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New Life Tattoos Anyone?

New life, new ink?

Tell me about your tattoos, real or imagined! Today’s Fun Friday challenge comes from my husband, pictured here in all his stubbly splendor, sporting his post-infidelity divorce tattoo, a 13. (Hey, that sounds like a Sesame Street lead in. “Today’s new life has been brought to you by the Number 13!“) I’ll let him explain the significance…

I can’t play along today, as I have no tattoo. As a super pasty white person who sunburns within five minutes of outdoor exposure, my skin is not something I flaunt, let alone adorn with ink. But I’m not opposed. I’ve considered a few tattoos. I’d either go with my husband and son’s names, or my favorite quote from the painter Alice Neel.

You should keep on painting no matter how difficult it is, because this is all part of experience, and the more experience you have, the better it is… unless it kills you, and then you know you have gone too far.

I just love the idea of everything that doesn’t kill you makes you a better artist. So you might as well accept all the experiences, even the ones that nearly kill you.

I’m not sure what kind of tattoo that would make. A very wordy one. So tell me about your tattoos! If you can figure out how to upload an image, share that too!

TGIF!

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  • The day after my divorce I got a tattoo of the Celtic symbol of the triquetra because we went from a family of four to a family of three. The template I brought in was dainty and feminine – the artist reconfigured it into being badass and borderline biker. To this day I believe he was a mystic who peered into my heart and gave the the tattoo that I required – that tattoo that I would love every single day of my new life!!

    Perhaps the most significant part of the experience was that I was able to sign my newly reclaimed maiden name on the release. The first time in 27 years I had written the name of my freedom.

    • Paula – I agree… I think some tattoo artists ARE mystics!

      I went in with two designs… a compass rose and a globe. He combined them in to the most amazing tattoo… but when it came time to add N, S, E, W… he asked me what the tattoo meant for me and it was in that moment that we decided to only put on N… it is a reminder to always follow my TRUE NORTH. Never again let someone else dull my shine. See the world, follow my heart.

      I love seeing it every day. I know I can navigate anything and I will never be lost again.

    • I got 5 tattoos and have reached my tattoos limit. lol. My ‘divorce’ tattoo is a arrow on my left forearm. It signifies this; the arrow is drug backwards (life with a cheater), then released (divorce), and speeds towards it intended target (my new life).

      • OMG… where do I start? I got the arrow tattoo, also, for the same reason. I believe that was my 18th (no, I’m not a biker). I see them as mapping my life. Everyone one of them reminds me of an important moment/person/experience. BUT, on my 20th Anniversary I had my ex’s name tattooed on my hip. I figured it was “safe” since we were married so long. HA! At that time I joked that if anything ever happened I would just add “…. is an asshole” to my tattoo. Seemed funny at the time. But when the shit went down that tattoo HAUNTED me. I hated it so much! It was the only time I have ever had tattoo regret. Every time I looked at it I was reminded of what an idiot chump I was. After the divorce, I headed straight to my tattoo artist and we spent hours figuring out how to cover it up (cover-ups are not easy). It’s now a tattoo of beautiful cherry blossoms- a symbol of female power. Now every time I look at it I am reminded that I AM MIGHTY!

    • On our one-year anniversary, MethMan and I got each other’s initials tattooed over our hearts. For our two-year celebration, we had a matching quote etched into our inner upper left arm.

      A month after the second Dday, I marched into my tattoo parlour and covered his initial with an iridescent, pastel, pearlized crystal heart.

      I still have the quote on my arm — ” What God has joined together, let no man tear asunder.” I wasn’t the one who tore my marriage apart. I believe in monogamy so I wear it proudly.

      To my knowledge he has not covered any of his. I bet the Wifestress loves that.

  • I’m painting a watercolor version of a Phoenix to put on my body somewhere… I don’t have any tattoos and I never could think of something that I wanted badly enough to permanently alter my body – but I think this might be fitting and also beautiful. I hope I actually go through with it at some point!

    • I love the idea of a Phoenix tattoo! The rebirth theme is empowering, I don’t have any (yet) but I am open to the idea….

    • You have to just do it. Some advice. Try to make your first tattoo something small and on a area of skin that is somewhat tough. Your forearm, your leg, your shoulder etc. Get a tube of Aquifor from WalMart, this is wonderful in helping the healing. I started with one small simple tattoo, and it grew to 5. The hardest (most painful) is anything thats under your arm (think of that time when you were younger and your sister or brother pinched you under your arm…yeah and multiply by 100 lol) I will say that a tattoo is nowhere near as painful as DD with your cheating POS Ex. Nothing is that bad.

      • My divorce tattoo is the infinity symbol with the words
        “With brace wings she flies”. It has 3 little birds flying from the symbol …1 bird for me, my son and my daughter.

        The DDay tattoo is the qoute “what’s meant to be will find a way”

        I have 9 other tattoos. All of them symbolizing a time in my life.

    • Voting for “get the phoenix tattoo” 12YearsWasted!

      Mine was my post-separation gift to myself for leaving post-DDay #1. It took 6 hours to draw, it’s totally NSFW. I’ve rarely shown it and the reaction is always the same… Jaws drop as few people think I’m the kind of person that would have something that permanently flamboyant on my skin.

      I love this daily reminder that from the ashes of my chumptitude came the kind of mightiness I need not to let my past contaminate my present not determine my future, forge on chumps!!

      • I am totally straight acting as well, so people freak out when they find out I have two tattoos – both rebirth marks from when I survived serious illness/life crisis. They are 20 years apart.

        I love my tatts and I will never, ever have one connected to a partner. They are between me and God.

  • Learning that I’m not to blame and I can continue to be an empathetic and loving person with stronger boundaries and more loving kindness towards myself – I’m getting inked with an infinity symbol with an embedded heart. As Danielle Laporte says in her White Hot Truth book: full, open heart – big fucking fence! Walking through the last two years of pain and anger, breakdown and then healing post D-Day and starting to find the stronger, truer me has been so worth it.

    • That’s interesting and a coincidence.. I have the exact same tattoo which I got after my divorce as well. Reminds me to think with my heart and intuition and not try to ‘manage’ or spackle with logic..

      • I, too, got an infinity symbol. At the time, I wanted it to be a dark, ominous tattoo that represented the seemingly infinite lies, pain and number of ex’s partners. I selected colors that represented hope and healing to express my hope for the future. For the first three years, I received tons of compliments on my “cute” tattoo. I was always gracious and said “thank you” even though I was secretly furious. It’s not cute. It’s dark and painful…Now, the colors of hope and healing and the symbol have transformed for into the traditional meaning of infinite possibilities. Maybe deep down I knew that all the time. I love my “cute” tattoo.

  • Several years before the separation, I got an amazing phoenix tattoo that wraps delicately around my forearm. It was a reminder to myself that when life had gotten really hard, I always had the will and the ability to pull through and rise again.

    It was solely my decision and STBX ended up being irritated and jealous about the whole thing. (Poor sad sausage didn’t like me making unilateral decisions for myself … go figure.)

    I love my phoenix. It has been an important reminder from ME to ME that I will be okay. I have the strength. I will rise again. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • If someone can tell me (in super basic language) how to upload a picture, I would be happy to. (Very sorry, my technical brain has never quite kept up with my “word” brain.) ๐Ÿ™‚

        The phoenix is such a beautiful, strong symbol — three cheers for your choice!

        • I don’t know how to upload directly here, but maybe you could post to Photobucket and share the link here?

    • Yes, Phoenix tattoo. Got that one year after dday and 2 weeks after the divorce was final. I have a reasonably large one on the left side of my torso/ribcage, with it’s tail running all the way unto my buttocks ;-). I purposely put it on that way, so that everytime I look into a mirror, turn a little sideways, I will see that tattoo. It serves as a reminder that I can overcome anything. I have survived so many things in life, as in shitty childhood, narc father, miscarriages, loss of a child, a very very shitty job with an extreme psychopath boss (around dday)… And then this cheating with my best friend, the pain was huge, huge! But, I got mighty, kept the house, kept my pension, kicked him out, changed jobs (still work there after 3 years, extremely happy), and then when finally divorce came through AND the house was legally mine, I got this tattoo. I remember that feeling leaving the tattoo shop, full of adrenaline (ouch, ribcage), walking on sunshine, so proud, because you know, I had made it. Against so many odds in life, I made it. So, this tattoo is a definitive reminder of that day. Best thing was the proud look in my kids eyes (8 and 11 by that time), that their mom had done something so cool like this! I told them, I want to be that grandmom, that when she dies, everybody is shocked by that tattoo ;-). Imagine that, all wrinkly and old, when the time comes to put me in my casket, the undertaker *gasps* at the sight of that real cool tattoo. Makes me smile already ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Love your comment Elizabeth, especially “Against so many odds in life, I made it.” Your kids are lucky to have a mighty mom like you!

    • I am so with JessMom! I too have a Phoenix tattoo. Once everything (divorce, custody, division of assets) was done, I went with one of my best friends to her favorite tattoo artist.

      It is a beautiful black Phoenix with red fire tail feathers that end in hearts. It is on my right shoulder blade and reminds me always that I, like the Phoenix, shall rise again. And thanks to CL and all of you wonderful souls at CN, I am on my way up.

      –Getting to the Other Side

  • A week after my divorce I got a lotus flower on my forearm. I just loved the meaning behind it. Wish I could share a picture but I have no idea how to add one ๐Ÿ˜‚

  • 12 months post dday I was in NJ taking care of my father that was dying. The doctor actually said there are 2 choices; hospice or valve replacement. Because I researched and found in NY C a valve replacement Doctor it saved his life. Immediately after I went to an old friend who did a minimal tattoo on my right shoulder blade of a compass with four stars showing N,S,E and W with 2 stars filled in to the places I’ve been. I can’t wait to fill the other 2 stars which are N and W. Hawaii someday with my kids is my goal. I’m already thinking about a dragon going across my shoulders and down my left arm, strength and power! Perhaps this will be my divorce tattoo when I’m finally free. I’m getting stronger every day! sweetChumpgirl xoxo

  • I’m on the other side of this. Princess YogaPants always thought that getting a tattoo that memorialized a relationship was a nail in it’s coffin. Despite that (and yes perhaps it was a nail) – I have a custom tattoo on my forearm that symbolized my dedication to her that I got about 3 years before DDay. You’d figure after a couple of decades of being married that you’d be “safe”.

