a good home.
(((Hugs)))