Creepy sexting mongoose “Carlos Danger”, otherwise known as disgraced politician Anthony Weiner, has a bad case of the sadz. He sobbed in court this week as he was sentenced to 21 months in prison and three years of probation for naked video chatting with a 15-year-old girl. He also has to register as a sex offender.
The disgraced congressman sobbed as Judge Denise Cote of the Southern District of New York handed down the sentence, telling him, “This is a serious crime that deserves serious punishment.” He grabbed tissues to wipe away his tears and stood crying after the judge left the courtroom in lower Manhattan.
Poor little Weiner. What’s with the consequences, judge? Don’t you know he’s a timid forest creature with an addiction? He got treatment at a ranch! There were ponies! And arts and crafts!
Calling himself “a very sick man for a very long time,” Weiner tearfully apologized to the teen and sought to assure the judge he had finally learned his lesson. He has been undergoing therapy.
“I stand before you because I victimized a young person who deserved better,” he said, adding, “Your Honor, I’m not asking that you trust that my recovery is real. I ask you for the opportunity to prove that it is real.”
And by “prove it” I mean “let me go free.” Tell it to the therapy ponies, Anthony. Judge Cote doesn’t play.
Personally, I’m a little disappointed his sentence wasn’t longer. I mean, Jesus, he endangered an entire democracy with the contents of his laptop. Also, his screen names are felony stupid. Carlos Danger?
I’ve been writing about Weiner’s bullshit since 2013. It’s nice to see the arc of the moral universe bend toward “registered sex offender.”
However, Chumps, let this be a lesson to you — it’s always better to GET OUT EARLY. Huma Abedin is STILL going through that divorce. Now she gets to drop her kid off at school still married to a criminal sex offender instead of being miles away from this scandal.
Speaking of which, I know it’s a trying time for Huma Abedin, but Christ on a cracker, why would you choose the week your husband has been sentenced to make bizarre fashion statements? What does this outfit say? Help I’ve been captured by commune hippies? Those embroidered jeans scream LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! at a moment when you might finally want to retreat from the limelight. Not all attention is good attention, Huma.
It’s probably churlish of me to pick on her. God knows she suffers enough from the association of Anthony Weiner. Maybe the high fashion outfits are her way of trying to remain above it all, or deflect the attention from his throbbing boners to her wasp-waisted dresses. I don’t know. I’m glad this story has ended with a prison term and these two are out of the headlines. Their poor kid. If anyone needs a therapy retreat with ponies, it’s him.
Meanwhile, on November 6, one sexy mongoose goes behind bars. Buh-bye Anthony.