    I’ve thought about getting it removed or altered. My current mind-set is to re-imagine it and that it isn’t about “her” but that it’s about “me” and my capacity to love truly.

    There’s probably a bunch of us out there even wrinkly old farts like myself that have ink that they are now struggling with. It does look neat and is unique and is literally part of me.

    I’ve wished from time to time that it was possible to “wipe the slate clean” and begin again but no – that’s not possible. I have to build new on the foundations that I have and that includes the history that I have.

    On the other hand she also got some ink right around when she (I think) decided that she was going to go off and “be happy”. I did see it as a red flag because it was a symbol of something that she’d always been against before that. Not sure if she’s regretting that or anything. I essentially haven’t heard from her in about a year and a half. Next week we have our first meeting to go over the separation agreement – wish me luck.

    Happy Friday everyone and forward into the future!

    • I love your perspective. I was feeling that way lately, too. My memories and my love and my experience are representative of my great honor for my husband and family. I cherished that life, and loved being a wife and mom. I own and treasure that, even if he doesn’t.

      • I’m with you, Zmichelle. That has been my great struggle too. All the really great memories. All my love that I poured out to him, our kids and his family. All that we did goes to show how awesome and mighty we are. And also our great capacity to give love and be a faithful spouse. We have great value even though our spouses never saw it or appreciated it. That’s on them, not us. As CL (I think she’s the one who has said this a lot) said, we the faithful spouse, our stock will trade highly.

    • Good luck to you, BowTie. I hope your meeting goes well. You deserve better. You aren’t alone…this would be our 30th year married and I had thought 3 decades would provide some stability, too. Even though he had had 2 affairs in our first 3 years, I thought we were unicorns who had put all that behind us with a lot of counseling and hard work…and me taking that trust leap off the cliff. I don’t have another leap in me at this stage. And this latest was so long-standing: 3 years (at least)! That cuts deeply. I need freedom. I need Meh. But every day is an emotional crapshoot: more better days than worse, but I’m just 2 months post Dday3. Hang in there, BowTie. You’re worth it.

      • ChumpDiva I’m sending you a gigantic hug, the early days of chump recovery suck so bad!

        I am glad you found CN though, and hope you’ll find solace by reading the stories shared here, or at least some gallows humor to help you through the tougher days… Please head to the forums if you need more support

        (((ChumpDiva)))

    • I wasn’t going to bring down the good mood with my bad ink story all on its own, but since yours is here, maybe we can keep the cautionary tales here.

      A few months after he died, i took daughter to get a memorial tattoo for her dad and got one myself. I mean, he was GONE, not going to do anything more to aggravate me, right? So I found an anniversary card where he had written “I love you, BH” BH was a pet name we used for each other which was our equivalent of “Schmoopie”.

      Fast forward to finding hotel reciepts, some gals pay stub, other random shit and later learning he was a serial cheater. Actually found a document that said “I never loved my wife”. Add to that my new man hates ink. damn.

      I have decided to not spend too much time deep in regret over it. in fact for me it is “the ultimate irony tattoo”…let me explain…

      Im a devout Catholic and I believe in Purgatory – which is a place where we learn about our actions after losing the ability to deny, pretend, blame, project…etc, there is no place to run or hide. In his purification, my latehusbandcheater must have had it explained to him how devoted I was and how much I loved him and how badly his actions hurt me. Im also pretty sure that if he didn’t go to Hell, it is due, at least in part to the prayers I offered for him.

      If he is not in Hell (and I dont think he is) then he likely now appreciates my efforts more than my human self could even imagine. The Bible also says there is “no marriage or giving in marriage” in heaven, so he is not marrying some Schmoopie up there. So while Im down here nursing my chronic distain for him, he most likely does, now, finally love me. The tattoo is almost a message from beyond. My reaction to it is still chronic distain, so I got it to show my love for him (which no longer exists) but it reminds me of his likely new love for me (which might last forever) oh the irony.

  • So, I picked the number 13 for my tattoo because it’s always been my lucky number, and I love the idea that what appears at first to be bad luck often turns out to be good luck. It’s been so true in my life. I thank God time and again that I didn’t get what prayed for.

    So when the D-day came, and my prayers for reconciliation went unanswered, and my marriage of 22 years exploded, and my sons lost their intact family, I was comforted by the hope that someone knew I needed this, and that in the end it would be a good thing.

    And sure enough, it was. The best thing, in fact. Because ending that first dysfunctional marriage that was killing me from the inside out, and damaging my sons irreparably with its bad example, opened the door to being a truer and happier version of myself than I’d been in decades. And ultimately led to meeting my new wife–who you all know as Chump Lady–and the marriage that 7 years in feels like my only real marriage. Every day of which is, and feels like, a blessing I did not earn.

    And now that tattoo is a small portable hope-generator that I carry with me everywhere I go. And when I look at it, I remember all I’ve survived, and how lucky I am. Which is the feeling I would wish for all chumps everywhere. #13

    • >>”a small portable hope-generator”

      This is perfectly stated!! It’s what I was trying to say above, but this says it much more succinctly. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thanks, Mr. Chump…a voice of hope in the wilderness! I’ve always loved 13, too. Thanks for sharing…very well stated. I’ve been getting contact high from my narc’s hopium, so your experience is helping to sober me up. It’s hard to have a real hope for mySELF and a solo future, but you helped me. Peace.

    • Im with you Mr Chumplady….13 is actually my fav number which started with me being born on a 13th and the fact that other people dont like it. I also feel like my new marriage is my first.

    • “I thank God time and again that I didnโ€™t get what prayed for.”

      Mr. Chumplady, exactly this. I prayed for my cheater to realize what he did and ask for my forgiveness. I prayed that he would want to keep the family intact. He begged for forgiveness. We reconciled.

      I thank God that it was for two months only. I thank God that he gave another chance to the cheater to show me who he truely is. I thank God I did not get what I prayed for. It hurt then and still does now. But I know I will be fine cheater-free. I already am as I am navigating divorce.

    • I love this, Mr. Chump Lady! I really do believe that God allowed this to happen to me because he knew my ex–husband was slowly killing me. I shudder to think where I would be right now if I was still with him – even if he hadn’t cheated! Thankful for this second chance at life and love!

    • Thanks for sharing, Mr. Chump Lady. ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah, I’m happy God didn’t give me what I prayed a thousand times for — the cheater to pick me, our family and our marriage. God saw the cheaters heart and has seen his heart since the very beginning of our relationship (24 years worth). Like I have said to my ex at least 100 times, “God has seen it all!” I probably know about 1% of what he’s done in the 24 years we were together, but that 1% is enough for me to know that he sucks. And I don’t want anything to suck in my life. That’s for sharing your story and sharing Mrs. Chump Lady with all of us. We love her!

    • A huge smile took over my face when I saw your 13! My twin daughters were born 13 minutes apart on a Friday the 13th. Oh, and we own a black cat! hahahaha

    • Seriously beautiful Mr. Chump Lady. Poetic.

      Your “prayers of reconciliation that went unanswered” truly resonated with me. I did not have the same positive thoughts as you did and felt so much more alone and that no one cared, including a higher power. Today that has changed. Reading your post really spoke to me that I too am eternally grateful that those prayers went unanswered.

    • Aww I love that story Mr. Chump Lady. And that you and Tracy continually model a hopeful and happy relationship, it means a lot to us fellow chumps! Thanks for this topic, as a tattooed lady it’s right up my alley. Anyway, after my chumped experience #2 I got a lovely piece of script on my life bicep in Latin which reads: “Et lux en tenebris lucet” which means “from darkness comes light.” It comes from one of my favorite humanists, Viktor Frankl, and his book “Man’s Search for Meaning.” That we can make meaning and beauty from life’s harshest experiences. I truly believe that. Some people have told me, oh, that’s so dark! But unless you’ve been there, it’s hard to grasp how we can be grateful for what came of, as Mr Chump Lady says, not having your prayers answered. that something better can come. I am in a new relationship with one of my closest friends, and every day it is a blessing. Every day, he makes my life better rather than worse, and I never would have known someone this wonderful was coming unless I made that leap out of the boiling pot that was life with the cheater.

    • Good one, Mr CL. I wish you and CL many many happy years together. CL helps so many people keep hold to hope for a better time ahead – and that there are so many laughs along the way is such a tribute to CL and CN. Its a brave and generous and truly loving thing to honestly and without varnish share the wisdom gained from plumbing the depths of suffering to help other people find their inner mighty.

  • When I was smack in the middle of kibbles and triangulation, I took a trip to the beach by myself. I took 2 books, “Leave a Cheater Gain a Life” and “Getting Over Your Ex”. I read both of them, alone, on the beach while highlighting pieces from each that resonated with me. I went and got a tattoo on my left wrist of a cross and Proverbs 31:25. At 2am the next morning, I get a text from Liar Cheaterpants saying “You too busy to text me? I hope he’s hung”. The Proverbs tattoo is a reminder that my strength does not and never did come from him.

    • Oh my goodness … what a horrible text. I’m so sorry he treated you so poorly.

      On the other hand, good for you — for getting that tattoo and for finding a way to remind yourself of YOUR strength.

      • One of many crappy texts (in between a video he sent to me of him masturbating). Best was…. sex with her is fun and energetic, but I can’t finish because I’m thinking about you. I tell her it’s my meds, but I’m thinking about you. Court will be fun…. bring the popcorn and watch the drama unfold.

        When we find our strength, us chumps are unstoppable!

        • SLap him with a restraining order for sending that video. There are laws against sending “lewd and lascivious texts” over electronic devices.

          I know because Mr Twatwaffles had the Sherriff call me when I texted him asking if Alpo had the Golden Magic Pussy and whether he licked her asshole. And I got that talking to just for giving the sad sausage meanly worded texts.

          I found CL and CN a couple days later.

        • I love your Bible verse tattoo and I have claimed that verse over my life too. You STBX sounds like a real winner. Geesh. Good luck with everything, but you have God on your side holding you up and fighting for you, so you got everything you need. ๐Ÿ™‚

        • Lost220, I feel ya. XH spat out how much better in bed cocksocket was. Good for him, after she had the first 1,000 dicks, she SHOULD be a demon in the sack. ๐Ÿ˜…

    • I looked up Proverb 31:25 – what more could you want for yourself than strength and dignity and the wisdom and grace to laugh at the days to come? Great choice! It is interesting that Chapter 31 is in large part the description of a worthy wife which a very wise mom gave to her son. Your Ex’s lack of value for you as a wife and a woman are clear in his actions as are those of all cheating men. Glad you see that your worth never was appreciated by him, but more importantly, it never came from him!

    • Everything about that text says “I could not be more shallow if I jumped right into a 1/4″ deep puddle”. Congrats on that deadweight loss, Mighty!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • When we were in our wreckonciliation phase, ex took a couple bike trips with friends and I couldn’t go. They were supposed to be “guy” trips, but it turned out I was the only girl not welcome. So hr promised to take a mini vacation with me. I got a four day weekend and asked him to plan something. He never did, then at the last minute said it was because I was too controlling of his time and he was going to be in a golf tournament instead (he had JUST started golfing).

    I cried for days, but sucked it up and got a luxury hotel room in a century-old hotel in a remote town and went exploring. I won’t lie, it was lonely and miserable.

    On the way home, I saw a quote from H D Thoreau, from his time at Walden Pond. He retreated there to determine some purpose in life. I stopped and had the whole quote tattooed on my calf. It has held true for four years–
    “Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves.”

  • I’ve never been a fan of tattoos. This will offend some here, but I see them as almost the worst expression of wanting to be judged for your physical appearance…so much that you permanently alter it.

    XW had three tattoos when I met her. She saw them as some sort of expression of her individuality. Given I saw them as the ultimate in conformism–expressing “individuality” by getting a tattoo to change her superficial appearance, like millions of others, as consumer culture told her she should–we never saw eye to eye on this.

    She got a fourth tattoo while cheating on me.

    So…yeah. Original aversion + marrying someone with 3 + her getting a fourth during her affair. That taste in my mouth is permanent.

      • I’m over here in the non-tattoo corner also.

        I did briefly consider getting a small one to commemorate my freedom.

        My new fiancรฉ has 2, and they look good on him, just not my cup of tea to do, really.

        Also, the chemicals in some of the inks can cause health problems, so I don’t think it’s the smartest idea to have those inks needled into your body permanently.

    • I’m with you JC but for a different reason. I’m not a huge fan of pain. The idea of someone sticking me with a needle for hours is about as appealing to me as being dipped in nectar and hung beneath a hive of killer bees……so um yeah no!

    • I’m not a fan of tattoos on myself either. Ex was into tattoos big time. He got a full sleeve tattoo of a Phoenix the day after our son was born. Told me he was going to the store 8 hours later comes home with this tattoo.
      When he was trying to convince me he wasn’t cheating he told me he was thinking of getting my name tattooed on his wrist. He would throw that up in my face. I was going to tattoo your name, but you wouldn’t stop being suspicious.

    • My ex was also firmly anti-tattoo (on himself), so I was surprised when he called me over one day to show me his shiny new tattoo. I was shocked that he did it and that he didn’t tell me before hand (not that he needed my blessing, but it was a red flag that he didn’t share something he was excited about with me). I told him I was surprised but that I loved it, and he lapped up the kibbles.

      Of course now we know after comparing stories that he and your ex probably went to get his first and her fourth tattoos together. Even when we were “reconciling,” I could only see his tattoo as a symbol of his deception. I knew his impetus for getting it had something to do with her. Every once in a while I’ll still catch a glimpse of it when we’re exchanging our son, and it’s a permanent stamp of how shitty he is. I find his tattoo revolting.

      I’ve thought about getting my own tattoo, but it left a bad taste in my mouth, too. I might still do it someday, but I’m waiting until I feel better about what it represents. I don’t want a permanent reminder of him, even if it represents my liberation from him.

      PS – You make a valid argument about tattoos and their role in image projection. This may be true for many. My training as an anthropologist, though, teaches me that symbolism is extraordinarily important to humanity, and it threads through thousands of years and across cultures the world over. Our culture doesn’t have a good symbolic system except in religious institutions. I think we all desire, on a very primal level, tradition, symbolism, tribalism, and connection. Religion and the institutions that host them fill these roles for many people, and for those of us who aren’t religious, it leaves little opportunity to fulfill those needs. That’s why I think professional sports flourish. Few people really care about how a ball moves around through a defined space, but they DO care deeply about teams and players, about winners and losers, about place and community identity, and about team colors and mascots. Sports fulfill many of the base human desires for tribalism, tradition, symbolism, and connection. I think the same holds true with tattoos for many people; it’s an act of symbolism, both in the form of the tattoo itself and the process/ceremony of getting the tattoo. So for many people it could be about “Look at me and my tattoo! Here’s what I want you to think about me.” But I think more often it’s about the personal experience of symbolism, and maybe bonus points if people think they’re bad-ass. Ok, stepping off my soapbox. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I copied and pasted this comment for future reference. I really appreciate the insight and I want to spend time digesting it later. It also plunks another piece of the puzzle re: Mr. Twatwafles. Not that I am looking to untangle the skein, but getting tidbits that explain motives and the flaws in his character are always appreciated.

      • I appreciate your insight as well; you present a very thoughtful observation of tattoos. I think I would get one if I didn’t see it as such a “conformist” thing to do. Still on the fence.

    • JC, you are not alone. I have no desire to get a tattoo. I am Jewish and have always felt that I wear no ink to honor and remember those that had no choice. I don’t mind sitting in this corner, the company is excellent.

      • Beautiful, GIM. I don’t do tattoos, they don’t appeal to me but I appreciate the deep meaning that many people attach to the process. I’m quite deeply religious and I agree with FreeVix’s contention that tattoos fulfil a genuine human need for many non-religious people, of “tribalism, tradition, symbolism, and connection”.

    • I’m not an ink person either.

      But I did pay a “poet” after a few drinks in Key West post DDay to write a “poem” for me based on a Phoenix. I keep it on my phone. My ink was typed on paper- this was an entrepreneurial 20yr old looking for cash and having 20-somethings myself, I felt the price was worth it. Here it is:

      The Phoenix

      We had to take the long way home
      the winding road littered with bones
      the spider web cast rainbow gems
      the dizzy haze the halo dimmed

      The roses spilled into the flow
      my basket was for rotten poems
      by the river kneel me down
      past and future for to drown

      My heart loved the ash and fire
      always sought the lashed pariah
      angels with forgotten wings
      saviors floundered, crownless kings

      But now I’m blooming two bouquets
      one for each eye on you gazing
      I am proud, I hold the keys
      dream out loud from fallen leaves

      I am sprouting noiselessly
      from the ash I forge my freedom

      -E. Lierl

    • I’m with you, JC. Just two days ago, my 16 year old daughter asked if she could get a Disney tattoo next year as she has heard she can get one in PA at the age of 17. I said no and told her she could “tattoo her entire body as soon as she’s 18”, but she will not be getting my permission. I then went onto tell her that to tell her the same things you said. I do, however, understand people who do get tattoos that mean something really symbolic to them.

      I myself dabbled into *thinking* about getting a tattoo, but it was for the wrong reason. I have said this to myself many times, but I *know* God delivered me from evil. I *know* deep in my heart that God himself woke me up at 12:30am from a very deep sleep the night I caught my ex out on a drinks date with his “friend” who is now his “girlfriend”. The moment I woke up, I had a horrible gut feeling that something was terribly wrong. My first thought was that my now ex was at the local strip clubs (he visited strip clubs in Canada A LOT when I was pregnant – naked lap dances with the works!) as he was entertaining bankers in from NYC. So……God has delivered me from evil and my tattoo idea was to have “delivered from evil” written below my neck, between two shoulder blades. But I actually already have this tattooed on my heart. It’s a deep truth to me, I know it and I lived it. I never would have imagined that I was living my life with a very evil and wicked man. He doesn’t look evil or wicked, but his heart is. Counselor, Lesley Vernick, wrote a great article called “Five Indicators of an evil heart.” My ex ticks off each one.

    • Then u folks certainly won’t like me telling CN that I got permanent makeup tattoos-eyeliner upper and lower. And I sold my life insurance. To get a facelift. Talk about getting a life…..and I’m worth it๐Ÿ˜œ

    • I thought about getting three small shamrocks tattooed on my ring finger to symbolize my beloved sons.

      But fearing needles and the potentially pus-like look of green, permanent ink on my white, 56-year old, sagging, age-spotted skin, I’m hoping to have an artisan make a ring with my design, instead.

      It will mean more to me than the engagement and wedding band I couldn’t wait to remove when I discovered the cheating. Both lost any value at that moment, and immediately felt like shackles I couldn’t wait to take off.

  • During wreckonciliation, I got a tattoo of a snowflake surrounded by 4 S’s. I have always loved the utter quiet that comes with a snowfall, hence the snowflake. The 4 S’s represent the following: It is only is Solitude and Silence that we find our true worth, Strength and Serenity.

    It pushed me to say, “I’m done.” And pull the plug on the marriage and Mr Miserable Vomitus Mass.

    Btw, we went to court on May 1-2, and the divorce was supposed to be final within 10 days. Hubby’s crappy attorney and incompetence led to it FINALLY BEING OVER on August 10th! What a beautiful feeling! Thank you to Chump Lady and Chump Nation, without you, I’d still be married to the idiot, as I believed in the vows I took (for richer and poorer, sickness and health, good times and bad, till death us do part).

    • SpecialSnowflake ha! Thank you. Congratulations on winning YOU! I need your hope and experience. I keep vacillating and need to hear stories of strength, serenity & independence! I’m so grateful to you, CL, & all of CN for taking your machetes through the jungle of fuckedupness! Mighty nation, you are mine!

  • I’ll confess is a tough one for me.

    People get tattoos for many reasons: self-expression, artistic freedom, reminders of spiritual/cultural traditions, sexual motivation, identification with a group. These can all be gestures of positive empowerment. There’s also: the craving for attention, rebellion, addiction, and drunken or otherwise impaired impulsiveness.

    What they all have in common I think is that they announce to the world: “I have something I want the world to know about me. Here’s a hint.” In short, it’s about taking control of a personal narrative. For the bulk of today’s commenters, it will be about surviving destructive deception and emotional abuse — powerful stuff.

    But as I’ve posted here before — within 3 months of the shit hitting the fan, and refusing to leave the house under advice of counsel, Kunty Kibbler went out and got her own prominent “divorce tattoo” celebrating her escape from “being caged” and proudly showed it off to our pre-teen daughters (not with any explanation of its intent or meaning, at least not to my knowledge, but there’s not much subtlety in the image). She would tell you this was just personal expression, but to me it’s a massive middle figure pointing at me and our marriage, made plain for all the world to see, and it provides the conversation starter for a regurgitation of her toxic cheater logic.

    As CL reminds us so often, we can’t control what our cheaters decide to say about us. or about how they twist facts or outright lie to advance their own narratives. But obviously this is a huge trigger for me.

    Apologies if this hijacks the spirit of the thread.

        • Thinking about this tattoo subject this morning and realizing you could probably weave a cloth with potential threads. You could probably do a doctoral thesis and someone probably has.

          In general, I would be part of your no ink club for a variety of reasons but I can name a few exceptions where I have liked someone else’s tattoo, while knowing it would never be for me. My mom was fine with me and my sister piercing our ears and told us that she considered it many times over the years but she could just never get past associating it with a pagan custom and could not bring herself to do it. We all bring our own mindsets to the table.

          The whole tattoo subject does remind me of stbx. He knew I wasn’t a fan of tattoos but about 10 years ago he started “threatening” to get one. I now look back and think it probably really was a mind game since he knew I did not find them attractive. He got a sick thrill out of making me squirm and still does. He told sons last week, “mom’s lawyer is stringing her along, taking her money, sending me letters to play headgames with me but in the end my lawyer is going to make mom cry.”

          I can also read a lot into it now and say because I truly think tattoos became mainstream for people about that time and mostly 10 years younger and below, that it was part of his continued attempts to resist getting old. Tattoos amongst my oldest daughter’s friends’ parents are rare but it feels like the majority of my 13 year old’s friends’ parents have them.

          I wouldn’t be surprised at all to hear stbx gets a tattoo in his quest for eternal youth which in his case is due to arrested emotional development.

    • That’s good insight and totally no judgement from me. It’s doesn’t work for you, no problem.

      To me, tats are like religion and faith, not for everyone, no one size fits all, means something different to different people, bullshit for some, deep meaning for others, and a harbinger of character for many.

      You’ve given food for thought, and that’s what we seek here. No worries.

  • If I was to get a tattoo it would be a blue grouper (we call them gropers here in Australia-they’re like wrasse). Big friendly bright blue fish, that like hanging around snorkellers and divers. When the alpha male dies, the dominant red female changes colour (and gender) and takes charge of the group. Someone pointed out that I’d had to fill a vacancy in a similar way when the dominant (domineering) male in our family swam off with OW!

    • I like that analogy, Vastra! Strong chumps doing what needs to be done, stepping up and into a yoke made for two, and figuring out how to bear it alone. Without my kids counting on me, I would not have found my strength to do it.

    • Funny Vastra. When we were on vacation last week, a tour guide told us that orca males go off to mate but then they return to their mothers after they are done. Right away, my 15 year old daughter said out loud exactly what I was thinking: “dad is an orca!”

  • Chump Lady,
    I keep reading the quote you would love to have as a tattoo.
    It is beyond beautiful and says a million words.
    I am sure many Chumps will have better ideas, but this is a thought that comes to mind.
    I wish I could sketch it, but can only say it.

    Tattoo image would be a small artist brush, the tip of the brush would be a rainbow of colours,
    Beside the brush would be the letters KPLEALAYC

    You would know exactly what your tattoo meant and when people admire your tattoo and ask the meaning. Proudly you could tell them: Keep Painting Life’s Experinces As Long As You Can

    Or whatever wording initials you prefer. You can probably come up with better wording than I have.
    I love the artist brush with the rainbow of colours because you are like a rainbow to so many of us Chumps.

    Just a Friday thought,
    Great topic
    I have a friend who would be the very last person who would ever get a tattoo. Now she sports a large Persian cat on 3/4 of her arm, beside the cat is her daughter’s name and her dates of birth and death.
    Her daughter, who adored her Persian cat, died with cancer. Everyone asks my friend about her beautiful tattoo and through tears she happily tells them all about her daughter.

    Many times Tattoos are a mirror to our souls!

    ๐ŸŒˆ

  • “I am a badass” in typewriter font on my inner forearm right where I can see it.

    It’s a message to myself to remember my strength.

    Never had a tatto before and never missed not having one.

  • UX, I don’t think it hijacks the post at all. I can understand why tattoos are now a trigger for you. I hope you explained it to your kiddos so that they can clearly see the character of their mother.

  • Right after I thru his ass out after being a sahm for 23 yrs, I got BRAVE so on days that I was scared it reminded me of what I needed to be.
    Now it is surrounded by roses, each rose in different stage of blossoming…

  • I got Vonnegut’s “So it goes.” in typewriter font on my left wrist, where it can be covered by a watch if needed. It was supposed to remind me that life if absurd and that wacky shit happens all the time. For those of you who haven’t read Slaughterhouse-Five, there’s a character who survives the fire bombing of Dresden only to be shot and killed afterwards when stealing a teapot from the rubble. I survived an emotionally abusive family of origin and thought I’d finally found safety with my ex. Then she used me up and threw me away. So it goes.

    I can’t say it necessarily did its job, but it was still a symbol that I’m capable of adapting and doing something I’d previously been resistant to.

    • I have this on my wrist as well (although in script). Got it after the break up of my first serious relationship, although it certainly applies now. Kurt Vonnegut is my favorite author.

      At the same time, I got the word “careo” on my ribs. In Latin, it means “lacking/without”, but in Spanish it means “confrontation” or something of that nature. I appreciated the dual/conflicting meaning and thought it applied, although I do wonder if such a thing takes more of a sad than empowering tone.

      • He’s one of my favorites as well, maybe my most. My current favorite quote is:

        โ€œHello babies. Welcome to Earth. Itโ€™s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. Itโ€™s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, youโ€™ve got a hundred years here. Thereโ€™s only one rule that I know of, babiesโ€”God damn it, youโ€™ve got to be kind.โ€

        • WhichWayDidSheGo,

          “You’ve got to be kind”

          Cheaters certainly slept through that rule, and continued to sleep through it.

          Chumps are a different sort of “babies”
          in our hearts kindness rules.
          ( except toward cheater as they drain the kindness right out of us)

  • The day that my divorce was final, I found a quote from Charles Bukowski: “Drink from the well of yourself and begin again”. For too long I felt that the divorce was a pitiful failure on my part, and that it was an end I would never recover from. This quote, and my therapist, reminded me that I was a person BEFORE I married him, and I can still draw upon that well. Not only that, but I also started seeing the divorce as an opportunity to “begin again” instead of an ending. It was the day my mind flipped the switch and went from victim to SURVIVOR. Someday very soon, this will be my tattoo.

  • I have a few small tattoos. I have them because my surgical scar ravaged body has so many marks I do not want and did not choose and I wanted to counterbalance that wit marks O do want and choose. They are all my own design. The first was just that. The second one came after the divorce and symbolized a change to my body with which the cowardly liar was not intimate, which was a reclaiming of me. The third is right over my very first scar where it all started.

    I don’t really consider them decorative and I don’t care if anyone else likes them. They are mine, like the rest of my body, and they are beautiful scars I can control. It’s not for everybody, and that’s fine. I don’t need for others to love them — but I DO need for others to respect my right to choose what is right for my own body, just like pink hair and high risk hobbies. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I fully feel what you said. I have a burn and surgery scar, and the invisible scar the asshole left. I decided I wanted a scar I made. It’s a dragon over my right ovary, which I lost on the surgery. Most people won’t ever see it, and it’s not there for anybody to see. It’s only been weeks, but I’ve come to think the dragon was always there, I didn’t put it in my skin: the tattoo process was actually removing whatever was covering it. The best part, and I only realized what fully mean after I read your comment, is that I am reclaiming my body from asshole. I was glad he wasn’t going to see it, but I didn’t realize I was reclaiming my body as mine.

        • Amiisfree and BVC,

          Your tattoos sound beautiful, just as you two ladies are, beautiful.
          I love your posts!
          ๐Ÿ‘โค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘

  • I seriously thought about a Phoenix on my shoulder but I’m not a big tattoo fan( my son having enough for the whole family). I may do it someday but I’m pretty much at meh so it doesn’t seem too important…

  • I got mine about a year after D-Day, right after I graduated with my nursing degree at age 48. It’s the Serenity Prayer winding around my left ankle. It’s really ironic…”things we can’t change”…like a tattoo. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • No tattoos for me, but after Cheat Guevara blew up the family I always wore a ring that my grandma gave me. It reminded me of her strength through life’s tragedies, and having that reminder of her resilience and fearlessness helped me gain some, too.

  • Not a tattoo person myself; big earrings are more my style.

    However, NeverWouldHaveImagined posted a picture of someone’s tattoo in one of the threads that said,

    “Non Sum Qualis Eram” — “I am not the person I was”

    Seems to fit many of us post-divorce.

    • I liked that, too. Thanks for the mention! None for me either although I’m enjoying everyone’s input today.

      My first cheater x was such a narcissist. You know how most people who have a name tattooed choose the name of their kid, their mom, a spouse, or a loved one who has passed away? Well, he chose … his OWN name!

      I saw a recent photo of him, and now he has a wedding ring tattoo. I laughed because he never wore his ring when we were married! And I thought, nice try wifey (#4 or #5), but it won’t work. That won’t keep him faithful. Nope.

  • I have no tats as of yet. I’m getting No Tegrets Allowed on my inside left forearm on my 50th birthday.

    I do have a permanent mark on the bottom of my foot though, where I was stabbed in the arch with a pencil in 1st grade.

    Does that count?

      • Haha! Reminds me of the Milky Way commercial where the tattoo artist put, “No Regerts” instead of “No Regrets.”

      • LOL, I was thinking the same thing, Keepin Calm. Sunflower, they go over the design with you beforehand and again after they stencil it on your body before they get to work, so you should have plenty of time to proof-read!

    • LOL!! No Tegrets! My first thought was, “Is that some kind of bird?” LOL!! I’m dying laughing here. I love Chump Nation!! I never fail to laugh at least once each time I visit. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • No desire for a tattoo at all. But the ex did sport a tattoo, when I last saw him. Elie Wiesel’s Auschwitz number. And that was my defining moment, when I realized I don’t want to have anything to do with this person. Elie Wiesel never showed his Auschwitz number, never. Such a banalization of the most horrific history, such disrespect. Typical for him, making a grand gesture to impress someone. He is not even Jewish. No tattoos for me, that is for sure. No place in my life.

    • Disrespectful and completely lacking understanding of the meaning (which actually sounds pretty cheater-y to me!) Also, a little on the drama queen side (thought he suffered like Elie Wiesel, did he?)

    • Your ex gets a trophy for being the biggest fuckwitt I have ever heard of! Wow just wow! You really dodged a bullet with that one. Sheesh!

    • Elie Wiesel’s number? Does he have any idea how disrespectful that is? How Elie would never have wanted anything like that? Not even a Jew? Not even a relative? I thought I had heard everything. Clearly, I was mistaken. W. T. F…

    • Holyyyyyy shiiiiit, Mila?!?!?

      Your ex and TEO the Warlock should go bowling!!!!

      TEO told me for years he would add my name.or at least a tattoo symbolizing me on our 7th anniversary…then the 8th…on to the 9th… we were married 12 together 13…he never did. Eh, whatever

  • I got a tattoo on my outer left ankle. It’s a heart with the word Love incorporated into it, with the words Faith and Hope surrounding the heart as well. Through the heart flies a butterfly, a symbol of my metamorphosis. I am 4 years estranged from my kids because of the divorce, so the Faith/Hope/Love is for them.

    • I’m sorry, JamLady. That’s a bitter pill to swallow. I assume these are adult children? Do they know the reason for the divorce (as that sometimes helps them resist the cheater’s lies)?

    • The betrayal and weight of this kind of divorce is bad enough. I am so sorry you are struggling with your relationship with your children as well. Strength and hugs.

    • Jam lady, the same thing happened to me. My XH ruined my relationship with my daughters with lies. I have no idea what all he fed them but I know he blamed me for divorce to them. He told them he was broke because I was taking all his money.
      Maybe it’s his 6 or more tropical vacations a year with him leaving them home alone that they contacted me when I would send them a text. They would say I love you, I miss you, come see me and I would ask about their life.
      Hang in there. That’s what everyone told me. It seemed pointless at times, but I kept it up. My daughter Joy the youngest has come to live with me and it’s mother daughter=best friends. Hang in there. It will turn around for you.

  • I had my favorite lyrics from an old Talking Heads song: The world was moving, she was right there with it, and she was.

    It ‘s in my daughter’s handwriting. She got “Only for Love” (from another Talking Heads song, in my handwriting) at the same time.

    I loved the ink experience and the words resonate for me in many ways – which I love thinking about when I glance at my tattoo. I think I’m going to turn my body into a kind of found poem of text.

    I also LOVED a line from the poem, “Everyone Sang,” that Chump Lady posted awhile ago.

    “O, but Everyone
    Was a bird; and the song was wordless; the singing will never be done.”

    For me, those words are such a great reminder to be have faith and hope and, most importantly, gratitude, that I’d love to have them right where I can see them every day.

    Tattoos hare helping me figure out who I am. I realized that, in 55 years, I’ve never really lived alone until the last year and a half. It’s beginning to be kind of a fun adventure – I think I’d been really numb and depressed without really realizing it during the last ten years of my marriage.

    • Love the Talking Heads quotes. Beautiful. I often think of the line, from Florence and the Machine Dog Days Are Over, “And Happiness hit her like a train…” Because after all the heartache, I knew my life was better without him.

      • I’ve been thinking on that DDAO lyric too.

        I’d like to get hit by THAT train.

        Pretty sick of all the others.

  • I’m not a tattoo person either, but I really think that I’m going to get one now. It will be just a very small flying bird on my wrist, a symbol of my freedom from the cage of my abusive marriage.

  • My imaginary tattoo is the word “blessed,” in script in honor of my great friend who died too young, I’d put it on my right wrist, underlined by a surgical scar. Not sure why I don’t do it other than I’m 65 and getting to the age where I’m likely to have a lot of wrinkles. Not sure about tats in the nursing home…

  • I got a “bracelet” that says “more beautiful for having been broken” from the Japanese art of kintsukuroi, where they mend broken pottery with gold, thereby making it even more beautiful and valuable than it was before it was broken. โค

  • No tats for me – but I do wear my moms engagement ring – my father left her after 28 yrs w/ three kids under 15 ( ironically mine left me after 28yrs) it reminds me of my mothers strength & resilience – she got through much worse circumstances – I can do it too. It gives me strength

  • I’m thinking of getting a compass tattoo, as a reminder of my own moral compass, and also to symbolize the journey of moving forward.

  • I have a semi colon butterfly– the semi colon because my story hasn’t ended and the butterfly makes it pretty. Had my daughters birthstone colors added to it.
    Not my first tat but the most visible- on my forearm so that I can see it and remind myself that moving on is beautiful.

  • I don’t think tattoos are for me for many reasons. I did a ‘sexy’ photo shoot I’m in my bra and knickers 3 years ago when I was pregnant with DS. I had one of the pictures put on a canvas for STBX. I was really contemplating taking it down from the walk in the bedroom. That was until DS said to me “Mummy I like that picture of you, your hair looks very nice.” I think I might leave it up as it’s a pretty nice picture of me. Just because STBX didn’t appreciate what he had in me it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.

    • Leave it up and enjoy it!

      I did a photo shoot with my son to give to Mr. Sparkles for his office. He was too upset that HE WASN’T INCLUDED IN THE PHOTOS to value what was meant in the gift.

      Damned if you, damned if you don’t. Fuckers. The lot of them.

      • My STBX noticed the empty frame the other day that used to hold a family photo of the five of us. My daughter confessed to having removed it because “it wasn’t really accurate anymore”. He looked at me and said “I’ve been erased”. I didn’t say anything but what I was thinking was “You erased yourself”.

  • Well for all the people not in favor of tattoos here is some ammunition. I have a tattoo of his name in the vine of a rose and a wedding band tattoo. He meanwhile has none. I have no idea what I was thinking on the first and on the second I figured 12 good years of marriage should be a safe time for the wedding band. Too bad I didn’t know 16 years was the magical number. BUT what’s done is done and I try not to live in regret. I am getting the band laser removed and the other I am getting a Phoenix over it. (Listen to your mother when she tells you “you’re going to regret that”!)

    • I have considered a subtle finger band to symbolize my marriage to my independent self at times. People would misunderstand, I know. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I had a tattoo removed in the months after D-Day. The tattoo had nothing to do with my Ex, in fact I’d gotten it when I was 18 years old but it was a part of my identity. I’m 61 now (58 at D-Day), so it wasn’t really looking so great anymore. But the reason I spent almost $1000 to have it removed was I was reinventing myself, and my whole life. I needed to make a fresh start. So far, no plans to get another tat in that spot or anywhere else, but it was instrumental in my reclaiming my identity.

  • The cheater x loathed tattoos – said women souldn’t not have them and they look trashy so naturally following DD that was one of the first things I did. LOL! My first one was a cross, heartbeat symbol and heart on my wrist (which represents faith, life and love) – my sister has the identical one. Last year we went back to my mother’s hometown for my grandmothers funeral and my sister and I got another tattoo on our wrist that reads “Love & Hugs” which is in our mother’s handwriting and how she signed all our b-day cards or notes to us as long as we can remember. My mom has terminal cancer and both tattoos revolve around her and my trying commemorating her to keep a little piece of her with me.

  • My ex husband got a tattoo right before he told me he’d been cheating. It was cross with two red and one yellow rose wrapped around it to signify the three kids we had together, red for our girls (I call them our rainbow girls) and the yellow for our son who passed away. It stretches from his elbow to his wrist on his right forearm.

    At the time, it seemed “off” and I couldn’t explain why. Now I realize it was because he had decided to leave me and it was a part of the image control. Get a big ass
    tat, tell everyone its symbolizes your kids, tell yourself that Jesus loves you and that you’re a good dad and show it to everyone else in ink.

    Whatevs dude, but I’m not fooled.

    He also has 3 adult sons that he hardly gives the time of day to. No tats for them as if yet.

  • I’ve posted about this before, including in yesterday’s thread. During my divorce I made copies of a page from the book “Queen of My Own Life” and put them on my fridge at home and on my desk at work. It says:

    “One day she finally grasped that unexpected things were always going to happen in life and the only control she had was how she chose to handle them. She made the decision to survive using courage, humor and grace. She was the Queen of her own life and the choice was hers.”

    That became my personal motto. After the divorce was final I decided I wanted to carry a reminder of it with me everywhere so I got a crown tattoo on my chest at the top of my cleavage. Its small – it fits under a quarter. I also have a talisman necklace of charms that have great meaning to me which I never take off and hangs on a chain that is just long enough that the charms cover the tattoo. No one sees the tattoo unless I want them to because I did it for me as a reminder of who I am now, not for anyone else to see. When I’m at work I keep it covered because it’s a professional secret that librarians are really a pretty freaky crowd who are just pretending to be all straightlaced and conservative. ๐Ÿ˜‰ But when I’m anywhere else, I wear that crown proudly.

    • Haha, tattooed, “straight-laced” librarian here too, Beth. That’s a great quote and tattoo choice. I am having to remind myself to be “queen of [my] own life” everyday. Being in control of my reactions when toting around such raw, negative emotion does not make it easy!

      • Shhhh don’t tell, it’s our little secret. Tee Hee.

        You’ll get there ChumpOnIt. I promise. I’m five years out from DDay#2. That “raw, negative emotion” won’t always be there. Eventually, when you arrive at Meh you find peace and joy again. It’s well worth the wait.

    • “She was the Queen of her own lifeโ€ฆ”

      I love this, Beth! It reminds me of a quote I read soon after D-day…I am paraphrasing from memory but it goes something like this: “What is a Queen without her King? Historically speaking, more powerful.”

  • No tattoos here… But the day my daughter turned 18 she went out and had the word empower (with the women’s rights symbol in place of the O) tattooed on her ribs. She said I was her inspiration, so I’m kind of proud I played a role in her experience of empowered women!

  • I have NO tattoos. But I have thought about getting a phoenix tattoo, wings spread wide, fiery, soaring up, very feminine, no black lines, all colors. On my shoulder or neck. medium size tattoo.

    I’ve also thought about a white tattoo. I would feel better getting something larger. still a phoenix.

    After I took back my maiden name, I mourned it. Hated that my son and I now have different last names. But I could not keep the name of a man who moved in with the OW before we were even divorced. I needed to separate myself from him as much as I could. So I decided that tattoo that represented my son, on my neck, very small, his initials, with a heart and maybe the number 7 (that’s how old he was when everything happened)

    I’ve also thought about many small tattoos starting at the top of my neck and going down to my back for all the little, but Mighty, steps I have taken. Maybe small stars, or busts of fire or flame. no black lines. red or orange or even white. If you’ve ever seen Rhianna’s star tattoos on her neck/back, that’s what i was thinking.

    • conniered, I am struggling with the decision to change my name back also for the same reason. Currently still under my married name (just divorced in May), but I have “permission” in my divorce decree to go back to my maiden name, which I am pretty sure I will do. We have to wrench our families apart because of cheater selfishness and dishonor to the marriage and then we feel compelled (and for good reason!) to symbolically separate ourselves from our children because the name simultaneously represents a larger family that we are otherwise no longer a part of. A friend of a friend went through this and said that on a personal level she felt like she was washing herself clean by returning to her maiden name. Her daughter will always be her daughter. What’s in a name?…I guess. I did take another look at my daughter’s birth certificate, and I’m not sure how they do it where you’re from, but my maiden name is listed right there on it with everything else. It made me feel a little bit better about the whole thing.

      • Conniered and ChumpOnIt, I changed my name after the divorce. My adult daughter changed her last name to my maiden name as well but my son still has the Edgar Suit’s last name. The Suit’s last name is an uncommon one – it’s a shortened Greek name and we were literally the only ones in our city to have it. I felt I would always be associated with him and I didn’t want that. For me, reclaiming my maiden name was an essential step in establishing myself in my new life. For my daughter it was a repudiation of the father who refused to support her in favor of her mother’s family who was always there for her. What she told everyone was that because her father had a rather unique name, she didn’t want him to get any credit whatsoever, even by association, for anything she makes of herself in life. I thought that was very, very smart. I guess it’s a little different when your kids are adults but there are so many people whose last name is different from their kids that I really don’t think there’s any stigma involved at this point. You have to do what feels right for you but I don’t think it will cause your kids any grief if you have different last names.

        • I did too, went back to my maiden name because my dad was the only man in my life to have my back.

          When I divorced the 1st time, I kept my married name because I had 5 kids with it. I married the 2nd time, it took awhile to add the second married name as a hyphen after the first. And our combined family was known as the Smith-Wesson family (not our name, but you get the idea).

          When the 2nd filed for divorce, I asked for my name to be restored…after almost 30 years of being identified with two men who failed me immensely. The 2nd was pissed I did that. He couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that I’d kept the 1st’s name all through my marriage to him, but was dropping his like a hot rock. He took it personally and while I didn’t set out for it to be that way, it was a happy circumstance.

          • “went back to my maiden name because my dad was the only man in my life to have my back”

            I love this. My dad is a wonderful man also, and it’s certainly a big reason to go back for me as well.

        • That’s great that your daughter supports you to the point of changing her name to your maiden name to “join” you in your cheater-free life. It does seem easier to some extent with older children — you can explain, they will pick up on and understand what cheater is about. I’m sure still a heavy decision to make with the name change though, which makes her that much more amazing. I have a toddler, and I’m not sure what the future will bring there. X has plenty of time to work on his impression with her, and so who even knows what future shit sandwiches there will be to swallow. He has plenty of time to rest/recoop so he can continue being “fun dad” while I do the heavy lifting of raising a child more or less by myself.

          • I totally understand COI. The truth is, narc POS’s like we married are often the “fun” parent even when you’re still together. My ex was gone so much that I often felt like a single parent anyway. He’d come home and “sacrifice” (and you know EVERYONE heard about how he gave up his free (porn watching) time to be with his kids) by taking the kids to a boat & camper show, or something like that, for a couple of hours and suddenly he’s father of the year while I’m at home cleaning, cooking, signing school forms, etc. But yeah, he was the big hero.

              • It’s interesting that you say that QueenMother. My theory is that when my kids hit their teen years, when teens think they know everything and their parents know nothing and they lose their hero worship for their parents, my ex decided he had to go find that adoration somewhere else and he found it by paying strippers to fuck him. Ex’s dad died when he was 10 years old so maybe he didn’t realize that it is natural for that hero worship to go away and that eventually most kids mature and realize their parents aren’t so dumb after all? Doesn’t matter. That ‘s no excuse for years of lying, cheating and stealing money from his family. My take is that what the kids did was totally normal and what he did was not so I kept the kids and ditched the Edgar Suit. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I will probably keep my married name because that is the name I have used for my entire professional life and it would be awkward and confusing to change it now. I also love my kids who have that name and I have always been close with the rest of STBXs family too. I don’t even really associate my last name with him anymore even though it came from him. I wonder if I can get him to change his last name?

    • I loved my first married name, would have kept.it if not for h2, TEO. His last name sucks, I hate that my DD has to still have it.

      I took my mother’s maiden name when he divorced me., I loved my grandfather and love.my grandmother, I hope to honor them by taking their name

  • Very handsome, Mr. Chumplady!
    You two make a gorgeous couple.
    As far as the tattoos, I like them on other people! Maybe someday I’ll be inspired. I’ve seen some cool marine life ones around here, hmm, maybe?
    Bonne weekend, CN!

  • So I went all out post STBX deciding that he preferred eau de Old Skank to his family. I have the Morrigan triple spiral on my right shoulder, signifying sheer bad-assery (she was a Celtic goddess of death and war). I have a tree on my back with plum blossoms, signifying strength in bleak environs. I have quote on my upper back in latin, all relating to hardship making one stronger. And, most important of all, I have phrases on my forearms, in my children’s handwriting. One is “dum spiro spero” (while I breathe, I hope) and the other is “Ani ve ata” (you and me). Both were written by my kids so that I could look at my arms, think of them and not the shitstorm that my life had become, and remember to be strong. I wish that I could attach pictures to show CN how awesome they look ๐Ÿ™‚
    The tattoos not only remind me of what is most important in my life (my children and my strength), but also were a very needed distraction of physical discomfort during a time when my heart was constantly breaking. Now that I have achieved “meh,” they remind me of how much better off I am without that bastard!

    • I’m working on a design using the Celtic spiral with dragons as the outer spiral. Dragons have been my symbol of strength. In the meantime, I wear a bracelet with the statement “She thought she could so she did.”

  • I’ve always wanted a tattoo but never could decide on anything and my STBX hated them (he even disliked kids temporary tatts), so I never gave it much thought.

    Now after going through cancer, being cheated on and abandoned, I’ve decided that I would like to get a tattoo symbolizing the most important person in my lifeโ€“my daughter Violet. I plan on getting a flower on the inside of my right wrist, because she is my right hand girl ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I’m over a year divorced now and loving my new life. It’s been a long road but I have reached a place where I am calm and content and my self-esteem is growing! My ex has many tattoos. He always said tattoos look bad on women. I’ve been wanting one for a long time and last week I went with my best friend to get it! It’s some beautiful flowers on my forearm and I love it. I was terrified I couldn’t handle the pain. Turns out I’m a badass and it was fine. To me it represents the beauty of living an authentic life as a strong woman.

    As much pain as it was, divorcing a cheater and making a great new future for myself has been the most empowering experience of my life! โค๏ธ

  • The tattoo I’ve considered getting is of the iconic mountain range that provided a safe harbor for me to reclaim my life after D-day. These mountains have been both healing over the last 2.5 years, and also isolating (my family and friends are a 9-hour drive away). I feel immensely safe and grounded next to these mountains, but I also know that I’m only here temporarily until my path leads me back home to where my people are. I’m afraid that when I leave, the mountains may evoke sadness rather than empowerment, so instead I buy jewelry with this particular mountain range on it. I’m pretty happy with that non-permanent way to hold the mountains close to my body, and to feel the symbolic connection without fear of how the symbolism my change for me over time.

  • I’m a no on tats for a bunch of reasons: the ridiculously fair and sensitive skin, the pain, the permanence, the fact that onevwould look ridiculous on me, and so forth.

    But DS has talked about getting a compass tattoo as a symbolic reminder never to move through life without a moral compass as a guide. I guess if I were to get one, it might be either a tiny acorn or a single leaf, but I know I would never really do it.

    However, I love the play that spray on tattoos that only last a week or two make possible. Over the last year, have had a few of those, including a tough girl skull, and a moon/planet/stars. Fun and impermanent summer experiments with body art.

    DD has played with henna a bit, choosing the images that appeal at the moment. Her last one was an elephant.

  • Don’t have one, but if I did, it would be the Rock of Gibraltar. After everything that happened, I’m still standing.

  • After the final Dday, 8/8/17, I had the ah ha moment and knew that my marriage was over. My road to learning about narcissism and Cluster B had not yet begun. I’ve always wanted a tattoo that said Believe as a reminder to myself, that I need to believe in Me. The day after my husband of 23 years moved in with his new fling (two days after I said we should separate) my 17 year old daughter (who outwardly appears to be the most aloof child on the planet) bought me a bouquet of pink lilies (my favorite flower). She researched the colors and told me that she chose lilies because they represent wealth and prosperity, and she chose pink because it symbolizes prosperity, abundance and passion. She put this in a card and left it on my dresser. I incorporated her flower and my word and got a tattoo on my arm, where I can see it, to always remind me, to Believe. (link to photo of tattoo: https://goo.gl/photos/qavtzXEaHJHnFMtU9 and link to card: https://goo.gl/photos/iR61ewCcV8fBnvM37)

  • 2 years post DDay (kicked him out day 1) I got the word Truth tattooed across my shoulder – BIG tattoo – with a flower design that incorporates four flowers color coded for each of my kids. Because the TRUTH and my kids are that important. Two years later, for my birthday present to myself I got the word Fierce across one of my calves. My son was talking to me one day about his step mom (not one of the many AP’s I discovered but the next victim he sucked in) and I said something along the lines, sounds like we are a lot alike and would get along well if we had the opportunity to get to know each other – to which he laughed and said – “mom, you are nothing alike – you are FIERCE and she is not”. It also matches up with a great line from Shakespeare “though she be but little, she be fierce”. It stuck so therefore the tattoo – yes, I am fierce when my life and my children are put at risk! And its ironic because step mom is about to be EX wife #3 (I was #2), and I’ve referred her here to CL, helped her realize that a covert narc is, and we are training for a half marathon together! Also, the same son picked out a birthday present for her – a bracelet with the Shakespeare line even though he had no clue the significance. It was a gift from me, all my kids and my parents to her! Love that she and her son are now part of our big family so although it sucks he repeated this three times (so far) (my oldest is actually a step daughter from his first marriage and we love her mom/stepdad too!) it brought us together. Indeed we are a club and think we need jackets for something!

  • No tatoos here but I would love to have a 666 tatooed on ex’s bald forehead.
    Or maybe a skull and crossbones with ‘TOXIC’ written underneath.
    A little fantasy I indulge in occasionally.

  • I’m not an ink fan for myself, but fully support anyone elses desire to do so. I’m older and used to find them distasteful until my beautiful neice got a pink ribbon tatoo in honor of my sister-in-law who passed away young from breast cancer. Now I look upon it fondly whenever I see her.

    Whatever is helpful, beneficial, and reminds a chump of their inner strength in the face of adversity is great!

  • My sister decided we needed sister tattoos to cheer me up so we went out and got Mario & Luigi! As I was always player 1/Mario and she was player 2/Luigi. Best fucken day ever!!!

  • I’m in the “Pale Wrinkled Body” club, so no tattoos for me, but if I could, it would be a hummingbird in hover mode. Hummingbirds are beautiful, look fragile, but are warriors just waiting to be challenged. Works for me!

    • Oh, I love that! I’m a huge hummingbird fan. They look so small and delicate, but when you think of how much power it takes them to fly….amazing!

      • “fastest” creatures on the planet-all that energy to hover and hum-love watching them in front of my home

  • NO tats for me either, but I do admire them on occasion on others. They always tell some story. There isn’t anything that could possibly symbolize my 31 yrs of living with a double life, cheater pants. He ripped out my heart, but thank God I got out and away from the haze.

    After my divorce was final in 2016 I went skydiving on Valentines day 2017 for my heart, much more personal and impacting for ME, and I feel strong and brave again. “Ive rediscovered a strength that I knew long before I allowed his needs to reduce my own to nothing”.

    • Haha! You could always take a page out of Lisbeth Salander’s book (“Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”), who stun gunned her rapist, tied him to his bed, and tattooed “I am a sadistic pig and a rapist” on his stomach.

  • I posted this yesterday but I feel the need to add it to the official “tattoo” discussion… I was diagnosed with melanoma a week after DDay#1 and a few surgeries ensued. I always wanted a tattoo but my STBX hated them. Six months after separation, at 43 years old, I got my first tattoo. A melanoma awareness ribbon with bad-ass red/orange/black butterfly wings. I thought I was going to get frilly wings but the tattoo artist steered me away from that and pointed me in the right direction. I am so glad he did. I LOVE my tattoo. It is on my inner forearm – I wanted to make sure it was in a place that I could obviously see it everyday (but still cover it for work – I’m often in a courtroom). Butterflies have to go through an amazing transformation to get their wings and so did I. I know tattoos aren’t for everyone and I totally respect that! For me my tattoo is my own personal reminder that life is finite and we should live everyday as best we can for ourselves and our loved ones. The next tattoo will probably four birds in flight to represent my beautiful children who have suffered just as much, if not more, than I.

      • Champchump – aww, thanks! I’m new to CN and amazed at all the mighty chumps here. I wish I had known about CL and CN in the early dark days. I really could’ve used the wonderful support on here to help me find my feet. I do feel myself growing stronger and more confident everyday by reading CL’s blogs and all the stories and words of wisdom from other chumps. I even bought one of CL’s books and love to read it while working out at the gym. It’s like I’m improving my body and mind at the same time!

        It is actually kinda funny how I found out about CL – a wonderful guy I recently met told me about the blog. He’s a fellow chump and so our daily conversations often include “did you read what was on CL today?” For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m not alone in my struggles.

  • I really had wanted to get a tattoo before but Mr. Runswithhookers was adamantly against it.
    So, it never happened but now he’s gone.
    When I was talking about it with my sister the other day, she asked what tat I wanted to get
    I told her I didn’t know for sure but maybe I would get 2 lips on my butt so all ex’s evil cohorts could kiss my ass!
    We got a good chuckle out of it

  • I’ve always been open to the idea of a tattoo – IF and only if I could decide exactly what I wanted and where. …kind of glad I didn’t jump in to the idea as I’m sure I’d now have a painful reminder of a life I only THOUGHT I had. …and since schmoopie has several tattoos, I’m quite happy standing firmly in the “not like her” corner. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I DID, however, “mark” my old/renewed mindset with a new ring…a plain band (sturdy stainless STEEL that can not/will not tarnish ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) to replace the wedding band (which appropriately, no longer fits lol) with the word, HONOR stamped in all capital letters. I like the symbolism…MY honor is still very much intact, in stainless steel, in a place of honor, on a never ending loop, with the word clearly visible (facing me so I can read it repeatedly). It’s for ME. …reminds me of MY values and what I consider most important.
    …and it’s been kind of fun periodically replacing the band with a smaller size as I continue to lose weight and build might…physically, mentally, and emotionally. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I have a ring stamped with PERSEVERE and a bracelet with STRENGTH – seeing them on me daily reminded me or many years that I could and would get through to the other side of this crazy mess. http://www.endorphinwarrior.com – great stuff!

      As for your tattoo – when you know for sure what you want, then you’ll know the time is right!

  • Well I have no interest in a tattoo but my daughter wants one. She wants her favorite quote from The Book Thief: “I am haunted by humans”

    Might be a bit of a downer actually, but certainly meaningful to her.

  • I posted this yesterday too, but love this thread today.

    I got my divorce tattoo two years ago on a trip to Easter Island. I was staying in a B&B in Hanga Roa that was across the street from Mokomae Tattoo. I chose a sea turtle because I sort of think I must have been Polynesian in a previous life. I started traveling to Hawaii 20 years ago, and now go back annually. I have felt strangely at home there since the first time I got off the plane in Kahalui.

    Sea turtles figure prominently in Polynesian tattoo art, so that’s what I picked. I’ve had thrilling and memorable close encounters snorkeling with sea turtles in sunlit waters. My turtle has a golden-ratio-style spiral on its shell. Mokomae did it freehand in about 30 seconds, no pain, and it cost $50. Just traditional black art, no shading, about 2 inches by 1.5 inches on the inside of my left forearm. I’ve gotten lots of compliments on it, and a couple of friends have also gotten tattoos after seeing mine, which to me is the highest compliment.

    Easter Island is a magical place, and the week I spent there was significant to my post-cheater recovery. As was getting my tattoo, which for me will always be strongly associated with healing.

  • I’m really not a tattoo person myself, admire them on others but not a thing for me, but I have a (I think) V Funny tattoo story re: exhole.
    He came back from a business trip he’d been on with Howorker, with a new tattoo of a kanji (sp?) sign on his left ankle. (this was a quite preppie dude who affected wearing shoes without socks in all types of weather, including if his loafers filled up with snow. Desperate for impression much?) Thus a visible and large tattoo was not quite exactly appropriate for a VP of a University, but dude was oh so coool, despite his white hair and advanced age.
    At the time, my regular hairdresser was Chinese, spoke more fluently in Chinese, etc.
    I told exhole that I’d drawn a picture of his supposed ‘blessed luck’ or ‘twu wuv’ whatever it was tatoo and showed it to ‘Margaret’ my hairdresser. I also told him that she’d recoiled in horror because she was so upset that my exhole (who believe it or not, would pop into the salon just to make sure that was where I REALLY was—I was, jerk, I don’t cheat) anyhow, that my then-husband had received the ‘terrible Chinese curse tattoo’ and that he was assured of certain financial failure, horrible disfiguring illness, disintegration of family, desertion by friends, the whole nine yards.
    Now: TBH , I made all of this up, I really did, and I feel some degree of guilt about it. Especially since he was not soon after fired from his job for sexual and financial improprieties, developed macular degeneration and started going blind at a relatively young age (the kind that just progresses and you can’t really treat, you just wake up one morning mostly blind–really sucks), I filed for divorce and he and I both lost many friends in the process. I did say something about tattoo parlors giving this ‘terrible Chinese curse tattoo’ to customers who they didn’t feel were genuine in their respect for Chinese symbols and also acted like entitled assholes in their place of business–like assuming the owner of Asian descent didn’t really understand English, so they’d insult them and think they didn’t understand, etc.
    After exhole’s series of bad luck situations, he had the tattoo removed by a plastic surgeon, which I understand is pretty painful. It was big, and right on his bony ankle. Yikes!
    I will confess I felt guilty because nothing I said about the tattoo was based in fact–I was just totally playing with dude’s head.
    Margaret the hairdresser got a big kick out of the story, however!
    And I’ll also say I won’t mess with any of that stuff anymore no matter what my feelings towards the person, because my guess is that power of suggestion is more real than I believed it was—don’t mess with karma!

    • I used to tattoo 20 years ago, and it was a huge joke in the shop when obviously non-Asian folks would want kanji. Whatever it was they *thought* they got, we joked it actually meant laundry boy. (None of us were Asian, so we had no clue what the kanji really meant) Always seemed stupid to me tattooing words in a language you don’t speak or read. ๐Ÿค”

    • I think that’s FANTASTIC! Great story and all you did was just give karma a tiny, little suggestion. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • OMG, that is BRILLIANT.

      The reason you feel guilty is because you are a decent person and don’t wish ill on anyone. THAT’S the difference between you, obviously. However, as Beth said, its Karma… plain and simple. He had it coming.

  • I got a tattoo with his name shortly before I found out he had been cheating on me our entire marriage. He wanted me to renew our vowels or at least price to him that I would never leave him. I was pick me dancing and didn’t know it! After I left his cheating ass – I went through 7 painful laser treatments to remove it. Only got scar tissue damage and the tat was still visible. So I decided to get a coverup tattoo which represented my two children. I love my new tattoo! It was part of my gaining a new cheater free life.

    • OMG, Married, I did the same thing! I knew he’d been cheating, but he kept begging to stay, so I was hopeful about the marriage. I got a tattoo of a heart with my 2 kids’ name as well as his around it on an impulse while visiting my sister in another state. One week after going home, I discovered for the last time that he was still cheating and kicked him out. About halfway through the divorce process I just didn’t want his name on my skin anymore and got a beautiful, delicate hummingbird tattooed over his name. The bird’s tail completely covers the letters of his name, and it looks like the bird is launching into flight from the original tattoo. To me it symbolizes my spirit launching into freedom after being made to feel so small and insignificant during my marriage. I love it so much!

  • Not quite 2 years after busting my husband AGAIN for porn and uncovering a whole timeline of filth during our 22 years together, I got my second tattoo. It is of the Aesops Fable about the Raven and the water pitcher. It is a beautiful story about a bird suffering from thirst that happens upon a water pitcher. Her beak cannot reach the water in the bottom of the pitcher, so she repeatedly drops stones into the pitcher to raise the water level, enough to get a drink. I claim it as my story of finding a way to be self sufficient, to find a way, when it seems hopeless. To overcome…

  • My divorce tattoo is a sparrow flying away from a broken branch. It’s inspired by the saying “A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings.”

  • When you are in the midst of the shit storm you look for any thing that resembles strength, something that makes since so I turned to my faith. On the underside of my left wrist, I got a tattoo (and it hurt like hell btw) that says Phl 4:13 (I can do all things through Christ). It is the wrist I wear my watch and bracelets on and I truly love it. Many a times I have looked at it and thought I am really going to get through this.

  • I got a beautiful, colorful, dragonfly on my hip. Nobody can see it, except those I show it to! It symbolizes new life.

  • I do not have a tattoo. That said, if I did, I would want one pasted to my ass saying, “Kiss Off!”

  • Ok, I have thought about this all day! Why not tell ones’s story? I want a tat saying GTFO! With the date I tossed his sorry ass out and started my new life! GTFO 6/19/15. Wit a duck…..I love ducks.

  • 5 months from d day (last month) when I found out my wife had been having an 8 month affair I sold my wedding ring and put the measly sale money towarsds a new tattoo. The tattoo is a tribute to the only good thing to come from my marriage which is my two beautiful girls. Its a rose on my chest and shoulder with their names and a beautiful verse signifying my love for them. I haven’t told my stbxw as it’s none of her business but months ago when I told her I was planning on selling the ring she looked shocked and told me I should keep it it was sentimental.. Wtf drugs are these disordered assholes on? I’m also booked in for a large back tattoo. A lifelike phoenix with some more meaningful words signifying the start of a new era. There’s a long waiting list for that artist as he’s so talented. I’m booked in next February which should coincide nicely with the finalisation of my divorce. Onwards and upwards chumps.

    • Jamie. A few days ago I found STBX’s ring in a drawer shoved under a pile of index cards. I was shocked. I don’t know what I’d thought he’d done with it… but I never expected to just… find it discarded.

      I fully intend to sell it and do something with that money. I don’t know what yet, but something.

      The “Forever” that was engraved in that ring is no more.

      The FUTURE is full of possibilities.

      That is all.

  • Tattoo? Ha! My skin is so crepey that the magnificent wolf howling against the backdrop of a full moon would turn out looking like a seal balancing a beach ball on its nose.

    I’ll leave that to you yung’uns.

  • I wanted the words “Il amo tuo destino” (love your fate) on my left wrist. I’m not sure where that will eventually wind up. Both wrists are now saved for memorials for deceased grandparents, both of whom were incredibly influential.

    The one honking big tattoo I have has a 13 in it. She’s 23 this year. ๐Ÿ˜†

  • I don’t have any tattoos….yet. I have thought about it though over the last year in particular. It’s my birthday in 2 weeks and I am 95% sure I am going to celebrate not only my birthday and ever increasing mightiness, but also my first 30 days completely alcohol free since leaving Sasquatch, with a tattoo of a lotus flower. The lotus flower represents beauty rising out ‘muck’- the perfect metaphor for me and my life.

  • Late to.the party again, sigh….here’s my input:

    Exh#1 has a tattoo to this day I paid for, large Gothic cross with rose and vibes, told him and the artist I wanted my name or initials, husband said ok, then told the artist not to add anything connecting it to me, asshole. He had wife#5 have matching infinity band with their names, gah….

    Exh2#2 had several when we met, never got any after we met, even though he kept saying we would get matching ones, oh well. You wouldn’t put a bumper sticker on a Bentley anyway, hahahahhahaaaa

    The past few years, I have started collecting picture s of ideas on my Pinterest board, maybe someday, just not today.

  • Yes, I do have a divorce tattoo. The face of a wolf on my upper arm.

    I researched and found a highly recommended artist where i lived. I went in and showed the owner a picture of what I wanted and found out the wait time for this artist was 8 months for an appointment. I was a little stunned, but then one of the artists asked me why I wanted that particular image so I told my whole story about being chumped and why I wanted a wolf.

    At this point I hadn’t put 2+2 together until she said “be here this saturday at 6 AM and I will do your tattoo. The shop owner said to her “but that is your day off” to which she replied “he deserves to have his tattoo”. Took her almost 7 hours to do it (completely freehand) and it looks awesome.

    It’s the only tattoo I will ever get.

  • “VENI VIDI VICI” under my left breast and across my ribs 6 months — in the area of my heart, because I had my heart destroyed. Even though my heart wasn’t healed I knew with time I would overcome the sadness and humiliation 1. by throwing him out, 2. by making him pay $$$, 3. by always reminding myself that I can and will overcome assholes who take from me.

  • During the time of my ex’s affair, I found a saying “amor fati” while scrolling Pinterest, which means embrace (love) your fate. I printed it out on paper and hung it in my office at work. It hung there for two years! I looked at it every single day. It spoke to me every single day. I knew my fate was sealed upon the very first discovery of his affair. I suffered thru 4 more discoveries before I got the courage to let go of my then somewhat intact family.

    The year I kicked him out I decided that I would get that tattooed on my foot. My oldest daughter was turning 18 and she was just as glad to see her father leave. The dysfunction had affected us all. When I told her my plan to get the tattoo and why, she smiled huge and said she was coming with me and she was getting it too! And WE did!!!

  • I bought a tungsten ring (bold black) engraved with Celtic infinity symbol for my middle finger on my left hand. I also bought matching rings for my daughters. Everytime I look at my bold ring, I think about how strong I am…how it symbolizes family, strength & love (all things Mr. Asshat didn’t give a shit about). I did a whole de-ringing ceremony with my girls where we put my wedding band in a box and we all put on our matching rings. Lots of tears. Whenever I look at my ring or feel it, I know it’s a strong F YOU to him but even more about me finding myself and the strength to carry on…for me & my girls. ๐Ÿ’œ Ink might be my next thing…I’m one year post D-day.

  • I don’t have any tattoos and probably never will, but thought I’d share the irony of my XH’s post-D tat.

    After lying, cheating how many times, kept us living in poverty, used me as his personal servant, blah, blah, blah for 14 years, one of his top priorities after dumping me and our 13-year-old son was to get a tattoo featuring part of Psalm 23, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” LOL Seriously?????

    And this thing is HUGE. It goes from his inner elbow all the way down his inner arm almost to the wrist. And, it’s in Latin. Wow.

    I wish he would have checked with my first because I would have suggested, “Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery,” instead. In English. And much bigger. Perhaps with my face outlined somewhere in the vicinity as well.

    That way, he could have looked at it every time he crawled in bed with one of his “friends.”

    If I ever did get a tattoo, it would have to say, “Trust that it SUCKS.”

  • I got a tribal band on my right upper arm of black widow spiders. It’s very pretty and feminine and hard to read, but I know what it means to me!!

  • I got a bible verse after I found out about the infidelity, I was questioning my worth for a while. It helped me look past the crap & realize it wasnโ€™t me it was him!

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